30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Flying Gremlin]

Just a quick thing before I have to go to work: the fifty billion light-years thing is actually a good estimation on how little we know about the Universe. The Universe is only 13.8 billion years old, which means light has only had 13.8 billion years to reach us. This means fifty billion light-years of distance puts them well outside of observable space. The odometer may have changed, but knowing exactly where they are would be well beyond the realm of possibility, unless extreme distance telescopes have changed technology significantly past light - and I doubt subspace could pick up on that either.

[Nate the Great]

November 2nd, 1987, "Lonely Among Us"

Fiver (by FatMatDuhRat)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

Ugh, this is a bad one. The sad part is that while the two plots have almost nothing to do with each other, you could imagine other subplots that would've fit better had they been separated. The random energy being possessing people should've been matched with a more technological story; a new form of sensor attracts them. Insert the idea that the energy being doesn't understand strong emotion, as they make it jump to another host. The delegates should've had one or two representatives each that we follow. Teach them to respect all sentient life. Maybe use them to teach Worf a lesson.

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 41249.3. We have orbited the two major planets of the Beta Renner system taking aboard delegates from those two worlds. Since achieving space flight, their major life forms, the Anticans and the Selay have become deadly enemies. But both have also applied for admission into our Federation.

What does "these planets want to join the Federation" have to do with "these planets are enemies with each other"? Or are you going to claim that a planet can't join the Federation if there are ongoing hostilities with anyone else? This isn't like "Attached" when the warring factions are on the same planet. I could go on, but to be brief, these are two different missions.

TASHA: Neither seem like very promising Federation candidates, sir.
PICARD: Even Parliament's peacemakers may find this case a little difficult.

Again, what does one have to do with the other? Is the mission simply escorting the delegates to Parliament on a neutral vessel, or is the mission evaluating them for Federation membership?

PICARD: Oh, yes, well these life forms feel such passionate hatred matters of custom, God concepts, even, strangely enough, economic systems.

We get it, Gene, you hate money! Religious differences are nothing compared to the evil that is money! On a completely unrelated subject, remind me again who wrote silly lyrics to the TOS theme to steal half of Alexander Courage's money? Oh yeah, it was you!

DATA: I hope the Captain remembers his physical pattern is here. If he has, his energy has moved into the transporter relays by now.

Ugh. Entire essays could be (and have been) written about how the transporter works, whether or not people have a soul that travels along the beam, etc. Suffice to say, I doubt Picard knows enough about the inner workings of the ship to move around like this without getting trapped in a holodeck or something.

TASHA: Sorry, Commander, but Security Team Two reports they've discovered a puddle of blood outside the Selay Quarters and they can't find one of the delegates and so
RIKER: Lieutenant. This couldn't have waited a moment?
TASHA: It's good to see you, sir. The problem is that one of the cooks has just been asked to broil reptile for the Anticans, and it looks like the Selay delegate.

Ugh, so these guys aren't just at war, they're cannibals. Perfect Federation candidates! Apparently our heroes have missed a necessary step or two. First stop the fighting, then stop the cannibalism, then start talking about membership!

The Fiver

Selay Delegate: (sniffs) Eww! This ship stinks!
Picard: Sorry about that, the cleaners won't arrive until Tuesday.

We do get a lot of mileage out of that Generations joke, don't we?

Captain's Log: We're all relying on Mr. Singh right now to fix the Enterprise and --
Worf: (over the comm) Captain! Singh has been found sizzled and singed.
Picard: Whoa! Try saying that three times real fast.

--"and that means we're doomed" should've been in there somewhere, right? Picard passed by a perfectly passable passage to promote playing off a pleasant parody.

Picard: Data, be a good little android and take us back into the energy distortion.
Data: Uh, sure. Are you feeling okay?
Picard: Mwahahahaha! Yes, of course. Why do you ask?

I've said it before, a good maniacal laugh can be relaxing. Clears out the mental cobwebs and revives the spirit, don't'cha know?

Memory Alpha

* Supposedly the first bottle show. I'd argue that there are too many special effects to call it a true bottle show.
* Second appearance of O'Brien, and now he's wearing gold. The interesting thing is that we're told that he was a tactical officer on the Rudledge. He went from gold to red to gold? That's an inverse of Worf, isn't it?
* First appearance of Marc Alaimo. I wonder if we'll be seeing him again?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the transporter doesn't work in the episode according to how all of the reference materials say it should work. Normally I'd chalk this one up to growing pains, but the transporter doesn't seem to be sufficiently different to how it worked in TOS to start applying such wildly different rules to it.
* He's also confused as to how casually our heroes are taking the murder of the Selay delegate at the hands of the Antican.

[Nate the Great]

November 9th, 1987, "Justice"

I got off on several rants that I had to delete. Suffice to say, this plot is contrived, the Punishment Zone system introduces several moral questions, and so forth. Furthermore, it's made clear that the Edo are prewarp, so why is our crew visiting them in the first place?

No fiver
Memory Alpha
Transcript

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 41255.6. After delivering a party of Earth colonists to the Strnad solar system...

I suddenly wish that the writers didn't treat the Federation like "a Homo Sapiens only club" in situations where it wouldn't cost any money to do so. We're never going to see these people, so say that they're Bolians or Tellarites or Horta!

CRUSHER: Establishing that colony has been exhausting for the entire crew, Captain. We're not a supply vessel. Settling all those people has been a strain on everyone.

Yeah, why is the Enterprise doing this mission anyway? Our heroes shouldn't be doing anything that a lesser vessel can do unless there are extra conditions. Starships that are specifically configured to create colonies (less sensors and weapons, more cargo space and life support capabilities, etc.) should be possible. At least give a reason for the big E to be doing this mission! The colony will need more engineering support than usual, it's unusually far out, our crew will be installing defense satellites, etc.

