Silly Correspondence, Inc.,

[Chancellor Valium]

Dear Sir:

I regret to inform you that the custard pizza you ordered has been torpedoed by the Graf Spee off Jutland in 1943. I also regret to inform you that all sales are final, so we will not be refunding you the sixty-seven-thousand pounds you paid for said pizza.

Yours Insincerely,
Mr. Gladys Smith,
Bexhill-On-Sea

[e of pi]

Anyone read Letters From a Nut? Seems very similar.

[KillerGodMan]

Huh?

[e of pi]

Google it.

[KillerGodMan]

no help

[e of pi]

Hint: it's a book. And I found an excerpt:

http://webcontent.harpercollins.com/images/interior/bookseller_spreads/0380973545.interior01.jpg

[Chancellor Valium]

Hint: it's a book. And I found an excerpt:

http://webcontent.harpercollins.com/images/interior/bookseller_spreads/0380973545.interior01.jpg

Close, but no crown :lol:

[e of pi]

Huh?

[Chancellor Valium]

Huh?

Think teeth.

[e of pi]

Ohhhhhh.

[Chancellor Valium]

Aren't you going to compose a response?

[e of pi]

Mmmm, probably not. Maybe later.

[Chancellor Valium]

Mmmm, probably not. Maybe later.

Aw. Why not?

[e of pi]

I hate to admit it, but I don't see the point of this thread, other than postcount. I just don't find the concept funny.

[Chancellor Valium]

I am shocked. Truly. Don't they teach you kids Surrealism these days?

[e of pi]

Only in Art History.

[Chancellor Valium]

Well, no wonder.

Listen to "They're Coming To Take Me Away", "I am the Walrus", "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" (non-Shatner), "The Ying Tong Song", "Bananphone", "Mahna Mahna" and read/listen/watch Spike Milligan until the stuff's spewing out of your hair follicles in purple rain. Also, Monty Python. And then learn the secret mysteries of the Nimon. And then, my young apprentice, you, like your second pet hamster, will be MINE!

:mrgreen:

[Xeroc]

Aw heck, I'll bite...


Dear Mr. Gladys Smith,


After having received that bit of bad news, I would like to inform you that I would then like to inquire about how to purchase your time-machine that allows you to transport pizzas into 1943! Also, if this is not available for purchase at a reasonable price (how about twenty cents) then I will have to regretfully inform you that you may be receiving a package filled with poisonous snakes.


Terrible Service,
Mr. Fredrick Pearson,
Antarctica

[Anonymous]

To: Captain James "That's No Haggis!" McKinley, HMS Sans Buoyancy

Dear Sir.
I've been a passenger on this cruise ship for the past 27 years, and I still haven't figured out why we have 2 bows. I would also like to request special dispensation for my random magical flareups. Last night, in the casino, I was chatting animatedly with Lady Pilkington when I accidently fireballed her Welsh Corgi that WOULD NOT STOP YELPING ALL NIGHT LONG. Maybe an upgrade to third class would be in order.

Signed,
Wizelbend, Second Level Mage

[Vedra]

That was me. Damn thing doesn't stay logged in long enough.

[e of pi]

Wow.

Randomness: 8

Funny: 5

Refences to burning small dogs: 1
Quality of Refences to burning dogs: 8

[Vedra]

Uh, thanks. I guess.

[Chancellor Valium]

Dear Madam,

Is your faith before your mind? Know me - Am I the Doctor? To answer these questions, call Psychic Sam-I-Am on 0-800-Green-Eggs-And-Ham Today!

Yours,

Spammy O'Keefe,
Wishbeforeshnire,
Wozbit

[Vedra]

I laughed the most at that name. Spammy O'Keefe sounds like a bad Irish porn actor name.

[e of pi]

Permission to wonder "why?" Or possibly who wrote the book of love?

[Chancellor Valium]

I laughed the most at that name. Spammy O'Keefe sounds like a bad Irish porn actor name.

I see what you mean. And, at the same time, ick :P.

[Chancellor Valium]

Dear Sir,

I wish to complain about the deadness of this thread, and your general lousyness.

Yours Objectionably,
Winston MacSmell,
Market Pontington

[Burt]

This Is an Announcement for no-one:

We would like to inform you that the dead will be rising at 12:45. They will be served with tea and biscuits.
Please have your livers ready for checking. However only smarties have the answer.
The dead will not rise on Wednesdays, they will be replaced with a temporary fish service except on Wednesdays, when they will not.


Thank You

The Overseer of Everything
Milton Keynes

[Burt]

This is, like, the best game ever.

[Chancellor Valium]

Thank you ;)

Dear Overseer,

This is most inconvenient, and will ruin the Annual Cake-Baking Association Rally at Nuremberg. Could you possibly rearrange?

Yours sincerely,
Doreen Weatherspoon,
also from Milton Keynes. Isn't that lovely, dear?

[Burt]

Dear Doreen Weatherspoon

Rearrangment as follows.

Will You Possibly Rally The Cake and Could This Most Inconvenient Assocication at Nuremburg Rearrange? And Is Annual Baking a Ruin?

The Overseer

HTRAE

[Chancellor Valium]

Dear Overseer,

We could, but we'd need to then shift the reading of Liber Paginarum Fulvarum, which could be a bother because it's being run by the Rockerfellers Never Walk Down Park Avenue With Sticks Or Umbrellas Society.

Yours,
Doreen Weatherspoon,
Milton Sponge

[Burt]

Dear Doreen Weatherspoon

Please tell the Rockerfellers that it isn't a problem, we can all read instead and that also a young woman have said you can share her Umbrealla or stand under it...or something like that.
But when in Rome, you're really quite lost. Live and let go of my foot. Shake and vac and get the police.

And I think we can take that as a fact.

The Overseer
Milton Sponge with jam.