BAW meets SSB!

[PointyHairedJedi]

And now, the exciting part two!



S.O.: Fascinating. Normally MU counterparts are almost polar opposites, but in this case it seems they are disturbingly similar.
Number One: So now there are two of them. "Oh crap" would be a phrase that comes to mind.
PHJ: Nonsense! It'll be fun. Sure, a few of you might die along the way, but I want you to know that you're all completely expendable.
Helm: All in favour of a mutiny...
All: Aye!
Helm: Anyone against?
*Silence*
Number One: Um, sir, you're aware that you just voted to mutiny against yourself?
PHJ: Given that there's two of me that makes perfect sense, don't you think? And now we're all agreed to fight against me, I say we get on with it. TO!
T.O.: How is it we can never win? Um, anyway, they weren't doing anything up until a moment ago. Sir.
PHJ: Probably having a jolly little chat about mutineering, I shouldn't wonder. Helm, evasive maneuvers, TO, charge phasers and target... you know, stuff. Bits that look important.
T.O.: They're on the move - incoming photons, sir!
*Explosions and shaking and stuff*
PHJ: They're using torches? The bastards!

*The WWYPTT and the SSWIPTT sweep past each other firing gamely away, causing many consoles to explode and redshirts to die, as well as some other bad stuff I suppose*

Ensign Michael Redshirt, Jr: GAK!
PHJ: Alas, poor Michael, I hardly knew ye. Or liked ye, for that matter. Damage report, someone!
T.O.: Shields holding steady at eighty percent, some minor damage to tea storage on deck ten.
PHJ: ...How minor?
T.O.: Some of the Assam was singed by an exploding power relay, apparently.
PHJ: GO TO RAMMING SPEED!
Number One: Let's not be hasty, sir.
PHJ: AND WHY NOT?
Number One: Uh... the other you might have some tea you can steal? If you beat him, that is.
T.O.: Coming back for another pass now, sir!
PHJ: Fire! Fire everything!

*Another dramatic exchange of weapons fire occurs; on the WWYPTT, several things on the bridge blow up with really quite impressive showers of sparks, almost as though they were designed to do so by some bored engineer with a perverse sense of humour, probably the same one that thought it would be a smashing idea to have plasma conduits running through crew consoles, though I bet he's a real hoot on April Fools Day... ahem, where were we?*

PHJ: Report!
T.O.: Smeg!
S.O.: I second that smeg, sir!
Chief: I third it!
PHJ: Helm, go to high warp, and head for the nearest starbase - one of those ones that's a proper starbase, mind, not a namby pamby planetary based one. And would someone be a darling and signal for some well armed reinforcements?

*The WWYPTT wheezes into warp, followed closely behind by the eyepatch and goatee wearing ship from the MU*

Helm: Warp nine point insert a tenth and then a hundredth of a number here, sir. The SSWIPTT is following us at a slightly higher speed than the one I just said - I imagine they'll catch up at some point.
PHJ: Some point when?
Helm: Add up all the minutes between now and when their first torpedo hits us, and it will have been exactly that long.
*Once again, PHJ reaches for his trusty phaser rifle, only to find that no good busybody Number One has put it away somewhere*
PHJ: *Sulk*
T.O.: The nearest friendly ship, in case anyone is interested, is the USS Ottawa.
PHJ: Rear Admiral Zeke! Yes! We'll pay him a visit.
Number One: Shouldn't we give him some prior warning, sir? You know that he can be a little... cantankerous, sometimes, and there are two of you.
PHJ: Nonsense. I'm sure he'll be just thrilled to see us. Helm, increase speed to warp plaid! Someone call me if I look like I'm going to overtake - I'm going to go and play with my dolls.