Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Upgrades" by Nate the Great HAMMOND: So who's the annoying guest star this week? TECHIE: The Tok'ra are coming through the Gate, sir. HAMMOND: You ask a stupid question.... ANISE: These armbands were recently discovered by the Tok'ra. They should make you faster and stronger. Too bad Teal'c can't wear one. TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: What's the catch? ANISE: I'm sure we'll find out before the hour is up. TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: Done agonizing about not being a Superman, Teal'c? TEAL'C: Not yet, O'Neill. Wanna box so I can vent some annoyance about having to say "Indeed" all the time? O'NEILL: Sure. BRICK: Ouch! O'NEILL: Never heard a brick scream in pain before. TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: I want two things. First of all, I want a candy bar, and secondly I want a book to rub in Daniel's face because I can read faster than he can. FRAISER: Carter? What are you doing in the dark? CARTER: I need to be so you can turn on the lights and make me go blind from the input. FRAISER: Finally! Causing you pain is in my job description! CARTER: Drat. DANIEL: Now that I can read so fast I can tell you what the inscription says! O'NEILL: So what's the big message? DANIEL: "I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." O'NEILL: Um, I think you got the wrong Spider-Man quote there. HAMMOND: Take the armbands off, now! O'NEILL: Sure. Um, I can't! DANIEL: Me either! TEAL'C: Indeed. O'NEILL: You guys hungry? DANIEL: Not especially, why? O'NEILL: They got steaks....... CARTER: Works for me. O'NEILL: That was good. Anything else we can do to create a plot development and a tense decision for Hammond? BAR GOON: Hey! O'NEILL: This is too easy. HAMMOND: The experiment is over. ANISE: Why don't you send them to destroy Apophis' new ship? HAMMOND: Because they're corrupted by absolute power, that's why. O'NEILL: We'll have to do this clandestine mission on the sly. DANIEL: Sure, we'll just run in, knock a few Jaffa heads around, and blow that sucker up! CARTER: What will we need? O'NEILL: Lots of candy bars. STARGATE: Whoosh!  THE THREE GATEKETEERS: Arriba, arriba, andele, yee-hah! JAFFA: Ouch! DANIEL: Whoa, weapons grade naquadah! Me likee! O'NEILL: Fine, you go get it, we'll blow up this puppy. ANISE: Um, the armbands will go kaput any second now. HAMMOND: Oh, goody. TEAL'C: Indeed. DANIEL'S ARMBAND: Hmmmmmmmm.... ouch. DANIEL: Lots of heavy naquadah, really heavy! TEAL'C: Need a hand? DANIEL: I should have known I wouldn't be crushed by ten tons of alien metal, I'm a main character! TEAL'C: Indeed. CARTER: The bomb is planted. Now we need to zap through this forcefield and we're home free. O'NEILL: OK. CARTER: I didn't get through, my armband just fell off, and I'm going to faint! O'NEILL: Bummerrrrrrrrr....... ZZZZZZZZZ... BOMB: Booom! FORCEFIELD: Snap..... Crackle..... Pop..... Ouch. TEAL'C: Let's get out of here! HAMMOND: Everybody's safe and sound, so I won't demote you for fighting those thugs, but couldn't you at least have gotten the naquadah? O'NEILL: Well, the hour is up, I expected nothing less. TEAL'C: Indeed. THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to yell "arriba arriba andele yee-hah!". Heh heh heh.