30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

The actual episode discussions don't start until the 28th, but I thought I'd start the thread and discuss the production history in advance.

A scan of the original series bible (http://leethomson.myzen.co.uk/Star_Trek/2_The_Next_Generation/Star_Trek_-_The_Next_Generation_Bible.pdf)

Pertinent quotes:

Ship's Mission: To expand the body of human knowledge. To provide assistance as required to Earth/Federation colonies, commerce and travelers. To provide for Earth/Federation security. To seek out new life, new civilizations. To provide further understanding of the universe and humanity's place in it. "Who are we? Where have we come from? What are we about? And where are we going?"

Commerce? I thought money didn't exist! Don't you just love Gene's optimism?

Humanity's place? Don't you mean sentient life or humanoid life?

A large part of the success of the original Star Trek series is attributable to the fact that it was not a star and co-star series, but a family ensemble in which the continuing characters felt great affection for each other, allowing the audience to identify with and share that same feeling of affection.

Ha ha. Tell that to Shatner and Nimoy's agents. The bit about this is "not a star and co-star series" makes me want to make a jab at Discovery, but I will refrain.

[Picard] has an unspoken but deep father-son relationship with [Riker].

Ha ha ha. Boy did THAT change!

Data is an ideal Starfleet officer.

Another hilarious joke. There's no such thing as the "ideal Starfleet officer", and the journey is the point of his character.

While [Jack Crusher's] death wasn't Picard's fault, it was his orders that sent [Beverly's] husband there and she has found it difficult to forgive Picard, although further stories will see the two developing a strong mutual attraction.

Did Beverly ever show resentment or anger toward Picard on this point?

Believability is everything. It is the most essential element of any Star Trek story.

Ha ha ha! Oh, man, that's a good one. Did Brannon and Braga ever read this before working on Voyager?

The people must be believable.

Insert mutiny-against-Janeway joke here.

Too often, script ideas show characters bouncing from solar system to solar system, planet to planet, without the slightest comprehension of the distances involved or the technologies required to support such travel.

Insert "writers can't do math" joke here.

[What doesn't work are] stories in which our characters must do something stupid or dangerous, or in which our technology breaks down in order to create a jeopardy. Our people are the best and the brightest, and our technology is tried and proven. Likewise, our characters are very committed to their mission. Please do not have them abandoning or betraying same because they have fallen in love with a beautiful pirate princess.

Oh, the list we could write of episodes that violate these rules...

Log entries are ALWAYS introduced with a stardate.

I guess the concept of "supplemental" hasn't been thought up yet.

A transporter effect reverse angle will sometimes be used, which will be the optical effect as seen from the perspective of a person actually being beamed somewhere.

Did they do this before Reg had transporter psychosis?

[Costumes will be] much less "military" looking than in the recent Star Trek films, since 24th century technology centers on enhancing quality of life, clothing will be comfortable as well as attractive.

If anything, I thought that the early TNG pajamas were less comfortable than the Monster Maroons! As for "attractive", I beg to differ.

It is possible that one wall of the personal quarters may be a "holographic window" much like the holodecks.

That would be awesome! Too bad the budget wouldn't support it. I'd love to have a "window" with a holographic forest and stream past it, how about you guys?

In discussions with friends, [Picard] pretends to believe that France represents "the only true civilization" to appear on Earth; and it delights him when a witty companion wants to prove the same for England, Italy, or China.

This sounds more like Chekov and Russia, 'cause I only saw genuine belief in French superiority from Picard. "Mister Data, for centuries on Earth the French language represented civilization!"

[Riker] is called "Number One" by Captain and crew alike.

Did anyone other than Picard ever call him "Number One"?

Female friends seem to enjoy saying Bill.

Troi called him Bill twice, and it's a shame it wasn't used more often. It would've been interesting to have him run across an old girlfriend every so often who would make him uncomfortable by using Bill.

[Riker] regards Captain Picard with a mixture of awe and affection.

Awe? No, Wesley regards Picard with awe.

Riker also has some difficulty in accepting Lt. Commander Data as a crewman equal.

Was this present beyond "Encounter at Farpoint?"

Data (rhymes with "that-a")...

Ha ha ha. When Pulaski tried that he corrected her.

[Riker and Troi's] relationship remains unconsummated.

Interesting. Was this Gene's idea: if they haven't slept with each other yet it makes it more okay for them to sleep with other people without destroying all possibility of a reconciliation? I'm not going to comment on the morality of this one; I'd get hurt either way by this two-edged sword.

Tasha has a beau ideal too, which happens to be fifteen year old Wes Crusher. Deprived of her own childhood by the harsh life of her "hell planet" home, she treats this person like the most wonderful person imaginable. Wes is the childhood friend that Tasha never had.

Um, ew. And incidentally, I had to look up "beau ideal", it means the embodiment of perfection in something. Wes is the ideal Federation teenager? Ha ha ha.

Geordi's aboard specialty is the starship school for children.

Hmm, there are certainly narrative possibilities here that were never realized, aren't there?

[Beverly's] wit and intelligence (and VERY female form) have not escaped the Captain's eye either.

I thought Gene didn't want them to get together.

[Wesley] most definitely is NOT a nerd.

Ha ha ha, that's a good one, Gene. Tell me another.

Wes considers his mother as being impossibly "ancient."

We never saw this. Had this been the case, I wonder how he'd react to the birth of his half-brother Rene Picard fifteen years in the future.

Quite recently, for example, Klingon (there should either be an "Empire" or "homeworld" in there) joined the Federation and we have begun to see Klingon officers in Starfleet.

How many good stories would we have lost had Worf not been the only Klingon in Starfleet?

There are only two possible exceptions to the Prime Directive: when the safety of the starship is jeopardized or when it is absolutely vital to the interests of the Federation.

Odd. We're told several times that every Starfleet officer and Federation scientist will sacrifice their lives before violating the Directive and that we don't put Federation interests above it. There's a whole thread waiting to happen here discussing the implications, but I won't be starting it. I will say, however, that if a ship is going somewhere where lives may be lost in the name of the Prime Directive, there shouldn't be children on board. They're not mature enough to make this decision.

Any Captain who does find it necessary to violate the Prime Directive had better be ready to present a sound defense of his actions.

Who else wants front-row seats at Janeway's court martial?

STARFLEET IS NOT A MILITARY ORGANIZATION.

I'll just refer you to SFDebris' review of "Peak Performance" here (http://sfdebris.com/videos/startrek/t147.php). Suffice to say, this is a stupid statement to make.

Because the ship's computer is constantly monitoring the daily routines of our people, there will be many times when it will know exactly where to deliver the turbolift's passengers without their even having to say.

We never saw this, and for good reason. It'd be a logistical nightmare.

The phaser rifle is rarely seen, rarely used. It is powerful enough to kick Los Angeles into the ocean.

Wow. I wonder where they keep the warp coils to prevent the phaser wielder from being kicked the other way into the Atlantic!

[The ship's phasers] are quite capable of disintegrating another Constitution class vessel-or even a small moon, if necessary.

Wow. Too bad the Enterprise left before they could be installed; they would've been really useful against the Borg!

[Flying Gremlin]

You can definitely tell Gene thought highly of himself from how much he loved Wesley (Gene's middle name), though I also found it curious that early versions of TNG had Wesley as a girl named Leslie...

[NAHTMMM]

Riker also has some difficulty in accepting Lt. Commander Data as a crewman equal.

Was this present beyond "Encounter at Farpoint?"
It was a character arc in TNG novel #1, Ghost Ship.

[Nate the Great]

Well, I haven't read that one in years, although I still own it, so I'll take your word for it. Just out of curiosity, does Deanna use "Bill" in that one as well?

[NAHTMMM]

I haven't touched it for years either. There was a ghost ship to investigate and Riker had it in for Data at the beginning but not at the end, that's about all I remember.

[Nate the Great]

September 28th, 1987, "Encounter at Farpoint"

This one is so long it'll have to be two posts

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=encounteratfarpoint) (by Zeke)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Encounter_at_Farpoint_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/101.htm)

Introduction

First are a few quotes from The Nitpicker's Guide, for a soon-to-be-obvious reason...

In the original The Nitpicker's Guide Phil says "My fellow nitpicker Cliff Cerce suggested I treat this episode lightly. He said that the pilot is always different from the actual series. His point is well taken. A lot of time can elapse between the completion of the pilot and the production of the series. Things change. That's understandable."

In Volume II he follows up "While I usually try to treat premieres gently, many members of the Nitpicker's Guild saw no reason for such a practice. I will leave it up to you to decide which of the following nits should be considered legitimate and which should fall into the "give them a little grace because it's their first time around the block" category.

Postscript: At the time only a few of the TNG staffers were TOS veterans. Even if none of the staff in today's productions are veterans *cough hire the Okudas cough*, Memory Alpha and the Star Trek Encylopedia exist now, you can't get away with that anymore.

The Episode:

PICARD: Our destination is planet Deneb Four, beyond which lies the great unexplored mass of the galaxy.

Too bad we're hardly ever going to explore previously unknown space. And in fact too bad we're hardly ever going to leave the known Federation.

TROI: Farpoint Station. Even the name sounds mysterious.

Yeah, who named it Farpoint anyway? *cough Deep Space Nine cough*

DATA: Inquiry. The word snoop?
PICARD: Data, how can you be programmed as a virtual encyclopedia of human information without knowing a simple word like snoop?
DATA: Possibility, a kind of human behaviour I was not designed to emulate.

I'm not going to beat this dead horse, but seriously Data should have every encyclopedia, cultural guide, etc. from every known world memorized, especially everything about Earth culture! I will try not to bring this point up again, but I had to mention it once.

Q: Knowing humans as thou dost, Captain, wouldst thou be captured helpless by them?

Yeah, I doubt the phaser has been invented that could hurt Q. Furthermore, even if pretending to be vulnerable to a phaser was part of his mind game: why? If you want to portray yourself as a supreme being worthy of passing judgement on these guys, don't say anything that would suggest that they can hurt you!

Q: But you can't deny that you're still a dangerous, savage child race.

One of the most infamous Q lines. You could argue that at least for spacefaring cultures "dangerous" is pointless, as anyone who can harness warp drive could be dangerous under the right circumstances even if all they do is use their ships in kamikaze runs. "Savage" is more complicated. According to Wiktionary there are two main categories of savage: barbaric/uncivilized and vicious/merciless/ferocious. The first one is probably true relative to the Q (at least according to Q arrogance), if a little meaningless since it would be just as applicable to all spacefaring races under the "dangerous" argument I just made. Vicious is where we could get into some interesting discussions. The two main categories are violent and immoral. Both of these are too complicated to discuss at the moment, so I'll move on...

PICARD: Records search, Data. Results of detaching saucer section at high warp velocity.
DATA: Inadvisable at any warp speed, sir.
PICARD: Search theoretical.
DATA: It is possible, sir. But absolutely no margin for error.

Either the saucer has warp sustainer engines similar to the torpedos that allow for it to coast to a stop or it doesn't. If it does I don't see a problem, if it doesn't the saucer will be destroyed as it leaves the stardrive's warp field. This is a binary question, "margin for error" really doesn't exist.

TROI: It it felt like something beyond what we'd consider a life form.
PICARD: Beyond?
TROI: Very, very advanced, sir, or certainly very, very different.

This is funny looking back at the development of the Q throughout episodes and series to come. We'll find that the Q have hobbies, mates, children, wars, differing philosopies, incarceration, etc.

PICARD: Can we assume you mean this will be a fair trial?
Q: Yes, absolutely equitable.

Join me in a laugh at Q's hypocrisy, then we'll move on.

TASHA: I grew up on a world that allowed things like this court. And it was people like these that saved me from it. This so-called court should get down on its knees to what Starfleet is, what it represents.

I do wish that Tasha hadn't left, she represented the rare human who didn't grow up with the freedom of the Federation. Compare her to Neelix (there's a rare sentence) as they fit the "complete outside" role. In both cases there was a lot more that could've been done with them, plotwise.

Q: Soldiers, you will press those triggers if this criminal answers with any word other than guilty. Criminal, how plead you?

I refer you to SF Debris's reply to this line. Ugh.

O'BRIEN: Know anything about Farpoint Station, sir? Sounds like a fairly dull place.
PICARD: We've heard that we may find it rather interesting.

Ah yes, the fan-made transcript. O'Brien didn't exist at this point as a named character, just as "Conn".

CRUSHER: Thank you. I'll take the entire bolt. Send it to our starship when it arrives. Charge to Doctor Crusher.

Can you imagine Beverly working at a sewing machine? It does make one wonder if there are properties of "real" cloth that can't be replicated perfectly, just like food and drink.

PICARD: I'm not a family man, Riker, and yet, Starfleet has given me a ship with children aboard.
RIKER: Yes, sir.
PICARD: And I don't feel comfortable with children.

And this is supposed to be a multiyear mission outside the Federation, right? I think Gene didn't think this through. If Picard accepts command of a ship full of children, I expect him to deal with children. Otherwise I'd have him reject the post in favor of someone who can deal with children.

CRUSHER: You've been blind all your life?
LAFORGE: I was born this way.
CRUSHER: And you've felt pain all the years that you've used this?

Couldn't they have had the infodump be with someone other than the ship's doctor? Beverly should already know all of this stuff! Have a scene where Wesley gushes over the things the VISOR can do, and Geordi responds that the price to pay is constant pain. Characterization for Wesley and no one looks like an idiot!

RIKER: Why a shuttlecraft? Why wouldn't he just beam over?
WORF: I suppose he could, sir, but the Admiral's a rather remarkable man.

Indeed he is, Worf. Indeed he is. I'll be covering the McCoy scene in the YouTube clips, let's move on.

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO

WORF: I will learn to do better, sir.
PICARD: Of course you will. We've a long voyage ahead of us.

Ha ha, future ambassador talking. Worf's character arc is one of the most interesting in the entire franchise if you ask me. Imagine throwing this Worf into the plot of "Parallels"!

TROI: A pleasure, Commander.
RIKER: Likewise, Counselor.
PICARD: Have the two of you met before?
RIKER: We have, sir.

The Troi/Riker thing was one of the more complicated relationships in the series, but I do feel that it was mishandled at times. I'll wait until Haven to go into depth on this.

ZORN: Captain, the Ferengi would be very interested in a base like this.
PICARD: Fine.

Given how much they wanted to push the Ferengi as enemies in the first season, I wonder why they didn't infodump a bit more concerning their culture. I can certainly think of other scenes that could've been tossed to make room for such a thing.

ENSIGN: And as you see, sir, it's pointing you that way.
RIKER: Thank you
ENSIGN: You're welcome, sir.
(She appreciates the sight as he walks away)

Yeah, Riker is our new Kirk. Too bad there was a reason he never hit on Rand, it's called a command structure. Riker can have relationships with aliens but no one on board, at least no officer.

DATA: No, sir. Starfleet class of '78. Honours in probability mechanics and exobiology.

Ugh. Given that we're going to cover Data's origin in depth later in this very season that '78 should never have gotten past the continuity people.

WESLEY: Mom, could you get me a look at the Bridge?
CRUSHER: That's against the Captain's standing orders.

First, Wesley visiting the Bridge shouldn't have been the first episode, save it for a later one. Second, you shouldn't need "standing orders" to cover "no civilians on the bridge unless they're needed for the mission at hand"; that's called a regulation.

PICARD: They're forcing a difficult decision on me, Counsellor.
TROI: But I doubt protecting the Bandi would violate the Prime Directive. True, they are not actual allies, but
PICARD: We are in the midst of diplomatic discussions with them.

What does Federation status have to do with the Prime Directive, and what does the Prime Directive have to do with these guys? Don't tell me that the Bandi don't have warp drive, but can make stations ideal for those who do.

RIKER: Just hoping this isn't the usual way our missions will go, sir.
PICARD: Oh no, Number One. I'm sure most will be much more interesting. Let's see what's out there.

Oh, indeed they will, but you'll have to wait a few years. Hehe.

The fiver:

Picard: Any thoughts on the upcoming mission, folks?
Troi: None of my own, but I can tell you yours.
Data: I'm not much of a thinker at this point. But if you need any synonyms, I'm your man.
Yar: I don't waste time thinking. Life is short. Really, really short.
Worf: No thoughts! Only violence!
Picard: It seems I've found myself on the voyage of the damned.

Ah yes, the pain of watching Season One.

Q: You left spacedock without a first officer?
Picard: Doesn't arrive until Tuesday.

Haha, obligatory Generations joke, moving on...

Picard: Welcome aboard, Riker. Your first duty is--
Riker: --to the truth.
Picard: Well, yes, but that's not what I meant. Your first assignment--
Riker: --was on the Pegasus.
Picard: Cut that out!

Gotta love callbacks. Or would that be callforwards?

Zorn: Whew! Saved by the belle.

Bad pun, but a good show.

Wesley: Wow, the bridge is so cool! Can I fly the ship? Pleeeeease?
Picard: What the--! Who is responsible for this atrocity?
Crusher: Um....
Picard: You! Beverly, I don't care if it takes me a year -- I'm getting you off this ship!
Crusher: Way to go, kid.

Sorry, Zeke, but this scene just doesn't work. Picard doesn't let irritation with Wesley affect his relationship with Beverly. And given how easily she came back, I imagine Picard didn't want her to leave for Season Two.

Picard: (over the comm) You'd better go get Zorn.
Riker: Gotcha. Phasers on kill.
Picard: By "get," I just meant "retrieve."
Riker: Nuts.

Ha ha ha. I think I used that "get" joke somewhere in one of my fivers, I wonder if I subconsciously remembered it from this fiver.

Troi: There they go. It's so romantic! They're intertwined for eternity like...like...like Chakotay and Seven.
Picard: Ewwwwww! Never say that again!

Doesn't fit the timeline, but I gotta agree with Picard.

Memory Alpha

* There was a lot of discussion about how long the episode would be: 60, 90, or 120 minutes. While I think that just the Farpoint Station stuff could've been one episode, it would've been a mistake. There wouldn't have been adequate time to introduce all of the characters.
* From early on Q was recognized as a Trelane clone, and the staff wanted to convince Gene to ditch him. I'll agree that there are similarities and eventually they managed to make Q sufficiently different. The big problem is how much Q fools around with the costumes and plays with the crew instead of doing what he came to do.
* Robert Justman says that the plot drags at times because there wasn't enough happening. Yeah, here are some additional things to do that would tie into the plot without feeling like filler (like the Wes-on-the-bridge) stuff:
** More interaction with the Bandi on Farpoint Station. Do they favor the Federation or the Ferengi? Do they respect Groppler Zorn? Has Zorn been acting strangely ever since the station was built?
** Toss out the extended saucer disconnect and reconnect in favor of more character material. Is Worf the first Klingon in Starfleet? How does he feel about this new era of peace? How do these people feel about the projected 20 year mission? How much more polishing does Riker think he needs before accepting his own command?
** Shuffle the scenes as follows: First quarter on Farpoint. Get the full crew on board. There's a mystery, Zorn is lying. Build up Picard as a legendary captain. They get beamed up for some emergency elsewhere, which turns out to be a ruse by Q to get them away from the station (second quarter). The third quarter is the trial, which includes Riker. The fourth quarter is the ending as presented.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why did Starfleet ship McCoy out to the edge of nowhere for this inspection?
* Why is Data put on trial? He's not human, does the fact that he was made by a human enough?
* Multiple expressions of emotion and contractions by Data.

YouTube

* McCoy and Data. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XJ7dhofvhY)
* Manual docking. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmaKXpI3204) What a snore, talk about manufactured drama, not only do we know that the ship won't be damaged in the pilot, but we also know that Riker can't be allowed to fail, lest he lose credibililty in the eyes of the audience. The only impressive thing is that somehow Riker knows the needed angles, speeds, and distances without consulting his console. Can you really judge these things that exactly based solely on the viewscreen?

[Flying Gremlin]

I can forgive a lot about this episode, as it was the pilot, etc.

The saucer separation and re-docking... that was invocation of Rule of Cool (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleOfCool).

[Nate the Great]

Rule of Cool? Half of the given screentime could accomplish that. And upon giving it further thought, Riker should've shown off his knowledge of the ship by doing the piloting himself only using the sensors for position and velocity information. You know, "manual docking"?

[Nate the Great]

October 5th, 1987, "The Naked Now"

Oh boy, here we go. I confess that there will be snarking ahead, but I did attempt to rein it down to a minimum. Suffice to say, TOS did this better, and if TNG was going to attempt it they should've moved it down the line a bit to establish the characters before mocking them.

Fiver (by Marc) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thenakednow)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/103.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Naked_Now_(episode))

The Episode

Note, I'm going to be using "Big T" instead of Tsiolkovsky because I would misspell it every time that I don't copy and paste, and that would make this process more painful. No disrespect to the man, really!

Furthermore, why was Riker unaffected? I know that out-of universe the creators wanted him to look good. However, I think having Crusher scan him and saying "oh, he has antibodies from his childhood bout with Alien Chicken Pox, I can modify that to save the crew" would've been better.

Captain's log, Stardate 41209.2. We are running at warp seven to rendezvous with the science vessel SS Tsiolkovsky, which has been routinely monitoring the collapse of a red super giant star into a white dwarf.

Doesn't that sound boring? A ship drops by this collapsing star, takes readings for a few days, and leaves with only the science division caring about it? At least nebulae are pretty to look at, right?

RIKER: You were right. Somebody blew the hatch. They were all sucked out into space.
DATA: Correction, sir, that's blown out.
RIKER: Thank you, Data.
DATA: A common mistake, sir.

Ugh, thanks for wasting time that could be spent on useful character development, guys. Then again, if the creators wanted useful character development they wouldn't have made this episode in the first place. I won't harp on this for every scene, but it deserved to be mentioned once.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are downloading the research information gathered on the collapsing star nearby. I am concerned at being in such close orbit, but the Tsiolkovsky's research records will no doubt predict the time of the star's final collapse.

The time of final collapse should've been known because of the Big T's prior transmissions, stars don't suddenly age or de-age unless someone like Q is hanging around, and we have no evidence of that.

CRUSHER [OC]: He doesn't have his communicator. It is very important that we find him.
TASHA: Security team alert, pick up Lieutenant La Forge. He just left Sickbay moments ago. Captain, anything further?
PICARD: Affirmative. Make it a ship-wide search, Lieutenant.

Ugh. I hate the "no commbadge=invisible to sensors" thing. It has to stop. Furthermore, the computer should have a few biometric markers (height, weight, general thermal spectrum, pressure distribution of footsteps to indicate leg length/weight distribution/etc.) on file for the Starfleet officers and Federation scientists. Furthermore, the uniform should have some counterpart of the commbadge (24th-century version of the magnetic backing plate), that will trigger when the commbadge is removed. That is, the computer notices that the commbadge is removed, notes that the officer isn't in their quarters, and uses this as a signal to focus more sensor attention on the officer.

LAFORGE: It's the Captain's voice.
WESLEY: It's pieced together from words he's used on the intercom.

Yeah, this is identity theft and some form of fraud. Wesley should be disciplined harshly for this. First duty to the truth and all that.

CRUSHER: According to our medical readouts, there's still nothing wrong with him. He looks like he's running a temperature but every instrument we have says he's not.

No, the line should be "his fever doesn't have a medical cause that I understand yet." Ugh...

PICARD: Doctor, every person on that ship over there died. Is there any chance that whatever did it is loose on my ship?
CRUSHER: If you mean a disease, sir, I'd say there's no chance of it. We used full decontamination, we examined every team member very carefully.

Ugh. You would never see McCoy claim that all possible diseases have been discovered. And if there are always going to be unknown forms of disease, the transporter filters will never be 100% foolproof unless you argue that an officer beaming back is having a new body "cloned" from their beamdown trace, with the memories updated from the person who is beaming "up" (really being killed).

RIKER: Similar conditions. They were monitoring a planet that was breaking up, not a collapsing star as in this case. But there were the same huge shifts in gravity,
PICARD: Which somehow resulted in complex strings of water molecules which acquired carbon from the body and acted on the brain like alcohol. Data, download this information to Medical immediately.
DATA: Aye, sir. Downloading.

Ugh. Data can't hold everything in his head, but all Starfleet mission logs should be among them. And if he's going to get pedantic about "blown out" and "sucked out", I'm going to call him on using "downloading" instead of "uploading" (even though "transferring" would be even more accurate).

PICARD: Thank you, Counsellor. Number One, it seems our Security Chief has the equivalent of a snootful.
DATA: Inquiry, sir. Snootful?
PICARD: Forget it.

This joke got old fast. If Data can't hold all Starfleet mission logs or a complete dictionary/thesaurus/slang vocabulary list in his head, what's he using all of that space for? Catfood recipes?

DATA: Captain, another forty-one minutes will see the information from the Tsiolkovsky downloaded to us.
PICARD: Why so slow?
DATA: Slow, sir? The Tsiolkovsky has been eight months in accumulating it.

Eight months? Eight months looking at a star? An automated sensor drone could do that! I'm surprised the crew of the Big T needed this polywater junk, just cabin fever would make them go bonkers. And the silliest thing is, we don't need to imply massive amounts of data to prolong the episode, just say "interference from the star is slowing down the transmission and much of it must be repeated to fill in holes"!

DATA: If you prick me, do I not leak?

According to First Contact, no you don't, Data.

TASHA: Data. I'm only going to tell you this just once. It never happened.

How did Picard find out about this, anyway?

The Fiver

La Forge: (sobbing) Oh, Tasha! I wish I could be Chief Engineer!
Yar: But Geordi, we already have a Chief Engineer.
La Forge: Really? Who?
Yar: Well, this week it's...uh...gee, let me think here for a second....

Why wasn't a Chief Engineer part of the main cast from Day One?

Worf: Captain, there are reports of hanky-panky all over the ship.
Picard: That's strange. When this happened on the old Enterprise, the crew was much less...er, enterprising.
Worf: Perhaps their log entries were made under different censorship standards than ours.
Picard: What? You mean that all this is being recorded?

Yeah, Picard. And I look forward to the hearing where you defend making Wesley an Acting Ensign after he toyed around with the ship.

YouTube

* Crusher hits on Picard. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksR1ZCfpg3A)Wait for the end when Worf watches them leave the ready room with Crusher's uniform not zipped up all the way.
* A promo clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZBsaE50F8I) that makes the episode sound way better than it is.

[Nate the Great]

I'm having computer problems at the moment (I'm typing this on my iPad), so if someone else could take over the entries for this week I'd be grateful. Lengthy posts with hyperlinks aren't easy to do on a tablet. Thanks and Qa'pla!

[Nate the Great]

October 12th, 1987, "Code of Honor"

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/104.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Code_of_Honor_(episode))

Okay, let's just get this out of the way up front: I usually don't link to the SFDebris reviews in the interests of saving time, but this time I'll make an exception. (http://sfdebris.com/videos/startrek/t104.php)There's good stuff there.

The episode:

* Many, many nits and sarcastic remarks that I had to delete, again. To summarize:
** If the rug had to be there, beam these guys to a large conference room instead of a cargo bay.
** A horse statue from the Sung Dynasty only has meaning for Earth history buffs. At least declare that these guys are descended from colonists from Earth!
** So the Lagonians know what a holodeck is, but haven't mastered the concept of "a hologram is just a complicated puppet"?
** There are lives at stake, lives that have not sworn to uphold Federation law regarding bullying weaker civilizations. That means we should either take the "vaccine" (which should really be a serum or antidote) by force or beam Tasha back by force and go find an alternate source!
** This was totally not the episode to take Wesley on a tour of the bridge. Wait for a relatively peaceful mission for that! And Beverly, shouldn't you be worrying about the people dying of that plague even as we speak?
** Lutan intends to marry Tasha whether she wants him or not. Human rights violation there, extreme measures are needed!
** How Yareena can claim that every woman wants Lutan with a straight face is beyond me.
** Combat won't be interrupted, unless Lutan says so. Is this the first time one of the combatants has lost their spiky glove? Isn't that a sign that they've lost?
* Good stuff:
** I will admit that I like the kiddillies joke, but it feels like it doesn't fit with the A plot.
** Um, was that it? Okay, fine, revealing that Tasha (in her right mind anyway, stupid Naked Now) has more tender emotions was nice, even though this was neither the time nor the place.

Memory Alpha:

* Much bashing of the episode by production personnel, and I don't blame them.
* The writer of this one also wrote a similar episode for Stargate SG-1, which was better than this, although just barely.

Nitpicker's Guide:

* Why does marriage end at death, but not possession? I know that SF Debris brought this up as well, but still!

[Zeke]

Some replies re: "Encounter at Farpoint". 5MV history fans, don't tune out before the end!

A scan of the original series bible

Not quite the original! Larry Nemecek's TNG Companion covers the creation of the series in great detail and includes some tidbits from earlier versions. Gremlin mentioned the Leslie thing, and Riker was going to be spelled "Ryker".

[Picard] has an unspoken but deep father-son relationship with [Riker].

Ha ha ha. Boy did THAT change!

Did it? I always saw a bit of a parental side to their relationship. I think of scenes like the end of "Tapestry".

Did Beverly ever show resentment or anger toward Picard on this point?

Good question. I don't remember any off the top of my head. The lack of progress on this is probably connected to McFadden's departure -- I wonder which was a contributing factor to the other.

Ha ha ha! Oh, man, that's a good one. Did Brannon and Braga ever read this before working on Voyager?

Brannon and Braga

Brannon and Braga

Heh.

It is possible that one wall of the personal quarters may be a "holographic window" much like the holodecks.

That would be awesome! Too bad the budget wouldn't support it. I'd love to have a "window" with a holographic forest and stream past it, how about you guys?

Yeah, that's such a good idea I'm surprised they never returned to it. Maybe they thought the holodeck made that sort of "2.5D" hologram unnecessary. It's much more realistic, though, so let's hope it gets invented in real life!

Interesting. Was this Gene's idea: if they haven't slept with each other yet it makes it more okay for them to sleep with other people without destroying all possibility of a reconciliation?

Everything I know about Gene suggests otherwise. Peter David, of course, went the exact opposite way in -- not only had they slept together, but him being her first is what "imzadi" actually meant. I always thought that was really tacky.

Tasha has a beau ideal too, which happens to be fifteen year old Wes Crusher. Deprived of her own childhood by the harsh life of her "hell planet" home, she treats this person like the most wonderful person imaginable. Wes is the childhood friend that Tasha never had.

Um, ew.

What's "ew" about any of that? As long as it's strictly a friendly/big-sister thing, it seems wholesome to me.

Geordi's aboard specialty is the starship school for children.

Hmm, there are certainly narrative possibilities here that were never realized, aren't there?

I'm not complaining. Geordi and the rotating Chief Engineer spot were a perfect match, and we had too many kid-centred episodes anyway.

How many good stories would we have lost had Worf not been the only Klingon in Starfleet?

Would we have? As long as Worf wasn't around those other Klingons, he'd still have been isolated, just as Spock was special even though Starfleet had enough Vulcans to man at least one whole ship. (Which seems inconsistent with the fanon that he was the first Vulcan in Starfleet until you remember how long he was Pike's first officer.)

I will say, however, that if a ship is going somewhere where lives may be lost in the name of the Prime Directive, there shouldn't be children on board. They're not mature enough to make this decision.

A good point -- obvious, in fact, and likely the reason this idea was quietly dropped in the TNG movie era (we certainly don't see any children on the Ent-E). Gene was a man of big ideas and not so much thinking through. When he lost creative control of the TOS movies, he gained early TNG as his playground -- a good trade, but one whose consequences did eventually need dealing with.

Any Captain who does find it necessary to violate the Prime Directive had better be ready to present a sound defense of his actions.

Who else wants front-row seats at Janeway's court martial?

Picard broke the Prime Directive five times by "The Drumhead". FIVE TIMES.

The phaser rifle is rarely seen, rarely used. It is powerful enough to kick Los Angeles into the ocean.

Wow. I wonder where they keep the warp coils to prevent the phaser wielder from being kicked the other way into the Atlantic!

Nah, they just have inertial dampeners. There's nothing those things can't do!

You can definitely tell Gene thought highly of himself from how much he loved Wesley (Gene's middle name)

Which came full circle on VOY with Thomas Eugene Paris!

I do wish that Tasha hadn't left, she represented the rare human who didn't grow up with the freedom of the Federation. Compare her to Neelix (there's a rare sentence) as they fit the "complete outside" role. In both cases there was a lot more that could've been done with them, plotwise.

Very true. I'm surprised Tasha's backstory was permitted in Gene's universe of perfect humans. When you remember how bad her planet was, it's easier to swallow later developments like the Maquis.

Ah yes, the fan-made transcript. O'Brien didn't exist at this point as a named character, just as "Conn".

And he was even wearing red (as were Worf and Geordi this season). I made a little nod to that near the end of the "Way of the Warrior" fiver.

Can you imagine Beverly working at a sewing machine?

I can, actually. It seems like something she'd be interested in. She always had an old-fashioned side -- making breakfast for Picard, taking both her husbands' last names, etc. "Sub Rosa" is a terrible episode, but it does put that side of her character in context.

Couldn't they have had the infodump be with someone other than the ship's doctor? Beverly should already know all of this stuff! Have a scene where Wesley gushes over the things the VISOR can do, and Geordi responds that the price to pay is constant pain. Characterization for Wesley and no one looks like an idiot!

That's some solid editing. Pity no one suggested it.

Ha ha, future ambassador talking. Worf's character arc is one of the most interesting in the entire franchise if you ask me.

Yep, and it's a pity we didn't see how that last step actually worked out. I always wondered if, after living his whole life among humans, Worf would really be happy on Qo'noS.

Yeah, Riker is our new Kirk. Too bad there was a reason he never hit on Rand, it's called a command structure. Riker can have relationships with aliens but no one on board, at least no officer.

I've wondered if there are rules about that. It's interesting that both times two major characters have gotten married, they've been of equal rank.

Troi: There they go. It's so romantic! They're intertwined for eternity like...like...like Chakotay and Seven.
Picard: Ewwwwww! Never say that again!

Doesn't fit the timeline, but I gotta agree with Picard.

I have been waiting SO LONG to be asked about this! What a weird reference to make, right? That's because it was a private joke between me and monkee, a reviewer, fic author, and friend of mine. She was a strong J/Cer (hence her sort-of-cameo <a href="http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=onedoorcloses">here</a>). When the plot of "Endgame" leaked, we both hoped that the C/7 part wasn't true, but she said she was preparing for the worst. Here's what I said:

[i]Exactly what I'd have suggested. Just go in expecting the infamous couple to marry, have lots of kids (naming them all after Janeway's bitter enemies), be elected co-presidents of the Federation, and finally evolve to a higher form of life, forever entwined like those happy jellyfish in "Encounter at Farpoint." Then you can't possibly be disappointed with what's there. &lt;g&gt;

She had a good laugh about that. Not long afterwards, I wound up fiving the episode in question, and I couldn't resist using the same gag in reverse. Yep -- this was a reference only she and I actually got! But it wasn't completely out of nowhere for other readers at the time, since C/7 was still fresh. It seems much more random now.

Believe it or not, this isn't even the most confusing private gag I've snuck into a fiver. That honour probably goes to the start of "Future's End", where VOY characters bring up Kira out of nowhere. No points for guessing who that one was aimed at!

[Nate the Great]

Ah, the TNG Companion. I might have to dig that one out.

Picard and Riker may have had a older mentor-younger protegee thing going on, but I would never categorize it as father-son. Riker's relationship with his father was such that I'd think he'd avoid placing any other man in a similar position in his mind.

The Imzadi/first thing is kinda stupid if you ask me. I can totally buy that Troi lost her virginity to Riker, but this whole "two people can mutually decide that they are soulmates in a short amount of time" business is just silly.

The way the bible was going, it sounded like Tasha was going to have a crush on Wesley, a kid ten years younger than her. That goes beyond cougar into extremely uncomfortable territory.

Look, the children never should've been on the ship in the first place, but if they have to be there, it would've been nice to see our crew interact with them on something approaching a regular basis. You don't need them to be the same kids every time, officers are apparently getting transferred on an off the ship all the time (insert rant about twenty-year missions here), but there were possibilities that could've been exploited. One of the crew has a sibling that's onboard as a civilian specialist with their family. A B-plot once or twice a season focuses on that, like what was done with the O'Briens or Jake.

I don't agree. If there were multiple other Klingons in Starfleet, it would've taken away from Worf's character arc. Maybe you could make a distinction between Worf as a guy who spent most of his life among humans and the Klingon who's first exposure is at the Academy, but even so. Another part of Worf's character arc was demanding respect from both sides and forging his own path. If other Klingons had done this before, he wouldn't be trailblazing anymore.

[Nate the Great]

I thought I had a copy of the TNG Companion, but I guess not. I'm still sorting through my other Trek reference books to see if there's anything worth adding to this thread that aren't covered elsewhere.

[Nate the Great]

Have I posted the TNG Episode Guide song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3F-C-rDVtU&index=12&list=PL3A40A96F46174EA9) yet?

[Nate the Great]

October 19th, 1987, "The Last Outpost"

No fiver
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Last_Outpost_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/107.htm)

The Episode

DATA: A comparison modern scholars have drawn from Earth history likens the Ferengi to the ocean-going Yankee traders of eighteenth and nineteenth century America, sir.
RIKER: From the history of my forebears. Yankee traders.
DATA: Who in this case sail the galaxy in search of mercantile and territorial opportunity.
RIKER: And are those scholars saying the Ferengi may not unlike us?
DATA: Hardly, sir. I believe this analogy refers to the worst quality of capitalists. The Ferengi are believed to conduct their affairs of commerce on the ancient principle caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware.

I know that Gene was anti-money at this time, but this desperately needed a rewrite. As SF Debris has pointed out several times, having a currency system is not inherently evil, abusing it is. Besides, the Ferengi are hardly the most anti-Federation government we've ever seen. I'd argue that the Orions and Sheliak fit that title better.

WORF: I say fight, sir. There's nothing shameful in falling before a superior enemy.

The Ferengi a "superior enemy"? I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that. And I thought that it was established earlier that the two ships were roughly the same, the balance tipping one way or the other for specific technologies, but not overall.

RIKER: Matthew! Pola! You know this area is off limits. Come on, come on. (they scurry out as Picard enters) Boys will be boys, Captain.

Why were kids allowed in the observation lounge in the first place? I thought that the turbolifts were programmed not to let unauthorized civilians up here!

PICARD: Trillions? I've never heard the word Tkon before.
DATA: Understandable.

Oh, couldn't they have had Geordi or Tasha be the one ignorant of the Tkon? Picard is the history buff; he should know about all previous galactic powers!

TARR [on viewscreen]: We seek only what is equitable. What do you seek? Why did you begin by attacking us?
PICARD: We did not attack you. We gave chase in order to recover a Federation-owned energy device which
TARR [on viewscreen]: Which we know is ours. Your barbarous Federation placed it on one of our planets!

Let's be generous and say that Gamma Tauri Four had no evidence of Ferengi technology on it when the Federation expanded in that direction. I'm confused as to why the Federation didn't ask the Ferengi "where do you think the boundary between our governments is" and work from there. I know that the implication is supposed to be that the Federation is relatively new to this area of space, but they've had some reports about the Ferengi by this point. This is a sign to send a factfinding mission to track down Ferenginar and talk directly to the government, right?

LAFORGE: I'm resting, sir. My foot's stuck. Up there. I materialized upside down above the planet surface.

Ugh. Okay, so we've got energy surges between crystals down here. That should mean that if the transporter beam was reflected and refracted, Geordi should've materialized in a puddle like Lori Ciana (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Lori_Ciana) and Commander Sonak (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Sonak) back in STTMP.

TROI: It's getting much, much colder, sir. How far down is it likely to go?
PICARD: A lot. Even in orbital space it'll get below minus two hundred degrees.

I'll try not to harp about this in episodes to come, but I need one rant. The Enterprise-D is a big ship. Cluster everyone in large rooms far away from the hull and turn off life support everywhere else! They should be using the Battle Bridge by now!

LETEK: It looks like gold. Tastes like gold.
RIKER: It is gold.

Ah, the inconsistencies of galactic currencies and the worth of gold in early TNG. Gold is worthless, remember when Quark was trapped in a storage pod full of it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6QdY6YDfj0)? The weird thing is, I still ask why the commbadges have gold in them even in a society without money: it could be put to better use in industrial processes.

Memory Alpha

* The first appearance of the Main Engineering "pool table", but it still hasn't assumed its final form yet.
* The last chronological main Ferengi episode "The Dogs of War" features the words "the last outpost" in reference to this episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out the inconsistencies to come regarding whether telepaths can read Ferengi minds. It's a shame that more couldn't have been done with this. A cool plot device that I think would've been cool is that Ferengi aren't inherently telepath-proof, but that it's a skill that they can learn and that must be achieved before a Ferengi can be named Daimon (or the nonmilitary equivalent). Have Deanna be able to read the junior officers but get confused because none of them have the complete story.

[Wowbagger]

Have I posted the TNG Episode Guide song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3F-C-rDVtU&index=12&list=PL3A40A96F46174EA9) yet?

Some years ago, I spent a summer trying to memorize this.

I mean, that wasn't the only thing I did all summer, but I really worked on it.

I got the first five seasons down cold, but season six just flew by too fast for me to ever manage to keep it straight in my head.

You'd be surprised by how often this comes in handy.

(Well, in my life, anyway. Probably less useful for people with more non-Star Trek things in their life. I just finished watching The Orville while sorting my Star Trek CCG cards (trekcc.org!) to check on a Star Trek parody site while listening to a Star Trek TNG episode song for fun. So I'm non-representative.)

[Nate the Great]

October 26th, 1987, "Where No One Has Gone Before"

Oh boy, here we go...

First of all, if this episode has to exist to justify having Wesley on the bridge, it should've been the second episode and "The Naked Now" never should've existed (at least in the presented form, and at least not in the first season)

I had a lot of boring text and references to established warp speeds, but I cut it out. It's enough to say that none of the dialogue is consistent about where the Enterprise went, how fast they went, how long it would take to get back to the Federation, how fast subspace communication is, etc.

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/106.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Where_No_One_Has_Gone_Before_(episode))

The Episode

PICARD: I don't understand your concern, Number One. They're not authorised to make any alterations in our engines, and according to Starfleet's report, they will simply test different ways of entering warp speed and different intermix formulas. What's the harm in that?

First of all, there is one and only one intermix formula: 1:1. Anything else means that spare matter or antimatter is going to be clogging up the warp core.

Different ways of entering warp speed; now that's a more interesting question. "Different warp field settings" would be clearer and less stupid, however.

DATA: Sir, we put Mister Kosinski's specs into the computer and ran a controlled test on them. There was no improvement in engine performance.
PICARD: Then how do you explain Starfleet's report that the same tests on the USS Ajax and on the Fearless over there, resulted in a measurable increase in propulsion.
RIKER: Our engines are new, sir. Top condition. The tests on those older ships may have simply been to straighten out some engine inefficiency.

Yes! We were told several times that the Galaxy-class was top of the line and the latest in technology when it came out. If there was an improvement to be made, Leah Brahms would've known about it. This plot really should've waited until a later season.

TRAVELLER: My actual name is unpronounceable by humans.

So choose a nickname that we can pronounce, dude! It doesn't have to make sense, declare that you want to be called Pajama Man and that's what the crew will call you!

KOSINSKI: Inform the Bridge I shall begin the first test in precisely fifteen minutes.

Don't you have a commbadge? Tell the Bridge yourself!

KOSINSKI: What do you mean, let he him try it? Don't talk about me in the third person like I'm not standing right here!

Yes, that's rude! The creators couldn't have had Kosinski spouting his technobabble and then fade to the conference room where Riker and Argyle are talking to Picard about this?

PICARD: Reverse engines.
DATA: Captain, no one has ever reversed engines at this velocity.
PICARD: Because no one has gone this fast. Reverse engines.

Is simply "turn off the warp coils" not an option?

PICARD: This can't be. You've been
MAMAN: Dead? But I'm always with you, you know that.
PICARD: Yes, I've felt that.

Okay, let's take a break from the nitpicking to remark on how touching this scene is.

Captain's log, supplemental. Our position is unknown...

So you made up that 50 billion light-year figure mentioned earlier? Just sticking with "unknown" and not "Galaxy M33" or "Triangulum" (which is 3 million light-years away and not 50 billion, FYI)? Was the editor asleep on the job this week?

PICARD: Then what is the purpose of your journey?
TRAVELLER: Curiosity.
PICARD: That's not an answer.

Um, Captain? "Curiosity" is a major factor in why you're out here, right? To seek out new life and new civilizations, remember? I call it a perfectly valid answer, even if it could've been worded better.

PICARD: Any commissioned rank? Even ensign?
RIKER: That would give him authorised access to the Bridge.

Let's put aside the known noncoms with access to the bridge (O'Brien and so forth), the lowest commissioned rank is not Ensign, it's Cadet or Midshipman.

Memory Alpha

* The article claims that the script is based on the TOS novel The Wounded Sky (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Wounded_Sky). Yeah, no. Beyond the "accidentally sent to a distant galaxy" premise there is no similarity. I've read the book, and I own it. Maybe Diane Duane used his novel as a foundation, but the stories go in completely different directions.
* First episode filmed with the Engineering pool table, although "The Last Outpost" aired first.

YouTube

* Picard chats with MarMar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-yoHEp5HvU).
* Wesley thinks that time, space, and thought are connected, a dangerous idea. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0lNwmstY84)

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil wonders if the cycling speed of the warp core has anything to do with velocity, as there doesn't seem to be any consistency. I'm actually willing to cut them some slack with this one. Perhaps as the Traveller concentrates more he doesn't need the power of the ship itself as much, and if he gets distracted or is in pain he draws upon the ship more. To paraphrase Rule of Acquisition #76, "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the heck out of your enemies."

[Flying Gremlin]

Just a quick thing before I have to go to work: the fifty billion light-years thing is actually a good estimation on how little we know about the Universe. The Universe is only 13.8 billion years old, which means light has only had 13.8 billion years to reach us. This means fifty billion light-years of distance puts them well outside of observable space. The odometer may have changed, but knowing exactly where they are would be well beyond the realm of possibility, unless extreme distance telescopes have changed technology significantly past light - and I doubt subspace could pick up on that either.

[Nate the Great]

November 2nd, 1987, "Lonely Among Us"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=lonelyamongus) (by FatMatDuhRat)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/108.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Lonely_Among_Us_(episode))

Ugh, this is a bad one. The sad part is that while the two plots have almost nothing to do with each other, you could imagine other subplots that would've fit better had they been separated. The random energy being possessing people should've been matched with a more technological story; a new form of sensor attracts them. Insert the idea that the energy being doesn't understand strong emotion, as they make it jump to another host. The delegates should've had one or two representatives each that we follow. Teach them to respect all sentient life. Maybe use them to teach Worf a lesson.

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 41249.3. We have orbited the two major planets of the Beta Renner system taking aboard delegates from those two worlds. Since achieving space flight, their major life forms, the Anticans and the Selay have become deadly enemies. But both have also applied for admission into our Federation.

What does "these planets want to join the Federation" have to do with "these planets are enemies with each other"? Or are you going to claim that a planet can't join the Federation if there are ongoing hostilities with anyone else? This isn't like "Attached" when the warring factions are on the same planet. I could go on, but to be brief, these are two different missions.

TASHA: Neither seem like very promising Federation candidates, sir.
PICARD: Even Parliament's peacemakers may find this case a little difficult.

Again, what does one have to do with the other? Is the mission simply escorting the delegates to Parliament on a neutral vessel, or is the mission evaluating them for Federation membership?

PICARD: Oh, yes, well these life forms feel such passionate hatred matters of custom, God concepts, even, strangely enough, economic systems.

We get it, Gene, you hate money! Religious differences are nothing compared to the evil that is money! On a completely unrelated subject, remind me again who wrote silly lyrics to the TOS theme to steal half of Alexander Courage's money? Oh yeah, it was you!

DATA: I hope the Captain remembers his physical pattern is here. If he has, his energy has moved into the transporter relays by now.

Ugh. Entire essays could be (and have been) written about how the transporter works, whether or not people have a soul that travels along the beam, etc. Suffice to say, I doubt Picard knows enough about the inner workings of the ship to move around like this without getting trapped in a holodeck or something.

TASHA: Sorry, Commander, but Security Team Two reports they've discovered a puddle of blood outside the Selay Quarters and they can't find one of the delegates and so
RIKER: Lieutenant. This couldn't have waited a moment?
TASHA: It's good to see you, sir. The problem is that one of the cooks has just been asked to broil reptile for the Anticans, and it looks like the Selay delegate.

Ugh, so these guys aren't just at war, they're cannibals. Perfect Federation candidates! Apparently our heroes have missed a necessary step or two. First stop the fighting, then stop the cannibalism, then start talking about membership!

The Fiver

Selay Delegate: (sniffs) Eww! This ship stinks!
Picard: Sorry about that, the cleaners won't arrive until Tuesday.

We do get a lot of mileage out of that Generations joke, don't we?

Captain's Log: We're all relying on Mr. Singh right now to fix the Enterprise and --
Worf: (over the comm) Captain! Singh has been found sizzled and singed.
Picard: Whoa! Try saying that three times real fast.

--"and that means we're doomed" should've been in there somewhere, right? Picard passed by a perfectly passable passage to promote playing off a pleasant parody.

Picard: Data, be a good little android and take us back into the energy distortion.
Data: Uh, sure. Are you feeling okay?
Picard: Mwahahahaha! Yes, of course. Why do you ask?

I've said it before, a good maniacal laugh can be relaxing. Clears out the mental cobwebs and revives the spirit, don't'cha know?

Memory Alpha

* Supposedly the first bottle show. I'd argue that there are too many special effects to call it a true bottle show.
* Second appearance of O'Brien, and now he's wearing gold. The interesting thing is that we're told that he was a tactical officer on the Rudledge. He went from gold to red to gold? That's an inverse of Worf, isn't it?
* First appearance of Marc Alaimo. I wonder if we'll be seeing him again? ;)

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the transporter doesn't work in the episode according to how all of the reference materials say it should work. Normally I'd chalk this one up to growing pains, but the transporter doesn't seem to be sufficiently different to how it worked in TOS to start applying such wildly different rules to it.
* He's also confused as to how casually our heroes are taking the murder of the Selay delegate at the hands of the Antican.

[Nate the Great]

November 9th, 1987, "Justice"

I got off on several rants that I had to delete. Suffice to say, this plot is contrived, the Punishment Zone system introduces several moral questions, and so forth. Furthermore, it's made clear that the Edo are prewarp, so why is our crew visiting them in the first place?

No fiver
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Justice_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/109.htm)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 41255.6. After delivering a party of Earth colonists to the Strnad solar system...

I suddenly wish that the writers didn't treat the Federation like "a Homo Sapiens only club" in situations where it wouldn't cost any money to do so. We're never going to see these people, so say that they're Bolians or Tellarites or Horta!

CRUSHER: Establishing that colony has been exhausting for the entire crew, Captain. We're not a supply vessel. Settling all those people has been a strain on everyone.

Yeah, why is the Enterprise doing this mission anyway? Our heroes shouldn't be doing anything that a lesser vessel can do unless there are extra conditions. Starships that are specifically configured to create colonies (less sensors and weapons, more cargo space and life support capabilities, etc.) should be possible. At least give a reason for the big E to be doing this mission! The colony will need more engineering support than usual, it's unusually far out, our crew will be installing defense satellites, etc.

DATA: I'm reading something off the starboard bow, but there is nothing there.
TASHA: Sensor technicians are working on it, sir. They've identified it as a glitch in the system.

Um, don't the "sensor technicians" report to Data as the science officer? Why isn't Data in contact with his underlings?

PICARD: Of course. Wesley? If we go down, I'd like you to join the away team to evaluate this world as a place for young people to relax.

What? Even if Picard convinced Starfleet to allow Wesley to man a bridge station, don't you need to take loads of Academy courses to learn how to handle away missions and first contact protocols? I doubt any other ship in this condition would call up one of the civilian teenagers for this mission.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are in orbit of a planet designated Rubicun Three, the home of a life form who call themselves the Edo.

I think that this is the first time that this has come up in TNG, but why do we keep assigning names to planets that have indigenous populations who no doubt have their own names for their own planet? If we know that the people call themselves the Edo, why isn't the name of the planet Edo or Edo Prime or Edos or something?

WORF: I am not concerned with pleasure, Commander. I am a warrior.

Ha ha. Wait for the character development. Only a year from now he'll be assembling models in his spare time and playing Stratagema.

TASHA: Careful, Commander. They've got some strange laws here.
RIKER: I thought you reviewed their laws.
TASHA: But they listed nothing about punishment.

We're supposed to respect you, Tasha. Do your job and ask about the punishments! Furthermore, the fact that the general public don't know the locations of the Punishment Zones should've been included as well. But oh no, these people must be preserved as completely innocent!

CRUSHER: When he faces execution! Although he's committed no crime, certainly none that any sane and reasonable person would--

Oh, slippery slope, Beverly. Remember last month when Picard accidentally insinuated that the Ferengi are not civilized?

PICARD: I cannot permit that boy or any member of this vessel be sacrificed. The Prime Directive never intended that.

Really? Kirk says otherwise.

DATA: Would you choose one life over one thousand, sir?
PICARD: I refuse to let arithmetic decide questions like that.

Why not? Seems pretty cut and dry. Why is Wesley's life that important? The needs of the many and all that.

PICARD: And you should know that whatever the cost, I will not allow them to execute your son.

Even if the alternative is the entire ship being destroyed? I repeat, the needs of the many and this plot is completely contrived!

PICARD: And I say to any creature who may be listening, there can be no justice so long as laws are absolute. Even life itself is an exercise in exceptions.
RIKER: When has justice ever been as simple as a rulebook?

Finally a good lesson. Too bad it's in such a bad episode.

Memory Alpha

* I was surprised to learn that Picard did the "shows an alien woman her own planet from orbit for the first time" thing two more times (Nuria and Lily).
* In "Coming of Age" Remmick claims that Picard broke the Prime Directive in this episode. As I've already explained, whatever Federation laws he broke here, the PD is not one of them.
* Memory Alpha makes it clear that the Edo are prewarp. I'll repeat, why are our crew visiting them then?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the crew had possession of the poison that was intended to be used on Wesley and could thus create an antidote for it to revive Wes later, as in "Code of Honor." Good point.
* If Wesley is an official member of the away team, why wasn't he wearing a commbadge? (For that matter, why wasn't he wearing a uniform?)

YouTube

* Picard's final speech and the sparing of the Enterprise (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A80j4r_Gtto).

[Nate the Great]

November 16th, 1987, "The Battle"

The first draft of this entry got rejected for being too long. Instead of splitting into two posts I'll delete some of my repetitive diatribes. This is such a stupid episode, and I could've rewritten it to be less stupid so easily!

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/110.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Battle_(episode))

The Episode

PICARD: And now I've got this damned headache.
CRUSHER: A what?
PICARD: Headache. Headache. Surely you know what a headache is.
CRUSHER: Of course. But I don't often encounter them.

1. Headaches can't be bred out of the human genome, and even if they could what makes this different from Khan? 2. Even if they could be, why wouldn't Crusher recognize the term immediately? As Starfleet's best doctor she should know about every medical condition not just in today's human population but throughout history. 3. "Headaches" is a symptom, not a specific disease. They come from all sorts of causes. Even if some of them could be bred out of the genome, all of them can't. This is stupid.

TROI: Captain, I sense considerable deception on Bok's part. And danger.

I wonder why the whole "telepaths can't read Ferengi minds" wasn't written into the series bible on Day One. Besides, whatever happened to Troi as an expert in reading body language, tone of voice, etc.?

CRUSHER: Medical fakery. The pain is actually still there. It's just cloaked.

You mean that you aren't sure what the source of the pain is, you're just suppressing the pain response. Which is silly. Numbing the nerve endings in the head and staying on duty when there are possibly hostile Ferengi about seems pretty dangerous to me!

WESLEY: Commander, you'll soon be getting an intruder alert.
RIKER: What? Wesley, if you've something to report.
WESLEY: If you'll scan heading four four mark one six three, Lieutenant, you'll find
TASHA: Intruder alert, sir.
LAFORGE: I've got something, sir.
WESLEY: It's an old style starship, Constellation Class, heading this way under impulse power, sir.

1. Wesley fooling around with the sensors in Engineering can discover something that doesn't immediately appear on Data's board? 2. Intraship memos don't exist? Send Data an instant message or use your commbadge! 3. This isn't an "intruder alert" situation, Tasha! 4. "Old style starship" is awfully vague. The oldest Constellation class on record is the Hathaway in 2285, and the Stargazer was in active service less than twenty years ago! And there are "old style" Excelsior classes all over the place! I'd have skipped directly to the class designation, myself.

KAZAGO: And the android was mentioned too. What is its price? We should like to purchase it.
PICARD: He is not for sale. Commander Data is, um, is, um
RIKER: Is second-hand merchandise. You wouldn't want him.
DATA: Second-hand, sir? Oh, of course. A human joke.

Nice joke. It's a shame that we don't really have the time for Data's personhood and lack of "sell-ability" to be defended.

RATA: The log should be downloaded into the Enterprise's records. At a price.
BOK: No price!
KAZAGO: No price?

Finally, some proper Ferengi characterization. You'd think Bok would cover for himself by at least charging Picard the scrap value plus the costs of transporting it here. Do you really think Picard wouldn't pay it?

PICARD: For what purpose? What (clutches his head in pain)
TROI: I just felt something too, Captain.
BOK: Perhaps it is his conscience?

Props to Bok for knowing this bit of human trivia (Rule of Acquisition 194: It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door), but isn't the conscience usually in the heart?

PICARD: We were traveling at warp two through the Maxia Zeta star system when this unidentified starship suddenly appeared and fired on us, point-blank range.
RIKER: Where did it come from?
PICARD: It must have been lying in some deep moon crater.

Putting aside whether or not you can travel at warp inside a star system, if you have no particular business in the Maxia Zeta system, why would you be near it? And since when do moon craters conceal ships from sensors? You could've at least thrown in a technobabble "the moon's surface was made out of Sensor-Blocking Sort of Rock"!

LAFORGE: I activated the emergency power cells. Amazing they still work.

It hasn't even been ten years! I jolly well hope the emergency power cells still work! At least throw in a "considering the battle damage"!

PICARD: Lieutenant Yar, run a structural analysis on the Stargazer for an impulse tow.

Impulse tow? Ugh. *Clears throat* "Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. You may think it's a long way down the road--" SLAP! You get the idea. I'll just chalk this up to "the writer was ignorant of Treknology" and move on.

RIKER: I know, sir, I must report it to Starfleet. That's at least one full day for subspace communications to reach there.
PICARD: And one more full day for their answer to return.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate arbitrary delays in contacting Starfleet? This is still largely unknown territory, throw in something like "the X Nebula is between here and Earth and will greatly slow down communications" at least!

PICARD: Release the Stargazer from the tractor beam, Number One.
RIKER: Sir?
PICARD: The tractor beam.
RIKER: Sir, are you abandoning?
PICARD: No, but her inertia will carry the Stargazer along with us. Or did you sleep through the Academy lecture on conservation of tractor beam power?
RIKER: No, sir. I'll release her, of course.

So we are still at impulse? I hope these people had no plans for the rest of their lives, or their children's lives, or grandchildren's lives, or--*SLAP!*

BOK: Do you not, human? Can you not remember the crime you committed against my very blood? You murdered my only son.
PICARD: Your son?
BOK: He was the commander of the ship you destroyed! On his first voyage as DaiMon.
PICARD: The ship? The Ferengi ship that attacked me.

Yeah, about that. What was the plan? To lure Starfleet into attacking an unarmed ship to discredit the Federation? You might want to try not hiding in moon craters if you want to claim to be the innocent victim. And not being the first to fire, and not...ugh, my head hurts.

RIKER: The Picard Manoeuvre. What is the defence against that, Data?
DATA: There is no defence, sir.

In reality, the defense is "remember that subspace sensors exist and can tell a real ship from all of the ghosts that would otherwise be flying around confusing everyone". This is a stupid episode...

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Picard's quarters, along with many of the iconic props within.
* First appearance of Wesley's acting ensign uniform, only he doesn't have a commbadge yet. Why he wouldn't have one at this point is beyond me, except to indicate that his status and responsibilities will evolve. Although I do think that at this early stage he really shouldn't be on the bridge when contact with other ships is expected.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why didn't Picard set the Stargazer to autodestruct? (The second volume of the Guide says that several readers replied that there weren't enough officers around to activate the autodestruct. Pretty flimsy argument if you ask me)
* Many instances of beaming through shields in this episode.
* The Stargazer ghosts wear NextGen uniforms. Wasn't everyone still using Monster Maroons at this point?

[Nate the Great]

Since I want to enjoy my Thanksgiving weekend and there's no TOS episode this week, I'm going to do the TNG episode a day early.

November 23rd, 1987, "Hide and Q"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=hideandq)(by Kira)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Hide_and_Q_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/111.htm)

The Episode

PICARD: Additional information. The number of colonists at the site is five hundred and four. Are you prepared for that many, Doctor?
CRUSHER [OC]: We believe so, sir.

I repeat earlier remarks in the TOS thread about small colony populations. Also, there are over a thousand people on board the Enterprise! Five hundred is hardly another drop in the bucket, but it's not so large that people would be sprawled out in the corridors...

PICARD: You're no Starfleet Admiral, Q.
Q: Neither am I an Aldebaran serpent, Captain, but you accepted me as such.
RIKER: He's got us there, Captain.

Yeah, he does. I've long liked Q's zinger here.

RIKER: Where are we?
DATA: Obviously a class M world. Gravity and oxygen within our limits.

Obviously, Data, since nobody's in pain. I think Riker meant "is this a planet that we already know about?"

(Glasses appear in everyone's hands. Worf ostentatiously pours his onto the ground)
Q: Drink not with thine enemy. The rigid Klingon code. That explains something of why you defeated them.

Phil Farrand commented in his coverage of the fifth movie how weird it would be for the Klingons to party with our crew if this code existed. Furthermore, we still seem to be in the period where people are treating the Klingon Empire as a mere subset of the Federation. Cue rants about series bibles here. And by the by, why would the Federation conquer the Klingon Empire, instead of just rendering their military useless?

We could have such discussions about other times where Worf drank with someone he believes to be a possible enemy.

Q: You see, of all species, yours cannot abide stagnation. Change is at the heart of what you are. But change into what? That's the question.
DATA: That is what humans call a truism.
Q: You mean hardly original?

I'm a sucker for quotes and aphorisms. But I still have a sense of humor about hackneyed sayings, so Q's line does make me smile.

DATA: His uniform is that of a French Army marshal.
RIKER: And a marshal outranks even an Admiral
Q: Well, do you think I would go from a Starfleet Admiral to anything else?

I miss Q's costume antics, it's a shame he defaults to Starfleet captain so often...

Q: Fairness is such a human concept. Think imaginatively! This game shall in fact be completely unfair.
TASHA: You've gone too far!

Is Q here to test our crew or just poke them with sticks for his own amusement? You can't have it both ways!

TASHA: What the hell am I doing? Crying?
PICARD: Don't worry. There's a new ship's standing order on the Bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.
TASHA: Captain. Oh, if you weren't a captain.

Never did like this scene. Tasha could express tenderness and vulnerability without flirting with her captain.

PICARD: A marshal of France? Ridiculous!

Oh, there's another example of Picard's early season "France is supreme" mentality. I guess I was wrong before.

RIKER: Geordi, can you see Worf?
LAFORGE: I'd see the freckles on his nose if he had them, sir.

Given what we know about how the VISOR works, no you couldn't, Geordi. For that to happen the visual input would have to be full photorealistic reconstructions with an infinite zoom lens. And you don't.

PICARD: Oh, no. I know Hamlet. And what he might said with irony, I say with conviction. What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason. How infinite in faculty. In form, in moving, how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a god.
Q: Surely you don't really see your species like that, do you?
PICARD: I see us one day becoming that, Q. Is it that what concerns you?

Given what we'll learn in later episodes and novels, yes, that's what concerns the Q.

DATA: Muskets are appropriate to the 1790 to 1800 French army uniform, sir. But it is hardly a weapon by our standards.

I hate that line. A weapon is a device meant to cause bodily harm on an enemy. So muskets qualify. Make the usual first season pompous declarations about the lack of accuracy and power compared to contemporary weapons, but don't pretend that a gunpowder musket is in the same category as a water gun or rubber knife!

WORF: Sir, what they're wearing may be old Earth uniforms, but what's inside of them isn't human at all. More like vicious animal things.

I've been waiting for this one. "Animal things." Here (http://tng.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/s1/1x11/hideq124.jpg) are (http://tng.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/s1/1x11/hideq129.jpg) a few closeups of these guys. These aren't animals, they're aliens. "Yellow-skinned aliens covered in fur and warts." It's not complicated.

(Wesley gets bayoneted from behind. I confess, I cheered)

Assuming Chakotea/Chrissy wrote these, I have to give her kudos for this.

DATA: Yes, sir, that is true. But I never wanted to compound one illusion with another. It might be real to Q, perhaps even you, sir. But it would not be so to me. Was it not one of the Captain's favourite authors who wrote, This above all, to thine own self be true?

Thank you, Data.

(A Klingon woman is kneeling at his feet. She gets up, tries to swipe at Tasha, and gets knocked down by Worf)
WORF: No! She is from a world now alien to me!

One wonders if the illusion attacked Tasha for being the closest or if "she" saw Tasha as the alpha female that had to be conquered. Chalk Worf calling the Klingon Empire "alien" up to early installment weirdness.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We have received a distress call from the Sigma Three system requesting medical assitance. I certainly hope the rest of the Federation's colonies aren't this helpless, or we'll be spending the next seven years chasing after mining disasters and hostage situations.

Another typo that got past Zeke (or was Marc in charge back then?) Picard's hopes will be dashed here. "Does anyone remember when we were explorers?"

Picard: Security? Engineering? Anyone? What is this, some kind of shrinking-bubble alternate universe?

My opinion of "Remember Me" has fallen steadily over the years. Blech. I'll wait until we get to that episode in three years to go into further detail.

Q: Sit, Commander. Refresh yourselves before the games begin. Can I offer you something to drink?
(FLASH!)
Riker: Wow! Old-fashioned lemonade! Just what I wanted!
Worf: Prune juice?

Nice joke, but the whole point of the prune juice scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgzbKe6_DN4) is that Worf's never heard of it. I have no reasonable alternative for TNG, but if I was writing this scene in a DS9 fiver I would've done one of my "Year X bloodwine is good, Year Y bloodwine is awful" jokes. Y'know, Q's a monster for giving him a substandard vintage of bloodwine...

Yar: But sir, I'm too young to die!
Picard: Yes, I know. But don't worry -- I'm sure you won't always feel that way.

Now there's gallows humor for you. Would a "How can this happen, we stopped wearing redshirts a hundred years ago!" joke have worked here?

Picard: This must be some form of torture Q has devised.
Data: What is your reasoning for that, sir?
Wesley: Where are we? What's going on? Why am I here?
Data: Ah. I see.

It would've been hilarious if Picard had said something along the lines of "that's torture all right, but hardly Q's fault".

Memory Alpha

* Second and last usage of the Q grid (although mentioned in "All Good Things" in reference to "Encounter at Farpoint" events). It would've been nice if it had reappeared in Q's appearances on Voyager, right?

YouTube

* Possibly Q at his hammiest. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isqPWpdpcSE) "Did someone say games!" Where did all these bitemarks on the scenery come from?
* Monk Q, and Picard asks what's with the costumes. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq1rdnyE3Ko)
* A duel of Shakespeare quotes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AF4WKfgssA).

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil asks why the story of Gary Mitchell was never brought up as a comparison to Riker's situation.
* If Geordi can see Worf's freckles (he can't), why is Worf there? Can't Geordi just look at the enemy camp directly from a safe location?

[Flying Gremlin]

It's too bad the Fiver didn't go with a gorch joke.

[Nate the Great]

November 30th, 1987, "Haven"

Sorry, I cut this one to the bone, and it's still over the limit. Two parts!

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=haven) (by dsbs)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/105.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Haven_(episode))

Let's sum up the major gripes so we can stay relatively positive for the rest of the review:
1. Lwaxana is badly written 90% of the time, and in this episode she's utterly irredeemable except in that scene where she helped Wyatt. Where's the filter between her brain and mouth? Take it as read that the vast majority of her dialogue is mockable, and let's move on.
2. There's no reason why Haven has to have these mystical healing powers. The Tarellians don't care about that, they've just been trapped in space for years and want to die on a planet.
3. Furthermore, don't go hyping up this planet's beauty unless we're going to see it! Couldn't the writers have tweaked it so Lwaxana and the Millers intended for the wedding to take place on the most beautiful planet that Deanna is likely to be near at this time?
3. Why does Wyatt have to be human? Why would a human family want to take part in a traditional Betazoid arranged marriage? Furthermore, telepathy (no matter how weak) over such enormous distances would be slightly more plausible if both sides had at least some ability in that area. Plus it would make Lwaxana's distaste for the Millers a bit more plausible if they were like the Tenth House, i.e. barely Betazoid aristocracy and barely worthy of her notice. Plus, if Wyatt and Deanna could talk telepathically immediately, forming this bond on par with Deanna and Will, that would provide some nice character conflict, right?
4. Deanna thought she could escape this marriage without formally breaking it; that's a bit naive. Furthermore the idea that she could escape direct conflict by simply going deep enough into space makes her seem like a rebellious teenager, not a professional psychiatrist.
5. Unless a reason is given for why the wedding has to happen now, all of the bickering and rush just makes everyone involved look like horrible people. But it wasn't, so they do.

The Fiver

Picard: This planet is rumoured to be the most peaceful, beautiful, restful world in the whole galaxy.
Riker: Sounds like we can expect trouble here.
Picard: Agreed. Stand by to go on Red Alert.

Genre savvyness is one of my favorite gags.

Wyatt: I'm a doctor.
Troi: I'm happy for you. And I'm a practicing psychologist. We could work in concert.
Wyatt: I said I'm a doctor, not a musician.
Troi: Are there any men on this ship who aren't morons?

Shoulda thrown in a "Darnnit, Deanna..." Good joke, though.

Lwaxana: Captain! Shame on you for thinking what you just thought!
Picard: Preposterous! Starfleet regulations prohibit officers from having impure thoughts about visiting dignitaries!
Lwaxana: "Impure" isn't exactly how I'd describe a comment like "And good ridance!"

She ain't a dignitary yet. And there's another typo. The whole site really does need an overhaul, doesn't it?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wasn't willing to wait until "Dark Page" to discuss the Homn/Xelo question. He's confused as to where Deanna's accent came from, since neither of her parents talk like that. And it seems that neither did Xelo, if Xelo was the one who tried to rid her of it.
* Where are the biofilters in this episode?
* Phil made a mistake! He thinks that the tractor beam that was meant to stop the Tarellians from beaming down to Haven should prevent our people from beaming on board. First, tractor beams have never interfered with the transporter, I refer you to "The Emissary" when K'ehleyr beamed on board from a probe that was completely surrounded by a tractor beam! Second, the tractor beam was meant to keep the Tarellian ship out of range of Haven. Not being able to beam to the planet doesn't mean intership beaming isn't possible. Third, even if our heroes have modified the tractor beam in this specific instance to block Tarellian transporter beams, that has nothing to do with Federation transporter beams!

YouTube

* Lwaxana arrives and makes Picard carry her luggage. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5mJDS4PrA)
* Petty bickering, and Data asks them to continue. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crZsb7TS16g)

[Nate the Great]

The Episode

PICARD: Legends like that are the spice of the universe, Mister Data, because they have a way of sometimes coming true.

A cliche that shouldn't be there unless something was going to come of it.

TASHA: Yes, sir. There's an object of some kind beaming in from Haven.
RIKER: What is it?
TASHA: We're not sure.

Since when do our heroes let mysterious packages get beamed on board?

FACE: I hold a message for Deanna Troi. Lwaxana Troi and the honourable Miller family will soon arrive. The momentous day is close at hand. Rejoice.

Hi Armin! You're not horrifying at all!

(The box bursts open and scatters gems on the transporter pad)
TASHA: Jewels. Look at these jewels.

I'll be generous and say that Tasha is ignoring the nonexistent monetary value of these, but simply their beauty, a thing she's seen precious little of in her life.

PICARD: Will you and your husband be staying with the ship, Counsellor?
TROI: No, sir.

Yeah, about that...why can't Wyatt stay onboard? This ship is supposedly designed for families and civilians, right?

TROI: Your last valet tried so hard to rid me of it. Whatever happened to Mister Xelo?
LWAXANA: I was forced to terminate his employment.

The discussion of when Xelo left and Homn arrived will have to wait for "Dark Page" in six years. Ugh....

VALEDA [on viewscreen]: An incoming vessel has bypassed our stargate, violating our law.

So what's a stargate in the Trek universe? If it's simply a relay station that you're supposed to hail on your way in to let Haven know that you come as a friend, they could've said that.

VALEDA [on viewscreen]: Failure to communicate is inherently hostile.

No, it's not. Maybe the ship is a derelict, maybe the people are too sick to pick up the phone, maybe their language is so different from yours that it's taking them time to translate your message!

TROI: I only ever felt this, well, with someone who's on this ship.

So wait, your only serious relationship was Riker? And you had no particular desire to track him down, it's only serendipity that brought you together on the Enterprise? You dated no one else in the intervening eight years or so? I'm sure Riker did!

Captain's personal log. I trust my concern over the problems of ship's Counsellor Troi are not based merely on losing a highly valuable crew member. But it seems to me that she is trapped by a custom of her home world which the facts of the twenty-fourth century life have made unwise and unworkable. I wish I could intervene.

Odo's line about the price we pay for having freedom of choice is that sometimes we choose wrong comes to mind. I give Picard credit for not wanting to intervene.

LAFORGE: A damaged vessel, sir. That could explain it.
RIKER: If it were unable to reach warp speed, it would have taken all these years to get here.

I've done the "space is big, really big" joke before, let's cut to the chase. There's no need for this thing to be sublight (much ranting could be done here), saying that they're barely going Warp One and don't have the fuel to reach another planet is enough.

CRUSHER: The Tarellians had reached Earth's late twentieth century level of knowledge.

And yet they had warp drive, albeit easily-broken warp drive? To quote Linkara, "methinks this plot has many holes."

PICARD: Which creates a very difficult problem for the Enterprise. Our treaty requires us to protect Haven, and Federation policy requires that we assist life forms in need, which must include the Tarellians. I'll want you to help me find some answers.

I'm getting the feeling that Haven isn't technically a Federation world, they just have a treaty with them. What difference does this make? Would anyone's actions be different if Haven was a Federation world?

DATA: Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.

A great line to end a scene.

RIKER: I will miss you, Deanna.
TROI: I'm no longer Imzadi to you?
RIKER: You taught me that word means my beloved.
TROI: And the human heart is too small to permit that feeling now.
RIKER: Have you discussed this with Wyatt? I think you should. It's also damned unfair to me.
TROI: I understand. I should have realised. Humans, young human males particularly, have difficulty separating platonic love and physical love.

Troi is written very badly here. I'll go into more detail after the next quote.

TROI: Actually, Bill was concerned that you might be upset that I care deeply for him, too.

And how do you care about Riker, Deanna? In this line it almost seems like she's claiming that she has the right to have romantic feelings for two people simultaneously. Even if Betazoids have that right (which seems unlikely, Lwaxana may play the field, but once a relationship becomes serious she stays monogamous for the duration), she doesn't have the right to impose this scenario on two humans.

Captain's log, supplemental. All attempts at warning off the Tarellian ship have failed. They still refuse to communicate and I am growing concerned.

All attempts? Apparently not, as you won't talk about stuff like tractor beams and weapons until later.

LWAXANA: All life, Wyatt, all consciousness, is indissolvably bound together. Indeed, it's all part of the same thing.

Ugh. Hippie nonsense. Let's move on before someone starts a poetry slam.

WRENN [on viewscreen]: You may turn off your tractor beam, Captain. We will not be going to Haven. We have what we really came for.

So you're going to spend another few decades in space going to another planet? You're not going to ask for spare parts to fix your warp drive? You're not going to ask for the location of an uninhabited world that you can die on? You're not going to ask for a tractor beam tow to said planet? You're just going to hope that Wyatt can cure you before you die?

[Flying Gremlin]

The Fiver for "Haven" made me wonder why no one made a joke about the box having big ears.

[NAHTMMM]

Genre savvyness is one of my favorite gags.
Me, too.

[Nate the Great]

My initial draft was too long, but this episode ain't worth two parts. I had to cut out a lot of Treknology nits. Is this really the best way to do the big introduction to the holodeck? A room that could kill our heroes if the slightest odd energy wave hits the ship?

January 11th, 1988, "The Big Goodbye"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/113.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Big_Goodbye_(episode))

The Episode

Riker: The Jarada demand a precise greeting, in this case from Captain Picard. Their language is most unusual. The slightest mispronunciation is regarded as an insult.

I hate it when alien races are made to be this unreasonable. We should lock them in a room with the Sheliak and throw away the key...

Captain's personal log. I'm entering the ship's holodeck, where images of reality can be created by our computer. Highly useful in crew training, highly enjoyable when used for games and recreation.

Gotta love that Season One conceit that "fun" is the secondary objective of the holodeck. No, really, we put this here for practical reasons! You're not fooling anyone, production staff!

Captain's personal log. I'm delighted with how the Holodeck has created the fictional world of Dixon Hill, the twentieth century detective who has been a hero of mine since childhood. The illusion is flawless. The characters I meet are generated by the computer, of course, yet they feel real, they seem real in every way.

Were the creators that terrified that unless they reiterate the illusion thing after every commercial break that the stupid viewers would wonder if they had the wrong show or think that Picard has gone back in time?

PICARD: And when I looked down into the street, I actually saw automobiles!

Stop being a fanboy, captain. We know that this level of holographic perfection has only recently become possible, but using the captain as the audience surrogate character was a mistake. Given her background Tasha would've been a better choice (in a different program than Dixon Hill, of course).

RIKER: The Jaradan are strategically important to the Federation.

Why? They sit between us and the Romulans? Over the last few years they've been talking with the Cardassians (I know that they don't exist yet), and it's important to keep them on our side? We trade with them for Resource X? Another sentence would be useful, you know...

Captain's log, supplemental. The Jaradan rendezvous still is eleven hours away. I am about to reenter the world of Dixon Hill, this time properly dressed.

Eleven hours? Get a good night's sleep, review the greeting again, get that taken care of, then relax, Captain!

WHALEN: He actually thinks you're Dixon Hill.

Ugh. There's exposition and there's treating the audience like idiots, and the line was crossed ten minutes ago! Who was it that said that intelligent audiences appreciate fiction that doesn't talk down to them?

DATA: The record will stand until the year 2026, when a shortstop for the London Kings...

This bit of trivia was extrapolated into Buck Bokai's biography. I'm glad someone remembered this episode so this could be done

VENDOR: Hey Dix, what gives with this guy? He's not from around here, is he.

The lack of perceptual filter thing is really getting old. Couldn't half of these things be jettisoned to make room for another plot elsewhere on the ship? Furthermore, it happens before the Jaradan probe, so this isn't a case of a malfunction!

(The ship shakes as a beam passes through it, including the holodeck, whose controls flicker and door briefly opens and closes a few times)

Don't ask me what a sensor scan has to do with the holodeck, or what the holodeck has to do with the doors...

SERGEANT: You're a pretty hep lookin' broad.
CRUSHER: Is that good?
SERGEANT: It ain't bad.

He he. "Hep lookin' broad?" I'm reminded of Troi in "The Royale"...

TROI: I don't believe this dialogue. Did humans really talk like that?
PICARD: Not in real life. Remember, everything that's going on down there is taken from what Colonel Richey calls a second-rate novel.

I suddenly wonder if Colonel Richey would've liked being trapped in a Dixon Hill novel better...

And of course "is that good" brings to mind the scene where Kirk sells his glasses...

LAFORGE: Not a thing. We have to go through this millimetre by millimetre.

Yeah, it's not like you could just unplug it. Unlike Voyager the holodeck's power supply is integrated with the ship. And Geordi, isn't this a job for the chief engineer (whoever that is this week...)?

PICARD: Soon, my friend. For the moment, I have other duties.
MCNARY: Blonde or brunette?
PICARD: She's a lady, all right, and her name is Enterprise.
MCNARY: Sounds like a working girl to me.

No, she's a beautiful lady and we love her! (Trek quote game!)

WESLEY: I don't know if I should. If this isn't done correctly, the programme could abort and everyone inside could vanish.

HOW? Even if the safeties are off, how does "holograms shutting off" kill everyone inside?

Memory Alpha

* It was suggested to depict the world of Dixon Hill in black and white, like Captain Proton would be later. I wish they had, it seems like a missed opportunity.
* The only episode where Tasha has the bridge.
* The only episode where the holodeck has two exits. While I could understand the flagship having a super-sized holodeck for when many many people will be participating (promoting Worf, etc.), I don't see why Picard would need one for this simulation that only expects four users.
* William Ware Theiss (glad he was on board for the early days of TNG) got a award for the Dixon Hill costumes.

Nitpickers Guide

* Data knows about cars, baseball players, and the events of every Dixon Hill novel, but a simple electric lamp confuses him. Ugh...
* No one even tries to beam our people out of the holodeck. A horrifying implication: turning the safeties off turns the transporter blocking shield on!
* The Jaradan probe shakes the bridge, but not the holodeck. How strange...
* Between scenes the lipstick on Picard's face changes shape, location, and color. Almost as though the scenes were filmed on two different days with two different kisses! You'd think they could've filmed all of the kiss scenes on the same day to avoid a problem this simple...

[Nate the Great]

I'm still pondering how an uncontrolled holodeck shutdown could vaporize everyone inside it. Even if you had to sweep the thing with baryons or something every time you turn it off, to complete the holographic reset, couldn't our heroes just unplug that part?

Then again, I'd hope that every holodeck would have a manual shutdown, probably a form of fuse.

The weird thing is that "The Big Goodbye" is supposed to tell us what the holodeck can do, while at the same time convince the entire audience that they are not fun and in fact are very dangerous. A scanning beam manages to lock the doors and deactivate the safeties and make the holodeck unable to shut down without killing everyone. And not even a weaponized scanning beam deliberately designed to do this thing, it's a random result! You couldn't get me within a hundred feet of this deathtrap!

[Nate the Great]

January 18th, 1988, "Datalore"

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/114.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Datalore_(episode))

The Episode

My usual line-by-line commentary got real negative real fast. Good performances here and there aside, there are plotholes big enough to drive a starship through, and it got really aggravating real fast.
* The Enterprise is gonna spend a couple hours here, just in case they stumble upon something that was missed before. Did Starfleet just not care enough about what killed this colony? Why'd it take so long to find Soong's lab?
* Lore's reactivation should've taken place in a more controlled environment nowhere near Data. Furthermore a method of differentiating between the two should've been devised and applied before reactivating him. Data's capabilities are fairly well known, Yar and Worf should've insisted on having a way to identify and control Lore should he prove dangerous.
* The contraction thing was just stupid. It's far too late to introduce something like this, Data's already used more contractions than would be considered acceptable and forgiveable. Cue usual Nate series bible-shrieking here. Furthermore, even if all previous usages are to be forgiven under the growing pains clause, that doesn't forgive the times in this and all future episodes where Data will use them.
* I get that they wanted to homage Isaac Asimov with the positronic brain thing, but they mixed up "artificial intelligence", "robots", and "androids" far too much in this episode. Were the technical advisors out to lunch this week?
* Data is very clear that he only has the information from the colonists' records, and yet everyone seems to act (here and in "Silicon Avatar") that he has all of the actual memories from them. But apparently no one remembered Dr. Soong or the android experiments. Did Soong take the time to clean out as many mentions of this stuff as he could before putting them in Data.
* Lore summoned the C.E., the colony found out, and then they managed to disassemble Lore? Why would Lore let this happen? If Soong had an android-stunning weapon, why wouldn't Lore take it to use against Data if needed?
* Again Picard gripes about Riker not letting him go on away missions. Is this a recent order and he went on away missions for the Stargazer all the time, or did Picard complain to Ben Zoma for over twenty years? If I were Riker, by now I'd ask Starfleet Command to give Picard strict orders on this point: no away missions unless it's absolutely safe, and stop bugging Riker about it.
* Crusher should know about Data's off switch by now. Full stop. Make it classified, need-to-know information by all means, but Crusher (and the whole senior staff, really) do need to know this.

Some good points:
* Data doesn't mind confirming his loyalty to Starfleet over his brother. And this is a good thing; if he hadn't I'm not sure he could be allowed to stay. A desire to help other forms of artificial life is one thing; treating his commitment to Starfleet as optional and temporary is another.
* Wesley devoted a lot of time and effort to earning his place on the bridge, and he was still willing to chuck all of it because the ship was in danger and he was the only one who seemed to know that it was. Even so, I wouldn't have gone about it the way Wesley did, I would've been in my lab building an android-stunner.
* The Crystalline Entity is a good idea for an alien. You could imagine how a crystal could slowly grow in size, power, and intelligence over a long time in space. And imagine the fanfic about when the C.E. meets Gomtuu or Junior!

Memory Alpha

* Final episode written by Gene Roddenberry. I didn't know that he wrote any episodes of TNG, but apparently he did "Encounter at Farpoint" and "Hide and Q" as well.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Lore says that he will drop the shields and beam something out for the C.E. to absorb. It seems he intended it to be Data, but when it turns out to be himself, why didn't the C.E. absorb him?
* Phil also mocked the fact that the entire episode was about the fact that Data can't use contractions, only for him to say "I'm fine" at the end. Seriously, those editors were asleep on the job...
* In my original blow-for-blow commentary I made a Princess Bride joke at the "almost lifeless soil." It turns out that Phil makes it himself in the Guide. I've read the Guides several times, but for any Princess Bride/Trek fanatic the joke is obvious.

[Nate the Great]

January 25th, 1988, "Angel One"

Ugh, here we go...

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/115.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Angel_One_(episode))

The Episode

Summary of huge plot holes:
* There's no reason for Angel One to be specified as having twentieth-century technology, especially because they're going to be shown to have disintegrator fields and subspace radio at bare minimum.
* Relying on platinum did nothing but kill time. Scanning for humans as opposed to Angel One-ians would've saved time and created fewer plot holes.
* What did the disease plot accomplish other than killing time and giving the rest of the crew something to do? It's not like there weren't umpteen other possible subplots that could've done the same thing and provided opportunities for characterization. Furthermore, where were the transporter biofilters this week?
* There's far too much of the common Trek cliche of using "Prime Directive" to refer to all Federation law. This has to stop.
* In the early script Wesley's field trip caught the disease from an actual planetside field trip. The biofilter should've caught it. In the episode as presented it was a holodeck field trip. How and why could the holodeck create real viruses? Aren't there safeties in place to stop this sort of thing?

Captain's log, stardate 41636.9. As feared, our examination of the seven year overdue Federation freighter, Odin, disabled by an asteroid collision, revealed no survivors. However, three escape pods were missing, suggesting the possibility of survivors.

Why did it take seven years for Starfleet to get around to looking for survivors?

PICARD: Counsellor, as this is a female dominated society, you might wish to make the initial contact.

Time to bring up SF Debris again. This is a patently ridiculous statement. The Federation is about tolerance. We don't let the biases of other cultures dictate our actions, and we don't let our crews be biased against because of factors beyond their control. And as Chuck said, Janeway didn't turn over negotiations with the Kazon to Chakotay because of their misogyny, that would only reinforce it. Looks like pigs are flying again, Voyager did something right that NextGen didn't!

BEATA: Even a planet as remote as Angel One has heard of Starfleet. Searching the galaxy for survivors seems a petty task for one of their mighty vessels.

I'm with Beata, why is the flagship doing this mission? It's not like the armaments of the Enterprise will be needed, aren't there diplomatic or science vessels about that could handle this?

PICARD: I want all departments prepared for a warp six trip into the Neutral Zone as soon as the away team completes its mission.
WORF: Trouble, Captain?
PICARD: Insurance. Romulan battle cruisers have been detected near one of our border posts.

Seems like a prime opportunity to leave a shuttle or the saucer section behind. Too bad neither the writer nor Picard thought of it.

RIKER: Data, what's the best way to go about finding Ramsey and the other survivors?
DATA: If we can isolate something unique to the Odin survivors, perhaps an element not otherwise found on Angel One, we can utilise the Enterprise scanners.

Are you telling me that the Odin survivors and the natives are of the same species and the scanners can't tell them apart? Furthermore, this element thing (later determined to be platinum) does nothing but pad the episode while bringing in plot holes. If the humans of the Odin could be found now, what would it matter? And are there really habitable planets that don't have any platinum? Not one bit?

PICARD: Lieutenant La Forge, you have command until further notice. Please, make the proper ship's log entries.
LAFORGE: Aye, sir.

Geordi's in command? I'll overlook Dr. Crusher in this case, there's a disease on board and she needs to be working on it. But there's the chief engineer (whoever that is this week, wink wink) who can take command, it's not like there's a crisis in engineering at the moment.

LAFORGE: [OC]: Bridge to Sickbay how are you Doing, Doctor?
CRUSHER: We have more sick than we do beds. So far I've been forced to confine over three hundred to their private quarters.
[Bridge]
LAFORGE: We're going to be seriously undermanned if we're forced to engage the Romulans in battle.

There should've been a substitute starship on the way to the Romulan border by now, why is our crew still talking about this? And what's with the confining to quarters? It's been less than a day and somehow there's no uninfected section of the ship left, what does it matter?

CRUSHER: It's that smell. That's how the virus travels. An airborne particle whose sweet scent inspires deep inhalation. And once inside the body, it becomes that damned virus. I have work to do.

What does this have to do with anything? I thought that the airborne nature had already been determined. As SF Debris would say, you're filling plotholes that nobody was wondering about!

RIKER: And what about the Romulans entering the Neutral Zone?
DATA: The border outpost reports a contingent of seven Romulan battlecruisers within sensor range. The USS Berlin has answered the distress call. However, should hostilities erupt, both the outpost and the starship will be out-gunned. It is felt that the Enterprise's presence in the area will be a vital show of force.

Seven ships in the Neutral Zone at once, and none of them have asked for permission from Starfleet? I call that an act of war that can't be hidden from. I can't think of a single nonmilitary mission in Trek history that required seven ships in the same place.

CRUSHER [OC]: This virus is totally out of control here. Until I know exactly what I'm dealing with, I can't let anyone new be exposed.

Totally out of control. Last time I checked, the number of deaths is...zero.

RIKER: Understood. Doctor, would this virus have any effect on Mister Data?
CRUSHER [OC]: Not likely.

It's not like he was infected with polywater intoxication a few months ago...

DATA: And the USS Berlin can safely withstand a Romulan attack, and deducted our time to destination at maximum warp speed. That leaves Doctor Crusher forty eight minutes to develop an inoculants to the virus.

One starship can fight off seven Romulan warbirds for an hour? I don't think even the Enterprise can do that!

Memory Alpha

* Production had to be shut down for a few days because the script wasn't ready yet. It will happen again during "Arsenal of Freedom." I thought production work for several episodes happened at the same time. The idea that the only script available to work on at this time is "Angel One" is also terrifying.
* Props from this episode were reused in several future episodes. I wish that didn't happen so much.
* First mention of the Romulans in NextGen. In retrospect it seems odd that it took this long.
* It was Gene who did this temporary rewriting of the Prime Directive to cover all interactions with non-Federation cultures regardless of technological level. So once again it's Gene I can blame. As an idea man he's great, but when it came to the application of such on a practical basis he really needed a few more leashes on him.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Isn't it convenient that Dr. Crusher was never completely stricken with the virus?
* Supposedly the biofilters don't exist yet. Still a sad excuse if you ask me.

[Nate the Great]

February 1st, 1988, "11001001"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=11001001) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/116.htm)
Memory Alpha
(http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/11001001_(episode))
PART ONE

The Episode

Summary of key points:
* It feels too soon for such a complete overhaul of the computers. In retrospect I wish this episode could've been put off until after "Contagion": the Iconian virus is certainly reason enough for a complete computer overhaul.
* If Barclay's holoaddiction was supposed to be so weird, the creators need to stop presenting episodes like this and "The Big Goodbye" and "Booby Trap." Over and over again we get Starfleet officers saying how you need to keep your perspective and distance when it comes to relationships with holocharacters.
* I hate plots where the heroes aren't given a choice in the matter because "you might say no." That's flat-out lazy writing. Bynar is a Federation world, and this seems like prime humanitarian mission material.
* The Bynar race in general raises a few too many questions, but I'll skip them. Except for one: why are only two Bynars assigned to this task? Even if you don't need teams physically at each of the three computer cores, this does seem like a problem you can speed up by throwing more people at it.
* The perceptual filter hasn't been invented yet, and it irks me.
* Who left Wesley in charge of Engineering again? It doesn't matter that they're not polywater drunk again, there are other Engineers about. (And who is the Chief Engineer this week?)

PICARD: What about you, Number One? You've earned a rest.
RIKER: I've never been very good at organising my time off. Something'll turn up. It always does.

Why is this line here? Why are you making Riker look bad if it doesn't service the plot? At least have him say "I was planning to X, but I'm open to other interesting activities if they present themselves."

RIKER: Worf, it's just a game. A little friendly competition, You work up a sweat, you have a few laughs, and you make new friends.
WORF: If winning is not important, then, Commander, why keep score?
TASHA: I think he's pulling your leg. Believe it or not, Worf is developing a sense of humour.

I hope so.

RIKER: Keep notes. This project might turn out to be of interest to scholars in the future.
LAFORGE: Really?
RIKER: Well of course. Think about it. A blind man teaching an android how to paint? That's got to be worth a couple of pages in somebody's book.

I get the joke, but this one does seem a bit insensitive. Was Gene asleep this week?

CRUSHER: Well, since then I've been working on an approach that combines cybernetics and regeneration. It sounds impossible, I know, but I have found an approach which will work. I mean, what an opportunity. To have a chance to talk with Doctor Epstein.

Sheesh, you can tell the Borg haven't been invented yet, can't you?

RIKER: All right. What should I choose? Computer, I'd like some place to play some music. A little atmosphere.
COMPUTER: Specify.
RIKER: Jazz.
COMPUTER: Era?
RIKER: Circa 1958.
COMPUTER: Location.
RIKER: Kansas City. No, wait. New Orleans. Bourbon Street Bar, New Orleans. Around two a.m.
COMPUTER: Programme complete. Enter when ready.

I'm glad that this era of building programs via verbal commands (and frankly insufficient verbal commands) won't last forever. Why is any of this junk important? "1950s-era Earth jazz club, late at night" is adequate for this purpose.

MINUET: My name is Minuet and I love all jazz except Dixieland.
RIKER: Why not Dixieland?
MINUET: You can't dance to it.
RIKER: My girl.

Always remembered the Dixieland quote.

RIKER: I know you are a computer-generated image, but your smell, your touch, the way you feel. Even the things you say and think seem so real.
MINUET: Thank you.
RIKER: How far can this relationship go? I mean, how real are you?
MINUET: As real as you need me to be.

Ugh. And Reg (and Geordi, and Harry...) are the freaks?

MINUET: Enchantee. Comme c'est merveilleux de vous voir ici.
PICARD: Incroyable! Vous etes Parisienne?
MINUET: Au fond, c'est vrai, nous sommes tous Parisiens.
PICARD: Oui, au fond, nous sommes tous Parisiens.

Rough translation:

MINUET: Enchanted. How wonderful to see you here.
PICARD: Unbelievable! Are you from Paris?
MINUET: More or less, we're all Parisians.
PICARD: Yes, deep down we're all Parisians.

PICARD: The holodeck has been able to give us woodlands and ski slopes, figures that fight and fictional characters with which we can interact, but you, you're very different. You adapt. You spoke to me in French.
MINUET: It was very simple. When I heard your name, I merely accessed the foreign language bank.
PICARD: That's very impressive.

Apparently "Picard (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picard_(name))" means a person from Picardy, an area in northern France. According to Memory Beta he's La Barre, Haute-Saone, which is south of the Picardy region (I suppose one of his ancestors moved south taking the name with him).

(Data is continuing to paint, or not to paint)
LAFORGE: Now what are you doing?
DATA: I am awaiting inspiration.

I hope Geordi packed a lunch, Data won't be inspired until "Birthright". Hehe...

LAFORGE: I don't know. There's no one on duty here, and we're getting some very strange readings from the magnetic containment field.
DATA: The field is deteriorating.

There should be someone in charge of Engineering, keeping an eye on the warp core. And couldn't they have created a technobabble reason why the antimatter can't be dumped?

COMPUTER: Decks two through four to cargo transporters. Decks five through ten, proceed to transporters one, two, three and four. Decks six through sixteen, proceed to transporters five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

First, where are the escape pods? Second, wouldn't the wall arrows from "Encounter at Farpoint" be of use here? Just have the computer say "follow the wall arrows to your nearest transporter room."

RIKER: It's uncanny. I could develop feelings for Minuet, exactly as I would for any woman.
PICARD: Doesn't love always begin that way? With the illusion being more real than the woman?

Ugh. Repeat previous comments about Reg and Geordi here, but toss Harry Kim and Janeway into the pile as well.

COMPUTER: Initiated as a programmed response. The magnetic field containing the antimatter had weakened. There was no fail-safe available.

So they outright said it: there are no fail-safes. Not "all fail-safes have malfunctioned", "there are no fail-safes at all."

[Nate the Great]

PART TWO:

DATA: Which is the nearest Starfleet vessel?
QUINTEROS: The Trieste.
DATA: I know the Trieste. Too small, too slow.
QUINTEROS: Plus it's sixty six hours away.

First, who says it has to be a Starfleet vessel? Second, if speed is a concern shouldn't that be the key factor? Ask the Klingons to help, hire a Ferengi ship and pay what they ask, etc.

RIKER: One of us could beam into the Bridge.
PICARD: No, it takes several seconds to materialise. You wouldn't stand a chance.

Actually if "A Matter of Perspective" is to be believed, the annular confinement beam is quite good at deflecting phaser beams.

DATA: Do you think I am responsible?
LAFORGE: Responsible? How could you possibly have known?
DATA: My station is on the Bridge.
LAFORGE: You can't be on the Bridge every second, Data.
DATA: You are wrong, Geordi. I can. I do not need rest or diversion. I should not have been painting. I was negligent.

Very good character work, too bad nothing will come of it. It's a shame the events before this point couldn't have been condensed to make room for this. I'm reminded of his "Achilles in his tent" pouting session in "Peak Performance".

MINUET: A star in the Bynar system went supernova and they miscalculated. The electromagnetic pulse from the explosion was going to knock out their main computer.
PICARD: So their only choice was to transfer all the stored information and shut down until after it passed. And then reactivate their system and transfer the information back to this main computer.
RIKER: The Enterprise has the only mobile computer large enough to handle all that information.

A star in their system went supernova and the plant survived? An EMP could travel through space and the planet's atmosphere without being distorted enough to minimize the damage? And the Enterprise has enough storage capacity to handle an entire planet's data? Have I said "ugh" enough yet this review?

(The computer searches the combinations of 1 and 0 to get to 11001001)

11001001 in decimal is 201. Makes me wonder what the significance is. Incidentally, 1701 in binary is 11010100101, I wonder why they didn't do that, it would've been cooler.


The Fiver

Yar: We're off to play parrises squares against the station's top team.
Riker: You and Worf against those four big, tough guys? Isn't that unfair?
Worf: (to Yar) He is right. One of us should remain here.

You capitalize Parisses Squares. Nice joke, though.

Data: We need to go after the Enterprise.
Quinteros: We can't. All our ships are either too far away or under repair.
Yar: What kind of an incompetent deployment system do you call that?
Quinteros: Standard Starfleet policy.

Grrr, "only ship in the quadrant", grrr....

Picard: The Bynars have copied their entire planet's data files into our computer?
Riker: Yes, they're using the Enterprise as a giant CD-ROM drive.
Picard: That explains why the saucer section is spinning so fast.

Ha ha.

One Zero: You have saved our world!
Zero One: You may now punish us as you see fit!
Picard: I ought to have you downgraded to that old Windows 95 operating system.
Riker: Sir, I recommend leniency.

No OS/2 joke? The opportunity was sitting right there!

Riker: Minuet's gone. She's been replaced by a 1960s lounge singer.
Picard: That doesn't sound so bad.
Riker: His name's Vic.

There's gotta be a Vic/Minuet fanfic somewhere, but I won't be looking for it.

Memory Alpha

* This episode was supposed to be before "The Big Goodbye", to explain the malfunctions there. I think it's just as well, because it's not like "The Big Goodbye" was the only holodeck gone amuck episode. Plus if this episode was the cause our heroes would have to namedrop the Bynars every time or dedicate another episode to sorting it out later.
* The true meaning of 11001001 is simply that it's a combination of the four two-number binary names of the Bynars: 00, 01, 10, 11. This does introduce the need for other identifiers (00 son of 10 son of 11, Unimatrix 1001, etc.). In short, this is a case of the creators being lazy in their conception of a species.

Memory Beta

Besides "Future Imperfect", Minuet also appears in a few novels. I most remember "Of Cabbages and Kings" from the first Strange New Worlds anthology.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out that the Bynars only planned to kidnap Riker when they knew they'd need two people to save their planet. For computer-enhanced people they aren't that smart...
* Phil is also confused about the two-digit names.
* The Bynars make sounds similar to 300-baud modems (this was fast at the time). As of when Volume 2 was written (1995) the cutting-edge was 28,800 baud, and as of when I'm writing we don't use bauds anymore, but bits per second. The peak at the moment seems to be 1000 Mbit/s, which is a billion baud. Insert Moore's Law (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moore%27s_law) discussion here, along with the joke that we're so primitive that we still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
* Why couldn't they have used the saucer separation stock footage? It seems like a prime opportunity for it.
* Many people were bothered that Data communicated with a starbase with his commbadge after the Enterprise had left the vicinity. I have to agree.

[NAHTMMM]

January 25th, 1988, "Angel One"

[...]

Captain's log, stardate 41636.9. As feared, our examination of the seven year overdue Federation freighter, Odin, disabled by an asteroid collision, revealed no survivors. However, three escape pods were missing, suggesting the possibility of survivors.

Why did it take seven years for Starfleet to get around to looking for survivors?
Space is big, really big.

That said, it's a freighter. Freighters don't push the edges of the frontier all on their own, they should generally be using shipping lanes (even if they are remote) with people at either end. There should have been someone close enough to mount a rescue mission.

[Nate the Great]

February 8th, 1988, "Too Short A Season"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=tooshortaseason) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/112.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Too_Short_a_Season_(episode))

The Episode

Once again we find ourselves with an episode that is starting off with two strikes against it because of the sheer amounts of contrivance and bad Treknology that's being stuffed into it. There's some good character work here, but it still doesn't make the episode redeemable.

KARNAS [on viewscreen]: I am Karnas, governor of Mordan Four. A dissident group of terrorists have taken Federation Ambassador Hawkins and his staff hostage. They will not discuss terms with me. This is a crisis I cannot resolve. The terrorists are demanding a Federation negotiator. I feel there is only one negotiator with the skills to resolve the situation. The lives of the hostages will depend on Starfleet delivering this man to Mordan. Commander Mark Jameson. Admiral Jameson. The terrorists have given you six Earth days to bring him here, or the hostages will die.

So was bringing Jameson here your idea, or their demand? I feel an editor should've taken another pass at this script.

JAMESON: I am not simply an advisor. On any assignment I accompany, Starfleet has designated me Senior Mission Officer. I control the away team and all its actions. Is that understood? Of course, Captain, you command the ship, but the mission is mine. I trust you are in complete agreement.

Starfleet doesn't have to "designate" you that. You're an admiral; you outrank Picard already. I hate visiting dignitaries that feel comfortable throwing their weight around at the start of the mission instead of when it's actually relevant. It doesn't endear the captain or the audience to them.

KARNAS [on viewscreen]: They insist all discussions will take place here on Mordan. They refuse to speak to me, only to a Federation mediator.

One, Jameson is an admiral, not an ambassador. Two, did they demand Jameson and only Jameson or not? More desire for another editor...

ANNE: This ship is magnificent. It even has family quarters. Pity we didn't have them twenty, thirty years ago. We could have been together almost all of your career.

Yes, we get the feeling that this whole "large amount of civilians on starships" thing is a recent phenomenon, and it seems that Anne was never a member of Starfleet, but what about starbases? Aren't families allowed there?

CRUSHER: I found traces of chemical substances in his blood and tissue samples, but none of them are in our pharmacopoeia.

A "pharmacopoeia" is just a book of medications and their side effects. It just seems like an outdated term for the 24th century, "medical library" would do just as well.

CRUSHER: His red cell count is running riot. The cellular structure of his body is radically changing, but we can't make any decisions on that until we know what it's changing to. His DNA is skewed. Don't ask me how, but he even looks younger. And Captain, there are absolutely no traces of Iverson's Disease.

I still wonder about the pseudoscience that's supposed to be doing this, especially from the late '80s perspective.

JAMESON: There are no dissidents, are there? No terrorists. You have the hostages.
KARNAS [on monitor]: And if I have? You're coming to Mordan, Jameson, and you're going to negotiate for their lives. And I'm going to ask a very, very high price.
JAMESON: What if I refuse?
KARNAS [on monitor]: Then the hostages will die.

You have to respect a plot twist like that. It's a shame that we never really got to know Karnas as anything other than a spouter of exposition and bluster...

JAMESON: It wasn't my golden oratory that saved them, Captain. I gave Karnas the weapons he wanted.
PICARD: You did what?
JAMESON: I gave exactly the same weapons to his rivals. My interpretation of the Prime Directive. Let them solve their problems with those arms on an equal basis.
PICARD: And that decision plunged them into forty years of civil war.

Ah, we just covered this in "A Private Little War". It makes a little more sense here, since there's enough industrialization that the locals can reproduce the weapons and hide them from our heroes. Still doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, of course. And we're still in the "call all of Federation law the Prime Directive" era, I see. Wait a second...do the locals have warp drive? A previous mission could've given them a subspace transmitter, so that's no proof.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We have been ordered to bring Admiral Mark Jameson to Mordan IV to resolve a hostage crisis there. If he is successful, the news will surely discourage our enemies everywhere from taking any more Federation prisoners in the future.

I get that you were going for sarcastic humor, Marc, but if one takes a minute to consider the implications (i.e. validating the "taking hostages means we get whatever we want" fallacy), it gets mighty dark from a real world perspective.

Jameson: Why don't you have an access ramp?
Picard: It's supposed to arrive next Tuesday.

Yikes, do we get a lot of mileage out of the Tuesday gag.

Picard: I'm surprised that Karnas isn't able to handle this hostage situation on his own. He is, after all, the one who unified the planet after forty years of civil war.
Riker: Perhaps he made too many enemies in the process.
Jameson: Quite possible. It's easy to dislike a man whose motto is, "Peace through superior firepower."

Ah, "The Arsenal of Freedom." Perhaps not the best Season One episode, but far from the worst.

Jameson: I'm also benefiting from a trip I made last week to the famous Briar Patch Health Spa.
Picard: I've never heard of it.
Jameson: You will.

I suppose I should snark about how the Briar Patch probably wasn't discovered at this point in time, but a good punchline isn't coming to mind. I'll just bring up how much of a contrarian Trekkie I am by mentioning again that I prefer Insurrection to First Contact.

Crusher: He's putting his life in danger. There's no telling how far back he'll regress towards early youth.
Anne: You're not kidding. When I last saw him, the rascal was jumping up and down on the bed.

Are you going for some sort of record for the most references to other episodes, Marc?

Picard: Trading weapons for hostages is illegal and unethical!
Jameson: So? What's good enough for Oliver North should be good enough for me.

At the time of the Iran-Contra Scandal I was too young to know it was happening. I actually only know the guy existed in the first place because of the connection between him and Colonel West.

Picard: Admiral, I strongly disagree. You've made the Federation look like an arms dealer.
Jameson: I like to think of us as "the arsenal of freedom."

You already made an "Arsenal of Freedom" joke.I'm not sure if the repetition was justified here.

Picard: The policy of supplying weapons to one side in an alien conflict was discredited long ago by the "Tyree's Planet" fiasco.

