SOMEWHERE, USA - Incited by the ongoing Virtual Voyager Season 8 project, a new fanfic series has launched -- one aimed to correct perceived mistakes not in the original Voyager series but in VVS8 itself.
The project is led by well-known fanfic author Mary Sue Scrivener, who has assumed the pseudonym "Ponderey." In a press conference today, Ms. Scrivener announced her mission statement: "The Virtual Voyager Season 8 has proven as great an atrocity as Voyager's seventh season itself. For seven episodes, loyal, faithful J/Cers have been subjected to the gruesome spectacle of Janeway and Chakotay at odds -- sometimes even raising their voices at each other! This is wrong and out of character. These two are in love and meant to be together; each chapter that divides them is a knife to the J/C community's jugular. Worse, VVS8 has retained the evil force that is Seven of Nine, given her lines, and even made references to the C/7 Abomination! We will exact vengeance!"
Ms. Scrivener's project is officially titled the Virtual Virtual Voyager Season 8 Season 8 (which is usually abbreviated to the Virtual VVS8 Season 8 (which is usually abbreviated to VVVS8S8)). Its official goal is "To right the greatest atrocities in history," a slogan devised by Ms. Scrivener herself; it may be revised, however, as some readers have apparently misheard "right" as "write" and been turned off the project.
"Our story," continued the head writer, "will begin just before 'Human Error,' to avoid all traces of VVS8 or the Abomination. The episodes will appear once a week, each roughly as long as an hour of TV. With our unparalleled creativity and imagination, we will write everything from love stories to romances, making good use of all the show's worthwhile characters and finally doing away with the evils that have plagued it." In the category of evils, Ms. Scrivener lists the Fair Haven holoprogram, Ensign Marla Gilmore, Species 8472, the Devore Imperium, and Seven of Nine ("the greatest evil humanity has ever known").
Set to launch on August 28, VVVS8S8's first episode will be entitled "Resolving the Coda" and will begin with a scene in which Janeway and Chakotay reveal their hidden love for one another and kiss passionately on the bridge, to the other officers' applause and cheering. Later in the episode, the couple will kill Seven of Nine while making love.
Ms. Scrivener is among the most established writers in the J/C fanfic community. Her past work (largely written under her pen name, "Dragon") includes the continuing series Chakotay, My Love, My Lover, currently at 29 parts. (She also co-wrote the famous J/C comedy Angry Warriors Just Want to Have Fun with fellow author Data's Evil Twin.) She is no stranger to the pages of This Just In, having achieved widespread fame through her most recent project prior to VVVS8S8: the 'Shipper Oxygen Boycott. The latter came to an abrupt end when all other members inexplicably died of asphyxiation; Ms. Scrivener maintains that Voyager writer Kenneth Biller was responsible, saying she "wouldn't put it past him. He's done worse."
Reactions to the VVVS8S8's creation are now coming in.
"What a load of garbage," commented VVS8 staffer Tammy "MaquisKat." "Scrivener talks big, but all she's really doing is mooching off our concept. This is the worst ripoff since that Virtual Season 7.5 thing."
"What a load of garbage," commented VVS7.5 staffer Cybermum. "This is the worst ripoff since that Virtual Season 8 thing."
"Oh, come on. 'Ponderey'?" questioned VVS8 head producer Thinkey. "Gee, that's original."
"You people are all pathetic," observed WYCBT writer Nell. "Voyager, Voyager, Voyager...don't you ever talk about anything else? You wouldn't know a good virtual season if it hit you in the face with a tire iron. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fantasize about Julian."
"Yo! Quit dissing on VVS8!" shouted fan FatMatDuhRat. "Every episode so far has been fabulous. If you don't see that, you just suck."
Despite the negative feedback from some quarters, Ms. Scrivener is determined to persevere with VVVS8S8. "As I've said before, evil must be opposed. I would oppose it with nuclear weapons if I could, but I don't have any, so I use the best weapon I have: my brilliant mind. The pen is going to kick the sword's butt." This reporter thanked Ms. Scrivener politely and then ran at top speed in the opposite direction.