The Top 10 Consequences of Marissa's Death
And the number one consequence of Marissa's death....
- Ryan, realizing that it takes time to heal, will wait a while between brutal kickings of Volchok's ass
- Sandy will get back in practice by suing Ryan's mom
- Kirsten will make it her personal mission to drink the alcohol Marissa no longer can
- Seth will try to get Cosmo Girl from Atomic County retired in Marissa's honour... only to find out George Lucas has bought the series and it's all Wookiees now
- Taylor will look on the bright side: it's too bad about Marissa, but now the position of Summer's best friend is open! Woo!
- Summer will refuse to start calling Taylor "Coop"
- Jimmy will be deeply upset -- what's he supposed to do, peel the potatoes himself now?
- Kaitlyn will cry for about fifteen seconds and then start putting the moves on Ryan
- Julie will scold Kaitlyn for her thoughtlessness and then start putting the moves on Ryan
- Mischa Barton will go on to have a big, successful movie career -- just like David Duchovny, Topher Grace, David Caruso, Denise Crosby, Chevy Chase, Rick Springfield, Shannen Doherty, and that Carmack guy
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This list was originally published on May 26, 2006.
DISCLAIMER: On the other hand, I guess George Clooney did okay... wait. Batman and Robin. Never mind.
All material © 2006, Colin Hayman.