5MV Update History

maintained by Zeke

JULY 2006

July 1

It's 5MD: The Third Anniversary: The Final Chapter! Lots of contributors today....

• ...starting with the man himself, Derek. Last year, he created a comic adaptation of his "In the Hands of the Prophets" fiver, one of the six season finales with which he launched 5MD. This year he's done the next one. Here's Five-Minute "The Jem'Hadar": The Comic Adaptation.
• Next up is staffer Sa'ar Chasm with "Rivals." While I was making this update, I discovered that Sa'ar's "Sanctuary" fiver from '04 had gone missing, probably when we changed to PHP. I've restored it now -- might want to read it in case you missed it before.
• Next is Nate with "Rules of Engagement." I nearly went with his "Hard Time" fiver, but this event has tortured O'Brien enough already.
• Finally, here's my own contribution: "In the Pale Moonlight," a brilliant episode I've wanted to hit for a while now.

(Oh, and happy Canada Day.)

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July 3

Hmm, that sucked. The whole server was down yesterday for some reason. We seem to be okay now, though.

And speaking of fixing stuff, the other day I watched Superman: The Movie in preparation for Superman Returns, and I was going to follow that up by reading the fiver (my version of the cigarette-after-sex habit). Imagine my surprise to find it wasn't linked! This cannot stand, so I've added the appropriate link to the Five-Minute Movies page. If you missed Scooter's fiver back in December, go check it out. Especially if you're planning to watch Superman Returns. The producers are clearly huge, huge fans of the original Donner film (understandably) -- they paid tribute to it almost excessively. And who cast Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane? She looks nothing like the comic or movie versions! It really took me out of --

Zeke's Better Judgment: This is turning into a LiveJournal post.

That's what we have 5M.net on LJ for.

Zeke's Better Judgment: No, that's what you have The Sixth Minute for, you just never use it.

(sigh) Don't you have anything better to judge?

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July 4

Happy Independence Day! Yes, today is the day we celebrate our victory over the aliens. They destroyed our monuments, they shot down our planes, but they could not shoot down our souls!

Seriously though, today we celebrate the USA, and I can think of no better way to do that without any actual work than by posting an appropriate link. So here's a site devoted to an upcoming movie that really understands what America is all about. Yes, folks, it's Snakes on a Blog! If there's one thing no true American will stand for, it's a bunch of motherf***ing snakes on his motherf***ing plane -- and if I had some on mine, I know I would want America's Samuel L. Jackson aboard.

(Please note, however, that my firmly pro-snake-deplaning stance should not be taken to indicate approval of other stupid internet memes, particularly those involving juggernauts.)

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July 9

Things are going to work a little differently at 5M.net this week. The reason is that July has come back around, and I'm back in Ottawa for the annual math camp I run. (You may remember the math camp from my excuses during Cliffhanger Week last year.) To keep myself focused, I've decided to give someone else the reins of 5M.net for the duration... and it happens there's an obvious candidate.

Thing is, the other subsite whose anniversary we had to delay in June was 5MDW's. If that sounds awfully soon, it's because the subsite has only updated once since its first month. This isn't Scooter's fault, it's mine. He's been sending me submissions for a while now, and he specifically said they were not being saved for an event and could be published any time. Typically, I never got around to it.

The practical upshot of this is that we have 12 Doctor Who fivers saved up. The anniversary is the perfect time to use them -- and since they're all for the same subsite, I can set things up so that someone else can make the updates without having to understand my elaborate PHP system. So this week, Scooter will be the first staffer to conduct his own subsite anniversary event. Look forward to it.

Oh, and there's pie when I get back, so look forward to that too.

(By the way, I forgot to mention that July 4 was also TripHammered's fourth birthday. Congrats, evay!)

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July 10

Hello. My name is Romanadvoratrelundar, and I've been asked by 5MDW section head Scooter of Erthagen to host tonight's installment of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Honestly, I can't think why I've agreed. Though I will admit that the episodes featured tonight do showcase some of my better successes at putting that blustering blowhard we all know as the Doctor in his proper place. I may have another peek at them myself, actually. While we're here.