I'm glad Marc also saw the parallels.

Picard: It really is the Admiral, Karnas. He's using a youth serum he got from the people of Cerebrus II.
Jameson: It was my reward for negotiating the release of some hostages being held there by a radical faction called the Anti-Grup Liberation Foolie.

"Miri" too? Were we supposed to get "Trek episode BINGO cards" at the start of the fiver? ;)

Jameson: Here is the proof of who I am! The scar from the blood-cut that sealed our bargain!
Karnas: This youth drug gave you back the body of an eighteen-year-old, but it wasn't able to heal a tiny little scar?
Jameson: Well, what do you expect from a rejuvenation treatment -- miracles?

You can just hear the bah-dum-chish of the offscreen drummer and the canned laughter, can't you?

Memory Alpha

* The Iran-Contra scandal connection is made obvious.
* The wheelchair cost twenty thousand dollars, but couldn't move like it had to. I hope whoever was responsible for that thing got fired. Even Christopher Pike's wheelchair looked more practical.

Nitpicker's Guide

* "Lonely Among Us" establishes that if the entire senior staff agrees the commanding officer can be removed, and yet this isn't done to deal with Jameson. Perhaps rules for admirals are different.
* Phil questions why Jameson's scar wouldn't be healed. I have my own theories to explain this one, but I'm neither a doctor nor do I play one on TV.

[Nate the Great]

February 15th, 1988, "When the Bough Breaks"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/118.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/When_The_Bough_Breaks_(episode))

The Episode

Let's get this out of the way first: this is a horrible episode. A good line here and there does not redeem the asinine nature of this plot.

HARRY: I'm not going back. I hate that teacher and I hate calculus.
BERNARD: Everyone needs an understanding of basic calculus, whether they like it or not.
HARRY: Why?

I understand how we're supposed to be smarter in the future and getting more advanced education earlier, but this is ridiculous. Calculus isn't just memorization, it's a framework of methods that's built on earlier education. You can't rush it unless the kid is a prodigy, and Harry is clearly meant to be an ordinary 24th-century kid. And it's not like you couldn't have had the same resolution using algebra instead...oh, wait!

CRUSHER: Captain, they haven't been through decontamination.
PICARD: Our medical doctor is concerned that you didn't go through the regular transporting procedure.

Party game everyone, how many instances in NextGen can you name where mysterious people beam themselves onto the ship and no one insists on decontamination procedures?

RADUE: We must return now to Aldea. Our eyes are very sensitive to bright light.

I get that this is a clue for the radiation sickness reveal later, but delivered in this way it really does seem like a Chekov's Gun to incapacitate them later, doesn't it? It's a shame the writer never thought of it.

TROI: Humans are unusually attached to their offspring.
CRUSHER: Our children are not for sale at any price.

Can you name any races that would be willing to sell their children? I can't even imagine the Ferengi willing to do this (the kids wouldn't be raised with Ferengi values!)...

RIKER: It's the children. That's why we've been brought here. That's what they wanted.

Yeah, Will, they told you that a few scenes ago! Was the editor asleep this week?

CRUSHER: Don't give in to fear. Now, we all knew what the risks were when we signed on, and that's the choice we made.

But your kids didn't make that choice, that's why they're not supposed to be on exploratory vessels!

RADUE: Where have you been Rashella? Zena and Aran are waiting to take Alexandra.
RASHELLA: No.
RADUE: No? I told you that she
RASHELLA: No, Radue. They can't have her. I will never let her go.

One wonders where Rashella learned the maternal instinct from. It makes a great act climax, though.

RIKER: You're certain they'll negotiate?
PICARD: Oh, they'll negotiate, or they'll call it that. They've taken what they want. Now they'll rationalise it by throwing us some sort of bone.
RIKER: And when we don't accept their offer?
PICARD: The minute they believe that we won't accept their compensation for the children, they'll break off the discussion, they'll disappear behind their shield, locking us out and the children in forever. That's why I've got to keep them talking.

Reasonable, but this seems awfully deceitful for Gene's perfect humans.

WESLEY: What does the Custodian do?
DUANA: It frees us from all burden. It takes care of all our needs. It regulates our lives.
WESLEY: Who built it?
DUANA: The Progenitors.
WESLEY: When?
DUANA: Oh, hundreds of centuries ago.

Didn't we already go through all this with Vaal? The problem with these "central computer maintains the status quo has some sort of paradise" plots is that it's not paradise. Either the people eventually learn to want more, or the computer makes them sheep unable to think for themselves.

WESLEY: What's in there? The power source?
DUANA: I don't know. It's forbidden.

Look, with the more primitive societies of TOS you can get away with this sort of programmed "blind spot" (Norman: I am programmed not to respond in this area), but with this much interdependent technology you can't have everyone be a mindless sheep.

PICARD: No. Doctor Crusher is a Staff Officer, Radue. Starfleet Regulation six point five seven requires that at least two Staff Officers are present during any treaty or contract negotiations.
RADUE [on viewscreen]: Very well.
RIKER: Not much on pleasantries, is he?
DATA: I am not aware of Regulation six point five seven.
PICARD: No, Data. Neither am I.
DATA: I see, sir. Oh, I see, sir.

This regulation seems pretty reasonable, I wonder why it wouldn't exist...

PICARD: Before we begin, we want to see the children.
RADUE: No. We're here to negotiate appropriate compensation, not to pander to emotions.

Time to go get the rest of the fleet and bombard this planet until they surrender. These guys are jerks and whatever compassion I may have had for them has evaporated.

DATA: I believe it was a repulsor beam.
PICARD: Position report.
LAFORGE: This is unbelievable, sir. According to my calculations, we're three days from Aldea. At warp nine.

I wouldn't go back to Aldea immediately, I'd call the rest of the fleet etc.

LEDA: Ah. A fish. We used to have them in our oceans. I've never seen one before.

Wait for after the next quote...

Chief Medical Officer's log, stardate 41512.9. I've begun to suspect that whatever is killing the Aldeans is related to a danger faced by Earth in the twenty first century. Can it be that Aldea's ozone layer has been weakened?

Very topical. You can read about the effect of ozone depletion on the ecosystem here (http://eschooltoday.com/ozone-depletion/effects-of-ozone-depletion.html). In short, more UV radiation stunts the growth of fish and the plankton they eat. This affects the entire food chain. But no fish means that the entire ecosystem has been destroyed. That just raises further questions!

RADUE: Before we begin, Captain, you must speak with the children. It seems they are on some sort of strike. I don't understand it. You must deal with this, Captain. I'm not very good with children.

Classic buyer's remorse. Maybe they should've stolen a few parenting manuals while they were at it. One wonders if the Custodian could hack the Enterprise computers...

HARRY: Dad, I want to be an artist, but I don't want to take calculus anymore.
BERNARD: You can be anything you want, Harry. Anything. But you still have to take calculus.
HARRY: Okay. Thanks, Dad.

A good lesson. It's a shame more wasn't made out of this. Seriously, why wasn't a family of minor recurring characters in the cast from the start? Have one of them be part of the engineering staff and the other part of the science staff, or whatever. See the kid a couple episodes a season, a few B-plots to make the ship feel like a city in space and not just a giant taxi.

DATA: It worked well, sir. We have successfully reseeded the ozone layer. But for their atmosphere to maintain it's integrity, they can never use the shield.
RIKER: Or be cloaked again.

Destroying an atmosphere in one day is reasonable, but fixing it shouldn't be this easy. Couldn't the captain's log have said that a science vessel will be coming soon to handle this project, as well as the long-term medical treatment of the locals?

Memory Alpha

* "Aldea" is Spanish for "village". Huh? None of these people are Spanish, or even human!
* Kirk's Enterprise was flung a great distance away in "That Which Survives." Toss that onto the pile of TOS episodes that are ripped off poorly this week.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil agrees that "Things are only impossible until they're not" is a great line.
* The Aldeans expect to repopulate the planet with seven kids? Too bad all of the children could've been kidnapped, but they were all transplanted to other continents and Wesley's group couldn't contact them in time. The creators never seemed to grasp this concept of "offscreen people never add to the budget or production time, so always use numbers that sound logical".
* Phil points out that the gravitational effects can help locate any cloaked planet.
* There are more kids kidnapped than parents present in the meeting. Therefore all of the kids that were kidnapped are part of single-parent homes. Every. Single. One. Did the budget really not extend to nonspeaking bit parts using already made costumes?
* Doesn't the Federation have orphans for these guys to adopt? Not that I necessarily consider these people fit parents or anything...

[Nate the Great]

February 22nd, 1988, "Home Soil"

Fiver (by Derek) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=homesoil)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/117.htm)
Memory Alpha
(http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Home_Soil_(episode))
The Episode

Let's get this out of the way up front: even after having proof that the microbrain is alive the crew is still uncertain, and then even after having proof that the microbrain is sentient the crew is still uncertain. It gets really annoying really fast. Furthermore even if Data is excluded from the list of nonorganic life forms because he was constructed, at the very least we have the Horta, the Excalbians, and the Crystalline Entity as proof that such things are possible, so the characters should stop acting like such a thing is impossible!

Captain's log, stardate 41463.9. While mapping the Pleiades Cluster, we've been asked by the Federation to visit a group terraforming Velara Three. Communications have been erratic and there is some concern about their welfare.

This seems like a TOS premise, doesn't it? Ships spread much farther apart than usual and all that. And note that Picard said while they map the cluster, not suspend mapping the cluster to go somewhere else. By sheer coincidence the Enterprise happens to be next door to this place exactly when communications become erratic. Talk about narrative convenience....

TROI: I sense deliberate concealment, sir.
PICARD: Of what?
TROI: I don't know, but it's intense.

That "of what" almost sounds like Picard is expecting telepathy, not empathy. Ugh.

BENSON: An android?
TASHA: And third in command of the Enterprise.
BENSEN: Where were you manufactured? Are there others like you?
DATA: Both matters are subjects of protracted discussion.

You'd think all of the scientists in the Federation would know that an android is in Starfleet. There are still science journals in the future, right? These guys can't be so busy that they never have the time to curl up with a good book, even Scotty did that!

LUISA: The first phase involves selecting the planet. That's very important. It must have the right mass and gravity, the correct rate of rotation, and a balanced day and night. The planet must also be without life or the prospect of life developing naturally. The Federation determines if that's so.

Okay, time to bring up the Genesis Experiment. Without protomatter the instant process is impossible, and let's figure that most of the technology is dependent on said protomatter, so most of that research is useless. Even so, they managed to fill an underground cavern with life that was seemingly stable. None of this could be used to fill a planet with life in a timescale less than a lifetime? Do they have to plant all the seeds one by one?

LAFORGE: Data, what's happening?
DATA [OC]: Too much to explain.

"The drill is out of control and firing at me." That hardly seems like "too much to explain." Yikes, I can be pedantic sometimes...

PICARD: None at all, Mister Mandl. Until this is sorted out, I've provided temporary quarters for you and your staff. Perhaps you'd like to make use of them.
MANDL: You're overstepping your authority, Picard. You have no right to interfere.

Yeah, good luck defending that argument in court, Mandl. I'm pretty sure Starfleet has authority where crime scenes are involved.

MANDL: I have a schedule to meet.

Schedule with who? Picard as a representative of Starfleet has put the schedule on hold. If he means that the various terraforming projects that they're working on have interlocking schedules that demand that the schedule be kept if months of work aren't to be undone, then he should've said so.

PICARD: Doctor Crusher is still making her determination. Mister Mandl, you know the Prime Directive.
MANDL: Are you saying that I knowingly defied it?

Here's the thing, "aware of surroundings" does not equal "sentient", and I'm pretty sure that the Prime Directive only applies to sentient life. It's a little too early in the episode to invoke the P.D. if you ask me.

Captain's log, supplemental. The inorganic life form from Velara Three has apparently taken over our Medical Lab.

Apparently? If there's doubt I'd like to see where it's coming from, Captain...

DATA: The Universal Translator is coming on line, sir.
VOICE: Ugly, ugly giants bags of mostly water
PICARD: Bags of mostly water?
DATA: An accurate description of humans, sir. You are over ninety per cent water surrounded by a flexible container.

You mean billions of tiny bags of mostly water, right? To get to the "bag of mostly water" stage you have to be talking about a single cell. Ugh. Furthermore, how would this thing have the concept of beauty if they can't see beyond light vs. shadow?

PICARD: Then what is feeding the damn thing?
LAFORGE: We found traces of cadmium salts. Now, cadmium is a conduit for converting infra-red into electricity.
PICARD: Meaning?
DATA: Meaning the microbrains might be photoelectric.

Okay, they set this point up earlier under a mountain of technobabble. A better Chekov's Gun than you'd expect for the season, but still rather clunky.

PICARD: We mean you no harm. Do you believe me?
VOICE: Yes.
PICARD: Good. It is important that you trust us.
VOICE: Not yet. You are still too arrogant. Too primitive. Come back three centuries. Perhaps then we trust.

The twenty-seventh century (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/27th_century)? Not that you care, but it seems that the microbrain will trust us when we are capable of creating the Tox Uthat.

The Fiver

Louisa Kim: Hi! I'm in charge of PR for the terraformers; let me give you the tour. Afterwards, you can visit our giftshop.
Riker: Thanks.
Louisa: No problem. (ahem) What is terraforming? Well, put simply, terraforming is life from lifelessness....

So these guys haven't bothered changing the script since the Genesis Project days. Talk about being committed to your work instead of public relations. :rolleyes:

Troi: I'm sensing that Nerd 2's in danger!
Riker: I don't hear any screams. Are you actually being useful for once?
Nerd 2: AAAAAH!
Riker: Wow. She was.

Gasp!

Data: Hey, Geordi! Look down this hole!
La Forge: Weird. It's inorganic, but it's doing strange flashy things.
Data: Who would've known there would be such a devil in the dark?

See, Horta!

Picard: Did you know there were lifeforms on the planet?
Nerd 1: At first the sand was just showing circles, but then it started displaying ellipses, parabolas, and the weirdest thing I've ever seen!
Picard: Come on, it couldn't be that weird.
Nerd 1: That was a hyperbole. It showed a hyperbola.
Picard: How eccentric.
Nerd 1: At least 4.5. Maybe higher.

As a math geek I approve.

Riker: Captain, you should look at this picture of the sand.
Picard: (over the comm) Amazing, it's using force lightning!
Riker: Does this mean it has joined the dark side?
Picard: I'm afraid so, Number One.
Riker: Look at all the chaos Mandl brought.

Star Wars and the Mandelbrot Set. Only in fivers. Enjoy some images of Mandelbrot Sets (https://www.google.com/search?q=mandelbrot+set&client=firefox-b-1&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjk-4iz1bnZAhVK5oMKHdkhCwUQ_AUICygC&biw=1280&bih=844)...

Data: I figured it out! They're photoelectric.
Picard: All right. Kill the lights!
Lights: GAK!
Picard: I meant in the lab, stupid.
Data: Sorry.

Another classic fiver gag.

Memory Alpha

* Final episode where Gene was head writer.
* The Horta is also brought up.

Nitpickers Guide

* If the microbrain needs saltwater to interconnect, how can it live in the lab where there is none?
* How can the microbrain start dying immediately upon losing access to light, what about nights on the planet?
* It's impressive that Data can apparently move at the speed of light to dodge laser blasts.

[Nate the Great]

I happened to find the TNG Companion at a library, so let's see if I can catch up in the next few posts.

GR had always insisted that people be at the heart of any Trek yarn, and it was in the arena of human interaction that the differences in TNG would be the most striking. While Kirk's crew was on a five-year mission, the new starship was to be outfitted for an assignment of ten years or longer. Because of that, officers and crew would be allowed to bring their families along.

Here's the thing; if you're going to operate under this "we won't be back in the core of Federation space for a long time, we need to have families on board" theory, you need to follow through with it. And that means you can't have wars where the flagship will be needed to defend Earth. It means you can't be patrolling the Neutral Zone (that's for the short-range military vessels). It means you have to have a captain that can deal with children!

But no, the E-D did not go past Farpoint Station into the great unexplored mass of the galaxy, it piddled about along the fringes of known space. And going back to Earth was not treated like an extremely long trip. So families aren't needed! Unless you're willing to always act like families are on board and structure the episodes around them. And separate the saucer every time battle is anticipated. And so forth.

Probert had also designed a transporter just off the bridge, but GR wanted the characters to have conversations en route to the transporter room, so that idea was dropped.

What conversations couldn't be held on the bridge before walking over to the transporter area? For me, the reason to have a separate transporter room is isolation from whatever's beaming on board. Even so, the five-minute walk is ridiculous. You could've used the same set for all transporter rooms and imply that one is within a minute's walk of the bridge, another is down the hall from Sickbay, etc.

The rest of this post is from the first casting call, December 10th, 1986:

Capt. Julien Picard. A caucasian man in his 50s who is youthful and in prime physical condition. Born in Paris, his gallic accent appears when deep emotions are triggered. He is definitely a "romantic" and believes strongly in concepts like honor and duty. Capt. Picard commands the Enterprise. He should have a mid-Atlantic accent, and a wonderfully rich speaking voice.

Hmmm....okay.

Number One (AKA William Ryker). A 30-35 year old caucasian born in Alaska. He is a pleasant looking man with sex appeal, of medium height, very agile and strong, a natural psychologist. Number One, as he is usually called, is second-in-command of the Enterprise and has a very strong, solid relationship with the Captain.

Fair enough.

Lt. Commander Data. He is an android who has the appearance of a man in his mid '30s. Data should have exotic features and can be anyone of the following racial groups: Asian, American Indian, East Indian, South American Indian or similar racial groups. He is in perfect physical condition and should appear very intelligent.

You'll note that everyone is in perfect physical condition so far. I guess the world was ready for a bald captain, but no one on the Enterprise is fat or sickly. Ugh. I do wonder how having an Asian or Indian actor would've altered the role, especially if the pale makeup was still intended.

Lt. Macha Hernandez. 26 year old woman of unspecified Latin descent who serves as the starship's security chief. She is described as having a new quality of conditioned-body-beauty, a fire in her eyes and muscularly well developed and very female body, but keeping in mind that much of her strength comes from attitude. Macha has an almost obsessive devotion to protecting the ship and its crew and treats Capt. Picard and Number One as if they were saints.

Doesn't Tasha treat all Starfleet officers as though they were saints after they rescued her?

She'll be turned into an Eastern European (one novel specifies Ukrainian and Lithuanian) after Denise Crosby was cast. I suddenly wonder how Roxann Dawson would've done in this role had she been a few years older.

Lt. Deanna Troi. An alien woman who is tall (5'8-6') and slender, about 30 years old and quite beautiful. She serves as the starship's Chief Psychologist. Deanna is probably foreign (anywhere from Italian, Greek, Hungarian, Russian, Icelandic, etc.) with looks and accent to match. She and Number One are romantically involved. Her alien "look" is still to be determined.

We all know how Crosby and Sirtis initially auditioned for the other's role, but we switched. I can't see either of them in the swapped role. At best I could see Riker and Crosby's Troi in a different sort of relationship than Sirtis' Troi.

Leslie Crusher. An appealing 15 year old caucasian girl (need small 18 or almost 18 year old to play 15). Her remarkable mind and photographic memory make it seem not unlikely for her to become, at 15, a Starfleet acting-ensign. Otherwise, she is a normal teenager.

How often did Wesley act like a normal teenager?

Beverly Crusher. Leslie's 35 year old mother. She serves as the chief medical officer on the Enterprise. If it were not for her intelligence, personality, beauty and the fact that she has the natural walk of a striptease queen, Capt. Picard might not have agreed to her request that Leslie observe bridge activities; therefore letter her daughter's intelligence carry events further.

I didn't need the mental image of Beverly strutting across the bridge, thank you Gene. I could've sworn he said he didn't want Beverly and Picard to get together.

Furthermore, if events had proceeded like this the audience would've had even less reason to like Wesley. Couldn't he have been a bit older, a prodigy that graduated from the Academy at nineteen or whatever but still had the heart of a kid?

Lt. Geordi La Forge. A 20-25 year old black man, blind from birth. With the help of a special prosthetic device he wears, his vision far surpasses anything the human eyes can see. Although he is young, he is quite mature and is best friends with Data. Please do not submit any "street" types, as Geordi has perfect diction and might even have a Jamaican accent Should also be able to do comedy well.

Jamaican accent. Ha ha. Sure, mon.

"Although he is young, he is quite mature." Ugh. The phrase "trying to have it both ways" comes to mind. Has the backstory of working with the kids not been thought of yet?

[Nate the Great]

"The question will be raised as to why he [Wesley] was selected for this all-important mission rather than someone older who would have the maturity and experience which he has not, as yet, attained." Justman wrote in a memo to GR way back on November 12. "Because of his youth, Wesley Crusher has not yet had to learn to go with the herd and compromise his thinking just because compromising is easier and more socially acceptable. He has the ability to grow with the job and to devise new approaches and new capabilities for whatever unforeseen events we encounter. In effect he is a one-man "think tank" without preconditioned limitations."

Nice try, crew. Exactly the same thing could be achieved with a slightly older enlisted crewman. Someone like O'Brien who didn't go to years of the Academy but is out here after a few months of training. If it were necessary to have a youth perspective on this mission Starfleet Command would've assigned one.

Coming up with a reason for Wesley's special status that viewers would accept proved difficult for writers and producers alike.

So...hold off on introducing the character until you have a reason that the viewers would accept? There's no reason why he couldn't be bopping around belowdecks with the rest of the civilians. Maybe he hangs around Engineering for an internship for a year as a recurring character.

Roddenberry admitted that this character [Data] sprang from the Questor, a similar android seeking its creator in his weel-recieved yet unsold 1974 TV pilot movie, The Questor Tapes.

So...change Data enough to not be a blatant Questor ripoff? Put in a little more effort?

Worf, the lone Klingon in Starfleet, almost suffered from Gene Roddenberry's insistance that "no old races", that is, alien races that appeared in the original Trek, be featured at first in order to distinguish TNG from its predecessor.

So where did "Heart of Glory" come from? I agree that you can't just have reprises from TOS races, but the idea that anything TOS-related is automatically bad is ludicrous. After all, you're trying to get the TOS fans to watch the show, right? Plus doing a total rehash of a TOS episode for the first episode after the pilot makes it look like either the staff was lying, the staff is incompetent, or the staff thinks the viewers at home are idiots who wouldn't notice.

Then again, I'm of the opinion that the Star Trek creators have been bitten on the butt over and over again by the desire to do something different just to do something different, as opposed to wanting to do something different because doing something different has a lot of potential for good storytelling.

Of course it swings both ways, they wanted to be different with Voyager but the studio wanted TNG Part 2.

We start catching up with the episodes in the next post.

[Nate the Great]

Actually, let's take a sidestep to the casting memo reproduced on this page (http://www.sliceofscifi.com/2006/11/01/the-memo-that-never-was/).

I'll only comment on the actors I'm familiar with.

Mitch Ryan was considered for Picard, and played Kyle Riker later. He's a bit too rough around the edges for the kind of captain Picard was supposed to be. Certainly a fellow captain as a recurring character, and I would've liked to have seen him as Kyle at least once more, perhaps in the aftermath of "The Best of Both Worlds." And married to Pulaski just to mess with Will's mind, of course!

Rosalind Chao as Tasha just seems ludicrous (even if John Ferraro seemed to like her). Maybe she could've played Troi.

Eric Menyuk eventually played The Traveller. I could see him play a different sort of Data, perhaps one built by an alien and having a more generic "become more humanoid" goal rather than strictly human.

Kevin Peter Hall eventually starred as Leyor (one of the bidders for the Bazan wormhole) in "The Price". I don't really remember how he did.

Seeing Tim Russ and Wesley Snipes on Geordi's list is just surreal.

Seeing McFadden using her real first name of Cheryl is a bit unsettling. I'm glad that her schedule evidently cleared up so she could take the role.

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion, "Encounter at Farpoint"

The first pilot outline was a more primitive version of the "exploited alien" subplot. A second starship and a battle are involved. As has been mentioned elsewhere, the Q stuff was only added to pad out the episode past an hour.

Robert Justman said that the editing had to be made a bit less tight to fill the time available. I'm reminded of when SF Debris complained that Voyager filled leftover time with technobabble and DS9 filled it with character work. Apparently early TNG was filled with special effects like STTMP, and we all know how well that turned out.

DeForest Kelley insisted on being paid scale for his cameo.

O'Brien is mentioned with the rank of Lieutentant, but this version of the Companion only goes up to the fifth season, so perhaps his rank was still in flux. I don't have the time to go to his Memory Alpha page for something this trivial right now.

Tasha's one-time use of the skant and Troi's appearance in the miniskirt uniform are mentioned.

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion, "The Naked Now"

This episode sparked the first of many waves of early criticism from fans who felt that too many TNG plots were being lifted from original-series stories. In this case, however, that was exactly what Gene Roddenberry wanted: a story, like "The Naked Time" of 1966, in which the wants and needs of new characters could be quickly revealed to a waiting audience.

There's a way to achieve that goal without blatantly copying "The Naked Time", Gene. Rick Berman tries to claim that it's a homage, not a copy. Nice try, Rick.

"Code of Honor"

Tracy Torme, an eventual writing staffer, later said he was embarrassed by the shows "1940s tribal Africa" view of blacks and by the fight's uncanny resemblance to the win-or-die battle between Kirk and Spock in "Amok Time".

"Uncanny resemblance"? If you say so, Tracy...

"Haven"

The Companion claims that this is the only time Troi uses "Bill." We've already covered the second time. "Imzadi" won't be used again until "Shades of Gray", a surprise to me.

"Where No One Has Gone Before"

In the original teleplay, Kosinski was responsible for both the warp effects and the accident; he also had a son who felt he spent more time on his career than with him. The crew was in awe of Kosinski in the original script, and the hallucinations were even more bizarre, including the image of Jack Crusher appearing to both Picard and Beverly.

I don't know where you could've fit Kosinki's son into the story, although it would've done a good job of fleshing him out. I wonder what a Jack Crusher hallucination would talk to Picard and Beverly about: giving Beverly permission to date again and telling Picard to stop feeling guilty?

"The Last Outpost"

According to Zimmerman, the Ferengi's poor eyesight accounts for their beady eyes and brightly lit ship's interiors; their huge ears help to compensate by providing them with better hearing.

So that's why the lights were so glaring. I always thought it was to save on the cost of building a Ferengi bridge set! ;)

"Lonely Among Us"

The diplomatic conference was added by Fontana, as in her 1967 original-series script, "Journey to Babel."

If that was Fontana's intent, she didn't do very well. As I mentioned in my original coverage of the episode, exactly what the crew was supposed to be doing was unclear, and having cannibal ambassadors sort of killed the mood.

Apparently O'Brien was in Security this time around. I'm reminded of Leslie back in TOS.

"Justice"

In an earlier draft (before Roddenberry sexed up the locals) there was a rebellion in progress, complete with an execution of the rebel leader. I question how this could've worked if there was a god hovering above the ready to stop any such violence.

"The Battle"

The Ferengi do better in their second appearance, but the "silliness quotient", as Rick Berman put it, made them a "disappointment as a major adversary."

Yeah, and who's fault is that?

No mention has ever been made of the nine years in Picard's life between the Stargazer abandonment and his taking command of the Enterprise, although several incidents are mentioned as having occurred in that era: in "The Measure of a Man" and "The Wounded", including Jack Crusher's death "Family."

"The Measure of a Man" refers to the Stargazer inquiry, but that couldn't have taken that entire time. "The Wounded" and "Family" refer to events during Picard's Stargazer era, not after it (Jack died in 2353, the Battle of Maxia was in 2355).

Memory Alpha makes clear the fact that we know nothing about the nine year gap after the inquiry ended, except for the following:

* He must've been in command of a ship when he met Tasha as referenced in "Legacy". Tasha was saving colonists from a minefield and impressed Picard.
* The novel "The Buried Age" says that he took a sabbatical after the inquiry to pursue archaeology for awhile.

Apparently this episode has the first appearance of the shirt-tugging variant of the Picard Manuver.

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion, "Hide and Q"

Picard's Shakespeare is apparently open to "A Midsummer Night's Dream", Act III, Scene 2. This is a scene with Oberon and Puck, where Puck explains that he made Titania fall in love with Bottom, followed by the discovery that Puck used the love potion on the wrong couples from Athens, followed by Oberon telling Puck to sort everything out. It's a rather long scene. I suppose the intent is to compare Q with Puck, along with making it clear that even Q has a higher power that he answers to.

"Too Short a Season"

The director admits that there was a bit too much talking in this one.

The first appearance of a Starfleet admiral.

"The Big Goodbye"

TV Guide complained that this episode is too similar to "A Piece of the Action", but Tracy Torme and the fans (and me) disagree. I've seen many different kinds of stories set in the gangster era, there are many directions to take it.

"Datalore"

Before this episode the staff was still working with the original premise that Data was built by aliens.

This is the last of three episodes where Argyle is Chief Engineer. I remembered "Where No One Has Gone Before", but had forgotten about "Lonely Among Us."

"Angel One"

Larry Nemeck says that the only noteworthy scene is the one where Troi and Yar laugh at Riker's native garb. I could dispute that, but I don't want to search for a second example right now.

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion, "11001001"

Larry likes that this episode showed what Frakes could do, pointing out trombone-playing and doing romance. He also notes that the autodestruct sequence is much more formally worded than in the TOS era.

"Home Soil"

Larry considers this episode to be a pale imitation of "Devil in the Dark", but I must disagree. Certainly it doesn't reach the heights of the TOS episode, but that doesn't automatically make it garbage. Larry does like the "ugly bags of mostly water" bit, though.

I've written out entries for the rest of the season into a separate document to be copied into the regular posts going forward.

[Nate the Great]

March 14th, 1988, "Coming of Age"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=comingofage) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/119.htm)
Memory Alpha
(http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Coming_of_Age_(episode))
The Episode

Let's get this out of the way up front: This whole premise of "only one person from this group can get into the Academy at this time" is ludicrous. Period. It opens plotholes and is clearly just here for cheap drama. Wesley just happened to be here! There doesn't seem to be a reason why all of these candidates have to be in the same place. Whatever the screenwriters intended Mordack was badly written and his acceptance really does look like filling a quota. This. Is. Badly. Written.

T'SHANIK: You do not look as if you meet the age requirements.
WESLEY: Uh, I'll be sixteen next month.
OLIANA: Happy birthday.

Yeah, about that...why is the age requirement so strict? The age of maturity is different for different species, and there will always be outliers like Wesley.

REMMICK: Yes. To the best of your knowledge, has the Captain ever falsified a log?

Why would Riker know? Is it his job to fact-check the logs?

RIKER: If you want to discuss anything about Captain Picard, you bring him in here and ask him face to face.
REMMICK: You are required to answer my questions, Mister Riker, unless you're trying to cover something up!

Is Remmick supposed to sound intimidating? If so, it didn't work.

REMMICK: So, you are saying Captain Picard had no control over this vessel. He handed it over to Kosinski, who took the entire crew to the edge of the universe.
LAFORGE: No, sir. That's not what I'm saying. Now, Kosinski was sent by Starfleet to improve our warp drive system. Captain Picard was ordered to take him aboard.
REMMICK: According to his own logs, his Bridge crew didn't think highly of Mister Kosinski's theories, yet the Captain allowed him to access to the engines anyway.

The captain was ordered to cooperate with Kosinski, and at the time the chief engineer believed that his work could do no harm. Furthermore, Kosinski did not take the crew to the edge of the universe, the Traveller did.

REMMICK: Do you believe the captain is emotionally and psychologically fit for command of this starship? There is nothing in his history or his personality that would suggest mental lapses?
TROI: Nothing.
REMMICK: Not even the Ferengi incident with his old ship, the Stargazer?
TROI: He was being controlled by a mind altering machine, Commander. Without his knowledge.
REMMICK: I would call that a mental lapse.

Remmick was using the term to imply a fault on the part of Picard, not an external influence. If external influences mattered, I don't think any Starfleet captain could hold their job very long.

REMMICK: Captain, you are completely responsible for that boy's life.
PICARD: Mister Remmick, either get out of my way and keep quiet, or I will have you removed from the Bridge.

I hate Remmick. He's acting like one of those smug ambassadors in TOS, but doesn't have the rank to back it up.

REMMICK: Very original, Captain. But how did that child acquire access to a shuttlecraft?
RIKER: Kurland is a highly qualified Enterprise Academy candidate, fully trained in many areas including shuttles.

That didn't answer Remmick's question, Will. Not in the slightest.

CHANG: It's important to know how you candidates deal with other cultures, other species.
MORDOCK: Then it was a test.
CHANG: Yes. Not all tests are announced, or what they appear to be.

I'm reminded of that old urban legend (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/compassion-play/) about divinity students being waylaid by a fake beggar on their way to a test, not realizing that the beggar was the test. Ugh.

REMMICK: You're an android, correct?

What an idiot. Of course Data is an android, it's part of the public record. What did this question achieve beyond making him look like an idiot?

REMMICK: Just how did this contaminant get aboard the ship?
WORF: By accident, sir.
REMMICK: Meaning Captain Picard has no standing procedure for this type of situation?

What situation? "Accident" means unpredicted. You can't have a "standing procedure" for everything because you can't predict everything! Remmick should be focusing on things that might have actually been judgment lapses on Picard's part.

REMMICK: You don't like me very much, do you?
WORF: Is it required, sir?

Great response, although a better one is "have you given me a reason to like you?"

REMMICK: I spoke to officer after officer, at length. I pried into the ships log reports. And yet I could find nothing wrong. Except, perhaps, a casual familiarity among the Bridge crew, but mostly that comes from a sense of teamwork, and the feeling of family.

And if that's a crime, I want no part of Starfleet. Even Vulcans have a sense of teamwork. If you don't want that, go join the Borg, you jerk.

PICARD: Mister Crusher? Why aren't you in your dress uniform for Admiral Quinn's farewell dinner?
WESLEY: I didn't think that would be appropriate.
PICARD: Why not?

"Because I'm an Acting Ensign who shouldn't be going to officer's dinners and doesn't even have a real uniform, much less a dress uniform, sir."

PICARD: Wesley, you have to measure your successes and your failures within, not by anything I or anyone else might think. But, if it helps you to know this, I failed the first time. And you may not tell anyone!

Why would he have to? It's in Picard's public record if anyone cared to look it up.

The Fiver

Picard: Good luck on your test, Wesley. I hope you get into the Academy and never have to visit this ship again.
Wesley: Thanks, sir. But I'm sure that even if I get into the Academy, I'll still want at least one episode a season anyway.

I would've thrown in a reference to his contract, but this still works.

Oliana: Hi. You must be Wesley. I've heard a lot about you.
Wesley: Are you a love interest for me this episode?
Oliana: Not after what I've heard about you.
T'Shanik: I'm also not a love interest; you won't get one until next season.
Mordock: And I'm your rival, so forget about any male friendship between us.
Wesley: Sigh.

"It's gonna be one of those days..."

Remmick: Would you say the Captain was irresponsible to let Kosinski into Engineering?
La Forge: No, why would I?
Remmick: Because that incident resulted in Wesley being made an acting ensign.
La Forge: That is a good point.

Yes, it is.

Remmick: So would you call the Captain sane?
Troi: Of course not. His name's Jean-Luc.
Remmick: What about the time he was mind-controlled by the Ferengi?
Troi: His name was still Jean-Luc.

Hehe.

Memory Alpha

* First episode after Hurley took over from Roddenberry as showrunner.
* Remmick meeting with Yar isn't shown, but it must've happened. I wonder what they would've had to say to each other!

TNG Companion

Larry considers Wesley to be much better written this time. Wesley’s sixteenth birthday party was shot but cut for time.

The tale of this first appearance of the shuttlecraft, initially named the Copernicus III by Probert, is another uncanny echo of the original Trek. In both series, the building of a full-scale shuttlecraft was put off for budgetary reasons until writers made the craft and integral part of a story so that it had to be built.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil is also confused as to why Wesley didn't get in. In particular he points out that Worf and Data wanted Ishara Yar to apply for the Academy, and she can't possibly know as much about the technology as Wesley.
* If both Quinn and Remmick are being controlled by bluegills, why wouldn't they take the opportunity presented by all of these one-on-one meetings to take control of the senior staff?

[NAHTMMM]

Yeah, I have a hard time seeing Sirtis as Yar too. I'm sure she could have managed it with less showy hair.

I'd forgotten how good that "Coming of Age" fiver is.

So...change Data enough to not be a blatant Questor ripoff? Put in a little more effort?
It's a fine idea that never actually got used, so may as well recycle it.

[Nate the Great]

March 21st, 1988, "Heart of Glory"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=heartofglory) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/120.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Heart_of_Glory_(episode))

The Episode

* Picard wants to get more information before separating. So...when will there be enough information to justify separation besides a warp core breach?
* Why did they choose an exploding ship for this walking camera experiment?
* Even after the transmitter experiment ends, they maintain an open commlink so Picard can backseat drive. Ugh.
* Nikolai is mentioned, even if not by name. Whatever family members were invented in Season Seven, he wasn't one of them.
* Why would the Klingon death ritual be a secret? It's not like it's the pon farr or anything...
* I'm glad that the Klingon view of the body as merely a shell was kept consistent.

The Fiver

Korris: Traitor! Sheep! Peacenik!
Worf: I have heard worse insults before.
Konmel: Vulcan!
Worf: But not that one yet!

Redshirt! Bolian! Pakled! 23rd-century Federation official!

Worf: I like being the only Klingon serving on a Federation ship.
Riker: If our roles were reversed, I'm sure I'd feel the same way.
Picard: Gentlemen, may we please stop discussing these hypothetical scenarios and get on with our work?

Yes, completely hypothetical. Smirk.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance by perennial guest star Vaughn Armstrong, best known as Admiral Forrest on Enterprise.
* Using Geordi's VISOR as a camera won't happen again, at least for official use. The Romulans will hack his VISOR in "The Mind's Eye" and Soran will do it in Generations.
* First appearance of the perennial Klingon armor.
* Note the usage of "Kling" as the name of the Klingon homeworld before "Kronos" was invented. The Star Trek Encyclopedia attempts to reconcile this by using "Kling" for the First City.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why they didn't separate the saucer when a Klingon is pointing a weapon at the warp core.
* The Klingons admit to taking over a freighter and destroying a Klingon ship, and Worf takes them on a tour of the most vulnerable parts of the ship? Huh?
* The Guild asked why they couldn't turn off the warp core, but they also wondered why Korris couldn't have been beamed out and his weapon disabled.
* Geordi had normal sight for a few minutes back in "Hide and Q", so he should know Data doesn't glow. Furthermore, wouldn't Juliana Soong glow as well, blowing her cover?
* Why is the platform around the warp core made out of glass? The Voyage Home introduced transparent aluminum a year and a half before!

TNG Companion

The Klingon speech heard here was invented by Hurley, but in future Marc Okrand would be brought on board to bring some consistency.

[Nate the Great]

I apologize for the short entry. It was much longer, but the forum kept inflating the character count and insisting that the post was too long even though it's clearly not. Ugh.

[Nate the Great]

April 11th, 1988, "The Arsenal of Freedom"

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/121.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Arsenal_of_Freedom_(episode))

The Episode

A few big nits before we get started:
* Far too much blatant padding with people on the bridge and people on the planet expositing to each other.
* The blatant fakeness of the Rice illusion is pathetic. If a bit of the padding had been chucked room could've been made for more Rice/Riker interaction. Come to think of it, couldn't a different illusion have been created for each away team member a la "The Man Trap", allowing for some characterization for Yar and Data?

And let's get some compliments out there up front: even though the plot is stupid there was some nice characterization. And at least this episode is the fun kind of stupid, where technobabble is kept to a minimum to make room for some humor.

RIKER: Paul Rice is confident to the point of arrogance, he but carries it well because he's usually right. He's a risk taker.
PICARD: Really?
RIKER: I'll give you an example. One of the final tests in advance navigation at the Academy provides the student with three options. Rice was given this test, rejected their options and offered one of his own.
PICARD: That's taking a risk.
RIKER: And it paid off. He received the top grade and now that same test has four options.

It's a shame they couldn't have namedropped Kirk and the Kobayashi Maru here.

WORF: Commander, weren't you offered the Drake?
RIKER: Yes.
TASHA: You gave up your own command to take this assignment?
RIKER: At the time I thought it would be more advantageous for me to do a tour on the Enterprise.

Okay, let's say that at this point the whole "the Enterprise will be leaving the known Federation for twenty years, and that's why children are on board" thing had been abandoned. Even so, Riker will be offered a few more commands in the next few years. Shouldn't "tour" still imply that he's not going anywhere for a few years? I thought Riker thought he just needed a little polishing before taking his own command, not years of training.

DATA: Captain, we are being hailed.
RIKER: How can that be from a planet with no people?
PICARD: Your sensors indicated no intelligent life forms?
DATA: Correct, sir.

First, nobody's ever heard of autodialers? "The Thaw" comes to mind immediately. Second, shouldn't Data say that he can't find any known forms of intelligent life?

SALESMAN [on viewscreen]: If you need a little something special, be it for one target or multiple targets, we got it. You'll see it here on Minos, where we live by the motto 'peace through superior firepower'.

So...many...political...jokes...must...resist...ch eap...shot...And also stop talking like Captain Kirk. (http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=emanations)

SALESMAN [on viewscreen]: To be totally armed is to be totally secure. Remember, the early bird that hesitates gets wormed.

We're definitely led to believe that Minos had no prior Federation contact, so did the computer scan the "language banks", find an appropriate Earth metaphor, and then edit the video and audio feeds to insert it? And all for a rather mild joke?

TASHA: Commander, I recommend a minimum complement.
RIKER: Oh? I would have thought otherwise.
TASHA: We'll keep the first landing party small and mobile, until I'm confident that whatever killed the inhabitants of this planet isn't still down there.
RIKER: Okay.

The problem here is that they're specifically pointing out that the away team is small, implying that elsewhere they'd be much larger (including a few disposable security officers, of course). Too bad in general the away team is always "small and mobile", so what's the point in reminding us of plot holes?

RICE: Tell me about your ship, Riker. It's the Enterprise, isn't it?
RIKER: No. The name of my ship is the Lollipop.
RICE: I have no knowledge of that ship.
RIKER: It's just been commissioned. It's a good ship.
RICE: Refresh me, would you, Riker? What's its size, it's complement?
RIKER: Who is here with you?
RICE: What's the armament on the Lollipop?

This is some clever thinking on the part of Riker.

DATA [OC]: He appears to be in some kind of stasis.
PICARD: Theorise, Mister Data. What would be the purpose of such an encasement? [Jungle]
DATA: Typically, the purpose of such an enclosure is for storage.
PICARD [OC]: Which would suggest what?
TASHA: That sooner or later someone or something will be along to collect him.

"Sir, it would suggest that this script was far too short and these irrelevant digressions had to be inserted to fill time." It would also suggest that the screenwriter was inept, because it would've been nice to have a scene or two where the deaths of Rice and the Drake crew was actually mourned.

PICARD: Yes. Doctor Crusher, this is the Captain. Meet me in Transporter room three. Mister La Forge, you have command of the Bridge.
LAFORGE: Aye, sir.
PICARD: And whatever happens down there, your prime responsibility is to the ship.
LAFORGE: Understood, sir.
TROI: Captain, I take great exception to your decision to beam down.
PICARD: Noted.

One, in the first season La Forge is still a junior officer, there are many more people on board who could and should take command before him, Logan among them. Second, situations like this are exactly why the captain shouldn't go on away missions. And it's not like danger is merely a possibility right now, events on the planet are dangerous right now. Picard should've been raked over the coals for this idiocy, possibly by Norah Satie.

Ship's log, supplemental. Lieutenant La Forge in command. I am unable to beam up the away team due to an unseen assailant attacking the ship. To make matters worse, Chief Engineer Logan is on his way to the Bridge, and he's not paying a courtesy call.

That last sentence is not log material, that's sitcom narration.

LAFORGE: I'm in charge until relieved by Commander Riker or Captain Picard.
LOGAN: You're ignoring my greater rank and experience.

So pull rank, Logan! This script really needed a better editor...

LAFORGE: I have a responsibility to them as well. Mister Logan, you are going to take command of the Saucer Section. Backup crew, report to the main Bridge.
LOGAN: You're going to separate?
LAFORGE: Yes, and I want you to take the saucer section and proceed immediately to Starbase one zero three.

"You mean ask Starfleet to send another ship to tow the saucer. You do know that at impulse it'll take us years to get anywhere, right?"

PICARD: Your grandmother was a doctor?
CRUSHER: No.
PICARD: Oh. She was a botanist, then?
CRUSHER: No. She helped to colonise Arveda Three.
PICARD: Arveda Three? That's such a tragedy. Did she survive?
CRUSHER: Yes. Once the medical supplies had run out, she had to use what was at hand. So she learned all about roots and herbs, and then taught it to me.
PICARD: You were part of that colony. I didn't know that. But then there must be a lot of things about you that I don't know.
CRUSHER: Quite a few.

Memory Alpha specifies that despite the contradictions this grandmother is in fact Felisa Howard from "Sub Rosa". I am confused about this business of Picard not knowing that Beverly was on Arveda Three. Shouldn't he know the major biographical details of all of his senior officers, even before you factor in his infatuation with her in particular?

TASHA: We could split up.
RIKER: What good would that do?
TASHA: Confuse it, delay it. Something.
RIKER: It would still get us. It would just take a little longer.
TASHA: It might give one of us long enough to get out of range.
RIKER: Out of range?
TASHA: Forget I said it. These devices wiped out an entire planet. I don't think it has a range.

I'm reminded of "Devil in the Dark" when Spock argues that it's pointless for him and Kirk to separate when being chased by a Horta. Also, are they implying that the devices that are chasing them are the same model as the devices that are attacking the Enterprise? I don't think these two models have the same range.

Memory Alpha

* Just like in "Angel One", shooting had to be stopped for a few days because the script wasn't ready. I'd argue that it still wasn't quite fully baked yet.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Riker was in stasis when Picard beamed down. Wouldn't he be angry that the captain is down here?
* La Forge drops the shields to beam the away team back while the Enterprise is still in the upper atmosphere? Um, wouldn't this damage the ship?

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to keep up with the TNG Companion. Here we go...

“Heart of Glory”

At last—a Klingon show!

Worf’s backstory was finally fleshed out here. Despite many complaints that previously unseen family members kept popping up in Season Seven, Nikolai Roshenko was referenced here, if not by name. The Klingon speech heard here was invented by Hurley, but in future Marc Okrand would be brought on board to bring some consistency.

“The Arsenal of Freedom”

This episode was originally conceived as a Picard-Crusher love story, but Lewin recalled that Gene Roddenberry changed his mind and opted instead for this extremely ambitious action-adventure yarn/morality tale about arms merchants.

Last appearance of saucer separation until “The Best of Both Worlds Part II”.

[NAHTMMM]

April 11th, 1988, "The Arsenal of Freedom"

No Fiver
Really? . . . Huh. Maybe some other fiver references this episode.

Memory Alpha specifies that despite the contradictions this grandmother is in fact Felisa Howard from "Sub Rosa". I am confused about this business of Picard not knowing that Beverly was on Arveda Three. Shouldn't he know the major biographical details of all of his senior officers, even before you factor in his infatuation with her in particular?
Classic Starfleet Stupid. See also "Journey to Babel" where Kirk didn't know his First Officer was the son of a Vulcan ambassador until the time was dramatically right for him to find out.

[Nate the Great]

April 18th, 1988, "Symbiosis"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=symbiosis) (by Nic)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/123.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Symbiosis_(episode))

The Episode

Main points:

* Dr. Crusher should know a narcotic when she scans one, and she should know what withdrawal symptoms look like. This Season One mentality of "if humanity doesn't experience it anymore, it's pointless and not worth remembering" is infuriating.
* Neither side has the high ground, which I suppose was intentional. But the problem is that neither side is sympathetic either. TOS pulled this off with Bele and Lokai, Troyius and Elas, and so forth, so when was this skill forgotten?
* These planets are not Federation members and are not subject to Federation law, so if they were just upfront about what this stuff was and asked for transport back home, our heroes couldn't do anything about it. Remember "The Outrageous Okona"?
* Picard asserting that they can't interfere is correct, so why is he getting so much backlash from the crew? Especially when TNG was supposed to be the anti-TOS at this point. No conflict and all that...
* The conversation between Tasha and Wesley was good, but it went too far into Very Special Episode territory and lasted too long. Even Kirk speeches didn't last that long.
* In this case, even if technically Federation law prohibits interference, I still would've, but in subtle ways. Isn't there a chemical or countermold that could be seeded on Brekka to make this mold gradually die off over a few decades? If the drug keeps getting more expensive, eventually alternatives would have to be developed, right?

The Fiver

Yar: Wow, electrical powers. Certainly a weapon that's hard to confiscate.
Riker: You're a big help. I don't see much of a future for you in Starfleet Security.

Given that this is the last pre-"Skin of Evil" appearance of Yar, I get that this is gallows humor, but personally I think it goes a little too dark.

Romas: The felicium is the only medicine that keeps us alive!
Crusher: And I don't suppose that there's a cheap generic version on the market?
Langor: No, that would infringe our patents.

It's sad how this joke has grown gradually less funny over the years...

Picard: You believe that felicium is a narcotic, Doctor?
Crusher: Yes! Everyone on Ornara is addicted to it!
Picard: I can't imagine what it must be like to depend on a chemical substance. Computer -- tea, Earl Grey, hot.
Crusher: Isn't that your twelfth cup since this morning?
Picard: Find someone who drinks that much coffee, then complain.

Point taken. One wonders how Janeway would deal with these people...

Crusher: I'm prepared to resign to protest your policy on this!
Picard: You'll have wait till Lieutenant Yar leaves the ship. She's in line ahead of you.

Dark. And overkill.

(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

Sails?

YouTube

Tasha waves good-bye. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZXAAwooVOA) This was her last episode filmed, after all.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil pointed out the biofilter thing as well, including the conflicts with "Angel One."

TNG Companion

This episode will most likely be remembered for three things; the teaming of two Star Trek II actors in guest roles, the late Merritt Butrick (his name was misspelled in the credits as “Merrit”) and Judson Scott [one of Khan’s followers]; the overbearing Nancy Reagan-era “Just Say No” anti-drug speech Tasha gives Wesley; and the REAL last scene for Denise Crosby.

[Nate the Great]

April 25th, 1988, "Skin of Evil"

Oh boy, here we go. As a prelude, I understand why Denise Crosby wanted to leave, but I think she made a mistake.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=skinofevil) (by Kira)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/122.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Skin_of_Evil_(episode))

The Episode

WORF: The martial arts competition is in three days. Are you prepared?
TASHA: I will be if you'll meet me on the holodeck later. I need your help on the Mishiama wrist-lock and break. If it works on you, I can use it on anyone.
WORF: A valid assumption. Who is your first competitor?
TASHA: Science Officer Swenson.
WORF: You will defeat him easily.
TASHA: I'm more concerned with Lieutenant Minnerly's kick boxing.
WORF: You are favoured in the ship's pool.
TASHA: You bet on me?
WORF: A sure thing.

Like Crosby said, if she'd gotten more scenes like this maybe she wouldn't have left so quickly. I wonder why she didn't push a bit harder, maybe form a block with the other actors to demand better writing and more varied plots or else everyone is leaving at the end of the season.

LYNCH: Captain, I'm in the middle of realigning the dilithium crystals.
PICARD [OC]: There is an emergency. We need warp drive. How long?
LYNCH: Twenty minutes. Maybe more.

Look, I get it, you can't always schedule disasters and routine maintenance to not conflict with each other. That's not practical. But something as simple as "have two sets of dilithium crystals and swap between them, so warp drive is never out of commission for more than a few minutes at a time" should be practical. It's not like we can recycle dilithium in the 24th century-oh wait!

LYNCH: Prime matter-antimatter injectors. Set ratio at twenty-five to one.

Would people please stop treating the matter/antimatter mix ratio as having possible values other than 1:1! Please! What's that other 24 parts of matter going to do besides spray across the bottom of the warp core? Throw in technobabble about slowly focusing the plasma stream if you need to pad out achieving warp capability if you have to!

(The oil slick ripples, and speaks)
ARMUS: Very good, tin man.

Seriously, where did Armus hear this colloquialism? He's obviously not telepathic. Further signs of bad writing. You don't make references Earth culture if the speaker doesn't have a connection to Earth!

RIKER: We have no choice. We're here to negotiate for our team. What do you want?
ARMUS: Maybe I want nothing.
RIKER: Then you would have killed all of us.
ARMUS: I still might.
RIKER: What do you want? Tell me. Maybe we can reach an accommodation.
ARMUS: If I tell you, will you give it to me?
RIKER: I might. It depends.

Okay, Riker asked what Armus wants, and he deflects. We'll come back to this.

ARMUS [OC]: They perfected a means of bringing to the surface all that was evil and negative within. Erupting, spreading, connecting. In time it formed second skin, dank and vile.
TROI: You.
ARMUS [OC]: Yes.
TROI: They discarded you and left.

There's an interesting discussion to be had here about these aliens who somehow removed the impurities from their own beings and combined them to create a sentient lifeform.

ARMUS: Don't you want to ask me what I want?

They DID! If you want something, just say so, it's too late to be offended that you weren't asked.

DATA: I think you should be destroyed.
ARMUS: A moral judgment from a machine.

Given Armus' origin, why is the concept of a sentient machine so incomprehensible for him?

I suddenly wonder if a tractor beam from the ship could scoop this guy up and toss him into where the next state would be.

(Armus transports Picard into the shuttlecraft)

HOW!?! Telekinesis is one thing, independent teleportation is another. Armus is clearly not supposed to be on the same level as Q or a Douwd or whatever. Just create a path for Picard to follow, then cut to Picard walking into the shuttle, it wouldn't cost an arm and a leg.

DATA: Sir, the purpose of this gathering confuses me.
PICARD: Oh? How so?
DATA: My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself. I keep thinking how empty it will feel without her presence. Did I miss the point?
PICARD: No, you didn't, Data. You got it.

A good scene. The episode really wasn't about Data, but he can still learn something.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Yar: I hear there's a betting pool for the upcoming martial arts tournament.
Riker: Did you bet against her, Worf?
Worf: Bet against Lieutenant Yar? Ha! Over her dead body.
Yar: Thanks, Worf. That's very sweet of you.
Riker: But Tasha, he said --
Yar: Don't ruin the moment.

I wonder if "I'll take what I can get" could've been worked in here.

Picard: Picard to Engineering. I need warp and I need it now, Mr. Lurch!
Lynch: (over the comm) My name is Lynch, sir.
Picard: Whatever.

Is that supposed to be an Addams Family reference? I don't get it.

Riker: Tasha and Beverly don't want to get their shoes dirty.
Picard: Be a man, Will! Take your jacket off and use it to cover the puddle for them.
Riker: Are you kidding? Those stains would never come out.

Good joke, but the uniforms won't have separate jackets for a few seasons yet.

Armus: I'm not letting you near your shuttle!
Yar: Oh yeah? What are you going to do, kill me? I'm a regular! In your face!
Armus: Does this look like the Original Series?
Yar: Hahahahaha! No, our captain has far less hai...uh oh.
(ZAP!)
Yar: GAK!

Nice joke. Contractual immortality is always a great gag.

Riker: Armus is extremely dangerous. He's toying with us.
Picard: Then there's only one possible course of action.
Riker: Send down another away team?
Picard: Absolutely.

Obviously!

Data: Armus is approaching again. He most likely wants to torture one of us for amusement.
La Forge: Not it.
Crusher: Not it.
Data: Not it.
Riker: Huh? What are we -- Aaaaaaaa!

I wonder if a redshirt gag would've worked here, even when Security wears yellow, now.

Data: I feel worse for myself than for Tasha.
Picard: That's only natural, Data. You've lost a valued friend.
Data: Not to mention it will be years before I get any action again.

Depending on your definition of "action", it'll either be Ard'rian in two years, Jenna in three years, or the Borg Queen in nine years.

Memory Alpha

* Writer Keith DeCandido refutes fan dissatisfaction with the death, saying that there's no such thing as a good death. How short sighted. Main characters should never be killed in a method that might as well have been a TOS redshirt. Tasha could've been tricked by Armus into joining Troi in the shuttle, then chooses to fight back, perhaps jumping into Armus with a tricorder set to temporarily disrupt Armus' energy field allowing the Enterprise to beam up the shuttle crew. Wouldn't that be a better death? Then again, we wouldn't have had "Yesterday's Enterprise", so who knows...

YouTube

Picard taunts Armus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ulTgc4Wsjs)
Data is confused about mourning (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8czPgEG1Gk)
Betting on Tasha is a sure thing (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt_OrvkoNmc)

Nitpicker's Guide

* If Troi is in the shuttle and Riker is a few hundred feet away, why aren't they using their telepathic bond?
* If Armus is holding Riker hostage or something, why isn't there a bulge when he covers the shuttle to talk to Troi?

TNG Companion

“Gene felt we couldn’t kill the creature, because it is not up to us as human beings to make a moral judgement on any creature that we meet because we are not God,” Hannah Louise Shearer [one of the screenwriters] has said.
Director Scanlan filmed Tasha’s farewell message two ways: looking straight ahead at the camera (his preference, and more logical) and nodding in the direction of each person as she talks about them (completely illogical unless she left behind directions on who was to stand where).

[Nate the Great]

May 2nd, 1988, "We'll Always Have Paris"

Fiver (by KJP) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=wellalwayshaveparis)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/124.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/We%27ll_Always_Have_Paris_(episode))

The Episode

As a summary, this is another episode that abuses science (at least standard Trek science) but has good character work. Which I suppose is better than the other way around.

DATA: Sensors show nothing, sir, but it appears a moment in time repeated itself exactly for everyone.
LAFORGE: Just like a feeling of deja vu.

Even as a child I found it odd that even after using the term "deja vu" the characters kept using alternate terms, dancing around the slightly foreign word as if afraid that it'll confuse or discourage the viewers from continuing to watch.

DATA: Computers were also affected, which would indicate the phenomenon was not an illusion but occurred in real time.

Now that's an interesting question: how would a computer feel deja vu? Would it record a set of calculations twice? I'm reminded of the Department of Temporal Investigations story "God, Fate, and Fractals (http://memory-beta.wikia.com/wiki/Gods,_Fate,_and_Fractals)", which feature tricorders that are specifically designed to retain data even if timeline alterations change the memories of the DTI agents.

RIKER: Captain, you act as if there's a connection between the time distortion and the distress signal.
PICARD: There is. Paul Manheim. Fifteen years ago he went off to work on experiments relating to non-linear time. It appears he may have achieved some measure of success.

Another interesting question: how much of Picard's knowledge of Manheim is basic scientific interest and how much comes from his connection with Janice?

PICARD: Yes, what is it, Counsellor?
TROI: I think you would prefer to discuss this in private.
PICARD: That's not necessary. Go on.

I do wonder why this conversation had to take place on the bridge. Was the script running long and there wasn't time to move things to the ready room or conference lounge?

COMPUTER: Holodeck three is clear.
PICARD: Location, Paris, Cafe des Artistes, as it appeared twenty two years ago. April the ninth, fifteen hundred hours, three o'clock. Warm spring day.
COMPUTER: Programme complete.

A horrifying thought...sensors keep track of everything that happens in public spaces everywhere on Earth with this kind of precision and distribute the data to all Federation facilities that have holodecks. And somehow records at least basic psychological profiles of everyone at the time of recording, along with recent biographical information to make them seem real. I thought unauthorized holographic recreations of real people was illegal!

Furthermore, it must be remembered that holodeck technology at the time was limited. Maybe Jack Crusher and Noonien Soong could record versions of themselves to stand in one place and talk, but true interactivity was still years off.

DATA: Actually sir, that may be an incorrect analogy.
PICARD: How so, Data?
DATA: A hiccup is a spasmodic inhalation with closure of the glottis. accompanied by a peculiar sound. If we were to continue this analogy to a body function, what occurred would be best represented by a--

By a...what? At best I would equate the Manheim Effect to a form of seizure. If you loosened the definition, maybe amnesia that only goes back a very short amount of time.

PICARD: This is Captain... This is the Captain of the USS Enterprise responding to your signal for help.

I get that Picard is uncomfortable about meeting Jenice right now, but even so, this seems like cowardice. Starfleet captains shouldn't exhibit this kind of weenie behavior when on duty.

JENICE: Paul's always been interested in time. He's never believed that it was immutable, any more than space is immutable. Over the last decade, he came to believe that we reside in one of infinite dimensions, and what holds us here is the constancy of time. Change that and it would be what he called opening the window to those other dimensions.

So altering certain temporal variables would allow us to exist in physical dimensions other than the three we currently occupy. I'm not sure what the appeal would be.

PICARD: Did he anticipate that these experiments might be dangerous?
JENICE: I didn't think so. Now, in retrospect, he probably did. That would explain all the unusual precautions he began taking, even before the accident. The force field, the elaborate security system. Every time he started a new experiment, he insisted that I stay in what he called a protected room.

I'm not sure how you would shield a room to resist temporal effects. You'd probably need to infuse the forcefield with tachyons or somesuch.

(Jenice kisses Picard's cheek and leave)
PICARD: She's an old friend.
CRUSHER: I gathered that.

Understatement of the century. We'll be returning to Beverly later.

DATA: I cannot be sure, sir, but I believe Manheim has developed a method for harnessing energy from the pulsar.

What? I thought Manheim set up shop here because of the gravitational conditions. How do you tap the energy from a star from so far away?

MANHEIM: We were able to locate an energy source in the centre of this planetoid.

What? This brings to mind bad memories of the Icarus Base from Stargate that is on a planet that has a naquadria core that can somehow power a Stargate. Blech.

JENICE: I knew you wouldn't come to me.
PICARD: No, not under these circumstances.

This is good. It's not that Picard is scared that he'll be tempted to have an affair with Jenice, it's that he doesn't want to cause her unnecessary pain or distract her from her husband.

JENICE: I've thought a lot about this over the years, and perhaps you're leaving out your greatest fear. The real reason you left.
PICARD: Which was?
JENICE: That life with me would have somehow made you ordinary.
PICARD: You're wonderful. And am I that transparent?
JENICE: Only to me.

I suppose Picard would've had to give up Starfleet and return to archaeology. I suddenly wonder if Professor Galen would've liked her.

CRUSHER: I don't think I want to talk about what I think you mean.
TROI: Captain Picard
CRUSHER: I can't compete with a ghost from his past. No one could.

You know, if Gene didn't want this relationship to exist, why did it keep showing up? Scenes like this in the first season create questions relating to "Lessons". In that episode Beverly claims that at this point all that there was was vague chemistry. This scene implies more than that.

MANHEIM: She never would admit this, but she has had a terrible time these last years. Had we not been so isolated, she might have left me, and I never would have known. At least, not right away.

"Isolated." Right. The Hansens were isolated, the Manheims were just a little bit off the beaten path. There's a difference.

DATA: In both cases, the time distortions occurred along the same continuum as a preview or a reprise of a specific point in time.
PICARD: Where we are, where we were, and where we will be.

This makes it sound like the distortions aren't altering history (movement is only along the axis of the timeline), which is nonsense. When the loop places two versions of a person in the same place, both retain memories of the encounter, which I would call an alteration (movement goes "off the rails" of the prior timeline).

PICARD: I think it should be only you because you seem more able to control the effects of the time distortion.
DATA: Oh, I see, sir. That is quite true, sir. I see time as a constant, whereas humans perceive time as flexible.

What? It was said earlier that the Manheim Effect appeared on sensors. That means that it affects machines as well. And it will affect Data. And I think Picard should've used something like "cope with" rather than "control." If Data can emit a subspace field that he can tune like a radio to deal with temporal alterations, that's news to me.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Picard: Ah, the Holodeck. No better place to be when there's time warps and spatial anomalies about.

I'll say. Remember "The Big Good-Bye" when a slightly weird alien sensor scan totally broke this thing? And that would have less affect than time warps and spatial anomalies.

Picard: This is the captain of the Enterprise, but definitely not the man who stood you up in a Paris café years ago.
Female Voice: Oh, hi, Jean-Luc.

Using "but" instead of "and" makes it sound like multiple Enterprise captains have stood her up. Maybe she had a date with John Harriman the previous week...

Crusher: It's only the first season -- should I be jealous yet?
Picard: Nothing is outside the realm of the P/C 'shippers.

Fair enough.

Crusher: Dr. Manheim is awake, but not fully aware.
Dr. Manheim: My mind feels like it is floating between two places.
Crusher: He seems to be suffering from an overdose of New Age music.

This sounds like a topical joke that didn't age well. Sorry.

Picard: Now remember, Mr. Data, when fixing a time anomaly, you have to have an appropriate "time" catch phrase to use at the crucial moment.
Data: Okay, how about... "Time to take out the trash"?
Picard: Ugh. I would think any Starfleet officer could come up with something better than THAT.

Janeway sure did...

Riker: just wondering how I would have handled the situation of dealing with the attractive wife of an eccentric scientist on a remote space station.
Picard: Right, as if that could ever happen again.

Ha ha. "That's as likely as discovering that Kreiger Waves actually exist!"

[I]Nitpicker's Guide

* Supposedly the recreation of the cafe is accurate, but Jenice said that it rained that day. Even if you posit that there's some sort of Back to the Future II-style weather control in play, there should be wet furniture around.
* The Eiffel Tower jumps around in the holodeck scenes so you can see it as much as possible. It's almost like the studio thinks the viewers are so stupid that the won't remember that this is Paris unless the Eiffel Tower is always in view.
* When Troi takes Jenice to the holodeck when Picard is already inside the computer gives Troi the option to stop the program. Huh? I would think that the occupants of a holodeck should have priority unless the people outside use a security override.
* The computer presents the arch when Jenice uses "exit" in a casual manner, not as a command. Phil comments that this would create all sorts of unwanted side effects when commands don't have to be preceded by "Computer."

TNG Companion

As originally pitched there was a lot more romance, but it was toned down. The writer’s strike affected filming. Many staff members thought that Jenice and Picard lacked chemistry, but actress Michelle Phillips took cues from the script and acted like a faithful wife to Manheim. The menu at the holographic café includes such in-jokes as Croissants D’ilithium, Targ Klingon a la Mode, and Tribbles dans les Blankettes.

YouTube

The Manheim Effect at the turbolift (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7570S4LJPEg)
Data plugs the hole (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5W8Pz3CsYg)
Jenice wanted a painless lie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVLEUZu8BgI)

[NAHTMMM]

COMPUTER: Holodeck three is clear.
PICARD: Location, Paris, Cafe des Artistes, as it appeared twenty two years ago. April the ninth, fifteen hundred hours, three o'clock. Warm spring day.
COMPUTER: Programme complete.

A horrifying thought...sensors keep track of everything that happens in public spaces everywhere on Earth with this kind of precision and distribute the data to all Federation facilities that have holodecks. And somehow records at least basic psychological profiles of everyone at the time of recording, along with recent biographical information to make them seem real. I thought unauthorized holographic recreations of real people was illegal!
Picard had to tell it that it was a "warm spring day". So presumably it just took the temporally closest snapshot of the cafe, adjusted the sun for that time of day (almanac), and populated it with, perhaps, a few of the servers who worked there and agreed to be recorded, and added in Generic Parisians.

Data 1: Uh oh, there are three of me now. Hmm....
Data 3: Helloooooooooooooo....
Data 2: ......Hellooooooooooo....
Data 1: ............Helloooooooo....
All Three Datas: Hello.
Data 3: I always wanted to do that.
Now that's turning a problem into an opportunity.
Picard: Before we say farewell and you return to your husband, may I ask what you think of our Holodeck's re-creation of the French café?
Jenice: Very authentic. I haven't seen our waiter in over an hour.
:D

[Nate the Great]

May 9th, 1988, "Conspiracy"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/125.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Conspiracy_(episode))

The Episode

LAFORGE: So the guy staggers to his feet and goes back to the girl, right? Well, she smiles, looks him right in the eye and says 'just try that in hyperspace!'

Hyperspace? What's that? If Memory Alpha is to be believed, the only other mention of "hyperspace" in Trek is a "hyperspace physics" question in "Coming of Age."

Seriously, where were the science consultants? This joke would work equally well if you invoked zero gravity instead.

RIKER: Increase to warp six.
LAFORGE: Aye sir. Full impulse.

No comment.

TROI: I know I won't. I've been really looking forward to a nice swim.
DATA: You are aware, Counsellor, that the holodeck can be programmed to recreate an oceanic environment.
TROI: Data, it's just not the same.

How? This is a perpetual problem where the holodeck is concerned. If the simulation isn't perfect, why is it available? Why bother with the thing at all?

WORF: Swimming is too much like bathing.

The season's almost over, and the writers still don't have a firm grasp on his character.

DATA: Commander Riker. I am receiving a Code Forty Seven.

Joe Menosky is the guy who will inflict 47 on the fandom, and he won't show up for a few years, so this instance is just a coincidence.

PICARD: You're using a Code Forty Seven. I have to know what this is all about.
KEEL [on monitor]: Not over subspace, no.
PICARD: Oh, for God's sake, Walker. This is a secured channel--

Why do "secure channels" exist if they're not really secure and people can't trust them?

WORF: Two are frigates. The Renegade commanded by Tryla Scott, and the Thomas Paine, Captain Rixx commanding.
DATA: The third is just coming into range now, sir. It is Ambassador Class heavy cruiser, USS Horatio.

A frigate is a warship that is built for speed. These ships are of the New Orleans class, a modified, smaller version of the Galaxy class. Their sister ship, the Kyushu, was destroyed at Wolf 359.

KEEL: Do you recall the night you introduced Jack Crusher to Beverly?
PICARD: You know full well I hadn't even met Beverly then. You introduced them.
KEEL: My brother introduced them.
PICARD: You don't have a brother. Two sisters, Anne and Melissa. What the hell is this all about?

Nice characterization.

PICARD: Tryla Scott. It's said you made Captain faster than anyone in Starfleet history, present company included.

It's said? Isn't something like that rather easy to verify?

RIXX: Starbase twelve was completely evacuated for two full days. No explanation given.

You'd think the press would demand and explanation for that. Furthermore, what would such a thing accomplish for the bluegills' plan?

KEEL: We're not sure yet. Damn it, Jean-Luc. I tell you that some of Starfleet's top command people are changing. This could affect the very core of our organisation. Officers I've known for years are bluffing their way through talk of old times.
RIXX: That's their weakness, a lack of memory.

A perpetual problems with large-scale replacement plots. It takes much more than what's on the official records to duplicate a person's personality and responses. It's too bad this isn't the last time Trek will attempt to feed us this kind of nonsense.

KEEL: Tell Beverly I said hello.

It's not like this was a meeting that we were attempting to keep secret-oh, wait!

PICARD: I trust Keel completely. If he felt it necessary to violate regulations, he must have had a good reason.
TROI: But you're putting your career at risk for him.
PICARD: Friendship must dare to risk, Counsellor, or it's not friendship.

A good message, but in this case I don't think enough evidence has been presented yet.

PICARD: Take us out of orbit, Mister La Forge.
LAFORGE: Aye, sir.
PICARD: Resume heading to Pacifica, warp factor eight.

Why wasn't the discussion with Troi conducted en route? And why not use warp nine to minimize the delay and the appearance that something strange is going on?

CRUSHER: I understand the Horatio was in orbit around Dytallix. Did you see Walker?
PICARD: No.

A classic example of "do what I mean, not what I say."

DATA: Startling. Quite extraordinary, in fact.
COMPUTER: Directions unclear. Please repeat request.
DATA: That was not a request. I was simply talking to myself.

I know that Data has talked to himself before, but having this appear before he gets his emotion chip seems odd.

DATA: The orders were given with great subtlety. To use an aphorism, Starfleet's left hand did not know what its right hand was doing.

Sometimes it gets annoying when Data understands metaphors during some episodes and not others. Returning to the plot, sometimes I wonder how Starfleet ever keeps everything straight. There are just too many planets and ships to keep track of. Can you imagine the number of middle-management drones filling whole starbases worth of cubicles that would be required for all this coordination?

Captain's personal log, supplemental. While it is quite unusual for a starship to return to Earth, we seem to be left with no other choice. I have apprised the remaining bridge crew of our situation.

And yet the trip from the frontier to Earth didn't seem to take long. The Enterprise has just traveled across almost half of the Federation in a day or so. It's almost like the writer's can't do math... (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WritersCannotDoMath)

SAVAR [on viewscreen]: Greetings Enterprise. I am Admiral Savar. This is Admiral Aaron, and I believe you already know Admiral Quinn.

Yes, we keep three admirals around at all time to talk to starships who show up at unexpected times. We apparently have nothing better to do...

AARON [on viewscreen]: Governor Delaplane of Pacifica informs us that you cancelled your scheduled stop there. Is this true?
PICARD: Yes, sir, it is.

Wait a second. Picard defied orders and never bothered telling Starfleet about it? That seems like something needing at least a disciplinary hearing, doesn't it?

CRUSHER: The parasite appears to stimulate the victim's adrenal glands, generate great strength.

Can we all agree that this is nonsense and move on?

(The bowl contains live mealworms. Picard recoils)

What was the point of this? Even if bluegills eat mealworms, their host bodies don't.

LAFORGE: Any idea what the message was, Data?
DATA: I believe it was a beacon.
PICARD: A beacon?
DATA: Yes, sir. A homing beacon, sent from Earth.

It's too bad that this will never be followed up on in canon...

Nitpicker's Guide

* At the end Riker calls for Security, and not only do Worf and La Forge show up instead to save the cost of hiring extras, but they're not even armed. And the weird part is, Crusher is armed when she arrives!
* Wouldn't the biofilter catch these bluegill things?
* Picard is able to dodge a phaser blast. I guess these things don't travel at light speed after all...

[Nate the Great]

"Conspiracy" coverage, part two

Memory Alpha

The viewers didn't like the episode, so there was never a followup. It was too different from what they thought of as "Star Trek." Oh, the irony...

Various expanded universe sources gave different origins for the bluegills:
DS9 relaunch: The Trill discovered them. One of them took over Audrid Dax's husband. Another took over Shakaar, leading to his death.
Star Trek Online: The solanogen aliens from "Schisms" created them on orders from the Iconians. Weird. Furthermore joined Trill are immune to them.

Memory Beta

They make the host want to eat worms and insects, often using Klingon and Ferengi cuisine as a cover.

Cardassians are immune to them.

TNG Companion

Gene didn’t want the bad guys to be real Starfleet officers, we had to wait for The Undiscovered Country for that.

The mail brought some cries against the gory scenes of death and worm-eating, but Torme took issue with Variety for labelling it TNG’s “most notorious” episode so far.

I also disagree. At least this episode is better structured and had better acting than most other Season One episodes.

[Nate the Great]

May 16th, 1988, "The Neutral Zone"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theneutralzone) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/126.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Neutral_Zone_(episode))

The Episode

I found plenty to riff on with practically every line, so I'll have to go with highlights:

* Riker should've done a full analysis of what the sleeper ship was before deciding its fate.
* The pods were independent of the ship except for power, and the ship wasn't broadcasting any identifying information. This didn't accomplish anything except provide opportunities for Riker and Picard to be grumpy and to pad out the episode. An episode that didn't need padding because the padding was stealing screentime from the Romulans.
* When the people were found they should've been kept in stasis until they could awaken surrounded by counselors, etc.
* This "the people were frozen after death" thing seems to exist only so Riker and Picard can argue that they could've left the dead people alone. Is this supposed to make them look good?
* Okay, so Offenhouse could afford to set up a fund to support this sleeper ship, but what about the others? It seems like Claire's husband and Sonny did a one-time payment.
* It doesn't occur to anyone to keep the ancient humans away from aliens until they could cope with being in the future. And wouldn't this be Troi's job?
* Our heroes look down on these humans, why? Just looking at the other first season races, the Ligonians and the Angel Oneians seem much worse. Furthermore, aren't Starfleet officers trained to deal with races that have barely invented warp and would have such limitations?
* The Romulan plot steals too much from "Balance of Terror". Maybe having two neighbors not know much about each other works in the more frontier-like 23rd century, but these days the Federation would insist on continual diplomatic contact.
* The problem with the frozen people is that, like many other plots in the first two seasons, the writers have to make our heroes look good by making the guest stars look bad. Instead of, y'know, doing their jobs and writing the main cast correctly the first time.
* The frozen people are mainly left alone until our heroes want to spend time with them. Really, there aren't any junior officers around to keep them company? A schoolteacher or two to catch them up on recent events and technological advances?
* Offenhouse is simply let onto the bridge by the computer. Huh? Couldn't the computer be programmed to recognize authorized users and not let anyone else on unless accompanied by an authorized user? Or at least trigger an alert on Worf's board so he'll be prepared for the unauthorized user?
* The Romulans were squeezed into one scene. Absurd. There were plenty of scenes with the frozen people that could've been cut.
* The question of the missing colonies and the Romulans wasn't followed up on early in Season Two. Big mistake.

The Fiver

Ralph Offenhouse: Could I see today's issue of the Wall Street Journal?
Riker: I'm afraid that we don't carry it.
Offenhouse: Well get a copy somewhere! I want to find out how my Enron stock's been doing since 1999.

Wow, topical joke. As I've said before, these things are time capsules...

Data: Would you care for some replicated pecan pie?
L.Q. "Sonny" Clemonds: Gee, I dunno -- this here hunk o' pie looks like resequenced protein. Don't y'all have a chef on board?

Is this just an Enterprise joke, or were you tying this into Janeway in "Prime Factors", too?

Sonny: I need some uppers for the morning and some downers for the evening.
Crusher: Here's a prescription for ice-cold showers and steamed milk with nutmeg.
Sonny: I had something stronger in mind, if ya catch my drift.
Crusher: Sorry, but "Janeway Blend" coffee and Data's poetry are both controlled substances.

Hehe. I suppose you could've thrown in a request for references before giving Sonny a license for such things, but it would've been overkill.

Memory Alpha

* The script couldn't be revised much because of the Writer's Strike. I call this a poor excuse. Furthermore, the industry should have contingencies for such things, among which should be that the writers can only go on strike between seasons (with perhaps another opportunity at the midseason break).
* An extra wore Troi's skant from "Encounter at Farpoint."
* The display of Claire's family tree originally had many pop culture references, but these had to be replaced for the remastered version.
* First of three times when a character welcomes someone from the past to the twenty-fourth century.

Memory Beta

* Offenhouse made the most appearances in the novels, most notably appearing as the Federation Ambassador to the Ferengi Alliance.
* Sonny returned to music and eventually cleaned up his act.
* Claire helped to counsel the similarly time-displaced Bozeman crew.

Nitpicker's Guide

* The Enterprise is sitting around doing nothing while our crew waits for Picard's shuttle to arrive so they can head for the Neutral Zone. Why not just warp over to where Picard is and save time?
* If the commpanels are only for ship's business, how do the civilians on board talk to each other if they don't have commbadges?
* Phil points out that this is yet another situation where the saucer should be left behind because it's known ahead of time that battle is possible.
* Spock's been talking to Pardek for decades, but there's no data more recent than the Tomed Incident for Troi to research?
* It's said that the Romulans have been in hiding for fifty years and nobody's heard from them, yet they attacked Narendra Three twenty years ago! Or are you going to tell me that this is like their attack on Khitomer or the Ferengi's attack at Maxima, where the details aren't known until much later?

[NAHTMMM]

Returning to the plot, sometimes I wonder how Starfleet ever keeps everything straight. There are just too many planets and ships to keep track of. Can you imagine the number of middle-management drones filling whole starbases worth of cubicles that would be required for all this coordination?
In the enlightened future, middle management is kept to a minimum. That's why there is only one major ship in a sector at any given time, less of this bureaucracy to deal with.

* Offenhouse made the most appearances in the novels, most notably appearing as the Federation Ambassador to the Ferengi Alliance.
Debtors Planet is pretty okay, especially given that it features both Wesley and the Ferengi.

[Nate the Great]

I wonder what would've happened had the Romulans found the frozen people first. Would they have killed them outright, or abduct them? Would they provide any useful intelligence as to current human behavior?

[Flying Gremlin]

I am catching up on things, so I had a few points to make. Please forgive me if this seems a little bit disjointed.

February 15th, 1988, "When the Bough Breaks"

...

RADUE: We must return now to Aldea. Our eyes are very sensitive to bright light.

I get that this is a clue for the radiation sickness reveal later, but delivered in this way it really does seem like a Chekov's Gun to incapacitate them later, doesn't it? It's a shame the writer never thought of it.

Okay, so how do I use the SPOILER tag again?

Upon reflection, this actually is one thing I never realized has a connection to DISCO. Considering the Terran Empire is so ruthless and so obsessed with conquest that they don't do great shielding of radiation cores and such, the part of the series that I had the most problem with - the mirror universe humans having a sensitivity to light - actually makes way more sense now, if you think about every single human that lived on Earth getting a massive dose of background radiation from birth until death due to residual nuclear particles in the air, irradiated ground, and just general inability to shield anything because they have no care for life in that universe...

May 2nd, 1988, "We'll Always Have Paris"

...

PICARD: Did he anticipate that these experiments might be dangerous?
JENICE: I didn't think so. Now, in retrospect, he probably did. That would explain all the unusual precautions he began taking, even before the accident. The force field, the elaborate security system. Every time he started a new experiment, he insisted that I stay in what he called a protected room.

I'm not sure how you would shield a room to resist temporal effects. You'd probably need to infuse the forcefield with tachyons or somesuch.

Chronitons, but that's not important right now.

May 2nd, 1988, "We'll Always Have Paris"

...

MANHEIM: She never would admit this, but she has had a terrible time these last years. Had we not been so isolated, she might have left me, and I never would have known. At least, not right away.

"Isolated." Right. The Hansens were isolated, the Manheims were just a little bit off the beaten path. There's a difference.

Commenting on two different points on the same episode. My, my.

"Isolated" might be referring to the personal isolation rather than locational. Besides, it did not sound like they regularly entertained visiting ships period, much less Federation starships. It would be like being stuck on a small island that could still see cargo ships going by, but never having any of those ships visit.

"Conspiracy" coverage, part two

...

Star Trek Online: The solanogen aliens from "Schisms" created them on orders from the Iconians. Weird. Furthermore joined Trill are immune to them.

I didn't mind STO's Bluegill explanation, though one of the few Starfleet officers to get the parasite in-game was a Trill. The fact that she's unjoined explains why it even worked at all, which was interesting to see considering Kyla VanZyl (https://sto.gamepedia.com/Kyla_VanZyl)'s bio does not list whether she is joined or not. The Bluegills were used to make sure an Iconian servitor race stayed loyal - they were originally going to use them on the Tal'Shiar Romulans, but you know that Romulan treachery has no bounds already, and Sela does not play well with following orders, only giving them.

I have further reading on the subject of the Bluegill (https://sto.gamepedia.com/Bluegill) in STO.

[Nate the Great]

Season Two doesn't start until next Wednesday, but as a prelude I'd like to return to something from the series bible:


Tasha has a beau ideal too, which happens to be fifteen year old Wes Crusher. Deprived of her own childhood by the harsh life of her "hell planet" home, she treats this person like the most wonderful person imaginable. Wes is the childhood friend that Tasha never had.

And tie it to something from the third issue of the TNG comic book (covered by Linkara here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj-0n_fJ_1Y&t=9m11s))...


(Tasha and Wesley are playing a game of tag with harmless phasers. He "tags" her and she dramatically crumples to the ground clutching her chest.)
Tasha: Wesley Crusher, you sneak! How could you turn on me like this? After all we've done together, all we've meant to each other, you turn on me...


It really is fascinating sometimes seeing what the expanded universe does in the early days when all they have is the series bible and a few photos to work from, isn't it?

[Nate the Great]

November 21st, 1988, "The Child"


No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/127.htm)

Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Child_(episode))


Background Information



* The Phase II stuff is at the end, we'll do the TNG episode first.

* I understand why Geordi was promoted, but it still doesn't make sense within the chain of command. Having him change departments for a season before the promotion would've opened up many storytelling possibilities, but of course this is TNG Season Two. A shame...
* Pulaski was introduced in the worst way possible. A senior officer not reporting to the captain before assuming her duties is worthy of disciplinary action unless there's a BIG medical disaster. And Troi doesn't count, a lesser doctor (Selar?) could've handled that for a day just as well.
* Pulaski's interactions with Data could've waited until a later time, this episode was overloaded as it was.



The Episode

* Georgi has to replicate something five hundred times. Industrial replicators haven't been invented yet, but in this case I think an alternative could've been found; like automated fabrication units or using the replicators on the Repulse as well.

* As SF Debris says, it's laughable how little the pregnancy or birth affects Troi. I'll forgive nonsense like this in Avengers #200 with Carol Marcus, as comic books have a younger audience. But this isn't a comic book. Here you could at least drop some technobabble about how somehow the baby is flooding her body with endorphins or how in this case the connection between mother and child is much more efficient to put less strain on her body.
* It's nice that Data wants to serve as birthing coach, but Pulaski's statement that usually the father is present seems overly obtuse. She knows that there's no father, she knows that now is not the time to make people any more uncomfortable, she chooses a miraculous birth as the time to make fun of Data (very unprofessional), etc...
* Introducing Guinan and Pulaski in the same episode was a bad idea, especially when you had the Wesley and Troi plots to worry about already. To be frank this episode should've been put off a week or two (if it had to happen at all, of course), and move up The Outrageous Okona (plenty of room to spare in that plot!) to introduce the new status quo.
* They can't even blow the specimens into space, because they'll still be a danger. So no secondary backup exists? Fit the cargo bay with special radiation emitters to flood the thing with death rays if needed!


Memory Alpha

* First episode where Wesley wears a communicator. Really?
* First time the three light bars were used to activate the transporter. These are of course a homage to the three slider switches used by Scotty and Kyle in TOS.



Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also finds the idea that the specimen modules can't be jettisoned ridiculous. Dump it into a star!
* Where did Ian's Y chromosome come from?

* Ian can sense people's emotions even though Betazoids don't develop their empathic abilities until puberty (except for Tam Elbrun, of course). He could've dropped a line of exposition saying that he turned on this ability early to learn more.


Star Trek Phase II Version

(Information from my copy of Star Trek Phase II The Lost Series (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Star_Trek_Phase_II:_The_Lost_Series))


* The entity explores Uhura and Chekov before Ilia. One presumes that Uhura wasn't chosen because Ilia's mental powers would be more useful.
* Ilia points out that she hasn't broken her vow of celibacy. A valid point, but that should be a bit farther down the list of questions if you ask me. Unless you're going to tell me that Deltans can sense their children from the point of conception.
* Ilia's child Irska is a girl, getting around the missing Y chromosome bit.
* Somehow Irska is human, despite Ilia being Deltan. One wonders what the point of this is.
* The external threat is an alien ship, not samples. More dramatic, but less personal, it's a tossup which is better.
* Irska plays a more direct role in helping the ship than Ian.

[Nate the Great]

November 28th, 1988, "Where Silence Has Lease"


No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/128.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Where_Silence_Has_Lease_(episode))


The Episode

I could nitpick the technology for hours, but I don't have the time. The problem is that with a little thought I could solve most of them, so why couldn't the writing staff?


* Troi and Picard are worried about Riker joining Worf on the holodeck. Does Worf disable the safeties?

* I don't like it when they depict Worf as blind with bloodlust. This level of barely contained rage could put a mission or crewmember at risk.
* I call a probe vanishing without a trace worthy of Yellow Alert, why are they ribbing Worf so much?* Now is not the time for Pulaski to rib Data. Furthermore it's established elsewhere that she's not a bridge officer (for some reason), so why is she here if there's no medical emergency?
* I get not wanting to instigate hostilities, but if the Romulan fires first without hailing first I say that hostilities have been instigated. Knock it off with the warnings, Picard, it makes you look weak!
* The sheer number of powers exhibited by Nagilum worries me. He's on the level of the Talosians if you ask me. Manipulating senses and ship sensors at this level is scary.

* Nagilum can contact ships outside his boundaries, but didn't until the end. I don't think he can claim moral superiority, or even equality.


Memory Alpha

* Between this episode and "Contagion" various things about the Yamato were changed. There are explanations for these, but I vote for the MST3K quote: "They just didn't care!"


Nitpickers Guide

* Much confusion about Pulaski's bridge officer status. In "Thine Own Self" it's established that you can't become a full commander without getting bridge officer status. So how is Pulaski a full commander? Troi seemed to imply that a Lt. Commander can be chief medical officer.

* Phil repeats my two data point comment.
* Phil also brings up the confusion about O'Brien's rank.



YouTube

* Animal Worf almost kills Riker (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjeMVRkLv7s)
* Worf and Riker and two Yamato bridges (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6v0E3D66tWw)
* Picard talks to Data about death (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoKY2FdC00A)

[Nate the Great]

December 5th, 1988, "Elementary, Dear Data"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=elementarydeardata) (by Derek)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/129.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Elementary,_Dear_Data_(episode))


The Episode

I need a shorter way to say "horrible misuse of established Treknology, good character work, would work better in isolation." I do enjoy the performances, especially Daniel Davis as Moriarty. Back in the day I enjoyed his performance as Niles the butler on The Nanny as well.


* I get that Geordi would want to make a model Victory, I do. It's great that people still want to make things and not just replicate them. But it shouldn't be in Engineering, that was stupid.

* Geordi wants to participate in the Holmes program, but doesn't know the basic workings of the Victorian age. Ugh. Was that "haven't they invented the electric light yet" bit supposed to be a joke? Because it isn't, it just makes him look like an idiot.
* At least they're trying to humanize Pulaski and make her interactions with Data more reasonable. Took them long enough.
* You'd think by now a Doyle/Holmes randomizer would've been built into the program anyway. Ugh.
* The way they describe the holodeck isn't quite right. I could write whole essays on how the thing should work, but you guys wouldn't be interested. Let's just say that they imply that the walls are nothing more than huge TV sets, and it's not that simple.
* It's been discussed by other people (including SF Debris) that some of the simpler props must be replicated, as it would be more energy efficient. Specifically he mentions when someone consumes food on the holodeck. Supposedly this would explain how Moriarty can create a drawing of the Enterprise that can exist off the holodeck. I had a whole tech lecture typed out, but the short version is that holographic puppets and replicated props each have their downsides, and the simplest scenario is to assume that everything is holographic and tasteless unless the user specifically requests a replicated prop be substituted.

* Once again everyone acts like the holodeck can't be unplugged manually. No 24th-century fusebox? Nothing that can be severed with a plasma torch?



The Fiver

La Forge: Yeah. Check out my model ship. Isn't it great?
Data: No. And you've never expressed an interest in building model ships before.
La Forge: Don't worry. I never will again either.


Good point. It's a shame we couldn't have tied Worf into this subplot before. After all, he's the one with model experience.



La Forge: (writing and narrating) "It was a dark and stormy night..." Dang it. This is Reading Rainbow.
Inspector Lestrade: Holmes, there's been an awful crime committed. Mr. Boddy has been murdered!
Data: Ha! Ms. Scarlet with the candlestick in the Study! Go me!
La Forge: Data, how could you possibly know that?
Data: Take a look. It's in a book. It's Sherlock Holmes.
La Forge: That's it. I'm leaving.



I'll just toss you this fan cover of the Reading Rainbow theme (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApLTDoJea2Q&list=PL3A40A96F46174EA9&index=65&t=0s)...


Data: Ha! Mrs. Peacock with the wrench in the Kitchen! Go me!


Given the surroundings, wouldn't the candlestick in the Study make more sense?


Computer: What do you want?
Moriarty: I'd like a burger and fries... supersized.
Computer: Sigh. I thought I made you sentient.



Another time capsule joke. I would've based the punchline on something like "I thought I gave you better taste than that", but I'm not sure which is better.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the image vs. replicated thing again.
* He wonders why Data and Geordi left Moriarty's lair (which has an arch) to go down the street to call for the arch. Phil seems to think that the arch's location relative to a holographic environment is fixed each time a program is loaded. This is ludicrous.

* There's discussion about whether Moriarty meets the definition of a sentient being established in "The Measure of a Man." I'd argue that he does, but that's a discussion for another time.

[Nate the Great]

December 12th, 1988, "The Outrageous Okona"

A lot of people bash this episode, but I consider it a guilty pleasure. My only real problem is that Data's subplot doesn't really resolve. Surely there is some stepping-stone lesson to humor that he could've discovered without upsetting the status quo too much.

No Fiver (is this one reserved?)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/130.htm)
Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Outrageous_Okona_(episode))

The Episode

* It seems odd that they specify that a humanoid race colonized this system, then have these guys indistinguishable from humans. This place couldn't be a human colony like in "Up The Long Ladder"?
* Why does Okona's ship have to be sublight only? I hate the concept of impulse-only ships in general, but this is just silly. Even when you limit space to just the solar system, it's big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely--SLAP!
* As has been covered elsewhere, Deanna may define Okona as a "rogue", but that's a horrible way to establish a character trait, especially when the character isn't written to fit it.
* Okona asks if Data has ever been drunk. Data correctly notes that he can't become intoxicated, but I'd still like a reference to the events of "The Naked Now", no matter how obliquely.
* Loading twice the cargo capacity in canaries...I get that it's a scientifically inaccurate joke, but I'm going to link to a Mythbusters clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVeP6oqH-Qo) anyway.
* Guinan's android/humanoid joke is absolutely awful. As others have said, any joke that you have to explain isn't funny.
* Fish aren't amphibians. They couldn't use alligator/reptilian?
* A monk, a clone, and a Ferengi? It's almost like I made a thread about that joke (http://www.fiveminute.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1373&highlight=%22finish+data%27s+joke%22) ten years ago or something...
* The laser thing is often brought up in the Star Trek/Star Wars debate. I choose not to delve too deep into this issue, as it's clear that real world lasers=/=Star Wars lasers=/=Star Trek lasers. As for who would win in a fight between the Death Star and a Borg cube, the Borg cube would. It can regenerate and is full of individually expendable drones.
* Why did they kill time with tracking down Okona? It always infuriates me when people can't be tracked with internal sensors. As it seems clear that Okona isn't human, setting the sensors to look for a Madenan life signs should be a simple task. For that matter, wouldn't there be some form of limited-function commbadge for guests (and Wesley) to use?
* I find it disturbing that the Enterprise crew considers the idea that fathers have an obligation to children that they help conceive archaic. Eesh.
* It would've been fun if Data's hobby of telling lame jokes had continued.

Memory Alpha

* They say that Data saying that he hasn't be drunk from alcohol is a reference to "The Naked Now." I still say they could've made a more overt reference.

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil wonders if Okona could see Troi on the viewscreen, because if he could, wouldn't he flirt with her?
* He also wonders what makes Guinan an expert on humor. What makes her not an expert, I wonder. It's not like she's ever solemn when she doesn't have to be!

TNG Companion

Jerry Lewis was approached to play the part of The Comic, but had scheduling problems. The 3D chess set has a few pieces that are references to Lost in Space.

[Nate the Great]

I have to catch up on the TNG Companion notes:


“Where Silence Has Lease”

According to Hurley, this superalien’s name [Nagilum] is the reverse spelling (minus one l) of Mulligan. The name was chosen because actor Richard Mulligan, the star of Soap and Empty Nest, was originally sought to play the role.

My parents remember Richard Mulligan more for Empty Nest, but sadly I know him best as Barnaby from the remake of Babes in Toyland.

“Elementary, Dear Data”

The ending originally filmed was dropped from the version aired: the paper with Moriarty’s sketch of the Enterprise is significant not because of what he’s drawn but for the fact that it exists off the holodeck. Picard is then aware that the character can somehow be saved, as opposed to the gone-awry holodeck images of “The Big Goodbye”, and so his explanations to Moriarty were seen as a lie by Gene Roddenberry, who didn’t want Picard to stoop to deception.

I have no problem with the Enterprise drawing: we’ve seen before how simple, static objects like snowballs and possibly food are replicated but the more complex stuff is merely illusion.

[NAHTMMM]

La Forge: Can you say Reading Rainbow?
Data: Reading Rainbow.
La Forge: I think I like seventh season Data better.
I love this running gag.
Pulaski: In that case, Data sucks. He's a toaster. Data, you couldn't solve an original Sherlock Holmes mystery if your life depended on it.
Data: I accept your challenge. I will solve an original Sherlock Holmes mystery and your life will depend on it.
Pulaski: Good!
Another favorite you didn't mention.

[Nate the Great]

January 9th, 1989, "Loud as a Whisper"


Preface: I get the intended message, but this is yet another episode where we are supposed to accept completely implausible plot holes (specifically about telepathy, deafness, etc.) to facilitate character work. Ugh.



Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=loudasawhisper) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/132.htm)

Memory Alpha (http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Loud_As_A_Whisper_(episode))


The Episode

* Creators, please stop showing Picard in his ready room doing non-work related stuff. He has quarters for that!

* Troi, stop vocalizing private emotional states when they aren't relevant! At best you should ask for clarification and shut up when Worf says that he's not expecting battle.

* "Talk to Riva and not his chorus" should be in the mission briefing. It made Picard look like an idiot and everyone look like they never do any homework for their missions beyond the one-sentence summary.
* Another instance of laser activity as marking a more primitive weapons technology than phasers. Given that we know what lasers can do, I wish they'd ignored the TOS instances of the term as being '60s-era stupidity and invented another term for a more primitive energy weapon technology.
* You'd think there would be technology to nullify energy weapons within a given area. By all means make it extremely bulky so you can't use it without preparation time, and make it so you can only block certain frequencies (I don't think these guys can "modulate the frequencies to a higher EM band", do you?), but it should be possible!
* Worf raises a good point, but you wonder why the Klingons haven't invented a gestural language by now, even if it only includes the concepts needed in battle.
* As SF Debris said, this episode is the exact wrong one to mention the possibility of Geordi getting real eyes. Not only does it conflict with the message, it makes you wonder why they can make substitute eyes but not substitute ears for Riva.


The Fiver

Chorus: Riva is deaf. We three interpret his thoughts and serve as his voice.
Intellect: I speak in matters of logic and reason.
Passion: I represent emotion and spontaneity.
Harmony: And I strive to maintain balance between the others.
Picard: I'm surprised you don't also have a Scottish engineer on your team.
Harmony: We do, but he is on holiday this week.



Nice invocation of the Trinity, but if you're going to invoke Scotty a more specific joke would've been appropriate. He went on vacation to Argelius, he has a hangover from a scotch binge, he's stuck in a Jefferies tube, etc.


Data: I have been studying various sign languages in the hope of communicating with Riva, but I am not sure which one will work best.
Picard: Choose one and give us a demonstration. What would be the sign for "happy"?
Data: " :) "
Picard: I'd skip to the next choice if I were you.



I wonder how you're supposed to say that out loud. Given that, here's a random list of ASCII emoticons (https://demos.emojione.com/ascii-smileys.html)...



Memory Alpha

* So Riva's actor, Howie Seago, wanted an episode to dispell myths about deaf people. I wonder what he could mean, beyond "deaf people have brains just like hearing people". Besides, if hearing people aren't supposed to grab deaf people's heads and shout at them, why did this appear in the episode?


Nitpickers Guide

* If the locals have mere lasers, how did it destroy Riva's chorus layer by layer? I'd think lasers would just punch holes in a person to kill them.
* Phil has a problem with how the chorus's robes were billowing as they beamed in, saying that the transporter would have to manipulate them atom by atom as they were materializing. I think Phil was being overly critical on this one. This isn't the first or last time that people will move during the period when they are within the annular confinement beam. This is just one example of a forgivable cheat that has to exist for the show to exist, just like the humanlike aliens, perfect Universal translation along with holographic projections over everyone's lips to make it look like they're making English words with their mouths, etc.

[Nate the Great]

January 23rd, 1989, "The Schizoid Man"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/131.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Schizoid_Man_(episode))

First, off, one thing that's always bugged me about Graves is that he looks way too young. He even looks younger than Soong! Maybe they should've made him an alien to compensate. Had they specified that he's a long-lived race (possibly a Rigelian, specifically a Zami (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Rigelian)) they could've avoided the problem entirely.

(The Amazing Thing I learned today is that there are three subspecies of Rigelians to compensate for the different depictions across canon: the reptilian, the Vulcanoid, and the four-gendered. I'm most familiar with the Vulcanoid i.e. "the emotional Vulcans that aren't Romulans", I especially recommend the novel Mind Meld (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/Mind_Meld_(novel)))

Sit back and get comfortable, there's plenty of TOS-era conversational plot holes and stupidity here.

The Episode

Medical log, Stardate 42437.5. Ira Graves is arguably the greatest human mind in the universe.

Cue Azetbur quote, but let's get serious here. I think that the title of "greatest human mind" should go to more of a Renaissance Man than this guy, closer to Da Vinci than Hawking. Graves seems to be tech only, no art or anything.

PICARD: Starfleet Command considers Graves' work on molecular cybernetics is reaching a critical stage. They consider this a priority one action.

Putting aside what "molecular cybernetics" is, I hate this line. It shouldn't matter who Graves is or what he's doing. He's a Federation Citizen in trouble, that should be enough.

DATA: When I stroke the beard thusly, do I not appear more intellectual?
TROI: I'm sorry, I have to go now. Goodbye.

Great scene.

WORF: We are receiving a transmission from Gravesworld, sir. It's unfocused. Not directed specifically at us.

Did the creators think that the audience had forgotten what "general distress call" means?
WORF: Our records show that she and Graves are the only ones living on the planet, Captain.

This isn't like Paul Manheim's work, there's no particular reason why this planet needs only two people. Repeat previous rants about tiny planetary populations.

PICARD: And what about Graves?
PULASKI: He's one man.

I think Pulaski was a little too callous with this line. Two thousand colonists are certainly more important from a triage standpoint, but she could've worded this better. If nothing else they could've moved the line about Selar further up and avoided this issue.

RIKER: Why don't we execute a long range transport of an away team to assist Doctor Graves at earliest possible moment. We'd come out of warp just long enough to energise the beam.

I hate this whole forced tension thing. A transporter cycle takes five seconds. Figure that coming out of warp and going into warp takes five seconds each. They're implying that they're tweaking things to have the transport cycle bite into the warp cycle. i.e. instead of a car coming to a full stop to let someone out the car is slowing down just long enough to toss someone out the door before speeding off. This is stupid. You are endangering the away team's lives to save less than five seconds!

PICARD [OC]: Transport. This may be a little tricky. I would like you to handle it.
LAFORGE: Yes, Captain.

Why isn't O'Brien handling this?

RIKER: Phaser on stun, Mister Worf. We don't know what's going on down there.

One, a phaser should always be on stun by default unless the officer specifically changes the setting because they're in a war zone. Two, you know what's going on, a medical emergency!

TROI: This might sound crazy, but for a moment I thought I was stuck in that wall.
WORF: For a moment, you were.

I never did understand how people are supposed to sense things when they're nothing but a bunch of atoms being disassembled and reassembled.

GRAVES: Ridiculous! I'm as healthy as a Rigelian ox!

I wrote the Rigelian essay above before noticing this. Cue Twilight Zone theme (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVSRm80WzZk).

GRAVES: He's a Klingon, Kareen. Kareen has lived here since her father died when she was very young. Her only knowledge of unhuman races comes from me. Klingons and Romulans don't look much alike, Kareen, even though they act much alike.

Why is this here? Even if the latest advancements in holodeck technology haven't gotten out here yet, pictures still exist, right? And I'll bet small holographic sculptures like Tasha Yar or those musicians Riker observed in "Haven" were invented before full-blown holodecks! How does Kareen not knowing what a Klingon looks like benefit the story?

DATA: Lieutenant Commander Data
GRAVES: Shhh! Absolutely no aesthetic value whatsoever. Looks like Soong's work.

So at this point they hadn't settled on Data looking like a young Soong yet?

[Nate the Great]

GRAVES: It's an ancient little tune called 'If I Only Had A Heart.' A plaintive lament sung by a mechanical man who longs to be human. It's his only wish.

You know, this thing of whether the Tin Woodman is a real mechanical man like Tik-Tok or is actually a magically animated puppet is a bit befuddling. I'm inclined to believe the latter. The Tin Woodman is not mechanical and doesn't want to be human (he was a Munckin to start with, remember?), he just wants to feel emotion.

DATA: I believe I have a few words to say, sir. (steps up to the case) Just look at that face. The face of a thinker. A warrior. A man for all seasons. Yes, Ira Graves was all that and more. But he was not perfect. Perhaps his greatest fault was that he was too selfless. He cared too much for his fellow man, with nary a thought for himself. A man of limitless accomplishments, and unbridled modesty. I can safely say that to know him was to love him. And to love him was to know him. Those who knew him, loved him, while those who did not know him, loved him from afar.

The phrase "laying it on with a trowel" comes to mind. Then again, how many men get to write their own obituary?

DATA: When you get to be my age, you will understand.
WESLEY: Your age? Data, chronologically, you're not much older than I am.

Data was constructed in 2336 or thereabouts, Wesley was born in 2348. I'm not sure if twelve years counts as "not much older".

DATA: That is ridiculous. I am as healthy as a Rigelian ox.

I never noticed this repetition before. It's a shame that Selar heard it the first time and Pulaski the second time, or else this would've been a useful Chekov's Gun. And did the audience need one more piece of evidence to figure out what's going on?

DATA: May I ask a question?
LAFORGE: I think you just did.
DATA: Quite correct. Then may I ask another question after this one?
LAFORGE: You can ask me anything you want.
DATA: Why am I lying on the floor in this undignified position with the four of you standing over me, displaying expressions of concern?
PICARD: I've heard more than enough. You're you again.

Great scene.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of an away team/landing party that contains no humans: Klingon, android, Vulcan, half-Betazoid.
* Only in-person appearance of Dr. Selar, although she'll be namedropped here and there for the rest of the series. For the future adventures of Selar most people will think of the New Frontier series, but may I recommend the novel The Eyes of the Beholders (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/The_Eyes_of_the_Beholders)? Plus she appeared in the Strange New Worlds short story "Q'uandary (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/%27Q%27uandary)" where she serves as midwife for Q's wife (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/Female_Q) (who I call Lady Q in honor of I, Q (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/I,_Q)) in the background of "The Q and the Grey".

Nitpicker's Guide

* Since Pulaski's initial turbolift journey is backed by her narration, she doesn't have the chance to tell the computer where she wants to go. You'd think they could toss in a "Bridge" before the narration starts...
* Supposedly the Enterprise went into warp the instant that the away team materialized, and yet they use their commbadges to talk to the ship after arriving. Since when can communicators reach ships that aren't in orbit?
* In Volume II Phil uses the term "cabbagehead" for "idiot" (http://skittishlibrary.co.uk/victorian-slang-of-the-week-cabbagehead/), a term that I haven't encountered in years. And the Amazing Thing I Learned Today is that this bit of slang dates all the way back to the Victorian era.
* Phil wonders about the bedside manner of a Vulcan doctor. I have to admit that while sounding vaguely racist, this idea might have some merit. Wouldn't a Vulcan doctor prefer to either serve on a Vulcan-only ship or focus on medical research?

[Nate the Great]

January 30th, 1989, "Unnatural Selection"

Prelude: TOS did the rapid aging episode better on the whole, but at least Pulaski got some good character work this week. Another episode where the plot holes are big enough to drive a shuttlecraft through.

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/133.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Unnatural_Selection_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 42494.8. The Enterprise is bound for Star Station India to rendezvous with a Starfleet medical courier. We've been told only that our presence is imperative.

Why the mystery?

DATA: Two point two milli-parsecs, bearing three zero at one four five degrees.

2.2 milliparsecs is about 68 million kilometers, a little larger than the orbital radius of Mercury. For communications to be so broken at such a distance without a clear explanation is weird. Furthermore, why is the Enterprise so close to the Lantree if they weren't supposed to rendezvous or anything? TLDR: The "milli" is unnecessary.

PICARD: Adjust course to intercept. Warp seven.

Warp 7 is over 656.14 times the speed of light. To cover 68 million kilometers would take two minutes. On screen this is more like thirty seconds. One wonders why the creators even bothered pinning down numbers to the warp factors.

RIKER: Captain Telaka was my age, sir.

Riker is 30. I kinda thought that even in the 24th century captaincies at this age were extremely rare, meant for the exceptional. Yeah, I'm being pedantic.