DATA: I'm reading something off the starboard bow, but there is nothing there.
TASHA: Sensor technicians are working on it, sir. They've identified it as a glitch in the system.

Um, don't the "sensor technicians" report to Data as the science officer? Why isn't Data in contact with his underlings?

PICARD: Of course. Wesley? If we go down, I'd like you to join the away team to evaluate this world as a place for young people to relax.

What? Even if Picard convinced Starfleet to allow Wesley to man a bridge station, don't you need to take loads of Academy courses to learn how to handle away missions and first contact protocols? I doubt any other ship in this condition would call up one of the civilian teenagers for this mission.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are in orbit of a planet designated Rubicun Three, the home of a life form who call themselves the Edo.

I think that this is the first time that this has come up in TNG, but why do we keep assigning names to planets that have indigenous populations who no doubt have their own names for their own planet? If we know that the people call themselves the Edo, why isn't the name of the planet Edo or Edo Prime or Edos or something?

WORF: I am not concerned with pleasure, Commander. I am a warrior.

Ha ha. Wait for the character development. Only a year from now he'll be assembling models in his spare time and playing Stratagema.

TASHA: Careful, Commander. They've got some strange laws here.
RIKER: I thought you reviewed their laws.
TASHA: But they listed nothing about punishment.

We're supposed to respect you, Tasha. Do your job and ask about the punishments! Furthermore, the fact that the general public don't know the locations of the Punishment Zones should've been included as well. But oh no, these people must be preserved as completely innocent!

CRUSHER: When he faces execution! Although he's committed no crime, certainly none that any sane and reasonable person would--

Oh, slippery slope, Beverly. Remember last month when Picard accidentally insinuated that the Ferengi are not civilized?

PICARD: I cannot permit that boy or any member of this vessel be sacrificed. The Prime Directive never intended that.

Really? Kirk says otherwise.

DATA: Would you choose one life over one thousand, sir?
PICARD: I refuse to let arithmetic decide questions like that.

Why not? Seems pretty cut and dry. Why is Wesley's life that important? The needs of the many and all that.

PICARD: And you should know that whatever the cost, I will not allow them to execute your son.

Even if the alternative is the entire ship being destroyed? I repeat, the needs of the many and this plot is completely contrived!

PICARD: And I say to any creature who may be listening, there can be no justice so long as laws are absolute. Even life itself is an exercise in exceptions.
RIKER: When has justice ever been as simple as a rulebook?

Finally a good lesson. Too bad it's in such a bad episode.

Memory Alpha

* I was surprised to learn that Picard did the "shows an alien woman her own planet from orbit for the first time" thing two more times (Nuria and Lily).
* In "Coming of Age" Remmick claims that Picard broke the Prime Directive in this episode. As I've already explained, whatever Federation laws he broke here, the PD is not one of them.
* Memory Alpha makes it clear that the Edo are prewarp. I'll repeat, why are our crew visiting them then?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the crew had possession of the poison that was intended to be used on Wesley and could thus create an antidote for it to revive Wes later, as in "Code of Honor." Good point.
* If Wesley is an official member of the away team, why wasn't he wearing a commbadge? (For that matter, why wasn't he wearing a uniform?)

YouTube

* Picard's final speech and the sparing of the Enterprise.

[Nate the Great]

November 16th, 1987, "The Battle"

The first draft of this entry got rejected for being too long. Instead of splitting into two posts I'll delete some of my repetitive diatribes. This is such a stupid episode, and I could've rewritten it to be less stupid so easily!

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: And now I've got this damned headache.
CRUSHER: A what?
PICARD: Headache. Headache. Surely you know what a headache is.
CRUSHER: Of course. But I don't often encounter them.

1. Headaches can't be bred out of the human genome, and even if they could what makes this different from Khan? 2. Even if they could be, why wouldn't Crusher recognize the term immediately? As Starfleet's best doctor she should know about every medical condition not just in today's human population but throughout history. 3. "Headaches" is a symptom, not a specific disease. They come from all sorts of causes. Even if some of them could be bred out of the genome, all of them can't. This is stupid.

TROI: Captain, I sense considerable deception on Bok's part. And danger.

I wonder why the whole "telepaths can't read Ferengi minds" wasn't written into the series bible on Day One. Besides, whatever happened to Troi as an expert in reading body language, tone of voice, etc.?

CRUSHER: Medical fakery. The pain is actually still there. It's just cloaked.

You mean that you aren't sure what the source of the pain is, you're just suppressing the pain response. Which is silly. Numbing the nerve endings in the head and staying on duty when there are possibly hostile Ferengi about seems pretty dangerous to me!

WESLEY: Commander, you'll soon be getting an intruder alert.
RIKER: What? Wesley, if you've something to report.
WESLEY: If you'll scan heading four four mark one six three, Lieutenant, you'll find
TASHA: Intruder alert, sir.
LAFORGE: I've got something, sir.
WESLEY: It's an old style starship, Constellation Class, heading this way under impulse power, sir.

1. Wesley fooling around with the sensors in Engineering can discover something that doesn't immediately appear on Data's board? 2. Intraship memos don't exist? Send Data an instant message or use your commbadge! 3. This isn't an "intruder alert" situation, Tasha! 4. "Old style starship" is awfully vague. The oldest Constellation class on record is the Hathaway in 2285, and the Stargazer was in active service less than twenty years ago! And there are "old style" Excelsior classes all over the place! I'd have skipped directly to the class designation, myself.

KAZAGO: And the android was mentioned too. What is its price? We should like to purchase it.
PICARD: He is not for sale. Commander Data is, um, is, um
RIKER: Is second-hand merchandise. You wouldn't want him.
DATA: Second-hand, sir? Oh, of course. A human joke.

