May 21 (TJILC #1)

[Nate the Great]

That's Smoot Hawley.

"I have no idea what this means, but I just love looking at it in big bold letters. THE SMOOT-HAWLEY TARIFF."

"Gold and silver were known as the Pokemon cards of the fifteenth and sixteenth century."

"Now if you're one of those people who think that people who are enthusiastic in an organized way about Corvairs are several drawers short of a filing cabinet, let me assure you that you are correct."

"It goes without saying that ANY word processor you purchase should be able to generate a line of italic squirrels."

"For example, the owner of an establishment called 'Ye Olde Shoppe' would be forced to fork over $150,000. In extreme cases, such as 'Ye Olde Barne Shoppe, the owner would simply be taken outside and shot."

"The main reason why the western landscape is so rugged is because bad guys richocheted so many bullets off of it."

"There is a lump of blankets next to me in the bed that's absolutely motionless, except for occasional attempts to spit into a tissue. I think it MIGHT be my wife, but the only way to find out would be to prod her, which I wouldn't do even if I had the strength because if it was my wife, and she were alive, if I prodded her, it would kill her."

"My wife was raised in a small Midwestern town and she still believes that it's possible to get things repaired. That's why I wish you could've seen the look on it's [a broken TV's] face, when , with my wife weakened by the flu, I prodded it up at the end of the alley, execution-style, and one of the Jonathan's [the contractors] hurled a piece of Homeowner Project from fifty feet away deep into the very heart of its picture tube. It made a sound that I'm sure our other appliances would not soon forget."

"Have you any idea how much damage can be inflicted on the human body by a frozen cornish game hen?"

Hamlet: O didst' thine vespered' dreams 'ere burnt the day? Nor cans't thou find'st not plums in frinkle-whey?
Gertrude: What?
It went on like this for scene after scene, act after act until the main characters, driven insane by the fact that they're all speaking gibberish, kill themselves.