April 14

[Kira]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Two pairs of fivers today. In Deep Space Nine, two new guest writers make their debuts: Shinzon with Five-Minute "Whispers" and antodav with Five-Minute "The Visitor." In Next Gen, a pair of veterans: Marc Richard's Five-Minute "Who Watches the Watchers?" and Derek Dean's Five-Minute "Brothers." Also, there are now german translations of Five-Minute [iost_uid0]First Contact[/iost_uid0] and a couple of Enterprise fivers online, although the Enterprise translations aren't so much "online" as "sitting on Zeke's hard drive." (They'll be uploaded before long.) And no, these aren't the kind of hilarious translations you can get on AltaVista or Google by going between languages. Or so I assume -- not like I can read German.[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Picard: At least we can be grateful that she's not wearing clothes which are too form-fitting.
Riker: Agreed. Dressing a psychologist in a catsuit would be a regrettable case of shrink-wrapping.
[/quoteost_uid0]

I'm gonna get you for that, Marc. :P

[quoteost_uid0]Soong: Would you really hurt your own folk, Lore? [/quoteost_uid0]

And that, Derek.[/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Oh, I'd say it was a standard Awful but Entertaining Marc Pun.

Derek seems to be getting the disease.


~Nan[/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Sooo... Many... Updates... Ack!

Sweetnessity! Yay! I had kinda of a long rough day at school today, so this was a welcome treat Thanks for all the laughter to everyone involved [/colorost_uid0]

[Kira]

[quoteost_uid0="Nan"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Derek seems to be getting the disease. [/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0][iost_uid0]Getting[/iost_uid0] the disease? Where have you been? Derek's puns [iost_uid0]are[/iost_uid0] a disease. (Symptoms include hysteria, abdominal pain, and groaning.)[/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]And now, for some prime selections from the Google Translation of the German [iost_uid0]First Contact:[/iost_uid0]

[bost_uid0]Admiral Hayes:[/bost_uid0] Guess/advise times, what is loose! Again there those borrow are!
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] AAAAAAAA! Oh, moment, that is a dream...
[bost_uid0]Hayes:[/bost_uid0] No, is not it!
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Muck.

[iost_uid0]Log of the Captains: That is very bad. We speak here about mirror-image-film-moderate extents.[/iost_uid0]

[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] We hear times, what comes in the radio.
[bost_uid0]Borrow:[/bost_uid0] We are let us borrow. Let you assimilate. Resistance is boring.
[bost_uid0]Star fleet:[/bost_uid0] Clearly nevertheless!
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Enough of it DATA, switch you to radio Germany! Oh so, and you set a course on earth.
[bost_uid0]DATA:[/bost_uid0] Not I am a pilot, but this death geweihte red shirt there.
[bost_uid0]Hawk:[/bost_uid0] Hello.

[bost_uid0]Lily:[/bost_uid0] The death rockets of space come.
[bost_uid0]Zefram Cochrane:[/bost_uid0] That is my keyword to get drunk me!

[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] I am not drunk. You are it. Hick.
[bost_uid0]Riker:[/bost_uid0] I soberly and you besoffen -- do we call it "ideal conception"? Oh, hello Zefram Cochrane.
[bost_uid0]Cochrane:[/bost_uid0] Disappear, you more luesterner, to bear tiger garbage pail.
[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] I believe, he like you.

[bost_uid0]Cochrane:[/bost_uid0] They expect from me that I buy this ridiculous history from you?
[bost_uid0]Riker:[/bost_uid0] Now, up to the part with the Vampiren and measurer-throwing rabbits. That I invented.
[bost_uid0]Cochrane:[/bost_uid0] Condemned, that was my favourite part.

[bost_uid0]Lily:[/bost_uid0] Is it true that the future is FSK 18?
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Cheese. It is more zahmer than a Disney disney-Trickfilm.
[bost_uid0]Lily:[/bost_uid0] Oh. AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Remain completely calm. There is only borrows. I know which. We surround you with intention!

[bost_uid0]DATA:[/bost_uid0] And now to the escape. OUTER ONE! My skin!
[bost_uid0]Queen:[/bost_uid0] Nice attempt. Now let us Sex have.
[bost_uid0]DATA:[/bost_uid0] That is disgusting. Good idea.

[bost_uid0]Cochrane:[/bost_uid0] To start time! Let they me only fast my music put on.
[bost_uid0][iost_uid0]Céline Dion:[/iost_uid0][/bost_uid0] Every night in my dreams, I lake you, I feeeeeeeeeel you...
[bost_uid0]Riker:[/bost_uid0] Think do you, it the zeitlinie would affect, if I would reduce it the head?
[bost_uid0]Geordi:[/bost_uid0] Make yourselves simply an ear plug pure.

[bost_uid0]Queen:[/bost_uid0] Hello Locutus. Have a mental intuition.
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] You want that I follow you voluntarily!
[bost_uid0]Queen:[/bost_uid0] Completely exactly. Don't you feel now illuminated?
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] I am sure me that I that, if I knew, what the word meant. However, slide more rueber, Robojunge.
[bost_uid0]DATA:[/bost_uid0] Stop the flap, fool. I like it borrow to be.
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] You call yourself one borrow? You are only DATA with implants. Aeh... Explantaten.
[bost_uid0]ATA:[/bost_uid0] Stop they uncovering my camouflage.

(the Enterprise brews with absurd speed of it.)[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Funny that is. Laugh me lots.[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Too....many...puns...!

Well, I would definitely put those fivers in the 'laugh-up-a-lung' category.[/colorost_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Ooo, German translations. Now I can tell my parents I'm practicing my German (which I'm learning on my own, since my university doesnt HAVE German )


[/colorost_uid0]

[Derek]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]First off, excellent blurb for "Watchers":
[quoteost_uid0]Picard suffers the slings and arrows of outraged Vulcans. He finds it an Archery experience.[/quoteost_uid0]

Secondly, the fiver for "Watchers" was terrific. I loved the [iost_uid0]Insurrection[/iost_uid0], "First Contact", and [iost_uid0]Enterprise[/iost_uid0] references. Also, I liked:[quoteost_uid0][bost_uid0]Liko:[/bost_uid0] Gasp! He bleeds! Behold the god who bleeds![/quoteost_uid0]

Good debut, [bost_uid0]Shinzon[/bost_uid0]. You had some good running gags (and banging into the wall gags), but I really liked:
[quoteost_uid0]Bajoran Phaser: Hey there.
O'Brien: Hey! How'd you become sentient?
Phaser: That's not important. Can I desert you now, rendering you defenseless and unarmed?
O'Brien: Uh, no.
Phaser: Too late.
O'Brien: I know I should have taken a Federation phaser...[/quoteost_uid0]

[bost_uid0]antodav[/bost_uid0], good fiver. I liked your allusions to other Trek (later DS9 and All Good Things...). My favorite scene was probably:
[quoteost_uid0]Jake: Dad? What are we doing in the Celestial Temple?
Sisko: The Prophets loaned it to me for the weekend. Anyway, look at you... you're older than I am! And you got way fewer women.
Jake: Quit rubbing it in. I did this for you, you know.
Sisko: How do you figure, since I never asked you to do this?
Jake: I refuse to take that into consideration. And I can live with it. I can live with it.
Sisko: (glowing with pride) Jake, my sweet boy....[/quoteost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[Marc]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]>> First off, excellent blurb for "Watchers" <<

Full credit for that goes to an unknown hand (probably Kira's or Zeke's). The blurb I submitted was much more mundane.

>> Secondly, the fiver for "Watchers" was terrific. <<

Much appreciated, and ditto for your "Brothers" fiver. Would you believe that I was four paragraphs into it before I realized that I'd already read it when you sent it in to me?

>> I loved the Insurrection, "First Contact", and Enterprise references. Also, I liked:Quote Liko: Gasp! He bleeds! Behold the god who bleeds! <<

Ah, good -- someone else who remembers "The Paradise Syndrome." [/colorost_uid0]

[Anonymous]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]This is going to sound really weird, but I was bored so I used Babel fish to translate the German First Contact into English and it came out really funny.[/colorost_uid0]

[Kira]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]My favorite scene from "Brothers" was:

[bost_uid0]Soong:[/bost_uid0] So anyway, to make sure this episode is important I decided to make the One Chip.
[bost_uid0]Data:[/bost_uid0] What does it do?
[bost_uid0]Soong:[/bost_uid0] I wrote a poem about it. "One Chip to rule them all; One Chip of emotions. One Chip to be the subject of "Descent" and [iost_uid0]Generations[/iost_uid0]."

