Top Ten List of... - Step 1:See Topic. Step 2:create list [Archive]

Standback

02-01-2004, 08:39 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Finally having time for all those little things you always meant to get around to, like checking if she was really kidding about that divorce.
9. Become convinced that the site is down for good, and begin campaigning for millions in grants to recreate the great works of literature lost.
8. Attempting to measure the exact length of this particular "soon."
7. Turning in desperation to other sources of net humor, such as http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com .
6. Wearing out your browser's "Refresh" key.
5. Coming up for new ideas for ridiculous topics in the "Miscellaneous" forums.
4. Pondering the cruel, harsh nature of a reality deprived of 5MV.
3. Purchasing server space to mirror the site, to ensure that such a travesty never befalls planet Earth again.
2. Writing a BaW about the site being down.
1. Constructing an elaborate theory regarding the conspiracy between the Xindi and the Suliban to take down 5MV, rashly ignoring the conclusion of the Vulcan Science Directory that time travel is impossible.

Top Ten Ways To Get Scott Bakula to Voice-Act a Fiver:[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-02-2004, 12:59 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]9. Become convinced that the site is down for good, and begin campaigning for millions in grants to recreate the great works of literature lost.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Some people have the contents of the site saved on their hard drive :smile: :innocent:

I just woke up so you arn't actualy going to get any creativity out of me just now.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-02-2004, 02:07 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Threaten him with bringing back "Quantum Leap"
9. Reveal the truth behind his role in "American Beauty"
8. Threaten him with bringing back "Quantum Leap"
7. Ask him nicely with $30000
6. Threaten him with bringing back "Quantum Leap"
5. Replace Vulcan Wine prop with real wine, then drag him into recording studio.
4. Threaten him with bringing back "Quantum Leap"
3. Tell him his "Sci-Fi Emmy" is waiting for him in Toronto, then kidnap and drag him into recording studio
2. Threaten him with bringing back "Quantum Leap"
1. Offer him lots of chilli

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Trekkie (or Trekker) say[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-02-2004, 02:37 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: Does this d'k'tagh make me look fat?
9: Who cares what warp scale they're using? Just sit back and enjoy the show.
8: No, you're right. Sisko was a better captain that Kirk or Picard.
7: Whoops, gotta go. My girlfriend's waiting.
6: I kinda liked the old Star Wars movies.

Someone else can finish this. I can't hog all the glory.[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-02-2004, 02:46 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. "It's nice of you to offer me that autograph, Mr. Shatner, but if it's all the same to you I'll pass."
9. "But Kirk [i:post_uid0]was[/i:post_uid0] a jerk."
8. "Who really cares about continuity anyway?"
7. "Oh, humour and [i:post_uid0]Star Trek[/i:post_uid0] never work toghether."
6. "Kahn was a bit naff, really."
5. "Ah, heck - you're right. [i:post_uid0]Star Wars[/i:post_uid0] is better than [i:post_uid0]Trek[/i:post_uid0] any day."
4. "Boy, the Enterprise sure was ugly looking."
3. "Well, I suppose we could have a long and bitter argument about which series was better, but I think we'll just say 'each to their own' and be done with it."
2. "Actually, C/7 does make a lot of sense if you think about it..."
1. "Sorry - who's this Gene Roddenberry chap you keep mentioning?"

Name the Top Ten Reasons Why Phlox is Actually Quite Creepy

EDIT: Bah to overlapping posts I say. Bah![/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-02-2004, 02:59 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]5. "Ah, heck - you're right. Star Wars is better than Trek any day."
8. "Who really cares about continuity anyway?"

6: I kinda liked the old Star Wars movies.
9: Who cares what warp scale they're using? Just sit back and enjoy the show.

EDIT: Bah to overlapping posts I say. Bah! [/quote:post_uid0]

Overlapping thought processes as well.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-02-2004, 11:24 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. He has a tongue that could serve as a brigde from here to London.
9. He feeds tribbles to some of his pets.
8. When everybody else is asleep, he stays awake to make evil plans to take over the ship.
7. He has no problem with killing off his <s>subjects</s> patients.
6. He has three wives. I mean [i:post_uid0]come on[/i:post_uid0]!
5. He's a Cardassian spy.
4. He enjoys pain. Well, on others, but still.
3. He eats chili.
2. He's just creepy, okay?
1. Just spend a night in sickbay, you'll see.

Top Ten Things Not To Do On Enterprise.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-02-2004, 11:45 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Dont step into Sickbay
9. Dont give Porthos cheese
8. Dont mention Klingons, Xindi, timelines...
7. Dont let Hoshi cook if you want dinner in under a week.
6. Dont tell T'Pol her catsuit could be tighter
5. Dont address Mayweather directly, it could lead to him getting his own plot.
4. Dont mention how Captain Archer looks that "guy from Quantum Leap"
3. Dont mention that Phlox died on "Six Feet Under"
2. Dont kill redshirts
1. DONT EAT THE CHILLI!

Top Ten Reasons A Pirates of the Caribean/Enterprise crossover should never be done[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-02-2004, 03:28 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. The "U.S.S. Black Pearl" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
9. Star Trek's nice enough, I suppose, but it can't really compare to something based on a Disneyland ride.
8. The whole "it only [i:post_uid0]looks[/i:post_uid0] as if we aren't dead, motionless corpses" bit has already been done to death with seven seasons of Chakotay.
7. Johnny Depp doesn't look nearly as good in a Starfleet uniform.
6. [b:post_uid0]Will Turner:[/b:post_uid0] I will fight to the finish, with my incredible skills of swordsmanship!
[b:post_uid0]Klingon Disruptor:[/b:post_uid0] **ZAP**
5. No facial hair allowed onboard early Starfleet vessels.
4. Might set Reed off about his family's long history of distinction in the Navy again.
3. Too many obvious jokes about Legolas on the Enterprise.
2. Absence of moonlight aborad starships tends to diminish the ability to demonstrate hideous curses and expensive special effects.
1. Because the Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that time travel is impossible.

Top Ten Reasons They're Going To Do One Anyway:[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-02-2004, 03:36 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Good job Standback. I was going to do it, but I decided to leave it to a professional. I was going to say some of what you said. I love #6 :)[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-02-2004, 05:01 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]Overlapping thought processes as well.[/quote:post_uid0]
Well, they do say that warped minds think alike.

10. It would bring in a massive (female) fan base to ENT.
9. Pirates in space sounds like a cool idea.
8. Pirate ships in space sounds like an even cooler idea.
7. Archer is running out of people to get beaten up by.
6. Keira Knightly.
5. B&B desperatly want to name an episode "The Pirates of the Delphic Expanse".
4. Reed has always wanted a cannon of his own.
3. The scriptwriters have run out of new ideas.
2. The scriptwriters have run out of old ideas.
1. Networks are ratings whores.

Name the Top Ten Reaons that Riker Kept Turning Down Promotions.[/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-02-2004, 08:31 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"]Name the Top Ten Reaons that Riker Kept Turning Down Promotions.[/quote:post_uid0]
10. They offered him a Daedalus-class starship.
9. On other ships, first officers beat up their captains when they want to go on away missions.
8. He`s too shy to give orders to people.
7. They wanted to send him on Deep Space 9.
6. The voices told him so.
5. He and Geordi are such great friends.
4. As part of Officers Exchange Programme, he was to become the first Federation captain of a Ferengi starship.
3. He decided to wait 15 years until Mercedes manufactures its USS Titan.
2. The Vulcan Science Directorate concluded Riker accepting a promotion is impossible.
1. He followed orders from the Mysterious Future Guy.

EDIT: Oops! Silly me, :D List the Top 10 reasons why Romulans are cool.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-02-2004, 10:55 PM

[quote:post_uid0="catalina_marina"][color=#000000:post_uid0]6. He has three wives. I mean [i:post_uid0]come on[/i:post_uid0]![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]He's not the only one.

What? NO I'm not talking about myself. I mean, only three? [i:post_uid0]Come on.[/i:post_uid0] I'm just saying that quite a few people on B5 had three wives in the course of their lives, including John Sheridan.

Seriously!

::is not going to do the Romulan one at 7AM in the morning::[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-02-2004, 10:57 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]From the Department of Redundancy Department...

[quote:post_uid0]7AM in the morning[/quote:post_uid0]

*runs away*[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-02-2004, 11:08 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]:P[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-02-2004, 11:24 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Oh, thank heavens for that. And there was me thinking that there was a whole other AM that I didn't know about.

:p[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-03-2004, 03:52 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons Why Romulans Are Cool

10. Good at poisoning people [i:post_uid0]and[/i:post_uid0] at blowing stuff up
9. Only race we've actually had a decent break from for a couple of series
8. Made "Nemesis" suck, so we don't need to see any stupid TNG movies with Riker and Troi married and Data dead
7. Gave Sisko a cloaking device
6. Let every other Federation captain steal a cloaking device
5. Scored as well as Data on the "Getting Tasha Yar Into Bed" scale
4. Brilliant Romulan plot, involving replacing all Vulcans, hampering humanity's attempts at space exploration, and being really really annoying to be revealed at the end of [i:post_uid0]ENT[/i:post_uid0]'s season five
3. Only race never to be portrayed by Jeffery Combs
2. Pointy ears, but without the tired old "Illogical, Captain" schtick
1. Invented Romulan Ale

Thanks much, btw, to Opium for starting this thread, and to Neo for changing the rules - I'm really enjoying it :D
And Neo, your Archer list was great too. :) As for me, I had the fortune to see [i:post_uid0]Pirates[/i:post_uid0] for the first time exactly a week and a half ago. Hate to think what my list would've looked like if I'd written it before seeing the movie.

Top Ten Holodeck Programs:[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-03-2004, 05:24 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Holodeck Programs:

10. "A Day In The Life Of Captain Kirk": Scenario in which you go around karate-ing bad guys, flirting with the opposite sex, and reducing computers to rubble
9. Word Association. Yes, it's still around even then
8. "Whack-an-Officer": Hard day at the office? Your superiors giving you all kinds of grief? Grab a big canvas mallet and whack the daylights out of them (or rather, their holographic duplicates)!
7. SimPlanet 30000. Honorable mention goes to the up-and-coming SimEmpire
6.Solitaire. Yup, that too
5. "Causality": Scenario that is basically the opposite of the Kobayashi Maru. Romulan fleets, hordes of Klingon birds-of-prey, even Borg cubes--all are helpless before you and your powerful cruddy runabout (the eponymous "Causality"). And if the jerks cheat or get lucky, the big fat Red Button on the console will get you shipshape in a second. Often used by helm officers to relieve the tension of having had a really bad day (a la "Cause and Effect" and other boomy explodey episodes)
4. "Training Program J-20": A scenario program Lwaxana uses to keep her in shape for chasing Captain Picard. Often she focuses on working her way across a jam-packed room before Picard can see her and escape
3. "Landing" (beta testing): A scenario program used by Chakotay to practice landing shuttles. He might get some actual use out of it if he ever remembered to include a planet or [i:post_uid0]something[/i:post_uid0] to land on
2. "Disaster": One of Janeway's programs, which she uses in emergencies when she runs out of rations and needs coffee NOW. She keeps it secret from the scriptwriters for when they decide to put Voyager on short energy supply for silly purposes of drama and stuff
1. "The Three Stooges Go To Hollywood": An entertainment program that happens to be Spock's favorite. Understandably he keeps it secret from those who "wouldn't understand", meaning everyone else in general and McCoy in particular. Several redshirts who somehow got wind of it died shortly afterwards after being sent on dangerous landing parties

Next:
Top Ten Expressions that Were Cut from "Darmok"[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-04-2004, 07:17 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Expressions that Were Cut from "Darmok"

10. "Luke and Yoda at Dagobah."
9. "Saddam, his beard gray."
8. "Justin and Janet at a superbowl."
7. "Seventeen, her Baguette risen."
6. "An American, a Canadian, and a German into a bar."
5. "Osama, his plane crashed."
4. "Sa'ar, his depths hidden."
3. "Bush, his son elected."
2. "An acronym, it's meaning mysterious."
1. "Zeke, his fivers late. Always."

Top Ten Reasons Why Zeke Is Late.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-04-2004, 07:32 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons Why Zeke Is Late
10. Zeke is really on another planet, so it takes time for messages to go back and forth.
9. The man in the Top Hat keeps stopping him
8. John keeps dying, which means Zeke has to clean up the scene.
7. 17 keeps losing her baguettes, so Zeke has to go out and barter for another one.
6. Zeke is really a superhero that fights crime at night
5. He is too busy watching the Superbowl halftime show
4. He is busy debating with the Vulcan Science Directorate that time travel is possible, that way he can be on time.
3. Pie, enough said
2. He is always busy making chili
1. He isn't late, we are just early according to his watch.

Next: Top 10 Product placements on Enterprise[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-04-2004, 09:08 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Woo, those two lists were really good :smile:

Top 10 Product placements on Enterprise:

10. The [b:post_uid0]Acme[/b:post_uid0] TARDIS that Daniels uses to travel around spacetime
9. [b:post_uid0]Crayola[/b:post_uid0] markers used to color the Andorians blue
8. [b:post_uid0]Motorola[/b:post_uid0] provides the functionality for all the communicators
7. [b:post_uid0]Rand McNally[/b:post_uid0] maps to avoid the nastier spatial anomalies:
Archer: Uh-oh, better steer left quick, Travis. There's supposed to be a black hole dead ahead.
Mayweather: *steers left*
Black Hole: Curses, foiled again!
Everyone except Mayweather: Whew!
6. Remember the bouncy scene in "Exile"? [b:post_uid0]Rubbermaid[/b:post_uid0] saves the day again! ;)
5. [b:post_uid0]Duracell[/b:post_uid0] batteries for the hand phasers
4. Come to think of it, [b:post_uid0]Energizer[/b:post_uid0] batteries for the transporters :p
3. The [b:post_uid0]Michelin[/b:post_uid0] nacelles on the Enterprise
2. [b:post_uid0]Kraft[/b:post_uid0] cheese for Porthos (surely you saw this one coming ;))
1. All those "anomalies"? "Weak scriptwriting"? All are merely side effects of the "warp" drive, which is actually a fully-functioning [b:post_uid0]Improbability Drive[/b:post_uid0].

Next: Top Ten Ways to Tell You're In An Alternate Universe[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-04-2004, 10:09 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. You are overwhelmed by a deep, pervading sense of irony.
8. To your vast dismay, the entire world is counting in base eight or base ten or something else bizarre.
7. Your watch is out of sync with everybody else's, clearly indicating that you are in an alternate universe where time passes at a different rate. Either that, or you should get your watch fixed.
6. You are impressed by the serious effort to keep [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] within the established Trek timeline.
5. Everybody seems to know who you are. Also, they keep calling you "Holy Emperor."
4. All your friends seem to have become sadistic and evil. More so than usual, that is.
3. Everybody around is suddenly speaking Russian, German, or Ancient Latin.
2. You receive an e-mail from Zeke OKing your request to five [i:post_uid0]Regeneration[/i:post_uid0].
1. You do not recall llamas being mentioned in the Pledge of Allegiance in the past.

Yeah, yeah, I cheated. And so I give you:

Top Ten Ways to Cheat on the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exams:[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-04-2004, 11:02 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Cheat on the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exams:[/quote:post_uid0]

10: Watch Coming of Age and write down the answers.
9: Ambush Wesley in the hallway and tie him up in the janitor's closet so he can't tell all the answers to the Benzite. Or just do that for the hell of it.
8: Before your holographic Runabout Piloting Exam, reprogram the holodeck to place a holographic you in the pilot's seat.
7: Look over the shoulders of other forumgoers who are currently composing their own Top Ten list on this subject and steal numbers 6-1.
6: Steal a shuttle and try to burn up in the atmosphere...no, wait, that's how to get six weeks of shuttle-repair duty.
5: Worried about the Psych Test? Two words: hallucinogenic compounds. Sure, you'll see purple screaming monkeys for three days, but they won't notice any difference in your behaviour during the test.
4: Get the purple screaming monkeys to write the test for you.
3: Learn to recognise a trick question before the commercial break. 1:1 is the only matter/antimatter ratio you can possibly have.
2: Bending the fabric of time to give yourself longer to write is generally frowned upon.

And the number one way to cheat on the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exam (shamelessly stolen from something Marc mentioned in my hearing):

1: Bribe the scriptwriter.

Top Ten Interspecies Crossbreeds We Don't Want To See (ie Human/Vulcan)[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-05-2004, 12:15 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Changeling/Q> all powerful and evil... you do the math
9. Ferengi/Vidiian> they harvest youÂ’re organs then sell then to the highest bidder.
8. Gorn/Bolian> a big blue dinosaur? Way too much like Barney.
7. Tribble/8472> A three legged terrible!
6. Vulcan/Klingon> Think of the mood swings!
5. Borg/Q > this one should be self explanatory!
4. Denobulan/Q > a doctor that doesnÂ’t need a hidden camera to spy on deacon chamber.
3. Klingon/Tribble> a Klingon who is allergic to itself.
2. Cardassian/Kazon >Oh wait we did see that, IÂ’d hate to see what he grew up to be..
1. Klingon/Frengi > heÂ’ll try to bargain with you, and if he doesnÂ’t get his way heÂ’ll kill you.