PULASKI: All right. We could beam up one child in styrolite in suspended animation.

This episode was the only appearance of styrolite. I'm not sure what advantage this plastic bubble is meant to have over a stasis pod. Surely stasis pods with additional medical barriers have been invented by now. Furthermore I'm unsure how this thing is supposed to sustain the occupant. Suspended animation requires machinery.

O'BRIEN: It's the styrolite. I'm altering the delta-T so the styrolite coding materialises two micro-seconds ahead of the child.

It sure sounds like this stasis field is just a plastic bubble.


PULASKI: This child is in better health than we are. His immune system is so advanced it may not be possible for him to contract disease.

I hate this common notion in scifi that it's possible to make a body immune to all disease. Hasn't it been proven that disease will evolve in parallel with treatment?

PULASKI: I did, Commander. I assume that you're qualified to pilot this shuttlecraft.

And this is why people hated Pulaski, she kept up the android-bashing way longer than needed. I get the intended parallel with McCoy and Spock, but at least on TOS the jabs eventually turned into playful repartee, not continually building of barriers.

[Nate the Great]

RIKER: A blood test, a tissue sample, anything that would have a sample of Doctor Pulaski's original DNA.
DATA: No, sir. Her records were shipped by way of Starfleet headquarters. They have not caught up with us yet.
RIKER: This is ridiculous. A cell, a single cell. Let's check her quarters.

Another contrivance. Pulaski should've kept a clean sample of her own genetics as a medical precaution. And it takes weeks to transmit a few records via subspace?

Memory Alpha

* In later episodes it's stated over and over that genetic modification for enhancement is illegal. So what happened here?
* In addition to "The Deadly Years" the transporter was used to reverse aging in "The Lorelai Signal."
* First appearance of O'Brien as transporter chief.

Nitpickers Guide

* Doesn't this episode establish that immortality is possible? Just reset back to an earlier physical pattern!
* Phil also has a problem with the skewed priorities I mentioned.
* Couldn't they test the transporter deaging with someone who does have their transporter trace on file? You know, save the lives of the people who don't have a hatred of transporters?

[Nate the Great]

February 6th, 1989, "A Matter of Honor"


No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/134.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/A_Matter_Of_Honor_(episode))


The Episode

* We see the return of the officer exchange program. This worked with the Klingons because we are allies with them and the militaries are separate. Benzites? They're Federation members, they officers should be no different. The best I can come up with is that Benzites prefer to serve on Benzite-only ships, akin to the Vulcan Intrepid in TOS, and this is the first time one has served on a mixed ship. A better candidate for the program would be a Ferengi officer. It would've been a good episode and provide a lot of conflict.
* I'm not sure how I feel about the Mendon/Mordoc thing. Issue one: even if the actor proved to be a good fit for the Benzite race, it should've been easy enough to tweak the makeup so that he doesn't look exactly like Mordoc. Issue two: this confusion seems to be less of a joke than an expression of human race blindness. Not a good reflection of the evolved humanity, is it?
* The target range is a nice idea, too bad the technology didn't exist yet to make it very impressive. At this point it looks very fake and very much "let the actor shoot wherever and whenever and we'll fix it in post." ugh.
* "I don't recall hearing of a Federation officer serving ever on a Klingon vessel." First, Starfleet officer. Second, Star Trek V was released later that year, this would've been a good time to namedrop Spock serving as a gunner. Advertising the movie, etc.
* "I have studied and know everything about my heritage." I'm reminded of SF Debris' explanation of how Worf is different from other Klingons: he only saw the romantic (not that kind of romantic) aspects, not the harsh realities.

* Mendon just wandering around and commenting on other people's work seems odd. Just what position is he supposed to be filling in the officer exchange program? When Riker went over, he was first officer. When Kurn came over, it looked like he was temporarily being second officer. But what is Mendon's job? If anything I could see him taking Wesley's position of helmsman while Wesley is studying or doing another project.
* Pulaski not knowing about Klingon cuisine seems odd. Having Geordi here would make more sense.
* O'Brien would be afraid to serve on a Klingon ship? He served in the Cardassian wars, this is nothing! If anything he should've said something about avoiding one particular Klingon dish; it has unfortunate results on the Human body. Or maybe ask for a specific Klingon beverage (they can't drink bloodwine ALL the time, right?).
* Mendon reports to Worf? He's in Science blue, wouldn't he report to Data?
* Tactics has never seen a human before? That seems rather unbelievable. If anything I would expect Klingon schooling to include the tactics of the Federation (just in case), Romulans, Cardassians, etc. including pictures. Just tweak the line to say he's never MET a human before!
* How did this bacteria get from the Pagh to the Enterprise? Simplest solution: The Enterprise was towing the ship at the start of the mission as the result of events before the episode and some of this bacteria moved along the tractor beam.
* This Benzite thing of not reporting anything until it had been fully studied and an appropriate response contrived seems odd. At minimum Data should've been informed, it's not like he ever complains of an increased workload!
* "There are no old warriors." I get that this is just an expression and shouldn't be taken literally, but it's still a disturbing thought.
* Riker's "one or both" quip is clever, but I wonder how it got past '80s censors.
* A twelve-centimeter opening in a hull wouldn't be noticed? I jolly well expect a hole almost five inches across should be sensed by the computer!
* Kargan thinks that this is an attack by the Enterprise. Let's count the ways that this is ridiculous.

** First, the ships only crossed paths because of Riker, if Picard wanted to destroy the Pagh it's because he wants to kill random Klingons. The Klingons may like killing people, but even they don't believe in indiscriminate bloodshed; there has to be a reason.
** Second, in terms of technology the Enterprise is several levels above the Pagh, plus it's full of Starfleet engineers that can turn rocks into replicators. If Picard wanted to destroy the Pagh I'm sure Geordi could come up with a more subtle and untrackable method. The muon wave from "The Next Phase" seems like a better method all around, especially when you consider that Klingon engine self-diagnoses are less thorough than Federation ones.

** Third, Riker is on board! Why beam him onto a ship that you intend to destroy?
* O'Brien will wait until forty thousand? Assuming he means kilometers, that's the operational range of the transporters anyway, he has to wait until forty thousand!


Memory Alpha

* The reason John Putch returned was because the head appliance was made to fit him alone, and it was cheaper to hire him than another actor. I still say that the appliance could've been tweaked to not be Mordock anymore.

* First appearance of Klingon bloodwine.
* The Pagh has phasers instead of disrupters. Call this another example of bad editing in the script phase, or someone on set not knowing the difference. If it was a person, s/he should've been fired. The difference between phasers and disrupters is Trek 101.
* O'Brien later served on a Klingon ship in "Shadows and Symbols". I think that the difference is that it was explicitly a single mission plus he had friends with him for moral support.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Back in "Coming of Age" Mordock was declared the first Benzite in Starfleet, oops. Another reason why Mendon shouldn't have worn a Starfleet uniform to make the officer exchange bit more plausible.
* The parasite is declared to be "subatomic". Huh? "Microscopic" isn't enough?
* Cutting off the affected chunk of hull to prevent further spreading isn't discussed. Do Klingons even keep spacesuits on their ships?


YouTube

Riker on the Klingon ship. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFX6l8FOQXQ) Stay tuned for the second half when he encounters the Klingon women at dinner.

[Nate the Great]

February 13th, 1989, "The Measure of a Man"

As a prelude, I do like this episode, but there are contrivances all over the place.

Fiver (by Zeke)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

DATA: This game is exceedingly simple. With only fifty two cards, twenty one of which I will see, and four other players, there are a limited number of winning combinations.
LAFORGE: There's more to this than just the cards, Data.
DATA: Of course. The bets will indicate of the relative strength of each hand.

I've never played poker for money, and even I think that this is overly simplistic. As the saying goes, you play the man and not the cards.

PULASKI: The game is seven card high/low with a buy on the last card. And just to make it more interesting, the man with the axe takes all.

I've seen this episode many many times and only now am I looking up the definition of "man with the axe." This is a nickname for the King of Diamonds, so called because he carries an axe and not a sword. I assume this means that while in the normal poker game all suits are equal, she is declaring that diamonds is the highest suit for this hand.

PICARD:If we weren't around all these people, do you know what I would like to do?
PHILLIPA: Bust a chair across my teeth?
PICARD: After that.
PHILLIPA: Ain't love wonderful.

And later...

PHILLIPA: When I prosecuted you in the Stargazer court martial, I was doing my job.
PICARD: Oh, you did more than your job. You enjoyed it.
PHILLIPA: Not true! A court martial is standard procedure when a ship is lost. I was doing my duty as an officer of the Judge Advocate General.
PICARD: You always enjoyed the adversarial process more than arriving at the truth.

Talk about tonal whiplash. Why were two such conflicting relationships established? We'll be returning to this.

MADDOX: Yes, I evaluated Data when it first applied to the Academy.
DATA: And was the sole member of the committee to oppose my entrance on the grounds that I was not a sentient being.

Not to be a jerk, but establishing Data's sentience and rights seems like a necessary step before he entered the Academy. Because being an Academy student and later a Starfleet officer grants more and more rights, and there shouldn't have been a wobbly foundation to build them upon.

MADDOX: I was afraid this might be your attitude, Captain. Here are Starfleet's transfer orders separating Commander Data from the Enterprise, and reassigning it to Starbase one seventy three under my command.

I would've brought this up during the hearing. Maddox doesn't believe that Data is sentient or has rights, but exploits the Starfleet command structure to his benefit where necessary. Upon reflecting on this line today I wonder about this transfer. What duties is Data supposed to do under Maddox's command? Later on Phillipa implies that the transfer is for the purpose of "experimental refit." You can't "refit" a Starfleet officer. Phillipa also implies that Data can refuse the procedure if sent with Maddox. If Phillipa is assuming that Data has the right to refuse later, why won't she let Data refuse NOW?

PICARD: Data, I understand your objections, but I have to consider Starfleet's interests. What if Commander Maddox is correct, there is a possibility that many more beings like yourself could be constructed.

It's in Starfleet's interests to create more Datas regardless of Data's rights? That almost sounds like Section 31 thinking, doesn't it?
DATA: Sir, Lieutenant La Forge's eyes are far superior to human biological eyes. True? Then why are not all human officers required to have their eyes replaced with cybernetic implants? (Picard looks away) I see. It is precisely because I am not human.

As I've stated before (the PNQ thread?), I disagree that Geordi's VISOR is superior to biological eyes. The thing is, even IF we accept this as a fact, cybernetic augmentation is a completely different philosophical issue that creating android slaves.

PHILLIPA: My God, twice in as many days.
PICARD: I need your help.
PHILLIPA: An historic moment.

Admittedly she has the right to be snarky, but whether she wants Picard's affection or his respect, her sarcasm is not helping!

PHILLIPA: So you came to me for help.
PICARD: Yes, I came to you. You're the JAG officer for this sector. I had no choice but to come to you.
PHILLIPA: Wait! I didn't mean it that way. I'm glad that you felt you could, well, come to me.
PICARD: The word trust just isn't in your vocabulary, is it. Good try, nine out of ten for effort.
PHILLIPA: I wish things were different.
PICARD: I wish I could believe that.

Again, does she want his affection or respect? This schizophrenia is very confusing.

DATA: Is it not customary to request permission before entering an individual's quarters?
MADDOX: I thought that we could talk this out, that I could try to persuade you.

So does Maddox respect Data as a sentient being or not? He barges in and handles Data's stuff because he doesn't, yet wants to talk to Data because he does. Ugh.

MADDOX: You are endowing Data with human characteristics because it looks human. But it is not. If it were a box on wheels I would not be facing this opposition.

No, we are endowing Data with human characteristics because he thinks like a human, communicates like a human, works and collects and makes love like a human. If a box on wheels did these things, I hope these Federation types would give it the same rights and respect. Remember the microbrain?

MADDOX: If I am permitted to make this experiment, the horizons for human achievement become boundless. Consider, every ship in Starfleet with a Data on board. Utilising its tremendous capabilities, acting as our hands and eyes in dangerous situations.

So do you want Data to be a slave or a remote control toy? If the former, we've got another problem. If the latter, I don't know of many remote control toys that you can have a real conversation with.

MADDOX: Rights! Rights! I'm sick to death of hearing about rights! What about my right not to have my life work subverted by blind ignorance?

Your life work? You want to reverse engineer an android! Everything we've seen indicates that his prior work in cybernetics consists of studying and reverse engineering the less invasive aspects of Data. At least Ira Graves created his own stuff. And blind ignorance of what?

MADDOX: Let me put it another way. Would you permit the computer of the Enterprise to refuse a refit?
PHILLIPA: That's an interesting point. But the Enterprise computer is property. Is Data?

It's not an interesting point because the Enterprise computer isn't alive and wouldn't refuse refit because it doesn't have the capacity to say yes or no to anything.

PHILLIPA: Captain, that would be exceedingly difficult. This is a new base. I have no staff.

So take the case to the nearest starbase that does have a complete legal staff! Seems pretty obvious. And how is Phillipa's office considered in active service if it's one person?
PICARD: We will put to rest this question of your legal status once and for all. Now, I have been asked to represent you, but if there is some other officer with which you would feel more happy?
DATA: Captain, I have complete confidence in your ability to represent my interests.

As I said on TV Tropes, this is heartwarming.

RIKER: Access all available technical schematics on Lieutenant Commander Data.
COMPUTER: Working.
(Then up pops 'emergency manual control' and Data's off-switch location is displayed. Riker is fascinated at this new information, then realises the implication)

As I said on TV Tropes, this is a tearjerker. Duty compels him to destroy one of his closest friends.

[Nate the Great]

(Data goes to the witness chair and puts his hand on a scanner on the table)
COMPUTER: Verify. Lieutenant Commander Data.

Again, we're acting like Data's Starfleet rights exist even if we're not sure he's alive.
RIKER: What is the capacity of your memory, and how fast can you access information?

How is this relevant to whether or not Data is sentient?

RIKER: Your Honour, I offer in evidence prosecution's exhibit A, a rod of par-steel. Tensile strength, forty kilobars. Commander, would you bend that?
PICARD: Objection. There are many life forms possessed of mega strength. These issues are not relevant to this hearing.

Exactly! What is this proving, that Data is a machine? We already knew that.

PICARD: You're talking about slavery.
GUINAN: I think that's a little harsh.
PICARD: I don't think that's a little harsh. I think that's the truth.

While very powerful emotionally, logically this slavery thing doesn't make sense. Declaring something to be a slave is also automatically implying that it's a sentient person, just one of lesser worth.
PICARD: Commander Riker has also reminded us that Lieutenant Commander Data was created by a human. Do we deny that? No. Again it is not relevant. Children are created from the building blocks of their parents' DNA.

The problem here is that humans can reproduce themselves by converting food into babies. No external mechanism required.

PICARD: Do you like Commander Data?
MADDOX: I don't know it well enough to like or dislike it.
Um, if Data is a toaster you can't like it. It sure sounds like Maddox was acknowledging that Data is a person here.

PICARD: A single Data, and forgive me, Commander, is a curiosity. A wonder, even. But thousands of Datas. Isn't that becoming a race? And won't we be judged by how we treat that race?
If Data isn't a sentient person, multiple Datas can't form a race, it's just a bunch of robots. Picard skipped a step here.

DATA: Sir, there is a celebration on the Holodeck.
RIKER: I have no right to be there.
DATA: Because you failed in your task?
RIKER: No, God, no. I came that close to winning, Data.
DATA: Yes, sir.
RIKER: I almost cost you your life!
DATA: Is it not true that had you refused to prosecute, Captain Louvois would have ruled summarily against me?
RIKER: Yes.
DATA: That action injured you, and saved me. I will not forget it.
RIKER: You're a wise man, my friend.
DATA: Not yet, sir. But with your help, I am learning.
Great scene.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: The Enterprise has docked at a magnificent but unfinished starbase. I'm to meet with Admiral Schubert in the morning.

Schubert's Symphony No. 8 is unfinished. Talk about an obscure joke.

Riker: I'll see your five and raise forty-two.

As the wise man said, 47 is 42 adjusted for inflation.

Picard: I need your help.
Louvois: Oh, did you blow up another ship?
Picard: No. Not... yet.

Not yet? The destruction of the E-D isn't his fault, the E-E is sort of his fault but it didn't blow up.

Worf: What kind of goodbye party is this? Where's the jazz music? Where's the death inflicted by me on the people playing the jazz music?
Riker: (in the doorway with his trombone) Um... I'll just be turning around then.

I hope this is a reference to "The Next Phase."

Guinan: You know, if Maddox wins, they'll eventually make more Datas. Soon there could be thousands, all intelligent but legally bound to obey their human masters. It would be like....
Picard: Tribbles! Guinan, you're so right! This is just like the tribble trade!

Since when do tribbles obey humans?

Memory Alpha

* Melissa Snodgrass: "As to the issue of law in Gene's vision. He nearly killed 'The Measure of a Man' because according to Gene there were no lawyers in the 24th century because if people had criminal intentions they 'had their minds made right'. I found that chilling." Yeah, brrrr. Brainwashing criminals. The case of Garth implies that there can be medication to cure insanity, but I doubt you can chemically eliminate criminal behavior entirely.
* First mention of the Daystrom Institute. As Phil mentions in the Nitpicker's Guide, why would you name anything after Richard Daystrom, the guy was out of his mind!

Nitpickers Guide

* Given what we know of Data's age, Maddox is too young to evaluate Data at the appropriate time.
* Phil wonders why the computer states that Data's current assignment is the Enterprise when he's been transferred to the Starbase. I argue that the transfer is in flux until this hearing is over. I'm reminded of Miracle on 34th Street when Kris answers the question "Where do you live?" with "That's what this hearing will decide."
* In Datalore the off switch was on the right side, in this episode the off switch is on the left side. I argue that Riker could easily reach across Data's back.
* Phil points out that by letting Data into the Academy and overruling Maddox, Data's sentience was already acknowledged if unofficially.
* Phil wonders why "toaster" would be a known quantity in the 24th century, enough for people to coin a phrase based on it. I argue that we use lots of quotes that use obsolete words in the present day.

YouTube

The extended ending, Data comforts Riker (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzxgzxH8UCs)
Poker (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ-HD-dWYXk)
Guinan, Picard, and slavery (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Eg67jDh2Ts)

[Nate the Great]

Time for another TNG Companion catchup session!

“The Schizoid Man”

Dr. Selar is the first female Vulcan Starfleet officer in Trek; I guess Larry follows fanon by considering Saavik to be half-Romulan. Torme wanted a romance between Selar and Worf; I doubt that would have worked.

“Loud as a Whisper”

Deaf actor Howie Seago proposed this episode and starred as Riva. Burton wanted a way to get rid of the VISOR and so a scene leaving that door open was made (worst possible choice for that, as SF Debris pointed out). At one point Riva’s sign language includes the Vulcan salute tipped sideways as a sort of Easter egg for the fans. Some were confused as to how Riva could be a mediator on a similar level to Sarek despite being so young; my immediate response is that who is to say how old he is or how Ramatisians (his race) age.

“Unnatural Selection”

The near-miraculous use of the transporter in this episode led to stricter limits on what future writers could do with it.

“A Matter of Honor”

This episode got the highest rating up to this point. Despite kellicams previously being established in The Search for Spock, the Klingons here use kilometers. Finally O’Brien gets a last name, and it only took seven episodes. John Putch has the distinction of being the first Trek guest star to appear twice as two different characters of the same race, Mendon and Mordock.

“The Measure of a Man”

Data’s file includes NFN NMI (No First Name, No Middle Initial). His storage capacity is 800 quadrillion bits, or 12.5 terabytes. You can get a 12 terabyte internal drive for $450 these days. Moore’s Law stikes again, oops. Shoulda thrown a “quad” in there somewhere, guys! Worf mentions Klingon love poetry for the first time, echoing earlier Russian and French jokes from Chekov and Picard.

[Nate the Great]

February 20th, 1989, "The Dauphin"

No fiver (is this one reserved, Zeke? I actually enjoy this episode!)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/136.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Dauphin_(episode))

The Episode

PICARD: Hardly an inviting planet, even for a research establishment.

I've watched this episode many times, but never noticed this line. It would've been nice to have Salia mention having friends there, it would've been nice characterization. This also would've been a nice place to mention that most humanoid races can't survive there very long, to serve as a Chekov's gun for the big reveal later.

ANYA [OC]: What species are you?
PICARD: Human.
ANYA [OC]: Excellent.

I get the desire to blend in, but this does raise additional questions. What if Picard was the only human on board, surrounded by Horta or something? Why wouldn't she know that most Federation races (especially in Starfleet) are humanoid?

RIKER: Friendly, isn't she?
PICARD: Friendly or not, Salia has the rank of head of state, so we will treat her and Anya accordingly.

The logic seems a bit disjointed. Anya doesn't have the rank of head of state, so her brusqueness can't be forgiven by that. Furthermore, Anya is a bit curt, but hardly rude. I've seen many Trek guest stars that would qualify as nonfriendly and rude more easily than her, Maddox comes to mind immediately.

(O'Brien beams a young woman and her older chaperone aboard. No luggage)

This is a fan transcript, but I have to ask what Chakotea was implying here. It's very seldom that people beaming aboard bring their luggage with them. Lwaxana Troi only did so to provide for a gag. No doubt most people arrange for their luggage to be beamed directly to their quarters offscreen, cargo transporters being less energy-consuming. If Chakotea was trying to insinuate that this is an ominous Chekov's Gun, it doesn't really work.

SALIA: Those must be the matter energy conversion controls. May I take a look?

I'm reminded of Kamala, having to be trained in everything just in case.

PICARD: We're accommodating you in quarters normally reserved for Starfleet admiralty. I'm sure you'll find them quite comfortable.

I suddenly wonder how many super-VIP quarters the Enterprise has. Kirk's ship didn't seem to have any, if Elaan was put in Uhura's quarters. "There are none better", anyone?

WESLEY: Commander, who is she?
RIKER: I think she's a governess.
WESLEY: No! The girl.
RIKER: I don't know if she'll have time for you, Wes. She's destined to rule an entire world.

As I mentioned on the TV Tropes Heartwarming page for the show (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Heartwarming/StarTrekTheNextGeneration) many years ago: "When Wesley first notices Salia, Will doesn't do what many adults would do: tell Wesley that pursuing Salia is silly at best and a potential diplomatic disaster at worst. As long as Salia isn't rejecting Wesley (harassment wouldn't be okay) Will will help his friend if asked." I stand by it.

DATA: You wanted to see me?
WESLEY: Yes. Data, the girl who came on board.
DATA: Salia of Daled Four.
WESLEY: Who is she?

I wonder why this information wouldn't be in the computer. Is there a special database of information for senior officers only that Wesley doesn't have access to yet?

TROI: Captain, I'm concerned our new passengers. Their emotions do not fit who they are and what they're doing.
PICARD: Are you suggesting they're not who they say they are?
TROI: Actually no, it's more like they're not what they say they are.

If Salia is telling the truth when she said they have the same emotions, this must mean that their nonhumanoid emotions have a different "texture" that Troi's abilities can notice. Which makes me wonder: wouldn't Troi's training on Betazed include more precise detection techniques than simply humanoid vs. nonhumanoid?

PICARD: What do we know about the cause of these wars?
DATA: Only that it is the difference between night and day.
RIKER: Data, you used a colloquialism.
DATA: Did I? What I meant, sir, is that Daled Four rotates only once per revolution. Therefore one side is constantly dark, and the other side constantly light. One might surmise that the two hemispheres have developed disparate cultures, which is a major cause of most wars.

I thought Data was supposed to not fully grasp metaphors yet. Even if Data's analysis is correct, I fail to see how he would reduce that to "the difference between night and day."

PICARD: This child is supposed to bring them together.
RIKER: She seems too delicate for such a task.
WORF: Do not be fooled by her looks. The body is just a shell.

Nice use of Klingon philosophy here. People like Jadzia and especially Ezri are recognized as Klingons even though they aren't warriors on the same level as a Klingon. And then there's Jeremy Aster, ugh.

GIRL: Salia, you must arrive with an open mind, without preconceived ideas of the worlds you will find or the people on either side.

I can understand the logic behind this, but I think they took things too far. Salia can know things about her planet and still be shielded from the current political issues. Wherever you place the start of the current political environment, I'm sure kids could be taught everything up to World War II without be swayed to the side of the Democrats or the Republicans, right?

LAFORGE: Look, Wes, I don't have time for this. You're going to have to ask somebody else.

"Plus, have you seen my dating record so far? You'd be better off asking Data for dating advice!" Hehe.

WORF: That is how the Klingon lures a mate.
WESLEY: Are you telling me to go yell at Salia?
WORF: No. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects. And claw at you.
WESLEY: What does the man do?
WORF: He reads love poetry. He ducks a lot.

One wonders if he ever read love poetry to K'ehleyr.

WESLEY: Worf, sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but I think I need to try something a little less dangerous.
WORF: Then go to her door. Beg like a human.
DATA: It should be that simple, Wesley. Judging by her appearance it is likely you and Salia are biologically compatible. Of course, there could be a difference in the histocompatibility complex in the cell membrane, but.
WESLEY: Data, I want to meet her, not dissect her.

Now that's an interesting idea: Data thinks the only reason to engage in romantic behavior is reproduction. One hopes he eventually grew out of this. I guess given his relationship with Jenna he did.

WESLEY: What should I say? How do I act? What do I do?
RIKER: Guinan, I need your help. Could you step over here a minute?
GUINAN: Sounds simple enough.

The whole scene will be in a YouTube link later. You really do have to wonder how much of Riker and Guinan's interaction is sincere instruction and how much is just them having fun.

WESLEY: On Thalos Seven they age the beans four hundred years.

That raises some questions. I'm okay with an alien race having "beans" that taste like chocolate to humans. The problem is that humans haven't been warp-capable for four hundred years, so what's the deal? Is it just that they independently invented hot chocolate (Hodgkin's Law for the win!) and coffee wasn't available, so they take their hot chocolate really seriously?

[Nate the Great]

ANYA: I cannot rely on your primitive technologies. Kill the patient!

Here's the thing: if the patient was going to infect others, he would have done so by now. Killing him only reduces the risk of infection by a marginal amount, not a hundred percent. And of course you gotta ask: what happened to the transporter biofilters?


PULASKI: There is mention in the galactic zoological catalogue of a species called allasomorph, which is supposed to possess the power to alter their molecular structure into other life forms.

There are umpteen shapeshifter races on record, even if you limit it to humanoid forms. I do wonder why we couldn't namedrop Garth of Izar and the Antosians, the Organians, Q, etc. Or maybe Ian Troi from six months ago!

SALIA: Your language has no word for the position I'll hold.

I find this doubtful. I'd think "queen" is perfectly adequate.

PICARD: Number One, get us to Daled as quickly as possible.
RIKER: Ensign Gibson, take us to warp eight point eight.

Is there a reason why warp nine isn't possible?

DATA: The troposphere appears to be distorting our signals. It is fascinating, Captain. Klavdia Three and Daled Four have almost identical atmospheres.
PICARD: Magnify. Times twenty.
RIKER: How could anyone exist in an environment so totally hostile toward human life?

Cue Azetbur quote again!

DATA: Sir, sensors indicate the communication originated from a terawatt source on the planet.
RIKER: That's more power than our entire ship can generate.

Uh-oh. Usage of real units asking us to Do The Math! One site uses how long it takes to achieve impulse speeds (https://scifi.stackexchange.com/questions/99179/how-much-energy-could-the-enterprise-d-produce) (i.e. conventional propulsion and real inertia) and comes up with 8 yottawatts AKA 8 trillion terawatts of power needed. Oops. Probably should've tossed an "iso" in there...

ANYA: You will be happy to see me leave.
WORF: No. You are a worthy opponent.
ANYA: Thank you. At heart, we are very much alike.
WORF: Yes, we are.
ANYA: Perhaps we shall fight again. On the same side.
WORF: It would be an honour. Shall we go?

Good scene, I also mentioned this on the heartwarming page mentioned above.

WESLEY: I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else.
GUINAN: You're right.
WESLEY: I didn't expect you to say that.
GUINAN: There'll be others, but every time you feel love it'll will be different. Every time, it's different.
WESLEY: Knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
GUINAN: It's not supposed to.

I've never felt full-blown love, but every crush I've had has certainly been different.

Memory Alpha

* Wil Wheaton's first onscreen kiss.
* "Dauphin" is for a boy, why didn't they use "Dauphine"?

Memory Beta

They seem to think that the allasomorphs had to permanently change into the light form to beam down. Where'd they get that idea?

Nitpicker's Guide

* In "Where No One Has Gone Before" it's stated that humanity has only charted eleven percent of the galaxy, creating a supposed conflict with the nineteen percent here. I think the simplest solution is that humanity has charted eleven percent and other Federation races (probably mostly the Vulcans) have charted the rest.
* Clavdia III and Daled IV have almost identical atmospheres, yet the ship can create an audio-only commlink with the former but not the latter. I think the simplest solution is that the planets are different sizes, with atmospheres of different thicknesses.
* How can a transporter go through an atmosphere that communications can't? I really do have to ask what the point of the lack of communication is. It doesn't accomplish anything except creating a plot hole!
* In "Hide and Q" Worf claims that the illusionary Klingon woman comes from a world now alien to him, and now he knows all about Klingon mating practices.
* In "The Masterpiece Society" Geordi says that the warp core can make plasma in the terawatt range. Oops.

YouTube

* Riker and Guinan demonstrate romantic conversation
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLapLWAzEq8)
* Dating tips with Worf (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zweQgrLjh_s)
* The ending, every time you feel love is different
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6nCoKkiQ5Y)

[Nate the Great]

March 20th, 1989, "Contagion"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=contagion) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/137.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Contagion_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 42609.1. In response to a desperate plea for aid by my old friend, Captain Donald Varley of the USS Yamato, I am running a grave risk by taking the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone. Varley's request was prompted by dangerous malfunctions which have been plaguing our sister ship. Perhaps with both crews working together we can able to eliminate the problems before our presence is detected by the Romulans.

What does Varley being a friend have to do with this mission? Merely being a Starfleet ship in distress in the Neutral Zone is enough. At least for official log purposes. Surely he could discuss the friend part with Riker and Troi after the log ends?

RIKER: Have you nailed down our little hiccup yet?
DATA: Sir?
RIKER: The odd reading?

Cue usual dictionary rant, stupid joke etc., moving on...

RIKER: I'm not sure, sir. Are we alone out here, Worf?
WORF: Yes, sir. There are no other vessels in the area except the Yamato.

I thought they couldn't detect cloaked Romulan ships until the tachyon detection grid was set up in "Redemption."

VARLEY [on viewscreen]: None. They are affecting every system simultaneously. It's like the ship has suddenly decided to fall apart. It's beginning to make me think we should have run these Galaxy Class ships across a few more drawing boards before we built one.

If you feel a sudden chill that's Leah Brahms bristling that anyone would dare insult her ship design, anime-style.

RIKER: Do you wish to evacuate any non-essential personnel to the Enterprise, sir?
VARLEY [on viewscreen]: No. No, that would be premature.

Why? You've got a serious problem that you don't have an answer for, a problem that has already killed people. Cue usual families-at-risk ranting. Even if Varley thought that this mission was worth it, he could've left the saucer in Federation space, right?

VARLEY [on viewscreen]: The risk would be in allowing the Romulans to locate Iconia. Fortunately, I got there first. It's a virtually dead planet, but enough technology remains to give the Romulans an edge if they should find it.

It occurs to me that Picard will only destroy one complex later. What about the rest of the planet? Did Picard leave the leftovers for the Romulans to scavenge?

TARIS [on viewscreen]: But believe me, Captain, had we chosen to exercise our right to defend the Neutral Zone, we would not have stopped with one starship.

Since when do the Romulans have a right to defend the Neutral Zone and the Federation doesn't?

LAFORGE: Okay. In the event of a breach of seal integrity there's an emergency release system which dumps the antimatter.
DATA: Apparently such a dump began, was then halted, and the containment seals were dropped. There was still sufficient antimatter present to lead to an explosion.

Why was the dump able to be stopped? The emergency release system should be as simple as possible and idiot-proof right?

LAFORGE: I think Captain Varley may have been right. There may be a design flaw.
RIKER: In a Galaxy Class starship?
LAFORGE: Yes, sir. It's the most sophisticated piece of machinery ever built. Something could have been overlooked.

The problem here is the idea that Galaxy-class ships are designed from nothing, an absurd notion. The design of the Excelsior-class must be an evolution of the Constitution-class refit (what I still call the Enterprise-class even though it's noncanon), the Ambassador-class was an evolution of the Excelsior-class, etc. Any changes to the Ambassador-class specs must've been tested in detail at the design stage!

TROI: If we have established that the Romulans were not responsible for the destruction of the Yamato, would it not be prudent to withdraw?
PICARD: If it is a design flaw, we're better to stay where we are and give Geordi time to work on it. Or what happened to the Yamato could happen to us.

This is ludicrous. The warp core is operational no matter what speed the ship is going, and the problems seen so far are with the interaction between the computer and the antimatter, which will happen whether or not the ship is at warp. Get out of the Neutral Zone, you idiots! Even if they have to violate the Zone to visit Iconia later, that's a different problem.

VARLEY [on monitor]: Personal log. We've been spotted by a Romulan cruiser, but after playing hide and seek through several solar systems, I think I've managed to elude them.

I've always wondered about this one. How can you "hide" in a solar system? Using nebulae and such would make more sense, it's not like space is short on spacial anomalies, right?

WORF: Sir, that would put us substantially close to the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone.

So? Violating the Neutral Zone is violating the Neutral Zone, it doesn't matter where in the Zone they are.

PICARD: Why don't we talk about what really brought you here?
WESLEY: It's the Yamato, Captain. I can't stop thinking about her. All those people dead. I don't know how you and Commander Riker and Geordi, how you handle it so easily.
PICARD: Easily? Oh no, not easily. We handle it because we're trained to, as you will be. Tea, Earl Grey, hot. But if the time ever comes when the death of a single individual fails to move us...

A nice moral, and a nice bit of defiance against Gene's "humans are perfect, they don't grieve" nonsense. "The Bonding", grrr....

DATA: Doctor Pulaski is unwilling to trust the turbolifts. She is sending medical teams through the access tunnels.

How cute, all season she's railed against technology, and for once she was proven right. Although I do wonder about the lack of "Jeffrie's Tubes". Furthermore, with a ship this big you gotta wonder why there aren't any ramps between decks to allow for emergency teams, fend off invasion, etc...

PULASKI: Try a splint.
MEDIC: Doctor?
PULASKI: Splint. It's a very ancient concept. You take two flat pieces of wood or plastic, a bandage. The broken limb is kept immobile.
DOCTOR: That's crazy, that's not practicing medicine.
PULASKI: Oh yes, it is. It's a time honoured way to practice medicine, with your head and your heart and your hands.

Are Starfleet officers trained in survival techniques or not? Splits are a basic idea, and to be frank this hardly seems the time for Pulaski to rail against technology again. There are too many other plot points as it is.

RIKER: Sir, we've had this conversation a hundred times.
PICARD: And we will have it again, Number One. I have been studying the Iconians since I was a cadet. I have to be the one to go.

How well Riker would've done on the planet this time is worth talking about, but I won't be doing so.

RIKER: Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise.

A classic line.

WESLEY: Sir, the shields are back up.
RIKER: Impeccable timing.
WESLEY: Sir, the shields are back down.
WILLIAMS: Phaser banks are down.
WESLEY: Shields are back up.
TROI: In another time and place this could be funny.

I'd still laugh, the situation is so tense a little levity is necessary.

RIKER: Status of torpedo banks?
WILLIAMS: They're down, too.
RIKER: In case it should become necessary to fight, could you arrange to find me some rocks to throw at them?

Another classic line, although it should be a matter of a few minutes to configure a torpedo for manual launch and aiming.

DATA: Scanners show no other life forms on the planet, sir.
PICARD: I would not expect any. Judging from the severity of bombardment, I doubt any Iconians survived.

Are they equating "life form" with "humanoid" again, because this seems like your proverbial "nothing left except cockroaches and Twinkies" scenario. There should be lifeforms left, just nothing sentient.

PICARD: A gateway?
WORF: These scenes could be holographic images.
(Data goes towards it)
PICARD: Be careful.
(Data sticks his arm into the image. Picard pulls him back)
PICARD: Data! That was very foolish.

Exactly. This seems like a "poke a stick into the mysterious portal" situation to me.

PICARD: Well, Number One, I can see why you want to keep the away missions to yourself. That's where the excitement is. So, what's been happening here? Same old routine, I suppose?

You almost expect the bridge crew to laugh along to a freeze frame like TOS.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Picard: Donald, what's your ship doing in the Neutral Zone?
Captain Varley: (on static-filled viewscreen) At the moment, no more than one kilometer per hour.

Burn!

Picard: I mean, what's your purpose here? I hope you weren't looking for some mythical planet like Eden.

Don't remind me of the hippies, you Herbert.

Worf: Sir, sensors are detecting catastrophic events on the Yamato!
Picard: Specify!
Worf: An exploding wall console has killed several Bridge officers, and Captain Varley has apparently ordered his Betazoid Counselor to take the helm!

Exploding wall consoles are a dime a dozen, but counselors at the helm, that's a disaster waiting to happen...

La Forge: It's a well-known fact that the more you overtake the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.

Nice Search for Spock joke.

Varley: (on screen) The ancient artifact discovered on Denius III has allowed us to locate Iconia. We are heading there at maximum warp to prevent its secrets from falling into the hands of the Romulans. Because of the emergency, we have had to delay installing the patches that will fix the most recently announced critical security flaws in our Windows 2365 operating system.

Windows 95 jokes haven't aged as well as some other computer humor...

Picard: Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
(The replicator delivers fruit, exotic, cold)
Wesley: Weird. Have you ever heard of a replicator playing a practical joke like that?
Picard: Only some off-the-record rumours that it once happened on James Kirk's Enterprise.
Wesley: It's too bad those kinds of unconfirmed stories never make it into Starfleet's official textbooks. If they did, history class would be a lot more animated.

Yeah, I heard that Kirk is a Jerk and everything...

La Forge: The first Iconian probe used a software weapon against the Yamato. The probe we destroyed nearly did the same thing to us.
Data: We did, however, become infected by the virus when we downloaded the Yamato's database. It is now rewriting our entire computer network.
Picard: So that would explain the system failures we're experiencing.
Data: Yes, but not the mysterious Aztec objects that have started appearing throughout the ship.

Masks did do this better than here...

Pulaski: How am I supposed to treat all these injured crewmen when my biobeds don't have power and my dermal regenerators are on the blink? I might as well be working in the Middle Ages!
Ogawa: Doctor, I've brought you some stone knives and bearskins I found in the paleontology lab on Deck Five.

I do wonder if they're Terran bears or not.

Troi: The tension level on the Enterprise is very high. I suggest you give everyone something to do while we wait for the Captain.
Riker: Good idea. I'll check the entertainment channel to see if any interesting videos are playing right now.
Troi: Make sure they're rated for family viewing. We don't want the children aboard exposed to gratuitous scenes of half-naked Starfleet officers groping each other.

Yay, Enterprise bashing! That's always entertaining...

Worf: It appears that Commander Data has been infected by the Iconian computer virus.
Picard: So much for the reputed security advantages of Soong-type operating systems.

Ah, Mac vs. PC, that seems so long ago...

Picard: Worf, take Data through the gateway. With luck, you'll both end up back on the Enterprise.
Worf: Suppose we end up going nowhere?
Picard: Then this will be your big chance to get away from it all.

Wrath of Khan, too? Time for another bingo card...

Taris: I suppose you will now add to our humiliation by telling us how to purge the Iconian virus from our computers.
Picard: Yes, and as I bonus I'll even throw in Aunt Adele's remedy for the common cold.

Don't forget the milk toddy to help people sleep!

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of "Tea, Earl Grey, Hot."
* First appearance of Picard's archaeology hobby.
* The actress who played the Romulan Commander here played another one later, assuming that the one here died. Which I think is a bit morbid.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil's also amazed that Pulaski's nurses don't know what a splint is, especially if Picard knew what one was back in "Arsenal of Freedom."
* How can Geordi's turbolift ride end with a horizontal trip if there are no horizontal turbolift shafts on Deck One?

[Nate the Great]

Time for a double bill, I seem to have forgotten "The Royale" last week...

March 27th, 1989, "The Royale"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theroyale)(by Andy Taylor)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/138.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Royale_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 42625.4, We're entering orbit around the eighth planet in this previously unmapped Theta One Sixteen solar system. We diverted from our scheduled course when a passing Klingon cruiser reported discovering pieces of a strange vessel in the upper atmosphere of this planet.

I'm not going to make the usual "Klingon scientists are creatures of myth, haha" joke, but you do have to wonder what happened here. I can't see why the Klingons would care about non-class M planets. Furthermore, even if they're our allies why are they studying Federation planets? Are there Starfleet science vessels poking around uninhabited Klingon worlds? Seems awfully inefficient all around.

PICARD: Fermat's last theorem. You're familiar with it?

Have I fully expounded my impatience with this kind of nonsense yet? Not just Fermat's last theorem, but all of Picard's ready room hobbies. At times you wonder if Picard ever sits around on the bridge when nothing is happening. He's always saying "Number One, you have the bridge" and heading off to his office to read Shakespeare, analyze odd planetary orbits, feed his fish, or whatever. You never see Sisko or Janeway do this stuff, they're writing reports or reading reports from the subordinates and other productive stuff. Even Kirk was willing to stay on the bridge when nothing was happening, having reports brought to him by Rand or whatever.

DATA: On several of its surfaces, the molecules seem to have disintegrated
RIKER: Disintegrated? How?
DATA: Almost as if they were hit by a weapon from our time.

I'm not sure which is more ludicrous, the idea that only 24th century weapons can disintegrate molecules or the idea that Starfleet officers are going to discount any scale of technology that isn't its own. It's not like we already know that the Borg had such weapons centuries ago, or the T'kon, or the Preservers, etc.

PICARD [OC]: Any information about the structure.
RIKER: Yes, sir. There is an antique revolving door. It could be an entrance.

Grrr. Where's the "And that's all we see. If there's a building here it's invisible."?

DATA: Sir, without communication, we should beam up immediately.
RIKER: We're here, there's no danger. We'll look around then leave.

I don't think the regulations have a "if there's no immediate danger you can ignore this rule" clause. And once again we could easily solve this by moving the failed exit up sooner.

RIKER: Yes. We're from the United Federation of Planets.
CLERK: Of course you are.

Odd exchange. We're definitely led to believe that these people are akin to holodeck characters whose behavior is affected by the participants within certain parameters but no perceptual filters. If so, this sarcasm doesn't seem appropriate, the clerk should've ignored the response and stuck to the script.

PICARD: It's unlike Commander Riker not to follow procedure. When he lost contact with the Enterprise, he should have returned immediately to the beam down coordinates.

Exactly! I hope this goes into his record. Data will have to report that Riker ignored his recommendation and the regulations.

DATA: Ah, is this poker?
TEXAS: No, no, blackjack.
DATA: Blackjack. Accessing. Ah. Also known as twenty one, a number which defines the object of the game. Picture cards are worth ten, aces one or eleven, all other cards face value.

Ugh. What does this exchange achieve except making Data look like an idiot? Do the exact rules of the game matter to the viewer or serve the plot?
Since I know nothing about blackjack, I had to look it up. One calculation says about half a percent.
(https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/questions-and-answers/math/31103-blackjack-5-card-charlie-probability-question/)

TEXAS: Hey, you're not one of them card counting fellas, are you?
DATA: The number of the cards and their values remain quite constant. What would be the purpose in counting them?

Ugh. Card counting exists in poker, something he's supposedly read every book about. Again, this stuff isn't funny and only exists to make the writers look like idiots.

WORF: Phasers are totally ineffective on all surfaces.

"Ineffective" implies that the phaser is functional, it just doesn't damage anything. Which raises the question of what this place is made out of. Enter more unanswered questions about the intentions of the creators of this place. They are obviously not monitoring the hotel remotely, so is there an artificial intelligence repairing the phaser damage? If Colonel Richey awoke in the hotel and can't leave, why was there a quiet area outside with a one-way door? Etc.

DATA: Commander, I am picking up something most unusual in another section of this structure. It appears to be human DNA.

Was it cloaked before now? The creators couldn't have anticipated tricorders!

DATA: He has been dead for two hundred and eighty three years, sir. The lack of any advanced decomposition is due to the sterile environment.

As SF Debris says, "advanced decomposition" has happened. Cut the line!

DATA: Fifty two stars sir.
RIKER: Places it between 2033 and 2079 AD.

I agree with SF Debris, having this memorized is impressive.

Meaningless aside, what additional states do you think are likely in future? As I understand it, most resistance from Puerto Rico, etc. to the idea of becoming a state comes from the theory that statehood would mean more representation but also increased taxation and federal government control.

PICARD: Colonel Stephen Richey was the commanding officer of the explorer ship Charybdis.

Charybdis is a sea monster from Greek mythology, creating whirlpools that destroyed passing ships. Why anyone would name a spaceship after it is beyond me.

RIKER: "And for the last thirty eight years I have survived here."

Presumably any and all calendars within the hotel reflect the chronology of the novel, resetting with each cycle. How would Richey record the passage of time? Even this hotel-provided journal would reset (be rereplicated?).

PICARD: 'It was a dark and stormy night'. It's not a promising beginning.
TROI: It may get better.

The phrase was first used by Washington Irving in 1809, but most people are referring to Edward Bulwer-Lytton's 1830 usage. Snoopy used it a lot.

DATA: And how did you get here?
TEXAS: To Vegas? Drove my car. I got a ninety one Caddy with only eighty thousand miles on it.

Again as SF Debris remarked, this place seems way older than the 1990s. Seriously, where are the editors who should be catching this stuff?

TROI: I don't believe this dialogue. Did humans really talk like that?
PICARD: Not in real life. Remember, everything that's going on down there is taken from what Colonel Richey calls a second-rate novel.

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man."

RIKER [OC]: A bizarre incident just took place.
PICARD: The shoot-out between the bellboy and Mickey D.

Shoot-out? Did the bellboy even get to touch his gun? "The murder of the bellboy by Mickey D.!"

The Fiver

Riker: Even though proof was found for it in 1993?
Picard: But... I mean... So... WAH!

We still have fivers that are missing the first few lines, ugh...

Data: Okay, I'm detecting human DNA.
Worf: But you didn't detect anything earlier!
Data: Yeah, but it finally stopped flashing 12:00am.

I wonder if the flashing 12:00 gag will ever really go away.

Picard: Picard to Riker.
Computer: The number you have dialed has not been recognized.
Picard: Oh fudge. (ahem) Picard to Riker.
Computer: A dial-up connection could not be established at this time.
Picard: Oh for the love of...

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again. If you need help hang up and then dial the operator. In Allllll-buquerque! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe5gaCxWOkg)"

Memory Alpha

* Memory Alpha attributes the dark and stormy night quote to Bulwer-Lytton. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can the Charbydis have U.S.A. markings in 2037 if the United Earth was created in 2036? My immediate response is "United Earth didn't launch the ship, the United States did." Duh.
* If the piece of the Charbydis has just been beamed in from space, how can Riker and O'Brien touch it immediately if the metal is still close to absolute zero? I'd chalk this up to O'Brien telling the transporter to rematerialize the thing with a higher molecular motion to make it touchable.

[Nate the Great]

April 3rd, 1989, "Time Squared"

Interesting ideas here, but this episode raises far more questions than it answers. How would going back in time mess up the polarity of the shuttle systems and Picard2's biology that much? How did this whole time loop get started? If the same Picard is going back in time every cycle, isn't that a Groundhog Day-style purgatory?

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=timesquared) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/139.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Time_Squared_(episode))

The Episode

WORF: It is my understanding that in most human families, the woman shares in the cooking.

It's my understanding that with rare exceptions like Joseph Sisko, most families use replicators! Furthermore, I can't imagine that this kind of misogyny exists in Klingon tradition. Is he basing his whole worldview on the Roshenkos?

LAFORGE: Where did you get these eggs?
RIKER: On our last stop.
LAFORGE: At Starbase Seventy Three?

Geordi isn't sure of their last stop? Furthermore, why does any detail beyond "our last stop" matter to us, the viewers? Why make Geordi look like an idiot?

WORF: Delicious.

I wish this gag appeared a bit more often. Geordi's liquid polymer remark from Birthright comes to mind immediately.

PICARD: Number One, we've picked up an automated signal from a Federation shuttlecraft.

Wait, the automated signal wasn't inverted or whatever? Furthermore, wouldn't the signal identify the shuttle and mother ship?

PICARD: Doctor Pulaski, you are needed in Shuttlebay two.
PULASKI [OC]: I've been monitoring. I'm on my way.

Again, what does this kind of writing achieve except raising further questions? Either Pulaski was given a heads-up earlier to keep a line open to the bridge, or she just flat-out keeps a line open to the bridge at all times, just in case. A simple "Doctor Pulaski, possible medical emergency in Shuttlebay Two" and "I'm on my way" would achieve the same thing with fewer plot holes.

PULASKI: The life signs are very confusing. His heartbeat is strong, but the pulse is off.

Okay, for the sake of not ending the episode early let's accept that Picard2's brainwaves and sensory inputs are out of phase for some reason, getting more and more coherent as we approach his departure time. That doesn't explain the other stuff. How can he have a strong heartbeat but an "off" pulse?

DATA: The power requirements of the shuttle do not match those of the Enterprise. We will need a variable phase inverter, to align the power from the Enterprise to the circuits of the shuttle.

Again, why? It's not explained. This is bad writing all in the service of postponing giving us answers. At least technobabble like "the shuttle was hit by an unknown energy wave which scrambled the files in the computer, it'll take us time to sort everything out" would feel less insulting.

PULASKI: I'm just starting a complete medical work-up. His vital signs are distorted. Some of the indicators are totally depressed, others are fluctuating wildly. I can't explain any of it.

Lazy writing strikes again. The unknown energy wave which hit the shuttle is causing static in Picard2's brain that's preventing him from awakening, simple!

LAFORGE: I just don't understand how you could have ended up in a shuttlecraft while the Enterprise was being destroyed.
WORF: Nor I. The last thing you would do is leave the Bridge of the Enterprise during an emergency.

Exactly! More questions that will never be answered! And what's more, both Riker AND Picard left the Bridge during an emergency!

RIKER: Well, I know this much. We can't avoid the future.

The Guardian of Forever would dispute that statement.

PICARD: What force or phenomenon could cause the shuttle to be thrown back in time?
RIKER: None that we've encountered. In theory, accelerating beyond warp ten.

I guess the "Warp 10"="occupying all points in the universe simultaneously" hadn't been invented yet. I'm still not sure where "sufficiently fast warp speed"="time travel without any other factor" came from.

RIKER: We've never encountered a natural force that powerful. Why only six hours? Why not a day? Or a year?

It's a valid question, but one that can easily be explained by random factors. Once you establish that it was done on purpose by Q or whatever, you can start asking why six hours.

PICARD: The Traveller moved through time using the power of his mind.

He did? When did that happen? Invoking Q would make more sense.

LAFORGE: The pull on the Enterprise is steady. I'm having to hold the warp engines at thirty percent in order to maintain our present position.

Using the warp field generators to create an "anchor" is an interesting idea that doesn't appear anywhere else.

The Fiver

Sorry Marc, the fiver is serviceable but nothing really stands out.

Memory Alpha

Pulaski's unfamiliarity with Kyle Riker is brought up. I think it's easy enough to chalk this up to "Pulaski wasn't in the mood to bring up a long story and upset Riker needlessly."

[NAHTMMM]

January 9th, 1989, "Loud as a Whisper"


Data: I have been studying various sign languages in the hope of communicating with Riva, but I am not sure which one will work best.
Picard: Choose one and give us a demonstration. What would be the sign for "happy"?
Data: " :) "
Picard: I'd skip to the next choice if I were you.
Gets at least a snort out of me every time.
Riva and Intellect: "Speak softly, for those who cannot hear an angry shout may strain to hear a whisper."
Picard: Your words are wise ones. Every Federation ambassador should know them.
Riva and Intellect: What makes you think they don't already?
Poor innocent Riva.

Data: I was not aware that you practiced judo, Counselor.
Troi: I used to. I gave it up when I lost a match to a kindergartner.
Data: Riva says, "Perhaps I should handle the negotiations after all."
Basically this whole fiver is great.

"Measure of a Man" is good too. You quoted most of the best lines already.


Since you're mentioning novels as we go along, the Iconians are key to The Devil's Heart, my pick for the best TNG novel. There was also one of those cross-series multi-novel series about finding their technology, but apparently it mostly wasn't very memorable.

Worf: Amazing. In all my life, I never thought I would ever hear a kas-volch'iq-nedah't.
Picard: A what?
Worf: In Klingon it means, "pun worthy of instant death unless it comes from a man with his finger on a planetary self-destruct button."
There's another of these Klingon lessons from Worf in the "Best of Both Worlds" fiver, and they're both particularly good.

Picard: Are any obsolete Federation starships emerging from it?
Worf: No, this vortex pulls the other way.
Riker: Good. Uh -- no, wait a minute....
This is probably the funniest bit of the "Time Squared" fiver. :)

[Nate the Great]

April 24th, 1989, "The Icarus Factor"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theicarusfactor) (by Kira)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/140.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Icarus_Factor_(episode))

The Episode

RIKER: I don't recall Starbase Montgomery on the mission itinerary
PICARD: I think we could all use a twelve hour layover.

This twelve hour thing seems to only exist to service Worf's plotline. I suppose it wouldn't look good if Worf was grumpy for days at a time without having a larger plot. Then again, Riker's plotline doesn't seem twelve-hour compatible.

PICARD: Well, you have twelve hours to think it over. And if it's not too premature, congratulations, Captain.

They just said that it'll take months at high warp just to get to Vega-Omicron. So Riker has twelve hours to decide the next few years of his life? That doesn't seem fair.

RIKER: When you've settled in, we can complete our briefing.

Why will Kyle need quarters if he's only going to be here twelve hours? Come aboard, give the briefing, hang out for a bit if Will is receptive, go back.

WESLEY: Can you imagine if it was your father?
WORF: I never knew my father.

We'll later learn that Mogh died when Worf was six and they managed to go on a targ hunt. Oops.

O'BRIEN: Female?
RIKER: No.
O'BRIEN: Career? Career?
RIKER: Family.
O'BRIEN: That is trouble. You choose your enemies, you choose your friends, but family? That's in the stars.
RIKER: So I've heard.

O'Brien's line has stuck with me since I was young. It's one of those lines that gains meaning as you age.

KYLE: How about a drink?
PULASKI: How about a kiss?
(A quick peck and a hug)
RIKER: They know each other.
O'BRIEN: No kidding. I know her too, but we don't do that.

O'Brien gets the best lines this episode.

DATA: Excuse me, Lieutenant. You seem to have lost the will to communicate with others. You have friends here. We, we care about you. Why, just recently, Geordi, Wesley and I were saying
WORF: With all due respect, be gone! Sir.
(The blast jolts Data backwards. He returns to Geordi)
DATA: He seems quite sincere in his desire for solitude.

Has "with all due respect" ever been used before saying something the other person wants to hear?

WORF: That is a fish you are holding.

We know Worf went on camping trips with the Roshenkos, why wouldn't he try fishing?

PULASKI: Poor guy. Picked up a flu virus on our last stop at Nasreldine.
KYLE: Sounds nasty. What's the therapy?
PULASKI: Tryptophan-lysine distillates with generous doses of PCS.
KYLE: PCS?
PULASKI: Pulaski's chicken soup.

In doing this I looked up "tryptophan-lysine distillates." I think it was supposed to be an oblique reference to oatmeal or porridge to go with the chicken soup. Talk about obscure.

PULASKI: This is Deanna Troi, ship's Counsellor.
KYLE: Kyle Riker.
PULASKI: I thought you two should meet. Deanna's job is to keep us from deluding ourselves.
KYLE: Let me guess. Betazoid?

Okay, let's go with the idea that Riker's service record wouldn't include a list of his girlfriends (although if you're a fan of Imzadi that book includes a few instances where Riker and Troi's names would be linked in official records), let's move on to how you distinguish a Betazoid from a human. In other words, the special contact lenses for completely black irises. While I doubt I ever noticed this factor as a child, I remember it being mentioned in a book or two, specifically Guises of the Mind (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/Guises_of_the_Mind). Any Federation negotiator should be able to identify the major species within species, no matter how minor the physical distinction. I expect they could even tell the difference between the spots of a Trill and a Kriosian.

KYLE: But I've come here to help Will prepare for his first task as captain.
TROI: Are you sure he'll accept such a dangerous assignment?
KYLE: He'll accept it just because it is dangerous.
TROI: How can you be so sure?
KYLE: Because I would. And we aren't so different, Will and I.

Why is this assignment so dangerous? Troi thinks it is, Worf thinks it is, ugh.

PICARD: The last time I saw Commander Flaherty, he spoke forty languages. As I recall, among the more exotic were Romulan, Klingon, Giamon, Stroyerian.

Romulan and Klingon should not be considered "exotic" in the twenty-fourth century. We know nothing of Giamon or Stroyerian. I wish that the Sheliak existed at this point, as this would've been a great place for a reference. Maybe they could've mentioned the Binars here?

PULASKI: Twelve years ago, Kyle Riker was a civilian strategist advising Starfleet in its conflict with the Tholians.

The more I hear about the period between Khitomer and Farpoint, the more I want to know about it. It's a shame Paramount will never make a show set in this period. I'll just namedrop the Vulcan's Soul trilogy of novels.

Do you think there was an arms race between the advancement of shield and Tholian Web technology?

LAFORGE: You mean in order for Worf to celebrate the anniversary of his Ascension, he has to be hurt? And we have to witness this?
DATA: We are his family.

Okay, so Troi doesn't want to watch this and Riker has other things to think about, but why wasn't Picard there?

DATA: If I were not a consummate professional, and an android, I would find this entire procedure insulting.

Always liked this quote.

KYLE: You know, it's a shame there's no anbo-jyutsu ring nearby.

It does seem odd that this sport needs a physical ring. I'd think the holodeck could handle something this simple.

PULASKI: Haven't we grown beyond the point where we resolve our problems with physical conflict?

I don't think it's so much the physical conflict as much as it's the desire to engage in an activity with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Plus the conflict will introduce hormones and such that will loosen lips and let us say what we wouldn't otherwise. Clear the air, so to speak.

O'BRIEN: Those are Klingon painstiks. I once saw one of them used against a two-ton Rectyne Monopod. Poor creature jumped five metres at the slightest touch.

I doubt that a two-ton anything can jump five meters under any circumstances, and if a lower gravity is meant it wouldn't have the impact that O'Brien is implying.

WORF: You're not coming in?
TROI: No.

Another failing of the basic transcript. I still remember how Troi took a pause to consider her reply before settling on "no" as the most diplomatic.

The Fiver

Riker: I don't know -- my own command...that's a big decision.
Picard: There aren't any kids on the Aries.
Riker: I'll take it.

Riker doesn't have a problem with kids, Picard does.

Worf: I'm having angst, and Wesley's annoying me. Can I come with you on your new ship?
Riker: It's dangerous.
Worf: Exactly -- there's room for advancement. I could be Captain inside a week.

I feel that a punchline from Riker is needed here. I'm not sure what, but something.

Memory Alpha

* Given TNG-era Gene's feelings about conflict, one wonders how this one got through.
* Second ship offered to Riker. He won't get another chance until "Best of Both Worlds."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why being multilingual is so important, what with the Universal Translator and all. My response is that some languages have more nuances that need second-by-second organic intervention. One wonders if Voyager's gelpacks help make translation better.
* In the second edition of the Guide other readers put forth alternate hypotheses like "as a rare art it's an accomplishment" and "it shows respect for the other side that you're not using a machine."

YouTube

Worf's Ascension Ceremony Recreation (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNPqraUdRfM)
Anbo-jitsu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eaSyDMvV7M)

[Nate the Great]

May 1st, 1989, "Pen Pals"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=penpals) (by Derek)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/141.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Pen_Pals_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 42695.3. We are the first manned vessel to enter the Selcundi Drema sector. Unmanned probes have recorded unusual levels of geological activity in all five planetary systems. I am hoping the Enterprise will find the answer to this enigma.

One, only five planetary systems in a sector seems a little low, but that's just me. Two, I wonder how you define "unusual levels of geological activity."

DATA: Commander, I've been reviewing the unmanned probe scans.

"Unmanned" probe? Have we ever seen a manned probe? (Besides K'ehleyr, of course)

PICARD: The Arabs believed that Allah gathered the south wind and made the horse.
TROI: On the holodeck we've made that legend come true.
PICARD: I like that.

I get what they were going for, and it's a poetic thought, but wind=/=light.

TROI: I had a Betazoid kitten once. My mother and the cat reacted badly to one another.

This opens the door to a lot of questions, but I'll stick with one: do Betazoid pets have thoughts advanced enough to be read? There are definitely philosophical questions here to be discussed, but I won't be doing so.

TROI: No, I prefer a mode of transportation that doesn't have a mind of its own.
PICARD: Strange. I would expect Betazoids to be outstanding animal trainers.
TROI: We become too involved in the thoughts and shifting passions of the beast.

I thought we had moved past the era when Troi felt every emotion of the people around her. The idea that the thoughts and emotions of those around a telepath can affect them is terrifying.

RIKER: As you know, I've been given the responsibility of overseeing Wesley's education. To further that goal, I would like to put him in charge of the planetary mineral surveys.

One, "As you know" is just bad writing. "Since I'm responsible for Wesley's education, I'd like to put him in charge of the planetary mineral surveys." Two, this is too big of a job for Wesley, I expect a lieutenant to handle this job, if not Data himself.

PULASKI: Are we talking about a young officer on the fast track to the Academy, or are we talking about a young man that we are guiding through adolescence and into adulthood?

Fast track? He didn't get in last time because he was the second best of the candidates at an arbitrary location (and I already gave a whole lecture about that idiocy).

DATA: It is a personal project. I have reset the sensors to scan for frequencies outside their usual range.

You do have to wonder why Data is bothering with this in this episode particularly. The grammarian in me also takes umbrage at his use of "reset" instead of "modified" or "reconfigured."

SARJENKA [OC]: Is anybody out there?
DATA: Yes.

Oh boy, here we go. Some people have relied on Data's innocence and honesty to explain this blatant violation of the Prime Directive. I don't buy it. We'll be returning to this.

Captain's log, stardate 42737.3. It has been six weeks since our entrance into the Selcundi Drema sector. Each system has revealed the same disturbing geological upheavals on every planet.

It takes six weeks to scan every system in a sector? One could argue that the sensor modifications and desired thoroughness would slow down the ship, but SIX WEEKS? When Data reported that the ship would have to go much slower to to more thorough scans, Picard should've reported to Starfleet and gotten a dedicated science vessel out here to do the grunt work.

And of course, the six weeks isn't needed. One week would serve the story just as well. Grrr.....

PICARD: Her society is aware that there is interstellar life?
DATA: No, sir.
PICARD: Oops. Just where does she think you're calling from?
DATA: I have kept that somewhat vague, sir.

"Oops"? Understatement of the century.

RIKER: We'd be gods, which we're not. If there is a cosmic plan, is it not the height of hubris to think that we can, or should, interfere?

This is a point to consider: Are all humans atheists in the future? Deep Space Nine implies this, even when it's known that the Prophets exist. And yet this scene implies that the humans are agnostics.

I won't get too deep into my personal beliefs here, that's a risky road to go down for the purposes of this topic. Let's keep it simple and just say that I believe that "people have free will" and "people can be used as instruments for a higher plan" are not mutually exclusive.

TROI: If there is a cosmic plan, are we not a part of it? Our presence at this place at this moment in time could be a part of that fate.

What the Betazoids would think of the different aspects of religion are an interesting philosophical discussion for elsewhere.

PICARD: So we make an exception in the deaths of millions.
PULASKI: Yes.
PICARD: And is it the same situation if it's an epidemic, and not a geological calamity?
PULASKI: Absolutely.
PICARD: How about a war? If generations of conflict is killing millions, do we interfere? Ah, well, now we're all a little less secure in our moral certitude.

This is why the Prime Directive is so cut and dry; gray areas lead to confusion, frustration, and anger. No exceptions means no exceptions.

LAFORGE: What if the Dremans asked for our help?
DATA: Yes. Sarjenka's transmission could be viewed as a call for help.
PICARD: Sophistry.

FYI, "sophistry" means arguments that sound correct but really aren't. Sarjenka wasn't calling for help from aliens because she doesn't know that aliens exist. Even now she doesn't know who, what, or where Data is.

WESLEY: Drema Four has the largest deposit of dilithium ore ever recorded. It's also laid down in a very unusual pattern. The crystals are growing to form perfectly aligned lattices.
HILDEBRANDT: The ore is forming generator strata.
ALANS: Which creates a piezoelectric effect.
PICARD: In plain English, you're saying the dilithium is causing the geological catastrophe.
ALANS: Right, the crystals take the natural radiant heat of the planet
HILDEBRANDT: Focus it, and turn it into mechanical energy.
ALANS: Which increases tectonic stresses
HILDEBRANDT: That tear the planet apart.

If you didn't know already, "piezoelectric" means a material that can turn mechanical stress into an electric charge and vice-versa. One common application is used in quartz watches: the charge from the battery makes a quartz crystal vibrate back and forth at a frequency that turns a stepper motor. I don't think you can use heat as a substitute for electricity and still call it "piezoelectric."

DATA: Sarjenka, this is Data. Respond please.
COMPUTER: Unable to complete transmission.
DATA: Reason for failure?
COMPUTER: Atmospheric activity interfering with RF signal.

Oh yeah, radio. That means realtime transmissions aren't possible. Oops. It also raises the question on why the sensors aren't calibrated to detect the entire portion of the EM spectrum that could be used for communications anyway.

WORF: We're modifying class one probes so they become resonators. We will then use torpedo casings to protect them once they begin burrowing beneath the surface.

I'm still wondering how these probes can burrow beneath the surface or use a torpedo casing as a protective shell. I wonder why they didn't just use a class eight probe (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/Class-8_probe), the ones that already use torpedo cases.

DATA: Then what is the difference between sending the message and delivering it personally?
RIKER: A whopping big one, and you know it.
DATA: Sir, we have come this far.
PICARD: In for a penny, in for a pound, is that what you're saying, Mister Data?
DATA: Yes, sir.

Unreasonable. Sarjenka doesn't know Data is an alien or where he's from. I suddenly wonder if the cloaking suits from Insurrection would be an option so Data could check in on her without letting her know he's there.

RIKER: Data, you've got ten minutes. That's it. If you meet anybody but Sarjenka
DATA: I will signal for immediate beam out.

Yeah, we're totally not breaking the Prime Directive this way! Wafer-thin ice, Data!

(Constructed mainly of hexagons. There is a toy doll on a bed of pillows. He finds the radio. The door is a forcefield or hologram. Data touches it, it vanishes to reveal a red and sullen outside, lit by erupting volcanoes. The ground shakes so he goes back inside and closes the door.)

The sequence of technological advances just before the discovery of warp is always confusing. I'm reminded of how Angel One has disintegrator fields but not warp drive.

SARJENKA: What is this?
PULASKI: An Elanin singer stone. It sings a different song for each person.

I hope these things don't really just play one song for each person, but it's more like it responds to the individual biofields of each person to create individual songs, like a mood ring.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Riker: All of those Ensigns' first names are Wesley.
Wesley: I know, I want to have team Wesley!

Missing first lines alert!

Davies: So here are the results from my tests.
Wesley: Hey, all the statistics are threes!
Davies: Maybe Data's malfunctioning again.

"Cause and Effect" hasn't happened yet, so you can't use "again", Derek!

Picard: What's wrong with the planet?
Alans: Well, the planet's core is pure dilithium with a thin layer of adamantium.
Davies: And the planet's heat causes tectonic sublimation until it regarbalizes the spheramental drive core.

Is there a reference here that I'm not getting?

O'Brien: Hey, why are you beaming Data down?
Riker: I have nothing to say to you, Chief. And I think you know why.
O'Brien: Would you stop saying that to me?

Odd place for a "Defiant" reference.

Data: Sarjenka, I came for you.
Sarjenka: Thanks. Unfortunately I think we're stuck here with the planet erupting all around us. But I'm glad to be with you, Data. Here at the end of all things.

Apparently this is an obscure Return of the King reference. The connection seems tangential at best.

Memory Alpha

* Melinda Snodgrass claims that Data's childlike innocence would allow for the reflexive reply to Sarjenka. I still don't buy it.
* First time Picard actually drinks Earl Grey, he failed in Contagion.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why give Sarjenka a singer stone if her memory was erased to preserve the Prime Directive? She wouldn't know what it is!
* Amazingly Phil also brings up the vanishing door/Angel One thing. In the second edition he says that a reader replied that the appearance of a house doesn't necessarily reflect the full technological capacity of a society. I still don't buy it.

[NAHTMMM]

Good fivers both, but no standout lines for me.

[Nate the Great]

Sorry, yesterday was pretty hectic and the TNG Marathon wasn't a high priority.

May 8th, 1988, "Q Who"

Prelude: I wish the Borg had stayed like this. Incomprehensible, uncommunicative, focused on mechanical perfection. To be frank the Best of Both Worlds should've been their last appearance.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=qwho) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/142.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Q_Who_(episode))

The Episode

SONYA: Have I been talking too much?
LAFORGE: No.
SONYA: Oh, I do tend to have a bit of a motor mouth, especially when I'm excited.

Sonya had possibilities, but she wasn't written very well. We'll be returning to her character in the Memory Alpha section.

LAFORGE: I don't think you want to be around these control stations with that hot chocolate, do you?
SONYA: Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't even have this in Engineering.

Why not? This isn't the first or last time we've seen coffee cups in proximity to people on duty. Tuvok was making custom teas for Captain Sulu on the bridge seventy years ago! Furthermore, why is there a replicator here if people shouldn't be eating in Engineering?

SONYA: I just want to say, sir, that I'm very excited about this assignment and I promise to serve you and my ship, your ship, this ship, to the best of my ability.

This is an interesting idea. I don't have a problem with any officer assigned to Enterprise calling her "my ship." Using "your ship" with Kirk might make sense, but I doubt Picard would like such a usage (at least until Generations, that is).

PICARD: We agreed you would never trouble my ship again!

As numerous nitpickers have pointed out, Q promised to stay out of humanity's path forever, not stay away from the Enterprise. I'd rather Q just say "I chose to give you a break, but you don't have the power to make me stay away." Then again, a fantastic story possibility suddenly occurs to me. What if Q kept his word and stayed away, but the Continuum just sent another Q2 in his place. Q2 would be even less bearable to Picard, who would lift his ban on Q. That would be an interesting episode!

LAFORGE: You know, you're awfully young to be so driven.
SONYA: Yes, I am. I had to be. I had to be the best because only the best get to be here.

This makes sense of course, and opens many other storytelling possibilities that weren't even considered. Similar to Reg Barclay, but taking it in a different direction. The difference between "best at your job" and "best at interpersonal relationships".

RIKER: Computer locate Captain Picard.
COMPUTER: The Captain is not on the ship.
WORF: Commander, there is a shuttle missing from bay two.

First, what's the point in the officers wearing commbadges if the computer isn't going to notify the security officer the instant one just vanishes? Second, a missing shuttle should also generation an instant alarm. Third, is there a reason why the shuttle Q used has to be from the Enterprise? Surely he could just whip up a facsimile for the purposes of meeting with Picard.

PICARD: You know him?
GUINAN: We have had some dealings.
Q: Those dealings were two centuries ago. This creature is not what she appears to be. She's an imp, and where she goes, trouble always follows.

One of the great untold stories in Trek, the dealings between Guinan and Q. Especially since we're never quite sure what powers Guinan has or not. One problem is that she is unquestionably humanoid, not a shapeshifter or energy being engaged in a masquerade. What danger is she to him?

Q: Ah, the redoubtable Commander Riker. And Micro-brain. Growl for me. Let me know you still care.

Another line that has stuck with me.

RIKER: The good times? The first time we met you, you put us on trial for the crimes of humanity.
Q: Of which you were exonerated.

It will be revealed later that the trial never ended. I do wish that this plot point had been made more clear at the end of Encounter at Farpoint.

Q: Oh. Well, you may not trust me, but you do need me. You're not prepared for what awaits you.
PICARD: How can we be prepared for that which we do not know? But I do know that we are ready to encounter it.
Q: Really?
PICARD: yes. Absolutely. That's why we're out here.
Q: Oh, the arrogance. They don't have a clue as to what's out here.
GUINAN: But they will learn, adapt. That is their greatest advantage.
Q: They're moving faster than expected, further than they should.

Q made remarks like this in Encounter at Farpoint, and I still don't know what business it is of the Q's. Don't they have an equivalent of the Prime Directive? Of course, my big problem is that on the whole the stuff TNG ran into isn't that more of a threat than the stuff in TOS, with the possibly exception of the Borg.

Q: You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you have encountered so far. The Romulans, the Klingons. They are nothing compared to what's waiting. Picard, you are about to move into areas of the galaxy containing wonders more incredible than you can possibly imagine, and terrors to freeze your soul.

I'd hardly call the Romulans and Klingons "pitiful." "Conventional", perhaps. As for terrors to freeze the soul, I can't think of anything in TNG to match that. The Borg don't count, as it's made clear that regular Borg space was still a bit away at warp speeds.

DATA: According to these coordinates, we have travelled seven thousand light years and are located near the system J two five.
RIKER: Travel time to the nearest starbase?
DATA: At maximum warp, in two years, seven months, three days, eighteen hours we would reach Starbase one eight five.

Ugh, I'm not going into variable warp speeds again today. I'm just irked the writers still think that maximum warp can be sustained for more than a few days at a time.

DATA: There is a system of roads on this planet, which indicates a highly industrialised civilisation. But where there should be cities there are only great rips in the surface.
WORF: It is as though some great force just scooped all the machine elements off the face of the planet.
DATA: It is identical to what happened to the outposts along the Neutral Zone.

The whole Neutral Zone outpost thing from the end of Season One really wasn't handled well, even with the shift in direction from the bluegills to the Borg. A problem I have is that it's implied that the Borg literally assimilate the actual machinery of conquered people and not just the design of the technology itself. That's just dumb, with Borg nanoprobes all necessary technologies can be manufactured in a much more efficient manner than an angle grinder, welder, and soldering iron.

RIKER: Keep the shields down. We don't want to appear provocative.

I hate this sentiment. Keeping shields up in the presence of a stranger isn't provocative, locking weapons is.

RIKER: Life signs?
DATA: There is no indication of life.

The issue of Borg life signs is another lengthy essay I could write but won't. Suffice to say Data should've been more vague: "I detect biological matter, but no organized life forms as we know them."

TROI: We're not dealing with an individual mind. They don't have a single leader. It's the collective minds of all of them.
PICARD: That would have definite advantages.
TROI: Yes, A single leader can make mistakes. It's far less likely in the combined whole.

See, this is Trek. Asking questions about the human condition and making you think. This question of the real efficiency of the Borg Collective is quite interesting, it's a shame they didn't really do anything with it until Species 8472.

RIKER: If they pull down our shields, we're helpless.

Cue slap to forehead. Was someone really paid to write something this obvious?

(A circular cut is made in the hull, and a section of several decks is pulled out)
WORF: A type of laser beam is slicing into the saucer section.

But lasers can't even penetrate the navigational shields! "An unknown form of energy beam" is more than adequate!

SONYA: Eighteen people. Dead, just like that.
LAFORGE: I know. Just put it out of your head.
SONYA: No, I can't. I keep seeing them.
LAFORGE: Sonya, stop it.

Thank you! Some of the eighteen had to be civilians, possibly children. This would have an effect. Of course, back when this happened to Wesley Picard implies that Academy training takes care of this sort of thing.

GUINAN: They're made up of organic and artificial life which has been developing for thousands of centuries.

I wonder how Guinan knows this. It's clear that El Auriens aren't empathic or telepathic in the traditional sense. Did they have a military that managed to damage and salvage a Borg ship?

RIKER: Captain this is incredible. We've entered what appears to be the Borg nursery.
PICARD [OC]: Describe it.
RIKER: From the look of it the Borg are born as biological life form. It seems that almost immediately after birth they begin artificial implants. Apparently the Borg have developed the technology to link artificial intelligence directly into the humanoid brain.

Okay, assimilation as we will later know it hasn't been conceived of yet. The implication is that the Borg see the need for a biological component to their race and the drones are clones. Another interesting discussion that we don't have time for.

Q: If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross, but it's not for the timid.

Another line that's stuck with me. Of course, you have to ask what happened to Q's desire to join the crew.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing. It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!), it had to audacity to give her prune juice instead of bloodwine, it keeps serving her cold tea. Something.

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.

Guinan: Q, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!

Ugh, "Q2", don't remind me.

Data: We are near system J-25.
Riker: How could this system have a name? This whole sector is unexplored.
Data: I just made it up, sir.

How many systems have we named that we've never been to? This joke doesn't make much sense.

Guinan: Because of Q, the Borg now know of your existence.
Picard: Perhaps what we needed was a kick in our complacency.
Guinan: Perhaps what Q needs is to be stabbed with a fork.

You're gonna have to wait a bit to get a chance to do that, Guinan!

[NAHTMMM]

This is a particularly good fiver.
The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing.
Yeah, I think there used to be one more line.
It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!)
Brownie?

Are you sure you don't mean banana cream pie?

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.
I like the idea that the TV show was Q playing a prank on us.

[Nate the Great]

Brownie points (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brownie_points) are hardly that obscure of an expression.



I really want to tell the blue orange juice story, but I want to give you guys some time to guess.

[Nate the Great]

May 15th, 1989, "Samaritan Snare"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/143.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Samaritan_Snare_(episode))

The Episode

PULASKI: The truth is, you've ignored this far too long.
PICARD: This ship has a mission to carry out.
PULASKI: An astronomical survey to be conducted by the science officers, I believe.
PICARD: And I 'was looking forward to seeing the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster for myself.

The writing backfired here. I'm not on Picard's side for this one. He knows that his heart has to be replaced within a certain timeframe, so he has the luxury to pick which mission to skip out on. Given how often the E-D is treated like a taxi, surely he could've picked one of those missions to take a medical leave on.

RIKER: As First Officer, I have complete security clearance.
PICARD: This has nothing to do with ship's business, Number One. Suffice it to say, it is strictly a matter of image.

First, even Picard doesn't have "complete security clearance". Second, even if Picard doesn't want the crew to know about his heart, surely he could trust Riker with this information.

WESLEY: It's just the two of us, in a shuttlecraft for six hours. What am I going to talk to Captain Picard about for six hours?
SONYA: Archaeology, semantics, literature, art. You could learn a lot from Captain Picard.

Wesley may be some sort of savant when it comes to technology and starship operations, but he knows next to nothing about the arts, at least on a level that won't bore Picard. As for what to talk with Picard about, how about asking about what his parents were like before he was born?

(The Sahkarov is lined up with the bay doors)
WESLEY: Shuttle number two is ready for departure.

It occurs to me that even with formal names, TNG tends to refer to shuttles by number only most of the time. I wonder why.

GREBNEDLOG [on viewscreen]: We are Pakleds. Our ship is the Mondor. It is broken.

I promise to not harp about the idiocy of the Pakleds for the entire episode, but I have to bring it up once. I dislike the very concept of this race. A certain amount of technological competence is required to keep a starship running, and the Pakleds don't have it. Furthermore, the idea that the only way that they improve their technology is by stealing it is ludicrous. Perhaps technology is strictly plug-and-play within a specific race, but making disparate parts compatible doesn't work without a certain amount of expertise.

LAFORGE: Commander, from the looks of their ship, I could have them up and running in no time.
RIKER: You sure?
LAFORGE: Yeah, no problem.
RIKER: Very well. Our Chief Engineer will beam over to help you. Close.
WORF: Commander? Do we truly need to send our Chief Engineer over to them?

Given the lack of knowledge about the Pakleds, I'd think sending a security team over with the engineering TEAM would be prudent. And I don't think Geordi is required in this case, surely he has a specialist on staff who could handle this.

WESLEY: ETA thirteen thirty hours, sir. It's not exactly warp speed.
PICARD: More like a late twenty-second century interplanetary journey.
WESLEY: Sir?
PICARD: You should read more history, Ensign.

I know that this isn't an Enterprise reference, but these days it comes off as such. Besides, if they're only on impulse they're screaming at us to Do The Math. Six hours at full impulse is an hour and a half at Warp One, or about nine minutes at Warp Two, or 2.3 minutes at Warp Three, or a little less than a minute at Warp Four. You wonder why the Enterprise couldn't drop off Picard and Wesley at the starbase on their way.

(La Forge beams in and is immediately crowded by four very big guys. Think Vogons without the green skin)

I'm not a Doctor Who fan, and even I could make a comparison to Sontarans instead of Vogons.

RIKER: Well, our help is all they're going to get. They can't force us into anything, can they?
TROI: You think they're weak.
RIKER: Look at them. They're certainly not Jarada or Romulans.

Simply being idiots doesn't make them not a threat, Will.

WESLEY: You don't have to say that, sir. It's pretty obvious how you feel.
PICARD: Is it? How so?
WESLEY: Everyone knows. You don't like kids. That's too bad. You'd have made a good father.
PICARD: Thank you.
(Picard takes his book to a rear seat)
WESLEY: Didn't you ever wish you had kids of your own?
PICARD: Wishing for a thing does not make it so.

This is a lengthy topic for another day; why Picard doesn't like kids. The thing is; he implies that he never had the chance. I call shenanigans. At bare minimum there's Jenice Manheim, and in a different reality you can toss in Phillipa Louvois. And had Picard chosen a career in archaeology he could've easily fit a family into the picture.

WESLEY: Were you ever married?
PICARD: Never had the time.

Overly simplistic. The novels also explain that during the time period between the Stargazer court-martial and the launch of the E-D he left active service to pursue archaeology for a time. Plus there had to have been an alternate science officer path he could've pursued and had a family on a starbase or whatever.

WESLEY: Don't you ever get lonely?
PICARD: For ambitious Starfleet officers, there are certain costs involved.

Well, that's depressing. I'm also offended at the notion that the only form of companionship is dating/marriage. Friendship doesn't count for anything?

PICARD: Several friends and I were on leave at Farspace Starbase Earhart. It was little more than a galactic outpost in those days.
WESLEY: Was this before the Klingons joined the Federation?
PICARD: That's right.

Cue series bible rant again. Here's the thing: if it's supposed to be canon at this time that the Klingons have joined the Federation, we should've seen another Klingon in Starfleet by now.

PICARD: Did you read that book I gave you?
WESLEY: Some of it.
PICARD: That's reassuring.
WESLEY: I just don't have much time.
PICARD: There is no greater challenge than the study of philosophy.
WESLEY: But William James won't be in my Starfleet exams.
PICARD: The important things never will be. Anyone can be trained in the mechanics of piloting a starship.
WESLEY: But Starfleet Academy
PICARD: It takes more. Open your mind to the past. Art, history, philosophy. And all this may mean something.

I still find it fascinating how I remember more of the liberal arts from my private reading than all of those college courses. I do believe in being well-rounded, but I'm not sure enforced education is the way to do it.

GARAK: Please, Doctor. Spare me your insufferable Federation optimism. Of course it will survive, but as not the Cardassia I knew. We had a rich and ancient culture. Our literature, music, art were second to none. And now, so much of it is lost. So many of our best people, our most gifted minds.

GREBNEDLOG [on viewscreen]: Good. We want all computer information from your ship. Now.

Ha ha, good luck with that. The E-D has the largest mobile computer core in existence! It just won't fit, even if Riker wanted to accept defeat.

PULASKI: Is Geordi all right?
WORF: He's already been hit by multiple phaser stuns.
PULASKI: He could need medical attention.

I'm reminded of the zat guns on Stargate. You know, one shot stuns, the second shot kills? How much time has to pass before the second shot only stuns again? What kind of damage does multiple stun blast do?

PICARD: What the hell are you doing here?
PULASKI: Saving your life.
PICARD: Oh, come on. This is a routine procedure. Quite commonplace.
PULASKI: True. But you are not a commonplace man.

In plain text it seems like they said that the operation was routine a few too many times, but I'd have to watch the episode again to see if this is true or not.

Memory Alpha

* Budget constraints prevented use of the Captain's Yacht (the Calypso, FYI) here. A shame, but I understand. It's not just building a yacht model, it's building a portion of the underside of the saucer for it to come out of. A shame.
* Final appearance of Sonya Gomez. She did seem more developed here, but I guess it was too little, too late.
* As brought up in the Captains' Logs books, this episode is full of contrivances and bad writing.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why would the Klingons or Romulans fall for the Pakled's strategy?
* Doesn't Wesley know what it feels like to be stabbed through the back from "Hide and Q"?
* How can Wesley earn Academy credits on the Enterprise if he hasn't been accepted into the Academy yet?

[Nate the Great]

May 22nd, 1989, "Up The Long Ladder"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/144.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Up_The_Long_Ladder_(episode))

As an introduction, I like the Bringloidi, even if they are blatant offensive stereotypes. I also hate the clone plotline, there has to have been an easier way to force these two groups together without brushing against the abortion/rape awkwardness.

The Episode

PICARD: Recognise it?
RIKER: Sounds like it might be an SOS.
PICARD: Good guess. You're quicker than Starbase research. It took them hours to determine this was a distress beacon.

Ugh. Grr. Every single Earth signal throughout history should be in the database. This accomplishes nothing except making Starfleet look bad.

RIKER: What was its origin point?
PICARD: Ficus sector.
RIKER: Captain, I don't think there's any record of an Earth colony in that area.

Riker has an encyclopedic memory of all Earth colonies for hundreds of years? Furthermore, it sounds like Ficus sector is "in the sticks", so why should Riker even know where it is?

RIKER: The European Hegemony?
PICARD: A loose alliance formed in the early part of the twenty second century. It was the first stirrings of world government. You should read more history, Number One.

Of course the European Union didn't exist in '89, but the European Economic Community did. Furthermore, "first stirrings of world government?" The United Nations doesn't count for that definition. Even if you don't count the UN, I wouldn't use "world government" for anything before United Earth, which also early 22nd century. Cue series bible rant, etc.

WORF: I did not faint. Klingons do not faint.
PULASKI: Excuse me, I'll rephrase. This Klingon suffered a dramatic drop in blood pressure, his blood glucose level dropped, there was deficient blood flow resulting from circulatory failure. In other words, he curled up his toes and laid unconscious on the floor.
WORF: Doctor, there is no need to insult me.
PULASKI: Worf, I am worried. Now, something is wrong. Klingons don't faint. Forgive me. I just can't think of another word that applies.

Just like headaches and the common cold, I consider something as broad as "fainting" to be impossible to breed out of the genome.

PULASKI: So you've got the Klingon version of the measles.
WORF: How would Commander Riker feel if he had the measles.
PULASKI: Pretty silly.

I'm not sure the two situations are equivalent, but then again I'm not sure what Worf is so worried about. Maybe other Klingons would treat him differently, but not Federation citizens.

DATA: Captain, I have been considering the problem of the missing ship. Although there is no record of a launch to the Ficus sector, which would not be unusual considering the chaos of the early twenty second century, someone had to load that ship.
PICARD: The manifest.
DATA: Yes, sir.
PICARD: There it is. SS Mariposa, loaded 27th November, 2123.

This is absolutely silly and a relic of the pre-Internet age. This is implying that the computer database is merely an elaborate filing system: if you don't know exactly what you're looking for you won't find it. Furthermore, this delay accomplishes absolutely nothing but killing time that we don't have to resolve the actual plot.

PICARD: Theorise, Data. Give me some background.
DATA: In the early twenty-second century, Earth was recovering from World War Three. A major philosopher of the period was Liam Dieghan, founder of the Neo-Transcendentalists, who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature, and learned under her gentle tutelage.

Remember that World War III ended roundabout 2053. Imagine the weapons and devastation if they're still recovering fifty years later. Then again, I'm also reminded of the space hippies and become annoyed again.

WORF: You know the ceremony?
PULASKI: I understand the externals, not the mysteries. I'm not a Klingon.

This is intriguing. Do the Daxs understand the mysteries? I find the notion that no non-Klingon can understand the Klingon philosophy/theology a bit dubious.

WORF: You must not drink the tea. It is deadly to humans.
PULASKI: And none too good for Klingons.
WORF: It is a test of bravery, of one's ability to look at the face of mortality. It is also a reminder that death is an experience best shared, like the tea.
PULASKI: Worf, you're a romantic.
WORF: It is among the Klingons that love poetry achieves its fullest flower.

Remember when the series bible said that Picard would be trumping France at every opportunity a la Chekov? I think Worf has taken over the role by now. I also like that the Klingons understand poetry, both in romance and tradition.

WORF: Shields at maximum.

Needing maximum shields at planetary distances from solar flares seems rather dubious.

TROI: Captain, these people have been isolated for three hundred years. They could be very unsophisticated. The shock of suddenly being transported onto a spaceship could frighten them, to say the least.

Fair enough, too bad we can write quite a list of other episodes that ignore similar wisdom.

Captain's log, stardate 42827.3. Commander Riker has reached the caverns, where he is making preparations to begin the evacuation.

The last Captain's Log (just after they left the starbase) was Stardate 42823.2, which is a day and a half ago. Not a continuity problem exactly, but I'd think that everything within a few days warp of all starbases would be better mapped than this. Does the Federation routinely build starbases at the very edge of known space (Farpoint doesn't count as we didn't build that one)?

DANILO: Captain Picard, sir, we can't leave our animals here to die. Besides, how could we build our future without our animals?

Fair enough.

RIKER: They'll learn and adapt. If Danilo Odell's any indication, they'll be running this place inside of a week.

Ha ha. I like how the crew is more accepting of these guys than those frozen humans from "The Neutral Zone." I guess the Season One smug mentality is finally wearing off.

BRENNA: And what are you staring at? Have you never seen a woman before?
RIKER: I thought I had.

Smooth, Will. Smooth.

[Nate the Great]

WORF: She is very like a Klingon woman.

I thought human women were too fragile for him! Still a Worf/Yar shipper, by the way...

Captain's log, supplemental. A review of stellar charts has revealed a Class M planet only half a light year from the Bringloid system.

The ship's sensors can't find a Class M planet at that distance? What point does this sentence achieve? Just say that you're going to the nearest Class M planet!

WORF: You can obtain spirituous liquours from the food dispensers.

As opposed to...cola liquors?

WORF: No, if you wish, it can be real alcohol.
DANILO: Good.
WORF: With all of the deleterious effects intact.

It's odd how Worf seems against real alcohol here when we'll see him drink other Klingons under the table in Deep Space Nine.

BRENNA: Why did you have to tell them that this magic wall can give them more than meat and potatoes? Now we'll never get a lick of work out of them.
WORF: Madam, have you considered a career in security?
BRENNA: If it's anything like babysitting, I'm an authority.

Great joke.

GRANGER: Two women and three men represented an insufficient gene pool from which to build a society.
PULASKI: How did you suppress the natural sexual drive? Drugs? Punitive laws?
GRANGER: In the beginning, a little bit of each. Now, after three hundred years, the entire concept of sexual reproduction is a little repugnant to us.

I'm confused as to why "insufficient gene pool"="no children whatsoever are allowed". What's wrong with maintaining the "natural sexual drive" even if you have to keep track of who everyone sleeps with?

GRANGER: We need an infusion of fresh DNA. I was hoping that you would be willing to share some tissue samples.
RIKER: You want to clone us?
GRANGER: Yes.

I'm confused as to why "we need clones from more people"="we must clone the first people we find whether they like it or not, instead of asking the billions in the Federation for volunteers."

RIKER: It's not a question of harm. One William Riker is unique, perhaps even special. But a hundred of him, a thousand of him diminishes me in ways I can't even imagine.

Insert Thomas Riker joke here. Even two William Rikers around seems to have diminished him! Insert Imzadi novel joke here as well. (You've all read Imzadi, haven't you?)

LAFORGE: Commander, with this I can see better than your average person. Now when someone lies there are certain physical manifestations. Variations in blush response, pupil dilation, pulse, breath rate. Doesn't always work with aliens, but humans? Got'em nailed.

Geordi's ability as a living lie detector sure would've come in handy in any number of other episodes, wouldn't it?

GRANGER: We asked for your help and you refused us. We're desperate. Desperate!
RIKER: And that gave you the right to assault us, to rob us.
GRANGER: We have the right to survive!

Not assault, rape. Life was created without permission, I call that rape. It's stuff like this that makes me think that there are two unrelated episodes here without room to adequately develop either one of them.

TROI: I know the Mariposan culture seems alien, even frightening, but really, we do have much in common. They're human beings fighting for survival. Would we do any less?

I jolly well hope so!

PULASKI: That's just postponing the inevitable. If they get an infusion of fresh DNA, in fifteen generations they'll just go back to the same problems.

I'd like to know how many new clones Pulaski is talking about here. Every human on board being cloned and nobody else? Isn't the human population of the Federation in the trillions? Couldn't everyone be cloned once and then they return to sexual reproduction?

GRANGER: Look at him. How could we ever integrate that into our society?
DANILO: You're no prize yourself.

Imagine the sitcom based on these two as roommates! It'd make Perfect Strangers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vbnLYROCj8) look positive normal!

PICARD: Now, Commander Riker has asked that your laboratories be inspected for stolen tissue samples, and I understand his concern. We may have to transport all your equipment here, to the Enterprise.
GRANGER: I see. When reason fails, you'll resort to blackmail.

Um, the equipment needs to be beamed up and cleansed of stolen DNA samples regardless of what happens after that. Property has been stolen and must be recovered.

PULASKI: Now if this is going to work, you're going to have to alter your society, too. Monogamous marriage will not be possible for several generations.
DANILO: I don't quite understand.
PULASKI: Thirty couples are enough to create a viable genetic base. But the broader the base the healthier and the safer the society. So it will be best if each woman, Bringloidi and Mariposan, had at least three children by three different men.

There are only thirty Bringloidi? It seemed like there was more than that, even if you discount the older ones who wouldn't be contributing to the new gene pool. And I gotta ask, even if the Bringloidi are integrated, why can't other Federation citizens move here and help out with the gene pool?

BRENNA: Oh, damn. What does he do again?
PICARD: Prime Minister.
BRENNA: Sounds important.
PICARD: Oh, it is.
BRENNA: Sounds like he might have more than two coins to rub together. Three husbands?

We didn't see much of the Mariposan society, but they sure seemed to be post-currency. Also, the notion that more money=more desirable seems rather repugnant to me, however realistic it may be.

Nipicker's Guide

* In this episode Worf can just push a few buttons to make the replicator make real alcohol, and yet in "Relics" Data seems to imply that the only real alcohol on board is behind Guinan's bar, i.e. you have to transport the stuff manually.
* Pulaski uses a hand scanner on the clones and knows that they're clones without even consulting her tricorder. How'd she do that?

YouTube

Brenna rails against Worf, a career in Security (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtQXGUy3GY0)
Will thought he's seen a woman before (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUxRgtlMxrM)
A Klingon tea ceremony (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iipDf1XkWXs)

[Nate the Great]

June 19th, 1988, "Manhunt"

This is the first time one of my fivers has come up in these retrospectives, I'll try to keep the self-congratulatory comments to a minimum. In fact, I'm completely skipping the fiver section this time, you can go read about it in the dicer thread...

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=manhunt) (by Nate the Great)
Script (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/145.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Manhunt_(episode))

The Episode

PICARD: Welcome. I'm Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise.

Greeting unconscious aliens seems rather odd. Surely the official greeting could wait until after they wake up and have breakfast.

WORF: What a handsome race.

There's a whole discussion to be had here about what the standards of beauty of alien races would be, but I'm not going to bother. The only thing I'm going to bring up is whether the same race would consider Antedeans and humans/Trill attractive.

DATA: Judging a being by its physical appearance is the last major human prejudice, Wesley.

I thought humans were perfect in these early seasons, thanks for the hypocrisy, Gene. Of course the real question is whether judging by appearance will really be the last prejudice. I expect something related to religion would take that "honor."

TROI: Oh, my God.
PICARD: What's the problem?
TROI: What's she doing here?

I don't have a problem with Troi sensing Lwaxana at this range, between their familial relationship and Lwaxana's stronger-than-normal telepathic ability this is only to be expected. My question is about the religious beliefs of Betazoids. Do they have gods? Or is this something that her father taught her?

DATA: Captain, we are receiving Starfleet orders granting a Lwaxana
LWAXANA: Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.
DATA: Full ambassadorial status, sir.

I get that this is necessary for the joke, but in real life this is absurd. Even if the ambassadorization of Lwaxana is a relatively recent event, subspace is very fast (except where it isn't, of course).

DATA: She is listed as representing the Betazed government at the conference.

First, that should either be "Betazoid government" or "government of Betazed". Second, while the Fifth House is definitely implied to at least be some sort of nobility on Betazed, I question her credentials in this field. Does the Fifth House govern a region on the planet a la a dukedom?

LWAXANA: You remember Mister Homn, of course.
PICARD: It would be hard to forget Mister Homn.
LWAXANA: I retain his services despite the outlandishly lustful thoughts he spews in my direction.

I thought it was Homn's predecessor Mr. Xelo who had erotic thoughts about her. It's easy enough to chalk this one up to a delusion on Lwaxana's part, since she persists in thinking that Picard is attracted to her.

LWAXANA [telepath]: He has nice legs too, Little One. Is he still yours?
TROI [telepath]: Humans no longer own each other that way, Mother.

Lwaxana's opinion of Riker is an interesting story too long to repeat here. I'll just refer you to the novel "Imzadi" and "Dark Page." And humans do "own" each other that way, they call it marriage. Remember that even Vulcan's use the word in reference to their spouse. Apparently two-way ownership makes it not icky. Apparently...

LWAXANA: I am be serving a Betazoid dinner of greeting tonight, Captain. It is an ambassadorial function.
PICARD: It sounds delightful.

The weird thing is that Picard doesn't ask the computer about this dinner of greeting thing and find out that Lwaxana outright lied.

LWAXANA: He's a fine man. Solid, reliable. He's a little on the stuffy side, but, all in all, he's not that bad.
TROI: I can't believe you, Mother. You sound like you're sizing up a commodity.
LWAXANA: But that's exactly what men are, darling. Especially human men. Was your father ever unhappy with me?
TROI: No. He worshipped you. But I don't think I'll ever learn to see men the way you do.

Another essay that I won't write here.

PICARD: Doctor? You're not attending the dinner with the rest of us this evening?
PULASKI: I've already eaten, but thanks, Captain.

I still feel that there was more to explore with this whole "Pulaski is not a bridge officer" thing. One thing I'll say that differentiates her from Crusher is that Pulaski seems content to be 100% medical. I won't comment on whether this is a good or bad thing. I'll just take a meaningless aside and mention that one of the Strange New Worlds compilations has a story about Kirk practically forcing McCoy to take command for a bit, with interesting results.

RIKER: Yes, it's something Troi warned me about when we first started to see each other. A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase, quadruples her sex drive.
TROI: Or more.
RIKER: Or more? You never told me that.
TROI: I didn't want to frighten you.

I think when we get up to multiplying by four, multiplying by five or six instead isn't really all that big of a deal. Troi is wonderfully embarrassed during this exchange.

TROI: She has decided to focus all of her sexual energy on one male, who will, of course, eventually become her husband. It seems, Captain, that you are the early favourite.
RIKER: Congratulations, sir!
PICARD: I'm not amused, Number One.

Riker is having such a great time, just wait until she turns her attention on him instead. You know what they say about karma.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Setting, San Francisco California, United States Of America. The year, 1945 A.D. The office of Dixon Hill, Private Investigator.
COMPUTER: Programme complete. You may enter when ready.

Ah, the early days of the holodeck when the scenario had to be constructed from the ground up each time. How I don't miss them...

MADELINE: Hi, Dix.
PICARD: Madeline. Good to see you again.
MADELINE: You're too much, Dix. You make it sound like you ain't seen me in a year.

Really, Picard hasn't been here since "The Big Goodbye"? I get that it's a joke for the viewers, but it doesn't make sense in-universe.

MADELINE: Are you kidding? The last time we had a new case, Hitler and Stalin were bosom buddies.

Given limited research, Madeline is referring to 1941, with it being 1945 now. I call four years to be stretching hyperbole a bit. I'd have used "the last time we had a new case, we weren't at war yet."

(Picard takes off his coat and hat, turns on the radio and looks around. The song is 'Let's Get Away From It All, sung by a group that sounds like the Beverly Sisters. He sits down, puts his feet up on the desk and relaxes)

The Beverly Sisters were sort of the British version of the Andrews Sisters, from the 1950s. Anachronistic. "Let's Get Away From It All" was written in 1941, but it didn't become a standard until the late '50s. Anachronistic.

LWAXANA: Unavailable? Ship's business? You mean ship's business takes precedence over me?
TROI: I'm afraid so, Mother.
LWAXANA: Oh, well, he was too old for me anyway.

Lwaxana's age was never established, but for the sake of argument let's say she was the same age as Majel Barrett at the time of this episode: 57. Picard is sixty at this point. Even if we push Lwaxana a bit younger, I don't really consider this age gap insurmountable, especially for the era of extended lifespans in the 24th century.

WORF: I am not a man.
LWAXANA: Which is in your favour, men so often being irrational and egotistical. But unfortunately, I've grown accustomed to human companionship. Pity. You'd have made a fine choice.

The use of "man" as an exclusive reference to humanity seems a bit odd here. Lwaxana preferring human companionship seems odd, given that she had a Betazoid husband before Ian ("Dark Page", which is after this, granted).

LWAXANA: Well, who's next, Mister Homn?
(Homn thinks, then puts his hand across his eyes)
LWAXANA: Ah yes.

Geordi? Really? The guy is terrible with women, he's way too young for her, being only a year older than Deanna, and doesn't have the skills to help lead the Fifth House. And is he likely to leave the ship, or did Lwaxana really get ambassadorial status only to give it up to be an officer's wife? Or does this "Phase" allow for living separately with occasional booty calls?

PICARD: Ah, now let me see. That would be Scotch, neat.

"I was drinking Scotch a hundred years before you were born and I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definitely not Scotch."

TROI: Mother, what are you doing here? You can't just stroll on to the Bridge whenever you feel like it.
LWAXANA: I didn't just stroll on, dear. I took the turbo tube, or whatever you call it.

This is a real question-why did the turbolift even let her on the Bridge? One would imagine that you'd either need a commbadge or your specific lifesigns programmed into the list of allowed users. Then again, I suppose Lwaxana's ambassadorial status allows her full access to secure areas. It's still rude of Lwaxana, of course.

REX: I'm as jumpy as Haircut Lapinski trying to land on a fraction.

You'd think there would be someone the studio could call about '40s-era colloquialisms. This one just sounds dumb, the New Math won't hit the scene for almost twenty years!

RIKER: Well, troubles. We've got some, Captain. It seems that a certain woman, both wealthy and beautiful, now thinks that that she's going to marry me.

It's the "wealthy" part that confuses me. Betazoid strikes me as a culture that may care about nobility and titles, but is still post-scarcity and moneyless. The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is just a moldy clay pot, after all, symbolic rather than commercial value.

LWAXANA: Hello, computer? Is Commander Riker still on the Bridge?
COMPUTER: Negative. Riker is currently in holodeck three.

You'd think she could've asked about the captain earlier, but it's amazing how many plotholes can be dismissed with the excuse of "the Phase is muddling her thinking."

LWAXANA: He's strong. I get no thoughts from him at all. Nothing. I've never known a man so able to keep his true feelings completely hidden.

The idea of a race immune to Betazoid telepathy is unknown to her? Chalk another plothole up to Phase-muddled thinking...

LWAXANA: Don't bother to deny it. Your minds are so unsophisticated I can read your thoughts in my sleep. Their robes are lined with ultritium, highly explosive, virtually undetectable by your transporter.

I don't like the idea of a substance that isn't covered by ordinary scans, but only shows up when you specifically tell the computer to look for it. I'd prefer it if each delegate had one part of a two-part explosive, each part totally benign unless you're in the presence of something available on the planet that could combine them.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Robert O'Reilley, as Scarface. We won't see him as a human again until "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang."

Nitpicker's Guide

* It's odd that Picard wears a dress uniform a lot this episode, but Troi doesn't.
* Phil questions why Troi didn't detect any malicious intent on the part of the Antedians. Easy answer, she wasn't around them when they weren't in stasis until the end, and by then she was distracted by her mother.
* Phil also questions how Picard got so much more adept at smoking between "The Big Goodbye" and if the damage reverses itself. I can't dispute the first part, this seems like only his second time in the world of Dixon Hill. The second part is easy-the holodeck can duplicate every aspect of a cigarette except the damaging part.
* Phil claims that the Dixon Hill part takes place in 1941 when radios took time to warm up (although it would make the Hitler/Stalin reference more accurate). In "The Big Goodbye" 1941 is specified, but in this episode Picard clearly says 1945. While it's not weird to think that the literary adventures of Hill take place over four years, one wonders why they changed the year for this.

[NAHTMMM]

Brownie points (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brownie_points) are hardly that obscure of an expression.



I really want to tell the blue orange juice story, but I want to give you guys some time to guess.
I was referring to the other end of the novel. Maybe they weren't explicitly banana cream pies. It's been a while.


The "Manhunt" fiver is good all the way through, no standout bits to call out.

[Nate the Great]

Another late entry, sorry about that.

July 10th, 1989, "Peak Performance"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/147.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Peak_Performance_(episode))

The Episode

WORF: Despite their reputations, this Zakdorn does not appear to be a very formidable warrior.

This raises the question: at this point (i.e. no Jem'Hadar yet) who besides the Klingons rigorously train in hand-to-hand combat? (If the novels are to believed, the Vulcans do. I refer you to the novel Sarek). And Zakdorn are as capable as anyone of using ship's controls to fire on another ship, right?

KOLRAMI: Captain Picard, it is my understanding that you initially resisted Starfleet's request for this simulation.
PICARD: Yes.
KOLRAMI: May I know why?
PICARD: Starfleet is not a military organisation. Its purpose is exploration.

Cue SF Debris rant. I'll just repeat one of Chuck's arguments: BEING READY FOR COMBAT IS STILL YOUR JOB!

RIKER: I think it's a waste of effort to test our combat skills. It's a minor province in the make-up of a starship captain.

IT'S STILL YOUR JOB!

(He seems to be building a matchstick ship, The door chime makes him break a stick.)
WORF: Enter!
RIKER: Am I disturbing you?
(Worf sweeps the wreckage off the desk)
WORF: Just finished.

Poor Worf. One wonders if he's built a ship in a bottle yet.

WORF: If there is nothing to lose, no sacrifice, then there is nothing to gain.
RIKER: You mean besides pride.

Exactly. While I can buy that Klingons don't believe in simulated or "safe" combat (they probably never invented laser tag), I can't buy that "pride" is the only thing to gain. I can't think of anything else at the moment, but there must be something...

RIKER: You're out-manned, you're out-gunned, you're out-equipped. What else have you got?
WORF: Guile.

The mind is the best weapon any of us will ever have. That's why the Borg keep losing, that's why the Dominion lost.

LAFORGE: So you're going to beat him?
RIKER: Nope.
LAFORGE: Well, then it's going to be a close one.
RIKER: No.
LAFORGE: But you have got a chance?
RIKER: Nah.
LAFORGE: Are you going to bother to show up?
RIKER: Sure, Kolrami is the best ever at Strategema. Just to get to play him is a privilege.

Understandable, but I feel this time Riker's priorities are a bit misplaced. Kolrami already doesn't like you, you don't want to give him more ammunition to use against you. At least challenging Spock to 3D chess won't result in him insulting you when he wins.

PULASKI: Against an opponent of approximate skill, Strategema can last well over one thousand moves.

Sheesh. Why do humans play this game? If Paul Stubbs is to be believed, BASEBALL is too slow to be enjoyed anymore!

WORF: I have wagered heavily in the ship's pool that you will take him past the sixth plateau.
RIKER: And if I don't?
WORF: I will be irritated.

When we have a game like Stratagema that the writers know will never be revisited, the number of made-up terms to be used should be limited. What is the "sixth plateau"? Just say X seconds or Y moves!

