Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Window of Opportunity" by The One The Asgard Call O'Pipp O'NEILL: I wonder what zany adventure we're going to have this week? MALAKAI: Wonder no more! For I have built an incredible time machine which will use to change the course of History As We Know It! BILL AND TED: Excellent! DANIEL: Y'know, technically, you didn't built it. MALAKAI: Mr. Zappy; Daniel. Daniel; Mr. Zappy. DANIEL: Hi Mr. Zap… Ouch. O'NEILL: I want to juggle. Let's grab the altar. TEAL'C: Huh? O'NEILL: Meh, it'll make sense later. [FROOT] LOOP DANIEL: Question mark. O'NEILL: I can't make the Kansas joke, can I? DANIEL: Nope. O'NEILL: Alice Through the Looking Glass? DANIEL: That would have been more appropriate for "Point of View". O'NEILL: Oh, Froot Loops. CARTER: Boring exposition scene. O'NEILL: TECH, TECHITY TECH. CARTER: This makes me wonder how we're going to do this scene several times. O'NEILL: I guess we'll just look for the Window of Opportunity. DANIEL: See, we could've had a perfectly good pun there. BILL AND TED: Excellent! O'NEILL: SG-12 are lame. HAMMOND: Well, it's not like you needed a time loop to figure that one out. O'NEILL: No, I meant it literally. SG-12: Hobble, hobble. HAMMOND: Oh, Froot Loops. FRAISER: Here, have my special Time Loop Test. O'NEILL: Say, why is Teal'c sucking on a thermometer? FRAISER: We were out of lollypops. CARTER: Hey, what's my line? O'NEILL: You really should take better care of your scripts. [FROOT] LOOP DANIEL: Question mark. O'NEILL: 42? DANIEL: Nope. Guess again next time loop. O'NEILL: We're caught in a trap. We can't walk out. TEAL'C: Indeed. HAMMOND: I don't believe you. O'NEILL: Well, this could go on forever, with your Suspicious Minds. DR. F: Hey, if we're in a time loop, am I being paid overtime? MALAKAI: Yo SG-1, I'm a friendly archaeologist type. CARTER: Oh. Hey friendly archaeologist type. MALAKAI: Screw that. Eat time-loop. O'NEILL: You mean Froot Loops. MALAKAI: Whatever. [FROOT] LOOP DANIEL: Question mark. O'NEILL: Albuquerque? DANIEL: Nope. O'NEILL: TECHNO, TECHNO man, I want to be a TECH-NO MAN. CARTER: Well, subtle as that was, something downright freaky is going on here. O'NEILL: And it's not just the use of the word "downright." O'NEILL: Who the hell are SG-12 anyway? FRASER: Shut up and chew this thermometer… TEAL'C: Gin-geed. CARTER: Lets do this. This will save us. HAMMOND: I'm going to be hopelessly optimistic. Yay us. CARTER: Ack! It's engaged! O'NEILL: Could we not have dialed someone without the internet? [MEANWHILE, ON NEW TOLLANA...] NARIM: Must... download....files..... ANCIENTS: What, you expect us to create the Stargate network and broadband? [FROOT] LOOP DANIEL: Question mark. O'NEILL: Ob la di, ob la da! DANIEL: Nope. O'NEILL: Fa la la, the time loop goes on. CARTER: Hey, Malakai's forever blowing bubbles. HAMMOND: Pretty bubbles. In the air? CARTER: That was so lame. TEAL'C: Hey, pronounce these Latin bits incorrectly…. O'NEILL: I pronounce you incorrect! TEAL'C: Nicely done sir! [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: Right, so far it says: Ampullae decem pendebant de muro, Colore decem omnio prasino... TEAL'C: Si tamen una labatur subito, novem modo remaneant tuto. DANIEL: Um, guys, I think something might be wrong here. [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: Ampullae novem pendebant de muro, Colore decem omnio prasino... TEAL'C: Si tamen una labatur subito, octo modo remaneant tuto. DANIEL: Um…. [FROOT] LOOP TEAL'C: Ampullae octo pendebant de muro, Colore decem omnio prasino... O'NEILL: Meh, juggling. HAMMOND: Si tamen una labatur subito, septem modo remaneant tuto. O'NEILL: Aw, look, you've got them all doing it now. [FROOT] LOOP TEAL'C: Ampullae septem pendebant de muro, Colore decem omnio prasino... O'NEILL: More juggling. DANIEL: Geez, I better introduce a plot soon. [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: At last Mr Ketchup, we meet again, only this time under more favourable circumstances.... [FROOT] LOOP DANIEL: Before the next loop starts, I should tell you that you're missing an opportunity for illicit smoochies. O'NEILL: Meh. DANIEL: And the chance to fine-tune your pottery skills… O'NEILL: I'm there man. TEAL'C: How'd you know about the time loop, anyway? DANIEL: Oh, Froot Loops. [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, So now I'm going to make some pots. HAMMOND: Hey, I'm the only model of a modern Major General. CARTER + TEAL'C: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General. [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: Swing a song of golf clubs.... [FROOT] LOOP O'NEILL: [TO THE TUNE OF GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE] O'Neill, O'Neill, O'Neill on a bicycle, O'Neill of the SGC… MINOR GUY: O'Neill, O'Neill, O'Neill on a bicycle, watch out for that..... O'NEILL: OUCH! MINOR GUY: ….Tree! TEAL'C: Indeed. [FROOT] LOOP HAMMOND: C'mon, you must remember this! CARTER: A kiss is just a kiss........ O'NEILL: It is? Well, ok then! HAMMOND: Hurry up, time's going by. [FROOT] LOOP CARTER: Someone looks happy. O'NEILL: [EDITED VERSION] Yes. TEAL'C: Nudge, nudge, wink wink, y'know what I'm saying. CARTER: Technically, no. DANIEL: I've – O'NEILL: -- figured it out. DANIEL: Hey! How did you guess? O'NEILL: Well, seeing as we've just had the big climax -- MALAKAI: Hey! O'NEILL: No offence. MALAKAI: You don't understand! You can't feel my pain! O'NEILL: Wow, sounds like a teenager, shaves like a teenager…. [TEAL'C HAS A JERRY SPRINGER MOMENT] TEAL'C: I know it seems hard now Malakai, but you've got to remember: HAMMOND: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General! SG1: He is the very model of a modern -- MALAKAI: -- Yeah, yeah, I give in, sheesh. It's so hard to be an evil villain nowadays. HAMMOND: Hey, anyone up for a picnic? Let's go to Strawberry fields. O'NEILL: Ah, Strawberry fields forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ev— HAMMOND: Wuhuh? O'NEILL: Kidding. DANIEL: So, what happened in the loops? O'NEILL: Aha! I have written it all down in Latin, so you will never know! DANIEL: Um, Jack, you know I speak Latin? BILL AND TED: Excellent! O'NEILL: Oh, Froot Loops. Legal notices. You are number ### to carpe the diem. In a big, big way.