30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing. It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!), it had to audacity to give her prune juice instead of bloodwine, it keeps serving her cold tea. Something.

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.

Guinan: Q, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!

Ugh, "Q2", don't remind me.

Data: We are near system J-25.
Riker: How could this system have a name? This whole sector is unexplored.
Data: I just made it up, sir.

How many systems have we named that we've never been to? This joke doesn't make much sense.

Guinan: Because of Q, the Borg now know of your existence.
Picard: Perhaps what we needed was a kick in our complacency.
Guinan: Perhaps what Q needs is to be stabbed with a fork.

You're gonna have to wait a bit to get a chance to do that, Guinan!

[NAHTMMM]

This is a particularly good fiver.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing.

Yeah, I think there used to be one more line.

It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!)

Brownie?

Are you sure you don't mean banana cream pie?

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.

I like the idea that the TV show was Q playing a prank on us.

[Nate the Great]

Brownie points are hardly that obscure of an expression.



I really want to tell the blue orange juice story, but I want to give you guys some time to guess.

[Nate the Great]

May 15th, 1989, "Samaritan Snare"

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PULASKI: The truth is, you've ignored this far too long.
PICARD: This ship has a mission to carry out.
PULASKI: An astronomical survey to be conducted by the science officers, I believe.
PICARD: And I 'was looking forward to seeing the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster for myself.

The writing backfired here. I'm not on Picard's side for this one. He knows that his heart has to be replaced within a certain timeframe, so he has the luxury to pick which mission to skip out on. Given how often the E-D is treated like a taxi, surely he could've picked one of those missions to take a medical leave on.

RIKER: As First Officer, I have complete security clearance.
PICARD: This has nothing to do with ship's business, Number One. Suffice it to say, it is strictly a matter of image.

First, even Picard doesn't have "complete security clearance". Second, even if Picard doesn't want the crew to know about his heart, surely he could trust Riker with this information.

WESLEY: It's just the two of us, in a shuttlecraft for six hours. What am I going to talk to Captain Picard about for six hours?
SONYA: Archaeology, semantics, literature, art. You could learn a lot from Captain Picard.

Wesley may be some sort of savant when it comes to technology and starship operations, but he knows next to nothing about the arts, at least on a level that won't bore Picard. As for what to talk with Picard about, how about asking about what his parents were like before he was born?

(The Sahkarov is lined up with the bay doors)
WESLEY: Shuttle number two is ready for departure.

It occurs to me that even with formal names, TNG tends to refer to shuttles by number only most of the time. I wonder why.

GREBNEDLOG [on viewscreen]: We are Pakleds. Our ship is the Mondor. It is broken.

I promise to not harp about the idiocy of the Pakleds for the entire episode, but I have to bring it up once. I dislike the very concept of this race. A certain amount of technological competence is required to keep a starship running, and the Pakleds don't have it. Furthermore, the idea that the only way that they improve their technology is by stealing it is ludicrous. Perhaps technology is strictly plug-and-play within a specific race, but making disparate parts compatible doesn't work without a certain amount of expertise.

LAFORGE: Commander, from the looks of their ship, I could have them up and running in no time.
RIKER: You sure?
LAFORGE: Yeah, no problem.
RIKER: Very well. Our Chief Engineer will beam over to help you. Close.
WORF: Commander? Do we truly need to send our Chief Engineer over to them?

Given the lack of knowledge about the Pakleds, I'd think sending a security team over with the engineering TEAM would be prudent. And I don't think Geordi is required in this case, surely he has a specialist on staff who could handle this.

WESLEY: ETA thirteen thirty hours, sir. It's not exactly warp speed.
PICARD: More like a late twenty-second century interplanetary journey.
WESLEY: Sir?
PICARD: You should read more history, Ensign.

I know that this isn't an Enterprise reference, but these days it comes off as such. Besides, if they're only on impulse they're screaming at us to Do The Math. Six hours at full impulse is an hour and a half at Warp One, or about nine minutes at Warp Two, or 2.3 minutes at Warp Three, or a little less than a minute at Warp Four. You wonder why the Enterprise couldn't drop off Picard and Wesley at the starbase on their way.

(La Forge beams in and is immediately crowded by four very big guys. Think Vogons without the green skin)

I'm not a Doctor Who fan, and even I could make a comparison to Sontarans instead of Vogons.

RIKER: Well, our help is all they're going to get. They can't force us into anything, can they?
TROI: You think they're weak.
RIKER: Look at them. They're certainly not Jarada or Romulans.

Simply being idiots doesn't make them not a threat, Will.

WESLEY: You don't have to say that, sir. It's pretty obvious how you feel.
PICARD: Is it? How so?
WESLEY: Everyone knows. You don't like kids. That's too bad. You'd have made a good father.
PICARD: Thank you.
(Picard takes his book to a rear seat)
WESLEY: Didn't you ever wish you had kids of your own?
PICARD: Wishing for a thing does not make it so.

