Five-Minute Stargate


Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Legacy"

by Nate the Great

TEAL'C: This building is a Goa'uld design.
O'NEILL: Great. Look! Nine dead bodies!
CARTER: Not just dead, they were Goa'uld.
TEAL'C: Not just Goa'uld, they were the Linvriss, a group of nine who resisted the System Lords.
DANIEL: Look! A Goa'uld palm pilot! Too bad I can't translate it yet.
O'NEILL: Yet?
DANIEL: Yep. We're only five minutes into the hour. We need to have a crisis before I can translate it.
O'NEILL: Whatever. Let's go.

DANIEL: Look at me! I'm hearing voices!

CARTER: The Goa'uld were killed before their hosts.
O'NEILL: Why is that important?
CARTER: You'll see later.
DANIEL: Still can't translate it. Wait about ten minutes.

DANIEL: Now I can translate it! "Enter by infiltration." I felt something on me back on that planet and now it's driving me crazy! Yep, that's the answer.

DANIEL: Now I'm both seeing and hearing things.
O'NEILL: Great.

MACKENZIE: Daniel must be going crazy because of the Stargate.
HAMMOND: No more Gate travel.
O'NEILL: What about the show.
HAMMOND: Don't worry. By the end of the hour we'll have proven it wasn't the Stargate.

DANIEL: Now I'm in a padded room. How fun! All alone with only a Machello hallucination for company.
MACHELLO: Hi. Just to remind the audience of who I am. I'm the old guy who invented weapons to fight the Goa'uld, but I died six months ago.
DANIEL: Could you go away now?
MACHELLO: Not until I infect a Goa'uld.
TEAL'C: Hello Daniel Jackson.
MACHELLO: This is too easy.

FRAISER: Teal'c is dying.

DANIEL: Since that blobby thing from the palm pilot infected Teal'c, I'm cured!
MACKENZIE: Yeah right.
DANIEL: Listen. We only have fifteen minutes left to create a climax, and I can't do that unless you let me out.
MACKENZIE: Fine.

CARTER: So Machello made that blobby thing and put it in the palm pilot?
DANIEL: Yep.
CARTER: So instead of destroying it we're going to study it.
FRAISER: Yep.

FRAISER: They got out!
CARTER: Seal off this room so we can die crazy and alone!
DANIEL: I told you we needed another climax.
O'NEILL: Why was I in here too?
DANIEL: We like to see the star go crazy too.
O'NEILL: Drat.

CARTER: Wait a second! I'm not going crazy!
O'NEILL: Jolinar again?
CARTER: Yep.
O'NEILL: That plot device is getting old.

CARTER: Time to put my blood into you guys so I can cure you at the last second!
O'NEILL: Great.
FRAISER: I wonder if this'll work on Teal'c, too?
DANIEL: Of course it will. He's a main character.

TEAL'C: I am cured Daniel Jackson.
DANIEL: Great.
TEAL'C: Indeed.


THE END

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