Group Adaptive Story - Like the onebyone story, only stranger.

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]they hunted happily. For two days. Then they were summoned back by Willow and his Urn of Osiris.

((Isn't Q still female?))

[quote:post_uid0]17 was murdered for blatant sexism and betraying the feminist cause.[/quote:post_uid0]
Heh. She just killed herself off. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Willow wanted to watch them perform "Chicago", "Showboat", and of course, "The Theme from M*A*S*H". So s/he did.
Xander was delighted at this, and asked Willow to marry her(him). They wanted a big wedding, but became confused with all the gender switches, and so eloped.
"What the frell?" said Buffy, "I didnt get to wear a dress, er tux!"
"Yes, that was all part of my bad-bum plan!" said Khan.
Legolas and Aragorna were still fighting over who, if either, should be changed into a guy again. Even with his wise age, Legolas was totally confused and wiered out, esspecially by Jack Sparrow, who made a good woman.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" yelled OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]He had just realized Buffy didn't have super-powers anymore, because the Slayer is always a girl. Buffy himself hadn't found out yet, but soon would, because there was a big red demon coming at him.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"AAAARRRRRGH!" screamed Buffy as the monster pounced on him. There was a horrifying squelching sound...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...as the moster fell on Legolas's spiked heals and got very angry. The monster was really Khan in disguise, because a Khan in disguise "khan't" really see very well.
Meanwhile, Willow and Xander went on their honeymoon to Niagra Falls, where they met up with Anya and Q and had many quirky incedents, including the infamous "Dude, wheres my heart" incedent. Meanwhile, Legolas said,
"See, when you have spiked heals, you save lives. You simply have to where them sparilngly". Aragorna, Jacklin, and NeoMatrix all listened intently.
OJake started crying, as even though he pretended he didnt, he really did care where the plot was going.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]He had conveniently lost his typewriter, and he couldn't write himself a new one, because he had lost his typewriter. All he could do now was to be just another character in the story.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And so the plot swirled around and around and around and around as someone flushed it down the toilet.
"Where is the plot going?" asked Catalina Marina.
"To the ocean!" crowed Opium.
"We're doomed, we have no plot whatsoever now," said NeoMatrix.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]17 decided to gather the entire group, which is everyone that has ever been mentioned in forum. They ended up having to find a large stadium to hold everyone.

NeoMatrix gets up to the mike and addresses the crowd. "First of all, there is no spoon. Second, there are about a 1000 Piealiths heading here right now. They should be here in about 47 days. Lastly, John Sheridan has been kidnapped. As you know, he is the only one that can stop the Piealiths."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]OJake stood up.
"We know you've kidnapped John! We know it was you" said OJake.
"No, it wasnt" said NeoMatrix.
"Oh yes it was" said the crowd.
"Oh no it wasnt!" said NeoMatrix.
"Oh yes it was! Why else would you be driving a cargo van?" said Aragorn
17, clearly shocked, went over to the van. Alas, there was John, along with OJake's typewriter, the spoon, and much pie.
"NeoMatrix, you've been sabatoging the plot all along!" said 17.
"Well, it wasnt just me," said NeoMatrix, "John and OJake helped too!"


((grrr, I just cant help writing long posts, even with all your short ones! :) ))[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John spoke up and told everyone that he was the one who staged the whole kidnapping thing. However, he did not say who helped him. Everyone stopped arguing with each other and turned towards John.
"How could you do this? It was an innocent spoon," said OJake.
"And as you see, my van is parked over there, and has 'Neo is the One' written on the side. This one has '17 is the One'," said NeoMatrix.
"This isn't my van. Mine says "John Rules" on it," said 17.
"Then who's van is it?" said Legolas.
"For one thing, they have a crush on 17," said Ojake.
Everyone looked at John.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I don't even own a van," John protested. "I rode my motorcycle here."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But you don't have a motorcycle," 17 told John.
"I know, I stole it from Garibaldi," replied John.
"Thief! Plunderer! Philistine!" howled NeoMatrix, and he started clubbing John on the head with a baguette stolen from 17.
"Oh, that is SO it!" exclaimed 17. "First somebody vandalizes my van by spraypainting drabble all over it, and now somebody steals my Baguette of THWAPping? Someone in this story is going to DIE!"
She grabbed an extremely large Compression Phaser Rifle and pointed it at...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And then...Sisko, Giles, Joyce and Jadzia sitting in a newsroom.
"Welcome to Sci-FI-Con News, you newest news source" said Sisko.
"Today: What are the forumgoer politics?" said Joyce.
"What is the history behind John and OJake?" said Giles.
"Who is Anya's baby's dad? OJake? Q? Jack?" said Jadzia.
"In weather, chance of falling pies, good chance of BOOM's" said Sisko.
"Are 17 and NeoMatrix in love, or in competion?" said Joyce.
"Are John and OJake brothers in an evil alternate universe" said Giles.
"Could Jack really sleep with Anya after she slept with Q?" said Jadzia."Why did Khan sexchange people?And now back to whatever was here before...or not"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...John's motorcycle.

Nobody noticed because they were watching the news report.
"Wait a minute! We have never seen John before a couple of weeks ago, and he is already made a big impact here. Where did he come from? Is he some kind of spy?" said 17
"Well, I think he came from your dangerous imagination 17. You created him, made him immortal, and caused him to run loose in our lives. Its all you 17, and you must be the one to destoy him. Do us a favor and get rid of him with your mind." said NeoMatrix.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Mwahahaha!" John laughed, as he dropped another nuke.
There were bodies everywhere.
"What happened?" 17 asked a random passer by.
"Haven't you heard yet?" was the freightened answer, "John Sheridan is bombing the Minbari homeworld, and rumors are, he's going for Cardassia Prime after that."
"He's slowly taking over the universe?" 17 asked.
"No, I don't think he's doing it slowly. And it's completely random. There's no telling where he will strike next."
"But you just said --"
"Those are rumors. They're probably not true."
"Right..."
Then, there was a loud sound, and all went black, as another nuke got dropped.

"WHOA! I just had the weirdest dream!" 17 exclamed as she woke up.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You did?" NAHTMMM mumbled distractedly as he moved his cursor over the tiny font in taya17's sig, bemused by the tininess and 17's ability to generate pop-up text in her sig.

taya17 realized she had fallen asleep on the field in the stadium, her feet resting on the edge of a patch of mud, and got up just in time to avoid being stepped on by an oblivious Captain Archer.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"What the FRELL is going on?" exclaimed 17 in exasperation. "And don't tell me it's got to do with the pop-up text on my sig!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Welcome back to Sci-Fi-Con News, for this breaking story: Was it a dream, or did a nuke really just hit the stadium" said Sisko.,"Jadzia is on the prowl to investigate."
"Well Sisko, there seems to be a problem getting anywhere close to the stadium, because there are road blocks and "nuclear hazard" signs everywhere. Thankfully, Odo has gone in to investigate" said Jadzia.
"I'm here from the centre of the disaster,talking to Xander, Willow, and Tara" said Odo.
"Well, there was this big load sound, and we were okay, but... "said Tara
"At least it got John, and OJake to!" said Xander.
And from the newsroom, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Sisko.
"But I did manage to save OJake, although it meant letting John die" said Willow


((BTW, I am trying to be in the process of putting this story on a page at ff.net, alas, college work seems to get in the way...and how does your sig pop-up? ))[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John was quite alright, but he couldn't find any of his 'friends'. He didn't care, though, because he was in a paradise. Delenn was there too. It was either seven years ago, or a couple of centuries into the future. He was in some sort of Nexus.

