Street Bum: A little too urban to be Nevada, don't you think?
Lara: Damn. Must've taken the wrong flight.
Bum: Hey, no need to get sarcastic on me....
Lara: Ah, there's nothing I like better than aimlessly jumping from building to building in hopes of randomly meeting someone with information I can use.
Assassin: (That's my cue.) Ahem. I work for Sophia Leigh. You die now.
Lara: Wait, wait. You can at least reveal some plot before I die, right? I mean... what's the difference?
Assassin: All right, all right. I work for this incredibly rich old geezer lady, just like my father and his father and his father and his father and his --
Lara: I get the idea. Now how'd she get to live so long?
Assassin: Hell if I know. You die now.
Lara: Eat bell.
Assassin: No thanks, I stopped by for a chalupa earlier and -- GAK!
Lara: Gotta love using holy artifacts to kill unimportant characters.
Lara: Wow, an abandoned tube station.
Thug: Hey! Get out of our top secret mutant alligator farm!
Lara: Huh?
Thug: Well with the sewer systems right next door, it'd be a waste not to put those flushed pet alligators to good use....
Lara: So let me get this straight: all you thugs have been condemned by God?
Thug Boss: (sigh) For the last time, we only call ourselves the Dam--
Lara: --med. Hey, if we spell it this way we can at least pretend you generate hydroelectric power.
Thug Boss: I'm not sure I follow. Anywho, go get us some embalming fluid from the museum, and we'll let you have access to our super cool system of water edifices.
Lara: Aw, I was only kidding about the dammed bit....
Tour Guide: On your left you'll see a giant sphinx, which we somehow got into this fictionally-exaggerated building. Now if you look to your left you'll see-- wait, wait. This isn't embalming fluid, it's Crisco!
Lara: Hey, you weren't using that stuff, and with my figure I can't afford to bake cookies.
Thug Boss: Good work, the door is open, O top-heavy one. Now back to business... Sparky!
Sparky: grrrr.
Thug Boss: I'm going to strap this embalming fluid to your back, and all you have to do is storm Sophia's office complex.
Sparky: grrrr.
Thug Boss: Attagator.
Lara: (aside) I don't get it.
Thug: He's confusing embalming fluid with napalm. If I were you I'd get out before he realizes the truth.
Lara: Over the sewers and through the loo, to Sophia's place I go....
Sophia: You could've just made an appointment, you know.
Lara: Gah! Are you Natla?
Sophia: No, but I get that a lot. Now then, I'd recommend you not waste ammo on me, but you're just going to lose it in Nevada anyway.
Lara: Oh, stop it already. Pow! Pow!
Sophia: How typical... your strategies are hardly shocking.
Lara: Pow!
(walkway is electrified)
Lara: Oh, come on. You knew somebody had to make a bad pun about this encounter, or sparks certainly would've been flying.... Anywho, where were we...?
|
