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View Poll Results: Do you want Zeke to let Antodav make his Five-Minute Commodore subsite?
Yes, democracy and subsites for all! 5 22.73%
No, Zeke is my master and I blindly and subserviently follow his will. All hail. 17 77.27%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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  #11  
Old 08-17-2004, 03:03 AM
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Gatac Gatac is offline
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Ah, you're asking for an Exo-Site. That makes more sense.

As for present tense, it can be made to work. (I use it on one of my series, too.) But it requires that you break up your stories more into distinct scenes. TV series have tons of cuts as the rule, not the exception. Consider my recently-written example:

Quote:
Sitting in the Chevelle with Az, Jake Aurelius and Chrome, Jack surveys the area with a pair of light-amplifying binoculars. His headset crackles with Helsing's voice.

"All teams, report status."

Jack taps the transmit button on his device.

"Alpha ready."

--------------

Sharon and a few other officers with precision rifles storm up a staircase to the second floor of an abandoned office building nearby. As the other guys swarm into the room and begin to prepare their rifles, Sharon activates her mike.

"Bravo setting up shop, we're three minutes behind. Henderson's got your basic needs covered, but we won't be up to full strength until we've had a moment to assemble the heavy rifles."

--------------

Yet another team of officers dashes across the street to the warehouse, illuminated by the street lamps. All of them wear SWAT-issue breeching armor and look nearly identical beneath it, but the leader is obvious due to him wielding a shotgun while everyone else clings to MP5s. Once at the warehouse's wall, the leader taps his headset, the voice identifying him as Sheppard.

"Cain ready."

--------------

At the main entrance, Helsing leads a group of officers with less armor and shotguns into position. Hunkering down next to the door, Helsing checks again for possible video surveillance, but the place appears to be totally isolated - no windows, no cameras.

"Omega to all teams, we're waiting a minute for Bravo. Keep your eyes open and your finger off the trigger. Oh, and Cain? What's wrong with Charlie?"

--------------

Sheppard checks his shotgun and loads a fragmenting charge, grinning as he looks at the doorlock.

"I don't like Charlie."

Helsing's reply comes over the radio.

"Just don't go My Lai on them, Cain. Subdue's the magic word today."
"Should I write that down?"
"I don't think you'll be quizzed later. Just keep the violence to a minimum."
"Roger that, Omega."

--------------

Helsing looks around from his vantage point, moving his shoulders around to get his Spectra vest into a more comfortable position. After a few seconds, the radio cracks again.

"Bravo to Omega, we're ready to drop anybody up to half a mile away."
"Good news, Bravo. Observe and fire when I say, alright?"
"Hold fire. Got it."
"Omega to all teams, final check. Report in."
"Alpha still ready."
"Bravo ready."
"Cain locked and loaded."
"Omega to Cain...GO!"
I'm the first to admit it's not Shakespeare, but I think it works quite well in portraying a rapidly cut, action-rich sequence. Generally speaking, the only time long passages of present tense really work is combat (or other action scenes). Otherwise, break it up into small scenes or with dialogue.

Gatac
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