Xander and Willow were glad to be rid of John Sheridan again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Welcome back to the news, as we answer the question,"Why are we so bored Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturadays and Mondays" said Sisko.
"That's a stupid question.*stares* Just kidding" said Jadzia.
"The reason is simply. Nothing new can be added these days, so we end up singing showtunes, dancing and nancing" said Joyce. "It's sort of like Chakotay on Voyager
"How dare you...did you say Chakotay? Never mind, insult on" said 17.
"Yes, with OJake ill,we must rely on the creativity of the forumgoers" said Sisko.
"Yah, well, with all the essays, monologues, and scenes, all you get is this newscast" said Opium.
And with that,the newsroom team did the Happy Hamster dance.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John woke up with a bad headache.
"Man, that was one weird nightmare I had. Why do I keep dreaming about nuking my friends? Why was everyone at that stadium?" asked John to himself.
John looks around and sees he is not at home. Instead, he is on an island with peaceful natives.
"Where am I?" asked John.
"You were sent here to be cured," said a native.
"Cured from what?" asked John.
"It appears you have 2 personalities. When you get angry, you lose control and causes your evil self to take over," said the native.
"You mean I am the one that keeps nuking innocent people?" asked John
"Yep," said the native.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!" John screamed and ran around the island in circles having hysterics.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]With that scream, John woke up quickly and saw that he wasn't on the island anymore, but back at the train station. He had passed out on the train waiting for it to leave the station.
"Whoa, that was one weird dream. Wait, didn't I say that in my dream?" said John to himself.

John looked around at the other passengers on the train. The native that spoke to John in his dream was sitting across from him reading a newspaper. The front page had a picture of NeoMatrix and 17 speaking at some conference in a stadium. There was a picture on the wall of the train of the island in his dream. Plus an ad on white vans.
"Was I really dreaming?" asked John.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"No," said the girl next to him, "You just appeared, just like--"
"Yes," said the native, "You were really dreaming."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I don't know what's real and what's not anymore!" he cried out. "I've lived and died so many times that I've lost count. All my days have blended into the nights. I can't tell the difference between waking and sleeping anymore. I'm so tired, I just want to end it all, and end it now!"

The girl looked at him sadly and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, John."[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]She took a cristal boll out of her pocket and showed John a few of the people he's met in the last couple of months. Willow and Xander flashed by, kissing, while Tara was looking at them jealously. Then OJake came into view.
"He's trying to figure it all out too," said the girl. "And failing," she said after a short pause. "You see, there is no plot, and he still doesn't get that."
"But what does that have to do with me?"
"You must look beyond the obvious."
"What's obvious?" John asked, "I'm having these strange dreams which aren't dreams, and I keep dying and coming back. I just want to die... I mean stop dying... Stop [i:post_uid0]living[/i:post_uid0]!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"John, that cant happen," said a voice from the dark. "You see, John, you are here. You cant out. Poor OJake, he is stuck to, not dying but not quite living. Please understand" Tara said, stepping out from the dark.
"But how CAN I? You keep me here, and all I get to do is DIE!" said John
"You are-how can I put this-you are a punching bag. Everyone's frustrations over midterms, overdue bills, etc, is released through killing you" Tara said.
"Then why cant it be OJake? Legolas? Jack? Xander? Spike?" said John.
"Because they are all interesting, cool, and at least sorta cute, to totally hot" said the Girl.
"You are ours, but one day you will go back to syndication" said Tara.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled John.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"It is the way of the world," she said. "You must accept it."
"No! Leave me alone! I don't want to die anymore; I don't want to be a part of this story anymore! Let me out! [i:post_uid0]Let me out![/i:post_uid0]"
John slammed his fist into Tara's midsection and began running. He ran for a long time, and the mocking laughter of the forumgoers followed him everywhere he went. The laughter was not loud enough to be obvious, but it was always there, echoing at the periphery of his perceptions, trailing him like a persistent demon.
"Leave me alone! Leave me alone! [i:post_uid0]Leave me alone![/i:post_uid0]"[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So the mountain he happened to be running over left him alone.









By some odd coincidence, with which O'Pipp surely had nothing to do, Jonas happened to be transported to the newly-vacated spot of ground directly beneath John just moments before a new largish dent in the landscape appeared, with the result being a pair of simultaneous grisly deaths.

One of the forumgoers put another quarter in the machine. Sure enough, another John Sheridan appeared some yards away, still dazed from his fall to DOOM!.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I..must get..those quarters," said John.
John picks up a phone and calls Mario.
"Hey Mario, I need your help. I keep dying, then coming back like nothing happened. How did you get out of that curse?" asked John.
"Is this Luigi? Please don't tell me you are still stuck at that Mansion," said Mario.
"No, this is John Sheridan," said John.
"Oh! I will be right over," said Mario.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But, on the way, Mario was struck with a lawsuit that said video games harmed children, and he could not come to John. So John sadly returned to the island with Girl and Tara.
"Why is life so hard?" he asked, "Even Mario cant come to my aid!"
"Look, you think you have it tough?" asked Tara," Willow is with Xander, and I cant go with anyone because it would be slash! And OJake, well..." OJake was on the island.
"Plot. Must. Save. The. Plot," he said,"John, help me save the plot! Please!"
"I think...I think this IS a plot!" said John. OJake was cured, and he danced around. Unfortunelty, he accidently hit John into a cavern. John died.
"Oops, I'll just write him back" said OJake, as he took out his typewriter."let's see, how about...Jack Sparrow saves him!" Everyone groaned.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Colored fragments of dreams began drifting from the sky like the first slow leaves of autumn. Curled up on the ground like a newborn child, John felt the weightless flakes descending upon him.

He didn't care. He was beyond caring; he was too tired to bother about what would happen to him next. There was no point, for he had realized that nothing he did could change a thing. Nothing in the world could free his fate from the puppet controls of whoever was writing the story. All he wanted was for consciousness to leave him alone so that peace could finally know him.

And in the silence, the shards of dreams continued falling.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Legolas came, and Aragorn and Jack, all very happy, dancing and prancing and singing along, practices archery and sword fighting. OJake and Kira were happily eating a picnic with Willow and Xander, QS and 17.
Data was talking about socks with a cow named Josie, and Geordie was trying to make a computer from potato chips, and Picard and Crusher ate crosants at a roadside cafe.
Wesley and Worf played chess, jealusly watching Riker and Troi make chocolate cheesecake. Tasha Yar was in paradise afterlife.
Bashir and Dax were discussing the psycology of Klingons, while Odo entertained the locals with changing tricks. Obrien, Nog, Leta and Rom played Bridge.
And John was sure everyone was plotting agaist him, even in his own dreams.


((I luv Tuesdays...and look, a whole post with no dead John's! ))[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John found himself on a big giant couch with a Tv in front of him. He picked up the remote and turned on the tv. The Twilight Zone was on, and the episode began something like this: "John Sheridan led a normal life, until one day he started dying every day."
"Am I dreaming, or am I on an episode of the Twilight Zone?" asked John Sheridan to himself.
Just then, he heard the theme song to the twilight zone coming out of nowhere.

(This idea of using the typewriter to bring John back to life reminds me of this movie where this guy used his typewriter to write his life.)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And then a gunshot, and then silence.

John looked at the growing crimson pool around his feet with interest. It looked a lot like blood.

It didn't take him very long to realize that it actually[i:post_uid0]was[/i:post_uid0] blood. And it took him even less time to realize that it was his own.

After that, there was a incredbly brief interval between his body slumping and his body hitting the floor.

And after [i:post_uid0]that[/i:post_uid0], life went on as usual, except this time without the creepy theme music.

