Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Urgo" by Hejira Sam: Paradise. Jack: Let's get going. Jack: Did we just go from Earth to Earth? Daniel: Please, no more time-travel. I confess, my German accent sucks! Oh, my German accent sucks! George: Actually, you've been gone 15 hours. Teal'c: The SGC does not appear to be changing through time like it did before. Jack: So 15 hours of our lives are just... Sam: Lost. Janet: Your memories are gone, and I don't know why. Sam: The MALP's are lying. We were in a room filled with technology. Now I really wish I remembered. Daniel: I like this coffee. Jack: I absolutely like this coffee. Sam: I truly like this coffee. Teal'c: I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it. George: How's your throat, Teal'c? Jack: He'll be able to answer once it stops burning or once he stops bouncing around the room - whichever comes first. Jack: Report. Pie. Report. Pie. Pie Pie, Repie, Pieport, Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie... Sam: Pie? Daniel: Pie! Teal'c: What is a pie? SG-1: Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! Janet: There's something in all your brains, we can't remove it, and it's the reason you guys like the food more than usual. Jack: And the bad stuff is? George: We're sticking you in a room, just because. Urgo: Hello everybody. Jack: This cannot be good. Urgo: What does this thing do? Sam: It shocks people to make them alive, or dead, depending on when you use it. Urgo: Come on, Teal'c, you know you wanna live. Teal'c: Okay. Janet: Oh no, you're still coming down off the caffeine. Jack: Get out. Now. Urgo: I don't want to. Jack: We'll go back to the planet where you came from. Urgo: Please no! Jack: Now I really want to, just because he doesn't. Sam: I can turn him off. Jack: YIPPIE! You make me feel like dancing! George: Please don't. Urgo: I want to stay. Jack: If he doesn't go, I will. Daniel: Uh, the device will still be in your brain, so he could just pop over whenever he could. Which would be often. Sam: Okay, he should be gone...now. Jack: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! George: Okay, you can go on active duty after a week. Day 1: Nothing. Day 2: Nothing. Day 3: Nothing. Day 4: Nothing. Day 5: A non-Urgo incident involving cookies. Day 6: Nothing. Sam: I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Jack: Get on your nerves, Get on your nerves, Daniel: I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Teal'c: And the lyrics are sung as such: Sam: I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Jack: Get on your nerves, Get on your nerves, Daniel: I know a song that'll get on your nerves, Teal'c: And the lyrics are sung as such: Janet: Oh dear. George: Urgo's back? Janet: Teal'c HAD to adapt his line. Ugh. Urgo: That was fun! Jack: It is Wrecking my Career. Sam: And mine. Daniel: And mine. Teal'c: I cannot carry on fighting for the cause of the Tau'ri in this condition. Jack: Do you know what'll happen if you stay in our brains? Urgo: You'll eventually get discharged, live in a house that'll accommodate all of you...then a few kids - Sam: Sir, we have to get him out. NOW. George: Hello? Togar: Hello? Daniel: We all need an Urgo-ectomy. Togar: Can provide. Urgo: No! Jack: Who's going to join me in a session of POOFDAA DANCING!!!!!! Urgo: Me! It's not the best of events, but I like to dance. Jack: I'll just sit down now. Urgo: I don't want to die. Jack: What isn't alive cannot die. Sam: I think he's alive. Daniel: Me too. Jack: We are going to meet Togar, okay? Togar: Hello. Jack: Gak! Sam: It makes sense - if God created man in his own image, then an artificial lifeform which can choose an image to create itself in would most likely choose its creator. Jack: Buh-buh-buh-buh... Daniel: Can you take Urgo and put him in you? Togar: No, except yes. Jack: This is good. This is really good. Urgo: I don't want to, except I do. Teal'c: Indeed. Togar: Thank you for making my life a living hell. SG-1: No, thank you. George: Welcome back. Jack: Where in the what now? George: Oh, god... THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to eat large amounts of pie.