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Five-Minute "....And They All Fall Down"

by Nell

Alden: Man, I hate cliffhanger "emergency" episodes. Where were we?
Kira: I believe we left off at "crapcrapcrap." Oh, and we're stuck in an elevator together.
Alden: Gee, that's a new one.
Kira: You're telling m-- oh wait. I still don't like you. Don't talk to me, loser.

Cardassian Girl: Hello. I'm a metaphorical representation of enduring hope. Aren't I adorable?
Bashir: Very. Do you have a name?
Metaphorical Representation of Enduring Hope: No. I think that's supposed to be symbolic or something.

Nog: We all need to work together to get the station fixed!
Korak: But there are more important things to do right now. Like repeating that whole "we think you suck" thing.
Nog: Remind me to smack you later.

Emyn: Well, peachy. I finally get an action scene and a power surge shuts all the lights off. How boring.
Deputy: Cheer up. Maybe a console will spontaneously explode.
Emyn: There aren't consoles on the Promenade, ya dork. We're perfectly safe.
Heavy Light Fixture: Heh heh heh. Sez you.

Bashir: So here I am, in Cardassia City, thinking troubled thoughts. Yup. Niiiiice and spooky...Garak, would you show up already? This is getting boring!
Garak: Sorry, sorry. I got stuck in traffic.

Kaoron: I think we've uncovered the problem. This is a Cardassian booby trap!
Nog: Wow! We've never had a problem with those before!
Bilecki: Hey, at least we know it'll be fixed at the very last second.

Ezri: We're in the middle of a crisis and Julian's on Cardassia! What are we going to do?
Dr. Monrow: THIS looks like a job for...!
All but Ezri: (gasp!) New Doctor Chick!
Monrow: Awright! Get ready to feel the warm glow of my healing touch, people! (Not you, I find you irritating.)
Ezri: Darn it, I'm so sad. Oh Tragic Day.
Monrow: And you're not funny either.

Garak: Okay, prepare to be barraged with introductions.
Rekel: Hello. I'm just like Garak, only cuter.
Mondrig: What's happenin'. I'm the antagonist. You festering scum.
Nurse Eske: Hi. I'm cute too.
Dr. Parmak: Greetings. You might remember Mondrig and me from Andy Robinson's best-selling novel, A Stitch in Time. Find it at your local bookstore!
Tejral: Yo. I'm an Eskimo. Don't ask me why.
Bashir: Wait, wait, let me write this down.

Emyn: I found more people to help! That's heroic, right? I can stay, right?
Monrow: Thank you for your assistance. You may disappear now.
Emyn: &*%$#@! It's just not fair!

Nog: And what emergency story is complete without people dying of hypothermia, I ask you?
Pedorina: Waaaahhh! I'm scared! Nog, hold me!
Nog: That helps too.

Kira: I see what you guys are doing. You want me and Alden to do that whole "get stuck in an elevator and resolve our differences" routine. Maybe even get a Kira/Alden shipper movement going, is that it? Well, it ain't gonna happen! I'll sit here and mope for days if I have to! Bring it on! Hah!
Pryen Maki: Hey, Colonel. We fixed the station. You guys can come out now.
Kira: ...Oh.

Nog: You love me! You really love me!
Engineers: Group hug!
Jensen: Oh, give me a break. I do not have to listen to this! I'm outta here.

Monrow: ...so basically, I'm just like Bashir, only cuter. Oh, and I'm into Yoga and I make a mean chicken stir-fry and did I mention I'm single? Do I rock or what? Call me Alex.
Girani: "Alex"? Is that a Siddig reference or something?
Monrow: NO! I mean...(cough) No. Of course not. That would be silly.

Garak: Hey, Julian, have we gotten into a philosophical debate yet?
Bashir: Not yet. Okay, how about this one: if Rekel's such a good friend of yours, then why haven't you ever mentioned her before?
Garak: Because I'm mysterious and secretive. Obviously.
Bashir: Hey, cool loophole! Can I use it?
Garak: You? Don't make me laugh.

Ezri: Endar, tell me how you're feeling.
Alden: No, I'd rather be annoyingly unresponsive. Okay, changed my mind, I'll tell you everything! No one respects me! I had a scary hallucination! Wow, I just had a revelation about my hidden past!
Ezri: Isn't that exactly the way our last conversation went?
Alden: Yeah. See, I'm just trying to shut you up.
Ezri: I get that a lot.

Kira: Hey, Ezri. Remember what I said about giving Alden a chance? I was lying.
Ezri: What! But why?
Kira: Because I want to squish K/A like a grape before it even hits the ground, that's why. Now outta my office.

Grand Nagus Rom: Hi! Remember me? I see Ferengi episodes in your future. Lots and lots and lots of Ferengi episodes.
Nog: Excellent. Vengeance shall be ours.
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


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___ ___ ___ Five-Minute "....And They All Fall Down"

This fiver was originally published on August 27 (Part I) and December 12 (Part II), 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, Christy Linell.