Now, I've been told that the Time Lords are all dead, and that I've regenerated already and am presumed to be off gallivanting around something called E-space, but fortunately as this is an anniversary special none of that matters. You can think of me as reporting from an interstitial synergized emergency vortex cavity reinforcement module if — what? yes, yes, "one of those Time Lord pyramid paperweight things" — if it helps you to relax.

Tonight's episodes were all fived by a fellow named Curt Rozeboom and constitute the first half of the quest for the Key to Time, a nasty affair which I was tricked into and about which I was told nothing. And whose fault is that? Well, I'm sure I'm too polite to say. Anyway tonight's fivers are:

• "The Ribos Operation," in which I must say I make rather more of a first impression on the old Doctor than he's prepared to admit;
• "The Pirate Planet," the only broadcast episode by Douglas Adams, in which K-9 and I foil a vile scheme to use up whole planets while the Doctor just stands around gossiping with his psychic friends network like the useless duffer he is; and
• "The Stones of Blood," in which, if you'll believe it, he actually lets me dangle off a cliff for ages even though as it's the hundredth Doctor Who serial he ought to be at least feigning some modicum of respectability for the occasion.

Apparently there are a fair number of you who are not familiar with the Doctor, despite the fact that he talks about himself at every opportunity. Here are some links which may help you:

• Alan Kistler's Monitor Duty has charming and helpful "newbie" introductions to each of the Doctors, starting with the first one.
• Doctor Who's Tragical History Tour has some great images of each story if you want to see what we look like.
• The Doctor Who Reference Guide gives very detailed plot recaps.
• Doctor Who news can be found at Outpost Gallifrey and at the BBC.

That's all from me, but I'm sure others will guide you just as ably through the rest of this week's anniversary special, which I'm told will be ever so thrilling.

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July 11

Hey everybody! It's me, Jo Grant, and can you believe it? I'm hosting Day 2 of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Blimey, when Scooter asked me you could have knocked me over with a wet sock. Anyway I'm chuffed to be here. After time monsters, killer plastic daffodils and giant maggots, a dead easy gig in cyberspace fits me like a pair of knee-high platform boots.

What about the fivers, you say? Well you'll be glad you looked me up today, because it just so happens I've got a pair. In fact I think they're quite special and you're sure to have a lot of fun with them:

• First off we have the 1965 story "Mission to the Unknown," the strangest Doctor Who ever — it's the only episode not to feature any of the regular cast at all! Imagine the cheek, making an episode of everyone's favorite show and not even bothering to have the stars in it — not even the TARDIS. That's audacity! The fiver is by a lovely new guest writer called Brad Phipps.
• Next we have the very first original Doctor Who anniversary special from back in my day, "The Three Doctors," made to commemorate the show's tenth season in 1972-73. That's the one where we're all in a quarry clambering over rocks, you remember! But what makes it really super is I got to meet the Doctor's previous selves! Unfortunately I couldn't swap, but there you are. Anyway this story was fived by longtime forum-goer and new series cynic Chancellor Valium.

More to come tomorrow. Cheers to everyone and I hope whatever you're doing you're having a wild time — I always do!

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July 12

Oi! Ace here, and you're looking at Day 3 of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Can I just say, you lot had better love these fivers. I've got my Nitro-9 handy and I'm not taking any guff! If I can beat up a Dalek with a baseball bat, you can just imagine what I can do to you if you get on my bad side.

Tonight's episodes show the Professor — I mean, Doctor — in his usual tricky brilliance:

• "Remembrance of the Daleks" not only kicked off Doctor Who's 25th anniversary season in 1988, but has to be the best retcon ever. The Professor and I go back to the very first episode and totally screw with it! Wicked. It was fived by That Tom Guy.
• "The Long Game" jumps past my time to the Ninth Doctor from the New Series. And I thought my Doctor was goony-looking. Anyway this episode was fived by Youth of Australia and apparently it's all about the Doctor facing off against a giant booger that hangs of the ceiling of some space station. Gross!

I'm supposed to tell you to come back Thursday and Friday for more New Series fivers, so I guess that's us from the Classic Series signing off for now. Those smug New Series wankers with their fancy graphics and all — they think they're so great. Give me a deodorant can full of explosives any day, that's what I say.