PULASKI: Maybe you should challenge Kolrami to Strategema.
DATA: Why, Doctor?
PULASKI: Because when someone is that smug, you occasionally have to deflate them just a little.

Oh yeah, these people are perfect alright. They don't believe in mourning, but the desire to crush a smug person's ego is perfectly alright. Money doesn't exist but gambling still does. It's a good thing I'm not a psychologist or I'd have a field day with this nonsense...

RIKER: (offers him the First Officer's seat) Mister Worf.
WORF: Sir, Lieutenant La Forge is a superior officer. The honour should be his.
RIKER: Worf, this is a battle simulation. You're my Tactical Officer. I've discussed this with Geordi and we agreed. You need to be at my side.

Why is this here? Worf should be at Tactical, and we don't need a First Officer in this case, nobody's going to be hurt!

RIKER [OC]: Now, what are the possibilities of warp drive?
LAFORGE: Not good. There are only a few dilithium fragments left in the holding clamps. Even if we had crystals that were intact, there's no anti-matter to fuel the drive.

It occurs to me that the warp core was designed to aim the matter and antimatter streams at a specific point which corresponds to a critical nexus point within the chunk of dilithium. If all you've got are chips, are they going to split the matter and antimatter streams into multiple smaller streamers, each aimed at a specific chip in a way that will ensure that the resulting plasma streams will coalesce into a proper stream to send to the nacelles? I'd want Data on hand to calculate that sort of thing!

RIKER [on viewscreen]: What's the Zakdornian word for mismatch?
KOLRAMI: Challenge. We do not whine about the inequities of life. And how you perform in a mismatch is precisely what is of interest to Starfleet. After all, when one is in the superior position, one is expected to win.

I have to agree with Kolrami on this one. The Borg are a big reason why we're doing this, and they proved that we need to learn how to improvise in battle conditions.

KOLRAMI: Play against a machine. Why should I wish to?

We've seen plenty of "android's aren't really sentient beings with rights" sentiments in TNG, but I'm surprised Kolrami would be among those voicing them. Wouldn't he have examined the combat records of the entire senior staff in preparation for this mission?

NAGEL: (a lady officer) But what about the viewscreen?
WORF: If I am successful, the computer will project a false image of the enemy ship on the main viewscreen.

The image on the viewscreen is already an image, Worf is just hacking it. Are there still people who think the thing is just a window?

KOLRAMI: I saw no sense in Riker choosing him anyway. Just a non-commissioned child.

While Wesley might not be a "senior officer" yet, he's definitely a bridge officer, and Kolrami should've read his record.

DATA: In the present context, what did she mean by bust him up?
TROI: In her own way, Doctor Pulaski was instructing you to take the shortest route to victory.
DATA: As opposed to what?

No, Pulaski was saying to decisively defeat Kolrami, humiliate him. Win by ten points instead of one. If we're going to act like Data doesn't have all metaphors memorized by now, we should at least use correct definitions when teaching him.

[Nate the Great]

KOLRAMI: Having studied William Riker's file prior to this assignment, I have found him wanting.
PICARD: In what regard?
KOLRAMI: His work record is exemplary, but, as you well know, a starship captain is not manufactured. He, or she, is born from inside. From the character of the individual. My interviews have revealed a man who displays circumstantially inappropriate joviality, belying the seriousness of his station.

Ugh. As we will see in "The Best of Both Worlds", Riker can act like a captain when the time comes to act like a captain. It's not his job to be as serious as a captain when he's not a captain.

RIKER: You went back to the Enterprise for that? Wes, you cheated.

I'm going to assume that the accusation of "cheating" wasn't in reference to Wes' lie, it's referring to the given scenario: only use what's on the Hathaway. And that is cheating.

Here's the real question: Why is the Hathaway here? It was stripped of important equipment and just left in a random star system? Why? I'd almost prefer it if the Enterprise got it from that Zakdorn depot from "Unification" and towed it to the star system next door for these war games.

LAFORGE: Ever driven a Grenthemen Water Hopper?
RIKER: Yes.
LAFORGE: Ever popped the clutch?
RIKER: You're saying we're going to stall the Hathaway?

This the only mention of a Grenthemen Water Hopper in all of Trek. Of course, I don't think "stalling" is the appropriate metaphor here. I see two major problems with this whole setup: the crystals and streams aren't aligned properly and the antimatter or plasma hits something it shouldn't, or the calculations are wrong and there still isn't enough energy to engage the warp coils. Either we're dead or the inside of the engine gets messed up and we don't move. Not a "stall."

PICARD: I am less than an hour away from a battle simulation, and I have to hand-hold an android.
PULASKI: The burdens of command.

As smug as Pulaski can be sometimes, I like this line. It goes a long way to explaining why she never became a bridge officer.

PICARD: It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.

How often have we run into the reality of this truth?

DATA: I have several examples of Commander Riker's battle technique. At the Academy, he calculated a sensory blind spot on a Tholian vessel and hid within it during a battle simulation.

I hope it's a vessel that's not designed to make a Tholian Web, you don't want any blind spots on those ships!

(Kolrami laughs as the Hathaway lands multiple hits on the Enterprise)
PICARD: Warp three, evasive. Stand by. Disengage weapons and shields. Re-engage modified beam.
KOLRAMI: He's quite good.
PICARD: He's the best.

Aw, Kolrami has a sense of humor after all. I do like him better than most of the Insane Guest Star Officials of the Week.

PICARD: Where are my weapons?
BURKE: Unavailable, sir! We cannot disengage the modified beams. The connections have been fused.

So...they actually disconnected the phaser arrays from the source of the usual reticulated phased energy and connected them to fancy flashlights? I'd think foregoing the phaser arrays entirely and networking the computers of the two ships to "pretend" to fire would be enough.

KOLRAMI: As the Starfleet observer I am ordering you to withdraw!

We never got the implication that Kolrami was in Starfleet or had special dispensation to order Picard around. At least in TOS they had good reasons why the Insane Guest Star of the Week couldn't be told to shut up.

BRACTOR [on viewscreen]: I am Bractor, leader of the Ferengi attack vessel Kreechta. I shall have the secret of the other Federation ship. Surrender it to me, and I will allow your Enterprise to leave unharmed. You have ten of your minutes.

Hi Armin! I'm also reminded of the time on Stargate when Mitchell used "our Earth minutes". Daniel asks, "'Earth minutes'?" Mitchell replies, "Yeah, I always wanted to say that."

DATA: Premise. The Ferengi wish to capture the Hathaway believing it to be value. Therefore we must remove the ship from their field of interest.
KOLRAMI: And they will soon relocate it after a two second warp.
PICARD: There is a way.

Okay, here's the thing: ship's sensors have to keep track of everything within range whether they're told to look or not, or else something serious could happen. Two seconds at Warp One is six hundred thousand kilometers, fifteen times transporter range. The warp jump was meant to surprise, not escape. The Ferengi would find them almost immediately.

DATA: If the warp engines fail to function, the result could be unfortunate.

Understatement of the year, Data.

WORF: That only deceive them for a few minutes. Their sensors will soon locate us.

Ferengi sensors are so far behind Federation ones that they're that inefficient? They don't operate at the speed of light? Even if they operate at impulse speeds, it would only take ten seconds to find the Hathaway?

DATA: I simply altered my premise for playing the game.
RIKER: Explain.
DATA: Working under the assumption that Kolrami was attempting to win, it is reasonable to assume that he expected me to play for the same goal.
WESLEY: You didn't.
DATA: No. I was playing only for a standoff, a draw. While Kolrami was dedicated to winning, I was able to pass up obvious avenues of advancement and settle for a balance. Theoretically, I should be able to challenge him indefinitely.
PULASKI: Then you have beaten him.
DATA: It is a matter of perspective, Doctor. In the strictest sense, I did not win.
TROI + PULASKI: Data!
DATA: I busted him up.
ALL: Yes!

Great scene.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can Worf hack the Ferengi's viewscreen? He doesn't know how they work! The second edition says that a reader replied that Starfleet's spies in the Romulan empire got the specs, I still don't buy it.
* Couldn't our crew have used holodecks for this scenario?

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to do "The Emissary", I'll have to get back to that.

[Nate the Great]

June 26th, 1989, "The Emissary"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theemissary) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/146.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Emissary_(episode))

The Episode

DATA: I believe the wiser course of action here is to bend.
LAFORGE: You mean fold, Data.
DATA: That is correct. Fold. To bend. To make compact or to capitulate.

Ugh. If he really has memorized all books ever written about poker, he should know that you can't use a synonym for "fold" here.

WORF: Talk or play. Not both.

I understand this sentiment. It's possible to do both simultaneously, but people rarely do.

RIKER: The Iceman wins again.

It's a shame Worf never met Koloth, as Curzon Dax gave him the same nickname.

DATA: The game is seven card stud. After the queen, one-eyed jacks and low card in the hole are wild.
LAFORGE: Wait a minute, let me write this down.

Is this considered a particularly complicated set of house rules? Incidentally, the one-eyed jacks are Spades and Hearts. The King of Diamonds is the only other face card with only one visible eye.

DATA: Emergency signal reads as follows. Enterprise to divert to coordinates four-two-three by one one two by five one immediately. Further orders forthcoming.
RIKER: That's it? What's the emergency?

If K'ehleyr's probe is supposed to be secret, why use an emergency signal? Surely emergency signals are less coding to be more easily understood. Wouldn't a top-secret signal be more appropriate?

GROMEK [on viewscreen]: Captain, you will soon be joined by a Federation special emissary from Starbase One Five Three. We Are now transmitting the specifics.
DATA: We are receiving, sir.

So...the shorter the distance a subspace signal has to go, the more hard it is for someone else to intercept or decode? Reasonable, I suppose, but it still raises more questions.

DATA: Apparently there were no starships available on Starbase One Five Three. The envoy is aboard a class eight probe.

The idea of "no starships at a starbase" seems odd, but I suppose it wouldn't be a good idea to send a civilian ship within range of a possibly hostile Klingon ship. This is the only mention of Class 8 Probes in canon, although the Technical Manual states it's a medium range probe suitable for multiple missions.

PICARD: If the transmitters and the sensors were removed and life-support installed, there would be just enough room for one person.

Transmitters, fair enough, K'ehleyr won't need any. No sensors seems rather dangerous, especially for something going at high warp.

PICARD: Engage tractor.
O'BRIEN [OC]: Transporter beam locked, Captain.
PICARD: Energise.

Um, don't they have to turn off the probe's warp engines first? Just because the probe is motionless relative to the ship doesn't mean it's not still moving.

PICARD: Number One?
RIKER: I'll welcome our visitor.

Riker could've been in the transporter room by now, I don't think he actually contributed to the rendezvous.

RIKER: Something wrong, Doctor?
PULASKI: I'm not sure. The readings are quite interesting.

Sure, this is needed for the exposition later, but in-universe it makes no sense. Human/Klingon hybrids are hardly common, but there have to be enough of them around for the tricorder to know what standard H/K hybrid lifesigns look like. Remember that Crell Moset can ID a H/K hybrid based only on visual inspection!

RIKER: nuqneH. qaleghneS.

Translation: What do you want? I am honored to see you.
A bit blunt, but apparently a traditional Klingon greeting.

K'EHLEYR: You speak Klingon.
RIKER: A little.

Putting aside Riker's experiences in "A Matter of Honor" (about five months ago in-universe), he seems like the kind of guy who would memorize greetings and farewells in a few of the more common languages.

K'EHLEYR: Klingons are not supposed to mind hardship. Nonetheless, I am delighted to be out of that damned coffin.

I like her, I wish she could've made more appearances.

PICARD: This is Lieutenant--
K'EHLEYR: Worf. So this is where you've been hiding. I told you we'd meet again. Aren't you going to greet me?
WORF: I have nothing to say to you.
K'EHLEYR: Haven't changed a bit. Well, I missed you, too.

Meaningless aside, but their prior encounters are related in the Starfleet Academy novels Line of Fire and Survival.

TROI: And you believe you can convince these Klingons that the humans are now their allies?
K'EHLEYR: No, not a chance. If you ask me, talking will be a waste of time. Klingons of that era were raised to despise humans. We'll try diplomacy. But I promise you it won't work. And then you'll have to destroy them.

I can appreciate being realistic, but in this case I wonder why K'ehleyr is even here. Did she lie to her superiors about her opinion of this mission? Is she still the best choice? Has Ambassador Spock left for Romulus yet?

PICARD: Are there any personal reasons you don't want the assignment?
WORF: Yes.
PICARD: Any professional reasons?
WORF: No. (Picard's left eyebrow raises slightly) I withdraw my request, Captain.

Nice scene, and a useful lesson for Worf.

TROI: I didn't know it was possible for a human and a Klingon to produce a child.
K'EHLEYR: Actually, the DNA is compatible, with a fair amount of help. Rather like my parents.

Even if these hybrids are rare the tricorder should know what they look like. Even if the "standard H/K hybrid life signs" stored in the tricorder are from K'ehleyr herself.

K'EHLEYR: Worf, we're alone now. You don't have to act like a Klingon glacier. I don't bite. Well, that's wrong, I do bite.

Ha ha. I still wish K'ehleyr and B'elanna met at some point.

K'EHLEYR: I mean, as I see it, we have some unfinished business, you and I.
WORF: Not as far as I'm concerned.

Nice lie, Worf.

WORF: There are always options.
K'EHLEYR: Oh, are there? Tell me, whatever happened to that wonderful Klingon fatalism of yours?
WORF: My experiences aboard this ship have taught me that most problems have more than one solution.
K'EHLEYR: Starfleet hasn't improved you one bit. You're as stubborn as ever.

It's nice to see how Worf's character development has progressed with each season. Season One Worf would've gone with "talk, but be ready to destroy them."

(She takes out her pent up rage on the poor defenceless glass table. Then the doorbell rings)

Cue transparent aluminum ranting again.

PICARD: I've never before seen the Lieutenant so unsettled.
RIKER: The Iceman's finally melting.

I'm reminded of Worf's encounter with the illusionary Klingon woman in "Hide and Q." There's a lot to extract here about Worf's attitude towards women at this time, but that would get boring really quick.

[Nate the Great]

K'EHLEYR: It's not much of a programme.
WORF: Computer, level two.

Great moment. She was asking for it.

K'EHLEYR: Worf, you're the perfect Klingon. The ultimate minimalist.

Klingons are minimalists? There's a lot to extract here, too.

K'EHLEYR: Why didn't we do this six years ago?
WORF: We were not ready.
K'EHLEYR: I was.
WORF: No, we were both too young, too unaware. We lacked commitment.

Their relationship evolved from 2357-2359, when Worf was 17-19. Granted, Klingons mature at a different rate than humans, and the issue of when people should lose their virginity is another big discussion for elsewhere, but here's the important thing. Worf seems to believe that sex=marriage at this point. Did he really think so when he was a teenager?

K'EHLEYR: Wait. You can't mean--
WORF: We are mated.
K'EHLEYR: Yes, I know. I was there. But--

First, this moment is great because it marks the point when K'ehleyr looses control of her "superiority" over Worf. She was pretending to be more mature than she was to maintain control over Worf. Second, "I was there" is a great punchline.

K'EHLEYR: Worf, it was what it was. Glorious and wonderful and all that, but it doesn't mean anything.

This is an interesting statement. Does she really treat sex as something "hormonal rather than emotional" as Picard put it in "Attached"?

K'EHLEYR: I will not take the oath!
WORF: Then this night had no meaning. And that, I will not believe.

Like I said, Worf has evolved emotionally. He's a great character.

K'EHLEYR: Poor android. Whose behaviour do you find more perplexing? Human or Klingon?
DATA: At the moment, I would find it difficult to choose.
K'EHLEYR: So would I.

Nice moment.

PICARD: Could the T'Ong be disabled rather than destroyed?
LAFORGE: We could probably knock out their warp drive engines without damaging the rest of their ship.
K'EHLEYR: That would gain you nothing. Disable the ship, and K'Temoc will destroy it himself.
WORF: Klingons do not surrender.

I find it dubious that Worf wouldn't know where to fire on such an old ship to disable the self-destruct.

DATA: Sensors show life forms aboard, but I am unable to ascertain whether they are awake or dormant.

Really? Life forms in stasis must put out sensor reading sufficiently different from ordinary sleep to make it easy to determine. Furthermore, the Enterprise should be able to scan through hundred-year old shields.

LAFORGE: I think so. Those old shields weren't particularly efficient at blocking gamma ray output.

Um, Geordi? Cloaking device on means shields off. Period. Would it be so hard to say "those old ships weren't particularly efficient and suppressing gamma ray output while cloaked"?

RIKER: How did you like command?
WORF: Comfortable chair.
K'EHLEYR: And you wore it well.

She's such a good compliment for Worf, willing to be serious when she has to but silly the rest of the time.

K'EHLEYR: I hid the truth from you. Last night did have meaning. I was tempted to take the oath with you, but it scared me. I've never had such strong feelings toward anyone.
WORF: Nor have I.
K'EHLEYR: Then it was more than just a point of honour. Maybe someday, when our paths cross again, I won't be as easy to get rid of.
WORF: K'Ehleyr. I will not be complete without you.

How romantic.

The Fiver

Riker: I'm curious -- what made you choose a career as a special emissary?
K'Ehleyr: I decided I didn't have the temperament to become the chief engineer of a Federation starship.

"Plus being a diplomat is less dangerous and you get more benefits. At least that's what I thought until they stuffed me into this probe."

K'Ehleyr: Lieutenant Worf needs no introduction, Captain. He just needs to decide whether he's going to kiss me or hit me.
Worf: And in what order.

How tacky. Klingons hit then kiss. And then read love poetry. And claw at you...

Picard: What makes you think they would act in a hostile manner if they discovered humans on those planets?
K'Ehleyr: They were sent out on their original mission on the same day they learned that James Kirk had beamed eighty-thousand tribbles into their sister ship's engine room.

But Scotty said they'd be no tribble at all!

Troi: I didn't think humans and Klingons could produce children.
K'Ehleyr: Actually, the DNA is compatible.
Troi: I was talking about surviving the mating ritual.
K'Ehleyr: Well, that can be a concern.

Never did like the Worf/Troi romance, even if it gave us a nice novel in Imzadi II: Triangle.

Worf: (in Picard's chair) Drop your shields and surrender, K'Temoc!
K'Temoc: (on viewscreen) A uniformed Klingon warrior in command of a Starfleet vessel? Impossible!
Worf: Skeptical fool! The Empire and the Federation are allies in this century!
K'Temoc: How repugnant! For what price did our cowardly leaders sell their honour to these humans?
Worf: For the secret of how to prevent tribbles from reproducing!
K'Temoc: Not a bad deal.

Did they run out of genetic stock to make glommers?

K'Ehleyr: Very well. Two to beam over.
Worf: Two? Who is the other person?
K'Ehleyr: I'll introduce you to him or her when we next see each other.
Worf: Then I shall spend the time until your return in a considerable state of expectation.
K'Ehleyr: Believe me, so will I.

Dun dun dun...

Memory Alpha

* The planned Worf/Selar romance was scrapped when this episode was written. A pity, while I like K'ehleyr a longer romance with a Vulcan would've made for some interesting stories.

Nitpicker's Guide

* What was the T'Ong's secret mission anyway? If it's weapons related it wouldn't work because technology would advance while they were asleep.
* Why would Worf use a Federation time system talking to a Klingon? Don't the Klingons have their own year system probably related to an event in Kahless's lifetime?
* How can this be Worf's first command if he commanded the saucer in "Encounter at Farpoint"?
* Would the holodeck have let K'ehleyr attack Worf with a holographic weapon?

[Nate the Great]

I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up. Real Life commitments and all that. I'll catch up later.

[DrWho42]

I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up. Real Life commitments and all that. I'll catch up later.

no worries! looking forward to it :cool:

[Nate the Great]

July 17th, 1989, "Shades of Grey"


No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/148.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Shades_of_Gray_(episode))


For alternate ways to do a bottle show with no budget or time to write a script, I refer you to SF Debris' review. I hate this episode, so let's get this over with and move on to Season Three...


The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 42976.1. During a geological survey on Surata Four, Commander Riker has become infected by an unidentified microbe.


The survey should've been mentioned in a Captain's Log at the start. Don't ask me why Riker and Geordi are the only two members of a geological survey away team. I get it, no money for extras, but why isn't Data down here?

PULASKI: The Commander's nervous system has been invaded by an unknown microorganism. Not a bacteria, not a virus, but with the elements of both.



From what I know of bacterial and viral structure, you can't really mix them.



PULASKI: The organisms fuse to the nerve, intertwining at the molecular level.
RIKER: That's why the transporter's biofilters weren't able to extract it.



This seems like a time to bring up the Time Squared method, reconstruct his body using a previous transporter pattern. It's not like Will would miss his memories of this planet.


RIKER: Well, these things happen.
PICARD: When least expected.
RIKER: I'm surprised they don't happen more often. After all, we are exploring the unknown.
PICARD: And the unknown can be benign or malevolent.
RIKER: Captain, one of the things I've learned anything on these voyages, on this ship, and from you, is that most life forms act out of an instinct for survival, not out of malice.
PICARD: It's an important lesson, and I admire your lack of resentment, Number One.
RIKER: If you drop a hammer on your foot, it's hardly useful to get mad at the hammer.



A shame there wasn't more time to write scenes like this instead of relying on flashbacks. It's almost like Star Trek doesn't need to have expensive alien makeup or special effects every time and could just be people talking every so often! *massive sarcasm*



PULASKI: Something wrong?
TROI: No, it's just that Commander Riker's emotions are rather passionate.
PULASKI: As in erotic?
TROI: Very much so.


I'd argue about the difference between romantic passion and eroticism, but given that the previous scene was about Minuet, I suspect now's not the time. It's a shame that we couldn't have Troi comment about her feelings regarding Riker's other girlfriends. Plenty of room for character development there.


Nitpicker's Guide

* When Geordi and Data return to the planet, they know that plant thorns are a potential problem. Why didn't Geordi wear leg protection?
* Riker didn't have a single memory not from the previous two years come up?

[Nate the Great]

September 25th, 1989, "Evolution"


SFDebris already made the Scrubs joke, moving on...


No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/150.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Evolution_(episode))


The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43125.8. We have entered a spectacular binary star system in the Kavis Alpha sector on a most critical mission of astro-physical research. Our eminent guest, Doctor Paul Stubbs, will attempt to study the decay of neutronium expelled at relativistic speeds by a massive stellar explosion which will occur here in a matter of hours.



Ah, Treknobabble. Neutronium comes from neutron stars, which come from supernovas. "Relativistic speeds" means close to the speed of light, which I doubt something as dense as neutronium could achieve anyway. And "a matter of hours" implies less than a day, which the events of this episode dispute.


STUBBS: Over and over again, the intense gravitational pull of the little neutron star sucks up the star material from the red giant, and it builds up on the surface until it explodes, every one hundred and ninety six years. Like clockwork.


It's always nice to see a periodic event that doesn't have lots of zeroes in it's cyclical period. And this Treknobabble contradicts the Captain's Log. I doubt that the neutron star can turn the captured stellar material into neutronium in only 196 years.



STUBBS: The interstellar counterpart to Earth's Old Faithful.



I don't mind blatant Earth references from human civilians. We get the impression that in the Trek universe most non-Starfleet humans prefer to live in predominantly human colonies and planets.



CRUSHER: Computer, fix the food slot.
COMPUTER: The food slot is functioning properly.



Food slot? When did this turn into a TOS episode?


CRUSHER: Does he have many friends? Has he ever been in love?


It's not hard to see why Wesley wouldn't mention Selea, but I'm confused why Picard or Guinan wouldn't have sent a message to her about this at the time.


WORF: Vector. Is gone. And so is the Borg vessel.
PICARD: You're telling me this is another computer glitch?
DATA: It is conceivable that he was viewing a synthetically generated image, sir.
RIKER: That our computer was daydreaming?



Creating an image on the viewscreen is one kind of glitch, fooling Worf's sensors with corresponding trajectory readings is another. This must be a very specific glitch if it can fool that many systems in tandem. Are the nanites conducting an experiment here?

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The system automatically provides for self-correction, Captain. There has not been a systems-wide technological failure on a starship in seventy nine years.

The year is 2366. Subtract 79 years and you get 2287. The only other event in Trek canon in this year is Star Trek V. If that was the intention it's clever, but when I think "systems-wide technological failure" in the 23rd century I think of Scotty's sabotage of the Excelsior, but that was 81 years ago.

GUINAN: I've never been any good at being confined to quarters, as my husbands will attest to.

There are some disturbing implications here. Couldn't she reference her parents instead? Childhood hijinks would be safer and more relatable!

WESLEY: I've been working on my final project for Advanced Genetics. It's on nanotechnology. I've been studying the nanites we have in the Sickbay genetic supplies. They're these little tiny robots with gigabytes of mechanical computer memory. They're designed to enter living cells and conduct repairs. They're supposed to remain confined to the lab.

Gigabytes, ha ha ha. This is why the term "quad" exists, writers!

PICARD: How many generations are we dealing with here?

A question not answered, nor do I think it's particularly relevant. Does Picard know the capabilities of nanites after 1000 generations, 2000 generations, etc.? I doubt it.

STUBBS: It's no more mysterious than watching a strain of the Leutscher virus reproduce itself. And that at least is a bona fide lifeform. How many disease germs and viruses have you destroyed in your time, Doctor Crusher?
PICARD: Doctor Stubbs, we cannot exterminate something that may or may not be intelligent.

Once again we have confusion between "life form" and "Intelligent life form". As of yet we have no evidence that these nanites are any more intelligent than a microbe. And we have no problem killing those.

DATA: They could penetrate the molecular fabric of my hand-covering into my nerve circuitry, and interface with my verbal programs.
WORF: If they have control of a Starfleet Commander, they become an even greater threat.
PICARD: How can we be sure we can get them out of you?

A valid concern. I'd call this an unacceptable risk. Would Picard let a crewmember get infected by a potential deadly disease just to communicate with another race?

CRUSHER: See? Now that is healthy for a boy his age. I mean that as a doctor, not as just a mother. It is so good to see him having fun for a change, with an attractive young woman who obviously looks at him with extraordinary affection. What do you know about this girl?

Haha.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Wesley's spacing of the traps seems suspect. Phil only mentions the improbable number required at the given spacing, I add that replicating all of these suckers would raise some eyebrows in the Engineering crew. And wouldn't Data notice Wesley making these things?

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to tell the blue orange juice story. It's a reference to the hilarious TOS novel "How Much For Just The Planet?" Another starship has problems with their food slots, somehow blue dye keeps getting into the food. Eventually they give up and go with it.

[Nate the Great]

October 2nd, 1989, "The Ensigns of Command"


No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/149.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Ensigns_of_Command_(episode))

The Episode

DATA: Captain. Doctor. I am honoured by your presence, but may I suggest you attend the second concert.
CRUSHER: Why, Data?
DATA: Ensign Ortiz will perform the violin part. My rendition will be less enjoyable.
PICARD: Oh?
DATA: Although I am technically proficient, according to my fellow performers, I lack soul.
CRUSHER: Data, telling us why you're going to fail before you make the attempt is never wise.
DATA: But is not honesty always the preferred choice?
PICARD: Excessive honesty can be disastrous, particularly in a commander.
DATA: Indeed?
PICARD: Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader.
DATA: Because you will lose their confidence?
CRUSHER: And you may begin to believe in those limitations yourself.

A good moral.

RIKER [OC]: Captain, we're receiving a message from the Sheliak Corporate.

Presumably the Sheliak are contacting the Enterprise because they're the closest ship to Tau Cygna. I have a few questions:
1. Why aren't they contacting Starfleet Command?
2. Did they really send ships to colonize without any current data about the planet? They really sent the main colonization fleet without an advance ship to evaluate the planet?

3. Of course the Enterprise is the best equipped to deal with this mission, particularly because of Data and Picard. Any other ship wouldn't be able to even CONTACT the surface in time, much less save them from the Sheliak. No doubt Starfleet Command would've sent the Enterprise anyway, but as written this seems like a wildly improbably coincidence, doesn't it?

WORF: Impossible to get an accurate reading. High levels of radiation are disrupting our sensors.
DATA: Hyperonic radiation also interferes with ship's transporters. They are now inoperable.
WORF: So are the ship's phasers.

If the hyperonic radiation can reach the Enterprise in orbit and muck with systems, why aren't people dying and why isn't the Enterprise moving to a safe distance?

PICARD: Mister Data, as you are unaffected by hyperonic radiation, I'd like you to go to the planet via shuttlecraft and commence evacuation procedures.

Data takes a shuttlepod, Very small. Even if Riker is correct and there's only a dozen survivors, how are they going to fit in the ship? And what about their luggage?

[Nate the Great]

HARITATH: Look at the markings. It must be from the Federation.

The Artemis was lost in 2274. This is during the post-STTMP second five-year mission (yes, I still believe in that fanon). While the Cochrane delta was modified a bit in a hundred years, I suppose it would still be recognizable. Other stylistic details would be very different. I'd almost prefer that he just say "English writing, it must be from the Federation." Grr...Federation Standard doesn't exist...grrr...

PICARD [OC]: Understood. How many are there?
DATA: Fifteen thousand two hundred fifty three, sir.

An annual growth rate of five percent is pretty generous. 92 years of growth is P/P0=exp(kt)=exp(92/20)=99.5. So there had to be 1,500 people on the colony ship.

ARD'RIAN: Cybernetic intelligence fascinates me. Are your neural pathways duotronic?
DATA: No, positronic.
ARD'RIAN: I didn't know that was possible!

Nice to see a TOS reference. And it's amazing that it's possible because positrons are ANTIMATTER! Even if Data's brain can generate an EM field to contain the positrons, why would they be better at the job than normal matter, as positrons would just create "antielectricity", right?

SHELIAK [on viewscreen]: Conversation is neither required nor desired.

Talk about getting off on the wrong foot. Kudos to Picard for keeping his cool.

PICARD: We're going to intercept that ship.
RIKER: The Sheliak may interpret that as a hostile act.
PICARD: A risk we have to take.

Hostile? Unwanted, rude, offensive, sure. But where does "hostile" come in unless the Enterprise locks weapons on them?

RIKER: The treaty is the only thing that prevented them from eradicating the colony the moment they discovered it.
DATA: Ah.
RIKER: Ah is right, Data.

Understatement of the year.

WESLEY: He wants the impossible.
LAFORGE: That's the short definition of Captain.

A quote that may have surpassed the episode itself.

TROI: Barely. They have learned several Federation languages, but theirs continues to elude us.
PICARD: Telepaths?
TROI: Attempted and failed.

I hope they didn't just try the standard telepaths like Betazoids or Vulcans. Surely there are races of telepaths with brain structures more similar to the Sheliak.

HARITATH: You killed him?
GOSHEVEN: I've killed no one. I merely shut down a machine.

Once Data gets back to the ship I hope he presses charges against Gosheven. He fought hard for his rights, it's time to use them!

[Nate the Great]

DATA: Humans seem to take much stronger notice of actions. I require a phaser.
ARD'RIAN: What's a phaser?

What's the point of this? Phasers existed in 2274!

DATA: Hyperonic radiation randomises phaser beams. But I believe I can improvise a servocircuit which will compensate by continuously recollimating the output.

Okay, the atmosphere will scatter a phaser beam, fair enough. I fail to see how a new circuit can make a phaser focus MORE.

GOSHEVEN: I really was willing to stay here and die for this.
DATA: I know that. This is just a thing, and things can be replaced. Lives cannot.

Exactly. Another good moral.

PICARD: That's it.
TROI: I don't follow you, sir.
PICARD: Mister Worf, get me the Sheliak.

Quoting the whole thing would get too long, let's just throw up a YouTube clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILbLGNDqUxA&t=1m45s).

ARD'RIAN: I guess what I really want to know is, do you have any feelings for me?
DATA: I have no feelings of any kind.
ARD'RIAN: No, of course you don't.

You know, while the installation of the emotion chip in Generations created some good scenes, I do wish that Data could have evolved them himself. Slowly of course, making mistakes in interpretation and so forth. Because scenes like this are heartbreaking.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil asks why the Universal Translator can't be used. Of course, a similar question could be presented: why does this translation barrier have to exist? Isn't it sufficient that the Sheliak have a different worldview and excessively bureaucratic mentality?
* If the Sheliak are so far that establishing contact takes time, how can they have real-time communication?

[Nate the Great]

October 9th, 1989, "The Survivors"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thesurvivors) (by Kira)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/151.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Survivors_(episode))


The Episode

DATA: Captain, we are not receiving Rana Four's call sign.
RIKER: Open a frequency to Colony Operations.
DATA: No response. Rana Four is emissions quiet.

It's always perplexing when the shows act like you can only establish communications with a planet when you're in orbit. Given a little prep time the Enterprise can open a comm channel with Earth even when the entire Federation separates them! Surely the bit about no communications could be included with the Captain's Log as being something they've already tried.

RIKER: Helm, put us in high equatorial orbit. Scan for survivors.
CRUSHER: Survivors? Down there?
DATA: Sensors are scanning ninety degrees of longitude as we orbit.

It's irritating when sometimes the entire planet can be scanned at once and other times you need line of sight. Furthermore, this kind of precision isn't necessary, especially when it invites the nitpickers to have a field day. Data's line doesn't even have to be changed, just cut completely!

DATA: That is highly unlikely. Rana Four possessed no interstellar spacecraft.

Not one? Okay, it wouldn't be practical to keep a starship in orbit all the time, but surely one warp-capable shuttle could be maintained just in case! Not enough for an evacuation, of course, but still...

WORF: Two life forms, possibly human.

Kevin Uxbridge didn't know the Enterprise was here, why would he bother manufacturing two sets of human lifesigns?

TROI: What I sense of them is human.
PICARD: And something else?
TROI: It's difficult to explain. I feel there's something different about these two people. I'm sorry. I can't be clearer than that.

So Kevin camouflaged his telepathic output as human AND created an illusion of his wife that also outputs human telepathic signals?

WORF: There is a weapon, a low-yield phaser, nonfunctional...

I wonder what's meant by a "low-yield phaser". Only capable of stunning, a smaller battery than Starfleet issue, what?

PICARD: Are they collaborators? Did they provide the colony's assailants with something that abetted the total destruction of Rana Four in order to protect their own lives?

I doubt even the Borg could do such surgical destruction, even if they were inclined to. Picard's theory just seems odd.

RIKER: There's a fusion reactor in the house, good for another five years of power. But their water table is tainted. They have nothing to feed themselves except for a small garden.

Let's put aside the fact that a vegetarian diet only works if you have a larger, more varied garden than what they have. It's implied that they have no replicator, so what do they need a fusion reactor for? Wouldn't the colony have a power grid that's now nonexistent?

PICARD: I remember a Starfleet admiral once saying the same thing about some renegade Andorians in the Triangulum system. It turns out that they had dismantled their ship and hidden it.

I'll just say I'm dubious of the plausibility of this and move on.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. I'm just tired, that's all.

Why would Troi hide this? What did the attempt achieve?

PICARD: Now where did that come from?
RIKER: Apparently it was riding a Lagrange point, hiding behind Rana Four's furthest moon.

A Lagrange point is a point where a third object can maintain position relative to two other objects (sun/planet, planet/moon). The only Lagrange point where a ship could hide is the L2 point. Too bad this is ludicrous, as subspace sensors shouldn't care one bit about the gravitational fields of the system. Couldn't they say the ship was using an unknown form of cloaking device?

RIKER: But that's our boy. Approximately five times our mass and carrying enough armament to pulverize a planet.

Not that you care, but the E-D has a mass of almost five million metric tons. The Earth has a mass of 6(10^21) metric tons. If we say that the invading ship is 20 million metric tons of antimatter and 5 million metric tons of matter (i.e. the ship itself), you're still only talking enough antimatter to obliterate less than a TRILLIONTH of the planet. I hardly call that "pulverizing". Heaven forbid Riker just say enough armament to render the surface uninhabitable!

DATA: They have received the message, Captain, but are ignoring it.

If this sucker's an illusion, did Kevin send back an acknowledging signal for the Enterprise? How would he know how to do that?

WORF: The vessel is firing jacketed streams of positrons and antiprotons. Equivalent firepower, forty megawatts.

Wouldn't "antimatter stream" be sufficient? I'd do the math on the 40 megawatts, but this stuff is boring even me. No more Doing The Math for this entry, just keep in mind that I could and it would always be inaccurate.

WESLEY: Aye, sir. The vessel has reached warp two and continues on a steady acceleration curve. We're not getting any closer, Commander.
RIKER: Give us a superior curve, Mister Crusher.
WESLEY: Warp three. Warp four. The warship continues to match our curve simultaneously point for point.

Finally, reasonable technobabble!

RISHON: Kevin and I first saw each other on a ship at sea. He was a starving student with this threadbare suit and mismatched shoes.

This IS the post-scarcity Federation, right? No poor people? Nobody ever starves?

RISHON: Well, what do you think, Mister Worf?
WORF: Good tea. Nice house.

Classic line.

[Nate the Great]

WORF: Evasive action, sir?
PICARD: The Enterprise will hold its position, Mister Worf.
WORF: Weapons, sir?
PICARD: On my orders, not before.

It's more dramatic if Picard keeps his conclusion to himself, but in reality he'd inform the staff of his plan.

LAFORGE: He's in the turbolift.

Kevin can teleport, but needs to use the turbolift?

KEVIN: No, no, no, no. You don't understand the scope of my crime. I didn't kill just one Husnock, or a hundred, or a thousand. I killed them all. All Husnock everywhere. Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion? Is the love of a woman worth the destruction of an entire species? This is the sin I tried so hard to keep you from learning now. Why I wanted to chase you from Rana.
PICARD: We're not qualified to be your judges. We have no law to fit your crime.

I do wonder how Kirk would've reacted to this plot.

The Fiver

Picard: Now what are we going to do for an hour?
Wesley: Don't worry. I bet we'll find some people who are still alive.
Picard: Really? Oh, right -- the title.

Metahumor, you gotta love it.

Picard: Oh, goody. Here comes that ship again! Let's do nothing.
Riker: But Captain --
Picard: Shut up, Riker. I have my reasons.
Data: The house has been destroyed.
Picard: Good. That'll teach them to talk that way about my Earl Grey tea.

Definitely an execution-worthy crime. ;)

Kevin: By day, I'm a mild-mannered reporter, but by night I'm an intergalactic super alien.
Crusher: Oh, that's original.

How is Kevin like Superman?

Nitpicker's Guide

* If Kevin's mind can reach through the universe, how can he be surprised when people beam down?

[Nate the Great]

October 16th, 1989, "Who Watches the Watchers"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=whowatchesthewatchers) (by Marc)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/152.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Who_Watches_The_Watchers_(episode))


The Episode

LAFORGE: We've finished replicating the parts they'll need, but what I don't understand is why a three man station would need a reactor capable of producing four point two gigawatts.
RIKER: Enough to power a small phaser bank, a subspace relay station, or
LAFORGE: A hologram generator. Oh, a duck blind. Right. They're anthropologists.



I despise exposition that depends on these people not doing their jobs. The report that says what parts they need should either include the duckblind part or be linked to a report of the general mission, and THAT would include the duckblind part. It would've been better if Geordi could just say that the holographic emitter used for the duckblind is much larger than the onboard holodecks (for example, you'd need the entire projection to be "solid", not just for the native's benefit but to keep the rain out and streaming down it in a realistic way).


TROI: According to Doctor Barron's preliminary reports, the Mintakans are proto-Vulcan humanoids at the Bronze Age level.



I'd rather they use "Vulcanoid" instead of "proto-Vulcan." Or at least "resemble Vulcans as they were X thousand years ago."

DATA: Captain, if we increase to warp seven we can be there in twenty three minutes.
PICARD: Make it so. We're on our way.
(They see a big explosion on the screen. One man escapes through the now-exposed observation window on to the planet surface proper)
WORF: We've lost contact, sir.
PICARD: Increase to warp nine.



Warp 7 is 656 times the speed of light, Warp 9 is 1516 times the speed of light. 23 minutes at Warp 7 is 10 minutes to Mintaka.

LAFORGE: The framework's still charged, so watch it.


I'd think an engineer's toolkit would have a tool to negate this charge for safety's sake. Couldn't Geordi say that due to the damaged generator it'll take a bit longer to charge up the holographic generator. Then Liko could still get shocked.

CRUSHER: (to nurse) You increased the levels of tricordrazine?


I wonder how much safer tricordrazine is compared to ordinary cordrazine...


CRUSHER: Before you start quoting me the Prime Directive, he'd already seen us. The damage was done. It was either bring him aboard or let him die.
PICARD: Then why didn't you let him die?
CRUSHER: Because we were responsible for his injuries.
PICARD: I'm not sure that I concur with that reasoning, Doctor.



The Prime Directive says that Starfleet officers must let themselves die before revealing themselves. I doubt there's a clause that says "if a pre-warp person sees you, kill them before they can contaminate their culture with this knowledge."

CRUSHER: By erasing short term recall?
PICARD: It has been accomplished before.
CRUSHER: I am familiar with Doctor Pulaski's technique.



Was Pulaski really the first doctor to do this procedure?

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The area around the duck blind exhibits Karst topography. Sinkholes, underground rivers, and caverns. And the rock strata contain a high concentration of thallium compounds which may be obstructing our sensor beams.
PICARD: So if Palmer, in his delirium, fled into a cave, we may be unable to detect his life signs?



Thallium is Element 81, and toxic when dissolved in water. Not something you'd want near underground rivers. Oops.


First officer's log, Stardate 43174.2. Counsellor Troi and I are beaming down to Mintaka Three to locate Doctor Palmer and to determine the extent of the cultural contamination. Doctor Crusher has temporarily altered our features and skin colour. She's also implanted subcutaneous communicators so that any transmissions we receive will be inaudible to the Mintakans.



I think subcutaneous communicators only appeared once in TOS, it's a shame that Kirk and company couldn't disguise themselves as natives more often.


TROI: Mintakan women precede their mates. It's a signal to other women.
RIKER: This man's taken, get your own?
TROI: Not precisely. More like, if you want his services, I'm the one you have to negotiate with.
RIKER: What kind of services?
TROI: All kinds.
RIKER: They are a sensible race.



This must've been racy for 1989.



OJI: My father and I both witnessed these beings.
TROI: If you are father and daughter, you may well have shared the same dream.



A disturbing idea, although it would be an interesting idea for an alien race. Everyone's conscious thoughts are their own, but they form telepathic links while asleep to have the same dream.


PICARD: Doctor Barron, I cannot, I will not, impose a set of commandments on these people. To do so violates the very essence of the Prime Directive.


Exactly. How often has pretending to be a god for a less-advanced civilization led to disaster?


PICARD: Please, get up. Get up. You must not kneel to me.
NURIA: You do not wish it?
PICARD: I do not deserve it.



To quote SFDebris' version of Janeway, "I do!" Hehe...

[Nate the Great]

NURIA: That is my home?
PICARD: Seen from far, far above.
NURIA: Yet we do not fall. I never imagined I would see the clouds from the other side.

We don't have room for the whole conversation, just watch the scene (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uii5WrmChbE).

TROI: Liko, you don't want to kill me.

"I don't want to kill you." "You want to go home and reevaluate your life." "I want to go home and reevaluate my life." Yeah, the prequels are awful, but there are a few good lines in them...

The Fiver

Data: Apparently the holographic duckblind they are using to observe the natives covertly is about to fail.
Picard: What do we know about the cause of the malfunction?
Data: Only that I had nothing to do with it, sir.

Have I mentioned lately that I prefer Insurrection to First Contact?

Riker: I'd rather go alone on this kind of undercover mission.
Troi: And I want to make sure you don't make first contact with anyone under any covers, if you catch my drift.
Riker: You think I'd do anything like that? Deanna, I'm shocked!

"First Contact" isn't until next season, but since when has that stopped a good joke? The interesting thing is that in the actual show Riker has been a lot more jealous of Deanna's boyfriends than she has been of his girlfriends.

Riker: Ironic, isn't it? Sophisticated humans from a ship called Enterprise rubbing shoulders with a group of primitive Vulcans.
Troi: If Ambassador Soval were still alive today, I bet he'd be spinning in his grave.

Not that it matters, but the Vulcan ship at First Contact was named T'Plana-Hath.

Riker: Dressing a psychologist in a catsuit would be a regrettable case of shrink-wrapping.

This pun is painful.

Riker: You think that providing them with a codified faith will prevent future religious violence?
Barron: It's always worked on Earth, hasn't it?

Yikes, that's dark.

Nuria: (to Picard) You could not save her? You are not all-powerful?
Picard: No. The best we can do is build ships that spend seven years under attack on the far side of the galaxy without ever showing damage from one week to the next.

You mean you don't have to be all-powerful to do that? Everything I know is a lie!

Memory Alpha

* The crew returned to Kirk's Rock for this episode. One wonders if the Overseer was a Metron...

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why is Liko left in the main medical ward? Phil mentions using the holodeck, but I think reliable sedation and and some futuristic blindfold/earplug would do just as well.
* Shouldn't the Mintakans have green blood and be confused at the red blood?
* Picard's Stargazer model has "NCC-7100" on it. The Stargazer's actual registry is NCC-2893. To quote Rick Sternback (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Constellation_class_model):
"It's like Camelot, it's only a model. Pretend the NCC-7100 isn't there, and it's exactly like a corporate desk model of, say, an F-22 with generic markings and no specific tail number. Yes, the model represents the USS Stargazer, and if we knew back in early 1987 what the actual reg number would turn out to be, we would have used that. Just keep saying: 'There is no 7100... there is no 7100'."

[Flying Gremlin]

The Mintakans being the "proto-Vulcans" they were quoted as being, there actually could have been some truth to that. As Vulcans do have a form of telepathic abilities, if the Mintakans did have something similar the most likely people these connections could be made with would be family, due to relative proximity (unintentional pun) while sleeping. Troi would also be the one to see it, as no other observer is noted as being anything other than admittedly really dumb humans.

...I could also be justifying for one of my favorites.

[Nate the Great]

Hey, I like the episode, too, but I had to raise the question. I suppose you could argue that if the Preservers' primordial seeds created so many human-identical races, there's no reason why they can't create Vulcan-identical races as well.

[Nate the Great]

October 23rd, 1989, "The Bonding"

Another episode ruined by Gene. I refer you to SFDebris.

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/153.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Bonding_(episode))

The Episode

PICARD: What do we know about them, Data?
DATA: The Koinonians were an intelligent culture which became embroiled in a war that lasted for several generations. Our best evidence indicates they destroyed themselves.

Why wasn't the background of this mission covered in a Captain's Log? Why make Picard look stupid like this?


WESLEY: How do you get used to it? Telling them?
RIKER: You hope you never do.

A sad fact. Getting desensitized to such things is a step on the way to numerous psychological disorders.

PICARD: I've always believed that carrying children on a starship is a very questionable policy. Serving on a starship means accepting certain risks, certain dangers. Did Jeremy Aster make that choice?
TROI: Death and loss are an integral part of life everywhere. Leaving him on Earth would not have protected him.

Having families on board only makes sense if the Enterprise is going to be away from known space for years on end, which is obviously not the case. Personally I place some blame for this on Marla. After her husband died she should have refused starship duty. Aren't there long-term missions fit for an archeologist on a planet where she could still serve Starfleet?

RIKER: Do you remember how we all felt when Tasha died?
DATA: I do not sense the same feelings of absence that I associate with Lieutenant Yar, although I cannot say precisely why.

While I don't doubt Data is telling the truth, I wonder why he doesn't mention at least one story about her. As science officer he should be her boss, right?

DATA: But should not the feelings run as deep regardless of who has died?
RIKER: Maybe they should, Data. Maybe if we felt the loss of any life as keenly as we felt the death of those close to us, human history would be a lot less bloody.

This may be a bad episode, but this is still a good message.

DATA: They employ a subspace proximity detonator. A normal tricorder would never detect it.

People don't emit subspace signals. Did Koinonians carry communicators that operate on a similar subspace band as Starfleet commbadges?

TROI: A person died under your command. It may happen again. If you can't learn to release the anger and the guilt, to talk about it
WORF: A leader must stand alone. As Captain Picard does.

Where did Worf get the idea that Picard can deal with his emotions alone?

WORF: Then may I seek your counsel about my plan to make the R'uustai with the boy.
TROI: The Bonding.
WORF: It is my right.

Why was Worf in charge of this away mission anyway? Why wasn't Riker or Data down there?

TROI: Right now, there isn't much he can understand. He's holding all his feelings inside. Children often feel they must be true to the memory of a lost parent. If you offer affection to them too soon they can feel guilty returning that affection. As if they're betraying the love of the parent.

Another good message.

JEREMY: We studied about Klingons in school.
WORF: What did they teach you about us?
JEREMY: You used to be our enemies.

This doesn't seem to be a good time for this kind of message. Dredging up old prejudices for no real point...why? Furthermore, getting rid of this exchange would free up screentime for more important stuff.

[Nate the Great]

JEREMY: I understand death. They teach us all about it.
WORF: Jeremy Aster, we may both understand it, but we must bring meaning to your mother's death. Perhaps we can do it together.

Ugh. This is one part of Klingon philosophy that I don't care for. I didn't like that "get Jadzia into Sto'vo'kor by killing a bunch of people in her name" bit either. While dying with honor can be seen as preferable, it shouldn't be seen as necessary. Furthermore, Marla died in the line of duty, isn't that enough?

PICARD: Come. Counsellor, how's the boy?
TROI: He's being very brave.
PICARD: Good.
TROI: No, he has to get past brave. He's very angry and he has to learn how to express that anger before he can really say goodbye to his mother.

Troi is being useful again! Although I would've said "acting very brave", not "being very brave"...

TROI: Sir, I', sensing a presence on the planet. Very vague.
PICARD: Life form?
TROI: I can't be sure. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong right now. It's difficult to filter them out.

I don't like this idea. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong a lot, furthermore Marla can't have made friends with that many of the crew. If a few dozen people feeling grief dampens Troi's powers, they'd be cutting out all the time. And what about during the Borg invasion? She'd be in Sickbay with a splitting headache! Isn't it enough to say "I can't be sure, it's too far away right now"?

WESLEY: What am I going to tell him?
CRUSHER: It would help him to talk with someone who's been through this. We had each other, Wes. He doesn't have anyone to lean on right now.

Another good moment.

WESLEY: Do you ever think about him, Mom?
CRUSHER: Your father? Sure I do.
WESLEY: Sometimes I can't even remember what his face looks like. It scares me.

So ask the computer to show you a picture of him! I hope after "Family" he put a snippet of Jack's holographic message in a Tasha-style holopedestal.

Nitpickers Guide

* Crusher declares Aster dead relatively quickly. Phil doesn't mention how long Beverly tried to resuscitate Tasha, but I will.
* Why was Jeremy left alone in his quarters? Shouldn't he be placed with another family until arrangements can be made? Shouldn't Troi be with him a lot more?
* How can a child repeat a Klingon phrase after only hearing it once?

[Nate the Great]

With this post I should be caught up for now...

Oh, and I'm going to be nitpicking the Treknology a lot more this episode, since it's such a big part of the episode. You've been warned.

October 30th, 1989, "Booby Trap"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=boobytrap) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/154.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Booby_Trap_(episode))

The Episode

CHRISTY: I just don't feel that way about you.

So why'd she accept the date in the first place? I get it that Geordi was trying too hard, but he was trying to make her feel romantic, not trick his way into her pants. Furthermore, if humanity is so perfect these days, I'd think accepting date offers through pity would be against the ethos.

WESLEY: This was the final battle, wasn't it?
DATA: Neither side intended Orelious Nine to be the decisive conflict.

That's not the question Wesley asked, Data. The appropriate answer is "yes."

WESLEY: Geordi had a big date with Christy tonight. He spent days putting together the perfect programme.

Really? It was a beach with a musician. That shouldn't've taken more than five minutes to make. If anything he should've hand-made a gift for her that took days to do.

RIKER: We're picking up a signal, coordinates two one one mark six one.

I hate it when coordinates are given using only two dimensions. Another instance where there should've been a science advisor around to fix the script before filming.

PICARD: Indulge me, Number One.
RIKER: I would prefer it if Lieutenant Worf and I were able to a security sweep of the ship first.
PICARD: No. Captain's prerogative. This one's mine. We have examined every conceivable risk.
RIKER: The risks on a ship this old and fragile are inconceivable, Captain.

Every conceivable risk? I hope that includes the subspace detonators that killed Marla Aster last week. Riker should've used "incalculable" or "impossible to completely mitigate", not "inconceivable". I do like it when Picard insists on taking command of an away team, but I wouldn't blame Riker for complaining to Starfleet Command on this one.

DATA: There is adequate oxygen for life support, Commander.

I despise when the Trek writers think that life support is just air. Is the artificial gravity functional? How warm is it over there? Just based on the possible structural deficiencies, I'd still wear a space suit, wouldn't you?

O'BRIEN: I did. I really did. Ships in bottles. Great fun.

As one Trek reviewer (who I can't remember the name of at the moment) responded to this line, "Don't be a suckup, Chief."

WORF: Admirable. They died at their posts.

There's a line between a reasonable line of dialogue and a cliched line of dialogue for a specific character, and this one is straddling that line.

LAFORGE: Don't you have anything stronger than this, Guinan?
GUINAN: Yes.
LAFORGE: Would it help?
GUINAN: No.

Good exchange. It's a shame how often I wonder if Guinan is stealing a scene that Troi could do instead.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: As a woman. What's the first thing you look at?
GUINAN: His head.
LAFORGE: His mind. Of course.
GUINAN: No, his head. I'm attracted to bald men.
LAFORGE: Seriously?

First, I expect that Guinan is speaking English right now, so there shouldn't be Universal Translator issues to create confusion here. Seconds, as SF Debris put it, being attracted to bald men isn't a kink deserving more than a "huh."

LAFORGE: Why?
GUINAN: Maybe because a bald man was very kind to me once when I was hurting. Took care of me.

Alternate universes aside, there has never been anything romantic between Picard and Guinan. Her line earlier is a little bit icky to me. Or rather, it will be icky once the creators repurpose it for "Time's Arrow."

LAFORGE: I'd like to do that.
GUINAN: I take care of myself these days.

Oooo, burn!

LAFORGE: Why can't I make anything work with a woman like Christi? It's like I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say.
GUINAN: You're doing fine with me.
LAFORGE: You're different.
GUINAN: No, you're different.
LAFORGE: But I'm not trying now.
GUINAN: That's my point.

Nice message.

PICARD: Mister Worf, be sure we get tricorder images of their tactical display.

Okay, the ship is in bad shape and they don't want to hang around long enough to make a full-block computer interface (the tricorder bit Data does later was for one console and one task, it would take forever to set up tricorders at every computer console and interface for full interaction). Even so, there has to be more that they could do than taking pictures of console displays.

DATA: Captain, I believe this is an information storage device. A crude analogue of our isolinear optical chip.

This would be a great place to plug the duotronics of the TOS era instead of isolinear circuitry, but whatever.

GALEK SAR [on monitor]: I am Galek Sar, Captain of the Promellian cruiser, Cleponji. I wish anyone who finds this record to know my crew has behaved courageously. I want it recorded for all time that I, alone, am responsible for the fate that befell us. I have failed as a captain, and as the man responsible for all the souls aboard my ship.

It's nice that this message pleased Picard, but to me it seems rather hamfisted and preachy. He could've included more details about the ship's current condition (i.e. move the later recorded message to this point), perhaps the message could've started as just to Picard on the tricorder screen, then cut to the senior staff watching it in the conference room.

LAFORGE: Matter-anti matter mixture ratio settings at optimum balance Reaction sequence corresponding to specified norms. Magnetic plasma transfer to warp field generators per programmed specs. Commander, we should be going like a bat out of hell.

Would people PLEASE stop using matter/antimatter ratios other than 1:1? Pretty pretty please? And Geordi does use other engine components to describe how warp should be available, couldn't they use something besides the ratio? Here's one right off the top of my head: "warp field stability optimal."

DATA: Power loss now at twelve percent, Captain. PICARD: Red alert.

Earlier five percent power loss justified Yellow Alert. You gotta wonder if there's an official scale of power loss vs. alert level. I'd have any uncontrollable power loss beyond the noise/random fluctuation level go straight to Red Alert, this is a big deal!

LAFORGE [OC]: We'd better slow these engines down before we burn out the reaction chamber.

What? The plasma is leaving the warp core just fine, it's the warp coils that aren't able to turn it into propulsion! "We have to slow these engines down before we burn out the warp coils." Treknobabble isn't hard, people!

COMPUTER: Affirmative. The opposing force grew in direct proportion to the power output of the Enterprise. LAFORGE: So it kept us from forming a subspace field for the warp drive? COMPUTER: That is correct.

So the warp coils aren't being burned out, they're creating a warp field just fine, it's just that the booby trap creates a counterfield to negate it. So why are we feeding plasma to the warp coils right now if all it's doing is bleeding into space?

LAFORGE: Computer, who is this L. Brahms?

This whole premise seems strange to me. Brahms only designed the warp engines, if she input information about how the warp drive works that is inaccessible in any other way, that's pretty mean of her. Furthermore, the holodeck is a huge power drain! Shouldn't Geordi be reading the complete engine specs to refresh his memory?

LEAH [OC]: Theoretical propulsion logs, Federation Starship Enterprise, Galaxy class. Heading, Subspace. Author, Leah Brahms.

What makes the Enterprise warp core any different from the other Galaxy-class ships that preceded her? Shouldn't Leah's work apply equally to all of them? While canon doesn't say what was the first Galaxy-class (although concluding that the USS Galaxy was first is hardly a huge stretch), the expanded universe places the Galaxy's launch at 2357 and Enterprise and Yamato in 2363. There are dozens more Galaxy-classes mentioned in the novels. Even if Leah improved the Galaxy's engine specs for Enterprise and Yamato, shouldn't her log mention "second-model Galaxy-class warp engines" and not the Enterprise specifically?

CRUSHER: I recommend we evacuate and seal off all non-operational areas, and group the families and crew on the odd-numbered decks.

Non-operational areas should already be sealed off, and there should be designated shelters to maintain life support in as few places as possible.

CRUSHER: I'd also like to set up an assembly area for treating radiation symptoms in case it's needed.

Yeah, it's called Sickbay. And why'd you say "in case it's needed"? It will be needed!

PICARD: After the shields fall, how long before fatal exposure? CRUSHER: Thirty minutes.

Now I'm being pedantic. Different alien races (also different ages, etc.) have different radiation tolerances, you can't assume equal time to death. I know, I know, thirty minutes is probably the number for the least tolerant group, but still...

RIKER [OC]: Away team to Enterprise. Captain, we may have found something. There's a file of memory [Warship Bridge]
RIKER: Coils here.
DATA: They are identical to the coil we found earlier, Captain.
PICARD [OC]: The Captain's log, perhaps?
RIKER: That's what we were thinking.

Why weren't all the memory coils sought out the first time? Once they found one, it should be easy enough to program the tricorder to search for more. Finding the coils the first time and having it take until now to defrag and reconstruct would serve the plot equally well, right?

LAFORGE: Computer, generate a cross section image of the dilithium crystal chamber. What about re-orienting the crystal?

Moving the crystal around will just modify the efficiency of the matter-antimatter reaction and how focused the warp plasma stream will be. I fail to see how that's going to help in this case.

LEAH [OC]: The dilithium crystal chamber was designed at outpost designated Seran T One, Stardate 40052.

Stardate 40052 is in 2362. So we're definitely talking the second-model Galaxy-class. However, two years from design to construction seems a little fast. You have to imagine that the Constitution-class refit was still being designed during the original five-year mission (Kirk's original mission, that is, not April's).

LAFORGE: Great. Another woman who won't get personal with me in the holodeck. Leah, I want to find a way to supplement the energy supply to the ship and to the engines. Could we alter the matter-antimatter paths? LEAH [OC]: Theoretically, yes. The system should be able to accept more reactants at a faster rate of injection.

So Geordi wants larger incoming matter and antimatter streams, it still has nothing to do with realigning the crystals. If anything it should require LARGER crystals! Does he have the time or power to recrystallize the dilithium in the articulation frame?

LAFORGE: Then, if we use multiple injector streams, hitting more than one crystal facet, we could do it, we could hold our own.

Where's the tech to create and maintain multiple injector streams going to come from? It seems like Geordi would have to rebuild the ends of the warp core from scratch to accomplish this.

LAFORGE: Captain, we've found a way to extend the matter-antimatter energy supplies.

Is that what he did? I thought he wanted to burn the supplies faster to make more warp power!

COMPUTER: Warp energy has increased fourteen percent.

Okay, so we have fourteen percent more plasma for the warp coils. If the hope was that at some point the negating field would be saturated and unable to prevent more warp field creation, the writers forgot to have the characters tell us that.

[Nate the Great]

LEAH: Now, we've managed to maintain energy but we can't leave it in this realignment forever without burning out components, so we need to move quickly.

Understatement of the year, but you're not just burning out components, you're also cracking the dilithium beyond usability. And I doubt you can recrystallize dilithium while the warp core is in use.

DATA: Aceton assimilators are a primitive generator which can drain power from distant sources.

If the power is being routed from distant sources, it's not really being "generated." I'd expect Data to be more thoughtful of his language, if he's going to lecture Riker on "sucked out" versus "blown out."

LEAH: You can just increase the speed of the parallel subspace field processor to gain a quicker response time.
LAFORGE: I want to give us enough power to strengthen the shields and barrel out of here, not blow us up!

I get what Leah intend, stay one step away from the dampening field by scrambling frequencies. When the processor detects dampening, change the frequency. I fail to see how what he says corresponds to what she said. If Geordi is implying that more speed=more power consumption=overheating, these lines could've been written better.

PICARD: Is there any indication of a weakness in a specific part of the field? WORF: Nothing substantial, Captain. PICARD: Of any kind. WORF: There is a point one percent dip in the strength of the radiation field at two one mark eight by four two mark zero. PICARD: I want that point one percent.

A prime example of how wanting to do something, anything, can be tremendously foolhardy. I wouldn't waste limited energy on point one percent.

LAFORGE: We won't be able to maintain energy reserves. We might even lose a few circuits in the new configuration.

What? Again, energy can LEAVE the ship just fine, it's just being negated and absorbed. The best explanation I can think of is that firing phasers would provide a lightning-rod effect for the dampening energy, leading it back to the ship.

COMPUTER: Energy reserves reaching critical stage. Standard procedure requires termination of all simulations. LAFORGE: Computer, override standard procedure. COMPUTER: Override authority restricted.

Only Picard can override? Why can't Geordi override, he's Chief Engineer! This is a cheap way to create a precommercial crisis.

RIKER: Computers have always impressed me with their ability to take orders. I'm not nearly as convinces of their ability to creatively give them. PICARD: You know, Number One, you missed something not playing with model ships. They were the source of imaginary voyages, each holding a treasure of adventures. Manning the earliest space craft, flying a aeroplane with only one propeller to keep you in the sky. Can you imagine that? Now the machines are flying us.

The computer is ordering nothing but itself, creativity doesn't come into it. I am glad that Picard is still sore about the bottle ship snub. Even so, his sentiment seems like more of a TOS message than TNG.

RIKER: All hands, this is Commander Riker. We are about to engage impulse engines for a short burst. Inertial dampers are on manual. They may not fully compensate for acceleration. So brace yourselves.

Why are the dampeners on manual? I can't imagine dampeners on manual use that much less power than dampeners on automatic.

DATA: Sir, the gravitational attraction of the various masses has reduced our velocity by eight percent. By my calculations, we no longer have sufficient momentum to clear the debris field. PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data. DATA: The asteroid's gravity is drawing us closer. Velocity is increasing. Velocity still increasing. Now at two hundred and nineteen metres per second. Starboard aft thruster. You have used the asteroid's gravitational pull as a slingshot. Excellent.

A cheap crisis if you ask me, but I guess it was intended to add spice to the scene.

RIKER: Mister Worf, ready photon torpedoes. Set to detonate on impact with the Promellian vessel.

Um, the Promellian ship isn't the problem, and it belongs in a museum! Surely now that we're outside the field we can destroy the assimilators one by one from the outside in!

The Fiver

Data, decode the signal coming from that derelict warship. It says: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." Must be a translation error. I'm beaming over there. Riker:
Data:
Picard:

Obliviousness in fiver characters, you gotta love it. You've never truly experienced Dante's Inferno until you've read it in the original Promellian!

Guinan: How did your date with Christi go?
La Forge:It was a flop. She said I'm a klutz with women.La Forge:
Guinan: Maybe you'd have better luck with those twin cadets who came aboard last week.
La Forge: The Delaney sisters? Hmm....

I didn't think this would work in the timeline, but it does. Since I can't find a birth year for the Kramer twins who played the Delaneys, let's assume the Delaneys were born in the same year as Harry Kim: 2349. Booby Trap is set in 2366. Seventeen is a little young, but pushing them a few years older isn't a big deal.

Leah: Greetings Commander La Forge. I am Dr. Brahms.
La Forge: Computer, make her more realistic.
Leah: Hi Geordi! I'm Leah! I bet you're a real klutz with women.
La Forge: Computer, on second thought....

"Computer, I said 'realistic', not 'insulting'!"
"Holodeck accuracy to commands decreases with the total ship's power."
"So that's why Voyager's holodecks are always breaking, huh?"
"Affirmative."

Picard:You've been romancing a holographic woman in the middle of a crisis?
La Forge: Hey, it works for Barclay.

"But Barclay is a comic relief guest star, not a main character. You should know that the only main character allowed to to that is the captain."
"What about Minuet?"
"The Binars hacked the script that week, it doesn't count."

La Forge: I hope I can meet the real you someday.
Leah: I hope I can meet the real me someday too.
La Forge: If that happens, could you sorta not mention the kissing part?
Leah: Why not? I'd love to see the look on my face when I do.
La Forge: Computer, end program and replicate me some aspirin.

Aspirin? Why not a drink or a hammer to hit himself with?

Memory Alpha

* First Trek episode directed by a woman. That's really sad...
* Alexander was born around this time.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders how the core could be installed only a year before the Enterprise was launched. Odd, but not impossible, as the warp core has an ejection tube that it could possibly be installed through.
* Phil thinks that the fifty/fifty odds of success in turning over control comes from the two tests shown on screen. What an idiot, of course Geordi was running simulations before the scene started!
* If the first away team had to turn on the lights on the Promellian cruiser, how could the artificial gravity still be on? Another place where spacesuits with gravity boots would've been a good idea.
* Even after the lights on the ship were set to minimum levels, they were still turned on for the model in the exterior shots. Oops.
* If Starfleet knows this is the site of the final battle, how come they never found the Promellian cruiser before?

[Nate the Great]

It feels good to be caught up (except for the TNG Companion entries, I guess, but let's move past that...)

November 6th, 1989, "The Enemy"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theenemy) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/155.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Enemy_(episode))

The Episode

RIKER: Placing beam-out marker. Return transport, fourteen minutes, forty seconds.

If shuttles can't land safely on this planet, I wish they'd mention that.

LAFORGE: Not too bad, Commander. A lot of charged-particle precipitation, but I can compensate.

I'm glad that there's a plausible reason why Geordi's VISOR isn't all-powerful. I do wonder how Geordi can "compensate". It's times like this that I wish the VISOR had buttons on the side for situations like this. Do his input nodes let him "telepathically" change settings on the VISOR?

WORF: Communicators are dysfunctional.

Phil makes fun of this line in the Nitpicker's Guide. "Dysfunctional" is the wrong word, you want "disabled" or "neutralized" or "ineffective".

LAFORGE: Commander! Picking up something on the positron scan. Over here. Some electrically conductive objects.

Apparently the writers don't know that positrons are antimatter. I'll forgive the usage in Data's construction, I can imagine some plausible Treknobabble to justify the "positronic brain", but I don't forgive it here. And positrons can only induce an electric charge in an antimatter universe!

RIKER: All right, let's spread out. Twenty five metre radius.

If communicators aren't working, you never want to be out of sight of each other! Wait for beamup, then come back with a group and some rope to keep them together so you can fan out and do a proper search! If they're looking for survivors can don't have the time, Riker could've spared a line of dialogue to explain this.

Captain's log, Stardate 43349.2. An unidentified distress signal has led to the discovery of a crashed Romulan vessel on the surface of Galorndon Core, a Federation planet.

Are you telling me that the Tal Shiar hasn't invented a distress signal that can't be detected by Federation ships yet? I'll bet you Starfleet invented one that the Romulans can't detect by now (this is the sort of project that Section 31 would be sure to initiate with Starfleet scientists, right?)

WORF: Secure Sickbay. Post a guard in visual contact at all times.
CRUSHER: He's not going anywhere, Lieutenant.

It occurs to me that having a single patient secured surgery bay for this kind of situation wouldn't be a bad idea. "Lower Decks" could've also used this sort of thing.

O'BRIEN: The electrical storm's creating thousands of ghosts.
RIKER: Well beam some of those ghosts back. One of them may be Geordi.

Desperation and gallows humor. You can tell Gene wasn't a consistent presence anymore, can't you?

RIKER: The Romulan craft is a total loss. There's nothing there to salvage unless you want to use tweezers.

Um, what? They couldn't do a thorough tricorder scan and had less than five minutes to do a visual inspection. Isn't it enough that the engines were obviously destroyed and you can't get a shuttle close enough to use a tractor beam? Sure, you'd have to send down a team to remove the valuable parts of the Romulan ship (probably just the computer core, but still) and beam up, but it's a possibility.

PICARD: It certainly is the last place one would expect Romulan encroachment. On the other hand, Galorndon Core would provide ideal cover for an opening move of a new offensive.

So which is it, Picard? And what kind of new offensive? Ships can't land safely on the surface, you couldn't build a sensor array on the surface that could reach into space, etc.

(Geordi has spotted some medal ore in the wall of the pit. He makes a groove in the mud, puts the nodules in it then uses his phaser to melt them into a dagger shape)

As SF Debris put it in his this is reminiscent of the "rocks into replicators" line from DS9.

CRUSHER: We thought it would be like working on Vulcans, but there are subtle differences. Too many of them.

I don't like this line. Granted there are physical differences between Vulcans and Romulans, but I don't think they would extend to stuff like blood.

PICARD: We can't use the replicator?
CRUSHER: The molecules are too complex.

Ugh. "By the time we reconfigured the equipment for this task, he'd be dead." Duh.

RIKER: Well let me put it another way. Will he survive long enough to tell us what he was doing here?
PICARD: Doctor, it's an important consideration.
CRUSHER: I can bring him around for a few minutes.

I have mixed feelings about this. Is she a doctor or a Starfleet officer first?

RIKER: Something, anything to can cut through the storm. Some way to get a signal through to him.
WESLEY: A neutrino pulse. We could build a portable neutrino source and send it in a probe to the planet surface. It'll act like a beacon.

As far as ludicrous Treknobabble goes, this is actually reasonable.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Tomalak to Pi. We have received your distress signal. Respond. If you can hear me, we are entering the Neutral Zone now. We will reach you in six hours.

The idea that you can cross the Neutral Zone in six hours disturbs me.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Captain Picard, my apologies. Had I known you were in this sector, I certainly would have advised you before crossing the Neutral Zone.

This is a lie, but an implausible one. I don't like the idea that sensor range is smaller than conventional communications range. (When the Enterprise communicates with a starbase or Starfleet Command there must be a relay network in effect for realtime communication).

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I'm sure you will understand when I explain. One of our ships had a slight navigational error and apparently crashed on Galorndon Core.
PICARD: A slight navigational error? Nearly half a light year past the Neutral Zone?

Half a light year seems ludicrously small in stellar terms, so I'm not sure where Picard's argument comes from. Then again, "All Good Things" implies that each side needs permission from the other just to ENTER the Neutral Zone. A "slight navigational error" doesn't seem big enough to justify going through the entire Neutral Zone by mistake. And how does a problem with the navigational system damage a ship enough to necessitate a landing?

PICARD: Are there any other Romulans we should be looking to recover from Galorndon Core?
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: No. It was a one-man craft.

Ugh. Just being inside and near the Neutral Zone would justify at least two people for the mission if you ask me.

PICARD: But we must measure our response carefully, or history may remember Galorndon Core along with Pearl Harbour and Station Salem One as the stage for a bloody preamble to war.

Pearl Harbor? Is Picard implying that we could've avoided war with Japan if we had just stood by and accepted the death and destruction from the attack? Would Japan have never attacked the U.S. again if we hadn't responded?

CRUSHER: The lab is still processing the tests. Early results indicate humans have far too many bio-rejection factors. I've also ruled out the Vulcans we've tested.

Early Trek fanon says that Spock's conception needed external help (much like K'ehlyr), but eventually it seemed like it was all natural. And McCoy was able to remove the conflicting parts of Spock's blood for Sarek. At least throw in a "if we tried a donor from one of the Vulcans on board, it would take too long to adapt."

Long story short, making Worf the only possible donor is railroading to a degree that is frankly offensive. At least say that Crusher has to use Worf's blood/tissue to modify the Vulcan's blood/tissue to be compatible!

LAFORGE: A stationary neutrino source. Wesley Crusher. Thank you, Wesley.

It's rather sad that Wesley would be the only one to think of this solution. Wouldn't Data have eventually come up with this idea? It's a shame Barclay hasn't been invented yet, this would've been a shining moment for him.

BOCHRA: You are my prisoner.
LAFORGE: Right. Congratulations. Surely a strategic triumph for the Romulan Empire.

Do they still sing songs of the Great Engineer Hunt?

LAFORGE: Welcome to Galorndon Core, where no good deed goes unpunished.

This line has stuck with me. A nice universal message, even the Ferengi know about it!

WORF: That is impossible. I am a Klingon.
CRUSHER: Different species, yes. But many humanoids have comparable cell structures.

It's almost like we are all descended from the Preservers or something! Given that, isn't it weird that you're a match and the Vulcans aren't?

[Nate the Great]

BOCHRA: You can be sarcastic now, but in a few millennia, when humans are extinct and the Romulan Empire spans the galaxy.

I fail to see why humans would be extinct and the Romulans wouldn't. Even if the Romulans devastate Starfleet and lay waste to Earth, would they really track down every human colony everywhere and destroy them?

OMALAK [on viewscreen]: And my officer?
PICARD: He is alive.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: His life remains in jeopardy?
PICARD: Yes.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: And yet you will still not permit me to cross into your precious Federation space to retrieve him?

I don't like this. If Picard wants to avoid a war handing over Patahk wouldn't be a bad idea. If necessary he should ask for a substitute prisoner while Starfleet and the Romulans hash things out.

Meaningless aside, but we never get a definitive answer to the question of what the Romulan military is called. The Federation has Starfleet, the Klingons have the Imperial Fleet and Defense Forces (presumably the former is for the outer Empire and other nations and the latter is for the core worlds), the Bajorans have the Militia, etc. The expanded universe gives various names like Imperial Guard, Star Navy, Imperial Fleet, Grand Fleet, Imperial Armada, etc.

RIKER: For what it's worth, I understand your bitterness.
WORF: With respect, sir, you cannot. I am asked to give up the very lifeblood of my mother and my father to those who murdered them.

I don't like this kind of thinking. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, after all. At best this is a necessary step in Worf's character arc which will lead him to "Redemption".

RIKER: Forever? What if some day the Federation made peace with the Romulans.
WORF: Impossible.
RIKER: That's what your people said a few years ago about humans.

Yeah, yeah, the Khitomer Accords haven't been invented yet. In fact, "Yesterday's Enterprise" suggests that peace didn't happen until the 2340's after the Enterprise-C vanished.

WORF: My Starfleet training tells me one thing, but everything I am tells me another.

Like I said, a necessary step, if a bit hamfisted and insulting to Worf himself.

PATAHK: I would rather die than pollute my body with Klingon filth!

A good line, and a moral question not addressed. Doesn't a patient have the right to refuse treatment? Or are we treating Patahk as a prisoner who has no rights until after the trial?

LAFORGE: My synapses must be turning to jelly. The Visor's fine. I just can't see a thing.

It stands to reason that since these storms affect technology, and there's technology literally tied to his optical nerve, that this would happen. I just wish that there was a gradual dimming or increase in static in Geordi's vision, not just an on/off switch.

PICARD: Assemble an away team.
RIKER: Yes, sir.
WORF: Captain, the Romulan warship has crossed the Neutral Zone border. It is in Federation space and heading toward us.
PICARD: Belay that order, Number One. Red alert.

Why can't Riker go down before the battle? Furthermore, are you telling me that they don't have enough information on the storms by now to rig an environmental suit to filter out the worse effects of the storm?

WORF: If you order me to agree to the transfusion, I will obey, of course.
PICARD: I don't want to order you. But I ask you. I beg you to volunteer.

This is one balancing act that I think Picard calculated wrong. Worf's reasons are rather petty, and not the result of deep-seated religious beliefs or similar. If this conversation had to exist, it should've been before Patahk refused the procedure. Picard orders Worf to do it, Patahk refuses, Crusher refuses, Worf is off the hook.

PICARD: Do not continue to enlist the cooperation of Lieutenant Worf.
CRUSHER [OC]: I won't have to, Captain. The Romulan has died.

Doesn't this seem like the sort of thing Crusher should report to Picard at once?

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: You have one chance to escape destruction, Picard. Return my officer at once.

So Tomalak is willing to start a war over one man? The clever bit is that this is actually reasonable from the Romulan's point of view, even if it's warped by our sensibilities.

DATA: There are still numerous ghost images, but I believe we are picking up two life forms near the beacon.
RIKER: Another Romulan?

What an idiot. All Enterprise crewman except Geordi are accounted for, so unless you're going to postulate a THIRD party at Galordan Core who just so happens to have crashed within spitting distance of the Romulan shuttle, Riker's statement is asinine.

The Fiver

Riker: This planet's electromagnetic storms make Ceti Alpha V look like Risa by comparison.

Sorry, but this doesn't work. Ceti Alpha V was just sandstorms, nothing EM related.

Riker: We weren't able to find La Forge before our beam-up window closed. He's lost somewhere on the planet.
Picard: This is a grave development indeed. I don't suppose that the injured Romulan you brought back happens to be an unemployed engineer?
Riker: No such luck, I'm afraid.

I get the joke, but I personally don't like it. It stretches credulity too far, even by fiver standards. I would've done a bad news/good news joke, probably involving switching to Geico.

Worf: I refuse to donate my precious bodily fluids to this Romulan pahtk!
Romulan: And I refuse to receive a transfusion from this Klingon veruul!
Crusher: We seem to have reached an impasse.
Worf: What impasse? We are in complete agreement.
Romulan: I concur wholeheartedly.

Exactly. Although "pahtk" is usually spelled "petaQ." "Veruul" was only used by Riker against Jarok in "The Defector."

Bochra: Very well. I have now connected your devices.
La Forge: Are they working?
Bochra: Yes, but you should see how ridiculous your tricorder now looks.

It did look silly.

Tomalak: (on viewscreen) Then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!
Data: Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 1.
Tomalak: You cannot fully appreciate Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Romulan.
Picard: It would take a large quantity of Romulan ale to make me believe that.
Tomalak: Pfft...what makes you think you are such an expert on Shakespeare?

Ha ha. Incidentally, aside from Picard's numerous Shakespeare connections, Patrick Stewart has performed in King of Texas (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0282659/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_80) (a setting update of King Lear) and a TV version of Hamlet (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080835/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_134).

Memory Alpha (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080835/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_134)

* It's mentioned that Riker and Crusher could've also ordered Worf to do the transfusion. I understand that Riker wouldn't do it for similar reasons to Picard, but Crusher not doing it is a mystery. She wouldn't let different ideologies get in the way of saving a patient's life.
* Michael Pillar puts this episode in the top three of the third season, along with "The Bonding" and "Yesterday's Enterprise." "The Bonding", really? For me the top three of the third season are "Who Watches the Watchers", "Yesterday's Enterprise", and "The Best of Both Worlds."

Nitpicker's Guide

* In the first volume of the guide, Phil found nothing wrong. The readers were sure to correct him for the second volume! Quoth Phil "Other nitpickers certainly didn't have any trouble finding plenty of nits in it! In fact, I do believe that since the chief nitpicker couldn't come up with anything, all of the other nitpickers out there made it their goal to do so. (Wink, wink.) Actually, I feel sorry for this episode in a way. A tremendous amount of energy went into chainsawing it apart." Furthermore, he quotes the "no good deed goes unpunished" bit as relevant to his entry in the first volume.
* Crusher finds no cranial trauma in Patahk? Worf punched him in the face with his palm, banging his head into a rock!
* Phil thinks Troi should've informed Picard that she was evaluating Tomalak based solely on body language, since he's too far away for empathy. I think that this was obvious. Troi's not a Q or Douwd or Traveler!
* How come the Romulans can enter the Neutral Zone without permission, but we can't?
* Phil questions how Geordi can see the neutrino pulse if it's pointed straight up into space. My immediate reaction is that of course this "neutrino source" was set to disperse a small amount of neutrinos all around alongside the main beam. Geordi notices that suddenly there's an increase in neutrinos, then looks around for where most of them are coming from.
* Phil also doubts the Klingon versus Vulcan compatibility. He jokes that maybe Romulans are a hybrid of Vulcans and Klingons from way back.
* Crusher hassled Worf too much for ethical considerations.
* Phil also asks why Beverly wouldn't inform Picard of the death immediately.
* Why didn't Picard send for reinforcements? I would add why didn't he ask for orders from Starfleet Command? Surely there'd be an admiral about who could order Worf to do the transfusion. Of course, said admiral would also chew out Picard, so maybe Picard didn't mention it. ;)
* I stole the disfunctional tricorder nit from Phil, but I had a point to make.
* Phil's query on why LaForge came down if they knew it was hazardous to Data is silly to me. Different technologies, Phil!
* As made the spikes have a flat side (the top of the grooves, etc.), but as used they are round. This is one I'll give to Phil, they couldn't have smoothed one side?
* Phil asks why Geordi couldn't cut handholds in the cliff with his phaser. My reply is that Geordi doesn't know what the rock is made of, nor can he see well enough to adjust the phaser that finely to cut handholds even if he knew the setting for this kind of rock.

[Nate the Great]

“The Dauphin”

I find it a little icky that Jamie Hubbard was ten years older than Wil Wheaton, but I guess the “half your age plus seven” thing hadn’t been invented yet. Wesley’s quarters contain a TOS-style phaser and communicator.

“Contagion”

First appearance of Picard’s love of archeology, and his first request for “tea, Earl Grey, hot.” Sternbach hid a bunch of Japanese anime references in the Iconian gateway inscriptions.

“The Royale”

Hurley points out similarities to “A Piece of the Action”, but once again I don’t see it. The sins of this episode are much simpler: it’s just another spin on a holodeck malfunction episode.

In the original final draft…the astronaut survivor as actually the last of his crew of seven to die. His image was then kept alive in the macabre setting, to be entertained by the captured Enterprise party. In the end, as with Pike and Vina in the original-Trek pilot, “The Cage,” a dead away team crew woman is retained to keep the astronaut company after the unseen casino manager agrees to tell the story and release the crew.

Yeah, that would’ve been too derivative of “The Cage”.

Larry mentions Fermat’s Last Theorem but not the fact that it had been solved, the version of the Companion that I’m reading is from 1992 and the proof won’t be conceived until 1994 (and finalized until 1995).

“Time Squared”

This story, originally titled “Time to the Second”, began as the first of what Maurice Hurley had planned as two consecutive but stand-alone episodes. “Time Squared” would segue into “Q Who”, in which the mischievous superalien is revealed as the cause of the vortex. That plan was scrapped at Gene Roddenberry’s insistence, Hurley has said, and so adds confusion to the ending. “Why would going into the vortex’s center save you?” Hurley asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

In theory this makes sense, but two-parters need to be more closely tied together than this. First appearance of the cheaper shuttlepod and set. First appearance of Riker’s cooking hobby.

“The Icarus Factor”

Larry thinks that the Worf subplot almost took the spotlight away from the Riker plot. I wouldn’t go that far. Second time Riker refuses a command on the show. First time the Tholians are namedropped in dialogue in the TNG era. Entertainment Tonight host John Tesh was on set, and cameos as one of the Rite of Ascension Klingons. Sternbach hides anime references again, this time on the anbo-jyutsu set.

“Pen Pals”

Just like Snodgrass’s background in legal stuff came forward in “The Measure of a Man”, her love of horses got plugged this time around. At least Stewart’s equine background dovetailed nicely this time around. First appearance of a Buckaroo Banzai reference in the setwork.

“Q Who”

“If somebody’s interested in gold, they’re not much of an adversary,” Hurley said of the greedy little race. “We can make gold in our replicator.”

I know that gold-pressed latinum hasn’t been invented yet, but that doesn’t mean that another fictional commodity couldn’t have been created by now. Who says it has to be gold? First and only appearance of Guinan’s office; don’t ask me why she needs one.

“Samaritan Snare”

Larry calls the Pakleds “among the most humorously bizarre aliens ever created for Trek.” Okay, Larry. The crimson force field is compared to the corbomite maneuver, but I think they’re different enough to avoid accusations of blatant plagiarism. The budget prevented creation of a captain’s yacht set.

“Up the Long Ladder”

The episode offended the pro-life crowd and the Irish, which might be a record for distance between groups offended by a single episode. The pregnant Bringoidi was actually played by a pregnant woman (as the cast of Miracle on 34th Street might say, she doesn’t need any padding!). More Buckaroo Banzai and anime references in the Okudagrams.

“Manhunt”

Last Tracy Torme episode, and she used a pseudonym for it. She included Raymond Chandler-style narration for Dixon Hill, but they were dropped because of possible confusion with captain’s logs. I wonder if Stewart could’ve pulled off a more Bogart-esque accent for Hill’s internal monologue.

“The Emissary”

The Okudagram of holodeck options presented to K’Ehleyr includes such injokes as the Rite of Ascension Chamber, Vulcan desert survival a la “Yesteryear”, and two new Dixon Hill mysteries.

“Peak Performance”

First appearance of a Zakdorn. I remember the one from “Unification”, but apparently there was a cameo of one in “Menage a Troi” as well. First prominent appearance of the LCARS acronym. More Buckaroo and anime references.

“Shades of Gray”

Shooting only took three days. That much? When most of the episode is a single planet set and sickbay, I would’ve thought they could’ve done it in two. First appearance of tricordrazine, no doubt a refined version of cordrazine from “City on the Edge of Forever.”

SEASON THREE

“The Ensigns of Command”

Apparently a last-minute budget cut cost us more development in the Data/Ard’rian relationship. First episode where Data plays the violin, O’Brien plays the cello. Ard’rian guesses that Data runs on duotronics from the TOS era because that’s the most advanced computer she can think of. A group of Tibetan monks visited the set, I wonder if they would’ve enjoyed “Who Watches the Watchers” more if they’d come a few weeks later.

“Evolution”

This one was made after “The Ensigns of Command”, but aired before it. The “Egg” prop was reworked from the containment unit from “The Child.”

“The Survivors”

First mention of the Andorians in TNG. Actor John Anderson almost didn’t take the role because he had lost his wife the year before.

“Who Watches the Watchers”

Many Mintaka III scenes were filmed at Vasquez Rocks, as seen in many TOS episodes. First appearance of subcutaneous transponders since “Patterns of Force.”

“The Bonding”

Ronald Moore’s first script. He wanted to make use of the families on board.

“Booby Trap”

Originally Picard was to be the one to fall in love with the Brahms hologram, but I question why the captain would be in the holodeck at a time like this. First TNG episode directed by a woman.

“The Enemy”

Another story point, that of Worf letting a Romulan die by refusing to donate blood, met resistance from the writing staff and from Dorn himself when Piller first suggested it. But allowing it to stand reveals how the series was beginning to get an alien perspective on Worf. It also shows that these “perfect” twenty-fourth-century characters could come into conflict with one another after all.

First appearance of Tomalak.

[Nate the Great]

November 13th, 1989, "The Price"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theprice) (by Kira)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/156.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Price_(episode))

The Episode

TROI: Computer, I would like a real chocolate sundae.
COMPUTER: Define real in context, please.
TROI: Real. Not one of your perfectly synthesised, ingeniously enhanced imitations.

This is a stupid exchange. By now Troi should've either reprogrammed her replicator to make food to her taste or (if for some reason it's impossible to perfectly replicate chocolate) imported a stock of authentic chocolate for her personal use. And quite frankly the replicator should have dozens if not hundreds of varieties of chocolate in its database for her to choose her favorite from. Thus if she orders chocolate the computer should recognize her voice and substitute the generic chocolate for her personal blend.

COMPUTER: This unit is programmed to provide sources of acceptable nutritional value. Your request does not fall within current guidelines.

Another asinine line. This isn't the business of the computer programmers, and even if it was we've seen the replicator make junk food on many other occasions. And by now the nutritionists should've found a way to reduce the fat and sugar in a given food, substituting nutrients without affecting the taste.

PICARD: The pleasure of your company is requested, Counsellor. We're having a little impromptu reception for the arriving delegates.

Impromptu? The appearance of the wormhole runs like clockwork, it would be easy to schedule a reception around it and notified the appropriate people to arrive on time. Furthermore, Troi is acting like she just finished a long shift and is ready to veg out; wouldn't she have moved some appointments around to give her time to freshen up and dress properly?

TROI: Ship's Counsellor Deanna Troi.

I assume by "Ship's Counselor" Troi means that she leads a staff of counselors (much like McCoy declaring himself to be Ship's Surgeon). Does she need assistants? A little research says that generally there should be a psychiatrist for every 10,000 people, so Troi should be the only one. Furthermore, I find '"counselor" to be a little informal for a military organization (take that, Gene!). She can be called "counselor" by her patients or the senior staff, but to others she should be Commander or Doctor.

Captain's log, Stardate 43385.6. We are orbiting Barzan Two, which is entertaining bids for control of what appears to be a stable wormhole, which could provide a permanent shortcut to the distant Gamma Quadrant.

I wonder if the Dominion found this thing and has already classified it as useless.

BHAVANI: And as you all know...

Any writer who uses "as you know" or similar should be fired.

BHAVANI: The Barzan has been a society dependent on others for generations.

How is this supposed to work? They managed to pull themselves together enough to invent warp drive. Did they just give up and let others take care of them until now? Furthermore, could the Federation not fix whatever is making the Barzan not self-sufficient?

GOSS: We'll need chairs.
PICARD: I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise. I'm serving as host for these proceedings.
GOSS: Good, then see to it that we get chairs.
PICARD: Let me explain.
GOSS: Fine, fine, just have your Klingon servant get us some chairs.
WORF: I am in charge of Security.
GOSS: Then who gets the chairs?
PICARD: DaiMon, due to the delicate nature of these negotiations, all parties have agreed that one representative would suffice. Now I will be happy to provide your consuls with accommodations and you may have my chair.

The chair bit wasn't funny. The "Klingon servant" bit wasn't funny. I see no reason why the Ferengi couldn't have been a part of the negotiations from the start. It would make more room for character development elsewhere, particularly for Troi.

RAL: I never play the opening rounds, anyway. Inconsequential. Besides there are much better things to negotiate on this ship. Like dinner tonight?

Nice step forward for feminism, isn't it? Then again, I'm reminded of Lwaxana's view that men are commodities.

RAL: Yes, you were. When you leave this office, who are you? Oh. So that's how it goes. You never do. You never do leave the office.

Complete nonsense. Troi lets her proverbial hair down all the time. Ral isn't really endearing himself to me. He considers himself a supreme prize for any woman. He makes sweeping assumptions about Troi's lifestyle after knowing her for two days. I know that he's a quarter-Betazoid, but Troi has training against telepathic influence, right?

RIKER: Imagine the Ferengi collecting tolls if we lose to them.

I fail to see the problem here. The Ferengi could set a toll, but nobody actually has to pay it and go through. Furthermore the Federation could buy the wormhole back from them later.

MENDOZA: I don't think the Ferengi are the greatest threat at the table. With all of DaiMon Goss' bluster, they don't have the resources the Barzans need.

So? They could make an arrangement with the Federation, possibly in exchange for all noncommercial information collected by the Ferengi on the other side of the wormhole.

PICARD: The Federation could wind up buying a proverbial lemon.
DATA: Proverbial lemon?
PICARD: Later, Data.

Time for the "Data should have memorized all of human knowledge" complaint again. Picard didn't just say "lemon" to confuse Data, he said "proverbial lemon." He should have access to a dictionary in his head. Wiktionary has this as the fifth definition of "lemon", and there's "slang" right next to it.

RIKER: Geordi has continuous visual contact with the wormhole, Captain.

What? Everything Geordi's VISOR can do can also be done by the ship's sensors! Or are you telling me that Geordi's brain could interpret the readings in a way different from the computer?

ARRIDOR: A distillation of your own blood pyrocytes. Harmless to you. Undetectable by the ship's bio-filters, but when absorbed through your victim's skin, it will provoke an extreme allergic reaction.

The only other mention of pyrocytes is in Voyager, where apparently the Kazon also have them. While this level of technobabble is acceptable, I wonder why they didn't just say that they coated his hand with a mild toxin that Ferengi are immune to.

RAL: Ah, Federation decor.
TROI: Not your style?
RAL: Well, conformity is not my style.

Is this supposed to make him sound better, more interesting? Because it doesn't.

PICARD: The Federation's top negotiator taken out by a mysterious ailment. Suspicions?
RIKER: With the Ferengi around? Always.

While it's reasonable under the circumstances, this still seems like blanket racism.

WESLEY: The wormhole will reappear in thirty seconds, sir.

This business of the wormhole only being traversable when it's visible seems dubious, but I understand that it's necessary for plot purposes.

LAFORGE: You know, if this doesn't work, the thought of spending the rest of my life in here is none too appealing.
DATA: There is a bright side, Geordi. You will have me to talk to.

Data's obliviousness can be funny, but Geordi's line makes me ask why they're taking a shuttlepod instead of a shuttlecraft. I know that they expect to come back, but it's going to be hours. Won't Geordi want to stretch his legs?

WESLEY: They've travelled beyond our communication capabilities, sir

I find it odd that they could maintain a comm signal with a ship inside the wormhole in the first place.

[Nate the Great]

RAL: Well, Mister Riker's placed a great deal of emphasis on defence, a subject he obviously knows well, having served Starfleet in a number of conflicts. Now, the Chrysalians, we're enemies to no one, and we choose to remain that way. Neutral.
RIKER: Neutral, and uninvolved, sir, in virtually all interstellar matters of consequence.

What's the point of this exchange? All I can conclude is that Riker is implying that the Chrysalians are cowards for not picking sides. Another example of racism. What if the Chrysalians believe in avoiding conflict? Would Riker still insult them?

TROI: Devinoni Ral. Who are you?
RAL: Well, what do your Betazoid senses tell you about me?
TROI: Not much. My human physical response must be blocking them out.
RAL: Good.
TROI: It never happened to me before.

The notion that physical arousal can block her empathy is a little icky in addition to the contradiction. The whole Imzadi thing implies that Betazoids can form some form of mental bond with their mates. And even besides the formal bond, you'd think telepaths would form a stronger mental connection with their mates due to familiarity and longer contact.

CRUSHER: You're unusually limber this morning.
TROI: I'll say. Devinoni Ral. It's ridiculous, and wonderful. I feel completely out of control. Happy. Terrified. But there's nothing rational about this.
CRUSHER: Who needs rational when your toes curl up?

For the eighties, this seems a little racy.

TROI: Why haven't you told anyone you're an empath?
RAL: Because I find it makes people uncomfortable.
TROI: I think you don't tell them so you can gain an advantage.

There are things that a person has a right to keep private and things that they don't. Just being an empath shouldn't make people distrust you. It's what he does WITH his empathic powers that would make people uncomfortable.

TROI: I do it to help my crew, not outmanoeuvre them. And I don't hide that I'm an empath.
RAL: Oh, so you announce it to every alien culture you encounter? Or do you use it to give your side an advantage. Do you tell the Romulan that's about to attack that you sense that he may be bluffing? Or do you just tell it to your Captain?

That's an apples and oranges comparison. She does it for the good of the Federation, he does it for the good of himself.

PICARD: Computer, is the Ferengi Goss still on board the Enterprise?
COMPUTER: DaiMon Goss departed the Enterprise at fourteen hundred hours.

Wouldn't Worf be aware of when he left and informed the captain? What did this accomplish besides making it look like Worf isn't doing his job?

GOSS [on viewscreen]: If the Ferengi cannot have the wormhole, no one will.

I don't think there's a Rule of Acquisition covering destroying something you can't get. This is ludicrous. Ferengi should treat losing a business deal as a learning experience for next time.

GOSS [on viewscreen]: Casualties of war, Commander. My men are prepared to die. Are yours?
TROI: Captain, he's lying. I'm almost sure of it. He doesn't mean what he says.

I thought Troi couldn't read Ferengi, and I have to think that Ferengi body language would be different enough to stop mere observation.

The Fiver

Troi: Computer, check my answering machine.
Computer: You have forty-seven new messages.

You can never have too many 47 references.

Picard: I'd like you to meet our guests for the episode. This is our token diplomat, this is our token victim of a nefarious plot, this is our token weird alien --
Leyor: We have names, you know.
Picard: Sure you do.

Should've stretched the word "sure." Suuuuuure you do.

Computer: Deanna Troi. Species: Half betazoid, half human. Rank: lieutenant. Current assignment: counsellor and stater of the obvious, U.S.S. Enterprise. Current love interest: Devinoni Ral.

Wasn't she a lieutenant commander at the start of the show?

La Forge: I sure hope this works. What if we get stranded on the other side of the wormhole and we're stuck in this shuttle?
Data: Then we will become intoxicated and debate the finer points of Counsellor Troi's figure.
La Forge: Well, that doesn't sound too bad. But what are the odds we'd ever be rescued way out in the Delta Quadrant?
Data: Surprisingly high.

I remember "Shuttlepod One" as one of the better Enterprise episodes that I've seen. T'Pol has a very nice bum, and so forth.

Ral: I, er, I was just stating the obvious.
Troi: Oh, okay... HEY! Stating the obvious? You're part Betazoid!
Ral: Nuts.

Ha ha.

La Forge: As long as we don't get stranded, what's the worst that could happen? Some kind of attack by wormhole aliens?
Data: "Wormhole aliens." Very amusing, Geordi.
La Forge: Yeah. I kill me.

As long as we're making jokes based on Voyager, might as well toss in DS9 as well...

Troi: So, how about some female bonding? I've got a new boyfriend.
Crusher: Why is it you only feel the urge to bond with me when you've got something to brag about?
Troi: Hey, it's not my fault you never get any action.

This seems a little harsh for Troi. It's too bad Tasha isn't around anymore...

Arridor: (over the comm) I'm not going anywhere until I've conducted a thorough scan of all gullible planets in this region. Standard Ferengi procedure.
La Forge: Fine, just don't expect the Federation to come to your rescue if you get stuck out here.

Oh, the irony...

Kol: Oh no! We're stranded in the Delta Quadrant!
Arridor: Relax, Kol, I know what to do in this situation. (ahem) We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....

He's quoting Janeway. I had to look it up. It could've been a Lost in Space reference for all I knew...

Ral: What if we run away together?
Troi: Say, have you ever met my mother?
Ral: Um....
(Ral runs away at Ludricrous Speed)

Ha.

Memory Alpha


* First appearance of the four-quadrant organization of the galaxy.
* First appearance of Troi's love for chocolate.
* The Ferengi still think of gold as valuable, but at least their bricks are starting to look like gold-pressed latinum.
* Discovery will have a Barzan Starfleet officer.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Back in "The Naked Now" Data could understand how to search for a definition of a word preceded by "proverbial", but now he can't. Oops.
* Troi acts like a commbadge line isn't opened until the badge is tapped, but the Technical Manual says that comm channels are opened automatically (to cover instances of no tapping, I presume). I prefer that comm channels aren't opened until the badge is tapped, of course. Imagine the embarrassment from hearing something you're not supposed to.
* Phil also asks about Geordi's continual visual contact with the wormhole.

[Nate the Great]

I'm sorry, but the retrospective is on hold for a few weeks. I've broken a few fingers and typing long entries with one hand sounds like torture at the moment. Not to mention all the links and copypastes that I do...ugh!

[Nate the Great]

November 20th, 1989, "The Vengeance Factor"

No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/157.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Vengeance_Factor_(episode))

The Episode

MAROUK: No. Captain, you have to understand our history. A hundred years ago, before the Gatherers split off from our culture, we were a savage, violent race. Clans battled clans. Bloody, vengeful feuds that lasted for generations. But we overcame those ways, all except for the Gatherers.

I wonder if the writers were aware of the Vulcan/Romulan parallels.

DATA: Captain, I am detecting life readings from the planet surface, as well as several small areas of thermal radiation and carbon dioxide emissions, indicative of combustion.
WESLEY: Campfires, Data.
DATA: Is that not what I said?

Ugh. This kind of joke is going too far. Even Spock wouldn't be this pedantic.

DATA: Rigelian phaser rifles, sir. Not particularly powerful.

And therefore? No matter which variety of Rigelians we're talking about, we're led to believe that their tech was pretty standard. If anything I'd prefer that these be older models if they're supposed to be nonthreatening.

RIKER: Data, tell me about noranium. It vaporises at?
DATA: Two thousand three hundred fourteen degrees. Of course, noranium carbide
RIKER: Thank you, Data.
LAFORGE: Setting seven ought to do it.
RIKER: Three, two, one, now!
(They fire at some of the metal junk, which creates a smoke screen.)

Wouldn't metal vapor be toxic to breathe?

PICARD: Brull, will you show Mister Crusher the course to set to the Hromi Cluster?
BRULL: A child? This doesn't inspire my confidence.

If anything this should happen more often, but it occurs to me that we've seen plenty of aliens that look young but are really old. For all he knows with no other information, Wesley could be one of those and not human.

WESLEY: That's going to take us through the centre of an asteroid belt.
BRULL: What's the matter, kid? Can't you fly yourself around a couple of rocks?
WESLEY: Sure I can, but if we take this heading we can avoid the belt completely, and only lose twelve point one minutes at warp seven.

First, who cares if there are asteroids in the way, you'll be in subspace when you go through them. Second, altering the course to sweep around them would lengthen your journey by a minute or less. Third, what is this exchange supposed to achieve?

BRULL: No problem. I have many friends that don't like me. But what do you know about me?
WESLEY: You're a thief.
BRULL: I do it to survive, not because I enjoy it. We Gatherers value our freedom. We do as we want and we answer to no creature.

Sorry, but that's absurd. The Gatherers could petition the Federation for a colony world. No, they choose to live like this. I hate declarations of "I don't want to be a criminal" from people who have other choices.

CHORGAN [on viewscreen]: I don't wish to listen to either of you.
PICARD: You have no choice. Prepare to receive us. We're beaming on board.

This seems like a violation of policy. Beaming aboard without permission should be considered a crime if not an actual act of war.

CHORGAN: Will you feed and clothe us, too?
MAROUK: No, of course I won't. What I will do is give you the means to feed and clothe yourselves. We've set aside some land and you can use it to--
CHORGAN: Land? Do we look like farmers to you?

It's already been showed that these guys don't have replicators. So if these guys don't want to be farmers, what else is there? My first suggestion is folding them into the military. Their families can live planetside in the cities.

Nitpicker'sGuide

* Phil wonders why there didn't seem to be higher stun levels available to stop Yuta without killing her.
* Phaser Level 7 can vaporize metal, but Riker had it all the way up to Level 16 to stop Yuta! Okay, she's been conditioned to be more resistant to phasers than an ordinary person, but she's not a Horta or Excalbian!

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion:



“The Price”

Troi’s office has been redesigned and will be seen more. For some reason her office is on Deck 8 and her quarters are on Deck 9. First appearance of Troi’s chocolate obsession.

“The Vengeance Factor”

It’s finally established that Data is stronger than Worf.

[Nate the Great]

January 1st, 1990, "The Defector."

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thedefector) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/158.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

The Episode

PICARD: Splendid, Data. Splendid. You're getting better and better.
DATA: Freeze programme. Thank you, sir. I plan to study the performances of Olivier, Branagh, Shapiro, Kullnark.

Laurence Olivier did Hamlet, Henry V, and Richard III in the thirties and forties acting and directing. Kenneth Branagh had only done Henry V by the time of this episode, but would go on to do Much Ado About Nothing, Hamlet, Love's Labour's Lost, and As You Like It. James Shapiro isn't an actor at all, but is a Shakespearean scholar. Kullnark is the obligatory alien inclusion. Personally I would've dropped Shapiro and included Anton Karidian.

PICARD: Romulan warbird, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation vessel Enterprise. You have crossed into the Neutral Zone and are engaged in hostile action. Explain yourself and your intent.

Apparently neutral zones aren't always demilitarized zones. I ask what the point of such a zone is if it's not demilitarized. And while it's not specific to this episode, I have to ask at least once why the Federation/Romulan Neutral Zone is so narrow. People act like the zone can be completely crossed in a matter of hours at standard warp speeds (remember "The Enterprise Incident"?), it should really be a lot wider than that.

RIKER: Position?
DATA: Coordinates one four zero by two zero five, sir.

I really hate it when positions are given in only two coordinates. Furthermore, I assume Riker's really asking how far into Federation space the scout ship is, so he should be more specific.

PICARD: Right. Move to within five kilometres. Mister La Forge, prepare to extend our shields around the Romulan scout ship.
LAFORGE: At that range, the shields won't be able to take much punishment, Captain.

The Enterprise is a kilometer long. The scout ship is 25 meters long, a bit longer than a runabout. The Enterprise could get a lot closer than five kilometers to extend shield strength. In fact the scout could probably fit within the standard shield bubble.

SETAL: The humiliating defeat at the Battle of Cheron has not been forgotten. The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Enterprise claimed that this battle took place in 2160. Whether this is the same Cheron that "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" referenced is debated.
I would argue against it. In the TOS episode the planet was far off the beaten path and it seems like diplomatic contact had barely been made, if the population can destroy themselves without anyone noticing yet. Why would Starfleet and the Romulans send ships out there in the ENT-era just to have a battle?

SETAL: The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Um, ignoring the treaty to annex land means starting a war. Why wouldn't the Romulans just declare war? For that matter why haven't they asked the Federation to move the neutral zone further into Federation space? Given Starfleet's current antiwar stance, it might actually work!

RIKER: You're saying an entire base has already been established there?
SETAL: In forty-eight hours, the reactor core will be online.

It's implied that until the station is fully powered it's invisible to sensors. Ridiculous.

SETAL: I am not a traitor. All you can see is the opportunity to exploit me. The Federation credo, exploitation. You couldn't get aboard my ship fast enough. Strip it down. What secrets might it reveal that we can use? You're a short sighted people. Can't you understand? I came to stop a war.

Ugh. Starfleet has never attacked first, and he should know that. Even "The Enterprises Incident" was about maintaining the balance of power, not starting a war.

SETAL: Thank you, Doctor. How fortunate you know something of Romulan medicine.
CRUSHER: Yes. I had a chance to gain some experience recently.

Ugh. I'm reminded of McCoy in The Undiscovered Country. It was just as ridiculous there. Starfleet should know basic Romulan medicine. During The Undiscovered Country we were apparently on good enough terms with the Romulans to have an ambassador on Earth, medical knowledge should've been obtained at least as far back as that. Although I wouild've gone even farther back to Liviana Charvanek. McCoy would have asked her about current Romulan medicine while she was a prisoner.

SETAL: Remove this tohzah from my sight.
RIKER: Your knowledge of Klingon curses is impressive.

Actually todSaH is an insult, not a curse. It means something like toady, suckup, bootlicker.

SETAL: Computer, water.
COMPUTER: Temperature?
SETAL: Twelve onkians.
COMPUTER: This system is calibrated to the Celsius metric system.

Complete BS. The people onboard are speaking any number of alien languages, all being translated into English. The translators should've had all major temperature scales and their conversion factors inputted already (I repeat Romulan ambassador comments from the TOS movies again here). I get it that this exchange is meant to convey that Setal isn't on Romulus anymore, but it would've been less dumb to ask for a Romulan foodstuff that hasn't been inputted yet. Perhaps a kind of tea that was invented in the time period between the Tomed Incident and now.

PICARD: It is hard to believe in what one cannot see. And yet conceivably, with their cloaking technology, a fleet of Romulan warships could be passing before our eyes. There must be some way to neutralise this advantage.

