Top Ten List of... - Step 1:See Topic. Step 2:create list

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Despite knowning better, you stick around to see what screwball thing is done next. Chances of irreversible insanity rise the longer you dare watch.

2. They offered four free pieces of pie to anyone willing to watch.

1. In a final act of desperation, they also offer seven bowls of chili too.

Top 10 ways that Enterprise can be considered cruel and unusual punishment.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 ways that Enterprise can be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

10. It was the seed for Chilli jokes.
9. Isnt watching a Vulcan in a catsuit a little wierd?
8. Mayweather fans will always be disappointed.
7. Hoshi reminds us of how inadaquate our translators are.
6. Hoshi reminds us of how fun it is to use Google translators, and therefore you spend three hours playing with them[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Decon and neuro-pressure scenes physically painful to fans with IQ in double digits and over
4. Theme song remains a bane to human existance galaxy-wide
3. Destroys viewer's capability of linear continuous thought, particularly the episode where Q and the Borg invade Enterprise's holodeck
2. Reverses decades of advancement towards tolerence, understanding, and elimination of bigotry by portrayal of Vulcans as bunch of stuck-up a**holes

And the number one reason [i:post_uid0]ENT[/i:post_uid0] qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment:

1. Four words: "A Night in Sickbay".

Next up: Top Ten Worst Things About Trek Roleplaying[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]6. You keep watching Voyager looking for the lost continuity, but it doesn`t matter because you enjoy cheering "WHEEEEEE!" every time Janeway takes out phaser rifles or slams Voyager into other ships.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Gee, and here I thought it was a Girl Thing that only me and my friends indulged in... "BETSY! WHEEEEE!"

::gets blank, uncomprehending stares from everyone around:: What, am I the only sane person here? ::looks at sign hanging from roof which reads "Psychiatric Ward":: It figures...[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]What, am I the only sane person here?[/quote:post_uid0]
You, sane? Never.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0]But DS9 is so great![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Of course it is! Do you think I was serious about that list? Do you think I only watch TOS for the silly sounds? Or that I cheer WHEEEEE! during Voyager? :p

Why does *everyone* always take me seriously? :D :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Perhaps I should have put a " :p " afterwards :p :p :p :p[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Why does *everyone* always take me seriously? :D :D[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I don't.


But don't take me seriously about that.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Worst Things About Trek Roleplaying

10. You post it as a topic for a Top Ten List, but the creator of the thread has never played it :p


awww, someone mentioned a dachshund earlier in the thread, dachshunds are cute![/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]10. You post it as a topic for a Top Ten List, but the creator of the thread has never played it [/quote:post_uid0]

Don't need to have. I'm not talking about a specific game or ruleset here. But there are enough forumgoers who know roleplaying so they can picture it in a Trek setting. Anyone who [i:post_uid0]doesn't[/i:post_uid0] know what roleplaying is... well... um...

You know those old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books?
Kinda like that. Only at the end of each page/paragraph, you get to go [i:post_uid0]anywhere you want[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]9. If you like to play the part of Quark or a Romulan, you get used to not having much to do because the person playing the part of Worf is usually so into the character that he (or she) finds a way to kill you off just for the heck of it within the first few paragraphs

8. When the person playing Janeway's part gets sick and tired of all the coffee jokes and writes in a scene where Janeway goes berserk and Betsys all the worst offenders to atoms

7. Staying true to his or her traitorous personality, your character backstabs the character played by your best online friend in an absolutely helpless moment. Your friend refuses to communicate with you for several weeks afterward.

6. Getting stuck with the part of Porthos and being unable to do much more than bark and wag your tail.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. You get stuck being Mayweather, so you don't get any lines. All you do is report on where you are piloting the ship

4. Someone keeps returning everyone to the Train Station, where Josie the cow is.

3. Everyone keeps falling in love with your character and all you want is to be left alone in the ready room.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2. Your character goes on an away mission with the entire senior staff. Unfortunately for you, you're part of the security detail.

and the final one...
1. Knowing better then to choose the role of anyone in security, you create a character that is an engineer. Unfortunately for you, you stand next to a console that runs on 50,000 volts during a battle, and it has no fuses...

Top Ten ways that B&B should pay for their lack of contuinity[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]In an attempt to not sound so serious,

Top Ten ways to mess around with the NX-01 that involve time travel and various crossovers.

(I'd work on the previous list, but I don't have any decent ideas at the moment)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten ways to mess around with the NX-01 that involve time travel and various crossovers.

10. Mayweather speaks, causing a time rift which takes him to see Jake. Jake explains that in seasons 6 and 7 he finally speaks. Mayweather returns to NX-01 hopeful, but no one notices.
9. Porthos meets Spot, and they join up to free the whales. Somehow, though, when they return, they find people saying, "I can speak whaaaaaalllleeeeeeeeeeee".[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. The NX-01 trips over a nebula and falls headfirst into a transient wormhole that timewarps it forward several centuries. Upon exiting the wormhole, the ship promptly collides with a passing Starfleet ship, which explodes. The NX-01 is equipped with superior deflector plotholes and so survives. Daniels promptly appears to berate them for destroying a ship that was to play a key role in an upcoming key battle. The NX-01's appearance is altered with a quickie paint job and a humongous funny-nose-and-glasses disguise and takes part in the battle, replacing the ship it rammed.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. In a strange transporter accident, the crew finds themselves in on a strange space station called DS9. The entire crew is confused by the lack of plotholes, the continuity, and the concept of clothing going OVER underwear.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. After months of deadly threats from anomalies, Xindi ships, and sweeps episodes, the Enterprise finally reaches the Xindi home planet and the crew marches into the Xindi Senate for a showdown...only to discover that that very morning, a group of small brightly-colored teddy bears with drawings on their stomachs had blipped into existence there, cleansed the Xindi of all hostile thoughts by a few mere brightly-colored energy beams, and then left in time to make it back home for tea.


5. "That's no Xindi Sphere...that's a space station!" [i:post_uid0]<span style='font-size:12pt;line-height:100%'>*ZAP*</span>[/i:post_uid0] "[b:post_uid0]AARRRGH![/b:post_uid0]"[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. That's no Xindi Sphere....It's a Borg Sphere[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. The NX-01 crew is brought to the 24th Century by the Prophets to help protect Bajor in the Dominion War. Sisko and T`Pol kiss passionately.

2. The temporal anomaly from "Yesterday`s Enterprise" sucks in the NX-01 too. The ship fights off the Romulans to save Enterprise C and Enterprise D. Picard and Hoshi kiss passionately.

1. While juggling timelines, Admiral Janeway drags the NX-01 along with her in the Delta Quadrant, 2377 AD. Archer and the crew destroy the Borg while Admiral Janeway brings Voyager safely home through the transwarp hub. Trip and Pari..um, B`Elanna kiss passionately. :D :D


NEXT - Top 10 Revenge Plans by Romulans for receiving 5 minutes of screentime in "Nemesis"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Revenge Plans by Romulans for receiving 5 minutes of screentime in "Nemesis"
10. They returned Troi, didnt they? (kidding, she's great!)
9. Romulans kidnap the great the Vulcans of all time, like Spock and Tuvok. The doctors of Starfleet are conflicted; McCoy cries, Phlox cheers. :p
8. Romulans insist on proving the whole Tasha Yar/Romulan thing why holding a huge Grand Inquisitian.
7. Romulas Idol featuring Willamus Tr'Hung[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. To prevent the Remans from ever receiving screentime again, they are banished to the darkness of the Dilithium mines - no, wait...
5. Contract renegotiations in times of tight budget leave every scene looking like this:

RIKER: Captain, what ails you?
PICARD: I was just drinking some tea when I shuddered - and thought about *them*.
RIKER: Them?
PICARD: The Romulans!
*ominous music*

4. All model effect lamps secretly switched for green bulbs - no more Federation grey on screen!
3. The entire Romulan Senate dumps it's Paramount stock portfolios. B&B are forced to give up Enterprise and replace it with "Rom in a cardboard box - The Series!"
2. The Romulan Navy gives away most of it's D'Deridex warbirds for free, but requires all alien captains to begin each communication with "Powered by the Romulan Star Empire".

And the Nr.1 Revenge Scheme of the Romulans:

1. Picard forced to admit publicly that he got his rear kicked and had to be saved by Sela. (Well, in a comic book, but those count, right?)

Next Top Ten List:

Top 10 Retro Videogames Trek characters love to play[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: Lots of captians, and Q, love The Sims, essp Hot Date. "The Sims: The Game of Captians and the Q collective!"[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Maybe I shouldn't have suggested that second list after all...

Top 10 Retro Videogames Trek characters love to play

10. Hoshi: ping-pong. It keeps her from going nuts and rampaging throughout the ship because of her lack of screentime and lines. Besides, it's not like she does anything anyway.

9. Travis: Pac-Man. Same reasons as Hoshi, but it also gives the illusion that he's flying Enterprise instead of not caring if the ship plows into an asteriod or not.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Change in plans...

Top 10 Retro Videogames Trek characters love to play

9. Hoshi: ping-pong. It keeps her from going nuts and rampaging throughout the ship because of her lack of screentime and lines. Besides, it's not like she does anything anyway.

8. Travis: Pac-Man. Same reasons as Hoshi, but it also gives the illusion that he's flying Enterprise instead of not caring if the ship plows into an asteriod or not.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. [b:post_uid0][u:post_uid0]Picard:[/u:post_uid0] Digger.[/b:post_uid0] It is a little known fact that much of Jean-Luc's love of archeology comes from those rare, precious moments he gets to drop piles of rubble onto the collegues chasing him.
6. [b:post_uid0][u:post_uid0]Reed:[/u:post_uid0] Space Invaders.[/b:post_uid0] Requires much persuasion to remember that he is currently not playing.
5. [b:post_uid0][u:post_uid0]Quark:[/u:post_uid0] Commander Keen.[/b:post_uid0] Never got very far, as he would stubbornly refuse to give up the diamonds he'd collected just to get past the next stupid door.
4. [b:post_uid0][u:post_uid0]Seven of Nine:[/u:post_uid0] Jill of the Jungle.[/b:post_uid0] Is thought to be the source of several discarded and highly controversial designs for Seven's uniform.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Data: The Price is Right Home Edition, because he can see the toaster over, and over, and over...
2. Picard: Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, partly because Crusher agrees it's a great game to role play.
And the number one game played by Trek characters?
1. Dr Bashir: James Bond

Top Ten TV Show remakes staring Trek characters[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten TV Show Remakes Starring Trek characters


10. [i:post_uid0]Seinfeld: The Next Generation[/i:post_uid0] - After crashing Enterprise E, F and G, Picard retires, moves into a New York apartment and starts going on dates practically every day. He is annoyed by Riker who lives next door and constantly barges in and steals from his fridge. Along with Worf and Crusher, they spend their days in a coffee shop babbling about pie, non fat yoghurt, puffy shirts and sex.

9. [i:post_uid0]The Twilight Zone With The Good Doc[/i:post_uid0] - This new version focuses solely on evil, deranged doctors and the ghastly medical experiments they conduct on their patients. Hosted by Phlox.


That`s it from me, I`m going to bed, :p[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid1]Frick, I can't do this one, because I don't watch TV outside of scifi, and there's no point in making SF remakes with Trek characters in them, is there?

.... actually, hell, no, I don't watch TV, period. F*ck! What has my entire life amounted up to? [i:post_uid1][b:post_uid1]Nothing!![/i:post_uid1][/b:post_uid1][/color:post_uid1]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid2]8. [i:post_uid2]Home Improvement[/i:post_uid2] with Worf "'We Don't Need No Stinkin' Safety Equipm--' *ZAP* 'AARRRGH!'" in the lead role and Mr. "'Operating heavy-duty electrical equement in standing water is highly illogical'" Spock in Al's role

7. [i:post_uid2]Pinky and the Brain[/i:post_uid2] starring tribbles[/color:post_uid2]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. [i:post_uid0]Friends[/i:post_uid0]. Pick a crew, then select 6 of them to star in the show. You can have different versions of the show for the different Star Trek series.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Something like - Sisko, Bashir and O`Brien being room mates and spending their days eating sandwiches and watching Baywatch, with Kira, Jadzia and Quark living in the apartment across the hall, making each others hairdos? :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay, people, start writing Top 10 lists again or I`ll sharpen the Feline Beast`s claws and fangs and unleash it upon the Forum, :D

Or I might be handing out cookies like before...[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Wouldn't try it...I've a veterian on speed dial that can declaw that feline in nothing flat. Besides, who's to say that feline will listen? (yes I'm trying to be funny)

5. [The Deanna and Paris hour]: Deanna stars as a radio shrink that constantly states the obvious. Despite this, enough people listen to her to keep her on the air. She finally gets a taste of her own medicine as her show producer, and boyfriend, hits on every female guest she has on her show.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[quote:post_uid0="Guest"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Wouldn't try it...I've a veterian on speed dial that can declaw that feline in nothing flat. Besides, who's to say that feline will listen? (yes I'm trying to be funny)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I`ll throw cat food on the Forum. Bloodshed inevitable. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*sigh* I guess I will list my own list!

4. [i:post_uid0]Law and Order: Deep Space 9 [/i:post_uid0] Odo plays the playful Briscue, who is always after the criminals with a quip; Ezri is the attractive court psyciatrist; Bashir dissicts dead people while managing to be best friends with the Forensic Detective, O'Brien. Quark is always the defense laywer. Always.

3 [i:post_uid0] ER[/i:post_uid0] Dr. Crusher is secretly in love with the bald Chief of Staff, Picard; Bashir plays Carter, who is always after Abby, er, Ezri, even when there are 47 other women and hour making passes at him. Phlox doesnt get any loving. The Doctor struggles with the questions of life and death as he struggles to understand his own existense. Bones and Nurse Chapel have humourous sexual-tension scenes.

2. [i:post_uid0] Star Trek: Star Trek [/i:post_uid0] Crusher directs this historical drama about Kirk's Enterprise. Worf is crushed when he finds out he is too Klingon to play a Klingon.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thank you Opium for the inspiration of an evil idea... <eg>

1. Law and Order: Star Trek Victims Unit - In an attempt to get more screen time and respect, characters like Travis Mayweather and Hoshi Sato form a unit to sue for additional screen time and lines for characters that they think deserve better. Things don't work out though when Hoshi ends up getting more lines and Travis gets even fewer, not to mention their partners dissolve the partnership when the pair only wins 1 in 12 cases.

Top ten things you would if you actually had NX-01[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top ten things you would do if you actually had NX-01

10. Recycle it into Delorans; they're about equal in the strength of their construction materials anyway.

9. Buzz by every place possible and cause the reports of UFO's to rise drastically, at least until some redneck breaks out their shotgun and causes it to crash when they hit with a single blast.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. Sell it on Ebay!

7. Take it out for a spin once, then leave it on blocks in the back yard till it rusts.

6. Boldly go where no man has gone before.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Fly around Earth and fire torpedoes at everyone I don`t like, :D :devil:

4. Go to college with it every day. Despite some rumours, it must be faster than public transport.

3. In order to assemble an Evil Army, fly to Singapore

2. Then fly to Netherlands

and...

