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Five-Minute "Birthright I"

by Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg

Captain's Log: We are docked at Deep Space Nine to promote the show and see some cast crossovers. Mine is the thrilling task of lending a hand with repairs to Bajoran aqueduct systems.

Crusher: I'll soon be done with the analyses.
Picard: Sounds good.
Crusher: Then, I'll try a relaxation program out in a holosuite -- with chromal vapors!
Picard: I bet the vapors I'll be subjected to are far from relaxing.

Worf: What is this -- mealy worms?
La Forge: It's normally a pasta dish, but this tastes like gagh!
Worf: I find it delicious.
La Forge: Figures. I'll make a tactical exit to look for something more edible.

Data: I picked up an unauthorized access to the ship's systems. Are you authorized?
Bashir: I don't doctor stations, I'm the station doctor. Oh, by the way, thrilled to meet you.
Data: I cannot say the feeling is mutual, since I am an android.
Bashir: Just give me a hand, will you? No, not your actual extremity -- that was a figure of speech!

Shrek: Worf, son of Mogh? I'm Shrek.
Worf: Where's the donkey? And should you not be green?
Shrek: Not that Shrek. My name is Shrek, too.
Worf: Ah, the sequel. Then where is Puss in Boots?
Shrek: Are you a Klingon or a Pakled?

Worf: Snarl! Growl! (smash!)
Troi: What did the table do wrong?
Worf: I met an Yridian on the Promenade today who said my father is alive as a POW. Wow, what a disgrace.
Troi: I sensed that you were upset the moment that table broke. Want to talk about it?
Worf: Klingons are smashing at communication; hence the ridges on our forehead.

Bashir: Does your hair grow, Data?
Data: I can arrange it -- why do you ask?
Bashir: I was hoping for an alternative to Rogaine, but never mind.
Data: If you ever need a breather, I am your man, too.

Alien Device: Zap!
La Forge: Data! You were out cold.
Data: Technically, I cannot do so -- but I saw my father.
La Forge: What is it with the father fetish of this episode?
Bashir: We go father than no one has gone before....

Data: Worf, I have a personal question.
Worf: Data, the answer is no. Par'mach is not for androids.
Data: I saw my father in a vision.
Worf: That is very powerful. Meditate in front of some batteries while I go see that filthy Yridian.

Shrek: Changed your mind, eh? I can give you the coordinates, for a price.
Worf: Not good enough. Take me there.
Shrek: But it's on the border of Romulan territory! It's dangerous.
Worf: Not as dangerous as crossing a Klingon. Head for your ship.

Data: Captain, I require your advice.
Picard: Oh, Data. How's the vision quest going?
Data: I am obviously asking the wrong Star Trek character.
Picard: Use your imaginary imagination and go figure.

Shrek: Approaching the place where I'll set you up -- oops, off.
You'll have to walk the rest of the way.
Worf: A small walk for Klingons. Thirty kilometers, you said?
Shrek: I'll be back in 50 hours. And watch yourself -- it's a jungle out there.

Ba'el: Is that you, Toq? Why, I'll string you up by your -- hey, who are you?
Worf: I am here to help. I have come to take you home.
Ba'el: This is home.
Worf: Tell no one you saw me -- especially not the Romulan over there.

La Forge: What's with all the paintings?
Data: I have been exploring images.
La Forge: I bet Riker is less than thrilled about paintings based on his Risa pictures!
Data: I need to do the experiment again, and I stop at nothing to convince you.

Alien Device: KERPOWIE!
Data: This vision is different.
Dr Soong: You're showing promise. Try taking a walk on the wild side.
Data: Does this mean I will be able to fall in love soon?
Dr Soong: Dream on.

Worf: I am a friend -- Worf, son of Mogh.
L'Kor: I should have known when you attacked me, weak as you were. I remember both you and your father.
Worf: Did he die?
L'Kor: Let me put it this way...do Romulans have pointy ears?

L'Kor: You should not have come, but you cannot leave.
Gi'ral: Who is this?
Worf: I am Worf, son of Mogh.
L'Kor: Another potential opera singer. Help me gag him, will you?


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This fiver was originally published on June 15, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg.