Top Ten List of... - Step 1:See Topic. Step 2:create list

[NAHTMMM]

Top Ten Wacky Plans Captain Janeway May Have Had During Voyager


10. Stockpiling Neelix's cooking so that if the torpedoes run low they can launch leola-stew torpedoes

9. Giving up on deciding between hairstyles and just shaving her scalp. Added benefit: makes her look more like a contemporary Starfleet captain

8. Voyager goes thattaway while Chakotay takes the shuttle and goes thisaway, "thisaway" being somewhere other than "a crater in the ground"

7. Chakotay: Captain, we're running low on shuttles. Again.
Janeway: Well, replicate some more. Again.
Chakotay: But we're low on material!
Janeway: Then take over a Borg cube or something and we'll use it as a shuttle! Do I have to think of everything?
Chakotay: ...

6. Her acceptance of the Zorklepuns' challenge to Space Tennis, using their respective ships as the rackets and a handy asteroid as the ball

5. Putting a TV in the engine room and setting it to show reruns of the "Red Green Show" 24/7, to provide B'elanna with inspiration

4. Giving Harry a special assignment: learning the secrets of the Jedi so he could will the ship home faster. (Harry turned out to be too talented. She cancelled the assignment literally hours before he was to appear before the Jedi council for the test that would secure a promotion to Jedi Master.)

3. The replication of a humongous cardboard box for Voyager to hide in.
Borg cube: Who goes there?
Cardboard-boxed Voyager: Nobody here but us assimilated chickens.
Borg cube: Hmm, you do look like a Borg cube....Okay, you may pass.

2. "Hmm, you know, we've had our problems with the holodecks too. Why don't we just shut them down for the rest of the trip?"
"BWAHAHAHA! ...Wait, Captain, you mean you were serious?"

1. Telling Seven to design a device which could compress time so strongly as to make an entire hour pass in just five minutes, thus allowing Voyager to get home within a few years. (Seven just looked at her like she was nuts.)




Next: Sisko's Top Ten Excuses for Losing to the Vulcans in the Baseball Game

[Nic Corelli]

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: Wacky list, NAH!


Hmmm...


10. Sisko: "Um, that dog ate my game strategy pad! I shall now punish him accordingly by cooking it, and serving it for dinner, along with some chili" (damn, there were no chili jokes for a looong time, :twisted: )

9. "They used their evil telepathic powers on us! Evil greenbloodedpointyeared orcs! Blood! Death! Elephants!"

8. "I had a vision, from the Prophets! If the Prophets hadn`t spoken to me and said <Eeep! Linear transboozled philosophically your path shall be a Get me a cookie! difficult one, my child>, I would have taken that third base just like that!"

7. "A bird deflected the ball... Its feathers were black... wingspan approximately one meter in diameter... Its eyes were yellow, and it had a powerful triangular BEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAH! Big scary black bird! Run! Run for your liiiiives!"

6. "Odo is to blame! He sold us out to the Vulcans! He always liked Vulcans better than us! More specifically, me! Odo always hated me! He never wanted to go for a stroll on the Promenade with me! Always refused my invitations for tea parties! Or Barbie doll exhibits! Odo doesn`t like meeeeee, :weep: :sob: :bawl:"

5. "It`s part of a Romulan plot! Those Vulcans aren`t really Vulcans! They are Romulans! It`s their most devious attempt to take over the Federation, by demoralizing us into desperate surrender, and how better to do it than beat ME in BASEBALL? I`m so devastated I already surrendered the station to them and Bajor to the Dominion. My baseball honour is lost and NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE! (14 extra exclamation points edited out by Common Sense, in one of its RARE appeareances)


Someone else has the honour of continuing, I`m tired :P

[Alexia]

8. Voyager goes thattaway while Chakotay takes the shuttle and goes thisaway, "thisaway" being somewhere other than "a crater in the ground"

Great, now I have that crazy "this way, thataway, this way thataway, this way thataway, my oh my" song in my head... :wink:

[Opium]

5. Putting a TV in the engine room and setting it to show reruns of the "Red Green Show" 24/7, to provide B'elanna with inspiration

Ah, duck tape. Everyone's best friend, essp. set construction crew...


5. Sisko: It was Quark! Yes, Odo, it was Quark, and you must go after him on charges of ruining the honour of a captain!
Odo: That is only a law in the Klingon books, but since it's Quark, I'll make the exception.

4. Sisko: The Prophets taught me the wisdom of losing while still playing a good game.

3. Sisko: See, I thought Bashir was going to give us some genetic modifications so we could be on par with the Vulcan's strength, but it turned that would be highly illegal. Who knew?

2. Sisko: Dax, you told me you were a galaxy class athlete!
Dax: No, that was in one of my past lives. In this body, I only excel at walking.
Sisko: IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU LIAR!

1. Sisko: The Vulcans kept distracting us with story, which started off with, "This one time, at logical music camp,..."

Top Ten Top Ten Lists That The DS9 Crew Would Think Up

[Scooter]

Top Ten Top Ten Lists That The DS9 Crew Would Think Up


10. Worf: Top Ten Klingon Swear Words Appropriate to Being Stuck on a Spin-Off With Nothing to Do and No One to Growl At
9. Sisko: Top Ten Kooky New Hairstyles for When I Get Tired of the Picard Look
8. Quark: My Top Ten Favorite Eye-Rolls
7. Odo: Top Ten Reasons It’s Fun to Transgress the Conservation of Mass
6. Nog: Top Ten Ways to Keep Secret the Fact that I Actually Run DS9
5. Kira: Top Ten Ways I Could Totally Kick Ro Laren’s Ass
4. Jake: Top Ten Reasons that Being Dumber than Wesley Worked to My Advantage
3. Jadzia: Top Ten Reasons Klingon Heaven Really Sucks
2. Ezri: Top Ten Reasons That Perkiness Conquers All
1. Bashir: Top Ten Ways To Use My Genetic Enhancements Besides Wining At Darts


Hey, Why not? Next:
Top Ten Top Ten Lists That The Next Gen Crew Would Think Up

[Nic Corelli]

5. Kira: Top Ten Ways I Could Totally Kick Ro Laren’s Ass

Bwahahahahaha :mrgreen: :mrgreen:


I`ll just start...


10. Troi - Top Ten Things To Say When You Have Nothing Useful To Say (10.-I sense...something, 9.-I sense...nothing, 8.-I sense something, but I don`t know what it is...)

9. Picard - Top Ten Beverages to Ingest if Earl Grey Goes Extinct (*tear*)

8. Data - Top Ten Words With 25 Or More Wacky Synonyms To Tell At Parties

7. Guinan - Top Ten People I Bugged Incessantly Every Time They Came To Ten Forward

[Hotaru]

6. Wesley - Top Ten reasons why people don't like me.

5. Riker - Top Ten ways I'm a pig.

4. Geordi - Top Ten ways I actaully got the cheif engineer job.

3. Ro - Top Ten Ways I could totally kick Kira's ass.

2. Worf - Top Ten reasons why I wear this stupid sash thing.

and...

1. Crusher - Top Ten Favorite P/C crushing moments.

next list: Top Ten Trek Episodes that feature pie as a major plot device.

[Ginga]

next list: Top Ten Trek Episodes that feature pie as a major plot device.

ST had pie in it? O_o *is thinking really hard and not remembering any pie!*

500th pooooost! *throws combadge confetti*

[Hotaru]

I never said they had to be real episodes. Also, Star Trek does have pie! Have you never seen enterprise? Pecan Pie... yum. Well, that's all.

[Ginga]

I never said they had to be real episodes. Also, Star Trek does have pie! Have you never seen enterprise? Pecan Pie... yum. Well, that's all.

Oh. Well, in that case...

10. Liquid Pie (VOY) - Neelix tries to make pie out of coffee when Captain Janeway's favorite phaser rifle breaks on an away mission to make her feel better. However, he merely ends up flooding the mess hall with coffee. Janeway can't decide if this is bad or the greatest thing that's ever happened.

9. Meet Me At Pie and Vine (TNG) - In an effort to get Picard and Crusher together, some of the senior officers decide to deliver them pies with romantic messages attatched to little flags. However, the pies are all delivered to the wrong people by terrified redshirts, and soon everyone on the ship is paranoid that someone loves them.

8. No Such Thing As Too Much Pie (TOS) - Kirk lands on a planet where the women of the week serve nothing but pie. When Spock and McCoy try to rescue him, hilarity ensues as the ladies tie them up to be sacrificed to the pie gods. And Kirk is too stuffed with pie to save them.

Someone else can finish. XP

[Opium]

Top Ten Trek Episodes that feature pie as a major plot device


10. "Yu'Lia Schild": A Vulcan scientist who was raised in Germany comes aboard the Enterprise, and Troi senses she is not all she seems. When she confronts Yu'Lia, Troi realizes that Yu'Lia is a world-class chocolate-pie baker. However, the pies turn out to be more than meets the eye when several Feringi scientists eat the pie and start falling in love with Troi. In the end, Riker and Worf are found not guility of murder, because, really, they only killed some Feringi...

9. "Kirk''s Work": Kirk eats Trillian Apple Pie right before a very important speech at the Nurse's, Teacher's, and Doctor's Federation Union. However, as he does not realize that the pie is actually 60% alchol, and he ends up saying all women should just spend their time baking pies. The teachers, nurses and doctors (who are 80% female) decide that good punishment is to make Kirk, well, bake pies. 4700 of them.

8. "All Good Things": Q decides that a good punishment for the follies of the human race is to take away all their pie. Picard ends up travelling back and forth in time, attempting to get pie back.

7. "I Love Lucy": Trip must defeat the woman he loves, Lucy, who bakes a really good pecan pie, but happens to be evil, as she is a matchmaker from the Vulcan and believes T'Pol and Archer would be a good couple.

6. "Unnamed Holodeck Episode #47": Picard and Dr. Crusher decided to spend a fun day in the holodeck, in British Columbia, 2004, at the PNE. But, oddly, every food stand starts to turn into a pie stand, the Enterprise starts to be guided by a green bumper car, a guy named Bertuzzi thinks he can leave the holodeck and become a star "player" again, and Guinen shows up.

5. "Waking Up In Your Cup": Voyager is dangerously short on coffee, so Janeway guides it to a planet obvously rich in caffiene. However, on the planet, coffee is used only in pies, and only in sacrifices to President Fodgers. Breaking every Federation rule, Janeway kidnaps Folgers, has The Doctor go down to the planet imitating him, and get all the coffee pie for the week.

4. "Neelix's New Hobby": Neelix finds a historical text in the Voyager database called the "Joy of Cooking" and discovers "Pecan Pie". However, he mistakes dried beans for pecans. Meanwhile, Janeway and Chakotay are negotiating with a alien race that is very proper and finds any naturallly occuring odors as a sign of hatred...

3. "Anomoly": Kirk's Enterprise goes through an anomoly, and all weapons turn into pies. Then the Enterprise meets a Klingon ship that is ready for battle. The only defense the Enterprise has are huge meringue pies; however, the Klingons find pies in faces very funny, a truce is made, and the end of Human/Klingong war results.

2. "Gas Attack": The Cardassians create a new weapon which makes people obsess over food. The crew of DS9 are attacked, and spend their time making up Top Ten Lists which all revolve around pies. Finally, Odo, who of course can't eat, realizes something is wrong, as Quark, who never really does work, bakes a pie. Odo then saves the day.

1. "Feelings": Trip tries to explain to T'Pol how much he loves her using a pecan pie as a bar graph. Also, some b-plot about Archer, Romulians, and a Klingon who wants to be a Hippie.

Top Ten Trek Eps The Involve Olympic Sports (make 'em up, of course :D )

D'OH! Double post! Oh well!

[Scooter]

1. "Feelings": Trip tries to explain to T'Pol how much he loves her using a pecan pie as a bar graph. Also, some b-plot about Archer, Romulians, and a Klingon who wants to be a Hippie.


hee hee hee

[Nic Corelli]

Bwahahahahahah! Ginga, Opium - hilarious lists! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

[Ginga]

Bwahahahahahah! Ginga, Opium - hilarious lists! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Hehehe... thank you. :D

*is still laughing at "Neelix's New Hobby"* :lol:

[Scooter]

Brace yourselves. As Nic predicted it was so quiet at work tonight, and me with nothing to study now that Latin is over (as you know if you've been reading my LJ :) ), that I am making a new, expanded, improved archive of the Top Ten lists. I hope to have it posted tomorrow.

This one took me a bit longer to put together, because half of the lists since my last compilation in March were subjected to this strange, progressive segmenting disease that seemed to have infected the TTL while I was busy elsewhere, with the result that lists started stretching out over three, or four, or eighteen posts. Nonetheless the effect is interesting, I think you'll see, because these round-robin efforts a lot of times end up being the best ones--particularly and especially the captain's logs, which I'd rate as one of the best ones to appear on this board, joint effort or no. And it was great to catch up on a lists I never saw while I was away.

Thanks to all the contributors who have shared many many laughs with a bunch of strangers that have come to be friends in this peculiar but most excellent corner or cyberspace.

I'll post here when the archive is ready. I will try to do something about keeping file size small--I now have a more advanced version of Acrobat.

[NAHTMMM]

You might try dividing it all up into several documents ;) Thanks for the effort!

[Scooter]

The New Top Ten File is available. The link is http://galacticzero.com/new_toptens.pdf . The file size is about 1 MB.

I haven't yet chopped it up, but I hope to do so soon.

Hope you have some fun with it--I did!

[danieldoof]

I downloaded the first one the other day and I couldn't stop laughing for a week :D :D

just loading the new one

I have no doubt that it is at least as good as the first one :lol:


edith

hey it's great to read your own nickname in the pdf a couple of times :P

[Opium]

Great Master Top Ten List!

But...

I do believe it was in fact I, and not Standback, who created Data/Toaster, yet my list is second! Am I wrong? maybe I should check...

Yep, was me! Yay me! :D And yes, I am very being very petty and silly... :wink:

Hehe, topTen lists rule!

[NAHTMMM]

Top Ten Trek Eps That Involve Olympic Sports


10. "Strongest Talaxian in the Universe": Neelix accidentally stumbles upon a strength potion involving various chemicals and pizza, then signs up for an intragalactic weightlifting contest and wins it, beating various Borg and humongous aliens in the process.

9. "We'll See You in the Holosuite": Sisko gets a rematch against the Vulcans...in table tennis.

[Standback]

8. "Slowly Creeping Madness" - The Cardassians capture Worf, O'Brian, and Nog. In order to extract valuable information to them, many insidious forms of torture are used to break they're resistance and convince the three that they are going insane. The climax of the episode is reached when the three are led to believe that they are part of a Cardassian Synchronized Swimming Team.

7. "Frozen Message" - Hoshi faces one of her greatest challenges when trying to communicate with aliens who speak by skating complex figures onto icy rinks.

6. "The Javelin" - Bashir is a tad too quick to take up a challenge to his skill at darts from the mysterious Emshakki. The Emshakki turn out to be veritable giants, and each dart is as long as Julian himself is tall.

5. "Never Never Land" - All adults on Voyager mysteriously disappear, and the Borg children must figure out where they've gone. In a dramatic subplot, Naomi Wildmann decides to take the opportunity to dig into the cookie jar, but discovers it's placed far above her reach. Her only recourse is: the Pole Vault.

4. "Badminton" - Deprived of their beloved Tsunkatse game, the Norcadians turn to a new sport for entertainment.

