The Monkey's Paw Game

[Opium]

You get all the DVD's. But DVD players have been outlawed due to their use of lasers, and you can't watch them.


I wish that everyone on my street receives what they want for the holidays.

[e of pi]

They do. Unfortunately, they are sent it via the federal postal service, thus it all winds up on a farm in Kansas.

I wish I had a longer break.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. Both legs.

[Opium]

You don't ask for a wish, and you don't get it.


I wish that we had dog and cat leash laws in my area. :(

[e of pi]

You do, but they make illegal to have them on a leash.

I wish we had more leftovers. I'm hungry.

[Opium]

There are more leftovers in the fridge-but they're from Canadian thanksgivings, which was more than month ago.


I wish there was more scene with Alan Rickman in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

[e of pi]

There are. Unfortunately, they were cut from the final film.

I wish the movie hadn't cut down the book so much, despite the fact that it would have been 8 hours long.

[Opium]

It isn't. Just, the other side-plots got lost on an island in the South Pacific.


I wish someone would post in the Spoiley Harry Potter Thread so we could discuss the above topic.

[e of pi]

They do, but we get way off topic discusing the pie on the table in that one scene.

I wish wireless Internet was everywhere.

[Opium]

It is, you're computer just can't access it due to adware.


I wish adware would just go away.

[e of pi]

It does, but only to return with reinforcements.

I wish I wasn't so paranoid. My current password that I use for everything is 31 alphanumeric characters in length.

[Opium]

You stop being paranoid, but you get careless and give out your password to everyone you know.

I wish crocheting came naturally to me.

[e of pi]

It does, but you get mocked for it.

I wish I were more creative.

[Xeroc]

You are, but only in ways of causing yourself more harm.

[e of pi]

I wish people would stop doing that...

[Xeroc]

They do, but all the wishes are impossible to twist.


I wish for only good things to happen to me.

[e of pi]

They do. You recieve a large card with "only good things to happen to me" written on it in Sharpie.

I wish the RPG would start.

[Xeroc]

It does, and you die on an away mission.


I wish, for more hard drive capacity!

[e of pi]

You get it. In your body. Welcome to the Collective!

I wish I didn't have so much to do in English before the semester ends.

[Xeroc]

You don't, but now you have 4 times as much work next semester!


I wish that it would stop raining today.

[NeoMatrix]

It does, but not where you live.

I wish for the non hell-like warm weather to return

[e of pi]

It does. Just not where you live either.

I wish the weather here wasn't so darn perfect. Nah, just joking.

I wish I didn't procrastinate so much.

[Xeroc]

You don't, but the work is a lot harder now!


I wish that the weather here was nice.

[Opium]

It is-you're being brainwashed by the three nerds from BuffyTVS to think it's not.


I wish that Tylonal Cold Daytime didn't make me hyper...

(where DID the TC Nightime go...)

[e of pi]

It doesn't. However, you experience one new major side effect: rigor mortis.

I wish I were smarter. I mean, one of the kids from my elementary school has a GPA of 4.75 and is taking pre-calc as a freshman.

[whoiam]

You are smarter. Unfortunately, you get nauseous in exams, so your grades suck.


I wish I hadn't been away so long.

[e of pi]

You weren't. Instead, you lapsed into a video game trance in front of the screen and didn't leave for days.

I wish they'd move Dilbert back into the comics section. I'm 15. Why do they think I'd be reading the Buisness section?

[Xeroc]

They do, but it's printed at a width of two microns.


I wish, for a new laptop!

[e of pi]

You do! It's new! To you! Just not to the previous three owners!

I wish the RPG would move along faster.

[Xeroc]

It does, and you die on the away mission!


I wish this keyboard wasn't so noisy.

[e of pi]

It isn't. The computer's fan, on the other hand kills small animals at ten paces.

I wish I had a starship. Or at least a shuttle.

[Xeroc]

You do! But it's another model. Non-functional, too.


I wish I had a real Starship. That worked. In good condition.

[e of pi]

That's good. Then come on down to Dealin' Dick's Slightly Used Shuttles! I swear I am not a crook.

I wish the makers of those commercials would be lined up and shot.

[Xeroc]

They are, shot with million-dollar-bill-shooting guns!


I wish that scams weren't so prevalent.

[e of pi]

They are. Unfortunately, the country of Nigeria ceases to exist.

I wish I could get a good grade on the world civ project due tomorrow.

[Xeroc]

You do, but then it's dropped from the class grade and another, harder project is put in its place!


I wish that these pencils wouldn't keep breaking.

[e of pi]

They do, because they are mechanical. Unfortunately, they jam instead.

I wish I could get my back-up multi-tip pen to open up so I could replace the lead in the pencil tip.

[Opium]

You do...but all writing surfaces disappear.


I wish that I had a million dollars. Right now. In cash that was the currency in the country I live in, and that it was worth no less than $1 CAN, or $.80 USA, or less than $.50 Euro, and with the average rate of inflation per year being no more than 2%.

[Xeroc]

You do... but sadly, there's nothing to buy.



I wish this computer was faster.

[Opium]

It is. The problem is that you have 1985-circa dial-up

[Xeroc]

*sound of wind whispering* *owls* *who?* *who?* *sound of wind whispering*



I wish for more wishes!

[e of pi]

You get them, but fifteen minuttes ago, and you use them in the wish that originally created them.

I wish I hadn't fallen asleep for a few minutes in Algebra. I could have finished factoring that last number, but oh well. <shrug>

[Xeroc]

Okay, you instead slept through the whole class!


I wish I wasn't so tired.

[Opium]

You aren't tired, just really bored because there is nothing to do.


I wish that mom would start crotcheting a new Christmas stocking for me since my old once are MIA and I don't know how to crochet in patterns yet.

[e of pi]

She does. But you recieve it posthumously.

I wish I hadn't had to stay up so late last night.

[Xeroc]

You didn't, but you woke up at 2:00am today.


I wish I could get more sleep.

[e of pi]

You could, but you don't.

I wish for another three hours between midnight and 12:01 am.

[Xeroc]

Okay, but now you can't get to sleep until 12:02am at the earliest.


I wish I wasn't so busy.

[e of pi]

You aren't. Instead, you're bored out of your mind.

I wish I could get to sleep before midnight on a more regular basis.

[Xeroc]

You can! But now you have to get up at 4:00am every day.


I wish that this dang program would work right.

[Opium]

It does, but it's so outdated that you don't need it anymore.

I wish didn't have to edit this post to ad the wish that I forgot to post in the first place. And that fina;s weren't so close to right now.

[e of pi]

Finals aren't so close, and you don't have to edit the wish. Cause the dead take no tests and post no posts. :)

I wish PJ were finished being coded.

[Xeroc]

It is, but now you have no internet connection.


I wish this dang wireless internet connection was faster.

[e of pi]

It is. In fact, it's so fast that it loads before you click. Which can lead to problems...

don't know how, but it could...

I wish I didn't have finals next week.

[Xeroc]

You have finals this week!


I wish that this weather was either a little colder or a little warmer.

[e of pi]

It's both, in five-minute intervals.

I wish I could just go ahead and take the stupid finals!

[Xeroc]

You can, but now they're twice as hard!


I wish these pencils would quit breaking.

[e of pi]

They do. However, the sharpener's broken, and that was the last one.

I wish I was done with this essay.

[Xeroc]

Time's up! You're done by default.


I wish these tables weren't so wobbly.

[e of pi]

They aren't. However, the only way to make it work was to hack off the legs.

I wish finals were over.

[Xeroc]

Okay, finals are over, and you just missed the last two!


I wish these lousy trash cans didn't smell so much.

[e of pi]

They don't. However, they no longer hold more than three pieces of trash.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

[Xeroc]

You aren't, but you slept through yesterday.


I wish this computer wasn't so noisy.

[e of pi]

It isn't but only because it's broken.

I wish that finals were over.

[Opium]

They are, but only because you went into a timewarp and had to sing "Let's Do the Timewarp Again", so that you missed all finals.


I wish the financial aid people actually talked to the student loan people instead of just claiming they did.

[e of pi]

They do, but only about their golf tournement.

I wish I could see The Complete works of William Shakespear, Abridged followed by another showing of Every Christmas Story Ever Told.

[Opium]

It does, but it's in Cantonese.


I wish that the traffic would stop sucking so much today!

[Anonymous]

It does. Instead, it blows.

I wish Zuke's preprogramed responses would stop thorwing off my skits. Course, it does give me an oppertunity to improv.

[e of pi]

They do! But you can't login!

I wish it would stop doing that!

[Opium]

It does, but instead it just gives you preprogrammed responses.


I wish that boxing day week sales lasted a month.