From "Who Watches The Watchers?":

[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Tell me more about these Mintakans.
[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] They're a friendly, peaceful, enlightened group of Bronze Age proto-Vulcans.
[bost_uid0]Picard:[/bost_uid0] Any sign of patronizing arrogance on their part?
[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] No, they haven't yet reached that stage of Vulcan cultural development.

[bost_uid0]Riker:[/bost_uid0] We're too late. They've discovered Palmer.
[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] Let's blend into the crowd. Maybe we can get close enough to free him.
[bost_uid0]Riker:[/bost_uid0] Ironic, isn't it? Sophisticated humans from a ship called Enterprise rubbing shoulders with a group of primitive Vulcans.
[bost_uid0]Troi:[/bost_uid0] If Ambassador Soval were still alive today, I bet he'd be spinning in his grave.

I also liked this scene from "The Visitor":

[bost_uid0]Sisko:[/bost_uid0] Jake! You nerd... quit writing dirty J/C fanfics and come with me to the Gamma Quadrant.
[bost_uid0]Jake:[/bost_uid0] Just gimme a minute, dad. (ahem) "Janeway sat on her bed in a silky white nightgown, legs crossed, with two glasses of Romulan Ale in her hands. 'Hello Chakotay...'"

(Sorry, Shinzon, haven't had time to read "Whispers" yet.) As for the blurb on "Watchers," I hardly think [iost_uid0]I'm[/iost_uid0] the one notorious for terrible puns. [/colorost_uid0]

[Zeke]

[quoteost_uid0="Kira"][color=#000000ost_uid0]and a couple of Enterprise fivers online, although the Enterprise translations aren't so much "online" as "sitting on Zeke's hard drive." (They'll be uploaded before long.)[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]I think there was some sort of communication failure between Ki and me when we were doing this update last night -- the German Enterprise links are off-site, and they work fine. They're on the main 5ME page now.[/colorost_uid0]

[Kira]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]::: shrugs ::: Well, I knew I was missing [iost_uid0]something.[/iost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quoteost_uid0="Guest"][color=#000000ost_uid0]This is going to sound really weird, but I was bored so I used Babel fish to translate the German First Contact into English and it came out really funny.[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Um, really isn't all that weird - noticing the scenes I posted (BTW - I think it was Celeste who initiated the Babel Fish - thing)[/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="Kira"][bost_uid0]Jake:[/bost_uid0] Just gimme a minute, dad. (ahem) "Janeway sat on her bed in a silky white nightgown, legs crossed, with two glasses of Romulan Ale in her hands. 'Hello Chakotay...'"[/quoteost_uid0]

GAHH!

*Nan runs into shower fully clothed and scrubs herself with shower brush*

Not enough SOAP! Never get CLEAN! *scrub scrub scrub*

Can't erase image from mind! Must wash corneas! Cannot wash brain!

*whimpers*

Nan[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]GAHH![/quoteost_uid0]

I take it J/C and you don't get along.

[quoteost_uid0]Can't erase image from mind! Must wash corneas! Cannot wash brain!
[/quoteost_uid0]

Sure you can. Just stuff a cloth in one ear, pull it out the other ear and yank it back and forth.[/colorost_uid0]

[Nan]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Can't wash brain without killing it.

It's no J/C, it's 'ship. *shudder*


~Nan[/colorost_uid0]

[Celeste]

[quoteost_uid0="Saxamaphone"][color=#000000ost_uid0](BTW - I think it was Celeste who initiated the Babel Fish - thing)[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Yeppers.

As for my favorite scene, I nearly fell off my couch with the "WUZZAAAAAAP, AAAAP, AAAAP" stuff in the DS9 fiver. lol Still makes me laugh. Two thumbs up![/colorost_uid0]