[[i:post_uid0]"John Sheridan led a normal life, until one day he started dying every day."[/i:post_uid0] More like "one day he started dying every two posts"...][/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Ooooh, so that's how well I am when I'm filled with rum" said Jack Sparrow.
"I think, I think you KILLED him!" said a shocked Legolas.
"Dont worry, OJake is writing me healing him" said Aragorn.
And John was healed.
"What? Why, you were in my DREAMS, you're not real!" said John.
"If we arent real then you arent alive" said Aragorn. John punched him.
"Wait! Aragorn, you cant hurt John this post!" said Picard.
Crusher rushed in, and treated Aragorn's black eye.
"Please, let me have some fun and food and drink. PLEASE!" said John. So everyone from the last 10 posts played Bingo. But the prize was...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...to be able to freely escape OJake's power over writing their life.

A certain character from the Mainframe of Matrix, which I cannot mention until Sunday, said to John, "The reason you cannot die is because you are stuck in the matrix. There was a glitch that we cannot fix without resetting the whole matrix."[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Then reset the matrix!" cried John, "Or get me out of it! I just want to die!"
"No can do. That would solve our major plot line, and the story is far from over."

((Neo, you can mention him at Friday too.))[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"At least when you die, you come back as yourself" said Data." I am B4! I talk about socks. SOCKS! I could be used in many plot-defining ways! But SOCKS it is!
"You are computer. I am a human being, I think," said John." When it was said, 'My only regret is I have but one lfie to give for my country', they did not mean THIS!"
"But you provide an outlet from analytic English courses that debate everything, but wont help with dysexic spelling!" said Tara," You are a fictional character;your purpose is clear. How about a game of Monopoly?"
"Did I hear a Monopoly forming?" asked QS. Someone hit him.
"But they will only be a temporary escape, like hitting QS! I need ESCAPE! With captitals!" said John[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Architect and John met again.
"I'm afraid was a little short with you last time we met," said the Architect.
"Yeah, just a little," said John.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I am your father. I created you, then programmed you so you would never die by natural causes."
"WHAT!?!" screamed John is disbelief.
"However, I did create a way for you to be deleted, but the controller is kept in a very safe place so nobody would delete you by accident."
"Where is this controller?" asked John.
"I don't remember."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You can't not remember," shouted John. "You're the Architect! You [i:post_uid0]built[/i:post_uid0] this place! You know where everything is!"

"No," said the Architect slowly, "that's a myth, that I built this place. I am just the caretaker, the gardener who prunes the leaves, who removes the weeds, who waters the shrubbery. But who created this garden? Nobody knows."

"If I find that person, will I be able to find a way out of here?"

"Perhaps. But nobody has ever seen him. Perhaps he is just a myth, or perhaps he is impossible to find for us who are trapped in the Matrix."

"Nothing is impossible, not here," said John, and in that moment he knew he would find this creator. "And I [i:post_uid0]will[/i:post_uid0] find a way out; it will be the last thing that I ever do here."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Actually, there are impossible things" said OJake."You can not leave use."
"But I MUST! I MUST be able to be FREE!" said OJake.
Tara came into the room and said:
"You are free, here, you are free to go anywhere, do anything, date anyone here. You just havent tried. Sure, Legolas, Jack, Aragron, Willow, Xander, Spike, QS, Data, etc-they may pop up and kill you, but you will come back. You ARE free, remember that."
"Can I date you?" asked John.
"Um...I've got to go...write an exam" said Tara, as she ran out of the room.
"What about you, hiding behind The Achitect's chair?" asked John.
"Okay, I will date you" said the person hiding behind The Achitect's chair.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So John and this mysterious person go on a date. John seems to be happy now. In fact, he realized we wasn't dying every post anymore.
"It seems that love is the cure to me not dying. As long as I love people, I will not die. The reason why I have been dying so much lately is because I have been a very hating person," thought John.
The midnight bells rung, which alarmed the mysterious person.
All of a sudden, she was gone without a trace.
Then John died...again.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But even as he fell into darkness, he heard a voice in his head saying, "Sleep, and I will catch you if you fall."

"Delenn!" he cried out. He reached his hands towards the slate-gray skies as the light began to fade...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...and as he fell, he felt peaceful. Then he awoke, back with the crowd.
"I was happy! And I was on a date!" said John."And then-I died."
"Yes, you did. It's as if you have The One Ring" said Legolas. Then...
a strange sound. Jack Swallow shot at the sound, but was drunk and missed.
"I'm...I'm not dead!" said John.
"No, no you are not" said Tara," The Writer had no reason to kill you today."
"No, but I have reason! I should be the centre of all fanfic!" and Aragorn stabbed John.
"Fine, I'll die again, but know, Aragorn Strider etc, I WILL be back" said John.
"That's sort of the point, isnt it?" said Jack.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Yes, I suppose it is," said John, and he slumped over and died.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]He woke up again at 6am on the same day...again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Look, I understand you may die again soon, so can we finish up our date?" said The Mystery Date," I really had a good time."
"I agree, we really neeed a romantic subplot" said OJake,"This just isnt melodramatic enough yet."
And so, John and The Mystery Date finished up their date. That night, they had their second date. They went to see  "The White Stripes", then went to dinner in a swank club, and finished up the date strolling The Sea Wall in Stanley Park at dawn.
"This was lovely" said T.M.D.," Now if only you didnt die so much and I had a name"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I'm afraid I can't do much for the former," said John, as teardrops fell from the sky. "But as for the latter..."
He leaned towards her, and even as the gentle rain embraced them in its arms, whispered her name in her ear.
"Delenn..."[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Various 'shippers promptly swooned.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Delenn and John decided to get married. Due to the strange life, er, deaths, er, lives of John, they flew to Las Vegas and had a quickie marriage. Xander was best man; Willow Maid of Honour; Picard performed the ceremony; Data sang about socks; and there were many guests. But...
All was not well in the town of Las Vegas. There was a stange shadow creeping in from the West. Galadriel left her Middle Earth to help Legolas light the shadow. But they failed.

Kira was angered that a sci-fi 'ship could actually work. So went and killed John, there on the alter, in the name of All The Ships That Failed. Of course, John could not die permeanently...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]They kiss.

As they kissed, a mysterious cloud surrounded John. There was a voice that said "Let the dying curse be gone," then the cloud disappeared.

"Delenn? That sounds like a wonderful name."
She smiled. John smiled. They kiss some more.

(Either this is a flashback, or an alternate universe where John is in love with a human form of Delenn)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"]Either this is a flashback, or an alternate universe where John is in love with a human form of Delenn[/quote:post_uid0]

Not part of the story, but... what the heck do you mean the [i:post_uid0]human[/i:post_uid0] form of Delenn? I'm pretty sure John is completely capable of kissing Delenn as a half-Minbari, half-human hybrid as well (when he's not dead, that is). I even have pictorial evidence. [i:post_uid0]Plenty[/i:post_uid0] of pictorial evidence, in fact.

Hang on, wait, I get it... Neo... you weren't talking about... about the [i:post_uid0]tribble[/i:post_uid0], were you?

Dude, that was in the One-By-One story. And as you know, [i:post_uid0]everything[/i:post_uid0] outside the One-By-One story is relatively considered an AU because... because... Um, well, I shall just say that the One-By-One is so far off canon (and in fact, so far off the map of sanity) that anything else, by comparison, doesn't even need two miracles to be tacked with the title "St."

Okay, a lame pun that probably no-one except myself and the voices in my head will get. No matter.

