DATA: The area around the duck blind exhibits Karst topography. Sinkholes, underground rivers, and caverns. And the rock strata contain a high concentration of thallium compounds which may be obstructing our sensor beams.
PICARD: So if Palmer, in his delirium, fled into a cave, we may be unable to detect his life signs?



Thallium is Element 81, and toxic when dissolved in water. Not something you'd want near underground rivers. Oops.


First officer's log, Stardate 43174.2. Counsellor Troi and I are beaming down to Mintaka Three to locate Doctor Palmer and to determine the extent of the cultural contamination. Doctor Crusher has temporarily altered our features and skin colour. She's also implanted subcutaneous communicators so that any transmissions we receive will be inaudible to the Mintakans.



I think subcutaneous communicators only appeared once in TOS, it's a shame that Kirk and company couldn't disguise themselves as natives more often.


TROI: Mintakan women precede their mates. It's a signal to other women.
RIKER: This man's taken, get your own?
TROI: Not precisely. More like, if you want his services, I'm the one you have to negotiate with.
RIKER: What kind of services?
TROI: All kinds.
RIKER: They are a sensible race.



This must've been racy for 1989.



OJI: My father and I both witnessed these beings.
TROI: If you are father and daughter, you may well have shared the same dream.



A disturbing idea, although it would be an interesting idea for an alien race. Everyone's conscious thoughts are their own, but they form telepathic links while asleep to have the same dream.


PICARD: Doctor Barron, I cannot, I will not, impose a set of commandments on these people. To do so violates the very essence of the Prime Directive.


Exactly. How often has pretending to be a god for a less-advanced civilization led to disaster?


PICARD: Please, get up. Get up. You must not kneel to me.
NURIA: You do not wish it?
PICARD: I do not deserve it.



To quote SFDebris' version of Janeway, "I do!" Hehe...

The Mintakans being the "proto-Vulcans" they were quoted as being, there actually could have been some truth to that. As Vulcans do have a form of telepathic abilities, if the Mintakans did have something similar the most likely people these connections could be made with would be family, due to relative proximity (unintentional pun) while sleeping. Troi would also be the one to see it, as no other observer is noted as being anything other than admittedly really dumb humans.

...I could also be justifying for one of my favorites.

Hey, I like the episode, too, but I had to raise the question. I suppose you could argue that if the Preservers' primordial seeds created so many human-identical races, there's no reason why they can't create Vulcan-identical races as well.

October 23rd, 1989, "The Bonding"

Another episode ruined by Gene. I refer you to SFDebris.

No Fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: What do we know about them, Data?
DATA: The Koinonians were an intelligent culture which became embroiled in a war that lasted for several generations. Our best evidence indicates they destroyed themselves.

Why wasn't the background of this mission covered in a Captain's Log? Why make Picard look stupid like this?


WESLEY: How do you get used to it? Telling them?
RIKER: You hope you never do.

A sad fact. Getting desensitized to such things is a step on the way to numerous psychological disorders.

PICARD: I've always believed that carrying children on a starship is a very questionable policy. Serving on a starship means accepting certain risks, certain dangers. Did Jeremy Aster make that choice?
TROI: Death and loss are an integral part of life everywhere. Leaving him on Earth would not have protected him.

Having families on board only makes sense if the Enterprise is going to be away from known space for years on end, which is obviously not the case. Personally I place some blame for this on Marla. After her husband died she should have refused starship duty. Aren't there long-term missions fit for an archeologist on a planet where she could still serve Starfleet?

RIKER: Do you remember how we all felt when Tasha died?
DATA: I do not sense the same feelings of absence that I associate with Lieutenant Yar, although I cannot say precisely why.

While I don't doubt Data is telling the truth, I wonder why he doesn't mention at least one story about her. As science officer he should be her boss, right?

DATA: But should not the feelings run as deep regardless of who has died?
RIKER: Maybe they should, Data. Maybe if we felt the loss of any life as keenly as we felt the death of those close to us, human history would be a lot less bloody.

This may be a bad episode, but this is still a good message.

DATA: They employ a subspace proximity detonator. A normal tricorder would never detect it.

People don't emit subspace signals. Did Koinonians carry communicators that operate on a similar subspace band as Starfleet commbadges?

TROI: A person died under your command. It may happen again. If you can't learn to release the anger and the guilt, to talk about it
WORF: A leader must stand alone. As Captain Picard does.

Where did Worf get the idea that Picard can deal with his emotions alone?

WORF: Then may I seek your counsel about my plan to make the R'uustai with the boy.
TROI: The Bonding.
WORF: It is my right.

Why was Worf in charge of this away mission anyway? Why wasn't Riker or Data down there?

TROI: Right now, there isn't much he can understand. He's holding all his feelings inside. Children often feel they must be true to the memory of a lost parent. If you offer affection to them too soon they can feel guilty returning that affection. As if they're betraying the love of the parent.

Another good message.

JEREMY: We studied about Klingons in school.
WORF: What did they teach you about us?
JEREMY: You used to be our enemies.

This doesn't seem to be a good time for this kind of message. Dredging up old prejudices for no real point...why? Furthermore, getting rid of this exchange would free up screentime for more important stuff.

JEREMY: I understand death. They teach us all about it.
WORF: Jeremy Aster, we may both understand it, but we must bring meaning to your mother's death. Perhaps we can do it together.

Ugh. This is one part of Klingon philosophy that I don't care for. I didn't like that "get Jadzia into Sto'vo'kor by killing a bunch of people in her name" bit either. While dying with honor can be seen as preferable, it shouldn't be seen as necessary. Furthermore, Marla died in the line of duty, isn't that enough?

PICARD: Come. Counsellor, how's the boy?
TROI: He's being very brave.
PICARD: Good.
TROI: No, he has to get past brave. He's very angry and he has to learn how to express that anger before he can really say goodbye to his mother.

Troi is being useful again! Although I would've said "acting very brave", not "being very brave"...

TROI: Sir, I', sensing a presence on the planet. Very vague.
PICARD: Life form?
TROI: I can't be sure. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong right now. It's difficult to filter them out.

I don't like this idea. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong a lot, furthermore Marla can't have made friends with that many of the crew. If a few dozen people feeling grief dampens Troi's powers, they'd be cutting out all the time. And what about during the Borg invasion? She'd be in Sickbay with a splitting headache! Isn't it enough to say "I can't be sure, it's too far away right now"?

WESLEY: What am I going to tell him?
CRUSHER: It would help him to talk with someone who's been through this. We had each other, Wes. He doesn't have anyone to lean on right now.

Another good moment.

WESLEY: Do you ever think about him, Mom?
CRUSHER: Your father? Sure I do.
WESLEY: Sometimes I can't even remember what his face looks like. It scares me.

So ask the computer to show you a picture of him! I hope after "Family" he put a snippet of Jack's holographic message in a Tasha-style holopedestal.

Nitpickers Guide

* Crusher declares Aster dead relatively quickly. Phil doesn't mention how long Beverly tried to resuscitate Tasha, but I will.
* Why was Jeremy left alone in his quarters? Shouldn't he be placed with another family until arrangements can be made? Shouldn't Troi be with him a lot more?
* How can a child repeat a Klingon phrase after only hearing it once?

With this post I should be caught up for now...

Oh, and I'm going to be nitpicking the Treknology a lot more this episode, since it's such a big part of the episode. You've been warned.

October 30th, 1989, "Booby Trap"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

CHRISTY: I just don't feel that way about you.

So why'd she accept the date in the first place? I get it that Geordi was trying too hard, but he was trying to make her feel romantic, not trick his way into her pants. Furthermore, if humanity is so perfect these days, I'd think accepting date offers through pity would be against the ethos.

WESLEY: This was the final battle, wasn't it?
DATA: Neither side intended Orelious Nine to be the decisive conflict.

That's not the question Wesley asked, Data. The appropriate answer is "yes."

WESLEY: Geordi had a big date with Christy tonight. He spent days putting together the perfect programme.

Really? It was a beach with a musician. That shouldn't've taken more than five minutes to make. If anything he should've hand-made a gift for her that took days to do.

RIKER: We're picking up a signal, coordinates two one one mark six one.

I hate it when coordinates are given using only two dimensions. Another instance where there should've been a science advisor around to fix the script before filming.

PICARD: Indulge me, Number One.
RIKER: I would prefer it if Lieutenant Worf and I were able to a security sweep of the ship first.
PICARD: No. Captain's prerogative. This one's mine. We have examined every conceivable risk.
RIKER: The risks on a ship this old and fragile are inconceivable, Captain.

Every conceivable risk? I hope that includes the subspace detonators that killed Marla Aster last week. Riker should've used "incalculable" or "impossible to completely mitigate", not "inconceivable". I do like it when Picard insists on taking command of an away team, but I wouldn't blame Riker for complaining to Starfleet Command on this one.

DATA: There is adequate oxygen for life support, Commander.

I despise when the Trek writers think that life support is just air. Is the artificial gravity functional? How warm is it over there? Just based on the possible structural deficiencies, I'd still wear a space suit, wouldn't you?

O'BRIEN: I did. I really did. Ships in bottles. Great fun.

As one Trek reviewer (who I can't remember the name of at the moment) responded to this line, "Don't be a suckup, Chief."

WORF: Admirable. They died at their posts.

There's a line between a reasonable line of dialogue and a cliched line of dialogue for a specific character, and this one is straddling that line.

LAFORGE: Don't you have anything stronger than this, Guinan?
GUINAN: Yes.
LAFORGE: Would it help?
GUINAN: No.

Good exchange. It's a shame how often I wonder if Guinan is stealing a scene that Troi could do instead.

LAFORGE: As a woman. What's the first thing you look at?
GUINAN: His head.
LAFORGE: His mind. Of course.
GUINAN: No, his head. I'm attracted to bald men.
LAFORGE: Seriously?

First, I expect that Guinan is speaking English right now, so there shouldn't be Universal Translator issues to create confusion here. Seconds, as SF Debris put it, being attracted to bald men isn't a kink deserving more than a "huh."

LAFORGE: Why?
GUINAN: Maybe because a bald man was very kind to me once when I was hurting. Took care of me.

Alternate universes aside, there has never been anything romantic between Picard and Guinan. Her line earlier is a little bit icky to me. Or rather, it will be icky once the creators repurpose it for "Time's Arrow."

LAFORGE: I'd like to do that.
GUINAN: I take care of myself these days.

Oooo, burn!

LAFORGE: Why can't I make anything work with a woman like Christi? It's like I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say.
GUINAN: You're doing fine with me.
LAFORGE: You're different.
GUINAN: No, you're different.
LAFORGE: But I'm not trying now.
GUINAN: That's my point.

Nice message.

PICARD: Mister Worf, be sure we get tricorder images of their tactical display.

Okay, the ship is in bad shape and they don't want to hang around long enough to make a full-block computer interface (the tricorder bit Data does later was for one console and one task, it would take forever to set up tricorders at every computer console and interface for full interaction). Even so, there has to be more that they could do than taking pictures of console displays.

DATA: Captain, I believe this is an information storage device. A crude analogue of our isolinear optical chip.

This would be a great place to plug the duotronics of the TOS era instead of isolinear circuitry, but whatever.

GALEK SAR [on monitor]: I am Galek Sar, Captain of the Promellian cruiser, Cleponji. I wish anyone who finds this record to know my crew has behaved courageously. I want it recorded for all time that I, alone, am responsible for the fate that befell us. I have failed as a captain, and as the man responsible for all the souls aboard my ship.

It's nice that this message pleased Picard, but to me it seems rather hamfisted and preachy. He could've included more details about the ship's current condition (i.e. move the later recorded message to this point), perhaps the message could've started as just to Picard on the tricorder screen, then cut to the senior staff watching it in the conference room.

LAFORGE: Matter-anti matter mixture ratio settings at optimum balance Reaction sequence corresponding to specified norms. Magnetic plasma transfer to warp field generators per programmed specs. Commander, we should be going like a bat out of hell.

Would people PLEASE stop using matter/antimatter ratios other than 1:1? Pretty pretty please? And Geordi does use other engine components to describe how warp should be available, couldn't they use something besides the ratio? Here's one right off the top of my head: "warp field stability optimal."

DATA: Power loss now at twelve percent, Captain. PICARD: Red alert.

Earlier five percent power loss justified Yellow Alert. You gotta wonder if there's an official scale of power loss vs. alert level. I'd have any uncontrollable power loss beyond the noise/random fluctuation level go straight to Red Alert, this is a big deal!

LAFORGE [OC]: We'd better slow these engines down before we burn out the reaction chamber.

What? The plasma is leaving the warp core just fine, it's the warp coils that aren't able to turn it into propulsion! "We have to slow these engines down before we burn out the warp coils." Treknobabble isn't hard, people!

COMPUTER: Affirmative. The opposing force grew in direct proportion to the power output of the Enterprise. LAFORGE: So it kept us from forming a subspace field for the warp drive? COMPUTER: That is correct.

So the warp coils aren't being burned out, they're creating a warp field just fine, it's just that the booby trap creates a counterfield to negate it. So why are we feeding plasma to the warp coils right now if all it's doing is bleeding into space?

LAFORGE: Computer, who is this L. Brahms?

This whole premise seems strange to me. Brahms only designed the warp engines, if she input information about how the warp drive works that is inaccessible in any other way, that's pretty mean of her. Furthermore, the holodeck is a huge power drain! Shouldn't Geordi be reading the complete engine specs to refresh his memory?

LEAH [OC]: Theoretical propulsion logs, Federation Starship Enterprise, Galaxy class. Heading, Subspace. Author, Leah Brahms.

What makes the Enterprise warp core any different from the other Galaxy-class ships that preceded her? Shouldn't Leah's work apply equally to all of them? While canon doesn't say what was the first Galaxy-class (although concluding that the USS Galaxy was first is hardly a huge stretch), the expanded universe places the Galaxy's launch at 2357 and Enterprise and Yamato in 2363. There are dozens more Galaxy-classes mentioned in the novels. Even if Leah improved the Galaxy's engine specs for Enterprise and Yamato, shouldn't her log mention "second-model Galaxy-class warp engines" and not the Enterprise specifically?

CRUSHER: I recommend we evacuate and seal off all non-operational areas, and group the families and crew on the odd-numbered decks.

Non-operational areas should already be sealed off, and there should be designated shelters to maintain life support in as few places as possible.

CRUSHER: I'd also like to set up an assembly area for treating radiation symptoms in case it's needed.

Yeah, it's called Sickbay. And why'd you say "in case it's needed"? It will be needed!

PICARD: After the shields fall, how long before fatal exposure? CRUSHER: Thirty minutes.

Now I'm being pedantic. Different alien races (also different ages, etc.) have different radiation tolerances, you can't assume equal time to death. I know, I know, thirty minutes is probably the number for the least tolerant group, but still...

RIKER [OC]: Away team to Enterprise. Captain, we may have found something. There's a file of memory [Warship Bridge]
RIKER: Coils here.
DATA: They are identical to the coil we found earlier, Captain.
PICARD [OC]: The Captain's log, perhaps?
RIKER: That's what we were thinking.

Why weren't all the memory coils sought out the first time? Once they found one, it should be easy enough to program the tricorder to search for more. Finding the coils the first time and having it take until now to defrag and reconstruct would serve the plot equally well, right?

LAFORGE: Computer, generate a cross section image of the dilithium crystal chamber. What about re-orienting the crystal?

Moving the crystal around will just modify the efficiency of the matter-antimatter reaction and how focused the warp plasma stream will be. I fail to see how that's going to help in this case.

LEAH [OC]: The dilithium crystal chamber was designed at outpost designated Seran T One, Stardate 40052.

Stardate 40052 is in 2362. So we're definitely talking the second-model Galaxy-class. However, two years from design to construction seems a little fast. You have to imagine that the Constitution-class refit was still being designed during the original five-year mission (Kirk's original mission, that is, not April's).

LAFORGE: Great. Another woman who won't get personal with me in the holodeck. Leah, I want to find a way to supplement the energy supply to the ship and to the engines. Could we alter the matter-antimatter paths? LEAH [OC]: Theoretically, yes. The system should be able to accept more reactants at a faster rate of injection.

So Geordi wants larger incoming matter and antimatter streams, it still has nothing to do with realigning the crystals. If anything it should require LARGER crystals! Does he have the time or power to recrystallize the dilithium in the articulation frame?

LAFORGE: Then, if we use multiple injector streams, hitting more than one crystal facet, we could do it, we could hold our own.

Where's the tech to create and maintain multiple injector streams going to come from? It seems like Geordi would have to rebuild the ends of the warp core from scratch to accomplish this.

LAFORGE: Captain, we've found a way to extend the matter-antimatter energy supplies.

Is that what he did? I thought he wanted to burn the supplies faster to make more warp power!

COMPUTER: Warp energy has increased fourteen percent.

Okay, so we have fourteen percent more plasma for the warp coils. If the hope was that at some point the negating field would be saturated and unable to prevent more warp field creation, the writers forgot to have the characters tell us that.

LEAH: Now, we've managed to maintain energy but we can't leave it in this realignment forever without burning out components, so we need to move quickly.

Understatement of the year, but you're not just burning out components, you're also cracking the dilithium beyond usability. And I doubt you can recrystallize dilithium while the warp core is in use.

DATA: Aceton assimilators are a primitive generator which can drain power from distant sources.

If the power is being routed from distant sources, it's not really being "generated." I'd expect Data to be more thoughtful of his language, if he's going to lecture Riker on "sucked out" versus "blown out."