[e of pi]

tHEY DO, BUT THEY ONLY GIVE YOU 2% OFF, OR $2 OFF, WHICHEVER IS LESS.

i WISH i WOULD REMEMBER TO TURN OFF cAPS lOCK BEFORE MOVING ON TO OTHER FORUMS TO RESPOND TO.

[Xeroc]

You do, but then you forget how to type.



I wish I there weren't any viruses, spyware, or spam emails.

[e of pi]

There aren't. However, this means there are no computers.

I wish the RPG would move along faster.

[Xeroc]

It does, but now you've been left behind!


I wish I wasn't so busy.

[e of pi]

You aren't. Because you've been fired.

I wish I could think of something to put here.

[Xeroc]

You can, but it's cheesy and uninteresting.


I wish to be able to modify reality.

[e of pi]

You can. But it never turns out the way you want it.

I wish my member title was cooler.

[Opium]

It was, but it was so cool that it had to be changed due to its coolness freezing computer screens around the world.


I wish textbooks were cheaper.

[e of pi]

They are, but only because they are really general.

I wish I had three day weekends more often.

[Naki]

you get three day weekends every week but the week is now extended to 14 days

I wish I knew how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. You don't know anything else.

I wish for a copy of the Arabian Nights.

[e of pi]

Poof! Cloned Arabians from the time of the Crusades! :)

I wish I had something to do.

[Chancellor Valium]

You can have my job! And Xeroc's job, and Neo's job, and Zeke's job, and 6.4 billion other people's jobs!

[whoiam]

Chancellor Valium wished for nothing, and so he received less then nothing. In other words, everything he once owned now belongs to me, apart from debts, which belong to e of pi.

I wish Opium were naturally crush-resistant.

[e of pi]

She is. However, in order to ensure this, she must be crushed to the smallest possible size.

I wish they hadn't screwed up the glasses. They got the right perscription, but the wrong color and they were supposed to be the kind that turn into sunglasses, darnit!

[Chancellor Valium]

They didn't. They screwed up your face instead.

I wish that lock-mania wasn't a facet of some other forums...

[e of pi]

It isn;t. Instead, it's Zeke personal hobby.

I wish I could build models better.

[Chancellor Valium]

You're a compiler on someone's PC.

I wish Russel T. Davies would die very suddenly of natural causes/ being insanely obese.

[Naki]

he dies by falling off a building and squashing you

I wish that the admins on Ninpocho will let this keep running on the site

[e of pi]

They do. However, due to pronoun antecedent problems, "this" turns out to be Zuke's most evil plan yet.

I wish I had a car. Not a license, just the car, and an acount on eBay motors. :P

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. They're illegal and owning one is punishable by death.

I wish for a palace.

[e of pi]

You do. They're illegal and owning one is punishable by death.

I wish plagerism was less common among scholars and students.

[KillerGodMan]

It is, now you the only one that commits it. It's illegal and those caught are automatically shot.

I wish I was in control of all weather

[Chancellor Valium]

You are, but everyone hates you for it.

I wish people wouldn't laugh at Sutekh the Destroyer.

[e of pi]

They don't, instead they laugh at you for bringing him up.

I wish they were laughing with me, not at me.

[KillerGodMan]

They are, but only because the room is filled with laughing gas... Oxygen depletion in 10 seconds...

I wish I could play Civilization 4 all day

[Xeroc]

You can! Because now you're in the game. And losing. Quite a lot, actually. :twisted:


I wish that there was more wireless internet coverage in this darn city.

[e of pi]

There is, but it charges a $47 charge per minute.

I wish I had the lower hull and wings of an Oberth-class model.

[Chancellor Valium]

They're soldered directly to your arms and legs.

I wish I could find a spare fluid link.

[Xeroc]

You can, but then someone needs it, so it's not a spare fliud link anymore, it's a used fluid link.


I wish that people didn't slap me when I made so many puns. ;)

[e of pi]

They don't. Instead, they slap Zeke. Better stop.

I wish luck would be a lady tonight. Luck if you've ever been a lady in the first place, luck be a lady tonight.

[Xeroc]

Luck is, but she goes out with someone else.


I wish people would quit wishing for intangible things.

[Chancellor Valium]

Luck is, but she goes out with someone else.


I wish people would quit wishing for intangible things.

They do. Now the all wish for crates of tangerines to fall on you.

I wish that the Jedi would stop being so stupid...

[Xeroc]

They do, but then they get smart to your plan of galaxial domination!


I wish I ruled the world!

[e of pi]

You do! But only in Alternate Universe #09u82947102947474747474

[Xeroc]

Your wish is granted! *whispering wind* Oh, right, no wish. ;)


I wish that I had an alternatate universe transporter.

[e of pi]

You do! Direct to universe #103852044u5t4owep4tje, where the Borg rule!

Eviiiiil!

[Xeroc]

Um, that's still not a wish.


I wish that I ruled the Borg, then.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. You're no longer you.

I wish people would stop laughing when I tell them I'm utterly mad...

[Xeroc]

They do, but now they lock you up in white rooms with lots of padding, and no windows or doors.


I wish I had the most powerful computer in the universe!

[Chancellor Valium]

You do - your brain, numbnut! (:P)

I wish I could find a decent recording of "Ja-Da"...

[Xeroc]

You do, but it's not for sale.


I wish I could move things with my mind.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do, but it's not for sale.


I wish I could move things with my mind.
You can - numbers.

I wish Glen Miller had done more songs...

[Xeroc]

Yeah, but they're all crappy rip-offs now.


I wish people wouldn't call me at 2:00 am.

[NeoMatrix]

Now they call you at 3am

I wish my wife would join our insane madness here

[Chancellor Valium]

She does, and turns out to find it all completely offensive, and ruins the fun for everyone, including you. This hten leads to the breakdown of your marriage and then your life. You die bitter and alone. Here endeth the lesson.

[Xeroc]

You now have exactly what you wished for! Nothing!


I wish there weren't so many steps in this dang building.

[Chancellor Valium]

There aren't. Unfortunately, you forget this tomorrow morning stepping out of the door on the sixty-sixth floor, and fall to your death on the spikes in the basement.


I wish that the name "Errol" would disappear from creation.

[Xeroc]

It does, but it takes a few flavors of pie and a couple of small countries with it.


I wish... I wish... I wish I could think of a wish.

[Chancellor Valium]

You can, but it's all you can think of...and it's this: "Vo do de o, Vo do do de o do!"

I wish it weren't so difficult to decide on a wish.

[Xeroc]

It isn't, as you can't wish for anything now.


I wish for immunity to all disease (viruses, bacteria, etc.).

[Chancellor Valium]

You are impervious to all forms of viral and bacterial life, and die because your intestines can't properly process food on their own.

I wish I could find some folks to tell the story of Minnie the Moocher to.

[Xeroc]

You can, but they end up killing you because of it. ;)


I wish for a slightly lighter indoor light.

[NeoMatrix]

Someone bought you a lamp that weighs less

I wish the there was more to the ending of The Truman Show.

[Chancellor Valium]

There is. Your life.

I wish I could be bothered to get off the internet and do some work.

[Xeroc]

You can, but now all you can do is work!


I wish there wasn't so much noise around here from the hours of 12:00am to 8:00am.

[Chancellor Valium]

There isn't -there's noise all the rest of the time!

I wish for cellophane flowers of yellow and green.

[Xeroc]

You have them! Turns out they're also razor-sharp and acidic.


I wish that people's proxies weren't so uncooperative!

[Chancellor Valium]

They're all made by the SCC.

I wish that the SCC was real :D

[Xeroc]

They are, and all your stuff is made by them.


I wish people wouldn't press the big red buttons all the time.

[Chancellor Valium]

They don't. Exist.

I wish I had a copy of Handel's Solomon

[Xeroc]

You do, but it's on a grain of rice.


I wish I had an electron microscope.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. It's surgically attached instead to replace your...ahem..."area".

I wish people would remember to play the dotted rhythms in Charpentier's Prelude. It really is annoying when they don't.

[Xeroc]

They do, again, and again, and again, and again...


I wish people would quit taking cheap shots.

[Chancellor Valium]

They do. Now they take expensive ones which hurt you a lot.

I wish I was in charge of Doctor Who.

[Xeroc]

You are, but unfortunately, it gets cancelled.


I wish I win the eTrektion! :D

[Chancellor Valium]

You do, and are killed by a passing Kenjitsu master with a hatred of all things star trek.

I wish I was a master of Kenjitsu...

[whoiam]

You are, but the first time you try and use it you end up getting shot where it hurts much - in the wallet :twisted:

I wish this rental service was faster...

[Xeroc]

It is, your rental period just expired. Two days ago. It's that fast. ;)


I wish I could time-travel.

[Chancellor Valium]

You have no control over it whatsoever. Or anything else, if you know what I mean.