Completely asinine. Starfleet would've started working on anticloaking technology the instant they encountered it. If there was a way to neutralize it at this time, Geordi would know about it. This isn't the kind of thing Geordi can pull out of his pocket in a day, even Scotty couldn't do it!

HADEN [on monitor]: Captain, we have received an official protest from the Romulan Empire demanding the return of your defector. Obviously, we are refusing to comply.

It occurs to me that the Neutral Zone treaty would've included language to the effect that anyone from one side who crosses to the other can be taken prisoner. Certainly the Romulans acted like this was the case back in the TOS and TAS days. Our heroes always traded the prisoners back after being debriefed even when they didn't need to.

PICARD: Is there a possibility the wound could be self-inflicted?
CRUSHER: They're very bad burns. I hardly think
PICARD: A possibility.
(She nods)

I'm dubious of this. Surely by the 24th century tricorders can detect things as simple as "was this burn caused by a directed beam or exposure to fire?"

HADEN [on monitor]: The Monitor and the Hood are headed in your direction, though they will arrive too late to be of assistance.

The Monitor is a Nebula-class, the Hood is Excelsior-class. I'll presume that Galaxy-classes are rarely that close to each other to render assistance unless sufficient advance notice is given, such as Wolf 359 or the Dominion War.

PICARD: Yes, Data. I want you to prepare a class one probe. Set the sensors for maximum scan. I want every metre of Nelvana Three monitored.

If you want the entire planet scanned more than the Enterprise can do, I'd thing you'd need more than one probe.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Your clarity of thought. Your objectivity, as always. Sit down. Data, it's very possible we are about to go to war. The repercussions of what we do during the next twenty four hours may be felt for years to come. I want you to keep a record of these events, so that history will have the benefit of a dispassionate view.

Wouldn't Data be doing that already? It would hardly be a huge strain on his positronic brain to run the program in the background with periodic output logs to the ship's computer.

RIKER: The location of the Romulan bases along the Neutral Zone?
SETAL: I don't know.
RIKER: In your sector?
SETAL: Irrelevant.
RIKER: The number of troops under your admiral's command?
SETAL: Irrelevant. Irrelevant.

How is this information irrelevant?

COMPUTER: Captain Picard, priority message from security officer, Klingon vessel Bortas.
PICARD: Lieutenant Worf, will you handle this at security station, deck nine.
WORF: Aye, sir.
(Worf leaves)

I get it that this is setting up the big reveal for later, but Worf can do this just as well from the bridge. We don't need to see him do it, just know that Worf us handling it. And this is really nitpicky, but I'd expect the first officer to coordinate something like this, not the security officer. And to get even more pedantic, there shouldn't be such a thing as "ship's security" on a Klingon ship, everyone would police each other within the chain of command and the honor code. The ship would just need a tactical officer.

PICARD: What about the planet surface?
LAFORGE: Reading nothing but barren rock. I don't know. They might be able to hide a base from our probe. Its capabilities are limited. The only way we'll know for sure is if we go and take a look for ourselves.

Geordi had sufficient time to equip a probe specifically to search for cloaking signals in a planetary atmosphere, so why didn't he?

SETAL: You're the android. I know a host of Romulan cyberneticists that would love to be this close to you.
DATA: I do not find that concept particularly appealing.
SETAL: Nor should you.

Wouldn't the cyberneticists rather take Data apart? What could they derive from ten feet away?

SETAL: Synthetic swill. I don't suppose your food terminals would be capable of producing a Romulan ale?
DATA: I am afraid they would require the molecular structure of the beverage in question. And, as you are no doubt aware, our knowledge of your planet is quite limited.

Ugh! Guinan should have a stock of Romulan ale ("It is blue", hehe). If replicators seriously can't create decent fake alcohol, then a stock of such things should be available. The scriptwriters are hammering in this fish out of water thing far too hard for my tastes.

SETAL: It's a bitter thing to be exiled from your home.
DATA: It does appear unlikely you will ever be allowed to return to your planet.

I'll say it again, ugh! He had sufficient time to come to terms with this and decide that it was still worth it. Stop complaining, and maybe pack an isolinear chip with replicator codes!

JAROK: I cannot betray my people.
PICARD: You've already betrayed your people, Admiral. You've made your choices, sir. You're a traitor.

Yeah, this is definitely the sort of thing that you shouldn't bother doing unless you're willing to go all in.

DATA: There is no scarring on the planet surface that would denote heavy construction of any kind.
RIKER: A cloaking device of some sort, to hide the entire base?
DATA: A cloaking device operating on the surface would be given away by visible distortion effects.

It took them this long to figure out that this is a trick? I thought this was supposed to be the best crew on the best ship in the fleet!

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I urge you, Captain Picard, surrender. Consider the men and women you would lead into a lost cause.
PICARD: If the cause is just and honourable, they are prepared to give their lives. Are you prepared to die today, Tomalak?

I repeat earlier comments on why families shouldn't be on board for this sort of thing, and how this is exactly the sort of situation they should be separating the saucer for.

RIKER: A letter to his wife and daughter.
DATA: Sir, he must have known it would be impossible for us to deliver this.
PICARD: Today, perhaps. But if there are others with the courage of Admiral Jarok, we may hope to see a day of peace when we can take his letter home.

I get the message, but I question why he couldn't have sent it before he left. For that matter, why can't the Federation get the message through? Don't we have diplomatic channels for this?

The Fiver

Riker: I think he's a plant.
Picard: I think you need a refresher course in botany.

I wonder if Keiko is on board yet...

Setal: Computer -- one Romulan ale.
Computer: Request denied. That beverage is illegal.
Setal: If you give me one anyway I'll slip you ten voljucks.
Computer: Please restate bribe in Federation credit units.

Ha ha. "Voljucks" appears to have been invented by Marc. Of courses gold-pressed latinum hasn't been invented yet, and we never found out what currency the Romulans use, even in the expanded universe.

Riker: What is the current deployment of the Romulan fleet?
Setal: Irrelevant!
Troi: How do they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar?
Setal: Irrelevant! Irrelevant!
Riker: Cut out the Borg routine and answer us!
Setal: This discussion is futile.

Caramilk is a Canadian candy bar. I would've used a "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop" joke here.

I don't even watch Doctor Who, but even I can see that a Dalek joke would've worked somewhere in this fiver. Extrapolate!

Setal/Jarok: I am actually an Admiral pretending to be a common soldier.
Data: How did you think up such a preposterous scheme?

You can't appreciate Shakespeare unless it's in the original Romulan, hehe...

Picard: Yes, he's told me everything he knows.
Troi: Ooooh...even about the caramel thingy?

Nice callback.

Tomalak: Surrender or my two Warbirds will destroy you!
Picard: If they do that, my three Klingon escorts will destroy you!
Tomalak: Well, if they do that, my...er...corbomite device will destroy them!
Picard: Tomalak, you moron, that's one of our bluffs.
Tomalak: Oops.

Ha ha.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of the Romulan scout ship and second D'deridex-class model.
* The birds of prey were really big here compared to other appearances. Ex Astris Scientia guesses (http://www.ex-astris-scientia.org/articles/bop-size.htm) that they could just be really close to the camera compared to other appearances. Fan speculation yields as many as seven different sizes for birds of prey. One person even tried different configurations of the scene in this episode (https://web.archive.org/web/20140203152513/http://www.suricatafx.com/?p=274), experimenting with different sizes and positions. I'd rather limit this to two sizes, a smaller B'rel class (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/B%27rel_class) and a larger K'vort class (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/K%27vort_class).
* First appearance of Data combining techniques from many masters to learn how to do something.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In this episode the light of the probe's engines reflect off the ship during the launch,but in "Where Silence Has Lease" it doesn't. You'd think this would be a piece of stock footage that would be reused.
* Phil also raises the units and Universal Translator question.
* How can Worf track a cloaked Romulan ship?

[NAHTMMM]

July 17th, 1989, "Shades of Grey"

The survey should've been mentioned in a Captain's Log at the start. Don't ask me why Riker and Geordi are the only two members of a geological survey away team. I get it, no money for extras, but why isn't Data down here?
It's a whole planet, they should have off-screen parties on this continent or that.


October 2nd, 1989, "The Ensigns of Command"


No Fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/149.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Ensigns_of_Command_(episode))

The Episode

DATA: Captain. Doctor. I am honoured by your presence, but may I suggest you attend the second concert.
CRUSHER: Why, Data?
DATA: Ensign Ortiz will perform the violin part. My rendition will be less enjoyable.
PICARD: Oh?
DATA: Although I am technically proficient, according to my fellow performers, I lack soul.
CRUSHER: Data, telling us why you're going to fail before you make the attempt is never wise.
DATA: But is not honesty always the preferred choice?
PICARD: Excessive honesty can be disastrous, particularly in a commander.
DATA: Indeed?
PICARD: Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader.
DATA: Because you will lose their confidence?
CRUSHER: And you may begin to believe in those limitations yourself.

A good moral.
Indeed.

[Nate the Great]

I forgot to mention that "The Defector has good character work, I just get irked at mistakes that can be fixed through writing alone.

[Nate the Great]

January 8th, 1990, "The Hunted"

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/159.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Hunted_(episode))

The Episode

DATA: Specifications on the vessel, Mister Worf?
WORF: No warp drive. Minimal weaponry.

I find myself wondering what Worf would consider "minimal weaponry." I'm surprised he didn't specify "lasers only" like in Outrageous Okona.

LAFORGE: Vessel's speed increasing to point oh two impulse.

Full impulse is a quarter of the speed of light, so we're still talking over three million miles per hour.

LAFORGE: That's the ship's drive section
WESLEY: What happened to the rest of the ship?
DATA: Scan the drive section for life form readings.
WORF: None.
DATA: Bring us around to the back side of the asteroid, Mister Crusher.
LAFORGE: Sensors indicate wreckage on the asteroid's surface, Data.
WORF: No life signs.
DATA: Apparently, he did not survive.
WESLEY: Data, the drive section. Where'd it go? There's no sign of it on its previous heading. Someone must be at the helm.
RIKER [OC]: Status report, Mister Data?
DATA: I am afraid the prisoner has eluded us, sir.

If they're going to act like an asteroid can block ship's sensors, we've got a big problem. And even if they threw in a line about sensor-blocking minerals in the asteroid, the drive section wouldn't be able to get out of sensor range that fast. It would only take a few seconds to find it.

PICARD: A cloaking device?
WORF: Sir, the Angosians have no cloaking technology.
RIKER: Unless he's borrowing one. If he's hanging over the planet's pole, the magnetic field would confuse our sensors.

This isn't the only time they've acted like polar magnetic fields can hide a ship, which I consider patently ridiculous. Starships can scan all the planets in a system from outside it, why is a magnetic pole such a problem?

PICARD: Transporter room four, prepare to beam aboard from inside that shuttle anything large enough to be a humanoid adult.

I'm not sure the transporters work like that. I'll buy that someone can be altered such that their lifesign "transmissions" are outside the standard range. Fine. But they would still have to register as a lump of mass that can be locked on at this range. Just scan for something humanoid-sized that's not attached to the shuttle.

O'BRIEN: We're holding the contents in stasis pending arrival of security.

So is holding someone in transporter suspension dangerous or not? Do they not trust the forcefield that can surround the transporter pads? I do wonder why there can't be a high-security transporter room. No door to the outside and anesthezine gas on standby.

(The security guard fires, but it has almost no effect. They are jumped by the prisoner)

This is Starfleet Security, the guys Tasha Yar claims has the best training anywhere? I'd have upped the phaser setting a notch and fired again within a couple seconds, repeating until this guy went down! Come to think of it, that should be a setting by itself. Until you flip the switch off, each shot is slightly more powerful.

CRUSHER: At Troi's request I examined him. His cell structure has been significantly altered. They used a combination of cryptobiolin, triclenidil, macrospentol and a few things I can't even recognise.

These sounds like the names of drugs. I don't think drugs alone can explain what this guy can do. You'd need all-out genetic engineering, if not outright nanite assistance.

CRUSHER: One of the new substances in his cellular structure even shields electrical impulses.
DATA: Perhaps that would explain why our sensors did not detect him.

Lifesigns are more than just neural transmissions through the body. I could even buy temporary matching of body temperature with surroundings, but there have to be other things that can be detected.

NAYROK [on monitor]: It was for their own protection as well as that of others. Most of them were quite happy there. We went to great lengths to give them a fine quality of life.
PICARD: Prime Minister, even the most comfortable prison is a prison.

An unfortunate truth.

NAYROK [on monitor]: Captain, I assure you that every alternative has been explored.

Every alternative known to your science, you mean. Don't act like you've studied every alternative. Even Tuvok tried to rewire Suder with mindmelds. I'll buy that the onboard Vulcans aren't experts in this sort of thing, but the option of shipping him to Vulcan could at least be discussed.

WORF: Release of the force field and activation of the transporter will be virtually simultaneous. There will only be a point one second difference between them.
RIKER: Even Danar can't move that fast.

At least mention that you had to beef up the force field to stop Danar, because we've seen people beam in and out of cells all the time.

(Danar gets a hand out of the beam)

Transporters don't work like that!

(No, he's slumped against a bulkhead with his Visor lying on the floor, as Danar starts rearranging isolinear chips in a panel)

How does Danar know how to reconfigure the chips?

WORF: We believe he is attempting to reach shuttlebay two.
LAFORGE: That's twenty five decks up from here. Quite a climb, but I wouldn't put it past him.

Main Engineering is Deck 36, Shuttlebay 2 is Deck 13. Twenty-three, not twenty-five. Oops.

WORF [OC]: He used a phaser to power the cargo transporter.

Pretty sure that wouldn't work.

PICARD: I have all the information I need for our report. Your prisoner has been returned to you and you have a decision to make. Whether to try to force them back or welcome them home. In your own words, this is not our affair. We cannot interfere in the natural course of your society's development, and I'd say it's likely to develop significantly in the next several minutes. It's been an interesting visit. When you're ready for membership, the Federation will be pleased to reconsider your application.

Ugh. I don't like this kind of thing. I don't think these guys are prewarp, so don't quote the Prime Directive at us! Furthermore, this ending is too neat and tidy, I can't help but feel like too much time was spent on some scenes when other scenes needed more room to breathe.

Memory Alpha

* The whole idea that this episode is supposed to parallel Vietnam vets doesn't work at all.
* Only TNG appearance of a Jefferies Tube you can walk upright in.
* The ending was supposed to be bigger but couldn't because of the budget. Okay, so rewrite the ending to be better AND cheaper! I hate problems that can be fixed in the writing stage.

Nitpicker's Guide

* So it's chemicals in the body that makes these guys invisible to sensors. Why can't you remove this edge even if the mental reprogramming can't?
* Nobody is at Ops at the start of the episode. Don't we need someone there at all times?
* Phil also says that these guys should appear on sensors as SOMETHING even if it's not a life form.

[Flying Gremlin]

"The Hunted", I can buy some of what they're selling with the Nam vets and such, but how this was handled in the episode was very, very sloppy.

Also, tsk tsk for not mentioning James Cromwell with hair.

[Nate the Great]

January 29th, 1990, "The High Ground"

First veterans, now terrorists? They couldn't squeeze a comedic episode in between? Don't expect me to pull punches on this one, the message is too hamfisted for me to attempt fairness.

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/160.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_High_Ground_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43510.7. The Enterprise has put in at Rutia Four to deliver medical supplies following an outbreak of violent protests. Although non-aligned, the planet has enjoyed a long trading relationship with the Federation. Now, a generation of peace has ended with terrorist attacks by Ansata separatists, who are demanding autonomy and self-determination for their homeland on the western continent. Recreational shore leave has been prohibited and all away teams have been beam down armed.

[Plaza Cafe]

(The situation isn't stopping Beverly and Worf from drinking beverages in pleasant cafes in shopping areas)

Ugh. Badly written. If these terrorist attacks are so dangerous, nobody should be down there unless they have specific business. Beam back up to get beverages. I think visiting a cafe counts as "recreational shore leave." The worst part is that this isn't necessary. They didn't take a minute to explore Crusher and Worf's characters here, so why does this have to be in a cafe and not just outside a government facility?

CRUSHER: Lieutenant Worf, I need some bandages, disinfectant, something with alcohol in it.

Why isn't Beverly carrying a medkit? What's achieved by her not having one?

PICARD [OC]: Doctor, Commander Data has informed me of your situation.
CRUSHER: I already know what you're going to say.
PICARD [OC]: Doctor, will you at least allow me to
CRUSHER: The longer we argue, the longer

[Bridge]

CRUSHER [OC]: It's going to take me to save
PICARD: Doctor, you are endangering yourself and the away team.

In a situation like this, Picard should pull rank and order her to beam up. Furthermore, something like this should've been in the mission briefing: this isn't our fight, be prepared to leave at once without complaint. Furthermore, Picard mentions earlier that these guys are nonaligned. The Enterprise is only here to deliver medical supplies. Is there a reason they couldn't just be beamed down without putting any Starfleet officers at risk?

DATA: A transporter would leave residual ionization in the air. Our tricorder readings found no trace after the incident.
RIKER: People don't just appear and disappear. There must be some way to track her.

It's Season Three, I would hope the no-TOS references rule isn't in effect anymore, but even if it was, there are methods of teleportation in TNG that don't follow basic transporter rules. Q and the Farpoint aliens (alternatively known as "Farpoint cnidarians", "star-jellies" and "skymounts" depending on who you ask) come to mind immediately.

WORF: Sir, I believe she was the intended target of the abduction.
RIKER: Why would they want to take a Federation hostage? Their fight doesn't involve us.
WORF: It does now.

Here's the thing: the planet is nonaligned, and the Federation is apparently obligated to give humanitarian to anyone who asks unless it's someone they're currently at war with (and something even if they are). The terrorists could ask for help just like the government.

PICARD: In fact, it's more than likely that they will take good care of her, if they want to use her as a bargaining chip.
WESLEY: Bargaining chip?
TROI: The innocent often become the pawns in conflicts of this type, Wes.

Is Wes supposed to be an audience surrogate character or a prodigy, because you can't have it both ways. Troi's reply is just preachy and not necessary.

TROI: He needs your strength right now.
PICARD: History has shown us that strength may be useless when faced with terrorism.

What a lovely sentiment, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. If this message must be conveyed, save it for the ending Captain's Log, don't sound incompetent to your crew or scare Wes!

ALEXANA: I doubt they have one. They don't usually take hostages. These are not people we're dealing with here. They're animals. Fanatics who kill without remorse or conscience. Who think nothing of murdering innocent people.

Okay, you are officially nonsympathetic. A key Star Trek moral is that cultures are not monolithic and painting everyone with the same brush is wrong and will eventually bite you in the butt. Furthermore, this sort of talk is really a means by the speaker to justify killing the people they accuse without remorse. Hypocrite.

ALEXANA: Perhaps if we found ourselves in possession of some of that advanced Federation weaponry of yours, it would shift the balance of power back to our favour.
PICARD: Of course you know that is out of the question.
ALEXANA: Yes, of course.

This sort of thing should've been established ages ago. "Until you are a Federation member world, you don't get Federation assistance beyond humanitarian aid. Period. So don't ask."

FINN: Your ship carries medical supplies for them, for the other side. Why does the Federation ally itself with the Rutians?
CRUSHER: We don't. All we did was bring
FINN: Medical supplies.
CRUSHER: People were hurt.
FINN: I know. I hurt them.

Great job, Finn. You are officially nonsympathetic. At least PRETEND you're not a cold-blooded killer if you want her help!

CRUSHER: When I inform the Captain how serious the situation is, I'm sure he'll agree. I've told you, Finn, the Federation is not allied with Rutians. We're here on an errand of mercy.
FINN: And since the Federation does not wish to take sides, they will send the supplies that you need.
CRUSHER: Absolutely.

Exactly.

ALEXANA: The event that really opened my eyes took place only a few days after my arrival. A terrorist bomb destroyed a shuttlebus. Sixty schoolchildren. There were no survivors. The Ansata claimed that it was a mistake, that their intended target was a police transport. As if that made everything all right.

First, a police transport isn't a military transport. It's still attacking civilians. If the Ansata aren't attacking the military, they're criminals at best and terrorists at worst. They don't have "the high ground." Neither doesn't the government, but we've already covered that.

CRUSHER: They're dying. I'm seeing a complicated set of conditions. Their DNA is warped somehow, and it's distorting their entire cellular chemistry.
FINN: You can't do anything?
CRUSHER: I can make them more comfortable. That's all. The damage is too extensive.

Not even the facilities on the Enterprise can help? Whether she's honest or tricking them, the subject should be brought up.

FINN: It's the inverter. It's given our cause a new life, but it asks for our lives in return.
CRUSHER: What does it do?
FINN: We transport through a dimensional shift that the Rutian sensors can't trace.
CRUSHER: Dimensional shifting? You can't do that with humanoid tissue.
FINN: There are risks, the designers told us, But it works.

So these guys willingly kill themselves slowly just to be terrorists? We can add insanity to stupidity.

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER: You're showing the same distorted readings. Not as severe as the others, but

I'm reminded of the villain Peek from Batman Beyond (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNZ0n-OGMDg). Long story...

(Data and Wesley are examining the terrorist device)
DATA: A subspace field coil with an isolated power source. Curious.

It's a bomb, of course it has an isolated power source. Seriously, hire a fan for peanuts who actually cares about Treknobabble!

DATA: But it was proven to be fatal. To use this technology would be an irrational act.
PICARD: We may be dealing with irrational people, Data. Is there a way to trace this?
LAFORGE: With an adaptive subspace echogram, maybe?

Subspace echogram? There are times I get afraid that the writers come up with Treknobabble by throwing magnetic technology terms at a fridge.

CRUSHER: I live in an ideal culture. There's no need for your kind of violence. We've proven that.

DS9 proved that wrong, didn't they? Also, I do wish Federation citizens would stop calling their own culture ideal. That's the kind of thing that can only be judged by an outsider.

FINN: Yes, I've read your history books. This is a war for independence, and I am no different than your own George Washington
CRUSHER: Washington was a military general, not a terrorist.
FINN: The difference between generals and terrorists, Doctor, is only the difference between winners and losers. You win, you're called a general. You lose

Washington committed guerrila acts against a military, not terrorist acts against civilians. Big difference.

FINN: How much innocent blood has been spilled for the cause of freedom in the history of your Federation, Doctor?

In the cause of freedom? Not many. Military casualties, yes. Civilians, no. That's why you can't call terrorism a gray area. It's not and never will be.

DATA: I have been reviewing the history of armed rebellion and it appears that terrorism is an effective way to promote political change.
PICARD: Yes, it can be, but I have never subscribed to the theory that political power flows from the barrel of a gun.
DATA: Yet there are numerous examples where it was successful. The independence of the Mexican State from Spain, the Irish Unification of 2024, and the Kensey Rebellion.
PICARD: Yes, I am aware of them.
DATA: Then would it be accurate to say that terrorism is acceptable when all options for peaceful settlement have been foreclosed?

Terrorism is not a revolution! Stop acting like they're equivalent!

FINN: I'm not releasing you. I need you here.
CRUSHER: To find a way to reverse the effects of the dimensional shift? I can do that right now. Stop using it!

A big problem here is that Crusher would want to help these people anyway. Is there really no equipment on the ship that might have a better chance than a medical tricorder? Even if the odds are slip, Crusher would take it.

(He gets a laser tool and cuts it off the core)
LAFORGE: Transporter room, lock on my signal and stand by to transport two kilometres off the starboard nacelle.

Two kilometers? You do remember that the ship itself is a kilometer long, right? And that the transporter range of the ship is 40,000 kilometers? What did specifying two kilometers do except annoy nerds like me?

PICARD: I should have beamed you up.
CRUSHER: You wouldn't dare.
PICARD: Oh yes I would, and should.
CRUSHER: Without my permission?
PICARD: If you don't follow orders.
CRUSHER: If you'd give reasonable orders, I'd obey.

It doesn't work like that, Beverly. You either obey, refuse and be disciplined, or transfer to a ship with a captain whose orders you will obey.

PICARD: They're mad.
CRUSHER: I don't know any more. The difference between a madman and a committed man willing to die for a cause. It's all become blurred over the last few days.

No, they're mad. They're attacking civilians instead of the military using a device that they know will kill them. No part of this is sane.

CRUSHER: But he did have reasons. The medical supplies, the arrests. Jean-Luc, if we really examined our role in all this

You can't justify the actions of terrorists? Maybe if these had been true revolutionaries only attacking the military you could make the issue gray, but you can't! The microsecond civilians die you have lost the high ground!

FINN: I am not here to hurt you. Just hear what I have to say. Your people are safe. How long they stay that way depends on you. We demand an embargo and trade sanctions levied against Rutia. The Federation will blockade the planet. No ships will be allowed in or out. This will continue until the government of Rutia consents to talks mediated by a Federation council. You have twelve hours to make your decision.

You kidnap Starfleet officers and expect a fair trial by the Federation? Good luck with that.

CRUSHER: Jean-Luc, there are some things I want to tell you in case we don't get out of this.

Now's not the time for this, Beverly!

Nitpicker's Guide

* How did the terrorists know where the Enterprise was and the floorplan well enough to teleport on board? And how do they have a computer powerful enough to compensate for the relative motion between the planet and the ship. Even if we assume that the ship is in geostationary orbit, you'd still need to tweak the coordinates.
* If they're in a city suffering from terrorist attacks, why aren't their tricorders set to continuously scan for weapons and explosives?

[Flying Gremlin]

I always saw Bev getting a good case of Stockholm Syndrome from that episode, considering she's advocating for terrorists.

Then again, she's a horrible doctor.

[Nate the Great]

February 5th, 1990, "Deja Q"

Once again, good character work, but the Treknobabble needed another rewrite. Those episodes are always annoying...

No fiver
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/161.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Deja_Q_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43539.1. We have moved into orbit around Bre'el Four. With the assistance of the planet's emergency control centre, we're investigating a potentially catastrophic threat to the population from a descending asteroidal moon.

Data will say that this is a satellite with a deteriorating orbit. Therefore this is a moon, not an asteroid. I'd almost prefer it if this was specified as a double planet system (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_planet) and a passing asteroid knocked the moon out of orbit.

PICARD: Won't the moon disintegrate prior to impact?
SCIENTIST [on viewscreen]: No, it has a ferrous crystalline structure and it will be able to withstand tidal forces, Captain.

This is a moon, not an asteroid! Furthermore, the audience wasn't asking this question, so this exchange doesn't need to exist.

LAFORGE: We'd need to apply a delta vee of about four kilometres per second. Even with warp power to the tractor beam, it would mean exceeding recommended impulse engine output by at least forty-seven percent. It'd be like an ant pushing a tricycle. A slim chance at best.

Luna travels at about a kilometer per second. Assuming a falling moon goes a bit faster, 4 km/s pushing outward actually seems reasonable. What a shock!

RIKER: Lieutenant Worf, contact all ships in this sector to rendezvous and join us in relief efforts.

All ships? Even the tiny freighters and couriers? Every starship that could reach this planet in time should already be on the way!

DATA: Delta vee is ninety two metres per second. The mass is too great. We are having an effect but it is negligible.

The problem here is that what we really want is an acceleration. The desired 4 km/s change is the final velocity outward compared to now. You can't really use such terms in the interim. While the tractor beam is in effect velocity is fluctuating. I guess I'll have to take away that gold star after all.

LAFORGE: Impulse engines passing safety limits. We're seconds from automatic shutdown.
PICARD: Reduce engine power. Tractor beam off.

This is extremely petty, but I have to wonder if shutting the engines down seconds before automatic shutdown is less damaging than waiting until automatic shutdown.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are no closer to finding a solution to the deteriorating orbit of the Bre'el Four moon, but with the arrival of Q, we now have a good idea of the cause.

I call this a farfetched notion. What amusement would it give Q to kill people via a "natural disaster?" Furthermore, we've yet to see the Q interested in lesser species except as harmless amusement. The locals aren't remotely advanced enough to warrant Encounter at Farpoint-style judgement.

LAFORGE: We need more time or more power, and we're short on both.

I'd wonder why they don't wait for other starships to arrive. Then again, if the numbers earlier are to be taken as correct, they need over forty more starships of comparable power to the Enterprise, i.e. Galaxy and Nebula-class vessels. I'm not sure there ARE forty other such ships at this point, even without wondering how they could get here in time.

Q: Since I only had a fraction of a second to mull and I chose this and asked them to bring me here.
TROI: Why?
Q: Because in all the universe you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.

I find that either the biggest joke ever or extremely depressing. Aren't there other species between human and Q in power that would actually be friends with Q?

TROI: I am sensing an emotional presence, Captain. I would normally describe it as being terrified.
Q: How rude.

Wouldn't this be one of the final reasons to believe that Q is now human? Or are you going to tell me that Q would send fake telepathic messages? That seems like a lot of work for just a joke.

Q: What must I do to convince you people?
WORF: Die.
Q: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?

Always a classic exchange.

Q: Would I permit you to lock me away if I still had all my powers?

If his master plan involved a good enough lesson or joke, yes he would.

DATA: Sensors are showing broadband emissions, including Berthold rays.

This is a reference to "This Side of Paradise." I guess either the no-TOS ban has been lifted or this reference was obscure enough to get past the higher-ups.

PICARD: If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to earn our trust.
Q: I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc. You only dislike me. There are others in the cosmos who truly despise me.

Nice foreshadowing, but also a little depressing when you think about it.

DATA: I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth, that you really are human.
Q: It's the ghastly truth, Mister Data. I can now stub my toe with the best of them.
DATA: An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be.

Nice character work. It's a shame the Trek writers forgot how to do that.

Q: Humans are such commonplace little creatures. They roam the galaxy looking for something, they know not what.

Too bad he didn't hang around Sisko more. "It is the unknown that defines our existence. We are constantly searching--not just for answers to our questions, but for new questions. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfhFA2ORTZ8)"

LAFORGE: The moon will hit its perigee in ten hours. Now, we match its trajectory, increase emitter coolant rate so we can apply continuous warp-equivalent power nine to the tractor beam. We can push it for nearly seven hours and I think that just might do it. But, there's a problem.

Warp-equivalent power nine? [URL="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Cochrane_(unit)"]Okay, just call this a warp field of 1.5 kilocochranes. Which can be generated for 12 hours of high warp. Frankly I'm surprised that the tractor beam can channel over half the power that the warp coils can.

Q: This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole.

And that sort of thing wouldn't be detected by planetary or ship's sensors...why?

LAFORGE: You know, this might work. We can't change the gravitational constant of the universe, but if we wrap a low level warp field around that moon, we could reduce its gravitational constant. Make it lighter so we can push it.

Yeah...no. The gravitational constant only alters the acceleration of object near the moon's surface. What they're talking about is reducing effective mass. I think they mean that they're using a warp field to make the matter of the moon straddle the boundary between space and subspace. As long as part of the mass is no longer resisting being accelerated, it might work.

DATA: Although I do not require sustenance, I occasionally ingest semi-organic nutrient suspension in a silicon-based liquid medium.

Semi-organic? Is Data supposed to have tech that's the precursor of bio-neural gel-packs?

DATA: The replicator can make anything you desire.
Q: How do I know what I desire?

Seriously, Q? You've never tasted human food before while impersonating us? I refer you to the novel "I, Q."

[Nate the Great]

DATA: I've never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes.
Q: I'm in a really bad mood, and since I've never eaten before, I should be very hungry.

Even so...ten chocolate sundaes? That's a bit much.

DATA: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
GUINAN: Really?
(So she picks up a fork and stabs it into Q's hand)
Q: Argh!
GUINAN: Seems human enough to me.

Come to think of it, wouldn't Guinan's extra senses twig to the fact that he's human? Wouldn't Q's aura look very different now?

Q: This is a dangerous creature. You have no idea. Why Picard would make her a member of the crew and not me

She's not a member of the crew! Even so, Picard trusts her because she has shown trustworthiness. Have you, Q?

Q: Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities.
DATA: I am an android, not a robot.
Q: I beg your pardon.

Technically, androids are a subset of robots. I understand why Data wouldn't want to be referred to in terms that place him closer to toasters than people, but he could've put it better.

COMPUTER: Signal patterns indicate intelligence. Unable to derive necessary referents to establish translation matrix.

I like that the Universal Translator isn't omnipotent, but if it can translate The Companion I fail to see why it can't translate the Calamarain.

RIKER: Fighting off all the species you've insulted would be a full time mission. That's not the one I signed up for.
PICARD: Indeed. Human or not, I want no part of you. We will deposit you at the first starbase. Let them deal with you.

The problem here is that while it's unfair for Q to put this burden on them, it would be equally unfair to dump Q onto a starbase. He's familiar with the crew of the Enterprise, anyone else would either treat him with more hostility or offend him with fake hospitality.

LAFORGE: I've been putting together a programme to extend the forward lobe of the warp field. The field coils aren't designed to envelop such a large volume. But I'm attempting to modify their alignment parameters.

A key reason why the Enterprise-E is the discovery of warp field efficiency with "greater z-axis compression. (https://books.google.com/books?id=po7406HGXQYC&pg=PA167&lpg=PA167&dq=greater+z+compression+warp+field&source=bl&ots=74hQxV68AQ&sig=ACfU3U1NUukna2br1aP3J08_gpWhYhEWHg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjYgPTV2cDnAhUDBs0KHQHIA3QQ6AEwCXoECAoQA Q#v=onepage&q=greater%20z%20compression%20warp%20field&f=false)" But that means longer and narrower warp fields are possible, not larger forward lobes that can encompass a moon. I shudder to think of the shear stress that would result if you pushed the apple core without pushing the rest of it as well.

Q: I'm not good in groups. It's difficult working in a group when you're omnipotent.

You mean groups with lesser beings. The rest of the Continuum doesn't seem to have a problem working in a group, even during a civil war.

DATA: Yes, Captain. We are unable to encompass the entire moon.
PICARD [OC]: Do you recommend that we proceed?
Q: The two parts of the moon will have different inertial densities.
LAFORGE: Stand by, Captain. I can adjust the field symmetry to compensate.
Q: I doubt it.

So do I.

DATA: Inertial mass of the moon is decreasing to approximately two point five million metric tonnes.

Luna is 73 trillion million metric tons. I'd say the Enterprise is doing a good job, considering the moon now weighs a fraction of a Borg Cube.

LAFORGE: We can try again when the moon comes back to its perigee.
RIKER: And when we drop our shields, the Calamarains go after Q again.
LAFORGE: Commander, he's not worth it.

SF Debris comments that if this WAS a Q scheme, Geordi's comment would be damaging to humanity's cause. But the thing is, even if Q heard Geordi, Geordi is still justified. Any good Q might have done is cancelled out by the grief he has given our heroes.

Q: There are creatures in the universe who would consider you the ultimate achievement, android. No feelings, no emotions, no pain. And yet you covet those qualities of humanity. Believe me, you're missing nothing. But if it means anything to you, you're a better human than I.

Always a touching thought.

Q: Where's the main shuttlebay?
COMPUTER: Main shuttlebay is located on deck four.

This is correct. Must be a fluke.

PICARD: This goes against my better judgment. Transporter room three, lock on to shuttle one. Beam it back into it's bay.
CREWMAN [OC]: Aye, Captain.
PICARD: It's a perfectly good shuttlecraft.

Always loved that little joke.

Q2: Actually, I was the one who got you kicked out. You know, you're incorrigible, Q. A lost cause. I can't go to a single solar system without having to apologise for you, and I'm tired of it.

So...don't refer to yourself as Q? Problem solved.

Q: I'm forgiven. My brothers and sisters of the Continuum have taken me back. I'm immortal again. Omnipotent again.
RIKER: Swell.

Text can't convey the dryness of Riker's line. Classic.

Q: Don't fret, Riker. My good fortune is your good fortune.
(two women are fawning over Will)
RIKER: I don't need your fantasy women.
Q: Oh, you're so stolid, Commander. You weren't like that before the beard. Very well.

He's using "stolid" in the sense of "showing little emotion." Q is missing the point. When it comes to romance, Riker can get his own dates. Or make his own holographic women, which is what Q's fantasy women basically are.

Q: Before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special.
DATA: If your intention is to make me human, Q.
Q: No, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human.

Thank goodness. There isn't time to cover this idea in the rest of this episode. It's a shame we didn't revisit this idea in another episode, though. There's a short story where an alien race duplicates Data, only the duplicate is Data's memory in a human body that looks like himself.

Nitpicker's Guide

What biofunctions does Data have that need to be lubricated? Change it to pseudobiofunctions and I'd have no problem. He'd still need "tears" to lubricate his eyes in his head, etc.

[Flying Gremlin]

Data will say that this is a satellite with a deteriorating orbit. Therefore this is a moon, not an asteroid.

Remind yourself again what the two moons of Mars are, and you'll see the need to specify.

Furthermore, the audience wasn't asking this question, so this exchange doesn't need to exist.

Uh... you just justified the need for the exchange.

I find that either the biggest joke ever or extremely depressing. Aren't there other species between human and Q in power that would actually be friends with Q?

It's probably more that he finds them amusing, and this was more amusing than anything else.

And that sort of thing wouldn't be detected by planetary or ship's sensors...why?

It doesn't really matter, mostly because by the deadline the people on the planet won't even be matter anymore. (Yeah, I know, that's not how it works, but the Men in Black reference was just too good.)

Even so...ten chocolate sundaes? That's a bit much.

They went to McDonald's. Those things are tiny.

Come to think of it, wouldn't Guinan's extra senses twig to the fact that he's human? Wouldn't Q's aura look very different now?

Don't question Guinan's testing methods.

Technically, androids are a subset of robots. I understand why Data wouldn't want to be referred to in terms that place him closer to toasters than people, but he could've put it better.

He's technically correct. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hou0lU8WMgo)

You mean groups with lesser beings. The rest of the Continuum doesn't seem to have a problem working in a group, even during a civil war.

You mentioning this and pointing out this line makes it seem like this is a precursor to the Continuum civil war in Voyager, considering this experience introduces him into working with lesser species to come to a goal.

Then again, the writers probably weren't thinking that and were trying to rely on Rule of Funny way too much with this episode.

Q: Where's the main shuttlebay?
COMPUTER: Main shuttlebay is located on deck four.

This is correct. Must be a fluke.

The writer checked the map.

[Nate the Great]

February 12th, 1990, "A Matter of Perspective"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=amatterofperspective) (by Kira)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/162.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/A_Matter_of_Perspective_(episode))

The Episode

DATA: While suggesting the free treatment of form usually attributed to Fauvism, this quite inappropriately attempts to juxtapose the disparate cubistic styles of Picasso and Leger. In addition, the use of colour suggests a haphazard mélange of clashing styles. Furthermore, the unsettling overtones of proto-Vulcan influences
PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data.

Data's literalism and absence of guile can be a double-edged sword. Even so, art is more than technique analysis. Just like "Ode to Spot", technically perfect doesn't mean enjoyable.

Captain's log, Stardate 43610.4. After completing a delivery of dicosilium to the Tanuga Four research station, our away team has received an update from Doctor Nel Apgar on his efforts to create Krieger Waves, a potentially valuable new power source.

It seems odd that Riker and Geordi would be left alone for a mission like this. Another engineer (in fact, this seems like a job for Reg, if he existed at this point) or a security officer seems like a good idea. I do hate how often away team members are always senior officers. Even TOS had a specialist extra every now and then!

O'BRIEN: Transporter Room to Engineering. I have a power drain.

A phaser beam hitting the annular confinement beam creates a power drain? Just say that there's unexpected interference!

RIKER: Captain, may I have a word with you?
PICARD: Under these circumstances, Number One, I think that would be inappropriate.

Good for Picard. He gave Will a chance before he was formally charged, but Will refused.

WORF: Commander, sensors indicate a radiation burst on deck thirty nine, outside cargo bay twelve.
DATA: Source?
WORF: Unknown, sir.
DATA: Computer, identify type of radiation.
COMPUTER: Emission is not consistent with any known radiation.

I find this odd. Isn't the entire radiation spectrum mapped in the future? At least say that this kind doesn't come from any known device or astronomical phenomenon?

WESLEY: What kind of radiation could do this? Make any sense to you?
LAFORGE: I don't recognise it. Not even the main deflector puts out that kind of spillage.
WESLEY: Where would it be coming from?
LAFORGE: I don't know, Wes, but whatever it is, it's capable of putting a hole in solid duranium.

This is just weird. Do Kreiger waves phase in and out in "wavelengths", and only things at a peak or trough are damaged?

RIKER: We can't both be telling the truth.
TROI: It is the truth as each of you remembers it.
RIKER: But her version puts a noose around my neck.

Insert typical rant about how Troi's powers work here.

CRUSHER: If they're right, we should be able to predict the next event.
LAFORGE: We're expecting it in just over five hours.
PICARD: Take every precaution to protect the ship's vital areas.

How? They're not sure how the radiation works or where it will strike at this point.

PICARD: Of course he's innocent. But as a Starfleet Captain, I can't allow myself the luxury of yielding to my personal feelings. The evidence warrants a trial. I'll have to allow extradition.
TROI: Do you think there's enough evidence to prove his innocence?
PICARD: No.

This is one time when being the anti-Kirk is the right thing to do. Our heroes have to obey the laws of the locals, no matter what they are.

RIKER: But the holodeck can't create anything dangerous.
LAFORGE: Well, it didn't. When you get down to basics, the converter is nothing more than a complex series of mirrors and reflective coils. The energy from the field generator down on the planet simply reflects off of elements in the convertor which turns it into highly focused Krieger waves.

I'll accept that the holodeck could reproduce the mirrors and reflective coils. But the specific elements that these components are made of? No. It would be like the real thing being glass and the holoprogram being plastic.

The Fiver

Inspector Krag: I'm here to take that scumball off your hands.
Picard: Certainly. Wesley's over there.
Krag: Not him -- the useless one.
Picard: Counsellor, you heard the man.
Krag: No! I mean Riker.
Picard: Oh. Well, you can't have him...are you sure you don't want Wesley?

Good joke, but I question the classification of Wesley as "scumball". Wouldn't "nuisance" or "criminal" or "idiot" work better?

Riker: They're lying! I'm innocent! Innocent, I tell you! You believe me, right Troi?
Troi: I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends in prison.
Riker: I thought you were here for moral support.
Troi: Meh. I wonder what Worf's doing tonight....

It's a bit early in the series for that joke, isn't it?

Memory Alpha

* The Kreiger waves were supposed to create "a field that suppressed the strong nuclear force, making any matter exposed to it fissionable". I'm glad they chucked this, because what would this do except make impulse engines more efficient?

Nitpicker's Guide

* If O'Brien can detect a firing weapon mid-transport (see "The Most Toys"), why couldn't he debunk that theory here? Furthermore, if Riker was beamed out while firing his phaser, why didn't he beam in holding a deactivated phaser?
* Do Kreiger waves phase in and out, or are they continuous? Either theory introduces nits.

[Nate the Great]

February 19th, 1990, "Yesterday's Enterprise"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=yesterdaysenterprise) (by Marc)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Yesterday%27s_Enterprise_(episode))
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/163.htm)

The Episode

GUINAN: You see? It's an Earth drink. Prune juice.
WORF: A warrior's drink.

The start of a classic. I'll just toss in Quark scoffing at the order (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSK55kLSlQU) here.

WORF: I would require a Klingon woman for companionship. Earth females are too fragile.

Given later events with Troi and Dax (and Dax...), I question this line. I'll lump the Daxes here since we have no indication that Trill are supposed to be more durable than humans. It's interesting that Worf is still on his romance=sex=marriage kick. Furthermore, since when does romance require sex as a component? Is this just another example of Gene's free-love future?

I'd also like to bring up the aborted Worf/Selar plotline. Where did Worf get the idea that his only alternative to a Klingon woman is a human woman? Just going by the expanded universe, a few Federation races that come to mind as durable and plausible alternative are Rigellians (the Zami (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/Rigelian), particularly), Bolians, and Lurians.

GUINAN: Not all of them. There are a few on this ship that would find you tame.

I'm a mild Worf/Yar shipper, and that comes to mind here. One also wonders if Jadzia finds him tame.

DATA: It does not have a discernible event horizon.
WESLEY: Sir, navigational subsystems are unable to give coordinates on the object.
DATA: Confirmed. The phenomenon does not have a definable centre or outer edge.
RIKER: Are you saying it is and yet it isn't there?

What does this exchange do except annoy me? This thing exists, it has effects, triangulating a center shouldn't be that hard!

RIKER: There's no record of the Romulans ever assaulting the Enterprise C.

I fully admit that this one is very petty. Is this really the sort of thing that would be taught to officers as a need-to-know factoid?

PICARD: Avoid all discussions of where and when they are.

How? If anything this seems like a time when you'd beam over some anesthezine gas, treat them while unconscious, then put them in stasis until you decide what to do with them.

GUINAN: Families. There should be children on this ship.
PICARD: What? Children on the Enterprise?

"Why would Starfleet give me a ship full of kids when I'm on record as disliking them? And why would there be families here when we're never more than a week from a starbase? It's not like we're supposed to leave Federation space for twenty years, that would be crazy!"

CREWWOMAN [OC]: Doctor Selar, report to pathology ward stat. Doctor Selar, report to pathology ward stat.

So Dr. Selar only appeared once because Suzie Plakson was recast as K'ehlyer. My question is...so? Jeffery Combs appeared over and over in Trek! Plus the Vulcan makeup and Klingon makeup are different enough that anyone who would care about recycling actors wouldn't notice!

GARRETT: We were responding to a distress call from the Klingon outpost on Narendra Three. The Romulans were attacking it. We engaged them, but there were four warbirds.

No matter what specific class these are, four seems like overkill for a Klingon outpost or one Federation starship. Two would seem adequate for overwhelming odds.

TASHA: She was the first Galaxy Class warship built by the Federation.

We know that the E-D was at least the third of the Galaxy-class in "our" timeline, it seems odd that it would change in the altered timeline. The tradition of naming the first ship after the class doesn't seem likely to have changed in the alternate timeline.

Of course, the biggest problem is why you would design a "warship" of this shape. Wouldn't a more efficient design for battle be used? Something closer to the Nebula-class, for example?

TASHA: Capable of transporting over six thousand troops.

It's an interesting question: how much extra space could you make by eliminating all the jumbo-sized quarters, classrooms, civilian-run science labs, etc.? Furthermore, the use of "transporting" raises another question: Is the six thousand the standard ships compliment, or is that only for short-term use, i.e. moving troops akin to the massive evacuations in "our" universe?

GUINAN: Forty billion people have already died.

According to Memory Alpha, in the prime timeline there were 985 billion people in the Federation in 2370. 40 billion is four percent. In WWII it was more like 10-15% for the countries that had the most combat. So, horrifying as it sounds, 40 billion is TOO LOW.

TASHA: Deflector shield technology has advanced considerably during the war. Our heat dissipation rates are probably double those of the Enterprise-C, which means we can hang in a firefight a lot longer.

Why is she saying this? I doubt the Federation has the time to completely replace the E-C's shield grid, as most of the hull would have to be removed. If she's still operating on the principle of the E-D going back to help the E-C against the Romulans, remember FOUR warbirds!

TASHA: Standard rations. Food replicators are on minimum power, so everything else is diverted to defensive systems.

You can't live on rations forever. Even the Army doesn't intend for MRE's to be a long-term basis for a soldier's diet. Three weeks max, in fact. Just toss in a line saying that since battle is expected in the next few days we're stockpiling energy for the next few days!

TASHA: The Enterprise-C would be outmanned and outgunned.
LAFORGE: Unless we were to re-arm them with modern--

How? The E-D doesn't have the supplies, time or capability to refit the E-C. At best, with a few days, MAYBE they could refit their torpedoes to fit the E-C.

RIKER: Sir, Lieutenant Castillo is the last surviving senior officer. He will have limited support from Ops, no Tactical, reduced staff in Engineering.

Will the writers please stop pretending that the crew consists solely of senior officers and the ensign/enlisted plebes? PLEASE? If Worf was killed, he would have an assistant who can step up and take his place. He shouldn't have taken Data's place in "The Most Toys" as a matter of fact.

GUINAN: But I do know it was an empty death. A death without purpose.

A worthwhile purpose, anyway. I think that we can agree that "to amuse Armus" doesn't count as worthwhile.

PICARD: Attention all hands. As you know, we could outrun the Klingon vessels, but we must protect the Enterprise-C until she enters the temporal rift. And we must succeed. Let's make sure history never forgets the name Enterprise. Picard out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6muVlWkH2Y&t=16s)

And history never will. I just hope that the original universe is remembered more than that Kelvin nonsense...

The Fiver

Guinan: Would you like some 200-proof chech'tluth?
Worf: A wussie's drink. Got anything stronger...like prune juice?
Guinan: Yes, but I'll need to see some I.D. first.

You'll remember chech'tluth as the steaming stuff Worf orders in "Up The Long Ladder."

Data: What we are seeing is a temporal rift in space.
Picard: Are you sure it isn't a spatial rift in time?
Data: Same difference.

I get the joke, but I'm not sure a "spacial rift in time" is possible. Maybe a hyperspacial rift...

Picard: So what is the real timeline supposed to be like?
Guinan: You're supposed to have children on the ship and a Betazoid Counselor.
Picard: Good Lord, how horrible!

Should've used merde, but it's still terrifying...

Castillo: These standard rations taste like cardboard.
Yar: It's been a long war. We're down to eating empty cereal boxes.

When the Mythbusters tried to make mice live on cereal boxes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziQWDnFSPt8), they ate each other instead. Just delivering your pleasant thought for the day...

Guinan: (over the comm) Bridge, is everything cool up there?
Picard: You mean are we at peace with the Klingons? Of course.
Guinan: And is Counselor Troi with you?
Picard: Yes, but she's not saying anything today.

"We're keeping her mouth busy eating chocolate. The icing is all the box tops I'll get!"

Guinan: Geordi, were you ever attracted to Tasha Yar?
La Forge: No, but I've always fantasized about meeting a blonde Romulan....

Eww! Tasha was busy enough with Worf, Data, and Wesley (in the comics). And La Forge and Sela….ewww!

Memory Alpha

* The creator forgot to add the "transition to a new timeline" thing at the end of the episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the contraction between "The Neutral Zone" (the Romulans were isolationist for the last fifty years) and this episode (they attacked twenty years ago).

[Flying Gremlin]

This is one of my favorites.

One also wonders if Jadzia finds him tame.

An interesting premise. Probably a lot of sex is tame for joined Trill, considering they remember it all. Also, with how Curzon is remembered and his... appetites, having a few Klingon women in there would not be out of the question as appealing.

I fully admit that this one is very petty. Is this really the sort of thing that would be taught to officers as a need-to-know factoid?

Trivia about the other ships to bear the name Enterprise is not exactly that far-fetched, especially about how the last one was lost and if it was while doing something prideful.

How? If anything this seems like a time when you'd beam over some anesthezine gas, treat them while unconscious, then put them in stasis until you decide what to do with them.

Despite this being one of my favorites of the series, this has always bugged me too. If nothing else, why not have them use older style uniforms, then? Temporal Prime Directive and all that.

So Dr. Selar only appeared once because Suzie Plakson was recast as K'ehlyer. My question is...so? Jeffery Combs appeared over and over in Trek! Plus the Vulcan makeup and Klingon makeup are different enough that anyone who would care about recycling actors wouldn't notice!

Watch your mouth, pinkskin. (https://youtu.be/QGtraJnZLfc?t=18)

That preceding joke is so wonderfully meta, I could not help it.

No matter what specific class these are, four seems like overkill for a Klingon outpost or one Federation starship. Two would seem adequate for overwhelming odds.

There's no kill quite like overkill.

RIKER: Sir, Lieutenant Castillo is the last surviving senior officer. He will have limited support from Ops, no Tactical, reduced staff in Engineering.

Seriously? NOTHING about the guy being Christopher McDonald? The guy that played, among other things, Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore? I am disappoint.

* Phil brings up the contraction between "The Neutral Zone" (the Romulans were isolationist for the last fifty years) and this episode (they attacked twenty years ago).

While a good point, I always got the distinct impression that during the time of isolation, the only places Romulans were seen were either away from the Federation or in places where no Federation citizens were left to tell the tale, either by death or capture. Whether that was just an impression I took as fact or reality, I cannot say.

[Nate the Great]

Never watched Happy Gilmore.

[Flying Gremlin]

I'd drop my monocle into my glass of champagne in shock at that admission, but I admitted to watching Happy Gilmore, so that would never happen on several different levels.

[Nate the Great]

March 12th, 1990, "The Offspring"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theoffspring) (by saxamaphone)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/164.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Offspring_(episode))

I'd never heard of saxamaphone. Apparently he was around in the early days, but mostly stuck to the game threads which I avoided. This was probably also before Marc took over NextGen.

Oh, and I'll be chainsawing this thing apart as usual, but most of it is the Treknobabble stuff, there are good performances here.

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43657.0 While Commander Riker is away on personal leave, the Enterprise has travelled to sector three nine six to begin charting the Selebi Asteroid Belt.

This is extremely petty, but I don't like it when the flagship is given this type of mission. This is what small science vessels are for, or the Excelsior class at most. I understand that this episode is about character work and not action, but at least think of something that needs the resources of the flagship!

Furthermore, an asteroid belt? You don't even need a starship for that sort of thing, just send some probes! At least toss in a line that justifies why this asteroid belt needs a bigger ship. Maybe it's near the Romulan border, maybe it's a known hiding place for Orion pirates, something!

TROI: It's not like Data to be so secretive.
WESLEY: And cautious. He kept the lab locked every minute.

I guess we're supposed to chalk this up to pre-emotions on Data's part. It's definitely been implied by previous events that finding a way to make working sentient androids is a matter of utility and not fame (except for Maddox, of course). Why wouldn't Data share his project, at least with Geordi? Surely by now he knows that from time to time a second set of eyes (no joke implied) are important in problem-solving.

I admit to being curious as to the level of "lockness" that Data is using. Surely the writer is implying something beyond the usual "the doors won't open unless you're an authorized user or allowed in by an authorized user." The easiest answer would be an extra external lock applied to the door by Data himself, but that doesn't seem likely. Equally implausible is that he is working from an external "public" lab and not his own personal lab, a lab that isn't supposed to be locked under normal circumstances.

LAL: Purpose for exterior drapings, Father?
WESLEY: (mouthed only) Father?
DATA: It is an accepted custom that we wear clothing.

Ugh! Repeat previous comments about memorizing all of Earth knowledge if not all of Federation knowledge here. Lal must have an interior dictionary to know what words are and how to use them, the interior dictionary would be connected to an interior encyclopedia for deeper knowledge. You can't do this sort of thing! Lal clearly has access to an English dictionary because she doesn't have to be taught how to speak!

You could easily turn this topic in a slightly more thoughtful direction by having Lal remark that the reasons that humans use clothes don't apply to androids as they don't need clothes and don't have sex drives or get embarrassed. Data can then explain that this doesn't matter, humans get awkward around naked people and wearing clothes makes it easier to interact with them.

DATA: True, but here was a new submicron matrix transfer technology introduced at the conference which I discovered could be used to lay down complex neural net pathways.

I get what they're going for, but the problem as I saw it wasn't making the positronic brain more complicated across the board, it was making it sentient! In addition, how did Data get the plans for these "complex neural net pathways"? Did he tell the computer to deactivate him, do the scan, and then activate him? Can Data move all of himself from RAM into ROM? That seems doubtful. Could he temporarily move himself into the ship's computer to free up his positronic brain to be scanned? Equally doubtful.

PICARD: Data, I would like to have been consulted.
DATA: I have not observed anyone else on board consulting you about their procreation, Captain.

Whether Data or Picard is right depends on your interpretation of Federation humanity's ideals. A big landmine is whether or not you can call what Data is doing true procreation in a sense that's legally defendable.

Then again, there must be Federation members that are truly asexual (in the physiological sense) and depend on external mechanisms (no matter how primitive) to procreate. There's a discussion to be had here.

TROI: Why didn't you give it a more human look, Data?
DATA: I decided to allow my child to choose its own sex and appearance.

Another philosophical and religious minefield. Let's skip to the chase: for androids wouldn't this sort of thing be easy enough to mod via refit? The notion that this is a one-time deal that can't be changed later is absurd.

PICARD: I insist we do whatever we can to discourage the perception of this new android as a child. It is not a child. It is an invention, albeit an extraordinary one.
TROI: Why should biology rather than technology determine whether it is a child? Data has created an offspring. A new life out of his own being. To me, that suggests a child. If he wishes to call Lal his child, then who are we to argue?

Given the events of "Measure of a Man", Picard's opinion here seems unusual. Couldn't we have brought in a minor character (one of Crusher's nurses?) who could've been the scapegoat?

PICARD: Well, if he must, but I fail to understand how a five foot android with heuristic learning systems and the strength of a ten men can be called a child.

Ten men? I think Data's stronger than that. And the last time I checked, "child" wasn't a definition based on ultimate mental or physical potential.

PICARD: Have you any idea what will happen when Starfleet learns about this?
DATA: I have followed all of Starfleet regulations to the best of my ability. I expected they would be pleased.

There are Starfleet regulations for this? Surely this would fall under "there aren't Starfleet orders about it because we didn't expect anyone would do it!"

LAL: I am gender neuter. Inadequate.

Oh boy, another minefield! Seriously, this is the wrong word to be using here. "Incomplete" would even have been a better word. Surely Data's plan to let her choose would've been in her initial programming.

LAL: I choose your sex and appearance.
DATA: No, Lal. That would be confusing.

And illegal, as I'm pretty sure the "no holograms of real people without permission" thing extends in more directions, just like our laws about using the images of others today.

DATA: We are taking you to the holodeck to show you several thousand composites I have programmed.

That's one thing that will get (even more) annoying in the future: so many options that you get paralyzed.

DATA: An Andorian female.
TROI: Interesting. You'll be the only one on board the Enterprise, Lal.
DATA: That could make socialisation more difficult.

Ugh. You can only be close friends with people of your own species? That's absurd and completely Anti-Federation thinking. Also, 1012 people on board and not one Andorian? They do remember that Andor was a founding member, right?

DATA: A human male.
TROI: Very attractive. There's no problem with socialisation here.

Seriously, physically attractive=socially active? Yikes is there a lot to unpack in that single sentence. I'm getting flashbacks of "Is There in Truth No Beauty" here...

DATA: A Klingon male.
TROI: A friend for Worf.

More racism? And for Worf? Have we ever seen him have trouble making friends (higher lifeforms, body-swappers, and Romulans don't count)? Of course not, he believes in the Federation ideals that Troi is throwing out the window for this entire scene!

DATA: I have completed the assembly of the replicated anatomy. I was able to provide Lal with more realistic skin and eye colour than my own.

Is Data's skin not replaceable or modifiable? First Contact suggests otherwise. This line implies that Data is displeased with his appearance, but it would be easy to fix!

LAL: Home. Place of residence. Social unit formed by a family living together.
DATA: Yes. We are a family, Lal. Chair. To sit in. Sit. Good. Painting.
LAL: Painting. Colours produced on a surface by applying a pigment.
DATA: Yes. I will teach you to recognise the artistry in paintings.

Lal's habit of defining everything she sees was never funny. (Neither was Data's, to be honest) Oh, and Lal didn't define "painting" correctly. You aren't applying a "pigment" to the surface (or even producing colors i.e. a chemical change to the surface), you're applying a material that contains pigment to a surface. Hey, if she's going to parroting dictionary entries at me I want them to be accurate!

DATA: No, that is a flower, Lal. Inhale.

I hope Data kept a live flower around to show her, because he wouldn't need one otherwise.

WESLEY: What does Lal do while you're on duty?
DATA: She studies in our quarters.

Does she read PADDs or just jack herself into the wall?

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER [OC]: Doctor Crusher to Ensign Crusher. Aren't you supposed to be getting a hair cut, Wesley?

Is this an official duty as chief medical officer, or did she just make a personal call on company time? And wouldn't it be more embarrassing for her to ask Mr. Mot to page Wes? She's really dropping the ball...

LAL: Why do we have two hands? Why not three or four? Why is the sky black? Why do
(He switches her off in mid-question)

I get the joke, but after what we went through in "Measure of a Man" I find this insensitive. You stun a kid with a phaser just for asking questions. Plus, all this stuff should've been in the initial encyclopedia Data put in her brain.

PICARD: I assure you, Admiral, there's no better guide into this life for Lal than Data.

I find myself wondering if Data had an equivalent to Dr. Mora who could be called...

PICARD: This starship's mission is to seek out new life and that is exactly what Commander Data is doing.

No, it's not. Data is parenting, not exploring. Unless you're going to call all parents explorers...

PICARD: As do I. I would be willing to consider releasing Lal and Data to you so that he may continue his work with her.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: His presence would undoubtedly retard the new android's progress.

Where did Haftel get that idea? Is there a history of androids being lousy teachers for other androids?

PICARD: Admiral, to you, Lal is a new android. But to Data, she's his child.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: His child?

Yadda yadda yadda should've been in Picard's report yadda yadda yadda...

HAFTEL [on monitor]: Starfleet's policy on research is clear. You're making your stand on very uncertain ground.

Really? There is policy on teaching blank slate androids? I'm gonna need to hear more if you want to make me agree with that argument...

BALLARD: It isn't working out that way.
(She shows him the classroom. Lal is standing by the wall while the children are around a table together)
BALLARD: The children were afraid of her.

Thank goodness, a realistic action. Things that look like adults but acting like children would be scary to them. She talks weird, moves her head weird, and talks to herself a lot. What kid would want to hang out with that kind of person?

The problem is that we're supposed to belief that children in the future don't need to grief and take calculus at a young age AND belief this stuff at the same time. Sorry, but that doesn't work. At the least have her project herself into a hologram during a field trip to the holodeck. Don't tell me Data couldn't do that!

LAL: Why would they wish to be unkind?
DATA: Because you are different. Differences sometimes scare people. I have learned that some of them use humour to hide their fear.
LAL: I do not want to be different.

There's a lot to unpack here about when it's okay to conform and when it's not, but that would be depressing even to me.

DATA: I do not know how to help her. Lal is passing into sentience. It is perhaps the most difficult stage of her development.

Ugh. Lal was sentient from the moment she woke up. It was the wrong word to use here. "Maturity" would've been much better.

DATA: I have not told Lal how difficult it was for me to assimilate. I did not wish it to discourage her. Perhaps this was an error of judgement.
CRUSHER: You didn't have any one experienced to help you through sentience. She at least has you. Just help her realise that she's not alone, and be there to nurture her when she needs love and attention.
DATA: I can give her attention, Doctor. But I am incapable of giving her love.
(Data leaves)
CRUSHER: Now why do I find that so hard to believe?

Good scene.

(Picard is in bed, resting)
WORF [OC]: Captain, incoming signal. Starfleet priority one. Admiral Haftel.
PICARD: On my monitor, Lieutenant. Admiral.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: Captain Picard, I hope I didn't disturb you.
PICARD: Not at all.

Ugh. I had a rant about time differences between ships and planets started, but I gave up. Let's just chalk Haftel's remark up to courtesy and move on...

HAFTEL [on monitor]: I should advise you, Captain, that if I'm not satisfied with what I see, I am empowered to take the android back with me.

Empowered? We proved last season that Data isn't the property of Starfleet, so why doesn't that apply to Lal? Or are you going to tell me that if Lal isn't determined to be sentient she belongs to Starfleet? Yeah, no. In that case she belongs to Data, who I'm sure requisitioned the supplies from his own account.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are holding position pending the arrival of Admiral Haftel from Starfleet Research. Commander Data is completing his final neural transfers to the android he has named Lal, which I have learned, in the language Hindi means beloved.

Way too late to share this factoid. Way, WAY too late.

LAL: I am functioning within normal. I am fine, thank you.

Nice touch, if a bit late in the episode for it...

LAL: Father says I would learn a great deal from working with someone as old as you.
GUINAN: You're hired.

You don't get to be half a millennium old without developing a sense of humor, do you? Or going insane, I guess...

LAL: I've been programmed with a listing of fourteen hundred and twelve known beverages.

Forget the contraction, the Federation has only heard of 1412 beverages? Let's say the Federation has 150 members, that's only ten beverages per world. That figure needs to be an order of magnitude higher, if not TWO orders of magnitude!

GUINAN: You said I've instead of I have.
DATA: It is a skill my programme has never mastered.
LAL: Then I will desist.
DATA: No. You have exceeded my abilities.

Always hated the contraction bit, but I've already preached long and hard on that issue...

PICARD: He believes the Daystrom annex on Galor Four would be more suitable.

Putting aside the question of why the Cardassians would name a class of starships after a Federation world, I was surprised at how much the expanded universe uses Galor IV, particularly the RPG modules. Of course the interesting part is that according to some this planet was once known as Mudd's World (see "I, Mudd"). If the Federation could study the androids there, what took Soong so long?

DATA: Then he is questioning my ability as a parent.
PICARD: In a manner of speaking.
DATA: Does the Admiral have children?
PICARD: Yes, I believe he does, Data. Why?
DATA: I am forced to wonder how much experience he had as a parent when his first child was born.

Another nice touch. Not to be too cynical, but I gotta ask: does Discovery have conversations like this? Or the Kelvinverse, for that matter?

(A couple by the far wall are gazing into each others eyes and holding hands)
GUINAN: You see?
LAL: What are they doing?
GUINAN: It's called flirting.

Not sure this can be called "flirting".

LAL: He's biting that female!

Always a great line, but it's time for that downloaded dictionary rant again...

LAL: Why are they leaving?
GUINAN: Lal, there are some things your father's just going to have to explain to you when he thinks you're ready.

I'm pretty sure Data downloaded "The Talk" into her already, although you gotta wonder when he would decide that she's experienced enough to experience sexual intimacy for herself. Although Guinan's line is great, it's the wrong thing to say in this situation.

(Guinan moves away, and Riker comes in. Lal promptly starts flirting, and her voice deepens)
RIKER: You're new around here, aren't you?
LAL: Yes.
(She reaches across the bar, pulls Riker towards herself and kisses him. Data enters)
GUINAN: Lal! Lal, put him down.
DATA: Commander, what are your intentions toward my daughter?
RIKER: Your daughter? Nice to meet you.
(He beats a hasty exit)

Great scene, and a great teaser for a TNG sitcom... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M__peoQIE4M)

[Nate the Great]

LAL: I watch them and I can do the things they do but I will never feel the emotions. I'll never know love.
DATA: It is a limitation we must learn to accept, Lal.
LAL: Then why do you still try to emulate humans? What purpose does it serve except to remind you that you are incomplete?
DATA: I have asked myself that many times as I have struggled to be more human. Until I realised it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards.
LAL: You are wise, Father.
DATA: It is the difference between knowledge and experience.
LAL: I learned today that humans like to hold hands. It is a symbolic gesture of affection.

Great scene. Whether or not Data is wise is a subject for another day, although Riker sure thought so...

HAFTEL: Captain, are we talking about breaking up a family? Isn't that rather a sentimental attitude about androids?
PICARD: They're living, sentient beings. Their rights and privileges in our society have been defined. I helped define them.
HAFTEL: Yes, Captain, and I am more than willing to acknowledge that. What you must acknowledge is that Lal may be a technological step forward in the development of artificial intelligence.

My immediate response is...so? That doesn't negate their rights. He's making no argument that doesn't boil down to "I don't really think they're sentient and have rights" or "they may be sentient, but they're still a lower life form and I can make them slaves if I want to." I wonder what Captain Louvois is doing this week...

HAFTEL: She is capable of running over sixty trillion calculations per second, and you have her working as a cocktail waitress.

Again...so? There are plenty of doctoral students who have to work in restaurants to make money! Is Haftel claiming to have the right to not only own Lal but actually reprogram her and control all of her actions when he's out of sight?

HAFTEL: I'm not convinced the sort of behaviour she observes here will be a positive influence.

Again...so? Even if Haftel determines that Lal is Federation property, she wouldn't be his property. He sound's more like a grumpy dad judging his son's date than a Starfleet admiral who supposedly has experience working with people...

TROI: Come in.
(Lal enters, obviously upset)
TROI: Hello, Lal. How are you?
LAL: Troi. Admiral. Admiral. An admiral from Starfleet has come to take me away, Troi. I am scared.
TROI: You are scared, aren't you?
LAL: I feel it. How is this possible?
TROI: I don't know.
LAL: This is what it means to feel. This is what it means to feel.

Like I said on TV Tropes, this scene is a tearjerker. She's terrified, but she doesn't have the words yet to talk about it properly or dispel her fear. I'm also reminded of Doc in "Latent Image" after he killed Ensign Jetal (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rMNobbhdwk).

HAFTEL: All the other arguments aside, there's one that is irrefutable. There are only two Soong-type androids in existence. It would be very dangerous to have you both in the same place. Especially aboard a starship. One lucky shot by a Romulan, we'd lose you both.

Again...so? They aren't the property of Starfleet yadda yadda...

HAFTEL: Captain, you are jeopardising your command and your career.
PICARD: There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but you ignore their personal liberties and freedom. Order a man to hand his child over to the state? Not while I am his captain.

"Sometimes I think the only reason I come here is to listen to these wonderful speeches of yours. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jph2qWXJ-Tk)" Hehe...

HAFTEL: She won't survive much longer. There was nothing anyone could have done. We'd repolarise one pathway and another would collapse. And then another. His hands were moving faster than I could see, trying to stay ahead of each breakdown. He refused to give up. He was remarkable. It just wasn't meant to be.

"You didn't call him 'it'!"

LAL: I love you, Father.
DATA: I wish I could feel it with you.
LAL: I will feel it for both of us. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNnyuNK5dv8)

I'd make an onion ninja joke, but those are really overplayed.

DATA: I thank you for your sympathy, but she is here. Her presence so enriched my life that I could not allow her to pass into oblivion. So I incorporated her programs back into my own. I have transferred her memories to me.

Icky, morally questionable, and completely unnecessary. If they HAD to do this, at least use it to get rid of that stupid contraction thing!

The Fiver

Lal: NOOOO... I mean, yes.

I think we have another case of "first lines missing" syndrome!

Picard: You know this is going to be a big responsibility.
Data: I have prepared by reading a book by Ambassador Spock, A Logician's Guide to Baby and Child Care.
Picard: Fascinating.

Hehe.

Haftel: I'm here to take Lal.
Picard: But you'll be breaking up a family.
Haftel: Nonsense -- they're both toasters.
Picard: I hear this from everyone! Look, if you put bread in Data, you're not going to get toast!
Haftel: Do you speak from experience?
Picard: Erm, no.

Interesting mental image...

Lal: I feel sad!
Troi: I sense that something's wrong, Lal.
Lal: I feel annoyed with you.

She learns quick...

La Forge: So, she's going to be all right?
Haftel: No, unfortunately.
Troi: I knew something was wrong when I saw her wearing a red shirt today.

Security wears yellow at this time yadda yadda yadda...

Nitpicker's Guide

Actually, Phil had many of the same complaints that I did (if I copied from him it was subconscious), but in particular he points out that this would've been a great opportunity to get rid of the contraction thing, but they didn't take it.

[Nate the Great]

Marth 19th, 1990, "Sins of the Father"

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/165.htm)
Fiver (by Marc) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=sinsofthefather)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Sins_of_the_Father_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43685.2 As part of an exchange programme, we're taking aboard a Klingon officer to return the recent visit of Commander Riker to the cruiser Pagh.
PICARD: We must take care that while he is with us, Commander Kurn is accorded all the rights and responsibilities due the first officer of this ship. If he should feel patronised in any way
RIKER: I'm sure we'd know. One does not patronise a Klingon warrior.

Why is Riker here? Don't tell me that the guy he temporarily replaced back in "A Matter of Honor" suffered a temporary demotion! That guy was probably recently killed in battle or on medical leave. You don't need two first officers, Riker should be on vacation or something.

KURN: I have studied all of your service records. Impressive. We shall see if you live up to your reputations.

Presuming that Klingon standards of "impressive service record" are different from Federation ones, what has the Enterprise done in battle to impress him at this point? The Romulans haven't fully made their presence known yet. Is he referring to first contact with the Borg? They had to beg Q for help!

KURN: Do you wish to speak, Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher?

Here's a question for you-how much would the Klingons respect officers that don't have official commissions yet? From what Martok said, he was stuck with being a laborer without an official commission. Wouldn't Kurn ignore Wesley unless it's to give him an order?

WESLEY: He just doesn't seem to like me. I can't do anything right for him. Every time I respond to an order he jumps down my throat. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Klingons don't like the weak. Wesley probably isn't showing enough confidence. I can't really blame Kurn for this one.

LAFORGE: He pulled a surprise inspection in the middle of a maintenance cycle! I tried to explain it to him
RIKER: But he wouldn't listen.
LAFORGE: We're all going to be doing double shifts down there just to ready for the next inspection.

I don't think it's the first officer's perogative to pull a surprise inspection, that's the chief engineer's job. Furthermore, how much could Kurn know about the Enterprise engines to do the inspection himself? On a Klingon ship wouldn't it just be a matter of raising the standards that the chief engineer has to meet and threatening punishment if they fail.

And double shifts to get ready for an inspection? Geordi is that far behind? I find this dubious.

RIKER: This is not a Klingon ship, sir.
KURN: No, Commander, it is not. If it were a Klingon ship, I would have killed you for offering your suggestion.

On the one hand I can understand Kurn's position: on a Klingon ship nobody criticizes you except someone of higher rank. On the other hand, on a Klingon ship nobody would make an unsolicited criticism in the first place! In other words, lighten up, Kurn!

KURN: How long has the bird been dead? It appears to have been lying in the sun for quite some time.
LAFORGE: It's not dead, it's been replicated. You do understand that we cook most of our foods.
KURN: Ah, yes. I was told to prepare for that. I shall try some of your burned replicated bird meat.

I'm disturbed at the notion that for Klingons "any amount of cooking of meat=burned meat." You can't tell me that Klingons never cook meat. That's absurd. SF Debris once listed the reasons why we cook meat, I believe in the review for this episode. It's enough to say that while I can understand a Klingon being ready to eat meat raw if that's all that's available during a hunt, they still have scientists who would tell them that cooked meat can be converted into energy by the body more efficiently. Plus there are many mentions of Klingon cooked dishes that include blood or other organs, why is this different?

PICARD: [Caviar is] A delicacy from the Caspian Sea on Earth. It's a favourite of mine. Our replicator's never done it justice.

Would the writers STOP IT with the "replicators can't make anything that tastes like the real thing" gag? PLEASE! It gets more nonsensical every time. I'll forgive such jokes in TOS when replicators were in their infancy, but it's been over a hundred years and this ship has the largest mobile computer in the known galaxy! If a given food can't be perfectly replicated, it shouldn't be available as a replicated food in the first place.

KURN: I never kill anyone at the supper table, Mister La Forge.

Why not? Is this supposed to be a joke?

CRUSHER: Don't you like it, Commander?
KURN: Our food has much more taste to it.

Okay, some people like rare steaks, but the Klingon diet is more than meat, we've seen it. This conversation has gone on way too long, we get the point! Kurn doesn't like the food and Worf does, so Kurn looks down on Worf.

KURN: This entire ship seems built on comfort, relaxation, being at ease. It is not the ship of a warrior, not the ship of a Klingon.

I get that Kurn is baiting Worf, but anyone else hearing this would conclude that Kurn is xenophobic, which wouldn't reflect well on him.

KURN: No. Much more. You are the eldest son. The challenge is yours to make.
WORF: Challenge?
KURN: The Klingon High Council has judged our father a traitor to the Empire.

I find this odd. Kurn has just dropped the bombshell about being Worf's brother, and before they can even properly reconcile Kurn drops this bombshell. Worf should've had a scene, probably with Troi, to process this. And he should've told Kurn to go to Ten Forward to wait for him, maybe order a prune juice while he was at it. I would've liked to have seen Guinan's reaction to Kurn.

PICARD: We're changing course. Set coordinates for the First City of the Klingon Imperial Empire.

No, you're setting course for Qo'noS. Picard's order would only make sense if you're already in orbit and are taking a shuttle down. I suddenly wonder if the First City has a landing pad large enough for Voyager...

DURAS: You claim a birthright you have forsaken?
WORF: I have not forsaken my heritage. I am Klingon. My heart is of this world. My blood is as yours.
DURAS: Yet you come to us wearing a child's uniform.

A good point. Worf isn't here on Starfleet business, so why isn't he wearing Klingon clothes?

(Duras tears off Worf's baldric)
DURAS: You will not wear the emblems of our people.

I'm not sure Duras has the authority to do that. In fact this seems like duel challenge material...

K'MPEC: If you leave before the Mek'ba, no shame will come on you. Return to your ship. Go back to your life. The challenge will be forgotten.

But Worf wouldn't be let back into the Empire ever. I don't think that Worf considers this an acceptable solution.

RIKER: What Federation starship was closest to Khitomer at the time of the attack?
DATA: The USS Intrepid was the first ship on the scene, sir.

This is the NCC-38907, Excelsior class. There have been many Intrepids in Starfleet history, but they don't use the letter addendum system, just different registry numbers.

PICARD: jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj.

"I accept with honor. May your enemies run with fear."

WORF: tlhIH ghIj jIHyoj.
K'MPEC: biHnuch.

"I fear your judgement." "Coward."

The Fiver

Kurn: Worf, I am your long-lost younger brother.
Worf: Why did you insult me with your patronizing behaviour?
Kurn: I wanted to test your character. This table you smashed with your fist proves that your heart is truly Klingon.
Worf: I must confess that I picked up this habit from my long-lost girlfriend.
Kurn: Ah! Then she too must be Klingon!
Worf: Sufficiently.

Ha ha. I wonder if Kurn would've liked K'ehlyr.

Duras: If I cannot turn you, then perhaps my sisters will. Here -- look at their photograph!
Kurn: Nice try...but it takes more than a little cleavage to distract a Kling--GAK!
Duras: Heheheh.

Kurn's not dead. Don't we use "Ack!" for wounded and "Gak!" for dead?

Worf: To preserve the peace within the Empire, I will accept discommendation.
Picard: Discommendation? What does that mean?
Worf: There is no greater shame in Klingon society. The closest human equivalent is being forced to relinquish the key to the executive washroom.

Ha.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil asks why they would replicate meat with the bones instead of just the meat.
* Kahlest mentions the Emperor when there isn't one at this point. The Kahless clone won't exist for several years.

[Zeke]

I've always appreciated how Marc used the end of this fiver to set up a running gag from my earlier "Redemption" fiver. (Anybody who reads this site "in order" probably ends up very confused...)

[Flying Gremlin]

On the issue of the replicator, I think the point they're trying to get across is that there's no variation for personal tastes. The computer may be able to make a pie perfectly ten out of ten times, but the pie would be just the same pie. A home-cooked pie takes into account palette preference and ingredient selection - if baking an apple pie, for example, what apples did you use, did you grind the cinnamon yourself, are you using real vanilla beans or an artificial extract, how much salt did you add, did you add one pinch or two of nutmeg.

[Nate the Great]

That doesn't fly. On numerous occasions the computer has given the option of dozens of variations for a given food. Like I've said before, the problem is the writer's inability to grasp that it would be child's play to program the computer such that when Picard asks for soup, the replicator makes soup according to Picard's presets, etc.


Whenever someone complains about replicated food, it's not just the taste, but the whole experience. The smell is off, the texture is off, the "mouthfeel" is off, etc.


Notice that you don't see this problem with the food slots in TOS. They didn't create alcohol because the technology wasn't good enough yet.

[Flying Gremlin]

Notice that you don't see this problem with the food slots in TOS. They didn't create alcohol because the technology wasn't good enough yet.

Probably because they were drunk all the time.

[NAHTMMM]

Lal: They keep saying, "Your daddy is a walking thesaurus."
Data: Those little punks, rapscallions, miscreants, delinquents....
This one always gets me.

[Flying Gremlin]

That doesn't fly. On numerous occasions the computer has given the option of dozens of variations for a given food. Like I've said before, the problem is the writer's inability to grasp that it would be child's play to program the computer such that when Picard asks for soup, the replicator makes soup according to Picard's presets, etc.

Whenever someone complains about replicated food, it's not just the taste, but the whole experience. The smell is off, the texture is off, the "mouthfeel" is off, etc.

Dozens of variations... if the user of the replicator cares to figure them out. Some might just like to whine and not actually care to figure out how to use it. See also: Janeway's burned meatloaf from the replicator.

It also might be a little bit of atmospheric difference. To use a real world example, the reason why there's so many jokes about airplane food is that pressurized cabins make food taste blander and less textured. Considering space travel is the same, the writers could be interpreting replicator food as the 24th century equivalent of airplane food. There could be some logic to it, but it may be horse hockey.

[Nate the Great]

Regarding Janeway's burnt meatloaf, I'd assume that it was a failed customization. There must be a department at Starfleet Headquarters for upgrading the replicator menu. Each selection must be perfected for use with standard equipment using standard replicator base material (no Soylent Green jokes, please). If Janeway tries to modify the base recipe without fully considering the interactions (the virtual humidity, heat, etc.), disaster could result.

[Flying Gremlin]

Kathryn Janeway: scourge of the Borg and butcher of replicator meals.

[Nate the Great]

Wow, I knew I was behind, but not two months! I guess the current crisis has really upset our schedules, huh?

March 26, 1990, "Allegiance"

Fiver (by Derek) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=allegiance)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/166.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Allegiance_(episode))

The Episode

(One of the other bed occupants is also in a Starfleet engineering uniform. she is a green-tinged alien)

Mitena Haro is a Bolian. I don't expect everyone to know all Trek races on sight (I sure don't), but Bolians are common enough that I expect Chakoteya to know what they are.

HARO: Captain Picard. We studied your missions at the Academy Mitena Haro, first year cadet, Starfleet Academy.

We've seen other officers use rank+posting location as an introduction, but I'm confused as to why you'd need to specify Starfleet Academy here. If she was in a special program at one of the annexes I might be able to understand such clarification, but not here. For that matter, just "Cadet Mitena Haro" seems adequate. Don't mind my nitpicking, let's move on...

PICARD 2: There will be no further communication off this ship without my prior authorisation.

It occurs to me that it's not like there's only one "phone line" to and from the ship. The researchers on board would need to be in contact with Starfleet Medical, Starfleet Engineering, various other research outposts, etc. While it may be the captain's prerogative to declare radio silence, there would have to be some sort of justification for it that would be reflected in Starfleet orders, ship reports, etc. Eventually someone would notice that routine data streams from the Enterprise had ceased and ask Starfleet Command what's going on.

PICARD 2: I don't like keeping you in the dark, but for the next few days I may not be able to be as communicative as usual. It may make things difficult for you.

Wouldn't Riker wonder why? Lie and say that Starfleet Command has issued secret orders and all will be revealed in time!

PICARD: What's your best area of study?
HARO: Impulse propulsion systems. I'm very good with field coils.

Insert typical Nate Treknobabble speculation here.

PICARD: That I can't answer. The Bolians are maintaining an uneasy truce with the Moropa, are they not?
HARO: That's right. But this doesn't look like Moropa technology and, even assuming the Moropa wanted me, what would they want with either of you?

If this was the days of TOS I could understand Federation members having individual treaties with other planets (see "Journey to Babel"), but not the TNG era. The Federation would be much more monolithic.

THOLL: I've never even heard of the Moropa. My race has no enemies.
PICARD: None? In the last three hundred years of Mizarian history, your planet has been conquered six times!
THOLL: And we've survived by not resisting. Mizarians value peace above confrontation.

"My race has no enemies" seems like an inaccurate description of Mizarian interplanetary relations. There's another rant to be made here, but let's stick with "we don't attack other races" does not equal "other races would never have a reason to attack us."

PICARD 2: I was wondering, Mister La Forge. What's our engine efficiency status?
LAFORGE: Operating at ninety three percent, sir.
PICARD 2: That's very good, but I would like to increase the efficiency to ninety five percent.
LAFORGE: No problem, Captain, I'll get right on it.

This seems low for the flagship. The E-D warp core is the most advanced in Starfleet right now, has Geordi been skipping some proverbial oil changes?

ESOQQ: The Chalnoth have no use for laws or governments! We are strong. We obey no one.

Ugh. Thinking like this would prevent the invention of warp drive. Even Klingons know that cooperation is necessary for the greater good.

CRUSHER: Why did you come in? Your annual physical isn't due for another month.
PICARD 2: Well, usually you have to remind me, then badger me, and finally order me to report. For once I thought I'd save you the trouble.

Yeah, that's not suspicious at all, is it? I don't like it when imposters "pass" exams just to prove "I'm not crazy, honest!"

THOLL: Picard is it wise to attempt an escape?
PICARD: It's imperative.
THOLL: Why? Our captors haven't mistreated us.
HARO: We've been kidnapped, locked in a room. You don't think that's mistreatment?
THOLL: They haven't hurt us, have they?

Sheesh, talk about doormats. Is this guy an Organian in disguise?

PICARD 2: Would it be simpler if I were not your commanding officer?
CRUSHER: Simpler, perhaps, but that's not the only issue. I guess, right now, I'm comfortable with our relationship just the way it is.

There's a discussion to be had here. What other issues would Beverly have? Is she still "off the market" due to loyalty to Jack? He's been dead thirteen years. She'll have other boyfriends during the series. Does she blame Picard for Jack's death? We don't really see any indication of that, it was Wesley who went through that period. Is she indicating that she can see having a relationship with Picard, but not yet?

ESOQQ: Why should we believe you?
HARO: Captain Picard's put his life at stake for others many times. The primitive culture on Mintaka Three, the Wogneer creatures in the Ordek Nebula.

Nice namedrop for "Who Watches the Watchers." We don't hear about the Wogneer creatures anywhere else. A third example would've been nice, it's too bad that the Cardassians haven't been invented yet.

First officer's log, supplemental. Although we're still eighteen hours from the Lonka pulsar, the Captain has ordered us to slow to one half impulse. He has offered no explanation.

So the ship went from Warp Two to half impulse. That's only a factor of about 40, so eighteen hours turns into over three hundred days. Lowering to Warp One (almost 200 hours) would've been adequate. You'd think this imposter could sabotage the engines somehow to justify Warp One. Furthermore, why would Picard 2 ask about engine efficiency if he's not going to actually use them?

RIKER: What is our mission?
PICARD 2: I'm under no obligation to tell you that.
RIKER: If you don't, you force me to take command of this vessel.
PICARD 2: On what grounds?
RIKER: You are endangering this ship for no reason.
PICARD 2: No reason you're aware of.
RIKER: That's not good enough. Your behaviour has been erratic.

I'm not kidding, couldn't these aliens have fabricated a top-secret captains eyes-only transmission to justify this stuff?

DATA: Captain, number four shield has failed. Increasing power to number three shield to compensate.

And he's not recommending leaving the vicinity-why? I'd call a failed shield emitter enough reason to leave, wouldn't you?

PICARD: Why did you choose to study the concepts of authority and leadership?
ALIEN 4: Because our species has no such concepts.
ALIEN 1: As we are all identical, distinctions among ourselves are meaningless. Hence we have no leaders no followers.

I see no evidence of a hive mind, therefore there must be differences between them that would lead to "leaders" and "followers". This plot really would've fit better in TOS.

ALIEN 1: We were merely curious. We meant no harm.
ALIEN 4: We did not, after all, injure you in any way.
PICARD: Imprisonment is an injury, regardless of how you justify.

Exactly. Too few people think that the only possible injury or punishment is physical.

The Fiver

ata: I'm picking up a power fluctuation from the Captain's quarters.
Riker: Heh heh. Looks like that exploding replicator finally paid off. Worf, go get the body.

We've seen missing first lines, but a missing first letter? Weird.

Tholl: What are you doing?
Picard: I saw this in a movie once. We transmit a whole bunch of prime numbers, then send them a copy of Hitler introducing the 1936 Olympics, then --

Is this Hitler thing a reference to something?

"Picard": Would you like a nice, romantic dinner in my quarters?
Crusher: I have a feeling we'll be feeding the 'shippers more than ourselves.
"Picard": Might as well throw them a bone once a season or so.

Precisely.

"Picard": Should I just be all romantic and sweep you off your feet?
Crusher: Are you sure that would be P/C?
"Picard": Good point. Maybe you'd better leave.
P/Cers: That was it?

Wouldn't the shippers want the real Picard, not a fake one here?

Memory Alpha

* Second appearance of a Bolian. That's probably why "Haro" looks so bad (I also thought that female Bolians are also bald...)

Nitpicker's Guide

* The fake Picard was based on the results from his last physical eleven months ago, wouldn't the readings be different?
* The fake Haro says that imprisonment itself is mistreatment, but the other aliens are surprised at the idea. Contradiction much?
* The fake Picard orders a round of ales "on him." Since when do people pay for their drinks at Ten Forward? Putting aside "the Federation doesn't use money" issues, wouldn't these be synthales which are free from the replicator, not the real stuff that Guinan would have to charge for?

[Flying Gremlin]

Tholl: What are you doing?
Picard: I saw this in a movie once. We transmit a whole bunch of prime numbers, then send them a copy of Hitler introducing the 1936 Olympics, then --

Is this Hitler thing a reference to something?

Contact. Either pick the book by Carl Sagan, or the movie with Jodie Foster. In this case, probably the book because I don't remember anything about prime numbers in the film, though it's been a while.

[Nate the Great]

The prime numbers were in the actual episode.

[Flying Gremlin]

Well, then.

Taking a speculative guess, probably the movie. If it was Zeke, I would have guessed the book, though.

[NAHTMMM]

I think the movie had square numbers instead maybe?

[Nate the Great]

I really gotta catch up next month....


I'm sorry, but life gets more complicated during pandemics. I'm sure you've noticed....

[NAHTMMM]

No worries, I appreciate you doing this at all! :)

[Nate the Great]

Yikes, am I behind. Have I mentioned that I went back to school yet? Between school and work I'm insanely busy. This is finals week, hopefully next week I can catch up. Or at least start to.

[Nate the Great]

April 2nd, 1990, "Captain's Holiday"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=captainsholiday) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/167.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Captain%27s_Holiday_(episode)https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Captain%27s_Holiday_(episode))

The Episode

First officer's log, Stardate 43745.2. We have departed Gemaris Five, where for the past two weeks Captain Picard has been serving as mediator in a trade dispute between the Gemarians and their nearest neighbour, the Dachlyds.

You know, with all the times that ambassadors have hijacked the Enterprise in TOS for this sort of mission, I do wonder why Picard was needed for this mission. I get that the captain of the flagship has to be able to serve as an ambassador in a pinch, but this doesn't seem like "a pinch", this seems more like Riva or Sarek territory. Furthermore, even if Picard was needed here, was the Enterprise? Surely they could go charting a nearby sector and leave Picard with a security detachment and a shuttle (or even that mythical Captain's Yacht, the Calypso).

RIKER: The place is called Risa, and believe me, Captain, it is a paradise. Warm tropical breezes, exotic food. Nothing to do but sit around all day and enjoy the quiet. And then
PICARD + RIKER: The women.
PICARD: Of course.
RIKER: I'm sure you would find their sybaritic outlook on life very appealing.
PICARD: Oh, I'm sure.

Picard doesn't know what Risa is? It certainly seems like Risa is the sort of place that the entire Federation (within a rounding error) already knows about. Furthermore, if the crew wants Picard to take a vacation so bad, wouldn't it be a matter of public record what kind of places he went to on previous leaves? Incidentally, "sybaritic" means "hedonistic", don't ask me why they used such an obscure word.

PICARD: Unfortunately, this vessel is about to undergo extensive repairs requiring my personal supervision.

What? You'll have to do better than that, Jean-Luc.

TROI: Will, I've just had some terrific news.
RIKER: Really?
TROI: There's an excellent chance my mother may be joining us on Starbase twelve.
PICARD: Your mother?
TROI: She's returning home from a conference on Achrady Seven, and she's going to try to rearrange her schedule so she can spend some time visiting with us.
RIKER: That's wonderful, Deanna.
TROI: She mentioned how much she was looking forward to seeing you again, Captain.

Funny, but cruel. Which I suppose makes it more funny.

RIKER: Is something wrong, Captain?
PICARD: Tell me, Number One, is the entire crew aware of this little scheme to send me off on holiday?
RIKER: I believe there are two ensigns stationed on deck thirty nine who know nothing about it.

Cute joke, but the really out-of-the-way ensigns would either be on Deck 42 or in the nacelle rooms.

WORF: Captain, I would feel better if you would allow me to assign a security officer to you. We will be out of communication range when we leave orbit.

Seriously? I know that Worf can be overprotective, but this is ridiculous. Plus I thought that Risa was a Federation world and would have, y'know, a subspace transmitter? Plus I'd imagine that Risa is important enough to have a starship in orbit at all times. This plot is starting to sound more like it would fit in the age of TOS.

[Nate the Great]

JOVAL: Do you seek Jamaharon?
PICARD: I don't even know what it means. The Horga'hn is for a friend.

This selective translation is starting to annoy me. Is the substitution of "Jamaharon" for "sex" supposed to make this more family friendly? Because if so, it's not working.
PICARD: Well, any woman who can beat a Ferengi at his own game bears watching.

VASH: I'll take that as another compliment. I'm flattered.

I never did like the Vash/Picard relationship. It never made sense. At least on Stargate they devoted the time to making Vala and Daniel work. Besides, we all know that Picard is attracted to redheads. Riker would've made much more sense in this role.

The Fiver

Ajur: Computer, list all Starfleet officers presently vacationing on Risa.
Risan Computer: Officers Dulmer, Lucsly, Braxton, Ducane and Daniels.

I can't imagine Dulmer and Lucsly vacationing on Risa. They seem like "private holodeck program" kind of guys.

Troi: Captain, I've just arranged a week's vacation for you on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet.
Picard: Out of the question! Only oversexed junior crewmen go to places like that!
Troi: Would you prefer Argelius II or Rubicun III?
Picard: No -- still too hedonistic for my taste.
Riker: What about Risa? I've heard that it's a paradise for intellectuals.
Picard: Oh, very well. Counselor, book me there for two days and two nights.
Riker: Pff-fff-fff-fft....
Picard: Number One, are you trying to keep a straight face about something?
Riker: Who, me sir?

Nice overdose of references.

Joval: Do you seek jamaharon?
Picard: You mean like that Curzon guy who just got carried out of here on a stretcher? No thanks.

It stands to reason that Picard would know of Curzon Dax. Of course, Curzon won't die until a year after this, but close enough for fiving work, right?

Picard: Do you have all the necessary gear?
Vash: Yup. Backpack, pistols, thigh holsters, shorts, tank top and sunglasses for me; a bullwhip, a revolver and a floppy hat for you.
Picard: Tell me again where you got your archaeology training?

An Indiana Jones/Lara Croft teamup would be epic.

Memory Alpha

* Last appearance of an Andorian until Enterprise.

[Flying Gremlin]

You know, with all the times that ambassadors have hijacked the Enterprise in TOS for this sort of mission, I do wonder why Picard was needed for this mission. I get that the captain of the flagship has to be able to serve as an ambassador in a pinch, but this doesn't seem like "a pinch", this seems more like Riva or Sarek territory. Furthermore, even if Picard was needed here, was the Enterprise? Surely they could go charting a nearby sector and leave Picard with a security detachment and a shuttle (or even that mythical Captain's Yacht, the Calypso).

Considering how little ambassadors there has been in TNG, this actually doesn't surprise me as much.

What? You'll have to do better than that, Jean-Luc.

Flimsy excuses for a captain to not go on vacation is a Starfleet tradition.

This selective translation is starting to annoy me. Is the substitution of "Jamaharon" for "sex" supposed to make this more family friendly? Because if so, it's not working.

I always thought that this word was one that didn't have a direct translation. Kind of like how petaQ is never translated, but the translations of "useless" or "garbage" has been used by Klingons multiple times.

[Nate the Great]

April 23rd, 1990, "Tin Man"

Let's get this out of the way up front. I hate Tam Elbrun. He gives a bad name to the mentally abnormal everywhere. If this guy has proven over and over that dealing with humanoids stresses him out and yields unpredictable and undesirable results, don't make him deal with humanoids!

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/168.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Tin_Man_(episode))
Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=tinman)(by Marc)

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43779.3. The Enterprise is preparing detailed exospheric charts of the Hayashi system. Although tedious, this endeavour is the first step toward planet colonisation.

The exosphere is the boundary between atmosphere and interplanetary space. I'm not sure how you "chart" them, or what they have to do with colonization. Furthermore, this does not seem like work the Enterprise should be doing. A science vessel (or even a series of probes) can handle this sort of thing. You'd think a seismographic analysis would be more up the Enterprise's alley, and it would still be a precolonization step.

DESOTO [on viewscreen]: Sorry to sneak up on you like that, Jean Luc
PICARD: Robert, why didn't you inform us?
DESOTO [on viewscreen]: Out here, you never know who's listening. Keeps you on your toes, anyway. Hey, Will. Will, you getting soft on that luxury liner?
PICARD: So, old friend. How are you?
DESOTO [on viewscreen]: Well, you know, they send you Galaxy Class boys out here to the far reaches. Me, I'm just hauling my butt back and forth between starbases.
PICARD: But not today.
DESOTO [on viewscreen]: No, not today.

I like exchanges like this. It makes the show feel more real when it shows that the crew knows others in the fleet that aren't old love interests.

PICARD: If time is so important, why didn't they transmit the orders by subspace?
DESOTO [on viewscreen]: They're worried about Romulan eavesdropping on this one.

The idea that Romulans can detect intership communications several sectors away from the Neutral Zone is disturbing. Furthermore, how would you keep subspace signals confined to a volume smaller than a star system? Are shorter distances easier to encrypt?

DATA: I am Data. An android.
TAM: Incredible, an android. I can't read you at all. It's like you're not there.

It's stated outright that Tam is a stronger telepath than usual. When Data has emotions Troi can read him. There's a whole discussion to be had here about how the emotion chip alters the frequency or whatever of Data's natural thoughts. My point is that Tam should get SOMETHING from Data, even if it's static instead of the music of emotions.

TAM: To communicate with it by subspace. Of course. Linguacode, universal translation, all that. It won't work. Tin Man is too different.

I suddenly wonder if the whale probe could talk to Tin Man. Or the Galaxy's Child species (the Gekli, FYI). Or a Horta, for that matter. Or a Sheliak, or a Tholian, or a Medusan, or...

PICARD: They claim that sector of space where Beta Stromgren is located.
WORF: The Romulans claim all that is in their field of vision.

I'm not sure about how accurate this is. The Romulans want to conquer, sure, but Worf's remark seems like it would be more applicable to the Dominion or the other zealot races.

DATA: That is correct. Starbase one two three has detected two D'daridex class cruisers on an intercept course.

You know, I'd expect Chakoteya to know how to spell D'deridex. While it's nice to know the ship's classes of other races, this episode doesn't seem like the place to do it.

Meaningless aside, The Romulans aren't really a part of this episode in any meaningful context beyond "bad guys", we don't need to know more about their culture. It could've just as easily been the Ferengi or the Breen for their role in this episode.

WESLEY: But Commander, if it is a Romulan ship, with their cloaking device we shouldn't pick them up at all.
LAFORGE: Unless they're pulling so much power for something else that they can't fully cloak.

I like this touch, too bad it wasn't used more often.

TAM: Lonely? I can hear everything that everyone on this ship thinks. No one besides you seems to be missing my charming
TROI: You want them to dislike you. Why?
TAM: Because I'm not a nice man. Okay, okay. Because they scare me. They're too many minds. I can't shut them out. I never could learn. All their loves, their hates, their fears, their needs. It's like a tide that never ebbs. I could drown.

A nice touch. But you can be lonely even when surrounded by people. I know that I've felt it from time to time.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: I'm working on it. Computer, reconfigure structural integrity power to feed inner deflector grid.
COMPUTER: Unable to comply. Requested reroute would compromise operational safety limits.
LAFORGE: To hell with the limits. Override.

Well he's being an idiot. Structural integrity fields and inertial dampeners should be on top of the "never turn these off" list.

TAM: Nice. A little Spartan.
DATA: Spartan?
TAM: Lots of work space, not much room to live.

It's Season Three, this bit where Data doesn't have instant recall of the entire dictionary has overstayed its welcome. If it was ever welcome at all, that is.

DATA: It is indeed laid out as a vessel with what appear to be corridors and chambers. An internal environment suitable for carbon based life forms is being maintained, yet there is no evidence of a crew aboard. Tin Man is a living being which has been bred or has adapted itself to serve a purpose. I find that interesting.

I could rant for quite awhile about the implications of a lifeform modifying itself to serve humanoid needs. The sheer variety of neural systems that would have to operate independently and in parallel are just the tip of the iceberg. I kind of prefer the idea of one guy forming a symbiotic relationship with one ship.

TAM: No! No! We're not the target. It's Tin Man.
PICARD: What do you mean? Do they intend to destroy it?
TAM: Those are their orders if they can't secure the alien.

And how exactly would the Romulans "secure" Gomtuu in such a short amount of time? For the fun of it, I wanted to compare the size of Gomtuu to the space between the upper and lower hulls of a Romulan warbird, but we don't have a size for Gomtuu. Although that would be a cool sight, tractor beams acting as cage bars trapping Gomtuu between the hulls. The only problem would be getting into warp...

LAFORGE: I know. Okay, first thing we need to do is get the main computer working right.
RIKER: No, we fix the shields first.
LAFORGE: Commander, whatever Tin Man hit us with, it fried circuits I thought were unfryable.

Maybe you could get a basic shield bubble without the main computer, but I wouldn't want to take the ship into battle with Romulans with a basic shield bubble. Then again, the entire point of having three computer cores is to have a backup in case something happens. Are you telling me that Gomtuu's pulse knocked out the connections from all THREE cores? Then again, you'd think Data would have a hotkey to isolate one of the cores in case of an unknown energy pulse approaching the ship...

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: But shields won't help if that star explodes.

I wonder if metaphasic shielding could withstand the force. Probably not, but maybe if you modified them...

ROMULAN [on viewscreen]: We have monitored the destruction of our sister ship by the star creature. We claim right of vengeance. We will destroy the alien. If you interfere, we will destroy you as well.

This "right of vengeance" thing seems more like a Klingon thing, doesn't it?

The Fiver

Riker: Why "Tin Man"? Is it because the probe's data shows that this organic spacecraft doesn't have a heart?
Elbrun: No, it's because nobody liked the first code name that was proposed. They all said that "Species 8472" sounded really dumb.

It does. I get that the Borg uses numerical designations, but you'd think Kes or Seven could reveal what they call themselves. Or, y'know, Janeway could've asked them when they assumed human form...

Elbrun: Tin Man was hit by some high-energy cosmic rays.
Picard: They penetrated his body and irradiated the crew?
Elbrun: No, but they made him sneeze and... well, you can imagine the rest.

Well, that's morbid.

Elbrun: Tin Man existed symbioticaly with his crew. I'm going to take their place.
Data: You must return with me to the Enterprise.
Elbrun: No, this is where I belong. At long last, all the voices are silent; only Tin Man speaks to me now.
Data: Intriguing. It is the first time I have heard anyone claim that mono is superior to multi-channel surround sound.

That joke didn't really age well...

Picard: Data? How did you get back here? Where's Tam Elbrun? What happened to Tin Man?
Data: It is a long story, sir. To answer your last question first, Tin Man stated that he had finally achieved his ambition to "join with a carbon-based unit and find the Creator."
Riker: And what about Tam? Should we report him as a casualty?
Data: Listing him as "missing" might be more appropriate.

I find the V'Ger analogue a bit of a stretch, but okay...

[Nate the Great]

April 30th, 1990, "Hollow Pursuits"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=hollowpursuits) (by Marc)
Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/169.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Hollow_Pursuits_(episode))

Okay, let's get this out of the way up front. I like Barclay, but not in this first episode. This level of incompetence on the part of our crew is just unforgivable. As someone who's struggled with social anxiety myself, the way our crew handled Barclay's situation is absurd. You don't get to serve on the flagship with this many issues, you just don't. Barclay should've been assigned to a low-stress post with continual counseling and medication experimentation until he could get his act together.

Second issue, recreating real, currently living people on the holodeck without their consent should be a crime. Except for actual criminal investigations, of course.


Third, it should not be Geordi's job to hold Barclay's hand. There must be over a hundred officers in the Engineering section, Geordi doesn't have the time for that. Aren't there assistant chief engineers to handle this sort of thing? Whatever happened to Shimoda anyway?

Fourth, "Broccoli?" Even if we argue that everyone is speaking English so this joke would work (a very iffy proposition, but moving on), that's just abuse. How did this get past Gene? He's always harping about perfect human beings, and this is not perfect behavior. Uhura herself said that in the future we don't fear words.

Fifth, I'd think that the computer is keeping track of everyone's holodeck usage and if it gets too high Troi is notified. This episode makes it sound like Barclay spends all of his off hours in there, this isn't healthy and never should've gotten this far.

Besides, are there enough holodecks that everyone who wants holodeck time can just have it without waiting in line? That's absurd. Someone on Reddit did the math (https://www.reddit.com/r/startrek/comments/3aajfy/how_much_holodeck_time_can_i_have_on_the/), and the amount of holodeck time per person with 16 holodecks is 10 hours per month. Of course some people don't like the holodeck and a lot of the 1012 people on board are children who wouldn't get solo time, but still. Even if we say that everyone who wants holodeck time can have 20 hours per month, Barclay is burning that off every week!

Sorry, but I had to get that out of my system. Moving on, get ready for some serious discussion of Treknology nits, they just show up so often in this episode.

The Episode

(Deanna slinks in wearing an off the shoulder number, as Howling Mad Murdoch pours himself a slug from a bottle on the bar)

I never watched the A-Team show, it was before my time. I did enjoy the movie in a "it's not supposed to be brilliant, it's supposed to be fun" sense.

LAFORGE: I just don't know what to do with him. The guy's always late, he never gives his best effort, just slides by. I'm telling you, I can't deal with it anymore. I mean, how does a guy like that make it through the Academy?

Forget the Academy, how'd he get assigned to the Enterprise in the first place? Wouldn't Geordi have some say in who gets posted to his department?

RIKER: Mister Barclay, I'm tired of seeing your name on report. I don't know what you got away with at your last posting, but this is the Enterprise. We set a different standard here. Understood?

Exactly.

[Nate the Great]

Captain's log, Stardate 43807.4. We are taking on a load of special tissue samples donated by the Mikulaks for shipment to Nahmi Four. The samples could prove vital to the containment of an outbreak of Correllium Fever on that world.

Put aside the technobabble here, why are there still so many deadly diseases on Federation worlds? I'll let it slide in TOS, the Federation was still "big" in terms of travel times and resources were stretched a bit thin. But this is supposed to be the prosperous, no-more-war era of the Federation. They should have the time to cure the major diseases on Federation worlds BEFORE they become outbreaks.

And the worst part is that more often than not these diseases are just backdrops, a reason for why the Enterprise is going from A to B. It smacks of writer laziness. The writers need to expand their vocabulary of generic Enterprise missions.

BARCLAY: I should have told him to mind his own damned business. I knew about the flux capacitor. I didn't need to hear about it from some seventeen year old kid.

Finally, something new! There should've been more resistance to Wesley having senior officer status among the junior officers. But no, in the perfect future Federation there's no resentment, or mourning, or prejudice, or anything like that. Until there is. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Roddenberry and Lucas may be geniuses when they're on tight leashes, but you let them off the leash at your peril.

LAFORGE: What do you do with a guy like that?
GUINAN: Well, I just serve him warm milk and let him be.

Bad Guinan! You're supposed to listen, and sometimes that means making your customer talk. It's your job to make sure everyone is having a good time in Ten Forward.

LAFORGE: Maybe I'm not make myself clear, Guinan. Barclay, well, he's always late. The man's nervous. Nobody wants to be around this guy.
GUINAN: If I felt that nobody wanted to be around me, I'd probably be late and nervous too.
LAFORGE: Guinan, that's not the point.
GUINAN: Are you sure?

Very good exchange. Mental health triggers can come from anyone, it's not always the afflicted's fault.

(He comes upon a Gainsborough tableau - Beverly on a floral swing and Wesley in blue, eating cake. There's a white parakeet in a cane cage too)

Chakotea does his research, you have to give him that. Thomas Gainsborough was an 18th century English painter, noted for doing portraits of fancily-dressed people.