LEAH: You can just increase the speed of the parallel subspace field processor to gain a quicker response time.
LAFORGE: I want to give us enough power to strengthen the shields and barrel out of here, not blow us up!

I get what Leah intend, stay one step away from the dampening field by scrambling frequencies. When the processor detects dampening, change the frequency. I fail to see how what he says corresponds to what she said. If Geordi is implying that more speed=more power consumption=overheating, these lines could've been written better.

PICARD: Is there any indication of a weakness in a specific part of the field? WORF: Nothing substantial, Captain. PICARD: Of any kind. WORF: There is a point one percent dip in the strength of the radiation field at two one mark eight by four two mark zero. PICARD: I want that point one percent.

A prime example of how wanting to do something, anything, can be tremendously foolhardy. I wouldn't waste limited energy on point one percent.

LAFORGE: We won't be able to maintain energy reserves. We might even lose a few circuits in the new configuration.

What? Again, energy can LEAVE the ship just fine, it's just being negated and absorbed. The best explanation I can think of is that firing phasers would provide a lightning-rod effect for the dampening energy, leading it back to the ship.

COMPUTER: Energy reserves reaching critical stage. Standard procedure requires termination of all simulations. LAFORGE: Computer, override standard procedure. COMPUTER: Override authority restricted.

Only Picard can override? Why can't Geordi override, he's Chief Engineer! This is a cheap way to create a precommercial crisis.

RIKER: Computers have always impressed me with their ability to take orders. I'm not nearly as convinces of their ability to creatively give them. PICARD: You know, Number One, you missed something not playing with model ships. They were the source of imaginary voyages, each holding a treasure of adventures. Manning the earliest space craft, flying a aeroplane with only one propeller to keep you in the sky. Can you imagine that? Now the machines are flying us.

The computer is ordering nothing but itself, creativity doesn't come into it. I am glad that Picard is still sore about the bottle ship snub. Even so, his sentiment seems like more of a TOS message than TNG.

RIKER: All hands, this is Commander Riker. We are about to engage impulse engines for a short burst. Inertial dampers are on manual. They may not fully compensate for acceleration. So brace yourselves.

Why are the dampeners on manual? I can't imagine dampeners on manual use that much less power than dampeners on automatic.

DATA: Sir, the gravitational attraction of the various masses has reduced our velocity by eight percent. By my calculations, we no longer have sufficient momentum to clear the debris field. PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data. DATA: The asteroid's gravity is drawing us closer. Velocity is increasing. Velocity still increasing. Now at two hundred and nineteen metres per second. Starboard aft thruster. You have used the asteroid's gravitational pull as a slingshot. Excellent.

A cheap crisis if you ask me, but I guess it was intended to add spice to the scene.

RIKER: Mister Worf, ready photon torpedoes. Set to detonate on impact with the Promellian vessel.

Um, the Promellian ship isn't the problem, and it belongs in a museum! Surely now that we're outside the field we can destroy the assimilators one by one from the outside in!

The Fiver

Data, decode the signal coming from that derelict warship. It says: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." Must be a translation error. I'm beaming over there. Riker:
Data:
Picard:

Obliviousness in fiver characters, you gotta love it. You've never truly experienced Dante's Inferno until you've read it in the original Promellian!

Guinan: How did your date with Christi go?
La Forge:It was a flop. She said I'm a klutz with women.La Forge:
Guinan: Maybe you'd have better luck with those twin cadets who came aboard last week.
La Forge: The Delaney sisters? Hmm....

I didn't think this would work in the timeline, but it does. Since I can't find a birth year for the Kramer twins who played the Delaneys, let's assume the Delaneys were born in the same year as Harry Kim: 2349. Booby Trap is set in 2366. Seventeen is a little young, but pushing them a few years older isn't a big deal.

Leah: Greetings Commander La Forge. I am Dr. Brahms.
La Forge: Computer, make her more realistic.
Leah: Hi Geordi! I'm Leah! I bet you're a real klutz with women.
La Forge: Computer, on second thought....

"Computer, I said 'realistic', not 'insulting'!"
"Holodeck accuracy to commands decreases with the total ship's power."
"So that's why Voyager's holodecks are always breaking, huh?"
"Affirmative."

Picard:You've been romancing a holographic woman in the middle of a crisis?
La Forge: Hey, it works for Barclay.

"But Barclay is a comic relief guest star, not a main character. You should know that the only main character allowed to to that is the captain."
"What about Minuet?"
"The Binars hacked the script that week, it doesn't count."

La Forge: I hope I can meet the real you someday.
Leah: I hope I can meet the real me someday too.
La Forge: If that happens, could you sorta not mention the kissing part?
Leah: Why not? I'd love to see the look on my face when I do.
La Forge: Computer, end program and replicate me some aspirin.

Aspirin? Why not a drink or a hammer to hit himself with?

Memory Alpha

* First Trek episode directed by a woman. That's really sad...
* Alexander was born around this time.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders how the core could be installed only a year before the Enterprise was launched. Odd, but not impossible, as the warp core has an ejection tube that it could possibly be installed through.
* Phil thinks that the fifty/fifty odds of success in turning over control comes from the two tests shown on screen. What an idiot, of course Geordi was running simulations before the scene started!
* If the first away team had to turn on the lights on the Promellian cruiser, how could the artificial gravity still be on? Another place where spacesuits with gravity boots would've been a good idea.
* Even after the lights on the ship were set to minimum levels, they were still turned on for the model in the exterior shots. Oops.
* If Starfleet knows this is the site of the final battle, how come they never found the Promellian cruiser before?

It feels good to be caught up (except for the TNG Companion entries, I guess, but let's move past that...)

November 6th, 1989, "The Enemy"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

RIKER: Placing beam-out marker. Return transport, fourteen minutes, forty seconds.

If shuttles can't land safely on this planet, I wish they'd mention that.

LAFORGE: Not too bad, Commander. A lot of charged-particle precipitation, but I can compensate.

I'm glad that there's a plausible reason why Geordi's VISOR isn't all-powerful. I do wonder how Geordi can "compensate". It's times like this that I wish the VISOR had buttons on the side for situations like this. Do his input nodes let him "telepathically" change settings on the VISOR?

WORF: Communicators are dysfunctional.

Phil makes fun of this line in the Nitpicker's Guide. "Dysfunctional" is the wrong word, you want "disabled" or "neutralized" or "ineffective".

LAFORGE: Commander! Picking up something on the positron scan. Over here. Some electrically conductive objects.

Apparently the writers don't know that positrons are antimatter. I'll forgive the usage in Data's construction, I can imagine some plausible Treknobabble to justify the "positronic brain", but I don't forgive it here. And positrons can only induce an electric charge in an antimatter universe!

RIKER: All right, let's spread out. Twenty five metre radius.

If communicators aren't working, you never want to be out of sight of each other! Wait for beamup, then come back with a group and some rope to keep them together so you can fan out and do a proper search! If they're looking for survivors can don't have the time, Riker could've spared a line of dialogue to explain this.

Captain's log, Stardate 43349.2. An unidentified distress signal has led to the discovery of a crashed Romulan vessel on the surface of Galorndon Core, a Federation planet.

Are you telling me that the Tal Shiar hasn't invented a distress signal that can't be detected by Federation ships yet? I'll bet you Starfleet invented one that the Romulans can't detect by now (this is the sort of project that Section 31 would be sure to initiate with Starfleet scientists, right?)

WORF: Secure Sickbay. Post a guard in visual contact at all times.
CRUSHER: He's not going anywhere, Lieutenant.

It occurs to me that having a single patient secured surgery bay for this kind of situation wouldn't be a bad idea. "Lower Decks" could've also used this sort of thing.

O'BRIEN: The electrical storm's creating thousands of ghosts.
RIKER: Well beam some of those ghosts back. One of them may be Geordi.

Desperation and gallows humor. You can tell Gene wasn't a consistent presence anymore, can't you?

RIKER: The Romulan craft is a total loss. There's nothing there to salvage unless you want to use tweezers.

Um, what? They couldn't do a thorough tricorder scan and had less than five minutes to do a visual inspection. Isn't it enough that the engines were obviously destroyed and you can't get a shuttle close enough to use a tractor beam? Sure, you'd have to send down a team to remove the valuable parts of the Romulan ship (probably just the computer core, but still) and beam up, but it's a possibility.

PICARD: It certainly is the last place one would expect Romulan encroachment. On the other hand, Galorndon Core would provide ideal cover for an opening move of a new offensive.

So which is it, Picard? And what kind of new offensive? Ships can't land safely on the surface, you couldn't build a sensor array on the surface that could reach into space, etc.

(Geordi has spotted some medal ore in the wall of the pit. He makes a groove in the mud, puts the nodules in it then uses his phaser to melt them into a dagger shape)

As SF Debris put it in his this is reminiscent of the "rocks into replicators" line from DS9.

CRUSHER: We thought it would be like working on Vulcans, but there are subtle differences. Too many of them.

I don't like this line. Granted there are physical differences between Vulcans and Romulans, but I don't think they would extend to stuff like blood.

PICARD: We can't use the replicator?
CRUSHER: The molecules are too complex.

Ugh. "By the time we reconfigured the equipment for this task, he'd be dead." Duh.

RIKER: Well let me put it another way. Will he survive long enough to tell us what he was doing here?
PICARD: Doctor, it's an important consideration.
CRUSHER: I can bring him around for a few minutes.

I have mixed feelings about this. Is she a doctor or a Starfleet officer first?

RIKER: Something, anything to can cut through the storm. Some way to get a signal through to him.
WESLEY: A neutrino pulse. We could build a portable neutrino source and send it in a probe to the planet surface. It'll act like a beacon.

As far as ludicrous Treknobabble goes, this is actually reasonable.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Tomalak to Pi. We have received your distress signal. Respond. If you can hear me, we are entering the Neutral Zone now. We will reach you in six hours.

The idea that you can cross the Neutral Zone in six hours disturbs me.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Captain Picard, my apologies. Had I known you were in this sector, I certainly would have advised you before crossing the Neutral Zone.

This is a lie, but an implausible one. I don't like the idea that sensor range is smaller than conventional communications range. (When the Enterprise communicates with a starbase or Starfleet Command there must be a relay network in effect for realtime communication).

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I'm sure you will understand when I explain. One of our ships had a slight navigational error and apparently crashed on Galorndon Core.
PICARD: A slight navigational error? Nearly half a light year past the Neutral Zone?

Half a light year seems ludicrously small in stellar terms, so I'm not sure where Picard's argument comes from. Then again, "All Good Things" implies that each side needs permission from the other just to ENTER the Neutral Zone. A "slight navigational error" doesn't seem big enough to justify going through the entire Neutral Zone by mistake. And how does a problem with the navigational system damage a ship enough to necessitate a landing?

PICARD: Are there any other Romulans we should be looking to recover from Galorndon Core?
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: No. It was a one-man craft.

Ugh. Just being inside and near the Neutral Zone would justify at least two people for the mission if you ask me.

PICARD: But we must measure our response carefully, or history may remember Galorndon Core along with Pearl Harbour and Station Salem One as the stage for a bloody preamble to war.

Pearl Harbor? Is Picard implying that we could've avoided war with Japan if we had just stood by and accepted the death and destruction from the attack? Would Japan have never attacked the U.S. again if we hadn't responded?

CRUSHER: The lab is still processing the tests. Early results indicate humans have far too many bio-rejection factors. I've also ruled out the Vulcans we've tested.

Early Trek fanon says that Spock's conception needed external help (much like K'ehlyr), but eventually it seemed like it was all natural. And McCoy was able to remove the conflicting parts of Spock's blood for Sarek. At least throw in a "if we tried a donor from one of the Vulcans on board, it would take too long to adapt."

Long story short, making Worf the only possible donor is railroading to a degree that is frankly offensive. At least say that Crusher has to use Worf's blood/tissue to modify the Vulcan's blood/tissue to be compatible!

LAFORGE: A stationary neutrino source. Wesley Crusher. Thank you, Wesley.

It's rather sad that Wesley would be the only one to think of this solution. Wouldn't Data have eventually come up with this idea? It's a shame Barclay hasn't been invented yet, this would've been a shining moment for him.

BOCHRA: You are my prisoner.
LAFORGE: Right. Congratulations. Surely a strategic triumph for the Romulan Empire.

Do they still sing songs of the Great Engineer Hunt?

LAFORGE: Welcome to Galorndon Core, where no good deed goes unpunished.

This line has stuck with me. A nice universal message, even the Ferengi know about it!

WORF: That is impossible. I am a Klingon.
CRUSHER: Different species, yes. But many humanoids have comparable cell structures.

It's almost like we are all descended from the Preservers or something! Given that, isn't it weird that you're a match and the Vulcans aren't?

BOCHRA: You can be sarcastic now, but in a few millennia, when humans are extinct and the Romulan Empire spans the galaxy.

I fail to see why humans would be extinct and the Romulans wouldn't. Even if the Romulans devastate Starfleet and lay waste to Earth, would they really track down every human colony everywhere and destroy them?

OMALAK [on viewscreen]: And my officer?
PICARD: He is alive.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: His life remains in jeopardy?
PICARD: Yes.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: And yet you will still not permit me to cross into your precious Federation space to retrieve him?

I don't like this. If Picard wants to avoid a war handing over Patahk wouldn't be a bad idea. If necessary he should ask for a substitute prisoner while Starfleet and the Romulans hash things out.

Meaningless aside, but we never get a definitive answer to the question of what the Romulan military is called. The Federation has Starfleet, the Klingons have the Imperial Fleet and Defense Forces (presumably the former is for the outer Empire and other nations and the latter is for the core worlds), the Bajorans have the Militia, etc. The expanded universe gives various names like Imperial Guard, Star Navy, Imperial Fleet, Grand Fleet, Imperial Armada, etc.

RIKER: For what it's worth, I understand your bitterness.
WORF: With respect, sir, you cannot. I am asked to give up the very lifeblood of my mother and my father to those who murdered them.

I don't like this kind of thinking. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, after all. At best this is a necessary step in Worf's character arc which will lead him to "Redemption".

RIKER: Forever? What if some day the Federation made peace with the Romulans.
WORF: Impossible.
RIKER: That's what your people said a few years ago about humans.

Yeah, yeah, the Khitomer Accords haven't been invented yet. In fact, "Yesterday's Enterprise" suggests that peace didn't happen until the 2340's after the Enterprise-C vanished.

WORF: My Starfleet training tells me one thing, but everything I am tells me another.

Like I said, a necessary step, if a bit hamfisted and insulting to Worf himself.

PATAHK: I would rather die than pollute my body with Klingon filth!

A good line, and a moral question not addressed. Doesn't a patient have the right to refuse treatment? Or are we treating Patahk as a prisoner who has no rights until after the trial?

LAFORGE: My synapses must be turning to jelly. The Visor's fine. I just can't see a thing.

It stands to reason that since these storms affect technology, and there's technology literally tied to his optical nerve, that this would happen. I just wish that there was a gradual dimming or increase in static in Geordi's vision, not just an on/off switch.

PICARD: Assemble an away team.
RIKER: Yes, sir.
WORF: Captain, the Romulan warship has crossed the Neutral Zone border. It is in Federation space and heading toward us.
PICARD: Belay that order, Number One. Red alert.

Why can't Riker go down before the battle? Furthermore, are you telling me that they don't have enough information on the storms by now to rig an environmental suit to filter out the worse effects of the storm?

WORF: If you order me to agree to the transfusion, I will obey, of course.
PICARD: I don't want to order you. But I ask you. I beg you to volunteer.

This is one balancing act that I think Picard calculated wrong. Worf's reasons are rather petty, and not the result of deep-seated religious beliefs or similar. If this conversation had to exist, it should've been before Patahk refused the procedure. Picard orders Worf to do it, Patahk refuses, Crusher refuses, Worf is off the hook.

PICARD: Do not continue to enlist the cooperation of Lieutenant Worf.
CRUSHER [OC]: I won't have to, Captain. The Romulan has died.

Doesn't this seem like the sort of thing Crusher should report to Picard at once?

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: You have one chance to escape destruction, Picard. Return my officer at once.

So Tomalak is willing to start a war over one man? The clever bit is that this is actually reasonable from the Romulan's point of view, even if it's warped by our sensibilities.

DATA: There are still numerous ghost images, but I believe we are picking up two life forms near the beacon.
RIKER: Another Romulan?

What an idiot. All Enterprise crewman except Geordi are accounted for, so unless you're going to postulate a THIRD party at Galordan Core who just so happens to have crashed within spitting distance of the Romulan shuttle, Riker's statement is asinine.

The Fiver

Riker: This planet's electromagnetic storms make Ceti Alpha V look like Risa by comparison.

Sorry, but this doesn't work. Ceti Alpha V was just sandstorms, nothing EM related.

Riker: We weren't able to find La Forge before our beam-up window closed. He's lost somewhere on the planet.
Picard: This is a grave development indeed. I don't suppose that the injured Romulan you brought back happens to be an unemployed engineer?
Riker: No such luck, I'm afraid.

I get the joke, but I personally don't like it. It stretches credulity too far, even by fiver standards. I would've done a bad news/good news joke, probably involving switching to Geico.

Worf: I refuse to donate my precious bodily fluids to this Romulan pahtk!
Romulan: And I refuse to receive a transfusion from this Klingon veruul!
Crusher: We seem to have reached an impasse.
Worf: What impasse? We are in complete agreement.
Romulan: I concur wholeheartedly.

Exactly. Although "pahtk" is usually spelled "petaQ." "Veruul" was only used by Riker against Jarok in "The Defector."