Someone had better continue this story before I do tomorrow morning or it's going to get NC-17 [i:post_uid0]real[/i:post_uid0] fast...[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The shared flashback ended in Delenn and John's heads. John was again, indeed, very dead. Delenn cried, and Kira came back into herself.
"What happened to me? she asked, "I've never killed like that before!"
"It is within your mind..." said Galadriel.Tara interupted:
"There is great anger within you, Kira, and it is not yours. It is as if..as if you are being controlled by someone"
"How can anyone be controlled by someone else?" asked sweet Legolas.
"Shouldnt your wisdom tell you that"? said Aragorn.
"Um, I'm John version 47.47" said John," Can we continue with the flashback instead of fighting, please?"[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]{Damn. Opium beat me to the smut...}[/i:post_uid0]

And the stars began falling from the sky.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The scene was set for a lovely flashback, when...
BOOM.
"What the bloody heck was that BOOM?" asked Jack.
"I wanted attention, as I am the strongest!" said Aragorn.
"Um...riiiggghhhttt" said Legolas
Suddenly, though, there was another BOOM, with a flash of light.
Josie the Human Woman and Giles appeared in an old car that backfired.
"Have we missed any action?" said Giles.
"Um..." said the crowd.
"I WANT MY SMUTTY FLASHBACK!" said John 47 (or was it 17?)

(still Friday here)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"And get it you shall," said the Josie with a wave of her wand, "for I am the Blue Fairy and I have the power to grant you one wish."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...and Éowyn appeared.
"Oops, I may be a little rusty" said Josie.
"Well, I was wondering how to get here!I want to be in the action!" said Éowyn
"There isnt much of that right now" said John, "AND THAT"S THE PROBLEM!"
"Calm down,I'm hungover! I'm sure it'll heat up" said Jack.
"Er...Eowyn, hi. I've, um, got to go and...stand over there" said Aragorn.
"Eowyn, how ARE you doing? Want to go to dinner" said Legolas.
"That's it. I'm dying." said John, as Gimli fell in and crushed him.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Ah!" said Gimli. "A soft landing, at last... Quinn? Wade? Oh, wait, I'm in the wrong series, aren't I?"[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I don't know what series you belong in," said John, standing up again, " But it's probably not this story, since I don't remember you ever killing me."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Aye, I only kill evil being, Orcs and politicians in paticular" said Gimli," But I did just kill you as I landed on you"
"Um...yah. Sure. I've got to go watch those guys dance." said John.
Aragorn had decided to nance, prance, sing and dance showtunes to get Eowyn to stop liking him. However, Legolas started doing the same, to GET Eowyn to like him. And in fact, she liked men who could show they liked musicals.
"Oh Legolas, you are wonderful. Wanna go to Showboat?" she said. Legolas agreed.
Gimlie pouted. He liked Eowyn. John and him drank a lot of beer.
"Phew, another girl off my back" said Aragorn, when suddenly someone unexpected stepped into the Sci-Fi-Con...

(darn. still monday)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... which promptly exploded.

(It was a Sliders reference, for those not in the know... John Rhys-Davies played Arturo in the series.)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"This is because there where to many two-character persons" said Willow.
Everyone was back in the trainstation.Frodo and Samwise, Alf, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Picard,Crusher, Uhura, Han Solo,Mulder and Scully appeared.
"I TOLD you the truth was out there" said Mulder.
"What, in a Group Adaptive story?" asked Scully."I did one of these for 4th year sociology. It ended up being about Skywalker, Alf, Pic..wow, they're all here. Wierd."
"Oh. Well then. Here they are again" said Mulder.
"Huh, so which character do you guys kill every day?" asked Scully."Ours was Luke"
"It's me" said John, who was twitching and shaking. A lot.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Scully shot him.
"What did you do that for?" asked John when he reappeared from behind a tree.
"A mysterious voice told me you hadn't died for more than four days." Scully answered.
"A mysterious voice?" Mulder repeated. "And you can't explain it? Let's find the source."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"There!" said John, pointing to the sky.
They all looked up.
Unfortunately it wasn't the source of the voice.
It was a very large anvil headed for them at a Ludicrous Speed.
The anvil fell on them and pulped them all.

Ouch.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That's odd. It missed me," said John. "I am still alive!"
"There must be a reason why you are still alive," said a dying Mulder.
"The truth is out there," said John.
"Hey, that's my line!" said Mulder.
"No it isn't!" yelled John.
"Says who?" asked Mulder.
"The credits," said John.
"Oh," said Mulder just before dying.
John turns around and walks off a cliff.
"I sure hope there is water down there!" yelled John
"Nope, just some sharp rocks to break your fall," said the mysterious voice.
"Bummer" *Distant Splat*
"Yep, it broke my fall," exclaimed John, who had a sharp rock protruding through his mid section.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But, Tara, who was also sick of dying, did a spell to save Legolas, Aragorn, Jack, Frodo, Samwise and Willow. They all stood in disbelief as once again John died.
"Well, at least it got OJake" said Jack.
"He seemed like a nice fella, all bookish like" said Samwise.
"Yes, I quite liked him" said Frodo.
"HEY! ISNT ANYONE GOING TO WRITE DEATH SCENE #2034?" asked John.
"You are not dead yet. Would you like me to ease the suffereing?" said Aragorn.
"No, but some Elven medicine would help" said John.
"Sorry, I've used up all my John Death Cure" said Aragorn.
And John died. Again.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The old elevator came to a sudden jurky stop on the 1st floor. The rusty doors opened slowly with an annoying squeel. Tara, Legolas, Aragorn, Jack, Frodo, Samwise and Willow turned around to see who was coming out. They could not see who it was because the elevator created a dust cloud around the door. Slowly the dust settled and they saw who it was. There was much surprise on the onlookers' faces when they saw that the first person to step off the elevator was OJake. He was followed by John.
"I hate that elevator," said John.
"Yeah, me too," responded OJake.
The elevator doors squeeled to a close.
"Anyone got a big can WD40?" asked Aragon[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Who is Aragon?" asked Aragorn.
"Aragon is a loser suiter in "Merchant of Venice" replied Frodo.
"If you are going to call me a loser, I shall be off" said Aragon, and he left.
Then, Samwise, in one of his brighter moments, said,"Didnt we just KILL these guys?"
"No, we can not die. That is our curse. Along with the trainstation" said OJake.
"It needs some trees. And vines. And beautiful tapestry" said Legolas.
Tara waved her hand, and it was done.
"Tara, I thought you said you were agaist "frivilous magic" said Willow.
"Well, it was really depressing, which is bad to health" replied Tara.

((grr, I think I may have to wait a while till I have this on a site or at ff.net, I'm really Really REALLY busy with college right now! ))[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The elevator ground to a halt. The yellowing lights flickered once, then died completely. They were plunged into darkness.

In the silence that followed, Aragorn was heard saying, "I have a bad feeling about this..."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"...because someone has just hugged onto me and is not letting go" he finished.
"Really? Because I've just latched onto someone" said...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]agent Mulder. The Elevator continued to fall. Then, all of a sudden, the elevator turned sideways and became a train. The train stopped at an empty station. The doors opened and everyone got off. Sitting on the bench at the station was Neo.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Happy birthday" he said to Mulder.
"It's not my birthday" answered Mulder, confused.
"Oh well, here's a present anyway" Neo said as he gave Mulder a package and walked away.
Mulder started to open the his present, but Aragorn stopped him.
"This is a [i:post_uid0]Mysterious Package[/i:post_uid0]" he said, "You can't open it yet."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Who cares about that?" said Mulder in annoyance, and swatted Aragorn's hand away.
He opened the package.
There was a ticking nuke in it.
"What the-?!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, I'm extremely sorry--that wasn't for you. You're not John Sheridan, are you? It was for John. It's his birthday today. Here, where is he? Let me give it to--"


<font size = 10>[b:post_uid0]BOOOM![/b:post_uid0]</font>[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone covered their ears because it was one of those loud annoying bombs, ya know, the ones that will yak your ears off. While everyone was recovering from the bomb, 1000 cloned Agent Smiths showed up and surrounded them all.
"You will all become part of my collection. Prepare to become me," said the Real Agent Smith.
"No, take me instead. You do not need to waste your time with these foolish mortals," said John.
"Very Well, prepare to meet your DOOM!"
Agent Smith attempted to take over John's Body.
"Hehe, the Borg tried to do the same thing to me," said John.

