Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Point of View" by Nate the Great SAMANTHA: I wonder which alternate unvierse we're in this. KAWALSKY: Any universe has to be better than ours. It was conquered by the Goa'uld, remember? SAMANTHA: Of course. Then we jumped thorugh that quantum mirror. KAWALSKY: Now that we're done explaining who we are, can we get on with the plot? SAMANTHA: Sure. GUARD: Who are you? SAMANTHA: Long story. I'll explain in the next scene. SAMANTHA: Jack? You're alive! O'NEILL: Last time I checked. What's with your hair? KAWALSKY: Later. We're from a universe where you're dead. O'NEILL: Bummer. KAWALSKY: And the Goa'uld have taken over Earth. O'NEILL: Double bummer. HAMMOND: They know everything about the Stargate. The guys at the Pentagon say we should let them stay here. CARTER: My alternate self never entered the military. And Daniel died. And Teal'c never left Apophis. O'NEILL: And I'm dead. Sounds like a fun place. SAMANTHA: How could I ever decide to be you? CARTER: The same to you! By the way, what do you see in Jack? SAMANTHA: We had to keep the fanfic writers happy somehow. CARTER: Yeah, but that's a little farfetched, don't you think? SAMANTHA: Hey, I've seen "Solitudes" too, now don't tell me you don't like him. CARTER: I plead the fifth! O'NEILL: Hi. SAMANTHA: Hi. By the way, we were married in my universe, but don't let that impact your treatment of me in any way. O'NEILL: Sure. SAMANTHA: Now go so we can advance the plot. SAMANTHA: Ouch! Face warping! Really hurts! CARTER: Since there are two of us in one universe, she'll die unless she goes back. O'NEILL: But the Goa'uld have captured her Earth. DANIEL: Maybe if we contact the Asgard in her universe they can help. CARTER: But how to we get the extra juice to activate the wormhole to their world. Remember the eighth cheveron takes a pretty big jump-start to work! SAMANTHA: We'll figure it out. O'NEILL: All of SG-1 is going except Carter. CARTER: Unfortunately if I go my face will warp too. Plus we need to save money by not having me be in two places at once. DANIEL: But Teal'c is going. O'NEILL: We may need him to impersonate Evil Teal'c. TEAL'C: Lucky me. SAMANTHA: It turns out all we need to do is technobabble the generator and we can dial out to the Asgard planet any time we want! CARTER: I need you to go now before you steal any more of my lines. KAWALSKY: Here's how to work the remote control for the mirror. I'd do it myself but I'd be more useful fighting. DANIEL: Lucky me. O'NEILL: Time to go. SAMANTHA: Great. See ya later, Carter. CARTER: Just make sure you don't steal my man! O'NEILL: What? CARTER: Umm...eerrr...I plead the fifth! JAFFA: Intruders! TEAL'C: No we aren't! Step aside. JAFFA: Yes, Evil Teal'c. TEAL'C: I hate that name. O'NEILL: Indeed. EVIL TEAL'C: Who are you? TEAL'C: Good Teal'c, Evil Teal'c. Time to die now. EVIL TEAL'C: Ack! ALT-APOPHIS: Where is Beta Site? ALT-HAMMOND: Not telling. So there! TEAL'C: We have come to save you! ALT-HAMMOND: Evil Teal'c! SAMANTHA: No, Good Teal'c. ALT-HAMMOND: Oh, sorry. TEAL'C: Time to go, Doctor Carter. SAMANTHA: Yep. This time Carter saves the world, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof. TEAL'C: Whatever. ALT-APOPHIS: O'Neill! How can you live? O'NEILL: Long story. ALT-APOPHIS: Fine, I'll just kill Alt-Hammond. ALT-HAMMOND: Ack! DANIEL: The Asgard are here. O'NEILL: About five minutes too late for Alt-Hammond. Bummer. TEAL'C: Indeed. SAMANTHA: Bye guys. SG-1: See ya! THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to get fried by the Goa'uld and revived by the Asgard. Here's your juice and cookie.