Top ten things Janeway will do for a cup of coffee.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-05-2004, 02:56 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. She'd kiss Q. Willingly.
9. She'd let Seven go back to the Collective.
8. She'd let Chakotay die. Many times.
7. She'd eat Neelix's chilli.
6. Marry a Vidian? Sure!
5. Promote Paris to Captian Tom Paris.
4. Write and perform a POTC play, with the line, "But why is all the coffee gone?"
3. Join forces with Seska
2. She'd let the Doc get some hair.
1. She'd kill Harry Kim. Many Times.

Hehe, oh right...
"Top Ten 'Ships You Never Want To See."[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-05-2004, 03:29 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ten Ships You Never Want To See:

10: USS [i:post_uid0]Hindentanic[/i:post_uid0]
9: USS [i:post_uid0]Sa'ar-Is-Being-Deliberately-Obtuse[/i:post_uid0]
8: The Good 'Ship [i:post_uid0]Delennier[/i:post_uid0].
7: USS [i:post_uid0]Redmond[/i:post_uid0] (Powered by Microsoft)
6: IKS [i:post_uid0]Touchy-Feely[/i:post_uid0]
5: Vulcan Science Vessel [i:post_uid0]T'Pol[/i:post_uid0] (with hull-hugging deflector shields)
4: A Galaxy-class crossed with a Borg cube crossed with a Star Destroyer crossed with the Death Star: USS [i:post_uid0]Munchkin's Dream[/i:post_uid0]
3: IKS [i:post_uid0]ch'Tolth[/i:post_uid0] (bravely-hiding-behind-a-large-styrofoam-rock-for-redshirts)
2: The Romunlan Chickenhawk-class "war"bird.
1: The USS [i:post_uid0]Jean-Luc Picard[/i:post_uid0]: To boldly get beaten up where no one has gotten beaten up before.

Top Ten Creative Misinterpretations of Forum Game Rules:[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-05-2004, 03:34 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][I'm not restricting this to Trek, btw. I've become a bit of a multi-fandom whore in the last couple of years...]

10) Janeway/Prehensile Plant
9) T'Pol/Porthos
8) Gollum/Jar Jar Binks
7) Gollum/Dobby/Dobby' sock
6) John/John clone [FS reference]
5) Data/B4
4) <strike>Data/B5</strike> Got better idea: B5/DS9. Ooh, spacestation sex!
3) Iron Man/Magneto [kudos to yesterday's Bizarro comic]
2) Chakotay/Anybody

And the number 1 'ship you never want to see is... ::drumroll::

[b:post_uid0]1) Bush/Blair[/b:post_uid0]

Well, not in public, at the very least.
Hmm.

"Top Ten Things Data Would Do With A Can of Pepsi".

Let's see if you can beat my 14-year-old self.

[b:post_uid0]Edit: GAH! No, I just spent half an hour coming up with this list and I am NOT rewriting it, so there! And besides, Sa'ar cheated :P[/b:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-05-2004, 03:56 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Things Data Would Do with a Can of Pepsi.

10.) Turn it into a high-yield explosive device by jamming pop rocks into the can and launching it out a torpedo tube.
9.) Refashion the aluminum into a tiny, childlike robot named Pep, which is inevitably doomed to die.
8.) Have its gender surreptitiously changed and act like nothing's happened.
7.) Incorporate it into new warp engine modifications, which are inevitably doomed to fail.
6.) Leave it in a dark, unswept corner until it achieves sentience.
5.) Name it, when it achieves sentience.
4.) Fashion the aluminum into a memorial plaque when it inevitably dies.
3.) Pull an ill-advised practical joke on Picard by replacing his regular tea with... well, Pepsi. Spend next six months working in sewage treatment department.
2.) Set it up on a play date with a can of Coke.
1.) Drink it. Suffer catastrophic caffeine overload.

:D

Top Ten Unkind Nicknames Famous Starfleet Officers Got at the Academy[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-05-2004, 04:06 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]10. You are overwhelmed by a deep, pervading sense of irony.
8. To your vast dismay, the entire world is counting in base eight or base ten or something else bizarre.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]He's counting in base nine! Help, I'm in an alternate universe![/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-05-2004, 04:25 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Unkind Nicknames yadda yadda.

10: Cadet Geordi LaForge: Titanic, following an unfortunate incident with the Academy Swim Team.
9: Cadet Data: Waterwing, following the aforementioned unfortunate incident.
8: Cadet Kathryn Janeway: Javaway.
7: Cadet Julian Bashir: Casasupernova, after his every attempt to ask out female cadets exploded spectacularly.
6: Cadet Benjamin Lafayette Sisko: Afroman, after his hairstyle. Suspected of causing latent mental trauma which manifested itself later in life around the end of Season 4.
5: Cadet Worf: Black Widower, after every one of his girlfriends ended up in sickbay with broken bones and a restraining order.
4: Cadet Chakotay: The Spruce Goose, for obvious reasons.
3: Cadet Christopher Pike: No nickname, but voted Most Likely To Be Suceeded.
2: Cadet Spock: Again, no nickname, mostly because anyone who tried to give him one woke up with a stiff neck and no pants.
1: Cadet Uhura: Odysseus, in a cruel and rather obscure mockery of her lack of a first name.

Remind me not to do this thread when I'm tired and uncreative.

Top Ten Signs You're Ripping Off Someone Else's Top Ten List:[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-05-2004, 04:38 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs You're Ripping Off Someone Else's Top Ten List:

10. You forget to remove their name from the list
9. You admit to it
8. The subject is "Top ten signs your girlfriend is actually a __"
7. The list is in a language you can't even understand
6. You've got a piece of paper you tore in half in your hands
5. You dedicate the list to "those wonderful keys: Ctrl, C, and V"
4. ...and then you actually have the same exact entry, word-for-word, at the same exact rank, as another Top 10 List--even if it doesn't make any sense
3. Everybody around is suddenly speaking Russian, German, or Ancient Latin.
2. David Letterman is threatening to sue you for plagiarism
1. Two words: "Two words:"

Heh, that went rather fast. :)

Next: Top Ten Orders Picard Always Secretly Wanted to Give[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-05-2004, 05:03 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Orders Picard Always Secretly Wanted to Give

10.) Everyone should get drunk and play pingpong.
9.) Casual Friday is now pants-optional.
8.) All fencing partners get half a cardboard tube instead of a foil.
7.) Hair is now against regulations.
6.) There are four lights.
5.) The child-free zone now includes the entire ship.
4.) Gowron can kiss his @$$.
3.) The Mintakans should not only worship him, but build big statues of his head.
2.) Synonyms are still legal. Listing them is not.
1.) Any asking about the accent will result in immediate ejection into space. Naked.

Top Ten Rejected Federation Ship Designs.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-05-2004, 05:35 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. The USS 'Pinto'-class
9. The USS 'Renault'-class
8. The USS 'Caravan'-class
7. The USS "Bicycle'-class
6. The USS 'Lollipop'-class
5. The USS 'Steamengine'-class
4. The USS 'Tempo'-class
3. The USS 'WeinerMobile'-class
2. The USS 'Bronco' class
1. The USS 'Barclay" class

Top Ten Reasons Top Ten Lists About Voyager are just plain wrong[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-05-2004, 03:33 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]10.) Everyone should get drunk and play pingpong.[/quote:post_uid0]

LOL! I really loved that .wav file... Didn't know it was well known :)[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-05-2004, 04:53 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]^ Its from a Simpsons episode, that Patrick Stewart gueststaired in :D

[quote:post_uid0]4. The USS 'Tempo'-class[/quote:post_uid0]
you arn't just a kidding there :dead: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-05-2004, 06:23 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Neat. I really need to get ahold of all those Simpsons episodes I missed.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-05-2004, 08:17 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]LOL! I really loved that .wav file... Didn't know it was well known :)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Could you tell me where I can find this file?[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-05-2004, 10:15 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]This (http://www.jahozafat.com/cgi-bin/tvwavs.cgi?Simpsons=pingpong.wav) is the short version, the full one's here. (http://www.geocities.com/pingpongstar1/PicardPingPong.htm)[/color:post_uid0]

MaverickZer0

02-06-2004, 01:59 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ton Ten Reasons Top Ten Lists About Voyager Are Just Plain Wrong

10. It's waaaay too easy to make fun of Woodboy--I mean, Chakotay.
9. You'll get addicted. (Wait, this is bad?)
8. There are better things to do, like thinking of better things to do
7. There's just not enough time to make them all
6. The good ideas have been all used up
5. See 6
4. You actually have necessary work to do, though what it is still eludes you
3. You must resist the urge to use smilies with every one you post ^_^
2. There are so many taped episodes of Voyager waiting to be rewatched first
1. You're waiting for the new Enterprise Fivers and really don't have time for Top Tens.

Next up: Top Ten Reasons Travis Never Gets Any Lines[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-06-2004, 02:24 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I think she meant Voyager as in the show, not 5MV[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-06-2004, 03:41 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"]I think she meant Voyager as in the show, not 5MV[/quote:post_uid0]
I think Maverick meant the show too. ;)

And welcome, MaverickZer0! :D :D

The Top Ten Reasons Travis Never Gets Any Lines

10. He actually receives his fair share, but Hoshi steals them from him when he isn't looking
9. I dunno why he never says anything, but his butter doesn't say "butter" either
8. He'd taken a seven-year vow of silence just before joining the ship
7. Phlox infects him with lockjaw so Phlox will get more lines
6. He actually chatters quite a bit off-screen. But T'Pol always gets tired of listening to him and fries his brain with some twisty Vulcan logic that renders him nearly senseless for several hours
5. He's still trying to recover from the time he watched "Spock's Brain"
4. Oh, leave him alone already and let him plot his evil takeover of the ship in peace
3. He's not on speaking terms with the whole crew after [i:post_uid0]somebody[/i:post_uid0] taped a "Kick Me" sign to his back
2. He's too hoarse from repeated calls to the SPCC (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Chili) to speak onscreen

1. He's actually Morn (who is also Future Guy's drinking buddy) in disguise

Next:

Science Fiction Characters' Top Ten Schemes for Dealing with the One Ring of Power[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-06-2004, 04:38 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Spock: Logically play a riddle on Frodo.
9. Q: Send Frodo to Sherwood Forest and confuse him by threatening to kill Maid Merry-en.
8. Porthos: Bark! Bark! Bark!
7. Enterprise Klingons: Squish Hobbit, take Ring
6. Picard: Join forces with Magnito, er, Gandalf, and help transport Frodo to Mount Doom.
5. Odo: Get into eagle form, fly ring to Mount Doom
4. Uhura: Ask for it. Put it on. Keep it. Who ever expects her to be evil?
3. Troi: Points out something so obvious even Frodo is dumbfounded, and takes ring.
2. Evil Future Guy: Makes over-complicated plot to steal ring right as it enters Mount Doom instead of just stealing it when Frodo or Bilbo are asleep.
1. Spot: Meow! Meow moew, moew moew.

Top Ten Things Reasons T'Pol should date someone on the Enterprise crew[/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-06-2004, 05:05 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"]Next:

Science Fiction Characters' Top Ten Schemes for Dealing with the One Ring of Power[/quote:post_uid0]
10. Kirk tells the Ring that it`s fundamentally illogical to wear golden rings after Labour Day. Ring goes KABOOM.
9. Archer and the crew of the Enterprise are actually on a secret mission to throw the Ring into the fiery pits of Mount Xindi.
8. Kes plots to find the Ring and use it to kill Seven.
7. Xena asks the Ring to give her unnaturally long life, so she can amaze the viewers by fighting both Alexander The Great and Caesar.
6. When Paris gives Torres a nice, golden wedding ring, she starts jumping and screaming: NOOOOOO! THE PRIMAL EVIL! RESIST! He bursts into tears.
5. Spock uses the Ring to make all humans emotionless and logical. The Ring, devious as it is, does that, but also turns him into a Talaxian.
4. When Luke puts the Ring on his finger, Darth Vader cuts off his hand.
3. Admiral Janeway brings the Ring from the future and tells Captain Janeway to use it to return home, but Captain Janeway argues with her fiercely that the Ring must be destroyed.
2. Chakotay found the Ring in Season 4 and was too scared to act ever since.

1. The Breen used to sing the most beautiful serenades and arias in the galaxy, until they failed to resist the Ring.

NEXT - Top 10 T`Pol`s favourite TV shows

EDIT - Opium... NOOOOOOOOO![/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-06-2004, 05:23 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]4. Uhura: Ask for it. Put it on. Keep it. Who ever expects her to be evil?

10. Kirk tells the Ring that it`s fundamentally illogical to wear golden rings after Labour Day. Ring goes KABOOM.

8. Kes plots to find the Ring and use it to kill Seven.

5. Spock uses the Ring to make all humans emotionless and logical. The Ring, devious as it is, does that, but also turns him into a Talaxian.
4. When Luke puts the Ring on his finger, Darth Vader cuts off his hand.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol: :lol: Those are great![/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-06-2004, 05:25 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]7. Xena asks the Ring to give her unnaturally long life, so she can amaze the viewers by fighting both Alexander The Great and Caesar.
.
.
.
2. Chakotay found the Ring in Season 4 and was too scared to act ever since.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol:

Wait, what do you mean, in SEASON Four? Don't you mean in EPISODE 4?

You're not on ICQ? ::looks at list:: Oh nice. THREE out of sixty contacts online. Somebody savee meeeeeee from my lab reporrrtttttt heeelllllpppppp![/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-06-2004, 07:05 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 T'Pol's Favourite TV shows

This one kinda sucks. Be warned.

10.) Queer Eye for the Illogical Guy; Just like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but it's always earth-tone robes. Always.
9.) Mission: Impossible; only for that one guy, though.
8.) Monty Python's Flying Circus; because it annoys Soval.
7.) Babylon 5; She likes the continuity.
6.) The X-Files; Like Scully, T'Pol is rational 75% of the time and wears heels 99% of the time.
5.) The Real Seleya; a look inside the utterly boring lives of emotionless acolytes.
4.) Record of Lodoss War; not one, but TWO characters with pointy ears.
3.) Mystery Science Theater 3000; It's part of her rigorous "sarcasm exercise" regimen.
2.) Battlestar Galactica; It's part of her rigorous "sarcasm expression" regimen.
1.) Quantum Leap; She harbours a secret crush on Sam Beckett.

Top Ten Things No One Knows About Travis Mayweather[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-06-2004, 09:11 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Twice the fun!

[quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons T'Pol should date someone on the Enterprise crew [/quote:post_uid0]

10. Date probably only circumstance in which she will be unwilling to tear shirt off.
9. Needs trusted soulmate to help get over whole Logic Bitch thing
8. Required in order to set up future marriage, children, shocking revelation as Spock's grandmother.
7. Can date Travis, it's not as if he's doing anything else anyway.
6. Can date Archer, marry, divorce, demand sole custody of the [i:post_uid0]Enterprise.[/i:post_uid0]
5. Can date Reed, only man on the ship who can blow her arguments to pieces.
4. Can date Phlox, prompting many romantic discussions of interspecies mating habits and their medical repercussions. Entire ship bored to death. Forced to begin new series, pref. one that doesn't suck.
3. Can date Trip, lean in really close, apply Secret Vulcan Nerve Pinch.
2. Secret Vulcan Death Grip fine too.
1. Will make next Pon'Farr episode so much less embarrasing. We hope.

[quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Things No One Knows About Travis Mayweather[/quote:post_uid0]

10. His [i:post_uid0]full[/i:post_uid0] name is actually Travis [i:post_uid0]Isaiah[/i:post_uid0] Mayweather. This will be an important plot point in season 6.
9. Really likes blowing stuff up, but Reed always beats him to it.
8. Accidentally signed contract stating he would "have no lines, but will get huge sign reading 'Look at me! I'm black! Not that that's new or anything anymore, but hey! BLACK!'" Has regretted it ever since.
7. Is actually the one sending all those "kid's" drawings and letters to the crew.
6. Is secretly a member of the Q Continuum.
5. Is secretly a member of the Obsidian Order.
4. There is no contradiction between points 6 and 5.
3. Room still full of plush stuffed dolls. Refers to each by name.
2. Has major crush on Ambassador V'Lar. Unable to talk of anything else.
1. Does not, in fact, know how to pilot a starship.

No, no, don't thank me.

Just write a list of the Top Ten Changes Once the Borg Run Hogwarts.[/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-06-2004, 09:44 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]Nan[/i:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]1. Quantum Leap; She harbours a secret crush on Sam Beckett.[/quote:post_uid0]

[i:post_uid0]Standback[/i:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]7. Is actually the one sending all those "kid's" drawings and letters to the crew.
[/quote:post_uid0]

Hilarious! :D :D :D[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-06-2004, 05:37 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]5. Spock uses the Ring to make all humans emotionless and logical. The Ring, devious as it is, does that, but also turns him into a Talaxian.[/quote:post_uid0]

The One Ring is a Ring Of Three Wishes?[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-06-2004, 06:59 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Nic Corelli"][color=#000000:post_uid0]2. Chakotay found the Ring in Season 4 and was too scared to act ever since.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]That's impossible. If he'd seen the Ring, he would have died seven days later.

