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Five-Minute "Blood Oath"

by Nate the Great

Quark: It's so cool that Kor's been in that holosuite for hours and hours more than he booked! Now I can make a killing charging him late fees!
Odo: Well, we can't have that. Time to get him out of there.
Quark: Spoilsport.
Odo: The highlight of my day.

Odo: Playtime's over.
Kor: And what do you think you're going to do to make me?
Odo: Wait until you pass out, you drunken sot.
Kor: Sounds like a plan. Very sound strategyyyyy.... (CRASH!)
Odo: Have fun cleaning up the broken table and the messy holodeck, Quark. Glad it's you and not me! Bwahahaha!
Quark: I think I'm starting to rub off on him. Cool!

Koloth: What'd he do?
Odo: You can smell the bloodwine from here. What'd you think he did?
Koloth: Something really dumb. He ordered the 2305. I thought I told him never to buy that cheap stuff. A Dahar Master demands bloodwine of quality. 2293 at least!

Odo: I can't believe he left Kor with me! I'm a cop, not a babysitter!
Dax: Did you say Kor? Nifty, let's go see my old pal!
Odo: "Nifty?"
Quark: I decided a long time ago to see her lingo as charming.
Odo: Of course you would. I'm starting to wish I could drink. Maybe I'll just go bang my head against the wall until this is over.

Dax: The least I could do was get you out of that cell, Kor. Hey Koloth, you ice man! Yeah, I know it's a new body, but I'm Dax. How's it hangin', bro?
Koloth: Kang must not have known you're in a new body.
Dax: He's coming? You mean, it's Albino-hunting time? Awesome, let's go kick butt!
Kor: Was Dax always like this?
Koloth: If Curzon had been like this we would've given him to the Albino.

Dax: Hey, the gang's all here! Bahgols all around!
Kang: Maybe later. I found a new lead on the Albino. He's been hiding for decades, ever since he killed our sons. We are finally gonna get our revenge!
Dax: Sounds like a plan. We have to be careful, though, or else we might fall into one of his traps.
Koloth: We don't have to worry about that, we can handle it! Are we Dahar Masters or are we Dahar Masters?
Kor: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we're Dahar Masters.
Dax: And you criticized my vocabulary. This is gonna be a long trip.

Kang: I'm sorry Curzon couldn't make it to this day.
Dax: I know, but that's the way it goes.
Kang: You seem less bubbly today.
Dax: I ate too much bad gagh yesterday.
Kang: Sorry, I had to replicate the fat-free gagh. I'm over a hundred years old -- I have to watch my waist.

Kira: What's wrong?
Dax: I'm contemplating killing a man in cold blood. What do you think's wrong?
Kira: So you want to fulfill a promise that you technically never made to kill a man that you technically never met, a promise that you're not under any obligation to keep, knowing all the time that in the long run it doesn't matter?
Dax: Pretty much, yeah.
Kira: That is a problem. Glad it's not mine. See ya!

Dax: The others don't want me to come.
Kor: What they think doesn't matter. What do you want to do?
Dax: I want to go. Will you convince them?
Kor: Help a friend or drink more bloodwine... that's a toughie. Pour me a drink so I can think it over.

Koloth: I'm practicing here! Get out, little girl!
Dax: Not until you say I can come. Computer, give me a bat'leth so I can kick his butt.
Computer: No problem -- he's been having me create enemies so fast he's interrupted my Freecell session. Make him pay.
Dax: No problem. Banzai!
Koloth: Wow, that's a lot of holocorpses. Cool -- um, I mean, impressive.

Koloth: Fine, you can come.
Kang: No, you can't!
Dax: Oh, give it up. I'm coming whether you like it or not.
Kang: Whatever. I wash my hands of you... what's that smell?
Dax: That's soap. You wouldn't have smelled it before.

Sisko: You can't go!
Dax: Why not?
Sisko: You're not a murderer! Curzon wasn't a murderer! He was a --
Dax: A guy who stood up to three Klingons and made them respect him. I gotta do this, if only for the frequent flyer miles! See ya later!

Dax: Let's just kill him in his sleep.
Kang: Not a chance! We have to fight him head on!
Dax: You just want to die in battle.
Kang: He called me. He said he'd kill us in honorable combat!
Dax: That sounds like a reasonable, logical arrangement. Too bad I'm blowing it out the airlock. I'm a woman -- deal with it.

Dax: We'll use technobabble to stop all their energy weapons. By the way, I scanned his compound again. He was gonna blow us up the instant we went through the gate. That doesn't sound too honourable, does it?
Kang: I'm gonna kill that guy!
Koloth: I thought that's what we came for.
Kang: Oh yeah. Well, I'll kill him A LOT!
Dax: Nice comeback. Even I'm quaking in my boots.

Guard: The phasers aren't working.
Albino: Oh, this is just great. Just duct-tape knives onto the ends and get back out there!
Guard: Oh yeah, I forgot our secret weapon.
Albino: Never underestimate the power of duct tape.

Koloth: GAK! I've been stabbed! I'm dying!
Kor: You're not pulling a "Sir Lancelot's squire" on me?
Koloth: No, you old fool! Sto-Vo-Kor, here I come! Boo-yeah!
Kang: "Boo-yeah?"
Koloth: I'm not entitled to choose whatever I want as my last -- GAK!

Albino: Hey, Kang! Tag, you're dead!
Kang: "GAK!"
Albino: Why are there quotation marks around that? Whatever. Hey, you, little girl, time to die, my pretty little -- GAK!
Kang: Now that was nifty! GAK!

Sisko: How was it?
Dax: Not as fun as I thought.
Kira: I'm not at all sorry to hear that.
Dax: That's not what I meant. It was better! Boo-yeah!
Sisko: I'm going to Quark's for a stiff drink. Please don't bother me until I wake up in Odo's cell.
(DS9 rotates at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on May 23, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Nate Grant.