THIS JUST IN WUXTRY

Trek writers move on up long ladder

With Star Trek: Enterprise cancelled, its writing staff must choose between waiting to see if the show can be continued and moving on with their careers. Among the first to decide was executive producer and series co-creator Rick Berman.

"We have to accept what's happened," said Mr. Berman. "We're all disappointed that UPN chose not to renew Enterprise. But what can we do? Pitch the show to other networks, as Joss Whedon did with Buffy? Go into syndication, which worked so well for TNG and DS9? Put our support behind the large, enthusiastic fan campaign? All of these options have a fatal flaw: they require effort.

"The franchise is tired. When you're tired, you don't stand and fight, you go lie down for a couple of years. Yes, there's a chance that we can save Enterprise somehow. And if it were an 80% chance, I would try for it. But unfortunately for all of us, it isn't."

"Actually, 80% is a little low," added Mr. Berman. "Let's say 90%."

Enterprise's other co-creator, Brannon Braga, has taken the role of executive producer for the new CBS series Threshold. According to series producer David Heyman, "When we saw Brannon's Voyager episode 'Threshold,' we knew he had the kind of talent we needed. We're not just basing that on the title, of course; that's just a bonus. What sold us on Brannon was his understanding of biology. Our show is all about aliens altering human DNA, and who could understand that better than the writer of episodes like 'Threshold' and TNG's 'Genesis'?"

Mr. Braga himself was not available for comment. According to friends, ever since the cancellation left his days free, he has not left his house. To put this in context, this reporter attempted to ascertain the current status of Mr. Braga's relationshipotism with Voyager actress Jeri Ryan, but was unable to get a consistent answer. If the couple are still together, the reason for Mr. Braga's newfound reclusiveness should be obvious to even the dimmest reader of This Just In (Bernie Thompson of Colebrook, NH). If, on the other hand, they have broken up, this reporter speculates that Mr. Braga is simply indulging in his little-known habit of chatting on AOL Instant Messenger. User hotty7of9 has agreed to inform TJI if she spots him.

Season 4 showrunner Manny Coto has chosen to look on the bright side. "Of course I'm disappointed that we've been cut short at the top of our game," observed Mr. Coto. "But have you read these Internet threads? I'm a god to some of these people! They stop just short of sacrificing their first-born sons to me! I'd be a fool not to take advantage of this, so I'm doing what Gene Roddenberry would do: forming a cult and seducing its more attractive members." (At press time, The Coterie had accumulated an estimated 3000 members, none attractive.)

New Enterprise writers Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens have renewed their contract with Pocket Books' Star Trek line. "Writing canon Trek was a great experience," said Ms. Reeves-Stevens, "but we knew it wouldn't last forever. We're ready to go back to writing books by William Shatner now."

One Enterprise writer who has already moved on is André Bormanis. "I've decided to return to my first love: science," Mr. Bormanis explained. "Over the years, I've had many revolutionary ideas that have had to wait because Star Trek needed me. Now I can finally bring them into being.

"I've already begun work on a faster-than-light propulsion system, capable of taking a ship to the Sun and back in a single week. It works by harnessing the electrical energy of neutrons. Now, general relativity says that the faster you go, the slower time moves, but I found a way around that. I've included Einstein compensators, which convert the heat generated by the engine into extra time. The only part I haven't figured out yet is how to make the system safe for human passengers -- my current design emits 24 Kelvins of photon radiation per cubic second, which is safe right up till the nine-minute mark but then instantly fatal."

When his current project is complete, Mr. Bormanis plans to find a cure for DNA.  


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Copyright 2005, Colin Hayman. A product of This Just Inc. All rights reserved.