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July 13

Hello everyone, Pete Tyler here, Rose's dad. I'm the bloke who came up with Vitex health drinks — good for your body, good for your soul! — and while they're currently being outperformed in the market by sterilized monkey blood (which, you know, has the whole exotic thing going for it), apparently there's this other universe just like ours where it's just flying off the shelves, so clearly it's just a matter of — no honestly, Jackie, it's true, just calm down and put the frying pan away.

I'm also your host for Day 4 of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. This is the best block of fivers yet — you can trust me on this.

• First up is "Father's Day," my big episode, where the Ninth Doctor and my daughter Rose go back in time to the day I got killed in an accident and, I dunno, break time or something when they save my life. Honestly, don't you think I come off a bit naff in this? You'd think the universe thinks it's better off with me dead. Well, this universe, anyway.
     The fiver is by SCMoll, who originated Five Minute Doctor Who over three years ago with his fivers for Doctor Who: The Movie and "The Five Doctors." Thanks mate, we owe it all to you.
• Then we have "New Earth" by 5MDW section head Scooter of Erthagen. It's the kick-off episode of the second season of the New Series, where the Tenth Doctor and Rose visit a hospital run by anthropomorphic cats, where clones are being farmed to test exotic disease cures and — no honestly, Jackie, that's what it says here, and — ow! That hurt!

So that's (ow) Day 4, and thanks from me and the whole Tyler clan (stop it!). Come back tomorrow for the big finale!

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July 14

Mickey Smith here for the final day of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Being here to host this event is almost as special as when the Doctor decided to let me travel with him. I'll never forget how excited he was about letting me come along. He even made sure I had a nice place to sleep in the TARDIS — a nice big comfy basket right there in the control room, and my own bowl with MICKEY written round it.

Seriously I razz the Doctor, but without him I would've stayed in my boring safe life, fixing cars and making out with Rose, instead of fighting monsters and defending the Earth. But don't worry, Doctor, I'll find a way to return the favour.

I've also got the culminating fivers in this weeklong event:

• "Tooth and Claw" by WatcherMark, in which our pretty-boy Tenth Doctor defeats a werewolf and gets dissed by Queen Victoria; and
• The two-parter "Rise of the Cybermen" and "The Age of Steel" by Scooter, where the Doctor, Rose and I find a parallel Earth where my gran and Rose's dad are still alive, so naturally the whole place is overrun with Cybermen the minute we start enjoying ourselves. That Doctor has got some serious buzzkill karma.

That's all for the big 5MDW birthday. I have a note from Scooter, who says to say thank you to everyone who stopped by, and to Zeke for letting him set up the whole thing. As for me, Romana, Jo, Ace, and Pete, just remember — it coulda been you walking into the TARDIS instead of us. And maybe, in another alternate universe, it was.

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July 18

I'm back! For this week, anyway. Next week is another math camp, so I haven't decided yet what I'll do. Maybe I'll let Hejira take over and quote Red vs Blue for a week or something.

Seriously, I'd like to congratulate Scooter on a fine job in the driver's seat. Not only did he follow my instructions perfectly and write some great newsposts, he actually fixed a mistake I made. One of the new author files was missing, and Scooter managed to dope out my PHP code, find the problem, and supply the file. Fantastic work, especially for a first time. I'd say this bodes well for future staff updates.

Now then, this week I hope to finally do some of the stuff I've been doing "thought work" on for months. I won't have a lot of time, but I'll see how much of a start I can get. And as for today, here's a list I came up with on a whim: The Top 10 Tips For Aliens Invading Earth. (Yes, folks, I for one welcome our new insect overlords.)

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July 23

So yeah, that sucked, sorry. However, I did get one thing on my list done. Forumgoers will find that a beloved feature -- custom titles -- has returned. Not just that, but I've finally got a handle on vBulletin (you would not believe the complexity of this thing -- it's like phpBB cubed). So I've fixed the avatar permissions problem, and when I have a little more time I'll work on the visuals.

Anyway, I'm now off to Ottawa for the second math camp. I'll see what I can arrange in the way of filler. Worst comes to worst, I'll just tell you to reread Cliffhanger Week... that's at least a week right there if you don't skip meals.

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