Home Prev 5MA: EPISODES Next Home

Five-Minute "Its Hour Come Round At Last"

by Zeke

Beka: Happy birthday, Andromeda! It's been a great season, don't you think?
Dylan: Not really...I haven't achieved my personal goal for Year One.
Beka: 50 new Commonwealth members?
Dylan: 50 million viewers.
Beka: You and I need to have a little chat about realism.

Harper: Hey, check this out!
Andromeda: A backup copy of me. What would be the smart thing to do?
Harper: Destroy it, scan it carefully, leave it alone...pretty much anything except what I'm about to do.
Andromeda: I like the way you think.

Beka: Oh no! The internal defenses are attacking us!
Dylan: Relax. When was the last time they did squat against real intruders?

Andromeda: You will steer me.
Trance: But I'm a ditz! I can't pilot things!
Andromeda: Oh, please. I've known you for fifteen seconds, and even I've caught on to your "secret powers" thing.

Andromeda: Okay, we need to talk.
Andromeda: About the insane mission I'm sending you on? Naaah. How do I look in these italics?
Andromeda: Great! But now you've got to coordinate. Think there's a shoe store on this mission somewhere?
Andromeda: It can be arranged. Now let's talk earrings.

Harper: Whew! I finally got those defenses down.
Magog: And just in time, too!
Harper: Oh crap. You're going to eat us, aren't you?
Magog: We said "just in time" because this episode desperately needed some difference, any difference from "Civil Defense." But yeah, we're going to eat you.

Tyr: This could be real trouble -- we should run like stockings before it's too late.
Dylan: "Run like stockings"? This can't go unpunished.
Tyr: Whatcha gonna do, huh? Punk?
Dylan: (ahem) We will now split up. I'll go with Beka, Andromeda will find Rev, and Tyr will go see Harper.
Tyr: Oh God, NO! Captain, please have mercy! I'll never call you a punk again!
Dylan: Sorry, Tyr...you brought this on yourself.

Harper: Hey Nietz-guy. What brings you here?
Tyr: Hunt. He did not, however, specifically forbid me from killing you as well.
Harper: I'd like that. But not till the Magog get us.
Tyr: Well, that's great...now you've ruined it for me. Consensual murder is no fun at all!

Beka: Wheeeee! Non-consensual murder is fun! And easy -- you could kill these Magog with tube socks.
Dylan: OWW! I'm hit!
Beka: There aren't words for how pathetic that is. Ah well...any "last requests"?
Dylan: Just one little thing. Don't let another year go to waste: get us 50 million viewers!
Beka: Okay, time for that realism talk. Fill in the blank: "It is unrealistic to expect 50 ________ viewers."
Dylan: Sigh..."million"?
Beka: Correct. Other acceptable responses include "thousand," "measly," and "sober."

Bloodmist: Join me, for I am your evil clone!
Rev: That's way too clichéd. Tone it down.
Bloodmist: Evil twin, then.
Rev: Almost as bad.
Bloodmist: Brother?
Rev: Getting better....
Bloodmist: Fellow Magog trying to return you to the fold?
Rev: Bingo.

Harper: Looks like you've done this mission before. And everybody was eaten.
Andromeda: Yeah, that was a real kick in the pants. But at least I survived.
Harper: How did you manage that, anyway?
Andromeda: Oh, it wasn't too hard. I just made a little deal with the Magog...something about bringing them another crew to eat, I think.

Harper: I've changed my mind -- don't shoot me.
Tyr: Good call!
Harper: Isn't that out of character for you? After all, I only said that out of cowardice.
Tyr: Ah, but here's the benefit -- I can kill you against your will now!
Magog: I'm afraid we'll have to beat you to it.

Beka: Holy Chicago! What is that?
Andromeda: A big Magog death thing. What did you think it was?
Beka: Expensive. I mean, geez, a ship like that must cost more than 30 dollars.
Andromeda: Ya think? It's probably in the quadrillions.
Beka: Which is more than 30 dollars, you'll notice.

Dylan: Let's review: the ship is hulled, Rev is gone, Tyr and Harper are Magog chow, Andromeda is split in two --
Andromeda: (over the comm) And impaled!
Dylan: -- and impaled, and Beka and I are unconscious. Is all lost? Is there no hope?
Trance: What about me?
Dylan: Oh, please.


Previous fiver: All Great Neptune's Ocean
Next fiver: The Widening Gyre


Got a comment on this fiver? Contact the author, Zeke.

Other reviews:

Site navigation:
___ Five-Minute Andromeda
___ ___ Season 1
___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "Its Hour Come Round At Last"

This fiver was originally published on October 19, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment. I don't think Gene would mind what I do in his larger universe, so he probably wouldn't mind this either.

All material © 2001, Zeke.