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5MV: Behind the Insanity

(Based on an IM chat)

by Zeke, Marc Richard, IJD GAF and Kira

On June 6, 2002, the 5MV administration -- Zeke, Kira, Marc Richard, and IJD GAF -- met on MSN Messenger together for the first time to plan a special feature for Time Travel Week that eventually became "Paneldemonium". (We refer to it here as a This Just In article, which was the original idea.) As you'll see, jokes were made about publishing the chat due to the fact that we find ourselves hilarious. Eventually, we decided to do it for real.

The text has been edited slightly for coherence. (Some of us *cough*IJD GAF*cough* don't use capitals or punctuation.) Well...some coherence, anyways.

Yes, we're nuts. Enjoy.

IJD GAF: Finally, the four of us...face to face for the first time, for the last time....

Marc: Just like in that movie The Fifth Element!

IJD GAF: (Sorry, just watched Spaceballs the other day.)

Kira: *BAM BAM* I hereby call to order the first meeting of the 5MV Administration.

Zeke: I love that movie. FE, not Spaceballs.

IJD GAF: LOL, I figured.

Kira: Speaking of stupid tangents, I think we need a moderator. (Ahem)

Zeke: Well, who's the most mature one of us?

IJD GAF: *looks for neutral moderator*

Kira: Neutral? Pfft. Somebody yell at people who go off topic. I don't care who it is.

IJD GAF: Why don't we just speak one at a time?

Kira: Good plan.

Zeke: Marc. I declare Marc judge of what's relevant. I can't trust anyone else, especially me.

Marc: Is that because I'm older than anyone else here, hence supposedly mature?

Zeke: Um...no. It's because you're...(help me out, IJD)....

IJD GAF: Uh....

Kira: From Quebec.

IJD GAF: Alphabetically in the middle?

Zeke: Yeah!

Marc: Hey, whatever works.

Zeke: You're alphabetically in the middle of Quebec. No, wait.

Kira: Okay, TJI. Zeke, you said you had an idea?

IJD GAF: Would that be 'e' or 'b'?

Zeke: Yes, but I can't explain it. It's like the Matrix.

Kira: Oh, big help.

Zeke: I mean it's like the Matrix as in I can't explain it.

Marc: Were you planning (Zeke) to write up something for us to look at?

Zeke: No one can be told what the idea is. You have to see it for yourself.

Kira: Well then why are we brainstorming about it?

Zeke: And I will show you!

IJD GAF: What if we opt for the blue pill?

Zeke: ...when it exists.

Kira: Blast!

Marc: What blue pill? Viagra?

Zeke: Okay, I hereby declare Marc the LEAST mature one of us.

Kira: Well, can you give us any idea. (Hey! No Viagra! Stay on topic!)

IJD GAF: This is just hilarious....

Zeke: Ever seen the "It's the Mind" segment on Monty Python? Déjà vu?

Kira: No.

Zeke: It's like that.

Kira: Great.

Zeke: Hang on. (gives the others a URL for the Monty Python skit)

Marc: IJD, a humourists' meeting is supposed to be humourous...just like an anarchists' meeting is supposed to be called to disorder.

Kira: Okay, let's all stop talking so I can read this. <g>

Zeke: Reading it is no substitute for seeing it, but it'll do.

Marc: While Kira is reading: Zeke, if your TJI plan is now being worked on (by you), do we need to brainstorm about it?

Zeke: Of course not. Is THAT what the meeting's about?

Marc: If it IS, then we'll have to adjourn!

Kira: LMAO, that Monty Python is hilarious.

Zeke: Meeting adjourned. Go back to your lives, citizens.

Kira: How is that hard to explain? Hey! No leaving!

Zeke: Okay, Kira, you explain it.

Kira: It's like "Cause and Effect."

Zeke: Damn.

Kira: Heh heh. Well, I did five it.

Zeke: You've won this round... but not the war.

Marc: As unofficial chair of this meeting I hereby declare that I have no idea where this conversation is going. Help please?


Marc: Zeke, do you need us to brainstorm ideas for the content?

Zeke: No! I won't even LET you do that!

Kira: Then why the frell are we here?

Zeke: Where did the brainstorming issue start?

Marc: Okay, meeting adjourned again!

IJD GAF: *sits back, reads patiently*

Kira: That was the whole point, you dolt. Remember how I said we should all brainstorm for a TJI and you said "great idea"?

Zeke: I thought we were just meeting for the sake of meeting! You know, like the United Nations!

Kira: Well, what about a second feature at the end of the week?

