30th Anniversary DS9 Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

Station log, stardate 47178.3. After long and difficult deliberations, I have decided to allow Pa'Dar to take his son back to Cardassia. Although I am convinced his Bajoran foster parents treated him with love, Rugal has been the clear victim in this conspiracy. I believe it's time for his healing to begin.

I think this is a huge misstep. At least let Pa'Dar have visitation rights. This seems like yet another episode that was written for the sake of drama without worrying about creating a satisfying ending.

SISKO: Perhaps you'll use your influence to help other Cardassian orphans on Bajor.
PA'DAR: Well, yes, we'll see.

And the Cardassians wonder why other races don't like them. They make any answer vague if it could possibly come back to bite them.

BASHIR: But there's one more question I haven't figured out, Garak. Why did you want to expose Dukat? What's the truth about you and him?
GARAK: Truth, Doctor, is in the eye of the beholder. I never tell the truth because I don't believe there is such a thing.

A great line, but still obtuse and delusional on Garak's part. "The current stardate is 47177.2 according to the Federation" is the truth, and there's no way to spin it otherwise unless you are currently in a time warp.

Fiver

Rugal: Stay away from me, you Cardassian scum.
Garak: Bite me.
Rugal: 'Kay. (bites)
Garak: AAAAH!

Huge misstep, Derek. The entire point of this attack is that it was unprovoked.

Bashir: Someone said you've mistreated the boy.
Proka: Nonsense. We've always fed him Turkish Delight and even gave him a talking horse!

Odd place for a Narnia reference, but okay...

Bashir: Why didn't you just take the orphans when you left?
Dukat: Because if I did, then I couldn't sabotage someone else's career.

The cost/benefit analysis just doesn't balance in this case, at least for me.

O'Brien: I'm still wounded by my experiences at the Setlik III massacre.
Rugal: I hate all Cardassians for the Occupation.
Keiko: Why don't you two resolve your differences over a bottle of kanar?
O'Brien and Rugal: Ick.
Keiko: See? You already have something in common!

Never forget that they used corn syrup for kanar. Ick.

O'Brien: It's not you I hate, Cardassian --
Rugal: You should.
O'Brien: Well, blow me down! I never thought I'd hear a Cardassian say that.

"...it's what I became, because of you." A two-parter would also allow for more resolution of this plot point from "The Wounded."

Pa'Dar: Let me see my son.
O'Brien: Your son hates you.
Pa'Dar: I'd like to hear that straight from the horse's mouth, if you don't mind.
Rugal's Horse: I hate you.
Pa'Dar: Crap.

Shouldn't that be "he hates you"?

Station Log: Screw Picard and "Suddenly Human". I'm giving the boy back to the Cardassians.

Comparisons to "Suddenly Human" aren't quite a perfect fit here.

Memory Alpha

* Garak's second appearance. That surprised me.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up Garak's shifting attitude toward Bajorans in this episode. I counter that in Rugal's case Garak felt like he was in control of the situation, with the orphans he clearly was not. And we all know how much Garak doesn't like not being the one in control of a conversation.
* Rugal's dialogue and the story points indicate that he's maybe 12 years old, but he carries himself like a teenager.
* Phil believes that Pa'Dar was too small-time for Dukat to bother setting up elaborate schemes that would only pay off many years later. I immediate rejoinder is that Dukat had know way of knowing if or when the government would order the departure from Bajor.
* Once again Molly's age is stated as four when she's really two.

[Nate the Great]

November 1st, 1993, "Melora"

Ah yes, Melora. The episode that had good intentions but fumbled it because the special effects budget wasn't there and there wasn't time for a proper evaluation of the issues in play.

Fiver by Soyakaze (never heard of this guy, either)

The Episode

Medical Log...Ensign Melora Pazlar is the first Elaysian to join Starfleet and, as such, requires special accomodations.