I wish I had the mind of Hercule Poirot!

[Xeroc]

Q: You do, but now you're in the novel.


A: I wish I had a 106-inch plasma screen HDTV.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. Unfortunately, you have to trade in other...ahem. 'Assets'.

I wish I commanded the ISS Doomslayer

[NeoMatrix]

You get the command. The bad news is that the ship got blown up. The good news is that you got on the wrong ship.

I wish I could be a successful movie director

[Xeroc]

You succeed at directing movies, but sadly, no one wants to watch them.


I wish I had an infinite power supply in a portable, safe, usable, and controllable machine, no bigger than an inch cubed.

[Chancellor Valium]

You do. You're killed and it is stolen and destroyed by rogue Newtonians.

I wish I could think of an infallible wish!

[Xeroc]

You just did! Now, the problem is, it doesn't exactly help you at all, now does it?. ;)


I wish for an unlimited number of wishes.

[Chancellor Valium]

You die in the next 0.5 seconds, negating that wish's effects somewhat.

I wish persianmouse were around...

[richardson]

It is, but you die of a horrible death by 47. :wink:

I wish I could become prime...

[Xeroc]

You are! Have fun as the number 2^30402457-1!


I wish for... factorial powers!

[richardson]

You get them, but you factor yourself out of existance.

I wish zeke would change rabbits to wabbits...

[Xeroc]

He does, and the universe explodes!


Okay, I couldn't think of a good twist. ;)


I wish I had superpowers!

[NeoMatrix]

To be fair, everyone gets superpowers, which makes everyone "normal"

I wish I had a replicator

[Burt]

You do get one. And a huge wonderful ship to go with it too. But you're stuck on the otherside of the galaxy, in uncharted space.... alone. And with bugger-all power.
So the replicator gets rationed. So you get stuck eatting Leola Root Stew Forever!

I wish I had the new series of 24 right now!

[Xeroc]

You do. In a 10 x 10 pixel size movie file, with nearly inaudible sound.


I wish I had more hard drive space on my computer.

[richardson]

You get a thousand terrabytes, and your OS crashes due to information overload.

I wish I could substitute in my own reality...

[Xeroc]

You can, it's imagination! ;)


I wish I had Matrix-like powers.

[Hejira]

You turn green, get an eye poked out, and bulk up in muscle. Your lifespan is now a little over two months, but at least you have a cool gun.

I wish life was like a videogame, and that I kicked arse at videogames so I don't end up like Fry.

[richardson]

You kick butt and live in a video game alright. It's pong.


I wish I had an uber pc.

[Hejira]

You uber PC comes preinstalled with Windows Vista.

I wish Microsoft weren't such jerks when it came to releasing Halo 2 for PC. Stupid jerks.

[Xeroc]

They are real nice, and sell the game for $5,000.


I wish I had a really fast calculator.

[richardson]

It calculates you to death.

I wish I had the ultimate mad hacking skills so I could tweak the pre-installed version of vista I got on my new computer without getting in trouble with anyone, and get it to run perfect. (It's actually a pretty kickin OS. And just about bug-free already!)

[Xeroc]

You do, and it now runs so perfectly that you can't log on, as any human interaction would detract from its perfection.


I wish the buses around here ran more often, or were at least on time.

[Hejira]

They're on time, but you never are.

I wish I had lots of money and lived to a suitably long age and in good health to enjoy that money and that the money was legally aquired and never lost except for my consumption of said money.

[Burt]

You do. But then you go to hell for not giving any to Charity.


I wish Angel hadn't been canceled.

[Hejira]

It jumps the shark when Angel and Spike start dating.

I wish it was winter tomorrow.

[Burt]

It gets so cold your doors and windows freeze shut. You can't leave the house. And all there is to watch on tv is a Prisoner Cell block H marathon.


Jump the shark or not: I want to see that episode of Angel!

[richardson]

You see it, and die of total shock at the fact that it's worse than that voy episode with paris and janeway getting turned into lizard thingies.

I wish I could make the ultimate game on my computer (After de-bugging Vista, breaking through the password lock, etc etc, generally overcoming the machine.)

[Chancellor Valium]

You do, but it's so bug-ridden you are killed by programmer-Borg for being so nasty-bad as to release a game with so many bugs.

I wish I was ruler of the WORLD! MWAHAHA!

[Burt]

You are - For a day. Untill aliens invade and demand to see the leader. And promptly vaporize you.

I wish I could see Texas (the band) play live.

[Xeroc]

You can! For the low, low, price of 10 million [Insert Local Currency Here]!


I wish I was a billionare!

[richardson]

You're a billionare, BILL GATES, the evillest man ever to walk the earth. And you're promptly arrested for jaywalking, and given a 70 billion dollar fine, putting you in debt 30 billion. Have a nice life.

I wish i could do all of the above I mentioned in previous posts, plus debug the game.

[Xeroc]

You do! And become one of the world's most renowned hacker-gamer types! Until you're crushed by a metorite. Bad luck. Well, at least the virtual statue looks good. ;)


I wish these dang pens didn't keep running out of ink so fast.

[richardson]

Of course they don't run out of ink, because all the air in your room has turned to ink. Gotta suck to have black lungs, doesn't it?

I wish I could have a cloned version of me to continue my work after getting hit by the meterorite.

[Xeroc]

You do, the bad news is, it's made by the same people who made Zuke. :twisted:


I wish I could conquer the earth, and then live to rule it! For at least 100 years.

[richardson]

You do, but it all gets erased by someone annoying named vallium in a renegade tardis.

I wish I could fix my clone to keep him from going completely evil and stupid. (I've already got one of those.)

[Xeroc]

You can, but the continuation of this wishing plotline gets interrupted by a passing universe, which crushes all of reality in your universe.


I wish I could control reality itself!

[richardson]

You explode from micro-management from microsoft!

I wish I could fix reality without having any normal ill effects!

[e of pi]

It is. However, the crew of earstwhile USS Relativity have to sic their Kirk clones on you.

I wish I had a kirk clone. Or the USS Relativity.

[Burt]

You get the Relativity but it's broken. You can now only jump forward. To a future where SHRIMP rule all!
And you get Kirk too. But he's the Kirk of today (I.e. Fat and old).
The only place he's boldly going is the toilet - eight times a night.

I wish I could fly!

[e of pi]

You can. But there isn't any way to come back down. Have fun starving to death.

I wish I had 32 hours in a day, with the extra 8 placed between 11:01:99 and 11:02:00. Additionally, no one else could have them.

[Xeroc]

Your wish is granted!


Except... that slight problem of it's never 11:01:99. So, the hours never actually happen. ;)


I wish I had some reasonably loud speakers, with a good volume control, and that can play all sounds from 1Hz to 100,000Hz.

[e of pi]

You have them. However, they aren't shock resistant. Better get them off the shelves the cats climb on.

I wish I had better styrene and resin modeling abilities.

[Xeroc]

You do! But only when modeling spheres.


I wish I had a personal limo for free!

[e of pi]

You do! You're the driver!

I wish I had a plane.

[Xeroc]

You do! It's x + y + z = 1! Happy graphing!


I wish I had a cool new helicopter.

[e of pi]

You do. Right in the head, too.

I wish I had all of Mistery Science Theatre 300 on DVD, rather than one episode at a time from Netflix.

[Xeroc]

You do, but now you get sued for illegal possesion of wished DVDs by the RIAA.


I wish it was quieter around here.

[e of pi]

It is, because everybody is dead.

I wish for a coke.

[Xeroc]

You get your wish, but it's just a free soda, so don't throw a party. ;)


I wish I had a lifetime supply of free soda.

[e of pi]

You do, but it's just one glass. Bad news this is for your health insurance provider.

I wish I could speak Gungan.

[Xeroc]

You can! And... it's 100% useless.


I wish the battery life on my laptop was more than 8 hours.

[e of pi]

It is, but you lose it.

I wish my battery lasted longer than thirty minutes, which is as much as I get right now.

[Xeroc]

It now lasts for 30 minutes and 10 seconds.


I wish I had a GPS locator on my laptop.

[e of pi]

You do. It says that your laptop is in a pawnshop in Wisconsin. Bad news...

I wish I had a new battery for my laptop.

[Xeroc]

You do! For only $199.99!


I wish I had a bus. Like the drivable-good condition-non-school kind.

[NeoMatrix]

You get a bus, but if you go over 5mph, it will blow up.

I wish I had all the original copies of video games on PC, and all the other consoles, and yes, the TV I have works (earning me money while I play, lol)

[NeoMatrix]

You get a bus, but if you go over 5mph, it will blow up.