This is a lengthy topic for another day; why Picard doesn't like kids. The thing is; he implies that he never had the chance. I call shenanigans. At bare minimum there's Jenice Manheim, and in a different reality you can toss in Phillipa Louvois. And had Picard chosen a career in archaeology he could've easily fit a family into the picture.

WESLEY: Were you ever married?
PICARD: Never had the time.

Overly simplistic. The novels also explain that during the time period between the Stargazer court-martial and the launch of the E-D he left active service to pursue archaeology for a time. Plus there had to have been an alternate science officer path he could've pursued and had a family on a starbase or whatever.

WESLEY: Don't you ever get lonely?
PICARD: For ambitious Starfleet officers, there are certain costs involved.

Well, that's depressing. I'm also offended at the notion that the only form of companionship is dating/marriage. Friendship doesn't count for anything?

PICARD: Several friends and I were on leave at Farspace Starbase Earhart. It was little more than a galactic outpost in those days.
WESLEY: Was this before the Klingons joined the Federation?
PICARD: That's right.

Cue series bible rant again. Here's the thing: if it's supposed to be canon at this time that the Klingons have joined the Federation, we should've seen another Klingon in Starfleet by now.

PICARD: Did you read that book I gave you?
WESLEY: Some of it.
PICARD: That's reassuring.
WESLEY: I just don't have much time.
PICARD: There is no greater challenge than the study of philosophy.
WESLEY: But William James won't be in my Starfleet exams.
PICARD: The important things never will be. Anyone can be trained in the mechanics of piloting a starship.
WESLEY: But Starfleet Academy
PICARD: It takes more. Open your mind to the past. Art, history, philosophy. And all this may mean something.

I still find it fascinating how I remember more of the liberal arts from my private reading than all of those college courses. I do believe in being well-rounded, but I'm not sure enforced education is the way to do it.

GARAK: Please, Doctor. Spare me your insufferable Federation optimism. Of course it will survive, but as not the Cardassia I knew. We had a rich and ancient culture. Our literature, music, art were second to none. And now, so much of it is lost. So many of our best people, our most gifted minds.

GREBNEDLOG [on viewscreen]: Good. We want all computer information from your ship. Now.

Ha ha, good luck with that. The E-D has the largest mobile computer core in existence! It just won't fit, even if Riker wanted to accept defeat.

PULASKI: Is Geordi all right?
WORF: He's already been hit by multiple phaser stuns.
PULASKI: He could need medical attention.

I'm reminded of the zat guns on Stargate. You know, one shot stuns, the second shot kills? How much time has to pass before the second shot only stuns again? What kind of damage does multiple stun blast do?

PICARD: What the hell are you doing here?
PULASKI: Saving your life.
PICARD: Oh, come on. This is a routine procedure. Quite commonplace.
PULASKI: True. But you are not a commonplace man.

In plain text it seems like they said that the operation was routine a few too many times, but I'd have to watch the episode again to see if this is true or not.

Memory Alpha

* Budget constraints prevented use of the Captain's Yacht (the Calypso, FYI) here. A shame, but I understand. It's not just building a yacht model, it's building a portion of the underside of the saucer for it to come out of. A shame.
* Final appearance of Sonya Gomez. She did seem more developed here, but I guess it was too little, too late.
* As brought up in the Captains' Logs books, this episode is full of contrivances and bad writing.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why would the Klingons or Romulans fall for the Pakled's strategy?
* Doesn't Wesley know what it feels like to be stabbed through the back from "Hide and Q"?
* How can Wesley earn Academy credits on the Enterprise if he hasn't been accepted into the Academy yet?

[Nate the Great]

May 22nd, 1989, "Up The Long Ladder"

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

As an introduction, I like the Bringloidi, even if they are blatant offensive stereotypes. I also hate the clone plotline, there has to have been an easier way to force these two groups together without brushing against the abortion/rape awkwardness.

The Episode

PICARD: Recognise it?
RIKER: Sounds like it might be an SOS.
PICARD: Good guess. You're quicker than Starbase research. It took them hours to determine this was a distress beacon.

Ugh. Grr. Every single Earth signal throughout history should be in the database. This accomplishes nothing except making Starfleet look bad.

RIKER: What was its origin point?
PICARD: Ficus sector.
RIKER: Captain, I don't think there's any record of an Earth colony in that area.

Riker has an encyclopedic memory of all Earth colonies for hundreds of years? Furthermore, it sounds like Ficus sector is "in the sticks", so why should Riker even know where it is?