"MaverickZer0"? Cool! Another Mega Man X fan![/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-06-2004, 11:20 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0]That's impossible. Â If he'd seen the Ring, he would have died seven days later.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Seven of Nine and Seven days

Good one Zeke[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-06-2004, 11:59 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]That's impossible. If he'd seen the Ring, he would have died seven days later.[/quote:post_uid0]
Nah, he copied it, then showed it to Kes. That's why she had to leave. I don't know how she got resurrected, though. Also, he must have traveled back in time first.[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-07-2004, 01:07 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Changes Once the Borg Run Hogwarts

10. Robes abolished and replaced with more form fitting clothing. Like catsuits.
9. Quidditch now played with torpedoes and shields, the purpose to convert all other players to your side.
8. No house cup. We don't compete against ourselves.
7. Snape teaches every class. Why? Because he's evil (MWA HA HA HA!)
6. Owls are unnecessary due to the collective mind.
5. Feast days are changed to celebrate Wolf 359, the day we assimilated Picard, and the day we kicked Janeway's butt.
4. Everyone realizes Harry is really a whiny git and they deactivate him.
3. Hermione self-destructs when she realizes everyone knows the answer the instant she thinks it.
2. New spell: Betsyius-destroyomious
1. Everyone who is bald or redheaded is forced to buy a hairpiece or change the color.

Top Ten 10 Secret Ambitions of Malcolm Reed[/color:post_uid0]

MaverickZer0

02-07-2004, 06:10 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0]"MaverickZer0"? Â Cool! Â Another Mega Man X fan![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Of course.

Just think...what would happen if Zero went Maverick? ;)

Top Ten Secret Ambitions of Malcolm Reed:

10. To install something called a selfdestruct sequence on Enterprise.
9. To star in the next version of Terminator so he can watch the world being destroyed without it actually blowing up this time.
8. To get Future Guy to send him back in time so he can watch the first and biggest explosions ever.
7. To get Future Guy to send him back in time so he can[i:post_uid0]cause[/i:post_uid0] the first and biggest explosions ever.
6. To figure out how to say 'explosion' in fourteen different languages to impress Hoshi.
5. One of those launguages will be Vulcan to impress T'Pol.
4. To finally look up the old code for a tactical alert in the database sometime.
3. To figure out if you really can make T'Pol's catsuit any tighter
2. To try and push a new mendment that all female officers have to wear more revealing clothing.
1. To decorate his entire room in hot pink.

Next: Top Ten Ways To Get Archer To Act Like A Captain

(So sue me. I'm tired and I couldn't pass up the Malcolm one.)[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-07-2004, 08:25 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0](My talent comes in creating lists to make up, not the lists themselves. So sue me, too :) )

10. Have him deeply want the highest ranking officer besides himself.
9. Threaten him with actually turning Porthos into chilli until he stops watching water polo during First Contacts.
8. Give him a love interest in every episode.
7. Give him the catchphrase, "Live Long and Engage"
6. Let him install his own pool in the cargo bay.
5. Kill T'Pol. She's taking all his comanding style.
4. Three words: More green aliens.
3. Threaten him with letting Mayweather be captian if Archer doesnt clean up his act.
2. Stop sending him fanmail!
1. Let him have Porthos be First Officer.

Top Ten Things That Would Make DS9 more Trek-like[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-07-2004, 06:13 PM

[quote:post_uid0="MaverickZer0"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Just think...what would happen if Zero went Maverick? ;)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Heheh. I have a funny feeling what would happen is one of the endings of X5.

Welcome to the boards -- always good to get a new member, especially one with such excellent taste in video games. :D[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-07-2004, 06:54 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Get rid of all those story arcs. I mean, it's not like they make the show [i:post_uid0]better[/i:post_uid0] or anything.
9. Make the characters basically two-dimensional, with the occasional half-assed attempt to flesh them out.
8. Include at least half a dozen episodes featuring Q.
7. Have the station actually fly around in space and do stuff instead of just sit there, 'cos that's just boring.
6. Kill off a number of un-named characters every week so that the fans can make a running joke out of it.
5. Have Sisko moralize about the Prime Directive and its sanctitiy half the time, then have him break it the rest of the time.
4. Swap around the characters birthplaces, so that their accents in no way sound anything like they're supposed to.
3. Include a cold, locigal character who is either a Vulcan, an android, or an ex-Borg drone.
2. Why have the same old boring wormhole all the time, when you could have a different spacial anomaly every single week?
1. Give Sisko a caffiene addiction.

Name the Top Ten Reasons why the Borg went from being Menacing and Scary to just Plain Lame.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-07-2004, 09:02 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Name the Top Ten Reasons why the Borg went from being Menacing and Scary to just Plain Lame.

10. Janeway went back in time and taught them a lesson in manners.
9. They assimulated porn
8. They assimulated Chakotay, big mistake
7. Well, they assimulated a virus that crashed the main computer
6. Seven was the main reason why they were menacing
5. The new Borg Queen was lazy
4. Q Jr. made a few changes
3. They forgot to go back in time to assimulate Kirk
2. They learned Shakespeare when they assimulated Picard
1. They made the mistake of Assimulating Janeway after she had coffee

Next: Top ten things to add to a chili mix[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-07-2004, 09:08 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Things to Add to a Chili Mix:

10: Guano and copper...no, wait, that's a Chile mix.
9: The obvious: Chili powder.
8: Ice cubes...no, wait, that's a chilly mix.
7: Kraft Powdered Instant Chili Mix (now with 50% more sodium benzoate)
6: Port holes.
5: Capsacian (sp) oil antidote (for nebbishy Yankees, Canadians and other such wimps)
4: SPAM (Squirrel, Possum and Moose)
3: Mystery Meat (first one to guess doesn't have to eat it).
2: Fire alarms.
1: A blue ribbon for anyone who doesn't use the obvious in-joke.

Top Eight Fates of the Deep Space Stations Built Before DS9[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-07-2004, 09:46 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Eight Fates of the Deep Space Stations Built Before DS9

DS1: Fate of this early prototype, consisting solely of jettisoned bag of Pringles, remains unknown.
DS2: Prototype enhanced, now consisted of bag of Pringles which occasionally goes 'beep.' Station declared a success, retrieved, contents eaten
DS3: First and last space station to be designed by Malcolm Reed. We apoligize for chain-reaction supernovas.
DS4: Dismantled following claims that space not really all that deep
DS5: Project discontinued before construction, to relief of pets galaxy-wide, upon discovering the typo "Deep Spays 5
DS6: Deed of purchase still in possesion of Starfleet Headquarters. Has prompted suspicion of all Ferengi merchants claiming to have a space station to sell you.
DS7: Destroyed by Klingons. Last known communication a forwarded e-mail, linking to known Sev strip. (http://cartoons.sev.com.au/archivepage.php?cartoonid=s5)
DS8: Closed down after repeated malfunctions of Federations space station technology. Resolution made to just steal somebody else's space station next time.

EDIT: Silly me, I forgot to add the next list topic.
<s>What Happened to the other 358 Wolfs</s>
Top Ten Song-And-Dance Numbers in "Star Trek: The Musical"[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-08-2004, 12:48 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Song-And-Dance Numbers in "Star Trek: The Musical"

10. SPOCK, TUVOK and T'POL: "The Second-Banana Vulcan Blues" (rousing vaudeville)
9. WORF and MALCOLM: "Kill! Crush! Destroy! Incorporated" (warning: audience members in the first row should take adequate precautions)
8. PHLOX, McCOY, CRUSHER, BASHIR, and DOC: "A Smile, An Aphorism, and a Jab in the Arm" (featuring the We're Dead, Jim Dancers)
7. JANEWAY: "Bewitched, Bothered, and Caffeinated" (with a special surprise wardrobe malfunction)
6. ODO: "My Pail and Me" (single-spotlight tearjerker)
5. KIM: "To Be a Lieutenant (Just For an Hour)" (fantasy sequence)
4. REDSHIRT SQUAD: "GAK! (We're Back! )" (reprise)
3. TROI: "I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear (But Then, You Knew That)" (Gershwin-esque ballad)
2. DATA: "Bite Me, Moriarty!" (with tap interlude featuring B4, Lore, and Dr. Soong)

and the Number One Song-And-Dance Number in "Star Trek: The Musical":

1. KIRK: "It Was ... Fun" (free-form ballet)

Next:

Top Ten Little-Known William Shatner Singles[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-08-2004, 01:16 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]^BWAHAHAHAHA! :D Those are great! Especially numbers 4-2.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-08-2004, 01:39 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Brilliant, Scooter :D
Great work![/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-08-2004, 03:25 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Little-Known William Shatner Singles

10. We dont need no Prime Directive-backup by Pink Floyd
9. Hit Me Alien One More Time- duet with Britney Spears
8. Starseeds are Evil- Our Lady Peace was blackmailed into this
7. 99 RedShirts (German Version: 99 LuftSchiffs)-Nena needed another North American hit
6. Blood Sugar Sex Technobabble- RHCP were drunk at the time
5. Shake It Like a Paranoid Vulcan- Actually, OutKast stole this from Shatner
4. My Heart Will Go On- Duet with Celine Dion
3. Yellow SubwarpShip-Beatles tried to sue Shatner for this one
2. When I'm 69-See above
1. Alien Woman- Randy Bachman met Shatner in pub, did Karaoke, was suprised to hear it on the radio the next day

Top Ten Lost Star Trek eps that were too controversial to air in the 1960's[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-08-2004, 03:47 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Lost Star Trek eps that were too controversial to air in the 1960's [/quote:post_uid0]

10: The Zombie Boxes: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a planet on which everyone communicates via glowing screens on their desks rather than in person. Dismissed as too far fetched.
9: The Hyperactivity Disorder: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a planet on which secret government tests have left all the children with attention spans measured in nanoseconds. Supressed by men in black suits and black helicopters.
8: The Libido Challenge: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers an entire solar system of planets with absolutely no life. Universally denounced by Trek geeks, who protested that every other planet the Enterprise discovered was populated by nubile green women in scanty clothes.
7: The Void: Episode in which the Enterprise doesn't discover a planet. Written by Gene Roddenberry's 8-year-old nephew under a pseudonym.
6: Sweeps Week 1966: In which the Enterprise discovers a planet populated by sexy women, lots of action and violence and Coke.
5: Ship of the Valkyries: Chronicles the voyages of the Enterprise's sister ship. Intended to start a new spinoff series, but was canned by NBC execs, who said that nobody wanted to watch a show about a woman captain.
4: Wagon Train to the Stars: Denounced as being too derivative of something else, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
3:Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a source of cool, refreshing beverage and brings peace and prosperity to the galaxy at large. Universally condemned as an hour-long commercial.
2: Karaoke Night: Uhura sings. For 48 minutes. Never broadcast, as the editors couldn't finish assembling the episode.

And the Number One Controversial Star Trek Episode From the Sixties (or whatever it was)

1: The Potemkin Syndrome: Chekovs revolts and takes from Kirk the two things he most holds dear: his ship and his screen time. The master tape was burned by a mysterious intruder who left only a hairpiece as a clue.[/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-08-2004, 05:06 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0]3. Yellow SubwarpShip-Beatles tried to sue Shatner for this one[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:D :lol:

Sa`ar, you forgot to write an idea for the next list.

So I`ll do it, :D

The Top 10 Birthday Presents Odo Hated The Most[/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-08-2004, 05:08 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0]That's impossible. Â If he'd seen the Ring, he would have died seven days later.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Is this [i:post_uid0]The Ring[/i:post_uid0] reference? I wouldn`t know, I`m too scared to watch it, :D[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-08-2004, 05:51 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yes.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-08-2004, 06:11 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Top 10 Birthday Presents Odo Hated The Most

10. Harry Kim: Clarinet
9. Seven: Lifetime Supply of Nanoprobes
8. Paris: A collection of his favorite programs for the holodeck
7. Q: A job on a moving starship
6. Doctor: A collection of opera...sung by the doctor himself
5. Borg Queen: An offer to become the Borg King
4. Data: A slightly used emotion chip
3. Kirk: A ticket to Risa bought from priceline.com
2. Janeway: Coffee made by Nelix
1. Picard: The Entire data base on Shakespeare

Next: Top 10 ways a nebula can affect Voyager[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-08-2004, 06:43 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]7: The Void: Episode in which the Enterprise doesn't discover a planet. [/quote:post_uid0]

:D Â :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-08-2004, 02:33 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways a Nebula can affect Voyager

10. All coffee turns to tea, earl gray, hot.
9. What appears to be a brain sucking alien comes aboard but then turns out to just want all of the leola root. There is much rejoicing when janeway gives him all of it.
8. The entire crew passes and wakes to find they ALL have Chakotay's tattoo.
7. Causes a malfunction which accidentally adds part of an old television show to the doctor's program: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
6. Warps the command system so Harry is in charge of the ship.
5. After watching "Fair Haven" reprograms the computer so that no holograms can ever be Irish.
4. Swaps Chakotay and Seven's conciousness. No one notices.
3. Makes everyone addicted to caffiene... Oh wait...
2. Posesses Be'lanna and has her tell Tom that she'd rather just be friends.
1. Causes strange hair growth in Vulcans; Tuvok ends up with a mullet.

Top ten ways Porthos can take over the ship[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-08-2004, 06:14 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top ten ways Porthos can take over the ship[/quote:post_uid0]
Oh dear... Hope nobody was planning on having chilli for dinner... I look forward to this one. :eyeroll:[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-08-2004, 09:51 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Guest"][color=#000000:post_uid0]6. Warps the command system so Harry is in charge of the ship.

4. Swaps Chakotay and Seven's conciousness. No one notices.
3. Makes everyone addicted to caffiene... Oh wait...

1. Causes strange hair growth in Vulcans; Tuvok ends up with a mullet.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol: So funny![/color:post_uid0]

Nic Corelli

02-09-2004, 01:14 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]9. What appears to be a brain sucking alien comes aboard but then turns out to just want all of the leola root. There is much rejoicing when janeway gives him all of it.
[/quote:post_uid0]

This one is deliriously funny, :D :D :D

Top 10 Ways Porthos can take over the ship:

10. He barks everyone unconscious
9. He receives outside assistance by becoming a Suliban double agent
8. He chews off the wires on the life support system
7. He calls reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant. Porthos is actually an evil Shapeshifter, a ghastly truth to be revealed in the Series Finale itself
6. He teams up with Aibo - disaster inevitable
5. He drinks a mysterious substance known as "The Coffee, Black", after which he is able to breath fire.
4. He starts being extra-cuddly and convinces Archer to give him control of the ship. It takes him 4 minutes.
3. He switches everyone`s food with chilli.
2. He bites everyone to death. (I feel cruel today)

and Number 1 Way Porthos Can Take Over The Ship

1. He uses weapons of mass destruction, reported mysteriously stolen from the year 2003 by a small, furry time traveler.

NEXT - Top 10 Phlox`s Evil Medical Experiments[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-09-2004, 02:16 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Phlox`s Evil Medical Experiments

10.) Something involving GMO linen.
9.) Attempted to induce T'Pol's pon farr again, to boost DeconCam video sales.
8.) Attempted to induce baldness in all future captains, with mixed results.
7.) Removed Travis' voicebox.
6.) Attempted to reduce Reed's passion for explosives by replacing his regular coffee with pineapples. No change noted, except for the anaphylactic shock.
5.) Attempted to splice a chili-powder-producing gene into Porthos' DNA.
4.) Created a mutant form of the Denobulan Hatus pimpus tree. Destroyed it after it beat up Archer.
3.) Bio-engineered sentient slugs. Attempted to feed the slugs to his bat before Archer decided to make a moral quandry of it and fill 42 minutes of airtime. Fed them to his bat anyway.
2.) Bio-engineered a carnivorous pecan-pie mimic. Switched it with Trip's dessert. Hilarity ensued.
1.) Created tiny Sim-clones. Left them in places T'Pol frequents.

Top Ten Signs Phlox is Secretly Dosing the Crew with Psychoactive Drugs.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-09-2004, 03:02 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs Phlox is Secretly Dosing the Crew with Psychoactive Drugs.[/quote:post_uid0]

10) T'Pol has developed a fondness for reggae.
9) Reed stops trying to shoot things, paranoid that his guns are "looking at him funny".
8) Entire crew is entranced by the sight of the stars rushing past...at impulse.
7) Archer is so keyed up it takes twice as long for the fanatic of the week to beat him up.
6) Tucker strangely unaffected.
5) Hoshi opens every hail with "This is the USS Enterprise. Do you have any snacks?"
4) MACOs found locked in the shuttlebay having a tea party with Phlox's menagerie. Phlox vents atmosphere in a mercy-killing.
3) Mayweather paints himself completely blue. No one notices.
2) Archer carefully asks every crewmember he passes if they can see the bulkheads melting. When they reply no, he says "Ah. Good. Right. Just checking."
1) Archer orders "Let's go," and it takes half an hour to notice that Travis has the ship stuck in neutral.