Bochra: Very well. I have now connected your devices.
La Forge: Are they working?
Bochra: Yes, but you should see how ridiculous your tricorder now looks.

It did look silly.

Tomalak: (on viewscreen) Then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!
Data: Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 1.
Tomalak: You cannot fully appreciate Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Romulan.
Picard: It would take a large quantity of Romulan ale to make me believe that.
Tomalak: Pfft...what makes you think you are such an expert on Shakespeare?

Ha ha. Incidentally, aside from Picard's numerous Shakespeare connections, Patrick Stewart has performed in King of Texas (a setting update of King Lear) and a TV version of Hamlet.

Memory Alpha

* It's mentioned that Riker and Crusher could've also ordered Worf to do the transfusion. I understand that Riker wouldn't do it for similar reasons to Picard, but Crusher not doing it is a mystery. She wouldn't let different ideologies get in the way of saving a patient's life.
* Michael Pillar puts this episode in the top three of the third season, along with "The Bonding" and "Yesterday's Enterprise." "The Bonding", really? For me the top three of the third season are "Who Watches the Watchers", "Yesterday's Enterprise", and "The Best of Both Worlds."

Nitpicker's Guide

* In the first volume of the guide, Phil found nothing wrong. The readers were sure to correct him for the second volume! Quoth Phil "Other nitpickers certainly didn't have any trouble finding plenty of nits in it! In fact, I do believe that since the chief nitpicker couldn't come up with anything, all of the other nitpickers out there made it their goal to do so. (Wink, wink.) Actually, I feel sorry for this episode in a way. A tremendous amount of energy went into chainsawing it apart." Furthermore, he quotes the "no good deed goes unpunished" bit as relevant to his entry in the first volume.
* Crusher finds no cranial trauma in Patahk? Worf punched him in the face with his palm, banging his head into a rock!
* Phil thinks Troi should've informed Picard that she was evaluating Tomalak based solely on body language, since he's too far away for empathy. I think that this was obvious. Troi's not a Q or Douwd or Traveler!
* How come the Romulans can enter the Neutral Zone without permission, but we can't?
* Phil questions how Geordi can see the neutrino pulse if it's pointed straight up into space. My immediate reaction is that of course this "neutrino source" was set to disperse a small amount of neutrinos all around alongside the main beam. Geordi notices that suddenly there's an increase in neutrinos, then looks around for where most of them are coming from.
* Phil also doubts the Klingon versus Vulcan compatibility. He jokes that maybe Romulans are a hybrid of Vulcans and Klingons from way back.
* Crusher hassled Worf too much for ethical considerations.
* Phil also asks why Beverly wouldn't inform Picard of the death immediately.
* Why didn't Picard send for reinforcements? I would add why didn't he ask for orders from Starfleet Command? Surely there'd be an admiral about who could order Worf to do the transfusion. Of course, said admiral would also chew out Picard, so maybe Picard didn't mention it. ;)
* I stole the disfunctional tricorder nit from Phil, but I had a point to make.
* Phil's query on why LaForge came down if they knew it was hazardous to Data is silly to me. Different technologies, Phil!
* As made the spikes have a flat side (the top of the grooves, etc.), but as used they are round. This is one I'll give to Phil, they couldn't have smoothed one side?
* Phil asks why Geordi couldn't cut handholds in the cliff with his phaser. My reply is that Geordi doesn't know what the rock is made of, nor can he see well enough to adjust the phaser that finely to cut handholds even if he knew the setting for this kind of rock.

“The Dauphin”

I find it a little icky that Jamie Hubbard was ten years older than Wil Wheaton, but I guess the “half your age plus seven” thing hadn’t been invented yet. Wesley’s quarters contain a TOS-style phaser and communicator.

“Contagion”

First appearance of Picard’s love of archeology, and his first request for “tea, Earl Grey, hot.” Sternbach hid a bunch of Japanese anime references in the Iconian gateway inscriptions.

“The Royale”

Hurley points out similarities to “A Piece of the Action”, but once again I don’t see it. The sins of this episode are much simpler: it’s just another spin on a holodeck malfunction episode.

In the original final draft…the astronaut survivor as actually the last of his crew of seven to die. His image was then kept alive in the macabre setting, to be entertained by the captured Enterprise party. In the end, as with Pike and Vina in the original-Trek pilot, “The Cage,” a dead away team crew woman is retained to keep the astronaut company after the unseen casino manager agrees to tell the story and release the crew.

Yeah, that would’ve been too derivative of “The Cage”.

Larry mentions Fermat’s Last Theorem but not the fact that it had been solved, the version of the Companion that I’m reading is from 1992 and the proof won’t be conceived until 1994 (and finalized until 1995).

“Time Squared”

This story, originally titled “Time to the Second”, began as the first of what Maurice Hurley had planned as two consecutive but stand-alone episodes. “Time Squared” would segue into “Q Who”, in which the mischievous superalien is revealed as the cause of the vortex. That plan was scrapped at Gene Roddenberry’s insistence, Hurley has said, and so adds confusion to the ending. “Why would going into the vortex’s center save you?” Hurley asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

In theory this makes sense, but two-parters need to be more closely tied together than this. First appearance of the cheaper shuttlepod and set. First appearance of Riker’s cooking hobby.

“The Icarus Factor”

Larry thinks that the Worf subplot almost took the spotlight away from the Riker plot. I wouldn’t go that far. Second time Riker refuses a command on the show. First time the Tholians are namedropped in dialogue in the TNG era. Entertainment Tonight host John Tesh was on set, and cameos as one of the Rite of Ascension Klingons. Sternbach hides anime references again, this time on the anbo-jyutsu set.

“Pen Pals”

Just like Snodgrass’s background in legal stuff came forward in “The Measure of a Man”, her love of horses got plugged this time around. At least Stewart’s equine background dovetailed nicely this time around. First appearance of a Buckaroo Banzai reference in the setwork.

“Q Who”

“If somebody’s interested in gold, they’re not much of an adversary,” Hurley said of the greedy little race. “We can make gold in our replicator.”

I know that gold-pressed latinum hasn’t been invented yet, but that doesn’t mean that another fictional commodity couldn’t have been created by now. Who says it has to be gold? First and only appearance of Guinan’s office; don’t ask me why she needs one.

“Samaritan Snare”

Larry calls the Pakleds “among the most humorously bizarre aliens ever created for Trek.” Okay, Larry. The crimson force field is compared to the corbomite maneuver, but I think they’re different enough to avoid accusations of blatant plagiarism. The budget prevented creation of a captain’s yacht set.

“Up the Long Ladder”

The episode offended the pro-life crowd and the Irish, which might be a record for distance between groups offended by a single episode. The pregnant Bringoidi was actually played by a pregnant woman (as the cast of Miracle on 34th Street might say, she doesn’t need any padding!). More Buckaroo Banzai and anime references in the Okudagrams.

“Manhunt”

Last Tracy Torme episode, and she used a pseudonym for it. She included Raymond Chandler-style narration for Dixon Hill, but they were dropped because of possible confusion with captain’s logs. I wonder if Stewart could’ve pulled off a more Bogart-esque accent for Hill’s internal monologue.

“The Emissary”

The Okudagram of holodeck options presented to K’Ehleyr includes such injokes as the Rite of Ascension Chamber, Vulcan desert survival a la “Yesteryear”, and two new Dixon Hill mysteries.

“Peak Performance”

First appearance of a Zakdorn. I remember the one from “Unification”, but apparently there was a cameo of one in “Menage a Troi” as well. First prominent appearance of the LCARS acronym. More Buckaroo and anime references.

“Shades of Gray”

Shooting only took three days. That much? When most of the episode is a single planet set and sickbay, I would’ve thought they could’ve done it in two. First appearance of tricordrazine, no doubt a refined version of cordrazine from “City on the Edge of Forever.”

SEASON THREE

“The Ensigns of Command”

Apparently a last-minute budget cut cost us more development in the Data/Ard’rian relationship. First episode where Data plays the violin, O’Brien plays the cello. Ard’rian guesses that Data runs on duotronics from the TOS era because that’s the most advanced computer she can think of. A group of Tibetan monks visited the set, I wonder if they would’ve enjoyed “Who Watches the Watchers” more if they’d come a few weeks later.

“Evolution”

This one was made after “The Ensigns of Command”, but aired before it. The “Egg” prop was reworked from the containment unit from “The Child.”

“The Survivors”

First mention of the Andorians in TNG. Actor John Anderson almost didn’t take the role because he had lost his wife the year before.

“Who Watches the Watchers”

Many Mintaka III scenes were filmed at Vasquez Rocks, as seen in many TOS episodes. First appearance of subcutaneous transponders since “Patterns of Force.”

“The Bonding”

Ronald Moore’s first script. He wanted to make use of the families on board.

“Booby Trap”

Originally Picard was to be the one to fall in love with the Brahms hologram, but I question why the captain would be in the holodeck at a time like this. First TNG episode directed by a woman.

“The Enemy”

Another story point, that of Worf letting a Romulan die by refusing to donate blood, met resistance from the writing staff and from Dorn himself when Piller first suggested it. But allowing it to stand reveals how the series was beginning to get an alien perspective on Worf. It also shows that these “perfect” twenty-fourth-century characters could come into conflict with one another after all.

First appearance of Tomalak.

November 13th, 1989, "The Price"

Fiver (by Kira)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

TROI: Computer, I would like a real chocolate sundae.
COMPUTER: Define real in context, please.
TROI: Real. Not one of your perfectly synthesised, ingeniously enhanced imitations.

This is a stupid exchange. By now Troi should've either reprogrammed her replicator to make food to her taste or (if for some reason it's impossible to perfectly replicate chocolate) imported a stock of authentic chocolate for her personal use. And quite frankly the replicator should have dozens if not hundreds of varieties of chocolate in its database for her to choose her favorite from. Thus if she orders chocolate the computer should recognize her voice and substitute the generic chocolate for her personal blend.

COMPUTER: This unit is programmed to provide sources of acceptable nutritional value. Your request does not fall within current guidelines.

Another asinine line. This isn't the business of the computer programmers, and even if it was we've seen the replicator make junk food on many other occasions. And by now the nutritionists should've found a way to reduce the fat and sugar in a given food, substituting nutrients without affecting the taste.

PICARD: The pleasure of your company is requested, Counsellor. We're having a little impromptu reception for the arriving delegates.

Impromptu? The appearance of the wormhole runs like clockwork, it would be easy to schedule a reception around it and notified the appropriate people to arrive on time. Furthermore, Troi is acting like she just finished a long shift and is ready to veg out; wouldn't she have moved some appointments around to give her time to freshen up and dress properly?

TROI: Ship's Counsellor Deanna Troi.

I assume by "Ship's Counselor" Troi means that she leads a staff of counselors (much like McCoy declaring himself to be Ship's Surgeon). Does she need assistants? A little research says that generally there should be a psychiatrist for every 10,000 people, so Troi should be the only one. Furthermore, I find '"counselor" to be a little informal for a military organization (take that, Gene!). She can be called "counselor" by her patients or the senior staff, but to others she should be Commander or Doctor.

Captain's log, Stardate 43385.6. We are orbiting Barzan Two, which is entertaining bids for control of what appears to be a stable wormhole, which could provide a permanent shortcut to the distant Gamma Quadrant.

I wonder if the Dominion found this thing and has already classified it as useless.

BHAVANI: And as you all know...

Any writer who uses "as you know" or similar should be fired.

BHAVANI: The Barzan has been a society dependent on others for generations.

How is this supposed to work? They managed to pull themselves together enough to invent warp drive. Did they just give up and let others take care of them until now? Furthermore, could the Federation not fix whatever is making the Barzan not self-sufficient?

GOSS: We'll need chairs.
PICARD: I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise. I'm serving as host for these proceedings.
GOSS: Good, then see to it that we get chairs.
PICARD: Let me explain.
GOSS: Fine, fine, just have your Klingon servant get us some chairs.
WORF: I am in charge of Security.
GOSS: Then who gets the chairs?
PICARD: DaiMon, due to the delicate nature of these negotiations, all parties have agreed that one representative would suffice. Now I will be happy to provide your consuls with accommodations and you may have my chair.

The chair bit wasn't funny. The "Klingon servant" bit wasn't funny. I see no reason why the Ferengi couldn't have been a part of the negotiations from the start. It would make more room for character development elsewhere, particularly for Troi.

RAL: I never play the opening rounds, anyway. Inconsequential. Besides there are much better things to negotiate on this ship. Like dinner tonight?

Nice step forward for feminism, isn't it? Then again, I'm reminded of Lwaxana's view that men are commodities.

RAL: Yes, you were. When you leave this office, who are you? Oh. So that's how it goes. You never do. You never do leave the office.

Complete nonsense. Troi lets her proverbial hair down all the time. Ral isn't really endearing himself to me. He considers himself a supreme prize for any woman. He makes sweeping assumptions about Troi's lifestyle after knowing her for two days. I know that he's a quarter-Betazoid, but Troi has training against telepathic influence, right?

RIKER: Imagine the Ferengi collecting tolls if we lose to them.

I fail to see the problem here. The Ferengi could set a toll, but nobody actually has to pay it and go through. Furthermore the Federation could buy the wormhole back from them later.

MENDOZA: I don't think the Ferengi are the greatest threat at the table. With all of DaiMon Goss' bluster, they don't have the resources the Barzans need.

So? They could make an arrangement with the Federation, possibly in exchange for all noncommercial information collected by the Ferengi on the other side of the wormhole.

PICARD: The Federation could wind up buying a proverbial lemon.
DATA: Proverbial lemon?
PICARD: Later, Data.

Time for the "Data should have memorized all of human knowledge" complaint again. Picard didn't just say "lemon" to confuse Data, he said "proverbial lemon." He should have access to a dictionary in his head. Wiktionary has this as the fifth definition of "lemon", and there's "slang" right next to it.

RIKER: Geordi has continuous visual contact with the wormhole, Captain.

What? Everything Geordi's VISOR can do can also be done by the ship's sensors! Or are you telling me that Geordi's brain could interpret the readings in a way different from the computer?

ARRIDOR: A distillation of your own blood pyrocytes. Harmless to you. Undetectable by the ship's bio-filters, but when absorbed through your victim's skin, it will provoke an extreme allergic reaction.

The only other mention of pyrocytes is in Voyager, where apparently the Kazon also have them. While this level of technobabble is acceptable, I wonder why they didn't just say that they coated his hand with a mild toxin that Ferengi are immune to.

RAL: Ah, Federation decor.
TROI: Not your style?
RAL: Well, conformity is not my style.

Is this supposed to make him sound better, more interesting? Because it doesn't.

PICARD: The Federation's top negotiator taken out by a mysterious ailment. Suspicions?
RIKER: With the Ferengi around? Always.

While it's reasonable under the circumstances, this still seems like blanket racism.

WESLEY: The wormhole will reappear in thirty seconds, sir.

This business of the wormhole only being traversable when it's visible seems dubious, but I understand that it's necessary for plot purposes.

LAFORGE: You know, if this doesn't work, the thought of spending the rest of my life in here is none too appealing.
DATA: There is a bright side, Geordi. You will have me to talk to.

Data's obliviousness can be funny, but Geordi's line makes me ask why they're taking a shuttlepod instead of a shuttlecraft. I know that they expect to come back, but it's going to be hours. Won't Geordi want to stretch his legs?

WESLEY: They've travelled beyond our communication capabilities, sir

I find it odd that they could maintain a comm signal with a ship inside the wormhole in the first place.

RAL: Well, Mister Riker's placed a great deal of emphasis on defence, a subject he obviously knows well, having served Starfleet in a number of conflicts. Now, the Chrysalians, we're enemies to no one, and we choose to remain that way. Neutral.
RIKER: Neutral, and uninvolved, sir, in virtually all interstellar matters of consequence.

What's the point of this exchange? All I can conclude is that Riker is implying that the Chrysalians are cowards for not picking sides. Another example of racism. What if the Chrysalians believe in avoiding conflict? Would Riker still insult them?

TROI: Devinoni Ral. Who are you?
RAL: Well, what do your Betazoid senses tell you about me?
TROI: Not much. My human physical response must be blocking them out.
RAL: Good.
TROI: It never happened to me before.

The notion that physical arousal can block her empathy is a little icky in addition to the contradiction. The whole Imzadi thing implies that Betazoids can form some form of mental bond with their mates. And even besides the formal bond, you'd think telepaths would form a stronger mental connection with their mates due to familiarity and longer contact.

CRUSHER: You're unusually limber this morning.
TROI: I'll say. Devinoni Ral. It's ridiculous, and wonderful. I feel completely out of control. Happy. Terrified. But there's nothing rational about this.
CRUSHER: Who needs rational when your toes curl up?

For the eighties, this seems a little racy.

TROI: Why haven't you told anyone you're an empath?
RAL: Because I find it makes people uncomfortable.
TROI: I think you don't tell them so you can gain an advantage.

There are things that a person has a right to keep private and things that they don't. Just being an empath shouldn't make people distrust you. It's what he does WITH his empathic powers that would make people uncomfortable.

TROI: I do it to help my crew, not outmanoeuvre them. And I don't hide that I'm an empath.
RAL: Oh, so you announce it to every alien culture you encounter? Or do you use it to give your side an advantage. Do you tell the Romulan that's about to attack that you sense that he may be bluffing? Or do you just tell it to your Captain?

That's an apples and oranges comparison. She does it for the good of the Federation, he does it for the good of himself.