And here's our first hurdle. Nobody has heard of these guys before and they'll never appear on screen again. And furthermore, except for the Gemworld books (which are ridiculous because they present versions of Melora and Reg Barclay that in no way fit their screen personas) they will never appear again.

I understand the desire to show that handicapped people can do everything that unafflicted people can, but this was not the correct show or format for that. Had this been TNG or VOY Melora would've had adequate wheelchair support (putting a ramp in the transporter room or using a cargo bay transporter would've been simple) and we could focus on her personality and not her affliction.

And as I sit here I thought how nice it would've been to have her on TNG and tie it into Cetacean Ops. After all, Gemworld establishes that Elaysians can swim through air better than we can swim through water, so having her work in the water would've shown her skills as being more prominent than her afflictions.

(It's an electric wheelchair.)
DAX: I haven't seen one of these in three hundred years.

Really? I hate to invoke Enterprise, but that show didn't seem like it had medical technology sufficient to fix most things that make people wheelchair bound. Furthermore we've been led to believe that the Dax symbiont in particular like to travel among a wide variety of species and made first contact with a lot of them. Curzon never had contact with a primitive world?

BASHIR: Her normal anti-grav unit isn't going to work here. Same problem we had with the Starfleet cargo lifts. Cardassian construction just isn't compatible.

And here's the other elephant in the room: why is Melora here? It's not like she's a mission-critical specialist. All we're told is that she's going to the Gamma Quadrant for a survey mission. She's a cartographer, a profession that is needed on plenty of starships that are antigrav unit compatible.

Furthermore, why a wheelchair? Even if DS9 isn't compatible for Federation antigrav units, there must be Cardassian antigrav units available that you could stick a chair on top of. This seems like something that Gul Dukat would be thrilled to arrange so that the Federation would owe him one.

DAX: Can't we just use the transporter to help her get around?
O'BRIEN: It makes sense to me, but she sent word that it wasn't be acceptable to her.
DAX: I wonder why.
BASHIR: I know exactly why. She went through the Academy the same way. Once her basic needs are met, she refuses any special assistance. She's extraordinary.

Ugh. Stubbornly put yourself in discomfort in an effort to not appear weak never works. Ever. The belief that respect is more important than personal comfort in every situation will backfire more often than not.

And here we go again. Bashir getting too impressed, too quickly. Furthermore his upcoming romance with Melora is just...wrong. Once again he's forming an attachment to a patient strong enough to influence his objectivity as a doctor. This hackneyed plot device is used too often in the series.

Furthermore, we're in Season Two. Either he should've given up on Jadzia by now, or they should've had their relationship and had it implode by now. You can't do the Riker/Troi thing where they're allowed to see other people and still string the viewer along that thehy might get together. Riker and Troi had an established relationship in the past, and we know that they weren't together in TNG because of Riker's career plans (which were quietly wiped away after BOBW but that's another screed). The Dax/Bashir he-pursues-her-she's-uninterested-and-amused thing happened to Troi and Riker in the Betazed backstory, they didn't show it on screen.

MELORA: Ensign Melora Pazlar reporting for duty.
DAX: Welcome to DS Nine, Ensign. I'm Chief Science Officer Jadzia Dax, and this
MELORA: Doctor Bashir. We spoke on subspace.

Why isn't Sisko here? It's not like were in the Dominion War era when there are thousands of Starfleet officers on board and Sisko can't be expected to keep track of everyone, it's Season Two and there are maybe two hundred Starfleet on board.

DAX: I'll be accompanying you on your survey mission.
MELORA: I really don't think that'll be necessary, Lieutenant. I'm perfectly capable of piloting a runabout.
DAX: Commander Sisko thought that it
MELORA: I'm sure he thought what every officer I've ever served with has thought. That I need extra help to get the job done. Please tell him I don't.
DAX: Commander Sisko wouldn't allow any Ensign take a runabout into the Gamma Quadrant the day after she arrives.