Nice joke. It's a shame that we don't really have the time for Data's personhood and lack of "sell-ability" to be defended.

RATA: The log should be downloaded into the Enterprise's records. At a price.
BOK: No price!
KAZAGO: No price?

Finally, some proper Ferengi characterization. You'd think Bok would cover for himself by at least charging Picard the scrap value plus the costs of transporting it here. Do you really think Picard wouldn't pay it?

PICARD: For what purpose? What (clutches his head in pain)
TROI: I just felt something too, Captain.
BOK: Perhaps it is his conscience?

Props to Bok for knowing this bit of human trivia (Rule of Acquisition 194: It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door), but isn't the conscience usually in the heart?

PICARD: We were traveling at warp two through the Maxia Zeta star system when this unidentified starship suddenly appeared and fired on us, point-blank range.
RIKER: Where did it come from?
PICARD: It must have been lying in some deep moon crater.

Putting aside whether or not you can travel at warp inside a star system, if you have no particular business in the Maxia Zeta system, why would you be near it? And since when do moon craters conceal ships from sensors? You could've at least thrown in a technobabble "the moon's surface was made out of Sensor-Blocking Sort of Rock"!

LAFORGE: I activated the emergency power cells. Amazing they still work.

It hasn't even been ten years! I jolly well hope the emergency power cells still work! At least throw in a "considering the battle damage"!

PICARD: Lieutenant Yar, run a structural analysis on the Stargazer for an impulse tow.

Impulse tow? Ugh. *Clears throat* "Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. You may think it's a long way down the road--" SLAP! You get the idea. I'll just chalk this up to "the writer was ignorant of Treknology" and move on.

RIKER: I know, sir, I must report it to Starfleet. That's at least one full day for subspace communications to reach there.
PICARD: And one more full day for their answer to return.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate arbitrary delays in contacting Starfleet? This is still largely unknown territory, throw in something like "the X Nebula is between here and Earth and will greatly slow down communications" at least!

PICARD: Release the Stargazer from the tractor beam, Number One.
RIKER: Sir?
PICARD: The tractor beam.
RIKER: Sir, are you abandoning?
PICARD: No, but her inertia will carry the Stargazer along with us. Or did you sleep through the Academy lecture on conservation of tractor beam power?
RIKER: No, sir. I'll release her, of course.

So we are still at impulse? I hope these people had no plans for the rest of their lives, or their children's lives, or grandchildren's lives, or--*SLAP!*

BOK: Do you not, human? Can you not remember the crime you committed against my very blood? You murdered my only son.
PICARD: Your son?
BOK: He was the commander of the ship you destroyed! On his first voyage as DaiMon.
PICARD: The ship? The Ferengi ship that attacked me.

Yeah, about that. What was the plan? To lure Starfleet into attacking an unarmed ship to discredit the Federation? You might want to try not hiding in moon craters if you want to claim to be the innocent victim. And not being the first to fire, and not...ugh, my head hurts.

RIKER: The Picard Manoeuvre. What is the defence against that, Data?
DATA: There is no defence, sir.

In reality, the defense is "remember that subspace sensors exist and can tell a real ship from all of the ghosts that would otherwise be flying around confusing everyone". This is a stupid episode...

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Picard's quarters, along with many of the iconic props within.
* First appearance of Wesley's acting ensign uniform, only he doesn't have a commbadge yet. Why he wouldn't have one at this point is beyond me, except to indicate that his status and responsibilities will evolve. Although I do think that at this early stage he really shouldn't be on the bridge when contact with other ships is expected.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why didn't Picard set the Stargazer to autodestruct? (The second volume of the Guide says that several readers replied that there weren't enough officers around to activate the autodestruct. Pretty flimsy argument if you ask me)
* Many instances of beaming through shields in this episode.
* The Stargazer ghosts wear NextGen uniforms. Wasn't everyone still using Monster Maroons at this point?

[Nate the Great]

Since I want to enjoy my Thanksgiving weekend and there's no TOS episode this week, I'm going to do the TNG episode a day early.

November 23rd, 1987, "Hide and Q"

Fiver (by Kira)
Memory Alpha
Transcript

The Episode

PICARD: Additional information. The number of colonists at the site is five hundred and four. Are you prepared for that many, Doctor?
CRUSHER [OC]: We believe so, sir.

I repeat earlier remarks in the TOS thread about small colony populations. Also, there are over a thousand people on board the Enterprise! Five hundred is hardly another drop in the bucket, but it's not so large that people would be sprawled out in the corridors...

PICARD: You're no Starfleet Admiral, Q.
Q: Neither am I an Aldebaran serpent, Captain, but you accepted me as such.
RIKER: He's got us there, Captain.

Yeah, he does. I've long liked Q's zinger here.

RIKER: Where are we?
DATA: Obviously a class M world. Gravity and oxygen within our limits.

Obviously, Data, since nobody's in pain. I think Riker meant "is this a planet that we already know about?"

(Glasses appear in everyone's hands. Worf ostentatiously pours his onto the ground)
Q: Drink not with thine enemy. The rigid Klingon code. That explains something of why you defeated them.

Phil Farrand commented in his coverage of the fifth movie how weird it would be for the Klingons to party with our crew if this code existed. Furthermore, we still seem to be in the period where people are treating the Klingon Empire as a mere subset of the Federation. Cue rants about series bibles here. And by the by, why would the Federation conquer the Klingon Empire, instead of just rendering their military useless?

We could have such discussions about other times where Worf drank with someone he believes to be a possible enemy.

Q: You see, of all species, yours cannot abide stagnation. Change is at the heart of what you are. But change into what? That's the question.
DATA: That is what humans call a truism.
Q: You mean hardly original?

I'm a sucker for quotes and aphorisms. But I still have a sense of humor about hackneyed sayings, so Q's line does make me smile.