LAFORGE: Hey, Barclay, I've spent a few hours on the holodeck too, you know. Now, as far as I'm concerned what you do in the holodeck is your own business, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

Unless you illegally replicate real people of course. Mr. Worf, take Broccoli here to the brig!

BARCLAY: Being afraid all the time, of forgetting somebody's name, not knowing what to do with your hands. I mean, I'm the guy who writes down things to remember to say when there's a party. And then when he finally get there, he winds up alone in the corner trying to look comfortable examining a potted plant.
LAFORGE: You're just shy, Barclay.
BARCLAY: Just shy. Sounds like nothing serious, doesn't it? You can't know.

Ouch. You gotta feel for Reg here.

TROI: Have you ever been with a counsellor before?
BARCLAY: Yes. No.

Really, Troi? You couldn't sense this guy's stress and arranged a visit before now? Even if you argue that Reg only transferred here recently, you'd think it'd be one of Troi's jobs to evaluate all newcomers to make sure that any required treatment was started.

RIKER: This is a violation of protocol. Crewmembers should not be simulated in the holodeck.

Exactly.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: You know, there's nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life, as long as you don't let it take over.
RIKER: You call this healthy?
TROI: You're taking it so seriously. It's not without its element of humour.
HOLO-TROI: I am the goddess of Empathy. Cast off your inhibitions and embrace love, truth, joy.
LAFORGE: Oh, my God.
HOLO-TROI: Discard your facades and reveal your true being to me.
TROI: Computer, discontinue.
RIKER: Computer, belay that order! We want to get more insight into what's been troubling the poor man, remember? Quite a healthy fantasy life, wouldn't you say?
(Geordi agrees)

Always a funny scene.

WORF: Sir, our velocity increased to warp seven point two five.
DATA: Compensating, sir.
WORF: Confirmed. Velocity now warp seven.
PICARD: Maintain that. What the hell happened?
DATA: The matter-antimatter injectors locked for a split second. I am not certain why, sir. They appear to be working properly now.

What do the matter-antimatter injectors have to do with the warp fields? Just say that the warp coils locked for a split second! Why do I get the feeling that I could do a better job than the Okudas?

BARCLAY: It's not a computer problem. The mechanism is physically jammed. I can't clear it.

Jammed? So what? Just cut the matter and antimatter feeds to the injectors themselves! And don't tell me that there aren't manual cutoffs to the injectors!

LAFORGE: We can't shut it down, Captain. Antimatter flow is increasing. She's accelerating out of control.

1. How can the flow be increasing if the injectors are jammed?
2. Is the warp core automatically increasing the matter flow to react with the antimatter flow?
3. They can't vent the extra warp plasma before it gets to the nacelles?
4. They can't turn off the warp coils?

LAFORGE: Okay, this ship is going to start tearing itself apart in fifteen minutes. I want every idea on the table. I don't care how outrageous.
DUFFY: What about attempting a magnetic quench on the fusion pre-burners?
LAFORGE: No, I already tried that. The magnetic fields won't reset.

Okay, you can't turn off the antimatter flow. Of course I question how you could reset the magnetic fields without the antimatter reacting with the sides of the warp core.

WESLEY: Could the fuel inlet servos be caught in cycle?
LAFORGE: If they were, the swirl dampers would be frozen too and they aren't.

I think the swirl dampeners are supposed to focus the matter/animatter streams after they leave the inlets. Why freezing one system here is supposed to automatically freeze another system is beyond me.

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The plasma flow to the nacelles is uneven due to injector lock. An emergency saucer separation could rupture the warp field.

Um, what? How is the flow uneven? The injectors are locked, making a larger-than-usual amount of warp plasma go to the warp coils. That's not uneven, that's overload. Besides, the saucer is supposed to rupture the warp field, that's its job! I think Data is saying that the warp fields of the two nacelles are no longer in synch due to the plasma flow, and thus is in more danger of collapse if the saucer separation disrupts it. There's still a better way to word that...

LAFORGE: None of the systems involved interact directly with each other. I don't see anything in common.

No direct interaction? Nothing in common? Oh, the lecture I could give on this subject!

LAFORGE: Computer, list all physical substances that wouldn't normally be picked up by an internal scan.
COMPUTER: There are fifteen thousand five hundred twenty five known substances that cannot be detected by standard scans.

Well, that's disturbing. Of course, you'd think they would've done a complete scan WAY before this...

LAFORGE [OC]: Recommend we flood the injector pathway conduit with gaseous cryonetrium. That ought to neutralise it.

"Neutralize" has two meanings. Just freezing it would make it unable to react with anything, but you have to thaw it out at some point. Geordi could've worded this better.

BARCLAY: Erase all programs filed under Reginald Barclay. (turns to leave) Except programme nine.

One can only wonder what's in Program 9.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Barclay: Duty calls, sweetheart.
La Forge: What?
Barclay: Uh, that was Humphrey Bogart you heard, sir. I'm watching an old movie.

"Duty calls, sweetheart" appears in many old movies, but I couldn't find a Bogart one.

Riker: Barclay's hopeless, Captain. I think we should transfer him to the U.S.S. Elba.

Of course the joke is about Napoleon's exile on Elba, but as it turns out Elba (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elba,_Alabama) is also a city in Alabama that happens to be a suburb of Enterprise (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enterprise,_Alabama). Of course Marc didn't intend this, but it's an interesting coincidence.

O'Brien: See what happens when I send a test object through the transporter? It comes back as a pile of twisted junk.
La Forge: Yikes -- that's scary enough to a give a person transporter phobia. I'll ask Barclay to take a look at this thing right away.

I'm pretty sure Barclay already had transporter phobia, but that's okay. One wonders how any Starfleet engineer can use the thing comfortably, the "knowing what goes into the sausage" effect, so to speak.

La Forge: But why do you have to use us as your characters? Why don't you simulate -- well, for instance, the crew of a nice Intrepid-class starship or something?

The Intrepid class won't enter service for another three years, but of course the ships must've been under construction by now. I still don't like DS9's implication that a starship can be built top to bottom in like a year.

Holo-Picard: Will you be erasing all of your programs?
Barclay: I might keep just one as a souvenir.
Holo-Troi: Have you decided which one?
Barclay: Probably "Vulcan Love Slave, Part Two." I find T'Pol's hot-lube rubdowns to be very relaxing.

Eww. I'd hardly equate decon get with "hot-lube" anyway.

Memory Alpha

* Some think that the episode is a satire of obsessed Trekkies. I don't see it. Why fantasize about playing Three Musketeers with Starfleet officers when you can actually play Three Musketeers with the actual Musketeers?
* On DS9 O'Brien and Worf refer to the events of this episode, even though neither of them saw Barclay's holodeck programs. While I could imagine O'Brien making allowances for Barclay, Worf would never cut him the slack that Geordi had to.

[Nate the Great]

May 7th, 1990 "The Most Toys"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=themosttoys) (by Kira)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/170.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Most_Toys_(episode))


The Episode

VARRIA: Twenty six point eight kilos of tripolymer composites. Eleven point eight kilos of molybdenum-cobalt alloy. One point three kilos Bioplast sheeting.



The numbers indicate that she's reading a list of material in decreasing order of mass. Forty kilos is ninety pounds. I'm pretty sure Data is supposed to be heavier than a person. Still within the carrying capacity of a Klingon, but heavier than a person.



Incidentally, molybdenum-cobalt composites are toxic. And why isn't his structural frame made of duranium?



WESLEY: I can't believe he's gone.
LAFORGE: I always thought he'd outlive us, by centuries.
(Wesley uncovers a painting)
WESLEY: He'd been working on this for months. He never felt it was quite finished.
LAFORGE: You know what a critic Data was, especially about his own work.
(Geordi opens a drawer and takes out a book. Shakespeare, I think)
WESLEY: That was a gift from the Captain.
LAFORGE: And he should have it back.
(Cards and poker chips)
WESLEY: Those should go to Commander Riker.
LAFORGE: Data always fell for Riker's bluffs.
(A box with eight medals in it)
WESLEY: These are some of Starfleet's highest honours.
LAFORGE: Not bad for a walking pile of circuitry and memory cells.
(and the hologram of Tasha Yar)
LAFORGE: You know, I keep going over and over the accident in my mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. I can see Data in the shuttle, almost like I'm sitting there next to him going through the departure sequence. What the hell happened? Why didn't I see it coming? What am I missing?



Always a great scene. Although I do wonder why Data owns the poker set and not Riker.


PICARD: We must select an officer to replace Data at Ops. Recommendations?
RIKER: Worf would be my first choice, sir.
PICARD: Mine as well. Make it so.



What? While Worf is no doubt trained to man Ops in a pinch, he doesn't know enough to man it permanently. Data should have an assistant who can take the post until he's promoted or a new officer is transferred in. I know, I know, this provides for good characterization for Worf, but that doesn't negate the point.



(Picard opens the copy of Shakespeare that has been returned to him at Data's bookmark. It's Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 2)
PICARD: (reading) He was a man, taken for all in all. I shall not look upon his like again. (http://www.william-shakespeare.info/act1-script-text-hamlet.htm)


Great line.

FAJO: You are still wearing that uniform. Why?
DATA: I am a Starfleet officer.
FAJO: You are not in Starfleet any longer.



A debatable point. Starfleet considers him dead by now, but when Scotty returned nobody acts like he no longer has a rank.



DATA: I have been designed with a fundamental respect for life in all its forms and a strong inhibition against causing harm to living beings.
FAJO: What a marvellous contradiction. A military pacifist. Tell me, whose dreadful decision was it to enlist you in Starfleet to begin with?



Ugh. I also have a fundamental respect for life and would never commit murder, but I don't consider killing in war or self-defense to be impossibilities.



As for whether or not it's reasonable that Data hasn't killed yet...I suppose so. At this point, that is. Even if you don't count Borg drones as things that can be killed (a whole discussion by itself), it's likely that he killed Jem'Hadar during the Dominion War.


TROI: I know, but this isn't a Klingon ship and Data was your friend. And it's the second time you've replaced a crewmate who's died.
WORF: I honour Data's memory, as I did Lieutenant Yar's, by attempting to perform their duties as well as they did.
TROI: In true Klingon fashion.
WORF: I appreciate your concern.



Worf's position is valid and there's a lot to discuss here. My immediate question is whether or not Worf considers Data's death any more honorable than Tasha's.

[Nate the Great]

TOFF: With the pearls intact? FAJO: Please. Pearls were added by the Ferengi agents to increase the value.



I find this an interesting concept. While Earth pearls are so simple in construction that they can probably be replicated, who says that there isn't an alien equivalent that are as nonreplicatable as latinum?

[Nate the Great]

May 7th, 1990 "The Most Toys"


Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=themosttoys) (by Kira)

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/170.htm)
Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/The_Most_Toys_(episode))


The Episode

VARRIA: Twenty six point eight kilos of tripolymer composites. Eleven point eight kilos of molybdenum-cobalt alloy. One point three kilos Bioplast sheeting.



The numbers indicate that she's reading a list of material in decreasing order of mass. Forty kilos is ninety pounds. I'm pretty sure Data is supposed to be heavier than a person. Still within the carrying capacity of a Klingon, but heavier than a person.



Incidentally, molybdenum-cobalt composites are toxic. And why isn't his structural frame made of duranium?



WESLEY: I can't believe he's gone.
LAFORGE: I always thought he'd outlive us, by centuries.
(Wesley uncovers a painting)
WESLEY: He'd been working on this for months. He never felt it was quite finished.
LAFORGE: You know what a critic Data was, especially about his own work.
(Geordi opens a drawer and takes out a book. Shakespeare, I think)
WESLEY: That was a gift from the Captain.
LAFORGE: And he should have it back.
(Cards and poker chips)
WESLEY: Those should go to Commander Riker.
LAFORGE: Data always fell for Riker's bluffs.
(A box with eight medals in it)
WESLEY: These are some of Starfleet's highest honours.
LAFORGE: Not bad for a walking pile of circuitry and memory cells.
(and the hologram of Tasha Yar)
LAFORGE: You know, I keep going over and over the accident in my mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. I can see Data in the shuttle, almost like I'm sitting there next to him going through the departure sequence. What the hell happened? Why didn't I see it coming? What am I missing?



Always a great scene. Although I do wonder why Data owns the poker set and not Riker.


PICARD: We must select an officer to replace Data at Ops. Recommendations?
RIKER: Worf would be my first choice, sir.
PICARD: Mine as well. Make it so.



What? While Worf is no doubt trained to man Ops in a pinch, he doesn't know enough to man it permanently. Data should have an assistant who can take the post until he's promoted or a new officer is transferred in. I know, I know, this provides for good characterization for Worf, but that doesn't negate the point.



(Picard opens the copy of Shakespeare that has been returned to him at Data's bookmark. It's Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 2)
PICARD: (reading) He was a man, taken for all in all. I shall not look upon his like again. (http://www.william-shakespeare.info/act1-script-text-hamlet.htm)


Great line.

FAJO: You are still wearing that uniform. Why?
DATA: I am a Starfleet officer.
FAJO: You are not in Starfleet any longer.



A debatable point. Starfleet considers him dead by now, but when Scotty returned nobody acts like he no longer has a rank.



DATA: I have been designed with a fundamental respect for life in all its forms and a strong inhibition against causing harm to living beings.
FAJO: What a marvellous contradiction. A military pacifist. Tell me, whose dreadful decision was it to enlist you in Starfleet to begin with?



Ugh. I also have a fundamental respect for life and would never commit murder, but I don't consider killing in war or self-defense to be impossibilities.



As for whether or not it's reasonable that Data hasn't killed yet...I suppose so. At this point, that is. Even if you don't count Borg drones as things that can be killed (a whole discussion by itself), it's likely that he killed Jem'Hadar during the Dominion War.


TROI: I know, but this isn't a Klingon ship and Data was your friend. And it's the second time you've replaced a crewmate who's died.
WORF: I honour Data's memory, as I did Lieutenant Yar's, by attempting to perform their duties as well as they did.
TROI: In true Klingon fashion.
WORF: I appreciate your concern.



Worf's position is valid and there's a lot to discuss here. My immediate question is whether or not Worf considers Data's death any more honorable than Tasha's.




FAJO: This is not a mannequin. This is Data. This is formerly Lieutenant Commander Data of the Federation Starfleet. The only sentient android in existence.



I'd prefer "Data, formerly of the Federation Starfleet", but whatever. Only sentient android in existence? Oh, boy, that's a loaded question. Ruk and company are all dead, that's okay. All the Flint-type androids are dead, ditto. The Ilia probe...probably dead. Mudd's jailers...probably not. In fact, I hope they eventually joined the Federation.


Wesley: There's some naked pictures of Tasha under the bed.
La Forge: What? How do you know that?
Wesley: Uh…I plead the fifth.


Actually in the Constitution of the Federation the protection against self-incrimination is the Seventh Guarantee.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Mister Crusher, put us into close orbit. Mister Data, scan. My apologies, Mister Worf.


Again, nice moment.


FAJO: It's not just lethal. It's vicious. It tears a body apart, inside out, and very slowly too by your phaser standards. It's tortuous. A very, very painful death. I've always wanted to try this.



These Faron-T disruptors had tremendous potential, I'm sad they never appeared again. Well, the prop appeared in "Starship Mine", but I doubt it was meant to be a Faron-T disruptor.


COMPUTER: Accessing file Kivas Fajo. A Zibalian trader of the Stacius trade guild, educated on Iraaten Five. A noted collector of rare and valuable objects including the Rejac Crystal, the Starry Night by Van Gogh, the Lawmim Galactopedia, the Moliam Andi tapestries...


You'd think Picard would've looked this up before they met him in the first place. The Rejac Crystal is obviously a reference to "Wolf in the Fold". The Starry Night is currently in New York's Museum of Modern Art. I doubt they'd sell it any more than the Louve would sell the Mona Lisa. The other two only appear here.



WESLEY: The Jovis has a maximum speed of warp three. He's had twenty three hours so we can define a perimeter of point one oh two light years as his possible distance.



Using the most traditional TNG equation Warp Three is 38.9c, so 23 hours is 37.3 light-years. 0.102 light-years in 23 hours is 0.1064c, half-impulse! Heaven forbid they actually consult the available charts and say "thirty-five light years"!


Furthermore, 0.102 light-years is 965 million kilometers, about the distance from the Sun to Jupiter. The Enterprise should be able to find it with its own sensors!

[Nate the Great]

O'BRIEN: I'm reading a weapon in transit with Commander Data. It seems to have discharged, sir.
RIKER: Discharged?
O'BRIEN: I'm deactivating it.
RIKER: Welcome back, Mister Data. Are you all right?
DATA: Yes, Commander. Please arrange to take Kivas Fajo into custody on charges of murder, kidnapping, theft.
RIKER: The arrangements have already been made.
DATA: A Varon-T disruptor. It belongs to Fajo.
RIKER: Mister O'Brien says the weapon was in a state of discharge.
DATA: Perhaps something occurred during transport, Commander.



Soon enough we'll get to people's opinions on why Data lied here, but my opinion is that this is stupid. Nobody would question Data's motivation to kill Fajo once they hear the story.



The Fiver

Fajo: Congratulations, you've been selected to join my cool collection of stuff! I've got some guy's baseball card, an extinct slug, and a draft version of the script for "Star Trek V" that didn't suck.
Data: Ooooo!


A good version of Star Trek V? That's as likely as infinite speed turning people into lizards!

Troi: So, Worf…you've been promoted twice because of accidents that killed superior officers.
Worf: Are you implying something?
Troi: Nope, just stating the obvious as usual.
Worf: Good. I wonder if I can arrange to go on a dangerous away mission with Commander Riker….



Even if we accept that Worf is qualified to take Data's job, he's not ready to take Riker's.



Fajo: It's not a statue, it's a one-of-a-kind android -- watch this. Hello, Data.
(Data fails to react)
Toff: Pfft. He's not one-of-a-kind. I've got Robert Beltran in my collection and he does the same thing.



I never did like the wooden Chakotay joke. It was a writing problem, not an acting problem.


Fajo: Sit in that chair or I'll shoot poor Varria here.
Data: I'd still rather not.
Fajo: But just think how guilty you'll feel if she dies.
Data: I do not have any feelings.
Fajo: Less pointing out plot holes, more sitting.



Data can mourn via a sensation of emptiness, plus I think Data can "feel" bad about causing the death of another without actual emotion.


Varria: AAAAAAAA!
Data: Mind if I borrow your gun?
Varria: I'm dead, you moron. I was just vaporized.
Data: In that case, I guess you won't mind.


Hehe. I would've probably namedropped actress Jane Daly and had her walk away demanding her agent or something.

[Nate the Great]

May 14th, 1990, "Sarek"

Transcript (http://www.chakoteya.net/NextGen/171.htm)
Fiver (by IJD GAF)
(http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=sarek)Memory Alpha (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Sarek_(episode))

The Episode

Captain's log: Stardate 43917.4 The Enterprise has been given the singular honour of hosting the first meeting between the Federation and a mysterious race known as the Legarans.

Um, Sarek started talking with these guys 93 years ago. That doesn't count as a "first meeting" with the Federation?

Captain's log: We are in orbit around Vulcan, preparing to welcome aboard Federation Ambassador Sarek and his wife Perrin, who like his first wife, is from Earth.

Um, Sarek's first wife wasn't Amanda, it was Sybok's mother the Vulcan princess (known as T'Rea in the novels).

It's interesting to note that nothing expressly contradicts the notion that there were wives in between Amanda and Perrin. Amanda died in 2293 (if you believe the novel Sarek) or 2311 (if you believe the novel "The Fire and the Rose). That's over fifty years for there to be other wives. Then again, a comic states that Perrin and Sarek married in 2327.

RIKER: I remember studying his career in school. The treaty of Alpha Cygnus Nine, the Coridan admission to the Federation, the Klingon Alliance.

Alpha Cygus Nine is only mentioned here (another episode has an Okudagram cameo). Coridan is of course from "The Journey to Babel."

PICARD: I met him once, many years ago, very briefly at his son's wedding.

Whether or not this is a reference to Spock is a complicated matter. The novels make it clear that it was and that Spock was engaged to Saavik. This took place in 2328 or 2329 (Picard is referencing the engagement ceremony, remember that the initial bonding is more than an engagement and less than a marriage), the actual wedding didn't take place until 2344. Don't ask me why adult Vulcans would have a prolonged engagement.

MENDROSSEN: Which is why it is imperative that he be allowed to conserve his strength. I must request that you dispense with any formal activities normally associated with a visitor of his rank.

Besides the Mozart concert and a formal reception, what would be appropriate for a visitor of his rank? A kal-toh tournament in his honor? Inviting him to lead a lecture? Including him in senior staff briefings?

Or maybe I'm just used to TOS ambassadors who keep sticking their noses in places that they don't belong.

WESLEY: Yeah, I have a date.
LAFORGE: A date? With who?
WESLEY: Ensign Dumont.
LAFORGE: Really? She's very attractive. I've got to admit, Wes, I'm a bit surprised.
WESLEY: What, that she'd go out with me?
LAFORGE: No, that you'd actually have the nerve to ask her. Way to go.

Cute scene.

PERRIN: My husband has taken an interest in your career. He finds it to be satisfactory.
PICARD: My word! High praise from a Vulcan.

Nice touch.

WESLEY: Since when did you become an expert on women?
LAFORGE: Compared to you, every male on this ship is an expert on women.

An interesting question, who's the biggest loser when it comes to women? At this point Wesley's biggest relationship was with Salia, and Geordi has only fallen in love with a hologram. Wesley will go on to be with Robin Lefler, while Geordi only has Aquiel on his dance card. I'd say Geordi is the biggest loser. Other opinions?

WESLEY: Well at least I don't have to find my women on the holodeck!
LAFORGE: What did you say?
WESLEY: You heard me!

This isn't fair. Geordi didn't create the Brahms hologram to be a date, he just wanted someone less mechanical to talk to.

DATA: I have been programmed to reproduce the individual musical styles of over three hundred concert violinists, including Heifetz, Menuhin, Grak-tay and Tataglia. Do you have a preference?
PERRIN: Tataglia would be lovely.

I don't like this. If you want the Tataglia version of Mozart, you can ask the computer to make one. Data is supposed to be using these prior artists as teachers, not just reproduce their performances.

CRUSHER: I thought you were going to be at the concert last night.
WESLEY: I said I may be going. Suzanne wanted to go to the arboretum.
CRUSHER: Captain Picard asked me where you were. I don't like making excuses for you.
WESLEY: Excuses? Come on, Mom. It wasn't an official function.

Lots to unpack here. Can Picard order the senior staff to attend diplomatic functions when they're not directly involved? Does Wesley count as a senior officer for such functions anyway? Did Picard make it clear to Wesley that his presence was desired?

SAKKATH: Counsellor Troi is a Betazoid?
DATA: Half-Betazoid. Her father was human.
SAKKATH: Then she is not a true telepath?
DATA: Her skills are empathic in nature.

So Sakkath doesn't want Troi spilling the beans about Sarek, fair enough. But I'd think the level of her abilities would be in a profile somewhere that Sarek (and his staff) can access. This won't be the first or last time someone tries to get information out of Data under the assumption that Data wouldn't find their behavior weird. It's getting old.

DATA: Extensive. The Captain's first diplomatic contact dates back to
SAKKATH: And what of his knowledge of the Legarans? Would he be able to conduct negotiations with them should the need arise?
DATA: Do you foresee such a circumstance occurring?

I thought Sarek was the only member of the Federation that's even talked with these people, and it took forty years to get the relationship to "let's talk officially" levels. I don't think Picard could substitute in this case.

TROI: Vulcans possess telepathic ability. Sarek may unintentionally be projecting intense emotions onto other people, at random.

This is one part of the plot that I never liked. Vulcans have always been presented as touch-telepaths, with the farthest from that being using other materials as a conduit or extremely short-range through the air. The Enterprise is a kilometer long and way too big for a Vulcan to broadcast emotions unless they are literally holding the Stone of Gol.

PICARD: And when the Legarans beam on board?
CRUSHER: They could very well be affected too.
PICARD: Is there a treatment?

There must be way to sedate a Vulcan into a sleep so deep that they don't emit telepathic signals. At least enough for the Legarans, I get the feeling that they aren't typical humanoids if they like to sit in hot mud.

DATA: Captain Picard is not satisfied with Ki Mendrossen's assurances that the Ambassador is in good health. Do you consider Sarek capable of carrying out his mission?
SAKKATH: Have I given you cause to think otherwise?
DATA: You have voiced certain reservations to me about his abilities.
SAKKATH: I do not recall making such a statement.
DATA: Not directly, no. But you did question me about the diplomatic capabilities of both Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi.
SAKKATH: I am honour-bound to help Sarek carry out this mission. That is the only answer I can give.
DATA: Then you must decide which is your greater obligation. Your loyalty to Sarek or your duty to the Federation. Can you accept the logic of continuing this mission?
SAKKATH: Tell your Captain the mission is in jeopardy.

It's always fun to see somebody out-logic a Vulcan.

PICARD: It's ironic, isn't it? All this magnificent technology and we find ourselves still susceptible to the ravages of old age. The loss of dignity, the slow betrayal of our bodies by forces we cannot master. Do you still want to be one of us, Data?

Can modern Trek even come close to this level of philosophy?

SAREK: The Legarans trust only me. They will not meet with any other member of the Federation. I must be allowed to complete my mission! There are no other logical solutions!
PICARD: No other logical solutions? But Ambassador, there are always other solutions. You have said so yourself many times.
SAREK: What I meant was that
PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan would never be afraid of looking straight at something he did not want to see.
SAREK: I warn you! Your efforts to discredit me will not succeed!
PICARD: Sarek of Vulcan never confused what he wanted with the truth.
SAREK: I will not be spoken to in this manner!
PICARD: Do I hear anger in your voice?
SAREK: It would be illogical for a Vulcan to show anger! It would be illogical! Illogical! Illogical! Illogical!

Brutal, Picard. Brutal.

PICARD: He loves you very much.
PERRIN: I know. I have always known.

Nice touch.

SAREK: We shall always retain the best part of the other inside us.
PICARD: I believe I have the best part of that bargain, Ambassador.

And people have the nerve to say that TNG is boring.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Sakkath: (waves) We're the ambassador's aides. We always beam aboard first to ensure that nobody annoys Sarek during his stay here. He's an old man, and as such is easily annoyed by kids on skateboards and the like.

I wonder what the punchline would be these days. The fiver was published in 2004. That's before iPhones even existed. How did we survive without Twitter or YouTube? ;)

Sarek: You call this a slime pit? And the walls are too bright. And the furniture too "2350s". And--

Egads, the days of Pike? Burn, Sarek, burn!

Perrin: (Thanks for changing the concert last minute)
Picard: (No problem; none of us like the "La La Lojix" either.)

When I do a source for "La la Logix" all I get is the fiver (which is also on TrekToday (https://www.trektoday.com/reviews/fiver_tng/sarek.shtml) for some reason). Explanation, IJD GAF? A typo?

Crusher: ....and then, Wesley and I broke into a round of "your mother" jokes. For some reason or another, he won.

"Your mother jokes"? I thought they were "Yo' momma", or "Yer mum" in Britain.

Memory Alpha

* The "don't reference TOS" rule was still in effect, so it took a lot of work to slip "Spock" into the dialogue the one time.
* First appearance of Ensign Gates, who would man CONN for 46 episodes. Yikes.
* Ronald Moore thought this episode was better than "Journey to Babel." Ha ha ha. Keep telling yourself that, Ron.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why wouldn't Lwaxana's phase in "Manhunt" create more havok than Sarek here, given the differences between Betazoid and Vulcan telepathy?
* Wouldn't one of the other Vulcans on board be a better fit than Picard for the mindmeld? Then again, in the second volume Phil notes that the extreme emotions would be distasteful for the Vulcans on board.
* Sarek and Perrin are holding hands when they beamed out. Wouldn't the two beams cause trouble? I refute this saying that we've seen instances of the transporter pads linking up to transport larger objects. In particular I can think of the Bringloidi in "Up the Long Ladder."
* A part of the Mozart concert is actually a Brahms piece. Oops.
* Sarek forgets to give the Vulcan salute upon boarding the ship. I think you can chalk that one up to his condition.
* The slime pit is 150 degrees Celsius, which is over 300 degrees Farenheit. How are our crew just wandering around in there? Are there forcefields around the pits?

[Nate the Great]

May 28th, 1990 "Menage a Troi"

No fiver

The Episode

GRAX: They made a profit and behaved themselves. What more could one ask? Still, they trouble me. We Betazeds are uncomfortable with species like the Ferengi whose minds we can't read.

I understand the need for exposition, but this example is a little blunt and bordering on racism.

GRAX: Yes, Lwaxana and I go way back. Her first husband and I were old friends, and I've known Deanna since she was a child.

First husband? When did Lwaxana marry again? We know that she didn't find a husband after "Manhunt." Does Deanna have an unnamed stepfather from the past?

LWAXANA: Have you considered if you had stayed on Betazed, you might have been a happier person.

This is a loaded question. While Deanna can speak telepathically with other Betazoids, you have to imagine that there's more of a groupmind mentality there that she wouldn't be able to participate in. If you read ''Imzadi'' you can see the parallels between Deanna's childhood and old Southern families. Lwaxana is clearly some form of "old money"/pseudo nobility. Deanna's decision to join Starfleet came relatively late in her youth (remember that she met Will when she was a student in a non-Starfleet school), so she was probably trained by Lwaxana to take her place in said nobility. But was Deanna happy in that life? When did she decide that her mother was easier to take in small doses? I could go on.

TROI: I love my work aboard the Enterprise.
LWAXANA: Yes, of course you do, but its all business and no play. You've got to enjoy life, relax, like I do. Find yourself the right man, think of your future.

I don't think Deanna ever had a problem with work/life balance. It's awkward that Lwaxana feels that having a family is an absolute essential for everyone.

FAREK: To read our competitors' minds? Yes, that would be valuable. But she'd never agree to use her powers to help us.
TOG: I'm not so sure.

I am. While the show never goes into it, Betazoids are pretty noticeable by their eyes. You have to be a quarter Betazoid or less to slip under the radar, and I expect that at that point your powers would be weak enough that you wouldn't be of much use to Ferengi. Besides, I imagine most crooks have telepath detectors by now. Not necessarily the Ferengi themselves, but I'd imagine the Orion Syndicate would have made that a priority.

LWAXANA: Can you imagine that dreadful little creature talking to me like that? Doesn't he realise that I am a daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed. Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?
TROI: The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is an old clay pot with mold growing inside it.

The Sacred Chalice of Rixx and the Holy Rings of Betazed were destroyed in the Dominion invasion of Betazed, FYI. It's also mentioned in the novels that Lwaxana is the only one who really cares about these relics.

LWAXANA: What about a family?
TROI: This is my family. My friends here on the Enterprise.
LWAXANA: All right. In case I have to spell it out for you, I'm talking about finding a husband, having a child. That's what made me happy.

I have to side with Lwaxana on this one, at least in one way. Familial and friendly relationships are very different from each other. On the other hand, there are people who are happy without a family and others who are miserable with one.

Then again, I do wonder why Deanna keeps thinking that a family is something to get around to later. This is still the peaceful period of the Federation and she serves on a family-friendly ship. I can't help but wonder why she couldn't resign her commission, marry Will and serve as a civilian counselor. She wouldn't be a senior officer anymore, but I'm sure Picard would still call on her from time to time.

(There's a whole rant I could go off on on the necessity of a ship's counselor having senior officer status anyway, but that's for another day).

LWAXANA: You had your chance with Commander Riker. Look how you ruined that.
TROI: I did not ruin anything. We've became very good friends.
LWAXANA: Well, all the better. You certainly wouldn't want to marry an enemy.

Readers of Imzadi will know how much Lwaxana hated Riker during his posting on Betazed, but I suppose things are different now. I do wish there could've been one conversation between Lwaxana and Will about this.

LWAXANA: Darling, you have been so excitable lately. Have you ever thought of a leave of absence? I could talk to Jean-Luc.

Meaningless aside, but let me shill the website askamanager.org at this point. They have lots of funny stories about everything related to jobs. A common no-no is having your parents participate in your career. It would not look good on Deanna's record to have a mother-ordered leave of absence.

Then again, Deanna must have a counselling staff to handle a thousand people.

RIKER: From the smell of things, I'd say we're aboard a Ferengi vessel.

This actually isn't so weird. We know that Riker is a connoisseur of alien food. I've no doubt that tubegrubs have a distinctive smell.

Another interesting question is whether or not this is the first time Starfleet officers have been aboard a Ferengi vessel.

TROI: Why have you removed our clothing?
FAREK: Females do not deserve the honour of clothing.

Another loaded question. The Ferengi culture is still being put together at this point. They are sexist, but I do wonder about the use of the word "honor." I'd think "privilege" or "right" would fit better.

As an aside, the misogyny of the Ferengi doesn't make much sense to me. Most of the arguments for making women a lesser gender don't apply. And the amount of effort that would have to be spent maintaining second-class status for them would seem counterproductive to their main goal of earning money.

TOG: Hear me out. Your telepathic powers could bring us both great profit.

Lwaxana is already as rich as she could ever want. Plus the Rules of Acquisition clearly states that females and finances don't mix. Yeah, yeah, the ROA don't exist yet, but still...

TOG: And now, Lwaxana Troi, let us talk.
(He presses a button and a bed slides out from the wall)

Let me just say yuck. I'll skip the rant on attempted rape, coercion, prostitution, etc.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: Not to worry, you will. And when you return, we'll be gaining the best ensign in the fleet.
DATA: There is no guarantee that Wesley will be reassigned to the Enterprise. Ninety one per cent of Starfleet graduates are not posted to Galaxy class starships on their first assignment.
WESLEY: I never thought of that.

This is a whole 'nother discussion. Does Wesley want to join Starfleet, or does he want to serve on the Enterprise? Look, everyone wants to serve on the flagship, but there are postings all over that need to be filled. Is there a minimum GPA required to get posted to the Enterprise? The guys in "Lower Decks" hardly seemed like the best and the brightest. They seemed quite average, in fact.

WESLEY: I always assumed I'd be coming back to the Enterprise.
LAFORGE: I'm sure Captain Picard will request you. That is, if he's still commanding the Enterprise when you graduate.
WESLEY: I never thought of that, either. I never thought I'd feel this way about leaving you guys and the Enterprise.

Okay, the five-year mission system died a hundred years ago, but is anyone itching to kick Picard upstairs? I kinda feel that the flagship is the highest posting a captain can have. Remember that in the extended-lifespan era of the 24th century Picard isn't that old.

LWAXANA: And that was my first husband. Not much of a conversationalist, but what a lover. Well, then I met Zarn.

So Ian wasn't her first husband, the one that Grax mentioned? He was at least Lwaxana's third husband? We knew that Lwaxana was a serial monogamist, but this is getting ridiculous. Let's just presume that Lwaxana is making this all up and move on...

TROI: I think I know what she's doing. You have to fight to get her back, Captain.

What's Picard's greatest nightmare? Not the Borg, not Q, it's having to claim that he loves Lwaxana.

PICARD: In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, for they in thee a thousand errors see. But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, who in despite of view are please'd to dote. Shall I compare the to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Let's just drop a link to the Picard Song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6oUz1v17Uo) here and move on...

LWAXANA [on viewscreen]: And you can't keep killing all my lovers. That simply has to stop.
TOG [on viewscreen]: Killing?
LWAXANA [on viewscreen]: Oh, he's insanely jealous.

What an idiot. Like Starfleet would let a serial killer be captain of the Enterprise. That's what Voyager is for! (P.S. I'm not sure how much of that one is a joke!)

PICARD: When I have plucked the rose, I cannot give it vital growth again. It needs must wither. Nine, eight. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
(Tennyson, In Memoriam, 27)

You know, I wonder how Tennyson would sound in French, or Ferengi for that matter. Is the Universal Translator programmed to handle dialects from five hundred years ago?

PICARD: The Academy must make you wait, that's true. But, when I review your service to this ship, your crewmates, I cannot in all conscience make you wait for the Academy. You see, Wesley, in my eyes you're an acting ensign in title only. I hereby grant you field promotion to full Ensign, with all the commensurate responsibilities and privileges of that rank. Congratulations. You're dismissed.

Oh boy, is there a rant I could make here on this topic! Be glad that I'm sparing all of us by moving on...

Memory Alpha

* First use of "cochrane" as a unit of subspace distortion. Remember that it takes one cochrane to achieve Warp One.
* In Insurrection Deanna claims to have never kissed a bearded Riker. Putting aside Tom, she does kiss a bearded Riker in this episode.
* First mention of "oo-mox."
* Here it's firmly established that Betazoids can't use telepathy on Ferengi. Of course Deanna could do it back in "The Last Outpost."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also mentions the Betazoid/Ferengi inconsistency.
* In "Coming of Age" Mordock gets into Starfleet Academy without oral exams. I'll chalk this up to differences between species.
* In this episode Wesley's commbadge is all silver instead of gold/silver. Prop mixup or a subtle indication that Wesley is being "demoted" to civilian guest for purposes of his exams?
* At this point in the show only the senior officers have the two-piece uniform, so why does Wesley get one?

[Nate the Great]

June 4th, 1990, "Transfigurations"

No fiver

The Episode

LAFORGE: Don't stare.
WORF: Why not?
LAFORGE: Because she'll see.
WORF: Good. You must let her see the fire in your eyes.

I get Worf's metaphor, and this would work great if he was giving advice to Wesley, but this is Geordi we're talking about. Even without the VISOR his eyes are blanks!

WORF: Words come later. It is the scent that first speaks of love.

Y'know, if Klingons actually emitted pheromones it would explain SO much...

CRUSHER: He's not stable enough for transport. There's damage to his brain stem, autonomic functions are failing.

This "not stable enough for transport" thing occurs elsewhere, and I'm always confused. The transporter scans everything at once within a fraction of a second, right? It's not like the major organs are beamed out first leaving the body to manage with backup systems for a fraction of a second, are they?

For that matter, this bit of technobabble doesn't need to happen to get the energy to Geordi. It opens plotholes unnecessarily, it takes up valuable runtime, etc.

WORF: Sensors show trace elements in the debris that would indicate phaser fire was recently exchanged.

Trace elements? Phaser fire induces elemental change in metals? Just say "residual energy signatures"!

DATA: It will take time, sir. Downloading this into our system will require fabrication of a matrix translator to emulate the alien's computer system.

A matrix translator? I hate technobabble that serves no function. "It will take time to modify our equipment to interface with this device" is more than enough!

CRUSHER: What happened to you?
O'BRIEN: I was kayaking in the holodeck again.
CRUSHER: You dislocated your shoulder.

So this perennial DS9 gag goes as far back as TNG Season 3, wow. He hasn't even been given the name "Miles" yet!

LAFORGE: Data, I was thinking about the storage capsule last night and I was wondering, what if we've been going about this thing the wrong way? We've been trying to analyse its mechanical properties. What if it is a biochemical storage medium?
DATA: Are you suggesting that it employs memory RNA like an organic cell?
LAFORGE: Well, it does contain quantities of nucleic acids.
DATA: Perhaps the information sequences are encoded in the molecular patterns themselves.

Either it's a precursor to bioneural circuitry or it's an atomic computer, it can't be both.

JOHN: This ship is astounding. It seems to stretch on without end.

I read somewhere that it takes a whole eight-hour shift to walk every corridor on the 1701. The 1701 had length of 947 feet. E-D has a length of 2100 feet. Scaling volume by length only means a rough estimate of total walk time over ten times longer. That's close enough to "endless" for me!

LAFORGE: Okay, let's realign the magnetic inducer on the starboard nacelle.

Of all the meaningless technobabble I've ever seen that you can't even TRY to connect to established Treknology, this one is up there. If it was even a phase inducer I could postulate!

JOHN: That is what you and the other leaders have maintained for generations, but it is not true. Captain, my species is on the verge of a wondrous evolutionary change. A transmutation beyond our physical being. I am the first of my kind to approach this metamorphosis. They tried to convince us it was a sickness we would never survive, that the pain and energy pulses would kill us. They claimed we were dangerous so they destroyed anyone who exhibited the signs of the transfiguration.

I hate it when they imply that individuals can evolve.

Afterward

This is an episode that I don't revisit. On the whole I hate the "Beverly falls in love" episodes. I also hate romance plots involving amnesiatics and reverse Stockholm Syndrome plots.

This plot isn't coherent enough to run this long. Furthermore, it feels like there should be a counterpoint subplot. However it sounds, I think that this thing would've fit better as an episode of TAS than TNG!

Having Worf as a romance teacher is a premise that might work if it was better developed, but not with Geordi. I think they really overdid the "Geordi is a loser with women" thing. Maybe he did need Sonya Gomez around to keep him on his toes. Not as a romantic partner, but as a friend who wants him to be happy.

Memory Alpha

* Christy Henshaw's opinion of Geordi has certainly gone up since "Booby Trap." Of course, it has been nine months, so who knows what happened offscreen during the interim.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Whenever humans get superpowers their crewmates tend to distrust them, but they're sympathetic to John. There's a whole essay to be had on this topic.
* Once again a number smaller than the away team is given to O'Brien to be beamed up, and Miles knows exactly who to beam. I'd chalk this up to O'Brien having a diagram of the active commbadges/life signs at the location and knows to beam the X people closest to the commbadge that is transmitting.
* The teaser makes it seem like Geordi has never asked Christie out before, but he totally screwed up a date with her in "Booby Trap"!
* The medical readout is inconsistent from other episodes. I consider this one a little extreme. The readouts are undoubtedly reconfigurable for different species and conditions. Maybe Beverly tinkers with the settings trying to get a better experience.
* There are inconsistencies about what the name of Shuttle 5 is between episodes. I'd think something this simple could be made consistent, but I guess not.

[Nate the Great]

June 18th, 1990, "The Best of Both Worlds Part I"

Fiver (by Zeke) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thebestofbothworlds)

The Episode

RIKER: It's our poker night, Admiral. There's always an open seat for you.

I get the narrative device of using the poker night to proceed the Riker/Shelby relationship, but this does seem like an odd time. This is not a time for business as usual, this is a time to prepare for the end of the world!

HANSON: You may want to tell him that. We're still waiting on his decision. This is the third time we've pulled out the captain's chair for Riker. He just won't sit down. Let me tell you something, Jean-Luc. There are a lot of young hotshots like Shelby on their way up. Riker could suddenly look like he's standing still next to them. He's hurting his career by staying put. If I were you, I'd kick him in the rear end for his own good.

Again, I get the narrative device, but again, this isn't the time! Order Riker to take a battlefield commission if nothing else!

SHELBY: I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, but we've tested the sections of the Enterprise's hull that were damaged by the Borg. There were some unusual magnetic resonance traces.
RIKER: A Borg footprint?
SHELBY: That's my theory.

This magnetic resonance trace thing is reused in Star Trek: Borg, taking place at this same time. Which seems weird, is now the time to be experimenting with a theory? It isn't mentioned in later Borg appearances, presumably the Borg learned about it from Picard and adapted.

RIKER: I've already assigned them to the away team. And I'll be with you as well, Commander.
SHELBY: Of course. I appreciate any assistance you can offer.

A serious misstep on Shelby's part. She may have honorary senior officer status for this mission, but she doesn't have the right to assign away teams.

DATA: Early bird? I believe Commander Shelby erred. There is no evidence of avifaunal or crawling vermicular lifeforms on Jouret Four.
LAFORGE: That's not what she meant, Data, but you're right. She erred.

There are days that I hate Data's lack of a built-in vernacular dictionary, and this is one of them. Geordi's remark is great, though.

RIKER: So without any regard to the risk of coming down alone
SHELBY: Really, Commander, if we ran into the Borg here, two extra bodies wouldn't've made a hell of a difference, now would they?

Admiral Hanson was certainly ACTING like you made a difference!

RIKER: Well, I think she needs supervision. She takes the initiative a little too easily. Sometimes with risks.
PICARD: Sounds a little like a young lieutenant commander I once recruited as a first officer.
RIKER: Perhaps.

Again, I get the parallel intended, but the Riker of Season One was never this reckless and, let's face it, rude.

Changing the topic, I could've sworn that Riker was already a commander and could've been captain of the Drake if he wanted before joining the Enterprise.

PICARD: She's a fine ship, Will.
RIKER: Yes, but she's not the Enterprise.

I get it that a lot of people consider the Enterprise the end goal, I really do. But Starfleet careers don't work that way. Something that confuses me is that the Melbourne is Excelsior-class, out of date. Of course it's hard to have two Galaxy-classes on screen at once, but what about the Nebula class?

RIKER: The Captain says Shelby reminds him of the way I used to be. And he's right. She comes in here full of drive and ambition. Impatient, taking risks. I look at her and I wonder whatever happened to those things in me? I liked those things about me. I've lost something.

When was he impatient or taking risks in Season One?

SHELBY: Projections suggest that a Borg ship like this one could continue to function effectively even if seventy eight percent of it was inoperable.

I'd love to hear her definition of "effectively". I wonder if the idea of each cube being made of smaller cubes had occurred to the creators yet.

SHELBY: I think we should look at modifying the plasma phaser design.

Plasma phasers? I presume this means making the beams a bit more solid for more punch. That sounds like it would require replacing the phaser emitters, not possible in the time allowed.

PICARD: Mister Data, how long would it take to get there at warp nine?
DATA: One hour, seventeen minutes, sir.
PICARD: Make it so.
HANSON [on monitor]: We're coming with every available starship to assist, Captain, but the closest help is six days away.
PICARD: We'll try and keep them occupied until you arrive.

The ships are that far apart? I'd think the fleet would've been gathering at this point just in case by now.

LAFORGE: At the same time, we'll be retuning phasers to higher EM base emitting frequencies to try to disrupt their subspace field.

Retuning phasers to a higher EM band also occurs in Star Trek: Borg. At least this time it's Q doing it, and he has future knowledge.

WESLEY: The main deflector dish.
LAFORGE: It's the only component of the Enterprise designed to channel that much power at controlled frequencies.

You have to wonder why this is. Don't tell me that Leah Brahms could see the future...

SHELBY: There is one other recommendation I'd like to make, Commander. Separate the saucer section. Assign a skeleton crew to create a diversion
RIKER: We may need the power from the saucer impulse engines.
SHELBY: But it would give them more than one target to worry about.

This idea never made sense. The saucer isn't nearly as maneuverable as the stardrive section. Plus I jolly well expect a cybernetic race directly connected to their ship to lock the sensors on two targets at once. The U.S.S. Prometheus is a different matter entirely, it's specifically designed to coordinate in Multivector Assault Mode.

SHELBY: May I speak frankly, sir?
RIKER: By all means.
SHELBY: You're in my way.
RIKER: Really? How terrible for you.
SHELBY: All you know how to do is play it safe. I suppose that's why someone like you sits in the shadow of a great man for as long as you have, passing up one command after another. Proceed to deck eight.
RIKER: When it comes to this ship and this crew, you're damned right I play it safe.
SHELBY: If you can't make the big decisions, Commander, I suggest you make room for someone who can.

Ugh. I get the characterization, I get Riker's character arc, I really do, but again, NOW IS NOT THE TIME!

PICARD: Something of a tradition, Guinan. The Captain touring the ship before a battle.
GUINAN: Before a hopeless battle, if I remember the tradition correctly.
PICARD: Not necessarily. Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trafalgar.
GUINAN: Yes, but Nelson never returned from Trafalgar, did he?
PICARD: No, but the battle was won.

A nice bit of foreshadowing, although I do wonder about how Guinan knows about Trafalgar (1805 during the Napoleonic Wars, FYI). Was she on Earth for the entire 19th century?

[Nate the Great]

GUINAN: This isn't the end.
PICARD: You say that with remarkable assuredness.
GUINAN: With experience. When the Borg destroyed my world, my people scattered throughout the universe. We survived. As will humanity survive. As long as there's a handful of you to keep the spirit alive, you will prevail. Even if it takes a millennium.

A good speech.

RIKER: They're some kind of magnetometric guided charges.

Magnetometric just means related to measuring the strength and direction of magnetic fields. I hope that starships are magnetically neutral. Maybe it's the nebula that they're in (let me link to the Blueprints and Particle recreation of the Battle of the Mutara Nebula (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yLkr8nK0Qg&t=5s)again).

LAFORGE: Recommend we adjust shield harmonics to favour the upper EM band when you proceed.
PICARD [OC]: Acknowledged.

Uh, Geordi, YOU'RE using the upper EM band, not the Borg, remember?

BORG: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.

You gotta wonder how assimilation really improves the Borg race.

BORG: Your archaic cultures are authority driven. To facilitate our introduction into your societies, it has been decided that a human voice will speak for us in all communications. You have been chosen to be that voice.

Is there a culture that ISN'T authority driven? Why would the Borg care about "introduction" into Federation society? I thought at this point all drones were test tube babies and assimilation was invented here to provide the mouthpiece! You'd think they could harvest the Earth's resources without a mouthpiece.

I have to separate what we'll learn about the Borg later from what we know about them NOW, watching in 1990.

RIKER: I strongly recommend redeploying all available defences to protect sector zero zero one, Admiral.
HANSON [on monitor]: We're moving to intercept at Wolf three five nine. We'll make our stand there.

Wolf 359 is a real system. It's 7.9 light years from Earth. A bit too close for comfort, if you ask me.

SHELBY [OC]: We've found the Captain's uniform and his communicator. We're resuming our search.

You'd think they would've been recycled by now, I can't imagine the Borg storing things for later.

DATA: We were unable to retrieve him, sir. Sir, The Captain has been altered by the Borg.
RIKER: Altered?
WORF: He is a Borg.

In the video game they're already using the word "assimilated." It really makes a mess of canon.

The Fiver

Admiral Hansen: How are you, old friend?
Picard: A little perplexed. When did I become old friends with every admiral in Starfleet?
Hansen: When you got command of the flagship. We all want a piece of that.

Picard is already a few years into his avoidance of the Admiral's Banquet at this point, but there are other opportunities for admirals to meet him, of course. You also have to consider that Picard is probably the last of his generation to remain a starship captain. Did the Stargazer disaster derail his career that much?

Commander Shelby: Hi. Can I have your job?
Riker: No. Will you sleep with me?
Shelby: No.
Riker: We seem to have reached an impasse.

I thought this one was funny from the first time I read the fiver all those years ago. However, Riker and Shelby would've NEVER worked as a couple. A subplot in the Voyager novel Mosaic concerned Janeway avoiding Riker for years, but I don't think that relationship would've worked either.

O'Brien: She and Data are down there already. Now my idea is to beam you into her uniform, her into Geordi's, Geordi into --
Riker: I don't think so.
O'Brien: Spoil all my fun, why don't you.

Now that would be tricky transporter work. I wonder if Scotty could've managed it....

Picard: Nonsense! The Melbourne is a fine ship -- I'm sure it'll die very well with you as its captain.
Riker: Give it up and tell me the real reason.
Picard: If you leave, I think I'll have a chance with Troi.

Um, ew.

Borg: Your distinctiveness will be added to our own.
Picard: Was that a marriage proposal?
Borg: What? No, you idi--
Picard: Mr. Worf, dispatch a subspace message to Admiral Hansen. Tell him... we have been engaged to the Borg.

That pun is just painful.

Guinan: Pre-battle jitters, eh?
Picard: Yeah. You know, this could be the end of civilization. No more Earl Grey, no more Twinkies....
Guinan: That would suck. Maybe I should use my Q powers to save us.
Picard: You have Q powers?
Guinan: Shhh! You're endangering my secret identity.

Guinan's powers are very different from a Q, this doesn't really work.

Picard: All right already! What do you want?
Borg: To make you one of us. We were kind of hoping you'd volunteer....
Picard: Ha! What kind of insane captain would do that?

Isn't it nice how "insane captain" always means Janeway?

Memory Alpha

* We know that the second part wasn't written when this one was. I don't like that. At least they could've had two scripts ready, the Picard lives version and the Picard dies version.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil says that Shelby should be more worried about being assimilated than her career. Oops, she doesn't know about assimilation yet! They should all be worried about being killed, not assimilation at this point.
* There's confusion about Locutus being given a name when other drones don't. I don't, the point is that the Borg are using the mouthpiece model this time, and mouthpieces generally have names. Why wouldn't they use the Latin word for "one who speaks", presumably taken from Picard's mind?
* First confirmation that Earth is the center of the Federation. Phil apparently doesn't know about Earth as a founding member yet, he thinks Earth joined at a later time.

[Nate the Great]

September 24th, 1990, "The Best of Both Worlds Part Two"

The Episode

RIKER: As we anticipated, the blast burned out our main navigational deflector. We also have damage to our shields and our reactor core.
LAFORGE: We should be back up in eight to twelve hours, Admiral.

The saucer has its own deflector, but I imagine that it's not powerful enough to protect the entire ship OR be active at warp.

HANSON [on monitor]: Your engagements have given us valuable time. We've mobilised a fleet of forty starships at Wolf three five nine, and that's just for starters.

Only forty ships. Following the Dominion War that comes off as positively adorable.

HANSON [on monitor]: Lieutenant a few years ago, I watched a freshman cadet pass four upper classman on the last hill of the forty kilometre run on Danula Two. The damndest thing I ever saw. The only freshman to ever win the Academy marathon.

Picard will reference his running in "The First Duty", but I still don't think that he has the physique required for champion marathoner.

RIKER: Mister Crusher suggests we might design a chip that would automatically retune the phasers to a random setting after each discharge. Engineering.
WORF: That would be a great advantage.

You'd think Shelby would've started on that months ago. I also think that Data should be able to invent such a chip in a matter of hours.

SHELBY: What about the heavy graviton beam we were talking about?
LAFORGE: I've gone over it four times. The local field distortion just wouldn't be strong enough to incapacitate them.

I'll buy that drones can handle higher g-forces than humans, but they'd eventually succumb. That's the problem with cyborgs: their organic components will always be obvious weak points.

DATA: Doctor Crusher and I have been working on an interesting premise.
CRUSHER: With our recent experience in nanotechnology, we might be able to introduce a destructive breed of nanites into the Borg.

The most obvious use for such nanites would be to disrupt the connection between the flesh and the machinery.

RIKER: I'm sure Captain Picard would have something meaningful and inspirational to say right now. To tell you the truth, I wish he were here, because I'd like to hear it too.

A nine moment.

GUINAN: I've heard a lot of people talking down in Ten Forward. They expect to be dead in the next day or so. They trust you. They like you. But they don't believe anyone can save them.
RIKER: I'm not sure anyone can.
GUINAN: When a man is convinced he's going to die tomorrow, he'll probably find a way to make it happen.

A good point, if a bit macabre.

GUINAN: Did he ever tell you why we're so close?
RIKER: No.
GUINAN: Well, then let me just our relationship is beyond friendship, beyond family. And I will let him go.

"You wouldn't believe the real story anyway. He was in an awful Indiana Jones cosplay and was fighting interphasic aliens while I argued with Mark Twain."

I'll have plenty to say about Time's Arrow when we get to it next year. I still don't quite understand the beyond friendship, beyond family part. That smacks of soulmates, which is a little icky.

SHELBY: The Tolstoy, the Kyushu, the Melbourne.

The Tolstoy was Rigel-class. We have no clue what they look like. One of the books says it had six decks and a crew of 65.

The Kyshu was New Orleans class, a kitbash of Galaxy class parts.

What's weird about the Melbourne is that there were two ships of that name at Wolf 359, one Excelsior class and one Nebula class. They weren't meant to be in service at the same time, but the Excelsior class was ordered back into service for the battle. The Nebula class was the one offered to Riker.

RIKER: Then trust me now. Meet to discuss terms.
PICARD [on viewscreen]: Discussion is irrelevant. There are no terms. You will disarm all your weapons and escort us to Sector zero zero one where we will begin assimilating your culture and technology.

Those sure sound like terms to me. Assimilate their culture? Is assimilation a one-off or commonplace at this time?

RIKER: We would like time to prepare our people for assimilation.
PICARD [on viewscreen]: Preparation is irrelevant.

Okay, we don't have autoassimilation nanoprobes yet, it's microsurgery. I'm not sure how you "prepare" for that.

SHELBY: Acknowledged. Fire antimatter spread.

How they can spit out antimatter from the saucer is beyond me. The number of antimatter pods in the saucer itself is quite minimal as well. Why the saucer has any antimatter outside of torpedoes is beyond me.

CRUSHER: There is extensive infiltration of microcircuit fibers into the surrounding tissue. His DNA is being rewritten.

I'm okay with microcircuit fibers, but rewritting DNA is just weird.

PICARD:: A futile manoeuvre. Incorrect strategy, Number One. To risk your ship and crew to retrieve only one man. Picard would never have approved.

No, he wouldn't've.

PICARD: Worf. Klingon species. A warrior race. You too will be assimilated.
WORF: The Klingon Empire will never yield.
PICARD: Why do you resist? We only wish to raise quality of life for all species.

Quality of life? How can he say that with a straight face?

DATA: Mister O'Brien is ready to process the Borg signal through the transport pattern buffer.

We'll cover why O'Brien is here instead of LaForge in the Memory Alpha part, but this is just silly. Borg communications are along a unique subspace domain, and transporter signals don't.

RIKER: Mister Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. You heard me. A collision course.
WESLEY: Yes, sir.
RIKER: Mister La Forge, prepare to go to warp power.
LAFORGE [OC]: Aye, sir.

Once you go to warp you're in subspace, you can't collide with ships still in normal space. What should be happening is Riker ordering a preparation for maximum possible impulse, a speed that will damage the ship and introduce time dilation. After all, "full impulse=quarter life speed" exists as a compromise between time dilation and speed, there's no particular reason why higher sublight speeds woudn't be possible, even if they damage the engines more.

DATA: I am attempting to penetrate the Borg regenerative subcommand path. It is a low priority system and may be accessible.

This seems like an odd choice for a low priority system. A Borg ship must have an important balance between active and regenerating drones. We're going to have to assume that this is just a sign that the Borg don't have sufficient imagination to foresee this.

Oh, and once again Data saves the Federation. I'll be Bruce Maddox will be thrilled to learn that he almost caused the destruction of the human race.

TROI: How do you feel?
PICARD: Almost human. With just a bit of a headache.

He's remarkably calm for someone who is half machine. I get upset when I have one needle in my arm for an IV, hundreds of them would have me screaming nonstop!

RIKER: Earth Station McKinley has advised they're ready to begin refitting the Enterprise.
PICARD: Have they estimated time for repairs?
RIKER: Five or six weeks.

I wonder if the E-D is more damaged than the original Enterprise after Khan. I can just hear Scotty say "but you don't have five or six weeks, so I'll have it done for you in two."

PICARD: Permission granted. They've picked a fine officer for the task force, Commander.
SHELBY: We'll have the fleet back up in less than a year.

Extremely doubtful. I expect that the fleet was at pre-Wolf 359 levels just in time for the Dominion War. And aren't we still at war with the Cardassians?

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Wesley: The Borg have gone to Warp Sweet Mother Of Mercy That's Fast.

I wonder if Cochrane designated it that. ;)

Borg: Boss? We have no "boss"! We're a collective consciousness -- do we have to spell it for you?
Picard: Well, I just thought that, what with the whole hive metaphor, you might have a queen or something....
Borg: My God, you just keep digging the hole deeper!
Picard: All right, I'm sorry. Let's just drop it.
Borg: "Queen." I can't believe you humans.

I hate the implication that the Borg Queen was always there. Of course, I hate the whole idea of the Borg Queen in general...

Shelby: Oh NO! Do you see what I see, sir?
Riker: You mean the scattered debris of the fleet?
Shelby: Oh, most of that's not such a big deal, but look! They blew up Sisko's ship!
Riker: Ohhhhhhhh shoot. That's gonna bite us in the rear one of these days.

Yes it did!

Crusher: Jean-Luc? Are you in there?
Locutus: Foolish human. Picard no longer exists.

I'm not even a Ghostbusters fan and even I can see the obvious "There is no more Picard, there is only Locutus" joke.

Riker: No, that's okay. Let's just blow up that giant Microsoft metaphor and be done with it.
Wesley: Microsoft? I always thought they were a metaphor for the Japanese. You know, kamikaze missions, cramped spaces....
Troi: You're both reading it completely wrong! They're the Americans, spreading their melting-pot philosophy through overwhelming force.
Riker: I don't care if they represent caterpillars, just self-destruct them!

I've learned enough about the Japanese that I'd vote for them.

Riker: Well, that was good clean fun for everyone. Are you sure you can't stay, Commander Shelby?
Shelby: I just don't think TV's right for me. I'm thinking maybe something in novel form.

The Shelby of New Frontier never really felt like this Shelby. Just my two cents.

Nitpicker's Guide

* If the Borg can go way faster than the Enterprise, how did the Enterprise keep up here. And heavily damaged, no less?
* Once again the Battle Bridge set has changed. I don't have such a problem with this, as if the ship is separated you can assume that the Battle Bridge module would also be swappable.
* Phil has many problems with Riker's status at the end of the episode. I can see his point, but the real-world implications of Frakes leaving the show would have to be considered.
* The door to the bridge bathroom (https://trekmovie.com/2020/06/09/watch-this-fan-made-replica-of-the-uss-enterprise-d-bridge-will-blow-your-mind/) is used twice by mixed couples. Oops.

[Nate the Great]

October 1st, 1990, "Family"

No fiver

The Episode

Captain's Log: Stardate 44012.3 The Enterprise remains docked at McKinley Station, undergoing a major overhaul and refit following the Borg incident. I am confident that the ship and her crew will soon be ready to return to service.

BOBW Part II is Stardate 44001.4. It's been four days. Oops.

WORF: No, sir. It is inappropriate for a Klingon to receive family while on duty. As humans, my parents do not understand.
RIKER: Well, I'm not sure that I would either, Worf, since this isn't a Klingon ship.

I can get why Klingons would want to avoid familial distractions while on duty, but I'd hope that they can differentiate between "battle can happen at any moment" mode and "things will be quiet for awhile" mode.

PICARD: Labarre. My home village.
TROI: Really?
PICARD: Yes. It's the first time in almost twenty years.

This is confusing. We're definitely given the impression that he's never met Robert's wife or son, but that doesn't necessitate twenty years. If anything I got the impression that he hasn't been back since he left to join Starfleet, and that sure ain't "almost twenty years".

TROI: I just find it interesting. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the man who couldn't be pried out of his seat for a vacation for three years.

"Captain's Holiday" was 43745.2, three and a half months ago. Oops. Is she talking about the span between that episode and the launching of the E-D? Furthermore, we'll see Picard go off on amateur archeology digs a number of times in the future. I'm just saying that unlike Kirk I never saw Picard as anti-vacation.

PICARD: If you wish to believe that my going home is a direct result of being held captive by the Borg, be my guest.
TROI: Is that what you believe?
PICARD: I hate it when you do that.

So do I. I always hate it when fictional psychologists respond to everything with "how do you feel about that?" Grrrr....

TROI: Captain, you do need time. You cannot achieve complete recovery so quickly.

Yeah, four days is ridiculously fast. Incidentally Sisko still wasn't quite himself three months after Jadzia's death. I'm not going to discuss which trauma is worse, that's a beartrap I don't care to step into.

FEMALE [OC]: Enterprise, this is Earth Station Bobruisk. Two to transport aboard.

Bobruisk is in eastern Belarus. Whether or not you can be from there and call yourself "Russian" is another beartrap. I'll chalk this up as Bobruisk being a transport hub and the Roshenkos used lower power transporters to get there.

SERGEY: Always good to meet another Chief Petty Officer. Sergey Rozhenko, formerly of the USS Intrepid.

Nice continuity nod. The Intrepid was mentioned in Sins of the Father. We don't know for certain that the Intrepid was Excelsior class, but it seems likely since Sergey will mention later that he served on them.

Meaningless aside, but I hate how it seems that recycling of registry numbers is so inconsistent. There was a NCC-1631 Intrepid back in the TOS days, so why can't the current one be the -D or something? Was the Enteprise the only name that gets to keep it's original 17xx series number?

SERGEY: Don't call me sir. I used to work for a living.

Cute line, but even noncomms have ranks within them that I imagine would require the use of "sir" among them.

SERGEY: Can you imagine an old enlisted man like me raising a boy to be an officer?

I'm reminded of General Martok.

SERGEY: Yes, I want to see everything. The whole ship. At home I have all the specs and diagrams of the Galaxy-class starships.

We're given every indication that Sergey has retired, how does he have access to the specs? This is the sort of thing that I'd think you'd need to be a current officer to see, isn't it?

PICARD: Oh, good lord, a highwayman.
RENE: A what?
PICARD: A highwayman. It's a robber who attacks travellers, but none have been reported in this vicinity for centuries.

Never mind, we all know that highwaymen all look like Hugh Grant anyway (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lady_and_the_Highwayman). That may be the most obscure joke I've ever made.

RENE: Why have you been away so long?
PICARD: Well, Starfleet keeps me very busy.
RENE: Father says you don't like it here.
PICARD: I'm sure you misunderstood.
RENE: No, I didn't. He said so.

I'm sure it wasn't so much Picard not liking his home but rather an argument with his father that drove him off until both could cool down. Incidentally, I wonder how things were in the house during that year between Picard's first and second Academy application. Or did Picard study abroad elsewhere?

RENE: Mummy! He's here! Mummy, he's here!

Mummy? In France they say Maman, or Ma Mere if you want to be more formal. Rene seems too old for "mummy" anyway.

CRUSHER: So, you'll have a chance to visit the surface?
TROI: Maybe. Will and I have been talking about going back to Angel Falls.
CRUSHER: Oh, Venezuela's beautiful.

I've long been confused at this one. Will and Deanna's first relationship took place completely on Betazed, and it was only a few weeks at that. Unless you're telling me that in the last couple years they took their own vacation back to Earth. And that raises further questions.

TROI: How to Advance Your Career through Marriage?

We know that Beverly is a bit old-fashioned, but that just makes it more likely that she would have a small library of actual books on the Enterprise. Furthermore, if this case of odds and ends is all that Beverly kept on Earth, why didn't she bring it to the Enterprise in the first place? All I can think is that she left Starfleet Medical a year ago in a bit of a hurry to resume her Enterprise post.

CRUSHER: Jack recorded a holographic message to Wesley just after he was born. It was a gift for when he grew up. Jack was going to make many more of them. He never had the chance.

This seems weird. Wesley was born in 2348 and Jack died in 2353. In five years he only had the opportunity to record one message? The only thing I can think of is that holodecks were still few and far between at the time, so maybe he wasn't in proximity to a "holorecording studio".

SERGEY: Well, how about giving us a look at the new engine core. I used to be a warp field specialist on the old Excelsior class.

It stands to reason that the warp core had to be replaced after the Borg invasion, but that does make you wonder what Leah Brahms was going on about in "Galaxy's Child."

HELENA: Worf, why don't you show me the arboretum?

It occurs to me that a ship this big would have more than one arboretum, one for each major world. But whatever.

MARIE: The Mayor wants to give you a parade.
PICARD: A parade?
MARIE: Give you the keys to the city.
PICARD: No. No, no, no, no.

I was surprised to learn that this wasn't strictly an American tradition. Still seems a little silly for the 24th century, but whatever.

PICARD: Seriously, how do you plan to accelerate the buildup on the underside of the mantle without increasing the stress on the tectonic plates?
LOUIS: You really have kept up, haven't you? The truth is we don't know, yet.
PICARD: On the Enterprise, we used harmonic resonators to relieve the tectonic pressures on Drema Four.

Underside of the mantle? I think they mean that they want to thicken the crust at a given location to support the new continent. Drema Four is the planet from "Pen Pals", I don't think the situations are parallel.

[Nate the Great]

GUINAN: You know, sooner or later, everyone comes in here. They stand by those windows and they look out and the stare. They're looking for that little star they call home. It doesn't matter how far away it is, everybody looks anyway.

This seems a little ridiculous. There's a limit to how many stars you can see from the ship, and you can only see them at impulse speeds.

HELENA: I learned to cook rokeg blood pie.

You'd think that a rokeg is a Klingon animal, but in one of the novels Jadzia claims that it's an adjective (and an offensive one at that).

HELENA: Well, I'm afraid that Worf feels that we do not understand him.
GUINAN: Well, part of him may feel that way, but there's another part that I've seen. A part that comes in and drinks prune juice. A part that looks out the window towards home. He's not looking toward the Klingon Empire. He's looking toward you.

A nice moment.

WORF: When I heard you were on the visitors' list, I was not sure I wanted you to come. I am glad you are here.
HELENA: We had to come.
SERGEY: Our boy was in trouble. After we read your letter about the discommendation from the Klingons.
HELENA: We don't exactly understand it all.
SERGEY: We don't have to. We know what kind of man you are.
HELENA: Whatever you did, we know it was for a good reason.
WORF: I must bear my dishonour alone.
SERGEY: That is not true.
HELENA: I'm sorry if this is too human of us but, whenever you are suffering, you must remember we are with you.
SERGEY: And that we're proud of you, and that we love you.
HELENA: You're our son.

Let me just toss up a video clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ueUVFOmZHg).

ROBERT: Mind if I ask you a question? What the devil happened to you up there?
PICARD: Is this brotherly concern?
ROBERT: No. Curiosity. What did they do to you?
PICARD: You know what happened.
ROBERT: Not precisely. I gather you were hurt.

How do you describe the experience of being assimilated to someone who's never even seen a Borg? This smacks of Spock's claim that you have to die to discuss insights on death.

ROBERT: Still, I suppose it must have seemed like the ideal situation, hmm? Local boy makes good. Returns home after twenty years to a hero's welcome.

Twenty years? Picard has been in Starfleet over forty years!

ROBERT: Cancel the parade? In your favour?
PICARD: No! I never sought that rubbish.

Kirk never wanted accolades either, did he?

PICARD: You don't know, Robert. You don't know. They took everything I was. They used me to kill and to destroy, and I couldn't stop them. I should have been able to stop them! I tried. I tried so hard, but I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't good enough. I should have been able to stop them. I should! I should!
ROBERT: So, my brother is a human being after all.

This needed to be said. It's a shame that there weren't more repurcussions.

ROBERT: Jean-Luc, here is a little of the forty seven. Do not drink it all at once, and if possible, try not to drink it alone.

This bottle comes back in "First Contact."

PICARD: You had the full tour, I trust?
SERGEY: Well, actually, there are still a few areas because of the repairs
HELENA: Sergey. It's time to go.
SERGEY: Yes. Yes. Okay. I have all the specs and diagrams at home--

A great running gag. Although even if the specs are classified (which they should be), you'd think there'd be a holographic tour of the nonsecure areas of the ship available.

Memory Alpha

* Gene didn't like the concept. Of course some of it was his stupid "humans are perfect" nonsense, but he has a point that there's no action.
* O'Brien finally has a first and middle name.
* There's no footage of the bridge, a rare occurance.
* In this episode Jack Crusher has a TNG combadge with the modified Monster Maroon. The crew of the Enterprise-C will have TOS movie combadges with the modified Monster Maroon. You can see how tech advances.
* I knew that the wine appeared in "First Contact", but I didn't know that it appeared in "Legacy" as well.

[Nate the Great]

October 8th, 1990, "Brothers"

Fiver by Derek (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=brothers)

The Episode

RIKER: Are you aware of the infectious nature of the parasites which inhabit cove palm?

If the parasites are that dangerous, than the plant shouldn't be publicly accessible. Period. This is a stupid scenario.

RIKER: Think about it, Mister Potts. And while you're at it, think about what may have happened had we not been this close to a starbase medical facility.

Furthermore, this doesn't seem like a "only a starbase would have the required medical facilities" scenario. This whole thing is just stupid. Furthermore the brothers parallel falls apart at the slightest scrutiny.

LAFORGE [OC]: Captain, we've completed our dilithium vector calibrations.

Dilithium vector calibrations? I assume they mean altering the matter and antimatter stream trajectories to properly interact with this particular chunk of dilithium, but it just seems like pointless technobabble.

LAFORGE: If we're going to maintain our realignment progressions we shouldn't be pushing warp eight for at least an hour.

You just said that you were done! The technobabble throughout this episode is just stupid and I'll try to keep my kvetching to a minimum, but there are times when it's unavoidable.

COMPUTER: Evacuate Bridge. Deck one life support failure in thirty seconds.
RIKER: Turbolifts two, three, four, everyone.
PICARD: Transfer helm to Engineering, Geordi.

Turbolifts two, three, and four? There are only three turbolifts on the Bridge, the rear turbolift, the one by the ready room and the dedicated Battle Bridge one. Futhermore, using Engineering instead of the Battle Bridge seems weird since they used the Battle Bridge set a couple episodes ago! Did they dismantle the thing already?

PICARD: Number One, take a security team up to deck two. Try and break through from below.

Isn't there an emergency hatch from the Bridge to Deck Two between the viewscreen and the helm? Why not use that? You don't need to "break through"!

PICARD: Mister La Forge, prepare for saucer separation.
WESLEY: Sir, we're at Warp nine three.

So? You were going way faster than that in "Encounter at Farpoint"!

PICARD: The saucer module should fall out of warp in two minutes.

Really? The saucer has no warp engines, it could coast to a stop in way less than two minutes! Another meaningless Treknobabble plot hole!

DATA: (doing a perfect imitation) Computer, recognise Picard, Jean-Luc. Alpha Two clearance.
COMPUTER: Priority clearance recognition, Alpha Two.

Shouldn't the computer require a secondary ID method for this sort of thing? A handprint on a console, a retinal scan, a scan of the unique EM aura of the person, something!

CRUSHER: He's alright. But he's not going to stay alright. Sir, we have to get this ship to a starbase medical facility.

I hate this ticking clock thing. Are they implying that if this boy wasn't dying that our heroes wouldn't try as hard to retake the ship? That's just stupid.

CRUSHER: Oh, Come on, I can't believe that. Everybody's played a practical joke on somebody at one time or another.
WILLIE: Not me.

I get the need for distraction, but discussing practical joke with the little boy that might die because of a practical joke might be a bad idea, Bev!

DATA: Show me the shortest route to Transporter room one.

I'd think Data would have the entire ship's blueprints memorized already, wouldn't you?

WORF: He has blocked every subspace channel, sir. We cannot even call for help.

You can't do a manual launch of a probe? They have certainly implied that manual torpedo launch is possible in the past. Heck, toss a probe out an airlock!

PICARD: See if the computer would be good enough to give you the precise stun setting to disable Mister Data.

I'd think Worf would have that memorized already!

PICARD: Computer, estimate the time from this location to Starbase four one six at warp nine.
COMPUTER: Inquiries regarding command functions are no longer accepted from your present location.

That's not an inquiry regarding command functions!

DATA: You do bear a resemblance to Doctor Noonian Soong, the cyberneticist who constructed me. But, Doctor Soong was killed shortly afterward by the Crystalline Entity.

I thought that "Crystalline Entity" was a name coined by the Enterprise crew. Why would Soong know it?

SOONG: I've never felt too comfortable living anywhere without a prearranged route of escape.

There's a novel about how Soong even had an escape route from this planet, having an android body available on standby to transfer his mind into in case he died.

WESLEY: When he transferred force field control to the Bridge, he must have only specified fields he was planning to initiate. The quarantine field was already operating.
LAFORGE: Under normal circumstances, we could divert that field energy and use it to cancel the force field protecting the Bridge, but we have to retain the medical quarantine.
PICARD: Determine the absolute minimum field energy Doctor Crusher needs and use the rest to get me onto my Bridge.

This is utter nonsense, of course. The idea that there's only a certain amount of "field energy" available for all of the force fields onboard is just ridiculous.

WORF: A small vessel, entering orbit. I detect no lifeforms aboard, sir.

Ugh. I get that Soong-type androids don't emit typical life signs, but Starfleet has had time to calibrate their sensors to locate Data's EM emissions in lieu of traditional life signs. Furthermore, this line is just here to prolong the reveal of Lore's presence. I hate this type of plot hole.

(Data is rubbing his stomach while patting his head)
SOONG: Good. Good, good, good. Keep it up. Keep it up. Old Tom Handy swore you'd never master that.

This would've been a great time to namedrop Ira Graves, but whatever.

DATA: Why did you create me?
SOONG: Why does a painter paint? Why does a boxer box? You know what Michelangelo used to say? That the sculptures he made were already there before he started, hidden in the marble. All he needed to do was remove the unneeded bits. It wasn't quite that easy with you, Data. But the need to do it, my need to do it, was no different than Michelangelo's need. Now let me ask you a question. Why are humans so fascinated by old things?
DATA: Old things?
SOONG: Old buildings, churches, walls, ancient things, antique things, tables, clocks, knick knacks. Why? Why, why?
DATA: There are many possible explanations.
SOONG: If you brought a Noophian to Earth, he'd probably look around and say, tear that old village down, it's hanging in rags. Build me something new, something efficient. But to a human, that old house, that ancient wall, it's a shrine, something to be cherished. Again, I ask you, why?
DATA: Perhaps, for humans, old things represent a tie to the past.
SOONG: What's so important about the past? People got sick, they needed money. Why tie yourself to that?
DATA: Humans are mortal. They seem to need a sense of continuity.
SOONG: Ah hah!! Why?
DATA: To give their lives meaning. A sense of purpose.
SOONG: And this continuity, does it only run one way, backwards, to the past?
DATA: I suppose it is a factor in the human desire to procreate.
SOONG: So you believe that having children gives humans a sense of immortality, do you?
DATA: It is a reasonable explanation to your query, sir.
SOONG: And to yours as well, Data.

Good scene.

LORE: No thanks to you. But thanks to you, dear brother, I spent nearly two years drifting in space. If it hadn't been for a fortunate encounter with a Pakled trade ship, I'd still be out there.

The expanded universe (see Memory Beta before) changes this.

LORE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What do you mean, you're dying? You look fine. You're not that old.

In canon we don't know how old Soong is, but the expanded universe has set his birth year as 2279, thus he's 88 here. I know that McCoy's 147 years are an outlier, but you'd at least think that 100 wouldn't be out of the ordinary in the 24th century. Chalk it up to decades of living in hiding without access to proper medical facilities.

LAFORGE: We'd have to access the transport controller, reset it to a testing mode, convince it that it's back in school accepting simulated inputs. That's not going to be easy without the main computer. But I suppose we could network a few tricorders together.

Yeah, no. Can't they use a shuttlecraft computer for this?

SOONG: The last thing you should think of yourself as, Data, is less perfect. The two of you are virtually identical, except for a bit of programming.

Actually they're not. For one thing, Lore's ears are removable and Data's aren't. Plus Lore has a type L phase discriminating amplifier and Data has a type R.

LORE: (sings) 'The sons of the prophet were valiant and bold, And quite unaccustomed to fear. But of all the most reckless, Or so I am told, Was Abdul Abulbul Amir.'

This is a music hall song written in 1877. Don't ask me what in the world it's doing here.

SOONG: Everybody dies, Data. Well, almost everybody.

Not Soong. At least, not now. I'll come back to this.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Riker: So why don't we take it from the top?
Jake: The top of what?
Troi: Chekov impressions won't get you anywhere; tell us what happened.

A good gag, even though I feel it was a little shoehorned.

Jake: Sniff. My poor brother.
Data: Your brother will be fine as long as nobody --
Jake: Nobody does what, sir?
Data:
Jake: Commander? Did you just blue screen?

"Why do I see spinning hourglasses in your eyes?" "How come your eyes suddenly contain red rings?"

Data: (Picard's voice) Computer, lock out everyone except me.
Computer: Please give Picard's access code.
Data: How many times have I asked you to stop speaking with Lwaxanna's voice?
Computer: Never mind, Captain. Sorry to disturb you.

I get the Majel Barrett joke, but the computer doesn't sound like Lwaxanna that much.

Willie: Practical jokes suck.
Crusher: But they're all in good fun. You've got to be spontaneous! Get it?
Willie: Got it. (push)
Crusher: (splash!)
Jake: Willie!
Willie: That was...
Jake: ...not funny.

Good Generations gag.

Data: Where am I?
Soong: The pit of despair! Don't even think -- heh heh, kidding. This is just your dad's lab.
Data: I hate to tell you this, but my dad died... a long time ago.
Soong: Wrong again! He's alive!

Only in fivers can you have a Princess Bride joke followed so closely by a Lion King joke. I love this place.

Soong: Does the emotion chip work?
"Data": (singing) "When your folks are square, then you must prepare..."
Soong: Whatta you gotta prepare?
"Data": (singing) "The parent trap!"
Soong: Gasp! You're Lore!

"I was smart enough to program Data with better taste in Disney live-action movies!"

Haha. I'm joking, "The Parent Trap" is one of my favorite movies.

Memory Alpha

* Data didn't have the time to tell Soong about Lal. That would've been hard to fit in, to be honest.

Memory Beta

* All Lore appearances after "Datalore" are actually Data from the future according to the short story "I Am Become Death". Data was kept prisoner by a race of Soong-type androids who had taken over the Federation. He went back in time and hired the Pakleds to find Lore's body, only to find it destroyed. Data had to impersonate Lore to preserve the timeline.
* Soong returns in the Cold Equations novels in his new android body. He eventually sacrifices himself to let Data be resurrected in his body (using the memories within B-4).

Nipicker's Guide

* The code Data says isn't the code that appears on the screen as he says it. Oops.
* Turbolifts don't have control panels, except in this one episode so Data can punch it dramatically. I find this odd, as other episodes and series have no problems putting control panels everywhere just in case. A turbolift seems like an obvious place to put one.

[Nate the Great]

Two posts in one day? What new spore of madness is this?!

October 15th, 1990, "Suddenly Human"

No fiver

The Episode

CRUSHER: It's Jono, right? Is that what I heard them call you? I'm Doctor Crusher. I'm just examining you for radiation injuries. It won't hurt. I have a son not much older than you. Perhaps you'd like to meet him. Well, Jono, you seem to have escaped radiation damage. Pretty lucky.

I get what Crusher is going for, but it seems too soon for this. Wait until he's completely healthy again!

CRUSHER: It's not uncommon. It was identified centuries ago as the Stockholm syndrome.

JONO: Why do you take orders from a female?
WORF: Doctor Crusher. She is my superior officer.
JONO: Among my people, a female can never outrank a man.
WORF: You are human, and among humans, females can achieve anything the males can.
JONO: I am no more human than you are. I am Talarian.

There are two issues here: whether Klingon women are really equal and how this "women can never outrank a man" thing is supposed to work. The former would require an essay by itself, centered around Gowron's claim that women can never sit on the High Council. The latter would require women to never have a rank at all, another complicated discussion.

Let's just keep it brief and say that the writer heaped way too much on Jono and this alien race to raise questions about whether or not our heroes have to rescue him. Way way way too much.

Presuming that the Talarians aren't a Federation member (a safe bet), we can't force Federation/human values on them. It can't be used to make the decision of where Jono goes, so why is it here? It's a level of hamfistedness that smacks more of TOS than TNG.

TROI: Jeremiah needs to build a relationship with a man, a father figure with whom he can explore his origins. And I think it should be you, Captain.
PICARD: Oh, no, Counsellor! Oh, no, Counsellor, I don't think so. He needs someone who is trained in these things.
TROI: But you are the only person with whom he has shown any connection. If he is to find his humanity then you are the only one who can help him. It's up to you, Captain.

I'm reminded of Charlie X all of a sudden. And that's not a good thing. I think that they went to the "Picard is uncomfortable around children, so lets make him spend time around children well" far too often. Besides, he was pretty mellow with Rene a few episodes ago, I thought he had worked past at least some of his issues. He won't fully be pro children until after "The Inner Light" of course, but this is a journey, not a destination.

PICARD: I notice you haven't taken off your gloves.
JONO: Not here.
PICARD: Why not?
JONO: So that I don't have to touch an alien.

Ugh. Are we supposed to like Jono? Because I really hate this brat and would've turned him over to the counselors and lawyers by now, Troi or no Troi.

JONO: I did not say that. Don't you understand? Pain is not what matters. Passing the tests is everything.
PICARD: Is that what they are? Tests of pain?

I always hate it when they try to justify child abuse. It'll never work.

PICARD: You're probably not aware of this, but I have never been particularly comfortable around children.
TROI: Really?

I hate this exchange. It's Season Four, not Season One, and Troi should know this! To be frank her responsibilities as a counselor should indicate to her that she shouldn't force Picard into this. Picard's mental wellbeing is an important consideration as well. Furthermore, I don't think Picard is the only one who can work with Jono. This would be a great job for Riker or Data.

TROI: Strange, isn't it? You'll travel light years, dodge asteroid storms, brave hostile aliens, and yet when asked to assume a parental role, you cringe. Why do you suppose that is?
PICARD: I'm not cringing. I'm just acknowledging my limitations.
TROI: When you were a child, did you have any friends? Other children you played with?

What does his actions as a child have to do with this? Yeah, this is just '80s psychobabble, but it still doesn't apply! Of course Picard had friends his own age! He doesn't like kids because they're an element that he can't control and his self-image requires him to be surrounded in an environment that he can control. That's why he hates Q and why Q is so fascinated by him.

PICARD: it's just that ever since I was a child I've always known exactly what I wanted to do. Be a member of Starfleet. Nothing else mattered to me. Virtually my entire youth was spent in the pursuit of that goal. In fact, I probably skipped my childhood altogether.

It makes you wonder how he got to that conclusion. Everyone we've ever met from his hometown likes civilian life. Please don't tell me he went the Kirk and Janeway (when's the last time I read Mosaic, anyway) route and saw the whole thing as a challenge.

PICARD: Yes, I certainly did, and I expect it to stay turned off. Would you come down from there? I see you've made yourself at home.
JONO: I cannot rest on your beds. They hurt my back.

So ask for a different bed. You'd think he would have the contact info to Troi or a social worker or whatever on standby.

PICARD: Those are Connor and Moira Rossa. They are your parents. The baby is you. Jeremiah Rossa.
JONO: My name is Jono.
PICARD: Well, you were born Jeremiah on Galen Four.

It's too soon for this. Jono doesn't even want to accept the identity of human, why would he want a different personal identity?

PICARD: Jono, your parents were killed by Talarians.
JONO: It was war. Death is part of war.

There's a whole essay to be written on the subject of acceptable civilian casualties and Jono's unusual acceptance of the hospitality of the people who killed his family.

Captain's log, supplemental. Captain Endar's claim that Jeremiah Rossa is his son is clearly unacceptable. However, to avoid escalating tensions, I have invited the Talarian leader to come aboard the Enterprise so that we may address the issue face to face.

Clearly unacceptable? It seems a bit premature to make judgement on Endar's worthiness as a father without knowing all the facts. To make this decision so casually smacks of racism. Where was Gene?

ENDAR: I lost my son at the hands of humans during the conflict over Castal One. Talarian custom allows me to claim the son of a slain enemy.

Since formal diplomatic relations don't seem to exist, this is another sticky situation. I'd have to know who instigated the Castal One conflict.

DATA: Talarian warships are limited to neutral particle weapons, high energy X-ray lasers and merculite rockets. No match for the Enterprise, Captain.

It's always fun to see the creators try to invent weapons less sophisticated than Starfleet's without resorting to lasers. It doesn't always work.

WORF: Captain, is it worth it, to go to war over a child?

I'd like to think that if one Klingon house kidnapped the child of another, there would be war. I don't think Worf should've been the one to say this. You can't always have Worf be the one to say the nonhumancentric things!

JONO: What is her rank?
PICARD: She is an Admiral.
JONO: She outranks you?
PICARD: Yes.

There really wasn't a MALE relative available?

PICARD: Then it wasn't a dream.
CRUSHER: I'm afraid not. No vital organs pierced, no major arteries.
PICARD: Where is the boy now?
CRUSHER: Worf has him in security. Hold still.

Attempted murder. It's a shame this is so close to the end of the episode, or else we could actually explore the implications here. But we needed time for Jono to act like a misogynistic jerk over and over again. :mad:

WORF: Talarian vessels routing power to forward rockets.

I wonder what the diplomatic ramifications would be if the Enterprise defended itself at this point. "Rockets" imply a chemical propellant, i.e. these things are slow enough to be targeted by phasers.

JONO: What matters is that I have attacked a Captain. I am ready to be put to death.
PICARD: You think you're going to be killed?
JONO: To attack a superior is the worst offence. I will die at your hands.

No, I'm pretty sure that attempted murder gets you lots of counselling and time in a penal colony. You wouldn't be very happy with that, Jono!

It's a shame they couldn't have trimmed down some of his jerkish behavior to make room to discuss this suicidal behavior.

PICARD: There was a crime committed on board this ship, but it was not Jono's. It was mine. When we found Jono, it seemed so clear what had to be done. We knew that if only we could persuade him to make the decision to stay, then you would most likely let him. So with the best of intentions, we tried to convince him, and in so doing, we thoroughly failed to listen to his feelings, to his needs. That was the crime, and it has taken a huge toll on a strong and very noble young man. And it must be rectified. He will return home. To the only home he's ever known. And to the father that he loves. To you, Endar.

There's a whole essay here about Federation people trying to force other people to share their values. I'm reminded of that quote about how the Borg are better because they tell you they intend to assimilate you.

Memory Alpha

* There were complaints about letting Jono go back to child abusers, but I thought the episode worked hard to explain that it wasn't abuse, or that at least it wasn't a black and white issue.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In this episode Picard is fine a short time after a stabbing, but in "Who Watches the Watchers" he needed a sling after a simple arrow hit. I can't say I disagree with this nit.

[Nate the Great]

The more I think about "Suddenly Human", the less I like it. It kept creating questions and not resolving any of them.



1. Are Jono's injuries really the result of Talarian pasttimes being more dangerous than normal Federation ones, of was this a cover for abuse? Was Jono asked directly about each wound?
2. Can Jono be trained to not be misogynistic anymore? Should our crew even try? Where was the scene with a female crewmember earning Jono's respect? We may have attempted a similar scene with "Code of Honor", but it wasn't done properly there either!
3. Why does Jono only respect Picard? Would Riker have not worked? Even if the Cardassians haven't been invented yet, they could've made reference to O'Briens earlier career in broad strokes in this case, plus Miles probably has more experience with kids.

4. How would Guinan have reacted to Jono? We know that she's a crackshot with a phaser, could she have been a useful bridge just like with Ro?
5. Why is Picard still so anti-kids? He should be farther in his character arc than this. Is he still in the process of rebuilding his identity post-Borg (it's only been two months) and he's not sure if he wants to deal with a young man's emotions at this critical time?

6. Does Troi have a male assistant who could've been useful this episode?

[NAHTMMM]

Borg: Your distinctiveness will be added to our own.
Picard: Was that a marriage proposal?
Borg: What? No, you idi--
Picard: Mr. Worf, dispatch a subspace message to Admiral Hansen. Tell him... we have been engaged to the Borg.

That pun is just painful.
Which is why it needed the ellipsis, to give you time to prepare for it. :D

Guinan: Pre-battle jitters, eh?
Picard: Yeah. You know, this could be the end of civilization. No more Earl Grey, no more Twinkies....
Guinan: That would suck. Maybe I should use my Q powers to save us.
Picard: You have Q powers?
Guinan: Shhh! You're endangering my secret identity.

Guinan's powers are very different from a Q, this doesn't really work.
Her non-secret powers are different, yes.

The Fiver

Wesley: The Borg have gone to Warp Sweet Mother Of Mercy That's Fast.
"Sweet mother of mercy" worked itself into my vocabulary and has never left.

Crusher: Jean-Luc? Are you in there?
Locutus: Foolish human. Picard no longer exists.

I'm not even a Ghostbusters fan and even I can see the obvious "There is no more Picard, there is only Locutus" joke.
Honestly I think the non-referential line is better in context. It's very snooty.


The Shelby of New Frontier never really felt like this Shelby. Just my two cents.
None of the characters in New Frontier ever felt like anything.


EDIT: I seem to have forgotten a couple of things to quote, so I'll note here that Picard's marathon is referenced/explained in The Devil's Heart and they get to try the graviton thing against the Borg in Vendetta.

[Nate the Great]

October 22nd, 1990, "Remember Me"

This is an episode that I don't watch anymore. I don't like episodes where a huge chunk of the time is dedicated to people thinking that a character is crazy. That's why I don't watch "All Good Things" anymore either.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=rememberme) by Marc

The Episode

LAFORGE: Wes, time for the experiment is over. I want my warp engines back now.
WESLEY: Almost done, Commander.

So in "Peak Performance" they let Wesley play with antimatter, and now they let him play with the warp engines themselves? You'd think by the fourth season the creators would've figured out that we don't like it when Wesley is this Mary Sue-ish.

WORF: Computer, where is Doctor Dalen Quaice?
COMPUTER: There is no Doctor Dalen Quaice aboard the Enterprise.
CRUSHER: Lieutenant, Doctor Quaice is very old and rather frail. If he fell somewhere, if his communicator were damaged.

I despise it when people act like a person can be tracked ONLY when they're wearing a communicator. Especially when you think about episodes like "New Ground" when Alexander was identified by his lifesigns (yeah, yeah, no doubt he's the only three-quarters Klingon on board, but still). Of the thousand people on board, maybe half are Starfleet officers. The computer can't tell them apart except by species/age/gender/etc.?

Furthermore, there is inconsistency about which guests get combadges and which don't. That's a whole other rant.

WORF: Sir, I have several teams conducting a deck by deck search. It is not yet complete.

I wonder how many security officers the Enterprise has. I'd imagine that a key criterion would be setting a maximum allowable time to manually search the entire ship and setting the number accordingly.

DATA: I have scanned the entire ship, Captain. Other than the Enterprise's regular complement, I can find no one else onboard.

You'd think Data would look up all available records on Dr. Quaice and see that there is no such person in this version of the Federation.

CRUSHER: I'll be a little more comprehensive than that, Chief. Doctor Crusher to Doctor Hill. Respond, please. Doctor Selar, your present location? Computer, current whereabouts of Doctors Hill and Selar.
COMPUTER: There is no Doctor Hill or Doctor Selar aboard the Enterprise.

I really hate the fact that Selar never appeared again. Considering how often actors have been recycled for other alien races in the future, why couldn't Suzie Plakson have appeared as Selar more than once? It's not like Selar and K'Ehleyr look that much alike.

CRUSHER: Doctors Hill and Selar, and four other members of my medical staff have all vanished. All record of their ever having been on the Enterprise has been excised from the computer's memory.
PICARD: Did they come aboard with Doctor Quaice?

Asinine. Maybe, maybe one civilian can fly under the radar. But I expect Picard to know the names of all doctors on board. This is stupid.

WESLEY: I've been experimenting with Kosinski's warp field equations, trying to improve engine efficiency.

Oh, you mean the equations that involve intermix ratios other than 1:1, i.e. the complete nonsense that the chief engineers didn't buy for a second. Yeah, yeah, this is supposed to remind the viewers of the events of "Where No One Has Gone Before" and set up the Chekov's Gun of the Traveler's return. That still doesn't mean that this isn't hamfisted.

WESLEY: This is the static warp field we created inside the warp drive.

I don't have a problem with a "static warp field". All you need for that is to not introduce the asymmetry that moves the ship. I have a problem with the "inside the warp drive" part. If they mean the engine core, that doesn't make sense. If you mean the warp coils in the nacelles, I wonder why they didn't say "inside the nacelles".

WESLEY: The experiment was designed to see if we could keep a bubble like this intact.

If I have to guess at the purpose of this, perhaps they want to see if the ship can "hide" within subspace without actually moving. It would certainly make for a valid alternative to a cloaking device.

PICARD: Has something else happened?
CRUSHER: Sickbay is totally empty. Apparently I no longer have any staff.
RIKER: And that surprises you, Doctor?
CRUSHER: Surprises me? I'll say it surprises me. There should be at least four members of my staff on duty at all times.
DATA: I am afraid ship's records do not concur. Doctor.
CRUSHER: What are you talking about?
DATA: You do not have a staff.
CRUSHER: You're telling me I'm the sole medical officer on a ship with over a thousand people on board?
DATA: Excuse me, Doctor, but the entire ship's complement is two hundred and thirty.

Even if there are only 230 people on board, they still need more than one doctor (insert rants about how the EMH should've been training a dozen nurses from Day One here). I get that this alternate reality is partially based on Beverly's knowledge, but she's still trained in command and she's still smarter than this. This should seem weird to everyone.

DATA: There are one hundred and fourteen people on the Enterprise.
CRUSHER: What?
DATA: That is the exact number there should be.
CRUSHER: There are now over nine hundred missing. Deck after deck of this ship is deserted now. How do you account for all the empty rooms? If there are supposed to be only a hundred and fourteen people on board, why all the extra space?
DATA: Transportation of colonists, diplomatic missions, emergency evacuations.
PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data. Have security confine all nonessential personnel to their quarters.

Diplomatic missions regularly involve hundreds of guests? And how are emergency evacuations supposed to work if there's only one doctor on board? And how can there be "nonessential personnel" if there are only 114 people on board?

CRUSHER: It's all perfectly logical to you, isn't it? The two of us roaming about the galaxy in the flagship of the Federation. No crew at all.
PICARD: We've never needed a crew before.

Have I mentioned how much I hate this episode yet? I hate Idiot Plots, I really do.

CRUSHER: Computer, is there more than one USS Enterprise?
COMPUTER: This vessel is the fifth starship to bear the name USS Enterprise. It is currently the only one in service.

Seriously, why did the NX-01 have to be called Enterprise? And as a meaningless aside, why was the prototype prefix used for a ship that was actually in service? Even the Excelsior went from NX-2000 to NCC-2000 when it entered real service.

CRUSHER: Estimated time to Tau Alpha C at warp nine point five.
COMPUTER: One hundred twenty three days.

I'm pretty sure that Beverly doesn't have the skills required to keep the warp drive working at that high speed for four months.

The Fiver

Wesley: I was testing Kosinski's Advanced Hyperspatial Propulsion Theorem.
Picard: "No matter where you go, there you are"?
Wesley: That's the one.

I've never seen Buckaroo Bonzai, but I know about his quote from popculture osmosis. This is also the motto of the Excelsior, the Phoenix, and the Hathaway (you'd think a given motto can only belong to one ship).

Crusher: Computer, what just happened?
Computer: The spherical universe we occupy is collapsing. Its periphery has just obliterated the forward edge of the ship's saucer section.
Crusher: Does that mean that Ten-Forward is now the Restaurant at the End of The Universe?
Computer: Very well put.

Ha ha.

Wesley: You want me to input the retrieval equations with my targeting computer off, my helmet blast shield down and my eyes closed?
Traveler: Wesley, trust me. Let go. Reach out with your feelings.
Wesley: Yes, Master.
Picard: (aside to La Forge) What are they talking about?
La Forge: (aside to Picard) Beats me. They lost me ten minutes ago when they were swordfighting against some little floating drone thingies.

I get the Force analogue, but this still seems like a stretch of a joke.

Memory Alpha

* McFadden didn't know she was pregnant when she did the stunts in this episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* If the bubble is cutting off parts of the ship and exposing them to the equivalent of open space, how come the boundary can follow Crusher in the corridor without exposing her to explosive decompression?
* The bubble is contracting at 15 meters per second. That's 30 miles per hour, how is Crusher running that fast?

[Nate the Great]

October 29th, 1990, "Legacy"

Fiver by Wade the Sane Commodore (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=legacy)

This will come up again, so let me get this out of the way: I hate long-lost relative episodes. I really do. I'll skip the long speech, so let's jump to this particular instance. Tasha should've evacuated all of her old family members and friends by now. And oh yeah, we SAW HER FUNERAL! Ishara deserves at least a namedrop there!

The Episode

DATA: I will raise you three.
RIKER: No cards? The best poker face I've ever seen.

Would Data's poker face get worse after he gets emotions? That's a whole other rant I could make.

RIKER: Take five. Throw them away.
(He does, literally, over his shoulder)

Troi has the best facefault. Just look at it (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38L1ANYMrnQ).

Captain's log, stardate 44215.2. The Enterprise has bypassed its scheduled archaeological survey of Camus Two in response to a distress call from the Federation freighter Arcos, which has assumed an emergency orbit around Turkana Four, birthplace of our late comrade, Tasha Yar.

It gets painful sometimes how often the Enterprise is detoured away from actual exploratory missions to do something else. Incidentally, what's an "emergency orbit"?

DATA: The last Federation vessel to make contact was the Potemkin, six years ago. They were warned that anyone transporting down to the colony would be killed.

Yeah, that's cause for a coup if you ask me. The Klingons and Romulans would never agree to those terms, so why should the Federation?

RIKER: Are you offering to help us?
HAYNE: In return for some consideration. Phasers are in short supply down here. A starship isn't going to miss a few.

I'll buy that the necessary manufacturing infrastructure for proper phasers doesn't exist down here, but if these people have been fighting as long as claimed, you'd think they would've kluged together primitive equivalents by now.

RIKER: Riker to Enterprise. Energise.
(The team beam away)
HAYNE: I want everything there is to know about the starship Enterprise.

How would they have ANY information on the Enterprise or past crewman? The whole planet has been left to its own devices since Tasha escaped, or so we've been told. If anything their database should have info on the Enterprise-C.

TAN TSU [on monitor]: Enterprise, I'm being held by Turkana Four Alliance. I've been instructed to say that you have twenty hours to make reparations for Federation intrusion into this colony, or my pilot and I will be killed.

Federation intrusion? It's a damaged freighter!

I really don't like the entire premise of this colony. The government broke down until civil war broke out? The Federation wasn't maintaining contact? A starship wasn't visiting once a year to check up on things? This whole thing would fit so much better in an episode of TOS.

LAFORGE: Captain, if I could get to the myographic scanner.
ISHARA: What's that?
DATA: A sensing device from the escape pod. It monitors the bioelectric signatures of the crew, in the event they get separated from the pod.

Myography is the study of the mechanics of muscle contraction. It has nothing to do with bioelectric signatures. I'm not disputing the practicality of this kind of tracking device, but myography is not the right name for it.

ISHARA: You have Tasha's DNA on file?
CRUSHER: The ship's computer does. There's always some differentiation between sonomic chromosomes, but not enough to affect results. It should take me a few hours to run the sonomic comparison.

Gates McFadden mispronounces "somatic" here. A somatic chromosome is any chromosome that isn't X or Y. Technically correct, but I still would've used simpler Treknobabble.

ISHARA: That wasn't too bad. So, all that's left of my sister is a file in a computer.

Really? Putting aside Data's little holostatue, Tasha should've had other belongings that were put in storage for a time, just in case. Besides, there's other evidence of Tasha's presence, like all the lives she saved.

SHARA: Are you able to have friends?
DATA: Yes.
ISHARA: But you don't have feelings, do you?
DATA: Not as such. However, even among humans, friendship is sometimes less an emotional response and more a sense of familiarity.

TROI: Have you ever heard Data define friendship?
RIKER: No.
TROI: How did he put it? "As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The inputs eventually are anticipated and even missed when absent."

RIKER: In all trust, there is the possibility of betrayal. I'm not sure you were prepared for that.
DATA: Were you prepared, sir?
RIKER: I don't think anybody ever is.
DATA: Then it is better not to trust.
RIKER: Without trust, there's no friendship, no closeness. None of the emotional bonds that make us what we are.
DATA: And yet you put yourself at risk.
RIKER: Every single time.
DATA: Perhaps I am fortunate, sir, to be spared the emotional consequences.
RIKER: Perhaps.

A good message, but a bit hamfisted.

The Fiver

Data: The last starship here was warned not to beam anyone down. The colonists executed their first officer as a demonstration of their power, and threatened to do it to any other ship that came to the planet.
Picard: I see. Commander Riker, assemble your away team.
Riker: Aye sir. Oh, by the way, I made sugar cookies. You should grab a few before Troi scarfs them all down.
Picard: Ah, sugar cookies, my favorite! I think I'll have an Angel One.

I get the joke, but I'm not sure how much Angel One parallels this episode.

Hayne: The Alliance is holding your men. Our Coalition could get them back if we had some of your fancy heaters.
Riker: Oh no, only Federation types get to play with these guns.
Hayne: Come on, we only want a piece of the action.

See the previous comment, only substitute A Piece of the Action.

Crusher: I could take a blood sample! Let me go find an empty barrel!
Ishara: (gulp) How much does she need?
Riker: Just enough to prove you're not a changeling. But I'm asking the questions here. For instance, have any of your siblings served on previous Enterprises?
Ishara: No.
Riker: Correct. Now, do you have any nieces living on Romulus?
Ishara: No.

How would Ishara even know about Sela? I'll buy that most of Tasha's service record is probably public, but Sela's parentage claims are probably classified.

Data: Ah, Ishara, I'm gratified to see you've been issued a standard Starfleet catsuit.
La Forge: I'll say, kinda makes me want to go run some stimulations on the holodeck.
Barclay: (over the comm) You mean simulations, right Commander?
La Forge: Uh... yeah. I guess you've had enough experience to tell the difference.
Barclay: Holo-Janeway never hurts my feelings....

Just for funzies, I looked up what Janeway would be doing right now. It's 2367. No clue, this is after her command of the Bonestell (she left before it was destroyed in the Battle of Wolf 359) and before the launch of Voyager. Somewhere in here she meets Tuvok for the first time.

Ishara: Anything else you can tell me?
Data: I can't. I gave her my word.

For a fiver this is oddly open-ended.

Worf: You want me to sponsor your application to Starfleet Academy?
Ishara: Frankly, I think I can be quite an asset to Starfleet. With my extensive experience I could skip the lower ranks entirely and begin my career as a Commander. Maybe you should suggest that in your letter. Tell them you'd be honored to serve under me.
Worf: You have no desire to join Starfleet, do you?
Ishara: No, I'm afraid I don't.
Worf: Then why all this deception?
Ishara: Because lying is a skill like any other and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly.
Worf: (to Riker) At the first sign of betrayal I will kill her, but I promise to return the body intact.

I get the reference to "In Purgatory's Shadow", but as Obscurus Lupa says, a reference is not a joke. There's no variation here, no subversion, no commentary, just pasting "Ishara" over "Garak."

Ishara: Commander, we have got to get out of this tunnel!
Worf: We need breathing room!
Data: Earth, Hitler, 1938.

Again, a reference is not a joke. And this one is even more of a stretch than the last one.

Ishara: Whatever it looks like, I am not overloading the Alliance's reactor.
Data: I cannot permit this to continue. (raises phaser)
Ishara: But... I thought we were friends.
Data: Ishara, I'm only going to tell you this just once. It never happened.

At least this time the references had twists. Although I must say that the idea of Data sleeping with Ishara is a little icky.

Memory Alpha

* 80th episode of TNG, thus breaking the TOS number. Although I'd argue that "Shades of Grey" doesn't really count as an episode.

Nitpickers Guide

* Data collects the chips as though Riker lost the bet. But Riker won, he found the card with Data's help! Did Data think that Riker wouldn't use tricks?
* Why didn't Crusher put Ishara's proximity detector back?
* Phil agrees with me, the colony's database is 15 years out of date. How did they know about Tasha's service on the Enterprise?

[Nate the Great]

November 5th, 1990, "Reunion"

No fiver (Zeke, is this one claimed already?)

The Episode

Captain's Log: Stardate 44246.3 We're investigating radiation anomalies reported in the Gamma Arigulon system by the starship LaSalle. Preliminary readings are inconclusive.

I hate disposable missions that the "real" plot distracts our crew from. Of course, I wouldn't want an episode about radiation anomalies, but the radiation anomalies can be the backdrop to some character work.

PICARD: Lieutenant, please receive our guest.
WORF: Captain, I must request permission to send another officer.
PICARD: May I know your reason?
WORF: My dishonour among Klingons may offend Ambassador K'Ehleyr.
PICARD: Lieutenant, you are a member of this crew, and you will not go into hiding whenever a Klingon ship uncloaks.
WORF: I withdraw my request, sir.

I get the need for a quick recap here, but not the application to K'Ehleyr. She doesn't care about "Klingon nonsense."

K'EHLEYR: Sorry. I just thought you might want to talk. A few minutes ago, you looked like someone with a question to ask.
WORF: Must I ask the question?
K'EHLEYR: Yes, you must.

So K'Ehleyr's old character trait of trying to take control of every conversation with Worf continues. I don't like it in this case. She's about to declare her desire to marry him, she should be more mature than this.

K'EHLEYR: The Klingon Empire is at a critical juncture. We may be facing civil war.
RIKER: War over what?
K'EHLEYR: The usual excuses. Tradition, duty, honour.
DATA: The word excuses implies ulterior motives for a conflict.
K'EHLEYR: I won't bore you with the intricacies of Klingon politics.