Exactly. Personal medical issues aside, there's no such thing as a single-man away mission unless it's an extremely unusual situation (Silicon Avatar comes to mind immediately). Especially when you're going into the Gamma Quadrant without backup. And suddenly I wonder why we're sending these jumbo shuttles to the other end of the galaxy when you could just ask Starfleet to send a small science vessel to do the job more safely.

([Quark] Returns to his new visitor. How does a species evolve with a mouth trapped behind a piece of bone or cartilage?)

I never like Yridians. Not the makeup, not their species occupation of information brokers, not their personalities, nothing. They remain a half-baked species concept.

SISKO: Dax and Bashir were just telling me about your request to pilot a runabout alone.
MELORA: Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to include me in that conversation?

Actually, it would. Which is why Sisko should've met with her when she came on board.

MELORA: I'm sorry if I seem overly sensitive, but I'm used to being shut out of the Melora problem. The truth is, there is no Melora problem until people create one.

And here I lose all compassion for her. She has decided to be unpleasant and self-righteous in the name of not being weak. No, Melora, there's a problem because your usual equipment isn't station-compatible and you refuse to compromise in any way.

MELORA: I simply object to being treated like someone who is ill.

You aren't ill, you are disabled. This is fact, not a biased opinion that is being forced on you. If you don't want to treated like a disabled person, don't accept missions to places that can't properly accommodate your needs.

And here I had a whole screed typed about my own disabilities, but it was getting too personal and it was veering into whining.

MELORA: Try sitting in the chair, Commander. No one can understand until they sit in the chair. I have been in one chair or another since I left my homeworld. My family gave me this cane. It's made from the wood of a garlanic tree. They had no idea what it would be like to live off-world in what you consider normal gravity. Only a handful of Elaysians have ever left home. But I always knew that I had to be one of them. I dreamt about exploring the stars as a child, and I wasn't going to allow any handicap, not a chair, not a Cardassian station, to stop me from chasing that dream.

And yet you can't keep your trap shut when people are trying to help you. Far too many people use a disability, or religious practices, or vegetarianism, or whatever to set themselves apart and validate self-pity. I've had to distance myself from such people more than once. And once again they've failed to explain why Melora has to explore HERE.

[Nate the Great]

MELORA: My speech wasn't intended to attack you personally.
BASHIR: I'm sure you never set out to attack anyone personally, but you do seem to attack a lot.

Exactly. What was her rant supposed to accomplish? Had I been Sisko, I would've said, "Fine, you don't want special accommodations. You won't get any. If you fall out of that chair you will not be transported to the infirmary, you will have to crawl back into it yourself. That way you can lie in your own filth without violating your closeminded opinions."

(Bashir pays with coins that the Chef bites to check they are genuine)

Yikes is that out of place.

BASHIR: Actually, first I started to study tennis.
MELORA: Tennis?
BASHIR: I really thought about making a career of it.
MELORA: You must be very good.
BASHIR: Well, I used to think so, but then I went to my first major competition. my opponent served first and I heard the ball bounce past me. The computer announced it was good and I realised I was in trouble. Turned out I had more talent at medicine than tennis.

Of course his augment status (and I still wince every time I have to use that word) wasn't established yet. I wish it never had. So he subconsciously tried to fail and it didn't work, so he realized that eventually he'd be in a spotlight that he doesn't want.

MELORA: What kind of an architect would deliberately design a raised rim at the entrance to every door?

I imagine the cog doors are easier to seal for security purposes, to defend against rioting Bajorans. But we all know that they're there to make the place look more alien.

MELORA: It was so. Flopping back and forth like a broken toy. I didn't want anyone to find me like that but I couldn't get up by myself.

And you couldn't reach your commbadge...because? There wasn't a secondary emergency button on the wheelchair...because? You didn't program the station sensors to alert you if she ever leaves the chair...because?

(Melora kisses Bashir. 53 more things to do in zero gravity?)

One of Oolon Colluphid's best sellers, don't you know. Along with Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Just Who is this God Person Anyway?