Top Ten Reasons There Should Never Be A Star Trek/Superfriends Crossover:[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-09-2004, 03:35 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons There Should Never Be A Star Trek/Superfriends Crossover

10.) Any possible chance of a space monkey.
9.) Superman vs. Archer. Liability vs. punching bag.
8.) Wonder Woman's invisible jet a special-effects cop-out on par with Bele's invisible ship.
7.) "Wondertwin Powers... [i:post_uid0]activate![/i:post_uid0] Form of a tribble! Form of an ice-phaser!"
6.) People complained about poorly-resolved plots [i:post_uid0]before[/i:post_uid0].
5.) Extended Chekov/Robin Second Banana Commiseration scene.
4.) The casual use of flasks of antimatter would cause Janeway's head to explode.
3.) The Enterprise would come to life and try to eat the Cape Race lighthouse.
2.) Wrestling match between Wesley and Gleep for title of Most Annoying Sidekick.
1.) Picard gets possessed and beams himself into space. Superman gets possessed and uses the nearest bulkhead to achieve the same effect.

Top Ten Other Uses for Leola Root[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-09-2004, 04:27 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Other Uses for Leola Root

10. Used to dishonor Klingon Chefs
9. Extra torpedos
8. Gets tough stains out of carpets
7. Stink Bombs
6. The main ingrediant to that virus Janeway sent to the Borg
5. Opens Worm Holes in your kitchen
4. Keeps Chakotay from being able to fly a shuttle
3. Dodge Ball using Leola Roots
2. Used to render Q powerless
1. The stuff that makes all that technobabble really work

Next: Top Ten Last Words said by Redshirts[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 04:41 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Last Words Said By Redshirts

10. Let's split up!
9. I'm sure this tunnel is perfectly safe. Say, what're those nodules?
8. I'm not going in there. I'm going to stand right here by this tree.
7. No, I don't have any salt. Why?
6. Commodore Decker said to beam down to the planet. I'm sure he knows what he's doing.
5. Ha ha ha ha ha, oh hi, Charlie.
4. Now that I've been promoted to the bridge staff I gotta be safe. What, Captain? You need help releasing the deflector dish? I'm your man!
3. Oooo, look, giant brain cells!
2. What's that in your eye, Lt. Mitchell?

And the Number One Last Words Said By Redshirts:

1. GAK!

Next:

Top Ten Reasons Sisko Isn't Bothering To Come Into The Office Today[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-09-2004, 04:45 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Last Words said by Redshirts[/quote:post_uid0]

10: Hey, guys, ever seen so many angry natives? Guys...?
9: I don't see any giant swamp-things.
8: Avalanche? What ava.
7: What do you mean, "Do I have any salt?"
6: Looks dangerous. I'll go first.
5: Yes sir, Captain Kirk, sir!
4: That's odd. I could have sworn there was only one rock a minute ago.
3: This panel looks safe.
2: OK, paper, scissors, rock...damn.

And the Number One Last Word said by Redshirts is (obviously)

1: GAK!

Top Ten Reasons Worf Can't Hit Anything With A Hand Phaser.

Edit: *mutter* No, I didn't rip you off for #7 and #1.[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-09-2004, 04:47 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Whoa. That was so bizarre.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 04:48 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmmm. I, the newbie, have learned the secret of this forum, which is... refresh first, [i:post_uid0]then[/i:post_uid0] post!

bwhahahahaha...[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-09-2004, 04:50 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Quark was waiting outside it.
9. The Prohpets told him work was for suckers
8. Sisko wanted to spend time with his wife and son.
7. Sisko was caught up in emotion listening to Worf's new Opera.
6. "Queer Eye for the Vulcan Guy"- Solok was on
5. Sisko was held up by Q begging him to allow him on the show
4. Bajoran Day of Sitting
3. Jadzia had come back from the dead; Sisko wanted to know how.
2. Pink Fluffy Plot Bunny of DOOM
1. Sisko was having one of his, "Am I in the fifties or in the future?" days

Top Ten Episodes of any Trek that were attacked by the Pink Fluffy Plot Bunny of DOOM[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-09-2004, 04:51 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Last Words said by Redshirts

10. Ooo, a cave! Think I'll just go inside for a look without telling anyone. How dangerous could it possibly be?

9. Yes, I renewed it just a week ago. But why are you suddenly interested in my life insurance status, captain?

8. AAAAAAAAAHHH!

7. Now that we've got you cooped up behind our super-duper infallible brig energy jailbars, I'm going to go to sleep on guard duty because there's no way we could suffer a power outage, right?

6. All right, if you insist, I'll try your "leola root" whatever-it-is...

5. Blue. No, wait, gree--Yeeaaaarrrrgghh!

4. Tum-te-tum, standing around innocently, not noticing an extremely noisy Evil Creature of Doom "sneaking" up behind me...

3. Waaaaiit a moment, you promised you'd let Paris fly the shuttle, Comman--aaahh.....!

2. *comes face-to-face with the Monster Of The Week* Uh-oh, you aren't the other guard on duty with me...

1. GAK!

Next: Top Ten Places Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation

[b:post_uid0]Big Fat Important Edit:[/b:post_uid0] :p[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 04:53 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]O.K. ... [b:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]HELLO?[/b:post_uid0][/i:post_uid0] :)[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-09-2004, 04:55 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There has to be a way to warn everyone that someone is doing a Top Ten List, lol. Zeke, any ideas?[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 04:56 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0]4. Bajoran Day of Sitting[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 04:58 AM

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]There has to be a way to warn everyone that someone is doing a Top Ten List, lol. Zeke, any ideas?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I'm serious. All we need to do is refresh first, then post. Unless we're both posting at the exact same time (gaaa!! The Blinovich Limitation Effect!) that will work. This time we were missing by minutes, but not by seconds, it looks like.

Just a thought...[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-09-2004, 05:00 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You mean like have 2 windows open at once. Like one on the posts, and the other on your post that you are working on?

We need something like this, but with more detail
http://3sygma.com/fivemin....listall (http://3sygma.com/fiveminute/forums/ikonboard.cgi?act=Online;CODE=listall)[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-09-2004, 05:02 AM

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]You mean like have 2 windows open at once. Like one on the posts, and the other on your post that you are working on?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Or do what I do, which is type up the list in Word, then refresh, and reply if the coast is clear.

"What I do." Cause I've been doing it for, what, two DAYS now. :)[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-09-2004, 09:12 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Could always do what they do in softball and call it.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-09-2004, 09:44 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]4. Keeps Chakotay from being able to fly a shuttle[/quote:post_uid0]
Now is that a good thing or is it why he keeps crashing?

If there is someone posting in a miscelaneous thread since more than, say, seven minutes, there is a resonable chance it's in this thread.

If you want to be sure, just say you're going to do the next one, and edit when you're done.[/color:post_uid0]

Derek

02-09-2004, 01:15 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Since everyone else is doing it:

Top Ten Last Words said by Redshirts
<li value="10">Oh<li value="9">dear<li value="8">God<li value="7">I<li value="6">think<li value="5">I<li value="4">am <li value="3">going<li value="2">to<li value="1">GAK![/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-09-2004, 03:05 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Heh... Wait... What are we on now? :lol:

(All the red-shirt ones are great!)[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-09-2004, 03:29 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]They're lots of fun to do :D

"Sorry" about that ;) I usually refresh before posting in the zippier threads (like Word Assn) but it was late and I forgot...[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-09-2004, 05:09 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Episodes of any Trek that were attacked by the Pink Fluffy Plot Bunny of DOOM

10. "Mudd's Bunnies" (TOS)
9. "Bunnies Among Us" (TNG)
8. "Data's Bunny" (TNG)
7. "Bunnies of Aquistion" (DS9)
6. "The Q and the Bunnies" (VOY)
5. "Time's Bunny" (TNG)
4. "The Ultimate Bunny" (TOS)
3. "Little Green Bunnies" (DS9)
3. "The Bunny Directive" (VOY)
2. "I, Bunny" (TNG)
1. "The Doomsday Bunny" (TOS)

The other two still not 'listed' are -

Top Ten Places Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation

Top Ten Reasons Worf Can't Hit Anything With A Hand Phaser[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-09-2004, 05:35 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Good idea. Post a post saying you are doing it, then just edit it with your Top Ten List. Good idea[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-09-2004, 06:19 PM

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Zeke, any ideas?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Personally, I don't see the problem. If we get two lists, let's get two lists! They're bound to be mostly different, and the similarities are even funnier. Let's just say the first one to post a list decides the next topic.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-09-2004, 06:33 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]The other two still not 'listed' are -

Top Ten Places Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation

Top Ten Reasons Worf Can't Hit Anything With A Hand Phaser[/quote:post_uid0]

And Top Ten Creative Misinterpretations of Forum Game Rules[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-09-2004, 09:56 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons Worf Can't Hit Anything With A Hand Phaser

10. He's actually near sighted, but Klingons do not wear glasses.
9. He never bothered to read the instruction manual.
8. It looks cool to shoot from the hip, even though you always miss.
7. To play a joke on him, Q bends the beams away from the target.
6. Phase practice is not honorable.
5. He's trying to send them with the force, so he closes his eyes before firing.
4. He's trying to show off his pacifist side.
3. He thinks it'll impress women to not take the "wimpy" way out.
2. Phasers set on kill are changed by the computer to prevent death. No one has bothered to tell Worf this.
1.If he hit them... well... he wouldn't get to beat them up!

Since there are three topics pick one of the above.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-09-2004, 10:48 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top 10 Creative Misinterpretations of Forum Game Rules

10. RespondingintheOneWordAtATimeStorylikethis
2. In a "Top Ten Lists" thread, realizing that you can't think of an entire ten items for a particular list and therefore inconspicuously converting the word "ten" in the title to the number "10" and then pretending that you really were thinking in base 3 all the time. Not that [b:post_uid0]I[/b:post_uid0] would ever do that...
1. By doing a headstand, you get to use the [i:post_uid0]bottom[/i:post_uid0] 10 items instead of the top 10, because the bottom ones are funnier anyway
0. After converting the 10 to base 3, you think of another item, tack it on the end, and act like you're giving your readers a special "extra bonus" item in the list[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-09-2004, 11:48 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]If we did this in binary, it would all go so much more quickly... :lol:

Regarding list rewrites - as Zeke says, the more the merrier. Myself, I tend to just click on "Preview Post" every now and then, which also updates the previous posts below.

Next list up, to those too lazy to look up, is:

Top Ten Places Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation

I'd write it, but its 1:47am and the comp lab closes in 10 minutes.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-10-2004, 02:02 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Places Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation

10. Kira: The Mirror Universe (she's out of milk again)
9. Picard: Tenegra (to visit the Darmok and Jalad Memorial Museum and Gift Shop, where they supposedly have very good pie)
8. Wesley: The holodeck (to start checking out all the weird-ass slash fiction where he makes out with Riker (er, Troi))
7. Uhura: Center of the Galaxy (since that's evidently what it takes for her to get a man around here)
6. Spock: Vulcanis (so much nicer than Vulcan, and hardly anyone knows it's there)
5. Worf: Planet Bat'lethia (the world made entirely of bat'leths; unfortunately the PainStick Alpha has been overrun with American tourists)
4. Tucker: Pecan Pie. Oh yeah, it's a place.
3. Lwaxana: The Edo world (boy, could she use a rub-down, if you know what I mean)
2. Porthos: Anyplace where he can finally get some decent walkies instead of being locked up all day in a ready room with no cheese for chrissake

And the Number One Place Star Trek Characters Want to Visit on Vacation:

1. Odo: Daliwood

Next:

Top Ten Things That Would Be Different If The Federation Were Run By Klingons[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-10-2004, 02:20 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hehe, sadly, I'm sure if you type in what you propose on www.fanfiction.net, where you can find our Group Adaptive Story under the penname Poppyseedstuff
I'm sure you'll find WAY too many stories talking about what you describe. Ew, anyone?

:p[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-10-2004, 02:26 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Scooter"]6. Spock: Vulcanis (so much nicer than Vulcan, and hardly anyone knows itÂ’s there)
5. Worf: Planet BatÂ’lethia (the world made entirely of batÂ’leths; unfortunately the PainStick Alpha has been overrun with American tourists)[/quote:post_uid0]
:lol:

Top Ten Things That Would Be Different If The Federation Were Run By Klingons

10. Picard would still be on the Watchers planet, lording it over his worshippers ("Bring me my Earl Grey, slaves!")
9. Troi would have the same sense of fashion as the Duras sisters
8. Come to think of it, Troi would be an actual warrior
7. Wesley would have killed himself over his dishonorable Academy deeds, assuming no one else beat him to it
6. Data would have a pet targ named Killer
5. [i:post_uid0]Battlecruiser Vengeance[/i:post_uid0] would be the hit TV show
4. Worf [i:post_uid0]would[/i:post_uid0] have killed Picard where he stood
3. The Romulans would quickly go bankrupt as the Klingons built houses and hotels on the two pro...no, wait, that's Monopoly...
2. Irving Berlin would be outlawed
1. Janeway: "Prune juice, black"

Next:
Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone is Really an Infiltrating Shapeshifter[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-10-2004, 04:51 AM

[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]1. Janeway: "Prune juice, black"[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:dead: :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

MaverickZer0

02-10-2004, 05:06 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone is Really an Infiltrating Shapeshifter

10. Seven: Gets a personality
9. Janeway: Stops ordering coffee, black
8. Reed: Doesn't want to blow something up
7. Paris: Refuses to go on the holodeck
6. Sisko: Takes the baseball on his desk and tosses it, saying it's a useless sport
5. Hoshi: Sees something horrible and [i:post_uid0]doesn't[/i:post_uid0] scream.
4. Chakotay: Doesn't crash a shuttle when he takes it out
3. Travis: Speaks.
2. Bashir: Refuses to play darts with O'Brien.

1. Tucker: Refuses to eat pecan pie.

Next: Top Ten Ways to Tell It's Sweeps Month[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-10-2004, 05:09 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone is Really an Infiltrating Shapeshifter

10. The real Troi would never wear something that revealing.
9. The real Worf always growls menacingly *before* slicing your head off.
8. The real Picard's head is shinier than that and generally contains fewer Chia plants.
7. The real Wesley would think of a better line to feed his Mom after dropping out of Starfleet Academy than something about living on other planes of existence.
6. The real Spock would never raise his voice like that.
5. The real McCoy, when checking to make sure the redshirt is dead, usually refrains from using an axe.
4. The real Odo... wait...
3. The real O'Brien orders his coffee "double sweet," not "double explosive."
2. The real Sisko ignores his job for weeks on end, yes, but only for something important like building solar-sail yachts for quick joy rides to Cardassia. Not just for no reason.

And the Number One Way to Tell Someone is Really an Infiltrating Shapeshifter:

1. The real Porthos is allergic to cheese.

(Hey, my turn to double up! Yay!)[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-10-2004, 11:52 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Tell It's Sweeps Month

10. [b:post_uid0]Phlox:[/b:post_uid0] T'Pol, your Pon Farr... it's [i:post_uid0]contagious[/i:post_uid0]...
9. [b:post_uid0]Archer:[/b:post_uid0] Well, Reed, you're captain now. Try not to get in any massive exciting space battles.
8. [b:post_uid0]T'Pol:[/b:post_uid0] Captain, we seem to be in the 24th century... somewhere called [i:post_uid0]Deep Space 9.[/i:post_uid0]
[b:post_uid0]Kirk:[/b:post_uid0] Yeah, us too.
7. [b:post_uid0]Narrator:[/b:post_uid0] At last, Porthos's darkest secrets are revealed...
6. [b:post_uid0]Archer:[/b:post_uid0] The Federation has charged us to bear the One Ring to Mount Doom, or we will all be destroyed.
[b:post_uid0]Phlox:[/b:post_uid0] My preccccccioussssss...
5. [b:post_uid0]Q:[/b:post_uid0] You know, we of the Contiuum don't actually have to worry about continuity.
4. [b:post_uid0]Narrator:[/b:post_uid0] "An Hour in Decon" - next, on Enterprise.
3. [b:post_uid0]Hoshi:[/b:post_uid0] What do you mean, I'm pregnant?
<s>2. [b:post_uid0]Trip:[/b:post_uid0] What do you mean, I'm pregnant?</s>
2. [b:post_uid0]Narrator:[/b:post_uid0] Guest-starring Jeffery Combs, as every single character in the show!
1. [b:post_uid0]Promo:[/b:post_uid0] [i:post_uid0](silent, consists entirely of female crewmembers removing articles of clothing with backs to the camera. Is utter failure, as most take it for a common porn ad.)[/i:post_uid0]

Next up: Top Ten Reasons Why Archer is Illogical[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-10-2004, 02:02 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"]10. Picard would still be on the Watchers planet, lording it over his worshippers ("Bring me my Earl Grey, slaves!")[/quote:post_uid0]
Tee hee! That's great! :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Derek

02-10-2004, 02:08 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]2. [b:post_uid0]Narrator:[/b:post_uid0] Guest-starring Jeffery Combs, as every single character in the show![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]It bothers me that only a week or so ago, my wife thought it would be great to see an episode where every single non-main character was played by Jeffery Combs. All the background crewmen, all the villains, all the allies, etc. And now you have this idea.