********************************************
See John installed a Hacker prevention program that keeps Hackers from altering his code. He also installed a Nukified Punch last week. The Following stunt should not be tried at home. This is a dangerous stunt.
********************************************

John gave the signal to Aragorn and ther others standing nearby to get on the train quickly. After the train left, John looked at Agent Smith and began to laugh. He then threw his Nukified punch, which knocked out Agent Smith clean out of his shoes, wiped out all the clones, and pretty much everything else within 10 miles. John looked around with a smile on his face.
"Is that all you got?" asked Agent Smith.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Things blew up.



<font size = 30 color = 860000>[b:post_uid0]BOOOOOOM![/b:post_uid0]</font>[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Agent Smith flew far and fast, landing at Mobil Ave Station.
"Wow, that was a fast way to get from station to station," said Agent Smith. Holding his head, he called John on his cell phone.
John picked up. The operator said, "You have a long distance phone call from an Agent Smith. Will you accept?
"Yes," said John, trying to hold back his laugh.
Agent smith asked, "John, is that all you got? I think this scene just went over on the budget. If we continue this scene, we will have to call in 17 to do the rest of the sound effects."
John said, "I will be right over. Don't go anywhere."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...of course, John didnt make it.
Aragorn decided to kill John. Again. And then Gimli tried, too.
Agent Smith, all 1000 of them, where left at the train stations.
And then...three men came.Three men from British Columbia.
The Lone Gunmen. Assisted by Willow.
Together, they created a virus that killed 999 Agent Smith's.
But there was still one left.
Aragorn, Legolas, Tara, Neo, Eowyn, and Samwise all tried to kill him.
John even tried, and died again.
Something else was required...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"... Nutella!" exclaimed 17 in exasperation. "I can't believe you lot were trying to create a supercharged specialeffectsoverloaded psuedokungfu fight scene without using [i:post_uid0]any[/i:post_uid0] Nutella!"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"But we only have one left," said Neo.
"Only because you wasted the other 46 of them on John," said 17.
"Would you like us to use the last one on Agent Smith?" asked John.
"We have no way of deploying it. The last launcher got destroyed by some lazy person who forgot to take the cap off last time," said Aragorn.
"Well, what do we do then? asked 17.
"I know! I will deliver the last Nutella to Agent Smith," said John.
"Please don't blow yourself up before you get there," pleaded 17.
John delivers the package to Agent Smith.
"Cool, a package for me!" said Agent Smith.
He opens the package.
John said,"Yes, its a cool little bomb. All you have to do is press the red button."
Smith said,"Which one?"
John said,"This one."
There was a big explosion which will now be demonstrated by 17....[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Samwise, that wont work!" said Eowyn," I have a er, different plan".
"Whatever it is, let's do it!" said Legolas. So they did.
So, The Lone Gunmen and Willow turned Nutella into a computer program. Most people didnt know that Agent Smith's were allergic to the digital hazelnut code, but they did.
"But he wouldnt eat it!" said Samwise,"Darn shame, too!"
"Well, no, that's where Legolas going into the Matrix comes in handy" said Eowyn," He will use his excellent archery skills to fire a Nutella-tipped arrow at Agent Smith, which will then create an explosion only 17 can create".
So Legolas entered The Matrix and fired the arrow, which perfectly hit Agent Smith, and then there was a large...


(grr, someone had better post a large... or there will lots of MOOD) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]<div style = "font size = 7px">[b:post_uid0]Boom.[/b:post_uid0]</div>[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"That didn't quite work out as it was supposed to," Legolas said.
Smith snickered evilly, and started multiplying like tribbles.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The tribbles got mad at Smith and started attacking the clones. After awhile, the tribbles got tired of attacking the multiplying clones, so they decided to reprogram them to look like trees.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone waited for the inevitable Chakotay joke.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Which didnt come. In fact, nothing came.
The Smith Trees were chopped down and replaced with Maple and Cedar trees.
Legolas and Eowyn discoverd they loved each other.
Somehow, possibly due a Tara magic spell, Eowyn became an immortal Elf, just like Legolas. They were wed in a quiet ceremony among the maples and cedars, with Aragorn presiding over it. Samwise and Frodo were the flower girls, owing to the fact that they were the only ones short enough to fit into the little dresses.
"It's just like a Christmas pantomime!" shouted Samwise.
"Yes, but what happened to the plot?" asked someone.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"The plot? It got recycled," said Chakotay. "Oh, and how do you like my state of the art log cabin made out of Smith trees?"
"I hate log cabins. I can't blow them down like I can a stick and straw house," said the angry wolf.
The wolf ran off to escape an angry pig mob.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And John woke up.
"I had this terrible dream there where all these pigs chasing a wolf and I kept dying and...oh" said John,as he ran right into Aragorn. "So I do keep dying...I'm still here in the train station...with all of you..."
Aragorn was acting funny.
"Gee, since Legolas isnt around, he's on his honeymoon with Eowyn,wanna go hunt with me? Please? I wont kill you...I just want to do some manly stuff...if not hunting, how about darts? flower arranging? singing showtunes? PLEASE!" said Aragorn. "I really wanna do something with someone...all these people do is play with magic and computers..."
"I'll sing showtunes while prancing around a trainstation" said Neo Anderson.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And he started singing "The Beautiful Occupation" in an amazingly upbeat manner.
Amazingly for him, that is.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Eowyn and Legolas returned, singing.
[i:post_uid0]Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man till I die, can't help loving that man of mine..."[/i:post_uid0]
"See, I knew they loved men, not elves!" said Aragorn.
There was an akward silence.
John jumped off a cliff. Neo/Mr.Anderson did some Matrix moves to save him.
More silence.
"Well, something's gotta happen!" said Tara.
"Why dont you sing Brittany/Madonna style!" said Jack.
"Um...I can sing and dont have to fake anything" said Tara.
Willow was getting bored...and performed some magic...[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then suddenly everyone was sitting at a table with a cooked Turkey in the middle.
"Thanksgiving already? The year sure did fly by, said John.
"Who cares? Lets Eat!" yelled Jack.

