Captain's Log: I can spell "Gamma quadrant": B-O-R-I-N-G. This sucks -- we're going back to the station.
Kira: Shakaar and I broke up.
Jadzia: That's awful. What happened?
Kira: Turns out the prophets are O/Kers.
Jadzia: I figured as much. Did you say something, Odo?
Odo: (shapeshifts a party hat back into his head) Not at all.
Jadzia: Oo! A planet with technobabble! Can we go check it out? Please?
Sisko: Is it safe?
Jadzia: If I say no can we still go?
Jadzia: Then it's safe.
Sisko: I thought you said it was safe.
Jadzia: It is.
Jadzia: Except Kira's going to die.
Jadzia: And we're stranded here.
Sisko: Not to worry -- I'm sure we'll be out of here in no time.
Miranda O'Brien: (over the comm) Funny you should mention time....
Miranda: Your crew founded this colony 200 years ago.
Sisko: Funny, I don't remember that.
Miranda: No, it hasn't happened yet.
Sisko: So we can stop it.
Miranda: It already happened.
Sisko: I hate time travel....
Yedrin Jadzia: It's really me, Ben.
Sisko: Oh yeah? Prove it.
Yedrin: Your middle name's not really "Lafayette."
Worf: It's not?
Yedrin: No, it's hilarious. It's --
Sisko: Okay, that's enough. I believe you.
Miranda: ...and this is our schoolhouse. Any questions?
Jadzia: Yes. Can we start the plot already?
Molly: I'm sure they'll get around to it.
O'Brien: "Molly"? Are you named after my daughter?
Yedrin: Actually --
Sisko: (clamping his hand over Yedrin's mouth) He says yes.
Molly: When the Defiant crashed here, all 48 crew had to sleep in here.
Yedrin: You must be wondering who died.
Sisko: Actually, I'm just amazed that wasn't a 47 reference. But now that you mention it....
Yedrin: It's Kira.
Sisko: I smell a plot complication.
Yedrin: I have a plan to save the colony and let the Defiant leave. We'll create a duplicate of the Defiant and all its crew.
Sisko: Will the duplicate crew have to go by their middle names?
Sisko: Then this sounds like a good plan.
Kira: How's Odo?
Bashir: Conveniently out of commission.
Kira: How am I?
Bashir: See above, but less conveniently....
Odo: Hello, Nerys.
Kira: I thought you were out of commission.
Odo: I'm Odo 2.0
Kira: But aren't you 200 years older than the other Odo?
Odo: Good point. Call me "Oldo."
Jadzia: There's a problem with our plan.
Sisko: The duplicates do have to use their middle names?
Jadzia: No. Yedrin faked the data. It won't work.
Sisko: Phew. You had me worried there for a minute.
Kira: I think we should stay here.
Bashir: But you'll die!
Kira: Safer than facing my 'shippers when we get back to the station.
Yedrin: Will you help us plant trees?
Sisko: By tomorrow nothing here will have ever existed. What's the point?
Yedrin: To guilt you into staying.
Sisko: Fair enough.
O'Brien: Your guilt planting won't work on me.
Molly: (pouting) Not even if I help you?
Kira: Sorry, Odo. We're staying here. I guess now we'll never know if things might have worked out between us.
Odo: You don't say....
Jadzia: Captain, the computer was reprogrammed so we avoided the anomaly. The colony is gone and we can go home now.
O'Brien: Yes! I mean, crud.
Kira: Crud! I mean, yes.
Jadzia: Well, that's a shame.
Sisko: It certainly is. I blame Yedrin, and by extension, you.
Jadzia: Quiet, Mo--
Sisko: Never mind. I take it back.
Odo: The future me tampered with the Defiant computer.
Kira: You son of a blatch! There were 8,000 people in that colony!
Odo: But it was the future me!
Kira: Fine. I'll pound the crap out of you later.
(The Defiant returns to the Alpha quadrant at Ludicrous Speed)