RIKER: The European Hegemony?
PICARD: A loose alliance formed in the early part of the twenty second century. It was the first stirrings of world government. You should read more history, Number One.

Of course the European Union didn't exist in '89, but the European Economic Community did. Furthermore, "first stirrings of world government?" The United Nations doesn't count for that definition. Even if you don't count the UN, I wouldn't use "world government" for anything before United Earth, which also early 22nd century. Cue series bible rant, etc.

WORF: I did not faint. Klingons do not faint.
PULASKI: Excuse me, I'll rephrase. This Klingon suffered a dramatic drop in blood pressure, his blood glucose level dropped, there was deficient blood flow resulting from circulatory failure. In other words, he curled up his toes and laid unconscious on the floor.
WORF: Doctor, there is no need to insult me.
PULASKI: Worf, I am worried. Now, something is wrong. Klingons don't faint. Forgive me. I just can't think of another word that applies.

Just like headaches and the common cold, I consider something as broad as "fainting" to be impossible to breed out of the genome.

PULASKI: So you've got the Klingon version of the measles.
WORF: How would Commander Riker feel if he had the measles.
PULASKI: Pretty silly.

I'm not sure the two situations are equivalent, but then again I'm not sure what Worf is so worried about. Maybe other Klingons would treat him differently, but not Federation citizens.

DATA: Captain, I have been considering the problem of the missing ship. Although there is no record of a launch to the Ficus sector, which would not be unusual considering the chaos of the early twenty second century, someone had to load that ship.
PICARD: The manifest.
DATA: Yes, sir.
PICARD: There it is. SS Mariposa, loaded 27th November, 2123.

This is absolutely silly and a relic of the pre-Internet age. This is implying that the computer database is merely an elaborate filing system: if you don't know exactly what you're looking for you won't find it. Furthermore, this delay accomplishes absolutely nothing but killing time that we don't have to resolve the actual plot.

PICARD: Theorise, Data. Give me some background.
DATA: In the early twenty-second century, Earth was recovering from World War Three. A major philosopher of the period was Liam Dieghan, founder of the Neo-Transcendentalists, who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature, and learned under her gentle tutelage.

Remember that World War III ended roundabout 2053. Imagine the weapons and devastation if they're still recovering fifty years later. Then again, I'm also reminded of the space hippies and become annoyed again.

WORF: You know the ceremony?
PULASKI: I understand the externals, not the mysteries. I'm not a Klingon.

This is intriguing. Do the Daxs understand the mysteries? I find the notion that no non-Klingon can understand the Klingon philosophy/theology a bit dubious.

WORF: You must not drink the tea. It is deadly to humans.
PULASKI: And none too good for Klingons.
WORF: It is a test of bravery, of one's ability to look at the face of mortality. It is also a reminder that death is an experience best shared, like the tea.
PULASKI: Worf, you're a romantic.
WORF: It is among the Klingons that love poetry achieves its fullest flower.

Remember when the series bible said that Picard would be trumping France at every opportunity a la Chekov? I think Worf has taken over the role by now. I also like that the Klingons understand poetry, both in romance and tradition.

WORF: Shields at maximum.

Needing maximum shields at planetary distances from solar flares seems rather dubious.

TROI: Captain, these people have been isolated for three hundred years. They could be very unsophisticated. The shock of suddenly being transported onto a spaceship could frighten them, to say the least.

Fair enough, too bad we can write quite a list of other episodes that ignore similar wisdom.

Captain's log, stardate 42827.3. Commander Riker has reached the caverns, where he is making preparations to begin the evacuation.

The last Captain's Log (just after they left the starbase) was Stardate 42823.2, which is a day and a half ago. Not a continuity problem exactly, but I'd think that everything within a few days warp of all starbases would be better mapped than this. Does the Federation routinely build starbases at the very edge of known space (Farpoint doesn't count as we didn't build that one)?

DANILO: Captain Picard, sir, we can't leave our animals here to die. Besides, how could we build our future without our animals?

Fair enough.

RIKER: They'll learn and adapt. If Danilo Odell's any indication, they'll be running this place inside of a week.

Ha ha. I like how the crew is more accepting of these guys than those frozen humans from "The Neutral Zone." I guess the Season One smug mentality is finally wearing off.

BRENNA: And what are you staring at? Have you never seen a woman before?
RIKER: I thought I had.

Smooth, Will. Smooth.

[Nate the Great]

WORF: She is very like a Klingon woman.

I thought human women were too fragile for him! Still a Worf/Yar shipper, by the way...

Captain's log, supplemental. A review of stellar charts has revealed a Class M planet only half a light year from the Bringloid system.

The ship's sensors can't find a Class M planet at that distance? What point does this sentence achieve? Just say that you're going to the nearest Class M planet!

WORF: You can obtain spirituous liquours from the food dispensers.