3. "Subzero" - Spock is trapped on a high mountain on a planet covered by ice, where he will soon die if he does not escape. To survive, our intrepid Vulcan has only 12 hours to learn how to ski.

2. "Gymnastics" - Archer suggests T'Pol lead an aerobic workout group for Enterprise's women. Tensions run high when the hidden cameras are discovered.

1. "Shortcuts" - A milestone Federation-Klingon treaty is anulled and scandal abounds when it is discovered that both negotiating teams had used steroids.

Next up: Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31

[Standback]

Man, I need to get back into this thread more often. So busy with all sorts of things... but they're *good* things, so I can't complain much. Scooter, kudos for the new pdf - most excellent. Having them all in one place is great, much appreciated - and swell editing, as well! 84 pages of Top Ten lists - who'da thunk it?

[Scooter]

Great Master Top Ten List!

But...

I do believe it was in fact I, and not Standback, who created Data/Toaster, yet my list is second! Am I wrong? maybe I should check...

Yep, was me! Yay me! :D And yes, I am very being very petty and silly... :wink:

Hehe, topTen lists rule!

Yeah, what I really needed to do was to have a DATE field for the lists (because, ya see, I made a frickin' database--actually the simplest way to organize all that info); but I decided I wasn't that crazy obsessive.

Anyway, I think everyone knows Data/toaster is the unique creation of Opium. I love it because it's so much more plausible than C/7...

[Scooter]

Since I did make a database (whatta geek), I can now answer the following burning question: "Didn't I see Opium's name a lot in that archive?" The answer, my children, is ... oh yeah.


Top Ten Authors of Top Ten Lists
(including patrtial lists)

10. Taya17 (7.4 lists)
9. PHJ (8.4)
8. Nic Corelli (14.7)
7. Sa'ar (15.2)
6. Gatac (18.1)
5. NeoMatrix (20.1)
4. Standback (21.3)
3. NAHTMMM (23.2)
2. Scooter (29.5)
1. Opium (48.6)


Top Ten Contributors to Top Ten Lists
(by number of lists contributed to)

10. Taya17 (13 lists)
9. Anubis (15)
8. Sa'ar (18 )
7. Gatac (21)
6. Nic Corelli (24)
5. Standback (27)
4. NeoMatrix (30)
3. Scooter (32)
2. NAHTMMM (33)
1. Opium (71)


Top Ten Authors of Complete Top Ten Lists
(the author wrote all 10 items)

10. MaverickZer0 (6 complete lists)
9. PHJ (8 )
8. Nic Corelli (8 )
7. Sa'ar (14)
6. NeoMatrix (14)
5. Gatac (14)
4. NAHTMMM (16)
3. Standback (18 )
2. Scooter (26)
1. Opium (36)


All hail the Queen of the Top Ten Lists! Let's chip in to get her a life! :)

[Scooter]

7. "Frozen Message" - Hoshi faces one of her greatest challenges when trying to communicate with aliens who speak by skating complex figures onto icy rinks.

hee hee hee

[NAHTMMM]

Ga-WOW! 2nd? :shock: I was leafing through and didn't think I saw my name nearly THAT often...

[Scooter]

I forgot to post the link to where you can download the free Acrobat reader if you don't already have it:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

[Scooter]

Ga-WOW! 2nd? :shock: I was leafing through and didn't think I saw my name nearly THAT often...

I misspelled it once--not enough M's. :)

BTW, your new avatar makes me hungry for cherries every time I see it...

[taya17]

Pah, you all have too much time on your hands and should all go get some life and--oh wait. My name appears on some of those charts? Damn!

Well then.

I'd contribute more often, but since I'm so out of the Trek fandom loop now (I've watched SIX, count 'em SIX episodes of Enterprise) I usually find that I have no idea what the topic of the top 10 list is about in the first place. Like the latest, "Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31"-- I vaguely know what Section 31 is, but not well enough to actually make substantially funny jokes about it.

In summordium: I suck. Geh.

Great job though Scooter! I forgot to leave a comment on your LJ post 'cos I was too carried away with laughing over the pdf after I'd downloaded it, but GREAT JOB! Very classy. Four thumbs up everybody!

Don't ask me where you're going to get four thumbs from. What do I look like to you, a genetics engineer?

...oh.

[Xeroc]

Yeah - that new and complete listing is AWESOME! :D Some of those top ten lists are great! Maybe I should write some, but how could I ever live up to the greatness set before me?

[Scooter]

Top Ten Signs You've Been at the 5MV Fora Too Long
(Cross-Posted to Top Ten List)

