Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "The Serpent's Lair" by Nate the Great CARTER: We've set all of our explosives to blow up this ship. O'NEILL: Great. Prepare to detonate. TEAL'C: Uh-oh. Apophis' ship is coming. O'NEILL: I knew it couldn't be this easy. TEAL'C: Indeed. GRENADE: Boom. O'NEILL: Ouch. I'm blind! TEAL'C: That's just a side effect of the grenade, included for the sake of these cute blind moments. O'NEILL: That's fun. Not! CARTER: Now I can see! O'NEILL: What happened to the blind moments? DANIEL: We only have five minutes. O'NEILL: Right. BRA'TAC: Time to ressurect Klorel to stall for time! SAMUELS: Hi. HAMMOND: Not you again. SAMUELS: Look at my nifty new naquadah warheads! I'm going to blow up the Goa'uld ships! HAMMOND: Yea, right. APOPHIS: Excecute the humans! BRA'TAC: OK. BRA'TAC: Hi. O'NEILL: Hi. BRA'TAC: I was going to make Apophis and Korel kill each other, but you had to interfere, didn't you? O'NEILL: Nice to see you, too. HAMMOND: Why are the ships just hanging there? BRA'TAC: Here are your weapons. We need to stall until your spacecraft destroy this ship. DANIEL: Well, all we have is shuttles but due to budgetary constraints we can't afford a space battle scene. BRA'TAC: Drat. TEAL'C: Indeed. HAMMOND: You are the best and the brightest people that we can find. In case the planeet goes foom, you're going to start a new society at Alpha site. O'NEILL: So even with a few gliders we couldn't destroy Apophis' ship? TEAL'C: Indeed. CARTER: Well, the explosives will blow up this ship. O'NEILL: So we need to get to the other one. SAMUELS: There go my missiles! How exciting! APOPHIS: Missiles? Don't make me laugh! Shields! HAMMOND: The missiles didn't work. SAMUELS: Drat. BRA'TAC: Do you have any more explosive? CARTER: Nope. BRA'TAC: Drat. TEAL'C: Indeed. SAMUELS: I'm scared. HAMMOND: Cry me a river. Go and sulk in the corner. DANIEL: I'm shot. Leave me behind. O'NEILL: I won't. DANIEL: I'm a main character. I can't die. O'NEILL: Right, I keep forgetting. TEAL'C: Indeed. BRA'TAC: I directed the two ships toward each other. If we disable the shields on Apophis' ship it will be destroyed along with this one. O'NEILL: Thanks to our last two grenades the shields are gone. BRA'TAC: That was way too easy. TEAL'C: Indeed. HAMMOND: I've launched the shuttle. Hopefully the budget will let us see it this time. DANIEL: Hi. I used the Stargate on the ship with a second to go on the detonation. HAMMOND: Lucky you. DANIEL: Not luck, my contract. O'NEILL: Good thing we were on these gliders when the ships blew up. CARTER: Oh-oh, we were damaged in the explosion. I guess we're going to die after all. O'NEILL: I think not. There's a shuttle right there. CARTER: Wow! I thought I'd never see one of those! TEAL'C: Indeed. BRA'TAC: Hi, Hammond. I've got to go. O'NEILL: Great. Please don't show up again until next season. THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to bite O'Neill in the hand.