1. After assembling the Evil Army, fly to Canada and terrorize someone in person, instead over the internet, :D



NEXT - Top 10 Most Devious Romulan Plots Ever

(okay, no more laziness and chaos - from now on, everyone writes the entire TEN-entry lists! like in the good old days...) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Most Devious Romulan Plots Ever

(Wasnt there something simliar to this one earlier? Or is that the point? :) )

10. They make people who do Top Ten Lists do the WHOLE list!
9. They team up with The Evil Future Guy to mess up Trek timelines.
8. They created TopHatMan and John.
7. In a very special episode, a Romulan doctor and Phlox help rid Porthos of fleas and they fall in love. The Romulan and Phlox, that is.
6. One day the send a note to the entire crew of Entprise saying, "Anyone seen Porthos lately? BTW, there is special suprise in the chilli, signed , Chef".
5. During the war with the Changlings, they could have said to Sisko, "want to play some baseball?"
4. Romulans introduce The Sims to Picard's Enterprise. The entire ship then is caught playing it, while the Romulans do their thing.
3. Quark.
2. The sneak in certain crewmember/spies who are so quiet they go unnoticed-Mayweather, Hoshi, Jake-but one day they shall rule The Federation!
1. Wesley.

Top Ten Wierd Things You Didnt Know about Forumgoer's TV viewing habits
(be crazy. Be very crazy ) :p )[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"](okay, no more laziness and chaos - from now on, everyone writes the entire TEN-entry lists! like in the good old days...) :D[/quote:post_uid0]
And how would you enforce that? *is ready to unleash slightly psycho dog to counteract any and all cats* Brings on the cats!

Oh yes, the business at hand...

Top Ten Wierd Things You Didnt Know about Forumgoer's TV viewing habits

10. Knitting during the news.
9. Pigging out on junkfood of choice while reviewing an episode of your show of choice for the purpose of writing a fiver.
8. Studying for a report/assignment that's due in the morning.
7. Sleeping.
6. Commenting on how this or that would never happen in real life...all the while getting strange looks from those around you as you sometimes yell out loud while commenting.
5. Deciding if you should go for your amatuer radio license after watching the movie Frequency way too much.
4. Start thinking of the next Top Ten list.
3. Think about finishing the unfinished current Top Ten list.
2. Feeding of the pets during commercial brakes (or really, really boring parts of whatever you're watching).

Finally...
1. Changing whatever music is playing in the background on your computer's sound system because you installed a TV card in it.

(It's too bad I know a few people that are guilty of a few of these...but then inspiration must come from somewhere right?)

Top Ten really fun ways NX-01 could be used to keep one entertained[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I... don't... have.... time..... to... write... TEN... entries! :O[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten really fun ways NX-01 could be used to keep one entertained


10. Cruise the galaxy with the goal of visiting every life form and insulting them, in alphabetical order
9. Find four other ships and attempt to perform a Kolvoord Starburst
8. Introduce Pringles to the Klingon Empire
7. Start a slammin' rock band and, at the climax of your act, fly it into the sun
6. Smash into Halley's Comet to test the shields (er, hull plating)
5. Drive in reverse until the beeping infuriates your first officer
4. Sneak into the Romulan Empire with a Polaroid camera and find out what the heck they look like, for Pete's sake
3. When no one's looking, swap the nacelles
2. Fleeing the Cylon tyranny, the last battlestar, Galactica, leads a rag-tag fugitive --- what? oh, sorry, wrong show

And the Number One really fun way NX-01 could be used to keep one entertained

1. Buzz Vulcan



Next:
Top Ten Reasons To Separate the Saucer Section[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons To Separate the Saucer Section

10. Picard's French. The French invented the guillotine. Need I say more? Nope!
9. It's considered an honor to be involved in the Humongous Pandimensional Creatures' Annual Frisbee Competition--even if it [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] only as a spare Frisbee.
8. Because it and the nacelle section have been fighting. [i:post_uid0]Again.[/i:post_uid0] :eyeroll:
7. So you can slam the two pieces back together at Warp 9. Whee!
6. To make the Star Wars fans jealous.
5. To make the DS9 fans jealous.
4. Detached saucer section Use #329: As a coin to flip for space polo and related sports.
3. "Joey, I thought we were playing hide-and-seek with Timmy and Karen. Why have you led me into the engineering section and started trying to separate the ship in half?" "They'll never find us now!"
2. If you were a redshirt dusting the secondary bridge and you heard on the comm that Worf had contracted some medicobabble sickness and was rampaging around the saucer section slicing at people with his bat'leth while singing Klingon opera at the top of his lungs, wouldn't [i:post_uid0]you[/i:post_uid0] want to do something to save yourself too?
And the Number One reason to separate the saucer section:
1. Wesley's up there!


Next: Top Ten Signs You're Not In The Alpha Quadrant Any More[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs You're Not In The Alpha Quadrant Any More

10. You passed a sign that says "Welcome to the Delta Quadrant"
9. You manage to run into Voyager
8. You don't see the "Eat at Joe's" signs anymore

Sorry, cam't hog all the glory for this one[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Uh oh, someone didn't get the memo about carving up the lists like...like...like [i:post_uid0]pie[/i:post_uid0]...


Top Ten Signs You're Not In The Alpha Quadrant Any More

7. Communicating with Starfleet involves getting up on the roof of the ship and adjusting the antenna
6. Starbucks saturation has thinned out to only one or two per planet
5. Can't get Deanna Troi's new reality show, "He's Hiding Something!"
4. An ugly, obnoxious alien offers you an inebible stew made from some sort of root
3. You meet a laughing Vulcan heading the other way
2. The names of the alien races you meet seem to contain more and more consonants

And The Number One Sign You're Not In The Alpha Quadrant Any More

1. Guinan tells you you're in trouble but won't say why




Next (inspired by the Sybok reference):
Fiendish Plots of Little-Known Siblings of Star Trek Characters

( c'mon, go to town! ) :)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Fiendish Plots of Little-Known Siblings of Star Trek Characters

10. [i:post_uid0]Willy Crusher: [/i:post_uid0] The less-annoying twin brother of Wesley finally gets Wesley to go away...by convincing him he's got special powers, but really he's jsut stuck in a Holodeck
9. [i:post_uid0]Jeana-Lucy Picard:[/i:post_uid0] As physisist, she discovered a way to keep Dr. Crusher and Captian Picard from expressing thier love by making the rule that there would only be one romance per Next Gen season...and it would always be with Troi.
8. [i:post_uid0]T'Polly:[/i:post_uid0] Took over for T'Pol before they went into the Expanse. Goal: To breed with Trip.

ERG!

*edit:Okay, I'll try for 10*

7. [i:post_uid0]Principal Snyder:[/i:post_uid0] The great-grand nephew of Quark, from when he went back to Area 51. Snyder attempts to take the rating away from Voyager by having a sci-fi show with more sex, less tech talk and way, way more peroxide.
6.[i:post_uid0] Riker's Twin Brother: [/i:post_uid0]Oh wait, that was done already on DS9...
5.[i:post_uid0] Fred Chakotay: [/i:post_uid0]Tricked Chakotay by telling him there was great sushi in the Badlands.
4. [i:post_uid0] Agatha Crusher: [/i:post_uid0]Murdered Mr. Crusher by accident; was actually going after Wesley.
3. [i:post_uid0]Smeagol Phlox: [/i:post_uid0]To the find the preciousssssssss Vulcan Pon Far enhancer.
2. [i:post_uid0]Trip's sister:[/i:post_uid0] Really isnt dead; she didnt want to get any more letters from her brother about the "hot Vulcan chick."
1. [i:post_uid0]George W. Janeway: [/i:post_uid0]Told his sister the Maquis had Weapons of Coffee Destruction

Top Ten Secret Talents of Mayweather, Hoshi, and Jake[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. Jimmy Bashir: Is anticipating his revenge for years of shame and defeat as he grows ever-nearer to completing his Self-Rotating-Dartboard.
6. B4: Get his brothers killed off so he can have all the glory for himself, then stop making movies, so they can't come back, either
5. Ronnie Kim: Secretly collected enormous file of embarrasing photos, holograms and documents from Harry's childhood and teenaged years. The moment Harry makes it 'high up there', he'll release them to every planet in the Federation. Still waiting.
4. Jana Chekov: Upon hearing of her brother's acceptence into Starfleet, remodulated his Universal Translator so it would sound as if he has a really funny accent.
3. Odi: Odo's younger sibling has been impersonating Major Kira for over four years. Unfortunately, Odo ran off back to the Gamma Quadrant before Odi could reveal himself and give Odo a goo-attack.
2. Lara Shipman: Reinstalled Voyager's guidance systems backwards. "They'll think they're in a different [i:post_uid0]quadrant[/i:post_uid0]! They won't figure it out for [i:post_uid0]hours![/i:post_uid0]"
1. Jimmy Archer: Mad at Jon Archer because [i:post_uid0]he[/i:post_uid0] wanted to be the one to make Dad proud, etc. Became Mysterious Future Guy.

Next list. A chance to make yourselves handy, guys. Trek technology, and anything else from sci-fi/fantasy, as well as all the usual forum jokes, are all valid:

Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Eep! Double post! Now there are TWO whole lists to choose from :)
Top Ten Secret Talents of Mayweather, Hoshi, and Jake
Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Secret Talents Of:

Mayweather:

10. He sings under the shower. For hours.
9. He makes lovely Vulcan Plomeek soup.
8. He's a master ventriloquist.
7. He plays Zero-G gotcha. With phaseball pistols.
6. He installed a "Make sparks" button, and nobody noticed.
5. He's a highly successful Tribble farmer. In an alternate universe, but hey, it still counts, right?
4. He's the unofficial Frappacino Guru.
3. He came out third in the 247th Micrometeroid Golf championship of Andor.
2. He's an amateur dentist.

And No. 1:

1. He wrote "Shut up!: The silent Ensign's Road to Success"

Hoshi:

10. She figured out how to make something edible out of Starfleet Q-Rations. Now, every other Friday is "Deep-fried silver foil day".
9. She plays a mean game of Kasis-Kot.
8. She's the silent owner and lone stockholder of Expanse Tours.
7. When Cpt. Archer failed the traditional greeting ceremony of the Zileations, Hoshi stepped in and saved the day. In her honor, the Zileations introduced the word "hoshik" to their vocabulary, which means "she who spits very, very far".
6. Enterprise slightly changes appearance towards a Hawaiian motif one room at a time, thanks to Hoshi being a closet interior decorator.
5. She was voted "Damsel in Distress" 2150 AND 2154.
4. She's installed an electroshock mechanism in Trip's bed and is slowly conditioning him to stop snoring up the entire starboard section.
3. She stitches all those holes in the jumpsuits.
2. She knows Kung Fu. Nobody has yet asked her to show it, though.

And No. 1:

1. She wrote "I'll be over here:The other silent Ensign's Road to Success"

Jake:

10. He managed to smuggle his novel past the *extremely* PC Federation censors as part of a drinking bet. (Never say "Melsna!" on Tellar.)
9. There's a console on Ops that nobody knows what it's for. Jake installed it.
8. He makes it beep sometimes, too.
7. Those beeps spell out "Spend more time with your son" in subliminal morse.
6. He has the rare mental gift of Gowronesis. When he had a headache, the Klingons declared war upon the Federation.
5. He knows the replicator code for those pine-shaped air fresheners.
4. His fingernails cut themselves.
3. He's a closet DJ.
2. According to the Marduk report, he's the seventh child. Whatever that means.

And No.1:

1. Oomox, with the help of a pair of dog puppies. Don't even ask.

Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly:

10. Use his *other* head.
9. Get a pack of Scalosian coffee.
8. Pay Wesley Crusher to do it. Actually, talking to him probably would suffice...
7. Disregard any tasks that include the letter "g" in their wording - they're trick questions anyway.
6. Stop carving them into stone tablets and get some paper.
5. Level up to a multiple of 5 and use his raise for Intelligence.
4. Stick his head under running water and overclock his brain.
3. Go back in time and dictate the tasks to his great-grandfather, claiming temporal cold war. Pick up sealed envelope from attic and copy notes.
2. Go forward in time to a point where mankind has evolved beyond the need for calculus homework.

And No. 1:

1. Redefine "Finish".

Phew, back with a vengeance and *four* lists!

Next One: Top Ten Inhabitants of the Home for Elderly, Forgotten Villain Species

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Gatac"]Top Ten Secret Talents Of:

Mayweather:

8. He's a master ventriloquist.


Hoshi:

6. Enterprise slightly changes appearance towards a Hawaiian motif one room at a time, thanks to Hoshi being a closet interior decorator.
5. She was voted "Damsel in Distress" 2150 AND 2154.
4. She's installed an electroshock mechanism in Trip's bed and is slowly conditioning him to stop snoring up the entire starboard section.
2. She knows Kung Fu. Nobody has yet asked her to show it, though.


Jake:

9. There's a console on Ops that nobody knows what it's for. Jake installed it.
8. He makes it beep sometimes, too.
7. Those beeps spell out "Spend more time with your son" in subliminal morse.
5. He knows the replicator code for those pine-shaped air fresheners.


Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly:

7. Disregard any tasks that include the letter "g" in their wording - they're trick questions anyway.
4. Stick his head under running water and overclock his brain.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: Those are good ones! (Not that the others aren't funny as well ;))[/color:post_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]6. Stop carving them into stone tablets and get some paper.[/quote:post_uid0]

I think this one in particular deserves a quote. :D[/color:post_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Liked this one:
[quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly:

9. Get a pack of Scalosian coffee. [/quote:post_uid0] :D

Clever. Make sure the paper used is flame-retardant, tho'.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid11]^And avoid paper cuts at all cost![/color:post_uid11]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I am impressed by your industry. Four lists at once! Even better they're almost as funny [i:post_uid0]randomized[/i:post_uid0]...


Top Ten Secret Talents of Mayweather

10. He managed to smuggle his novel past the *extremely* PC Federation censors as part of a drinking bet. (Never say "Melsna!" on Tellar.)
9. When Cpt. Archer failed the traditional greeting ceremony of the Zileations, Mayweather stepped in and saved the day. In his honor, the Zileations introduced the word "mayweathernik" to their vocabulary, which means "he who spits very, very far".
8. He plays Zero-G gotcha. With phaseball pistols.
7. He knows the replicator code for those pine-shaped air fresheners.
6. He's installed an electroshock mechanism in Trip's bed and is slowly conditioning him to stop snoring up the entire starboard section.
5. His fingernails cut themselves.
4. He's the unofficial Frappacino Guru.
3. He can go back in time and dictate tasks to his great-grandfather, claiming temporal cold war. He then picks up sealed envelope from attic and copy notes.
2. He wrote "I'll be over here:The other silent Ensign's Road to Success"
1. He wrote "Shut up!: The silent Ensign's Road to Success"


Top Ten Secret Talents of Hoshi

10. Use her *other* head.
9. She figured out how to make something edible out of Starfleet Q-Rations. Now, every other Friday is "Deep-fried silver foil day".
8. She sings under the shower. For hours.
7. She's a master ventriloquist.
6. She makes it beep sometimes, too.
5. She was voted "Damsel in Distress" 2150 AND 2154.
4. She's a highly successful Tribble farmer. In an alternate universe, but hey, it still counts, right?
3. She can stick her head under running water and overclock her brain.
2. She stitches all those holes in the jumpsuits.
1. She can go forward in time to a point where mankind has evolved beyond the need for calculus homework.


Top Ten Secret Talents of Jake

10. There's a console on Ops that nobody knows what it's for. Jake installed it.
9. He plays a mean game of Kasis-Kot.
8. He makes lovely Vulcan Plomeek soup.
7. He’ll often get a pack of Scalosian coffee.
6. He's the silent owner and lone stockholder of Expanse Tours.
5. He likes to pay Wesley Crusher to do his chores. Actually, talking to him probably would suffice...
4. Those beeps spell out "Spend more time with your son" in subliminal morse.
3. He installed a "Make sparks" button, and nobody noticed.
2. DS9 slightly changes appearance towards a Hawaiian motif one room at a time, thanks to Jake being a closet interior decorator.
1. When faced with a difficult task, he’ll level up to a multiple of 5 and use his raise for Intelligence.


