Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Nemesis" by Nate the Great DANIEL: Look at me! I've been incapacitated by appendicitis so I can't go on the suicide mission later! O'NEILL: What suicide mission? DANIEL: You really need to read the script ahead of time. O'NEILL: Whatever. O'NEILL: While Daniel is out of commision I'm going to go fishing in Minnesota. (Aside: I'm from Minnesota and I really like it that O'Neill is from here too.) CARTER: I'm going to fiddle around with the naquadah reactor. O'NEILL: Sounds fun. Want to come with me instead? CARTER: Sounds fun, but I need to stay here. O'NEILL: Drat. (Is beamed aboard Thor's ship. He sees the replicators) Drat. CARTER: Looks like the Asgard beamed him away. HAMMOND: What do they want this time? CARTER: I don't know, but I'm sure it'll take at least an hour of screen time. TEAL'C: Indeed. THOR: I am over here, O'Neill. O'NEILL: Hi, Thor. What's up? THOR: That greater enemy we were foreshadowing in "Fair Game." They are called replicators. You need to destroy this ship before they take over your planet. O'NEILL: I have to save the planet again? THOR: Yes. By the way, I'm dying. O'NEILL: Drat. THOR: The stones over there will tell you what you need to know. HOLOJACK: Hi guys. Could you put a whole bunch of explosives in front of the Stargate? CARTER: Why? HOLOJACK: There's a whole bunch of technobugs up here and I need to blow up the ship before it lands and they take over the Earth. CARTER: Is it the season finale already? HOLOJACK: By the way, the outgoing transporter is busted, so don't come too. O'NEILL: I told you not to come! CARTER: We're not going to let you hog this episode! TEAL'C: Indeed. THOR: Now you will all die. CARTER: We've launched a space shuttle to pick us up, but due to budgetary constraints we'll never see it. O'NEILL: OK, lets set up the bomb and wait for the ride home. THOR: The ship will dampen any internal explosions. O'NEILL: Bummer. TEAL'C: Indeed. CARTER: I've just got an idea! O'NEILL: Took you long enough. CARTER: If we can't put the bomb inside, we'll put it outside! THOR: That might work. O'NEILL: Great, let's go. TEAL'C: I should go, I'm more expendable plus my worm protects me from cosmic radiation. TEAL'C: The bomb is in place O'Neill. The technobugs broke my air tank! O'NEILL: The door's stuck. Major, it's time for a beam-out! CARTER: The transporter array is damaged! You need to push off so I can get you with another one! TEAL'C: Indeed. (He's beamed aboard) CARTER: I had to put Thor in stasis. O'NEILL: How many technobabble terms have we stolen from Star Trek this week? CARTER: I lost count. TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: I guess all we can do now is wait for the shuttle. CARTER: That's not an option now, don't ask me why. O'NEILL: So what do we do now? CARTER: Give me a minute to increase the tension. TECHNICIAN: They've beamed away the Stargate! DANIEL: Right! It should still have power for one more wormhole so they can escape. HAMMOND: Unpack the second Gate. I was wondering when we'd see that again. CARTER: Go through now! O'NEILL: I hope one bug doesn't escape to threaten us next season. TEAL'C: Indeed. (Guess what? One bug crawled out of the wreckage! Who didn't see that coming?) TO BE CONTINUED Legal notices. You are number ### to be attacked by scary mechanical termites.