The Characters of Group Adaptive Story would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Mind you,in Canada we have Thanksgivings, in October." said Neo.
And unfortunetly, John wasnt that good a cook. Aragorn had to treat him for food poisoning, and it made everyone annoyed.
"Poorest John, his life is full of self-caused sorrow" said Legolas.
"Perhaps...perhaps his eyesight it poor" said Tara.
Eowyn checked by swinging a sword at John. John flinched as she purposely missed.
"Oh sure, just make me even MORE jelouse" said Aragorn.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And a little bird in the trees chirped as Aragorn killed John yet again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Why do you keep killing him?" asked Neo,'Isnt that a bit harsh?"
"Nah, John is just like an orc" said Aragorn,"Only less smelly."
"Doesnt every Orc have a worthwhile life force?" asked Neo.
"Nope. they're evil elves, not like Leggy...er, Legolas here" said Aragorn."And John...well...he's like a Christmas tree farm:They grow, yah cut 'em down"
"Yes...but you only cut Xmas trees down once a year!" said John v.247.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You know, Aragorn, you're wrong about John being just like an orc, only less smelly," said Legolas. "He isn't!"
Everyone looked quizzically at Legolas.
"He's smellier."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John was mad at that comment, and launched himself at Legolas.
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting" came over the speakers.
Legolas punched John.
"those cats were fast as lightening"
Aragorn tripped John.
"In fact it was a little bit fright'ning"
Legolas and Aragorn threw John out of the train station.
"But they fought with expert timing"
John landed and rolled down the slight hill, into the canyon. Eowyn had to save Legolas and Aragorn from also falling down the canyon. Arwen ran and gave Aragorn a big hug and kiss.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"I think we need more dead people walking around" said Willow.
"Dead people? Why is that?" asked Legolas.
In a Q-like flash, John reappeared in the train station.
"Oh, hi John. Because killing John is getting old." Willow answered, barely noticing him.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"How about killing Mr Anderson?" said Aragorn," We already have enough competion for the girls!"
But of course, Mr Anderson just started running around the train station.
Thankfully, Legolas was fast enough to catch him.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Aragorn started the incoherent mumbling he classified as singing.
People screamed.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Strangely, Aragorn's "singing" summomoned Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry. And strangly, hobbits hate Mr Anderson. So, they attacked him, and with an expertly weilded frying pan, Mr Anderson died. And of course, came back. So the hobbits attacked again.
Legolas, Aragorn, Jack, Willow, Tara, and John popped some corn and watched the scene over and over and over. Oh, but poor John choked on some popcorn.
Suddenly there was white. "Mr Anderson, how are you?" asked John.
"Dead again. You?" replied Anderson.
"Oh, here we live again" said John. And they were back to being attacked by hobbits and popcorn.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2 hours later the movie ended. They got in their cars and all went home. When they got home, they all got online and started chatting with each other about the movie.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Which was, admittedly, a pretty dumb thing to do.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Legolas began to shrink due to lack of attention, so Aragorn brought all the audience back. Eowyn was very happy with this development. She and Legolas caught a train to Niagra Falls, Ontario, and had a good time, and then returned to The Train Station.
"Hmm, well...what should we do?"asked Frodo of Samwise. They decided to write the story Legolas and Eowyn.
"So that leaves us three..." said Aragorn. However, Jack and Arwen where already discussing proper eyeliner technique. Frustrated, Aragorn, who really only had a penchant for black hair colour to cover up the grey, found John and Mr. Anderson and had a guys night...of DOOM...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... which ended with them doing the most unspeakable things at a piercing parlour.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Aragorn, I feel you are in pain" said Legolas when Aragorn, John and Mr Anderson returned.
"Well...yah...we sort of...went to Stick's Piercing Palace...and..." Aragorn showed his new earlobe cartilidge barbell."And there are more...".
Legolas, usually composed, burst in laughter.
"How are you going to expalian this to your dear Arwen? Bet she'll be sad she didnt get my Leggy" said Eowyn, barly able to talk between giggles.
Frodo and Sam wondered about what other piecing their could be, but John and Mr Anderson got mad. So they killed the renewable John and Mr Anderson.
"Too bad I cant do that with Aragorn" said a fuming Arwen.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The man in the top hat came in and sat at the table next to the group. Everyone ignored him only because they thought he was an extra. The man spoke, for this caused everyone in the room to stop what they are doing because everyone knows that extras that speak get killed off. (Hmmm, that explains John's condition. He is a perm. extra that keeps getting killed off.) The man, showing his star status, continued by saying, "Do not be alarmed, for I have star status." John laughed at first, then stopped suddenly when he realized he didn't have star status, so he died. John came back running in the room and begged the man for star status. The man agreed, took his top hat off, and pulled out a contract for John to sign. John signed it. The man smiled, put his hat back on, and walked out the door. "Wow, I have star status!" yelled John.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Unfortunately, that's not going to work for you," said Aragorn, "as you happen to be on a show written by JMS, who sees absolutely nothing wrong in killing off major characters."

"Ah, nuts," said John, as he prepared to die again.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Poor John died once again, this time because Eowyn was testing her bo's new bow.
"Well, Legolas, you're more skilled with bows and arrows, I'm more skilled with a sword" said Eowyn.
"Dear, it was just John, no one really cares." said Legolas.
John came back, this time with McCoy from Law and Order.
"This man is trying to get me to charge someone with his murder...but since he's alive...I dont really care" said McCoy.
And then Aragorn noticed a goo where John had died...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... and then somebody's brain exploded.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Just great! More goo to clean up." said Aragorn.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Goo-goo gaaaa!" agreed a baby who asked not to be identified for privacy reasons.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Aragorn was frustrated. The plot had been abandoned. The story of the Quest had turned into endless ways of killing John. Frodo and Sam were to busy writing brilliant stories to help the Quest along. Jack and Arwen seemed to be becoming an item. And what the heck was up with Eowyn and Legolas?
"You've been infected" said the story's token wiseperson, Tara."You now have The OJake Syndrome".
"The WHAT?" said Aragorn.
"Here, let me show you" said Tara. With that, she brought OJake back. He was a shadow of his former self, wandering around in saying "The PLOT! The PLOT! What happened to the PLOT".
"I'm...I'm going to get like THAT?" said Aragorn.
"Well...yes, if you dont come up with a romantic subplot for yourself first" said Tara.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Aragorn and OJake looked at each other.
"Ah, hell," Aragorn muttered.
He leaned over and kissed OJake.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jack and Arwen stopped talking about proper cocktail mixing. Legolas and Eowyn stopped working with arrows. And Frodo and Samwise put down their pens. John and Mr Anderson were revived. They all watched OJake and Aragorn.
And watched.
And watched.
And watched.
And watched.
And suddenly...some realization, some wonderful vision passed over everyone. An idea, a shared unity.
"All that was needed was...everyone to get a...romantic sublot?Even...a creepy one? said Frodo, and Tara nodded.
And so the story continued, as a new chapter began...[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]<center>[b:post_uid0]Chapter 11: The Many Deaths of John, Part 2. Also, The Many Loves of Arwen[/b:post_uid0]</center>

"Why do I get the distinct feeling that I am not going to like this part?" John muttered.

