This Just In
ISSUE #30 FEBRUARY 9, 2003

Sci-fi cleans up at Sci-Fi Emmys
by Zeke

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - After years of neglect by the Emmy Committee, the science fiction genre has come up from behind to make a sweep of this year's Sci-Fi Emmy Awards.

The first annual Sci-Fi Emmys were held yesterday in San Francisco, featuring a variety of presenters and hosted by Mark "Luke Skywalker" Hammill. A total of 35 awards were presented, of which an unprecedented 35 went to science fiction actors, producers, and series.

"This turnover is a long time in coming," stated organizer Solomon Brysler. "For years, fans have been frustrated at the lack of recognition for sci-fi at the Emmys. Now, all that has finally changed."

Host Hammill agreed, saying, "As a sci-fi actor myself, I always have to struggle with the fact that this genre doesn't get the respect it deserves. Everybody talks about how great Star Wars was, but where was the Best Picture nomination? And years later, why have talented actors like Carrie and me faded into obscurity, while sellouts like Harrison get the glory? This year's Emmys were the first step in changing that."

"I have absolutely no idea where my next paycheck is coming from," added Mr. Hammill.

Mr. Brysler, best known as a syndicated television reviewer, both organized and paid for the event, which was held at a low-rent auditorium in the metropolitan area. In a post-reception interview, he declared the Awards "a complete success" and thanked all present for attending. "Throughout my career, I've had to watch quality shows go unnoticed by the major award ceremonies," he said. "Now that's all over. We can truly say that sci-fi has arrived at the Emmys."

Among the awards presented were Best Sci-Fi Series, Best Actor in a Sci-Fi Series, Best Direction for a Sci-Fi Series, and Second Best Sci-Fi Series. Farscape, Firefly, and Enterprise were among the night's big winners. Nor did Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda go unnoticed; it was honoured with the Best Andromeda award.

Among the highlights of the evening was Marina Sirtis's acceptance speech for Best Actress in a Counselling Role. "This is such an honour," she announced, tears in her eyes. "To all those out there who supported or sponsored this event, I'd just like to say... please hire me. Please. I can't get a job outside this bloody franchise anymore. People stop me on the street and ask what I'm sensing. If I can't shake this role soon, I'll starve. Please, please help me." Ms. Sirtis took her seat amid loud applause.

The evening also featured musical performances by Tim Russ and William Shatner, the latter of whom was heard to observe that "earplugs are just too easy to get nowadays."

The Emmy Awards are traditionally presented by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. NATAS President Peter Price has expressed discontent with the recent presentation of the Sci-Fi Emmys. "What do they think they're doing?" he asked in an interview. "You can't just make your own awards and call them Emmys. They're not fooling anybody but themselves."

Undaunted in the face of these accusations, Mr. Brysler expressed his certainty that a new era was dawning. "Science fiction will soon achieve the mainstream recognition it deserves," he declared. "Stay tuned for the Sci-Fi Oscars next month, and then the Sci-Fi Grammys. In fact, I'm prepared to go as far as Sci-Fi Olympics. Quantum Leap is a shoe-in for the high jump." 

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Copyright 2003, Colin Hayman. A product of This Just Inc. All rights reserved. This notice was written by Mark Hammill in exchange for a donut.