Five-Minute Stargate


Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Need"

by Nate the Great

O'NEILL: Look at the Jaffa carrying naquadah through the Stargate.
CARTER: We can see them.
O'NEILL: Well the reader didn't.
CARTER: Oh.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

DANIEL: She's going to jump!
CARTER: Who?
DANIEL: That woman there on the edge of the cliff.
CARTER: So now we can see them? Stop confusing me.
O'NEILL: Calm down.
DANIEL: My turn to be the hero, right?
O'NEILL: Let me check the schedule. Okay.... hmmm... yep, your episode.
DANIEL: Good. I'll go rescue her.

SHYLA: Huh?
JAFFA: Get away from her!
O'NEILL: Sure.

SHYLA: This is my dad, Pyrus the God Slayer.
O'NEILL: What a great name. Do you put that on your income tax returns? Occupation: God Slayer.
PYRUS: Silence! Off the naquadah mine with you!
O'NEILL: Bummer.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

JAFFA: Dig!
O'NEILL: You know I would, but I'll think I'll futilely try to excape now.
JAFFA: OK.
JAFFA 2: Yeah right.
O'NEILL: I told you it was futile.

PYRUS: It stinks that even though I use a sarcophagus I'll still die soon.
SHYLA: Yep, bummer.

SHYLA: Hi. What's your name?
DANIEL: Daniel Jackson.
SHYLA: Great. Use this sarcophagus to heal your wounds.
DANIEL: Are you sure?
SHYLA: We need to advance the plot. Get in.
DANIEL: OK.

DANIEL: Let my friends go.
SHYLA: I would, but I need to keep them as hostages so I can seduce you.
DANIEL: OK.
SHYLA: By the way, you're my destiny.
DANIEL: Works for me.

DANIEL: Hi guys. I'd let you go, but I need more time to be seduced by the princess.
O'NEILL: Hey!
TEAL'C: Indeed.

PYRUS: I killed the Goa'uld 700 years ago.
DANIEL: Kudos to your plastic surgeon.
PYRUS: We keep sending naquadah through the Stargate so they won't reconquer us.
DANIEL: Boy, a plan like that is sure to blow up in your face someday.
PYRUS: Leave now!
DANIEL: Boy, is he touchy.

SHYLA: We'll convince him to release your friends.
DANIEL: Sounds like plan to me. Wait a sec, aren't you keeping them around so you can seduce me?
SHYLA: That was the general plan.
DANIEL: Well, it worked. You can let my friends go, I'll stay here with you.
SHYLA: Time for another nap in the sarcophagus.
DANIEL: Sure.

DANIEL (over radio): Hi General Hammond. Having a great time. Don't send any troops here or anything.
HAMMOND: I wonder what that was about?

DANIEL: I'm going to marry Shyla. Oh, and I'm addicted to the sarcophagus too.
O'NEILL: Why does that not sound good?
CARTER: Jolinar told me that the sarcophagus will steal your soul.
O'NEILL: Jolinar again? That plot device is getting old.
CARTER: If I didn't use it the nitpickers would be asking why I don't.
O'NEILL: Drat.
TEAL'C: Indeed.

DANIEL: I'm going home with my friends now, but I'll be back.
SHYLA: I know you'll be back.

DANIEL: Ack!
FRAISER: He's going through sarcophagus withdrawl.
O'NEILL: Serves him right for leaving us to rot in a mine while he had a fling.
FRAISER: But he's dying!
O'NEILL: Serves him right--
FRAISER: Be quiet!

FRAISER: He's not dying after all.
O'NEILL: Yipee.

DANIEL: I'm alright now. Why don't we go back to that planet now?
O'NEILL: Are you sure?
CARTER: We need the naquadah.
O'NEILL: Oh, fine.

SHYLA: You're back!
DANIEL: Yes, but I'm not staying.
SHYLA: Bummer.
DANIEL: You need to destroy the sarcophagus now.
SHYLA: OK.


THE END

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