PICARD: Computer, is the Ferengi Goss still on board the Enterprise?
COMPUTER: DaiMon Goss departed the Enterprise at fourteen hundred hours.

Wouldn't Worf be aware of when he left and informed the captain? What did this accomplish besides making it look like Worf isn't doing his job?

GOSS [on viewscreen]: If the Ferengi cannot have the wormhole, no one will.

I don't think there's a Rule of Acquisition covering destroying something you can't get. This is ludicrous. Ferengi should treat losing a business deal as a learning experience for next time.

GOSS [on viewscreen]: Casualties of war, Commander. My men are prepared to die. Are yours?
TROI: Captain, he's lying. I'm almost sure of it. He doesn't mean what he says.

I thought Troi couldn't read Ferengi, and I have to think that Ferengi body language would be different enough to stop mere observation.

The Fiver

Troi: Computer, check my answering machine.
Computer: You have forty-seven new messages.

You can never have too many 47 references.

Picard: I'd like you to meet our guests for the episode. This is our token diplomat, this is our token victim of a nefarious plot, this is our token weird alien --
Leyor: We have names, you know.
Picard: Sure you do.

Should've stretched the word "sure." Suuuuuure you do.

Computer: Deanna Troi. Species: Half betazoid, half human. Rank: lieutenant. Current assignment: counsellor and stater of the obvious, U.S.S. Enterprise. Current love interest: Devinoni Ral.

Wasn't she a lieutenant commander at the start of the show?

La Forge: I sure hope this works. What if we get stranded on the other side of the wormhole and we're stuck in this shuttle?
Data: Then we will become intoxicated and debate the finer points of Counsellor Troi's figure.
La Forge: Well, that doesn't sound too bad. But what are the odds we'd ever be rescued way out in the Delta Quadrant?
Data: Surprisingly high.

I remember "Shuttlepod One" as one of the better Enterprise episodes that I've seen. T'Pol has a very nice bum, and so forth.

Ral: I, er, I was just stating the obvious.
Troi: Oh, okay... HEY! Stating the obvious? You're part Betazoid!
Ral: Nuts.

Ha ha.

La Forge: As long as we don't get stranded, what's the worst that could happen? Some kind of attack by wormhole aliens?
Data: "Wormhole aliens." Very amusing, Geordi.
La Forge: Yeah. I kill me.

As long as we're making jokes based on Voyager, might as well toss in DS9 as well...

Troi: So, how about some female bonding? I've got a new boyfriend.
Crusher: Why is it you only feel the urge to bond with me when you've got something to brag about?
Troi: Hey, it's not my fault you never get any action.

This seems a little harsh for Troi. It's too bad Tasha isn't around anymore...

Arridor: (over the comm) I'm not going anywhere until I've conducted a thorough scan of all gullible planets in this region. Standard Ferengi procedure.
La Forge: Fine, just don't expect the Federation to come to your rescue if you get stuck out here.

Oh, the irony...

Kol: Oh no! We're stranded in the Delta Quadrant!
Arridor: Relax, Kol, I know what to do in this situation. (ahem) We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....

He's quoting Janeway. I had to look it up. It could've been a Lost in Space reference for all I knew...

Ral: What if we run away together?
Troi: Say, have you ever met my mother?
Ral: Um....
(Ral runs away at Ludricrous Speed)

Ha.

Memory Alpha


* First appearance of the four-quadrant organization of the galaxy.
* First appearance of Troi's love for chocolate.
* The Ferengi still think of gold as valuable, but at least their bricks are starting to look like gold-pressed latinum.
* Discovery will have a Barzan Starfleet officer.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Back in "The Naked Now" Data could understand how to search for a definition of a word preceded by "proverbial", but now he can't. Oops.
* Troi acts like a commbadge line isn't opened until the badge is tapped, but the Technical Manual says that comm channels are opened automatically (to cover instances of no tapping, I presume). I prefer that comm channels aren't opened until the badge is tapped, of course. Imagine the embarrassment from hearing something you're not supposed to.
* Phil also asks about Geordi's continual visual contact with the wormhole.

I'm sorry, but the retrospective is on hold for a few weeks. I've broken a few fingers and typing long entries with one hand sounds like torture at the moment. Not to mention all the links and copypastes that I do...ugh!

November 20th, 1989, "The Vengeance Factor"

No Fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

MAROUK: No. Captain, you have to understand our history. A hundred years ago, before the Gatherers split off from our culture, we were a savage, violent race. Clans battled clans. Bloody, vengeful feuds that lasted for generations. But we overcame those ways, all except for the Gatherers.

I wonder if the writers were aware of the Vulcan/Romulan parallels.

DATA: Captain, I am detecting life readings from the planet surface, as well as several small areas of thermal radiation and carbon dioxide emissions, indicative of combustion.
WESLEY: Campfires, Data.
DATA: Is that not what I said?

Ugh. This kind of joke is going too far. Even Spock wouldn't be this pedantic.

DATA: Rigelian phaser rifles, sir. Not particularly powerful.

And therefore? No matter which variety of Rigelians we're talking about, we're led to believe that their tech was pretty standard. If anything I'd prefer that these be older models if they're supposed to be nonthreatening.

RIKER: Data, tell me about noranium. It vaporises at?
DATA: Two thousand three hundred fourteen degrees. Of course, noranium carbide
RIKER: Thank you, Data.
LAFORGE: Setting seven ought to do it.
RIKER: Three, two, one, now!
(They fire at some of the metal junk, which creates a smoke screen.)

Wouldn't metal vapor be toxic to breathe?

PICARD: Brull, will you show Mister Crusher the course to set to the Hromi Cluster?
BRULL: A child? This doesn't inspire my confidence.

If anything this should happen more often, but it occurs to me that we've seen plenty of aliens that look young but are really old. For all he knows with no other information, Wesley could be one of those and not human.

WESLEY: That's going to take us through the centre of an asteroid belt.
BRULL: What's the matter, kid? Can't you fly yourself around a couple of rocks?
WESLEY: Sure I can, but if we take this heading we can avoid the belt completely, and only lose twelve point one minutes at warp seven.

First, who cares if there are asteroids in the way, you'll be in subspace when you go through them. Second, altering the course to sweep around them would lengthen your journey by a minute or less. Third, what is this exchange supposed to achieve?

BRULL: No problem. I have many friends that don't like me. But what do you know about me?
WESLEY: You're a thief.
BRULL: I do it to survive, not because I enjoy it. We Gatherers value our freedom. We do as we want and we answer to no creature.

Sorry, but that's absurd. The Gatherers could petition the Federation for a colony world. No, they choose to live like this. I hate declarations of "I don't want to be a criminal" from people who have other choices.

CHORGAN [on viewscreen]: I don't wish to listen to either of you.
PICARD: You have no choice. Prepare to receive us. We're beaming on board.

This seems like a violation of policy. Beaming aboard without permission should be considered a crime if not an actual act of war.

CHORGAN: Will you feed and clothe us, too?
MAROUK: No, of course I won't. What I will do is give you the means to feed and clothe yourselves. We've set aside some land and you can use it to--
CHORGAN: Land? Do we look like farmers to you?

It's already been showed that these guys don't have replicators. So if these guys don't want to be farmers, what else is there? My first suggestion is folding them into the military. Their families can live planetside in the cities.

Nitpicker'sGuide

* Phil wonders why there didn't seem to be higher stun levels available to stop Yuta without killing her.
* Phaser Level 7 can vaporize metal, but Riker had it all the way up to Level 16 to stop Yuta! Okay, she's been conditioned to be more resistant to phasers than an ordinary person, but she's not a Horta or Excalbian!

TNG Companion:



“The Price”

Troi’s office has been redesigned and will be seen more. For some reason her office is on Deck 8 and her quarters are on Deck 9. First appearance of Troi’s chocolate obsession.

“The Vengeance Factor”

It’s finally established that Data is stronger than Worf.

January 1st, 1990, "The Defector."

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: Splendid, Data. Splendid. You're getting better and better.
DATA: Freeze programme. Thank you, sir. I plan to study the performances of Olivier, Branagh, Shapiro, Kullnark.

Laurence Olivier did Hamlet, Henry V, and Richard III in the thirties and forties acting and directing. Kenneth Branagh had only done Henry V by the time of this episode, but would go on to do Much Ado About Nothing, Hamlet, Love's Labour's Lost, and As You Like It. James Shapiro isn't an actor at all, but is a Shakespearean scholar. Kullnark is the obligatory alien inclusion. Personally I would've dropped Shapiro and included Anton Karidian.

PICARD: Romulan warbird, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation vessel Enterprise. You have crossed into the Neutral Zone and are engaged in hostile action. Explain yourself and your intent.

Apparently neutral zones aren't always demilitarized zones. I ask what the point of such a zone is if it's not demilitarized. And while it's not specific to this episode, I have to ask at least once why the Federation/Romulan Neutral Zone is so narrow. People act like the zone can be completely crossed in a matter of hours at standard warp speeds (remember "The Enterprise Incident"?), it should really be a lot wider than that.

RIKER: Position?
DATA: Coordinates one four zero by two zero five, sir.

I really hate it when positions are given in only two coordinates. Furthermore, I assume Riker's really asking how far into Federation space the scout ship is, so he should be more specific.

PICARD: Right. Move to within five kilometres. Mister La Forge, prepare to extend our shields around the Romulan scout ship.
LAFORGE: At that range, the shields won't be able to take much punishment, Captain.

The Enterprise is a kilometer long. The scout ship is 25 meters long, a bit longer than a runabout. The Enterprise could get a lot closer than five kilometers to extend shield strength. In fact the scout could probably fit within the standard shield bubble.

SETAL: The humiliating defeat at the Battle of Cheron has not been forgotten. The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Enterprise claimed that this battle took place in 2160. Whether this is the same Cheron that "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" referenced is debated.
I would argue against it. In the TOS episode the planet was far off the beaten path and it seems like diplomatic contact had barely been made, if the population can destroy themselves without anyone noticing yet. Why would Starfleet and the Romulans send ships out there in the ENT-era just to have a battle?

SETAL: The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Um, ignoring the treaty to annex land means starting a war. Why wouldn't the Romulans just declare war? For that matter why haven't they asked the Federation to move the neutral zone further into Federation space? Given Starfleet's current antiwar stance, it might actually work!

RIKER: You're saying an entire base has already been established there?
SETAL: In forty-eight hours, the reactor core will be online.

It's implied that until the station is fully powered it's invisible to sensors. Ridiculous.

SETAL: I am not a traitor. All you can see is the opportunity to exploit me. The Federation credo, exploitation. You couldn't get aboard my ship fast enough. Strip it down. What secrets might it reveal that we can use? You're a short sighted people. Can't you understand? I came to stop a war.

Ugh. Starfleet has never attacked first, and he should know that. Even "The Enterprises Incident" was about maintaining the balance of power, not starting a war.

SETAL: Thank you, Doctor. How fortunate you know something of Romulan medicine.
CRUSHER: Yes. I had a chance to gain some experience recently.

Ugh. I'm reminded of McCoy in The Undiscovered Country. It was just as ridiculous there. Starfleet should know basic Romulan medicine. During The Undiscovered Country we were apparently on good enough terms with the Romulans to have an ambassador on Earth, medical knowledge should've been obtained at least as far back as that. Although I wouild've gone even farther back to Liviana Charvanek. McCoy would have asked her about current Romulan medicine while she was a prisoner.

SETAL: Remove this tohzah from my sight.
RIKER: Your knowledge of Klingon curses is impressive.

Actually todSaH is an insult, not a curse. It means something like toady, suckup, bootlicker.

SETAL: Computer, water.
COMPUTER: Temperature?
SETAL: Twelve onkians.
COMPUTER: This system is calibrated to the Celsius metric system.

Complete BS. The people onboard are speaking any number of alien languages, all being translated into English. The translators should've had all major temperature scales and their conversion factors inputted already (I repeat Romulan ambassador comments from the TOS movies again here). I get it that this exchange is meant to convey that Setal isn't on Romulus anymore, but it would've been less dumb to ask for a Romulan foodstuff that hasn't been inputted yet. Perhaps a kind of tea that was invented in the time period between the Tomed Incident and now.

PICARD: It is hard to believe in what one cannot see. And yet conceivably, with their cloaking technology, a fleet of Romulan warships could be passing before our eyes. There must be some way to neutralise this advantage.

Completely asinine. Starfleet would've started working on anticloaking technology the instant they encountered it. If there was a way to neutralize it at this time, Geordi would know about it. This isn't the kind of thing Geordi can pull out of his pocket in a day, even Scotty couldn't do it!

HADEN [on monitor]: Captain, we have received an official protest from the Romulan Empire demanding the return of your defector. Obviously, we are refusing to comply.

It occurs to me that the Neutral Zone treaty would've included language to the effect that anyone from one side who crosses to the other can be taken prisoner. Certainly the Romulans acted like this was the case back in the TOS and TAS days. Our heroes always traded the prisoners back after being debriefed even when they didn't need to.

PICARD: Is there a possibility the wound could be self-inflicted?
CRUSHER: They're very bad burns. I hardly think
PICARD: A possibility.
(She nods)

I'm dubious of this. Surely by the 24th century tricorders can detect things as simple as "was this burn caused by a directed beam or exposure to fire?"

HADEN [on monitor]: The Monitor and the Hood are headed in your direction, though they will arrive too late to be of assistance.

The Monitor is a Nebula-class, the Hood is Excelsior-class. I'll presume that Galaxy-classes are rarely that close to each other to render assistance unless sufficient advance notice is given, such as Wolf 359 or the Dominion War.

PICARD: Yes, Data. I want you to prepare a class one probe. Set the sensors for maximum scan. I want every metre of Nelvana Three monitored.

If you want the entire planet scanned more than the Enterprise can do, I'd thing you'd need more than one probe.

PICARD: Your clarity of thought. Your objectivity, as always. Sit down. Data, it's very possible we are about to go to war. The repercussions of what we do during the next twenty four hours may be felt for years to come. I want you to keep a record of these events, so that history will have the benefit of a dispassionate view.

Wouldn't Data be doing that already? It would hardly be a huge strain on his positronic brain to run the program in the background with periodic output logs to the ship's computer.

RIKER: The location of the Romulan bases along the Neutral Zone?
SETAL: I don't know.
RIKER: In your sector?
SETAL: Irrelevant.
RIKER: The number of troops under your admiral's command?
SETAL: Irrelevant. Irrelevant.

How is this information irrelevant?

COMPUTER: Captain Picard, priority message from security officer, Klingon vessel Bortas.
PICARD: Lieutenant Worf, will you handle this at security station, deck nine.
WORF: Aye, sir.
(Worf leaves)

I get it that this is setting up the big reveal for later, but Worf can do this just as well from the bridge. We don't need to see him do it, just know that Worf us handling it. And this is really nitpicky, but I'd expect the first officer to coordinate something like this, not the security officer. And to get even more pedantic, there shouldn't be such a thing as "ship's security" on a Klingon ship, everyone would police each other within the chain of command and the honor code. The ship would just need a tactical officer.

PICARD: What about the planet surface?
LAFORGE: Reading nothing but barren rock. I don't know. They might be able to hide a base from our probe. Its capabilities are limited. The only way we'll know for sure is if we go and take a look for ourselves.

Geordi had sufficient time to equip a probe specifically to search for cloaking signals in a planetary atmosphere, so why didn't he?

SETAL: You're the android. I know a host of Romulan cyberneticists that would love to be this close to you.
DATA: I do not find that concept particularly appealing.
SETAL: Nor should you.

Wouldn't the cyberneticists rather take Data apart? What could they derive from ten feet away?

SETAL: Synthetic swill. I don't suppose your food terminals would be capable of producing a Romulan ale?
DATA: I am afraid they would require the molecular structure of the beverage in question. And, as you are no doubt aware, our knowledge of your planet is quite limited.

Ugh! Guinan should have a stock of Romulan ale ("It is blue", hehe). If replicators seriously can't create decent fake alcohol, then a stock of such things should be available. The scriptwriters are hammering in this fish out of water thing far too hard for my tastes.

SETAL: It's a bitter thing to be exiled from your home.
DATA: It does appear unlikely you will ever be allowed to return to your planet.

I'll say it again, ugh! He had sufficient time to come to terms with this and decide that it was still worth it. Stop complaining, and maybe pack an isolinear chip with replicator codes!

JAROK: I cannot betray my people.
PICARD: You've already betrayed your people, Admiral. You've made your choices, sir. You're a traitor.

Yeah, this is definitely the sort of thing that you shouldn't bother doing unless you're willing to go all in.

DATA: There is no scarring on the planet surface that would denote heavy construction of any kind.
RIKER: A cloaking device of some sort, to hide the entire base?
DATA: A cloaking device operating on the surface would be given away by visible distortion effects.

It took them this long to figure out that this is a trick? I thought this was supposed to be the best crew on the best ship in the fleet!

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I urge you, Captain Picard, surrender. Consider the men and women you would lead into a lost cause.
PICARD: If the cause is just and honourable, they are prepared to give their lives. Are you prepared to die today, Tomalak?

I repeat earlier comments on why families shouldn't be on board for this sort of thing, and how this is exactly the sort of situation they should be separating the saucer for.

RIKER: A letter to his wife and daughter.
DATA: Sir, he must have known it would be impossible for us to deliver this.
PICARD: Today, perhaps. But if there are others with the courage of Admiral Jarok, we may hope to see a day of peace when we can take his letter home.

I get the message, but I question why he couldn't have sent it before he left. For that matter, why can't the Federation get the message through? Don't we have diplomatic channels for this?