Top Ten Ways for Standback to Finish his Calculus Homework More Quickly

10. Disregard any tasks that include the letter "g" in their wording - they're trick questions anyway.
9. Stop carving them into stone tablets and get some paper.
8. He has the rare mental gift of Gowronesis. When he had a headache, the Klingons declared war upon the Federation.
7. He's a closet DJ.
6. He came out third in the 247th Micrometeroid Golf championship of Andor.
5. He knows Kung Fu. Nobody has yet asked him to show it, though.
4. He's an amateur dentist.
3. According to the Marduk report, he's the seventh child. Whatever that means.
2. Redefine "Finish".
1. Oomox, with the help of a pair of dog puppies. Don't even ask.




hee hee hee[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Dear Lord... and I thought the thread was dead! And then came... the avalanche of insanity, :D :D And a HILARIOUS insanity it was...

Gatac, are you an android? :p[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Gatac, I am in awe. Kudos. All four lists were brilliant. You clearly have way too much free time, while I have way too much calculus homework. See how efficient condensing Trek is?

::Wanders off to ponder opening up a Five-Minute-Calculus subsite::[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Actually, a 5-Minute Science subsite in general wouldn't be too bad.

Why did you throw away the semiconductor? - It had too many holes.

(Trust me, this is hilarious. If you understand semiconductor physics.)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Inhabitants of the Home for Elderly, Forgotten Villain Species

10. [i:post_uid0]The Mindi[/i:post_uid0]: Mary Sue-like in nature, their goal was to distract Captian Kirk, Picard, and Sisko and therefore get the Enterprise. When Janeway came along, they became confused and retired.
9. [i:post_uid0]Klingoffs[/i:post_uid0]: A subspecies of Klingons, dating back to Kirk's Enterprise. Their cranial ridges fell off when they turned 10 yrs old. When a cure was found, the remaining Klingoffs retired.
8. [i:post_uid0]Tashayarluns[/i:post_uid0]: A misunderstood race of Tasha Yar's Romulan decendants. As a logical explanation for their existense could not be reached, they retired.
7. [i:post_uid0]Fernigis[/i:post_uid0]: Believed in the supreme power of plants, esspecially ferns; however, their conservation efforts were inline with Federation policy, so they stopped trying to be villians.
6. [i:post_uid0]Shrill[/i:post_uid0]: A species uses an interconnection of a host and a guest. Are good at nagging, causing doubt, and annoying everyone in site. Retired because people simply started to switch off their translators.
5. [i:post_uid0]Vulcants[/i:post_uid0] A pessimistic group of logical beings...the result of their logical pessimism led to the belief that everything was selfish. So they all retired, 'cus why not?
4. [i:post_uid0]The Morgue[/i:post_uid0] A hive of different species whos goal was to assimilate everyone into their blood-sucking ways. Retired to Sunnydale, where they met a nice girl named Buffy.
3. [i:post_uid0]Cardass Ians[/i:post_uid0]: A cribbage and bridge-playing group of Human seniors who were sick of the pajama-wearing hippies of the Federation. As they were already retired, they then became distracted by the annoying plastic covering on cards.
2. [i:post_uid0]UnChanglings[/i:post_uid0]: Mantra: Party like it's 1899. Insisted that everyone stay exactly how it was in 1899. However, when they were transported to Pluto, they did not have the technology to fight back. So they retired.
1. [i:post_uid0]Threatribble[/i:post_uid0]: Humans who multiplied because they were so into theatre. Crusher was temporarly affected by them. Goals was to stop all the fighting and be like the Greeks: Have everything be about theatre. Founded by mysterious 21st century woman named Opium. Retired when they realized duct tape and glue guns did NOT solve all space problems.


Top Ten Theatrical Productions by Star Trek Characters
(feel free to go nuts and do anything with it...real plays, doctored plays, whatever :D )[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Theatrical Productions by Star Trek Characters


10. [i:post_uid0]West Side Story[/i:post_uid0], starring Worf and Jadzia Dax
9. [i:post_uid0]Hair[/i:post_uid0], starring Jean-Luc Picard
8. A line-for-line theatrical production of the [i:post_uid0]Iliad[/i:post_uid0], starring Q as the narrator, Akhilleus, Menelaos, Zeus, Hera, Athena, and everyone else (except for the one infant in the background when Hektor speaks with Paris. That's baby q making a "cameo")


(No time to do more, sorry)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid11]GAK! Someone please continue the Top Ten List! Go crazy! Make up stuff! ;)[/color:post_uid11]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Theatrical Productions by Star Trek Characters

7. [i:post_uid0]The Morning After[/i:post_uid0], starring Data and Tasha
6. [i:post_uid0]God Said "Ha!"[/i:post_uid0], a one-man show starring Sybok
5. [i:post_uid0]The Phantom of the Opera[/i:post_uid0] starring Ben Finney
4. [i:post_uid0]Mamma Mia![/i:post_uid0] with Deanna and Lwaxana Troi
3. [i:post_uid0]Hairspray[/i:post_uid0] starring Janice Rand and Christine Chapel
2. [i:post_uid0]Beauty and the Beast[/i:post_uid0] starring Deanna and Worf (sorry, sorry)

and the Number One Theatrical Production by Star Trek Characters:

1. Phlox! in [i:post_uid0]Little Shop of Horrors[/i:post_uid0]


Next:
Top Ten Favorite Desserts of Star Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0]

[Nan]

[quote:post_uid0="Scooter"][color=#000000:post_uid0]3. According to the Marduk report, he's the seventh child. Whatever that means.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]GAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*gasp*

GAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Ahem. That is all.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Next:
Top Ten Favorite Desserts of Star Trek Characters
[/quote:post_uid0]

10. Seven of Nine - Exoskeleton cake with nanoprobe frosting. Assimilation tubules serve as candles if someone has a birthday.

9. Jean Luc Picard - Enterprise D-shaped popsicle. The nacelles and the main deflector are Earl Grey flavoured. Data often frightened by the sight of the Captain licking and viciously devouring his starship.

8. Worf - Romulan head on a stick. Of course he would never admit it.

7. Janeway - The Coffee Nebula. It`s being kept in the Bussard Collectors and eaten by Janeway, bit by bit, on a regular basis. Occasional bursts of omicron particles tend to strand the Captain in the restroom for long periods of time.

6. Troi - A boxed set of chocolate sundaes, no less than 34 at once. 47 on Saturdays and Sundaes.

5. Sisko - Ketracel White with Strawberries. Started off as an attempt to learn more about the nature of the Jem`Hadar; ended in Betty Ford.

4. Borg Queen - Warp core reactor with ketchup. Of course, everyone was utterly shocked by that, so she had to switch to mustard.

3. Kirk - Alien Babe, Green, Hot.

2. T`Pol - Trip

...

1. Archer - Porthos

:D


Next - Top 10 Voices Inside Sisko`s Head[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Voices Inside Sisko`s Head

10. Captain Picard: "Good leaders know how to have a good haircut! Engage!"
9. Quark: "Deny all you want, but I know you find that Kira is dating Odo really wierd, too!"
8. Tribbles: Squeeeeeek!
7. Captian Kirk: "Hey, Mr Captain, you have been offered a free exclusive membership to the Babe of the Episode Club"
6. Kasidy: "Remember, Kirk lived a loveless life and died alone in a fan-disliked movie."
5. Brunt/Weyoun/Mulcahey/Shran/Penk/Crem: All repeating the message, "No Matter How Much I Look/Sound/Act Like Another Alien or Historical Figure I Am Not Them! I Am An Original Character like Sherry Bobbins!"
4. Jake and Wesley: "Trek Kids are GREEAAATTT!"
3. Troi: "I feel your pain. I feel that having so many voices is confusing."
2. Ezri: "Oh no, YOU were one of my hosts too?"
1. Kai Win: "The Leader is Good, The Leader is Great, You Surrender your Will, as of This Date!"

Top Ten Lists that Trek Characters would Write
(or at least the names of the Top Ten Lists that Trek Characters would Write :p )[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ambition will probably cause someone (no names of course) to actually do full lists.

Now where did that Hammer of Crushing go?

Top Ten Lists that Trek Characters would Write
(or at least the names of the Top Ten Lists that Trek Characters would Write )

10. Mayweather: Top Ten reasons to stop making fun of helm officers.
9. Sato: Top Ten reasons why Communication officers are not just a glorified extra.
8. Reed: Top Ten reasons to stop insulting slight underuse of weapons.
7. Troi: Top Ten reasons why stating the obvious can be useful.
6. Kirk: Top ten reasons why sleeping with anything female and with a pulse can be good for your health.
5. Worf: Top Ten reasons why it's never bad to shoot first.
4. Picard: Top Ten reasons one needs a grudge to be a Captain of any starship named Enterprise.
3. Janeway: Top Ten reasons to get stuck in the Delta Quadrant.
2. Sisko: Top Ten reasons for actually getting the Defiant in the first place.
1. Archer: Top Ten reasons to avoid any reference to chili while around Pothos.

Top Ten reasons TO NOT attempt to write these lists in full.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Nan: Nice to know I'm not the only one who payed attention in NGE.

Top Ten List of Reasons why people don't finish their lists:

10. Hamsters.
9. It would take more than five minutes.
8. The urge to get a few sweet fruits instead, subsequently forgetting to write everything down. (Pear pressure...)
7. It's a fundamental law that when you need to write a list of n items, you can only think of n-1.
6. The 5mV denizens are unusually selfless people; when you share everything, why not your list, too?
5. It is prophesized that the first one to write a truly, truly funny and complete Top 10 list will be abducted to Alpha Centauri to defeat the great Grumpilon. Nobody can spare the weekend for THAT.
4. The Vulcan Science Directorate has conclusively proven that humans are unable to maintain a coherent train of thought for more than three minutes without thinking of Robbie Williams.
3. All the good jokes were already taken by Andy Dick - the more you write of a list, the greater the chance someone will expose and ridicule you for it.
2. More Hamsters. No, really.

And of course, I won't finish it. :P

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I will though

1. They know a crisis will come about while writing the list and will have to go save the day, then afterwards they just aren't in the mood to finish the list.

Next: Top Ten things that would happen if another star trek character was the captain[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Gatac"]Nan: Nice to know I'm not the only one who payed attention in NGE.[/quote:post_uid0]
Forget the Hammer of Crushing, where's Unit-1 when you need it?

It was mildly surprising to see that Seventh Child bit, but maybe someone who knows NGE can work it into their lists along the way.[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten things that would happen if another Star Trek character was the captain


10. Captain Tucker: "The Pecanpie-ite Maneuver" (from "The Corbomite Maneuver", not the Picard Maneuver :p)
9. Captain Troi would have figured out the motives of the noncorporeal alien in "Metamorphosis" quickly. Of course the shuttle would have crash-landed anyway, so that point is moot, but still...
8. Captain Uhura would have had the Tamarians' Darmokian language figured out in about ten minutes
7. Captain Wesley Crusher in ST:FC while the Borg are attacking the fleet: "Okay, now make the ship spin sideways at high warp. --Wheeee...!"
6. Captain Torres of the Starship [i:post_uid0]Voyager[/i:post_uid0]: "I have had ENOUGH of this. Destroy the Kazon fleet. Then destroy the Ocampa world. Then destroy the Array and whatever else you can think of. With nobody around to argue and nothing to argue over, maybe we can get a little peace around here." Tuvok: "Shall I also destroy Neelix, Captain?" Torres: "... Best to be on the safe side, Tuvok."
5. Pakleds: "We look for things. Things that make us go." Captain Janeway: "Ever tried coffee?"
4. Pakleds: "We look for things. Things that make us go." Captain Chekov: "Sorry, no nuclear wessels in this part of space."
3. Captain Quark: "Torres, Tuvok, I want you both to know that I'm not putting you on report because you bartered away precious technology in an attempt to get us home...I'm putting you on report because you failed. You useless excuses for acquisitors."
2. Captain Jadzia Dax in "Mirror, Mirror": *is instantly reduced to ashes by the evil Empire because she's obviously a fake. She doesn't even look like the Kirk they had beamed down to the planet!*
1. Captain Redshirt: "Captain's Log, Stardate 34283.2. Our first day out from spacedock, we have reversed course and are speeding back toward home and away from evil Klingons, nasty alien carnivores, and pretty little blossoms that detach from their stems to violently attack anything in red that moves. The senior crew is talking of mutiny, but all of Engineering and Security is on my side so nyah nyah nyaah."


Next:
Top Ten Answers of Star Trek Characters (excluding anything along the lines of "...where no chicken has gone before") to "Why did the chicken cross the road?"[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ooh, as one of the joke's biggest fans, I need to take that...

Top Ten Answers to "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

10. Worf: "It was longing for a warrior's death and faced the onslaught of cars alone. Mourn the chicken, for a great warrior has passed from this world."
9. Yar: "Maybe it just didn't like the series."
8. Neelix: "How dreadful! Why, I was just talking to it the other minute..."
7. Scotty: "I cannae change the laws of traffic!"
6. Trip: "Lookin' to pick up a lovely lass, I'm sure."
5. Seven: "The human capacity for irrelevant trivia never ceases to amaze me."
4. Picard: "This road, Admiral...how many chicken does it take before it becomes wrong?"
3. Paris: "To get to the other side! *pause* Harry didn't think it was funny, either."
2. The Borg: "We are the chicken. Roads are irrelevant. You will be crossed."

And Nr. 1:

1. Kirk: "CHIIIICKEN!"

Next: The Top 10 Contrived Situations where Mayweather may get a line.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Patrick the Genetically Enhanced Dude [i:post_uid0]That's a stupid question.[/i:post_uid0]
9. Captian Kirk: [i:post_uid0]To...boldly...go...where *ow* what...was...that...for? [/i:post_uid0] Uhura:[i:post_uid0] As your communication officer, I must warn you that joke is now banned on 47,000 planets.[/i:post_uid0]
8. Bashir:[i:post_uid0] Certainly not due to any genetic enhancements...[/i:post_uid0]
7. Troi:[i:post_uid0] It felt...pain! And sensed...chocolate sundaes[/i:post_uid0]
6. Crusher:[i:post_uid0]Perhaps we could run a few humane tests and find out.[/i:post_uid0]
5. Ezri:[i:post_uid0] Because it was lonely...no, tired, no, bored, no, because it wanted it's afraid of the dark...[/i:post_uid0]
4. Janeway:[i:post_uid0] There must have been a Starbucks or Tim Hortens across the street.[/i:post_uid0]
3. Porthos: [i:post_uid0]*is seen running after chicken saying, WOOF! WOOFWOOFWOOOOOFWOFWOF!*[/i:post_uid0]
2. Tucker: [i:post_uid0] Maybe there are some eggs in its nest. I have a hankering for pecan pie. T'Pol, how about you?[/i:post_uid0]*Glares from T'Pol*
1. Picard: [i:post_uid0] Surely the chicken went for some primal urge, such as to ask to the woman he has loved, who's best friend married her, to ENGAGE! [/i:post_uid0]

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains, and Why[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid14]^^ ^ :lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid14]

[Katy Jane]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]10. Worf: "It was longing for a warrior's death and faced the onslaught of cars alone. Mourn the chicken, for a great warrior has passed from this world."

7. Scotty: "I cannae change the laws of traffic!"

2. The Borg: "We are the chicken. Roads are irrelevant. You will be crossed."

9. Captian Kirk: To...boldly...go...where *ow* what...was...that...for? Uhura: As your communication officer, I must warn you that joke is now banned on 47,000 planets.

3. Porthos: *is seen running after chicken saying, WOOF! WOOFWOOFWOOOOOFWOFWOF!*

[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: :lol: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Post, people!

(What, a senseless post from me? Never!)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]What? I double-posted with Gatac! Eep! :D

(hehe, another Duckman fan? )

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains, and Why

OR


The Top 10 Contrived Situations where Mayweather may get a line.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Duckman? Never seen it.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Chose one:

The Top 10 Contrived Situations where Mayweather may get a line.