"Oh be quiet," said Tara, who had strangely enough found herself a fold-down chair and a bucket of popcorn. "This next bit is really good. Munch munch munch."[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly there was a yell.
"ARAGORN! HOW COULD YOU?" said Arwen. "I was willing to die for you! But not anymore! I'm staying immortal and dating Captain Jack from now on!"
Aragorn began to weep. "How...why...oh...please take me back!" pleaded Aragorn.
"No" said Arwen, as she nuzzled Jack.
"Eowyn, please take back" pleaded Aragorn.
"Ha, I've got Legolas and immortality! And if this doesnt work out...Faramir!"
For some reason Faramir jumped out from behind a bench.
"Oh my, who IS this cutey?" asked Arwen, staring at Faramir, who was staring at Tara.
Tara giggled. This WAS getting good. She invited Xander and Willow to watch, too.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone stopped to wish Blueberry a very happy birthday :D, then went back to watching Arwen flirt and John die.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Arwen looked at Faramir, then Xander."Hmmm...which to try first" she pondered.
"Coughsleazecough*" said Eowyn.
"Yes, she is one for treating dear Aragorn like that" said Legolas.
Suddenly, Faramir went over to Tara. "Dear maiden, how would you like to take a ride to the Gondor Library with me?" he asked.
"Um...if it just involves reading and riding talking...okay?" said Tara.
Willow felt a pang of jealousy, and said, "I'll come too".
"I guess so?" said Tara.
This made Xander feel jealous Arwen noticed, and asked him out.He said yes.
This made Captain Jack jealous. He took out his gun and fired his one bullet at John. John died.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And Arwen flirted some more, and John died some more.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Then Arwen thought of an idea.
"Whoever can kill John in the most creative way may get the chance to marry me!" she said.
Aragorn cried. He was sick of this. And he was sick of avoiding OJake.
All the other guys, except Sam, Frodo, Faramir, OJake and Legolas, lined up to kill John. Even John lined to kill John.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Everyone killed John in creative ways. After everyone went, Arwen chose John as the winner. They went to Vegas, got married, then went to the hotel for their honeymoon. John died in bed while doing it, but Arwen didnt know until John walked in again. "Wow, it looks so different from this angle," said John. Arwen, surprised, said, "Oh my, I didnt mean to be so rough. Sorry Honey."[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Somebody dropped a can of black paint onto the thread in response to the sudden influx of necrophilia. I mean, like, NEO! That's SICK![/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Arwen woke up. "NOOOOO!" she said. Thankfully, she realized the necrophelia was just a nightmare and that the the kill-John contest was just about to begin. She sat down on her throne and watched guys kill John. Meanwhile, on the ride to the Gondor Public Library...
"So...how do you like this country?" Faramir asked Tara.
She thought,"I wonder if he realizes..." She said:"Oh, it's wonderful, really"
"That's good, yes, this is the most enjoyable route" he paused and listened. "I think there is someone following us"
"Yes, that's Xander, he killed John in the contest and then started following me" said Willow."He's in love and cant have me.Oh well. So am I"
Tara sighed. Faramir didnt understand and continued to stare at Tara, until he was knocked off his horse by a low branch.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*sniff sniff* somebody continue the story! *sob sob*[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John died. So did Crichton.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Claudia Crichton, that is, who was John Crichton after his sex change.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, Tara, Faramir, and Willow had reached the library. Xander was still trying to hide, though everyone knew he was there. Then Willow shot up from the book she was reading. "Oh my! Look at this info on John!" she said, as everyone looked at the info on John, which was...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... scandalous.

[i:post_uid0]Very[/i:post_uid0] scandalous.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"You mean like, he [i:post_uid0]died[/i:post_uid0]?" Xander asked, surprised, "[i:post_uid0]Before[/i:post_uid0] we met him?"
"Outragious!" Exclaimed Arwen.
"How did he dare?" asked Faramir.
"But that's not all," said Willow, "Look!"
She pointed at the next page.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"John is an Elf?" said Xander." He's not pretty enough to be an ELF"
"Yes, I thought I felt some sort of magic from him-I thought it was just, you know, how he's dead and all" said Willow.
"Actually, I knew" said Tara. "I was going to tell you, but then this trip to the library was an easier way. You see, John is many thousands of years old. He was probably born soon after Legolas was. However, John never gained the wisdom, his choice was to live like a mortal, because he could get more girls. But every choice has its price.
"Yes, so death was his price?" said Willow
"How does it all work?" said Xander.
"You're really wise and beautiful, Tara" said Faramir.
Xander, Willow and Tara rolled their eyes. Then Tara revealed another suprise about John...[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]... he was actually a Joanne in disguise.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Eew" said Delenn, "He's a girl? And I..." She burst into tears.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, Aragorn was starting to really regret his kiss with OJake. However, OJake wasnt. Arwen respected the fact that OJake had, erm, experimented, and so she asked him out. This made Aragorn inconsolably. "I can't take this anymore!" he shouted," I'll date anyone!"
And quite suddenly, Buffy showed up.
Back at the library...
"Ewewewew" said Delenn.
"What's wrong with kissing girls?" asked Faramir."I really like girls. I really like Tara."
Tara blushed and thought of the most tasteful way to handle the situation. "Um, also...when John was Joanne she dated Figwit and Gandalf and Sarumon. In fact, it's because John/Joanne broke up with Saruman that he went evil" she said.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hey, I'm now posting this fanfic.net, because I want to avoid actual work, Yay me!

In fact, you can find it here: https://www.fanfiction.net/read.ph....5949012 (https://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1718387&time=1075949012)

If there is any problem, or anyone doesnt want it up, or whatever, I'll remove it/edit it, but I may only have time to remove it. Enjoy![/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]OMFG.

Could the posters remain anonymous... please? ::dies::

And why is it posted in the [i:post_uid0]Buffy[/i:post_uid0] section, of all places? ::scratches head and looks confused::

All the more reason for my name to be removed from it. I need to maintain my reputation of being allergic to the Buffyverse![/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I find it quite amusing that all that long big post only covers up to, what, maybe the fifth page? :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hehe, Buffycrossevers where the easiest to find.
AND the post only cover the FIRST TWO PAGES and there are still 11 more go! So it may take a while for it all to be up.
And yes, I'll remove your names and say "other posters".
PS, it could take up to 24 hours for changes to take effect
:p[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh, come now, I'm not ashamed of my part in this :D The evidence is right here as to which parts I'm to blame for ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, considering that I STARTED this mess, I'd rather not have my name written all over it :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh well, I changed it to "authurs dont want to be identified due to sci-fi genre conflicts", and I'm not changing any more for now :)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Except that it's spelt "authors". :D

Okay, okay, the spelling-and-punctuation Nazi will RUN AWAY now. ::runs away::[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well I have a spell checker on my word processor, dont worry :) and chapter 2 is up.[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]I need to maintain my reputation of being allergic to the Buffyverse![/quote:post_uid0]
Ohh, seems like I have a mission. :D

By the way, I'm not ashamed for this story either. :)
I don't know why anyone would be.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Wow, if you have a while, try reading it in its enterity on fanfic.com. It's CRAZY. Weird. All of the above. And I still only have to page 8! Gee, sure would be nice if someone continued here :) (though you may have to go back a page to find the last entry!)

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=443909

:p[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Saruman sniggered evilly.

[I would have started a new story, but it's not yet Sunday here...][/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John sneezed.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Aragorn was now really annoyed, and he went on a rampage. John died 47 times. Sauramon liked seeing John die, as in his Joanne phase, he had dumped Sauramon.
OJake, now a free character who didnt need to worry about plot, started writing episodes for Enterprise.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And its quality improved instantly. Dramatically.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Arwen suddenly yelled. 'HEY, FORGET ME DID YOU? I still dont have my boyfriend!"
Aragorn was suddenly glad she was no longer his girlfriend.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Jake was distracted, and the quality of Enterprise writing once again plunged back into the deep pits from whence it came.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Gaah, now it's all there! All 14 pages minus all chatting!
*isnt that crazy?*

http://www.fanfiction.net/~poppyseedstuff

8|[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]On Entprise, a strange man named John joined the crew, and kept dying, but just came back to life every time.
Malcolm liked to use him for target practice.
Phlox liked to test all new procedures on him.
Hoshi used him a shield for when her First Contacts went wrong.
And no-one noticed when Mayweather let him drive the ship for a month.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]In fact, no one noticed Mayweather at all![/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, Mayweather had been enjoying his vacation well, on Risa.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"It's nice to be somewhere where I can talk all I want", he thought happily. He turned toward the bartender, a moonlighting Aragorn, and indicated he wanted another drink.

"Another Risan Sunset, sir?" Aragorn asked.

Mayweather nodded.

"Do you want a squirt of lime in this one too?"

Mayweather thought that the alcohol's taste was [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] improved by the addition of lime. He hastily shook his head.