The Fiver

Riker: I think he's a plant.
Picard: I think you need a refresher course in botany.

I wonder if Keiko is on board yet...

Setal: Computer -- one Romulan ale.
Computer: Request denied. That beverage is illegal.
Setal: If you give me one anyway I'll slip you ten voljucks.
Computer: Please restate bribe in Federation credit units.

Ha ha. "Voljucks" appears to have been invented by Marc. Of courses gold-pressed latinum hasn't been invented yet, and we never found out what currency the Romulans use, even in the expanded universe.

Riker: What is the current deployment of the Romulan fleet?
Setal: Irrelevant!
Troi: How do they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar?
Setal: Irrelevant! Irrelevant!
Riker: Cut out the Borg routine and answer us!
Setal: This discussion is futile.

Caramilk is a Canadian candy bar. I would've used a "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop" joke here.

I don't even watch Doctor Who, but even I can see that a Dalek joke would've worked somewhere in this fiver. Extrapolate!

Setal/Jarok: I am actually an Admiral pretending to be a common soldier.
Data: How did you think up such a preposterous scheme?

You can't appreciate Shakespeare unless it's in the original Romulan, hehe...

Picard: Yes, he's told me everything he knows.
Troi: Ooooh...even about the caramel thingy?

Nice callback.

Tomalak: Surrender or my two Warbirds will destroy you!
Picard: If they do that, my three Klingon escorts will destroy you!
Tomalak: Well, if they do that, my...er...corbomite device will destroy them!
Picard: Tomalak, you moron, that's one of our bluffs.
Tomalak: Oops.

Ha ha.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of the Romulan scout ship and second D'deridex-class model.
* The birds of prey were really big here compared to other appearances. Ex Astris Scientia guesses that they could just be really close to the camera compared to other appearances. Fan speculation yields as many as seven different sizes for birds of prey. One person even tried different configurations of the scene in this episode, experimenting with different sizes and positions. I'd rather limit this to two sizes, a smaller B'rel class and a larger K'vort class.
* First appearance of Data combining techniques from many masters to learn how to do something.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In this episode the light of the probe's engines reflect off the ship during the launch,but in "Where Silence Has Lease" it doesn't. You'd think this would be a piece of stock footage that would be reused.
* Phil also raises the units and Universal Translator question.
* How can Worf track a cloaked Romulan ship?

It's a whole planet, they should have off-screen parties on this continent or that.


Indeed.

I forgot to mention that "The Defector has good character work, I just get irked at mistakes that can be fixed through writing alone.

January 8th, 1990, "The Hunted"

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

DATA: Specifications on the vessel, Mister Worf?
WORF: No warp drive. Minimal weaponry.

I find myself wondering what Worf would consider "minimal weaponry." I'm surprised he didn't specify "lasers only" like in Outrageous Okona.

LAFORGE: Vessel's speed increasing to point oh two impulse.

Full impulse is a quarter of the speed of light, so we're still talking over three million miles per hour.

LAFORGE: That's the ship's drive section
WESLEY: What happened to the rest of the ship?
DATA: Scan the drive section for life form readings.
WORF: None.
DATA: Bring us around to the back side of the asteroid, Mister Crusher.
LAFORGE: Sensors indicate wreckage on the asteroid's surface, Data.
WORF: No life signs.
DATA: Apparently, he did not survive.
WESLEY: Data, the drive section. Where'd it go? There's no sign of it on its previous heading. Someone must be at the helm.
RIKER [OC]: Status report, Mister Data?
DATA: I am afraid the prisoner has eluded us, sir.

If they're going to act like an asteroid can block ship's sensors, we've got a big problem. And even if they threw in a line about sensor-blocking minerals in the asteroid, the drive section wouldn't be able to get out of sensor range that fast. It would only take a few seconds to find it.

PICARD: A cloaking device?
WORF: Sir, the Angosians have no cloaking technology.
RIKER: Unless he's borrowing one. If he's hanging over the planet's pole, the magnetic field would confuse our sensors.

This isn't the only time they've acted like polar magnetic fields can hide a ship, which I consider patently ridiculous. Starships can scan all the planets in a system from outside it, why is a magnetic pole such a problem?

PICARD: Transporter room four, prepare to beam aboard from inside that shuttle anything large enough to be a humanoid adult.

I'm not sure the transporters work like that. I'll buy that someone can be altered such that their lifesign "transmissions" are outside the standard range. Fine. But they would still have to register as a lump of mass that can be locked on at this range. Just scan for something humanoid-sized that's not attached to the shuttle.

O'BRIEN: We're holding the contents in stasis pending arrival of security.

So is holding someone in transporter suspension dangerous or not? Do they not trust the forcefield that can surround the transporter pads? I do wonder why there can't be a high-security transporter room. No door to the outside and anesthezine gas on standby.

(The security guard fires, but it has almost no effect. They are jumped by the prisoner)

This is Starfleet Security, the guys Tasha Yar claims has the best training anywhere? I'd have upped the phaser setting a notch and fired again within a couple seconds, repeating until this guy went down! Come to think of it, that should be a setting by itself. Until you flip the switch off, each shot is slightly more powerful.

CRUSHER: At Troi's request I examined him. His cell structure has been significantly altered. They used a combination of cryptobiolin, triclenidil, macrospentol and a few things I can't even recognise.

These sounds like the names of drugs. I don't think drugs alone can explain what this guy can do. You'd need all-out genetic engineering, if not outright nanite assistance.

CRUSHER: One of the new substances in his cellular structure even shields electrical impulses.
DATA: Perhaps that would explain why our sensors did not detect him.

Lifesigns are more than just neural transmissions through the body. I could even buy temporary matching of body temperature with surroundings, but there have to be other things that can be detected.

NAYROK [on monitor]: It was for their own protection as well as that of others. Most of them were quite happy there. We went to great lengths to give them a fine quality of life.
PICARD: Prime Minister, even the most comfortable prison is a prison.

An unfortunate truth.

NAYROK [on monitor]: Captain, I assure you that every alternative has been explored.

Every alternative known to your science, you mean. Don't act like you've studied every alternative. Even Tuvok tried to rewire Suder with mindmelds. I'll buy that the onboard Vulcans aren't experts in this sort of thing, but the option of shipping him to Vulcan could at least be discussed.

WORF: Release of the force field and activation of the transporter will be virtually simultaneous. There will only be a point one second difference between them.
RIKER: Even Danar can't move that fast.

At least mention that you had to beef up the force field to stop Danar, because we've seen people beam in and out of cells all the time.

(Danar gets a hand out of the beam)

Transporters don't work like that!

(No, he's slumped against a bulkhead with his Visor lying on the floor, as Danar starts rearranging isolinear chips in a panel)

How does Danar know how to reconfigure the chips?

WORF: We believe he is attempting to reach shuttlebay two.
LAFORGE: That's twenty five decks up from here. Quite a climb, but I wouldn't put it past him.

Main Engineering is Deck 36, Shuttlebay 2 is Deck 13. Twenty-three, not twenty-five. Oops.

WORF [OC]: He used a phaser to power the cargo transporter.

Pretty sure that wouldn't work.

PICARD: I have all the information I need for our report. Your prisoner has been returned to you and you have a decision to make. Whether to try to force them back or welcome them home. In your own words, this is not our affair. We cannot interfere in the natural course of your society's development, and I'd say it's likely to develop significantly in the next several minutes. It's been an interesting visit. When you're ready for membership, the Federation will be pleased to reconsider your application.

Ugh. I don't like this kind of thing. I don't think these guys are prewarp, so don't quote the Prime Directive at us! Furthermore, this ending is too neat and tidy, I can't help but feel like too much time was spent on some scenes when other scenes needed more room to breathe.

Memory Alpha

* The whole idea that this episode is supposed to parallel Vietnam vets doesn't work at all.
* Only TNG appearance of a Jefferies Tube you can walk upright in.
* The ending was supposed to be bigger but couldn't because of the budget. Okay, so rewrite the ending to be better AND cheaper! I hate problems that can be fixed in the writing stage.

Nitpicker's Guide

* So it's chemicals in the body that makes these guys invisible to sensors. Why can't you remove this edge even if the mental reprogramming can't?
* Nobody is at Ops at the start of the episode. Don't we need someone there at all times?
* Phil also says that these guys should appear on sensors as SOMETHING even if it's not a life form.

"The Hunted", I can buy some of what they're selling with the Nam vets and such, but how this was handled in the episode was very, very sloppy.

Also, tsk tsk for not mentioning James Cromwell with hair.

January 29th, 1990, "The High Ground"

First veterans, now terrorists? They couldn't squeeze a comedic episode in between? Don't expect me to pull punches on this one, the message is too hamfisted for me to attempt fairness.

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43510.7. The Enterprise has put in at Rutia Four to deliver medical supplies following an outbreak of violent protests. Although non-aligned, the planet has enjoyed a long trading relationship with the Federation. Now, a generation of peace has ended with terrorist attacks by Ansata separatists, who are demanding autonomy and self-determination for their homeland on the western continent. Recreational shore leave has been prohibited and all away teams have been beam down armed.

[Plaza Cafe]

(The situation isn't stopping Beverly and Worf from drinking beverages in pleasant cafes in shopping areas)

Ugh. Badly written. If these terrorist attacks are so dangerous, nobody should be down there unless they have specific business. Beam back up to get beverages. I think visiting a cafe counts as "recreational shore leave." The worst part is that this isn't necessary. They didn't take a minute to explore Crusher and Worf's characters here, so why does this have to be in a cafe and not just outside a government facility?

CRUSHER: Lieutenant Worf, I need some bandages, disinfectant, something with alcohol in it.

Why isn't Beverly carrying a medkit? What's achieved by her not having one?

PICARD [OC]: Doctor, Commander Data has informed me of your situation.
CRUSHER: I already know what you're going to say.
PICARD [OC]: Doctor, will you at least allow me to
CRUSHER: The longer we argue, the longer

[Bridge]

CRUSHER [OC]: It's going to take me to save
PICARD: Doctor, you are endangering yourself and the away team.

In a situation like this, Picard should pull rank and order her to beam up. Furthermore, something like this should've been in the mission briefing: this isn't our fight, be prepared to leave at once without complaint. Furthermore, Picard mentions earlier that these guys are nonaligned. The Enterprise is only here to deliver medical supplies. Is there a reason they couldn't just be beamed down without putting any Starfleet officers at risk?

DATA: A transporter would leave residual ionization in the air. Our tricorder readings found no trace after the incident.
RIKER: People don't just appear and disappear. There must be some way to track her.

It's Season Three, I would hope the no-TOS references rule isn't in effect anymore, but even if it was, there are methods of teleportation in TNG that don't follow basic transporter rules. Q and the Farpoint aliens (alternatively known as "Farpoint cnidarians", "star-jellies" and "skymounts" depending on who you ask) come to mind immediately.

WORF: Sir, I believe she was the intended target of the abduction.
RIKER: Why would they want to take a Federation hostage? Their fight doesn't involve us.
WORF: It does now.

Here's the thing: the planet is nonaligned, and the Federation is apparently obligated to give humanitarian to anyone who asks unless it's someone they're currently at war with (and something even if they are). The terrorists could ask for help just like the government.

PICARD: In fact, it's more than likely that they will take good care of her, if they want to use her as a bargaining chip.
WESLEY: Bargaining chip?
TROI: The innocent often become the pawns in conflicts of this type, Wes.

Is Wes supposed to be an audience surrogate character or a prodigy, because you can't have it both ways. Troi's reply is just preachy and not necessary.

TROI: He needs your strength right now.
PICARD: History has shown us that strength may be useless when faced with terrorism.

What a lovely sentiment, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. If this message must be conveyed, save it for the ending Captain's Log, don't sound incompetent to your crew or scare Wes!

ALEXANA: I doubt they have one. They don't usually take hostages. These are not people we're dealing with here. They're animals. Fanatics who kill without remorse or conscience. Who think nothing of murdering innocent people.

Okay, you are officially nonsympathetic. A key Star Trek moral is that cultures are not monolithic and painting everyone with the same brush is wrong and will eventually bite you in the butt. Furthermore, this sort of talk is really a means by the speaker to justify killing the people they accuse without remorse. Hypocrite.

ALEXANA: Perhaps if we found ourselves in possession of some of that advanced Federation weaponry of yours, it would shift the balance of power back to our favour.
PICARD: Of course you know that is out of the question.
ALEXANA: Yes, of course.

This sort of thing should've been established ages ago. "Until you are a Federation member world, you don't get Federation assistance beyond humanitarian aid. Period. So don't ask."

FINN: Your ship carries medical supplies for them, for the other side. Why does the Federation ally itself with the Rutians?
CRUSHER: We don't. All we did was bring
FINN: Medical supplies.
CRUSHER: People were hurt.
FINN: I know. I hurt them.

Great job, Finn. You are officially nonsympathetic. At least PRETEND you're not a cold-blooded killer if you want her help!

CRUSHER: When I inform the Captain how serious the situation is, I'm sure he'll agree. I've told you, Finn, the Federation is not allied with Rutians. We're here on an errand of mercy.
FINN: And since the Federation does not wish to take sides, they will send the supplies that you need.
CRUSHER: Absolutely.

Exactly.

ALEXANA: The event that really opened my eyes took place only a few days after my arrival. A terrorist bomb destroyed a shuttlebus. Sixty schoolchildren. There were no survivors. The Ansata claimed that it was a mistake, that their intended target was a police transport. As if that made everything all right.

First, a police transport isn't a military transport. It's still attacking civilians. If the Ansata aren't attacking the military, they're criminals at best and terrorists at worst. They don't have "the high ground." Neither doesn't the government, but we've already covered that.

CRUSHER: They're dying. I'm seeing a complicated set of conditions. Their DNA is warped somehow, and it's distorting their entire cellular chemistry.
FINN: You can't do anything?
CRUSHER: I can make them more comfortable. That's all. The damage is too extensive.

Not even the facilities on the Enterprise can help? Whether she's honest or tricking them, the subject should be brought up.

FINN: It's the inverter. It's given our cause a new life, but it asks for our lives in return.
CRUSHER: What does it do?
FINN: We transport through a dimensional shift that the Rutian sensors can't trace.
CRUSHER: Dimensional shifting? You can't do that with humanoid tissue.
FINN: There are risks, the designers told us, But it works.

So these guys willingly kill themselves slowly just to be terrorists? We can add insanity to stupidity.

CRUSHER: You're showing the same distorted readings. Not as severe as the others, but

I'm reminded of the villain Peek from Batman Beyond. Long story...

(Data and Wesley are examining the terrorist device)
DATA: A subspace field coil with an isolated power source. Curious.

It's a bomb, of course it has an isolated power source. Seriously, hire a fan for peanuts who actually cares about Treknobabble!

DATA: But it was proven to be fatal. To use this technology would be an irrational act.
PICARD: We may be dealing with irrational people, Data. Is there a way to trace this?
LAFORGE: With an adaptive subspace echogram, maybe?

Subspace echogram? There are times I get afraid that the writers come up with Treknobabble by throwing magnetic technology terms at a fridge.

CRUSHER: I live in an ideal culture. There's no need for your kind of violence. We've proven that.

DS9 proved that wrong, didn't they? Also, I do wish Federation citizens would stop calling their own culture ideal. That's the kind of thing that can only be judged by an outsider.

FINN: Yes, I've read your history books. This is a war for independence, and I am no different than your own George Washington
CRUSHER: Washington was a military general, not a terrorist.
FINN: The difference between generals and terrorists, Doctor, is only the difference between winners and losers. You win, you're called a general. You lose

Washington committed guerrila acts against a military, not terrorist acts against civilians. Big difference.

FINN: How much innocent blood has been spilled for the cause of freedom in the history of your Federation, Doctor?

In the cause of freedom? Not many. Military casualties, yes. Civilians, no. That's why you can't call terrorism a gray area. It's not and never will be.

DATA: I have been reviewing the history of armed rebellion and it appears that terrorism is an effective way to promote political change.
PICARD: Yes, it can be, but I have never subscribed to the theory that political power flows from the barrel of a gun.
DATA: Yet there are numerous examples where it was successful. The independence of the Mexican State from Spain, the Irish Unification of 2024, and the Kensey Rebellion.
PICARD: Yes, I am aware of them.
DATA: Then would it be accurate to say that terrorism is acceptable when all options for peaceful settlement have been foreclosed?

Terrorism is not a revolution! Stop acting like they're equivalent!

FINN: I'm not releasing you. I need you here.
CRUSHER: To find a way to reverse the effects of the dimensional shift? I can do that right now. Stop using it!

A big problem here is that Crusher would want to help these people anyway. Is there really no equipment on the ship that might have a better chance than a medical tricorder? Even if the odds are slip, Crusher would take it.

(He gets a laser tool and cuts it off the core)
LAFORGE: Transporter room, lock on my signal and stand by to transport two kilometres off the starboard nacelle.

Two kilometers? You do remember that the ship itself is a kilometer long, right? And that the transporter range of the ship is 40,000 kilometers? What did specifying two kilometers do except annoy nerds like me?

PICARD: I should have beamed you up.
CRUSHER: You wouldn't dare.
PICARD: Oh yes I would, and should.
CRUSHER: Without my permission?
PICARD: If you don't follow orders.
CRUSHER: If you'd give reasonable orders, I'd obey.

It doesn't work like that, Beverly. You either obey, refuse and be disciplined, or transfer to a ship with a captain whose orders you will obey.