As opposed to...cola liquors?

WORF: No, if you wish, it can be real alcohol.
DANILO: Good.
WORF: With all of the deleterious effects intact.

It's odd how Worf seems against real alcohol here when we'll see him drink other Klingons under the table in Deep Space Nine.

BRENNA: Why did you have to tell them that this magic wall can give them more than meat and potatoes? Now we'll never get a lick of work out of them.
WORF: Madam, have you considered a career in security?
BRENNA: If it's anything like babysitting, I'm an authority.

Great joke.

GRANGER: Two women and three men represented an insufficient gene pool from which to build a society.
PULASKI: How did you suppress the natural sexual drive? Drugs? Punitive laws?
GRANGER: In the beginning, a little bit of each. Now, after three hundred years, the entire concept of sexual reproduction is a little repugnant to us.

I'm confused as to why "insufficient gene pool"="no children whatsoever are allowed". What's wrong with maintaining the "natural sexual drive" even if you have to keep track of who everyone sleeps with?

GRANGER: We need an infusion of fresh DNA. I was hoping that you would be willing to share some tissue samples.
RIKER: You want to clone us?
GRANGER: Yes.

I'm confused as to why "we need clones from more people"="we must clone the first people we find whether they like it or not, instead of asking the billions in the Federation for volunteers."

RIKER: It's not a question of harm. One William Riker is unique, perhaps even special. But a hundred of him, a thousand of him diminishes me in ways I can't even imagine.

Insert Thomas Riker joke here. Even two William Rikers around seems to have diminished him! Insert Imzadi novel joke here as well. (You've all read Imzadi, haven't you?)

LAFORGE: Commander, with this I can see better than your average person. Now when someone lies there are certain physical manifestations. Variations in blush response, pupil dilation, pulse, breath rate. Doesn't always work with aliens, but humans? Got'em nailed.

Geordi's ability as a living lie detector sure would've come in handy in any number of other episodes, wouldn't it?

GRANGER: We asked for your help and you refused us. We're desperate. Desperate!
RIKER: And that gave you the right to assault us, to rob us.
GRANGER: We have the right to survive!

Not assault, rape. Life was created without permission, I call that rape. It's stuff like this that makes me think that there are two unrelated episodes here without room to adequately develop either one of them.

TROI: I know the Mariposan culture seems alien, even frightening, but really, we do have much in common. They're human beings fighting for survival. Would we do any less?

I jolly well hope so!

PULASKI: That's just postponing the inevitable. If they get an infusion of fresh DNA, in fifteen generations they'll just go back to the same problems.

I'd like to know how many new clones Pulaski is talking about here. Every human on board being cloned and nobody else? Isn't the human population of the Federation in the trillions? Couldn't everyone be cloned once and then they return to sexual reproduction?

GRANGER: Look at him. How could we ever integrate that into our society?
DANILO: You're no prize yourself.

Imagine the sitcom based on these two as roommates! It'd make Perfect Strangers look positive normal!

PICARD: Now, Commander Riker has asked that your laboratories be inspected for stolen tissue samples, and I understand his concern. We may have to transport all your equipment here, to the Enterprise.
GRANGER: I see. When reason fails, you'll resort to blackmail.

Um, the equipment needs to be beamed up and cleansed of stolen DNA samples regardless of what happens after that. Property has been stolen and must be recovered.

PULASKI: Now if this is going to work, you're going to have to alter your society, too. Monogamous marriage will not be possible for several generations.
DANILO: I don't quite understand.
PULASKI: Thirty couples are enough to create a viable genetic base. But the broader the base the healthier and the safer the society. So it will be best if each woman, Bringloidi and Mariposan, had at least three children by three different men.

There are only thirty Bringloidi? It seemed like there was more than that, even if you discount the older ones who wouldn't be contributing to the new gene pool. And I gotta ask, even if the Bringloidi are integrated, why can't other Federation citizens move here and help out with the gene pool?

BRENNA: Oh, damn. What does he do again?
PICARD: Prime Minister.
BRENNA: Sounds important.
PICARD: Oh, it is.
BRENNA: Sounds like he might have more than two coins to rub together. Three husbands?

We didn't see much of the Mariposan society, but they sure seemed to be post-currency. Also, the notion that more money=more desirable seems rather repugnant to me, however realistic it may be.

Nipicker's Guide

* In this episode Worf can just push a few buttons to make the replicator make real alcohol, and yet in "Relics" Data seems to imply that the only real alcohol on board is behind Guinan's bar, i.e. you have to transport the stuff manually.
* Pulaski uses a hand scanner on the clones and knows that they're clones without even consulting her tricorder. How'd she do that?

YouTube

Brenna rails against Worf, a career in Security
Will thought he's seen a woman before
A Klingon tea ceremony