Home Prev Features Next Home

Sleapers, Part 3

by Kira

A manifestation of Alternate Universe Week

As we left our heroes, they were in the clutches of the nefarious Sheriff Dean, trapped in a world where interdimensional travel is a crime. Without electricity to power their device, escape seems impossible -- could this be the end of the "Sleapers"?

Marc: There's really no need to be so overly dramatic, Kira.

Kira: (sulking) Zeke got to narrate.

Dean: I said, what do you think you're doing?

Kira: Nothing. We're figments of your imagination -- ignore us and we'll go away.

Zeke: For the last time, Kira, you can't do Jedi Mind Tricks.

Dean: Guards! Fetch the Baron!

IJD: If we think quickly, we can probably outwit these guys. They don't seem too swift.

Dean: I'm standing right here.


IJD: Okay, if we think quickly and talk quieter....

Marc: I'll only need another minute to get this battery hooked up to our device.

Zeke: What? Another minute? Give me that.

Marc: Okay, but what....

Zeke: (lobs the battery at the Sheriff)


Dean: Oof....

Kira: Holy crow! How did you know that battery would knock him out?

Zeke: Simple -- it's not an Energizer. Otherwise he would have just kept going and going and going....

IJD: (to Marc and Kira) Sound like anyone we know?

Zeke: (glare) I don't recall seeing any of you knock out the Sheriff.

Marc: Actually, we take turns knocking out the law enforcement every time you manage to get us arrested. You stole Kira's turn.

Kira: I'll take a raincheck. So if it was my turn to knock out the guard, whose turn is it to break us out of prison?

IJD: Mine, and I've already got a plan. (Cracks his knuckles and waves his arms around) Open sesame!

Marc: You call that a plan?

IJD: I don't remember you complaining on the wizard world.

Marc: You had turned me into a ferret.

IJD: Oh yeah. Okay, next plan. Anyone?

Zeke: (reaches forward and opens the cell door) Yeah -- check first to see if this world uses locks.

IJD: Hey! First you steal Kira's turn and now this?

Zeke: Ah, the sweet smell of freedom.

Kira: Is it just me, or does it smell more like "we're still really really screwed"?

Zeke: It's just you.

Marc: Actually, she's right -- we still need a way to activate the device to get off this world.

Kira: Exactly. Anything is better than this.

IJD: What about that world where sandwiches eat people?

Kira: Okay, almost anything.

(Several guards round the corner, guns drawn, followed by the Baron and a large dog)

Marc: Oh spluck.

Zeke: Great, now everybody is stealing my words!

IJD: I think we've got bigger problems.

Zeke: Name one.

Kira: Those guards charging us with what looks like intent to kill. And that dog looks hungry.

(The dog growls toothily)

Marc: Quick, grab the Sheriff -- we can use him as a hostage!

(IJD grabs the unconscious Sheriff's gun and points it at him)

IJD: Let's shoot him!

Kira: What are you on, speed?

Guard 1: Freeze, scumbags!

Guard 2: (to Guard 1) I keep telling you, insulting the prisoners doesn't make them surrender. Did that self-actualization seminar teach you nothing?

IJD: Touch us, and Sheriff Dean gets it!

Guard 1: You're going to shoot the Sheriff?

Guard 2: Please don't shoot the deputies.

Baron: Quiet, you two. Sheriff Dean is dispensible. Couldn't even catch that robbin' hood who kept swiping our picnic baskets. Guard 1, I hereby promote you to Sheriff.

Sheriff Guard 1: Woo h-- hey, don't I get a name now?

Kira: "We can use him as a hostage," huh? Good one, Marc.

Marc: It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now keep stalling them while I fix our device.

Zeke: Ahem. We'll return your Sheriff, Baron....

Sheriff Guard 1: Aw.

Zeke: ...soon.

Guard 2: Soon? What is this word, "soon"?

Kira: Well, since you asked....

Baron: (to the dog) Bernie, eat them!

Marc: Got it.

(A portal opens)

Baron: Ha! Opening an interdimensional portal will get you yet another life senten...

(The sleapers vanish through the portal)

Baron: Crap.

(The sleapers emerge from the portal in the middle of a large park)

Marc: I think that was our closest call yet.

IJD: You're forgetting that medieval world where Kira almost got burned at the stake for being a witch.

Kira: It wouldn't have been a close call if the three of you had stopped laughing long enough to rescue me sooner.

Marc: We couldn't help it after you misheard the charge as "being a bi--

Zeke: Hey, wait a minute -- what's he doing here?

(Zeke, Marc and Kira stare at IJD, who is still holding the unconscious Sheriff Dean by the arm)

IJD: Oh, as if I was going to leave our hostage behind.


Previous Part :: This Part :: Next Part

Got a comment on this part of "Sleapers"? Contact the author, Kira.

Site navigation:
___ Features
___ ___ Sleapers, Part 3

This was originally published on June 17, 2003.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, we're still breaking a few copyrights. Coincidentally, we're still insane. Now go fetch me my hunting rifle, it's cabbage season.

All material © 2003, Carolyn Paterson.