PICARD: They're mad.
CRUSHER: I don't know any more. The difference between a madman and a committed man willing to die for a cause. It's all become blurred over the last few days.

No, they're mad. They're attacking civilians instead of the military using a device that they know will kill them. No part of this is sane.

CRUSHER: But he did have reasons. The medical supplies, the arrests. Jean-Luc, if we really examined our role in all this

You can't justify the actions of terrorists? Maybe if these had been true revolutionaries only attacking the military you could make the issue gray, but you can't! The microsecond civilians die you have lost the high ground!

FINN: I am not here to hurt you. Just hear what I have to say. Your people are safe. How long they stay that way depends on you. We demand an embargo and trade sanctions levied against Rutia. The Federation will blockade the planet. No ships will be allowed in or out. This will continue until the government of Rutia consents to talks mediated by a Federation council. You have twelve hours to make your decision.

You kidnap Starfleet officers and expect a fair trial by the Federation? Good luck with that.

CRUSHER: Jean-Luc, there are some things I want to tell you in case we don't get out of this.

Now's not the time for this, Beverly!

Nitpicker's Guide

* How did the terrorists know where the Enterprise was and the floorplan well enough to teleport on board? And how do they have a computer powerful enough to compensate for the relative motion between the planet and the ship. Even if we assume that the ship is in geostationary orbit, you'd still need to tweak the coordinates.
* If they're in a city suffering from terrorist attacks, why aren't their tricorders set to continuously scan for weapons and explosives?

I always saw Bev getting a good case of Stockholm Syndrome from that episode, considering she's advocating for terrorists.

Then again, she's a horrible doctor.

February 5th, 1990, "Deja Q"

Once again, good character work, but the Treknobabble needed another rewrite. Those episodes are always annoying...

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43539.1. We have moved into orbit around Bre'el Four. With the assistance of the planet's emergency control centre, we're investigating a potentially catastrophic threat to the population from a descending asteroidal moon.

Data will say that this is a satellite with a deteriorating orbit. Therefore this is a moon, not an asteroid. I'd almost prefer it if this was specified as a double planet system and a passing asteroid knocked the moon out of orbit.

PICARD: Won't the moon disintegrate prior to impact?
SCIENTIST [on viewscreen]: No, it has a ferrous crystalline structure and it will be able to withstand tidal forces, Captain.

This is a moon, not an asteroid! Furthermore, the audience wasn't asking this question, so this exchange doesn't need to exist.

LAFORGE: We'd need to apply a delta vee of about four kilometres per second. Even with warp power to the tractor beam, it would mean exceeding recommended impulse engine output by at least forty-seven percent. It'd be like an ant pushing a tricycle. A slim chance at best.

Luna travels at about a kilometer per second. Assuming a falling moon goes a bit faster, 4 km/s pushing outward actually seems reasonable. What a shock!

RIKER: Lieutenant Worf, contact all ships in this sector to rendezvous and join us in relief efforts.

All ships? Even the tiny freighters and couriers? Every starship that could reach this planet in time should already be on the way!

DATA: Delta vee is ninety two metres per second. The mass is too great. We are having an effect but it is negligible.

The problem here is that what we really want is an acceleration. The desired 4 km/s change is the final velocity outward compared to now. You can't really use such terms in the interim. While the tractor beam is in effect velocity is fluctuating. I guess I'll have to take away that gold star after all.

LAFORGE: Impulse engines passing safety limits. We're seconds from automatic shutdown.
PICARD: Reduce engine power. Tractor beam off.

This is extremely petty, but I have to wonder if shutting the engines down seconds before automatic shutdown is less damaging than waiting until automatic shutdown.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are no closer to finding a solution to the deteriorating orbit of the Bre'el Four moon, but with the arrival of Q, we now have a good idea of the cause.

I call this a farfetched notion. What amusement would it give Q to kill people via a "natural disaster?" Furthermore, we've yet to see the Q interested in lesser species except as harmless amusement. The locals aren't remotely advanced enough to warrant Encounter at Farpoint-style judgement.

LAFORGE: We need more time or more power, and we're short on both.

I'd wonder why they don't wait for other starships to arrive. Then again, if the numbers earlier are to be taken as correct, they need over forty more starships of comparable power to the Enterprise, i.e. Galaxy and Nebula-class vessels. I'm not sure there ARE forty other such ships at this point, even without wondering how they could get here in time.

Q: Since I only had a fraction of a second to mull and I chose this and asked them to bring me here.
TROI: Why?
Q: Because in all the universe you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.

I find that either the biggest joke ever or extremely depressing. Aren't there other species between human and Q in power that would actually be friends with Q?

TROI: I am sensing an emotional presence, Captain. I would normally describe it as being terrified.
Q: How rude.

Wouldn't this be one of the final reasons to believe that Q is now human? Or are you going to tell me that Q would send fake telepathic messages? That seems like a lot of work for just a joke.

Q: What must I do to convince you people?
WORF: Die.
Q: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?

Always a classic exchange.

Q: Would I permit you to lock me away if I still had all my powers?

If his master plan involved a good enough lesson or joke, yes he would.

DATA: Sensors are showing broadband emissions, including Berthold rays.

This is a reference to "This Side of Paradise." I guess either the no-TOS ban has been lifted or this reference was obscure enough to get past the higher-ups.

PICARD: If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to earn our trust.
Q: I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc. You only dislike me. There are others in the cosmos who truly despise me.

Nice foreshadowing, but also a little depressing when you think about it.

DATA: I was considering the possibility that you are telling the truth, that you really are human.
Q: It's the ghastly truth, Mister Data. I can now stub my toe with the best of them.
DATA: An irony. It means that you have achieved in disgrace what I have always aspired to be.

Nice character work. It's a shame the Trek writers forgot how to do that.

Q: Humans are such commonplace little creatures. They roam the galaxy looking for something, they know not what.

Too bad he didn't hang around Sisko more. "It is the unknown that defines our existence. We are constantly searching--not just for answers to our questions, but for new questions."

LAFORGE: The moon will hit its perigee in ten hours. Now, we match its trajectory, increase emitter coolant rate so we can apply continuous warp-equivalent power nine to the tractor beam. We can push it for nearly seven hours and I think that just might do it. But, there's a problem.

Warp-equivalent power nine? [URL="https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Cochrane_(unit)"]Okay, just call this a warp field of 1.5 kilocochranes. Which can be generated for 12 hours of high warp. Frankly I'm surprised that the tractor beam can channel over half the power that the warp coils can.

Q: This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole.

And that sort of thing wouldn't be detected by planetary or ship's sensors...why?

LAFORGE: You know, this might work. We can't change the gravitational constant of the universe, but if we wrap a low level warp field around that moon, we could reduce its gravitational constant. Make it lighter so we can push it.

Yeah...no. The gravitational constant only alters the acceleration of object near the moon's surface. What they're talking about is reducing effective mass. I think they mean that they're using a warp field to make the matter of the moon straddle the boundary between space and subspace. As long as part of the mass is no longer resisting being accelerated, it might work.

DATA: Although I do not require sustenance, I occasionally ingest semi-organic nutrient suspension in a silicon-based liquid medium.

Semi-organic? Is Data supposed to have tech that's the precursor of bio-neural gel-packs?

DATA: The replicator can make anything you desire.
Q: How do I know what I desire?

Seriously, Q? You've never tasted human food before while impersonating us? I refer you to the novel "I, Q."

DATA: I've never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes.
Q: I'm in a really bad mood, and since I've never eaten before, I should be very hungry.

Even so...ten chocolate sundaes? That's a bit much.

DATA: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
GUINAN: Really?
(So she picks up a fork and stabs it into Q's hand)
Q: Argh!
GUINAN: Seems human enough to me.

Come to think of it, wouldn't Guinan's extra senses twig to the fact that he's human? Wouldn't Q's aura look very different now?

Q: This is a dangerous creature. You have no idea. Why Picard would make her a member of the crew and not me

She's not a member of the crew! Even so, Picard trusts her because she has shown trustworthiness. Have you, Q?

Q: Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities.
DATA: I am an android, not a robot.
Q: I beg your pardon.

Technically, androids are a subset of robots. I understand why Data wouldn't want to be referred to in terms that place him closer to toasters than people, but he could've put it better.

COMPUTER: Signal patterns indicate intelligence. Unable to derive necessary referents to establish translation matrix.

I like that the Universal Translator isn't omnipotent, but if it can translate The Companion I fail to see why it can't translate the Calamarain.

RIKER: Fighting off all the species you've insulted would be a full time mission. That's not the one I signed up for.
PICARD: Indeed. Human or not, I want no part of you. We will deposit you at the first starbase. Let them deal with you.

The problem here is that while it's unfair for Q to put this burden on them, it would be equally unfair to dump Q onto a starbase. He's familiar with the crew of the Enterprise, anyone else would either treat him with more hostility or offend him with fake hospitality.

LAFORGE: I've been putting together a programme to extend the forward lobe of the warp field. The field coils aren't designed to envelop such a large volume. But I'm attempting to modify their alignment parameters.

A key reason why the Enterprise-E is the discovery of warp field efficiency with "greater z-axis compression." But that means longer and narrower warp fields are possible, not larger forward lobes that can encompass a moon. I shudder to think of the shear stress that would result if you pushed the apple core without pushing the rest of it as well.

Q: I'm not good in groups. It's difficult working in a group when you're omnipotent.

You mean groups with lesser beings. The rest of the Continuum doesn't seem to have a problem working in a group, even during a civil war.

DATA: Yes, Captain. We are unable to encompass the entire moon.
PICARD [OC]: Do you recommend that we proceed?
Q: The two parts of the moon will have different inertial densities.
LAFORGE: Stand by, Captain. I can adjust the field symmetry to compensate.
Q: I doubt it.

So do I.

DATA: Inertial mass of the moon is decreasing to approximately two point five million metric tonnes.

Luna is 73 trillion million metric tons. I'd say the Enterprise is doing a good job, considering the moon now weighs a fraction of a Borg Cube.

LAFORGE: We can try again when the moon comes back to its perigee.
RIKER: And when we drop our shields, the Calamarains go after Q again.
LAFORGE: Commander, he's not worth it.

SF Debris comments that if this WAS a Q scheme, Geordi's comment would be damaging to humanity's cause. But the thing is, even if Q heard Geordi, Geordi is still justified. Any good Q might have done is cancelled out by the grief he has given our heroes.

Q: There are creatures in the universe who would consider you the ultimate achievement, android. No feelings, no emotions, no pain. And yet you covet those qualities of humanity. Believe me, you're missing nothing. But if it means anything to you, you're a better human than I.

Always a touching thought.

Q: Where's the main shuttlebay?
COMPUTER: Main shuttlebay is located on deck four.

This is correct. Must be a fluke.

PICARD: This goes against my better judgment. Transporter room three, lock on to shuttle one. Beam it back into it's bay.
CREWMAN [OC]: Aye, Captain.
PICARD: It's a perfectly good shuttlecraft.

Always loved that little joke.

Q2: Actually, I was the one who got you kicked out. You know, you're incorrigible, Q. A lost cause. I can't go to a single solar system without having to apologise for you, and I'm tired of it.

So...don't refer to yourself as Q? Problem solved.

Q: I'm forgiven. My brothers and sisters of the Continuum have taken me back. I'm immortal again. Omnipotent again.
RIKER: Swell.

Text can't convey the dryness of Riker's line. Classic.

Q: Don't fret, Riker. My good fortune is your good fortune.
(two women are fawning over Will)
RIKER: I don't need your fantasy women.
Q: Oh, you're so stolid, Commander. You weren't like that before the beard. Very well.

He's using "stolid" in the sense of "showing little emotion." Q is missing the point. When it comes to romance, Riker can get his own dates. Or make his own holographic women, which is what Q's fantasy women basically are.

Q: Before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special.
DATA: If your intention is to make me human, Q.
Q: No, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human.

Thank goodness. There isn't time to cover this idea in the rest of this episode. It's a shame we didn't revisit this idea in another episode, though. There's a short story where an alien race duplicates Data, only the duplicate is Data's memory in a human body that looks like himself.

Nitpicker's Guide

What biofunctions does Data have that need to be lubricated? Change it to pseudobiofunctions and I'd have no problem. He'd still need "tears" to lubricate his eyes in his head, etc.

Remind yourself again what the two moons of Mars are, and you'll see the need to specify.

Uh... you just justified the need for the exchange.

It's probably more that he finds them amusing, and this was more amusing than anything else.

It doesn't really matter, mostly because by the deadline the people on the planet won't even be matter anymore. (Yeah, I know, that's not how it works, but the Men in Black reference was just too good.)

They went to McDonald's. Those things are tiny.

Don't question Guinan's testing methods.

He's technically correct.

You mentioning this and pointing out this line makes it seem like this is a precursor to the Continuum civil war in Voyager, considering this experience introduces him into working with lesser species to come to a goal.

Then again, the writers probably weren't thinking that and were trying to rely on Rule of Funny way too much with this episode.

The writer checked the map.

February 12th, 1990, "A Matter of Perspective"

Fiver (by Kira)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

DATA: While suggesting the free treatment of form usually attributed to Fauvism, this quite inappropriately attempts to juxtapose the disparate cubistic styles of Picasso and Leger. In addition, the use of colour suggests a haphazard mélange of clashing styles. Furthermore, the unsettling overtones of proto-Vulcan influences
PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data.

Data's literalism and absence of guile can be a double-edged sword. Even so, art is more than technique analysis. Just like "Ode to Spot", technically perfect doesn't mean enjoyable.

Captain's log, Stardate 43610.4. After completing a delivery of dicosilium to the Tanuga Four research station, our away team has received an update from Doctor Nel Apgar on his efforts to create Krieger Waves, a potentially valuable new power source.

It seems odd that Riker and Geordi would be left alone for a mission like this. Another engineer (in fact, this seems like a job for Reg, if he existed at this point) or a security officer seems like a good idea. I do hate how often away team members are always senior officers. Even TOS had a specialist extra every now and then!

O'BRIEN: Transporter Room to Engineering. I have a power drain.

A phaser beam hitting the annular confinement beam creates a power drain? Just say that there's unexpected interference!

RIKER: Captain, may I have a word with you?
PICARD: Under these circumstances, Number One, I think that would be inappropriate.

Good for Picard. He gave Will a chance before he was formally charged, but Will refused.

WORF: Commander, sensors indicate a radiation burst on deck thirty nine, outside cargo bay twelve.
DATA: Source?
WORF: Unknown, sir.
DATA: Computer, identify type of radiation.
COMPUTER: Emission is not consistent with any known radiation.

I find this odd. Isn't the entire radiation spectrum mapped in the future? At least say that this kind doesn't come from any known device or astronomical phenomenon?

WESLEY: What kind of radiation could do this? Make any sense to you?
LAFORGE: I don't recognise it. Not even the main deflector puts out that kind of spillage.
WESLEY: Where would it be coming from?
LAFORGE: I don't know, Wes, but whatever it is, it's capable of putting a hole in solid duranium.

This is just weird. Do Kreiger waves phase in and out in "wavelengths", and only things at a peak or trough are damaged?

RIKER: We can't both be telling the truth.
TROI: It is the truth as each of you remembers it.
RIKER: But her version puts a noose around my neck.

Insert typical rant about how Troi's powers work here.

CRUSHER: If they're right, we should be able to predict the next event.
LAFORGE: We're expecting it in just over five hours.
PICARD: Take every precaution to protect the ship's vital areas.

How? They're not sure how the radiation works or where it will strike at this point.

PICARD: Of course he's innocent. But as a Starfleet Captain, I can't allow myself the luxury of yielding to my personal feelings. The evidence warrants a trial. I'll have to allow extradition.
TROI: Do you think there's enough evidence to prove his innocence?
PICARD: No.

This is one time when being the anti-Kirk is the right thing to do. Our heroes have to obey the laws of the locals, no matter what they are.

RIKER: But the holodeck can't create anything dangerous.
LAFORGE: Well, it didn't. When you get down to basics, the converter is nothing more than a complex series of mirrors and reflective coils. The energy from the field generator down on the planet simply reflects off of elements in the convertor which turns it into highly focused Krieger waves.

I'll accept that the holodeck could reproduce the mirrors and reflective coils. But the specific elements that these components are made of? No. It would be like the real thing being glass and the holoprogram being plastic.

The Fiver

Inspector Krag: I'm here to take that scumball off your hands.
Picard: Certainly. Wesley's over there.
Krag: Not him -- the useless one.
Picard: Counsellor, you heard the man.
Krag: No! I mean Riker.
Picard: Oh. Well, you can't have him...are you sure you don't want Wesley?

Good joke, but I question the classification of Wesley as "scumball". Wouldn't "nuisance" or "criminal" or "idiot" work better?

Riker: They're lying! I'm innocent! Innocent, I tell you! You believe me, right Troi?
Troi: I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends in prison.
Riker: I thought you were here for moral support.
Troi: Meh. I wonder what Worf's doing tonight....

It's a bit early in the series for that joke, isn't it?

Memory Alpha

* The Kreiger waves were supposed to create "a field that suppressed the strong nuclear force, making any matter exposed to it fissionable". I'm glad they chucked this, because what would this do except make impulse engines more efficient?

Nitpicker's Guide

* If O'Brien can detect a firing weapon mid-transport (see "The Most Toys"), why couldn't he debunk that theory here? Furthermore, if Riker was beamed out while firing his phaser, why didn't he beam in holding a deactivated phaser?
* Do Kreiger waves phase in and out, or are they continuous? Either theory introduces nits.

