Return of the King wins all awards

March 1, 2004

In a major victory for science fiction and fantasy, Peter Jackson's acclaimed film The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King won not only last night's Academy Awards, but also all other awards known to exist.

The Return of the King was nominated for 11 Oscars and won them all. To the surprise of all present, including the judges and voters, the film then proceeded to win all the remaining Oscars (for which it was not nominated). Ever since, reports have been coming in from countless award groups -- such as the Emmy, Grammy, Juno, and Hugo committees -- that the film has won their awards as well.

"Needless to say, I'm delighted," commented Mr. Jackson. "This exceeds my wildest hopes. I assure all those who have chosen our film that your confidence in us is not misplaced. The money from these awards will be put to good use buying us all solid gold neckties and enabling me to hire many young hobbit servants for my tower-like home."

"What I'd like to know is how a movie about evil, evil war won the Nobel Peace Prize," observed actor Viggo Mortensen.

Other awards received by The Return of the King include the Pulitzer Prize, the World Cup, the Tox Uthat, the golden fleece, the Darwin Awards, the Sci-Fi Emmys, and the Holy Grail.

- Zeke