10. In one of the strangest twists yet, Daniels returns to [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] to inform Archer that to save the future, Mayweather must somehow be allowed to speak to the Xindi Counsel to convince them to not launch the weapon. The plan works, but later backfires when Daniels returns again to inform them that by letting him speak, he would go on to write many novels and go on many lecture tours. This results in the future becoming what everybody feared most: A place that is ruled by a tyranical and militant Dr. Phil. He still states the painfully obvious, but he has a military force of unparalled power to make sure that people actually pays attention to him this time.

9. In one of the weirdest experiments so far onboard the ship, the ship's helm is refitted with a voice interface that responds only to Mayweathers' voice pattern. Subsequent attempts to allow more then one user proves unsuccessful, and Mayweather is finally allowed to speak. Fortunately, the vocal commands used in the new helm controls are single words only, so the pain is minimalized.

8. Mayweather final loses it, and demands that unless he is allowed more then his paltry amount of allotted lines, he will plow [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] into the next asteroid they encounter. For the most part, the crew doesn't care, but reluctantly agrees to his demands as the NX-01 is the only dinghy they've been allowed to serve on for at least 5 to 10 years, or until Archer finally admits to Soval that humans are illogical, irrational beings.

7. After returning to Earth after successfully stopping the weapon and returning to service after a major overhaul and rebuild, Mayweather is mistakeningly promoted to Captain and given the NX-02. It explodes before even leaving port because of circumstances that wouldn't normally happen, but did because of the astronomical screw up that let him speak in the first place, and promoted as well.

6. While on leave while the ship is being evaluated to either be scrapped or returned to service, Mayweather realizes that he's allowed to speak, as there is no one to stop him or order him to remain silent. Moments after speaking the first syllable of the sentence though, the ground opens up and swallows him, never to be seen or heard from again. This makes no difference though, as the ship is returned to service after a major rebuild, and the helm controls are now tied into a remote control device in the hands of a 12 year old.

5. Ambassador Soval is almost successful in his attempts to have NX-01 dismantled and spread to the four quadrants, but against orders Mayweather speaks up and gives an emotional plea that the ship not be dismantled. Soval is incapable of dealing with the illogical nature of the interruption, and his head explodes moments later. Pecan pie is sured in an impromptu party afterwards.

I'll finish later, assuming that no one does in the mean time.

Something got posted anyway.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Gatac, then how did you know Kirk yells "CHIICKEN!" rather than "KHAN!" ? :p[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Top 10 Contrived Situations where Mayweather may get a line. (continued; sometimes it pays to step away for a bit.)

4. When an unknown virus is brought aboard the ship on their way back to earth, the crew starts acting odd. Among the more strange things that occur, is that the crew experience the feeling of being drunk, although they have yet to ingest sufficient alcohol to do so, even while on duty. Oh yes, they also forget to silence Mayweather when realizes he has a spine and starts to speak up for himself. Eventually the virus is cured, but Phlox decides to label the thing PSI-1998, mainly because of the number of tests it took to find a cure.

3. In one timeline where the [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] fails to talk the counsel out launching the weapon, the ship is attacked and crippled beyond repair. Among the prisoners taken are Mayweather, who is interrogated about how many other Earth ships are in the Expanse. In a completely unexpected turnabout of events, Mayweather gets the Xindi laughing so hard they all die from laughter. With no one left to restrain the survivors from [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0], they steal enough ships to get everyone left home. Despite the thinning of ranks, Mayweather still gets no additional lines on the way back.

2. In an alternate reality, the peaceful Xindi Counsel manages to get Mayweather more then his allottment of lines, and "convinces" Archer and the rest of the paranoid Counsel from Earth to not launch the weapon. This agreement lasts until the Earth Counsel manages to stop Mayweather from getting extra lines, but by then it's too late and the batteries in the weapon run dry. NX-01 gets a new mission: Find the fabled Energizer Bunny and install his batteries in the weapon. The Xindi laugh at the feeble attempts to try to find the creature of legend, but they still manage to get Mayweather an additional line here and there, just for spite.

and as for the final...
1. Although he is silenced with a vengence while onboard NX-01, he is just bidding his time until he can switch to his more successful persona: Morn.

So who's doing the other one?[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Opium: Parallel evolution.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Anubis, that was hilarious! Fantastic job, :D

Ahem:

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains

10. Captain Chekov - First order of business: rename Enterprise into USS Leningrad. Second order of business: replicators distribute wodka, only wodka and nothing but the wodka.

9. Captain Troi of Deep Space Nine
(a massive Dominion fleet of warships comes through the wormhole)
"I am not sure, but I think I might be sensing danger!"

8. Captain Neelix of Enterprise NX-01 - In response to Xindi weapon attack on Earth, he attacks the Xindi homeworld with Leola Root Missiles. The Xindi surrender, groveling for mercy.

7. Captain Quark of USS Voyager
"Oh, come on people, why can`t we all sell the Vidiians some organs? Some extra kidneys, huh, huh? They`ll pay well! And spleen! I mean, who needs spleen?"

6. Captain Seven of Nine
"I`m taking command of the ship, effective immediately, solely because, as Captain, I am not allowed to have intimate relationships with members of my crew, therefore, NOBODY will force me into a relationship with the Rubber Tree Boy!"

(Dammit, dammit, dammit... can`t remember anything else, brain shut down... OK, I hereby revoke the "writing full lists" directive. Stuff me with straw and burn me on the town square, :D)[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thank you. Which one did you like the best?[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Ambassador Soval is almost successful in his attempts to have NX-01 dismantled and spread to the four quadrants, but against orders Mayweather speaks up and gives an emotional plea that the ship not be dismantled. Soval is incapable of dealing with the illogical nature of the interruption, and his head explodes moments later. Pecan pie is sured in an impromptu party afterwards.

:D :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"]9. Captain Troi of Deep Space Nine
(a massive Dominion fleet of warships comes through the wormhole)
"I am not sure, but I think I might be sensing danger!"

8. Captain Neelix of Enterprise NX-01 - In response to Xindi weapon attack on Earth, he attacks the Xindi homeworld with Leola Root Missiles. The Xindi surrender, groveling for mercy.[/quote:post_uid0]
It seemed like a good one to try, though I've probably been reading too much 5M Enterprise lately. *Jehoshaphat*

You've been doing well in the Top Ten lists yourself there Nic.

Top Ten Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Captains

5. Captain Wesley Crusher of Voyager:
[b:post_uid0]Helm[/b:post_uid0] - Captain, sensors are detecting five Hirogen ships on an interception course.
[b:post_uid0]Wesley[/b:post_uid0] - (to bridge crew) Calm down everybody. I'm sure they're just coming to say hello, and maybe ask if we're interested in a peaceful exchange of information.

4. Captain Phlox of Nightingale -
"We're not really a medical transport. We're just trying to sneak this cloaking device past our enemies so we can beam up aliens from backwards worlds and experiment on them in secret."
[b:post_uid0]Phlox[/b:post_uid0] - (disturbing CGI smile appears on his face) Just want I wanted to hear...

(Idea tank runs low) Someone with any ideas want to finish?[/color:post_uid0]

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]These are very silly, but it's late.

3. Captain Charlie X.
Riley: ...and then the Andorian said, "Not with my pig you won't!"
Charlie: (rolls his eyes at Riley's terrible joke)
Riley: GAK!
Spock: Sigh. We lose more lieutenants that way.

2. Captain Jadzia Dax.
O'Brien: The Cardiassian fighters are closing in on the station, Captain. What are your orders?
Jadzia: Miles, chill out. You're giving me a muscle cramp in my neck. Say, Nerys, I could really go for a holosuite backrub--want to join me?
Kira: Sounds good. Miles, watch the store for us, O.K.?
O'Brien: Um, yeah, O.K. I'll just tell the Cardassians to hang loose for a while until you come back?
Jadzia: That would be perfect. You're a real teddy bear, Miles.
O'Brien: Um, thanks.

1. Captain Uhura.
Uhura: Hail the approaching Gorn ship, slave.
Kirk (sheepishly): Yes, sir. Hailing--
Uhura: [i:post_uid0]What did I say about those three words?[/i:post_uid0]
Kirk (even more sheepishly): That you would staple my spleen to my big toe if I ever used them again. Sir.
Uhura (settling into the captain's chair): That's right.



Next:
Top Ten Reasons Why Chef Doesn't Like to Show His Face[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid5]Top Ten Reasons Why Chef Doesn't Like to Show His Face


10. Um, perhaps that unfortunate incident with a rice picker when he was young...
9. He really, really, really doesn't want Archer to recognize him as Mysterious Future Guy
8. The last time he did, several female ensigns fainted and Phlox had to distribute Pepto Bismol to the entire crew
7. The sight of him is thought to be enough to drive even a Vulcan First Officer mad (not that he plans to try it, of course). So he just sits in his closed box most of the time, wishing he could find a blind girl to be his assistant
6. He's Neighbor Wilson from "Home Improvement"


Hmm, ran out of ideas. :( Anyone else?[/color:post_uid5]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. It's really Neelix
4. He is a redshirt, and any screentime will cause the ship to lose their best chef
3. If the female crew members saw him, they might want to chase him all over the ship to get his autograph
2. He is an Ogre with a talking Donkey, which might cause some tension
1. The chef is really the imagination of the crew brought on by a potion released by Phlox.

Next: Top Ten Hidden Talents of Star Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Hidden Talents of Star Trek Characters

10. Data: Can talk Toaster.
9. Troi: Can state things that are not obvious, too.
8. Sisko: Can convince Archer he's the Evil Future Guy.
7. Worf: At age 19, won the Earth-Wide Lullaby Singer contest.
6. Seven of Nine: writes romance novels and their corresponding holoprograms.
5. Janeway: Can name every coffee bean ever...oh wait, this was HIDDEN talents...
4. Neelix: Could actually make one item, toast, correctly; but because of (see #10), no one was allowed to make toast on Starfleet ships.
3. Uhura: A world class violenist, mystery writer, opera singer, forensic detective, and vampire, erm, alien slayer.
2. Ezri: Can switch between the Universe and the Alternate Universe...
1. Porthos: Can speak Human, but prefer to bark cus it's fun to watch Archer try to speak Dog!


Top Ten #1 Singles on Alien Worlds[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The only one I can think of is:

[b:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]Bring Me To Life[/i:post_uid0][/b:post_uid0]: For that planet in season 7 (or was it 6?) of Voyager where Seven inadvertently wakes a race of cryogenically frozen people and reignites a war....[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hm, I'll take this one, too...

10. Janus VI: Hoobastank - Crawling in the Dark
9. Vulcan: Supertramp - The logical Song
8. Quo'nos: Steppenwolf - Born to be Wild
7. Romulus: Propellerheads - Spybreak!
6. Cardassia: Aimee Allen - I'd start a revolution (if I could get up in the morning)
5. Q Continuum: Monster Magnet - Space Lord
4. Borg Unimatrix 01: Filter - Welcome to the fold
3. Trill: Frank Sinatra - I've got you under my skin
2. Wolf 359: Ozzy Osbourne, DMX, Ol' Dirty Bastard - Nowhere to run
1. Earth in 2063: Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly

Nearly all from my current playlist, too. Bah. I'm sure somebody can come up with one that is a bit more mainstream.

Next Up: Top 10 Ways to Talk down an intelligent bomb. (Hey, it happens more often than you'd think.)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](Too weird?)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid4]Top 10 Ways to Talk down an intelligent bomb.

10. Convice Travolta to accept stock options so he doesn't make another bomb like Battle Field: Earth.

9. Given the frequency of bad movies being made, enstate a policy that any actor or actoress that makes a bomb must watch their own flick. Quality of movies should skyrocket quickly as quality will improve through either better quality control, or thinning of the ranks in hollywood.

8. Make Bill Gates watch shows like Barney, Teletubbies, and American Idol with his eyes taped open so he can't close them. By the time he losses him mind from the repetive viewings, he will be controllabe enough to make Windows and all affiliated software useable and stable enough to be understood by anyone.

Oops, you said Intelligent. Not sure if this is what you meant, but hey...[/color:post_uid4]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. Explain to Jodie Foster it's okay to only make a movie every 4 years.
5. Eugene Levy: I don't think a movie starring the Olsen Twins will be that that good.
Exec: Yes it will. Here, have some tea
Eugene Levy: *drink tea* I feel funny...
4. Exec: But Ben, if you always make movies with Matt Damon people will start thinking you're a couple.
Ben Affleck: But Matt and me make good movies together!
Exec:But people will think you're a couple!
3. JLo: Ben, I think making a movie with both of us in it but not in love would be a good thing!
2. Danny Devito told Robin Williams that if he made a movie about a scary kids entertainer he would pay for Robin's laser bodyhair removal.
1. Q: Angelina Jolie, wouldn't you like to be a sex symbol again but pretend the movie is about a poor nation?
A: Um, sure.

*okay, those are all silly*

Top Ten Silly Reasons *Insert Name Here* Watches Enterpise[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Silly Reasons *Insert Name Here* Watches Enterpise

10. [b:post_uid0]Opium:[/b:post_uid0] John doesn't get killed often enough, but at least gets beaten up with enjoyable regularity.
9. [b:post_uid0]Scooter:[/b:post_uid0] Top 10 List fodder.
8. [b:post_uid0]Derek:[/b:post_uid0] Is composing detailed report of continuity flaws (labelled "trivial" through "gaping" through "Oh My God what were you idiots [i:post_uid0]thinking[/i:post_uid0]") to nail above B&B's corpses when he's through with them
7. [b:post_uid0]Sa'ar:[/b:post_uid0] "Real big crush, guys, like WHOA :D" on Ambasador V'Lar reported on his LiveJournal
6. [b:post_uid0]Zeke:[/b:post_uid0] Only form of occupation which justifies failure to finish latest ENT fiver
5. [b:post_uid0]PHJ:[/b:post_uid0] Looking for enough shirtless-Phlox shots for next avatar[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. [b:post_uid0]Nits:[/b:post_uid0] Trip. And Trip. And er, Trip.
3. [b:post_uid0]17:[/b:post_uid0] What's Enterprise?
2. [b:post_uid0]Standback:[/b:post_uid0] To come up with more cannon fodder for Top Ten lists than Scooter does.

Can't think of #1. Will let someone else do it.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. [b:post_uid0]Chief O'Brien:[/b:post_uid0] Still hoping to figure out what the heck you do with the stupid warp core.

Next up: Top Ten Qo'noS Tourism Slogans![/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Qo'noS Tourism Slogans!

10. Come to Qo'nos! Become a warrior! Guaranteed to turn you into a warrior or we'll kill you in the process.

9. Qo'nos: Where Dishonor is a thing of the past.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. Come here to retire and die, and you are guaranteed faster results than Florida.

7. We got your Honor right here

6. Come here for a permament vacation from life.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]8. Come here to retire and die, and you are guaranteed faster results than Florida.[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol: Nice one, Neo![/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Sick of boring operas? Come to Qo'noS, where bloody operas are our specialty![/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. come to Qo'noS or we'll kill you![/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]2. You receive an e-mail from Zeke OKing your request to five [i:post_uid0]Regeneration[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Reply to a really old post: Standback, did you [i:post_uid0]really[/i:post_uid0] ask to five "Regeneration"? Because I'm afraid I've forgotten if so. I know at least two people have sent me full fivers of it.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And another thing: [b:post_uid0]Anubis[/b:post_uid0], are you unable to log into your account? I activated it manually a few days ago because the new accounts weren't being processed on their own for some reason.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Come to Qo'noS and we'll kill you
2. Qo'noS, where it is normal to see a head laying around
1. Qo'noS, the one place Janeway has not been
1b. Qo'noS, so evil that even the Borg ran away. PARTY on the Borg Spheres!