February 19th, 1990, "Yesterday's Enterprise"

Fiver (by Marc)
Memory Alpha
Transcript

The Episode

GUINAN: You see? It's an Earth drink. Prune juice.
WORF: A warrior's drink.

The start of a classic. I'll just toss in Quark scoffing at the order here.

WORF: I would require a Klingon woman for companionship. Earth females are too fragile.

Given later events with Troi and Dax (and Dax...), I question this line. I'll lump the Daxes here since we have no indication that Trill are supposed to be more durable than humans. It's interesting that Worf is still on his romance=sex=marriage kick. Furthermore, since when does romance require sex as a component? Is this just another example of Gene's free-love future?

I'd also like to bring up the aborted Worf/Selar plotline. Where did Worf get the idea that his only alternative to a Klingon woman is a human woman? Just going by the expanded universe, a few Federation races that come to mind as durable and plausible alternative are Rigellians (the Zami, particularly), Bolians, and Lurians.

GUINAN: Not all of them. There are a few on this ship that would find you tame.

I'm a mild Worf/Yar shipper, and that comes to mind here. One also wonders if Jadzia finds him tame.

DATA: It does not have a discernible event horizon.
WESLEY: Sir, navigational subsystems are unable to give coordinates on the object.
DATA: Confirmed. The phenomenon does not have a definable centre or outer edge.
RIKER: Are you saying it is and yet it isn't there?

What does this exchange do except annoy me? This thing exists, it has effects, triangulating a center shouldn't be that hard!

RIKER: There's no record of the Romulans ever assaulting the Enterprise C.

I fully admit that this one is very petty. Is this really the sort of thing that would be taught to officers as a need-to-know factoid?

PICARD: Avoid all discussions of where and when they are.

How? If anything this seems like a time when you'd beam over some anesthezine gas, treat them while unconscious, then put them in stasis until you decide what to do with them.

GUINAN: Families. There should be children on this ship.
PICARD: What? Children on the Enterprise?

"Why would Starfleet give me a ship full of kids when I'm on record as disliking them? And why would there be families here when we're never more than a week from a starbase? It's not like we're supposed to leave Federation space for twenty years, that would be crazy!"

CREWWOMAN [OC]: Doctor Selar, report to pathology ward stat. Doctor Selar, report to pathology ward stat.

So Dr. Selar only appeared once because Suzie Plakson was recast as K'ehlyer. My question is...so? Jeffery Combs appeared over and over in Trek! Plus the Vulcan makeup and Klingon makeup are different enough that anyone who would care about recycling actors wouldn't notice!

GARRETT: We were responding to a distress call from the Klingon outpost on Narendra Three. The Romulans were attacking it. We engaged them, but there were four warbirds.

No matter what specific class these are, four seems like overkill for a Klingon outpost or one Federation starship. Two would seem adequate for overwhelming odds.

TASHA: She was the first Galaxy Class warship built by the Federation.

We know that the E-D was at least the third of the Galaxy-class in "our" timeline, it seems odd that it would change in the altered timeline. The tradition of naming the first ship after the class doesn't seem likely to have changed in the alternate timeline.

Of course, the biggest problem is why you would design a "warship" of this shape. Wouldn't a more efficient design for battle be used? Something closer to the Nebula-class, for example?

TASHA: Capable of transporting over six thousand troops.

It's an interesting question: how much extra space could you make by eliminating all the jumbo-sized quarters, classrooms, civilian-run science labs, etc.? Furthermore, the use of "transporting" raises another question: Is the six thousand the standard ships compliment, or is that only for short-term use, i.e. moving troops akin to the massive evacuations in "our" universe?

GUINAN: Forty billion people have already died.

According to Memory Alpha, in the prime timeline there were 985 billion people in the Federation in 2370. 40 billion is four percent. In WWII it was more like 10-15% for the countries that had the most combat. So, horrifying as it sounds, 40 billion is TOO LOW.

TASHA: Deflector shield technology has advanced considerably during the war. Our heat dissipation rates are probably double those of the Enterprise-C, which means we can hang in a firefight a lot longer.

Why is she saying this? I doubt the Federation has the time to completely replace the E-C's shield grid, as most of the hull would have to be removed. If she's still operating on the principle of the E-D going back to help the E-C against the Romulans, remember FOUR warbirds!

TASHA: Standard rations. Food replicators are on minimum power, so everything else is diverted to defensive systems.

You can't live on rations forever. Even the Army doesn't intend for MRE's to be a long-term basis for a soldier's diet. Three weeks max, in fact. Just toss in a line saying that since battle is expected in the next few days we're stockpiling energy for the next few days!

TASHA: The Enterprise-C would be outmanned and outgunned.
LAFORGE: Unless we were to re-arm them with modern--

How? The E-D doesn't have the supplies, time or capability to refit the E-C. At best, with a few days, MAYBE they could refit their torpedoes to fit the E-C.

RIKER: Sir, Lieutenant Castillo is the last surviving senior officer. He will have limited support from Ops, no Tactical, reduced staff in Engineering.

Will the writers please stop pretending that the crew consists solely of senior officers and the ensign/enlisted plebes? PLEASE? If Worf was killed, he would have an assistant who can step up and take his place. He shouldn't have taken Data's place in "The Most Toys" as a matter of fact.

GUINAN: But I do know it was an empty death. A death without purpose.

A worthwhile purpose, anyway. I think that we can agree that "to amuse Armus" doesn't count as worthwhile.

PICARD: Attention all hands. As you know, we could outrun the Klingon vessels, but we must protect the Enterprise-C until she enters the temporal rift. And we must succeed. Let's make sure history never forgets the name Enterprise. Picard out.

And history never will. I just hope that the original universe is remembered more than that Kelvin nonsense...

The Fiver

Guinan: Would you like some 200-proof chech'tluth?
Worf: A wussie's drink. Got anything stronger...like prune juice?
Guinan: Yes, but I'll need to see some I.D. first.

You'll remember chech'tluth as the steaming stuff Worf orders in "Up The Long Ladder."

Data: What we are seeing is a temporal rift in space.
Picard: Are you sure it isn't a spatial rift in time?
Data: Same difference.

I get the joke, but I'm not sure a "spacial rift in time" is possible. Maybe a hyperspacial rift...

Picard: So what is the real timeline supposed to be like?
Guinan: You're supposed to have children on the ship and a Betazoid Counselor.
Picard: Good Lord, how horrible!

Should've used merde, but it's still terrifying...

Castillo: These standard rations taste like cardboard.
Yar: It's been a long war. We're down to eating empty cereal boxes.

When the Mythbusters tried to make mice live on cereal boxes, they ate each other instead. Just delivering your pleasant thought for the day...

Guinan: (over the comm) Bridge, is everything cool up there?
Picard: You mean are we at peace with the Klingons? Of course.
Guinan: And is Counselor Troi with you?
Picard: Yes, but she's not saying anything today.

"We're keeping her mouth busy eating chocolate. The icing is all the box tops I'll get!"

Guinan: Geordi, were you ever attracted to Tasha Yar?
La Forge: No, but I've always fantasized about meeting a blonde Romulan....

Eww! Tasha was busy enough with Worf, Data, and Wesley (in the comics). And La Forge and Sela….ewww!

Memory Alpha

* The creator forgot to add the "transition to a new timeline" thing at the end of the episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the contraction between "The Neutral Zone" (the Romulans were isolationist for the last fifty years) and this episode (they attacked twenty years ago).

This is one of my favorites.

An interesting premise. Probably a lot of sex is tame for joined Trill, considering they remember it all. Also, with how Curzon is remembered and his... appetites, having a few Klingon women in there would not be out of the question as appealing.

Trivia about the other ships to bear the name Enterprise is not exactly that far-fetched, especially about how the last one was lost and if it was while doing something prideful.

Despite this being one of my favorites of the series, this has always bugged me too. If nothing else, why not have them use older style uniforms, then? Temporal Prime Directive and all that.

Watch your mouth, pinkskin.

That preceding joke is so wonderfully meta, I could not help it.

There's no kill quite like overkill.

Seriously? NOTHING about the guy being Christopher McDonald? The guy that played, among other things, Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore? I am disappoint.

While a good point, I always got the distinct impression that during the time of isolation, the only places Romulans were seen were either away from the Federation or in places where no Federation citizens were left to tell the tale, either by death or capture. Whether that was just an impression I took as fact or reality, I cannot say.

Never watched Happy Gilmore.

I'd drop my monocle into my glass of champagne in shock at that admission, but I admitted to watching Happy Gilmore, so that would never happen on several different levels.

March 12th, 1990, "The Offspring"

Fiver (by saxamaphone)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

I'd never heard of saxamaphone. Apparently he was around in the early days, but mostly stuck to the game threads which I avoided. This was probably also before Marc took over NextGen.

Oh, and I'll be chainsawing this thing apart as usual, but most of it is the Treknobabble stuff, there are good performances here.

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43657.0 While Commander Riker is away on personal leave, the Enterprise has travelled to sector three nine six to begin charting the Selebi Asteroid Belt.

This is extremely petty, but I don't like it when the flagship is given this type of mission. This is what small science vessels are for, or the Excelsior class at most. I understand that this episode is about character work and not action, but at least think of something that needs the resources of the flagship!

Furthermore, an asteroid belt? You don't even need a starship for that sort of thing, just send some probes! At least toss in a line that justifies why this asteroid belt needs a bigger ship. Maybe it's near the Romulan border, maybe it's a known hiding place for Orion pirates, something!

TROI: It's not like Data to be so secretive.
WESLEY: And cautious. He kept the lab locked every minute.

I guess we're supposed to chalk this up to pre-emotions on Data's part. It's definitely been implied by previous events that finding a way to make working sentient androids is a matter of utility and not fame (except for Maddox, of course). Why wouldn't Data share his project, at least with Geordi? Surely by now he knows that from time to time a second set of eyes (no joke implied) are important in problem-solving.

I admit to being curious as to the level of "lockness" that Data is using. Surely the writer is implying something beyond the usual "the doors won't open unless you're an authorized user or allowed in by an authorized user." The easiest answer would be an extra external lock applied to the door by Data himself, but that doesn't seem likely. Equally implausible is that he is working from an external "public" lab and not his own personal lab, a lab that isn't supposed to be locked under normal circumstances.

LAL: Purpose for exterior drapings, Father?
WESLEY: (mouthed only) Father?
DATA: It is an accepted custom that we wear clothing.

Ugh! Repeat previous comments about memorizing all of Earth knowledge if not all of Federation knowledge here. Lal must have an interior dictionary to know what words are and how to use them, the interior dictionary would be connected to an interior encyclopedia for deeper knowledge. You can't do this sort of thing! Lal clearly has access to an English dictionary because she doesn't have to be taught how to speak!

You could easily turn this topic in a slightly more thoughtful direction by having Lal remark that the reasons that humans use clothes don't apply to androids as they don't need clothes and don't have sex drives or get embarrassed. Data can then explain that this doesn't matter, humans get awkward around naked people and wearing clothes makes it easier to interact with them.

DATA: True, but here was a new submicron matrix transfer technology introduced at the conference which I discovered could be used to lay down complex neural net pathways.

I get what they're going for, but the problem as I saw it wasn't making the positronic brain more complicated across the board, it was making it sentient! In addition, how did Data get the plans for these "complex neural net pathways"? Did he tell the computer to deactivate him, do the scan, and then activate him? Can Data move all of himself from RAM into ROM? That seems doubtful. Could he temporarily move himself into the ship's computer to free up his positronic brain to be scanned? Equally doubtful.

PICARD: Data, I would like to have been consulted.
DATA: I have not observed anyone else on board consulting you about their procreation, Captain.

Whether Data or Picard is right depends on your interpretation of Federation humanity's ideals. A big landmine is whether or not you can call what Data is doing true procreation in a sense that's legally defendable.

Then again, there must be Federation members that are truly asexual (in the physiological sense) and depend on external mechanisms (no matter how primitive) to procreate. There's a discussion to be had here.

TROI: Why didn't you give it a more human look, Data?
DATA: I decided to allow my child to choose its own sex and appearance.

Another philosophical and religious minefield. Let's skip to the chase: for androids wouldn't this sort of thing be easy enough to mod via refit? The notion that this is a one-time deal that can't be changed later is absurd.

PICARD: I insist we do whatever we can to discourage the perception of this new android as a child. It is not a child. It is an invention, albeit an extraordinary one.
TROI: Why should biology rather than technology determine whether it is a child? Data has created an offspring. A new life out of his own being. To me, that suggests a child. If he wishes to call Lal his child, then who are we to argue?

Given the events of "Measure of a Man", Picard's opinion here seems unusual. Couldn't we have brought in a minor character (one of Crusher's nurses?) who could've been the scapegoat?

PICARD: Well, if he must, but I fail to understand how a five foot android with heuristic learning systems and the strength of a ten men can be called a child.

Ten men? I think Data's stronger than that. And the last time I checked, "child" wasn't a definition based on ultimate mental or physical potential.

PICARD: Have you any idea what will happen when Starfleet learns about this?
DATA: I have followed all of Starfleet regulations to the best of my ability. I expected they would be pleased.

There are Starfleet regulations for this? Surely this would fall under "there aren't Starfleet orders about it because we didn't expect anyone would do it!"

LAL: I am gender neuter. Inadequate.

Oh boy, another minefield! Seriously, this is the wrong word to be using here. "Incomplete" would even have been a better word. Surely Data's plan to let her choose would've been in her initial programming.

LAL: I choose your sex and appearance.
DATA: No, Lal. That would be confusing.

And illegal, as I'm pretty sure the "no holograms of real people without permission" thing extends in more directions, just like our laws about using the images of others today.

DATA: We are taking you to the holodeck to show you several thousand composites I have programmed.

That's one thing that will get (even more) annoying in the future: so many options that you get paralyzed.

DATA: An Andorian female.
TROI: Interesting. You'll be the only one on board the Enterprise, Lal.
DATA: That could make socialisation more difficult.

Ugh. You can only be close friends with people of your own species? That's absurd and completely Anti-Federation thinking. Also, 1012 people on board and not one Andorian? They do remember that Andor was a founding member, right?

DATA: A human male.
TROI: Very attractive. There's no problem with socialisation here.

Seriously, physically attractive=socially active? Yikes is there a lot to unpack in that single sentence. I'm getting flashbacks of "Is There in Truth No Beauty" here...

DATA: A Klingon male.
TROI: A friend for Worf.

More racism? And for Worf? Have we ever seen him have trouble making friends (higher lifeforms, body-swappers, and Romulans don't count)? Of course not, he believes in the Federation ideals that Troi is throwing out the window for this entire scene!

DATA: I have completed the assembly of the replicated anatomy. I was able to provide Lal with more realistic skin and eye colour than my own.

Is Data's skin not replaceable or modifiable? First Contact suggests otherwise. This line implies that Data is displeased with his appearance, but it would be easy to fix!

LAL: Home. Place of residence. Social unit formed by a family living together.
DATA: Yes. We are a family, Lal. Chair. To sit in. Sit. Good. Painting.
LAL: Painting. Colours produced on a surface by applying a pigment.
DATA: Yes. I will teach you to recognise the artistry in paintings.

Lal's habit of defining everything she sees was never funny. (Neither was Data's, to be honest) Oh, and Lal didn't define "painting" correctly. You aren't applying a "pigment" to the surface (or even producing colors i.e. a chemical change to the surface), you're applying a material that contains pigment to a surface. Hey, if she's going to parroting dictionary entries at me I want them to be accurate!

DATA: No, that is a flower, Lal. Inhale.

I hope Data kept a live flower around to show her, because he wouldn't need one otherwise.

WESLEY: What does Lal do while you're on duty?
DATA: She studies in our quarters.

Does she read PADDs or just jack herself into the wall?

CRUSHER [OC]: Doctor Crusher to Ensign Crusher. Aren't you supposed to be getting a hair cut, Wesley?

Is this an official duty as chief medical officer, or did she just make a personal call on company time? And wouldn't it be more embarrassing for her to ask Mr. Mot to page Wes? She's really dropping the ball...

LAL: Why do we have two hands? Why not three or four? Why is the sky black? Why do
(He switches her off in mid-question)

I get the joke, but after what we went through in "Measure of a Man" I find this insensitive. You stun a kid with a phaser just for asking questions. Plus, all this stuff should've been in the initial encyclopedia Data put in her brain.

PICARD: I assure you, Admiral, there's no better guide into this life for Lal than Data.

I find myself wondering if Data had an equivalent to Dr. Mora who could be called...

PICARD: This starship's mission is to seek out new life and that is exactly what Commander Data is doing.

No, it's not. Data is parenting, not exploring. Unless you're going to call all parents explorers...

PICARD: As do I. I would be willing to consider releasing Lal and Data to you so that he may continue his work with her.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: His presence would undoubtedly retard the new android's progress.

Where did Haftel get that idea? Is there a history of androids being lousy teachers for other androids?

PICARD: Admiral, to you, Lal is a new android. But to Data, she's his child.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: His child?

Yadda yadda yadda should've been in Picard's report yadda yadda yadda...

HAFTEL [on monitor]: Starfleet's policy on research is clear. You're making your stand on very uncertain ground.

Really? There is policy on teaching blank slate androids? I'm gonna need to hear more if you want to make me agree with that argument...

BALLARD: It isn't working out that way.
(She shows him the classroom. Lal is standing by the wall while the children are around a table together)
BALLARD: The children were afraid of her.

Thank goodness, a realistic action. Things that look like adults but acting like children would be scary to them. She talks weird, moves her head weird, and talks to herself a lot. What kid would want to hang out with that kind of person?