DATA: His uniform is that of a French Army marshal.
RIKER: And a marshal outranks even an Admiral
Q: Well, do you think I would go from a Starfleet Admiral to anything else?

I miss Q's costume antics, it's a shame he defaults to Starfleet captain so often...

Q: Fairness is such a human concept. Think imaginatively! This game shall in fact be completely unfair.
TASHA: You've gone too far!

Is Q here to test our crew or just poke them with sticks for his own amusement? You can't have it both ways!

TASHA: What the hell am I doing? Crying?
PICARD: Don't worry. There's a new ship's standing order on the Bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.
TASHA: Captain. Oh, if you weren't a captain.

Never did like this scene. Tasha could express tenderness and vulnerability without flirting with her captain.

PICARD: A marshal of France? Ridiculous!

Oh, there's another example of Picard's early season "France is supreme" mentality. I guess I was wrong before.

RIKER: Geordi, can you see Worf?
LAFORGE: I'd see the freckles on his nose if he had them, sir.

Given what we know about how the VISOR works, no you couldn't, Geordi. For that to happen the visual input would have to be full photorealistic reconstructions with an infinite zoom lens. And you don't.

PICARD: Oh, no. I know Hamlet. And what he might said with irony, I say with conviction. What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason. How infinite in faculty. In form, in moving, how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a god.
Q: Surely you don't really see your species like that, do you?
PICARD: I see us one day becoming that, Q. Is it that what concerns you?

Given what we'll learn in later episodes and novels, yes, that's what concerns the Q.

DATA: Muskets are appropriate to the 1790 to 1800 French army uniform, sir. But it is hardly a weapon by our standards.

I hate that line. A weapon is a device meant to cause bodily harm on an enemy. So muskets qualify. Make the usual first season pompous declarations about the lack of accuracy and power compared to contemporary weapons, but don't pretend that a gunpowder musket is in the same category as a water gun or rubber knife!

WORF: Sir, what they're wearing may be old Earth uniforms, but what's inside of them isn't human at all. More like vicious animal things.

I've been waiting for this one. "Animal things." Here are a few closeups of these guys. These aren't animals, they're aliens. "Yellow-skinned aliens covered in fur and warts." It's not complicated.

(Wesley gets bayoneted from behind. I confess, I cheered)

Assuming Chakotea/Chrissy wrote these, I have to give her kudos for this.

DATA: Yes, sir, that is true. But I never wanted to compound one illusion with another. It might be real to Q, perhaps even you, sir. But it would not be so to me. Was it not one of the Captain's favourite authors who wrote, This above all, to thine own self be true?

Thank you, Data.

(A Klingon woman is kneeling at his feet. She gets up, tries to swipe at Tasha, and gets knocked down by Worf)
WORF: No! She is from a world now alien to me!

One wonders if the illusion attacked Tasha for being the closest or if "she" saw Tasha as the alpha female that had to be conquered. Chalk Worf calling the Klingon Empire "alien" up to early installment weirdness.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We have received a distress call from the Sigma Three system requesting medical assitance. I certainly hope the rest of the Federation's colonies aren't this helpless, or we'll be spending the next seven years chasing after mining disasters and hostage situations.

Another typo that got past Zeke (or was Marc in charge back then?) Picard's hopes will be dashed here. "Does anyone remember when we were explorers?"

Picard: Security? Engineering? Anyone? What is this, some kind of shrinking-bubble alternate universe?

My opinion of "Remember Me" has fallen steadily over the years. Blech. I'll wait until we get to that episode in three years to go into further detail.

Q: Sit, Commander. Refresh yourselves before the games begin. Can I offer you something to drink?
(FLASH!)
Riker: Wow! Old-fashioned lemonade! Just what I wanted!
Worf: Prune juice?

Nice joke, but the whole point of the prune juice scene is that Worf's never heard of it. I have no reasonable alternative for TNG, but if I was writing this scene in a DS9 fiver I would've done one of my "Year X bloodwine is good, Year Y bloodwine is awful" jokes. Y'know, Q's a monster for giving him a substandard vintage of bloodwine...

Yar: But sir, I'm too young to die!
Picard: Yes, I know. But don't worry -- I'm sure you won't always feel that way.

Now there's gallows humor for you. Would a "How can this happen, we stopped wearing redshirts a hundred years ago!" joke have worked here?

Picard: This must be some form of torture Q has devised.
Data: What is your reasoning for that, sir?
Wesley: Where are we? What's going on? Why am I here?
Data: Ah. I see.

It would've been hilarious if Picard had said something along the lines of "that's torture all right, but hardly Q's fault".

Memory Alpha

* Second and last usage of the Q grid (although mentioned in "All Good Things" in reference to "Encounter at Farpoint" events). It would've been nice if it had reappeared in Q's appearances on Voyager, right?

YouTube

* Possibly Q at his hammiest. "Did someone say games!" Where did all these bitemarks on the scenery come from?
* Monk Q, and Picard asks what's with the costumes.
* A duel of Shakespeare quotes.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil asks why the story of Gary Mitchell was never brought up as a comparison to Riker's situation.
* If Geordi can see Worf's freckles (he can't), why is Worf there? Can't Geordi just look at the enemy camp directly from a safe location?

[Flying Gremlin]

It's too bad the Fiver didn't go with a gorch joke.

[Nate the Great]

November 30th, 1987, "Haven"

Sorry, I cut this one to the bone, and it's still over the limit. Two parts!