Top 10 Titles we can give Zeke[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I can't for some reason. Don't know why. If someone else had the name, it would probably inform me to use another handle.

3. Sick of your neighbors blasting their stereo systems out at night? tired of those annoying land vehicles blasting out nothing but bass at 11pm at night? annoyed that the dog next door won't shut up?
Then come to Qo'nos, where you can solve those problems the good old fashioned way: Raw Firepower!
Disclaimer: As weapons are easy to get, and permits are not often required, expect an equal to overwhelming response when you use this approach. Should you use a dishonorable tactic, [i:post_uid0]like Tribble tossing[/i:post_uid0] , expect the whole neighborhood to reduce you and your property to ashes.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Reply to a really old post: Standback, did you really ask to five "Regeneration"? Because I'm afraid I've forgotten if so. I know at least two people have sent me full fivers of it. [/quote:post_uid0]
Nu-uh. It just seemed a natural. :D

In my First Ever Fiver Request I [i:post_uid0]did[/i:post_uid0], however, request to five ENT's "Precious Cargo," in roughly the same breath as TNG's "Chain of Command" parts I & II, and several episodes that were already taken, thus managing to break every "don't ask to write [i:post_uid0]this[/i:post_uid0] one" guideline simultaneously. Yay, me. It's a wonder I didn't include multiple flashing exclamation points.

Then I actually got a couple of requests approved. One of which Derek has been patiently waiting for for about two semesters. Silly calculus.

In the meantime... a blurb and a link for the fiver I [i:post_uid0]did[/i:post_uid0] write would, I am beginning to think, be an equally sufficient indication of one's presence in an alternate universe...
Or, we could just make it a running gag. Hey, that's good too. "The Eternally Lost Fiver... shrouded in the mists of Cyberspace..."
On second thought, maybe not.[/color:post_uid0]

[Zeke]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Standback"]In the meantime... a blurb and a link for the fiver I [i:post_uid0]did[/i:post_uid0] write would, I am beginning to think, be an equally sufficient indication of one's presence in an alternate universe...[/quote:post_uid0]
Wait for the PHP system to be implemented at 5MNG. It's actually impossible for me to leave a fiver unblurbed in that system.

Anubis: Okay, we'll try this. I've deleted all three of the accounts in your name (Anubis, prime-of-anubis2k, and Prime_of_Anubis2k) along with the new one you created today, so we have a clean sweep. Try registering now.[/color:post_uid0]



Edited By Zeke on 1086040888

[Scooter]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Titles we can give Zeke

10. Lord High Executioner ( it comes with a song! )
9. Master of His Domain
8. Prince of References (Ref for short)
7. Green Arrow (because he’s in charge of Archery)
6. Junior Assistant Evil Future Guy
5. The Pieromaniac
4. Plant Manager, International Five-Minute Fun Factory of Doom
3. The Funniest Canadian Since Dave Foley
2. Keeper of the Cheese
1. The Soonerizer


Next:
Top Ten Planets Archer Wants to Visit[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thanks Zeke. What can I say? I like the name.

Top Ten Planets Archer Wants to Visit

10. Archer IV: The fourth planet to bear his name; consultation prize for history not remembering him very well, and because the first three mysteriously blew up.

9. Riza: Wanting to make up for getting knocked out the last time he was there, he has the ship come close enough so he can take a shuttle pod there, and not worry about competition or interruption.

8. Vulcan: After pestering Daniels to the point that he'll do anything to shut him up, he sends Archer into the planet's past, though it goes awry when his attempt to prove to the Vulcans that time travel is possible results in them becoming logical, patience beings, instead of the emotional type that he's used to.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](sees tumbleweed blow by) Is that normal?

7. Andor: Not get convinced that [i:post_uid0]one[/i:post_uid0] punch is enough to get through to him, Archer seeks out Shran to convince him further.

6. Romulus: Ever since seeing that book that Daniels took from him, Archer wants to find out what the big deal is. He's stopped from doing do when he encounters a plot device more powerful then the Xindi weapon. He heads back to Earth, though he schemes to find a way to find out why that book was taken from him.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Mars. He thinks Porthos will have fun chasing the Little Green Men around.[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. Pluto, so porthos can meet another dog

3. The Moon, for endless amounts of cheese.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2. The Planet Of Semi-Naked Jeri Ryan Clones: Does he even [i:post_uid0]need[/i:post_uid0] a REASON?[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. Earth, so he can go online and read the next 5ME!

Next, the Top 10 best uses for Janeways bun of steel "do"[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: Scares all men who aren't familiar with the original Trek away.
9. Aliens often regard those with huge hair as devine.
8. Only style which will not get wrecked due to the wind caused by Voyager going such a high speed.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]7.[/b:post_uid0] Secret storage area for ship's last stash of coffee
[b:post_uid0]6.[/b:post_uid0] Projects an anti-wood field to rebuff Chakotay's advances
[b:post_uid0]5.[/b:post_uid0] Gives Harry Kim nightmares
[b:post_uid0]4.[/b:post_uid0] Makes up for her lack of height
[b:post_uid0]3.[/b:post_uid0] Annoys Tuvok by blocking his view of the viewscreen
[b:post_uid0]2.[/b:post_uid0] Has space for billboard in case series runs out of money and needs to run extra ads for revenue

And the #1 use for Janeway's Bun Of Steel 'Do....

[b:post_uid0]1.[/b:post_uid0] To keep her hair in place, what else?


[b:post_uid0]Next up:[/b:post_uid0]
[i:post_uid0]Top Ten Alternate Member Titles For Members Of This Forum[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Alternative Member Titles

10. Opium: Endorsed by Mr. Wiggles. (Not for the faint of heart. (http://www.neilswaab.com/comics/wiggles/))
9. Admiral sab: Not a car
8. catalina marina: Scary little devil girl (Check the archives. (http://www.errantstory.com))
7. PHJ: F = m x a
6. Taya17: Goddess of Thwapping

Not enough creativity for the second half.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid5]Oooo :devil:


5. NeoMatrix: [i:post_uid5]Matrix 2.0[/i:post_uid5]

4. taya17: [i:post_uid5]Don't call me taya[/i:post_uid5]



[i:post_uid5]Sigh[/i:post_uid5] No time for more :([/color:post_uid5]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid5]Hmm, nobody jumped in, huh? :)


3. Naraht: [i:post_uid5]Not really a Horta[/i:post_uid5]

2. catalina marina: [i:post_uid5]Amphibious kitty commando[/i:post_uid5]



One last entry. Any takers?



(Edit) Heehee, nice timing... :D[/color:post_uid5]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Gatac: Newbie with guts!
2. taya17: I LUV One-by-One Story
1. Alexia: I Look Like My Avatar


Top Ten New Trek Series.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]New Star Trek Series

10: Star Trek: CSI
9. Star Trek: Vulcans (Like any other star trek series, but from the viewpoint of the Vulcans)
8. Star Trek: 24 (Each season is one day, with each episode taking place in real time)
7. Star Trek: Law and Order
6. Star Trek: Survivor
5. Star Trek: Academy (Shows just how life is like at the Academy)
4. Star Trek: Lost in Time

Ok, someone else come up with the final 3[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. [i:post_uid0]Star Trek: Fleet HQ[/i:post_uid0], which examines the exciting lives of Starfleet's top beaurocrats.
2. [i:post_uid0]Star Trek: Babylon 5[/i:post_uid0], following a space station which serves as a diplomatic hub to dozens of alien races. Criticized as "deriviative" of [i:post_uid0]DS9[/i:post_uid0].
1. [i:post_uid0]Star Trek: All Stars[/i:post_uid0], in which Archer, Pike, Kirk, Picard, Sisko and Janeway team up to go toe-to-toe with the biggest baddies in the galaxy!

Next up: Top Ten Coolest Presents to Get Zeke[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Pie, obviously

[quote:post_uid0]1. Alexia: I Look Like My Avatar[/quote:post_uid0]
Hey! LOL, well some days i do :lol: Anyway, i think i changed it before you typed that :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]9. Vegan Chilli and a gift certificate to the SPCA.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. One of those magic 8 balls that only has "Soon" as the answer.
7. A fiver making machine, lol
6. His own Star Trek/Sci-Fi reference library
5. The entire collection of Mega-Man
4. His very own space station, slightly used by 17[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0](Standback, that's Spiff from Calvin and Hobbes! How come I hadn't noticed that before? )


3. A member title that just says "Soon".[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0](Standback, that's Spiff from Calvin and Hobbes! How come I hadn't noticed that before? )[/quote:post_uid0]Because Photoshopping doesn't come out as good when you try to do it in Microsoft Paint. Heck, I'm lucky if people recognize the 5MV logo.[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid2]2. An inverse-wave generator, calibrated to counter any and all "soon" jokes.[/color:post_uid2]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. A block on his computer to avoid all Chilli jokes.


Top Ten Really Bad TV Show Ideas With (either, or, or and) TopHatMan, John, Spike or any Enterprise character[/color:post_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Really Bad TV Show Ideas With (either, or, or and) TopHatMan, John, Spike or any Enterprise character

10. The T'Pol and Tucker Hour: Sunny and Cher type of show, but it gets cancelled when the network can no longer handle the flood of mail asking when they'll quit acting like they like each and when they'll get it on for real.

9. The Hoshi and Mayweather Show: The pair play a sickeningly polite and p.c. couple that interviews various minor celebrities. Their first guest is Silak.[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. Ask T'Pol - The Agony Aunt type call show where you tell her your problems. She won't care, and she will tell you to shut up and get on with it. Her catch phrase, "Emotions are irrelevant. You will be cut off. Resistance is Futile". (Any and all copyright infringement of a cetain borg is pure coincidence)[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. [i:post_uid0]a'Huntin' We Will Go[/i:post_uid0] - Reed experiments with an increasingly destruive arsenal of weaponry and explosives for something powerful enough to keep John dead for good. John always comes back for another GAK! at the end of each episode, but Reed sure has fun trying.[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. Deaths of our Lives - John dies at the end of every episode, but comes back at the start of the next, turns out that the person who died was actually one of his evil twins!

6. Malls - TopHatMan wanders the malls of America, showing off historical top hat stores.

5. Learn to Speak Klingon with Hoshi - unfourtunately, when asked for the translation of what she just said, she always replies, "you don't want to know"

4. Good Morning Enterprise! with Malcom Reed! - Reed ends up shooting the guests due to inane answers to inane questions.

3. The Enterprise Variety Hour! - A sketch comedy show about life on enterprise

2. Phloxs Creatures - Phlox seeks out strange new animals and new animal civilizations. Never finds animals, but finds lots of women.

1. Maco! - Musical sitcom featuring everyones favorite Maco, Hayes!

Top Ten childrens shows involving Voyager crew members[/color:post_uid0]

[Katy Jane]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. "Meditation Moment" Starring Tuvok. It's aim was to teach young chidren vulcan meditation exersizes, unforutnetly it was cancled after the first episode.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]9: Cooking with Neelix: It's a show where Neelix cooks a dish each episode, then looks for a kid in the audience to try it.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. [i:post_uid0]Name That Spirit![/i:post_uid0]-hosted by Chekotay. A gameshow dealing with the serious world of the Spirits.

7. [i:post_uid0]Resistance Isn't Futile[/i:post_uid0]-hosted by Seven Of Nine. Teaches that you don't have to follow the leader, as long you wear a catsuit.

6. [i:post_uid0]Kes't ce?[/i:post_uid0]-hosted by Kes. A fun show that teaches French to kids. Was cancelled in USA, but is a hit in Canada.

5. [i:post_uid0]I'm Okay, You're Okay[/i:post_uid0]- hosted by Torres. Teaches children to control their anger.[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. Voyager Kids: Staring all the characters of Voyager, only when they were kids pretending to be on a starship.

3. Where in the Universe is Voyager? : Voyager's lost, and each episode, kids try to figure out where Voyager is based on information given.[/color:post_uid0]

[Katy Jane]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2. Neelix and Friends: "I love you, you love me..."[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. Voyager Redshirt Club: Like the Mickey Mouse Club, but for Redshirts. At the end of each episode, one redshirt dies.

Top Ten Reasons to keep Neelix off the Holodeck[/color:post_uid0]

[Katy Jane]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: Tuvok may mistake him for a hologram and strangle him.

9: So far, any food created on the holodeck has been free of leola root, if Neelix gets to the holodeck controls, all that may change.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]8. No one wants to see Telaxian slash fanfic.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. Two words: 'Nam flashbacks. (You don't want to know. Temporal Investigations still hasn't figured it out, either.)

6. He once tried to use the Ziolnikov Supernova program to heat his wok. The stench of superfried vegetables wouldn't go out for weeks.

5. He really, really sucks at the Jump program.

4. He once entered a malfunctioning Tribble colony program and couldn't be found until the entire holodeck had been shut down.

3. Due to some quirk in programming, all Federation holograms at once recognise that Neelix is an alien, and nobody wants those Irish folks to go lynch mob on them *again*

2. He could get shot at by holographic Nazis again - and Torres hasn't perfected their marksmanship yet.

I leave Nr. 1 to a more capable humorist. (If you find one, call me. :D )

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. When he signed up for the "R rated HoloNovel SmutFilled Challenge", the catagory he put down was "food".


Top Ten Original Trek Characters Most Ridicules TV shows, Movies, or Theme Songs (made-up or real ;) )[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I didn't quite get that list topic, Opium... I'm not sure what the connection between the characters, the ridicule, and the shows/movies is supposed to be. Please clarify, and maybe I'll finally write something here again. Thankee![/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I think Opium meant "ridiculous", but I'm not sure ;)[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thank-asking you for! Here, me let try make to sense more.


ridiculous

Top Ten Ridiculous (real or made-up)TVshows, Theme Songs or Movies done by an Original Trek actor or character

(Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Shatner style, comes to mind...)[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. If I had a hammer, sung by scotty :D[/color:post_uid0]

[admiral sab]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]9. "He's Dead, Jim" by Dr. Mcoy

8. William Shatner in any guest appearance.

7. William Shatner on the Practice.

6. Spock's "My Mind to your Mind" psychic hotline series.

5. "I'm a Doctor, not a singer" by Dr. Mcoy[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. [i:post_uid0]"Wascally Wessel,"[/i:post_uid0] starring Elmer Fudd, Bugs Bunny and Pavel Chekov
3. [i:post_uid0]"Scotty's Slim-zercise!"[/i:post_uid0], hosted by James Doohan
2. [i:post_uid0]The Real Slim Shady[/i:post_uid0] (cover by Leonard Nimoy)

And the number one Most Ridiculous TV Show/Theme Songs/Movie Done by an Original Trek Actor or Character...

1. [i:post_uid0]Star Trek: The Motion Picture[/i:post_uid0]

And the next list:
Top Ten Reasons DS9 Crew Don't Write Blogs[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons DS9 Crew Don't Write Blogs


10. Odo: "Blog" sounds like slang for some illegal substance that Quark would try to smuggle in

9. Worf: At first declined the suggestion with thanks ("Giving the galaxy a speech about one's experience with slaughtering [i:post_uid0]targ[/i:post_uid0] is for [i:post_uid0]targ[/i:post_uid0]-brained people!"), but then warmed up to the idea of this way of spreading word of his glorious "victories". His short-lived blog is generally agreed to have jumped the shark when he posted two pages' worth of crowing over his victory over a bit of lint stuck to his uniform.

8. Bashir: His blog would consist almost entirely of "I made this brilliant pass at a gorgeous girl today but she ignored me. What is wrong with women? They're supposed to be falling over themselves to get at me...ah well. Yesterday I saved yet another dozen aliens with diseases and physiological systems not remotely like anything seen before. Just par for the course for Julian Bashir..."

