Five-Minute Stargate SG-1: "Prometheus" by Hejira Donovan: Prometheus. Trinium. Carter: Oh crap. Davis: Did you see a UFO? Donovan: I didn't see a UFO! Davis: That's right--you didn't. Carter: Prometheus and Trinium? Shut up about it. Donovan: You can't silence the media! Carter: Neener. Watch me. Donovan: Yappity yappity. Carter: *gulp* Hammond: Let us pull the double-cross act, shall we? Carter: Media guys--welcome to something that looks very tiny but isn't. Donovan: That's a honking huge spaceship! Jonas: That goes without saying. Carter: Let us begin our tour. To your left is the gift shop. Have a nice day. Donovan: I don't buy it. Carter: That's too bad - it's the only part of the damn ship that works. Hijackers: Zat! Guards: ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz... Donovan: That's a honking huge engine! Jonas: Um, thanks. Donovan: I'm taking about the ship, you doink. Jonas: Dang. Hijacker: Hey, I'm a hijacker. Carter: Sorry, he didn't come with us. Hijacker: What the--? Just start running and let us take control of the ship! Carter: Can I kick your butt a bit first? Hijacker: Just a bit. Carter: Cool! I'll just run into this room and stay stuck, shall I? Jonas: I'll hide this crystal. Executive Guy: I'll take that same crystal. Jonas: Damn. Carter: Stay stuck my butt. Where's that duct tape? Hijacker: We're gonna make this ship go boomie. Jonas: That's bad. Hijacker: We want Frank Simmons and Adrian Conrad join us. Jonas: Really, really bad. O'Neill: What happened? Davis: Some people who want to say hello to you took control of the ship. O'Neill: That's it--I'm REALLY annoyed! Davis: The 'shippers are winning, aren't they? Teal'c: That goes without saying. Carter: I'm stuck. It sucks. O'Neill: I know it does. Can you be not so stuck? Carter: "Not so stuck?" O'Neill: Oh...crap. Davis! Davis: Can you escape by employing tools at your disposal? Carter: Oh, now I follow. Of course I can. Executive Guy: I'm in the money-- Hijacker: As if. [BANG] Donovan: I'd be more sympathetic if he looked better. Simmons: Heh heh... you're pathetic. Davis: You're a bargaining chip. Simmons: Damn, that sucks. Heh. Carter: I'm getting out of here. Conrad: Hey everyone, I'm here. I'll fix the ship while you wet your pants. Hijacker: Our pants aren't wet. Conrad: Yet. Davis: If they launch, Carter dies. O'Neill: You have three seconds to shove Valium down my--THAT'S IT, I'M GOING IN! Davis: Eat this Valium. O'Neill: Thanks. Mmm. Is that a duck on the horizon? Simmons: Let's go, everybody! Carter: *COUGH* *COUGH* *WHEEZE!* Karmic backlash, I swear. O'Neill: Let's go out into space and dock to the ship. Davis: That Valium wore off quickly. Teal'c: Indeed. Simmons: Carter's dead. Carter: Simmons is so dead. Simmons: Carter's not so dead. Carter: Opening a can of whupass on a hijacker is so fun! Hijacker: Time to die, you-- O'Neill: Aren't you meant to say something to me? Hijacker: Oh... Hi, Jack! O'Neill: Zat. Hijacker: Ungh. Conrad: Oh, I wish to kiss you so! Simmons: Now wait a minute. You haven't even gotten me drunk yet... Simmons: Oh, I wish to kiss you so! O'Neill: Never. Ever. Ever. Again. In fact, you suck so much, you've been sucked right out an airlock. Carter: Sir, we've been Voyager'd. Was it really wise to blow John deLancie out the airlock? O'Neill: Quiet, you. Thor: Hey. O'Neill: Help us. Thor: You first. O'Neill: Okay, you're cute enough. And naked. Carter: Gets him every time. TO BE CONTINUED *See Tangent. You'll know it when you see it. Legal notices. You are number ### to get sucked out an airlock.