Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Window of Opportunity" by Hejira Jack: I looked at a sun! I was told never to look at a sun, or I'll go blind. I'm not blind. WoO hoo! WoO hoo! Sam: Why is the second 'o' capitalized? Jack: Are you trying to tell me you didn't read the title of this script? Daniel: Your translations are close-- Malakai: Zap! Daniel: --and your targeting skills are... spot... on... ungh. Teal'c: The ruins are making wierd zappy things. Hammond: Cool--I never thought you'd be able to see fireworks down here. Jack: Teal'c, let's grab Malakai to further the plot. Malakai: Please don't--I've got sore shoulders. Teal'c: Sounds good to me. LOOP! Daniel: Here is the tail end of a conversation. Jack: I'm... back in Kansas... Sam: Are those ruby slippers? Sam: I'm talking TECH here! TECH TECH TECH TECH TECH! Teal'c: We've heard this tech. Jack: Here: Tech, tech tech. Sam: You're right! Daniel: Ooh la la... Hammond: You need to work on your projection. Jack: Let the travellers in. Hammond: Not by the hair on my chinny--oh, they just blew the iris down. SG-12: Ouch. We've only got a broken ankle. We're whimps. Janet: Flash, flash, plain routine. Teal'c: I'm just here looking cute with a thermometer in my mouth. Hammond: You are not going back to the place where it will unavoidably turn out that you have to go there. Jack: Sounds good. Sam: Let me create some UST with my handy-dandy *ding* TECHbook. Jack: Bow wow? Jack: I want to go back to that cool planet. Hammond: Well... hey, cool--I never thought you'd be able to see fireworks down here. Teal'c: Tsk. LOOP! Daniel: Here is the tail end of a conversation. Jack: Ack! Sam: I'm talking tech here! Jack: TECH TECH TECH TECH TECH? Sam: That's the last time I write my notes on my underpants. Jack: I want to go back to the planet! SG-12: We're still whimps. This time it's a splinter in a finger. Janet: Flash, flash, skeptical banter. Jack: Hammond, we must go to the planet where it will unavoidably turn out that have have to go there. Hammond: Drat. Malakai: Babble, babble, babble. Sam: That's lying! TECH, sir! Jack: What's this a picture of? Malakai: My wife. Who did you think, Seven of Nine in the nude? Q2: Impossible--I'm all sold out! LOOP! Daniel: Here is the tail end of a conversation. Jack: Wah. Jack: I'm talking TECH here! TECH TECH TECH TECH, uh... Teal'c: TECH? Janet: Flash, flash, complete irritation. Teal'c: I'm just looking irritated with a thermometer in my mouth. Sam: It's simple--call someone else before the freaky conference call loops us again. Guy at the bottom of the screen: The line's disconnected. Jack: La di da di da di da... LOOP! Daniel: Here is the tail end of a conversation. Jack: ... da da...oops. Daniel: Listen to me. Jack: I won't--I'll think you're talking babble. Besides, I recorded it. Daniel: In this loop? Jack: Dang. Daniel: You have to learn what took me a lifetime--and I'm actually interested in it. Jack: Can I learn to read upside down? Daniel: Um...no. Sam: We're in a bubble. Hammond: Can I pop it? Sam: Um... no. Jack: I graduated school for a very important reason--to stop this studying hell! Teal'c: The thingo's going again. LOOP! Redshirt: Bam! Teal'c: You meant that. Redshirt: Did not! Teal'c: Then stop it! LOOP! Daniel: Here's some babble. Teal'c: Here's what it means. LOOP! Daniel: Here's some babble, and what it means. Jack: Wrong - it means this. LOOP! Daniel: Babble. LOOP! Daniel: Babble. Jack: Juggling. LOOP! Daniel: Babble. Teal'c: Juggling. LOOP! Daniel: Different babble. The Jack and Teal'c Time-Loop Circus: Juggling. Daniel: Uh, I said different babble... LOOP! Teal'c: Are you taking a sick day, O'Neill? Jack: When you're willing to waste a clean plate and three bottles of sauce to paint The Last Supper, it stands to reason that you may be losing your mind. LOOP! Jack: Babble. Teal'c: More babble. Daniel: Having fun? Jack: No. Daniel: Why the hell not? You can mess around the same bit of time any way you want. Jack: I'M GONNA GET LAID! OUTTA MY WAY! WoO HOO! LOOP! Jack: To increase my willingness for sex, I have decided to mess up a pot. LOOP! Jack: To increase my willingness for sex, I am riding a bicycle through the halls. LOOP! Jack: To increase my willingness for sex, I am playing golf through the same wormhole that SG-12 stubbed a toe on. LOOP! Jack: To increase my willingness for sex, I am going to perfect my ability of making pots. LOOP! Jack: To increase my willingness - Hammond: Jack, what the hell is going on? Jack: I'm hitting SG-12 with golf-balls, sir. Hammond: Just let me get my baseball gear. LOOP! Teal'c: I get to beat up a redshirt, I get to beat up a redshirt... Jack: And for the grand finale... Sam, kiss me. Sam: Sure, but what's that time-loop thing? SMOOCH! LOOP! Sam: Why does it look like you just had the best sex of your life? Jack: Uh... that's just a theory. One I agree with whole-heartedly, but still just a theory... Hammond: Can this be the last loop? Daniel: To get the answer, I'm going to tell you the stuff before it-- Jack: Screw that--we can break the loop. Malakai: You're back, what a surprise. Jack: We can't walk up to you--what a surprise, seeing as we could just walk around and get you from the back. Malakai: I want my wife back. Jack: Tough, you're giving me a headache. Even though they say it's the best thing for a headache... Malakai: In that case, I'm shutting it off. Teal'c: Drat - I don't get to beat up a redshirt anymore. Hammond: Is the climax of the episode over? Jack: Yeah, and I am swearing off Froot Loops for the rest of my life. Daniel: What did you do in the loops? Jack: Didn't you mother teach you that it's rude to refer to people as 'what'? THE END Legal notices. You are number ### to consider that particular theory.