Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Tangent" by Hejira Teal'c: ZOOM! ZOOM! O'Neill: Well, he's certainly having fun. Teal'c: ZOOM! Carter: Does anyone have the heart to tell him the sound guys'll add the effects? Teal'c: RATATATATAT! BOOM! Carter: Didn't think so. Some General: Have you done something bad, Colonel? O'Neill: In this timeline? Er...look up there! Some General: Should I ignore the fact Teal'c's just destroyed more trees than the world population of termites? Jackson: That's probably for the best. O'Neill: Great; now we get to blow stuff up. Teal'c: KA-BOOMIE! O'Neill: ...Indeed. Glider: Look, if you guys can't behave, I'm taking myself back home. And I don't mean Earth. O'Neill: Okay. *waits, then sticks his hand under his armpit and makes farting noises* Glider: That's it, I'm bailing. Apophis: Listen up guys; I want my stuff back, and I want it now. O'Neill: DamnDamnDamnDamnDamnDamnDamn! Who in hell checks to see if this guy's dead? Teal'c: You do know that we can't live long in this thing. O'Neill: I didn't until you said so! I mean, come on...this sucks like nothing's sucked before! Carter: You know, if we can slingshot you guys around Jupiter this episode could easily squeeze into a half-hour timeslot. O'Neill: What, that big, gassy thing that we passed ages ago? Carter: Uh, that one. This time lapse thing really sucks. O'Neill: *COUGH* *COUGH* *WHEEZE!* Carter: ......................Nice knowing you. Jackson: There's a Tok'ra operative that could save them. Carter: So we ask for help. What's the worst thing that could happen? Jacob: You're grounded! Carter: Ah. Teal'c: If I meditate, we might survive because I won't breathe as much. O'Neill: And why didn't you tell me about this sooner? Go on, snooze away. Teal'c: But I haven't said-- O'Neill: SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP! Jacob: We've broken down. Carter: Eh? Jacob: We've suffered damage to the engines which can be repaired, but we've had to drop out of hyperspace. Carter: Okay, now I follow. Jacob: Meanwhile, Daniel will talk to the bad guys. Jackson: Now wait a minute -- Both Carter: Can't talk - TECHing. Goa'uld Guys: Who is it? Jackson: I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! Goa'uld Guys: What the - ? Jackson: Didn't you hear me? I AM THE - Jacob: Okay, that's enough. Let's go. Jackson: Look - there they are. Jacob: We've gotta wake them up. Carter: I can take care of that. *ahem* WAKE UP! O'Neill: Sure thing. I'm not stoned or nothin' y'know. Carter: Listen carefully; you need to blow the hatch-- O'Neill: WHEE! Carter: Crud. Jacob: Alright, I've got them onboard, and they're alive. Jackson: Does anyone want to think about the lack of facilities on the glider? Carter: Oh dear god no. Jackson: I thought they were alive. Carter: They are. I just don't want to believe that their pants are as full of it as the N.I.D. Davis: Everybody's okay! Hammond: Except the smart guy who knocked down those reports. The Smart Guy Who Knocked Down Those Reports: Eep. THE END Teal'c: Wait, it can't just end there! I have to say - O'Neill: Do you have any idea what we could be doing outside of episodes? It could be stuff...totally boring. Jackson: Who'd want to see stuff that's boring? O'Neill: Quite boring. So boring Carter and I aren't wearing the latest fashions. Jackson: We can see that. You're not even wearing past fashions or timeless constants in the wardrobe, like...ANYTHING... Teal'c: Indeed. Ah, I'm so happy! THE END. I MEAN IT. All: Oh, okay. Legal notices. You are number ### to be sent hurtling into space in a boosted death glider. |