The problem is that we're supposed to belief that children in the future don't need to grief and take calculus at a young age AND belief this stuff at the same time. Sorry, but that doesn't work. At the least have her project herself into a hologram during a field trip to the holodeck. Don't tell me Data couldn't do that!

LAL: Why would they wish to be unkind?
DATA: Because you are different. Differences sometimes scare people. I have learned that some of them use humour to hide their fear.
LAL: I do not want to be different.

There's a lot to unpack here about when it's okay to conform and when it's not, but that would be depressing even to me.

DATA: I do not know how to help her. Lal is passing into sentience. It is perhaps the most difficult stage of her development.

Ugh. Lal was sentient from the moment she woke up. It was the wrong word to use here. "Maturity" would've been much better.

DATA: I have not told Lal how difficult it was for me to assimilate. I did not wish it to discourage her. Perhaps this was an error of judgement.
CRUSHER: You didn't have any one experienced to help you through sentience. She at least has you. Just help her realise that she's not alone, and be there to nurture her when she needs love and attention.
DATA: I can give her attention, Doctor. But I am incapable of giving her love.
(Data leaves)
CRUSHER: Now why do I find that so hard to believe?

Good scene.

(Picard is in bed, resting)
WORF [OC]: Captain, incoming signal. Starfleet priority one. Admiral Haftel.
PICARD: On my monitor, Lieutenant. Admiral.
HAFTEL [on monitor]: Captain Picard, I hope I didn't disturb you.
PICARD: Not at all.

Ugh. I had a rant about time differences between ships and planets started, but I gave up. Let's just chalk Haftel's remark up to courtesy and move on...

HAFTEL [on monitor]: I should advise you, Captain, that if I'm not satisfied with what I see, I am empowered to take the android back with me.

Empowered? We proved last season that Data isn't the property of Starfleet, so why doesn't that apply to Lal? Or are you going to tell me that if Lal isn't determined to be sentient she belongs to Starfleet? Yeah, no. In that case she belongs to Data, who I'm sure requisitioned the supplies from his own account.

Captain's log, supplemental. We are holding position pending the arrival of Admiral Haftel from Starfleet Research. Commander Data is completing his final neural transfers to the android he has named Lal, which I have learned, in the language Hindi means beloved.

Way too late to share this factoid. Way, WAY too late.

LAL: I am functioning within normal. I am fine, thank you.

Nice touch, if a bit late in the episode for it...

LAL: Father says I would learn a great deal from working with someone as old as you.
GUINAN: You're hired.

You don't get to be half a millennium old without developing a sense of humor, do you? Or going insane, I guess...

LAL: I've been programmed with a listing of fourteen hundred and twelve known beverages.

Forget the contraction, the Federation has only heard of 1412 beverages? Let's say the Federation has 150 members, that's only ten beverages per world. That figure needs to be an order of magnitude higher, if not TWO orders of magnitude!

GUINAN: You said I've instead of I have.
DATA: It is a skill my programme has never mastered.
LAL: Then I will desist.
DATA: No. You have exceeded my abilities.

Always hated the contraction bit, but I've already preached long and hard on that issue...

PICARD: He believes the Daystrom annex on Galor Four would be more suitable.

Putting aside the question of why the Cardassians would name a class of starships after a Federation world, I was surprised at how much the expanded universe uses Galor IV, particularly the RPG modules. Of course the interesting part is that according to some this planet was once known as Mudd's World (see "I, Mudd"). If the Federation could study the androids there, what took Soong so long?

DATA: Then he is questioning my ability as a parent.
PICARD: In a manner of speaking.
DATA: Does the Admiral have children?
PICARD: Yes, I believe he does, Data. Why?
DATA: I am forced to wonder how much experience he had as a parent when his first child was born.

Another nice touch. Not to be too cynical, but I gotta ask: does Discovery have conversations like this? Or the Kelvinverse, for that matter?

(A couple by the far wall are gazing into each others eyes and holding hands)
GUINAN: You see?
LAL: What are they doing?
GUINAN: It's called flirting.

Not sure this can be called "flirting".

LAL: He's biting that female!

Always a great line, but it's time for that downloaded dictionary rant again...

LAL: Why are they leaving?
GUINAN: Lal, there are some things your father's just going to have to explain to you when he thinks you're ready.

I'm pretty sure Data downloaded "The Talk" into her already, although you gotta wonder when he would decide that she's experienced enough to experience sexual intimacy for herself. Although Guinan's line is great, it's the wrong thing to say in this situation.

(Guinan moves away, and Riker comes in. Lal promptly starts flirting, and her voice deepens)
RIKER: You're new around here, aren't you?
LAL: Yes.
(She reaches across the bar, pulls Riker towards herself and kisses him. Data enters)
GUINAN: Lal! Lal, put him down.
DATA: Commander, what are your intentions toward my daughter?
RIKER: Your daughter? Nice to meet you.
(He beats a hasty exit)

Great scene, and a great teaser for a TNG sitcom...

LAL: I watch them and I can do the things they do but I will never feel the emotions. I'll never know love.
DATA: It is a limitation we must learn to accept, Lal.
LAL: Then why do you still try to emulate humans? What purpose does it serve except to remind you that you are incomplete?
DATA: I have asked myself that many times as I have struggled to be more human. Until I realised it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards.
LAL: You are wise, Father.
DATA: It is the difference between knowledge and experience.
LAL: I learned today that humans like to hold hands. It is a symbolic gesture of affection.

Great scene. Whether or not Data is wise is a subject for another day, although Riker sure thought so...

HAFTEL: Captain, are we talking about breaking up a family? Isn't that rather a sentimental attitude about androids?
PICARD: They're living, sentient beings. Their rights and privileges in our society have been defined. I helped define them.
HAFTEL: Yes, Captain, and I am more than willing to acknowledge that. What you must acknowledge is that Lal may be a technological step forward in the development of artificial intelligence.

My immediate response is...so? That doesn't negate their rights. He's making no argument that doesn't boil down to "I don't really think they're sentient and have rights" or "they may be sentient, but they're still a lower life form and I can make them slaves if I want to." I wonder what Captain Louvois is doing this week...

HAFTEL: She is capable of running over sixty trillion calculations per second, and you have her working as a cocktail waitress.

Again...so? There are plenty of doctoral students who have to work in restaurants to make money! Is Haftel claiming to have the right to not only own Lal but actually reprogram her and control all of her actions when he's out of sight?

HAFTEL: I'm not convinced the sort of behaviour she observes here will be a positive influence.

Again...so? Even if Haftel determines that Lal is Federation property, she wouldn't be his property. He sound's more like a grumpy dad judging his son's date than a Starfleet admiral who supposedly has experience working with people...

TROI: Come in.
(Lal enters, obviously upset)
TROI: Hello, Lal. How are you?
LAL: Troi. Admiral. Admiral. An admiral from Starfleet has come to take me away, Troi. I am scared.
TROI: You are scared, aren't you?
LAL: I feel it. How is this possible?
TROI: I don't know.
LAL: This is what it means to feel. This is what it means to feel.

Like I said on TV Tropes, this scene is a tearjerker. She's terrified, but she doesn't have the words yet to talk about it properly or dispel her fear. I'm also reminded of Doc in "Latent Image" after he killed Ensign Jetal.

HAFTEL: All the other arguments aside, there's one that is irrefutable. There are only two Soong-type androids in existence. It would be very dangerous to have you both in the same place. Especially aboard a starship. One lucky shot by a Romulan, we'd lose you both.

Again...so? They aren't the property of Starfleet yadda yadda...

HAFTEL: Captain, you are jeopardising your command and your career.
PICARD: There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but you ignore their personal liberties and freedom. Order a man to hand his child over to the state? Not while I am his captain.

"Sometimes I think the only reason I come here is to listen to these wonderful speeches of yours." Hehe...

HAFTEL: She won't survive much longer. There was nothing anyone could have done. We'd repolarise one pathway and another would collapse. And then another. His hands were moving faster than I could see, trying to stay ahead of each breakdown. He refused to give up. He was remarkable. It just wasn't meant to be.

"You didn't call him 'it'!"

LAL: I love you, Father.
DATA: I wish I could feel it with you.
LAL: I will feel it for both of us.

I'd make an onion ninja joke, but those are really overplayed.

DATA: I thank you for your sympathy, but she is here. Her presence so enriched my life that I could not allow her to pass into oblivion. So I incorporated her programs back into my own. I have transferred her memories to me.

Icky, morally questionable, and completely unnecessary. If they HAD to do this, at least use it to get rid of that stupid contraction thing!

The Fiver

Lal: NOOOO... I mean, yes.

I think we have another case of "first lines missing" syndrome!

Picard: You know this is going to be a big responsibility.
Data: I have prepared by reading a book by Ambassador Spock, A Logician's Guide to Baby and Child Care.
Picard: Fascinating.

Hehe.

Haftel: I'm here to take Lal.
Picard: But you'll be breaking up a family.
Haftel: Nonsense -- they're both toasters.
Picard: I hear this from everyone! Look, if you put bread in Data, you're not going to get toast!
Haftel: Do you speak from experience?
Picard: Erm, no.

Interesting mental image...

Lal: I feel sad!
Troi: I sense that something's wrong, Lal.
Lal: I feel annoyed with you.

She learns quick...

La Forge: So, she's going to be all right?
Haftel: No, unfortunately.
Troi: I knew something was wrong when I saw her wearing a red shirt today.

Security wears yellow at this time yadda yadda yadda...

Nitpicker's Guide

Actually, Phil had many of the same complaints that I did (if I copied from him it was subconscious), but in particular he points out that this would've been a great opportunity to get rid of the contraction thing, but they didn't take it.

Marth 19th, 1990, "Sins of the Father"

Transcript
Fiver (by Marc)
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 43685.2 As part of an exchange programme, we're taking aboard a Klingon officer to return the recent visit of Commander Riker to the cruiser Pagh.
PICARD: We must take care that while he is with us, Commander Kurn is accorded all the rights and responsibilities due the first officer of this ship. If he should feel patronised in any way
RIKER: I'm sure we'd know. One does not patronise a Klingon warrior.

Why is Riker here? Don't tell me that the guy he temporarily replaced back in "A Matter of Honor" suffered a temporary demotion! That guy was probably recently killed in battle or on medical leave. You don't need two first officers, Riker should be on vacation or something.

KURN: I have studied all of your service records. Impressive. We shall see if you live up to your reputations.

Presuming that Klingon standards of "impressive service record" are different from Federation ones, what has the Enterprise done in battle to impress him at this point? The Romulans haven't fully made their presence known yet. Is he referring to first contact with the Borg? They had to beg Q for help!

KURN: Do you wish to speak, Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher?

Here's a question for you-how much would the Klingons respect officers that don't have official commissions yet? From what Martok said, he was stuck with being a laborer without an official commission. Wouldn't Kurn ignore Wesley unless it's to give him an order?

WESLEY: He just doesn't seem to like me. I can't do anything right for him. Every time I respond to an order he jumps down my throat. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Klingons don't like the weak. Wesley probably isn't showing enough confidence. I can't really blame Kurn for this one.

LAFORGE: He pulled a surprise inspection in the middle of a maintenance cycle! I tried to explain it to him
RIKER: But he wouldn't listen.
LAFORGE: We're all going to be doing double shifts down there just to ready for the next inspection.

I don't think it's the first officer's perogative to pull a surprise inspection, that's the chief engineer's job. Furthermore, how much could Kurn know about the Enterprise engines to do the inspection himself? On a Klingon ship wouldn't it just be a matter of raising the standards that the chief engineer has to meet and threatening punishment if they fail.

And double shifts to get ready for an inspection? Geordi is that far behind? I find this dubious.

RIKER: This is not a Klingon ship, sir.
KURN: No, Commander, it is not. If it were a Klingon ship, I would have killed you for offering your suggestion.

On the one hand I can understand Kurn's position: on a Klingon ship nobody criticizes you except someone of higher rank. On the other hand, on a Klingon ship nobody would make an unsolicited criticism in the first place! In other words, lighten up, Kurn!

KURN: How long has the bird been dead? It appears to have been lying in the sun for quite some time.
LAFORGE: It's not dead, it's been replicated. You do understand that we cook most of our foods.
KURN: Ah, yes. I was told to prepare for that. I shall try some of your burned replicated bird meat.

I'm disturbed at the notion that for Klingons "any amount of cooking of meat=burned meat." You can't tell me that Klingons never cook meat. That's absurd. SF Debris once listed the reasons why we cook meat, I believe in the review for this episode. It's enough to say that while I can understand a Klingon being ready to eat meat raw if that's all that's available during a hunt, they still have scientists who would tell them that cooked meat can be converted into energy by the body more efficiently. Plus there are many mentions of Klingon cooked dishes that include blood or other organs, why is this different?

PICARD: [Caviar is] A delicacy from the Caspian Sea on Earth. It's a favourite of mine. Our replicator's never done it justice.

Would the writers STOP IT with the "replicators can't make anything that tastes like the real thing" gag? PLEASE! It gets more nonsensical every time. I'll forgive such jokes in TOS when replicators were in their infancy, but it's been over a hundred years and this ship has the largest mobile computer in the known galaxy! If a given food can't be perfectly replicated, it shouldn't be available as a replicated food in the first place.

KURN: I never kill anyone at the supper table, Mister La Forge.

Why not? Is this supposed to be a joke?

CRUSHER: Don't you like it, Commander?
KURN: Our food has much more taste to it.

Okay, some people like rare steaks, but the Klingon diet is more than meat, we've seen it. This conversation has gone on way too long, we get the point! Kurn doesn't like the food and Worf does, so Kurn looks down on Worf.

KURN: This entire ship seems built on comfort, relaxation, being at ease. It is not the ship of a warrior, not the ship of a Klingon.

I get that Kurn is baiting Worf, but anyone else hearing this would conclude that Kurn is xenophobic, which wouldn't reflect well on him.

KURN: No. Much more. You are the eldest son. The challenge is yours to make.
WORF: Challenge?
KURN: The Klingon High Council has judged our father a traitor to the Empire.

I find this odd. Kurn has just dropped the bombshell about being Worf's brother, and before they can even properly reconcile Kurn drops this bombshell. Worf should've had a scene, probably with Troi, to process this. And he should've told Kurn to go to Ten Forward to wait for him, maybe order a prune juice while he was at it. I would've liked to have seen Guinan's reaction to Kurn.

PICARD: We're changing course. Set coordinates for the First City of the Klingon Imperial Empire.

No, you're setting course for Qo'noS. Picard's order would only make sense if you're already in orbit and are taking a shuttle down. I suddenly wonder if the First City has a landing pad large enough for Voyager...

DURAS: You claim a birthright you have forsaken?
WORF: I have not forsaken my heritage. I am Klingon. My heart is of this world. My blood is as yours.
DURAS: Yet you come to us wearing a child's uniform.

A good point. Worf isn't here on Starfleet business, so why isn't he wearing Klingon clothes?

(Duras tears off Worf's baldric)
DURAS: You will not wear the emblems of our people.

I'm not sure Duras has the authority to do that. In fact this seems like duel challenge material...

K'MPEC: If you leave before the Mek'ba, no shame will come on you. Return to your ship. Go back to your life. The challenge will be forgotten.

But Worf wouldn't be let back into the Empire ever. I don't think that Worf considers this an acceptable solution.

RIKER: What Federation starship was closest to Khitomer at the time of the attack?
DATA: The USS Intrepid was the first ship on the scene, sir.

This is the NCC-38907, Excelsior class. There have been many Intrepids in Starfleet history, but they don't use the letter addendum system, just different registry numbers.

PICARD: jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj.

"I accept with honor. May your enemies run with fear."

WORF: tlhIH ghIj jIHyoj.
K'MPEC: biHnuch.

"I fear your judgement." "Coward."

The Fiver

Kurn: Worf, I am your long-lost younger brother.
Worf: Why did you insult me with your patronizing behaviour?
Kurn: I wanted to test your character. This table you smashed with your fist proves that your heart is truly Klingon.
Worf: I must confess that I picked up this habit from my long-lost girlfriend.
Kurn: Ah! Then she too must be Klingon!
Worf: Sufficiently.

Ha ha. I wonder if Kurn would've liked K'ehlyr.

Duras: If I cannot turn you, then perhaps my sisters will. Here -- look at their photograph!
Kurn: Nice try...but it takes more than a little cleavage to distract a Kling--GAK!
Duras: Heheheh.

Kurn's not dead. Don't we use "Ack!" for wounded and "Gak!" for dead?

Worf: To preserve the peace within the Empire, I will accept discommendation.
Picard: Discommendation? What does that mean?
Worf: There is no greater shame in Klingon society. The closest human equivalent is being forced to relinquish the key to the executive washroom.

Ha.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil asks why they would replicate meat with the bones instead of just the meat.
* Kahlest mentions the Emperor when there isn't one at this point. The Kahless clone won't exist for several years.

I've always appreciated how Marc used the end of this fiver to set up a running gag from my earlier "Redemption" fiver. (Anybody who reads this site "in order" probably ends up very confused...)

On the issue of the replicator, I think the point they're trying to get across is that there's no variation for personal tastes. The computer may be able to make a pie perfectly ten out of ten times, but the pie would be just the same pie. A home-cooked pie takes into account palette preference and ingredient selection - if baking an apple pie, for example, what apples did you use, did you grind the cinnamon yourself, are you using real vanilla beans or an artificial extract, how much salt did you add, did you add one pinch or two of nutmeg.