Actually, an episode like that might be interesting. It would probably be [i:post_uid0]Being John Malkovich[/i:post_uid0]-ish.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-10-2004, 04:53 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Scooter"]9. The real Worf always growls menacingly *before* slicing your head off.
8. The real PicardÂ’s head is shinier than that and generally contains fewer Chia plants.

5. The real McCoy, when checking to make sure the redshirt is dead, usually refrains from using an axe.[/quote:post_uid0]
[quote:post_uid0]9. Archer: Well, Reed, you're captain now. Try not to get in any massive exciting space battles.
8. T'Pol: Captain, we seem to be in the 24th century... somewhere called Deep Space 9.
Kirk: Yeah, us too.
5. Q: You know, we of the Contiuum don't actually have to worry about continuity.[/quote:post_uid0]

:lol: :lol:

Top Ten Reasons Why Archer Is Illogical

10. He watches water polo. Enough said already
9. He went into the Expanse despite the inability of superior beings (we Vulcans) to survive entering it
8. He's had the nerve to prove us wrong by surviving this long. Doubtless he's doing this out of "spite". That's just so incredibly petty of him, don't you think?
7. Because he's a human, silly. What else did you expect?
6. Several noted Vulcan periodicals devoted to logic make regular use of his utterances as examples to readers of how [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] to reason
5. He wears white after Labor Day
4. He couldn't even recite T'Pok's Fundamental Theorem of Hyperdimensional Non-Binary Logic if his life depended on it
3. Continues to allow Reed within arms-length of weaponry
2. He named his dog "Porthos". Case closed
1. He has travelled through time, which is logically impossible. Therefore he is an element of the set of things that are illogical, and incidentally, since said set is a subset of the set of things which we Vulcans refuse to acknowledge exist, Archer does not even exist. (Psst, that's your cue for a mutiny, T'Pol)

Next:
Top Ten Things We Will Never Hear Bashir Say[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-10-2004, 05:22 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Heheheh. Great list, Standback.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-10-2004, 05:51 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Things We Will Never Hear Bashir Say.

10. Why should I try to save O'Brien's life? He's only a human being.
9. Since you're way better at darting than me, you'll have to stand farther from the board than me.
8. Ezri? What the hell are you doing here? Get away from me, creep!
7. Why should I try to save Odo's life? It's not like he has one.
6. The sinus of a third pi? I don't know.
5. I've never lost a patient, although I've misplaced one from time to time.
4. I like her, but she's not really to my tastes.
3. I'm sorry, I must sound a dreadful bore. Â Let's talk about you for a while.
2. Captain Julian Bashir? Â I like tha sound of that.
1. GAK! (After all, he's a main character)

Numbers 5 through 2 are Sa'ar's, though.

Next: Top Ten ways in which ICQ is superior to MSN.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-10-2004, 06:15 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten ways in which ICQ is superior to MSN. [/quote:post_uid0]

10. It's not Microsoft
9. The ability to send offline messages.
8. It's not Microsoft.
7. Chatlogs.
6. It's not Microsoft
5. Smaller proportion of overly lengthy dumb names with high-ASCII characters.
4. It's not Microsoft.
3. No annoying foghorn when the application starts (no, wait, wrong list)
2. Fill in the blank.
1. Lack of emoticons!

Top Ten Sign's Sa'ar Is A Crotchety Old Man.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-10-2004, 06:30 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Derek"]It bothers me that only a week or so ago, my wife thought it would be great to see an episode where every single non-main character was played by Jeffery Combs. All the background crewmen, all the villains, all the allies, etc. And now you have this idea.[/quote:post_uid0]
Well, I really really really loved him as Weyoun. I was glad to hear they were bringing him back for ENT, but so far I've been disappointed - Shran really has no personality to speak of, Combs' talent is kinda wasted, one feels. But he's just so well known for playing so many parts... I never look at the credits, and I'm not very good at recognizing faces, but when I was watching [i:post_uid0]Tsunkatsi[/i:post_uid0] (or whatever the name of the VOY ep was), I was waiting for it to end, just so I could check it was really him. :) And he was Brunt, and one of the ENT Ferengi... and the thing is, you can see why they want him in as many roles as they can. :)

The closest thing we'll see to an all-Combs episode was probably that DS9 ep where he played both Brunt and Weyoun... don't remember which...

Out of curiousity... have we ever seen Weyoun in the mirror universe? If so, I missed it, but I'd love to see it if there is a reference...[/color:post_uid0]

Derek

02-10-2004, 06:44 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Standback"]Well, I really really really loved him as Weyoun. I was glad to hear they were bringing him back for ENT, but so far I've been disappointed - Shran really has no personality to speak of, Combs' talent is kinda wasted, one feels.[/quote:post_uid0]
Well, whoever this "one" is, he's not me. I personally have loved Shran. I've even had to stop and consider who I like more between him and Weyoun (I'm sticking with Weyoun for now, but a few more Shran eps might push him over Weyoun).

[quote:post_uid0]But he's just so well known for playing so many parts... I never look at the credits, and I'm not very good at recognizing faces, but when I was watching [i:post_uid0]Tsunkatsi[/i:post_uid0] (or whatever the name of the VOY ep was), I was waiting for it to end, just so I could check it was really him. :)[/quote:post_uid0]
Combs's most distinctive feature is his voice in my opinion. Visually I have very little problem thinking of Weyoun, Brunt, and Shran as different people. It's audibly that I notice the similarity most.

[quote:post_uid0]The closest thing we'll see to an all-Combs episode was probably that DS9 ep where he played both Brunt and Weyoun... don't remember which...[/quote:post_uid0]
"The Dogs of War", second to last episode. Andy even made mention of this duality in his fiver.

[quote:post_uid0]Out of curiousity... have we ever seen Weyoun in the mirror universe? If so, I missed it, but I'd love to see it if there is a reference...[/quote:post_uid0]
No. The wormhole was never discovered in the MU, so the democratic, peaceful Dominion was never seen. You'll have to stick with Mirror-Brunt.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-10-2004, 08:20 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Give Shran some more lines, and I'll think about it. :) In the meantime, it's difficult for "infrequently-appearing tough-but-reasonable cabal leader" to compare with "regular guest starring complex-intriguing-slick-witty-lovable-hatable guy who's in the dead center of anything to do with the major story arc".

There have only been 3 Shran episodes so far, am I right? "Incident," "Shadows," and "Cease Fire." And they've been in the Delphic Expanse all of the 3rd season so far. I'd very much like to see Shran develop... I guess it might be a while, though...

Ooooh... Shran in the Delphic Expanse... would be [i:post_uid0]cool.[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-10-2004, 09:09 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]They did that :D Can't recall the name of the ep at the moment, but it was just a couple of weeks ago[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-11-2004, 01:49 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]"Proving Ground." Awesome episode.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-11-2004, 02:28 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Ah, well, then I have something to look forward to. :D[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-11-2004, 04:44 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs Sa'ar Is A Crotchety Old Man

10. Forces other people to write mock-derogatory lists about him, toeing the line between "funny" and "offensive"
9. Actually uses phrase "crotchety"
8. Growing senile, forgetting "Blue Screen of Death" joke
7. Blatantly repeats elements of top ten lists multiple times. Dares anybody to comment.
6. Goes by nickname describing somebody "mean, marked by bitterness and a power or will to cut or sting." (http://www.spellcheck.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=sarcastic)
5. Growing senile, stealing items 7 and 1 from Scooter's list, then [i:post_uid0]forgetting he's done it[/i:post_uid0]
4. Refers to other forumgoers as "young whippersnappers"
3. Refuses to get himself a nice avatar like everybody else
2. Growing senile, occasionally forgetting present century and reverting to Latin
1. [i:post_uid0]Must[/i:post_uid0] be extremely old, and apparantly has spent all life in forums, judging by post count.

Next up:
Kes' Top Ten "To Do" Items Now That She's Evolved Into A Higher Plane Of Existence[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-11-2004, 05:11 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]1. Must be extremely old, and apparantly has spent all life in forums, judging by post count.[/quote:post_uid0]
Am I supposed to say something here? :suspicious:

;)[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-11-2004, 06:05 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Well, at least [i:post_uid0]you've[/i:post_uid0] got a youthful avatar pointing to the contrary.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-11-2004, 06:46 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]10. Forces other people to write mock-derogatory lists about him, toeing the line between "funny" and "offensive"[/quote:post_uid0]

And you toed it quite well. I'm impressed and amused.

[quote:post_uid0]4. Refers to other forumgoers as "young whippersnappers"[/quote:post_uid0]

That's because you *are* young whippernsappers, with one or two exceptions.

[quote:post_uid0]3. Refuses to get himself a nice avatar like everybody else
[/quote:post_uid0]

That's just bucking a trend.

[quote:post_uid0]2. Growing senile, occasionally forgetting present century and reverting to Latin[/quote:post_uid0]

Mock-Latin. If we didn't have a real Latin scholar among us, I might get away with it.

[quote:post_uid0]1. Must be extremely old, and apparantly has spent all life in forums, judging by post count.[/quote:post_uid0]

That's a result of having no life.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-11-2004, 08:13 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Kes's Top Ten "To Do" Items Now That She's Evolved Into A Higher Plane Of Existence

10. Blow up Voyager some more, that was fun
9. Return that old message from Q, something about having a kid together or something
8. "Apologize" for Tuvix (tee hee)
7. Two words: Pringle Galaxy
6. Make "B'Elanna Bumps" all the rage in the Seventh Dimension
5. Finally finish that photo album with all the cute couple pictures of her and Neelix, then place it at the center of a supernova, then implode the resulting black hole, then stomp on it
4. Special gift for the galaxy: One more quadrant
3. Stop by that old general store in the Q Continuum and see if they have any Go Bananas Snapple
2. I wonder if the other Ocampans are O.K.? Oh, screw it

And Kes's Number One "To Do" Item Now That She's Evolved Into A Higher Plane Of Existence:

1. Ditch that apalling Crusher kid

Next:
Top Ten Hints a Star Trek Episode Ran Out Of Money During Filming[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-11-2004, 08:18 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Standback"]5. Growing senile, stealing items 7 and 1 from Scooter's list, then [i:post_uid0]forgetting he's done it[/i:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
Sa'ar, you can steal from me any time. I believe in giving way to one's elders. Â :)[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-11-2004, 08:20 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I think you get brownie points just for using the word "snapple" in a list.

Edited because I'm dyslexic.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-11-2004, 08:27 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Sa'ar, you can steal from me any time. I believe in giving way to one's elders.[/quote:post_uid0]

You're awfully mouthy for the new guy. *snicker*

Well, if I can get away with it, I suppose you can too.

You've got moxy, kid. As soon as you figure out what moxy is, tell me. I'm dying to know.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-11-2004, 08:38 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Sa'ar Chasm"]You've got moxy, kid. Â As soon as you figure out what moxy is, tell me. Â I'm dying to know.[/quote:post_uid0]
Um, I know what it is. It's a really revolting soda pop (http://www.mainegoodies.com/food/Moxie/index.htm) made in New England. I had it once. ONCE. Check out this link (http://yo-simity.com/moxy.htm) showing people drinking the beverege in question and hating it.

So if I have it, I don't want it...[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-11-2004, 09:24 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs of Episode Budget Overreach

10. Instead of DeForrest Kelly, there's a stand-in pulled off the street who everyone calls "Skeleton".
9. That nickname actually describes him quite well.
8. Writer's budget has been slashed - instead of a Graviton Inversion Funnel, it's only a nondescript "wormhole".
7. Instead of imaginative aliens, there's just a bunch of humans with funny foreheads - no, wait...
6. Starfleet unveils it's newest prototype ship, the USS Papermache.
5. There was no money left to pay Mayel Roddenberry, so everyone has to type and read screens a lot.
4. No CGI budget - the crew has to talk their way out of a sticky situation.
3. Avery Brooks phones in his performance, and everyone wonders why Sisko is so mellow.
2. After a breathtaking fight sequence in Act Three, the aliens admit that they had Voyager mixed up with another Starfleet ship lost in the Delta Quadrant, apologise, and leave. The rest of the episode consist of the crew toasting to their good fortune. (With cheap wine, of course.)

And the Number One sign that the episode budget ran out halfway into filming...

1. In order to cut costs for electricity, Gene Roddenberry's rapidly spinning corpse is converted into a makeshift electric generator.

Next List: Top 10 Things the Borg do until their next invasion

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-11-2004, 09:52 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Try to figure out how to assimilate species 8472
9. Play Poker
8. Build the first Borg Decahedron
7. Try to prefect Windows
6. Try to assimilate Shakespeare.
5. Try to reinvent the wheel
4. Play Â“telephoneÂ” using their nurointerfaces.
3. Train their nanoprobe circus
2. Exercise with Richard of Simmons new video Â“Assimilating to the Oldies
1. The same they do every night Pinky, try to assimilate the universe!

Next up, Â“Top ten ways to tell the Borg have assimilated humor.Â”[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-11-2004, 10:46 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways To Tell The Borg Have Assimilated Humour:

10: The drone assimilating you has a gumball machine implant on its arm.
9: Bumper sticker on the cube that says "Honk if you're into leather."
8: Cutting-Beam-Of-DOOM replaced by a can opener on a stick.
7: Well-choreographed operations now become well-choreographed slapstick routines.
6: Every "Resistance is futile" pronouncement followed by a laugh track.
5: Seven wakes screaming from a dream of a drone wearing pink fuzzy bunny ears.
4: The once monotone Voice of the Collective now sounds like Jim Carrey on hyronalin.
3: Drone personal weapon implants now fire cream pies.
2: After every weapons discharge, the Voice says "Mmm, pie."
1: The assimilation of a species now involves reducing it to 1/12th of its initial population.

Top Ten Over-used 5MV or Forum Cliches[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-11-2004, 10:49 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Katy Jane"][color=#000000:post_uid0]1. The same they do every night Pinky, try to assimilate the universe![/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]As an old Pinky and the Brain fan I can't tell you hard hard I laughed at this :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-11-2004, 11:55 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Over-used 5MV or Forum Cliches

10. "ZUUUUUUKE!"
9. List Item Number Nine Section *Under construction - for the last eight months*
8. This Just In - This reporter discovers that this reporter isn't real!
7. It's midges, NOT midgets!
6. Some poor chap called John gets killed every other post.
5. *THWAPS list item number five with the Hammer of Smiting*
4. "You must bring us a punnery!"
3. Every pie other pie word pie has pie to pie be pie the pie word pie pie.
2. Statement encapsulating list item number two in a humerous fashion.

1. I'll have the number one reason up soon, I promise.

Top Ten Ways in which Five-Minute [i:post_uid0]Dune[/i:post_uid0] Would Mangle the Plot of the Original[/color:post_uid0]

Artanis

02-12-2004, 12:59 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways in which Five-Minute Dune Would Mangle the Plot of the Original

Note: I've read Dune twice and ya know... I just don't like it... Then I got to the book where his son turns into a worm and well...

10. Not so much pedophelia
9. It would actually be pointed out that Paul inexplicably changes his mind about that entire Emporer thing.
8. The Worms would talk.
7. People wouldn't take 200 pages to make a decision
6. Out of necessity, long drawn out conversations about nothing would not be as long
5. There wouldn't be three hundred sequels, each one weirder than the next.
4. The symbolism stick which we are being hit with wouldn't be as prominent.
3. In five minutes there isn't enough time to describe the deaths of many, many characters in great detail.
2. Paul would be LESS whiny.
1.The author wouldn't go on drugs halfway through writing it.

And because I'm a newbie...

Top Ten Evil Secrets of the Forums[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-12-2004, 01:37 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There may well [i:post_uid0]be[/i:post_uid0] a Five-Minute Dune, btw. If so, it'll be by me.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-12-2004, 01:57 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Evil Secrets of the Forums

10. Clicking on certain permutations of smilies triggers the opening of one's hard drive and the extension of a cartoonish "Hammer of Newbie Smiting" which promptly whacks you over the head a dozen times. One such combination is :eyeroll: :swear: :( :zzz: --OW! OW! OW! I didn't mean i--OW!...

...ooooh. Okay, I'm back.

9. We have Chili Cookoffs every other Friday

8. Zuke is really Zeke from an Alternate Evil Universe Of Great Evilness

7. NAHTMMM is really NAHTMMM from an Alternate Funky Universe of Great Weirdness

6. When you rearrange the forums' titles in a certain way and read the results backward, you find a subliminal message commanding you to pledge allegiance to coconuts. Or possibly crocodiles. We're not quite sure yet.

5. Certain forumgoers are currently working on a Secret Plan of Evil involving world dominance via pie missile launchers. They don't want it to be publicly known, though, and they're pretty violent about making sure it isn't, so I wouldn't let on I knew about it if I were you...