Fiver (by dsbs)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

Let's sum up the major gripes so we can stay relatively positive for the rest of the review:
1. Lwaxana is badly written 90% of the time, and in this episode she's utterly irredeemable except in that scene where she helped Wyatt. Where's the filter between her brain and mouth? Take it as read that the vast majority of her dialogue is mockable, and let's move on.
2. There's no reason why Haven has to have these mystical healing powers. The Tarellians don't care about that, they've just been trapped in space for years and want to die on a planet.
3. Furthermore, don't go hyping up this planet's beauty unless we're going to see it! Couldn't the writers have tweaked it so Lwaxana and the Millers intended for the wedding to take place on the most beautiful planet that Deanna is likely to be near at this time?
3. Why does Wyatt have to be human? Why would a human family want to take part in a traditional Betazoid arranged marriage? Furthermore, telepathy (no matter how weak) over such enormous distances would be slightly more plausible if both sides had at least some ability in that area. Plus it would make Lwaxana's distaste for the Millers a bit more plausible if they were like the Tenth House, i.e. barely Betazoid aristocracy and barely worthy of her notice. Plus, if Wyatt and Deanna could talk telepathically immediately, forming this bond on par with Deanna and Will, that would provide some nice character conflict, right?
4. Deanna thought she could escape this marriage without formally breaking it; that's a bit naive. Furthermore the idea that she could escape direct conflict by simply going deep enough into space makes her seem like a rebellious teenager, not a professional psychiatrist.
5. Unless a reason is given for why the wedding has to happen now, all of the bickering and rush just makes everyone involved look like horrible people. But it wasn't, so they do.

The Fiver

Picard: This planet is rumoured to be the most peaceful, beautiful, restful world in the whole galaxy.
Riker: Sounds like we can expect trouble here.
Picard: Agreed. Stand by to go on Red Alert.

Genre savvyness is one of my favorite gags.

Wyatt: I'm a doctor.
Troi: I'm happy for you. And I'm a practicing psychologist. We could work in concert.
Wyatt: I said I'm a doctor, not a musician.
Troi: Are there any men on this ship who aren't morons?

Shoulda thrown in a "Darnnit, Deanna..." Good joke, though.

Lwaxana: Captain! Shame on you for thinking what you just thought!
Picard: Preposterous! Starfleet regulations prohibit officers from having impure thoughts about visiting dignitaries!
Lwaxana: "Impure" isn't exactly how I'd describe a comment like "And good ridance!"

She ain't a dignitary yet. And there's another typo. The whole site really does need an overhaul, doesn't it?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wasn't willing to wait until "Dark Page" to discuss the Homn/Xelo question. He's confused as to where Deanna's accent came from, since neither of her parents talk like that. And it seems that neither did Xelo, if Xelo was the one who tried to rid her of it.
* Where are the biofilters in this episode?
* Phil made a mistake! He thinks that the tractor beam that was meant to stop the Tarellians from beaming down to Haven should prevent our people from beaming on board. First, tractor beams have never interfered with the transporter, I refer you to "The Emissary" when K'ehleyr beamed on board from a probe that was completely surrounded by a tractor beam! Second, the tractor beam was meant to keep the Tarellian ship out of range of Haven. Not being able to beam to the planet doesn't mean intership beaming isn't possible. Third, even if our heroes have modified the tractor beam in this specific instance to block Tarellian transporter beams, that has nothing to do with Federation transporter beams!

YouTube

* Lwaxana arrives and makes Picard carry her luggage.
* Petty bickering, and Data asks them to continue.

[Nate the Great]

The Episode

PICARD: Legends like that are the spice of the universe, Mister Data, because they have a way of sometimes coming true.

A cliche that shouldn't be there unless something was going to come of it.

TASHA: Yes, sir. There's an object of some kind beaming in from Haven.
RIKER: What is it?
TASHA: We're not sure.

Since when do our heroes let mysterious packages get beamed on board?

FACE: I hold a message for Deanna Troi. Lwaxana Troi and the honourable Miller family will soon arrive. The momentous day is close at hand. Rejoice.

Hi Armin! You're not horrifying at all!

(The box bursts open and scatters gems on the transporter pad)
TASHA: Jewels. Look at these jewels.

I'll be generous and say that Tasha is ignoring the nonexistent monetary value of these, but simply their beauty, a thing she's seen precious little of in her life.

PICARD: Will you and your husband be staying with the ship, Counsellor?
TROI: No, sir.

Yeah, about that...why can't Wyatt stay onboard? This ship is supposedly designed for families and civilians, right?

TROI: Your last valet tried so hard to rid me of it. Whatever happened to Mister Xelo?
LWAXANA: I was forced to terminate his employment.

The discussion of when Xelo left and Homn arrived will have to wait for "Dark Page" in six years. Ugh....

VALEDA [on viewscreen]: An incoming vessel has bypassed our stargate, violating our law.

So what's a stargate in the Trek universe? If it's simply a relay station that you're supposed to hail on your way in to let Haven know that you come as a friend, they could've said that.

VALEDA [on viewscreen]: Failure to communicate is inherently hostile.

No, it's not. Maybe the ship is a derelict, maybe the people are too sick to pick up the phone, maybe their language is so different from yours that it's taking them time to translate your message!

TROI: I only ever felt this, well, with someone who's on this ship.

So wait, your only serious relationship was Riker? And you had no particular desire to track him down, it's only serendipity that brought you together on the Enterprise? You dated no one else in the intervening eight years or so? I'm sure Riker did!

Captain's personal log. I trust my concern over the problems of ship's Counsellor Troi are not based merely on losing a highly valuable crew member. But it seems to me that she is trapped by a custom of her home world which the facts of the twenty-fourth century life have made unwise and unworkable. I wish I could intervene.

Odo's line about the price we pay for having freedom of choice is that sometimes we choose wrong comes to mind. I give Picard credit for not wanting to intervene.

LAFORGE: A damaged vessel, sir. That could explain it.
RIKER: If it were unable to reach warp speed, it would have taken all these years to get here.

