Home Prev 5MSV: EPISODES Next Home

Five-Minute "Arrow"

by Derek Dean

liver: Like that! You can't say people are evil just because --
Evil Mwahaha-Oil-exec Villain: No, actually she's right.

Lionel: Thank you, all you rich people, for attending this event where we announce that Martha Kent will be running for US Senator, even though she was never really elected as state senator.
Arrow: WHIZZ!
Green Arrow: YOINK!
Lois: Hey! You can't steal Martha's necklace! How'd you like it if I stole yours? YOINK!

Lois: Check it out. I got the bandit's ring necklace. It's a clue I can use to find the thief.
Clark: I'm here for the necklace.
Lois: Well, you can't have it! It's my clue! MINE!
Clark: I meant my mom's necklace.

Scientist: Hi, I've been studying this fragment of the Kryptonian computer and I've determined it's a massive power source.
Lex: Yep. Massive power source is certainly what I think of when I hear the term "computer." Carry on.
Scientist: Can I express some concerns about the amount of damage this could do in the wrong hands?
Lex: Only if Lana's in earshot.

Lois: So let's take some pictures of the inscription in this ring, then we can figure out who that bandit is.
Chloe: "Ash nazg durbatulūk..."? That doesn't make any sense. Let's focus on that family crest.
Arrow: WHIZZ!
Green Arrow: YOINK!
Lois: I'm noticing a pattern here.

Lionel: Hello, Lana. Do you trust Lex? Can you really trust Lex? Because earlier we were both trying to kill him.
Lana: Yeah, but not anymore.
Lionel: Well, you're not. But my point is that the fragment is evil, and so it needs to be destroyed.
Lana: Hm. Let me contemplate your statement in an ambivalent way.

Oliver: Green Arrow? You called him the Green Arrow Bandit?
Lois: Well, yeah, what else would you call an archer who dresses up in a cloak and robs from the rich and gives to the poor?
Oliver: I don't know... "Robin Hood Bandit" maybe?
Lois: Yeah, well, I'm Lois Lane. I get to name the superheroes. It's what I do.

Green Arrow: Ah! Another skillful robbery!
Clark: Stop, thief!
Green Arrow: Oh please. There's no way you could ever win in a fight with me.
Green Arrow: As I was saying, time for a stealthy exit after a convenient distraction.

Lana: If you make a deal with Lionel, I will personally rip out your tongue and feed it to your cat!
Scientist: Isn't this sort of threatening blackmail kind of out of character for you?
Lana: You forget. I was a cheerleader.

Chloe: What I don't get is how Green Arrow got away from you.
Clark: I told you. There was a convenient distraction.
Chloe: Right, but you're faster than he is and have X-ray vision. How could you not find him wherever he runs or hides?
Clark: ...I don't know.

Lois: (on phone) Chloe! Help! I'm being abducted! Somebody saaaaaaaaaaave me!
Oliver: Where's Lois?
Clark: She's been abducted by the Green Arrow! He's evil!
Oliver: No, he's honorable! Let me prove it by telling you things about him, just don't be suspicious about how I know them.

Ruffian: Who's the Green Arrow?
Lois: I don't know!
Evil Mwahaha-Oil-exec Villain: Mwahaha! I'm evil! Now tell me who Green Arrow is!
Lois: I'm a freakin' journalist! If I found out, don't you think I'd be telling the whole world?
Evil Mwahaha-Oil-exec Villain: Hm. Good point. Kill her.
Lois: On second thought, I might know.

Arrow: WHIZZ!
(The arrow hits the Evil Oil Guy. Naturally, instead of just going through him, or causing him to stagger backwards, it lifts him and throws him all the way across the room into the wall.)

Lex: Hey, good job on that blackmailing, sweetums.
Lana: Yeah, I figure it's time to embrace evil. By the way, your dad is (shudder) good.
Lex: And my research on the fragment?
Lana: Go for it.
Lex: Excellent. I propose a toast: To evil!

Green Arrow: Ah! Another skillful rescue!
Lois: Hi-YAH!
Green Arrow: Oh please. There's no way you could ever win in a fight with me.
Green Arrow: As I was saying, time for a stealthy exit after a convenient distraction. If only I had a convenient distraction...
Green Arrow: That'll do.

Clark: I know you're really Oliver Queen.
Green Arrow: I know you're really... um, I guess you don't have a secret identity, do you?
Clark: No, they're for losers. Like you.

Chloe: So this Green Arrow guy is cool after all. But I have to relentlessly hunt down his secret identity anyway.
Clark: Chloe, maybe you shouldn't look for him.
Chloe: GASP! You know who he is!
Clark: Sigh. I knew you'd know I knew.

Lex: Thanks for playing my girl for me, dad.
Lionel: No problem, son. Now let us commence our evil cackling. MWAHAHAHAH!
Lex: You don't do it as well as you used to.

Oliver: So I've come here to be your conscience. You really need to use your powers to help the world.
Clark: But I can't do it the way you do, by letting the ends justify the means. That's just wrong.
Oliver: HEY! I'm the conscience here. Not you!
(Oliver and Clark talk at Ludicrous Speed)


Previous fiver: Wither
Next fiver: Reunion


Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Derek Dean.

Other reviews:

Site navigation:
___ Five-Minute Smallville
___ ___ Season 6
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Arrow"

This fiver was originally published on November 10, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Derek Dean.