Captain's Log: We're on our way to Qo'noS so I can officially install Gowron as Chancellor. I tried this once before, but had to stop when Worf performed an illegal operation.
Picard: Is it safe to come in, Worf? I'd like to talk to you, but....
Data: There is a Klingon ship decloaking off the... Captain, why is your torso heavily bandaged?
Gowron: Duras's sisters are preparing to challenge my ascent. They're running on a cleavage-for-all platform.
Worf: Before I beam you back, you must hear this. Duras's father, not mine, was the traitor.
Worf: Arrrrgh! I must have my honour back!
Worf: Captain, I request a leave of --
Kurn: Worf! If I'd known you were coming I'd have baked a poison cake and eaten it.
Picard: I hereby declare Gowron the Chancellor. If anyone has a reason this should not be so, state it before signing the user license this time.
Captain's Log: The Council has stuck me with the difficult decision of whether to acknowledge Toral. Sometimes I wish K'Mpec had never made me Klingon installation wizard.
Movar: How is the plan proceeding?
Picard: You seem awfully on my ship for a man on a leave of absence, Worf.
Lursa: We're glad you accepted our invitation to visit. Have some tea, Earl Grey, hot, just the way you like it.
Picard: Having weighed the evidence, I hereby declare Gowron Chancellor, seriously this time.
Worf: You need help now, Gowron. I offer mine.
Data: Two Klingon vessels are firing on Gowron's ship.
Worf: The attackers have been destroyed thanks to my cunning tactics and Kurn's arrival.
Gowron: Now that I am in a civil war I will probably lose, rendering my decrees irrelevant, I decree that Worf shall have his honour back.
Picard: Gowron, I simply cannot choose sides in a Klingon civil war, no matter how cool my first officer thinks it would be.
Picard: If you must go, Worf, at least share a nostalgia trip with me. (sigh) I remember the day you first came aboard....
Data: Farewell, Lieutenant. I hope you are honoured by our lineup of crew standing at attention.
Movar: The Enterprise has sailed away from Qo'noS. We need fear no Federation interference.
Worf: The enemy ships are closing!|
Kurn: It's okay, I have a plan. We go in towards that sun... and when they follow us, we hit them with it!
Worf: What? How?
Kurn: I dunno, gravity or something. I'll leave the technical stuff to you.
Picard: Now that we've been careful not to take sides in the civil war, let's take sides. First we send lots of ships to the Klingon/Romulan border....
Picard: Send orders to the following 23 ships to meet us at the border.
Worf: We're at a bar, we're surrounded by members of the opposing faction, and we're Klingons. If this doesn't scream bar fight I don't know what does.
Data: Sir, I notice that you have assigned a starship to Commander Riker but not to me. I would like to --
B'Etor: Whazza--! A Federation fleet is flying to the frontier!
Data: Greetings, Sutherland crew. I am your new captain, and --
Gowron: Thank you all for your support. Let me begin this strategy meeting by suggesting that you FEAR MY --
Helmsman: Tachyon net deployed.
Picard: It's impossible. Troi tells me Sela isn't lying about being Tasha Yar's daughter.
Worf: Stupid Gowron. I'm starting to regret supporting him.
Picard: Explain your Tashaness.
Lursa: Wakey wakey, Worfy.
Picard: We have to trick the Romulans into crossing the border. Let's pretend to open a hole in our tachyon net.
Romulan: Hey, a hole just opened in the tachyon net. That can't possibly be anything but good.
Data: We have lost power to multiple systems. Now appears to be as good a time to break orders as any.
Romulan: Oh no! The Federation's hot pink machinations have revealed us!
Lursa: So much for that plan. But we'll escape to plot again.
Captain's Log: The Klingon civil war is over. I've given Number One a leave of absence to deal with the loss.
Data: Farewell, Sutherland crew. I believe we all learned a lesson today.
Gowron: Thank you for your help, Worf. In return, you may kill this miserable whelp Toral.
Worf: May I return to duty, Captain?
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DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.
All material © 2003, Zeke.