Marc: IJD: Let's you and I sit back and watch this. Pass the popcorn will you?

IJD GAF: Ooh, is it cheddar popcorn? That's great stuff....


Zeke: A panel discussion! With all of us and This Reporter, and time goes wonky in the middle.

Kira: Backwards paragraphs. I'm telling you, it's gold.

Zeke: And we all write our own lines.

IJD GAF: A panel discussion, eh?

Zeke: Yep. We'll talk about panels.

Kira: Sweet. How about some kind of temporal anomaly was discovered, and we all give completely different accounts of what happened.

Marc: Formica panels or oak ones?

IJD GAF: ...I wouldn't put it past us to make that the actual subject in the TJI.

Zeke: Beltran-skin, Marc.

Kira: Okay, somebody has to use that "panel" line.

Marc: Beltran panels ARE made of oak.

Zeke: Maybe we should just publish this CHAT.

IJD GAF: Well we all know the Beltran joke should be in it.

Kira: I'm saving it for future blackmail...er, reference.

IJD GAF: What, and disclose the top secret council of 5MV elders to the regular population?


Zeke: I think we should be talking about panels, and a temporal anomaly happens DURING the talk.

IJD GAF: I agree.

Kira: Elaborate.

IJD GAF: ...but currently, my thoughts are still drawn to that cheddar popcorn....

Kira: Quiet, you.

Marc: Munch munch.

Zeke: And I just figured out how we should do this thing. I send the introduction and my first line to Marc. He adds his line and sends it to Kira. She adds hers and sends it to IJD....

Kira: Oh yeah, that wouldn't get insane or anything.

Marc: Oh, jeez, not a round robin!

Zeke: It'd be fun! AND insane!


Zeke: By the way [Marc], you chat like you're writing e-mail.

IJD GAF: Hehe.

Kira: I know, he takes too long. <g>

Zeke: And you eat like you mate.

Kira: LOL!

Marc: I'm new at this. Besides, SOMEBODY has to be the coherent one here!

Kira: Yeah, we'll have to look into somebody for that position.

Zeke: It's me. I use punctuation and capital letters.


Zeke: Weird's part of the job.

Kira: Hey, no stealing lines from Janeway.

Zeke: Why not? I stole her hair.


Zeke: I'll just do the introduction myself rather than have This Reporter do it.

IJD GAF: Now I'm almost completely confused....

Kira: That's no fun.

IJD GAF: Hmm...okay, maybe just over half confused, but still.

Zeke: This is work, not fun.

Kira: Then how come I don't get paid?

Zeke: When you work for me, you work like a SLAVE.

IJD GAF: Erm, you do have a real job. <g>

Marc: (Mutters to himself: "THIS is what I got MSN Messenger for?")


When IJD GAF had to leave, something went wrong on Zeke's end of the chat. Zeke could see what Marc and I were saying, but although we could see that Zeke was typing something, none of his comments were coming through. This was the inspiration for IJD being inaudible in Part 2 of Paneldemonium. Here’s what the chat looked like from Zeke’s end. He thought we could hear him but that his jokes were just falling flat.

IJD GAF: ...anyway, I'm gone, g'bye.

Zeke: Bye IJD!

(IJD leaves)

Kira: I don't doubt it, Marc.

Zeke: Are you serious? No, you're not. And I'm a sucker. I am sucker, see me suck. Looked at your June 6 thread? FatMat just made the funniest post of his life.

Marc: Hello...am I still connected?

Zeke: Yes.

Kira: Yes.

Zeke: It's gone silent.

Marc: Good.

Zeke: I blame Kira.

Kira: Zeke is taking forever. <g>

Zeke: Silence, minion.

Marc: Call him the Guardian of Forever.

Zeke: No, wait. Silence is what we DON'T want.

Kira: Heh.

Zeke: Unsilence, minion.

Kira: "Guardian of Soon."

Zeke: ROFL!

Marc: Hmm...Fiver/Forever. Coincidence?

Zeke: Um... crap. I don't think you two are hearing me. If you can hear me, say "Pavlov."

Marc: Dum de dum de dum.


Marc: This conversation gave me a slight headache!

Kira: Slight? Lucky you.

Got a comment on "5MV: Behind the Insanity"? Contact the authors: Zeke, Marc Richard, IJD GAF, and Kira.

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This was based on a chat on June 6, 2002.
Date of publication at 5MV: July 4, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're insane. That's our excuse for anybody's toes we've stepped on.

All material © 2002, Colin Hayman, Marc Richard, IJD GAF and Carolyn Paterson.