MELORA: Tell me something, Lieutenant. You think there's room for romance in Starfleet?
DAX: I think so.
MELORA: You've made it work?
DAX: Now and then.
MELORA: I mean, really work.
DAX: Oh, really work. Well, for that I'd have to go back a hundred and fifty years.

And here we go. Single episode romances rarely work, and especially this time because they spent so much time dealing with her hangups and mobility issues that there hasn't been enough time to develop a proper romance. At least in the Gemworld novels her relationship with Reg Barclay had more time to develop.

MELORA: What about career conflicts? Two friends of mine from the Academy got engaged even though they knew they were being assigned to different starships.

And they couldn't ask to be assigned to the same ship...because? Not all Ensigns are prodigies that go directly to senior officer status like Harry Kim did. No, they're belowdecks where one ship is more or less like another.

MELORA: I finish my mission here, I move on to the next one. What kind of future is that for a romance?

So you ask for a longer-term assignment. Duh. I'm sure that given DS9's future upgrades they could retrofit the station for her if given more time.

MELORA: Racht, anyone?

So racht are just bigger, nastier-looking Klingon bloodworms. I still don't understand why they were invented when bloodworms already existed. How about one of the other dishes mentioned back in "Heart of Glory", like pipius claw? At least do rokeg blood pie!

MELORA: This could actually work?
BASHIR: No more servo-controls, no more chair.

You will note that Bashir isn't bringing up the "oh, and you can't go back to your planet anymore" thing. He has a bad habit of omitting details in the name of keeping the mood up. Which is a key reason why I think it was absurd to base an EMH model on him.

MELORA: It's starting to wear off again. I don't understand myself. How could I possibly have second thoughts? This would mean real independence. It's everything I ever wished for. But then I start to think about home and how I won't be able to go back. Well, maybe just for a short visit, but never really go back.
DAX: The Little Mermaid.
MELORA: Mermaid?
DAX: It's an Earth fable by Hans Christian Andersen. She trades her magical life under the sea for a pair of legs to walk on land.
MELORA: Didn't she live happily ever after?

People seem to forget that in the original version part of the Little Mermaid's transformation included the side effect that every step would bring her pain like she was stepping on knives.

One problem with Melora's quandary about never being able to return home is that we've never seen her home. We have no idea what life is like on Elaysia, so we don't know what she's giving up.

DAX: I'm sure Julian will understand. Besides, he can still publish the results from your first treatments.

Yikes is this a bad time to bring that up. Melora's happiness is more important than any fame Bashir would get through writing this paper, and acting like it's a fair tradeup is incredibly insensistive!

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Medical Log: I wonder if the fact that I get to make a log entry will impress today's blonde guest star....

This joke is half baked. You shouldn't confuse medical logs with station logs, and Melora knows how any official log works.

Jadzia: So you've gone from stalking me to the alien chick of the week?
Bashir: Not at all. I just understand that "alien chick from a low-grav environment" in any science fiction TV show inevitably equals "low-grav make-out scene."

Like that's something to be excited about. The extra stagehands and hardware would suck the romance out of the scene in seconds.

Melora: I absolutely refuse to be babysat. I'm going alone!
Bashir: And if you get eaten by a savage lifeform or fried by an exploding console?
Melora: Hello? Does this shirt look red to you or are you just color-blind?

This gag doesn't work outside of TOS.

Bashir: Ah, the joys of Klingon dining.
Melora: Eeeew, this isn't live worms...it's leola root soup. Fix it at once, p'taK!
Klingon Chef: Oh my God...leola root soup? I have dishonored my restaurant!

You sure did! Incidentally the Chef is never given a name in canon, but several books gave him the name Kaga, after one of the Iron Chefs. Legends of the Ferengi gives him the name Kalaw, but I'd put that on a lower tier of canon than the actual novels.

Melora: You and Julian aren't having some sort of fling, are you?
Jadzia: Me and Julian? Hahahaha...are you kidding? Not even if I was killed by Dukat while he was possessed by a pah-wraith, and then got a new, more naive host who wasn't able to control herself!
Melora: ...and we all know the odds of that happening are, like, nonexistent.

This doesn't work because Ezri said outright that if Worf had never come Jadzia would've been with Julian eventually.

Quark: Pleeeeease, Odo, have mercy on poor little me!
Odo: Ha. I laugh at you, miserable Ferengi scum. Hahaha. But I'll save your butt anyway.
Quark: Why? You hate me.
Odo: Yeah, but have you ever seen "Caretaker, Part Two"?

Well, that's an interesting coincidence.

Jadzia: You know, this reminds me of "The Little Mermaid." Of course, she ended up committing suicide at the end.

I wouldn't call it "suicide" exactly, but that's another screed.

Melora: Not so fast! Since I'm not dead, I'm going to disable the gravity and use Mad Matrix Skillz!

Ha ha. "Mad Matrix Skillz"... I don't think the budget would allow that on the shows airing NOW.

Memory Alpha

* Scriptwriter Evan Somers was wheelchairbound himself and wanted to do the episode not just because of the obvious reason but also because he wanted to do a better job talking about the issues than "Ethics" did. I would argue that it was two completely different scenarios, but that's another screed...
* They also wanted to write a recurring girlfriend for Bashir, but I think the idea to do it with Melora was ludicrous. The budget would simply not allow for wirework in more than one episode.
* The wheelchair from "Too Short a Season" was still in storage, but it was too big for the DS9 sets.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil rants for a bit about how Yridians are supposed to eat and drink with that extra flap.
* Wouldn't all Starfleet officers be trained to operate in zero gravity if they had to? So why is Bashir so clumsy?
* When Dax and Melora are in the Gamma Quadrant we never see the warp effect from the inside or outside. Are they piddling around the mouth of the wormhole at impulse?
* Bashir's solution to Melora's inability to operate in normal gravity is to strengthen the signals going from her brain to her limbs? Isn't the real problem her musculature that isn't strong enough to carry and move her body in standard gravity? This seems more like a problem that you'd need specialized nanites to solve, right?
* He brings up using a multilegged machine instead of a wheelchair, but admits that the TV budget wouldn't allow it. I'll say, can you imagine the stop motion costs! Plus you couldn't even have Melora near anyone else or talk because the special effects at the time wouldn't allow it.
* Phil thinks that the station will be upgraded for antigrav because in two episodes an antigrav stretcher will be used. I say that the Cardassians would've had their own antigrav stretchers that the DS9 people could obtain, plus Melora's antigravs require much more cross-system coordination than a stretcher.
* How does Kot have a phaser, I thought Odo had sensors to detect such things?
* What about the security force fields, where are they this week?
* The creators made no attempt to make the gagh look like anything other than gummy worms, plus gagh is supposed to be served alive.

[Nate the Great]

November 6th, 1993, "Rules of Acquisition"

I always thought that this was a terribly generic name for a Ferengi episode. Someone was being lazy on this one.

No fiver

The Episode

QUARK: Tell me, Lieutenant, how did you get to be so good at tongo?
DAX: Actually, it was Curzon that played it all the time.
ROM: Well, that explains it. It's Curzon who's beating us, not this female.

It's rather late for Rom to still show this kind of chauvinism.

ROM: Maybe so, but I still prefer a Ferengi female. One who never wears clothes, never talks back, and never plays tongo.

Boy did this one not age well. Why is Rom playing tongo, anyway, he doesn't have the lobes for it...

PEL: My apologies, Quark, but I really think you should try this.
(a handful of what look like dried peas)
QUARK: What is it?
PEL: A way to double your beverage profits. Taste it.
(Quark has one and immediately sips his water)
PEL: You see? Just as I told you. He immediately reached for his drink.
QUARK: So I did. (has another one) Amazing. You don't even realise you're thirsty. What are they?
PEL: Gramilian Sand Peas. They inhibit secretion of the salivary glands while drying out the tissues of the tongue. It works every time. If you replace your complimentary dishes of lokar beans with Gramilian sand peas, you won't be able to fill your customers' glasses fast enough.

I get that Pel wants to impress Quark, but during a game of tongo is not the appropriate time unless Pel wants to distract Quark long enough to win.

ZEK: Can I interest you in some Hupyrian beetle snuff?
SISKO: I don't think so.
ZEK: Major?
KIRA: No, thank you.

I have to wonder what the appeal is in beetle snuff. Is there a nicotine equivalent in beetle snuff, or does the pleasure lie in the sneezing process?

SISKO: I understand you're planning to host a business conference here at the station.
ZEK: Yes, with the Dosi, a race from the Gamma Quadrant. A very profitable opportunity for all concerned, I might add.
KIRA: Profitable for the Ferengi, maybe.
ZEK: Are you implying something, Major?
KIRA: Me? Not at all. No. The Ferengi's reputation speaks for itself.
ZEK: A reputation of honesty, and decency, and reliability. You always know what to expect when you do business with the Ferengi.
KIRA: Which is why, if you're smart, you don't do business with the Ferengi.
SISKO: I think you've made your point, Major.

It's a little late in the series for Kira to still be so tactless. She's said before that she wants to put her days of battle behind her and be a good administrator to help her people. Annoying the leader of another nation isn't helping things.

On the whole I dislike characters who insist on expressing their displeasure every time lest someone consider them to be getting weak. If Kira's confidence is based on annoying every Cardassian, Ferengi, etc. she sees, she's not in the right job. She should be back on Bajor married to a farmer.

KIRA: In other words, Zek, Grand Nagus or no Grand Nagus, if we allow you to hold these negotiations here, and we find out you're cheating the Dosi, I'll see to it that you never set foot on this station again.

This is a problem. What the Bajorans consider to be cheating, what the Federation consider to be cheating, what the Dosi consider to be cheating, and what the Ferengi consider to be cheating are different things. Does she even have the power to ban the Nagus and cause a diplomatic incident?

ZEK: Tulaberries will establish a Ferengi presence inside the Gamma Quadrant. And once we get our foot in the door, they'll never get it out.
QUARK: Yes, I see.

This plan is rather dubious even before you throw the Dominion into the mix.

(Pel gets a case out from under the bed, takes off her fake lobes and jacket, and relaxes)

I can't help but think that applying and removing fake lobes that are supposed to look real should require more steps and probably assistance from a second person.

(Kira's bottom is pinched)
KIRA: If you ever do that again.
ZEK: Do what?

Yeah, that's sexual harassment and assault. Kira should be arresting Zek and dragging him down to the security office.

INGLATU: We'll give you five thousand vats.
QUARK: I'm afraid that won't be enough. We're looking to establish a vast distribution network in the Gamma Quadrant. We'll need at least ten thousand vats.

It makes you wonder how much a "vat" is. I get that neither of these species are speaking English, but the Universal Translator between the scene and us in the audience exists for a reason. I would've preferred the use of "barrel" instead.

PEL: The Nagus has asked Quark to represent him during these negotiations.
ZYREE: Are you implying that Zek is too important to negotiate with us?

Are you implying that you're on the same level as a nagus? Because you really aren't.

INGLATU: Because if we kill you, (Inglatu snaps the PADD in half) Zek will have to talk to us.

Even Ferengi PADDs should be stronger than that.

(It's a golden earring)
DAX: It's beautiful.
KIRA: It's latinum.

Do you mean gold-pressed latinum, or are we still operating on the assumption that latinum is a solid metal?

[Nate the Great]

DAX: I admit they place too much emphasis on profit, and their behaviour toward women is somewhat primitive.
KIRA: They're greedy, misogynistic, untrustworthy little trolls and I wouldn't turn my back on one of them for a second.
DAX: Neither would I. But once you accept that, you'll find they can be a lot of fun.