I don't associate this conflict with "tradition", "duty", OR "honor". "Glory" by all means, "power", "reputation", etc.

PICARD: Do you believe there is a threat to the Federation in this struggle?
K'EHLEYR: Klingon wars seldom remain confined to the Empire. Sooner or later they'll drag in the neighbouring star systems, then the Tholians, the Ferengi. The Federation won't be able to stay out of it for long.

I can't really see the Ferengi being pulled into this war. The Breen or the Gorn would be a better fit here.

K'MPEC: No one on the Council can be trusted.

I'm dubious at this, but that's a whole other speech.

K'MPEC: You are an accomplished mediator. This is no different than any other dispute requiring your services.

I'd argue that the Federation doesn't choose leaders of other governments, but you could argue that if there was such a law Kirk broke it several times. "Plato's Stepchildren" comes to mind immediately.

K'MPEC: Find the assassin. The Klingon who kills without showing his face has no honour. He must not lead the Empire. Such a man would be capable of anything. Even war with the Federation.

There's a whole speech about the malleability of the Khitomer Accords to be had here, but I'd be tempted to compare it to Brexit and other such nonsense.

Captain's log, supplemental. K'mpec, who ruled the Klingon Empire longer than anyone in history, is dead.

Memory Alpha doesn't state how long he served, but there's a novel that states that he became Chancellor in 2346, dying in 2367. Twenty-one years being the longest term is a little disturbing, but not unexpected for Klingons. Although I do wonder why nobody challenged this guy, K'mpec doesn't seem fit enough for a bat'leth duel.

FYI, Azetbur only served 18 years, being assassinated in 2311. Gorkon only lasted for a year.

ALEXANDER: Where are the other Klingons?
WORF: There are no others on board.
ALEXANDER: Why?
WORF: The Federation and the Klingon Empire were enemies for many years. No other Klingons have asked to serve in Starfleet.

Insert Klingon civilian scientists joke here. I've made enough of them in the past.

WORF: He knows nothing of our ways!
K'EHLEYR: Our ways? You mean Klingon ways, don't you?
WORF: He is Klingon!
K'EHLEYR: He is also my son and I am half-human. He will find his own ways.

I gotta ask, how long were they living in Klingon space? How long has K'Ehleyr been Ambassador? Has it been only a year or four since she was on the Enterprise?

K'EHLEYR: What would you have done? That's right. You would have insisted that we take the oath, just as tradition would demand.

This is a whole other discussion. I would've forgiven the "sex=marriage" thing as early NextGen weirdness, but Dax makes reference to this later. Plus we know that Klingon prostitutes exist.

K'EHLEYR: Why did you accept discommendation from the High Council?
WORF: My father was accused of collaborating with the Romulans at Khitomer.
K'EHLEYR: I know. And I also know that you challenged it.
WORF: Yes at first. Ultimately I withdrew my challenge.
K'EHLEYR: But why, Worf? I can't believe you'd just give up. What really happened?

Over at TVTropes (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Headscratchers/StarTrekTheNextGeneration) I asked why he wouldn't tell her, the only plausible explanation is that Worf knows that she has poor impulse control and would cause a scene.

PICARD: The Sonchi ceremony will take place in one hour aboard K'mpec's ship.
DURAS [on viewscreen]: One hour? What is the delay?
PICARD: There is no delay. It is the time I have chosen.

I like it when Picard gets petty, it humanizes him.

PICARD: Worf, the next few days will be difficult for you
WORF: You have made it clear that I am to perform my regular duties, sir.
PICARD: I want you to know that I am aware of your discomfort.
WORF: Thank you, sir.

A good exchange, it's a pity that Janeway never had a similar scene to humanize her. Then again, such a thing would require a plot to be about someone other than her, and how often did that happen?

WORF: Well, I know little of Gowron. Only that he is an outsider who has often challenged the Council.

A funny moment that I added to TVTropes. Worf will grow to know Gowron VERY well and will be the one to kill him!

PICARD: Qab jIH nagil

This is a challenge: "Face me if you dare!"

WORF: As Head of Security, it is my duty to be concerned.
K'EHLEYR: Is that it? Just official concern for my well being?
WORF: You know my feelings.
K'EHLEYR: Maybe I've forgotten.
WORF: You were right. I would have insisted we take the oath. But not just because of tradition.
K'EHLEYR: I thought about telling you. Wanted to tell you. But I wasn't ready. When I left, you said you'd never be complete without me. It took some time but, I came to realise I need you too. You're part of me, Worf.
WORF: jIH dok.
K'EHLEYR: maj dok.

A nice scene, it's always nice to see K'Ehleyr with her guard down. He said "my blood" and she said "our blood." Not very romantic to me, but I'm not a Klingon.

WORF: No, I cannot allow you to suffer my humiliation.
K'EHLEYR: There would be no suffering I don't care what other Klingons think of you.
WORF: But what of the boy? He may want to live in the Empire someday.

"And if he did he'd be the most pathetic soldier in the fleet! Why, I wouldn't be surprised if he flooded a corridor with superheated hydraulic fluid someday!"

[Nate the Great]

K'EHLEYR: Captain, what do you know about Worf's discommendation? My interest is personal. I understand that you were there. You stood by him before the Council. I'd like to know what happened.
PICARD: I'm sorry, I can't discuss it.

You'd think Picard would ask Worf about it, but I guess he can guess that she already asked Worf and wanted to respect his wishes.

DURAS: The Council must have a leader now!

Really? Then why did it take nine months for Gowron to officially take charge?

PICARD: mev yap!

"Stop already!"

ALEXANDER: What is this?
WORF: A bat'leth. It belonged to my father. It has been in our family for ten generations.

I was surprised when SF Debris pointed out that this is the first appearance of the bat'leth. How did Worf get this? Did Kahlest grab it for Worf? Was it left behind with Kurn's adoptive father?

GOWRON: What do you want? Command of a ship? A seat on the Council? There are many opportunities for you in the Empire.

Command of a ship? I'm pretty sure that you can't just be given command of a Klingon ship, you have to have a record as a warrior for that.

LAFORGE: And the entire device couldn't have been more than three cubic millimetres in size.

Three cubic millimeters? A single grain of rice is 20 cubic millimeters! I don't think you could even build a matter/antimatter bomb that small, so what's in this thing and where was the space for the detonator?

LAFORGE: Klingons and Romulans working together? They've been blood enemies for seventy five years.

So that's 2292. In other words, around the time of the Khitomer Conference. Was this fallout from the Chang Conspiracy (2293, FYI)? Did Ambassador Nanclus screw things up that badly? Incidentally, Nanclus was a Tal Shiar agent.

RIKER: A new Klingon alliance with the Romulans?
DATA: If true, it would represent a fundamental shift of power in the quadrant.
PICARD: Indeed. It would put the Federation in a very difficult position.

It stands to reason that Duras would dissolve the Khitomer Accords, but you have to imagine that the Council has anti-Federation AND anti-Romulan members. Could Duras tip the scales that much, even as Chancellor?

PICARD: As Chief Security Officer, you will accompany me to the next transition proceeding.
WORF: Captain, they will be incensed. My presence will be disruptive.
PICARD: Yes, it will.

And people have the gall to call TNG boring.

K'EHLEYR: Computer, list stardates of the last Enterprise mission to the Klingon home planet.
COMPUTER: Stardates 43685 through 43689.

That's a day and a half. This is clearly a reference to "Sins of the Father", was that really only a day and a half? And does this really count as a "mission" as opposed to a "visit"?

K'EHLEYR: How many ship's logs during that period?
COMPUTER: Forty three officer's logs. Ten personal logs.

This number seems a little small. Even if only half the Starfleet personnel on board makes logs on a daily basis, that's still at least two hundred.

RIKER: It's considered an honourable way for a Klingon to die, a suicide that takes an enemy with it.

Once again, there's a whole spiel here that could be discussed. Even if I'll agree to this thinking in general, I don't think it applies to implanted bombs, that seems too deceitful to be honorable.

(Worf removes his baldric, takes the bat'leth from the wall. As an afterthought, he takes off his comm. badge too)

I get the baldric thing, given Duras' reaction in "Sins of the Father". What confuses me is Worf being allowed to beam off the ship without a commbadge. Did he know where an empty transporter room was?

CRUSHER: Multiple stab wounds to the chest and abdomen. Too much trauma to the internal organs. There wasn't time enough to take her into stasis.

I wonder if Worf couldn't have taken care of this BEFORE beaming over to Duras' ship.

KLINGON: He has claimed the right of vengeance.
DURAS: You have no rights here, traitor!
WORF: K'Ehleyr was my mate.

The idea that there are still challenges that Worf can make is confusing to me.

PICARD: Mister Worf, the Enterprise crew currently includes representatives from thirteen planets.

This number seems a little low. I also question the use of "planet" instead of "species."

PICARD: If anyone cannot perform his or her duty because of the demands of their society, they should resign. Do you wish to resign?
WORF: No, sir.
PICARD: I had hoped you would not throw away a promising career. I understand your loss, We all admired K'Ehleyr.

Great exchange. Seriously, I wish they hadn't've killed K'Ehleyr.

ALEXANDER: Are you my father?
WORF: Yes. I am your father.

"No, that can't be! That's impossible!" Sorry, had to do it.

[Nate the Great]

November 12th, 1990, "Future Imperfect"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=futureimperfect) (by Derek)

The Episode

Captain's Log, Stardate 44286.5. The Enterprise is conducting a security survey of the Onias Sector near the Neutral Zone.

I guess a "security survey" is checking up on the defenses of the border outposts, but they could've worded that better.

PICARD: Mister Data, we must hurry or we'll miss Commander Riker's party.
DATA: Sir. I find it interesting how much importance humans place on celebrating the day of their birth. A day they cannot possibly remember.

It is a bit arbitrary, but whoever said the human race was logical?

RIKER: What about energy readings?
WORF: Magnetic clutter is increasing. I cannot make an accurate determination.

Magnetic clutter? That's an odd way to refer to EM interference.

CRUSHER: That day on Onias three, you were infected with a strain of Altarian encephalitis, a retrovirus that incorporates its DNA directly into the cells of its host. It can lie dormant for many years and then suddenly become active again, as it did in your case ten days ago.

The point of a virus is to reproduce, I don't think one can evolve to lie dormant for that long. Furthermore, is this a recent discovery? Did they know that one day Riker would just collapse and lose his memory?

RIKER: Main Bridge.
COMPUTER: Repeat command.
RIKER: I said main Bridge.
CRUSHER: Computer's been slow all morning. A processing accelerator's down. Commander La Forge has running a level one diagnostic to isolate the problem.

I get the foreshadowing with having to give Barash time to set up the next setting, but it could've been done better than this. As for a "processing accelerator", I want to say that this has to do with using subspace to get computer signals to move faster than light.

(Worf is at Ops, and a Ferengi at helm)

We know now that not all Ferengi are satisfied with the usual way of life of their people, but we didn't back then. At this time in TNG's history, the idea of a Ferengi in Starfleet is just stretching incredulity a bit too far.

RIKER: Commander Data. You're my First Officer?
DATA: Do you remember, sir?

There's a lot to unpack here about everyone except Picard staying on the Enterprise all this time. Yeah, yeah, they'll stay together through the movies, but realistically half of the senior staff should've moved on by now. Furthermore, I always hate it when senior officers from one department step into the shoes of a senior officer from another department. Worf wasn't trained to be Operations Officer in "Data's Day", and Data isn't suited for Command.

RIKER: Deanna, who's his mother?
TROI: She died two years ago. A shuttle accident. I'm sorry, Will.
RIKER: I have no recollection of her at all. What was she like?
TROI: Min was beautiful, of course, strong, intelligent, patient.
RIKER: Well, if she was married to me, she had to be patient.

I'm sorry, but this whole "Minuet is the woman Riker had the strongest feelings for, so she should be his wife" thing is a bridge too far. Riker never loved Minuet, he loved the idea of Minuet. Oh, and using "Min" instead of "Minuet" at this point of the episode is just lazy plot hole filling. Riker only knew her as Minuet, and even if he started using "Min" as a pet name, I doubt that Troi would as well.

TOMALAK: Thank you, Admiral. It is an honour to be the first Romulan to freely walk about a Federation Starship.

Oh boy, where to start with this one. Do we ask how plausible this is? Do we talk about how hamfisted this statement is? Do we bring up T'Pel/Selok from "Data's Day"?

CRUSHER: Will, how old were you when you first started playing parrises squares?
RIKER: Alright, I was probably a little younger than he is.

With all the times they mention Parisses Squares, I wish we could've seen an actual game.

DATA: Pardon me, sir. I am experiencing subspace interference which limits my abilities. I can't operate as quickly as
RIKER: What did you say?
DATA: I said I cannot operate
RIKER: No! That's not what you said. You said I can't. You used a contraction, didn't you?
DATA: Sir, I can explain if you would just give me a moment.

Once again, I get what they were going for, but this is not the ideal way to prove Will is in a simulation. It's been sixteen years, plenty of time for Data to modify himself to use contractions.

TOMALAK: With the help of our neural scanners and what you would call a holodeck.

So the Romulans don't call them holodecks? What was the purpose of this line?

The Fiver

Riker: So Data's my first officer now?
B4: Actually, I'm not Data.
Riker: Sure, whatever.

Whether or not Data's memories actually made it into B4 is a long discussion by itself. The problem here is the use of that contraction. If the episode is going to make a big deal about it, so should the fiver.

Riker: I've never trusted Romulans, and I never will. I can never forgive them for the death of my boy.

Cute reference, but what "boy" is Riker referring to here?

Jean-Luc: Will, you are my father.
Riker: No, that's not true! That's impossible!
Troi: Um, no, it's not.

I can't decide if the Star Wars reference was stretched too far for this joke or not.

Jean-Luc: Try giving it a stardate. Computer, show the picture of mom from stardate 11001001.
Riker: Isn't that kind of long for a stardate?
Jean-Luc: Um, it was a leap year.

Stardate 11001001 would be January 1st, 12931. Future dates in Trek rarely go that high, but at least we can be sure that the Andromeda galaxy is completely uninhabitable by then.

Riker: This is all a hoax, and I can prove it! Worf, where'd you get that scar?
Worf: In battle against the Dominion.
Riker: Ha! Whoever heard of the Dominion?

Nice one.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Ogawa.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil points out the fact that the communicators double as rank insignia. I have to point out that Ogawa is apparently still an ensign. That's weird.
* Ogawa apparently won't age in sixteen years. Oops.

[Nate the Great]

November 19th, 1990, "Final Mission"


Fiver by Admiral Sab (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=finalmission)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44307.3. I am preparing to leave by shuttlecraft for Pentarus Five, where I have been asked to mediate a dispute among the salenite miners, a contentious group unfortunately prone to violence.

This is the only mention of salenite. You wonder why they didn't use a preexisting mineral. Not dilithium, but maybe boronite, gallicite, topaline, etc.

PICARD: I just received a message from Admiral Nsomeka. She expects you to report in two weeks. A position has opened up in this year's class.

The Academy has a quota/class size this strict? Weird.

PICARD: Ah, Captain. It's good to meet you.
WESLEY: Captain? Of a mining shuttle?
DIRGO: Yes, Ensign, Captain.

This thing can't be that much smaller than Okona's ship the ''Erstwhile.'' I have more trouble accepting the idea that a one-man crew automatically earns the name "Captain."

WESLEY: Sir, one of the moons around Pentarus Three registers as class M, barely. The mean temperature is fifty five degrees Celsius.

55 degC is 130 degF. I really don't think these guys could survive that long without water.

PICARD: Surely you have emergency supplies?
DIRGO: This isn't a starship. I have to choose what I carry.
PICARD: Are you telling me there's no water?

I'm having trouble believing that fifty pounds of emergency water and food would make that much difference for any spaceship. Furthermore, mass may matter at sublight speeds but at warp it's the volume of the ship that matters.

LAFORGE: The radiation levels from that ship are off the scale.

I hate it when scifi series say that. When you have ships being sent outside of known space by advanced aliens, you should have larger scales. Furthermore, if the radiation levels are THAT high everyone on board should be dying already.

WORF: Commander, a message from the mining settlement on Pentarus Five. The shuttlecraft carrying Captain Picard has not yet arrived.
CRUSHER: They left here at oh eight hundred hours.
WORF: They have asked if we are beginning a search.
RIKER: Tell them we have an emergency situation. We'll begin a search as soon as we've completed that.

Couldn't the saucer handle this drifting vessel situation while the stardrive goes back to look for Picard and company? With all this nonsense you almost wonder why the saucer was designed to detach in the first place.

TROI: We've contacted the nearest Starbase for a search vessel. I'm afraid the closest one is almost a week away.

Really? Are we that far into the sticks? Shouldn't there be an acceptable radius to space these starbases out? Like, no more than two days at Warp 8 from everywhere in the Federation?

(some things rush into the cavern, rather like the seraphim from Raiders of the Lost Ark (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcR9k8o4I0w))

It's been too long since I watched the Indiana Jones movie. Incidentally, if you haven't watched Crystal Skull yet, DON'T. I have no idea if Indy 5 will be any good.

First Officer's log, stardate 44307.6. Radiation levels on the Enterprise continue to rise. The ventilation system has started pumping hyronalin into our air supply to counteract the effects.

Seriously, even if they didn't have Picard to worry about, this is a prime situation for saucer separation and a skeleton crew. And they should be wearing spacesuits as another layer of radiation protection.

CRUSHER: Crusher to Medical unit one, evacuate and seal off all non-operational areas. Group the crew and their families in the interior corridors of decks nine and ten. Radiation exposure protocol.

Crusher should've already been doing this!

COMPUTER: Warning. Radiation levels at one hundred fifty millirads per minute and rising. Lethal exposure in thirty five minutes.

I've probably already mentioned this in another episode, but everyone is not going to die at the same level of radiation. Age, species, health, etc. will play a factor. Just say "casualties expected in 35 minutes"!

First Officer's log, supplemental. Mister La Forge has diverted power from auxiliary fusion generators in an attempt to stabilise the tractor beam. This is the only hope of increasing our towing speed so we can clear the asteroid belt before radiation levels become fatal.

You should've already been doing that!

PICARD: I was selfish. I thought I wouldn't see you again. I'm sorry.

He thought he wouldn't see Wesley again? Wesley would've been on the first shuttle back as soon as he had vacation time!

LAFORGE: Most shuttlecraft hulls are made of duranium.

Most SPACESHIP hulls are made out of duranium, Geordi!

PICARD: Aupres de ma blonde, il fait bon, fait bon, fait bon.

These are lyrics from a French song called "Aupres de ma blonde" ("Next to my Girlfriend"). It's used as a drinking song and nursery rhyme. The transcriber accidentally used "il" instead of "qu'il." It means "Next to my darling, how good it is, it is, it is."

PICARD: There's so much I wanted to tell you. The Academy, there's someone, someone who meant a great deal to me. He's been there forever. Someone you must get to know. His name is Boothby. Now, you tell him that you and I were friends. Now, when I was there, he helped me. Listen to him.
WESLEY: What does he teach?
PICARD: He's the groundskeeper. One of the wisest men I ever knew.

Nice setup.

PICARD: One moment. Mister Crusher?
WESLEY: Yes, sir.
PICARD: What are you doing in such a filthy uniform?
WESLEY: You don't look so ship-shape yourself, sir.
PICARD: Wesley, you will be missed.

Nice moment.

The Fiver

Wesley: What a piece of junk!
Dirgo: She may not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts.
Picard: Nice to meet you, Captain Solo.

See, this time it's not merely a reference because Dirgo is actually like a hardened, more cynical version of Solo.

La Forge: It's a radioactive garbage scow! We came all this way to take out the trash!
Riker: Hmm...I wonder if the Malon had something to do with this?
Data: Who?
Riker: Um, never mind. Wrong quadrant.

I wonder if Admiral Sab knew that Riker was considered for the command of Voyager.

Wesley: Here's a fire to warm you up.
Picard: There's something about the flame...the smell of the smoke....
Wesley: Sir, you're delirious.
Picard: Never mind.

Nice nod to "Attached."

Memory Alpha

* Wheaton wanted to leave the show so he could be in movies. A quick look at his IMDB page shows that he didn't do too well at it. I don't recognize any of his work until Flubber in 1997. (Incidentally, I don't think he did very well in that film, he's certainly no Tommy Kirk from the original).
* I was surprised to learn that Boothby only made three appearances, "The First Duty", "In The Flesh", and "The Fight."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Wouldn't Geordi's safety inspection before the shuttle left reveal the lack of emergency supplies?
* Who made this fountain and installed the sentry? (a mention of the Preservers would've been a great namedrop for this episode)
* Why didn't Riker just let the ship crash into the asteroid field?

[Nate the Great]

December 31, 1990, "The Loss"

Ugh. A bad example of a Troi episode. I have to imagine that there are diseases that can take away a Betazoid's telepathy and she'd be trained to deal with this scenario.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=theloss) (by Kira)

The Episode

BROOKS: It's been five months since Marc's accident. I haven't missed a single hour of my duties. I volunteered for extra time in the nursery. My language studies are better than they've ever been. Somebody else might have given in, but I didn't.
TROI: Given in to what?
BROOKS: Death is a normal part of life. Maybe some of us are better at facing that than others.

Ugh, stupid Gene and his "humans don't grieve" nonsense.

DATA: An aggregate field of plane-polarised objects has just appeared. And disappeared.

A what? Can asteroids generate a magnetic field large enough to align all of the rocks in the same direction? Weird...

DATA: A resumption of our present course at warp six will place us in the T'lli Beta system in six days, thirteen hours, forty seven minutes.
RIKER: What, no seconds?
DATA: I have discovered, sir, a certain level of impatience when I calculate a lengthy time interval to the nearest second. However, if you wish
RIKER: No, no. Minutes is fine.

I get the idea, but actually at this scale "almost six days and fourteen hours" would be fine. Do the official records rely on bridge dialogue for stuff this important, rather than the helm display?

PICARD: Full impulse. Rotate heading in five degree increments.

You do know that headings consist of TWO angles, right Jean-Luc? "His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking."

DATA: Integrity field stress exceeding eighty two million kilodynes.

The dyne is the unit of force for the cm-g-s system. Why Data doesn't use 820 kilonewtons is beyond me. Incidentally, the episode "Gravity" introduces the isodyne, which the Star Trek Encyclopedia calls a unit of measure for the energy of warp particles.

TROI: No, I don't think so. No. There's nothing. Nothing. I sense nothing.
PICARD: It's alright, Counsellor. Perhaps there's nothing out there to sense.
DATA: Indeed, there are many races that are not empathically detectable. The Breen, the Ferengi, the
TROI: No, you don't understand. I don't sense anything. Not out there, not in here. All of you, you're all blank to me.

Listing species that are likely immune to telepathy would be interesting. Tholians come to mind immediately. It would be interested to see what races a full Betazoid can read but Troi's weaker powers can't.

I don't understand the "blank" comment. This field is overloading her mind with physic static, she shouldn't detect anything. "Blank" implies she can read everything except the holes occupied by people.

CRUSHER: And you may not. Now, I'll do my homework. I'll see what I can do to regenerate those cells. In the meantime, I want you to talk to someone. There are several people on board who have degrees in psychology, who are qualified therapists.

Troi has to be TOLD this? Aren't they members of her staff? Doesn't she have an assistant counselor to go to?

TROI: You know what the worst part of this is? And I've seen it happen to so many patients.
RIKER: What?
TROI: The way other people change. How they start to treat you differently. They walk on eggshells around you. Sometimes they avoid you altogether. Sometimes they become overbearing, reach out a helping hand to the blind woman.
RIKER: I'm sorry if I
TROI: I will not be treated that way!
RIKER: Hey! Imzadi.
TROI: Oh, please.
RIKER: Deanna, I've never seen you quite so scared.
TROI: I'm fine. If I get better, I get better. If I don't, I'll adapt. Life goes on.

I don't like this exchange. I get the parallel with Brooks, but it doesn't work like this. Troi is acting like she can be perfectly fine without her powers, but she should know that denial can't be encouraged.

TROI: Because I can't tell how you're feeling this morning, but it seems to me that one night of crying can't make up for months of denial.
BROOKS: No. You're wrong. I feel better today than I have in ages. You're absolutely wrong, Deanna.

Troi will tell Guinan later that there are other ways to gauge the emotional state of a person, is she just having a brain fart right now? There's denial and there's refusal to accept the truth.

DATA: The probe's point of view reveals that the objects exist entirely in two dimensions, on a single plane.
LAFORGE: They have length and width, but not height. Virtually flat.

"Virtually" flat implies a very small third dimension. This is a problem that I always had with Flatland. A line has no width, we just represent it with a very small width to be able to see it. These "border lines" don't exist in the real world unless there is a small third dimension.

DATA: That is why the ship's forward sensors did not detect them initially. We were looking at them along their edge. There was no surface to read.

I get that the lateral sensor array is aligned on the saucer's perimeter and would imply a planar scanning region, but there have to be other sensor arrays to make things three-dimensional. Even IF the saucer equator happens to lie on the same plane as these things, the stardrive sensor arrays AREN'T.

RIKER: Can you explain why they're pulling us along with them?
LAFORGE: Somehow, they're able to polarise the graviton field as they move about. We're caught in the wake.

Polarize? They turned the Enterprise into a magnet that's being attracted to the magnetic field of these guys? This is exactly the sort of thing that a warp field should be able to sidestep!

LAFORGE: It's a shame we can't tell if they're sentient.
TROI: What do you mean by that? I'm doing the best that I can.

Ugh! We've seen plenty of sentient life-forms with brains sufficiently different than humanoids that I wouldn't expect a Betazoid to understand. In fact, I wouldn't expect the Betazoids to be able to read anything other than similar humanoids (decedents of the Preservers) Even Q should be a blank.

TROI: How do you people live like this?

Like I said, I hate this episode. It makes Troi less likeable, which is a stupid idea when a lot of the viewers already don't like her. Furthermore, it's like I said earlier, both as a Betazoid and as a counselor she should be trained for this. At this point in the episode Deanna really is acting like she needs to be empathic to be a counselor, which is ludicrous.

.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: I've been working with Ensign Brooks since the death of her husband. She's avoided the reality of what happened, denied it to herself, and I realise I've been doing the same thing about my condition.

Too little, too late, writers! You could've had her come to this realization a lot earlier.

PICARD: There was a teacher of mine at the Academy who had been confined to a wheelchair since birth. She was a woman
TROI: Captain, spare me the inspirational anecdote and just accept my resignation.

"Spare me." I call that insubordination, no matter her condition. Furthermore, if we're still supposed to be in Gene's "humans are perfect, they don't mourn" period, where did this episode come from?

RIKER: You always had an advantage. A little bit of control of every situation. That must have been a very safe position to be in. To be honest, I'd always thought there was something a little too aristocratic about your Betazoid heritage. As if your human side wasn't quite good enough for you.

She wasn't aristocratic because she was a Betazoid, she was aristocratic because she was born to the nobility and her mother was always grooming her for big things.

LAFORGE: The energy we wanted to transfer to the nacelles was absorbed by the graviton wake instead. It set up a torsional wave that rebounded back to the ship.

How does that work? The warp plasma was drained, twisted, then fed back into the nacelles?

TROI: I just know you're not serious.
GUINAN: Have I given you any indication that I might not serious?
TROI: Not really, but
GUINAN: Then how do you know? Are your empathic abilities coming back?
TROI: No. I suppose it's just instinctive. I get it. You're trying to make me see that I have other abilities to draw on. Human intuition, instincts. Guinan, those skills only develop after years of experience. It's not that easy.

So how long as Guinan been a bartender? We sure got the implication that Picard met her as a bartender in the Stargazer days decades ago.

PICARD: If there is a psychology to these creatures, we must discover it. If there is an explanation for their behaviour, we must know what it is. Even in your current condition, you are the most qualified person aboard this ship to assist. Data is in Observation attempting to formulate a strategy. I want you to join him. Deanna, we need you.

I get the plot device, but that doesn't mean it's not forced.

PICARD: How do you simulate a cosmic string? It has the gravitational force of a hundred stars.
DATA: I do not suggest simulating the gravitational field of the string fragment, rather the string's vibration.
RIKER: Vibration? We're not talking about a violin, Data.
LAFORGE: No, Data's right. The principle is still the same. A cosmic string emanates a characteristic set of subspace frequencies as atomic particles decay along its event horizon. I could use the ship's parabolic dish to amplify and reflect those frequencies back toward the cluster. The Enterprise itself would echo the cosmic string.

"Parabolic dish"? I'm pretty sure that the main deflector is nowhere near a perfect parabola given its shape.

The Fiver

Picard: Well, there's nothing to see here. Let's go.
(BOOM)
Ensign Allenby: The ship just stalled. And we're being pulled somewhere.
Riker: See what happens when you steal lines from Archer?

I can't find this quote from Enterprise, but I did find this fiver over at TrekToday (https://www.trektoday.com/reviews/fiver_tng/the_loss.shtml).

Troi: You don't understand -- I'm completely useless!
Riker: And you're stating the obvious.
Picard: Am I supposed to be seeing something out of the ordinary here?

Ha ha.

Captain's Log: We're screwed. On the plus side, if you stare at the images of the creatures long enough you can see a picture of a fish.

I could never see Magic Eye pictures. I guess my prescription is too strong.

Picard: I've called you here because we only have a few hours left to live.
Troi: Sir, I'm flattered, but....
Picard: Eew!

I didn't nee that mental image, Kira.

Memory Alpha

* The writing staff considered making the loss permanent, but I do question how you could've made that work long-term. Troi is mainly used as a psychic tricorder as it is, what else would she have to do? Without her powers there's nothing she can do that Guinan can't.
* First mention of the structural integrity field.
* First mention of the Breen.

Nitpicker's Guide

* "Tin Man" clearly said that Betazoids develop their powers at adolescence. Troi should have plenty of experience not having it

[Nate the Great]

January 7, 1991, "Data's Day"

No fiver

The Episode

Second Officer's personal Log, Stardate 44390.1. Record entry for transmission to Commander Bruce Maddox, Cybernetics Division, Daystrom Institute.

Why is Data recording a letter WITHIN his personal log? What purpose does this serve?

RIKER: Nervous?
DATA: I cannot become nervous, sir. However, I do sense a certain anticipation regarding my role in the wedding.

I call anticipation an emotion. I get that they're trying to create Data-equivalents of the usual emotions, but they could've done better.

RIKER: Anything to report?
DATA: All systems normal, sir. Sickbay reports that Lieutenant Juarez went into labour at zero four hundred hours. We remain at station awaiting the arrival of Starship Zhukov and guest quarters have been prepared for Ambassador T'Pel.

Let's lump this entry with the report at the end....

WORF: All systems normal, sir. We are on course for Adelphous Four. Engineering is realigning the main deflector dish. Sickbay reports Lieutenant Umbato broke two ribs during a holodeck exercise, and sensors continue to gather long-range information on the Murasaki quasar.

This level of detail is just silly. I can understand the tradition of starting an official ship's log with the ship's current position and course, but I don't think women going into labor or ordinary broken ribs as appropriate for this sort of thing. That stuff should be in Crusher's log.

DATA: Will cancelling the wedding make you happy?
KEIKO: Yes. He'll probably be just as relieved as I am. Data, you introduced us to each other. You mean a lot to both of us.

Okay, we gotta talk about this a bit. Data is not capable of love himself, so how could he act as matchmaker? The weirder part is how he met Keiko in the first place. As a civilian specialist, does Botany really fall under Operations? (Meaningless aside, but I never liked the fact that there seemed to be no Science Officer on the E-D. Data did some of the job, but there was no chief blueshirt in the senior staff)

DATA: I have good news.
O'BRIEN: Oh?
DATA: Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness. She has cancelled the wedding.

See, this gag works because of Data's obliviousness.

Second Officers personal log, supplemental. This is the one thousand five hundred fiftieth day since the Enterprise was commissioned. Besides the arrival of Ambassador T'Pel, other events occurring today include four birthdays, two personnel transfers, a celebration of the Hindu Festival of Lights, two chess tournaments, one secondary school play, and four promotions. Overall, an ordinary day.

It's Stardate 44390.1. 1550 days ago is 40143.5. That's March 24th, 2362. The ship was launched October 4th, 2363. The ship was commissioned a year and a half before it launched? Furthermore, I would think that Data would reference the launch data for this purpose.

Four birthdays means about 1400 people, I guess that's reasonable, although a little biased for one day. Three would be better.

The Hindu Festival of Lights takes place between mid-October and mid-November. 44390.1 is late April. Oops. Furthermore, it takes five days, not one. Oops again.

DATA [OC]: Sine I am not affected by emotional considerations, I am closer to being Vulcan than human. However, while their devotion to logic does have a certain appeal, I find their stark philosophy to be somewhat limited.

Ugh. There's a whole screed here. Vulcan philosophy isn't NO emotion, it's CONTROL of emotion. They use logic to control their minds and their actions, Data's mind IS logic.

RIKER: Charming woman.
DATA [OC]: The tone of Commander Riker's voice makes me suspect that he is not serious about finding Ambassador T'Pel charming. My experience suggests that in fact he may mean the exact opposite of what he says. irony is a form of expression I have not yet been able to master.

Good for you, Data. Knowing your limitations is a key step on the road to overcoming them.

LAFORGE: He didn't mean to blow up like that. He knows that Keiko probably doesn't want to call off the marriage. She's just getting cold feet.
DATA: Cold feet? Jitters. A nervous reaction to an impending event of great importance.
LAFORGE: Right. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine. She'll change her mind again.
DATA: She will?
LAFORGE: Absolutely.
DATA: So you believe the wedding will still proceed?
LAFORGE: Trust me, they're going to get married.

I get the need for the lesson, but Geordi isn't the one to give it given his history with women. This is a Riker conversation.

DATA [OC]: I find Lieutenant Worf to be what is called a kindred spirit. We were both orphans rescued by Starfleet officers. In many ways, we are both still outsiders in human society.

Another great joke. Data understands the surface properties of a kindred spirit, but none of the subtle underlying meaning. Worf is NOT a kindred spirit in this matter.

DATA: I would appreciate your help in selecting an appropriate item.
WORF: Of course. I have attended human weddings before.
(he runs through few pictures and stops at glasses)
WORF: Hold.
DATA: This is a traditional gift?
WORF: Yes, my adoptive parents often give these things at family weddings. A human custom.

The idea of Worf at a human wedding is hilarious. I've no doubt that he's on his best behavior, but I also have no doubt that it's an ongoing process. Furthermore, these "family weddings" can't refer to his brother, so I'd like to learn more about his cousins!

(he changes the picture to a glass swan)
WORF: Hold.
DATA: It is my understanding that the item selected should reflect the personality of whoever is giving it. This does not remind me of you.

I listed this on the funny moments page at TV Tropes years ago. It's absolutely hilarious how unlike Worf crystal knick-knacks are!

CRUSHER: Why me?
DATA: It was in your service record. Awarded first prize tap and jazz competition, Saint Louis Academy.

There are multiple St. Louis Academys. One is a Catholic school (K-8), the Academy of St. Louis is also a Catholic School (K-12), but it's the St. Louis Academy of Dance that was probably meant.

CRUSHER: It's just that, that was a long time ago, and I don't want to be known as the dancing doctor. Again.

I don't get this. If "Dancing Doctor" is supposed to be an insult, isn't that anti-perfect human?

Then again, I'm reminded of Ed Stevens. He's not a bowling alley lawyer. He owns a bowling alley, he is a lawyer, two separate things. Does anyone else remember Ed?

PICARD: Data, I want a tactical projection of possible future Romulan deployments along the Neutral Zone. Access all Federation records on the subject and report to my Ready Room.

Isn't this Worf's job?

DATA [OC]: It is fortunate that I am able to perform my duties without emotional distractions. If that were not the case, a sudden course correction toward the Neutral Zone would make me very nervous.

It's a shame the transcriber forgot to mention that Data's surprised to see his fingers nervously tapping the console.

DATA: Feline supplement seventy four.

You gotta wonder how many cat food recipes Data had to try out. At least he has infinite patience...

O'BRIEN: I came to ask for your help. It's about Keiko. I'd like you to talk to her. Convince her to go through with the wedding.
DATA: Would Counsellor Troi not be a more appropriate choice to speak with Keiko?
O'BRIEN: She already has. It didn't help. You've known her longer than I have. I just thought she might listen to you. She won't even talk to me.

I'd like to know what O'Brien thought Data could say.

[Nate the Great]

O'BRIEN: Just talk with her. Make her see reason. She's going off half-cocked, not thinking this through. You've worked with her for a long time. She respects your opinion.

Even if Keiko is nominally in Data's department, I can't imagine why they'd have much interaction besides her giving him reports.

DATA [OC]: Commander Maddox, I noted that Keiko was quite calm and rational when she informed me of her decision this morning. Therefore, I can predict that she will respond to an objective analysis of the situation based on the available facts. It is fortunate that she has not let emotional considerations cloud her judgement. It should make my task much simpler.

Haha, pride goeth before the fall, Data!

DATA [OC]: In many ways, Deanna Troi is the friend that I understand the least. Her life and her duties are predicated on her understanding and perception of emotions. Since I have none, no doubt she finds me as much of a mystery as I find her.

A good insight.

DATA: Chief O'Brien talks to me. Keiko talks to you. Why do they not talk to each other?

And another!

DATA: In an effort to be helpful, I am attempting to calculate the variables involved in a successful marriage.
TROI: Good luck.

The belief that everything can be reduced to equations is a classic source of hubris. It's a good thing that Data is immune to hubris. Nice bit of sarcasm from Troi.

DATA: There are many opinions. On Galvin Five, a marriage is considered successful only if children are produced within a year of the wedding. Andorian marriages require groups of four people unless

I do hate Data's recitations of irrelevant and only tangentially-related factoids. Only mention of Galvin V, you'd think there'd be a short story devoted to it by now...

DATA: Do you believe it to be the right decision for them to marry?
TROI: I don't know. They're very much in love, but sometimes that isn't enough. Marriage is an agreement to share who you are with someone else. To spend your lives together. To grow old together.

Oh, how the times have changed, and I can't say that I like how they have. These days 15 years is about the median, with a third getting to 25 years. And remember that people live longer in the 24th century.

DATA: Although I am an android, I have not excluded the possibility that I, too, may someday marry.
TROI: Data, I had no idea you'd thought about getting married.
DATA: I believe I have much to offer a potential mate. However, we cannot grow old together because I will not grow old.
TROI: Data, you do have a lot to offer.

The problem with this is that he hasn't even tried a romantic relationship yet. He doesn't have a clue about how marriages really work.

T'PEL: What is the field strength of the ship's deflector shields at maximum output?

You know, you'd think the Romulans would know that already.

O'BRIEN: The signal lock wasn't broken, sir. I had just entered the transfer sequence when the Ambassador's pattern began to break up.

"Entered the transfer sequence" implies that the Enterprises's transporter was in operation. Later they'll imply that the Romulan transporter was operating independently, not hacking into the pattern within the Enterprise's transporter.

CRUSHER: Her molecular structure dissipated instantly once the pattern was lost. There were some organic compounds left on the pad, but there wasn't enough material to do an autopsy.

How are there organic compounds left at all? A lost pattern indicates that the matter was already in the ship's pattern buffer. Which is impossible if the Romulans beamed her off the pad. And are we to believe that the transporter scans the person, dissolves them into atoms, THEN transports them away? That's one too many steps.

MENDAK [on viewscreen]: Well played, Captain well played. Starfleet opposes normalisation of relations with the Romulan Empire, and so you are ordered to create an accident.

Um, if Starfleet didn't want peace the Enterprise wouldn't be here in the first place. Furthermore, the Federation doesn't need to stage an accident to avoid peace with the Romulans, they just need to refuse to show up.

DATA: I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without a cause.
CRUSHER: A wild-goose chase?

These jokes get tiring sometimes.

DATA: The only abnormality found during my investigation was a temporary increase in the matter to energy signal ratio. Due to the circumstances, I decided to investigate the possibility that a second transporter signal had caused the fluctuation. Although this was highly improbable, it was the only remaining theory.

So T'Pel (or should I say Selok) initiated transport with the Enterprise's equipment. Then the Romulans highjacked the signal and did a bait-and-switch with it. I'm sorry, but that just can't work, not without leaving the passenger a pile of goo on the transporter pad. Furthermore, the Enterprise's equipment should've noticed more than they did.

PICARD: Since the days of the first wooden sailing ships, all captains have enjoyed the happy privilege of joining together two people in the bonds of matrimony. And so it is my honour to unite you, Keiko Ishikawa, and you, Miles Edward O'Brien, together in matrimony.

I like the reuse of the "Balance of Terror" wedding ceremony. And given the pre-Internet stage of the fandom, the creators had no obligation to use it. It's almost like Trek gets worse when the creators have distain for the legacy of the franchise...

DATA: The Juarez child?
PICARD: A boy. At the same time we were facing destruction, this small miracle was taking place. Welcome aboard.

Wow, the Borg really did mellow him out.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Keiko. I don't like this any more than Ogawa getting married offscreen and getting pregnant is such a short period of time.
* The Bolian barber in this episode is V'Sal. The Star Trek Encyclopedia thought that he was still Mot.
* Memory Alpha also did the math with the ship's launch and the Festival of Lights.
* Since the transporter set was being redressed for use in Star Trek VI, the appearance of the set varies throughout the episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* What's the point in lower lighting levels for Night Shift, anyway?
* And if the lights are lowered a third of the day, how likely is it that all major events in the series occur during day shift (it's not like Worf would have full control over the lights, right?)
* Why was Data able to come into Sickbay during a prenatal exam? Shouldn't Lieutenant Juarez get some privacy? (I might add, doesn't Sickbay have supplemental room for this kind of thing?

[Nate the Great]

January 28th, 1991, "The Wounded"

I have to say it, I hate the Cardassian uniforms in this episode. Furthermore it's just silly that Cardassians wear armor at all times. You gotta pity poor Marc Alaimo, especially when he had to stagger around a desert in that thing.

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thewounded) (by Marc)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44429.6. We are on a mapping survey near the Cardassian sector. It has been nearly a year since a peace treaty ended the long conflict between the Federation and Cardassia.

Really? Then why didn't the Federation ask the Cardassians for help during the Borg invasion?

This has to be the clumsiest introduction of a new galactic power ever. Furthermore, why did it take TWO YEARS for Cardassia to leave Bajor?

PICARD: Last time I was in this sector, I was on the Stargazer, running at warp speed ahead of a Cardassian warship.
TROI: Running, Captain? You? That's hard to believe.
PICARD: Believe it. I'd been sent to make preliminary overtures to a truce. I'd lowered my shields as a gesture of good will. But the Cardassians were not impressed. They had taken out most of my weapons and damaged the impulse engines before I could regroup and run.

What an idiot. Both for lowering the shields and waiting for that much damage to happen before leaving.

And as a meaningless aside, the Constellation-class model in his ready room isn't the Stargazer. The model is NCC-7100, the Stargazer was NCC-2893. We are explicitly told that the only two ships he's ever commanded were the Stargazer and the E-D, so what was the NCC-2893? Another Constellation-class that he served on before the Stargazer?

WORF: The Cardassians have no honour. I do not trust them.
TROI: They're our allies now, Mister Worf. We have to trust them.
WORF: Trust is earned, not given away.

I have to agree with Worf here. It's also funny to think about how much more experience he'll have with Cardassians in the future.

O'BRIEN: What is it?
KEIKO: Kelp buds, plankton loaf and sea berries.
O'BRIEN: Sweetheart, I'm not a fish.
KEIKO: It's very healthy. I had this every morning when I was growing up.

Is Keiko a vegetarian? And incidentally, they've been married two weeks, they haven't had to deal with their tastes in breakfast until now?

Also, the stuff on the plate (http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/memoryalpha/images/3/35/Kelp_bud%2C_Plankton_loaf%2C_Sea_berry.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20080520210830&path-prefix=en) isn't kelp buds, plankton loaf, and sea berries. It's boiled taro (a root vegetable), pickled cucumber, and seaweed with sesame seeds.

O'BRIEN: What? No muffins or oatmeal, or corned beef and eggs?
KEIKO: For breakfast?
...
O'BRIEN: Scalloped potatoes, mutton shanks, oxtails and cabbage.
KEIKO: Kind of heavy.

You have to admit that Keiko is diplomatic. She sounds like a pescatarian, and that kind of food would sound disgusting to me if I was a pescatarian.

O'BRIEN: Oh, you'll love it, I promise. I can still remember the aromas when my mother was cooking.
KEIKO: She cooked?
O'BRIEN: She didn't believe in a replicator. She thought real food was more nutritious.
KEIKO: She handled real meat? She touched it and cut it?

Ugh. There's a whole other issue here. We've seen plenty of people who prefer making food from scratch if possible, but most people in this era seem to be replicator-only.

So Keiko has never touched real meat? She's only eaten replicated fish? I thought her family was a bit more traditional than that.

PICARD: Why have you fired on us?
MACET [on viewscreen]: A curious question, Captain. In war, one attacks one's enemies.
PICARD: There is a treaty between our peoples.
MACET [on viewscreen]: Perhaps that fact was unknown to the Federation starship which destroyed our space station in the Cuellar System two days ago.

Um, if you intend to restart the war, you have to let the other side know about it. Picard didn't know that you considered yourself at war again.

HADEN [on monitor]: They've granted you safe passage. We've agreed that you'll take along a delegation of observers as a show of good faith. Jean-Luc, I don't have to tell you the Federation is not prepared for a new sustained conflict. You must preserve the peace, no matter what the cost. Haden out.

I really hate it when the "good guys" say "whatever the cost." That's just inviting fate to make sure that the cost is larger than you think.

PICARD: Counsellor, I want you to stay as close to the crew as possible. Some of them may feel uncomfortable with Cardassians on board. I don't want any incidents.

I thought prejudice didn't exist anymore!

PICARD: Mister Data, is there anyone else on board who served previously with Captain Benjamin Maxwell?
DATA: Accessing. Chief O'Brien served under his command aboard the Rutledge, sir.

You'd think this would've been in the mission briefing Hayden sent.

RIKER: Welcome to the Enterprise. I'm First Officer William Riker, Counsellor Deanna Troi.
MACET: I am Gul Macet. My aides, Glinn Daro, Glinn Telle.

The usage of "Glinn" for "Commander" doesn't happen very often. I have to wonder if they have an equivalent of "Lieutenant Commander" that is also appreviated to "Glinn".

LAFORGE: And with long range sensors, we've been scanning a radius of ten light years. We can effectively scan one sector in a day.

A sector is twenty light-years to a side. So that's twenty-seven positions that the Enterprise has to occupy. It takes almost an hour to find anything large enough to be a ship within sensor range?

This is why you never give real numbers in situations like me, it invites twits like me to Do The Math.

MACET: Captain Picard, you can understand that we are sceptical. Do you expect us to believe that you are using every means at your disposal to track down one of your own?

You shouldn't, because Picard is obviously prolonging this process. Either that or the writers have no sense of scale and the Okudas never corrected them.

DARO: In the meantime, we're going to your Ten Forward. Will you join us?
O'BRIEN: If my Commander tells me to discuss the Transporter with you, I will. If Captain Picard orders me to tell you everything I know about Ben Maxwell, I will. But who I choose to spend my free time with, that's my business.

Well, that's just rude. I get that Miles is uncomfortable, but I expect better of him.

MACET: We have a number of ships in sector twenty one five oh five. If you will give us more precise coordinates and the ship's coded transponder frequency, we would be able to intercept Maxwell far more quickly than you.
PICARD: I'm sure that's true. However, given the circumstances, I would prefer to make the initial contact myself.

I'm with Macet on this one. He's not asking for the full specs on Starfleet weapons, he's asking for a way to locate one rogue ship. Picard is just making himself look like one of those "on this mission I'm not doing one little bit more than I've been ordered to do" types. Kirk asking the Klingons over for dinner in Undiscovered Country comes to mind immediately.

O'BRIEN: (sings) The minstrel boy to the war has gone...

The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone,
In the ranks of death you'll find him;
His father's sword he has girded on,
And his wild harp slung behind him.
"Land of song!" said the warrior-bard,
"Tho' all the world betrays thee,
One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
One faithful harp shall praise thee!"

The Minstrel fell!—but the foeman's chain
Could not bring that proud soul under;
The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke again,
For he tore its chords asunder;
And said, "No chains shall sully thee,
Thou soul of love and bravery!
Thy songs were made for the pure and free,
They shall never sound in slavery.

Incidentally, in DS9 the tune became a leitmotif for O'Brien.

[Nate the Great]

O'BRIEN: I guess it's all this business with him and the Cardassians brought it back to me. You know, sitting with the staff this morning, I could tell there were people in that room who still don't like the Cardassians.
KEIKO: I imagine that's to be expected.
O'BRIEN: You do?
KEIKO: Sure. The war lasted a long time. That takes its toll on people.

We have no idea when the war started, beyond "before Setlik III in 2357." One thing I don't like is Miles acting like he's not one of the one who doesn't like the Cardassians.

You also have to wonder which of the senior staff has prior experience with the Cardassians. Riker probably knows most of the facts, but has little direct experience with them. We have no clue if the Potemkin fought in the war. This might be Worf's first experience with them. Troi and Geordi are too young to have much experience (and remember that Geordi was hanging around Starbases shuttling people around before the E-D). Who knows about Data. I get the feeling that Beverly hadn't served on a ship for awhile before the Enterprise.

DATA: It appears it be a Cardassian supply ship.
MACET: How would you know that?
PICARD: We are able to make that determination.
MACET: You can read our transponder codes.

Or, y'know, supply ships have a wildly different warp signature than Galor-class cruisers. Macet needs to dial it back a notch.

PICARD: Very well. Mister Worf, relay the prefix codes of the Phoenix to the Cardassian warship.
WORF: Sir, they will be able to dismantle its shields. The Phoenix will not have a chance.

Yeah, Worf, that's kinda the point. Stop being an idiot. Besides, you should be in favor of a traitorous ship being destroyed!

PICARD: Ben Maxwell. He must be quite a man.
O'BRIEN: He's a rare one, all right. I count myself lucky, sir. I've served with the two finest Captains in Starfleet.

I know he hasn't met Sisko yet, but seriously, Maxwell is getting way too much praise piled on him. Besides, the episode is half over and we haven't met him yet. At least in "Arena" we've met the Gorn captain (S'salk or S'slee, depending on who you ask) by now.

O'BRIEN: I'd say he took it well. Oh, I know he was broken up inside, who wouldn't be? But you'd never know it to see him. He never missed a minute's duty, always had a smile, a joke.

You know, it's really out of character for O'Brien to be this blind to the faults of his superior officers. It's not even like you can use the "he was young" excuse like Riker and Pressman, he is 39 at this point.

PICARD: You don't care for the Cardassians?
O'BRIEN: I like them fine. It's just, well, I know them. You learn to watch your back when you're around those people.

"Those people". You can tell Roddenberry is gone at this point.

PICARD: I think when one has been angry for a very long time, one gets used to it. And it becomes comfortable, like old leather. And, finally, it becomes so familiar that one can't ever remember feeling any other way.

A good line, but I can't help but feel that now isn't the time for it. Furthermore, if the idea is to start making O'Brien aware of his blind devotion to Maxwell, this isn't the time or place for it.

O'BRIEN: Kanar. I never could develop a taste for it.

That's because the stuff in the bottle is colored corn syrup. Alaimo and Biggs had problems drinking it.

TELLE: A lie, Gul Macet. I was studying the terminal interface systems. They're more efficient than ours.

Well, yeah, the Federation believes in big screens with full LCARS interfaces. DS9 doesn't have those.

MAXWELL: Then listen to this. The Cardassians are arming again. That so-called science station? Military supply port.
PICARD: How do you know this?
MAXWELL: Information comes my way.
PICARD: From whom? Where is your documentation?
MAXWELL: I know what they're doing. I can smell it.

So...you have no documentation. You just tried to start a war because of unsubstantiated facts. Have fun at your court-martial!

PICARD: You have killed nearly seven hundred people and you have taken us to the brink of war.
MAXWELL: I have prevented war, or at the very least delayed it a good long time.

How? The Cardassian fleet still exists, and they want to start the war up again thanks to you!

PICARD: And so all alone you decided to dispose of the treaty.
MAXWELL: I took the initiative.

Not your call, Maxwell. I hope Picard is recording this for the shortest court-martial on record.

MAXWELL: When it becomes clear what the Cardassians have done, I will be vindicated.

Yeah, no. The Cardassians will kill you before you can prove or disprove anything!

PICARD: I will permit you the dignity of retaining your command during the voyage.

This is stupid. Then again, if people known to be guilty of court-martial offenses are allowed to retain command, it would go a long way to explaining why Janeway has a ship.

RIKER: He'd never drop his shields and allow you to transport on board.
O'BRIEN: The Phoenix is using a high energy sensor system. It cycles every five point five minutes. Between cycles there's a window of a fiftieth of a second. Trust me, I can get through.

A fiftieth of a second? That's not enough time to even START initializing the matter stream! Besides, what does the cycling of the sensor system have to do with the shields? Are you telling me that the sensors are outputting so much energy that every 5.5 minutes the shields have to drop a bit to bleed off some of it?

MAXWELL: But he'd turn his weapons on a Federation Starship to protect the enemy?

What enemy? They signed a peace treaty a YEAR ago!

MAXWELL: We're not the same at all. We do not start wars. We do not make surprise attacks on manned outposts. We do not butcher women and children in their homes. Children who never got the chance to grow up. You were with me on Setlick. You saw what they did.

Whether Starfleet has done these things is another discussion. I don't know enough about Discovery, but I know that Enterprise once deliberately stole a warp coil and left a ship adrift. That was pretty awful.

Captain's log, supplemental. Captain Maxwell has turned his ship over to his First Officer and transported aboard the Enterprise. I have confined him to quarters for the return voyage.

When Maxwell disobeyed Picard the first time he forfeited the right to be confined to quarters. Throw him in a cell!

The Fiver

O'Brien: This is breakfast?
Keiko: Yup. Kelp buds, plankton loaf and sea berries.
O'Brien: Mind if I put some gagh on it to improve the taste?

What kind of gagh would be good with breakfast? Bithool has feet, Filden squirms, Meshta jumps, Torgud wiggles, Wistan which is packed in targ blood...

Keiko: This is supper?
O'Brien: Yup. Potato casserole with capers.
Keiko: Mind if I wash it down with some kanar?

Well, corn syrup would certainly cover the taste...

Memory Alpha

There were a number of deleted scenes, but oddly enough not any about Miles and Keiko resolving their images of proper breakfast food. What was the point of that again?

Nitpicker's Guide

* How come the Phoenix's dedication plaque is in the ready room?

[Nate the Great]

February 4th, 1991, "Devil's Due"

Let me just say, I don't like this one. People pretending to be gods when actual gods like Q, Travellers, and Douwds are running around gets old real quick when not written properly, and Ardra is NOT written properly.

Fiver (by FatMatDuhRat)
(http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=devilsdue)

The Episode

MARLEY: You don't believe in me.
DATA: I don't.
MARLEY: What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?
DATA: I don't know.
MARLEY: Why do you doubt your senses?
DATA: Because a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. Why, there's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are. Humbug, I tell you. Humbug.

I thought this wasn't an accurate Christmas Carol quote, but it turns out all Data changed was adding "Why" before the gravy line and "Humbug, I tell you, humbug."

Then again, maybe I've watched too many movie adaptations. I don't read the book that often, the closest I get is the Patrick Stewart audiobook, which I don't think is 100% authentic.

DATA: Yes, sir. I have studied the philosophies of virtually every known acting master. I find myself attracted to Stanislavsky, Adler, Garnav. Proponents of an acting technique known as the Method.

Stanislavsky (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konstantin_Stanislavski) was a Russian theater actor and director. Any classic movie fan worth his salt will know of Danny Kaye's routine (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXI2djKeerQ) based on him, which Tom Lehrer turned into "Lobachevsky. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQHaGhC7C2E)"

Hey, any excuse for a Tom Lehrer link, right?

Stella Adler (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stella_Adler) ran a Studio of Acting in Los Angeles starting in 1949. A student of Stanislavski, her school later trained such actors as Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, and Kate Mulgrew. How's that for a coincidence?

Garnav is the obligatory fictitious addition to the list, or as TvTropes calls such examples, Famous, Famous, Fictitional. (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FamousFamousFictional). I'm disappointed that he didn't namedrop Anton Karidian (AKA Kodos the Executioner). Karidian certainly seems like a guy who would be a proponent of The Method.

Chakoteya comments in the transcript that Stewart himself is a Method actor. Which makes Picard's comment that he's vaguely familiar with it all that funnier.

DATA: Sir, I have modified the Method for my own uses. Since I have no emotional awareness to create a performance, I am attempting to use performance to create emotional awareness. I believe if I can learn to duplicate the fear of Ebenezer Scrooge, I will be one step closer to truly understanding humanity.

I don't think "fake it 'til you make it" works in this case. While I have no doubt that given enough centuries Data can internalize a complicated procedure to decide which fake emotion to display in most situation (a million IF-THEN gates, so to speak), it still won't give him real understanding. Whoever said the human race was logical and all that.

PICARD: Transporter room three. Lock onto the science team and beam them aboard.
CHIEF [OC]: I've locked onto Doctor Clark. I can't pick out the others. It's a mess down there.
PICARD: Then beam Doctor Clark aboard by himself.

What? Do enough cellphones in one place scramble individual lifesigns from ship's sensors? The sensors that can identify a single person on a planet by species, gender, and approximate age in seconds? Isn't this a situation for beaming up everything and disabling weapons in transit?

CLARK: First contact was made by a Klingon expedition seventy years ago.

Seventy years ago was 2297. You'd think they'd still be restructuring their economy and dealing with Praxis fallout at the time to spend time on exploratory missions. Yeah, yeah, STVI hasn't been made yet.

TROI: This situation is deteriorating, Captain. The people are approaching levels of anxiety that could lead to suicide.

They're not anxious enough YET? I shudder to think what Troi thinks is a justifiable level of anxiety for suicide.

PICARD: No. I'm going down to the planet myself.
WORF: Sir, you run the risk of being taken as an additional hostage
PICARD: Mister Worf, you and Mister Data will accompany me. Mister O'Brien can keep a lock on our communicators. He can pull us out if necessary.

Yeah, 'cause that kind of arrogance has NEVER backfired! Talk about contrivances...

DATA: So you do purport to be the mythic figure Ardra?
ARDRA: I have many names, my pale friend. I'm Mendora in the Berussian Cluster. Torak to the Drellians. The Klingons call me Fek'lhr.
WORF: You are not Fek'lhr.

Only mention of Mendora, the Berussian Cluster, Torak, or the Drellians. B'Ellanna mentioned Fek'lhr in "Barge of the Dead". It's a shame that TAS was noncanon at this time, as this would've been a great place to mention Lucien (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Lucien).

PICARD: I have encountered many who more credibly could be called the devil than you.

Oh, the list we could make. Q, of course. The God of Sha Ka Ree (https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/God_(Sha_Ka_Ree)), who I still refer to as The One (https://memory-beta.fandom.com/wiki/The_One). Trelane. A rogue Kelvan. Apollo, even!

PICARD: Q would never bother with contracts.
TROI: Or economic forecasts.
PICARD: I noticed that too, Counsellor. I had the distinct impression of in the presence of a flim-flam artist.

It's a shame Data is on the planet, because I'm sure some members of the audience don't know what a "flim-flam artist" is.

TROI: She has an incredibly focused mind. It was virtually impossible to sense any deception. Or anything else, for that matter.

I'm going to assume that Deanna was referring to Vulcan-style mental discipline. No doubt a Vulcan can lock down their telepathic transmissions to almost nothing for a short amount of time. What bothers me is that Troi was implying that Ardra has mental discipline as opposed to a gadget that can block telepathic transmissions (yeah, I know Data said that it wasn't possible, but that doesn't mean the idea isn't stupid).

[Nate the Great]

ARDRA: Yes. When the contract came to term, I gained clear title to the planet, anything on the surface, in the air or in orbit. So you see, the Enterprise belongs to me now as well.

The sheer stupidity of this statement gives me a headache. Did the locals have spacefaring capability a thousand years ago? Furthermore, how does Ardra intend to "claim" her prize? Even if she really was a rogue Q or whatever, she can't run the ship without a crew.

DATA: Sir, do you believe Ardra is, to use the vernacular, a con artist?
PICARD: Yes, I do, Data. And I believe it is our job to out-con the con artist.

Star Trek uses the out-X the X thing a bit too much if you ask me.

PICARD: You know, there's nothing about you I find tantalising. On the contrary, I find you obvious and vulgar.
ARDRA: Easily fixed. (Victorian clothing) I can be your ideal woman, Picard. Prim and proper. And chaste, until I succumb to your charms. Or would your fantasies turn more toward a professional woman, one perhaps who wears a Starfleet uniform? Perhaps I could even be
TROI: Someone close at hand and yet unattainable. I can do anything for you, Captain. Anything you could ever imagine.

I don't see Picard as being into historical romances. And the idea of Picard being attracted to Troi is just as repugnant as Professor X being attracted to Jean Grey (which actually happened).

Of course, this scene is another hint that Ardra is a fake. She hasn't met Crusher, nor does she know enough about Picard to properly gauge his sexual desires.

DATA: The case involves a contract dispute over services rendered by a Klingon craftsman on the construction of a Ventaxian home.

I'll try to stop making jokes about Klingon civilian careers, but I do wonder why you'd have Klingon civilians hanging around this planet after it was discovered.

LAFORGE: Hey, I think we've found something here. There's a sudden jump in Z-particle readings just about the time the Enterprise disappeared.

Z particles carry the weak nuclear force. What this has to do with exotic cloaking devices or transporter systems is beyond me.

PICARD: I am prepared to offer an added incentive. If you win, I'll take you to the ruins of Ligillium.
ARDRA: The Zaterl Emerald? You know where it is?
PICARD: Yes, I do.

Only mention of the Zaterl Emerald. I wish they could've namedropped the Rejac Crystal. It might actually be plausible that Data confiscated it back in "The Most Toys."

LAFORGE: A cloaked ship.
PICARD: She has a Romulan cloaking device?
LAFORGE: More likely a bad copy of one.

Even at this point we knew that the Romulans weren't the only ones to use cloaking devices. For the moment let's put Klingon devices aside, there's still the ones on Aldea and Minos.

PICARD: The Enterprise?
LAFORGE: Exactly where it's supposed to be. Ardra extended her cloaking shields around it, set up a subspace damping field to interfere with normal operations. I've isolated the frequency spread and penetrated the field.

Nonsense. Ardra's ship can't be that big, and you'd need a huge power source to extend shields around a Galaxy-class. Furthermore, is everyone on the Enterprise so incompetent that they couldn't reveal themselves before Geordi found it? They couldn't even launch a shuttle to help Picard, or just get far enough a way to use communications?

The Fiver

Sorry, this one is competent but not exactly quotable.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Ardra beams through shields a few times. I don't call this a nit, that's only a rule for standard transporters. Her system is nonstandard and may even involve a variant of Bok's subspace transporter system.

[Nate the Great]

February 11th, 1991, "Clues"

Fiver by Derek (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=clues)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44502.7. Early completion of our mission at Harrakis Five has allowed me to grant extra personal time for many of the crew. This has come as something of a relief, since our recent tight scheduling has prevented pursuit of the leisure activities that are a normal part of life aboard the Enterprise. I expect our journey past the Ngame Nebula to be uneventful, and am personally using the time to fulfill a promise to a colleague.

I hate it when the captain's log outright says that the episode will take place in between the exploring that the show promised us. Hate hate hate. Furthermore, you can only hear Picard say "I expect the next few days to be boring" and be proven wrong so many times before it gets tedious. There's no particular reason why a mission can be important to one part of the crew but not to the rest, providing us with a counterpoint. Or maybe have the ship involved in a mission that can be dropped if necessary.

GUINAN: So I had a little trouble getting into the dress. It took me a little while to figure out exactly what I was supposed to do with these. (stockings and suspender belt)

Guinan was on Earth BEFORE the Dixon Hill era! Whatever clothes she had to wear around Mark Twain had to be less comfortable than this stuff! Yeah, yeah, "Time's Arrow" hadn't been thought of yet but her great age and time around humans has been established.

MADELINE [OC]: Captain Picard? Sorry, there's no Captain Picard here. You should try down at the docks. Ships come
...
DATA [OC]: Captain, Lieutenant Commander Data here. Please excuse the unusual interruption, but under the circumstances I thought that patching communications through the holodeck programme would be less obtrusive.

Data patched communications through a holographic telephone system but didn't remember that Picard is portraying Dixon Hill or to assume an era-appropriate character? I hate actions that require a character to be very smart and very stupid at the same time.

Furthermore, this whole bit isn't needed, the holodeck should instantly pause when a communication from outside is detected.

DATA: Sir, I should re-align the ship's clock with Starbase four ten's subspace signal to adjust for the time distortion.

What a coincidence, I just talked about this in the PNQ thread. I promise I didn't plan this.

CRUSHER: Nothing broken, Chief, but the ligaments around the elbow have been twisted pretty severely. What on earth were you doing when you fell?
O'BRIEN: Hanging a plant for Keiko. It's part of her running project to give me a green thumb.
CRUSHER: How's it working?
O'BRIEN: Everything I touch seems to turn brown and wither away.

It's amazing how much of O'Brien's DS9 characterization started in TNG. It's a shame that today's shows don't seem to believe in subtle character building.

DATA: Coming in now, sir. The probe is within visual range of the planet.
PICARD: On screen.
(the planet is green)
DATA: Sensors indicate a hydrogen-helium composition with a frozen helium core.

How could a planet develop a frozen helium core? I'd think there'd be enough gravity pressure to at least make liquid helium.

PICARD: Mister Data, run a full diagnostic to make sure the wormhole didn't permanently damage the sensors.

What? Wormholes can damage sensors enough to give distorted readings of this precision? I don't think gravity buckling can do that.

PICARD: Oh, Diomedian scarlet moss. I didn't know you were an enthnobotanist.
CRUSHER: It's a hobby.

Enthnobotany is an actual field, it's the study of how the people of a given region study and use the local plants. I don't think it's quite the correct term for this case. Exobiology would be more accurate.

You'd think that Diomedian scarlet moss would never reappear in the expanded universe, but a novel actually mentions it. Insert remark about the fans caring more about the Trek universe than the current producers here.

PICARD: Doctor, we were not unconscious for a full day. Everything on board indicates that we were out for thirty seconds. The ship's chronometer, the computer, everything.

The chronometer is not part of the computer? I wouldn't mind the idea of an isolated "black box" chronometer synchronized with Starfleet Command if such a thing were actually possible, but it's not.

DATA: Captain, I have a hypothesis. The twenty-second century physicist Pell Underhill conjectured that a major disruption in time continuity could be compensated for by trillions of counter reactions. That effect may have allowed Doctor Crusher's mosses to arrive at the other side of the worm hole with the unanticipated growth.

Pell Underhill also appeared in a few novels. I repeat my earlier comment. Oh, and Data's attempt to pull an explanation out of nowhere is just nonsense. If the wormhole affected these spores that much, it should affect other stuff as well. Doesn't Keiko have an entire arboretum of alien plants that could equally be affected by this affect?

CRUSHER: A transporter trace analysis might give us another indication of how much time has actually passed.

I get what they're going for, but anything a study of the transporter traces could reveal should be discoverable by a biobed a lot faster.

LAFORGE: I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that we were right about the computer's chronometer. There's a security programme to prevent tampering, but it looks now like it was disabled and a new programme put in its place. Someone has reset the clock.
PICARD: If that's the good news, what's the bad news?
LAFORGE: That Data and I are the only ones aboard this ship capable of doing it.

How stupid are the other members of the Engineering staff? Does Geordi even have assistant Chief Engineers?

PICARD: Do you know what a court martial would mean? Your career in Starfleet would be finished.
DATA: I realise that, sir.
PICARD: Do you also realise that you would most likely be stripped down to your wires to find out what the hell has gone wrong?
DATA: Yes, sir. I do.

Meaningless aside, but the British spelling used by Chakoteya is starting to get to me. Those red squiggles get annoying sometimes. Back on topic, doesn't Data have the right to refuse any such intrusion?

The Fiver

hug: Stick 'em up!
Guinan: What's going on?
Picard: He thinks I cheated at Fizzbin.
Thug: Hey, all I want is a piece of the action.

Is this missing first line thing ever going to be fixed, Zeke? Nice Fizzbin joke, but don't forget that Kirk defictionalized the game afterwards and later the Ferengi discovered it.

Troi: Ugh.
Picard: Counsellor? Are you okay?
Troi: Sorry, I just thought about kissing Riker with a beard.
Riker: On you or on me?
Picard: Worf, why don't you escort Troi back to her quarters? And see if you can't plant seeds for future W/T 'shippers.

Troi: AHHHH!
Worf: What is it?
Troi: I just thought about marrying Riker with a beard.

I don't get this running gag, unless it's supposed to be a reference to the later movies. Furthermore, it's inconcievable that Troi never kissed a bearded Riker before the movies (even tossing out Tom Riker scenarios).

Data: It's possible that a planet might look like a giant smiley face.
La Forge: And how do you explain the words "Have a Nice Day" at the bottom?
Data: A virtually impossible arrangement of bread, apples, and very small rocks?

Now there's a subtle Monty Python joke.

Picard: Data, you've been lying this entire episode. What would you do in my place?
Data: I would drop the charade and make out with Dr. Crusher.

In the novel Immortal Coil when Data dates Worf's replacement as Security Chief Geordi disapproves. Data cites Troi/Riker and Picard/Crusher as previous examples of senior officers dating. Geordi says that Picard/Crusher was just theoretical. One wonders what conclusion you could reach about Geordi's lack of success with women being a result of him just not being able to recognize attraction in general.

Troi: Why am I always the one who gets possessed?
Data: Because if you weren't, you'd get even less screen time.

Actually, in this case all of the other senior officers were needed for the detective plot, so it fell to Troi by default.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Worf's mok'bara class.
* First mention of Alyssa's name.
* Picard uses the term Paxan without learning it. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Poor O'Brien. He had to fall off the chair with the plant three times, twice on purpose.
* Phil also mentions Data's rights as defined in "Measure of a Man."
* He also noticed that Picard never learned the term "Paxan."
* He also notes the ethnobotany thing.

[Nate the Great]

Oh, and while some alien species would have circadian rhythms that are close enough to 24 hours that they could be modified to a standard day, there have to be others that are nowhere near it. You couldn't possibly knock-out everyone and have them wake up with the expected amount of energy.

[Nate the Great]

February 18th, 1991, "First Contact"

This one will be a lot more fun...

Fiver by IJD GAF (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=firstcontact_ep)

The Episode

NILREM: He took a severe blow. Possible trauma to the telencephalon.
TAVA: Start fifteen octares of quadroline. We'll need a complete del-scan series.
NILREM: I can't find his cardial organ.

I appreciate the alien medical terms, but you can go too far. "Cardial organ" instead of "heart" is just stupid. Telencephalon is another word for the cerebrum.

TAVA: He's missing three costal struts on one side and four on the other.

Costal cartilage means the bits of the ribs that connect to the sternum, flexible to allow for expansion during breathing. I think they're implying that Riker has fewer ribs than they do. Of course you wonder why any alien race that otherwise has bilateral symmetry would have different numbers of ribs on each side.

(holds up a foot)
NILREM: He has digits on his terminus.

Foot! Foot! Furthermore, how can a bipedal species walk without toes?

RIKER: It's for a neighbour's child. Was there anything else found? I had one piece of jewelry, a metal pin.
BEREL: No, I'm sorry, this was all we found.

This is a perfect mission for a subcutaneous communicator. And let me get this out of the way: Riker should not have been on this mission, there has to be a corp of pre-first contact people who could've done this.

(Everyone say hi to Carolyn Seymour, taking a break from being a Romulan)
MIRASTA: At twelve point four after launch, the warp field generator will be activated.

Seymour only played two Romulans, Taris in "Contagion" and Toreth in "Face of the Enemy". Her other Trek role is Mrs. Templeton in Janeway's stupid holonovel (I'm not looking forward to that one in the Voyager retrospective in 2025).

MIRASTA: We have the prototype design for the warp engine. It would simply be a matter of building the actual production units. If I get your approval today, ten months, maybe less.

Thank goodness people realize that it takes awhile to make a warp core. That's one of my problem with the sheer proliferation of starships between Wolf 359 and the Dominion War.

PICARD: My name is Jean-Luc Picard. This is my associate Deanna Troi.

Seriously, where are the First Contact specialists?

TROI: Captain Picard is from a planet called Earth, which is over two thousand light years from here.

Do the locals even have a unit comparable to a light year? You gotta feel bad for the Universal Translator sometimes. "153576.2 thingamajigs from here."

MIRASTA: You've had people on our planet?
TROI: For several years.

With the number of near-warp planets out there, how many people are in the pre-First Contact corps?

BEREL: Well, it's getting out of control. I don't know what else he is, but he is still a patient in this medical facility and we have a responsibility for his care and recovery. Remind them of that, will you?

Thank you for acting rationally.

BEREL: Mister Jakara, we have been unable to confirm anything you told us. No physician named Crusher is on file. Not on this planet. Your address in Marta's an eating establishment. The cook has never heard of Rivas Jakara.

Seriously, the pre-First Contact team didn't rent out an actual location on this planet to maintain the cover? And why would Riker provide info that can't be validated? Why are we paying these specialists if they're so bad at their jobs? (We should take their holodeck rations back! ;))

MIRASTA: He's an android, Chancellor. A constructed being.
DURKEN: A machine?
DATA: In a manner of speaking. The term artificial lifeform would be more accurate.

How is Data not a machine? If he had used a more demeaning term I could understand Data defending himself.

DATA: No, Minister. He has not returned to our designated transport coordinates. We have continued to scan the capital city without success.

He's in a hospital. No shielding and the only human being on the planet. The ship's sensors can't find him? How would the locals have the slightest idea about how to block sensor scans?

PICARD: I've been saving this for a special occasion. My brother on Earth produces fruit known as grapes, which he turns into wine.

Nice reference to "Family", but the bottle should've showed up again. Minimal research says it's about five glasses per bottle.

DURKEN: My world's history has recorded that conquerors often arrived with the words, we are your friends.

And Earth's as well. Thank goodness for common sense.

DURKEN: What do you want?
PICARD: A beginning.

Overly simplistic. We want to protect you from other races who would exploit you. We want to learn your culture and teach you ours. We want to shield you from the mistakes we made when we first ventured into space.

DURKEN: And if I should tell you to leave and never return to my world?
PICARD: We will leave and never return.

SF Debris approved of this, but I don't. I would certainly promise to stay away for a couple generations and check in again then, but "never return" is a little final.

We never get an indication that an exotic power source is being used, so we have to assume antimatter. You don't want to leave that stuff in the hands of people afraid of change, it's a massacre waiting to happen.

DURKEN: I can infer from that directive that you do not intend to share all this exceptional technology with us.
PICARD: That is not the whole meaning, but it is part of it.
DURKEN: Is this your way of maintaining superiority?
PICARD: Chancellor, to instantly transform a society with technology would be harmful and it would be destructive,
DURKEN: You're right, of course.

Exactly. This society hasn't proven that it can safely used the tech it has NOW, more would be disastrous.

DURKEN: I will have to say this morning, I was the leader of the universe as I knew it. This afternoon, I am only a voice in a chorus. But I think it was a good day.

A nice sentiment. I know I wouldn't handle it as well.

RIKER: Now, will you help me?
LANEL: If you make love to me.
RIKER: What?
LANEL: I've always wanted to make love with an alien.

If the Universal Translator is so sophisticated that it can translate an idiom as complicated as "make love", our heroes shouldn't have the problems that it keeps having with the thing. It should've just said "have sex."

LANEL: Will I ever see you again?
RIKER: I'll call you the next time I pass through your star system.

That sounds more like a Kirk line.

TAVA: They've aggravated the injury to his renal organ.

Renal means the urinary system. If they're saying Riker damaged his privates, this is one subtle and dirty joke for the time period.

BEREL: I'm just a physician, Minister. I don't know much about affairs of state, but he is a living, intelligent being. I don't care if the Chancellor himself calls down here. I have sworn an oath to do no harm, and I will not.

Thank you.

PICARD: Centuries ago, a disastrous contact with the Klingon Empire led to decades of war.

First contact with other warp-faring species should have nothing to do with first contact with a species that has just developed warp. As for "decades of war", that's a rabbit hole lined with barb wire that I choose not to go down since it touches Enterprise, Discovery, etc.

RIKER: No. We're here on a mission of peace.
KROLA: Such noble creatures. Why do peaceful people develop such lethal weapons? Or do you still insist it's just a toy?

Riker never should've had a phaser on him. At the very least, they couldn't put a fingerprint scanner on the thing so only Riker could use it? I would've programmed these things to self-destruct unless touched by an authorized user every X hours during a mission like this.

KROLA: Perhaps, like many conquerors, you believe your goals to be benevolent. I cannot.

Oh boy, is that another discussion. You gotta give the writers props for not pulling their punches.

MIRASTA: I'm sorry to say he's probably right. Captain Picard, I have one last request. Take me with you.
DURKEN: She will be unhappy with the restrictions I must place on her at home, Captain.
PICARD: We may not be back here in your lifetime.

This line confuses me. Why can't they return in her lifetime?

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Tava: Actually I was thinking more along the lines of looking for a pulse.

Missing first line alert!

Berel: Chairs. By the way, do you have a rational explanation for your funktastical anatomy?
Riker: I'm from China. As a boy I was caught in a mechanical rice picker and --
Berel: I didn't think so.

Cute reference. And it wasn't rational in TOS, either.

Picard: Nanoo, nanoo!
Troi: Phone Home!
Mirasta: Hmm... you appear to be new around here.
Picard: Perhaps, but we can reverse the situation, right O'Brien?
O'Brien: (over the comm) Yub! Yub!

I get the Mork and Mindy and E.T. references, but what's with the yub yub thing?

Picard: Don't worry, they're all like that. Now then, what would happen if we hovered over the capital city with our saucer section and caused massive damage to major urban areas, at least until we were stopped by a computer virus?
Mirasta: I don't think my people would like you very much, but they'd still be dumb enough to spring for a sequel.

Was this written before or after the ID comver? And is Independence Day still the cultural touchstone that it was twenty years ago?

Lanel: Are you an alien?
Riker: Yes, Miss..?
Lanel: My name is as indicated, but you can call me
Lilith. Can you be my Kirk?

It may seem impossible to compare Lanel with Lilith, but then you remember some of the sillier moments from Cheers, like the time Frasier hypnotized her... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojXqHWcTLWs)

Krola: Hi I'm Krola, but you can call me Kroke.

I tried to find a Kroke that this could be referring to, but I came up empty.

Memory Alpha

* They had to break the rule that says that the main characters have to be the ones that stuff happens to. It was never broken again. You can learn more from SF Debris' review.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also points out the subcutaneous transponder thing.
* He questions why the locals couldn't detect the ship in orbit.
* Why would Durken call his own planet "Malcoria III"? For that matter, why hasn't the pre-First Contact team told the Federation the real name of the planet by now? They really are incompetent!

[Nate the Great]

March 11th, 1991, "Galaxy's Child"

It was good to see the return of Leah Brahms, but they really made the "ice queen" phase last for too long.

Fiver by Marc (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=galaxyschild)

The Episode

PICARD: Yes, Mister La Forge. It seems that the exemplary nature of your work has caught the attention of Starfleet Command. In fact, someone is coming on board just to see the engine modifications you've made.
LAFORGE: Who, Captain?
PICARD: The Senior Design Engineer of the Theoretical Propulsion Group. Doctor Leah Brahms.

This hardly seems like a job for Leah. Shouldn't she have an assistant who can do this?

GUINAN: You know, Geordi, everybody falls in love with a fantasy every now and then.

I'll buy that Guinan wouldn't be one of those "only weirdos fall in love with holograms" people, but she's still taking this too well.

LEAH: The matter-antimatter ratio has been changed. The mixture isn't as rich as regulations dictate.

Not the intermix ratio nonsense again! I'll be growling in the corner if you need me...

LEAH: The magnetic plasma transfer to the warp field generators doesn't correspond to the recommended specs.

Of course it doesn't! Some idiot is pumping extra matter into the warp plasma!

LEAH: You've charted a completely new swap-out schedule for main components replacement.
LAFORGE: You bet. I found the Starfleet estimates for the MTBF units to be unrealistic.

This seems a little petty and below Leah's level. She works in the theoretical field, not the nuts-and-bolts part.

DATA: The anomaly is orbiting the seventh planet, sir. It is a mass of plasma energy contained within discrete boundaries by an outer covering of silicates, actinides, and carbonaceous chondrites.

The actinides are all radioactive. Maybe I can buy that they're part of some interior fusion "stomach", but why would they be part of the skin?

Carbonaceous chondrites are a category of meteorite material. The Gekli (what the novels call this species) could sure make use of such a material for armor, but if they're implying that somehow muscles are made of this stuff, that just doesn't work.

RIKER: Alert science stations to standby. Tell them to coordinate all efforts with Commander Data.

I thought Data was already in charge of the science teams.

LAFORGE: You remember, the crystal's been reoriented to adjust the direction of the lattice structure.

Nice callback to actual technobabble used in "Booby Trap." They were trying to pump more matter and antimatter into the core, despite that not being the problem they were trying to fix.

LEAH: It's curious. this modification was due to be introduced.
LAFORGE: In the next class starship.
LEAH: Yes. How did you know?

The next class of starship should've already been introduced! You have to imagine that the Nebula class was a modification of the Galaxy specs. I jolly well hope that the modification has been introduced by now!

LAFORGE: I make a great fungilli.
LEAH: I love fungilli.
LAFORGE: Is that right?

This tidbit was in "Booby Trap", but it seems like reaching in this case. Incidentally, fungilli doesn't really exist, but of course the Star Trek Cookbook (https://books.google.com/books?id=cDibOicRr6kC&pg=PA147&lpg=PA147&dq=fungilli&source=bl&ots=KRxLeFHxyq&sig=ACfU3U3BSS5UkKYPWizmc4fdmh5AXeeHOg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiIwuvQ6tTxAhWPG80KHbPJDs4Q6AF6BAhTEAM#v =onepage&q=fungilli&f=false) has a recipe for it.

DATA: Sensors are having difficulty penetrating the interior.

But you did earlier and found a mass of plasma energy! Besides, the skin is made out of meteorite material, something the Enterprise should know how to scan!

PICARD: Reverse course, Ensign, three hundred kph.

Quarter impulse is 18,665 kps or 67 million kph. Three hundred kph is a crawl, I wonder how few thrusters you need for that kind of speed.

COMPUTER: Warning. Radiation levels at sixty five millirads per minute and rising.

Fatal radiation levels vary by person, but let's use a common threshold of 1000 rad. 65 mrad/min means 50% casualties in 15000 min or 256 hours or 11 days.

RIKER: All decks prepare for radiation protocol.

You'd think this would be automatic, or Data would've done it by now. Now that I think about it, why doesn't each hull have an inner core with extra radiation shielding?

COMPUTER: Warning. Radiation levels at three hundred millirads per minute and rising. Lethal exposure in one minute.

300 mrad/min means 50% casualties in 56 hours. For lethal exposure in one minutes you need 1000 rad/min, or more than three times what they're currently getting. If only they were smart enough to toss an "iso-" in there...

DATA: Radiation patterns no longer coherent.

Thank goodness he didn't say that there was no radiation. As I mentioned before, the actinides in the skin will be radioactive by themselves for awhile. (The half-life of actinides is like 20 days, so these Gekli must eat a lot of meteorites).

PICARD: We're out here to explore, to make contact with other life forms, to establish peaceful relations but not to interfere. And absolutely not to destroy.

I'll just throw up a link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OabR2NOq3YA) to this powerful moment. Poor Picard.

TROI: Captain, everything you did was consistent with established Starfleet procedures.

Is that supposed to make him feel better, Deanna? Are soldiers supposed to not feel shock from killing people just because it's their duty? Go that way and you end up with Jem'Hadar, you don't want to go that way!

LAFORGE: Okay. Computer, subdued lighting. No, that's too much. I don't want it dark, I want it cozy.

I get that the computer can't possibly be programmed with every possible command to alter the lighting level, but I'd think "subdued" should be one of the possibilities.

COMPUTER: Please state your request in precise candlepower.

Is Geordi supposed to dig out a tricorder to measure the current candlepower?

Incidentally, "candlepower" was an obsolete unit even when the episode was made. We use "candela" now. Technically 1 candlepower is about 0.981 candela, but nowadays they're more or less equivalent.

But of course, given that the metric system has taken over by the 24th century, they should be using lumen (1 lumen=1 candela-steradian, where a steradian is the 3D equivalent of a radian, or the curved area of a light projection divided by the square of the distance from the light source to the curved area)

LAFORGE: See, it's not a matter of precision, computer, it's a matter of mood. Brighter than this. More. More. A little more. Hold. Right there. Perfect.

Seriously, dimmer switches are extinct in the 24th century? The computer can't configure a panel with a virtual scrollwheel for Geordi to do it himself? And frankly, with the number of failed dates Geordi has under his belt, he should've configured a "romantic lighting" preset with the computer by now.

LAFORGE: Now, some music. Maybe a little soft jazz. No, that's not right. Let me think here. Oh, I got it! Some Brahms! A piano etude. Nah, that's too corny. Probably everybody thinks of that.

Playing Brahms in front of Brahms IS corny. And by the way, an "etude" is just a short song designed to improve a player's proficiency with an instrument. He just told the computer to play a random song.

LEAH: Oh, you've changed.
LAFORGE: Yeah. The uniforms are so formal.

Yeah, you're having dinner in his quarters! Even if you didn't think it was a date, you should've known it would be informal! You're an idiot, Leah. Or in other words, they deserve each other.

LEAH: To be honest, people find me cold, cerebral, lacking in humour.

So the initial hologram design in "Booby Trap" was accurate, Geordi just didn't know it. It's a nice touch.

DATA: This new concentration of energy was detected only after the surrounding material became inert.

I'm having trouble with this. Data found the radioactive slush of the Gekli's stomach before and he didn't find Junior?

CRUSHER: It's dangerous to generalise about new life forms, but based on my experience with other beings who bear their young in this manner, I'd say that the offspring is still premature. Otherwise, it would be able to break through the outer body shell of the parent.

I won't get into a full gynecological rant, I'll just ask how Crusher came to this conclusion. You've never met anything like a Gekli before! Even Gomtuu seemed more-fleshy for lack of a better term, than this thing.

WORF: I advise against this, Captain. The parent proved to be a threat to the ship. We do not know how the offspring will react.

This would be a great time for a saucer separation. If only they'd filmed the model in more shots to begin with to allow for them. The ship won't separate again until Generations.

By the way, only the full six-foot model could separate. By this time the smaller four-foot model had supplanted it as the main model. However, reused footage could be used for most of it; the main problem was rebuilding the Battle Bridge set every time.

LEAH: The first thing I'd like to do is inspect the power transfer conduits.
LAFORGE: You realise the only way to inspect them is to crawl inside.
LEAH: I designed them, Commander. I know what's involved.

Do you? I thought you focused on the warp core.

LEAH: The acoustic signature doesn't sound right.
LAFORGE: You're probably the only other person in the galaxy who could pick that up.

I bet Data could.

LAFORGE: It's a mid-range phase adjuster. Puts the plasma back into phase after inertial distortion.

Inertia should only be an issue at impulse speeds. Why do you care about the plasma when the warp drive isn't in operation?

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The first incision is complete.
CRUSHER: Ideally the offspring should now be able to push through the outer shell of the parent by itself.

So by "first incision" you meant "only incision." Data, I thought you were more precise than this, even if you keep lying about the contraction thing.

LAFORGE: How could it have been so far off? It was based on every piece of information on record about Leah Brahms. Okay, with an admitted margin for error. but this is an error that's a light year wide.

Or, y'know, she got married after the program got made. You wanted the design lab at Utopia Planitia as it was when the engines were being designed. That was five years ago, she's had time to get married.

LAFORGE: Computer never even told me she was married.
GUINAN: Computer glitch?
LAFORGE: Must have been.

Or you never asked. Although if the computer knew that the real Leah was married and then made a hologram that would flirt with Geordi, that's a whole other kettle of fish.

GUINAN: You saw exactly what you wanted to see in the holodeck. Sure, the computer made it look like her, gave it personality, but when it came to the relationship. La Forge, you filled in the blanks. And you had a perfectly wonderful, marvellous little fantasy. until the real Leah showed up and ruined it. She's probably done the most horrific thing one person can do to another, not live up to your expectations. So I'd take a good, hard, long look at her, La Forge. See her for who she is, not for what you want her to be.

Why couldn't Deanna have a few of these speeches? This is one instance where you don't need Guinan's wisdom to make the advice work.

RIKER: It might be wise to put some distance between us before we initiate warp drive.
PICARD: Very well. Five hundred kph. Ensign. Engage.

Actually, as long as you're not pointed at Junior, the warp field shouldn't bother it at all. The whole point of the compressed Z-axis is the forward lobe of the warp field going ahead of the ship.

I wonder if they could've blamed the warp inability on the radiation from the actinides...

DATA: Sir, the life form is draining energy directly from the fusion reactors.

No, it's not. Junior is nowhere near the fusion reactors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8la_GCPK0w). And don't tell me that its sucking on plasma conduits or something, Data said directly from the reactors. And they could shut down conduits.

DATA: Sir, is the appellation Junior to be the life form's official name?
PICARD: No, it is not.

Cute moment.

HOLO LEAH: I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me.
(Geordi runs in, too late)

What? Leah wanted the program, not a recording of the previous session of the program. Furthermore, if the computer is recording every holodeck session whether it's asked for or not, that's invading on a lot of privacy.

WORF: Captain, its total volume has increased by eight point five percent in the last three hours. I now read it at forty six million cubic metres.

I really want to use these figures and e=mc^2 to turn the required mass into a required amount of energy that Junior would have to suckle, but that's too pedantic even for me.

The E-D is 5 million metric tons. Meteorites are 3 g/cm3, so 46,000,000 m3 is 138 million metric tons. With that discrepancy you'd have massive gravity effects, the structural integrity field must be working overtime.

LAFORGE: Okay. All matter in space vibrates in a specific radiation band.
LEAH: Twenty one centimetres. That's good, Commander, that's very good.

21 cm is the wavelength of interstellar hydrogen gas. That doesn't count as "all matter".

LEAH [OC]: Now at point oh two centimetres.

That counts as microwaves. 21 cm is radio waves.

The Fiver

La Forge: She's welcome to it, sir.

Missing first line alert!

Riker: Is that a spacegoing lifeform orbiting the planet up ahead?
Data: Yes, sir. Such a phenomenon has never been seen before.
Picard: It reminds me of the spacecraft-creature we discovered at Beta Stromgren last year.
Riker: And of the interstellar jellyfish we found at Deneb IV on stardate....
Data: I meant "before we started our first mission," sir.
Riker: Oh. My mistake.

Like I said before, this thing doesn't really resemble Gomtuu. As for the Farpoint Jellyfish, that's far enough to fit under "such a phenomenon". I actually think that the jellyfish could shift between matter and energy forms at will to travel or interact with other jellyfish.

Leah: People often find me cold, cerebral and humourless. They say I'd make a good hologram.

Is this an EMH joke as well as a "Booby Trap" joke?

Worf: The newborn infant is following the Enterprise!
Troi: Perhaps it thinks the ship is its parent.
Picard: Very likely. Something similar once happened to the U.S.S. Konrad Lorenz.

Konrad Lorenz was an Austrian zoologist. Part of his work involved how geese imprint. Talk about an obscure joke.

Memory Alpha

* The double joke involving the Galaxy-class Enterprise never occurred to me.
* First appearance of the Jeffries Tubes as seen going forward. "The Hunted" used a completely different design.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Geordi takes the dilithium chamber offline while the ship is still at warp. Oops.
* Phil has a long screed about the intermix ratios. At one point the creators tried to explain that the ratio differs with speed, but back in "Coming of Age" they were clear that 1:1 is the only ratio. Oops.
* Technically candlepower is just intensity of a light source, not the actual illumination of the room, what they really should've been using is luminance.
* They talk about Junior being over the spacedoor for Shuttlebay 2. However, Junior is over the starboard side shuttlebay, which is Shuttlebay 3. I guess the Okudas were asleep this week.
* If the ship is in energy-saving mode, why is the holodeck operational? Does Leah have an override code like Geordi did in "Booby Trap"?
* Phil asks why they didn't just shut down the warp engine to cut off the "milk" flow. I think Junior would've drained all the auxiliary energy modules and caused more trouble. Besides, they needed the engines to get rid of Junior.
* If the warp core is at full blast providing energy, why isn't the flashing of the core going at high speed?

[Nate the Great]

March 18th, 1991, "Night Terrors"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=nightterrors) by Standback (I've never heard of this guy, does anyone know anything about him/her?)

(transcriber's note - the view of the ships hull after the credits, and the subtitles, clearly say Brittain, but some okudagrams say Brattain. Take your pick)

You'd think they would've gotten something as simple as a spelling locked down in the beginning. There are a few people and places named Brittain, none particularly notable. However, there were a couple physicists named Brattain, brothers named Walter and Robert. Walter worked on semiconductors and magnetometers, eventually becoming part of the team that invented transistors. Robert leaned more towards chemistry, working on synthetic rubber and the structure of penicillin. Personally I lean towards Brittain since that's what's on the hull, but who knows.

(Incidentally, as far as the forum spellchecker is concerned Brattain is a word and Brittain is not. The more you know and all that)

PICARD: On screen. Magnify.
RIKER: That's the Brittain, all right.

How do you know? The Brattain is a Miranda-class, hardly uncommon. Incidentally, Memory Alpha claims that the motto on the plaque is "...a three hour tour, a three hour tour." Looks like the jokesters in the prop department had fun again.

(Memory Alpha uses Brattain and specifically says it was named after Walter Brattain).

WORF: Commander. Here's another one. This was done by a phaser on a setting of six or seven.

In the TOS days there were six settings: stun, heavy stun, kill, heat, disrupt, and dematerialize/vaporize. In the DS9 days setting 3.1 will stun a Changeling, you needed 3.4 or 3.5 to force it back to it's liquid state. In the script of "The Vengeance Factor" you need setting 8 to vaporize a humanoid.

And there's your useless knowledge for the day.

LAFORGE: Pre-heating injectors. Data, fuel flow?
DATA: Matter valves are open and operating. Magnetic containment of antimatter pods is constant.

This sounds like there's only a matter stream in the core, you'd think that if antimatter is leaving the pods the magnetic containment would alter to account for the smaller amount of antimatter.

LAFORGE: Okay, open injectors.
DATA: Injectors open. There is no engine activity at all, sir.

Of course not, there isn't an antimatter stream in the core! If there's both matter and antimatter in the core, I can't understand how nothing can be happening.

CRUSHER: I've been studying the autopsy reports. The conclusion is appalling. There was no outside source, no alien presence. All thirty four of them appear to have killed each other.

The crew was only 34 people? On a Miranda class?!? You couldn't run a Constitution-class on that many people for any real length of time. You need a couple hundred people at least!

VOICE: Eyes in the dark. One moon circles.

I despise it when alien languages are translated into gibberish English. And this race has direct contact with two Betazoids, surely they'd have access to the language centers of the brain for a proper translation.

Captain's log, stardate 44635.8. Four days have passed...

The previous entry is Stardate 44631.2. That's less than two days. Oops.

KEIKO: Boy, what a day this was. I'm doing an isozyme study on some populations of Cardilia but they're turning out to have these really weird polymorphisms.

In the real world Cardilia is a genus of clam. You'd think the scientific experts could've caught this one. Polymorphism just means that the plants don't look like they're supposed to.

KEIKO: Oh, no, I had a conference with Doctor Balthus. She wants to do a study on the laticifer ontogeny of the Kaladian Thorn Flower, but I don't have time to oversee another project.

Laticifer means a plant cell that secretes latex. Ontogeny means the study of a part of an organism throughout the organism's life.

O'BRIEN: Was Tom Corbin there?

Tom Corbin is a Senator from South Carolina, but he was barely out of college when the episode was made. This is what we call a pointless coincidence.

GILLESPIE: Hello, Chief. Having coffee?
O'BRIEN: No, I'm drinking too much coffee.

One wonders when he got addicted to raktajino.

GILLESPIE: You're not out of the honeymoon yet.

"Data's Day" was Stardate 44390.1, three months ago. I'm dubious that the honeymoon phase can last that long.

GILLESPIE: I've been hearing things. Kenicki in Engineering told me he saw a man in an old Starfleet uniform riding the lift near the engine core. When the lift got to the top, there was no one on it.

What does he mean by "old Starfleet uniform"? The "Cage" kind, the "TOS" kind, the STTMP white nightmares, the Monster Maroons, the early 24th century modified Monster Maroon, or those hideous Season One pajamas?

O'BRIEN: I'm surprised at you, Gillespie. A Starfleet officer. I have more things to worry about than shades and spirits.

The difference between shades and spirits seems to be that shades are dark and spirits are light. I like to think of myself as an aficionado of fantasy creatures, but some are more obscure than others.

(he gets to the door, it opens and there is no one there so he returns to his desk, and the doorbell chimes again, and again, and again. Then someone actually knocks at the door)

You can hear knocking on the other side of a door on the Enterprise? That seems like a bad idea to me. You'd want the walls of quarters to be soundproof, right? You'd think either Crusher or Troi could override the door.

PICARD: Go to warp engines, factor one. Engage.

One thing I like about the noncanon novel Federation is them explaining that the terminology evolved. Cochrane used "time-warp multiplier factor" (remember that with the TOS warp scale the speed is just the factor cubed times the speed of light), the Pike era used "time-warp factor", Kirk used "warp factor", and now we just use "warp".

Captain's log, stardate 44639.9. The Enterprise has now been adrift for a total of ten days. We have sent subspace distress calls, but because of our distant location, we cannot expect a response for at least another two weeks.

You're IN the Federation and subspace signals take two weeks to go across it? And you can't even say that there are nebula or whatever in between, there's over a hundred degress of arc that you could broadcast to!

PICARD: You mean a Tyken's rift.
CRUSHER: A what?
DATA: A rare anomaly named after Bela Tyken, the Melthusian captain who first encountered it.
LAFORGE: Tyken's rift. That would explain why we don't have engine power.

Only mention of Tyken or the Methusians, however Herman Zimmerman (famed art and production designer) said that the Methusians helped build Terok Nor/Deep Space Nine. It saddens me that we're not going to get creators who care about such "irrelevant minutiae" from Trek history ever again.

DATA: When Tyken was trapped in the rift, his analysis determined that a massive energy release might overload and dislocate the anomaly. Fortunately, his cargo included anicium and yurium, which he used to detonate the explosion. He then escaped through the ruptured centre of the rift.

There's a Discovery episode where Harry Mudd uses a anicium/yurium bomb. I pity that poor staff member who actually cares but is surrounded by apathetic creators.

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER: I'd like to do more cross-sections on the brain tissue of some of these bodies. Set up the positron emission sensor in Sickbay, and I'll decide which ones I want to study.

Between this and Data's positronic brain, one wonders if ANYONE on staff knows what positrons are. They're just antimatter electrons, you can't use them in medical equipment unless you're in an antimatter universe!

Furthermore, even if you argue that Data's head has a magnetic bottle to contain the positrons, what about the times he's been stunned? Does his head have that many redundancies?

CRUSHER: Deanna, nothing's working. I've tried somatic drugs, I've tried inducing theta waves into the entorhinal cortex.

The somatic nervous system is another name for the voluntary nervous system. Don't ask me how sedating the body but not the brain is supposed to help.

Theta waves are used by the brain for learning, memory, and spatial navigation. Nothing to do with sleep.

The entorhinal cortex creates and consolidates memories, and optimizes them during sleep. This one actually makes a bit of sense.

GILLESPIE: Well, I think it's some kind of experiment. You see, Captain Picard is trying to see how long we'll take it, stuck here like rats.
GUINAN: You couldn't be more wrong.

So Guinan is immune, fair enough. But how can she be the only one besides Data? Are there no Vulcans who can pick up some slack? Is there a Horta on board that may be immune? And now that I think about it, what about the whales and dolphins down in Cetacean Ops?

(Worf takes an ornate dagger from a box, anoints it with wine)
WORF: lujpu' jiH'e, Alexandrijn.
(he prepares to plunge the dagger into his throat when Troi runs in)
TROI: Worf, no!

"I have failed, Alexander." I shudder to think what the kids on board are going through.

Acting Captain's log, stardate 44642.1. I have assumed command of the Enterprise at the request of Captain Picard.

It's been nineteen hours since Picard's last log. I think more time has passed than that.

DATA: There is no technology to block telepathic transmissions, Doctor.

I agree with SF Debris, you'd think someone would've invented that by now.

DATA: You will have to communicate with the other ship within two minutes of entering REM sleep.
TROI: Two minutes. Is that all, Data?
DATA: Unfortunately, yes. We have only enough power to emit a hydrogen stream for that amount of time.

I have no idea of how long it takes to start dreaming after you fall asleep, but you'd think the cortical scanner would help make it uniform. However, an immediate start to dreaming seems implausible. I have experienced instant changes from dream to waking up, however.

DATA: We will have to draw power from the life-support systems in order to discharge the collectors. This is Acting Captain Data. All personnel will report to designated shelter areas immediately. Life support systems will continue only in emergency shelter areas.

Shouldn't the crew already be isolated in the emergency shelter areas to conserve power?

The Fiver

O'Brien: Keiko, you're cheating on me, aren't you?
Keiko: What? Of course not!
O'Brien: Oh, sure. And next you'll probably deny being a genetically-enhanced Cardassian agent from the Mirror Universe.

This confuses me. Mirror Keiko's biography at Memory Beta doesn't mention really being a Cardassian.

Captain's Log: The crew's hallucinations are getting worse. At this rate, I can get a date with Beverly by Tuesday.

If you haven't been driven insane by then. And being surrounded by insane people hardly sounds like a good date.

Troi: I have these strange, terrible dreams. I'm floating in a green cloud, and a voice whispers at me.
Riker: Well, either you're the Emissary of the Prophets, or else you should beware of a tall, dark stranger in the month of June.

This is one joke I don't get and my Google-Fu failed me.

Crusher: We're going crazy because we aren't dreaming.
Picard: I can solve that. Picard to all crewmen. Repeat after me -- "I firmly believe we shall soon see peace in the Middle East." Also, memorize that speech by that Martin Luther person. Anything else, Doctor?

Well, that's a little tasteless.

Crusher: Captain, I believe that making hundreds of people go crazy and try to kill each other is these aliens' form of communication.
Picard: My God... I never imagined there could be a race consisting entirely of talk show hosts.

I'll just link to Weird Al's Jerry Springer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbfiEfVfo4M)...

Nitpicker's Guide

* The stardates indicate that it's only been a week since "Galaxy's Child". How did the Enterprise get that far into deep space?
* If you separated the saucer would both parts have enough inertia to escape this thing? My response is even if eventually they would drift out of range, the people would be dead before that.
* Couldn't they create an explosion by self-destructing the Brattain?

[Nate the Great]

March 25th, 1991, "Identity Crisis"

No fiver

Prelude: I hate that they crowbarred in the on-site cameraman. This isn't the kind of mission that would justify such. I even mentioned this in a recently launched trope "Convenient Photograph (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ConvenientPhotograph)." This script needed a few more revisions. In particular shelling out a bit more for the planet set and taking ten seconds to come up with a plot beyond "lost outpost" to make the cameraman a good idea.

The Episode

(USS Victory NCC9754 away team sensor log stardate 40164.7 17.29.46 at the bottom of the screen)

Okay, this is just weird. Why would a stardate need a time added? A single day uses 2.74 units. Adding a decimal point or two could allow for the precision needed for a given time to be built in.

Incidentally, 40164.7 converts to about 3 AM on March 2nd, 2363. If you want it to be almost 5:30 PM you want 40165.05 or so.

BREVELLE [OC]: Tarchannen Three Investigation. Stardate 40164.7. Ensign Anthony Brevelle recording. Lieutenant Susanna Leijten in command.

But you're not going to mention Hickman or Mendez that are also on the Away Team. Where Geordi is during this away mission is beyond me.

PICARD: The original Tarchannen disappearances were never solved, were they?
SUSANNA: No, we never learned what happened or why. Forty nine people gone.

And you stopped investigating...why?

SUSANNA: What about you?
LAFORGE: I enjoy the bachelor's life too much.
SUSANNA: That doesn't sound like my little brother who always wanted advice on women.

Yeah, Geordi has made it pretty clear that he wants someone. It makes me wish that he had started dating Gomez...

DATA: The shuttle's acceleration is increasing.

The derivative of acceleration is called "jerk". And that's your pointless piece of trivia for the day. The amazing thing that I learned today is that the derivatives of jerk are called snap, crackle, and pop in that order. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerk_(physics))

DATA: He will reach an atmospheric interface at an altitude of two hundred and ten kilometres.

Assuming near-Earth conditions 210 km is within the thermosphere. Thermosphere/mesosphere is 80 km, thermosphere/exosphere is 700 km. I assume that the latter interface is meant. They might mean the thermopause. Above the thermopause there's mostly hydrogen and helium, below it it's a lot more active.

RIKER: If he stays at that speed, he'll self-destruct.

I don't think an explosion from external forces counts as a "self-destruct."

CRUSHER: You're worried about Geordi, aren't you?
DATA: I am an android. It is not possible
CRUSHER: for you to feel anxiety.
DATA: Starfleet personnel have vanished. Others may be at risk. We must do the best we can to find out why. However, I am strongly motivated to solve this mystery.

Nice moment and SF Debris would argue that just because Data doesn't have human emotions that doesn't mean that he can't have android equivalents.

CRUSHER: Her blood pressure's still falling. Apply the T-cell stimulator.

For once the technobabble makes sense. T-cells are a form of white blood cell that focus on destroying virus-infected cells.

LAFORGE: Any subspace projections, z-particle emissions, interferometric frequencies?

I won't touch subspace projections. Z particles carry the weak nuclear force. Interferometry involves the wave forms of particles. If phasing is involved this is actually reasonable technobabble.

LAFORGE: All right, let's say that my friend and I here are about the same size, say one point seven metres.

1.7 meters is 5 foot 7 inches. This is actually Burton's height, which surprised me. I would've expected a bit of inflation.

(Worf, Riker and two security guards enter)
WORF: You search the structure. I will take the perimeter.

As SF Debris said, why didn't they turn the holodeck off? Then Geordi wouldn't have anywhere to hide.

CRUSHER: He's going to need a sedative. Give me ten cc's of kayolane.

Only mention of kayolane. Why they didn't use one of the established Trek sedatives? Anesthezine already exists!

Memory Alpha

* The past mission was in 2362, but the stardate is 40XXX, which implies 2363. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Data can move his hands a lot faster than a human can, so why did he modify the beacon so slowly?
* Susanna says that the aliens can't see ultraviolet, yet the aliens respond to Data's beacon. Oops.
* Even when the holodeck is frozen, the background noises are still on.
* If Geordi is invisible to sensors, how did the transporter lock onto him?

[Nate the Great]

April 1st, 1991, "The Nth Degree"

No Fiver

I'm not fond of this one. Far too many works of fiction don't understand what "genius" means. Genius is not intelligence, intelligence is just one piece of the puzzle. Furthermore, genius is not social skills like they'll try to portray in this episode. Genius is knowing how to use different forms of knowledge to create new ideas.

There's a whole other screed to be had here about brilliant vs. clever vs. genius. But let's move on.

The Episode

(A production of a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac, with Reginald Barclay in the title role and Beverly Crusher as Roxanne)

I have conflicting emotions about this casting. I can buy acting as a therapy method, but not as the lead.

DATA: Lieutenant Barclay's performance was adequate, but clearly not rooted in The Method approach.

It's nice that they bring up Data's familiarity with The Method, but this is not the place. It's almost like Data is implying that The Method is the only worthwhile acting philosophy. Of all people, Data should know that there are multiple ways to approach a performance.