I wish I had all the original copies of video games on PC, and all the other consoles, and yes, the TV I have works (earning me money while I play, lol)

[Burt]

You do. But when you go out to buy dinner that night, your house is hit by a freak metorite and everything is destoryed.

I wish I was the best at Halo 2 online.

[Xeroc]

You are! But only on tuesday, at 4:00am, as no else any good will be online then now.


I wish for non-paradoxical time-traveling capabilities!

[e of pi]

You get it. However, the crew of the USS Relativity get suspicious when someone points out that there's no such thing as "valet parking" in the 29th century.

I wish I had a higher grade in Phys Ed.

[Xeroc]

You do, but sadly, the requirement is now you have to take two more semesters!


I wish had a personal jet plane.

[e of pi]

You did. Past tense. Don't ask.

I wish I could get by with only three hours of sleep instead of needing nine.

[Xeroc]

You can, but you're not really, very awake. ;)


I wish I could see things happen in slow-motion, but only when I wanted to.

[NeoMatrix]

You accidently pushed the fast forward button, and it gets stuck. By the time you get it fixed, you are married with 3 kids.

I wish there was a way to record dreams like you do when recording tv shows

[Lostoyannaya]

You can record dreams, but then someone leaks them onto the internet and you must change you name and identity and live the rest of your life as a hermit on Guantanimo Bay.

I wish my nails would stop snapping.

[Xeroc]

They stop snapping, but start crackling and poping.


Welcome to the fora, Lostoyannaya! :D


I wish that these electric motors I want weren't so expensive.

[Lostoyannaya]

They aren't; you buy the discount ones and they blow up in your face. You then need a new face.

(Thank you! Nice to be here^^).

I wish those emoticons would stop blinking at me.

[Chancellor Valium]

They do. They leap out of the screen and are now BITING YOU! FLY MY PRETTIES, FLY!

Ahem

I wish I had a copy of the "Star Wars Holiday Special" :lol:

(Welcome, fellow countryperson! May your stay be honoured with showers of cheddar :D)

[Lostoyannaya]

You get it but George Lucas has "fixed" (sorry, cough, "dramatically improved") it and it's a one hour story about Ja Ja Binks' adventure in his new bikini ;o)

I wish they made a "Back to the Future" Part 4.

(Thank you! Wow, everyone here in the country is so friendly...and FREE CHEESE!)

~~Lostoyannaya

[e of pi]

They do, but "they" is Berman and Braga. Uh oh...

I wish I had a copy of the Star Wars Holiday Speciel.

[Xeroc]

You do! On 8-track!


I wish I had a larger memory USB Flash Drive.

[e of pi]

You do! Now if you knew where you put it...

I wish X would make me a clock avatar.

[Xeroc]

I will.... "Sooon".... :twisted:


I wish I had more time.

[Lostoyannaya]

You do. Unfortunately, it happens to be more time spent at work.

I wish I was immortal.

~~Lostoyannaya

[Burt]

Sadly you fall down a well the next day, are never found and have to spend forever eatting rats.

I wish my computer was un-breakdownable.
(Not a real word - I don't care! I'm living it free today!)

[Lostoyannaya]

Oh, but it is! Just downgrade it's job description to "heavy paperweight".

I wish James Blunt would release a new CD.

~~Lostoyannaya

[Chancellor Valium]

He does, but then I travel back in time and kill him before he made his *first* one.

I wish James Blunt did not exist.

(Enjoy the cheese while it lasts - it usually dries up after four or five days ;) )

[Burt]

I haven't got it in me to ruin this wish. In fact I surport it completely. 100%, whole heartedly! Although I must say I kinda like his new song. Which makes me hate him even more.


I wish I had a pen that didn't run out!

[e of pi]

You do. We call it a mechanical pencil.

I wish I had a multipen with blue, black, red, .5 mech pencil, and highlighter, twist select for accurate choice.

[Iceflavored IceCream]

You do, but you also have whiteout that follows behind your writing and cancels out everything you write.

I wish I wasn't so afraid of posting in these forums.

[Xeroc]

You aren't because now you're welcomed in!


Is that good? We may never know! :twisted:


Okay... It's good. ;) Welcome to the fora, Iceflavored IceCream! :D


I wish that timezones were all the same on the earth.

[Iceflavored IceCream]

They are, but now some people stay awake at strange hours just to be difficult.

I wish it was summer.

[Xeroc]

It's now 110°F / 43°C outside.


I wish it wasn't so rainy this weekend.

[Chancellor Valium]

It isn't. You moved to the Sahara, remember?

