Five-Minute "Rascals"
by Admiral Sab

Picard Jr.: Hullo.
O'Brien: Ooops.

Crusher: Their minds haven't been affected, but it looks like their bodies have shrunk.
Troi: Maybe they were left in the dryer too long.
Crusher: Yeah, or it may have something to do with the de-aging energy field.
Riker: Either way, does this mean I get to be Captain or not?
Picard Jr.: Not.
Riker: Fooey!
Picard Jr.: Oh, grow up.

Guinan Jr.: Wanna relive your childhood?
Ro Jr.: No, I don't wanna!
Guinan Jr.: See it's easy, you're already mastering the terrible twos!

Picard Jr.: I know I look like a Chibi, but give me a chance. I am Picard. See, I even tug at my uniform too.
Data: Good enough for me.
Crusher: Captain, I need to speak with you NOW.
Picard Jr.: Hmmmm this could be interesting... Hello, Mrs. Robinson.
Crusher: I don't think so, Jean-Luc. Nice try though. I'm here to relive you of duty.
Picard Jr.: Fine, okay, I'll relieve myself.
Worf: Snicker.

Guinan Jr.: Stop pouting, girlfriend! Live it up!
Ro Jr.: Leave me alone, Guinan, or I'll whoop your butt!
Guinan Jr.: I know there's a pun in there somewhere....

O'Brien: Well, this is awkward.
Keiko Jr.: I'm still you're wife.
O'Brien: Yes, but you're almost the same age as Molly.
Molly: Are you my new babysitter?
Keiko Jr.: Kiss me!
O'Brien: This is so illegal!

Picard Jr.: I want to be taken seriously, Counselor.
Troi: I understand, so do I.
Picard Jr.: Focus on me. Should I go be Wes's roommate or be Captain?
Troi: That's a tough one. Maybe you should talk to a Counselor.
Picard Jr.: You are a Counselor.
Troi: Right... oh well then you're screwed.

Crusher: This is the Captain's reduenlah vehenah nucleic sequence....
Riker: Duh uh what?
Crusher: He's missing some pieces and I have to put them back... but I don't know how.
Riker: Maybe the Lego people can help.
Crusher: Why me?

La Forge: What's this?
O'Brien: A piece of bulkhead from the wrecked shuttlecraft.
La Forge: I know that, but what's it made of now? It's like cardboard.
O'Brien: It must have something to do with the accident.
La Forge: That's what I was thinking! High five!

Ro Jr.: Ho hum, I hate being small.
Guinan Jr.: I haven't been a child in centuries. Let's jump on the bed.
Ro Jr.: Mkay! YAY! I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid....

La Forge: We've figured out why the energy field confused the transporter.
Crusher: Which means that we can reverse the effect by--
Worf: (over the comm) Commander Riker, report to the Bridge.
Riker: I'm coming up now. Guys, don't finish this without me, I don't wanna miss a thing.
Crusher: So as I was saying--
Riker: I said zip it!

Worf: Commander, the Ferengi are coming! The Ferengi are coming!
Riker: Fire at their ships!
Worf: Too late! We are being boarded!
Riker: Aw man... just when I finally got to be Captain!

DaiMon Lurin: HA! We have your ship! Now we will beam the adults aboard down to Legoland and make you build our Lego Fortress!
Riker: You'll never get away with this.
Lurin: Probably not, but it's a fun thought anyways.

Picard Jr.: I think we need to retake the ship by outsmarting the Ferengi.
Guinan Jr.: That's not very hard or very fun. Instead let's be kids.
Picard Jr.: Ehh... Fine, as long as I don't have to throw a temper tantrum.

Picard Jr.: Computer, show me the security schematics of the Enterprise.
School Computer: Now why would you want to see that? How about a nice picture of the ship instead? Can you spell "ship"?
Ro Jr.: I think the computer's just turned into a shipper, sir.
Picard Jr.: Oh, great. As if I don't already have enough of those to deal with.

Ro Jr.: Sir, I've found a service conduit. Guinan and I can use it to get to Engineering.
Picard Jr.: All right, make it so.
Guinan Jr.: You just couldn't resist, could you?

Picard Jr.: Okay, we've managed to steal some phasers and hyposprays. Now for Phase Two of our plan.
Keiko Jr.: So how you gonna get on the Bridge, sir?
Picard Jr.: Don't ask, it'll only humiliate me further....

Riker: What do you want Capt-- er, I mean son?
Picard Jr.: I wanna try to take over the ship-- I mean, I wanna play some games, but the computers aren't working.
Riker: Oh right, of course. I'll ask Mr. Ferengi here if I can turn on the schoolroom computer for you.
Picard Jr.: Great, Number Dad.
Ferengi: Dum de dumb.
Picard Jr.: Ha, it worked.

Lurin: Release the command codes or your son dies!
Riker: I won't let you kill my son you Ferengi bast--
Lurin: Then show Morta here exactly how to use your computers!
Riker: Oh this is going to be fun.

Morta: So how do I turn it on?
Riker: You use this hand to push that button.
Morta: This button?
Riker: No, that one shuts down the hard drive and then all the aljfhdto hdofhfgk jfohfto things will blow up. Got it?
Morta: Uh, yes-- wait, what's other hand doing to that other panel over there?
Riker: Pay attention to what I'm teaching you!
Morta: Sorry! Um, where were we?

Picard Jr.: I've got computer control! All right, troops, let's retake our ship!
Enterprise Kids: Chaaaaaaarge!
Picard Jr.: Mr Worf is never going to live this down....

Riker: This is the ahtheo huho afjdfhuoeh... PUNCH!!
Morta: Ow.

Picard Jr.: Get out of my chair.
Lurin: Hah! You must be kidding.
Picard Jr.: (aiming a phaser) Wrong choice of words.
Lurin: Gulp.

Picard Jr.'s Log: The Ferengi are dumb, Legos are great, and we're about to see if I can grow up again....

Crusher: Okay, Jean-Luc, time to grow up.
Picard Jr.: It's been fun.
(The transporter energizes)
Picard: Aw man, you could have left the balding problem out of my gene sequence.

Guinan: You ready to grow up?
Ro Jr.: Not yet. Wanna color with me?
Guinan: Sure! Then we can play with Legos....
(Guinan and Ro draw with crayons at Frivolous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 18, 2004.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2004, Sabrina St. John.