BARCLAY: Well, I just feel more more comfortable playing somebody else. Maybe all this is not any better than escaping into a holodeck fantasy.
TROI: I disagree. This isn't fantasy, it's theatre. You used to withdraw onto the holodeck. You isolated yourself inside your own imagination, avoiding contact with real people. Look at yourself now. Look at all the other people you're with. You're not just acting, you're interacting. Give yourself some credit, Mister Barclay.
BARCLAY: Maybe you're right.

Ugh. This was a frequent problem with TNG writing, focusing so much on the simplest interpretation of the plot point that anything deeper is discarded. Even TOS did this better!

Barclay does present a good point. It could be argued that acting is acting and he's still not socializing as himself, but as someone else. Yet another screed that I could write but choose not to.

Captain's log, stardate 44704.2. We have arrived at the Argus Array, a remote subspace telescope at the very edge of Federation space. The unmanned structure mysteriously stopped relaying its data nearly two months ago.

How can you have an unmanned subspace telescope? This isn't the kind of thing that you can operate by remote control? Furthermore, if Starfleet is willing to post two people at a subspace relay you'd think they could spare two people for a subspace telescope.

I suppose now's the time for thinking up a Treknobabble explanation for how a "subspace telescope" is supposed to work, but I'm not in the mood.

DATA: The fusion reactors that power the array are extremely unstable.

I don't think leaving fusion reactors unattended is a good idea. Surely there's a more stable power supply for a subspace telescope.

RIKER: What about the computer systems?
DATA: They do not seem to be functioning at all, sir.

How are the fusion reactors working if the computer is off? Did some sort of automated shutdown happen?

LAFORGE: Reg, why don't we begin with the passive high-res series, all right?
BARCLAY: Electromagnetic band?
LAFORGE: Give it a try.

What is the "electromagnetic band"? Even for badly written Treknobabble, this is the definition of meaningless and incomplete.

BARCLAY: Couldn't you use a global mode in your scanner? It would be a lot faster.
CRUSHER: That's not possible. We're talking about human cells here, not isolinear circuits. I think you'd better stick to engineering, Lieutenant.
BARCLAY: A cell has a an electromagnetic signature just like a circuit element does.

No, it doesn't. At least, not the way that Reg means. Cells emit heat signatures, nothing coherent light EM waves. When we say that our bodies are like machines, that's just in a figurative sense, not in a 1:1 correspondence sense.

LAFORGE: Attempting to now, Commander. Isolate phasers eighty to one twenty.

The Enterprise has twelve phaser arrays (saucer top and bottom, stardrive belly, two on pylons, two at rear ventral, two at rear dorsal, two at stardrive aft head, and the concealed strip near the Battle Bridge on the stardrive). We've seen phaser blasts run along the array easily as though it's one track, so you can't tell me that the strips are made out of hundreds of smaller modules.

LAFORGE: I don't know how he did it, but shield strength has been increased by three hundred percent.

Unless you overhaul the hardware itself, you can't do that. You can't just pump more energy into the shields infinitely. Plus the energy conduits are rated for a specific amount of energy only (I'm pretty sure it was implied that extra conduit capacity had to be added to the deflector back in TBOBW).

BARCLAY: Well, it just occurred to me that I could set up a frequency harmonic between the deflector and the shield grid using the warp field generator as a power flow anti-attenuator, and that of course naturally created an amplification of the inherent energy output.

This here is what we in the trade call baloney. What does the deflector array have to do with the shield grid? An attenuator reduces the power of a signal without modifying its waveform. An anti-attenuator would therefore increase the power of a signal. I think Barclay is suggesting that you can add power to the shield bubble by synching it up with the warp field bubble and thus letting warp power turn into shield strength. Total nonsense.

BARCLAY: No, it's true. I can't explain it. In the last few days I've found confidence I never knew was there.

I hate it when screenwriters try to pull a Flowers for Algernon without actually doing the full implications of such a change. I'm reminded of MovieBob opining about how comic book movie producers keep wanting to jump right to Venom, Dark Phoenix, etc. without actually telling the whole story.

BARCLAY: Wouldn't you like to take a walk with me through the arboretum? The zalnias should be in bloom.
TROI: Reg, as your former counsellor, I don't think it would be appropriate.
BARCLAY: I don't need a counsellor. What I need is the company of a charming, intelligent woman.

Only mention of zalnias. And Reg is laying it on with a trowel. Do women really find such forwardness attractive?

EINSTEIN: G sub I, J of t as t approaches infinity.
BARCLAY: G of t over G naught.
EINSTEIN: So it is, so it is.

Ugh, what nonsense. I bet Einstein wishes he was playing poker with Data instead. It was even the same actor!

LAFORGE: Reg, ever since our run in with that probe, something's different about you.
BARCLAY: What, because I'm beginning to behave like the rest of the crew? With confidence in what I'm doing?

Reg, you aren't acting like the rest of the crew. You're acting like a smug Marty Stu.

BARCLAY: Yes. I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be. Do we have to ask why?

Yes, we do. You're supposed to be a genius, and you should know about Starfleet's desire to investigate everything.

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER: I couldn't even guess at your IQ level now.
BARCLAY: Probably somewhere between twelve hundred and fourteen fifty.

Technically the maximum IQ is 200, but we've had a few people between 200 and 300. Yet another example of the pop culture fallacy that IQ=knowledge. IQ doesn't work like that! Not that you care, but you need 140 for genius.

RIKER: Whatever that alien probe did to him, Barclay now seems to know more about the internal workings of the Enterprise than anyone else on board.

Shouldn't Data know more? What Barclay has is greater creativity to combine the Enterprise's parts in new ways.

PICARD: Has Mister Barclay done anything that could be considered potentially threatening?
TROI: Well, he did make a pass at me last night. (Riker and La Forge stare) A good one.

Cute moment, but not really relevant right now. How is "being good at flirting" be considered dangerous? Sexual harassment is different from that.

CRUSHER: There's something else, Captain. He taught violin technique at the music school last night.
RIKER: I didn't know Barclay played the violin.
CRUSHER: He didn't, not until last night.

Learning the technicals of playing isn't enough, you need to practice to master your connection with an instrument.

BARCLAY [OC]: My body is as you see it here, but much of my higher brain functions and memory have been transferred to the starboard computer core.

Thank you for remembering that there are three computer cores.

BARCLAY [OC]: I perceive the universe as a single equation, and it is so simple, I understand.

I suppose I should be referencing H2G2's "What do you get if you multiply 5 by 9? 42" joke.

BARCLAY [OC]: We have always perceived the maximum speed of the Enterprise as a function of warp, but I know now there are no limits. We will explore new worlds that we could never before have reached in our lifetime.

The Federation always thought warp was the fastest drive? I'm not touching the spore drive since it doesn't exist, but bare minimum we've been experimenting with transwarp for over a hundred years. Plus the advanced warp technology of the Kelvans etc. of course.

DATA: This disturbance is the result of a highly charged graviton field emanating from our warp nacelles.

Since when can the nacelles create a highly charged graviton field?

BARCLAY [OC]: Yes, sir, I'm altering subspace in a way that's never been conceived of before. I'm fairly certain it will allow us to travel half-way across the galaxy in a matter of only--

I'd like to make a Ska-Ka-Ree joke here, but nothing's coming to mind.

ANAYA: Unless something's wrong with our sensors, sir, we're almost thirty thousand light years from where we were.
PICARD: The centre of the galaxy.

Why are they assuming that their trajectory was a radial one? They couldn't have gone around to the far side of Beta Quadrant or something?

ALIEN: Emotive. Electro-chemical stimulus response. Cranial plate, bipedal locomotion, endoskeletal. Contiguous external integument.

"Contiguous external integument" just means "skin". Technobabble should make sense!

Oh, and someone actually wrote a song called "Contiguous External Integument (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FLiCFW6s4U)." I find the song a little eerie and unsettling.

BARCLAY: Yes, sir. The Cytherians are exploring the galaxy just as we are. The only difference is that they never leave their home. They bring others here. Their only wish, an exchange of knowledge. They want to know us.

You can't explore the galaxy this way, just meet other species. This premise is nice and futurey, but falls apart under the most basic scrutiny.

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil complains about how Shuttle 5 has changed names and designs so many times on the show. As long as they don't appear in the same episode, I don't have a problem. Shuttle designs get retired, shuttles get destroyed and the name applied to other shuttles, etc.

[Nate the Great]

April 22nd, 1991, "Qpid"

Fiver (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=qpid) by Silvia and Gwen

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44741.9. We have arrived at Tagus Three where the Enterprise is to serve for host of the Federation Archaeology Council's annual symposium. I look forward to giving tomorrow's keynote address with great anticipation.

I hate it when the Enterprise is used as a taxi and mobile convention center. it's a lazy plot device.

PICARD: Tomorrow I'll be addressing some of the greatest scientific minds in the Federation. Switzer, Klarc-Tarn-Droth, McFarland. Giants in the field of archaeology. Compared to them I'm just an enthusiastic amateur.

You know, with the number of times that Picard's archeology hobby comes up, it was a missed opportunity that we never established a friend of his in the field. A more blatant "the road not taken" example than Professor Galen.

PICARD: I had no idea you were a member of the Archaeology Council. You are a member, aren't you?
VASH: More or less.

Ugh. Blatant lie from Vash AND Picard should know the names of everyone on the Council already.

CRUSHER: I'm sorry I'm late. Oh. Excuse me. I didn't realise you had company.
PICARD: That's all right. Er, allow me to introduce you.

Picard is an idiot for the rest of the act. He should've been up-front with Vash at the start and told her to go away, Risa was a one-time thing. At the very least, what was his intention now? Double-dipping a fling doesn't seem like him. That's for Kirk and Riker.

CRUSHER: Well, I'm surprised he never mentioned you.
VASH: So am I.

Why would Vash think that Picard would talk about her? That's a whole other screed.

RIKER: Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: Excuse me?
RIKER: I was referring to the view. Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: You must be Commander Riker.
RIKER: I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage.
VASH: I didn't mean to interrupt. I believe you were about to tell me that my eyes are as mysterious as the stars.
RIKER: You're Betazoid.
VASH: Not at all. It's just that Jean-Luc does a very good imitation of you.

This doesn't seem like Picard.

WORF: I had not been informed that Council Members had been granted bridge clearance.

Actually, Worf should've looked up the Council Members before now, just in case.

VASH: I don't understand, I thought being the ship's Counsellor meant the Captain confided in you.
TROI: He does, when he thinks it's necessary.
VASH: And he never spoke to you about me?
TROI: Not that I recall.

They devoted WAY too much screentime to this plot point. We're talking about "show off the refit Enterprise with a shuttle flyby" amounts of screentime. Furthermore, it wasn't necessary to show the entire senior staff reacting to this. Riker and Crusher of course, but the rest could've heard from Riker offscreen and saved the time.

PICARD: A Captain does not reveal his personal feelings with his crew.
VASH: Is that a Starfleet regulation, or did you just make that up yourself?
PICARD: I'm sorry if you're upset.
VASH: And I'm sorry if my being here embarrasses you.

No, you're not. Furthermore, this whole thing seems weird to me. Riker sent Picard to Risa specifically to get him laid. Furthermore, the mere existence of Risa speaks of the Federation's acceptance of casual affairs. And I will repeat, Picard should've cut all ties with Vash as soon as he saw her, asking her to stay away and not mention their encounter.

PICARD: Out of the question. That would mean breaking Taguan law.
Q: Must you always be so ethical? I suppose we could travel back in time. You could see what Tagus was like two billion years ago. They really knew how to party back in those days.

We see Q's earlier visit in the novel Q-Space.

PICARD: I've just been paid a visit from Q.
RIKER: Q? Any idea what he's up to?
PICARD: He wants to do something nice for me.
RIKER: I'll alert the crew.

Hehe.

Q: Do you deny that you care for this woman? Believe me, I'd be doing you a big favour if I turned her into a Klabnian eel.

A DS9 video game actually mentined Klabnian eels. It's sad when the people in charge of the expanded universe care more about continuity than the people making the shows, isn't it?

(a heavily Hollywood-isd version of the old ballads, with Picard as Robin, and the senior staff as the outlaws. This is my local tradition and I personally hate the US messing with it....)

I didn't know that Chakoteya was British.

PICARD: I think this is supposed to be Earth, somewhere round about the twelfth century.

Somewhere about? The Robin Hood stories are pretty clearly set in the reigns of Henry II, Richard, and John, 1160-1200 or so. That's pretty precise.

WORF: Sir, I protest. I am not a merry man (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri5S4Hcq0nY).

One of the truly classic TNG quotes.

Q: I would prefer if you addressed me as His Honour the High Sheriff of Nottingham.

While we usually just call the character the Sheriff of Nottingham, when Richard was away during the Crusades the post was held by William de Wendenal. When Richard returned he gave the job to William de Ferrers (and not Little John as the legends tell us).

Today the title is held by Professor Harminder Sing Dua CBE. It's a ceremonial position since the police handles most of the official duties these days. The Sheriff is appointed by the Mayor of Nottingham.

Q: What is the one thing that Robin Hood is most famous for?
LAFORGE: He robs from the rich and gives to the poor.
Q: Besides that.
DATA: Perhaps you are referring to the rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle?
Q: Yes, Data.

Watch SF Debris' review for more options. It's interesting looking at the evolution of the Robin Hood mythology. Maid Marian didn't get connected to Robin Hood until relatively late, she had her own stories. As for Robin Hood's most famous story, I'd argue for the archery tournament in Nottingham. The rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle isn't that big of a deal. For that matter Guy of Gisborne really isn't that important. His biggest impact on the story is when the Sheriff hires him as a deputy-for-hire to arrest Robin Hood, Marian rarely comes into contact with him.

I take my Robin Hood seriously, maybe even more seriously than Arthurian mythology. And oh yes, read Ivanhoe if you want a different version of Robin Hood.

Q: You know, Worf, you'd make a perfect throw rug in Nottingham Castle.

Actually he wouldn't. Worf may have long hair on his head, but not so much on the rest of his body. Not to the level of "fur" anyway.

Q: You see, I've given this fantasy as you call it, a life of its own. I have no more idea what's going to happen than you do.

This is a whole nother screed that I won't bother with, but it has interesting implications.

[Nate the Great]

NURSE: Milady, everyone in Nottingham knows, Sir Guy of Gisbourne.
VASH: Sir Guy of what?

There are places in Australia and New Zealand called Gisborne, it would be interesting to learn if either are derived from the Hood legend.

(Geordi is still plucking at the instrument when Worf walks over, takes it off him and smashes it against a tree trunk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uz9emHLeKM))
WORF: Sorry.
(Troi is still learning to use a bow and arrow, She aims at a tree and hits Data instead)
TROI: Data, are you alright?
DATA: The arrow impacted just above my sixth intercostal support, penetrating my secondary subprocessor. Fortunately, none of my biofunctions seem affected. Do not be concerned, Counsellor. I believe your aim is improving.

It's nice when our heroes get to do some old-fashioned physical comedy.

SIR GUY: You're mistaken, Sheriff. Maid Marian has promised to be my wife.
Q: What? But that's impossible?

It's always nice to see Q flustered.

VASH: I can take care of myself.
PICARD: You are the most stubborn woman I ever knew.
(and puts her over his shoulder)

Actually I'd argue that. In terms of stubbornness I'd at least put Phillipa Louvois above Vash.

(Data takes something from his forearm and throws it into a fire as Picard's head goes down onto the block. The axe is raised, there's a boom, and the fight starts)

I don't like Data being a utility belt in situations like this. He had enough time in Sherwood Forest to MacGyver himself some basic explosives. If Kirk can do it, Data can do it.

Besides, it raises the question of how much of Data is replaceable with Starfleet tech. Is it everything except his positronic brain itself? Could they build a heavy-duty body to transfer his head to?

SIR GUY: I'll have you know I'm the greatest swordsman in all of Nottingham.
(Guy and Picard duel. Worf and Geordi kill guards while Beverly and Deanna smash crockery over heads)
PICARD: Very impressive. There's something you should know.
SIR GUY: And what would that be?
PICARD: I'm not from Nottingham.

"I'm not left-handed either."

PICARD: Computer, locate Council Member Vash.
COMPUTER: Council Member Vash is not aboard the Enterprise.

She's not a member of the council! Did Worf program this into the computer?

PICARD: He's devious, and amoral, and unreliable, and irresponsible, and, and definitely not to be trusted.
VASH: Remind you of someone you know?
PICARD: As a matter of fact, it does.

Why Muppet Christmas Carol popped into my head I'll never know. "He is odious, stingy, wicked and unfeeling, and badly dressed..."

Q: We're going to have fun. I'm going to take her places no human has ever seen.
VASH: Who can resist an offer like that?

In one of the Strange New Worlds collections Vash gets assimilated by the Borg and Q un-assimilates her.

The Fiver

Q: I'm here to grant you anything you wish.
Picard: I wish you'd disappear.
Q: I mean almost anything.

Is this a reference to "The Most Toys"?

Q: Your girlfriend is in danger, Picard.
Crusher: No I'm not.
Picard: He means Vash.
Crusher: Hey!

Actually, I think being around Q counts as "dangerous" by itself.

Crusher: (hits guard over the head with a bowl of chips)
Troi: Twelfth-century potato chips?
Crusher: If you don't tell anyone, you can have the other bowl.
Troi: Deal.

Potato chips were invented prior to 1817. I bet you thought they were newer than that!

Picard: Why are you going with Q?
Vash: He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Picard: What's that?
Vash: Free internet, cable, and phone service for the rest of my life.
Picard: Wow! That is good.

The fiver was written in 2002. I did some research and I was surprised at what phones of that era could do. Touchscreens and apps! I didn't get a cellphone until much later, the early 2010s.

Memory Alpha

* Only one day of on-location shooting in a nearby garden.
* I'm irked that Sirtis and McFadden were the only ones trained in sword-fighting, but of course they weren't allowed to do so on screen. The cartoonish pot smashing seems degrading. The director was asked about this, and his argument was that he had to stay faithful to the 12th century setting. Hogwash, this is a Q generated fantasy. I'm reminded of Kasidy's lecture about Vic's in "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang" about how it was the way things could've and should've been.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In other episodes it's made clear that people without combadges can't be located by the computer. Vash isn't wearing one either, so why does the computer conclude that she isn't on board if it never knew that she was on board?
* In "The Naked Now" Data implies that he can leak, but he doesn't in this episode just like he won't in First Contact.
* For that matter, Data can dodge energy blasts! Why can't he dodge an arrow that's not even at full velocity (I doubt Troi has full draw strength for that thing)?

[Nate the Great]

April 29th, 1991, "The Drumhead"

Fiver (by Marc) (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thedrumhead)

The Episode

Captain's Log, Stardate 44769.2. For some weeks we have had a Klingon exobiologist on board as part of a scientific exchange programme.

It's a shame that they didn't mention the officer exchange program from "A Matter of Honor" and "Sins of the Father." Memory Alpha claims that J'Dan's posting was part of the program, but the name wasn't used in dialogue.

I will refrain from making Klingon scientist jokes, I've made enough of them in the past.

RIKER: What were you doing accessing the propulsion system files on Stardate 44758?

It took four days to investigate this?

RIKER: Yes, you did, from computer twelve B nine, deck thirty six. The computer logged in your identification from your communicator.

Wait, what? A commbadge counts as a contactless ID in proximity to other equipment? That just raises further questions!

TROI: J'Dan, we have confirmed reports that schematic drawings of our dilithium chamber fell into Romulan hands one week later.

Why would it take a week to reach the Romulans? If all they want is schematics of the dilithium chamber wouldn't they have gotten them when the Enterprise was being built? Or back in "Family" when the ship was undergoing a major refit?

And then there's the question of why they'd want schematics of the dilithium chamber if they don't use traditional warp cores. I doubt dilithium tech can be translated to artificial singularity drives.

J'DAN: No. I was not involved. You accuse me because I am Klingon.

The Klingon Empire and the Federation are allies right now, right? I think it's more plausible that they accuse him because he's not a Starfleet officer. It wouldn't matter if he was Klingon, Tholian, Breen, whatever.

J'DAN: On the Klingon Home World your name is not mentioned. It is as though you never existed. A terrible burden for a warrior to bear, to become nothing, to be without honour, without the chance for glory. I have friends, powerful friends, on the homeworld. I could talk to them. They might help to restore your name, if you could just take me to a shuttlecraft.

The name Kronos (or rather Qo'noS, although these days the typo Q'onoS is used more) won't be mentioned until Star Trek VI. In the TOS days unofficial documents used "Kling" or "Klingon", although Phase II intended to use "Ultar" and pre-Star Trek VI reference materials used Klingonii AKA Epsilon Sagittari V or Kazh or Klinzhai.

Cue series bible rants. The major galactic powers should've been established way earlier in TOS.

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure the House of Duras is still powerful enough to quash any attempt to restore the House of Mogh.

J'DAN: It could be done without any one knowing about it.

What? Even without the House of Duras interfering, I'm pretty sure that Klingon houses gaining or losing honor is news that everyone would notice.

Captain's log, supplemental. Retired Admiral Norah Satie, whose investigation exposed the alien conspiracy against Starfleet Command three years ago, is arriving to assist in our inquiry.

Alien conspiracy three years ago? If they're talking about the events of "Conspiracy", I'm pretty sure nobody outside the Enterprise and Picard's cohort had anything to do with it.

(a picture on the monitor of the warp core, labelled sensor log playback 44765.3 03.00.59.941. Part of the core goes bang)

44765.3 is October 7th, 2367, around 8 AM. If 03.00.59.941 is supposed to be an extremely precise time near 3:01 AM, that's wrong. If times are going to be given in addition to stardates, the stardate shouldn't have decimal points.

And if they think that J'Dan sabotaged the core on 44758, why would he set the "fuse" to take two and a half days?

You know, it's times like that that I wish that stardates had never been invented in the first place.

DATA: Slow motion study of the explosion suggests that the articulation frame collapsed.
SATIE: The schematics that were stolen from the Enterprise, I believe some involved the articulation frame of the dilithium chamber.

I'm still confused as to why the same guy would be sent to do espionage AND sabotage. That seems like two separate missions.

PICARD: There are disturbing overtones in the idea of a Klingon providing information to the Romulans. Are you aware of any other Klingon-Romulan connection that Starfleet Command might have encountered recently?

Ugh. If this is supposed to be a hint of the Klingon Civil War that's coming at the end of the season, it could've been done better.

PICARD: This ship has encountered several incidents which might suggest a potential alliance between those two powers.

Seriously, why not namedrop Duras?

WORF: (hands over a hypospray) This is J'Dan's. A hypospray he uses to treat his Ba'ltmasor Syndrome. But this has been fitted with an optical reader specially modified to read data from Starfleet isolinear chips. He can extract digital information from a computer, encode it in the form of amino acid sequences, and transfer those sequences into a fluid in the syringe. Then he injects someone, perhaps even without their knowledge.
SATIE: Or perhaps with their knowledge.
WORF: The information would be carried in their bloodstream in the form of inert proteins.

This is a headache waiting to happen. How would the receiver find these coded amino acid sequences? This bit of technobabble could've used another draft.

WORF: I have tracked the movements of every person who has left the Enterprise since you have been here. I traced one Tarkanian diplomat as far as the Cruces system where he disappeared and has not been seen since.

We never see a Tarkanian, but Voyager will namedrop a few things from their planet.

J'DAN: The blood of all Klingons has become water. Since the Federation alliance we have turned into a nation of mewling babies. Romulans are strong. They are worthy allies. They do not turn Klingons into weaklings like you.

I refer you to the Byrne comics to show the background of the TOS-era Klingon-Romulan alliance. Even then the Romulans showed that they didn't see the Klingon as allies, but as henchmen.

SATIE: You knew my father?
PICARD: Only from his writings. His judgments were required reading at the Academy.

It's shocking how much "required reading" there was at the Academy. I get the worry willies thinking about how much a cadet would have to read. Cultural and historical backgrounds of hundreds of planets are just the start.

SABIN: Yes, I can see that. I don't mind telling you I'm surprised. Frankly, when I first heard about your father.
WORF: My father?
SABIN: Yes. There are some who believe he betrayed your people to the Romulans.
WORF: What he did or did not do is no one's concern but my own.

Picard made it clear that holding the son responsible for the father's crimes is a Klingon thing, not a Federation one. Furthermore Sabin must've read Worf's profile that says that he was SIX when Mogh died and the Rozhenkos adopted him. How could Worf have absorbed political leanings of that sort at that age?

PICARD: Tell me, how long have you held your appointment onboard this vessel?
TARSES: Since Stardate 43587.

Back around "Deja Q". He's been here about fourteen months.

Can I just state for the record that I find it dubious that people can memorize all these stardates in the future? Is there some sort of memory therapy that they undergo at the Academy?

SATIE: If Counsellor Troi suggested to you that someone on the ship were dangerous, would you not act on that? Observe him? Curb his activity?
PICARD: Yes, I admit I probably would. And perhaps I should re-evaluate that behaviour.

A problem with this premise is that "keeping a secret" and "dangerous" are not synonymous and only a crazy person would think so.

SATIE: Oh, nonsense. Let's keep our priorities straight. The important thing is to uncover the conspiracy on this ship and to prevent further damage. Now, if Tarses is a possible saboteur, you cannot allow him access to sensitive areas of the ship, and I strongly suggest continuous surveillance.
PICARD: If we had clear evidence.
SATIE: We will have clear evidence. Sabin and Lieutenant Worf are continuing to investigate. But if you don't act until then, it may be too late.

Yeah, no. Investigating someone just because they COULD commit a crime is a slippery slope that the Romulans and Cardassians already fell down. And I gotta ask, too late for what? The warp core is still off limits, I don't think things are as urgent as Satie is claiming.

PICARD: No. I won't treat a man as a criminal unless there is cause to do so.
SATIE: And while you're being so generous, you give a saboteur a chance to strike again. Last time it was just a hatch cover. What if next time it's more serious? What if lives are lost? Can you afford not to act?

Ugh. This is the point that I would've kicked her off the ship. I despise fictional characters who insist on undue speed based on things that aren't worth the risk. You already have all of the suspects in custody, is she suggesting a third unknown saboteur?

DATA: Those fractures suggest nothing more than simple neutron fatigue. I would speculate that when the engine was last inspected at McKinley station, the hatch casing was replaced with one which had an undetectable defect. I believe, sir, that the conclusion to our investigation must be that the explosion was not intentional.

I wonder why the entire core wasn't replaced after the Borg invasion. Geordi jerry-rigged half the ship to channel the warp core through the deflector, there's probably unexpected stress aging all over the place!

[Nate the Great]

SATIE: Let us keep our perspective, gentlemen. Just because there was no sabotage doesn't mean there isn't a conspiracy on this ship. We do have a confessed spy.
SABIN: And he had confederates.
PICARD: Do we know that for sure?
SATIE: Of course he did. Do you think J'Dan could have come on board the flagship of the Federation and accomplished what he did without help from within?

You have a spy who confessed A and denied B. You don't have confederates, you have a guy who is hiding something. And how could someone inside the ship help get J'Dan on board? If he was an agent of the underground Klingon/Romulan alliance, I would think that some Romulan posing as a Vulcan would've assigned him to the Enterprise.

Later they'll accuse Worf of being a part of the conspiracy. Do they think that he faked his rejection by the Empire in order to do...what? See, it falls apart at the slightest touch. If Satie is going to go this far, she might as well claim that the Romulans planted Worf in the rubble of Khitomer Colony to eventually join Starfleet and destroy it from within.

PICARD: You've opened the hearing to spectators?
SATIE: It isn't good to have closed door proceedings for too long. It invites rumour and speculation.

Rumor and speculation from whom? Starfleet will be watching a recording of the hearing, what does she care about the spectators? Is she hoping to use their reactions to find more Romulan sympathizers? Ugh.

SATIE: And whom else have you observed at these occasions?
CRUSHER: I don't understand what relevance that has. It was an innocent social gathering.
SATIE: If it was so innocent, why do you hesitate to give us the names?

I hate the "if you're innocent, you have nothing to hide" maneuver. Hate hate hate.

SABIN: And isn't it true that your security clearance allows you access to all the stores and files in Sickbay? Access which you can exercise at any time?

This is just painful. Claiming that any man has the ability to be a rapist, or any bank employee has the ability to be a thief, is a warped argument.

SABIN: What would you say if I told you there is evidence that the explosion in the engine room was caused by a corrosive chemical. One that is kept stored in Sickbay.

I'd call BS. Anything corrosive enough to damage the warp core would destroy flesh, unless there's a Horta on board that we don't know about.

SABIN: Isn't it true that the paternal grandfather of whom you speak was not a Vulcan but was in fact a Romulan? That it is Romulan blood you carry and a Romulan heritage that you honour?

You shouldn't have to lie about this in the Federation. Everyone should be judged on their own merits, not their race. And where's the proof that Tarses honors his Romulan heritage?

PICARD: This is not unlike a drumhead trial.
WORF: I do not understand.
PICARD: Five hundred years ago, military officers would upend a drum on the battlefield sit at it and dispense summary justice. Decisions were quick, punishments severe, appeals denied. Those who came to a drumhead were doomed.

The concept of a drumhead trial goes back to at least 1807, but most references are from World War II. There's a long screed to be had here about the validity of the reference and the episode title, but I'm not in the mood to type it.

WORF: He refused to answer the question about his Romulan grandfather.
PICARD: That is not a crime, Worf. Nor can we infer his guilt because he didn't respond.
WORF: Sir, if a man were not afraid of the truth, he would answer.
PICARD: Oh, no. We cannot allow ourselves think that. The Seventh Guarantee is one of the most important rights granted by the Federation. We cannot take a fundamental principle of the Constitution and turn it against a citizen.

Only mention of the Seventh Guarantee, you'd think it would come up more often. The only other Guarantee we ever hear about is the Twelveth, which had to do with the rights of artists to their work.

Don't ask me what the connection is between the Constitution of the Federation and the Charter of the Federation.

PICARD: But I do. This must stop. It has gone too far. You lied to him about the Engine Room. There were no volatile chemicals found there.
SATIE: It was a tactic. A way of applying pressure.

Technically she said "what if", but it was still a sleazy thing to do.

SATIE: How can you be so incredibly naive? Captain, may I tell you how I've spent the last four years? From planet to Starbase to planet. I have no home. I live on starships and shuttlecraft. I haven't seen a family member in years. I have no friends. But I have a purpose.

I fail to see how the consequences of her choices are Picard's problem. Many people sacrifice much for their careers, but the smart ones don't begrudge others for them. Her choice to not take vacations is not relevant to the current discussion.

SATIE: I'm going to get to the heart of this conspiracy if it means investigating every last person on this ship. And every hearing from now on will be held in the presence of Admiral Thomas Henry of Starfleet Security. I've requested he be brought here at once.
PICARD: You never told me about this.
SATIE: I report to Starfleet Command directly. I do not need your permission or your approval for my decisions.

She doesn't need his permission or approval, but it's common courtesy.

SABIN: Your full name?
PICARD: Jean-Luc Picard.

He doesn't have a middle name?

SABIN: How long have you held this post?
PICARD: For three years, since stardate 41124.

"All Good Things" will say that Satie herself will give him command on stardate 41148. "Encounter at Farpoint" is 41153.7. Does nobody believe in keeping notes?

SATIE: Would it surprise you to learn that you have violated the Prime Directive a total of nine times since you took command of the Enterprise? I must say, Captain, it surprised the hell out of me.

It shouldn't confuse Picard. That's the sort of tally that I would keep track of in my head.

Nine times? That's something to discuss later.

PICARD: My reports to Starfleet document the circumstances in each of those instances
SATIE: Yes, we're looking into those reports, Captain, very closely into those reports, after which I'm sure we'll have more questions for you about your so-called commitment to Starfleet's Prime Directive.

You'd think Satie would've done that before this hearing.

SABIN: In fact, she was not a Vulcan at all, was she? She was a Romulan spy.
PICARD: That's correct.
SABIN: A spy whom you were delivering back into the hands of the enemy.
SATIE: Tell me, Captain, when the deception was revealed and she stood proudly on the bridge of a Romulan ship, did you make any effort to retrieve her?

The Enterprise against two Romulan Warbirds? I call that a suicide. Even if you argue that T'Pel was important enough that a kamikaze run on the Romulans would've worked, there were TWO ships. The other one would've reported Picard's suicidal tendencies, tarnishing Starfleet's reputation.

SATIE: No. Even though you knew she carried Federation secrets that she'd been accumulating for years?
WORF: The Enterprise could have been captured by the Romulans! Captain Picard did the only thing he could.
SATIE: Really, Lieutenant? And where were you when this traitor was on board the Enterprise? Where was ship's Security?

She was good enough to fool Data at the time. The kind of paranoia that Satie is recommending seems more like Section 31 behavior to me.

SABIN: Don't you think it's questionable judgment, Captain, to have a security officer whose father was a Romulan collaborator?

Again I ask, what do Mogh's crimes have to do with Worf?

SATIE: It must have been awful for you, actually becoming one of them, being forced to use your vast knowledge of Starfleet operations to aid the Borg. Just how many of our ships were lost? Thirty nine? And a loss of life, I believe, measured at nearly eleven thousand. One wonders how you can sleep at night, having caused so much destruction. I question your actions, Captain. I question your choices. I question your loyalty.

Oh boy, is this a biggie. Putting aside Picard's guilt, which Troi should've handled, let's move on to his choices and loyalty. What choices? Picard was on the bridge and he was kidnapped, how could he avoid it? What loyalty? Is she saying that Picard is a spy for the Borg? How?

WORF: I believed her. I helped her. I did not see what she was.
PICARD: Mister Worf, villains who twirl their moustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.
WORF: I think after yesterday, people will not be as ready to trust her.
PICARD: Maybe. But she, or someone like her, will always be with us, waiting for the right climate in which to flourish, spreading fear in the name of righteousness. Vigilance, Mister Worf, that is the price we have to continually pay.

How would Picard respond to Section 31? Presumably Worf informed him about it at some point.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Troi: That's not true. Humans gave up the practice of ethnic profiling a very long time ago.
J'Dan: My great-uncle Klaang was shot on sight by the first human to see a Klingon!

I haven't seen "Broken Bow" since the premiere, but I don't think it was that simple.

Worf: Shall I cease the interrogation, then?
Satie: Yes. Please thank Mr. Data for letting us borrow his Irving Berlin recordings.

I think this is just a "one person's music is audio torture to another" joke.

Picard: I disapprove of your opening this inquiry to spectators. You're making it look like a show trial.
Satie: Crewman Tarses will be more inclined to admit his guilt under the bright light of public scrutiny.
Picard: I also object to the fact that you've seated a kangaroo next to him.
Satie: He can't afford his own lawyer, so he has to be satisfied with whatever counsel the public defender's office can provide him free of charge.

At least it's just a kangaroo. Imagine if one of the dolphins down in Cetacean Ops was a lawyer...

Satie: Are you or have you ever been a member of a communist organization?
Picard: No.
Satie: Really? What about when you were assimilated by the Borg?
Picard: The Borg hardly qualify as a communist organization.
Satie: They live in a commune, don't they?
Picard: It's called a "collective," not a commune.
Satie: Close enough.

Even if you buy that the Borg are communist, Picard was a prisoner, not a collaborator with them.

Picard: How far are you going to take this travesty of justice?
Satie: As far as I have to! If necessary, I'll put all of humanity on trial to answer the charge of being a grievously savage race!

You forgot the "child" in there. Imagine the fun Q would have with her!

Memory Alpha

* Jeri Taylor's original intent was witch hunts, not drumhead court martials. I think using the witch hunt analogy would've worked better.
* Last episode with Ron Jones custom music. Watch SFDebris' reviews for his commentary on Jones' music.
* The McCarthy trials were mentioned, which would've been another better comparison in the actual episode than drumhead court martials.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Lots of twentieth-century slang used by Satie. I fail to see how this is a nit.
* Being part-Romulan is a problem for the Federation, but Sela (and Charvanek, for that matter) proves that being part-human isn't a problem for the Romulans. It's a shame when the bad guys are more tolerant.
* If Satie is an admiral that was brought out of retirement, why doesn't she wear a uniform?

[Nate the Great]

May 6th, 1991, "Half a Life"

I have to get this out there, I have no clue why Timicin would be attracted to Lwaxana. None at all.

Fiver by KLP (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=halfalife)

The Episode

Counsellor Deanna Troi, personal log, stardate 44805.3. My mother is on board.

This makes sense as a setup for the joke, but not as a valid log entry by itself.

PICARD: Mister O'Brien, energise.
(Charles Emerson Winchester III beams in, having escaped from the 4077 MASH)

My parents were big MASH fans, but I haven't seen that much of it. I know David Ogden Stiers better from his voice work in cartoons.

PICARD: I beg your pardon. Doctor Timicin, allow me to present Lwaxana Troi of Betazed. She's also a guest on board, and
LWAXANA: And Daughter of The Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir of the Holy Rings of Betazed, and what are you doing for dinner?

At this point the rattling off of titles is really getting old. Furthermore, why should an alien who probably has never ever even heard of Betazed care about these relics?

Captain's Log. Stardate 44805.7. For generations, the people of Kaelon Two have been working to revitalise their dying sun. The Federation has offered to assist in testing what may be a solution to this problem.

And evacuating the planet isn't an option...why? It's a shame that they didn't have Iconian tech to beam out the old sun and beam in a new sun...

LWAXANA: What does that little one do, Mister Woof?

The Mr. Woof thing is another joke that went on way too long.

WAXANA: You know, one thing I don't understand. If your people have known for generations that their sun is dying, why not simply evacuate the planet?
TIMICIN: It is our home. It defines who we are as a people. If Kaelon Two ceases to exist, so do we.

So they give a reason, even if it is an exceedingly stupid one.

TROI: That's not very telepathic of you.
LWAXANA: Oh, I tried telepathy on him. He's the wrong species. Right species for everything else, though.

There's a discussion to be had here. Back in "Manhunt" she said that she prefers humans. On the other hand, does she like the idea of a man that she can't learn everything about? A man that she can't manipulate? It's a shame that they used her as a punchline so much, there's a lot to unpack here that would've humanized her.

LAFORGE: Torpedoes now entering the stellar core.
TIMICIN: Their shields are holding. Guidance systems normal.

Torpedoes with shields, that's another interesting discussion. Did Soran's trilithium torpedoes have shields?

LWAXANA: Well the next thing to it. When a person on this benighted little planet reaches the age of sixty, which Timicin is about to do, they're expected to simply kill themselves. Did you know that?

Look, even if I condoned the voluntary execution of the aged and infirm, sixty seems a little young for such a thing. Picard himself is 62 at this point and nobody is acting like he's out of his prime.

Furthermore, this particular custom needs more explanation. Is it population control? Is it a religious custom? Does this society still use money and primitive medical tech that means that medical care will get excessively expensive as time goes on?

DATA: The people of Kaelon Two are isolationists, almost to the point of being xenophobes. Regrettably, we know very little about their customs.

And yet they have no problem asking the Federation for help. A prime example of two contradictory facts that both need to exist for the plot to work. Ugh.

O'BRIEN: I'm sorry, Counsellor, I'm not sure what to do here.
LWAXANA: Well, I am sure! I am a Betazoid ambassador. I'm a Daughter of the Fifth House, and those people are going to answer to me! So you just energise this damned thing and get me down there!

Thank goodness they address this. You can't have someone just walk into a transporter room and ask to be beamed down. What if the person is a carrier for a disease that Crusher just discovered? What if this is part of an attempt to commit suicide or carry out a crime?

LWAXANA: I don't know. I just can't accept that fate will allow me to meet him like this and then take him away. I mean, he's not ill. He hasn't had a tragic accident. He's just going to die, and for no good reason. Because his society has decided that he's too old, so they just dispose of him as though his life no longer had value or meaning. You can't possibly understand at your age, but at mine, sometimes you feel tired and afraid.

It's a good Trek message even if it is hamfisted.

TIMICIN: I want to explain. I want very much for you to understand. Fifteen or twenty centuries ago, we had no Resolution. We had no such concern for our elders. As people aged, their health failed, they became invalids. Those whose families could no longer care for them were put away in deathwatch facilities, where they waited in loneliness for the end to come, sometimes for years. They had meant something, and they were forced to live beyond that, into a time of meaning nothing, of knowing they could now only be the beneficiaries of younger people's patience. We are no longer that cruel, Lwaxana.

This is an example of a Message Show that gets way too preachy. Before this point the message to the present day was subtle and the viewer could absorb it unconsciously. They didn't need a two by four whacking people upside the head. This is one of the reasons why I don't like Voyager and Enterprise that much.

LWAXANA: (to the replicator) Oskoids.

I never noticed this callback to "Menage a Troi."

TIMICIN: Setting a standard age for the Resolution makes it uniform for everybody. To ask individual families to decide when their elders are to die, that would be heartless.

This is where it falls apart. Even if you want to spare the families the decision, it should be possible to set standards beyond a single age. Is the family predisposed to cancer? When and how did the person's parents develop their terminal conditions? Don't some terminal conditions progress slowly enough that you can choose a date in the near future?

TIMICIN: What do you think, Captain? Have I done the right thing?
PICARD: I'm afraid you're the only one who can answer that.

You have to wonder how the other captains would react to that question.

TIMICIN: Dara.
(everyone say hi to Michelle Forbes)
DARA: Father.

She won't be cast as Ensign Ro until next season.

LWAXANA: I am suddenly suddenly not sure of myself. It's a feeling I'm not at all used to. I don't think I like it very much, little one.

Lwaxana needed more lines like this, and way earlier than this.

The Fiver

Counselor's Log: Mom's here!

Captain's Log: Crap.

Watching Picard peek out into a corridor to see if it's safe will always be funny.

La Forge: Our calculations are complete, and we're ready to go.
Picard: Very good. Dr. Timicin, you may now lay your egg.
Timicin: Excuse me?
Picard: Sorry, I was thinking of someone else.

This reference to "Evolution" seems like a bit of a stretch.

La Forge: Whoa, we got new bidders, we got 222, we got 250, we got 300, we got 407.7, look out, she's gonna blow!
Timicin: Crap.

Now there's a subtle MASH joke.

Picard: Oh. Well, I still can't do anything. I'm bound by the Prime Directive.
Lwaxana: But I thought that only applied to pre-warp cultures?

Actually in TNG it seems to apply to all non-Federation worlds.

Timicin: Captain, I just spent the night with Lwaxana, and now, I don't want to kill myself.
Picard: Well, there's a switch. But what about the color of the crystal in your palm?
Timicin: It turns out that's from an entirely different movie.

I'll assume this is a reference to another Stiers role, but I don't follow it.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Once again people who are holding hands are beamed out together, and once again Phil calls it a nit. I still don't have a problem, it's not outside the realm of possibility that transporter pads can be linked for larger objects.
* Phil wonders about the havok to the engineering console Lwaxana did when she sets up a picnic on it. I actually don't have a problem with this one, the equipment must be durable enough for this sort of thing. It wouldn't surprise me if localized pressure or body heat would be required to activate the controls.

[Nate the Great]

May 13th, 1991, "The Host"

I've said it before and I'll say it again, they should've called the DS9 race something else. It's another case of "the people who didn't watch 'The Host' won't care, and the ones that did will question why so many changes were made."

Fiver by Marc (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=thehost)

The Episode

Doctor Beverly Crusher, personal log, stardate 44821.3. Began an analysis today of the respiratory problems being experienced on the beta moon of Peliar Zel. Finally got an actual letter from Wesley. Topped the class in exo-biology, but he's still struggling in Ancient Philosophies. And there's someone new in my life.

One wonders if the Ancient Philosophies are all human, or if they actually talk about Surak and such.

CRUSHER: I'll set you up at the medical monitor, Data. It'll take you a while to input the figures, won't it?
DATA: At least an hour, but I do not believe much time can be saved by exhibiting such haste now.

Really? Can't Data hook himself to the computer and "think" the data into it?

ODAN: Do you know, when I first met the formidable Doctor Beverly, what, ten days ago? I thought to myself, this woman is ice through to her bones. Who would have ever guessed that instead of ice, there is fire.

Beverly doesn't seem like the type to fall in love this fast.

TROI: It's Ambassador Odan. I continually feel fluctuations of emotion from him.
PICARD: Perhaps it's perfectly normal among the Trill.
TROI: It could be. We know so very little about them.

This seems like one of those cases where more information would be required before sexual liasons are approved. Goodness, am I saying that NextGen should be more like Voyager? Is it Opposite Day?

CRUSHER: I am a grown up and I know the difference between love and infatuation. All I know is, I haven't felt this way for a long time.

"Transfigurations" was ten months ago. Whether that counts as "a long time" is a discussion that I'll skip.

ODAN: Captain, you know her better than I. Do you have any idea how committed she is to remaining with Starfleet?
PICARD: I wouldn't presume to speak for her.
ODAN: Oh no, of course not. I just thought, well, you've known her so much long than I.

We don't actually know when she met Picard. She met Jack Crusher in 2347 or 2348, so it's probably been twenty years or so. The "Generations" photo album has Picard's invitation to her wedding to Jack, although it has other mistakes.

ODAN: If you transport me, it will kill me. Please.

Another thing that should've been in the initial briefing, and another thing that DS9 ignored. The simplest solution is that he was just lying and wanted to hide his symbiote (although in this case, I think "parasite" is more applicable) from them.

ODAN: This body is just a host. I am that parasite. That is what must survive. It has always been this way. The Trill are a joined species. A host and a symbiont, and in this fashion we have survived for millennia.
CRUSHER: You're dying. What can I do?
ODAN: The host body is dying. You must contact the Trill quickly. Tell them I need another host. They will send a replacement.

The implication that the host doesn't matter is unsetting. Does this version of the Trill labgrow humanoid bodies for the symbiotes to walk around in?

DATA: Would it be possible for me to serve as a temporary carrier?

Data, how is that even remotely possible? You're an idiot, or maybe it's just the writers.

RIKER/ODAN: It never occurred to me. This is what I am. Did you ever tell me that you are only a single being? Of course not. That was normal to you.

This is beyond idiotic. I don't buy this sort of argument for a second. The Trill deliberately hid this aspect of their biology until it was necessary to talk, so they must've known how other species would react.

CRUSHER: You know, Deanna, the first man I ever loved unconditionally was named Stefan.

Maybe it's just cause I've never been in love, but the idea of loving "unconditionally" is a little unsettling to me. Forgiving absolutely everything seems like something a doormat or victim of abuse would say.

CRUSHER: I feel his pull. It's very powerful. I wish he'd never come on this ship.
TROI: Don't wish that, Beverly. You can't be open to love if you don't risk pain.

I get the message, but this doesn't seem like the place for it.

RIKER/ODAN: Can you make balso tonic?
COMPUTER: There is no formula on record. Please supply a molecular structure.
RIKER/ODAN: Never mind.

Did joining with Will make you stupid, Odan? Your people are isolationist, of course they haven't shared replicator patterns!

CRUSHER: Perhaps it is a human failing, but we are not accustomed to these kinds of changes. I can't keep up. How long will you have this host? What would the next one be? I can't live with that kind of uncertainty. Perhaps, someday, our ability to love won't be so limited.
KAREEL/ODAN: I understand.

So they make the new host a woman to subvert expectations, but they decide to do nothing with it? What's the point? They can't have Beverly expressing homophobia outright, they can't declare that all Trill are bisexual, nothing?

On the whole this almost seems like a plot that would've worked better in the Voyager days when things were a little looser.

The Fiver

Troi: Beverly, are you sure your feelings for Odan aren't just an infatuation?
Beverly: I don't think they are -- though I admit that I do have a weakness for men with long, dark, wavy hair.

Where did this come from? Ronin is the closest to this description, and his hair barely reached his shoulders.

Odan: Before I shuttle down to the negotiations, I have a gift for you -- a pair of Trill earrings.
Crusher: They're lovely! But...how could you have bought them for me? We hadn't met before you came aboard.
Odan: Actually, they're mine. I mean, uh, they're sort of an old family heirloom. Yes, that's it.

The fiver tradition of characters being lousy liars lives on.

Crusher: The Ambassador's in shock, he's lost as lot of blood....
Nurse Ogawa: ...and he also seems to be pregnant.
Crusher: But that's impossible! We were really carefu--

"We even put condoms on the magic telepathic rocks!"

Blerg, "Unexpected" was a real stinker.

Riker/Odan: Will you allow me to serve as mediator?
Alpha Moon Delegate: Not if you are acceptable to the Beta delegate!
Beta Moon Delegate: Not if you are acceptable to the Alpha delegate!
Riker/Odan: Since each of you finds me unacceptable, does this mean that you both agree to my offer of service?
Both Delegates: Of course.
Leka: (aside to Picard) He's good.

I wonder if Marc is a Phantom Tollbooth fan. I was shocked to see that his last visit was in 2005...

Crusher: I was, uh, thinking that...if Deanna were to be attracted to Worf, that would hypothetically make it all right for me to be interested in you.
Riker/Odan: And how likely is that, do you think?

Troi/Worf won't really be a thing for another couple seasons, and I never did like the pairing. Then again, I never really liked Dax/Worf either.

Memory Alpha

* They had to shoot around McFadden's pregnancy. You'd think they'd put off the script until next season for that reason.
* The creators had to answer the questions of homophobia. Marvin Rush's explanation might make sense if they had actually devoted some screentime to it. But they didn't, so it sure looks like homophobia was a factor.

Fan attempts to reconcile the Trill contradiction

* There really are two different species that just happen to both be called Trill. (https://www.reddit.com/r/DaystromInstitute/comments/eig24l/reconciling_the_trill_in_tng_against_the_trill_in/) This wouldn't necessarily be without precedence, given the Xindi and Rigellians, among others.
* Apparently there's a short story that declares "Host"-style Trills to be a subspecies. (https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/the-trill-in-tng-vs-ds9.152240/) Someone compares it to Pon Farr being unknown before "Amok Time". I call that one very easy to reconcile, they stated in the episodes that outsiders aren't told and until Spock joined Starfleet it was never allowed to be a factor/
* Ex Astris Scientia (https://www.ex-astris-scientia.org/inconsistencies/trills.htm) tackles the question. They also bring up the reassociation issue which hadn't occurred to me.
* The fans at Jammer's Reviews tackle the episode (https://www.jammersreviews.com/st-tng/s4/host.php). I find the notion that Pulaski would be more accepting intriguing (even if I don't quite buy it). Another fan raises the valid point that if the host is just a puppet being driven around by the symbiote, why would they care about having sex with a humanoid? Another correctly points out that Trill hosts are treated as slaves by the symbionts.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Odan called himself a parasite, in case any of the viewers missed the point. Awkward.
* Phil has some interesting points on the TNG/DS9 disconnect, but they've been covered elsewhere for the most part.
* Our heroes are handling the parasite thing rather well considering the events of "Conspiracy" and "Identity Crisis", aren't they?
* Why didn't Beverly implant Odan into herself for a short time?

[Nate the Great]

May 27th, 1991, "The Mind's Eye"

Fiver by Kira
(http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=themindseye)

The Episode

LAFORGE: How about a game, computer?
COMPUTER: Please restate request.
LAFORGE: Something to pass the time, you know, a diversion.

I'm irked at this exchange. I'll forgive the lack of traditional computer games in the NextGen era, remember that in 1991 we were still in the 16-bit era. But Geordi should've prepared a game or movie for this trip. We've seen short shuttle trips before, even Picard brought a book to read.

Captain's log, stardate 44891.6. The Enterprise has been ordered to accompany a special emissary from the Klingon High Council to the Kriosian System, where one of their colonies is fighting for independence.

Geordi was abducted on 44885.5. That was two days ago. Geordi was expected on Risa three hours after his entry. Wouldn't it be standard operating procedure for Geordi to inform Risa that he was coming, and for Risa to inform the Enterprise when he doesn't arrive on time?

I'm irked whenever the writers act like there wouldn't be thousands of transmissions coming into and going out of the Enterprise on a daily basis. This is another thing that DS9 got right!

KELL: There was a time when the Empire would crush a rebellion. Now it is tolerated. We have enough problems on the home planet. We don't wish to divert resources to such a trivial war.
PICARD: You're prepared to grant them independence?
KELL: Perhaps. We'll conquer them again later, if we wish.

It's sad when we learn more about the Klingons in episodes that don't have the spare time to devote the needed attention to it. So interesting topics are brought up only to be shoved aside immediately. And the stupid thing is that we don't learn more about the Romulans either, both sides are dumbed down to make room for less interesting stuff elsewhere.

KELL: It was my decision to invite you to accompany me, Captain. Many on the Council have great respect for you.

Many, but not all. Even if the Duras faction no longer has access to the High Council, only a fool would think that everyone else is pro-Gowron or pro-Federation.

PICARD: Indeed. Ambassador, I will ask our Chief Security officer, Lieutenant Worf, to make a report
KELL: Captain, Worf's discommendation makes that very awkward. If I could work with one of the other security officers
PICARD: Lieutenant Worf is my Chief of Security and my tactical officer. This matter clearly falls within his jurisdiction.
KELL: As you wish.

Sometimes the level of continuity nods in TNG makes you feel sad for the potential that Voyager had and never used because the creators were cowards. There, I said it.

WOMAN: Will there be any physical evidence of what you are doing to him?
(hmm that voice sounds familiar)

Ugh, just call her Sela! Only Trek fans would be reading this transcript anyway.

KELL: There have been two rebel attacks on neutral freighters. One a Ferengi, the other Cardassian.

What are Cardassian freighters doing in Federation space?

KELL: The actinides in the asteroids provide positive protection against our sensors.

The actinides are the elements from 89 to 103, all radioactive. I get irked whenever conventional radiation blocks anything in the 24th century, that's absolutely ridiculous.

WORF: Captain Picard does not lie. If he says there is no Federation assistance to the rebels, there is none.
KELL: Good. Because I risked my own reputation and honour coming to Picard.

Section 31 aside, we've seen other operations unknown to the flagship captain. All Picard can guarantee that he personally knows nothing about Federation assistance.

KELL: There are some members of the High Council who would thank you, Worf.
WORF: Thank me?
KELL: For killing Duras. No doubt that had he lived, one day he would ascended to head the Council. Many were not looking forward to that.

An interesting question. If Worf hadn't have killed Duras, would Picard have seriously given him control over the Empire? Didn't they have evidence of Duras's collusion with the Romulans even back then?

WORF: My motives were personal, not political.
KELL: Motives? Who cares for motives? Humans perhaps.

Ha! Klingons don't act based on motives, what a concept. Is there a single race in Trek who doesn't act based on motives?

TROI: You had a good time.
LAFORGE: Does it show?
TROI: You're more relaxed than I've ever seen you.

I'm disturbed that Troi can't tell between different forms of relaxation. There are times when you really wish that she was a full telepath.

VAGH: This is the only Klingon colony on the border of Federation space. You cannot deny that Starfleet would be happy to see Krios gain its independence. It would reduce your vulnerability to an attack.

This whole thing is ridiculous. The portion of the Federation-Klingon border occupied by a single colony is so small that it's ridiculous. Furthermore, the military in this system is no match for the Federation.

Plus, and let's be real here, any attempt by the Federation to occupy Klingon space would only leave it vulnerable to Romulan attack. And we're not even talking about a Klingon/Federation war, just occupying Klingon space bit by bit is an expenditure that the Federation can't afford after the Borg invasion. Add in the tenuous state of the treaty with the Cardassians and you have a Federation willing to do anything to avoid war, including encouraging Klingon civil war. The more the Romulans upset the balance in the Klingon empire, the more possible it is for the Romulans to sneak attack from within Klingon territory.

And people wonder why Voyager and Enterprise did so much worse than TNG...

PICARD: Governor, you speak as if we are enemies, not allies.
VAGH: And you speak the lies of a taar'chek.
PICARD: Qu'vath guy'cha b'aka.
KELL: Gentlemen.
VAGH: You swear well, Picard. You must have Klingon blood in your veins.

We don't really know what they said, I'm surprised Marc Okrand never attached a meaning to this exchange.

I'm reminded of when General Chang claimed that Kirk was part Klingon and thus an exception to the traditional wisdom that all humans were cowards.

LAFORGE: The Romulans. They fashioned a perfect Federation rifle but they had to charge it from their energy sources. So the discharge crystal and the emission beam pattern correspond to those you'd find in a Romulan disrupter.

I'm dubious at this. First, that the Romulans don't have any captured Federation tech around to charge a phaser. Second, that they couldn't buy Federation phaser crystals from the Ferengi or Orions. Third, that you could even make a phaser duplicate act like a disrupter. Why make a counterfeit rifle this good, only to make the beam so obviously wrong?

PICARD: Do you know which transporter was used?
LAFORGE: I'm not sure, Captain. Whoever did it apparently used the planetary array to bypass the transport sensors.

Yeah, that's nonsense. I'm not in the mood to even create appropriate Treknobabble in this case.

DATA: The primary plasma system does not indicate a power drain from any of the transporters.
LAFORGE: Then whoever used the transporter must have bypassed the primary feeds.
DATA: Tracking power from secondary systems. No surges to any of the transporters indicated.

Ugh, making the transporter work from a battery would be child's play compared with making a disrupter look like a phaser.

CRUSHER: What about your visor? Has it been giving you any problems lately?
LAFORGE: Nothing out of the ordinary.
CRUSHER: All the same, it might be a good idea to have it examined when we get to Starbase thirty six next month.
LAFORGE: Okay.

Considering that LaForge is one of the only people with one of this model of VISOR, shouldn't the Enterprise already have whatever tech is necessary for a full diagnostic? What makes Starbase 36 so special?

DATA: Computer, scan the shuttle's structural integrity.
COMPUTER: Sub-microscopic deformations are present in the nose section and aft thrusters.
DATA: Probable cause of these variations?
COMPUTER: The shuttle has been subjected to stress consistent with a tractor beam.

And the computer didn't say that up-front...because?

The Fiver

La Forge: There...are...four...lights!
Taibak: I haven't started the interrogation yet, you wuss. I'm just looking for the play button...ah, here it is.
La Forge: What the...Aaaaaaaaa! Make it stop!
Taibak: And after "Angel One," we're going to make you watch "Shades of Gray."

You monster!

Taibak: You must kill Chief O'Brien.
La Forge: But I like Chief O'Brien. He's a recurring character, which makes for really good continuity.
Taibak: Pretend he's Wesley Crusher.
La Forge: DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!

I'm unsure about this one, Geordi seemed to like Wesley. I'd have used Barclay or Sonia Gomez instead.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Sela, but Denise Crosby only did the voice. I get the foreshadowing, but the problem is that it's never paid off. Geordi never recognizes her later from this episode.
* The appearance of the planet Krios changed between "The Perfect Mate" and here. You'd think they could use stock footage.
* First appearance of the 24th century phaser rifle.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why is Geordi doing a three-hour trip at sublight speeds?
* If the Klingons occupy Krios, how can Krios be at war with Valt?
* Why didn't the investigators find Geordi's fingerprints on the weapons that he beamed down?

[Nate the Great]

It's official, there would've been romantic tension between Tasha and Wesley according to the series bible. (https://redshirtsalwaysdie.com/2021/08/10/this-odd-friendship-was-cut-from-tng/?fbclid=IwAR1SgkLesbPysxgB6dtms4vmxlPg2MCipVxqF85T azw3E2A5aGjkBOCw5Pg)


Remember when I mentioned this before (http://www.fiveminute.net/forums/showpost.php?p=81458&postcount=66)?

[Flying Gremlin]

Intriguing takes on a lot of the content. Finally caught up.

[Nate the Great]

June 3rd, 1991, "In Theory"

Fiver by Wowbagger (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=intheory)

Far too many episodes of TNG rely on the one-episode romance subplot, have any of you noticed that?

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44932.3 The Enterprise is preparing to enter the Mar Oscura, an unexplored dark matter nebula. Commander Data is modifying several new photon torpedoes for an experiment designed to elicit more information about this unusual phenomenon.

Why are they modifying photon torpedoes instead of probes? Are antimatter explosions part of this experiment?

JENNA: I bumped into Jeff again in the turbolift this morning. He asked me to dinner.
DATA: What was your response?
JENNA: I told him I'd think about it.
DATA: As you requested, I will now remind you of the reasons you decided to end your relationship with Jeff.
JENNA: I guess I asked for this. Go ahead.
DATA: You objected to the fact that he seemed unwilling to set aside sufficient time for you. You said he was unresponsive, that he never did the little things. You disliked the sound he made when he ate his soup.
JENNA: Okay, okay. I remember.
DATA: This is the third time I have refreshed your memory. Do you wish to rescind our agreement?
JENNA: No. No, it's for my own good. It's just so easy to forget.

On the one hand, Data is an ideal candidate to perform this kind of service. On the other hand, it does seem a little dehumanizing to ask Data to act as a talking parrot.

DATA: Throughout history, many lovers have suffered the same difficulty. Anne Boleyn was quite distressed that Henry the Eighth preferred the company of his huntsmen over that of his wife.

I've read a bit about the wives of Henry VIII over the years, and I don't know where this huntsman came from. This isn't the place to talk about the complicated history of Henry VIII, I just think that if they wanted an historical example of romantic complications they could cite someone a bit more recent and well-known. JFK comes to mind immediately.

(a quintet is playing. Data on oboe, Jenna on flute, Keiko on clarinet, an alien on bassoon, and a man in casual clothes on French horn)
O'BRIEN: That was wonderful.
KEIKO: Thank you.
(Miles and Keiko embrace)

Did Keiko ever play again? You'd think DS9 is big enough to have an unofficial band, and it would certainly give her something to do. Furthermore, it would be another facet for Bashir or Sisko (I could certainly imagine Sisko playing a saxophone or something).

Furthermore, why is the alien playing a bassoon? Wouldn't his race have an equivalent instrument to insert here? It would be a nice little bit of worldbuilding.

KEIKO: Every night, Miles leaves his socks on the floor. When we got married, I made the mistake of picking them up a few times. Then I realised, if I kept it up I'd be doing it the rest of my life. So I stopped, figuring he'd get the point and do it himself. One night goes by, two, a week, ten days. By now there's a pile of socks half a metre high.
O'BRIEN: Come on, it wasn't half a metre.
KEIKO: After two weeks I couldn't stand it any more. I bundled them up and put them in the cleaning processor. And I'm still doing it.

While it's nice to see the lighter sides of life in the Federation, leaving socks on the floor seems rather primitive when you can shove them into the wall. As for a "cleaning processor", what is it and is it more energy-efficient than just feeding stuff into a replicator to be broken down and reused?

JENNA: Keiko, you sound just like Data. He came over to my quarters the other day to give me a music lesson, and he said the funniest thing. How did you put it, about the mess?
DATA: I believe I observed that you seem to have an aversion to orderliness. But it was not intended as a humourous remark.

Are we supposed to like Jenna? Because I don't. Plus I thought Data had more tact than to make observations like that.

DATA: I am nearly finished compiling readings from our most recent illuminatory burst. Dark matter density is nearly one order of magnitude higher than in similar nebulae. Life forms here may have developed in ways never before observed.
RIKER: Interesting hypothesis. Are there any M-class planets we could check out?

Let's assume that not all matter in here is dark matter. Even so, any life-forms around here should be sufficiently different to not exist under M-class conditions. I don't like how the writers seem to think that lifeforms can only exist under M-class conditions. There are other habitable classes, you know!

JENNA: Sometimes in the summer we'd go on cookouts. Just my little brother and me, and mother. She was hopeless without a replicator. We didn't care.
DATA: Children often do not develop discerning palettes until well beyond adolescence.

Let's accept that replicators are too big to take outside. I'd think that a portable stasis unit should be possible to make to keep food at the required temperature.

Sorry, I just hate it when Star Trek people keep going into unfamiliar environments for recreation when they don't have to. If you can't rough it don't plan activities where you have to!

As for children and discerning palettes, that's a whole other screed that could easily get me into trouble. I don't have children and probably never will, but I have observed nieces and nephews.

JENNA: That what I love about you, Data. You make me laugh. I don't know why I keep falling for the wrong man. Why can't I fall for somebody like you. You're perfect.
DATA: That is not true. I have no human feelings.

Exactly. Even if you compensate for his lack of emotions, Data still couldn't be described as perfect. Another screed.

GUINAN: Hello, Data. Would you like to try something new? It's a concoction I heard about on Prakal Two. I think it's wonderful but I need a second opinion.

Why is Guinan asking Data's opinion on this? I thought she was supposed to be the expert in dealing with everyone on their own terms (which means understanding everybody's own terms).

GUINAN: Don't look at me. No, no, Data, I simply mean that I can't give you any advice here. It's not good to advise people about their first love affairs. That's kind of something they have to figure out for themselves.

So what was she doing with Wesley and Salia?

LAFORGE: Data. Missing someone? I found Spot wandering through the corridor two sections away.
DATA: Thank you.
LAFORGE: Forget to secure the door when you left?
DATA: The door sensor is programmed to recognise only humanoid forms for entry and egress. Spot could not have triggered the mechanism.

I've had cats, I know they can squeeze through the oddest openings. However, there shouldn't be any such openings on a starship. Or are you telling me that Spot somehow opened an access hatch to a Jefferie's Tube?

LAFORGE: Listen, my advice is ask somebody else for advice. At least someone who's got more experience at giving advice.

This would've been a good time to bring up Geordi's failures with women.

DATA: I have studied much human literature on the subject of love and romantic liaisons. There are many role models for me to emulate.
TROI: Ultimately, Jenna will care for you for what you are, not what you imitate out of a book.

Exactly. I think Data fell back on the "fake it until you make it" plot far too often, including this episode.

WORF: Klingons do not pursue relationships. They conquer that which they desire. However, Lieutenant D'Sora serves under my command. If she were mistreated, I would be very displeased, sir.
DATA: I understand.

Is he using "conquer" as a euphemism for sex? I hope not. The protective big brother thing is another cliché that I don't think fits here. Could Worf hurt Data anyway?

RIKER: I think you should pursue it. First of all, she's a beautiful woman.

I'm disturbed by Will treating beauty as the most important factor. He should've matured past the playboy phase by now.

If you've read Imzadi you should know that his initial interest in Deanna was simply "she's hot" combined with "she'll be a challenge."

[Nate the Great]

DATA: Jenna has clearly demonstrated how she feels about me, but I am not capable of returning those feelings.
RIKER: Data, when you get involved with another person, there are always risks of disappointment, of getting hurt.

Uh, Will, you didn't address Data's concern. In fact, you completely misinterpreted Data's statement in order to make a more general observation.

DATA: I cannot be hurt. But she can.
RIKER: Jenna knows that and she has obviously decided to take the chance.

No, she's hasn't. She's desperate and misinterpreting Data's actions.

RIKER: Data, when it really works between two people, it's not like anything you've ever experienced. The rewards are far beyond simple friendship.
DATA: How far, sir?
RIKER: That's what I'm hoping you're going to find out.
DATA: Thank you, Commander.

Will does know that Data doesn't have emotions, right? Plus, if this is a subtle reference to sex, he knows about Data and Tasha by now, doesn't he?

DATA: Captain, I am seeking advice in how
PICARD: Yes, I've heard, Data, and I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When as I have some, I'll let you know.

This is a good gag, Data's been talking to everyone on the senior staff (although I do wonder what Beverly's advice would've been), and word gets around.

(Meaningless aside alert! In the novel "Guises of the Mind" a pair of nuns comes aboard to help set up an orphanage on a planet. Data takes an interest in the subject of religion, and so of course asks his friends their opinions on the subject. Picard describes the church in his hometown and seems to treat the subject as a source of comfort whether or not there is a God. Worf refers to his family's gods (a clear discontinuity) and says he'll talk about the rituals as long as Data keeps it a secret. Guinan describes god as a singular idea that can be one person or several, a changeable approach. It's also mentioned that there are Jews and ritualistic Native Americans onboard that Data consults.)

JENNA: They're lovely. Come in. What are they?
DATA: A variety of crystilia. Their fragrance is an evolutionary response to the acrid nature of the atmosphere on Telemarius Four.

Acrid means it has an unpleasant taste or smell. I'm dubious as to whether a good smell is really chemically opposite to a bad smell.

Only mention of Telemarius IV.

JENNA: You didn't talk to the entire ship about us.
DATA: No. In actuality, less than one percent of the Enterprise crew was involved. It was necessary to balance theory with experiential referents.

Okay, here's a question. Of the 1,012 people on board, how many are "crew?" If Data is to be believed, he only talked with four crew (Guinan doesn't count). So that means at least 400 crew.

JENNA: This is all part of a programme?
DATA: Yes. One which I have just created for romantic relationships.
JENNA: So I'm just a small variable in one of your new computational environments?
DATA: You are much more than that, Jenna. I have written a subroutine specifically for you. A programme within the programme. I have devoted a considerable share of my internal resources to its development.
JENNA: Data, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.

You could argue that "real" people also create such personas, but I won't go into detail for fear of being lynched.

DATA: You have often expressed dissatisfaction with the spartan nature of my quarters. Is this an attempt at embellishment?
JENNA: The cat's out of the bag.
DATA: Spot?

How incomplete is the dictionary in Data's head? Did they pawn off the job to the lowest bidder who turned out to be a particularly inept Pakled?

COMPUTER: Warning. Atmospheric decompression in Bridge Observation Lounge.

As opposed to the Sickbay Observation Lounge?

DATA: The transparent aluminum alloy of this window is exhibiting a pattern of transient electrical currents.
PICARD: Explanation?
DATA: I have none. The rate is characteristic of a subspace distortion, but I am picking up no evidence of a subspace field.

I'm not sure how many of you know about piezoelectricity (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piezoelectricity), but the notion of a subspace equivalent is intriguing.

DATA: Honey? I'm home.

This is always worth a laugh.

JENNA: I'll have a Calaman Sherry.

Only mention, but it did make it into the Star Trek Cookbook. Mix strawberry, kiwi, and sparkling apple cider as an equivalent. An Okudagram in Quark's presents this as a possible drink.

DATA: Darling, you remain as aesthetically pleasing as the first day we met. I believe I am the most fortunate sentient in this sector of the galaxy. Now, you relax. Put your feet up and I will take care of everything.

This is funny because it combines the cliched script with Data's need to insert more complicated vocabulary.

JENNA: Kiss me.
(they kiss)
JENNA: What were you just thinking?
DATA: In that particular moment, I was reconfiguring the warp field parameters, analysing the collected works of Charles Dickens, calculating the maximum pressure I could safely apply to your lips, considering a new food supplement for Spot--
JENNA: I'm glad I was in there somewhere.

It makes you wonder how many other things Data was thinking about. And given that Data never sleeps (at least, not yet), how much does he think about on a given day?

And when he routes key computer functions through his brain, how many fewer things does he think about?

PICARD: I'm going to pilot the shuttle.
RIKER: Captain, it's my duty as First Officer to safeguard the lives on this ship, including yours. The Enterprise can't afford to lose you, sir. Certainly not in this situation.

In this situation you could argue that the shuttle is safer than the ship. Of course in real life Picard is separated because Stewart is directing and it's useful to keep him off the set as much as possible.

JENNA: You were so kind and attentive. I thought that would be enough.
DATA: It is not?
JENNA: No, it's not. Because as close as we are, I don't really matter to you. Not really. Nothing I can say or do will ever make you happy or sad, or touch you in any way.

I wish they could've resolved this in more than one scene, as it is it smacks too much of the scriptwriter getting bored of the topic and getting rid of it ASAP.

The Fiver

Data: I will now draw on various romantic figures to create a satisfactory evening, such as Ward Cleaver, Bob Hartly, Commander Riker, and The Famous Mister Ed.
D'Sora: Why don't you spare me the trouble of calling you a weirdo and get out now?

I don't think I ever watched Leave it to Beaver or Mister Ed as a child. I've watched my share of old shows in my time (stuff like Addams Family and Beverly Hillbillies comes to mind immediately), not those. Bob Hartly is from the series Newhart. The joke is that none of these, even Riker, is really a romantic figure.

Data: Dinner is served.
D'Sora: Sorry, Data, but I can't stay. I just came to tell you that it's over between us. (leaves)
Data: Maybe it was the fact that dinner was my silicon suspension....
(Data puzzles his puzzler until his puzzler is puzzled at Ludicrous Speed)

A good joke.

Memory Alpha

* This story is inspired by all those fans who were obsessed with Spock romantically in the TOS days. At least that makes sense because Spock does have emotions, he just suppresses them.
* They didn't like having to insert the dark matter stuff, but felt like they had to. They say that people would ask what the ship is doing, but my response is that they did it clumsily with forced peril.
* First episode directed by Stewart.
* I'm annoyed at the revelation that directors were randomly assigned to stories. Directors should be assigned to stories that suit them.
* The site attempts to explain Data's multiple contractions by saying that these statements were more or less him playing soundbytes, not actually speaking. Yeah, good luck with that.
* Ronald Moore thinks that people don't recognize this episode enough. I disagree. When half the episode is a forced technobabble that only exists to break up talky scenes, you don't have a class-A episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why does Data have opinions on closet organization when he wears the same thing 99% of the time? He probably keeps his Sherlock Holmes costume on one side, and that's it.
* Phil also noted the "Dauphin" thing.
* If there wasn't decompression in the observation lounge, how did the furniture get shoved to one side?

[Nate the Great]

June 17th, 1991, "Redemption Part One"

Up front, I understand how this story was bumped by a year by "The Best of Both Worlds." However, that doesn't mean that they shouldn't have used the intervening time well. In particular, saying that it took a year for Gowron to officially take over is ridiculous. That should've happened earlier, along with a proper Duras Sisters introduction, to make room in this episode for the actual civil war.

Fiver by Zeke (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=redemption)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44995.3. We're en route to the Klingon home world, where I will participate in the installation ceremony of Gowron, the next designated Leader of the High Council.

I'm confused about Picard's role here. Aren't his Arbiter of Succession duties done? I'd rather this was a more general reaffirm-the-treaty-show-the-flag thing.

WORF: It is not time yet.
PICARD: That doesn't sound like the man who came to me a year ago fiercely determined to return home and to clear his father's name or die trying. Isn't it time to confront the Council? To regain your family name? Let the truth be known?

I'd rather ask Worf what time he thinks IS right.

PICARD: And who speaks for his family now?
GOWRON: Lursa and B'Etor, the sisters of Duras.
PICARD: And they would claim the leadership of the Council?
GOWRON: Women may not serve on the Council.

But Gowron offered K'ehlyr a seat a year ago! Furthermore, Gowron didn't answer Picard's question. Picard was asking about leading the Council, Gowron is talking about being on the council.

It's not fair to talk about Azetbur, she hasn't been invented yet, but I'm still going to do it. In Star Trek VI they were treating the top spot like a monarchy, which I have problems with. In the TNG era it makes much more sense, intended for the most worthy warrior.

For that matter, shouldn't the best warrior get the top job? Gowron doesn't seem like a better warrior than average. At least Duras seems like a guy who actually trains himself. But then again, does K'mpec seem like he was ever that good of a warrior? Why would you need to poison this guy, just challenge him to a fight and stab him!

I'm meandering, I'm sorry.

WORF: I practice at level fourteen.
GUINAN: Guess I could come down to that level for a while. Begin programme.
…
GUINAN: Good game. Don't feel bad. I was doing this long before you were born. So how is he? Your son.

I get that they needed an interaction between Guinan and Worf here, but I'm not sure that target shooting was the right choice here. Sure, you can't have Whoopi Goldberg tussling with holographic monsters, but there must've been another choice.

KURN: Gowron will not live to see the day he leads the Council.
WORF: What do you mean?
KURN: He stands alone, surrounded by his enemies. Lursa and B'Etor will have him killed. And if they don't, I will.
WORF: You will?
KURN: Gowron is weak. The family of Duras must never be allowed to lead the Council. Our leaders have failed us. They no longer deserve our loyalty. It is time to sweep away the old Council and put a new one in its place.

Kurn seems a little mixed up. Even should his faction manage to kill Gowron and Duras, that still leaves other problems. Furthermore, Martok later said that cowardice was the only real reason to remove Gowron, and just like during the war Gowron is not a coward even if he's not the best warrior.

K'TAL: naDev ghoS!
(Picard walks forward)
K'TAL: Have you reached a decision regarding the succession of power?
PICARD: Qaja plu d'itch jung. La woq you ghir klas qimha. Gowron. Doj hon. Doj hon.

"Come here!" Picard's line hasn't been translated. Trust me, I've looked.

K'TAL: Gowron, son of M'Rel, hakt'em. The Arbiter confirms that you have completed the Rite of Succession. Your enemies have been destroyed. You stand alone. Do you wish to claim leadership of the Council?
GOWRON: I wish it.
K'TAL: Are there no other challengers?

I have a problem with this bit. If Gowron has had to answer challengers during this entire transitionary period, why was there a transitory period? Seriously, Gowron should've been assumed to have taken over after "Reunion" and the Klingons should be having a problem with his pro-Federation methods.

GOWRON: The illegitimate son of Duras cannot rule the High Council.
K'TAL: The Arbiter will consider his validity. Len'mat.

Again, the Klingon Empire is not a hereditary monarchy. You have to prove yourself in battle to even be eligible! Why is this kid here?

KURN [on monitor]: I have met with the other squadron commanders here. Three will join us, one will not. That gives us enough strength to control seven key sectors.

Three squadrons can control seven sectors? I do wish they could've told us how many ships to a squadron. Furthermore, in naval tradition a squadron is merely one part of a fleet or task force. I sorta get that in Trek they tend to use the term "fleet" to refer to ALL ships in a certain government's military, but "task force" or "flotilla" would've worked better.

PICARD: Mister Worf, you're using our files on the Khitomer massacre as evidence against Duras' father?
WORF: Yes, sir.
PICARD: Do you not see an inherent conflict of interest here?
WORF: Sir, those Federation records will help me prove that my father was falsely accused of treason.
PICARD: You are using your position as a Starfleet officer to affect political change on your planet. There could not be a worse compromise of our fundamental principles.

I'm with SF Debris here, this seems iffy. Truth is truth, after all. Frankly all of the Starfleet records on the Khitomer massacre should've been turned over back in "Reunion" after Duras and K'ehlyr were killed.

GOWRON: You come to me and demand the restoration of your family honour and now you hide behind human excuses? What are you, Worf? Do you tremble and quake with fear at the approach of combat, hoping to talk your way out of a fight like a human? Or do you hear the cry of the warrior calling you to battle, calling you to glory like a Klingon?

You can't say that they didn't write Gowron consistently. It's amazing how much of an arc they got out of this character.

WOMAN: Celebrate later, Toral. We should not discount Jean Luc Picard yet. He is human, and humans have a way of showing up when you least expect them.

A good line, often overlooked.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: We're on our way to Qo'noS so I can officially install Gowron as Chancellor. I tried this once before, but had to stop when Worf performed an illegal operation.

Ah, the early days of Windows humor.

Gowron: (over the comm) Greetings, Federation scum. FEAR MY CREEPY EYES.

Lots of people talk about how Gowron stares. I don't take it that seriously, but I see where they're coming from.

Picard: Gowron, I simply cannot choose sides in a Klingon civil war, no matter how cool my first officer thinks it would be.
Gowron: Look into my eyes and say that.
Picard: All right, but -- whoa. Creepy. Still no, though.
Worf: Captain, we must do something to help Gowron!
Picard: We could provide him with contact lenses.
Worf: That's it, I quit.

I would've used sunglasses here, but whatever...

Picard: If you must go, Worf, at least share a nostalgia trip with me. (sigh) I remember the day you first came aboard....
Worf: Sir, I really wouldn't enter the quarters.
Picard: ...you were so young and red-shir--
(WO-PANG)
Worf: Ouch. You're lucky that bounced off your artificial heart.

Definite Avengers flashbacks here. "Usually this works..."

Memory Alpha

* Major continuity error here about Guinan making Worf laugh. She did that back in "Yesterday's Enterprise."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Worf forgot to pack the family bat'leth. Oops.
* The Great Hall is way bigger here than in "Sins of the Fathers." There's been plenty of time for a remodel, and for all we know there are two Great Halls.
* Phil points out Worf's red blood and its conflict with The Undiscovered Country. I'd rather chalk that up to "the blood really was red" just like "the Klingons always had ridges, there was no need for Augment virus nonsense."

[Nate the Great]

September 23rd, 1991, "Redemption Part Two"

It feels good to be caught up again.

The Episode

[Kurn's Bridge]

They really tried to squeeze too much into this episode. Why is Worf with Kurn instead of Gowron?

PICARD: The Romulans have been attempting to destroy the Klingon-Federation Alliance for the past twenty years.

Really? I thought the Romulans were in an isolationist period until a couple years ago. I think they're referring to the Khitomer Massacre in 2346 that orphaned Worf, but that raises further questions. It was previously believed that the Romulans entered the isolationist period after the Tomed Incident in 2311. But then again, the Romulans attacked Narendra III in 2344, the act that directly led to the Alliance.

For the sake of argument let's retcon out of existence the isolationist period (which is hard, since the Tomed Incident will be referenced a few more times in canon). In this case it seems silly to specify "twenty years" at all since the alliance has only existed for twenty years! Picard could just say "since it was created"!

SHANTHI: But how would you overcome the Romulan cloaking device?
PICARD: My Chief Engineer has developed a system that should nullify that advantage. Each ship will send out an active tachyon beam to the other blockading ships. Now, in theory, any cloaked vessel that attempts to pass between our ships must cross that beam and be detected.

Space is big, really big. This tachyon detection grid just doesn't work. Even if we argue that Romulan cloaking fields extend hundreds of times farther than their ships (dubious at best, but IF), you'd still need thousands of ships to cover the entire Romulan/Klingon border. And then of course, you'd need to extend the grid across the Romulan/Federation border too, plus whoever is on the far side of Romulan/Klingon space (the Breen?).

Plus I'm dubious that a starship can be equipped to receive the tachyon beams from other ships.

Now let's turn to "Face of the Enemy" that implies that Starfleet maintained the grid for at least a year after the war. Even if you somehow buy that Starfleet eventually implemented an automated planetside equivalent of the starships (again, dubious, but at least it evokes the asteroid outposts from "Balance of Terror") would the Klingons agree to it?

RIKER: Starfleet is stretched pretty thin across the quadrant. There are only about twelve ships within a day's travel of this position.

We're given every reason to believe that the Civil War has been going on for a long time now (stardates indicate nine days, yeah right). Frankly Starfleet has had plenty of time to get half of the fleet to the Klingon/Romulan border whether or not they were anticipating the tachyon detection grid.

LAFORGE: The only other ships available are either in spacedock for repairs or still under construction. Most of them don't even have full crews yet.

I wonder if any are still repairing damage from Wolf 359. I'm confused at Geordi bringing up the crew thing. So what? Transfer staff from the starbases to the ships! I think you can run the starbases on a skeleton crew for a little bit, nobody's attacking them.

Furthermore, tachyon detection grid or not, every remotely-operational starship should've been staffed by now.

PICARD: Mister La Forge, can you implement your tachyon detection grid with twenty ships?
LAFORGE: It's possible, but the more ships, the bigger the net we can throw.

Facepalm. I'm dubious that twenty ships could cover a sector, much less the whole border.

PICARD: Will, I want you to command the Excalibur. Her crew was reassigned when she put in for repairs.

Let me wring my fists again about no other Constitution-class ship getting the -A, -B, etc. designations for their namesakes.

Memory Alpha designates this Excelsior as NCC-26517, Ambassador-class. This is the same ship later to be commanded by Captain Calhoun in the New Frontier novels.

DATA: I am confused. Why have I not been assigned to command a ship in the fleet, sir?

Well, Data, first of all you're not in the Command division, you're in the Operations division. Unless you go back to the Academy and change divisions you'll never captain a ship unless it's in the Starfleet Corps of Engineers. Second of all, this episode doesn't have the runtime to do the story of your first command properly (and it doesn't). Third of all, now is not time time to be thinking of your career, just like we really didn't have time for Riker's against back in "The Best of Both Worlds." Fourth of all, you should be spending your time figuring out how to get the most out of the tachyon detection grid. Need I go on?

WORF: You drink with our enemies?
KURN: How many are Gowron's men? How many are Duras? Does it matter? When we meet in battle, we will fight to the death, but here, here we're all warriors, all Klingons.

I get the sentiment, but once again, we don't have time for this kind of nonsense in an episode that's already stuffed with too many plotlines!

HOBSON: Frankly, sir, I don't believe in your ability to command this ship. You're a fellow officer and I respect that, but no one would suggest that a Klingon would make a good ship's counsellor or that a Berellian could be an engineer. They're just not suited for those positions. By the same token, I don't think an android is a good choice to be captain.

Now's not the time Hobson! This is the first time you've met Data and you're already biased against him. That's called racism, Hobson.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, we don't have time for this subplot! Shove it to another episode! And it's weird that Sela will refer to this in "Unification" without clarifying that she was commanding forces against him in the coming battle.

Only mention of the Berellians. And although the Klingon/counselor thing is pure racism (against an ally, no less), you have to admit it has some merit. K'Ehleyr (I'm annoyed that I still have to look up how to spell that every time) is one of the more mellow Klingons we've seen, and even she didn't seem like counselor material.

O'BRIEN: We're crossing into Klingon territory, Captain.
PICARD: Signal the fleet to maintain yellow alert until further notice.
O'BRIEN: Aye, sir.

How long can a ship maintain Yellow Alert without the crew falling apart, I wonder.

DATA: Why are the backups not functioning?
HOBSON: There wasn't enough time to test all the backups before we left the yard.

So...test them en route? There's no time for this, etc. etc.

PICARD: On screen. Tasha?
SELA [on viewscreen]: No, Captain. I am Commander Sela. The woman you knew as Tasha Yar was my mother.

Odd phrasing. You know this woman as Tasha Yar, but on Risa she's known as X, among Klingons she's known as Y, she was really born Z, etc.

And really, Sela's backstory should've been an earlier episode. We don't have time for this.

TROI: Sela could have been cloned.
CRUSHER: Or had her appearance surgically altered.
PICARD: But why? What possible advantage could there be to the Romulans?

Insert Nemesis joke here. If this was truly a Romulan plot, it seems like rather a short-sighted one. A clone would be detected fairly quickly. Why spend all those resources for a plan that would be foiled in a matter of hours?

[Nate the Great]

GUINAN: No. There were survivors. And Tasha Yar was one of them.
PICARD: Guinan, that was twenty three years ago. Tasha Yar was only a child.
GUINAN: I know that. But I also know she was aboard that ship and she was not a child. And I think you sent her there.
PICARD: How can that be?
GUINAN: I don't know. I just know that you did.

Only in the most general sense did Picard "send" her. Tasha volunteered.

PICARD: Tasha died, a year before you came on the Enterprise. You never met her.
GUINAN: I know that.

"Skin of Evil" is Stardate 41602.1. Guinan came to the Enterprise before "The Child", Stardate 42073.1. That's six months, not a year.

Seriously, the creators never should've said a thousand stardates equals a year. They invite us to Do The Math.

GUINAN: If I'm right, then you are responsible for this whole situation.

No, he's not! Tasha volunteered to go to the Enterprise-C because GUINAN told her that she died a meaningless death in the original timeline. If anything GUINAN is responsible for this whole situation!

KURN: So now Gowron no longer suits you. Perhaps you mean to challenge him for the leadership of the Council?
WORF: No.

"Not for at least seven years!" Hehe.

SELA: Yes, she was on that ship twenty four years ago. She was sent there by you from the future.

I wonder why Tasha would lie about this point. What does it accomplish besides making Sela anti-Starfleet, something Tasha would want to avoid?

SELA: A Romulan general saw her and became enamoured with her.

The novel "Vulcan's Heart" gives his name as Volskiar.

WORF: Your family has never valued honour.
B'ETOR: You knew only our brother. We are not like him.

Yeah, you're stupider. You actually thought that an illegitimate underage (and idotic) son could actually make a valid claim to the proverbial throne. And you have a habit of trusting the most untrustworthy people.

PICARD: When Gowron begins his attack, then we will make our move. Excalibur will fall back with engine problems. You will take the Akagi and the Hornet to this position, which will open a small gap in our detection net.

Frankly the Romulans should've started the long trip AROUND the net by now. Whatever.

DATA [OC]: The net is no longer effective in a radius of ten million kilometres around the Sutherland.
PICARD: Send a signal to the fleet. All ships to fall back and rendezvous at Gamma Eridon. We'll re-establish the net there.

So instead of a hole in the net there will be no net for several hours. Brilliant strategy, Patton!

Memory Alpha

* The only episode where Sela's name is used. They didn't use it at all in "Unification"?
* Final appearance of Kurn until his "death" in "Sons of Mogh."

Nitpicker's Guide

* How does a woman as young as Sela command a fleet anyway? Some say it's because of her father's authority, I have doubts. The Romulans don't seem the type to engage in nepotism.
* Phil seems to think that Sela used her sensors to detect which ship Data was on. Putting aside the fact that I don't think long-range sensors can detect Data, why would she even check? It seems more reasonable that the Romulans have spies within Starfleet.
* Why would the Romulans kill Tasha so quickly? Wouldn't they interrogate her about future Starfleet tech? My immediate rejoinder is that technology in the "real" timeline won't be identical to tech in the altered timeline. And while Tasha knows how to operate her console and probably knows how to reprogram a torpedo on the fly, the real inner workings are beyond her purview.
* Why doesn't Worf respond to seeing Sela?
* Worf's resignation was treated like a big deal in Part I, so why is his return so casual in Part II?
* Much nitpicking of the technology behind the detection grid.

[Nate the Great]

Until now I've been against doing entries before the official anniversary, but my schedule is really weird right now, so I said to heck with it.

September 30th, 1991, "Darmok"

Fiver by Kristina (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=darmok)

Let's get this out of the way, I get what this episode is supposed to do, but it just doesn't work. When the Universal Translator can translate energy impulses from a sentient cloud that has no humanoid reference points, it should be able to translate metaphors. Furthermore, a species can't operate with a language that operates on metaphor. There's a short story that says that the Tamarians have a second language for the technical stuff that's a bit more literal. There's also a later Voyager novel that features a Tamarian named Sharak that served as a doctor. He had to learn Federation Standard to do the job.

(Meaningless aside, the Memory Beta page for Federation Standard indicates that it really is just another word for English)

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 45047.2. The Enterprise is en route to the uninhabited El-Adrel system, its location is near the territory occupied by an enigmatic race known as The Children of Tama.

So how do you know they're called the Children of Tama? And why introduce this formal designation when "Tamarian" will be used all over the place?

DATA: The Children of Tama were called incomprehensible by Captain Silvestri of the Shiku Maru.

Amazingly the extended universe never assigned a class to the Shiku Maru, but it does have the registry of NBT-30894. Don't ask me what the NBT- prefix stands for (Incidentally we have been told that NCC means Naval Construction Contract number, akin to current hull numbers, and when Franz Joseph makes something I call it canon).

The Shiku Maru attempted contact on Stardate 35056.4, which is 2358. So we're probably not talking about the Galaxy class or its derivatives. Perhaps it was Ambassador or Excelsior class.

DATHON [on viewscreen]: Rai and Jiri at Lungha. Rai of Lowani. Lowani under two moons. Jiri of Ubaya. Ubaya of crossed roads at Lungha. Lungha, her sky grey. Rai and Jiri at Lungha.

You run into a problem when you start to invent a language from the standpoint of "individual words have to be comprehensible, but the sentences have to make no sense."

DATA: The starboard nacelle has been rendered inoperable.
...
WORF: Starboard thrusters destroyed.

I get that there are thrusters on the nacelles, but destroying one should not disable the other. So other Data and Worf are being obtuse, or one of them is lying.

WORF: I do not believe so. I have confidence in his ability as a warrior. He will be victorious.

The creators keep implying that for the 24th century Picard is still in the prime of life, I get that. That doesn't translate to Picard being a good fighter, movie nonsense aside. Then again, Worf appointed him cha'DIch, so perhaps Worf is a bad judge of a person's ability as a warrior.

TROI: Stop search. Computer, how many entries are there for Darmok?
COMPUTER: Forty seven.

I'm not a fan of 47 references this blatant. It's supposed to be an injoke, not a NOTICE THIS kind of thing.

TROI: All our technology and experience, our universal translator, our years in space, contacts with more alien cultures than I can even remember.
DATA: I have encountered one thousand, seven hundred fifty four non-human races during my tenure with Starfleet.

There may be 754 races among all Federation worlds, but I'm dubious that all of them mingle all that much throughout Federation space.

RIKER: Greek, sir?
PICARD: Oh, the Homeric Hymns. One of the root metaphors of our own culture.

The Homeric Hymns are from Ancient Greece. Homer didn't write them, but the structure resembles the Illiad and the Odyssey, so they're "Homeric."

Meaningless aside, but I had to read The Odyssey back in school. Even with footnotes it's a real mess, worse than Shakespeare. I do recommend the Hallmark miniseries, though. You can watch it here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S_l12WM_KM). And for today's random Trek connection, in this miniseries Aeolus (god of winds) is played by Michael J. Pollard, best known to Trekkies as Jahn from "Miri". Or perhaps you saw him as Mr. Mxyzptlk in the Superboy TV series. (I didn't, I started with live-action televised Superman with Lois and Clark).

The Fiver

Troi: I sense emptiness.
Riker: You ought to. The two captains were beamed off the bridges.
Data: Oh no, not another "Arena" rerun.
Worf: Grunt.... I want front row seats at the showdown!

I wonder if Picard could've figured out the cannon thing. Would Dathon had even made progress with the Gorn captain?

Dathon: "This is the air-drawn dagger...."
Picard: I'll try the old Earth dialect: "Oochie-woochie-coochie-coo?"
Dathon: "A foolish thought, to say a sorry sight."

Two Macbeth references.

La Forge: Punching through that beam will take at least a day.
Riker: You wouldn't be multiplying your repair estimate by a factor of four, would you?
La Forge: Nah, I haven't met Scotty yet.

Hehe.

Dathon: "Out, out, damned spot!"
Picard: Data's cat? This is getting too weird even for an ex-member of the RSC.
Dathon: "It is a tale told by an idiot."

Macbeth again. Stewart was with the RSC from 1966 to 1982. He returned in 2006, 2008, and 2011.

Dathon: Now listen, you "rump-fed ronyon...."
Picard: Ah, I get it: Macbeth!
Dathon: "All our yesterdays have lighted fools...."

Why only Macbeth, Kristina?

Dathon: "Thy story quickly."
Picard: Once upon a time, there was a man called Gilgamesh....
Dathon: GAK!

And again.

Picard: Dathon "should have died hereafter."
Tamarian First Officer: "There would have been a time for such a word."
Picard: "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...." In other words -- catch you later.

And AGAIN. You really overdid the Macbeth, Kristina.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Picard's suede-like jacket. I never did like that thing. Not to the extend of Kirk's green wrap-around, but close.
* First appearance of Robin Lefler.

Nitpickers Guide

* I'm not the only fan who has troubles with how this language is supposed to work.

[Nate the Great]

October 7th, 1991, "Ensign Ro"

No fiver

Let's get this out of the way, there's plenty of good character work, but they tried to establish too much in this episode. It should've been spread out over at least three episodes.

The Episode

MAN [OC]: This is the Bajora. We claim responsibility for the destruction of the Federation colony on Solarion Four. As long as we are without our homeland, no one will be safe in this sector.

Memory Alpha treats "Bajora" as just another name for the Bajorans. Memory Beta says that the Bajora are a particular ethnicity of Bajorans. In context it seems more like these are proto-Maquis. This inconsistency is irksome to me. It's clear that this episode was supposed to be the start of a major storyline featuring the Bajorans and Cardassians, but they still didn't have everything established yet.

Furthermore, this episode does a lousy job establishing the Bajorans. Later they'll say the Bajorans were driven from their homeworld and are now nothing but refugees on random planets, which isn't true in the slightest.

KENNELLY: It's the same old story for the Cardassians. They've had terrorist problems ever since they annexed the Bajoran home world forty years ago.

Annexed? Ha ha. And now they're implying that the Bajora are just members of the Resistance, but that introduces other problems.

KENNELLY: Listen, Jean-Luc, I'm the first to say that the Bajora deserve attention. Chased off their own planet by the Cardassians, forced to wander the galaxy, settling wherever they can find room. It's tragic.

And now the Bajora are the Bajorans who were exiled during the Occupation. make up your mind! These are contradictory statements!

PICARD: Admiral, they've endured generations of sympathy and promises. How can I believe this Orta will be satisfied with more of the same?

In DS9 we'll be told that the Federation didn't interfere with the Occupation because it was an internal matter that didn't affect the Federation. Picard can make the claim that it isn't an internal matter now that the Cardassians have promised to leave Bajoran space. Things have changed. Oh look, another instance of someone not thinking this through!

PICARD: After what happened on Garon Two, she has no business serving on any starship, let alone the flagship, my ship.

She disobeyed direct orders leading to the deaths of eight officers. You can't say that Picard doesn't have a point. Incidentally, in "The Next Phase" Picard says Garon Four, not Garon Two. I hate it when nobody cares about the little details. They couldn't have ADRed one word?

PICARD: Yes, Ensign Laren, please have a seat.
RO: Ensign Ro, sir.
PICARD: I beg your pardon?
RO: The Bajoran custom has the family name first, the individual's second. I am properly addressed as Ensign Ro.

I get it that this has to be established for the viewer, but Picard isn't the one to do it. He spent an extended period of time near Cardassian space on the Stargazer. Furthermore, with the peace treaty there would be reports that explain the name order thing that Picard would have to read. It should've been Riker who made this mistake.

RIKER: Then why did you accept this assignment?
RO: If I may be equally candid? It's better than prison.
RIKER: Better than prison? There are officers who wait years to serve on this ship.

This seems like two completely different situations. Ro isn't a regular crew member, she's a mission specialist. Riker shouldn't be holding her to the same standards as the regular crew, just like they didn't expect Commander Kurn to know everything about how Starfleet works.

Captain's log, supplemental. I read about the achievements of the ancient Bajoran civilisation in my fifth grade reader. They were architects and artists, builders and philosophers when humans were not yet standing erect. Now I see how history has rewarded them.

So why didn't they develop a lot farther than the Federation? They never did explain this. With later DS9 knowledge one could argue that the Prophets advised them to take things slow, but even that is dubious.

KEEVE: Because you are innocent bystanders. You were innocent bystanders for decades as the Cardassians took our homes, as they violated and tortured our people in the most hideous ways imaginable, as we were forced to flee.
PICARD: We were saddened by those events but they occurred within the designated borders of the Cardassian Empire.
KEEVE: And the Federation is pledged not to interfere in the internal affairs of others. How convenient that must be for you, to turn a deaf ear to those who suffer behind a line on a map.

The slavery and stealing of resources isn't even mentioned. You get the feeling that this plotline wasn't quite fully "cooked" before it was shoved onto the screen. As for the Federation ignoring suffering, what else are they to do? If the Federation truly had a Manifest Destiny mentality, that would only introduce more problems, if not continual war. Forget Homo Sapiens Only Club, we're getting into supreme arrogance territory, the stuff Eddington will later accuse the Federation of.

PICARD: Well, I'm not here to debate Federation policy with you, but I can offer you assistance.
KEEVE: Simply because of one terrorist attack? Perhaps I should have known that. We should have attacked the Federation long ago.

It's not because of one terrorist attack, it's because of the new peace treaty with the Cardassians that says that they will eventually leave Bajoran space. Try to keep up, Keeve!

PICARD: Your people have been forced to resettle all over the quadrant.

Really? We won't get evidence of that. The Bajoran refugees will be pretty solidly established to be in the DMZ only. You can even argue that this very planet will later be placed in the DMZ.

PICARD: In an age when their technology should be able to clothe and feed all of them, that they should have to live like this.

Technology is one thing, resources is another. Just because the Bajorans know how to build a replicator doesn't mean that they can build one for every twenty people or whatever.

LAFORGE: (at the bar) I'll tell you one thing. If I find myself on an away team with Ensign Ro, I won't turn my back on her.

I have a problem with Geordi being this prejudiced. From Riker and Worf, sure. But Geordi is supposed to be more understanding than this and more willing to admit that he doesn't have all the facts to make an informed decision.

WORF: Check the transport log.
COLLINS: She beamed down almost six hours ago, sir.

We get the feeling that Ro doesn't have full officer rights, so how could she order a beamdown without an order from a senior officer? The way she talks later she hasn't told anyone about her authorization from Admiral Kennelly yet.

DATA: I am picking up molecular displacement traces. That suggests movement through this area during the last ten hours.

This just introduces further questions! He couldn't say that the dirt was disturbed recently?

ORTA: Your mission was to seek out the Bajoran terrorists who destroyed the Federation settlement on Solarion Four.
PICARD: Yes.
ORTA: As I have informed Ro Laren, it was not the Bajora.

This exchange indicates that Bajora is a subset of Bajoran, but they could explain this better.

GUINAN: You know, a very long time ago, I got into some serious trouble too. And I mean serious. And I'd probably still be there if I hadn't trusted one man.

This is clearly not a prediction of "Time's Arrow", but you wonder how Guinan's "initial" interactions with Picard really went. Furthermore, after "The Best of Both Worlds" we really deserve more exposition on this topic.

PICARD: Guinan is very selective about whom she calls a friend.

I have trouble with this line, but I can't explain why.

RO: Orta was to end the terrorism against the Federation and return with his people to the camps. In exchange he would get weapons, ships, things that would really make a difference against the Cardassians in the future.

Wouldn't the Cardassians wonder where they got Federation ships? Wouldn't this start another war?

RIKER: Ensign Ro, what's the closest we come to the Cardassian border on our current heading to Valo Three?
RO: Thirteen thousand, four hundred kilometres, sir.

Like SF Debris says, this is practically dancing on the line.

[Nate the Great]

Memory Alpha

* The creators claimed that this episode was written before Deep Space Nine was even thought of, but I have my doubts. If this was just "get a story out this week" mode, they could've gotten another episode out of introducing the Cardassians.
* Given the contradictions between Ro's earring and Worf's baldric it is suggested that Riker chose to be petty. It's established that there are other Bajorans in Starfleet, so the uniform code should've been altered by now. Unless you go by the horrifying thought that the other Bajorans voluntarily gave up their earrings to avoid making waves. If so, I hope the uniform code will be updated by the time of Deep Space Nine.
* Only episode with "Bajora."
* In this episode the Occupation is stated to have lasted for forty years, but DS9 will imply a longer period. If you really want to make it fit you could argue that it took awhile for Cardassia to solidify its hold on the planet. The Bajora left in the period before forty years ago, when Cardassia hadn't fully built Terok Nor yet.
* Ro implies that some Bajorans have flipped their names to better fit into the Federation. We never see evidence of this after this episode.
* The Stargazer novel Oblivion covers Guinan and Picard's "first" meeting as summarized in this episode. Memory Alpha also suggests that they could be referring to "Time's Arrow", which REALLY doesn't fit.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why Ro wears her earring on her left ear when all other Bajorans use their right ear. The expanded universe has actually explained this. Vedeks check a persons pagh by grabbing the left ear. This annoyed Ro, so she chose to put her earring there so they couldn't do this.
* Why didn't the transporter filter out Kennelly's Cardassian virus? My response is that we won't have full scientific exchanges until the treaty is finalized prior to DS9. So Starfleet Medical has to figure out how to filter each new virus. You can't build a "Universal Virus Filter." Universal Translators, on the other hand, are perfectly reasonable. ;)
* The away team beams aboard, but for some reason Picard and Troi change uniforms offscreen on their way to the bridge. Oops.
* In this episode the creators went out of their way to imply futuristic fasteners on Ro's jacket, but in other episode we clearly see zippers on Starfleet uniforms. Oops.
* Why are the Cardassians worried about Orta if he doesn't have any warp ships?
* Picard makes his aunt's cure for the common cold for Kennelly. I guess the creators forgot that they already established that the common cold doesn't exist anymore.

[Nate the Great]

October 14th, 1991, "Silicon Avatar"

Fiver by Derek (http://www.fiveminute.net/nextgen/fiver.php?ep=siliconavatar)

The Episode

CARMEN: If you want to share camp rations in my tent, I'd be delighted.
RIKER: Haven't we gotten you a replicator yet?
CARMEN: No, we haven't, but I've been saving my ration of dried chicken curry.

Really? You'd think a replicator would be a necessary first step. You just can't live on dried food long-term. Furthermore, why are we still reconstituting dried food in the future? You'd think by the 24th century we could make packets of wet food with built-in heating elements.

RIKER: It left nothing.
MARR: Except witnesses, for the first time in eleven recorded attacks.

Eleven! Why hasn't Starfleet destroyed this thing by now?

PICARD: Doctor, there is no one on this ship with more knowledge of the Crystalline Entity than Commander Data.

What? Everything Data experienced was experienced by the rest of the crew! He doesn't have memories of the Omicron Theta attack.

MARR: I am aware of his origins. I'm very much aware that his brother, Lore, worked with the Crystalline Entity, led it to Omicron Theta where it killed every living thing. I don't think it's unreasonable that I should prefer to make another choice.

What? Holding Data responsible for Lore's crimes? How does that make any sense?

MARR: Its needs are to slaughter people by the thousands. It is nothing but a giant killing machine.
PICARD: Doctor, the sperm whale on Earth devours millions of cuttlefish as it roams the oceans. It is not evil. It is feeding. The same may be true of the Crystalline Entity.

This analogy doesn't work. Cuttlefish aren't sentient. Furthermore, we're not given any indication that the Entity is more sentient than we are, if that.

PICARD: Starfleet will be notifying Carmen Davila's family of her death and returning her personal effects.

What personal effects? The entire colony was destroyed!

MARR: What can you tell me about Renny? What were those thoughts? Was he was he happy at all, on Omicron Theta?
DATA: I have some vivid memories of sporting events. He played parrises squares with a group of his schoolmates.
MARR: Renny started parrises squares when he was young. Too young, really. But the older children kept asking him to play, and I couldn't keep him away. He had this natural gift.

The danger level of Parrises Squares fluctuate throughout the canon. I have trouble with this "Data has the colonists memories" thing. I'll buy that he has access to personal logs that were otherwise destroyed, but that's not the same thing. Then again, Soong was able to copy Juliana's memories. However, I'm skeptical that the colonists would let their brains be scanned by this crackpot.

The Fiver

Marr: I've never trusted the Crystalline Entity, and I never will. I can never forgive it for the death of my boy.
Picard: Um, that's nice. Why don't you work with Data?
Marr: I've never trusted Data, and I never will. I can never --
Picard: Geez, leave already!

Kirk's hatred of Klingons for the death of David seems dubious. Kruge didn't know David was Kirk's son, it wasn't personal. Furthermore, Kirk has enough other reasons to hate Klingons.

Captain's Log: Counselor Troi's professional opinion of Dr. Marr is that she's nuts.

I'll be sure to include that in my log...

Marr: Grrr. How do I know you're not in cahoots with it?
Data: Because everyone loves me.
Marr: Don't make me do my Pulaski impression.

Pulaski was a better-written character than this nutjob, and that's saying something!

Marr: It invades our space and we fall back. It eats entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make it pay for what it has done!
Picard: Issues much?
Marr: You're one to talk.

I get the Picard/Ahab comparison (I really should watch the Stewart version of Moby Dick one of these day...), but I don't like comparisons to First Contact. I know a lot of people like that movie, but I don't. It seemed like a blatant attempt to cater to a more casual audience with mindless violence. I also don't like the version of Cochrane presented there.

Data: I think we can communicate with the entity using pulses.
Marr: Why don't we just hail it like Lore did in "Datalore"?
Data: Oh, sure, if you want to be unoriginal.

I'm pretty sure Lore wasn't using a standard hailing frequency. He probably knew how to program the Universal Translator to communicate with it.

Worf: Snowflake incoming.
Enterprise: Bebop.
Picard: Is the rock steady?
La Forge: Yep. And it's sending something back to us.
Crystalline Entity: Cowabunga, dudes.

Could someone explain what TMNT references are doing here?

Memory Alpha

* "At the time, the writing staff were trying to avoid sequels." What? The Worf/Duras/Gowron thing don't count as sequels? BOBW doesn't count as a sequel?

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why couldn't Data or Geordi turn off the graviton beam?
* Marr uses the tricorder while it's upside-down at one point. Oops.
* If the Entity attacks this quickly, how come the kids on Omicron Theta had time to draw art of the thing before they were killed?