I've done the "space is big, really big" joke before, let's cut to the chase. There's no need for this thing to be sublight (much ranting could be done here), saying that they're barely going Warp One and don't have the fuel to reach another planet is enough.

CRUSHER: The Tarellians had reached Earth's late twentieth century level of knowledge.

And yet they had warp drive, albeit easily-broken warp drive? To quote Linkara, "methinks this plot has many holes."

PICARD: Which creates a very difficult problem for the Enterprise. Our treaty requires us to protect Haven, and Federation policy requires that we assist life forms in need, which must include the Tarellians. I'll want you to help me find some answers.

I'm getting the feeling that Haven isn't technically a Federation world, they just have a treaty with them. What difference does this make? Would anyone's actions be different if Haven was a Federation world?

DATA: Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.

A great line to end a scene.

RIKER: I will miss you, Deanna.
TROI: I'm no longer Imzadi to you?
RIKER: You taught me that word means my beloved.
TROI: And the human heart is too small to permit that feeling now.
RIKER: Have you discussed this with Wyatt? I think you should. It's also damned unfair to me.
TROI: I understand. I should have realised. Humans, young human males particularly, have difficulty separating platonic love and physical love.

Troi is written very badly here. I'll go into more detail after the next quote.

TROI: Actually, Bill was concerned that you might be upset that I care deeply for him, too.

And how do you care about Riker, Deanna? In this line it almost seems like she's claiming that she has the right to have romantic feelings for two people simultaneously. Even if Betazoids have that right (which seems unlikely, Lwaxana may play the field, but once a relationship becomes serious she stays monogamous for the duration), she doesn't have the right to impose this scenario on two humans.

Captain's log, supplemental. All attempts at warning off the Tarellian ship have failed. They still refuse to communicate and I am growing concerned.

All attempts? Apparently not, as you won't talk about stuff like tractor beams and weapons until later.

LWAXANA: All life, Wyatt, all consciousness, is indissolvably bound together. Indeed, it's all part of the same thing.

Ugh. Hippie nonsense. Let's move on before someone starts a poetry slam.

WRENN [on viewscreen]: You may turn off your tractor beam, Captain. We will not be going to Haven. We have what we really came for.

So you're going to spend another few decades in space going to another planet? You're not going to ask for spare parts to fix your warp drive? You're not going to ask for the location of an uninhabited world that you can die on? You're not going to ask for a tractor beam tow to said planet? You're just going to hope that Wyatt can cure you before you die?

[Flying Gremlin]

The Fiver for "Haven" made me wonder why no one made a joke about the box having big ears.

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

Genre savvyness is one of my favorite gags.

Me, too.

[Flying Gremlin]

I am catching up on things, so I had a few points to make. Please forgive me if this seems a little bit disjointed.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

February 15th, 1988, "When the Bough Breaks"

...

RADUE: We must return now to Aldea. Our eyes are very sensitive to bright light.

I get that this is a clue for the radiation sickness reveal later, but delivered in this way it really does seem like a Chekov's Gun to incapacitate them later, doesn't it? It's a shame the writer never thought of it.

Okay, so how do I use the SPOILER tag again?

Spoiler: Ah, here we go! 

Upon reflection, this actually is one thing I never realized has a connection to DISCO. Considering the Terran Empire is so ruthless and so obsessed with conquest that they don't do great shielding of radiation cores and such, the part of the series that I had the most problem with - the mirror universe humans having a sensitivity to light - actually makes way more sense now, if you think about every single human that lived on Earth getting a massive dose of background radiation from birth until death due to residual nuclear particles in the air, irradiated ground, and just general inability to shield anything because they have no care for life in that universe...

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

May 2nd, 1988, "We'll Always Have Paris"

...

PICARD: Did he anticipate that these experiments might be dangerous?
JENICE: I didn't think so. Now, in retrospect, he probably did. That would explain all the unusual precautions he began taking, even before the accident. The force field, the elaborate security system. Every time he started a new experiment, he insisted that I stay in what he called a protected room.

I'm not sure how you would shield a room to resist temporal effects. You'd probably need to infuse the forcefield with tachyons or somesuch.

Chronitons, but that's not important right now.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

May 2nd, 1988, "We'll Always Have Paris"

...

MANHEIM: She never would admit this, but she has had a terrible time these last years. Had we not been so isolated, she might have left me, and I never would have known. At least, not right away.

"Isolated." Right. The Hansens were isolated, the Manheims were just a little bit off the beaten path. There's a difference.

Commenting on two different points on the same episode. My, my.

"Isolated" might be referring to the personal isolation rather than locational. Besides, it did not sound like they regularly entertained visiting ships period, much less Federation starships. It would be like being stuck on a small island that could still see cargo ships going by, but never having any of those ships visit.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

"Conspiracy" coverage, part two

...

Star Trek Online: The solanogen aliens from "Schisms" created them on orders from the Iconians. Weird. Furthermore joined Trill are immune to them.

I didn't mind STO's Bluegill explanation, though one of the few Starfleet officers to get the parasite in-game was a Trill. The fact that she's unjoined explains why it even worked at all, which was interesting to see considering Kyla VanZyl's bio does not list whether she is joined or not. The Bluegills were used to make sure an Iconian servitor race stayed loyal - they were originally going to use them on the Tal'Shiar Romulans, but you know that Romulan treachery has no bounds already, and Sela does not play well with following orders, only giving them.

I have further reading on the subject of the Bluegill in STO.

[Nate the Great]

Season Two doesn't start until next Wednesday, but as a prelude I'd like to return to something from the series bible:


Tasha has a beau ideal too, which happens to be fifteen year old Wes Crusher. Deprived of her own childhood by the harsh life of her "hell planet" home, she treats this person like the most wonderful person imaginable. Wes is the childhood friend that Tasha never had.