7. Nog: "Stupid hew-mon, you don't leave evidence of your, er, entirely legal profit-making where everyone can see it!"

6. Ezri: The actual events would make up one-fifth of her blog. Every little inane thing the symbiont's previous hosts' memories told her because of the events would be the other four fifths: "Siege of station lifted yesterday. Apparently Curzon had to go through a siege once. He lived on canned peas the entire time. I don't think he enjoyed it. Meanwhile..."

5. Quark: Same as Nog, plus he's worried the computer he'd type his latest entry into would be Odo

4. Sisko: He's the man charged with holding of the most important commands in the Quadrant, and his blog would consist of weeks' worth of musings about whether or not to shave his head[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]<s>3. Ezri's would be a confusing mix of varius musings that came out of nowwhere and may not make sense but then again maybe they would because she is soooo many people and small spaces are scary and I like cheese.</s>
:( Ezri's taken...


3. Jadzia: She's dead, of course!

2. Jake: What, and waste my precious computer memory on a blog? I have important stories to write, like 'Top Ten Suvenior Shops on the DS9 Prominard".

1. Keiko O'Brien: She tells such an interesting story that you would never stop reading it, unlike her husband's boring life of playing with toys and tinkering with engines.

Top Ten Exerpts from Voyager's blogs[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Exerpts from Voyager's blogs

10. Torres:
Entry#243 - "I HATE Tom Paris!"
Entry#244 - "I love Tom Paris."
Entry#245 - "I hate Paris."
Entry#246 - "I'm getting married Tom Paris!"

9. Janeway - "I need coffee, and I need it NOW! oOo a nebula!"

8. Doctor - Day 1: "Who are all these strange people telling me I'm there Doctor now? Where am I? Who am I? Why do I have this strange sensation to sing Opera?"

7. Seven - "Resistance is FUN! Computer, delete all blogs that mention Seven."[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. Neelix: The past is a puzzle, like a broken mirror. As you piece it together, your image keeps shifting. And you change with it. It could destroy you, drive you mad. It could set you free.

5. Tuvok: I have noticed that Captain Janeway has recently shown a clear predilection for preferring my advice over the recommendations of the rest of the crew. Logic only allows one conclusion:

T-man's still Number One in the hood, G.

4. Tom Paris: I feel the need. The need...for speed.

3. Chakotay: You know, dear diary, this whole day trip isn't much fun any more.

2. Harry Kim: They still do not suspect my true identity. The daily demonstrations of borderline incompetence have kept them from even conceiving of the fact that I am more than I appear to be. Soon, I will dispose of them like the cheap toys they are. Soon.

Redkim.

And as usual, I'll leave the end to somebody else.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Wooo... haven`t been writing a list for ages...


1. Naomi Wildman: "Ensign Kim was whining for his promotion again, so the Captain promoted me to Admiral to spite him. My first order of business will be changing the regular Starfleet uniforms to pink ballet tutus. All officers who oppose the new dress code will be killed. Yes, just plain killed. I believe in a thing called discipline. Furthermore, long range sensors shall be modified to scan for cute fluffy bunnies, which shall be collected and brought on board, and judged weekly by me in the Cutest Alien Fluffy Bunny pageant, with the entire crew in the audience. To attain good luck in keeping the Borg and the Hirogen away from the ship, the bunnies might be ritually sacrificed to the Fire God every Wednesday after an episode of Ally McBeal. Current mood - pensive.


NEXT - Top 10 Silliest Alpha Quadrant Wars Ever[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Silliest Alpha Quadrant Wars Ever

10. The Borg Civil War: The Borg women got tired of listening to the Borg men, plus they didn't want them to be in their head, so they got rid of them.[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. The Bumpy's vs The Eyebrows: The Klingon Civil War[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]8.[/b:post_uid0] An argument between a Bolian and an Andorian in a pub over who had bluer skin came to blows, and eventually escalated into what is now known as the Great Pigmentation War.

[b:post_uid0]7.[/b:post_uid0] The Tribble Wars: The Klingon captain deems that Scotty's beaming of the Enterprise's entire tribble population into their engine room is an Act Of War under the 2202 Weapons Of Mass Destruction Agreement, and proceeds to launch a long, bloody campaign against them, culminating in the death of one crewmember who perished when Kirk accidentally spilled some orange juice into his console during the course of the battle.

[b:post_uid0]6.[/b:post_uid0] <strike>The Pig War of 1911: Austria and Serbia launch live pigs at each other across the Croatian border. Many innocent civilians do not survive the experience of having a 300-pound porcine projectile landing squarely on their heads.</strike> World Wars One and Two. [i:post_uid0]What?[/i:post_uid0] This planet isn't in the Alpha Quadrant, huh? Huh?[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5. Romulan Empire-Canada War of 2158: The beginning of Earth-Romulus War. Started when a Romulan delegation landed in Ottawa to sign a treaty and *some Canadians* ate their dog. Romulans invaded Dog Creek the next day.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]4. The Take-No-Prisoners Alliance: Every single race in the Alpha Quadrant ganged up to wipe Wesley Crusher out of existence once and for all, but somehow missed, and the perp got away.
3. The Dome Minion Fiasco: Just when Captain Picard had finally achieved his lifelong dream of being awarded a personal entourage of servents to shine, buff and wax his glorious hairless head, an unfortunate choice of naming combined with a minor Starfleet intelligence failure led to the entire crew being destroyed by the [i:post_uid0]U.S.S. Defiant[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2. The TimeLine War: After 30+ years of running Vic Fontane's club in the holodeck, Bashir realizes it is the 2004 in the program, and discovers a strange website that has knowledge of the future, and instead of using it for good, they just make parodies of, and talk about some guys named John and TopHatMan instead of worshipping him. So, he destroys it, sending timewars across the timeline.[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. War of the Unspeakable Records: Captain Archer declares battle on Denobulia an all surrounding territory when Phlox mentions his feature role in numerous decon videos. Deteriorates into huge quadrant-wide war, occupying much of 5th and 6th seasons. Later found out that Phlox was kidding.

Next up: I [i:post_uid0]said[/i:post_uid0] I wanted to see the forumgoers at it too...
Top Ten Haikus About Star Trek Captains[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10.

Captain Jon Archer
He gets beat up too often
But feeds Porthos cheese

As can be seen above, I'm under the impression that it should be 17 syllables, not 17 words. (With a 5-7-5 ratio, and yes, I'm aware that it's not quite syllables in Japanese, but I figure it's close enough.) Kick my posterior if I'm wrong.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]9.
Oh Captain Janeway
We are near a nebula
with coffee inside[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Benjamin Sisko
For Starfleet you do explore
But you never move

edit: BTW...there are only 5 captains. How do we do a top 10![/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7.

Jellico, he said
"No fish in the ready room!"
Riker mutinies.

(Like this, Alexia.)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]...because duplicates are allowed?

Bonus points for whoever haikus Captain Mackenzie Calhoun. Because I feel like it.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6.

Mackenzie Calhoun
Never will we hear his voice
Fights only in books.

Is New Frontiers any good, Standback? I've seen a few books here and there, but I never bought one.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Um.
Well, put it like this. Trek novels in general are not exactly quality literature. They're enjoyable light reads at the best, at worst, they really really suck. A whole lot of 'em really really suck. Furthermore, as I get farther and farther from the age of 15, I notice the flaws more and more.
But, for light reads, Peter David is a pretty good author. He's definitely one of the best Trek writers (and his Q-Squared is one of the few Trek books I actually do heartily recommend). He's got good writing style, keeps you interested, keeps everything fun and fast.
In New Frontier, he's done a nice job creating the novel equivalent of a new Trek series. Full crew of characters, all fleshed out very nicely. Typical space opera relationship goings-on (and Peter David often uses fairly gratitious romance and/or sex to hold attention - can anybody say Pon Farr? Peter can!), and a lot of story arcs that continue through the series. It's got its ups and downs - Peter David uses some cheap tricks to create interest and suspense at times, and that's never a fun thing to notice. You also pretty much need to read them in order, and in clumps, because you've actually got an ongoing story here that you need to follow, and each major 'chapter' is split up into a few books.

If you enjoy Trek books... then for Trek books, they're definitely good ones. If you're looking for a light read... or a series of light reads... New Frontier can definitely be a lot of fun sometimes. If you're looking for a really good book... neh.
Let me put it like this. I'm fortunate enough to have a friend who serially purchases every single Trek book, at no cost to me, and is happy to let me borrow them. I haven't made much use of this priviledge in the past two years, because my interest in the Trek books has lessened and I've had much better stuff to read, and also because I'm not home to borrow stuff very often. But hopping over and borrowing the more recent New Frontier books is vaguely on my to-do list... eventually... because I would like to read them.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, I can read Shatner's stuff without flinching, so I guess I can take those, too, then. Unfortunately, I'm currently terminally ill with Spycraft fever, so any Trek book will have to wait until I've managed to get every last Spycraft/Shadowforce Archer/Whatever the hell they call their next campaign setting books.

Er...

5.

Picard at McDonald's
"A small Sprite and large French Fries?"
He says, "Make it so."

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Picard at McDonald's
"A small Sprite and large French Fries?"
He says, "Make it so."[/quote:post_uid0]

LOL :lol:

[quote:post_uid0]...because duplicates are allowed? [/quote:post_uid0] Oh yeah...dumb moment! Kicks self

Please continue the hilarity :D[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]*agrees wholeheartedly with Standback*

I used to adore Trek novels when I was, like, 14... and as I grew older and older I began to realize that most of them truly sucked, compared to the Hugo and Nebula prizewinners I was reading along with them. It has come to the point that I'm contemplating selling or at worst getting rid of large parts of my Trek novel collection to make space for the Balkan-interest books on my woefully cramped bookshelf. Shocking, I know.

On the other hand, Peter David is, by far, the best amongst the Trek novelists, and I enjoy both his Trek and non-Trek novels alike. Next to Terry Pratchett, he's about the only author who makes me unable to stop myself from laughing out loud on public transport. Never read the New Frontier series though: I'm far too lazy to follow serialized novels. Aside from Harry Potter, that is :)

Edit: Errr... I was supposed to continue with the Top 10 list, wasn't I?

Chakotay's face is
Permanently set into
A woodblock's grimace.[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Poor Captain Braxton
He travels through time and space
Janeway gets there first[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2:

Ransom wasn't bad
But his first mate could have used
A lot more Prozac.[/color:post_uid0]

[Gatac]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And the Number One Haiku is:

1.
Jim Kirk is the man
He gets all the alien chicks
Spock raises eyebrows

I'm proud of the double meaning in the last line, too. Hooray for subtlety.

Next up: Top Ten New Timeslots of Enterprise (with nicknames, please)

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]New Frontier? Bleah. I gave up on those after about the sixth book... :(




Top Ten New Timeslots of Enterprise (oh drat, I need to get that anthology from downstairs at home to do this right)

10. The same timeslot as (pick a Law and Order series), aka the "Ant Trying to Stop a Locomotive" timeslot
9. The first Monday of each month at 3:40 AM, aka the "1-2-3-4" timeslot
8. 7:00 Wisconsin time, aka "Cheese Primetime" ( Porthos likes it! )[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]7. Fridays, in Canada, at 8pm, against RCAF, Red Green, 22 Minutes: "The Only Night Canadians Watch Canadian TV en mass, and show set in space just won't cut it!"

6. Saturday, in Canada, 6pm: "You're watching Hockey or else you ain't Canadian, eh?

5. Thursday, against ER: "I think Enterprise is dead, Jim.

4. Thursday, against CSI: "DOA"[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Thursdays against Joey "Sequals never work out"

2. Weekdays at 2:00 "Soap Operas can have starships too!"

and I shall leave #1 for someone else[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. Against DAYS: "We're doing it just to confuse Opium and Admiral Sab!"


Top Ten Trek Episodes that were Just To Wacky/Wierd/Wrong/Sexy/Boring/Controversial to be aired.[/color:post_uid0]

[Hotaru]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. "Begging" - set in the 7th season of Voyager, Harry spends an entire hour begging Janeway for a promotion. --too boring

9. "Whining" - set in the 1st season of Voyager, Harry spends and entire hour complaining to Paris that he wants to go home. -- too boring

8. "Tnaifed" - the Defiant goes through some crazy anomaly and ends up traveling backwards through time. The episode was filmed like a normal episode, and in an attempt to make the story scientificaly correct, it was going to be shown in reverse. No one could understand a thing. -- too wierd

7. "The Naked Minute" - Voyager encounters a nebula/borg thing/anything and water turns to super alcohol. Janeway ends up in bed with Neelix. -- too wrong

6. "The Happiest Place on Earth" - The crew of the Enterprise decide that after fighting the Xindi they should visit Disneyland. The crew goes crazy with relief. Antics only thought to be seen on childrens TV are shown. -- too wacky.

5. "The Dating Game" - For some fun, Uhura creates a dating game. Spock and McCoy both end up falling in love with the person they meet. In the end it turns out that it was each other. -- too controversial

4. "Ratings are low" - Due to a freak accident Seven of Nine is brought into the past by T'pol, who happens to be in the starting phaze of the Pon Far. Seven catches it as well. The two seek out Trip. -- too sexy

3. "The Holodeck" - The crew of Voyager spends a relaxing weekend in the holodeck. Nothing bad happens. -- too wierd

2. "Status" - Lwaxana lists off all of her titles. Riker ends up stabbing himself with a PADD to get out of hearing it. -- too boring

1. "Zero Hour" - A big lead up to... alien Nazi's. Viewers stab themselves with PADDs - too wierd/wacky/wrong

next list: New Olympic sports that Trek characters would excel at[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]( Edit: ^Bwahahaha! :lol: :lol: )

Top Ten Trek Episodes that were Just Too Wacky/Wierd/Wrong/Sexy/Boring/Controversial to be aired


10: Wacky:
"Aquatic See, Denobulan Do" Phlox is bored with the lack of weird aliens to treat. When he discovers the ancient Earth art called "mime", he takes it up as a casual hobby (minus the white face--purple suits him so much better) that soon becomes a 24/7 preoccupation. Some crewmembers are disturbed (most notably Archer) while others are amused (most notably Mayweather [okay, so maybe "other[b:post_uid0]s[/b:post_uid0]" was a bit of a stretch]). It turns out to be useful when, during a desperate battle that rocks the ship and knocks out the Universal Translators onboard, Phlox successfully communicates via sign language to a Xindi defector his last-ditch plan to save the ship's last slice of pecan pie from sliding off a table and onto the floor.

9: Weird:
"The Sportsters of Dodecahelion" In this transparent re-make, Captain Janeway, Tuvok, Kes, and Torres are captured and added to a slave population consisting mostly of male hunks. Janeway promptly goes Jim Kirk on the lot of them. What little good there is in the show is wrecked by the fact that at the start of nearly every scene can be heard the voice of Jennifer Lien continuing to complain heartily about how she "never gets any hunks".

8: Wrong:
"What's Up, Doc Phlox?" In a thoroughly jaw-dropping heart-stopping shocker, Daffy Duck and gang become canon (:O) when Archer goes back in time to [i:post_uid0]Space Jam[/i:post_uid0] to save the world from extraterrestrial meanies. Again.

7: Sexy:
"Shirtless" After Phlox and T'Pol have full-body run-ins with poison ivy, it turns out that the best way for Denobulans or Vulcans to get rid of rashes is to let the affected skin air out the poison that caused it. --Hmm? Oh yeah, Shran's an alien too, isn't he? Yeah, so he falls into the stuff too and has to air out his skin as well...anyone else?...