10. You use the word "spluck" in normal conversation. Sa'ar Chasm
9. You use the phrase "DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!" when people anger you. Kira
8. You make a joke comparing an actor you dislike with "Wood Boy" and are flabbergasted when the joke is met with utter silence and strange looks. NAHTMMM
7. The word GAK begins to creep into other literary endeavours...and you add in more deaths so you can say "GAK" again. Sa'ar Chasm
6. You rename your dog "Porthos" and start referring in mixed company to his/her adventures with chili and cheese. NAHTMMM
5. You are indecently amused by the response "Bite me." Mudshark
4. You begin to have online converastions where you describe last night's episode as if you were writing a Fiver version of it. Example: FatMat: And then the NX-01 got trapped, and Archer said... Archer: Doesn't anybody on this ship know ANY-thing? Trip: Don't look at me. T'Pol: Perhaps you should ask yr dog. Porthos: *Arf!* ... FatMat: So Porthos had to fly the ship, it was great! FatMatDuhRat
3. The word "pie" manages to creep into every sentence you say, relevant or not. ThingsAreGood
2. Whenver someone says they like chili, you say "Grr, Arg, you dogeater, I'll get you with the Hammer of Crushing at Ludicrous Speed" Opium
1. Whenever anyone says to you they'll do something "soon", you wonder if they mean the real "soon" or Zeke "soon". Derek
0. Your best friend: Hey, I want you to meet Katy here. Katy: Hi, pleased to meet you! You: (fighting back an embarrassing urge to reply "Ribbit") NAHTMMM
-1. You feel compelled to make Sa'ar Chasm achieve prophethood (see, we got into negative numbers). Kristina
-2. You weren't one bit surprised to see Reason #1 on the list, since your thoughts wandered off in just that direction. Kristina
-3. Your most common phrase is "Bite me." Kira
-4. After watching any TV program you immediately wonder if there's a fiver for it already. Derek
-5. ...and when you realize there isn't, you start wondering if you could five it.... Derek
-6. You start speaking in acronyms starting with 5, and get upset when anyone spells out the word. Celeste
-7. Running late for a key demonstration against high zucchini prices, you accidentally grab the wrong sign, a worn, faded piece of construction paper reading "ZonK for President", out of sheer habit. NAHTMMM
-8. The word 'clone' immediately brings a certain name to mind, regardless of the circumstances. PointyHairedJedi
-9. You get a feeling of guitly pleasure every time you use the word 'the' in an acronym. PointyHairedJedi
-10. When at the bowling alley, you constantly refer to the 'transwarp bowling ball of destiny' Wonko The Sane
-11. You threaten your friends if they use more than one exclamation mark in a sentence Wonko The Sane
-12. When the optometrist asks you to read the 20/15 line on the eye chart (HARIWMW), you squint and say: "N...umm, A...H...I or T...M...Hey, not only can I read it, I know the guy!" NAHTMMM
-12.1. Every random song, Monty Python quote or Simpsons episode provokes the thought "I have to work that into a fiver somehow." Sa'ar Chasm
-13. Going into negative numbers in a top ten list does not surprise you in any way, shape or form. Captain Galactic
-14. When anyone pulls out a large, engraved hammer, you cringe and run. Captain Galactic
-15. You refer to all of your relationships as " 'ships ", and only use your initial and your partner's, seperated by a slash. Wonko The Sane
-16. You've had a joke in mind for months but haven't had time to five anything. You're slowly going insane waiting for an opportunity to use it. Nan
-17. You discuss your favorite episodes with a friend and are either hopelessly confused or convinced your friend has an awful memory when he insists he doesn't remember seeing anyone wearing little hats in "The Trouble With Tribbles". NAHTMMM
-18. Occasional discovery that thoughts are being processed in "Topic Title" format. Mme Blueberry
-19. Whenever someone says something stupid, you have the habit of replying "Illogic makes Baby Surak cry". Opium
-20. You are firmly convinced that you could take over the entire galaxy, if only you could find a cute-enough little monkey. NAHTMMM
-21. You've been hanging around 5MV too long when you can recite from memory, verbatim and in order of publication, every single fiver reference to J/C from all the sections combined. :O NAHTMMM
-22. You find yourself thinking of "5M.." abbreviations for shows, then try as hard as you can to resist asking Zeke if he needs another section head.... IJDGAF
-23. You take pride in your ability to tell who wrote a new fiver by reading the first few lines of the fiver (kinda like that game show where you name the song titles). You take great offense at any suggestions that you merely cheat by looking at the author line beneath the episode title. NAHTMMM
-23.1. You do not, in fact, need to peek at the author line to tell who wrote it. NAHTMMM
-24. Having been given a writing assignment to discuss a specific work of satire of your choice, you write a five-page essay claiming that "Episode II title causes AI research catastrophe" is the single greatest satirical story in the history of mankind. NAHTMMM
-25. You don't bother reading synopsis' of Trek episodes to find out what happened any more - you just go to 5MV instead. PointyHairedJedi
-26. You've memorized entire fivers and scare your friends laughing randomly at lines from them at completely inappropriate times DSBS
-27. Pie has considerable significance in daily life. Nan
-28. If you've ever pored over the Apocryphive (early drafts of published fivers), trying to find hidden predictions foreseeing the appearance of C/7 and the resulting collapse of the universe. NAHTMMM
-29. You knew what the Apocrophive was without having to have it explained. Sa'ar Chasm
-30. You type "http://www.3sygma.com/fiveminute/" preceding every series and episode name yet to be published, hoping to find unpublished material. IJDGAF
-31. You have a gut-wrenching feeling this will become the next "Topic Title". IJDGAF
-32. For a fleeting moment, you wonder why newbies are posting in this thread. :p ThingsAreGood
-32.1. You feel compelled to mention that even though you are a board newbie, you are not a 5MV newbie. (right back at 'cha, Things are Good :p) Captain Galactic
-33. Your friends think it is perfectly normal for you to quote parts of fivers at random. Captain Galactic
-34. You react to the third post above by laughing evilly and congratulating yourself for having corrupted another mind. [This referenced the following nonlist post in response to #-31: "Wonders who will make this another "Topic Title". Wonders if that made sense. Wonders who invented this. Hits head with hand." NAHTMMM
-35. To my post, you picture me crushing Thing Are Good with a big hammer, even though you have never seen us...or the hammer Opium
-36. You have an urge to defend yourself in list format. ThingsAreGood
-37. You seem to be making comments to others in list format. ThingsAreGood
-38. Your first reaction at hearing the phrase "J.C. Penney's" is surprise at the idea that the federal government would be minting a coin in honor of Voyager, followed by a sense of betrayal that your best friend would lie to you, even something as minor as "Hey, I heard President Bush is a C/7er. Honest!" NAHTMMM
-39. You've started watching Trek series you previously hadn't just so you could read the fivers for them. Derek
-40. On the way home, you see a sign outside an Arby's restaurant advertising a "99-cent Chili Cheese Burger", and you immediately try to imagine a TJI in which the Chili Joke Police perform a sting operation against the place. ::blush:: NAHTMMM
-41. You start suffering withdrawl symptoms when you can't go to 5MV for one reason or another. (This actually happened to me when the site was down last month.) MPQ
-42. Holding of tearful annual candlelight vigil early each March for "Topic Title". NAHTMMM
-43. You think and speak in 5M format. dsbs
-44. Every time you click on a topic and see that someone has used an extra ? or !, you instinctively bolt from your chair, charge heedlessly out of the house, and dive for the bomb-proof shelter you spent a week assembling for this very purpose. NAHTMMM
-45. You wince every time you turn on the radio in the middle of "Land of a Thousand Dances". NAHTMMM
-46. You believe your version of the fiver would have been much better NeoMatrix
-47. You base your friends on whether or not they believe in the same star trek relationship as you, like J/Cers NeoMatrix
-47.1. You make a big deal about the 47th anything. Saxamophone
-48. You refer to Technobabble whenever you are dealing with a technology problem that is over your head. NeoMatrix
-49. You read war propaganda promising victory "soon" and don't believe it. Sa'ar Chasm
-49.1. The reason for this is not cynicism. Sa'ar Chasm
-50. You are proud to be the fiftyest of anything, because 50 is a multiple of 5. Captain Galactic
-51. You let out a guilty little laugh every time you come across a certain character in Watership Down. Entei
-52. You instinctively keep going to 3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi, and wonder where the forum is Entei
-53. After discovering that you are not on the active members list, you go on a hunger strike (yes...pie included) until the problem is fixed. Wonko The Sane
-54. Your business plan revolves around money making moths. Wonko The Sane
-55. You insticntivly ask this question: "What do have agaist !!!'s and ???'s in "Top Ten Signs" form Opium
-56. After taking a break from the 'net to play way too much Sims, your first stop back is 5MV Opium
-57. You are disappointed, but not surprised at all, to find zero updates awaiting you after an entire three-and-a-half days of vacation. You do however feel the beginnings of a classic case of Update Withdrawal. NAHTMMM
-58. You can't watch certain episodes without laughing at inappropriate times as you remember the fivers for them. Mme Blueberry
-59. You use the word "saxamaphone" in conversation without thinking (or realizing it). NAHTMMM
-60. You come back to this thread, thinking someone will post something new and funny "soon". Captain Galactic
-61. You keep reading about SARS and are reminded of a certain forumgoer. Sa'ar Chasm
-62. You find a fiver so funny you spew your Sprite all over your computer screen. Opium
-63. You actually take part in a hunger strike till the Active members glitch is fixed. NeoMatrix
-64. You struggle with the concept of something, anything, being more important than this website. (inspired by Sa'ar and PHJ over in the Baw thread) NAHTMMM
-65. In an attempt to increase you daily dosage of 5MV, you find a way to inject pie into your bloodstream. Wonko The Sane
-66. You stay up all night to do a Round Robin with another person in the One-Word-At-A-Time and Word Association topics, then you get mad cause someone comes along and screws it up. NeoMatrix
-67. You add someone to your online messenger of choice to just berate them for adding an entire page to said topic. Sa'ar Chasm
-68. When writing a post, you take extra care that your spelling is the Canadian spelling of the word, extra u's included. Saxamophone
-68.1. Eh? Sa'ar Chasm
-68.2. Hoser. Saxamophone
-68.3. Colour. NeoMatrix
-68.4. Tuque! Nan
-68.5. Stale Timbits Saxamophone
-68.6. Actually, it's toque. Sa'ar Chasm
-70. You end up confusing threads and carry topics intra-fora. Saxamophone
-71. instead of writing an outline to frame your next story novel ect. You write a fiver Katy Jane
-72. You find that your friends, family members et al remind you of certain forum goers and not the other way around. Katy Jane
-73. You consider the fivers to be the actual account of what really happened. (Those televised episodes are just a load of propaganda perpetuated by a bunch of humorless bureaucrats trying to cover up flaws in various Starfleet officers--Troi, Archer, etc. :eyeroll:) NAHTMMM
-74. Whenever you think of any Star Trek series you get a hankering for pie and chilli and cheese. Opium
-74.1. ...and then you feel sick from the thought and only eat some applesauce. Because mixing pie+chilli+cheese sounds REALLY gross. Opium
-74.2. chilli and cheese is very good together, just save the pie for last. Katy Jane
-75. you feel the need to point out that the last post was a reverse 47. Katy Jane
-75.1. You feel the need to point out every single apperance of the number 47, no matter how abstract it may be. Wonko The Sane
-75.2. you drive your brother nuts in the car by pointing out each mile marker and saying "7+40= 47; 8+39=47; 9+38=47; " etc. etc. etc. Katy Jane
-75.3. You've been too afraid that other posters will think less of you because you have to ask the signifgance of Star Trek and 47. Opium
-75.4. You actully know the signifgance of the number 47 in startrek. ... One of Gene Roddenberry's prof's told his class, as an experement, that 47 was the most common number to see how often they would spot it. as a result he used it often in the show and it has continued from there. (at least thats what i was told.) Katy Jane
-76. You wonder just how much it was that Zeke paid Owen to 'accidently' delete Topic Title. PointyHairedJedi
-77. you believe that stating in a tuvok-style deadpan voice: 'me 1, you 0, nyaa nyaa' and running off at ludicrous speed© is an entirely acceptable way to resolve a debate. Cosmic_fool
-78. you start to seriously consider whether you could convince the ST actors to ever act out these fivers exactly the way they're written, and how hilarious it would be Cosmic_fool
-79. You think Zeke could make a major killing if he'd only get around to selling those DVD's of fivists and forumgoers acting out the fivers. NAHTMMM
-80. You consider staying at home to hang around the fora (or visit any part of the 5MV site) on baby sitter night and letting your significant other go out alone. Kristina
-81. When listening to Pink Floyd's "Another brick in the wall" you could have sworn you heard them sing 'No dark Sa'ar Chasm in the classroom'. When contemplating this possibility, you wonder if there are mirror-universe counterparts of all of the forum members. Wonko The Sane
-82. You five episodes while mowing the lawn. Sa'ar Chasm
-83. You five in your dreams NeoMatrix
-84. When you wake up, you five your dreams. Standback
-85. You have arguments about the color of Klingon Bridges NeoMatrix
-86. You suspect that the Klingons are descended from boars but haven't really mentioned this because you can't make a funny joke out of it. Nan
-87. After moths of effort, you can now bask in the unparalleled triumph of finally having discovered what the heck this "Topic Title" thing is. Standback
-88. You know what a "BaW fiver" is. NAHTMMM
-89. You can keep track of what's been posted in the Top Ten Signs You've Been Hanging Around 5MV Too Long thread. Sa'ar Chasm
-90. [After a gap of 3 months] ... So bored, that I brought this topic out of extinction NeoMatrix
-91. You've come to expect B5 references from certain forumgoers. Sa'ar Chasm
-92. You know John Sheridan personally even though he isnt real. NeoMatrix
-92.1. You wonder why John doesnt have a forum account yet NeoMatrix
-93. If you don't get a reference, you look at which forumgoer made it, and know more or less what to look for. Catalina_marina
-94. You begin to wonder what would happen if we all got in the same room together. NeoMatrix
-94.1. Without realizing it, you become convinced that the Baw fivers are a true-to-life representation of what would happen if we all got into a room together. NAHTMMM
-94.2. You write BaW fivers while Bored at Work. Celeste
-95. After months of effort, you finally reach the top, and you're really happy about it. YAY! Catalina_marina
-96. Briefly. Sa'ar Chasm
-97. You go offline for a couple of hours, come back and realize the fora has married you off and given you kids. :mutters: Taya17
-98. When you get bored in class, you think of ways to kill John Sheridan, and are disapointed when someone else has already killed him twice that day. Opium
-99. You reread old threads when you're bored. Catalina_marina
-100. [After several pages of discussion about the comparative sizes of certain forumgoers' tiny little homelands and deranged ideas for the 6th Star Trek series] A thread which has been dormant for many weeks suddenly comes back to life and promptly veers off-topic for two pages. You don't find this in any way strange. Mudshark
-101. When your Art Hist prof shows a painting of a man in a top hat, you suddenly get the urge to kill anyone named John, to get a big ice-cream, some pudding, and to sit and watch LOTR and POTC while saying "Cryptic. Obscure. Looks like a baguette 47 times. Opium
-102. You laugh at the obituaries of anyone named "John" in the papers. Taya17
-103. You have no clue where this "man in a top hat" thing came from, yet you don't find it strange that everyone is mentioning it all the time Katy Jane
-104. You actually do know in which thread he was first mentioned, by who, and approximately, when. Catalina_marina
-105. You have more than half of the contributing population at a single Star Trek BBS listed as "buddies" on any one IM of your choice. NAHTMMM
"-106. It`s 4:18 AM and the Forum still has you glued to itself... it is relentless... and you`re hopelessly addicted...
Nic Corelli"
-107. You made a vow to do some work before your next lecture starts... but you get onto the Forum... and you don't leave... and you decide to skip the next lecture as well... Taya17
-108. You are so addicted that you make your own 5MV fansite NeoMatrix
-109. You think the chili dog joke is hilarious and reread all the fivers with it in until you memorize it MaverickZer0
-109.1. As a result of the above, you refuse to eat chili, hot dogs, or chili dogs, ever again. MaverickZer0
-110. You're wondering if there will ever be a Tucker/Paris 'ship joke made in a fiver. You dismiss it and go back to looking for Tucker/Paris stories, an equally fruitless endeavor. MaverickZer0
-111. you have found a way to use frell in most every sentance and use it so much that people around you keep asking you what it means at that point you hit them and carry on writing fivers for Halo in a desperate attempt to get one of them on the site though none of them do and no body cares enough to even send you a response e-mail to give you some god damn smeging pointers! *passes out from all the ranting* Chaud Blaze
-112. You bring back old topics, like Topic Title, that have been dead to show new forum members how the good old days were. NeoMatrix
-113. You tend to hide under your desk whenever a certain forumgoer is called by her obvious name. :eyeroll: Catalina_marina
-114. You cant stop wondering why, when you are signed in, you register on the "active users" list. Opium
-115. You were here when we started this list and when we started fiving The Matrix. NeoMatrix
-116. You were the one who started the list. Sa'ar Chasm
-117. you were here when topic title was started. Katy Jane
-118. Subsequent to Topic Title, you now think back to it every time you encounter a thread that by all rights should be dead but is still lurching along somehow (like one of 17's zombies). PointyHairedJedi
-119. When you're really bored, you troll through the forum categories looking for old threads to resurrect. Scooter
-120. You do the above even when you're not bored. Arzosah
-121. You become friends with other forum members on other sites, like Livejournal. NeoMatrix
-122. Whether you want to or not. Sa'ar Chasm
-122.1. GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ... Moving on. Nan
-123. You lead a massive campaign designed to torture a fellow forumgoer which turns into a huge expansion of forumgoers to another site (like LiveJournal) Nic Corelli
-124. You find the Forums deserted because everyone migrated to even bigger spheres of Insanity, like LiveJournal and IRC. Apparently Forums are no longer crazy enough for you... :p Nic Corelli
-125. It doesn't even seem odd to you to make an effort to form a community to discuss the community that discusses the parodies written by a community of fans who... sorry, where was I? ::scratches head in Arthur Dent-like confusion:: Scooter
-126. You realise you have been reading a long thread for far too long at work and should hurrey up and post something before they notice and fire you. Alexia
-127. You look at the home page and remember seeing the topical annual adaption to the 5M logo last year. Alexia
-128. You read fivers of episodes you havent seen. Alexia
-129. You read fivers of series you havent, and probably never will, see. Alexia
-130. You worry that someone may have posted one of these before as you have only had time to read the 1st 6 pages of the thread! Alexia
-131. You change your avatar more than you change your socks. Admiral Sab
-132. You change your avatar just to give Zeke a chance to stretch his creative muscles more by giving you a new member level. Admiral Sab
-133. You have signed more 5MV guestbooks then you care to count. (I have not signed the newest one, but I know I signed two before that-including the very first one) Admiral Sab
-134. You have fond memories of coming to 5MV in the very beginning just to make the hit count go up. (Heh, good times.) Admiral Sab
-135. You remember when there was a celebration for 100 on the hitcount! (yes there was a celebration) Admiral Sab
-136. You remember when Nan started 5MSG1 and we celebrated her 100 hitcount. Admiral Sab
-137. You remember when this site had frames! lol I think that was at geocities or tripod. -- Sab, remembering the good old days. Admiral Sab
-138. You begin reading through old threads and almost reply to a really,really old post no one will remember,thus branding you an idiot. (Whew,dodged THAT bullet.) Tarn-Vedra
-139. You remember when this thread was still on one page Opium
-140. You miss strikethrough text Opium
-141. You remember what GAS is. Opium
-142. You have avatars older than your computer. Opium
-143. Threads you are started are at over 100 pages. Opium
-144. The server moves are becoming a regular part of your life. Opium
-145. [After several posts that involve forumgoers pointing at each other and laughing] You have to try to get topics back on track, or you feel like you are not doing your duty as a 5MV Forumgoer. Opium
-146. You don't bother though. :eyeroll: Catalina_marina
-147. You feel obligated to ask, "did you mean bother or botter?" in really big, colourful letters. Opium
-148. You are tempted to edit your post after someone pointed out an error in it, but then you realize everyone will know you made that error, because *someone* told them in big, colourful letters. Catalina_marina
-149. You edit it anyway. Catalina_marina
-150. You click on the sig, and are not suprised the the huge "Person Above You thre" page does not yet mention you, because you didnt start posting in it until it had been going on for a while. Opium
-151. You feel guilty at reading the previous post, because you're supposed to keep a particular page up to date, even after page 10. Catalina_marina
-152. You search all dogs for zippers, just in case they're really Aibos in disguise. Wowbagger
-153. If there is no zipper, you feel obligated to warn the dog's owner of the dangers of angered chili. Wowbagger
-154. You pause episodes midway through so you can watch along with the fiver. Wowbagger
-155. You remember when updates were regular and when "soon" meant "tomorrow." Oh, and when there was peace in Israel. Wowbagger
-156. You hurl stale Timbits at anyone who invokes the last one, since it never happened. Wowbagger
-157. You make jokes about Ron Mercer and the parody police, even though you've never heard of This Hour has Twenty-Two Minutes. Wowbagger
-158. You start giving strange hats to your doctor friends. Wowbagger
-159. You try to kill your doctor friends in various strange ways, and, whether or not you succeed, you run off laughing maniacally and occasionally shouting "GAK!" Wowbagger
-160. You start beating up anyone who uses more than one exclamation point, even if they're spoken exclamation points. Wowbagger
-161. You go to other websites and intentionally divert their threads to random and tangental territory. Preferably within the first 15 posts. Wowbagger
-162. You keep pressuring a friend whose brother designed "Chex Quest" to check out the fiver. Wowbagger
-163. You put thirteen items on a top ten list even though you've only read five of the fifteen pages of the thread. Wowbagger
-164. You feel obliged to say, it's RICK Mercer, not Ron Mercer Opium
-165. When you see a license plate with the letters "FG", you immediatly think of the 5MV forums Opium
-166. And when you think "opium", you're not thinking about the drug. FuyuGinga
-167. You feel compelled to scream "It's fora, not forums!" (but I think that could just be me). Sa'ar Chasm
-168. You feel tempted to engage in a silly debate over whether or not latin plurals should necessarily be english plurals, including m-w.com's list of plurals for the word "forum", observations of other differences between English and Latin, and the use of the word anglicize. Derek
-169. You feel that you have a special connection to someone just because you're using their picture for your 5MVF avatar. Scooter
-170. It seems like a good idea to compile fifteen pages of blather into a single, confusing, and pointless List, as a tribute to all of your silly online friends ;) Scooter

[taya17]

I don't know... it looks so much smaller and more meager here. Is that it? Is that all? It can't be!

[Scooter]

Oh, there was more, much more, but it was all about the amount of time it takes to travel across Singapore. :)

[Standback]

Maybe I should write some, but how could I ever live up to the greatness set before me?Getting good and drunk is probably a step in the right direction.

Give it a try, Xeroc - it's fun. You can do partial lists, only as many as you find funny. (More established listwriters such as myself have evolved beyond that - we know how, when we want to fill out lists, to write entries that aren't really very clever, but they sound as if they should be funny. Um. Never mind.)

[Standback]

I usually find that I have no idea what the topic of the top 10 list is about in the first place. Like the latest, "Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31"-- I vaguely know what Section 31 is, but not well enough to actually make substantially funny jokes about it. Nobody knows more than "vaguely" what Section 31 is. ;)

And seriously, it shouldn't be too hard. In a nutshell, Section 31 are this ultra-secret rogue black-ops organization. They work to further the causes of Starfleet and the Federation, and believe very, very firmly that the ends justify the means.
All that you need for the list is to come up with ways to attract the attention of a shadowy organization such as that. "Look! I blew up this planet that may someday have withdrawn its peace treaty with us and threatened the Federation!" might be a good direction for starters.

[NAHTMMM]

Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31


10. Making sunglasses look good. Wait, that may be a Way to Get Yourself Recruited Into MIB... :?

9. Responding enthusiastically to a classifieds ad looking for people interested in being low-paid guinea pigs for experimental Top Secret Extremely Evil engineered diseases

[Opium]

All hail the Queen of the Top Ten Lists! Let's chip in to get her a life!

What can I say? My Summer got completly wrecked by bronchitis, cat bite, tooth infection & root canal, late recieval and non-recieval of paycheques, lack of job (due to some part-time worker who wanted to go full-time, thereby taking my part-time job :cry: ), volunteer commitment preventing me from getting normal summer job....wow, I had a somewhat crappy summer :!: , except for volunteering for a few weeks, travelling to see family for a week, and the PNE.

SUPERDOGS RULE!

Erm...well, they do!

[Opium]

Okay, okay, I'll do this one too :)

Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31

8. Being friends with a Founder, a guy who is called the 'Emassary', a Klingon, a con-Feringi, and a resistance expert. And of course, being genetically enhanced doesnt hurt either.

7. Being John or TopHatMan. A guy who will never die is always good to have around.

6. Finding it fun to talk in codes and think you are really cool when actually you are having a mid-life crisis.

[Scooter]

A week to get through one top ten list? Geez, what is this, Fiver By Committee? :)


Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31 (cont'd)

5. Be sure to eat your roughage. Mysterious covert operations organizations rarely accept people who are “irregular,” because of the delays this usually causes during missions.

4. Remember, there are four lights.

3. That unmarked blue button on your tricoder is actually a transporter link that will beam you directly into Section 31 headquarters. No, not that one, the other one. No, the other one. Yeah, that one. No, wait, that’s the one that beams you into deep space, widest disper---oh, well.

2. Be sure to be nice to the new ensign who just transferred into Engineering for no reason. The secret covert ops commander is always the new guy in Engineering.

1. Assume that because Starfleet is military, it will make you do whatever you don’t want to do. “First officer’s Log, stardate 34713.5. Man alive, mapping gaseous anomalies sure is exciting. I hope Starfleet doesn't reassign me to some secret black ops division or something because boy howdy, I love mapping gaseous anomalies...”


Next:
Top Ten Things Archer Would Do If He Commanded Voyager

[Hotaru]

10. He wouldn't have gone searching for Tuvok.

9. When presented with a choice between a way home, and exploring that random nebula, Archer would find someone to beat him.

8. Every single time Voyager takes a hit, Archer decides to leave the gaping hole in the hull, because it'll remind the crew of better things.

7. He would form an alliance with the borg, and then working from the inside he would slowly show them that what they are doing is wrong.

I dunno anymore. Go crazy everyone

[Opium]

6. Archer: We must go to that planet.
Chakotay: But sir...there are only bugs on that planet.
Archer: Porthos wants to chase them.

5. He would fire Neelix for daring to show his face( a good chef never does), and instead hire Evil Future Guy. "Hmmm, future mac and cheese...it's futureliscous and fat-free!"

4. He would attempt to have a love affair with Torres, but then stand by and look forlorn when Paris instead took her. Then, Archer would age and become bald yet handsome, and Torres would age gracefully, have an annoying brat as a child, and Paris would die. Then Torres would come on board the Enterprise R as the ship's chief engineer, and Archer would be comanding and...oh, wait, that's TNG...nevermind.

3. Voyager's main cargo bay would quickly become the first ship to have a water-polo pool in it.

2. Ensign Kim: Sir, there is a planted ahead full of genetically engeered men named John and TopHatMan. They never die. Should we keep them around?
Archer: What kind of danger could we run into being 70,000 light years away from Earth? Besides, they might beat my team at water polo.

1. No. More. Freaking. Seven. Of. Nine. With. Chakotay.

Top Ten things Wesley Crusher would do if he got ahold of Enterprise (which one is up to you! )

[Scooter]

Top Ten things Wesley Crusher would do if he got ahold of Enterprise


10. Banana Splits for everyone! Not the dessert, the band! “Flippin' like a pancake, poppin' like a cork, Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork...”

9. Wesley uses the Enterprise computer to create a beautiful woman with great hair who helps him gain maturity and self-respect. Guest star: Kelly LeBrock.

8. Wesley: So, how do I look bald?
Worf: I’m so appalled I want to kill myself.
Wesley: Make it so.

7. You know, those alternate planes of existence sure are a lot more fun at Warp 10. Wheeee!

6. After one too many ginger ale fizzies celebrating his taking over the ship, Wesley forces Troi to try out an outfit he saw once in some old earth movie. Something about Jedis returning from somewhere or something. Anyway Troi objects, saying she would be humiliated. Wesley points out that she is currently wearing a burgundy spandex leotard. Troi admits he has a point.

5. From now on, all missions conducted traveling in reverse. Admiral Nacheyev: “What’s that beeping noise?” Wesley: “Um, what beeping noise?”

4. After stealing Rasmussen’s time machine, Wesley sneaks back to take over Kirk’s Enterprise, where he locks Kirk in his quarters and peppers him with so many fanboy questions about his relationship with Spock and the workings of the Enterprise that Kirk rips the boy’s thorax out and he dies. Ah, for the days when captains were real men...

3. Riker: Well, Captain Crusher, how was the away mission?
Wesley: Fine.
Riker: What did you discover?
Wesley: Nothing.

2. Wanting to visit the pleasure planets of Orion as quickly as possible, Wesley discovers Warp 25. Unfortunately traveling at such speeds turns everyone on board into horny hamsters. Two weeks later, bursting at the seams from a population of 600 billion hamsters, the ship horrifically explodes, spewing hamster hair inch-deep across the surfaces of all the known worlds of the galaxy.

1. Using the technology discovered in “Rascals,” Wesley turns the entire crew into kids he can boss around, but his plan backfires when they get together to beat him up and steal his lunch money.



Next:

Top Ten Favorite Star Trek Characters or Episodes of Famous Non-Trek People (Fictional or Real)

[mudshark]

5. From now on, all missions conducted traveling in reverse. Admiral Nacheyev: “What’s that beeping noise?” Wesley: “Um, what beeping noise?” :mrgreen:

[Opium]

Scooter, very funny list!

4. After stealing Rasmussen’s time machine, Wesley sneaks back to take over Kirk’s Enterprise, where he locks Kirk in his quarters and peppers him with so many fanboy questions about his relationship with Spock and the workings of the Enterprise that Kirk rips the boy’s thorax out and he dies. Ah, for the days when captains were real men...


2. Wanting to visit the pleasure planets of Orion as quickly as possible, Wesley discovers Warp 25. Unfortunately traveling at such speeds turns everyone on board into horny hamsters. Two weeks later, bursting at the seams from a population of 600 billion hamsters, the ship horrifically explodes, spewing hamster hair inch-deep across the surfaces of all the known worlds of the galaxy.

EEP! *continues laughing at warp speed 24, as does not want to turn into hamster*

[Scooter]

Scooter, very funny list!

tks! :)

[Hotaru]

I shall put down 1 thing to get this rolling:

10. Paul Martin: "Best of Both Worlds, part 2" because finaly Riker gets to control the enterprise. We all know he deserved it, and he'd make a better captain anyway!

[Opium]

9. Harry Potter: The Chamber of Holodecks: Wesley Crusher has a dream where he is a magical wizard who saves the entire ship every week for 26 weeks a year, and then takes a break for the other 26 weeks as nothing happens.


8. Johnny Depp: Pirates of the Klingonbean: A very good-looking Human travels with a band of Klingons who believe honour comes with stealing money.

8. PETA: Trials and Tribulations A chance to save all those fuzzy animals, AND wear cool-looking, non-animal fabrics!

7. Most Trek actors: Who Mourns for Morn?: Any trek actor who has not yet found a succesful niche outside the Trek universe has hope whenever he or she watches "WMFM", because, hey, he comes back in the end!

[NAHTMMM]

6. The Invisible Man: Identifies with Travis Mayweather. (Or is that the other way around?)

[Scooter]

*mutters like Rain Man* Not gonna finish it, it's my topic... Not gonna finish it, it's my topic...

[taya17]

Give me a little time and I'll try to finish it. Won't promise anything spectacularly funny, but I'll try.

[NAHTMMM]

5. Bill Murray: "Cause and Effect". It's nice to know that even centuries into the future people still get caught up in nasty time loop thingies. ;)

[taya17]

4. Adolf Hitler: "The Killing Game". It's nice to know that his work is still being appreciated, even in the 24th century.
3. Walter Mitty: "Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy". Suddenly, he doesn't feel so alone after all...

[Opium]

2. Tom Arnold: Genesis-Tom realizes why he is so goofy.
1. Bill Gates: Emergence-Finally! People who understand why Windows is so tempramental! It's developed its own personality! It's on Star Trek, people!

Top Ten "Next Generation" Episodes that could have gone horribly wrong

(real, fake, or Opium induced...I mean created... :wink: )

[Nic Corelli]

10. "The Host" - Riker and Beverly could have gone to more than just one kiss... into what could have been the worst `ship of that time. :mrgreen:

9. "Inner Light" - At the end, Picard could have simply woken up and said: "Arrrr, I have to get off this rum, it`s giving me most wacky little dreams!"

8. "Emergence" - Enterprise could have built an army of Evil Lemmings of Doom. :P :mrgreen:

7. "Tapestry" - We might have learned that, during his Academy days, Picard had been earning some extra money as a male stripper.

6. "The Measure of a Man" - Data is deemed non-sentient and dismantled into 47 cell phones. A toaster with a built-in Oxford dictionary of synonyms and a speaker is dispatched on the Enterprise to replace him.

5. "Face of the Enemy" - While posing as a Tal Shiar officer on the Romulan Warbird, Troi pushes the wrong button and destroys the Enterprise. Whoops!

4. "Galaxy`s Child" - Geordi actually scores with Dr. Leah Brahms. GASP! We can`t have THAT!

3. "Violations" - Oh wait. That one *did* go horribly wrong. Man, how that episode sucked.

2. "Chain of Command" - Picard is captured by that evil Cardassian guy, who turns out to be a huge Shakespeare fan. They spend the rest of the two-part episode debating about the plays and quoting scenes at one another ("There. Are. Four. Henrys! - Nooo! What about Henry the Fifth?")


and...


1."Cost of Living" - In the final scene, when Lwaxana shows up naked for her wedding, the director decides to film her full frontal. :twisted: :twisted:


NEXT -

Top 10 Dukat`s Fantasies About Spiting/Humiliating/Hurting Ben Sisko

[NAHTMMM]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

INTERMISSION




Top Ten Quotes from Recent IRC Chats That I Was Around For


10. <Nan>Apparently there's a foonie in the works.
<Nan>Five dollar coin. Loonie, toonie, foonie.

9. <Lemmingness>If it follows the trend, it'll be huge.
<Nan>You'll be able to use it as a coaster.
<NAHTMMM>Might as well use paper money then ;)
<NAHTMMM>Keep the coins as coasters
<PHJ>Coinage that can be used as cup-mats is frankly going too far :P
<NAHTMMM>And ammo to throw at burglars
<Lemmingness>No, we have Inuit carvings for that.

8. <Zeke>Yes, and Wily's behind Sigma.
<NAHTMMM>Is Sigma the sum of all Wily's evil?

7. <Xeroc>Nan?
<Xeroc>Ginga?
<Xeroc>You 2 there?
* NAHTMMM uses the 5d12 Pokey Attack on Ginga and Nan's Not-Hereness Effects
<Xeroc>!roll 5 12
<IrcAssistant>Rolling a 12-sided die 5 times.
<IrcAssistant>Roll 1: 11
<IrcAssistant>Roll 2: 7
<IrcAssistant>Roll 3: 11
<IrcAssistant>Roll 4: 12
<IrcAssistant>Roll 5: 2
<IrcAssistant>Total of 43
<Xeroc>Success!

6. <Zeke>When Chaud hangs out, he's a hanging Chaud.

5. <PHJ>Thought it might
<PHJ>Be
<PHJ>Like a pencil
<PHJ>2B, or not 2B
<NAHTMMMa>Heh
<PHJ>Normally people hit me when I use that one
<PHJ>Can't think why :D
Xeroc joined the channel ([email protected])
* Xeroc Slaps PHJ!
<Xeroc>That pun stunk!

4. <NAHTMMM>[quoting Google results]"looks set to make some serious waves with releases from DJ Pierre, Eric Prydz, Sumo and his own MYNC Project with DJ Partner Nic Corelli."
<NAHTMMM> >_>
<Nic>GASP!
<NAHTMMM>BUSTED!
<Nic>Are you serious? ;)
<NAHTMMM>Yes ;)
<Nic>(Oooh, there is a Nic in the Indian Parliament :D )
<Nic>GASP!
<Nic>Well, yes, I admit it
<NAHTMMM>GASP!
<Nic>I have been playing... Celine Dion
<NAHTMMM>GAK!
<Nic>I confess to my heinous crime!
<Nic>I shall be executed, I know
<Nic>But I guess that is a fair punishment
<Nic>Considering what I inflicted on innocent victims

3. <Lemmingness>Your spleen may stop but your heart will go on.

2. <Blues_exe>but I shall take over the world...with an army of Met-hats!
<Blues_exe>Rise, Met-hat army!

1. <PHJ>Zeke, sometimes I worry about you
<PHJ>Then other times I laugh
<PHJ>Sometimes I build little shrines to dead animals too, but that's neither here nor there
<PHJ>.....
<PHJ>NINJA!
<NAHTMMM>GAH!
<Zeke>GAH!
<Lemmingness><beat> Oh, sorry. GAH!



And in conclusion...come to IRC chats, they're fun and spawn lots of forum in-jokes! :D



INTERMISSION OVER

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Ginga]

Indeed they do. I have a feeling Poonies will never be forgotten.

[NAHTMMM]

Dukat's Top 10 Fantasies About Spiting/Humiliating/Hurting Ben Sisko


10. "Ah yes, Commander Si--You're not Commander Sisko, you're his father, Jenjavivvle I believe. I wish to speak with the real commander, Jake. ...What do you mean, you're still the commander? Hasn't Starfleet realized yet that young untrained mischievous Jake is already twice the commander you'll ever be?"

9. Photoshopping a Pah-wraith's face onto Ben Sisko's body and sending the picture to all the tabloids he can think of

8. Hacking into Sisko's computer and programming it to do nothing but show replays of Cincinnati Bengals games whenever he requests anything baseball-related

7. Sending him one of those gag mirrors for his birthday. You know, the ones that shatter the glass when they detect their intended recipient is trying out the mirror.

6. Tricking Sisko into taking the losing side of a bet, then making him wear a clown costume complete with funny nose and floppy shoes for a week as payment

5. "Yo' poppa's a short-order cook!"

4. Sending a crack team of commandos to paint Cardassian symbols all over the Defiant eight hours before the stiff admiral arrives for the station inspection

3. "Benjamin Sisko, you are the most pathetically honest, upstanding, principled Starfleet officer I have ever seen!"

2. Show up in the Cardassian equivalent of a wimpy shuttle and challenge him to a race (BEFORE the Defiant is assigned to the station of course ;))

1. "Commander Sisko, I demand to speak with you--oh, hello. Admiral Gullible, is it? I was just going to ask Mister Sisko here about that marvelously cunning coup he's planning against you, but that can wait..."



Next:

Top Ten Ways Specific 5MV Forumgoers Would Change a Lightbulb

[Opium]

10. Zeke: He'll get to it soon.
9. Taya: *glares*
8. Xeroc: "Can't right now, on IRC."
7. Cat: She'd take out the old one, put in a new one...sheesh.
6. NeoMatrix: "But it's fun to play in the dark!" :P
5. Opium: I took out the old one...but I have to go do a media diary, read a script, and watch CSI right now, and possibly start a TopTenList...oh, and then bed...and then I won't need the lightbulb until tomorow night anyways...so I'll get putting in the lightbulb tomorow...do I have any lightbulbs? I should go look..."

[NeoMatrix]

6. NeoMatrix: "But it's fun to play in the dark!"

No No No!
I would say, "There is no lightbulb", then turn into light myself

[Xeroc]

8. Xeroc: "Can't right now, on IRC."
Either that or program the IrcAssistant to do it for me!

Yay! My first try at a (partial) top ten list! :D

4. PHJ: Just tell PHJ and PHJ to do it.
3. Sa'ar Chasm: Oh yeah, it burned out all right.
2. Nic Corelli: In Croatia, lightbulbs change themselves. :twisted: (Okay, they really don't, but it would be pretty cool.)
1. Kira: Nag Zeke to change it.

Next: The top ten most unusual things to happen in 5MV (fivers, forums, irc, anything!)

[Chancellor Valium]

1) Zeke means "soon" by "soon" and does things "soon" :twisted:
2) Due to a time warp, top ten lists start at no.1 :twisted:

[Opium]

The top ten most unusual things to happen in 5MV

3. The eTrektion and all that goes with it...
4. Taya17 and her tricks!
5. CSi being talked about in a sci-fi forum.
5. CSI being talked about in a sci-fi forum.
4. Forumgoers inside jokes making it into 5MV content
3. Evil Dutch Woman being a popular saying.
2. John being outlived by TopHatMan.
1. TopHatMan!

Top Ten Ways Individual Trek Characters would Change A Lightbulb

[Alexia]

Top Ten Ways Individual Trek Characters would Change A Lightbulb:

10: Deanna Troi would feel the lightbulbs pain, but wouldn't actually be able to change it herself. She'd make someone else do it.
9: Seven of Nine wouldn't change the lightbulb. Seeing is irrellivant.
8: Picard would sew it back in. ("make it sew" :wink: )
7: Chakotay would tell it an ancient legend about how long ago his forefathers had changed the lightbulb of life. Eventually, it would become so bored it would change itself.
6: Quark would sell the lightbulb as an ancient artifact, then dismantle the light fittings and sell them too.
5: Scotty would claim the lightbulb cannie take much more o' this.
4: Janeway would only change the bulb if it was needed to see her coffee mug.
3: Porthos would eat the lightbulb, thinking it was cheese.
2: Malcolm would shoot it, and ask questions later, claiming it was a threat the the ship.
1: Naomi Wildman would stand on a chair and change it, coz its the only way she could reach it.

Next: Top Ten things replicated by Star Trek Characters.

[Hotaru]

10. Kirk: a bad hairpiece.
9. Picard: Hair.
8. Sisko: Baseball. Not just a baseball, but everything involved in it, right down to the players.
7. Wesley: A friend.
6. Data: A toaster.
5. Mayweather: Lines.
4. Hoshi: A book of love poems, in an unknown dialect.
3. Harry: A couple of rank pips.
2. Tuvok: A personality.
1. Janeway: Coffee, what else?

Next list: Top ten ways that Enterprise would be different if it had the cast of DS9

edit: Woot! My 300th post!

[Opium]

Top ten ways that Enterprise would be different if it had the cast of DS9

10. It would have a plot.
9. Jake Sisko Mayweather would have lines...no, wait, he wouldn't.
8. There would need to be a really big explanation on why Bajorans are in a human-built ship in the 22nd century. Evil Future Prophets would therefore be in every episode.
7. No...freeking...Nazi Aliens. However, Captian Sisko-Archer would go back in time and change history so that he, not Sidney Poitier, who stars in "The Heat Of the Night", which would take place on a space station that had a black captian and...

[Ginga]

5. CSI being talked about in a sci-fi forum. (Heeheehee! No thanks to me. :lol:)

And Alexia's entire list gets a big XD.

[Opium]

4. The doctor would spend most of his time playing on the Interspacenet while the nurses did the actual life-saving procedures.
3. The chief engineer wouldn't go around flirting with the drug-addicted officer from the other planet's team.
2. More youth and kids onboard, who would often occasionally give thought-provoking moments, such as dealing with time-travelling on the cheap, writing for a propaganda newspaper and being addicted to Holodeck por...erm, loungesingers.
1. The chief engineer would defenetly NOT be taking his shirt off in every...any... ep!

Top Ten Reasons Time Travel Is So Yesterday!

[Xeroc]

You do realize that there's no 6 and 5 on that list, right? :D

10. We just did it tomorrow.
9. Keep running into Janeway.
8. That last one wasn't repetitive!
7. It gets repetitive.
6. Hmm, that sounds like a ripoff, better go back to #8 and pre-emptively defend myself.
5. Those Temporal Police get awfully annoying.
4. It's not edible.
3. You often bump into yourself, realizing, you really are kind of annoying.
2. You never have the time to find spare parts when your time machine breaks down.
1. Yesterday hasn't happened yet, so, naturally, it's in style.

The Top Ten Top Ten Lists. (real or not!)

[Nic Corelli]

The Top Ten Top Ten Lists. (real or not!)


Oops! Approximately 15 pages ago, we already had that exact list! I clearly remember it, it was by Standback! :mrgreen:

[Opium]

You do realize that there's no 6 and 5 on that list, right?


Oops! There is a 5, but no 6!

So...

6. Water polo would be banned for the superior sport of baseball, as in 2154, hockey is still on strike. :(

[Nic Corelli]

Okay, since the suggestion for the next list has already been taken...


Top 10 Possible Hairdos for Picard

[NeoMatrix]

10. Elvis Presley Hairdo: "Picard has left the ship"
9. The Janeway Hairdo: Cause him to switch to coffee
8. Captain Kirk's Hairpiece: Cause him to cheat on Beverly Crusher

[Xeroc]

The Top Ten Top Ten Lists. (real or not!)


Oops! Approximately 15 pages ago, we already had that exact list! I clearly remember it, it was by Standback! :mrgreen:
I don't have time to read all 28 pages! :o Sorry! I'll look closer next time.

You do realize that there's no 6 and 5 on that list, right?

Oops! There is a 5, but no 6!

So...

6. Water polo would be banned for the superior sport of baseball, as in 2154, hockey is still on strike. :(

I don't see any 5! Ginga's was one from a previous list she was commenting on!

[Opium]

I don't see any 5! Ginga's was one from a previous list she was commenting on!

Erm...
5. Both main women of the ship would wear actual clothing most of the time.



8. Captain Kirk's Hairpiece: Cause him to cheat on Beverly Crusher
I have mixed emotions about this one. On the one hand, at least there would be some 'shipper going on. On the other hand, Picard would break Beverly's heart! :cry:

7. Tuvok Hairdo: "The ship's engines should begin to propel the ship at this time."
6. Sisko Hairdo: "Earl Grey, hot. Baseball game, 1999."

[Chancellor Valium]

5: Data hairdo: "I approximate a 99% probability that now is the time for me to say "Engage" - meaning, ........."
4: Riker hairdo: "Engage, and bring me my trombone...."
3: Worf hairdo: "Go to warp. What? It sounds less...dis-honourable than "engage"."
2: Geordi: "Recalibrate the forward thrust controls to create a quasi-forward motion....."
1: Chekov hairdo: "Yingeeage Nyumbyer One!"
Next Top Ten list: Top Ten ST/HHG crossovers.

10: Picard: "I didn't get to this position by giving lifts to a bunch of degenerate freeloaders!"

9: Troi: "Well, Rikers just this guy, y'know? I sense that you think my attainment of the rank of commander is laughable."

8: Borg Queen: "Is the ship in sight?"
Borg Dron: "Yes, my lady. We have located the-"
BQ: "Don't answer back!"
BD: "But I-"
BQ: "I said don't answer back!
BD:"I didn't my lady!"
BQ: "You did! you did just then! You dare to lie to me?"
BD: "I'm sorry,my lady, I wouldn't, honest!"
BQ: "Guard! take it away! And take it apart!"
Borg Guard: "Take it apart, my lady?"
BQ: "Yes! You dare to question my orders?"
etc etc. Borg Queen exterminates half her sphere's crew at Ludicrous speed.

[NeoMatrix]

Please remind me of what HHG is

[Chancellor Valium]

The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy, of course! The most wholly remarkable book in the whole of the known universe!

[Alexia]

7) Marvin/Data - The power goes out on the Enterprise so Picard asks Data to make him some Earl Grey Tea. Data is not amused.

[Hotaru]

This seems to be a bad list...

[Opium]

*puts on thread-started hat*

Erm...as an alternative...let's have...

Top Ten 'Top Ten List' Subjects Trek Characters would Suggest :P

[Chancellor Valium]

No, let's not.
7) "Computer! Initiate Self Destruct Sequence!"
"Sorry, guys, but you didn't give the access codes. I'm afraid I can't do that until you give me the correct clearance codes."

[Xeroc]

No, let's not.
Valium, you're the only one who both started and has been contributing, and while I've read the Hitchhiker's Trilogy, and liked all five books, I don't think It's a very effective list, as the HHG is already funny by itself.

[NAHTMMM]

^That said, if anyone CAN finish off the list, it's all right with me ;) :)

[Xeroc]

^That said, if anyone CAN finish off the list, it's all right with me ;) :)
Well, yes, of course, if anyone wants to, go ahead. :)

[Opium]

I just gave the list as an alternative, not to end the HHG list, because many people do not know about HHG, but most people here know about Trek characters. I did not mean to offend. I'm with NAHTMMM: if anyone wants to finish the HHG list, of course do so! :) But it anyone is in the mood to do the other list...go for it!

Chancellor Valium, we are both in the Morphine Party. Can we agree to make up? :(

[NeoMatrix]

Will someone finish the list, whichever one it is?

[Chancellor Valium]

we got to seven right? Yes I will make up...no this list isnt very good..yes i will finish it nonsensically (due to Improbability drive malfunctions....or something....)
6) Cheese
5) Jim
4) $32, 11 cents
3) 4 1/2 inches
2) paisley
1) Odd bits of plastic that fell down the sofa.
there. Everyone happy? good.

[Alexia]

Did you pick a next one? Or shall we use Opiums?

[Opium]

Did you pick a next one? Or shall we use Opiums?

As always, it is up to the person who can't wait to make a new list :wink:

[Chancellor Valium]

Top Ten random things I just thought of
10) Jim Kirk wearing psychedelic flares and a christmas pudding-hat.
9) the Great International Christmas Pudding
8) Pudding
7) Pie
6) mmmm....floor pie
5)Pi
4) Pi, Pi Miss American umm...er...pie...
3) America
2) Pet hates
1) Evil pets
next Top Ten List: Top Ten Ways to make Star Trek More Funny.

[NAHTMMM]

Top Ten Ways to make Star Trek More Funny


10. Replace half the crew with clowns armed with banana cream pie sidearms.

9. Every time Picard says "Make it so!" a referee whistles him for Overuse of Stock Phrases

8. Chakotay really does go around saying things like "Chakotay 1, Tuvok 0!"

7. "What are we going to do tonight, Spot?" "The same thing we do every night, Livingston. Try to take over the ship!"

6. Have ME write the episodes :D :twisted:

[NeoMatrix]

5. Have all the characters act like mimes the whole show

4. Pie torpedoes

[Opium]

3. Do a crew episode every season-let the crew of Trek write, produce, and star in their very own eppy, dressed as and acting like the characters of the show, only funnier!

2. Tape the show live once in a while-the on-set bloopers and live special effects and CGI's are sure to be funny!

1. Make it seem like there is sound in space, like when the ships go by they make a "whoosh" sou...oh, right. They already do that. :roll:


Top Ten 'Top Ten List' Subjects Trek Characters would Suggest

[Hotaru]

Top Ten 'Top Ten List' Subjects Trek Characters would Suggest

10. Sisko: Top Ten reasons hair is bad.
9. Troi: Top Ten ways to state the obvious.
8. Data: Top Ten alternate titles for Top Ten.
7. Janeway: Top Ten ways to simultaneously make coffee and blow Voyager up.
6. Uhura: Top Ten possible last names for Uhura.
5. Doctor: Top Ten ways holograms are superior to everyone else.
4. Archer: Top Ten ways to get beaten up while still attempting to seem manly.
3. Quark: Top Ten reasons females should be naked.
2. Riker: Top Ten reasons females should be naked.
and...

1. Phlox: Top Ten creepy things Phlox can do with his face.

next list: Top Ten halloween costumes Trek characters would want.

[Opium]

(Top Ten halloween costumes Trek characters would want.)

I asked various Trek characters what they want to be on Halloween. here are the answers:

10.Archer: Kirk's outfit...not that I know about Kirk or anything
9. Data: A real boy
8. Bashir: Bond. James Bond.
7. Ezri: A princess...no, a prince...maybe a vampire! or...Anne of Green Gables! What if I was Batman? Or...Cat woman...or Our Lady Peace's Raine Maida...Abba...or... *Bashir Bond kisses Ezri to shut her up*
6. Spot: A wirehaired dachshund, as they obviously the superior animal
5. T'Pol: Costumes are illogical...unless it's just with Trip...did I say that outloud? *runs away*
4. Trip: Whatever matches T'Pol's....non-costume of illogic
3. Kirk: William Shatner...I here he got lots of girls
2. Mayweather: Anything to get me noticed...maybe as Ben Affleck? :wink:
1. Quark: The butler. No one ever suspects the butler.

Top Ten (actual) TV shows Trek characters would want to be in

[Chancellor Valium]

Ooh...tricky...can we read that as "should be in"? :)

[Hotaru]

10. Kirk: that show that he stars in, y'know, the court room "drama". You know?
9. Troi: The news, stating the obvious all night long.
8. Reed: Good Morning America, so he can kill Katie Couric.
7. Spock: CSI, ala "the Undiscovered Country".
6. Neelix: Survivor, all that lovely random roots to feed to a captive team.
5. Paris: Joey! I think he'd fit...
4. T'pol: Will and Grace, she'd like to try and teach Karen about "logic".
3. Tuvok: CSI: Miami, like Spock on CSI, only not as popular.
2. McCoy: ER, no one would ever treat him like anything but a doctor.

and...

1. Janeway: Lost, she'd make a MUCH better leader than Jack.

Next List: Top Ten Fanfics written by Trek Characters.

[Alexia]

3. Tuvok: CSI: Miami, like Spock on CSI, only not as popular.

:lol: That is so true :lol: :mrgreen: Wow, I'm so creativly zapped of energy I can't think of anything...

[Chancellor Valium]

Top Ten TV Shows Star Trek Characters would fit in
10) Uhura in Doctor Who - all the screaming, running away, twisting her ankle.....isn't that her role in star trek anyway?
9) Silik - any John Kerry Broadcast

[Opium]

Top Ten Fanfics written by Trek Characters

10. "Everyone Woke Up Klingon" by Worf. Everyone wakes up Klingon.
9. "The Pointy Ear Saga: Elven Love" by T'Pol on a trip...or with Trip :wink: . Arwen gives up Aragorn for Legolas, and then she changes her mind, and then she changes her mind again, and...
8. "Logic Dictactes that I Do Not Write Fanfiction, But Love Says I Do" by Tuvok. Serious, nasty Snape is secretly in love with his headmistress McGonagal, but does not find it logical enough to persue.
7. "Mary Sue, Where Are You?" by Kirk. The handsome captain Norrington is being ignored for the "bad boy" CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. Norrington must get revenge!

[NAHTMMM]

6. "Honor" by Worf. The discovery that Wesley dishonorably caused Jadzia's death allows requires Worf to hunt the p'taK down and kill the annoying brat slow and painfu slay him in honorable combat. Such a shame. Really!


5. "Cheese" by Porthos. Arf ruff ruff ruff, Ruff ruff woof ruff arf ruff. Ruff Ruff ruff. Ruff arf? Ruff ruff ruff!


4. "Come to momma!" by Mirror Kira. Our Kira, Dax, Sisko, and anyone else she can think of bravely renounce their universe for her sake. Rated NC-80.

[Opium]

3. "Harry Potter and the Thing of DOOM" by Wesley Crusher Harry Potter, boy wonder, must track down The Thing of DOOM which threatens all of Earth, mostly so he can get some Mary Sue action, and of course, the respect he deserves from everyone.

2. "I Want to Be A Real Boy" by Spot. Meow... Data wants to be a real boy, instead of a purrrfect cat. Mary-Sue Spot sets him on the path to a being purrrrfect. Meow. Moew. (at least that's what the computer's cat-to-human translator thinkgs it is about)

1. "Eowyn's Adventures" by Troi. Eowyn stops Voldemorte from destroying Harry, Saruman from destroying Middle Earth, and The Black Pearl from being evil, all while simply stating the obvious and making everyone else look bad. And of course Aragorn, Sirius Black, Legolas and CAPTIAN Jack Sparrow to fall deeply in love with her.


Top Ten Really Bad Jokes Told by Lord of the Rings Characters

[Nic Corelli]

10. Sauron: "How many Ring Wraiths does it take to change a lightbulb? - Nine." :P

[Chancellor Valium]

9: Deosil (steward of Gondor guy): How many Seeing Spheres does it take to make a guy fall under the influence of Sauron?
8) Gandalf: How many Balrogs does it take to change a wizard?
7)Elrond: How many Agent Elronds does it take to take out FrodNeo?

[NeoMatrix]

6) Frodo: Why did the chicken cross Middle Earth?

[NAHTMMM]

5. "So a Ringbearer, an orc, Sauron, and a cute elf chick walk into a bar..."

4. Gimli: "What do you get when you cross Sauron with the One Ring? . . .Give up? You get death and DOOM for all of Middle Earth! Ha ha ha! . . . See, this is why I never do any stand-up."

[KillerGodMan]

3. Golum: How many hobbits do you need to fool to steal the Precious?

2. Samwise: How many stab wounds does it take to kill Golum?

1. Aragorn: How many lifeforms/undead do you have to kill to pronounce yourself king? (Think of the Forum/Lightbulb joke)

[Alexia]

What's the next list KGM?

[Hotaru]

Shall we just make something up?

[KillerGodMan]

Oops! uhh...

The Top ten rejected actors for Aragorn

[Scooter]

Written late at night by someone who should be sleeping:

The Top ten rejected actors for Aragorn
(Dedicated to Stuart Townsend; with notes from Peter Jackson's confidential memoranda)

10. Emeril Agasse - Can't stop shouting BAM! whenever he stabs a bad guy
9. Leo DiCaprio - Need someone taller than Liv (Fran, retest him for Pippin)
8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason
7. Bruce Willis - His Elvish sounds suspiciously like Pig Latin
6. Kevin Kline - Demands clarification over moustache/no moustache issue; completely confused by stubble
5. Laurence Olivier - Apparently unware he's dead
4. Jim Carrey - Bugging eyes and lolling tongue out of mouth like a cartoon character wrong reaction to death of Gandalf
3. Andy Serkis - Can't understand a word he's saying (Note to Fran - maybe we can palm off some some voice work on him?)
2. William Shatner - Thought he was playing Ar, a Gorn; did nothing but bare his teeth and growl into a microphone

And the Number One Rejected Actor for Aragorn:

1. Renee Zellweger - Too eager to be licked by Brego the horse



Next:
Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee

[Opium]

Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee

10. Christopher Walken: His age was suspicious; what would a old Hobbit want with a young one? :wink:
9. Mike Meyers: Kept talking in a Scottish accent which distracted and confused everyone.
8. Patrick Stewart: His Shakespearean diction interfered with the Hobbit Slang pronunciations.
7. Richard Gere: Samwise doesn't tap-dance.
6. Jared Leto: Was off doing some side-projects; would have left Frodo alone.
5. Eric Szmada: Is already cute and cuddly on CSI; also, would use advanced investigation techniques to destruct ring within 24 hours.

[KillerGodMan]

4. Eddy Murphy - Talked too much

3. Jeff Goldblum - Too smart

2. Steven Seagal - Too violant

And the number 1 rejected actor for Samwise Gamgee...

1. Ahmed Best - "Messa called Jar-Jar Binks"

Top ten Rejected actors for Gandalf

[Nic Corelli]

Top ten Rejected actors for Gandalf


10. Patrick Stewart :mrgreen:

[Opium]

9. William Shatner: "You...shall...not...pass. Gandalf The Grey."

8. Johnny Depp: Is hotter than the rest of the cast, even Legolas. Beard would cover it up. :(

[KillerGodMan]

7. Robin Williams - Just... BECAUSE

6. Tommy Lee Jones - "What do you mean I can't blow their brains out?"

5. Sam Neil - Kept running from everything Raptor-sized and bigger

[NeoMatrix]

8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason


I loved this one

[Chancellor Valium]

4: Christopher Lee - "you're meant to be the evil dude, damnit!"
3: Harrison Ford :D
2: :Laurence Olivier - dead, and too melodramatic
and no.1
1: Ian McKellen! :D :D :D :D :D

[Opium]

Someone post a new topic :D

[NeoMatrix]

Top ten Rejected actors for Frodo

[Opium]

Erm...okay!


10: Wil Weaton: Too darn whiney!
9. Johnny Depp: Casting hottie middle-aged Frodo with younger Samwise would have been too suggestive... as with the books. :wink:
8. Noah Wyle: Would spend too much time studying Elven medication.
7. Scott Bayo: Wait, is he still alive?
6. Leo Decaprio: People would cheer when he almost falls into the pit of lava.
5. Jim Carey: Would have caused yet another The-Oscars-Are-Against-Canadians uproar.
4. Jerry Sienfeild: "So I was reading an Elven periodical today, and wondered, what's up with pointy hat tricks?"
3. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Too boyish.
2. Eminem: Considers JRR Tolkien books to be bad influence on vunerable adolecents.
1. John Travolta: Disco Frodo has left the building.

Top Ten Rejected Actors for the role of Neo in the Matrix (as opposed to NeoMatrix)

[Alyxe]

10. Arnie Schwarzanegger
9. Sylvester Stalone
8. Mel Gibson
7. Will Young
6. Me
5. Barbara Streisland
4. Tom Cruise
3. George Bush
2. Rowan Atkinson

And...

1. Keanu Reeves (you expected this to make sense?)

Top ten list of failed actresses for Trinity

[KillerGodMan]

Er okay...

10. Brittney Spears - "Oops! I sacked him again!"
9. J-Lo - No, just no
8. Halle Berry - Acted like a cat for some reason

[KillerGodMan]

7. Hillary Swank - Producers refused after she auditioned for Neo

[Opium]

6. Chantal Kreviasuk: "I'm leaving, on a net plane, don't know when I'll be back again"
5. Queen Latifah: Made Neo look too wimpy.
4. Lara Flynn Boyle: Made Neo look too curvy and girly.
3. Susan Serandon: Demi Moore already has the younger-man niche.
2. Kathy Bates: Also tried out for The Oracle; was just too odd.
1. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Was waaaay too into Morpheus.


Top Ten Actors/Actresses Who Should be in Star Trek.

[Alexia]

10: Hugh Grant - Should be in TOS, would look great with a ripped shirt.
9: Vin Deisel - Has the hair for a Trek captain.

[KillerGodMan]

8. Rory Cochrane - Better playing a doomed Redshirt than playing a dead cop
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger - A Borg if we ever saw one
6. Ahmed Best - "Meesa called Jar-Jar Binks! Messa going to destroy earth"
5. Eminem - The only one who can stop the D12ians....

[NAHTMMM]

4. John Wayne. Can't you see him as Kirk in one of his fistfights? ;)

[Hotaru]

3. Jennifer Aniston: "What? I'm not wearing that uniform, it's ugly"

[KillerGodMan]

2. Sarah Michelle Geller - She'd could easly mistake a Xindi for a Vampire, and let instint take it's course.

1. Jeff Goldblum - Can't you see him as a science person with skills to match Spock's?

Next: Top 10 deleated scenes from Star Wars

[NAHTMMM]

Top 10 deleted scenes from Star Wars movies


10. Ep III:
Anakin: Hi sweetie! Check out my kewl new black suit! ...Hey, come back here and gimme a kiss!
Padme: Ick. Right now, I'd rather kiss a Gungan.
Jar-Jar: Heyyy, meesa like that ideea.


9. Ep V:
(In the asteroid)
Han Solo: Mynock bats. I hate mynock bats.

[KillerGodMan]

8.

Ep V:
Vader: Luke, I am your Mother's Father's Uncle's...
Solo: SISTER!
Boba: Hey! How did you get off my ship?


7.

Ep I:
Obi-Wan: What's this?
Qui-Gon: A local
Obi-Wan: EWW! It's all slimy!
Jar-Jar: Messa have feelings too...

[NAHTMMM]

6. Ep IV:

*In the cantina, Luke shakes off the whole being-picked-on thing and wanders over to the band*
Luke: Hey, you guys rock! Can I join in?
Band: Sure!
*Luke demonstrates his coolness for the teens in the audience by pulling out a guitar and jamming with the band for about five minutes*


5. Ep I:

The race scene where Anakin is flying neck-and-neck with Bobby Labonte for several seconds


4. Ep I:

That heartwarming scene of drunken Jawas playing Pin The Tail On The Jar-Jar


3. Ep I:

Qui-Gon: I believe that Anakin is the one who is to restore balance to the Force. We must train him.
Obi-Wan: Er, right. Let me ask you this: is the Light or the Dark Side of the Force winning right now?
Qui-Gon: The Light Side obviously must have the edge. I mean, we've got that Jedi Council and we're united en masse and any Sith are scattered and isolated.
Obi-Wan: So by restoring balance, we'd be helping the bad guys, RIGHT?
Qui-Gon: Hmm, good point.


2. Ep VI:

C-3PO: We are fighting against the Empire--
Ewoks: *burst into agitated chattering and wave their spears forcefully*
Han: Uh-oh, did we just wear out our welcome, Goldenrod?
C-3PO: *chatters a question at an Ewok who chatters back* I do not believe so, sir. They say they have no quarrel with the battle against some "Trade Federation"'s empire, but they insist that if there is one "Jar-Jar Binks" among us, that we deliver him up to them to be dealt with.


1. Ep VI:

Vader: GAK!
Luke: :cry:
Death Star: Irreparable core breach. This station will self-destruct in 30 . . . 29 . . .
Luke: Uh-oh. *grabs Vader's body and gets into a standing position, then turns on his walkie-talkie* All right, Artoo, beam me up!




And now, in honor of all the two-bit troublemakers who always somehow find a way to take over The Best Ship In The Fleet staffed by The Best Crew In The Fleet...


The Top Ten Entities We're Absolutely Certain (Well...Pretty Certain) Could Never Take Over Any Of The Enterprises

[richardson]

10) Zeke (He's a genius, just not that kind of genius.)

[Ginga]

9. Seko.

I dunno. He could eat it, or maul it, but that doesn't really count as taking over. :P

[NeoMatrix]

1. Ep VI:

Vader: GAK!
Luke: :cry:
Death Star: Irreparable core breach. This station will self-destruct in 30 . . . 29 . . .
Luke: Uh-oh. *grabs Vader's body and gets into a standing position, then turns on his walkie-talkie* All right, Artoo, beam me up!


Continued...

3CPO: Don't you know we are a little busy up here? But don't worry, we will conviently beam you out at the last possible moment before you blow up with the station.

[Hotaru]

8. The Ferengi. Wait a minute...
7. The kind people at PBS. (This bumbled attempt at take over was brought to you by viewers like you!)
6. The Muppets. Like they could take over a ship. They're made out of FELT! FELT!
5. A paperclip. You can't think! HAH! Take that! I shall bend you out of shape! OW! You broke and poked me!
4. Riker. Can't do anything on his own ship...
3. Anne of Green Gables.
2. Christina Aguilera.

And the 1 entity we are certain (pretty certain) couldn't take over any enterprise is...

1. This potted plant:
http://www.fastflowers.com.au/images/products/thumb_plant.JPG

Next list: The top ten ways a potted plant could take over the Enterprise (ship of YOUR choice!)

[richardson]

10) Could do some mind-altering thing to NX-1, making them think that they were all reptiliod xindi.
9) Could do some kind of technobabble trick to get voyager home earlier. That way, not only does it take over, it gets worshipped too.

[Opium]

8. As Jake's only friend while Nog is away, the plant convinces him to inperonate his father, take over DS9, and turn it into a huge disco-themed casino.

[KillerGodMan]

7. Could release a poison that makes Crusher die, which get's the P/Cers all mad and they destroy The Enterprise E (I don't think that counts though...)

6. It release a chemical which causes Tribbles to Multiply twice as fast, and grow three times as big.

[richardson]

5) It uses some kind of brain control spores to cause kirk & co. to kill each other and thus take over that way.

[Opium]

7. Could release a poison that makes Crusher die, which get's the P/Cers all mad and they destroy The Enterprise E (I don't think that counts though...)

How could you even suggest that? :cry:

anyways...

4. The plant could be mutated by being too close the warp core, and then take over the ship from the inside of the warp core...and only let Kirk take the ship back if he stops wearing a toupee!

[KillerGodMan]

7. Could release a poison that makes Crusher die, which get's the P/Cers all mad and they destroy The Enterprise E (I don't think that counts though...)

How could you even suggest that? :cry:

I don't know! I'M SO CONFUSED! :?

3. I just stands there and looks pretty, distracting the entire crew, which allows the dominion to take over DS9

[Opium]

2. A species known as the Plantarians here the lonliness of the potted plant, and decide that the only way to save the plant is to destroy all of Voyager.


1. The Quark tips Odo off to a band of Kanaediens called the Pothead Camp who are selling medicine without prescriptions. H mishears and ends up turning DS9 upside down looking for a potted plant.


Top Ten Trek-Inspired (ie, made up) Holiday Songs

[KillerGodMan]

10. Data the Android

9. Jingle Borg

8. I'll be around Sector 001 for Christmas

7. I'm getting Q2 for Christmas

6. I saw the Borg Queen kissing Locutis (is that how you spell it?)

5. Geordi, the VISOR eyed engineer

4. Joy to the World (Q's leaving us alone)

3. Silent Space

2. Oh come all ye Spacecraft

And the number 1 Trek-Inspired (ie, made up) Holiday Songs...

1. We wish you a Joyful ChristmaHaunaKwanzakah (Don't want Religion Wars in Starfleet now do we?)

Next: Top Ten rejected names for Ten-Forward

[Xeroc]

The Top Ten Rejected Names for Ten-Forward

10. Messy Hall
9. Roger
8. Guinan's Bar&Grill
7. Forty-Seven-Forward
6. Five-Minute-Forward
5. Perfect-Ten-Forward
4. Top-Ten-Forward
3. Best-Foot-Forward
2. Fast-Forward

And the number one rejected name for Ten-Forward is...

1. Seven-Up


Next: Top Ten Star Trek Christmas Gifts (to ANYone, not a copy of the villan one)

[KillerGodMan]

10. Harry Kim - A girlfriend

9. McCoy - Tranqulisers (If THAT won't make Spock leave him alone, nothing will)

8. Jake - A computer, complete with MS Word

7. The Doctor - Time on a planet where everyone thinks he's a visiting opera star

6. Worf - A chance to beat the crap out of Riker

5. Archer - Chili (That's safe for dogs)

4. Sisko - Earplugs

3. Janeway - Anti-C/7 ray

2. Kirk - A better wig

And the number one Star Trek Christmas Gifts (to ANYone, not a copy of the villan one)...

1. Picard - A cut out version of himself, which is convincing enough to make Q think it's the real Picard

Next: Top ten reasons why Data didn't become First officer in The Best of Both Worlds

[Hotaru]

10. Shelby is cuter.
9. Data looks silly in red.
8. The toaster wouldn't let him.
7. Riker flipped a coin, Data unfourtunately lost.
6. Data wouldn't get upset if he didn't get it. At least he shouldn't <.<
5. Data is too smart to have the job of doing nothing.
4. Secretly, Riker is afraid of Data.
3. If Data was promoted Wesley would've gotten his job.
2. Shelby gave Riker some chocolate.

And the number 1 reason is...

1. Riker wanted a woman near by. He's a pig after all.

Next list: Top Ten changes Tuvok would make if he were promoted to first officer.

[KillerGodMan]

10. No C/7

9. Everyone must play with blocks for an hour each day

8. There IS a spoon

7. Everyone must have a mind meld until meld-e gets a headache

6. Seven would NOT be on Voyager

5. It would be illogical to write the fifth reason

4. Did we mention no C/7?

3. We want to make sure the point is recieved

2. It'd be illogical not to

And the number one thing Tuvok would do if he were promoted to first officer...

1. Kill Seven to make SURE C/7 never happens

Next... The Top 10 REAL reasons the Borg wanted Picard

Edit: This is a T10 list for all you J/C fans out there *waves* me included

[richardson]

10) They wanted to assimilate someone who didn't have to be shaved.
9) They wanted to get the fomula for earl grey
8) They wanted the patent for "Make it so" and "Engage"

[KillerGodMan]

7. All the other humans were too tall

6. They wanted to piss off all the P/C shippers

5. Picard has command of the flagship, and they ALL want a piece of it

[NeoMatrix]

4. They thought they could become stronger if they memorized all of Shakespeare's works.

3. By mistake, they thought Picard was actually Professor X.

[Opium]

2. Someone in the Borg collective needed to be able to act.
1. They hoped Q would follow, so they could assimilate him, too.

Top Ten Songs from DS9: The Musical


(I just saw Phantom, if you were wondering why)

[KillerGodMan]

10. Carol of the Trills

uh....

[Hotaru]

9. The mournings of Morn.
8. Quarks!
7. The solitary life of Security.
6. I'm so lonely... by Jake.
5. My symbiot shall go on!
4. Home on Bajor.
3. We are the DOMINION!
2. Vulcan baseball theme.

and...

1. Angst and Arcs!

next list: top ten ways that a redshirt could escape death.

[KillerGodMan]

10. Put a patch of blue on his redshirt
9. Wonder how Scotty survived as a redshirt
8. Hide while exploring a planet
7. Hang around Data, because Data isn't allowed to die until Nemisis
6. Become a Trekie, which causes him/her to be transported to our time, because Trekies arn't around in the 24th century, Trek is.
5. Write a fanfic about Star Trek (waves, once again to everyone who reads Genredevous Point on Instant Classic)
4. Be important to the ship
3. Convince the captain to make everyone refer to everyone by their first name than first inital of their surname, then chage his/her name to "Scott Edwards" - Scott E. get it?
2. Retire or Quit

And the number 1 way a redshirt could avoid death

1. Transfer off the Enterprise, because it seems the most redshirts die there...

Next: The top ten reasons why Picard keeps blowing up the Enterprise[/i]

[richardson]

10) Come on, the ent-D was a joke compared to the -E..
9) He was trying to scrape a bug off the hul when he rammed the scimitar

[Opium]

8. He keep having panic attacks pretending he doesn't like to act on stage, and has to be put in a secure hospital ward for treatment...which happens to be Dr. Crusher's bedroom...

7. It seems like a better plan than trying to run automatic updates on the Ship's Computer.

6. Worf is part of the "11 New Operas of the Year Club, Plus And Old One"...and December is always "The Klingon Helped Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom Comment An Honourable Death"

5. There are certian redshirts that know...too...much... *shifty eyes*

4. Ever see Section 31 on Enterprise D? That's because they only go to overly competent officers...and as long as Picard crashed a ship every once in a while, they kept them off their list.

3. "To Be Or Not Be...I had a fight with Beverly...to Not Be!"

2. It's actually Q.

1. It's mandated under The Captain's Code that they must bring back all ships in bad repair to get more tax funding.

Top Ten Favorite Vacation Spots for Voyager's Crew

[NeoMatrix]

6. Become a Trekie, which causes him/her to be transported to our time, because Trekies arn't around in the 24th century, Trek is.


Ok, you just caused a temporal paradox. Thanks

[richardson]

10) Borg homeworld Plenty of things for Janeway to make go KABOOM!
9) Earth: Feels good to be home for a change.
8) Some bar in the Q continuum. Most likely brought by Q to have a get together.

[Hotaru]

7. That planet from Workforce. So Janeway can kiss Jaffen some more.

[KillerGodMan]

6. Become a Trekie, which causes him/her to be transported to our time, because Trekies arn't around in the 24th century, Trek is.


Ok, you just caused a temporal paradox. Thanks

No problem

5. The 5mv forums (heh...heh....heh...)

[NeoMatrix]

6. (Because 6 was skipped): Seven's Quarters

4. The Holodeck, but not on Voyager
3. Vulcan, to find the logic behind their misfortune
2. That planet with the 37's

I will leave #1 to someone else

[Hotaru]

1. A giant cup of coffee. Why there is one in space, no one knows.

Next list: Top ten half-time shows trek characters would put on.

[KillerGodMan]

10: Sisko

[richardson]

9: Picard: Repeated picard manuvers (The shirt one)
8: Kirk: His standard brawl, complete with uniform ripping
7: Portos: Dog act, what did you expect?
6: Janeway: Jumps into a massive cup of coffee
5: Sulu: fencing match cuminating with him beating the snot out of the first person who calls him "Tiny"
4: Riker: Nothing impressive here, but still a great song and dance number
3: Sisko: Something baseball, with him getting booed off the field
2: Paris: Some driving feat

and the #1 show

1: EMH: puts on a brilliant opera number!


Next:
the 10 worst accidents you can cause in trek :twisted:

[Ginga]

10. Burn Kirk's toupee.
9. Break Betsy.

[Opium]

8. Put a virus in the coffee sub-routine.
7. Allowing Spock and McCoy in the same room.
6. Paris/Torres's baby. :P
5. Neelix making soup.
4. Shutting down Sisko's holodeck baseball game.
3. Spilling coffee on O'Brien's models.
2. Crusher seeing Picard with another woman. :evil:
1. Porthos. Eating. Chilli. Cheese. Pie.



Top 10 Phrases That Would Get You In Jail on Trek

[NeoMatrix]

10. "Is that a phaser [rifle] in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me."
9. "Captain, we are out of coffee"
8. Redshirts who get lines but refuse to die
7. Anyone that mentions chili and Porthos in the same sentence; warning if in same conversation
6. Anyone who mentions time travel to Janeway before she has had her coffee

[KillerGodMan]

5. Anyone who mentions Vulcan Mind Meld to Janeway, no matter what mood she's in.

[richardson]

4) Calling Sulu "Tiny"
3) Any phrase that will completely mesemerize spock before McCoy can say it.

[Ginga]

I must add to richardson's #4 here and say...


2. Calling Janeway "tiny".

[KillerGodMan]

And the number 1 phrase...,.

1. Calling Chakotay "Wood Boy" in front of him

Next: Top ten actions that would get you thrown in Jail in Trek

[NeoMatrix]

10. "Accidently" beaming the Captain to Chakotay's quarters
9. Any action that involves helping Wesley Crusher, directly or indirectly
8. Tinkering with the physical perimeters of the Doctor's programming

[richardson]

7) Stealing/maiming/destroying kirk's toupee
6) Smashing janeway's favorite rifle.
5)Throwing Sisko's Baseball out an airlock
4) Damaging scotty's engines (Wait, that would get you killed)
3) Forcing picard to have baby-sitting duty

[Ginga]

Oh, Neo. I must add to your #10. I just cannot resist:

2. "Accidentally" beaming Chakotay to Janeway's quarters... during Bath Time.

:o :o :o XD

[Opium]

1. Saying, "Gee, I really liked Troi and Worf together."


Top Ten Ways Trek Characters Celebrate Valentine's Day

[NeoMatrix]

10. Guys taking turns using the teleporter to "Deliver" Flowers
9.
Step 1: Pick up date at her quarters.
Step 2: Go to Holodeck
Step 3: Pick a nice resturaunt, or just go to the one everyone else on the ship is at.
8. Captain Kirk makes a stop at the nearest planet to pick up a date
7. Captain Archer gets a date by looking for one already taken, gets beat up by a bunch of guys, then ends up spending the evening with Phlox and Porthos.

[richardson]

6: Paris goes on a nearly suicidal shuttle race rampage, with b'lanna hiding in back.

[NeoMatrix]

5. Picard pretends to be sick and goes to sickbay, where he surprises Beverly with a ring.

4. Janeway gets kidnapped with the rest of the crew, only to fall in love with the leader.

3. Seven walks up to Chakotay, forces him to take the flowers, then walks off. Returns to say "Happy Valentine's Day", then walks off again.

[Hotaru]

2. Bashir can't get anyone to celebrate with him.
1. The Doctor floods Voyager with a strong aphrodisiac. Then in order to "try and solve the problem" puts all the men into stasis (like any of them do anything anways) leaving him as the only "man" available.

next list: Top Ten favorite t.v. shows of star trek characters.

[NeoMatrix]

10. Ferengi: Let's Make a Deal
9: Seven: Boston Public
8: Doctor: House

[richardson]

7: Spock: In search of... (Had to do it, HAD to do it!)
6: Picard: racing (You know he's a closet nascar fan after nemisis)

[Opium]

5. Bashir: The Dead Zone *wink wink*
4. Kira: Boston Legal *wink wink*
3. Dr. Crusher: ER, even though there is no bald dude on it now.
2. Hoshi: "Alf" in French and Chinese.
1. Worf: Days of Our Lives

Top Ten Most Hated Shows of Trek Characters

[richardson]

10: Picard: Rock Concert

[Chancellor Valium]

9: Data: Robot Wars
8: Porthos: Crufts

[NAHTMMM]

7. Porthos: "Garfield and Friends"

6. Guinan: "Hollywood Squares". What is up with that weirdo in the middle of the tic-tac-toe board, anyway?

[KillerGodMan]

5. Porthos: The nation Chili cook-off
4. Worf: The Croc Hunter - always hunting the icky creatures
3. Picard: The 100 years war documentary (also known as Englishmen kicking Frenchmen but)
2. The three frozen people from The Neutral Zone: Star Trek - Because... they don't like the old old school special effects

And the Number 1 hated show of a Trek character

1. Archer: Enterprise - One word; Xindi

Next: Top ten REAL reasons why Porthos + Chili = Very, very, very BAD

[richardson]

10: Same thing happens to him as happens to chiwawuas.

[NAHTMMM]

9. The mere concept is enough to send the Top Ten List thread into a coma that lasts for over a week.

8. Due to an extremely traumatic experience during his youth involving a hula hoop and a bowl of Cajun-style chili at a cookout, Porthos tends to lash out blindly whenever chili is mentioned.

7. That last alien takeover of the ship wouldn't have stood a chance if Tuvok hadn't distracted the crew with his musing over the deeper significance of the fact that "Porthos = chili" can be anagrammed into "Hot Lips = choir".

[Scooter]

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the concept of this list. However in the interests of jump-starting the thread:

6. It's a little known fact, but chili is allergic to dogs.

5. Porthos is really a Mexican dog and is violently offended by inauthentic Tex-Mexisms like chili.

4. Chili, when made properly using the finest red beans and purest cumin, contains minute amounts seutrosetricin, a rare substance known to cause an extreme susceptibility to being beaten up among among owners of dogs who eat it.

3. Beagle dogs have an ancient and little-understood tradition of using tomato products as war paint.

2. Malcolm will start trying to use "Porthos emissions" as a weapon.

And the number one reason:

1. The head of UPN has a violent dislike of chili and swears that if Porthos eats just one more bowl of it, he'll cancel "Enterprise."


Next, given the teenification of the WB and so on:

Top 10 Steamy Angst-Ridden Teen-Oriented Concepts for a New Star Trek Series

[KillerGodMan]

10. Star Trek: Smallville

[NeoMatrix]

9. Star Trek: The Academy Years

8. Star Trek: Girls Gone Wild (A series where noone wears clothing)

[NAHTMMM]

You did a good job, Scooter. :mrgreen:



7. Academy Hills 90210

6. Star Trek: Trip 'n' T'Pol :twisted:

[Rayinne]

5: Amnesia Trek
4: Star Trek, the SAC members' cut

[Scooter]

You did a good job, Scooter. :mrgreen:

Yay, props :D

[KillerGodMan]

3. Star Trek: General Hospital

2. The Young and the Trekless

and the number one Steamy Angst-Ridden Teen-Oriented Concepts for a New Star Trek series....

1. Lost Trek (also known as Star Trek Voyager: The Delta Return)

Next: The top 10 new exciting action-filled adventure-taking gun-slinging HBO-type concepts for a New Trek Series

[Chancellor Valium]

10) Trek 24

[Opium]

9. Oz: The Federation Brig
8. 1.83 Metres Under
7. Sex and the Star Ship, starring Crusher as Carrie and Picard as Mr Big
6. T'Pol's Curb Your Logic
5. Federation's Next Top Model StarFleet Cadet
4. Angels in Earth
3. The Trippi G Show
2. Real Time with Bill Shatner
1. The Klingon's

Top Ten Star Trek Reality Shows

[NeoMatrix]

10. Redshirt Survivor
9. Big Brother: Captain's Edition
8. Who Wants to Captain the Enterprise?
7. Federation Idol

[Alexia]

6) The Federations next top Captain
5) I'm in Starfleet, get me out of here!

[NAHTMMM]

4. Greed (Smash hit on Ferenginar, bomb everywhere else)

3. Ear Factor (The only show ever to rate #1 on both Vulcan and Ferenginar)

2. <s>Joe</s> Morn Millionaire

Aaaand the #1 Trek Reality Show is:
1. The Weakest Link . . . hosted by Odo


Next up:

Top Ten Rejected Ideas for 5MV Merchandise

[Opium]

10. 5MV Chilli
9. 5MV Dog Collars
8. 5MV Hammers of THWAPPING

[Hotaru]

7. 5MV cell phones
6. 5MV bottled water
5. 5MV collectors edition plates
4. 5MV personalized liscense plate covers
3. The 5MV board game
2. 5MV sunglasses

1. 5MV Zeke action figures with 47 "soon" catch phrases!

Next List: top ten fanfic topics of trek characters.

[Opium]

10. Legolas/Mary-Sue Redshirt #47479
8. Cathie/Boromir Worf
7. Faramir/Eowyn Dr. Crusher
6. Eomer/Glorarwen Barclay

Hey! Look! My fanfiction! (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/543765/) Read it to make this list makes sense!

Okay, here's the real one:

10. Data/Toaster :twisted: Toaster
9. Cathrine/Grissom (CSI) Picard
8. Grissom/Cathrine (CSI) Crusher
7. Gimli/Arwen (LOTR) Worf
6. Greg/Sara (CSI) Wesley and Jake and Mayweather
5. Arwen/Figwit (LOTR) Redshirt #47472
[/i]

[KillerGodMan]

4. Wesley - Self-Insertion Hero's Adventure

3. Picard - Action Hero - "Super-Hair! Someone stole all the earl grey tea-bags!"

2. Data - Enterprise/Voyager (The ships, not the show)

[NAHTMMM]

4. 5MV personalized liscense plate covers
Ooo! And come to think of it, 5MV license plates would be even better...


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v27/Sloublues/MoPie5mvPlate.jpg

8)





3. The 5MV board game
Ooo, like 5mvopoly? :D





1. 5MV Zeke action figures with 47 "soon" catch phrases!
:lol:

[Opium]

1. Harry Potter Wesley


Top Ten Fanfics Written by Trek characters :twisted:

[NeoMatrix]

No, 5MLife

[NeoMatrix]

10. Janeway writes, "And then Chakotay walks into Seven's Quarters...naked."

9. Harry writes, "Janeway yells 'Fire at Will', then Tuvok smiles before pushing the button on the console."

8. Archer writes, "I am having a romantic evening with three beautilful women...". Captain Kirk adds later, "I walked in and beat Archer up, which he enjoyed for some odd reason, then took the women with me.

[Opium]

8. Archer writes, "I am having a romantic evening with three beautilful women...". Captain Kirk adds later, "I walked in and beat Archer up, which he enjoyed for some odd reason, then took the women with me.

So...wrong...shouldn't laugh...but...BWHAHAHAHAHAH...

[Scooter]

7. Redshirt #47472 writes [with thanks to Opium]: “Figwit sighed as he hefted an ale at the Forsaken Inn. There was nothing like Elvish love, and Figwit had experienced it in spades the night before. If only Arwen hadn't called out 'Strider!' at just the wrong moment...”

6. Kes writes: “Neelix paused outside Janeway's quarters. Was he being presumptuous? The captain had certainly seemed to encourage him with all her jokey banter about his coffee, but was she truly interested? Then a misty, faintly Okampan presence seemed to drift through his mind. ‘Ask her out,’ it seemed to plead desperately. ‘Please! I'm begging you!’ Reassured, Neelix rang the captain's doorbell. ‘Come!’ she replied forcefully from within...”

5. Tom Paris writes: “Worf furrowed his massive brows and gazed suspiciously into the Mirror of Galadriel. ‘What will I see?’ he growled. ‘Look and see,’ Galadriel purred playfully. Suddenly the waters cleared, and the emerging vision made Worf’s heart pound in his powerful breast. It was a sight that Worf had envisioned many times in his dreams, though never before had he suspected even for a moment that Aragorn shaved his chest...”

4. Data writes: “void Main { do { for (iMinutes = 0; iMinutes<60; iMinutes++) { crew SexyLt = new CDistraction; alien Zeneb5People = new CAlienThreat; heroicDeath (subject:=SexyLt, perpetrator:=Zeneb5People); datetime BummerForBeverly = new CMourningPeriod(months:=5) } } while ( fbUnrequitedLove(subject:=Crusher, object:=Picard) ); }”

[NeoMatrix]

3. Wesley writes, "Everyone loves me. As I walk around the ship, everyone offers me pie. Picard even let me be Captain for a day. The only problem is that the Borg assimulated the ship while I was napping in the chair, and now we are all Borg drones."

[Scooter]

2. Sulu writes: “Nameless crewmen leapt hurriedly aside as the silver DeLorean, which had appeared so suddenly in the rec room only moments before, roared around the wide, curving gangways of Deck 6, screeching suddenly to a halt directly in front of the astonished Lt. Uhura. The driver’s-side gull-wing door popped slowly open as gouts of steam billowed from hidden exhausts, and a youthful head appeared. ‘Hey pretty lady,’ called the boyish Marty McFly cheerfully, ‘you want a ride?’ ”

1. Toaster writes: “Its cycle finally complete, the gleaming and gallant toaster willingly released its lightly browned bread, offering two perfect slices to the one perfect android. The dashing android grasped one of the slices and took a huge bite, and when he said with conviction, ‘No replicator could do it better!’ the toaster, knowing that Data was incapable of lying, felt a warm glow deep inside its coils...”


Next topic:

Top ten Deities that Trek characters want to meet (and why)

[Anonymous]

10: Worf - Odin, so they can compare lance sizes.
9: Mayweather - Hermes, because if you aren't noticed, you might as do it quickly while stealing things.
8: The Borg - They need a new central focus for the Collective, and assimilating a deity with experience in pervasive cybernetics would greatly help their cause... (Yes, again.)
7: Janeway - She doesn't need to meet a god. So shall it be written, so shall it be done.
6: Kirk - Jesus. He heard the Messiah was quite adept at picking up chicks in his day.

[NAHTMMM]

8. Archer writes, "I am having a romantic evening with three beautilful women...". Captain Kirk adds later, "I walked in and beat Archer up, which he enjoyed for some odd reason, then took the women with me.

So...wrong...shouldn't laugh...but...BWHAHAHAHAHAH...
Nothing wrong about it :twisted: :D


6. Kes writes: “Neelix paused outside Janeway's quarters. Was he being presumptuous? The captain had certainly seemed to encourage him with all her jokey banter about his coffee, but was she truly interested? Then a misty, faintly Okampan presence seemed to drift through his mind. ‘Ask her out,’ it seemed to plead desperately. ‘Please! I'm begging you!’ Reassured, Neelix rang the captain's doorbell. ‘Come!’ she replied forcefully from within...”
Now, this is wrong--but still funny! :D

[Ginga]

6. Kes writes: “Neelix paused outside Janeway's quarters. Was he being presumptuous? The captain had certainly seemed to encourage him with all her jokey banter about his coffee, but was she truly interested? Then a misty, faintly Okampan presence seemed to drift through his mind. ‘Ask her out,’ it seemed to plead desperately. ‘Please! I'm begging you!’ Reassured, Neelix rang the captain's doorbell. ‘Come!’ she replied forcefully from within...”
Now, this is wrong--but still funny! :D

Oh my God! *rolls on the floor laughing* :lol:

[Scooter]

6b. Kirk: The god at the center of the galaxy, because he's spoiling for a rematch.
5. Wesley: himself (yeah, right)
4. Kes: Mars, for tips on using her powers to blow shit up
3. Scotty: Bacchus, to check out his awesome wet bar
2. Porthos: Anubis (a dog-headed god? Arf!)
1. Spock: Vulcan, to see if he's willing to become brand spokesman for his new venture, Logicanetics



Next:

Top Ten Marvel* (or DC**) Comics/Star Trek Cross-Overs

*That's Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Avengers, X-Men, Hulk, Daredevil, Captain America...
**That's Superman, Batman, Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Aquaman, Space Ghost...

[KillerGodMan]

10. Data vs. Iron Man!
9. Superman goes to Krypton... on the Enterprise!

Sounds like exposition in the title, but hey, that's what comic titles are ment for! ^_^

[Opium]

8. Spiderman 3: Timetravellin' to T'Pol
7. X-Men: The X Generation (featuring Wesley Crusher being a smart-a...leck)

[NeoMatrix]

6. Star Trek: Superfriends (The Superfriends travel around the galaxy in the Enterprise to fight crime)

[Opium]

5. Wonder Troi
4. SuperVulcan
3. Green Skin
2. SpiderAndroid
1. TribbleMan


Top Ten Worst Ideas For A New Star Trek Show

[persianmouse]

10. Anything with 'Executive producers Rick Berman and Brannon Braga' at the end of the theme music.

9. Star Trek: Just another day in Paradise! - A look into the life of an average human and federation citizen living on Earth, with replicators to meet all your dietary and clothing needs, no crime, no poverty, no disease, no poluution, no corrupt politicians, free education, free everything pretty much, a nice big huge armada to fight any wars with creepy aliens far far away, that sort of thing. The general beigeness of living a life were you don't have to do anything, and nothing threatens you, and you have no great physical needs. Showing people just how easy it is to be a saint in Paradise.

8. T'jo Latinumaire - 12 lucky young girls of many species compete to see who T'jo, a well-to-do Vulcan a few weeks away from pon far, will pick at his mate. They will show just how far women have come, by snipeing and cat-fighting, seeing who can debase themselves more, and using all manner of trickery and vice to win over T'jo. The ladies will try to best each other in eyebrow raising, most creative use of 'Vulcans dont-(whatever)', and who can give the best finger-jobs.

[KillerGodMan]

7. Star Trek: Galactica - A crossover where the Enterprise - G, piloted by Captian Whoever (it WAS going to be Picard, but it isn't because he blew up the Enterprise - F) gets transported to the Battlestar Galactica universe, and the only help they have is a C/7er

[Scooter]

6. Data Eye for the Trek Guy: Data visits a new crewman every week and arranges their closets by function from light to dark.

5. Star Trek: Nosferatu: In a stunning mishap (explored in the pilot, "Once Bitten"), a Federation Starship is converted entirely to vampires. The only exception is a meek Bolian teenager who spends the first season trying to kill the vampires, then in the second season premiere joins forces with them in their fight against the Anteres Werewolf Collective.

4. Star Trek: Story Conference: Each episode follows the desperate efforts of the producers at Paramount to come up with a story idea for the next Star Trek movie that's even remotely workable.

3. Star Trek: The Many Deaths of Kirk: Each week, the death of Kirk in Generations is replaced by an alternate, more heroic death suggested by one of the legions of fans who wrote to Paramount fuming about how falling off a platform onto a bunch of rocks was the lamest death since Jadzia. Pilot episode: Kirk kills Soran and destroys the launcher when he swallows a big bomb and explodes.

[Scooter]

I would just like to add that this is my 500th post.

Somehow it seemed appropriate to do it here.

Thank you

[NAHTMMM]

You're welcome ;)


2. I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: Each week is a Very Special Episode featuring a different well-known performer coerced into appearing on the show. The fun is in watching as the filming crew maliciously follows said celebrity around the sets as he or she desperately tries to avoid screentime and thus lessen the effect of the "Star Trek Curse" on his or her career. First week: guest star Christina Aguilera becomes so preoccupied with avoiding the camera's gaze that she scrambles out an airlock into the thick of a firefight with half the Romulan fleet.

1. Star Trek: Nightclub: Data does stand-up comedy. Deanna Troi works the stage--until she's assassinated by understudy Kai Winn in the second episode. Montgomery Scott is a somewhat biased bouncer and Nyota Uhura a cynical waitress always ready with a slap or sarcastic quip for any male customer who tries to get a little too personal with her. Harry Kim joins Travis Mayweather to reprise his part in the Underused Characters Tavern. Loads of Quality Fun for the entire family.




Next: The Top Ten REAL Reasons Star Trek: Enterprise Was Cancelled

[Opium]

10. Scott Bakula really wanted more time-travel.

[persianmouse]

9. Conner Trineer lost those 'special' photos of Brannon Braga showing Les Moonves his vintage medical equipment collection....

8. The way things were progressing, it looked as though they might have actually had to do Trip and T'pol as a couple in a mature and loving fashion, and that simply wouldn't do.

[Xeroc]

7. Well, something had to be cancelled to make way for the new reality TV series, "Reality TV: The Reality TV - Reality TV Series"
6. Avocado.
5. Error 404: Intelligence Not Found in Production Staff
4. UPN was in danger of losing the the crucial "young, homicidal women" audience.
3. Archer felt that since he fit so well into the angry mirror-universe persona role, he couldn't possibly top it, and so decided to just stop while he was a hot head.
2. It's obviously 47. I mean, obviously.

And the number one REAL Reason Star Trek: Enterprise Was Cancelled...

1. It was actually getting good. (Buuuuuurn!)


Next: The Top Ten Reasons forumgoers use emoticons.

[persianmouse]

10. It's the only true way I can express my deep, complicated feelings at the given time. :|

[Chancellor Valium]

9) I'm bored, and this seems like a good way to alleviate that boredome :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Opium]

8. Our emotions are too complex for words. :D
7. Because emoticons are fun to look at. :twisted:
6. Because using *rolls eyes* is sooo '99. *rolls eyes*
5. Because they are there :!:
4. Because it is so much easier than drawing them ourselves out of puncutuation. :-)
3. Emoticons? I thought I was ordering happy-face posters! :?
2. Who needs to risk getting wrinkles by talking in person when we can keep our faces still and use emoticons :roll:

1. Because they show when we are trying to funny when the jokes are sarcastic, sheesh, don't you know that? :wink:

Top Ten Random Lists About Life by any or all Trek characters

[Chancellor Valium]

10) O'Brienn: Top 10 reasons not to talk to me about life.......

[persianmouse]

9.) Trip and T'pol : The Top Ten roadblocks to us having lots of hot sweaty sex....err, a meaningfull relationship, we mean.

8.) The interior decorator for the Enterprise-D : The Top Ten Shades of Beige, and what you can do with them.

[KillerGodMan]

7. Picard: The Top 10 hair-growth products that don't work

[persianmouse]

6. Sisko: Top Ten coolest gods to hang out with in the afterlife.

[KillerGodMan]

5. Jake: The Top 10 things you really shouldn't write about

4. Jake: The top 10 subjects you really shouldn't make a crossover about

3. Jake: The top 10 bad times to write a Doctor Who fan-fic

2. Jake (bored yet?): The top 10 reasons why you shouldn't write ANYWAYS

and finally, the number 1 random list about life by any trek character

1. Wesley: The top 10 reasons why everyone hates Wesley

Next list: Top Ten choices for the 11th Doctor on...

[Chancellor Valium]

10) Ian McDiarmuid - "So be it, Dalek!"

[NAHTMMM]

Great list, Opium! :mrgreen:

[KillerGodMan]

9. Rowen Atkinson - we need more silly doctors!

8. Alan Rickman - Not only will he kill Daleks galore, he'll make snarky comments in the process!

[Chancellor Valium]

7) Sylvester McCoy - casting Eccleston and McGann and Tennant was a grrrrraaaaave errrrror of judgement!
6) Colin Baker - a more dark Doctor is definitely worth it
5) Peter Davison - someone traditionally tea-and-crumpets British
4) Tom Baker - Who on Earth is he?
3) Jon Pertwee - an active Doctor in a frilly shirt is also needed
2) Patrick Troughton - cosmic hobo is sooo the look this year

And the number one person to cast as Doctor Number 11 is,

Valentine Dyall!

Next Top Ten List: Top Ten Culinary Mishaps To Happen To Miscellanious Sci-Fi Characters.

[Opium]

10. Picard, drunk as a skunk at Graduation, tries to cook a meal in a chef's hat. However, since he has never seen a chef's hat before, he puts on a container of depilatory cream instead.

9. Troi, while mixing chocolate pudding with a blender, starts to stare at the beaters going around and around and around, and she loses her telepathic ability. However, she tries to hide it, and hopes to gain it back by eating more chocolate.

8. Spock, thinking logically, prepares cookies for his new crewmate, Bones. However, he accidentally uses pepper instead of poppy seeds, and makes a life-long enemy.

[persianmouse]

7. O'Brien tries to make a nice romantic dinner for Keiko, and inadvertantly cuts his finger off with a rather sharp piece of pita shell, because everything in the universe, even inanimate objects and foodstuffs, is out to get him.

6. Crichton and Aeryn host their first dinner party, but during the serving of the appetizers, a firefight breaks out amongst the guests as to whether or not crackers truely matter. All are killed, but the Police who arrive at the scene discover that Zhaan goes great with a bit of cottage cheese and some Ritz.

5. An entire Taco Bell staff is summarily executed when Muad'Dib's thinks his taco is not spicey enough.

[KillerGodMan]

Valium.... although your list is the awesomeist of awesome, I find a problem with casting dead guys as the 11 Doctor... so, yeah....

[Chancellor Valium]

@KGM, np there.....we can use highly andvanced computer graphics, latex masks, and the power of the Quantum Uncertainty Generator.

4) Grand Moff Tarkin was going to make a souffle for Palpatine's birthday, but, adding turbolasers here, weapon platforms there, doomsday device complete with fatal flaw etc, accidentally constructs the Death Star.

[NeoMatrix]

3) Voyager encounters an alien species that has coffee with 5 times the caffiene. However, the side effect causes the crew to have a food fight, making a big mess in the mess hall.

[richardson]

2) Kirk looses his hair on his first mission to a glommer, and has to wear a toupee for the rest of his life.

And, the number one mishap for any poor sci-fi soul...

1) Luke finds Yoda, his father, and Obi-wan intend to stay with him until the next movie. Problem: No more movies!

[Opium]

richardson, it's your turn to post another TopTenList topic :)

[richardson]

Oh, er, sorry. Had to deal with a valium incident again. *Hears a far-off denial.*

Anyway:

Top Ten Problems Mario faces on a Daily Basis.