[i:post_uid0]*knock*[/i:post_uid0]
Whoops, that's the door. Hold on a minute. [i:post_uid0]*Leaves*
*from far away*[/i:post_uid0] Oh, hi there, funny you came by just now, er, what's that in your...erm...aahhh! No! Nooo, not the pecan pi--[i:post_uid0]*SPLAT!*[/i:post_uid0] Arggghh! :dead:

4. The above was [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] a dramatization.

3. Doctors have proven that users can become incurably addicted to these fora in as few as (pie)*log("soon") days

2. There are people who actually know how many days the above refers to, but they're too meanie to tell the rest of us :crying:

1. [this rubbish has been deleted by the FBI, CIA, AFL-CIO, [b:post_uid0]AND[/b:post_uid0] the Temporal Police. It was lies, all lies, we tell you! Seriously!]

(This list has inspired me to write a TJI. A crazy TJI, with a brilliant concept but probably meh execution. Be afraid. ;))

Next:
Top Ten Results of a Star Trek - Looney Tunes Crossover[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-12-2004, 02:49 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol: The truth has finaly been reveiled [img:post_uid0]http://img14.photobucket.com/albums/v43/katyjane/emoticons/notworthy.gif[/img:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-12-2004, 05:37 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Standback"]5. Growing senile, stealing items 7 and 1 from Scooter's list[/quote:post_uid0]
Actually, #7 was mine. :D[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-12-2004, 09:02 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]2. There are people who actually know how many days the above refers to, but they're too meanie to tell the rest of us[/quote:post_uid0]
[u:post_uid0]+[/u:post_uid0]47. Or 4.7.[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-12-2004, 09:32 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Top Ten Results of a Star Trek - Looney Tunes Crossover[/b:post_uid0]

10. Mayhem. Lots and lots of mayhem.
9. "Be wewy, wewy, quiet! I'm hunting Womulans!"
8. When consoles explode, the redshirt doesn't die, but just turns into a smoking, blinking black crisp.
7. As a matter of fact, no matter how many times you crush, explode or drop the same redshirt down the side of thousand foot cliffs, he's always back, whole and perfect, in the very next scene.
6. The Enterprise bears an overlarge ACME logo on its nacelles.
5. Paris starts addressing the Doctor with "What's up, Doc?" and chews on carrots.
4. Alternate ending to Endgame: When being pursued by the Borg, Janeway uses the deflector dish to paint a wormhole on the side of a sun. Voyager goes through it and ends up in the Alpha Quadrant, whilst the pursing Borg ship gets fried to the crisp in the sun's core.
3. B'Elanna has a bad habit of turning into a whirling tornado and destroying every inch of Engineering when she's in a bad mood.
2. When Kirk punches someone, he doesn't fall over, but instead develops a series of hairline cracks, then crashes to the ground in pieces.

And the #1 result of a Star Trek - Looney Tunes Crossover:

1. Garibaldi becomes a die-hard Trekkie and converts the entire crew of B5 to his new fandom. They then lose the Shadow War spectacularly because everyone was too tied up arguing the fine points of DS9 plots.

And because my ego is having way too much fun today:
Top Ten Changes That Would Be Made If 17 Took Over The World[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-12-2004, 10:52 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]9. "Be wewy, wewy, quiet! I'm hunting Womulans!"[/quote:post_uid0]
LOL :D

And redshirts [i:post_uid0]not[/i:post_uid0] dying? Talk about cartoons reversing the laws of physics...[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-12-2004, 11:13 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Changes That Would Be Made If 17 Took Over The World

10. There would be 47 countries each with 47 provinces.
9. Minbari would be the capital of the world.
8.There would be no such thing as "Buffyverse"
7. She would be married to John.
6. Every man would be named John.
5. Every man would look like John.
3. The only 'ship would be John/Delenn.
2. It would be a "Top-17 List".
1. She would be the Prime Minbari of Everything

And next...
Top Ten Trek(any Trek) Episodes Opium Would Be in

(hehehe)[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-12-2004, 11:34 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]7. She would be married to John.[/quote:post_uid0]
Are you sure that's not supposed to be "She would be married to Delenn"?[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-12-2004, 12:06 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Bwaahahaha. Cat, you're right. You know me too well. :D[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-12-2004, 12:08 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]There's no way of knowing someone "too well"

Information is power. :D[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-12-2004, 12:47 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And mis-information is antipower. Put information and misinformation together, and you'll get massive amounts of energy for seemingly nothing.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-12-2004, 01:19 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I just noticed there are two lists dedicated to the Top Hat Man...beat that, John Sheridan! And Delenn. And...um. yah.

BTW, the current topic is: Top Ten Trek(any Trek) Episodes Opium Would Be in[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-12-2004, 02:12 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Who [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] the Top Hat Man?[/color:post_uid0]

Kristina

02-12-2004, 02:22 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Moving back a bit...
This is just based on your profile, Opium, but here's a shot at it, in no particular order:

The Top Ten Trek Episodes Opium Would Be In

10. TOS "The Way to Eden"
9. TOS "The Conscience of the King"
8. TOS "The Day of the Dove"
7. TNG "The Emissary"
6. TNG "Qpid"
5. TNG "Journey's End"
4. DS9 "The Storyteller"
3. DS9 "Return to Grace"
2. VOY "Heroes and Demons"
1. VOY "The Gift"

I just did this so I can suggest the topic for the next Top Ten List -- and because I was beaten to the Looney Tune one, but the entry that made it was better than mine, so it really doesn't matter...

Next Top Ten list:
Top Ten Rejected Pickup Lines of Captain Kirk[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-12-2004, 06:11 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000:post_uid0]There may well [i:post_uid0]be[/i:post_uid0] a Five-Minute Dune, btw. Â If so, it'll be by me.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]I've probably asked this before, but if so then I've forgotten the answer.

Lynch version or SFC mini-series? Or both?[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-12-2004, 08:31 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Rejected Pickup Lines of Captain Kirk

10. You're even prettier than the last robot I kissed.
9. Wanna see my nebula?
8. Well, let's see, I have one kid that I know of...
7. I hope you don't mind if we double-date with Uhura. No, she's not bringing anyone, why?
6. In addition to being a starship captain, I also run a successful parody fan site on the side. Oh, I hope you like chili and pie.
5. We don't have money in the future.
4. Ha ha, they'll never let you be Captain! Hey, what'd I say?
3. Did you see my shirt come off during the fight with the Klingons? Huh? Didja?
2. You're a shapeshifter? Awesome! Boy, have I got plans for you!

And the number one Rejected Pickup Line of Captain Kirk:

1. I ... am ... Kirok!

Next:
Top Ten Signs of a Star Trek/Matrix Crossover[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-12-2004, 08:44 PM

[quote:post_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Lynch version or SFC mini-series? Or both?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hmm. That's like asking if you prefer being boiled in oil or drawn and quartered.

After seeing both screen versions of this most peculiar and absorbing novel I remain convinced that it is utterly unfilmable.[/color:post_uid0]

Naki

02-12-2004, 08:48 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: The same redshirt keeps dying
9: Suddenly everyone knows martial arts
8: Harry actually does something
7: Q starts acting like Morpheus
6: Tom starts quoting Neo
5: Hayes starts wearing a black tuxedo and sunglasses
4: Malcom and Hayes start fighting.....oh wait they already do that
3: Trip begins to fly around the ship after T'pol
2: Time slows down everytime someone fires a phaser
1: Weird stuff STOPS happening

Next:
Top Ten Reasons to be redshirt[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-12-2004, 08:58 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Signs of a Star Trek/Matrix crossover

10. Four words: Picard with a Katana
9. The Scalosians file a lawsuit for copyright infringement because everybody dodges phaser beams now
8. The Borg start to wear suits and become even harder to beat
7. After scanning a planet, Paris loudly exclaims "Realize the truth. There is no dilithium."
6. Even Wesley Crusher can dual-wield two phaser rifles and kick major booty
5. Commbadges snap open when tapped
4. Morpheus gets a beard and starts to overact a lot
3. Overheard in the NCC 1701's gym:
[b:post_uid0]Kirk:[/b:post_uid0] I know Kirk-Fu.
[b:post_uid0]Spock:[/b:post_uid0] Show me.
2. Lt. Reed fights three dozen identical Xindi with a stick and comes out on top

And the Number One sign that you're caught in a Star Trek/Matrix crossover:

1. Picard saves Dr. Crusher's life, not vice-versa. And something about a rave in Main Engineering. Wee, look at those swirly colors in the warp core!

The best part is, 10 has actually happened. In a comic, but it's happened.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-12-2004, 10:14 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons To Be A Redshirt

10. Total lack of pattern recognition
9. Always able to get reliable information indicating whether or not you're dead, Jim
8. Whole lot of cheap second-hand uniforms available, practically new
7. Attempting to emulate Alpha Complex citizens with Red Security Clearence, in hopes of multiplying projected life span by six
6. Guarenteed answers to deep philosophical questions regarding nature of reality and existance of god within a month or less
5. Lifelong ambition to serve as exposition for dire peril awaiting regular cast members
4. Bright red uniform perfect camouflage when dropped into Mendinus IV's fiery lava pits
3. Memorizing lines very difficult
2. Prefer to have your life simple and laid out before you, instead of all that dreadful uncertainty

And the number one reason to be a Redshirt:
1. Explore new worlds, new civilizations, and bravely GAK! where no man has GAK!ed before

Annnnnd next up:
Top Ten LoTR Spinoffs We're Bound To Be Seeing[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-12-2004, 11:37 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]ARg, the Matrix crossover should have been mine! Oh well[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-12-2004, 11:39 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0](hint: you're allowed to write funny stuff outside the game rules anyway. ;) )[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-13-2004, 12:08 AM

NAHTMMM

02-13-2004, 12:17 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Even if you [i:post_uid0]did[/i:post_uid0] have somewhere to put it, based on the reprints I've seen, I'm not sure it could be squeezed into a mere five minutes all that well ;)[/color:post_uid0]

MaverickZer0

02-13-2004, 02:01 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten LoTR Spinoffs We're Bound To Be Seeing

10. The Journey of Samwise Gamgee, in full color
9. Whatever happened to Lorien? the miniseries
8. The Adventures of Gollum
7. The Tale of the Dwarves, with special guest star Grumpy
6. A five-part study on what happens to things that fall into fiery pits of doom
5. Strider's Tales, the movie
4. Merry and Pippin's Joke-off Marathon, twelve straight hours of madcap mayhem
3. LotR, the animated series, starring the voice talents of Elijah Wood, Joe Black, and that guy who brought everyone pizza
2. Hobbit Idol, the quest for the ultimate Hobbit singer
1. Arwen's life story, a twelve part epic tale

Next up: Top Ten Signs the Cast of Enterprise is Going to Audition for American Idol[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-13-2004, 03:21 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]^Don't forget "LotR Babies". ;)

[quote:post_uid0="Zeke"]Who [i:post_uid0]is[/i:post_uid0] the Top Hat Man?[/quote:post_uid0]

Local historians agree that he is most likely based on the Man In The Yellow Hat of "Curious George" fame.
Well, one does, anyway.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-13-2004, 04:21 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten LOTR Spinoffs (yes, it's been done, but I was doing them first and then my computer logged me out so c+p'd, so now I'm posting)

10. Gimli's Variety Hour
9. Fashion File with Arwen
8. Law and Order: Rohan Cavelery Unit
7. Gondor's Horn (rated 18A)
6. ER: Elrond's Rivendell
5. Legolas and Aragorn's Excellent Adventure
4. Dumb and Dumber: When Merry met Pippin
3. Frodo and Samwise (like Will and Grace)
2. Gandalf's Hogwarts
1. Gollum and Friends!

(So what is the Top Hat Man? Well, he's a man, he wears a top hat, and he does stuff. He is based on a picture of a guy in a top hat from a play I was in that was sitting near the computer as I was doing a Q+A post.)
:D[/color:post_uid0]

Naki

02-13-2004, 04:48 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10: Porthos loses his hearing
9: The helm becomes a kareoke bar
8: Simon Calwell stars making cameos
7: Malcom can be heard singing "Trigger Happy" by Wierd Al
6: Hoshi starts to faint everytime someone shines a light on her
5: Travis actually says something and starts singing
4: T'pol gets plastic surgery
3: Major Hayes changes his name to D Major and his posse
2: The ship actually breaks apart due to god awful singing
1: Suddenly Enterprise becomes a musical producion

Next:
Top ten things that would happen in a Voyager/Sonic The Hedgehog crossover[/color:post_uid0]

MaverickZer0

02-13-2004, 04:57 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top ten things that would happen in a Voyager/Sonic The Hedgehog crossover
10. Paris starts wearing rocket shoes and disappearing after yelling 'Chaos control!' at random intervals
9. Kim starts working on a new shuttle he calls the Tornado
8. Chakotay is seen towing dumb-looking robots around
7. Janeway starts liking pink and obsessing over a crush
6. Kes carries around a little blue and yellow thing called 'Cheese'
5. Torres starts sneaking around and stealing stuff
4. Seven [i:post_uid0]stops[/i:post_uid0] sneaking around and stealing stuff and instead becomes obsessed with finding 'Chaos Emeralds'
3. Neelix cooks chili dogs
2. The Doctor starts treating crewmembers for various speed-collision related injuries
1. People sight a blue blur in the hallways that smells of chili dogs

Next: Top Ten Things Related to Babylon 5 We'd Never Want on Star Trek[/color:post_uid0]

taya17

02-13-2004, 07:11 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][b:post_uid0]Top Ten Things Related to Babylon 5 We'd Never Want on Star Trek[/b:post_uid0]

10. Story-arc based space stations with numbers in their names.... oh wait.
9. Byron.
8. Aliens without funny bumps on their foreheads
7. Byron.
6. Garak getting drunk, hitting on Kira, Sisko AND Bashir before then passing out on Quark's table.
5. Chekov developing telepathic powers, losing his accent and gaining an evil smirk. He then proceeds to fry Kirk's mind into a crisp and subsequently attempts to take over the world.
4. Shadows flying Vorlon ships. Hey, waaait a minute...
3. Picard spacing teddy bears with his initials sewn onto them.
2. Byron.

And the #1 B5 related thing we DON'T want on Star Trek...

1. Laws of physics.

Top Ten Fun Things to Do With Farscape Characters on Board the Enterprise[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-13-2004, 10:50 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Fun Things to Do With Farscape Characters on Board the Enterprise

10. Have D'Argo beat up Archer.
9. Have Noranti take over sickbay and make McCoy very annoyed indeed.
8. Have Chianna flirt with [i:post_uid0]everyone[/i:post_uid0] (but then, she does that anyway, right?).
7. Have Scorpius kill that irritating Kazon leader fella and actually make them into an enemy to be feared rather than laughed at.
6. Have Jool scream at the Borg and watch them melt.
5. Have Sikozu annoy the heck out of Wesley by constantly proving him wrong.
4. Have Stark go and live in the Bajor wormhole ("My dimension, your dimension! My dimension, your dimension!").
3. Have Rygel become Grand Nagus of the Ferengi - he could teach them a thing or two.
2. Have Aeryn take over Reed's job (which he'd now be useless at anyway because of spending all his waking hours mooning over her).

1. Have John order the [i:post_uid0]Voyager[/i:post_uid0] crew to do various random and silly things on the promise that he'll create a wormhole for them ("That's it Janeway! Bark! Bark like a dog!").

Top Ten Reasons why the [i:post_uid0]Enterprise[/i:post_uid0] is a Dinghy of Suckitude[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-14-2004, 02:39 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Reasons why the Enterprise is a Dinghy of Suckitude

10. Warp engine really powered by hamsters
9. Hey, Barclay's transporter phobia is really funny. Let's base a whole series on it!
8. Shields (er, hull plating) can be penetrated by tossing a piece of popcorn at the ship
7. Hoshi wins both the Whiniest Character Since Wesley Award [i:post_uid0]and[/i:post_uid0] the Most Pointless Character Since Wesley Award
6. Trip hasn't even mentioned mint juleps
5. I still have nightmares about Phlox's toenails
4. Because of continuity, alien species limited to those seen in "Journey to Babel"
3. Can't they get Travis to shut up for once?
2. Archer/T'Pol sexual tension too restained compared to Kirk/Spock

And the Number One Reason why the Enterprise is a Dinghy of Suckitude

1. Not enough Zephram Cochrane cameos

Next:

Top Ten Careers Pursued By Characters Written Out Of Star Trek[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-14-2004, 08:32 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Careers Pursued By Characters Written Out Of Star Trek

[ignore my mistake]<s>10. Tasha Yar: cop in Ottawa.
9. Kes:
Jadzia
Dr. Pulaski</s>[/ignore my mistake]

10. running a cafe were a wise-cracking doctor always comes to
9. Pyrotechnic Supervisor
8. 3rd assistant to the assistant key grip
7. Career councillor
6. pizza delivery person
5. Ditch digger
4. Communist snitch
3. Playing Office Worker #2
2. Starring on a show in the Space Channel
1. Guesting on future Roddenberry shows

Top Ten Characters John would date on a Trek series[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-14-2004, 09:51 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Opium"]10. Tasha Yar: cop in Ottawa.
9. Kes:
Jadzia
Dr. Pulaski[/quote:post_uid0]
Sorry I tossed a curve there. I figured there had to be ten, but I didn't bother to work it out. Â Also depends on whether you include second-tier characters or not, whether you require a "writing out" rather than simply vanishing, etc.

My only rule in this list is they had to appear in more than one episode and then never returned. If you exclude people who just vanished you can't even use Pulaski.

For the record, I came up with:

TOS:
Riley
Rand

TNG:
Yar
<S>Crusher (Season 1)</s> (oops)
Pulaski
Wesley
Ro
O'Brien/Keiko :)

Movies:
Kirk (Generations)
Data (Nemesis)

DS9:
Kai Opaka
Other Kais and Vedeks
Jadzia

VOY:
Kes
Neelix
Wildman (Naomi's mother)
Seska
[b:post_uid0]Added:[/b:post_uid0] Carey

ENT:
None yet, right?

Sure there's a lot more, if you really dig. Who's obsessive enough to add to the list? :)

Edited to removed Crusher and add Carey[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-14-2004, 10:59 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]My only rule in this list is they had to appear in more than one episode and then never returned.[/quote:post_uid0]
How does Crusher apply to that, exactly?

What about Lt. Carey?[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-14-2004, 11:11 PM

[quote:post_uid0="catalina_marina"][color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]My only rule in this list is they had to appear in more than one episode and then never returned.[/quote:post_uid0]
How does Crusher apply to that, exactly?[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Um...Didn't you know that Season 1 Crusher (red hair) is a clone of Season 3 Crusher (auburn hair)?[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-14-2004, 11:25 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Vulcan Science Directorate has proven that time travel is impossible. Now if it were the other way around, I might believe you.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-15-2004, 03:33 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Admiral Janeway?
Tuvix? Well, only one episode
That vulcan Torres had fights with (He was on for many episodes)
<s>Seska</s> Opps, didnt look at the list
Spock died in the movies, but came back a different man in a way[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-15-2004, 06:45 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]In case anyone is wondering, the current list to be done is:
Top Ten Characters John would date on a Trek series[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-15-2004, 02:31 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Just who the heck is John, exactly?[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-15-2004, 02:51 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Excellent question. Try here. (http://images.google.co.il/images?q=John&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=iw&btnG=%D7%97%D7%99%D7%A4%D7%95%D7%A9+%D7%91%D7%92%D 7%95%D7%92%D7%9C)[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-15-2004, 03:06 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]John Sheridan, from Babylon 5. Don't you read [i:post_uid0]Answer --> Question game[/i:post_uid0], [i:post_uid0]Word Association[/i:post_uid0], [i:post_uid0]One by one story[/i:post_uid0], or [i:post_uid0]Group Adaptive Story[/i:post_uid0]? :p[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-15-2004, 03:43 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Not to speak of 17's sig, of course.

Oh dear. Considering what I see in the one-by-one story, I shudder to think what must be happening in the Group Adaptive.

::shudder::

Or maybe she really just meant this Jon. (http://www.angelfire.com/ca2/garfieldrocks/images/jon.JPG)[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-15-2004, 05:24 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I depends. Does he die every strip?[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-15-2004, 09:33 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Characters John would date on a Trek series

10. John Wayne: Janeway (closest to Katherine Hepburn)
9. Elton John: Harry (also gets an accompanist)
8. John Goodman: Salt Vampire (reminds him of Roseanne)
7. John de Lancie: Hey, John Wayne took mine!
Â Wayne: You got a problem with that ... pilgrim?
Â de Lancie: No sir, not at all. Sorry to trouble you. Um, since I only interact with Captains or first officers,
Â Â Â I guess I'll take ... Madge Sinclair from Star Trek IV? Geez, what a selection. (Sigh.)
6. Olivia Newton-John: Julian (Let's get a [i:post_uid0]physical, physical...[/i:post_uid0] [sorry, sorry])
5. John Stamos: (He's happy with who he's got, thank you)
4. John Travolta: Ezri Dax (she's seen [i:post_uid0]all[/i:post_uid0] his movies)
3. John Malkovich: Seska (he's such a masochist)
2. John Edward: Spock (he [i:post_uid0]does[/i:post_uid0] have a common frame of reference)

... and the Number One Character John would date on a Trek series:

1. Jon Arbuckle from Garfield: Anybody! Please! ... Hello?

(sorry this one is extra-silly, I'll do better next time :) )

Next:

Top Ten Childhood Memories of Trek Characters[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-15-2004, 10:22 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Childhood Memories of Trek Characters

10. Janeway: She was just walking outside when a stranger offered her a cup of coffee. First one was free.
9. Picard: Some meanies shaved his hair because he had a weird accent.
8. Sisko: Some of his friends suddenly called themselves "prophets" and told him to do stuff.
7. Kirk: A girl tore his shirt when he tried to pick her up.
6. Archer: He got beaten up because... Well, just because.
5. Q: He caused the Big Bang as his science fair project.
4. Quark: He got arrested on his first sale.
3. Trip: He had nightmares about getting pregnant.
2. B'Elanna: She got sued for biting her first love on their very first date.
1. Reed: He blew up his nursery school.

Next: Top Ten Favourite Pets Of Trek Characters.[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-15-2004, 11:38 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Top Ten Favourite Pets Of Trek Characters.[/quote:post_uid0]

10: Quark: His Ferenginar Sucking Toad. Displays all the toadying qualities of a good lackey without any of Rom's pesky independence.
9: Picard: His pet rock, the only creature in the galaxy with less hair than him.
8: LaForge: Deadeye, his seeing-eye dog. Sadly, Deadeye lost his sight in a freak frisbee incident near the warp core, leading to some rather obvious jokes about his relationship with Geordi.
7: Chekov: the family of birds that nested in his hair.
6: Uhura: Her pet parrot. Died tragically in a freak airlock incident shortly after a redshirt taught it to say "Hailing frequencies open."
5: Worf: Presented with a tribble as a joke. It managed to find the gagh and reproduce before being taken out by the mek'leth cannon. Tenth-generation descendents can still be found in the more remote areas of his cabin.
4: Yar: Her pet mayfly. Despite having a lifespan measure in hours, it outlived her by a considerable margin.
3: Kirk: His pet Risian rabbit, the randiest creature in the galaxy. Died of shame a week after Kirk acquired it.
2: Spock: The Enterprise computer.
1: Travis: Dupe, his clone, born of one of Phlox's menagerie and some spit. Travis has actually been on vacation since Similitude while Dupe pilots the ship, but nobody's noticed yet.

Top Ten Signs That Star Trek Writers Have Tapped Out Their Creativity After Five Series[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-16-2004, 02:39 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Scooter"][color=#000000:post_uid0]10. John Wayne: Janeway (closest to Katherine Hepburn)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]*Has the sudden urge to watch "Rooster Cogbern and the Lady"* :D[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-16-2004, 03:06 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0](actually I ment John, the John we keep killing in one-by-one, GAS, etc, but your list was funny, so it doesnt matter)

Top Ten Signs That Star Trek Writers Have Tapped Out Their Creativity After Five Series

10. They send a ship to the other side of the Galaxy, stuck working with the Maquis,...oh wait, that was Voyager :D
9. Trip gets pregnant...no, um...I mean...
8. Trip and T'Pol have sex...no wait
7. Hoshi discovers how to talk to Porthos, King of the Universe.
6. They bring Ferngi in
5. Mayweather saves the day
4. Hoshi get a plot.
3. A pink fluffy bunny, a guy in a top hat and some guy named John invade the ship and die over and over.
2. Time travel
1. Q appears on Enterprise as a woman in a catsuit

Top Ten Buffy/Trek crossovers[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-16-2004, 04:56 AM

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0](actually I ment John, the John we keep killing in one-by-one, GAS, etc)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yes, I know. I killed him. :p[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-16-2004, 05:22 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Buffy/Trek crossovers

10. Wesley tries to bond over banana splits with Oz, who smites him
9. The Worf/Spike Maneuver employed once again, as Angel joins the cast of Enterprise after his own show is canceled
8. Buffy and K'Ehleyr KICK ASS
7. Meanwhile, Giles and Picard brood over tea
6. Xander is cloned again in the Enterprise transporter; hilarity ensues
5. Willow: New ship's counselor (complete with burgundy leotard)
4. Vampire/Borg alliance sours when Borg demand cool leather capes
3. Morn discovered to be a demon
2. Cordelia now in Sto-vo-kor, pleading to be let out; Jadzia gives her a cookie

And the Number One Top Ten Buffy/Trek crossover

1. Deep Space Hellmouth

Next:

Top Ten Rejected Ideas for the Next Star Trek Series
(not including #1 from this list) :)[/color:post_uid0]

Nan

02-16-2004, 05:25 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Opium"]...Marque...[/quote:post_uid0]
A Marquis is a nobleman. A marquee is an annoying html tag.

Maquis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maquis_(Star_Trek)), like the French underground.

[/seethe]

Sorry. It's a pet peeve.[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-16-2004, 08:00 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Rejected Ideas for the Next Star Trek Series

10. Star Trek Kids
9. A series that focuses on the Vulcans before they discovered Earth
8. A series dedicated to Tribbles
7. A series where the Ferengi go around the galaxy selling stuff
6. Admiral Janeway orders Picard around
5. Mayweather gets to captain his own ship
4. The Adventures of Kirk, Picard, Janeway, and Archer. A series where all three captains come together and have to fix time before it is too late.
3. Star Trek X-files
2. Star Trek Comedy Zone
1. Star Trek: Academy (This series takes a look of how the characters you know made it through the Academy.)

Next: Top Ten Relationships you would like to see in a Star Trek Series[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-16-2004, 08:29 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Relationships you would like to see in a Star Trek Series

10. Worf/Tasha Yar
9. Troi/ Barcley
8. Data/toaster
7. Bashir/ Obrien's wife
6. Quark/Morn
5. Trip/T'Pol
4. Tribble/Spot
3. Ezri/Kim
2. Mayweather/Wesley (as pointless friends, cus they're pointless)
And of course...
1. Picard/Crusher already! In a time travel ep! In a flashback! In anything!

Top Ten Scandalous Plots DS9 didnt use[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-16-2004, 10:48 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Odo becomes enamored with Klingon Icecream, going on a Quadrant-wide promotion tour. In the course of the episode, it is revealed that this icecream is made from the bodies of dead tribbles. The Federation Better Business Bureau pressures the Klingons into ceasing export, and the episode ends with Odo drinking a milkshake, lamenting the harsh world that forces people to decide between the genocide of a species and the total lack of a tasty cold snack.

9. A technical debate between Worf and O'Brien calls down a high Federation official to DS9. His luggage: a very big yardstick. His mission: To finally find out how long the Defiant really is.

8. Sisko begins chugging Prozac. Increasingly grueling things happen on the station, culminating in a Dominion boarding. Sisko merely smiles at the invading Jem'Hadar as he keys the autodestruct, whistling a cheerful tune. Finally, he wakes up from his dream, and throws a tantrum over how Bashir's sleep medication is hallucinogenic. (Come to think of it, Bashir himself wasn't too worried when he used his genetic enhancements to merrily walk over the promenade and snap Jemmie necks.)

7. In the crossover to end all crossovers, characters from random sci-fi shows begin to materialise on DS9. The sheer mass of people threatens to overwhelm the station, but Jadzia figures out in the nick of time that Ensign Mary Sue is to blame and has her spaced. The guest stars disappear.

6. Following the astronomical costs of Nr. 7, an entire episode is scripted to take place with Rom imprisoned in a big cardboard box. The storyline questioning reality and all of Western philosophy is highly praised, but critics remark that the cardboard really could have used some silver paint.

5. Ezri is suddenly happy for no apparent reason. The episode follows Odo's investigations as he tries to figure out what has happened to her. It is revealed that Ezri has been replaced by her twin sister Smilezri, who plots to undermine the gloomy, gritty atmosphere of DS9 with unbound fluffiness. Fortunately, Bashir can synthetize Ezri's moping gene and inject it into Smilezry, who subsequently also gains all of Ezri's memories and feelings, changes her name to Ezri, and becomes the new old favourite trill. The episode ends with the real Ezri caught behind a wall in Ops, loudly banging for anyone to let her out, but everyone is too busy being depressed to hear her.

4. Ensign Ultra returns from an away mission alive. In the investigation, it is found out that he has used actual tactics in a phaser fight. Worf advocates promoting him to Chief of Ground Combat Forces, but the prospect of millions of annoying redshirts which actually return from their trips to go on pestering their superiors is too horrible to contemplate. Ensign Ultra is declared to be a Weapon of Mass Destruction and strapped to a photon torpedo, which is then shot into Bajor's sun to the cheering of all.

3. Sisko vs. A bowl of sentient Chili. It's a fight for survival, as the chili tries to avoid being devoured by scorching Sisko's throat. We find out that it's a plot of Kai Winn to destroy Sisko's ability to speechify, but it is foiled when Lt. Whitebread sacrifices himself to put out the fire in the Emissary's throat. The prophets bicker about who of them shall tell Sisko that he really, really needs some breathmint.

2. In a cost-cutting measure, Starfleet rules that uniforms aboard climate-controlled starships and stations are a waste of resources. Consequently, an entire episode takes place with everybody naked. In the end, aftr Admiral Ross forgets to put on his black leather for a secret Section 31 meeting, the shadowy group forces the Federation to reinstate the old dress code. Bashir and O'Brien swear revenge for S31 underminging the freedom of the Federation.

And the Nr. 1 Scandalous DS9 Plot never used is:

1. Quark pulls off a business scheme, and it WORKS.

Next: Top Ten Ways the Federation tried to avoid the Dominion War.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-16-2004, 07:25 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000:post_uid0]8. Data/toaster[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Derek

02-16-2004, 07:36 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]And here I thought D/T was Data/[i:post_uid0]Tasha[/i:post_uid0].[/color:post_uid0]

Zeke

02-16-2004, 08:35 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]D/T is Data/Troi. Remember [i:post_uid0]Generations[/i:post_uid0]?[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-16-2004, 09:42 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Zeke"]D/T is Data/Troi. Â Remember [i:post_uid0]Generations[/i:post_uid0]?[/quote:post_uid0]

I'm not sure I want to remember. So I'll just believe it.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-16-2004, 10:18 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Zeke"]D/T is Data/Troi. Â Remember [i:post_uid0]Generations[/i:post_uid0]?[/quote:post_uid0]
We need better 'ship symbols. From now on all Trek characters will be assigned a numeric code. This means that Data/Tasha is 065/912 (killed off characters have a 9- prefix). Data/Troi is 065/056 ( look how harmonious and compatible! ).

... The sad thing is I [i:post_uid0]know[/i:post_uid0] people who would [i:post_uid0]do[/i:post_uid0] this.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-16-2004, 10:49 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Gatac"][color=#000000:post_uid0]6. Following the astronomical costs of Nr. 7, an entire episode is scripted to take place with Rom imprisoned in a big cardboard box. The storyline questioning reality and all of Western philosophy is highly praised, but critics remark that the cardboard really could have used some silver paint.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Great work Gatac. I loved No. 6 because it is [i:post_uid0]so[/i:post_uid0] reminiscent of DS9 navel-gazing.[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-16-2004, 11:41 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You flatter me, good Sir!

But really, Data/Troi? I mean, Data/Tasha I can understand (seeing how it actually happened - how many ships can make that claim?), but the Betazoid Blatch and the Positron Pest? In moments like this, I am happy that Data is an android, because I'd really hate to find out what their children would be like. Stating the *blatantly* obvious? Reading the crew's emotions and running off a list of homonyms?

Or maybe Data and Troi truly have the capacity to have a lasting, harmonious relationship that is not dependant on physical pleasure.

...

Nah.

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-17-2004, 08:11 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways the Federation Tried to Avoid the Dominion War

10. Launching "Weird Liquidy Shapechanging Aliens Are Our [i:post_uid0]Friends[/i:post_uid0]" Campaign
9. Refusing to hand over control of the Alpha Quadrant, offering yummy treat instead
8. Attempts to intimidate Dominon by pointing out that present flagship [i:post_uid0]DS9[/i:post_uid0] a thousand times bigger then what they had for [i:post_uid0]TNG[/i:post_uid0]. Attempts to hide the fact that said flagship cannot, in fact, move.
7. Offer to throw in free toaster oven if Dominion joins Federation before March 1st
6. "If you take over our space station, you'll be stuck with Quark, Rom, [i:post_uid0]and[/i:post_uid0] Jake."
5. "[i:post_uid0]And[/i:post_uid0] that whiny half-Cardassian girl."
4. Threats that if the Dominion turns their attention to Alpha Quadrant, Janeway will surprise them "from behind"
3. Suggestion that Dominion rename themselves "Affable Sovereignty"
2. Assertation that really, Alpha Quadrant not all that great
1. Hide behind Galactic Core, hoping Dominion will go away

Next: Top Ten Ways to Recognize a Goa'uld Host[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-18-2004, 03:32 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Recognize a Goa'uld Host

10. They are stuffing themselves with Chili
9. They can't stand listening to Logic
8. You notice the weapon they have in their hands is aiming at you, not the enemy.
7. Their voice seemed to have dropped a couple of octaves
6. They are spending too much time in front of the mirror
5. They refuse to use the traditional transporter. Instead, they rather use their own contraption that uses rings.
4. Yesterday, they didn't have the motivation to take over the Enterprise.
3. Hoshi isn't afraid anymore
2. Mayweather has lines
1. Janeway refuses to drink coffee

Next: The Top Ten Best Top Ten Lists (including author)[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-19-2004, 03:32 AM

[quote:post_uid0="NeoMatrix"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Next: The Top Ten Best Top Ten Lists (including author)[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]:lol: Oh no... Now someone has a chance to kiss up to or piss off everyone on the board! That's kryponite, baby... :)

(waits very curiously)[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-19-2004, 07:23 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Not really, Scooter...

10. Top Ten Signs of Multiple Personality Disorder, by Smeagol, Gollum, and Andy Serkis
9. Top Ten Ways to Cook Melmacian Pasta, by Neelix
8. Top Ten Ways to Cook Melmacian Felines, by ALF
7. Top Ten Varieties of Balsa Wood, by Chakotay
6. Cryptic Messages, The Best, Ten Of Them, by the Prophets
5. Top Ten Things To Do With All Your Free Time While The Captain Thinks You're Busy With the Warp Engine, by Scotty
4. Top Ten Crazy Things to Do on a Saturday Night, by the Borg Queen
3. Top Ten Rules of Interplanetary Diplomacy, by Jack O'Neill
2. Top Ten Ways to go GAK!, by John Sheridan

And the Top Top Ten List (including author):

1. (List forthcoming), by Zeke

But just for you, Scooter, next up:
Top Ten Ways to Awake the Wrath of the 5MV Forum
[i:post_uid0](Hint: Topic Title)[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-19-2004, 07:49 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Ways to Awake the Wrath of the 5MV Forum

10. Start "Topic Title"
9. Start Group Adaption Story
8. Create the "Man who wanders around malls in a top hat dazed and confused".
7.mention 'pie', POTC, LOTR
6. Mention 'chilli'
5. Mention 'chilli', 'cheese' and 'Porthos in one sentence.
4. Start a one-by-one story
3. Start a question-and-answer game
2. Introduce John
1. Introduce that John comes back to life, no matter how many times you kill him.
And the number one way to awake wrath?
1. Mess with a topic's rules :p

Top Ten LOTR/Trek series crossover eps[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-19-2004, 03:26 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Im guilty of #1(final 1),6,7, and partly 8[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-19-2004, 07:41 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0][i:post_uid0](Hint: Topic Title)[/i:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]Speaking of which, i tried to find the Topic Title using the Wayback Machine (http://www.archive.org/web/web.php) but it looks like it realy is gone :( :crying: Gone i say! ;)[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-19-2004, 08:59 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Don't remind me. :( I'm still upset I only showed up after the first one died, and I fear for my life if I even think of suggesting to start it again.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-19-2004, 09:34 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yeah, it seems like fun, doesn't it?

*Runs*[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-19-2004, 09:55 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Not really, Scooter...[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]hee hee hee

Standback 1, Scooter 0! :)[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-19-2004, 10:32 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Didn't the forums get a new address after the new forums came? Maybe that is why you cant find it.[/color:post_uid0]

NAHTMMM

02-19-2004, 10:54 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Eek, don't look now! (http://web.archive.org/web/20021210031232/http://3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi) :O[/color:post_uid0]

PointyHairedJedi

02-19-2004, 11:17 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Even just seeing the title sends shivers down my spine.[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-20-2004, 12:51 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hey, maybe we could start a new Topic Title, like, [i:post_uid0]only[/i:post_uid0] for the newbies who, like, weren't here for the original.

And maybe then we could, like, hide it, so we don't get killed.[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-20-2004, 12:58 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Excuse me, Neo, but I created "the man who wanders around malls dazed and confused in a top hat" (all variations).
You just added to it and perpetuated it for me :p

Anyways, it's still waiting to be tenned:
Top Ten LOTR/Trek series crossover eps[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-20-2004, 07:00 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]You did [i:post_uid0]all[/i:post_uid0] of them, methinks. Except maybe the John ones.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-20-2004, 10:44 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Yeah, 17 started that, right?

About TT, well, it's risky... [color=#CCCCCC:post_uid0]But I'm in[/color:post_uid0] :D[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-20-2004, 11:02 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Me? I've never even SEEN Topic Title. And I just particpate in and Group Adaption Story and Answer-Question game.
As for the rest...okay, yah I'm guilty of all of them; but arent we all? :D

By the way, anyone remember that time that John died from poisened chilli pie and Porthos ate some cheese and the Top Hat Man wandered around in a dazed and confused manner and the cast of LOTR did the Tango and the cast of POTC won the Synchronized Swimming competition?
Or did I just create that? ;)[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-20-2004, 11:10 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]By the way, anyone remember that time that John died from poisened chilli pie and Porthos ate some cheese and the Top Hat Man wandered around in a dazed and confused manner and the cast of LOTR did the Tango and the cast of POTC won the Synchronized Swimming competition?[/quote:post_uid0]
I think so, yes, yes, no, and no, sorry. :p[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-20-2004, 03:14 PM

[quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000:post_uid0]Eek, don't look now! (http://web.archive.org/web/20021210031232/http://3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi) :O[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]*sniff* :( Let us all have a moment of silance in memory of topic title

.

.

.

.

Ok, moment over :lol:[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-20-2004, 10:41 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Katy Jane"][quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"]Eek, don't look now! (http://web.archive.org/web/20021210031232/http://3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi) :O[/quote:post_uid0]
*sniff* Â :( Â Let us all have a moment of silance in memory of topic title

Ok, moment over :lol:[/quote:post_uid0]
Ack, I'm so confused. I can't follow the link because it's blocked by my firewall, so I'll completely at a loss.

Guess now I know how you people who've successfully led Who-free lives feel reading the Who fivers. ("O.K. ... in joke, in joke, in joke, oh yay! Trek reference! in joke, in joke, in joke...") :)

:S Â :)[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-20-2004, 11:26 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Opium"]Top Ten LOTR/Trek series crossover eps[/quote:post_uid0]
10. Picard and Crusher must climb Mount Doom while handcuffed together
9. Merry and Pippin take over Quark's bar but manage to drink all of the stock
8. Worf visits Moria, where he discovers his grandfather was a discommendated Balrog
7. Arwen wanders dreamily through the corridors of the Enterprise and becomes trapped in a static warp bubble, but no one cares
6. Heroes of the Battle of the Black Gate recostumed in nice new red tunics
5. Boromir succumbs to his lust for Troi, who gently lets him down by telling him that stringing along two boyfriends has her pretty occupied as it is
4. Sisko visits the Grey Havens and takes two months off to build another boat, then sails off to the Uttermost West in the season cliff(yawn)hanger
3. Picard agrees to mind-meld with Saruman, then spends the rest of the episode making stentorian pronouncements about the annihilation of man while Saruman, having successfully transferred his negative emotions to Picard, carries Frodo piggy-back to the Cracks of Doom
2. Elrond visits Janeway and, urging her to be who she was meant to be, gives her the superpowered, kill-em-all, assault phaser rifle of her ancestors

And the Number One LOTR/Trek Crossover Episode:

1. Gollum and Smeagol are trapped in the matter/antimatter corridor, where they will whine at each other for all eternity

Next:

Top Ten Unlikely New Power Sources for Federation Vessels[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-20-2004, 11:53 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Unlikely Power Sources for Federation Starships:

10. Spamcake
9. Potatos
8. Hypermatter
7. The Souls of the Living
6. Leola Root
5. Lithium
4. The Souls of the Dead
3. Water
2. Artificial Quantum Singularities...no, wait...

And the Most Unlikely Powersource for a Federation Starship:

1. Kirk's Ego

Next: The Top Ten Favourite Snackfoods of the Dominion

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-21-2004, 06:41 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]The Top Ten Favourite Snackfoods of the Dominion:

10. Spamcake
9. Potatos
8. Hypermatter
7. The Souls of the Living
6. Leola Root
5. Lithium
4. The Souls of the Dead
3. Water
2. Artificial Quantum Singularities...no, wait...

And Number One Top Ten Favourite Snackfood of the Dominion:

1. Kirk's Ego

:D

Next: Trek Characters' Top Ten Most Peculiar Ancestors[/color:post_uid0]

Opium

02-21-2004, 09:16 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]10. Troi: Dr Phil
9. Kirk: Pres. Clinton
8. Spock: Elrond
7. Bashir: Bond. James Bond.
6. Paris: John Sheridan
5. Sisko: Ann Hesch
4. Q:PM. Paul Martin
3. Picard: Professor X
2. Wesley:Top Hat Man (because he keep coming back, and back, and back...)
1. Porthos: *edited for chilli joke*

Top Ten Reasons Archer is a bigger stud than Kirk[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-21-2004, 10:30 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Scooter: If I were a photoshop guru, this would now prompt me to create a package of breakfast cereals, with a thumbs-up! Kirk on the cover and "Kirk's Ego (Now 12% more flamboyant!)" as writing.

Top Ten Reasons Archer is a bigger stud than Kirk:

10. T'Pol vs. Spock? 'nuff said.
9. He knows how to lose a fight - greatest turn-on for the sensitive chicks.
8. He's really the first guy out there, so anything Kirk said about "Going boldy where no man has gone before" is bunk anyway.
7. Going out into the universe with a ship like the NX-01? That takes a lot of cojones. Ladies love that.
6. Kirk just beat up other actors. Archer has to deal with CG-freakin'-I.
5. Deep male friendship with Trip? This guy doesn't just reel in the ladies...
4. Time Traveller Miles - have you seen their gift shop? Mama! Anyone with a bunch of flowers might just as well give up.
3. Kirk ripped his shirt for every cheap bimbo. Archer's more choosy. Unattainable = Sexy.
2. He knows how to do it "Porthos style, baby!" That is, look puppy-eyed and whelp. Strong man who can be submissive? Major turn-on.

And the Number 1 reason Archer is a bigger stud than Kirk:

1. Since he's one of the main contestants in the Temporal Cold War, that makes him something of a future James Bond. James Bond >> James Kirk. QED.

Next: Top Ten Anchors of the Federation News Network

Gatac[/color:post_uid0]

Katy Jane

02-21-2004, 02:31 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Scooter"][color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Katy Jane"][quote:post_uid0="NAHTMMM"]Eek, don't look now! (http://web.archive.org/web/20021210031232/http://3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi) :O[/quote:post_uid0]
*sniff* Â :( Â Let us all have a moment of silance in memory of topic title

Ok, moment over :lol:[/quote:post_uid0]
Ack, I'm so confused. I can't follow the link because it's blocked by my firewall, so I'll completely at a loss.[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]The link leads to an old copy of the front page of the forum, the most recent post in misc. was topic title...

... Topic title, just incase no one has explained it yet, is an old thread that reached many many many pages (and was lost in the great server wipe of '03 which convenitly happened only days ([i:post_uid0]maybe[/i:post_uid0] weeks) after it was anounced that they were nolonger going to back that thread up. :eyeroll: ;)

the format was simple... insted of posting like we normaly post, you discribed what you would be posting... like this.

[quote:post_uid0]Comment on the prevous post. Random statment having nothing to do with any thing else prevously discussed[/quote:post_uid0][/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-21-2004, 05:38 PM

[quote:post_uid0="Katy Jane"][color=#000000:post_uid0]The link leads to an old copy of the front page of the forum, the most recent post in misc. was topic title...[/color:post_uid0][/quote:post_uid0]
[color=#000000:post_uid0]... But the link to topic title doesn't work. :(

:p[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-21-2004, 06:23 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Hand count of those innocent of any involvement with original incident. Sly glance around for any sign of smiting preperations.

Concealment of intentions by pretense that purpose of post is the providing of relevent link. (http://www.fiveminute.net/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=190)[/color:post_uid0]

NeoMatrix

02-21-2004, 06:27 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]I believe they have it saved in a vault somewhere, and with high security.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-21-2004, 06:45 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Mention she had indeed nothing to do with it, but *has* seen the thread before.

Assertion of the opposite of above statement by Neo. Expression of belief that it went through <s>paper</s>bit-shredder, was burnt, and [i:post_uid0]then[/i:post_uid0] locked in an otherwise empty vault, only openable from the inside. Agreement with the high security part.[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-21-2004, 07:29 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Display of total disbelief. Shaking of head regarding the overwhelming triviality of forum activities gravitating towards no particular goal other than the creation of pointless white noise in an ocean of comparatively sense-deprived information. Promise to cut down on usage of big words and run-on sentences.

Repetition of Poster's Name due to belief in archaic ritual know as "signing"[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-21-2004, 07:42 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Quote of Gatac's [quote:post_uid0]Shaking of head regarding the overwhelming triviality of forum activities gravitating towards no particular goal other than the creation of pointless white noise in an ocean of comparatively sense-deprived information. [/quote:post_uid0]

Expression of disbelief, concern that perhaps Gatac has failed to notice One-by-One Story, Word Association, A&Q, present thread, etc.[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-21-2004, 08:08 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Thinly veiled aggression against Standback for mentioning threads Poster has mentally blocked up to now. Chugging of Prozac. Apology for death threats. Secret scheming revolving around Standback, several grossly oversized metal weights and gravity.

Poster's Name, still following the same reasoning.

(More pointless rambling. Defintion of the term "Selective Perception.")[/color:post_uid0]

Sa'ar Chasm

02-21-2004, 08:16 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Dear Prophets...

*bolts the doors and hides the chilluns*

The Thread That Wouldn't Die. It came back. It always comes back.[/color:post_uid0]

catalina_marina

02-21-2004, 08:27 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Expression of obviousness. Observation that there are always newbies like current poster who want to experience the experience. Reflection on previous sentence. Notion something is confusing about sentence before last.

Observation that time, and therefor "always" is irrelevant.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-21-2004, 09:22 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Boy am I sorry I asked. 8|[/color:post_uid0]

Standback

02-21-2004, 11:14 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0]Thinly veiled aggression against Standback for mentioning threads Poster has mentally blocked up to now.[/quote:post_uid0]
Confusion. Unsureness as to Gatac's familiarity with topic of conversation, namely, Topic Title. Supposition that perhaps Gatac was once a forum regular, and has been missing forever a year. Discounting of said supposition, at least on a temporary basis.

Taking of precautionary measures against any and all highly unprecautionary measures employed by Gatac, perhaps Sa'ar, and potentially other forumgoers as well. Slight relief that Zeke happens to be away this weekend.

[quote:post_uid0]Boy am I sorry I asked. Â 8| [/quote:post_uid0]
Discounting of Scooter's sorrow. Explaination that this is second time this poster has been present when this topic (see above) has been raised. Ominous use of the idiom "third time's the charm."

Brief consideration of returning to actual topic of current thread. Conclusion that current poster knows nothing of new anchors, or indeed of the news. Reflection that calculus is evil, especially the final exams. Minor comment to the effect that previous sentence is entirely unrelated to any other content in current post. Expression of mild hope that this will not be a bother to any of the forum readers. Concealed expression of total apathy if it is.

Edit: edit.[/color:post_uid0]

Gatac

02-21-2004, 11:33 PM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Statement that Gatac is not an old member in disguise, merely a long-term lurker. Apology to Standback for confusion. Offer to change called Top 10 list should no suitable proposal come forward. Creative hint that Top 10 proposal's shtick should revolve around Trek characters as news anchors, not news anchors as Trek characters. Admission that the latter would work, too, but was not the original intent.

Agreement that calculus is evil. Shared experience of having to study incomprehensible mathematical theories.

Name of the poster. No strings attached.[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-22-2004, 12:17 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0][quote:post_uid0="Standback"]Discounting of Scooter's sorrow.[/quote:post_uid0]
Expression of dismay at being discounted. Insistence that all customers pay full price for Scooter, with no discounts.

:)[/color:post_uid0]

Scooter

02-22-2004, 01:18 AM

[color=#000000:post_uid0]Top Ten Anchors of the Federation News Network

10. "Good Day Federation!" with Deanna and Data (light news and chat)
9. "The Neelix Obsequiousness Hour" (fawning interviews with extremely minor celebrities)
8. "Hardball with Admiral Janeway" (overcaffeinated admiral shouts down political pundits)
7. "The Tomalak Perspective" (Romulan captain, now a celebrated emigre, gives controversial views on the day's events)
6. "The Tom and Harry Holodeck Round-Up" (news and reviews of the latest holodeck novels and games)
5. "I Am Spock" (poetry and musings from the implacable Vulcan ambassador)
4. "He's Dead, Jim" (all-obituary format with 190-year-old Rear Admiral Leonard McCoy; closed-captioned for the mumble-impaired)
3. "DS9 Point/Counterpoint" (Odo and Quark debate current events on Deep Space 9)
2. "Kill! Crush! Destroy! with Malcom Reed and Kathie Lee"

And the Number One Anchors of the Federation News Network:

1. "The T'Pol/Seven Fashion File" (all the latest catsuits from around the galaxy)

Next:
Top Ten Little-Known Creations of Dr. Soong[/color:post_uid0]