6: Boring:
"The Linguist and the Pilot" An entire episode that focuses on nothing more than what happens after Mayweather wagers Hoshi $100 that they can switch bridge positions for an entire month without anyone noticing. Archer seems to think something is odd at first, but gets used to telling "Sato" to move the ship around without even realizing he's doing it. No one else so much as blinks at the irregularity--and that includes the viewers.[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hotaru: *snerf* TOO funny!
NAH: [i:post_uid0]Now[/i:post_uid0] what? Are we going to have an alternative top 10 sprouting off?[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid7]Nahh, just go with Hotaru's ;)[/color:post_uid7]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmm...New Olympic sports that Trek characters would excel at, eh?

10. Janeway - Olympic Coffee Drinking (I know of no one who could beat her! )

Ok, cant think of any more at the moment! :D[/color:post_uid0]

[danieldoof]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Okay I try one

9. Chakotay in Olympic rapid shuttle crashing (is anyone faster) :D[/color:post_uid0]

[danieldoof]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I feel another one coming :)

not the best but hey
it's my second ;)

8. Chef on NX01 is the best in Olympic chili cooking contest[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You can just edit and add to your post :) You can do a whole list or just one entry...


7. Kirk in Olympic Dating
6. Quark in Olympic Bartending Without Ever Actually Pouring a Drink or doing Any Work That Doesn't Involve Getting In Odo's Way.
5. Bashir in Olympic Obsession With An Alien Babe[/color:post_uid0]

[danieldoof]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]all right, got it :eyeroll:

what about
4. Captain Pike in Olympic beeping (morse-code, just watched TOS)[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Kirk-- gold in the Olympic Slow-Speaking Championship![/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]2: Olympic eybrow raising - neck & neck with spock & tuvok[/color:post_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]1. Olympic Time Traveling: An event to see who can do the most damage.

Top Ten Reasons how Time Travel is healthy[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. It confuses T'Pol, because the Vulcan Science people say it isn't possible, but she sees it, so she runs to Trip. Okay, so maybe it's mostly healthy for Trip...erm...[/color:post_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000:post_uid5]Hi danieldoof! Welcome! :)



9. Bashir can now go back and give those living in the Middle Ages full-spectrum antiviral/bacterial/fungal vaccinations. :devil:

8. You can't die if you don't exist, right? Therefore by going back in time to a point before your conception you can avoid that most unhealthy of all conditions: death!

7. Frequent Time Traveler miles can be cashed in for a week's vacation in a Risan health spa. Vacation can work wonders for mental health, you know! ;)

6. The Interstellar Medical Association has reported that spending time as a bunch of tachyons works wonders for creases, aching bones, and other signs of aging. (Physicists, mathematicians, wise guys, and most of the rest of the public have pointed out that simply regressing to one's younger state would be even better, but that's beside the point.)

5. The odds of dying as a direct result of time travel are statistically only about .3%. Compare that with the odds of dying from a full-strength disruptor blast to the heart, and it's clear that time travel is much safer, and likely healthier as well.

4. Time travel allows Janeway to relive that last cup of coffee over and over again during times of low supply when coffee is unavailable. This is quite beneficial to her mental health and even more so to crewmembers' continued existence.

3. Kirk: "Spock, help Mr. Sulu to plot a time-travelling course around the Sun. I've [i:post_uid5]got[/i:post_uid5] to go back to last night's party and warn myself not to drink that Saurian brandy/Romulan ale cocktail!"[/color:post_uid5]

[danieldoof]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]thanks for the welcome :D
I definetely like it here
so many people having fun with scifi
I wonder where you get those great ideas from
I think I have to work on mine very hard ;)

okay here we go

2. I refer to one of the startrek movies. I guess it is much healthier to timetravel to get the redshirts now than to wait until Tuesday and do the dangerous work alone.[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]and the number 1 reason why going back i time is healthy is:

1: You can go back in time and not eat that cake! (althogh, i'd probably eat it all over again ;) )

Next: Top Ten pets for Star Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0]

[Ginga]

[quote:post_uid0="Alexia"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Next: Top Ten pets for Star Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmm... :)

10. Janeway: A coffee-fetching dog.
9. Spock: A cat that's been trained to raise his eyebrow.
8. Dr. Phlox: A guinea pig.
7. Kirk: One sexy female cat.

*hands it over for someone else to finish*[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]6. Chakotay: A wirehaired dachshund, so at least one of them has some independent though. :D

5. Reed: A cute, smooth, mini dachshund forever-puppy, so all the women will say, "Aww, what a cute doggie, this guy must be super cool"

4. Picard: A standard dachshund/poodle mix, to confuse his ancestry...the English accent, French parentage...a little more.

3. Redshirt: A cute, loveable dachshund to send home to his/her widow.

2. Nog: See #5.

1. Jadzia Dax: A standard, smooth dachshund that nips, because Bashir must be afraid of something...

Top Ten Historical People Who Could Come Back To Haunt Star Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Seven of Nine: The Tin Man from the wizard of oz :D[/color:post_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'd suggest Captain Ahab and Picard, but it's not funny and Ahab wasn't really a real guy anyhow.[/color:post_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I thought of Ahab too, :D Let`s say...

9. Melville, the author of Moby Dick, haunts Picard for serious copyright infringement, :p

8. Sargon the Great of Akkad (24th Century, but Before Christ :D) haunts Kirk for abusing his name in "Return to Tomorrow", but compliments the great music in the episode, though.

7. Katharine Hepburn haunts Kathryn Janeway, for obvious reasons ("Greetings, I`m Captain Katharine Hepburn of the Federation Starship Voyager." - the Vidiians are still rather confused)

6. Stalin haunts the Borg Queen, wants to arrange a date.


I apologize for the lack of humour, it`s 2 AM... and for some strange reasons, I am tired... :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Alexia]

[color=#000000:post_uid0]5: Shakespeare, also haunts Picard for overkill

4: The captain of the Titanic, haunts Janeway in 'Timeless' for taking the "crashing into an iceberg" thing WAY too far

3: Sigmund freud haunts Dax for rationalising Multiple Personality Disorder

2: Nigella Lawson haunts Neelix for stealing her recipes (someone would have to kill her first though *fetches shotgun*)

1: Jesus haunts the Q, for being copy cats

Next, top 10 snacks for 5MV forum goers :D[/color:post_uid0]

[Opium]

10. Alexia: Coffee!

[Nic Corelli]

5: Shakespeare, also haunts Picard for overkill

4: The captain of the Titanic, haunts Janeway in 'Timeless' for taking the "crashing into an iceberg" thing WAY too far

3: Sigmund freud haunts Dax for rationalising Multiple Personality Disorder

2: Nigella Lawson haunts Neelix for stealing her recipes (someone would have to kill her first though *fetches shotgun*)

1: Jesus haunts the Q, for being copy cats

Next, top 10 snacks for 5MV forum goers :D



BWAHAHAHAHA! Hysterical! :twisted:

[taya17]

9. 17: Delen-- erm, I mean PHJ's thumbs and fingers, yum!
8. Cat: Kitty treats, what else?
7. Nits: Korean chocolates ;)
6. Opium: Coke!
5. Sa'ar: Sevente-- eh, rocks. What else would you feed a yawning Chasm?

[Opium]

9. 17: Delen-- erm, I mean PHJ's thumbs and fingers, yum!
8. Cat: Kitty treats, what else?
7. Nits: Korean chocolates ;)
6. Opium: Coke!
5. Sa'ar: Sevente-- eh, rocks. What else would you feed a yawning Chasm?

As usual, so dirty!

4. Zeke: Chilli cheese pudding pizza with icecream topping!

[taya17]

As usual, so dirty!

Dirty? What dya mean, DIRTY? :evil: :twisted: :evil:

[Alexia]

dirt·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dûrt)
adj. dirt·i·er, dirt·i·est

1. Soiled, as with dirt; unclean.
2. Spreading dirt; polluting: The air near the foundry was always dirty.
2. Apt to soil with dirt or grime: a dirty job at the garage.
4. Contaminated with bacteria or other infectious microorganisms.
5. Squalid or filthy; run-down: dirty slums.
6. Obscene or indecent: dirty movies; a dirty joke.
7. Malicious or scandalous: a dirty lie.
8. Producing a very great amount of long-lived radioactive fallout. Used of nuclear weapons.

I'm thinking she meant 8... :wink:

[taya17]

*looks at glowing 5 mile long space station* You're probably right, you know! :twisted:

[Alexia]

*Dodges space station*

4. NAHTMMM, Not another huge tomato making much mold..., something else!

3. MmeBlueberry, a blueberry muffin

2. Neomatrix, that gloopy stuff that may or may not taste of chicken

1. Kira, Parfait. Everybody likes parfait (apparently!)

Next, Top Ten reasons why hanging out at the 5MV forums is better than doing any work

[Hotaru]

Top Ten reasons why hanging out at the 5MV forums is better than doing any work

10. Money is overrated, laughter is the true currency of the world.

9. People on star trek just poke buttons all day long, we're practicing.

8. :D :) :( :o :shock: :? 8) :lol: :x :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :wink: , when was the last time you did that at work?

7. At work I hang out with people from work, here I hang out with people from Croatia.

6. When I shoot John at work, he DOESN'T come back.

5. The guy at work who wears a top hat is kinda creepy.

uhm, I've run out of ideas, someone else take over.

[NAHTMMM]

from memory



Top 10 snacks for 5MV forum goers


10. (dumb)

9. Those Hershey's Kisses with strawberry or orange or whatever in them (taya17) (no, I don't know where you can get them :()

8. Gummi TopHatMans (Opium, NeoMatrix)

7. Pure sugar (everyone)

[Opium]

Top Ten reasons why hanging out at the 5MV forums is better than doing any work
(keep in mind I work in theatre...)

4. When the man who wears the top hat is wandering around, you have to grab him, give him the hat, and watch that he doesn't break it.

3. Avatars, unlike costumes, do not need washing, and people don't sweat in them, making them smelly.

2. When you laugh at random things, no one yells that you might be heard on stage.

1. Oh, wait, no, there are wierd, non-normal, cool people here and theatre... :P

Top Ten Ways John would mess up any Trek series.

[Alexia]

10. John would mess up TOS, as he would compeletly alleviate the need for red shirts!

Opium, you work in the theatre? Cool. What do you do?

[taya17]

9. He would regularly nuke the Alien of the Week.
8. He would totally mess up TNG and Voyager by introducing the concept of a Story Arc into the two series.

*Is brain dead. Cannot think of more.*

[Opium]

Well, mostly I do props and ASM, but in the university theatre program I'm in, I've mostly done costumes, and some acting, cus it's fun! Unfortunetly, I need to look for a normal part-time job right now :? I spent all summer so far volunteering...good for portfolio, bad for pocketbook!

[Nic Corelli]

Top Ten reasons why hanging out at the 5MV forums is better than doing any work

10. Money is overrated, laughter is the true currency of the world.

9. People on star trek just poke buttons all day long, we're practicing.

8. :D :) :( :o :shock: :? 8) :lol: :x :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :wink: , when was the last time you did that at work?

7. At work I hang out with people from work, here I hang out with people from Croatia.

6. When I shoot John at work, he DOESN'T come back.

5. The guy at work who wears a top hat is kinda creepy.

uhm, I've run out of ideas, someone else take over.

AAAAAAH! HILARIOUS! I mean it! :D :D :D :D :D

>>#7<< Why thank you, :lol:

[taya17]

I spent all summer so far volunteering...good for portfolio, bad for pocketbook!

And she accuses me of insanity for working for free during summer... *tsk* :wink:

[NeoMatrix]

7. The tribbles will abandon ship when they see John

6. John's untimely deaths don't occur when a consol explodes

5. The Borg are afraid of John, so they stay away from any ship with him on it

4. T'Pol falls in love with John instead of Trip. They get married and live happily ever after.

3. "Captain, we are out of Torpedos!" "That's no problem, we have an infinite supply of Johnpedos."

2. After Q discovers that John cannot be killed, he doesn't know whether to accept him into the continum or run far away.

1. Well, the chili won't ever be the same

Top Ten Ways TopHatMan would mess up any Trek series

[Vedra]

Top Ten Weirdest 'Ships Ever Mentioned

10. Icheb/Naomi (I said Icheb/Mezoti,but Zeke had to one-up me!)

9. "Fury" Kes/Warp core (It'll never last...)

8. Chakotay/Rocking Chair

7. Trance/Tyr (rofl,the absurditude of that astounds me.)

[Alexia]

Top Ten Ways TopHatMan would mess up any Trek series

Did that disappear then? Err...*doesnt know which one to add to*

:shock:

[Vedra]

No,I just wasn't paying attention...I made that post when I was really tired,lol.

[Opium]

Top Ten Ways TopHatMan would mess up any Trek series

10. His top hat would make him look like Abe Lincoln, and Kirk has already enough of him!

9. His chilli jokes would really unnerve Porthos, which would in turn unnerve Archer, and Archer would make a mistake, like hanging around with Alien Nazis...erm, wait...so THAT"S what happened!

8. Janeway would fire Chakotay, as TopHatMan has, amazingly, even LESS personality than Chakotay, and Janeway likes her men of the "yes" variety. :wink:

7. Jedzia Dax would pick TopHatMan, and this would cause Worf, Quark, and Bashir to try and kill themselves.

6. TopHatMan would invite John along to the fight against the Dominion, and in one hour, the Dominion would be killed by the millions of incarnations of John and TopHatMan.

[Nic Corelli]

5. In Storm Front, Part II, it will be revealed that the Evil Future Guy is actually TOP HAT MAN! I knew all along! :twisted:

4. It would also be revealed that the Evil Future Guy is taking orders from someone even deeper in the future, the 56th Century, for example, which means the Evil Future Guy has his own superior Evil Future Guy. This would provide for the triumphant return of the Temporal Cold War in the middle of season 4.

3. Fuelled by the incredible popularity and ratings spike thanks to the unbelievable plot twists regarding Top Hat Man The Evil Future Guy and his superior, the Evil Evil Future Guy, Enterprise would get renewed for seasons 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. A very own Enterprise spin-off would launch, Star Trek: Enterprise: Temporal Enterprise, where it would be revealed that the Evil Future Guy (Top Hat Man) and the Evil Evil Future Guy are ACTUALLY taking orders from Evil Evil Evil Future Guy from the 79th Century.

2. The ratings for Enterprise skyrocket, making it the Number One Highest Rated Series of All Time. The show also wins ALL the Emmys, all the Golden Globes and the Tox Uthat. A second Enterprise spin-off, Star Trek: Enterprise: The Adventures of Porthos, is commissioned. The original Enterprise enters season 14, creatively and ratings-wise stronger than ever.

1. After the shocking Enterprise season 18 finale, "Really Big Nasty Storm With Some Mean Rain Front, Part 7", it is revealed that the FOURTH Evil Future Guy, supposedly from the 106th Century, DOES not exist! The audience is severely disappointed, and Enterprise, Enterprise: Temporal Enterprise and Enterprise: The Adventures of Porthos are cancelled (since Archer was already 66, even better, actually). The sixth Trek series is launched, with Jennifer Aniston as a Cardassian Captain and an unknown non-speaking extra as her Breen First Officer, gender undetermined. There is some sexual tension, but the show is deemed derivative of the never-again-paralleled Enterprise: The Porthos Adventures, and the Star Trek franchise ends in disgrace after 53 years.

*
*
NOW do you see what kind of damage would John and Top Hat Man cause? Let go of them already! STELLAAAAAA!


*
*
NEXT - Top Ten Ideas for the 6th Star Trek Series

[Opium]

10. Star Trek: The Adventures of TopHatMan and John: In the DS9 AU, John and TopHatMan become the ubersupremeultra Prime Minister Emperors due to their lack of dying. :wink:

9. Star Trek: Deep Space 9:The Next Generation Jake is the narrator of this series which documents Sisko coming back after 30 years; the happenings of Ezri and Bashir, as Ezri deals with the upcoming loss of her husband; Quark dates woman after woman, talking about nothing; and Kira is so distraught she marries Morn.

[admiral sab]

8. Bon Voyager: The french have taken over the ship called Voyager and everyone speaks with a British accent.

7. Star Trek the Pre Prequel: Set in the time of early starships. Before warp drive was invented. Ok it's about NASA and the moon landing! William Shatner would guest star as himself.

6. Star Trek Return of the King: In an amazing ploy the King from Lord of the Rings makes his debut as Captain Aewoyn. (Isn't that his name?) and the elf is his first officer. The doctor is the girl elf. Frodo is the chief engineer with best bud Comm officer Samwise at his side. Of course Seven of Nine makes all kinds of cameo appearances.

5. Star Trek: Seven of Nine. (It had to be done.)

4. Star Trek meets the X-Men: Yep you guessed it! Ratings will be soaring! (they wrote a book about it, why not a series!) Patrick Stewart will of course be playing Captain Picard and Mr. X - who knew that Picard had another clone?

3. Star Trek: Evil Future Guy revealed

Yep they finally figure out who it is!

2. Star Trek: Evil Alien Nazis
they decide it would be worth the risk to just do a series about evil alien Nazis!

1. Star Trek: Borg

We just can't get enough of em! Oh wait we already did this series! we called it Voyager though!

[Opium]

admiral sab, you forgot to post a new subject!

Nevermind! This list was never finished!

Top Ten Weirdest 'Ships Ever Mentioned

6. Quark/Any woman
5. 17/Zeke
4. John/TopHatMan
3. Rom/Leeta...no, wait...
2. Picard/anyone but Crusher!
1. Data/Toaster :lol:

(yes, I know Data/Toaster is my own creation, but I like it anyway)

Top Ten Really Wrong Eps of Any Trek Show

[Alexia]

Real eps or made up ones? If its real then definatly,

10. Unforgettable - God that ep sucked. Maybe it was just me. But it was on as a repeat on SkyOne the other day and my Mum said, "Oh, I don't remember this one." Point made I think...:wink:

[Opium]

Real eps, made up eps...it's all good :D

[admiral sab]

9. Threshold- even Braga regrets it!

8. Persistence of Vision- Could do without that C/T moment, thanks.

7. Twilight

6. Any Season 2 Enterprise Eps.

5. Elogium

[Scooter]

4. “Data’s Colonoscopy” – Geordi would rather be swallowing sharp pieces of glass than what he really has to do, which is investigate certain ... problems ... with Data’s functioning. B-plot: Crusher and Picard almost have a conversation.

3. “The Relief” – After years of erotic tension, everyone on board the NX-01 has sex over and over until they just plumb get tuckered out. Now able to function properly as Starfleet officers, the crew goes back to work and within a few short weeks resolves all the nagging subplots and pointless dangling questions of the last three seasons. Time travel is finally abolished, Vulcan unvulcanness is decreed illogical, and everyone’s happy – except Malcolm, who, for some reason, found the whole experience strangely unfulfilling.

2. “The Debate” – The Voyager crew spend fifty minutes in the briefing room arguing over whether to go straight or turn right. At the end of the episode someone presses the reset button, and no one remembers that they found out they were supposed to go left all along. The debate starts all over again.

1. “Ball’s Eye” – An entire episode of Deep Space 9 from the perspective of Sisko’s baseball. Includes a riveting subspace conversation with Starfleet supply over unaccountably delayed shipments of corbomite, which Sisko has requisitioned for defense of the space station; six separate reprimands of Bashir for whistling while other people are trying to work; and a privileged view of Sisko’s strategies for gaining the highest level in Halo XLI. In a delightful closer, after Sisko goes to bed and all the lights in Ops are dimmed, we learn that Rumpelstiltskin lives under a floorboard in Sisko’s office and never really left the station at all.



NEXT:

Dax's Most Interesting Exes From All Her Lives

[Hotaru]

Dax's Most Interesting Exes From All Her Lives

10. Hillary Clinton

9. Worf's great-great grandfather -- Worf -- who looks identical to modern Worf

8. Curzons Mother

7. TopHatMan, who after several dates of wandering around the mall dazed and confused she broke up with, stealing his Hat in the process.

6. Micheal Moore whom later made a documentary entitled "Aliens are real! AND BUSH KNOWS!"

5. Pretending to be French, Dax married a human girl, and started the Picard line. His husband never understood why his accent was british.

4. Bashir - but she'd never tell

3. 17

2. The inventor of telemarketing. He mysteriously disappeared a few days later, and Dax conveniently died.

1. Gatac, whom she painted dots on to fulfill his wish of having them.

Next - Top Ten Trek sitcom ideas

[Opium]

B-plot: Crusher and Picard almost have a conversation.

we learn that Rumpelstiltskin lives under a floorboard in Sisko’s office and never really left the station at all.
:D Love it!
5. Pretending to be French, Dax married a human girl, and started the Picard line. His husband never understood why his accent was british.

4. Bashir - but she'd never tell
:D Also love it!


And now...
Top Ten Trek sitcom ideas

10. Dax and Bashir: Documenting the lives of Bashir's funny attempts to get Dax to love him. But, as Dax is Trill, she can not love him. Of course, in the end, Ezri does.

9. Spin UN: Picard is a French diplomat in the UN. Dr. Crusher is the American medical advisor. They both went to university at Harvard, and after twenty years meet up again, only now, since Dr Crusher is a widow, Picard has a chance...and Dr Crusher can reveal her true feelings for him!

8. Quark's: Quark runs a quirky bar where everyone knows your name. Morn is always there to nod reassuringly; Rom always has some useless info to tell; and Odo is the cop whos only pleasure is to bug Quark, until he meets the dashing DA named Kira...

[Hotaru]

did my top ten list idea kill this thread? :cry:

[NAHTMMM]

Nahhh, it's just a lull ;)


7. Forty-Seven Rules for Flying My Ship: Picard's determined to keep Wesley Crusher AND Deanna Troi away from the helm, even if it means making up absurd "rules" for who gets to sit in the pilot's seat.

[Scooter]

Another one of my long-winded lists. :)

6. “The Golden Boys” – Admiral Paris, Joe Sisko, Boothby, and Ambassador Spock move to a condo in Miami Beach and there enjoy some Centrum Silver moments. An even older member of the household adds extra spice, in the form of 300-year-old Admiral McCoy, who forgets every day that the “green-blooded son of a spork” he spends most of his time muttering about is his own roommate.

5. “Quark” – After he loses his bar, Quark finds himself the captain of a spacefaring garbage barge. His cohorts include a “transmute” with male and female characteristics, a highly-evolved plant-man named Ficus, Andy the Android, and Betty and Betty, who were always arguing over who was the clone of the other. Unceremoniously canceled and remembered only by those who obsess on TV/sci-fi trivia.

4. “Odo & Lwaxana” – Odo hangs out his shingle as a professional constable in New York, but spends most of his time palling around with his best friend Lwaxana, along with his flamboyant sidekick and her shrill secretary. Try as he might, Odo can’t find anyone “like him” to date, though he takes solace that the love life of man-hungry Lwaxana is even worse. At least they know that at the end of the day, they have their bitter, acerbic wisecracks.

3. “AfterTrek” – With “Next Generation” canceled, some of the bit players decide they want to keep their characters going. “AfterTrek” features Ensign Ro, Gowron, Nurse Ogawa, and Spot the Cat all ending up at Starbase Z97, bickering with each other, resolving minor emergencies, and trying desperately to ignore the gaping holes in their ensemble.

2. “The Powers of Julian Bashir” – On his 40th birthday Julian’s tweaked generic coding suddenly gives him uncanny “powers,” including the ability to accurately predict whether they’re in a Sisko-Gets-Angry episode or a Kira-Gets-Angry episode; the ability to visit the wormhole aliens and select which show they appear as characters from; and the ability to give O’Brien a “hotfoot” without the use of any matches whatsoever.

1. “I Love Beverly” – Zany hijinx ensue when the madcap redhead spins one scheme after another to get her own ship, despite the stolid interference of her foreigner husband, Jean-Luc Picard (played by a real-life foreigner himself!). When Beverly comes home after yet another medical starship has breeched its core, this wacky housefrau knows she’s got some “explaining” to do!


Next:
Top-Ten Little-Known Trek Celebrity Cameos

[mudshark]

5. “Quark” – After he loses his bar, Quark finds himself the captain of a spacefaring garbage barge. His cohorts include a “transmute” with male and female characteristics, a highly-evolved plant-man named Ficus, Andy the Android, and Betty and Betty, who were always arguing over who was the clone of the other. Unceremoniously canceled and remembered only by those who obsess on TV/sci-fi trivia. Heh. :D

[Opium]

Top-Ten Little-Known Trek Celebrity Cameos

Real or made-up? Considering this is the Top 10 list, and not the Top 7, I shall assume made-up is okay. :lol:


10.TNG: Gambit of the Tombs: Searching for evidence of a higher culture on the Planet Inp'Ropa'Blepl'Ot, Picard runs into a strange, careless man named Indiana Jones who seems to have no real knowledge of archeologist digs, tries to seduce Dr. Crusher, and claims Councillor Troi is a Commie because of her accent. Guest star Harrison Ford.

9. DS9: Apocalypse Now Rising: Kurtzron of Klingon High Command, is suspected of being a changling. The Defiant must help get Cpt. Benjamin Willard to the Klingon High Council. However, on the way, Bashir tries to save a puppy, Rom is trigger-happy, and Quark talks a little to much about mixing drinks. Guest starring Martin Sheen.

8. TNG: Dark Page: Luxanna collapses, and only SpiderMan's girlfriend, Mary Jane Watson, can save her! Guest Star: Kirsten Dunst. No, really. Look it up.

7. TNG: Attached: Picard and Crusher are strangly linked, yet nothing can happen, because some obnoxious woman named Anya keeps butting into their relationship. Guest Star:Emma Caulfield (Buffy's Anya, will make sense to X/W's)

[Opium]

Awww, come on, I tried, you guys try too! :D

[Hotaru]

6. TNG; Devils Due. Picard and Buffy must work together to stop the Devil from taking over a planet. Guest Star: Sarah Michelle Gellar

5. VOY; The Disease. Harry chooses a women over duty and threatens to give her up. In a sub-plot cut from the episode Ensign Jones tries to fix the warp core of the aliens ship, despite the fact that he's a tacticle officer. Guest Star: Jim Carrey.

4. DS9; Second Skin. Kira is kidnapped and some Cardassians try to convince her she is a Cardassian. Troi makes a brief appearance to slap her for stealing the base idea of Face of the Enemy. Guest Star: Mirina Sirtis

3. TNG; Tapestry. Picard goes back in time and changes his past, and tries to rekindle his romance with Lwaxana Troi. Guest star: Majel Barret.

2. ENT; Stormfront. Enterprise people do stuff in the past. Guest Star: The plot from every other Go-back-in-time episode.

1. ENT; Season 3. Enterprise must stop the Xindi from destroying the world. Archer goes crazy, T'pol goes crazy, Trip get's depressed. Other's are there. Guest Star: Anthony Montgomery

Next List: Top Ten dark secrets of 5MV forumgoers.

[Opium]

3. TNG; Tapestry. Picard goes back in time and changes his past, and tries to rekindle his romance with Lwaxana Troi. Guest star: Majel Barret.

:shock:
Never! Picard only has eyes for Dr. Crusher, and Dr. Crusher only has eyes for Picard!

[Scooter]

Top Ten dark secrets of 5MV forumgoers


10. Opium: Secretly prefers Coca-Cola to opium
9. Admiral Sab: Is actually Brad Pitt's niece
8. Hotaru: Makes a good living selling access to Rick Berman's voicemail
7. Nic Corelli: Was last seen in the company of the governor of New Jersey
6. Pointy-Haired Jedi: Failed his first Jedi Master exam
5. Sa'ar Chasm: Is actually Brad Pitt's niece
4. NAHTMMM: Screen name doesn't stand for anything, damn it
3. Mudshark: Is a red shirt in real life
2. Zeke: Keeps a secret FMV forum in which he makes all the comments and all the responses
1. Scooter: Cries like a baby, every time, at the end of "Tapestry"


Next: Top Ten Things Spock Invented in his Spare Time

[Opium]

10. Opium: Secretly prefers Coca-Cola to opium

How did you find out? WHAT? You're only GUESSING? erm...oh...

Next: Top Ten Things Spock Invented in his Spare Time

10. Actually, living copies of John and TopHatMan. How else do you think the Enterprise had enough redshirts?
9. Kirk-O-Gram: A meter to determine how annoying Kirk's advances were on other women. Used succesfully to make sure subsiquent captians, such as Picard, were in love with just one woman.

Erm.... ideas gone bye-bye.

[mudshark]

Top Ten dark secrets of 5MV forumgoers


7. Nic Corelli: Was last seen in the company of the governor of New Jersey
Oooo. That's bad.
3. Mudshark: Is a red shirt in real life
Aw, nuts! Does it show? :(

[MaverickZer0]

Top Ten dark secrets of 5MV forumgoers


10. Opium: Secretly prefers Coca-Cola to opium
9. Admiral Sab: Is actually Brad Pitt's niece
8. Hotaru: Makes a good living selling access to Rick Berman's voicemail
7. Nic Corelli: Was last seen in the company of the governor of New Jersey
6. Pointy-Haired Jedi: Failed his first Jedi Master exam
5. Sa'ar Chasm: Is actually Brad Pitt's niece
4. NAHTMMM: Screen name doesn't stand for anything, damn it
3. Mudshark: Is a red shirt in real life
2. Zeke: Keeps a secret FMV forum in which he makes all the comments and all the responses
1. Scooter: Cries like a baby, every time, at the end of "Tapestry"


Next: Top Ten Things Spock Invented in his Spare Time

That's right! I don't have any deep, dark secrets.
Those I do have, everyone knows...like those fires...
Wait, I mean, that wasn't me...yes...

[Hotaru]

8. The "Vucanizer" - place anything it, instantly it's vulcan in nature! See clothes go brown, words go weird, illogic become logic!

7. The "Fun-With-McCoy" communications addition - a small box placed in sickbay, it causes the comm to say "That's Illogical" evertime McCoy says anything.

6. The "Surge protector" - a small device that shuts down a console when it's about to explode. He decided he'd be out of a job with it, and threw it away.

Someone else think of things.

[Scooter]

That's right! I don't have any deep, dark secrets.
Those I do have, everyone knows...like those fires...
Wait, I mean, that wasn't me...yes...

I just ran out of slots. Believe me, I have the 411 on all y'all. Beware the sequel.

MWAHAHAHA!

[Opium]

5. An "eTrektion", which is a way of votiing for the captian of a long "trek" when the actual captain is murdered.

4. Hairy Potter: A device which gives every redshirt the perfect bowl-style hair cut.

3. The MorIronic: A computer program which irons your clothes for you, but leaves them with burn marks.

2. Itisown Reword: Based on the machines in 1984 which create illicit books, but instead makes up excuses for Captain Kirk's court martials.

1. SleepE: Spock perfected the concept of writing random things when you are tired, in hopes someone will find them useful.

Top Ten Wacky Plans Captain Janeway May Have Had During Voyager

[admiral sab]

Me? Brad Pitt's Neice? I wish! ;) lol good thing you didn't find out about my secret hatred of Soap Operas. Oh crap I gave it away!

sorry, Opium I've only been faking my DOOL knowledge! ;)

[Nic Corelli]

7. The "Fun-With-McCoy" communications addition - a small box placed in sickbay, it causes the comm to say "That's Illogical" evertime McCoy says anything.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hysterical. You`re one crazy girl, Hotaru. :P :twisted: