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Five-Minute "Equilibrium"

by Derek Dean

Jadzia: Who plays keyboard?
Jake: I used to try to pick up girls with it, but I found levers worked better.
Jadzia: I'd kill to be able to play the keyboard.
Bashir: You seem to be playing fine without killing anyone.
Jadzia: Don't tempt me.

Jadzia: Queen to Queen's Level 3.
Sisko: Queen to King's Level 1.
Jadzia: Wait, you can't do that. We're not playing three-dimensional chess.
Sisko: In that case you can't do your move either.
Jadzia: Meany!

Masked Man: Woooooooooooooo....
Jadzia: Who was that strange masked man?
Quark: The Lone Ranger?

Jadzia: I'm sorry I called you a meany, Commander Babyface.
Sisko: I think I liked meany better.
Bashir: Your hosttrillcommunication levels are way down.
Jadzia: Gasp! That's what facilitates communication between the host and trill!
Sisko: Spare me your technobabble, just fix her.
Bashir: Only if we take a roadtrip to Trill.
Sisko: Roads? Where we're going we won't need roads.

Jadzia: Can I sleep with you?
Bashir: Yes! Yes! A million times yes!
Jadzia: I mean in your quarters.
Bashir: Wherever you'd like.

Renhol: Take two of these and call me in the morning. Not too early though, I sleep in.
Jadzia: Ick. I don't like medicine.
Renhol: You'll like these. They taste like chocolate.
Bashir: What do the little 'm's on them mean?
Renhol: They stand for, um, medicine.

Bashir: Time for some sleep.
Jadzia: I'd much rather have a hallucination.
Masked Man: You called?
Jadzia: Who are you, oh hauntingly musical masked man?
Masked Man: Isn't it obvious? I'm the Phantom of the Opera!

Renhol: Maybe the medicine isn't working. Take these, um, super-medicines!
Jadzia: I think I want a second opinion.
Renhol: Okay, you're ugly too.

Timor: Hey, Dax. Do you have a new host or are you just happy to see me?
Bashir: That's the most disturbing line I've heard.
Jadzia: Do you know why I'm experiencing all these hallucinations?
Timor: They're either repressed memories from a homicidal host or that pizza you had last night.
Jadzia: Hm. I wonder which one....

Sisko: The computer identified the music as "The Music of the Night".
Jadzia: Let me see the guy who wrote it.
Sisko: The computer says it was Joran Belar.
Bashir: (muttering) I thought it was Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Masked Man: Mwahahahaha!
Doctor: GAK!
Jadzia: Let's see who this masked man really is! Gasp! It's Colonel West!
Joran: Actually, I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Jadzia: Actually, you're Joran.

Renhol: I'm going to have to remove the symbiont.
Sisko: Oh no! What will we do without Dax?
Renhol: You can stop pretending.
Sisko: Thanks.

Bashir: Hey look. Joran died at the same time as Torias Dax.
Sisko: Open hailing frequencies.
Bashir: To whom?
Sisko: I don't care... anyone.
Yolad: (over the comm) Joran was my brother, and he was joined.
Sisko: I love our comm system.

Renhol: Scalpel, screwdriver, buzzsaw. Yep, I'm ready to begin surgery.
Sisko: Not so fast, we've figured out the whole thing.
Renhol: Oh no! Not that 50% of the population can be joined and we're going to kill Jadzia to continue to cover up that fact!
Sisko: Um, yes, that too.

Jadzia: Hey, Joran.
Joran: Hey, Jadzia. Notice how I'm not trying to kill anyone? This will be the last time.
Jadzia: Yeah, whatever.

Sisko: How you doing, killer?
Jadzia: I think I liked "old man" better.
Sisko: Tough. Now play something meaningful on the keyboard over there.
(Jadzia plays the theme from "The Inner Light" at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on September 20, 2003.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2003, Derek Dean.