And tie it to something from the third issue of the TNG comic book (covered by Linkara here)...


(Tasha and Wesley are playing a game of tag with harmless phasers. He "tags" her and she dramatically crumples to the ground clutching her chest.)
Tasha: Wesley Crusher, you sneak! How could you turn on me like this? After all we've done together, all we've meant to each other, you turn on me...


It really is fascinating sometimes seeing what the expanded universe does in the early days when all they have is the series bible and a few photos to work from, isn't it?

[Nate the Great]

November 21st, 1988, "The Child"


No fiver
Transcript

Memory Alpha


Background Information



* The Phase II stuff is at the end, we'll do the TNG episode first.

* I understand why Geordi was promoted, but it still doesn't make sense within the chain of command. Having him change departments for a season before the promotion would've opened up many storytelling possibilities, but of course this is TNG Season Two. A shame...
* Pulaski was introduced in the worst way possible. A senior officer not reporting to the captain before assuming her duties is worthy of disciplinary action unless there's a BIG medical disaster. And Troi doesn't count, a lesser doctor (Selar?) could've handled that for a day just as well.
* Pulaski's interactions with Data could've waited until a later time, this episode was overloaded as it was.



The Episode

* Georgi has to replicate something five hundred times. Industrial replicators haven't been invented yet, but in this case I think an alternative could've been found; like automated fabrication units or using the replicators on the Repulse as well.

* As SF Debris says, it's laughable how little the pregnancy or birth affects Troi. I'll forgive nonsense like this in Avengers #200 with Carol Marcus, as comic books have a younger audience. But this isn't a comic book. Here you could at least drop some technobabble about how somehow the baby is flooding her body with endorphins or how in this case the connection between mother and child is much more efficient to put less strain on her body.
* It's nice that Data wants to serve as birthing coach, but Pulaski's statement that usually the father is present seems overly obtuse. She knows that there's no father, she knows that now is not the time to make people any more uncomfortable, she chooses a miraculous birth as the time to make fun of Data (very unprofessional), etc...
* Introducing Guinan and Pulaski in the same episode was a bad idea, especially when you had the Wesley and Troi plots to worry about already. To be frank this episode should've been put off a week or two (if it had to happen at all, of course), and move up The Outrageous Okona (plenty of room to spare in that plot!) to introduce the new status quo.
* They can't even blow the specimens into space, because they'll still be a danger. So no secondary backup exists? Fit the cargo bay with special radiation emitters to flood the thing with death rays if needed!


Memory Alpha

* First episode where Wesley wears a communicator. Really?
* First time the three light bars were used to activate the transporter. These are of course a homage to the three slider switches used by Scotty and Kyle in TOS.



Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also finds the idea that the specimen modules can't be jettisoned ridiculous. Dump it into a star!
* Where did Ian's Y chromosome come from?

* Ian can sense people's emotions even though Betazoids don't develop their empathic abilities until puberty (except for Tam Elbrun, of course). He could've dropped a line of exposition saying that he turned on this ability early to learn more.


Star Trek Phase II Version

(Information from my copy of Star Trek Phase II The Lost Series)


* The entity explores Uhura and Chekov before Ilia. One presumes that Uhura wasn't chosen because Ilia's mental powers would be more useful.
* Ilia points out that she hasn't broken her vow of celibacy. A valid point, but that should be a bit farther down the list of questions if you ask me. Unless you're going to tell me that Deltans can sense their children from the point of conception.
* Ilia's child Irska is a girl, getting around the missing Y chromosome bit.
* Somehow Irska is human, despite Ilia being Deltan. One wonders what the point of this is.
* The external threat is an alien ship, not samples. More dramatic, but less personal, it's a tossup which is better.
* Irska plays a more direct role in helping the ship than Ian.

[Nate the Great]

November 28th, 1988, "Where Silence Has Lease"


No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

I could nitpick the technology for hours, but I don't have the time. The problem is that with a little thought I could solve most of them, so why couldn't the writing staff?


* Troi and Picard are worried about Riker joining Worf on the holodeck. Does Worf disable the safeties?

* I don't like it when they depict Worf as blind with bloodlust. This level of barely contained rage could put a mission or crewmember at risk.
* I call a probe vanishing without a trace worthy of Yellow Alert, why are they ribbing Worf so much?* Now is not the time for Pulaski to rib Data. Furthermore it's established elsewhere that she's not a bridge officer (for some reason), so why is she here if there's no medical emergency?
* I get not wanting to instigate hostilities, but if the Romulan fires first without hailing first I say that hostilities have been instigated. Knock it off with the warnings, Picard, it makes you look weak!
* The sheer number of powers exhibited by Nagilum worries me. He's on the level of the Talosians if you ask me. Manipulating senses and ship sensors at this level is scary.

* Nagilum can contact ships outside his boundaries, but didn't until the end. I don't think he can claim moral superiority, or even equality.


Memory Alpha

* Between this episode and "Contagion" various things about the Yamato were changed. There are explanations for these, but I vote for the MST3K quote: "They just didn't care!"


Nitpickers Guide

* Much confusion about Pulaski's bridge officer status. In "Thine Own Self" it's established that you can't become a full commander without getting bridge officer status. So how is Pulaski a full commander? Troi seemed to imply that a Lt. Commander can be chief medical officer.

* Phil repeats my two data point comment.
* Phil also brings up the confusion about O'Brien's rank.



YouTube

* Animal Worf almost kills Riker
* Worf and Riker and two Yamato bridges
* Picard talks to Data about death

[Nate the Great]

December 5th, 1988, "Elementary, Dear Data"


Fiver (by Derek)

Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

I need a shorter way to say "horrible misuse of established Treknology, good character work, would work better in isolation." I do enjoy the performances, especially Daniel Davis as Moriarty. Back in the day I enjoyed his performance as Niles the butler on The Nanny as well.