"I suppose you want this on your tab too," the bartender commented as he mixed the drink.

Mayweather nodded and revelled in the thrill of being a chatterbox.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Meanwhile, Legolas wanted to go hunting, but could find neither Aragorn or John.
So Legolas searched for John, got on the Enterprise, and finally T'Pol had someone she could talk too.
Only Legolas, being a weird, sweet Elf and not Vulcan, really didnt care about timetravel being impossible, and Tucker's lack of sexual appeal.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Enterprise ran into an anomoly, which took the ship into the future. Tucker all of a sudden had sex appeal, Legolas was now a Vulcan, and T'Pol was an elf. The appearence of Enterprise caused Voyager to change their route from the Bad Lands so they could investigate.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]From there, things started getting really, [i:post_uid0]really[/i:post_uid0] messed up.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]T'Pol was strangly curious elf, and she had Tucker finally went out. For real.
Eowyn wasnt too happy about Legolas being an vulcan, so she and Aragorn married.And out of their anger for the change in Legolas they killed John several times.
But each time John was revived by a fangirl, as they were bored with L'egolas and started having crushes on John.
And then Mayweather tap danced across the ship in a pink bunny costume.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Enterprise ended up going to the Badlands because they were curious. They got zapped by an anomoly and ended up 70000 light years from the Alpha Quadrant, not to mention in the wrong time period and with everyone out of whack.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There were Elves everywhere.
"We're in Rivendell!" cried L'egolas.
"Hi all! We knew you'de come!" said Eowyn, running up to hug L'egolas.
Aragorn, OJake, Mr Anderson, Frodo, Sam and Jake were disco dancing; Arwen was watching, trying to figure who she wanted to marry.
Everyoneo on the Entrprise screamed, realizing thier...
<span style='font-size:17pt;line-height:100%'>[color=red:post_uid0]DOOM[/color:post_uid0]</span>[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]So Porthos pushed a big red button that was on the wall nearby.


[i:post_uid0][color=blue:post_uid0]--[/color:post_uid0][color=red:post_uid0]<span style='font-size:11pt;line-height:100%'>FLASH</span>[/color:post_uid0][color=blue:post_uid0]--[/color:post_uid0][/i:post_uid0]


And when the scene cleared, the crew found themselves standing by an awfully familiar train station...

"Isn't that, like, cheating?" Q, who was disappointed at the undoominess and homeishness of their current situation, complained.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Josey the cow said "What happened? Why are we back here again?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Suddenly, the entire crew of Next Generation fell into the station.
"I think we have been here before. Just do everything different" said Picard.
So Data said, "I am NOT going to look at socks! I am not going to TALK about socks! I'm not going to....oh look, this sock is blue, this sock is orange..."



(yah, well, since we're going back to the beginning, and the beginning posts had NextGen characters...I can use them.)
(BTW, Come read the craziness in full! Come look at some of my Favorite Authors! Review(but be nice)! YAY! http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=443909#bot
Read some of my favorite stories! Please? :bigsmile: )[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The story came back to life. Abruptly.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The crew woke up only to find out they had been sleeping for 5 years due to an anomoly that took over the ship.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Legolas was confused, which made him look hot, as to why he was in a strange vessel which travelled the stars. He was esspecially confused by his outfit of what the inhabitants called, "spandex".

And so, Legolas went back to Middle Earth.

And Archer was confused by the madman named John who was wandering around his ship. So he sent John to see the doctor.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]In a surprise twist, the doctor died.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]But came back to life in the next episode because John plays the doctor.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Oh. Oh NO! Not...not this!" cried Data. "I can not stand this anymore! I do not care about socks!"
In another surprise twist, Data found the time-travelling equitment onboard the Enterpise and sent himself to before he ever was in the Group Adaptive Story.
And John died again.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John died a couple more times before anything else exciting happened. Everyone sat around wondering what to do. After Data broke the typewriter, the story couldn't continue, so the characters just sat there waiting till the author could return to the story.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*must...wait...few...more...hours...till...Friday. ..*[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The previous message was spray painted on walls all over the train station.
"Someone must be bored" said John, then a train hit him.
"Yeah, I wonder what is going to happen on Friday,"said Picard. "I always heard that new characters come about on Friday."
"Do we really need any more characters in this insane story?" asked Data, who was chasing the train that ran over John.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Of course you do" said Spike. "I fancy show-hopping!"
"And you need a writer" said Jake, with his trusty typewriter. I can do that!"
"And I get a line!" said Mayweather. Eveyone quickly ignored Mayweather.
"This really doesn't make any sense" said Legolas."Why is there this pale man have hair fairer than mine, yet darker eyebrows? Why is there a guy with a typewriter? Why is everyone ignoring the guy in the jumpsuit? How do I even know what a jumpsuit is? Why are their so many characters?"
Dr. Crusher and Troi realized Legolas was becoming agititated, so they calmed him down or up. You decide.
Picard became annoyed and said, "I believe the problem is that there are too many young males. Perhaps we should work on getting them out of here".
Riker heartily agreed, and Data was forced to stop running and start figuring out a way to get the hotties out of there, much to many people's annoyance.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

Thought I'de show the GAS to a whole new generation of 5MV forumgoers!

:D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D

[NeoMatrix]

Did you really have to? You just woke up a dead topic

[Opium]

*looks around*

No one seems to be posting...

*continues to look around*

Hey all who look at this post! You can see the complete story here:

Crazy Group Adaptive Story of DOOM (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/443909/)

[Xeroc]

Did you really have to? You just woke up a dead topic
Why not?

I'll post!


Since the day being a tuesday on the fifth of a month, it was time for mayweather's one line of the year. (You'll find it in the last GAS post)
Naturally, this meant The Enterprise(-D) was on a routine mission to a boring planet, of course inhabited by an evil (but wholly unknown to the scientists) band of pancake-wearing rabbits.
Geordi exclaimed, "We're running out of GAS!"
Opium then commented, "We should get the new forumgoers to help, that'll get things going!"
Furthermore, Xeroc posted, "I'll post, it'll surely work!"

[Opium]

And then John and TopHatMan did a masque during the intermission to the great applaud of the audience. They sang classic 70's showtunes from Hair, and then did a little huala number that had very extravagant costumes.

[NeoMatrix]

The show was interupted by the news of Seko's kidnapping. So everyone left to go look around for clues. After weeks of ransom notes, threats, and lack of pie, everyone gave up and went about their lives. However, Opium, the one who kidnapped Seko for pie, saw that everyone was giving up, so she called KGM about a hot tip. KGM went over, slayed the dragon, freed Seko, and got Seko back to Fuyu just before midnight.

[Ginga]

Ginga and Seko shared a tearful reunion, complete with teary-eyed people and news crews all around, and stereotypical remarks from Ginga such as "It's a miracle!", "KGM is my hero, aside from Janeway!", and "Although I think Janeway could've gotten him back earlier than mid-... oh, stereotypical. Right. Uh... Um, I think KGM is... uh... KGM is an angel in disguise! There is a God! Etc. etc.!" And so Ginga proceeded to wipe her stereotypical tears away with a tissue as all the bystanders and news crews proceeded to go, "Awwww..."

And Seko began to purr.

[Xeroc]

This purring was heard for many days and often a five-minute version was distributed to those who could not be there, as the purring was very legendary, and the five-minute version was very funny.

Meanwhile, everyone on the planet (and quite a few aliens) were asking for cameos in the newest feature on 5MV, "Voyagers". The next part of it should be here in about -2 hours or so. Many people were in great anticipation of this and any other possible updates.

And pie, of course.