Sleapers, Part 4
by Derek Dean
by Derek Dean
A manifestation of Alternate Universe Week
Marc: I didn't think the vortex could take more than four people with us.|
Kira: Maybe it's because we used an annotated copy of Ulysses.
Zeke: You brought the hostage with us? What good can he possibly do us here?
IJD: Having a Sheriff as a hostage could be an extremely helpful bargaining chip.
Zeke: But we're on a different world! And he might not even be a Sheriff on this world. He might just be some loser who practically lives on the internet and makes bad math jokes.
Kira: Speaking of this world, I wonder what the single defining characteristic of this world is.
Zeke: Maybe it'll be pie!
Kira, IJD, and Marc: Groan.
Kira: It was cute the first forty-seven times you said that, but this is the forty-seven hundredth.
Zeke: There's no way you could possibly have kept track of that.
Kira: Sure there is. I made a small blue mark on my skin everytime you said that, then when I ran out of skin, I started marking IJD and Marc.
Zeke: Wait, are you telling me that the three of you aren't naturally blue-skinned?
IJD: We already did that.
Dean: Huh? You four? How did you get out? Where am I? Why won't my arms move?
Zeke: Does this remind anyone else of that world where everyone spoke in questions?
Marc: Are you asking me?
Kira: Why do you think he'd be asking you?
IJD: Is that tree over there a cedar?
Dean: Stop that. I ought to bring all four of you up on charges of battery for throwing that metal object at me.
Marc: Would those be positive or negative charges?
Kira: Um, I don't know how to tell you this, but you've sleaped with us into another dimension.
Dean: So you do know how to tell me this.
Kira: Uh, yeah, I guess I do.
Dean: I must tell you that in our culture, what you've done would be considered a crime.
IJD: Please don't arrest us, Sheriff Dean!
Dean: Arrest you? That world was as boring as a mole!
Zeke: Moles aren't boring.
Kira: He means boring as in tunnelling.
Zeke: I knew that.
Marc: Well, I guess you'll have to come with us. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Sheriff.
Derek: Call me Derek. And my story is no different than anyone else's I suppose, except of course for the radioactive pogo stick, but --
Windham: Hey! What are you five doing in the the park?
Windham: But you're in the middle of the sidewalk! Can't you read the sign?
IJD: "Keep off the sidewalk." Looks like we can.
Marc: But why would they call it a sidewalk if --
Windham: Get off the sidewalk! Do you know what the penalty for being caught on it is?
Zeke, Kira, Marc, and IJD: Death.
Derek: How do you know that?
IJD: The penalty for anything in any alternate universe is always death.
Marc: Except for that one world where the penalty for anything was being sneezed on.
IJD: But even there you could get sneezed to death.
Winham: Would you five stop talking and get off the grass?
(The Sleapers quickly move onto the grass.)
Windham: That's better. Wait, don't I know you?
Marc: Who, us? I doubt it.
Windham: You mean to tell me you aren't Evil Marc?
Zeke: Uh oh.
IJD: Evil Marc?
Kira: Crap. We're in the Mirror Universe.
Marc: I know I might look like Evil Marc, but I assure you, I'm not him.
Windham: You're not fooling me for a second. I recognize all five of you: Evil Marc, Evil Derek, IGAF, Good Kira, and Zuke!
Kira: Good Kira?
Zeke: Gulp. Zuke?
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Got a comment on this part of "Sleapers"? Contact the author, Derek Dean.
DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're still breaking a few copyrights. Coincidentally, we're still insane. Now go fetch me my hunting rifle, it's cabbage season.
All material © 2003, Derek Dean.