* I get that Geordi would want to make a model Victory, I do. It's great that people still want to make things and not just replicate them. But it shouldn't be in Engineering, that was stupid.

* Geordi wants to participate in the Holmes program, but doesn't know the basic workings of the Victorian age. Ugh. Was that "haven't they invented the electric light yet" bit supposed to be a joke? Because it isn't, it just makes him look like an idiot.
* At least they're trying to humanize Pulaski and make her interactions with Data more reasonable. Took them long enough.
* You'd think by now a Doyle/Holmes randomizer would've been built into the program anyway. Ugh.
* The way they describe the holodeck isn't quite right. I could write whole essays on how the thing should work, but you guys wouldn't be interested. Let's just say that they imply that the walls are nothing more than huge TV sets, and it's not that simple.
* It's been discussed by other people (including SF Debris) that some of the simpler props must be replicated, as it would be more energy efficient. Specifically he mentions when someone consumes food on the holodeck. Supposedly this would explain how Moriarty can create a drawing of the Enterprise that can exist off the holodeck. I had a whole tech lecture typed out, but the short version is that holographic puppets and replicated props each have their downsides, and the simplest scenario is to assume that everything is holographic and tasteless unless the user specifically requests a replicated prop be substituted.

* Once again everyone acts like the holodeck can't be unplugged manually. No 24th-century fusebox? Nothing that can be severed with a plasma torch?



The Fiver

La Forge: Yeah. Check out my model ship. Isn't it great?
Data: No. And you've never expressed an interest in building model ships before.
La Forge: Don't worry. I never will again either.


Good point. It's a shame we couldn't have tied Worf into this subplot before. After all, he's the one with model experience.



La Forge: (writing and narrating) "It was a dark and stormy night..." Dang it. This is Reading Rainbow.
Inspector Lestrade: Holmes, there's been an awful crime committed. Mr. Boddy has been murdered!
Data: Ha! Ms. Scarlet with the candlestick in the Study! Go me!
La Forge: Data, how could you possibly know that?
Data: Take a look. It's in a book. It's Sherlock Holmes.
La Forge: That's it. I'm leaving.



I'll just toss you this fan cover of the Reading Rainbow theme...


Data: Ha! Mrs. Peacock with the wrench in the Kitchen! Go me!


Given the surroundings, wouldn't the candlestick in the Study make more sense?


Computer: What do you want?
Moriarty: I'd like a burger and fries... supersized.
Computer: Sigh. I thought I made you sentient.



Another time capsule joke. I would've based the punchline on something like "I thought I gave you better taste than that", but I'm not sure which is better.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the image vs. replicated thing again.
* He wonders why Data and Geordi left Moriarty's lair (which has an arch) to go down the street to call for the arch. Phil seems to think that the arch's location relative to a holographic environment is fixed each time a program is loaded. This is ludicrous.

* There's discussion about whether Moriarty meets the definition of a sentient being established in "The Measure of a Man." I'd argue that he does, but that's a discussion for another time.

[Nate the Great]

December 12th, 1988, "The Outrageous Okona"

A lot of people bash this episode, but I consider it a guilty pleasure. My only real problem is that Data's subplot doesn't really resolve. Surely there is some stepping-stone lesson to humor that he could've discovered without upsetting the status quo too much.

No Fiver (is this one reserved?)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

* It seems odd that they specify that a humanoid race colonized this system, then have these guys indistinguishable from humans. This place couldn't be a human colony like in "Up The Long Ladder"?
* Why does Okona's ship have to be sublight only? I hate the concept of impulse-only ships in general, but this is just silly. Even when you limit space to just the solar system, it's big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely--SLAP!
* As has been covered elsewhere, Deanna may define Okona as a "rogue", but that's a horrible way to establish a character trait, especially when the character isn't written to fit it.
* Okona asks if Data has ever been drunk. Data correctly notes that he can't become intoxicated, but I'd still like a reference to the events of "The Naked Now", no matter how obliquely.
* Loading twice the cargo capacity in canaries...I get that it's a scientifically inaccurate joke, but I'm going to link to a Mythbusters clip anyway.
* Guinan's android/humanoid joke is absolutely awful. As others have said, any joke that you have to explain isn't funny.
* Fish aren't amphibians. They couldn't use alligator/reptilian?
* A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi? It's almost like I made a thread about that joke ten years ago or something...
* The laser thing is often brought up in the Star Trek/Star Wars debate. I choose not to delve too deep into this issue, as it's clear that real world lasers=/=Star Wars lasers=/=Star Trek lasers. As for who would win in a fight between the Death Star and a Borg cube, the Borg cube would. It can regenerate and is full of individually expendable drones.
* Why did they kill time with tracking down Okona? It always infuriates me when people can't be tracked with internal sensors. As it seems clear that Okona isn't human, setting the sensors to look for a Madenan life signs should be a simple task. For that matter, wouldn't there be some form of limited-function commbadge for guests (and Wesley) to use?
* I find it disturbing that the Enterprise crew considers the idea that fathers have an obligation to children that they help conceive archaic. Eesh.
* It would've been fun if Data's hobby of telling lame jokes had continued.

Memory Alpha

* They say that Data saying that he hasn't be drunk from alcohol is a reference to "The Naked Now." I still say they could've made a more overt reference.

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil wonders if Okona could see Troi on the viewscreen, because if he could, wouldn't he flirt with her?
* He also wonders what makes Guinan an expert on humor. What makes her not an expert, I wonder. It's not like she's ever solemn when she doesn't have to be!

TNG Companion

Jerry Lewis was approached to play the part of The Comic, but had scheduling problems. The 3D chess set has a few pieces that are references to Lost in Space.