I wish I was in a palace on the banks of the Nile.

[Burt]

Good luck getting Broadband connection there. Or a local Tesco. And welcombe to 105°F country.


I wish I hadn't run out of tea. Now I have to go out.

[Lostoyannaya]

Just order it from Sainsburys.co.uk! Unfortunately, it will take 24 hours to arrive...better try Ebay instead.

~~

I wish the Batman Begins sequel was out NOW.

~~Lostoyannaya

[Iceflavored IceCream]

It is, but unfortunately the entire movie lacks characters and plot and scenery.

I wish I didn’t have to give a speech in front of my class on Tuesday.

[Chancellor Valium]

You don't. You're giving a speech to the UN Supreme Council instead.

I wish I had the power to defeat the Pah Wr- uh, Ori.

[Xeroc]

You do! Except it doesn't work on anything else, and you get taken over by space-pirates.


I wish I could run really fast.

[Iceflavored IceCream]

You can, but then you run into something.

I wish I was a member of an alien species.

[Xeroc]

Happy life as a martian microbe!


I wish I could discover alien life.

[Iceflavored IceCream]

You do, but then the alien life destroys Earth.

I wish I didn't have to go outside today.

[Xeroc]

You don't! But the inside smells like rotten eggs.


I wish that I had a faster computer.

[e of pi]

It is. Runs much faster than the old one. Better go catch it.

I wish I had a working version of the Delta Flyer, with the aft bay fitted out as a living space for long trips.

[Xeroc]

You do! But, it's parked in orbit. And there's no remote control using our technology. ;)


I wish I these fora were a little faster loading.

[Lostoyannaya]

Wish granted! All coding removed! Welcome to "This Page Cannot Be Displayed", the faster-loading fun alternative!

~~

I wish I could repeat yesterday one more time.

~~Lostoyannaya

[e of pi]

You can, but it just keeps going, and going, and going...

I wish I had a theremin.

[Xeroc]

You do! But it's a room-sized one.


I wish I these darn streets weren't so busy.

[e of pi]

They aren't. Unfortunately, now you have to hitchhike.

I wish the bus arrived at my stop at school ten minutes later.

[Chancellor Valium]

It does. But, due to a highly improbable set of coincidences, it means you have to get up three hours earlier.

I wish I was the Ard Rí Éirinn.

[Lostoyannaya]

Wish granted! But now you're wanted by Anarchists and you have to live in a small nuclear bunker somewhere outside of Dorchester.

~~

I wish we had a bigger bookshop in this small town!!

~~Lostoyannaya :wink:

[Naki]

you do, unfortunatly it sells nothing but books about reality tv shows and how great they are.


I wish that the stupid ****ing bots would stop making goddamn f***ing pr0n spam posts in my ****ing part of the damned Ninpocho forums.

[Chancellor Valium]

They do. They hack your account and spam from it instead.

I wish I could think of a good film to watch tonight...

[e of pi]

You can, but your local rental store is destroyed by a Tactical Nuclear DVD shipped out the previous day by the local Netflix warehouse.

I wish I had some model paints.

[Lostoyannaya]

You do - but unfortunately you're not paying them enough so they get up and leave.

~~

I wish my purse didn't keep spilling change everywhere I went.

~~Lostoyannaya :wink:

[Naki]

It does, it now spills bills and credit cards

I wish I could've seen that horrible post that Zeke made in it's original form...

[Lostoyannaya]

You do. Unfortunately, you are sitting at work minding your own business when you click the link and your homophobic friend has come up behind you. Upon seeing the picture she hits you over the head with a folder. She creates such a comotion that your boss comes over to see what's wrong and discovers the picture. He calls personnel and you get fired. Seething, you compose an angry email to Zeke, and he is forced to ban himself. Angry that he has had to ban himself, he twists the story around so that he can turn FMV into BSG. Everyone sues the guy who invented the "cause and effect" theory.

~~

I wish I could acquire a taste for healthy food.

~~Lostoyannaya :wink:

[Naki]

you do, you only eat healthy food and die at an early age of malnutrition

I wish I hadn't squished that fish

[mark726]

But then you sneeze and all the dinosaurs die out. Which is, of course, going to cost you.

I wish this paper would write itself.

[richardson]

It does, and turns ZUKE-ish.

I wish I could lead the crazy quest to restore 5M- wait, I already am.



New wish, then: I wish I could succeed in my crazy quest!