And as Sisko will tell Worf in a couple years, once you understand the rules that Ferengi operate by, you'll understand why they act the way that they do.

ZEK: Well I've been thinking, too, and ten thousand vats of tulaberry wine aren't enough. Tell them we want a hundred thousand.
QUARK: A hundred thousand? But I'm not sure they'll even agree to sell us ten thousand.
ZEK: A hundred thousand vats would mean more profit for them and for us. Now do as I say, or I'm going to take over the negotiations myself.

It's too early to start in on Zek's Ferengi Alzheimer's. He's supposed to be the best businessman in the Alliance, so he should be written as such.

DAX: I don't care what anybody says, I love him.
PEL: So do I.
DAX: You really do, don't you?
PEL: What?
DAX: Love Quark. Don't bother trying to deny it. I've seen the way you look at him.
PEL: Please, keep your voice down.
DAX: Does he know?
PEL: He doesn't even know I'm a female.
DAX: You're a woman?

And here's a big problem. "Can Quark learn to respect the business skills of a woman" and "Can Quark love a nontraditional Ferengi woman" are two different plots, and both are done a disservice by cramming them into a single episode. Throw in Zek's nonsense and there just isn't room to do anything properly.

ZEK: This is a catastrophe. A complete catastrophe. This was your big chance, Quark, and you blew it. You may have seriously harmed future Ferengi opportunities in the Gamma Quadrant.

And now Zek has ruined any chance for likability. Like Pel said, he's willing to throw anyone under the bus to benefit himself. I will refrain from comparing him to any current politician, you know who I mean.

PEL: We're going to travel to the Gamma Quadrant, find the Dosi and get them to sign the contract.

How is this supposed to work? The Dosi didn't respect you when you were official representatives of the Nagus, they're not going to respect you when you're just desperate little weasels.

ODO: Well, I suppose if I did have a brother, even one as worthless as Quark, I wouldn't let anyone come between us.

Boy is there a screed to be had here, but I'll skip it.

PEL: But you know what the hundred and third Rule of Acquisition says.
QUARK: Not offhand.
PEL: Sleep can interfere with
QUARK: And I don't care either.

The expanded universe establishes the 103rd Rule as "Sleep can interfere with opportunity". And Quark should have all 285 memorized at all times.

Incidentally while canon states 285 Rules, the novels have gone up to 294, plus Neelix's fake 299th Rule, plus a 431st from Star Trek Online.

PEL: Who's the Karemma?
ZYREE: An important power in the Dominion.
QUARK: The Dominion? What's that?
ZYREE: Let's just say if you want to do business in the Gamma Quadrant, you have to do business with the Dominion.

And here we are. I do wish that they had established that exploration had reached a new region of the Gamma Quadrant or something to justify this meeting in the second season.

QUARK: Nobody's going to tell Zek anything. Is that clear?
ROM: But she's a female.
QUARK: Not so loud.
ROM: Who wears clothes and is trying to earn profit. Why, she even quotes from the sacred Rules of Acquisition. Such a female must be severely punished.
QUARK: I know that.

It would be interesting to chart how much Rom's character changed in seven years, but I won't be doing it. They should've at least had an episode explaining that Rom has officially given up on being a good Ferengi businessman, possibly tied with his dreams for Nog.

PEL: What is it?
QUARK: Ten bars of latinum. To help you start a new life.

Ten bars! Quark is being uncharacteristically generous. If this this his idea of love, I wish they'd explained it better.

PEL: I love you, Quark, and I know you care about me, too. Admit it.
QUARK: What difference does it make if I do? You'd never be happy being a Ferengi wife.

Exactly. Pel is supposed to be as smart as any man, yet this obvious fact escaped her.

And once again the episode ends without actually resolving the central conflict. Quark's opinion on women hasn't changed, and Pel is now in virtual exile. She really should've returned in the final seasons as a friend of Ishka's.

Memory Alpha

* First episode where homosexuality is treated as acceptable, but since it's Dax the writers can avoid giving the current human opinion.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why didn't Pel take her fake lobe case with her to the Gamma Quadrant? That way Rom wouldn't have found it.
* Zek's servant rides a turbolift to Ops to give Kira a gift from Zek. Isn't the turbolift programmed to only allow authorized personnel to reach Ops?
* The transporter on Zek's ship doesn't use the established Ferengi transporter effect, instead using the Cardassian effect used with the station's transporters.

[Nate the Great]

November 14th, 1994, "Necessary Evil"

No fiver

The Episode

PALLRA: My husband kept a strongbox in our shop on the station, buried in the wall. I want you to bring it to me.

While this is an interesting plot point, it just doesn't make sense. This episode really should've been in early season one before the Starfleet crew does a complete scan of the entire station. By now the box would've been found.

PALLRA: And I can pay you five bars of latinum.

And here we are, writers not caring about currency. Courtesy of Memory Alpha, other things stated to be worth five bars include:
* Seven tessipates of land on Bajor. We have to assume that a tessipate is at least an acre.
* Nog's life savings.
* Quark's wager on the Sisko vs. Q fight.
* The services of five Nausicaans plus a fast ship.
* A day's profits at Quarks.

So to be generous we have to assume that five bars is in the neighborhood of a few thousand dollars at the very least and a few dozen thousand at the very most. So Quark should be asking where she intends to get five bars if she can't afford to keep her lights on.

Commence Station Security log. Stardate 47282.5. At the request of Commander Sisko, I will hereafter be recording a daily log of law enforcement affairs. The reason for this exercise is beyond my comprehension, except perhaps that humans have a compulsion to keep records and lists and files. So many, in fact, that they have to invent new ways to store them microscopically, otherwise their records would overrun all known civilisation.

Always a fun entry. We also know about storing information microscopically from back in "The Drumhead." I'd bring up the bioneural gelpacks, but think that those things are more like RAM than ROM.

QUARK: Now, when we get to the entrance, you stay flat against the wall. It's a pulsatel lockseal. I can get it to release in twenty five seconds.
ROM: Twenty five seconds? But somebody will see us. Let me do it.
QUARK: You? We'd be at it all night.
ROM: All night? No, only about ten seconds.
QUARK: How would you get a pulsatel lockseal to release in ten seconds?
ROM: You have one on the storeroom door.
QUARK: So?
ROM: Sometimes, when you forget to leave me the desealer, I have to get the storeroom open.
QUARK: You've unsealed the storeroom without my knowledge?
ROM: Only to serve a customer's needs.
QUARK: In ten seconds?
ROM: You forget fairly often.

A great exchange, but the problem is that it takes longer that it would've taken for Quark to do it his way. And this bit is supposed to show that Rom is smarter than he looks, but it just introduces a contradiction. So Rom creates new ways to open safes, but neglects to tell Quark until directly asked. There's another screed to be had here.

QUARK: You got into my latinum floor vault with that?
(Fizz, fizz, fizz, fizz, clunk)
ROM: I didn't want to tell you because then you'd know I'd burned off your floor plates, but I replaced them out of my own salary, brother.

And once again Rom is an idiot. If he was actually smart he would've told Quark that he's not paying for the new floor plates because if Quark had trusted him with a key that this wouldn't be necessary. Why is Quark leaving Rom in charge if he's not going to give him complete access to the latinum?

KIRA: Security's stopping everyone at the airlocks but it took them five minutes to get in position. The assailant may already be on a ship.

This is just stupid. On a station as big as DS9 both Ops and the security office should be able to seal all of the airlocks remotely. This should be a dedicated panel. It takes ages to get anywhere on the station, it's just that big (and I definitely get the impression that Cardassian turbolifts are much slower than Starfleet ones).

DUKAT: Yes. You did a Cardassian neck trick that brought the house down.

Quark will later imitate the Cardassian neck trick. It's implied that it's just Odo flaring out his neck to resemble Cardassian neck flaps. I'm not seeing the humor.